April 21, 2025 • 36 mins
Two veteran single moms share their journeys from struggles to success, offering wisdom on parenting, finances, education, and emotional growth.
• Moving from survival mode to teaching and mentoring your children
• Navigating financial challenges as a single parent without shame
• The importance of showing emotions to your children rather than hiding your struggles
• How to pursue education as an older parent while balancing family responsibilities
• Learning that children often need your presence and affirmation more than material things
• Being willing to apologize to your children when you make mistakes
• Finding community resources and support systems during difficult seasons
• Teaching children about life's realities including finances, relationships, and health
• The perspective shift from "me" to "we" that happens when you become a parent
• Understanding that "a good mom teaches" - perfection isn't required
If you'd like to be a guest on the podcast to share your single mom journey (no daddy-bashing, just positive stories of overcoming parenting challenges), visit SingleMomsUnitedPodcast.com and complete the guest form.
https://singlemomsunitedpodcast.com/
It's not how you arrived at the title, but what you do with it.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
Hey ladies, welcome to the Single Moms United
podcast.
If this is your first timejoining, welcome If you are a
repeat listener.
Thank you, thank you.
Thank you for your loyalty.
Hey ladies, I have a greatsurprise for you today.
I have a special guest with meNow.
(00:23):
I've been talking about for awhile now that I'm trying to up
my game with this podcast, andpart of that is number one is
transitioning the name fromSingle Moms United Podcast or
Single Moms United to Moms, toMentor, because we are more than
just moms, we are mentors aswell.
(00:45):
Along with the name change, I'malso inviting guests to come,
and so I do have a special guestwith me today, and we're just
going to talk about life andparenting.
We are two older single moms,and she has three children and I
have two.
Our kids are about the same ageso we have a lot of
(01:08):
similarities in common.
We're just going to talk aboutsome of the challenges she's
faced and, lord knows, I face.
We probably have a lot incommon as it relates to that and
we're just going to share thatwith you.
So we hope you find thisepisode encouraging and
motivating, because now you'rehearing it from two older single
(01:31):
moms that got through it.
And that's what this podcast isall about to educate and
motivate you, single mom, to letyou know you can do it too.
Every situation you probablyencounter.
We've already been there.
We're just going to go aheadand get the party started.
Speaker 2 (01:51):
So welcome, miss judy , oh, thank you.
I'm glad to be a part of ittoday well.
Speaker 1 (01:56):
Thank you, I'm so happy and I gotta tell you,
ladies, there's two type ofpeople you need in your life.
One is one that will encourageyou and another one is someone
that has a sense of humor.
Luckily, my friend here hasboth of them, and I tell you,
when she has me laughing, it'snot a little bitty laugh.
(02:18):
She had me crying and that'sthe type of person you need in
your life because she is somotivational and encouraging.
So, ms Juddix, again, you're amom of three, and so tell me
what life was like for youraising your children as a
single mother.
Speaker 2 (02:36):
I look back over now and see where I've been, because
it was a lesson taught.
It was not easy.
Yes, I was on public assistanceat one time.
I lived in subsidized housing,but I did the best that I knew
how to do and as I learned more,I did better.
Speaker 1 (02:59):
Right, oh, that's it right there.
That's what this podcast is allabout, because I'm explaining,
or trying to convey to oursingle moms between a good mom
and a bad mom.
A good mom teaches, you know,and a bad mom doesn't.
And if you want to be a bettermom, then not only are you
(03:23):
teaching, but you're learning toteach.
So I apologize for interrupting, but I needed to stop right
there and share, but that's whatthis is all about.
A good mom's teach, but goahead.
Speaker 2 (03:36):
But yeah, I mean, and you know what, and that's OK
because of we're not perfect,people Girl, you said a word, we
are not perfect.
Speaker 1 (03:46):
We're not perfect, people.
Girl, you said a word, we'renot.
We are not perfect.
We are not gonna always makethe right decision exactly, and
there were a lot of stupiddecisions that I made me too as
coming up as a young christiansingle mother.
Speaker 2 (03:58):
There are a lot of mistakes that I made.
Yeah, praise god that you know.
There were some older peoplethat were there to encourage me
along the way, and to tell methat it's going to be okay, even
though I couldn't see it Right.
But I, but, but they wouldencourage me to say you know,
hey, it's going to be okay.
(04:19):
You know, um, you have to do aand C in order to get to D.
We're leaning and stepping onthe shoulders of those that came
before us.
Yes, and some of them weresingle mothers themselves, and
some of them raised morechildren than we Right.
We have two and three childrenRight and they had eight, nine,
(04:39):
ten eleven Right, but they madeit.
Speaker 1 (04:42):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (04:43):
And they may do with what they had.
When I talk to my children now,they'd be like mom I never
thought we were poor, but I'd belike baby.
If you only knew tell the truth, because you don't.
You you can live in subsidizedhousing and not act like you're
poor.
You know because, just becausethat's where you live.
(05:03):
Right that doesn't have to beyou Right, exactly.
You know that's where you start, exactly, but that's not where
you're going to finish.
There you go.
That's not where you're goingto finish, there you go.
Speaker 1 (05:16):
And young ladies.
That's what you need to hear,because some days it's going to
look dim, Some days you're gonnalike, how am I gonna make it?
Speaker 2 (05:28):
but we are here to tell you, you know what trouble
don't last, always.
Speaker 1 (05:29):
That's right.
You know, one of the biggestchallenges I've had with raising
my kids was managing myfinances.
Yeah, was that your number oneor number two?
Speaker 2 (05:39):
I can say finances.
Was it because I had to make dowith what I had?
And I look back now and wonderexactly how that I made it Girl,
because my oldest son is six,five and a half, oh my goodness,
and he wears a size 18 shoe, ohmy gosh.
And so you know coming upraising him.
(06:01):
He's playing football and yougot to buy cleats, girl.
Speaker 1 (06:04):
You got to buy shoes and stuff.
Speaker 2 (06:06):
you know to fit him.
They weren't in the stores.
Now in the stores they havemore bigger sizes than they did
back in the 80s and 90s.
It's a little bit better forthem, for moms and stuff, but
you don't have to.
Moms always remember that.
Yeah, we want the best foundchildren, but we don't have to
buy all of that name brand stuff.
Speaker 1 (06:28):
I talked about that.
Last week I shopped at thethrift store listen you go and
you.
Speaker 2 (06:34):
It's how you take care of your stuff.
It's how you take care of thethings that you have.
And yeah, I'm going by a dollarshirt and you wouldn't know
that it was a dollar.
Put it together with some $10pants, and there you got a nice
outfit on that may look like youdone spent $50, $60 on it or
whatever.
Speaker 1 (06:54):
Listen, I, thankfully , when I had my daughter, my
sister had my niece 9 monthsbefore her and then another
friend of mine had a little girlwhat?
Maybe?
Six months before my daughter.
So thank the Lord forhand-me-downs.
Speaker 2 (07:12):
Absolutely.
Speaker 1 (07:13):
It was a challenge, but I'm thankful that they were
okay with him giving me theclothes from their children to
my daughter.
So, yeah, you don't have tohave name brands.
So you got to be in survivalmode and one of the things that
I, you know, my kids give mefeedback like mom, you didn't do
(07:36):
this and do that.
But when you in survival modeyou just trying to make sure we
got a roof over your head, gotfood, food in your stomach.
I'm sorry I didn't get it rightall the time, you didn't.
Speaker 2 (07:48):
I didn't get it right all the time, and that's okay,
but now they can appreciate whatyou didn't do or didn't know
how to do at that point in time.
Boom, because there it is, isthat we have to understand that
we don't know everything.
That's right, and parentingdoesn't come with a book, even
though they have plenty of booksout on tell you how you need to
(08:10):
do your child at this age, thatage.
Every child is different,that's right.
So what I did with my childrenare six and seven years apart.
So there's six years betweenboth of my sons, and then my
middle son and my daughter isseven years apart.
What I did with one I couldn'tdo with the other because there
was a time yes, you know whatI'm saying they six years had
(08:32):
them pass, and then here comeanother one.
Speaker 1 (08:35):
So I had to start all over again, because them
clothes that I had for him girlthat was gone girl listen.
Even when I just got my son outof pampers and I was like I'm
pregnant again, I was like, ohmy gosh, I just got him out of
pain, I just got him off thebottle I'm starting now.
Speaker 2 (08:55):
You got to go back and start all over again you're
right.
Yeah, so it is not.
You know, we just have to keepa positive attitude.
Yes, and I think what happenedas I was growing is that, and I
think people should do it now,but my children didn't see me
cry.
Speaker 1 (09:13):
Even through my struggles.
Speaker 2 (09:16):
I did not cry in front of them.
Speaker 1 (09:18):
Mine was in the shower.
I was in the shower.
Speaker 2 (09:22):
And that can be a big mistake, really, because they
think that you don't haveemotions.
I didn't think about it likethat.
Or to follow you as to say, hey, you know what, she didn't cry
for this.
I'm not going to cry.
Speaker 1 (09:37):
Oh wow, now, I didn't even think about it like that.
Speaker 2 (09:39):
Yes, there's so much now.
You should show your emotions.
Speaker 1 (09:43):
Wow.
Speaker 2 (09:43):
Let your child know that it's okay to cry, it's okay
to be angry, it's okay, butit's how you take those and mold
them into and teach your childabout those things.
Not in a negative way, but in apositive way, boom I like that.
And so yeah, and I kind ofregret that I did, I had to.
(10:07):
I still, even though mychildren are adults, I still
have to teach them.
It's okay to show your emotions, mm-hmm, you know, it's okay.
Speaker 1 (10:16):
It's a good mom character.
You're teaching.
That's what a good mom does sheteaches.
Speaker 2 (10:22):
So it's okay, you know I made it through, but
that's a good point.
Speaker 1 (10:25):
Yeah, you bring up a very good point, because on
those bad days that Iexperienced in the shower,
absolutely Because I didn't wantthem to see that side, I didn't
want to incorporate any type ofnegativity with them of my
behavior or my emotion.
But I like what you just said,but I'm shielding them and it
(10:48):
may not be a good thing to letthem not see that emotion.
So that's a good point,absolutely.
Now you have your degree as asingle mom and you want to tell
us a little bit about theprocess you went through to get
your degree.
Speaker 2 (11:05):
I have 30 years experience with Head Start.
Oh, wow, I'll just put it likethat.
I was with one agency for 23years.
Wow, I had started out going toschool and didn't stop.
So years passed, my oldest sonhad started, he went.
He didn't go to college rightafter high school, but then he
(11:27):
decided he wanted to because hewas mentoring some younger boys.
Speaker 1 (11:32):
There's that word, and so when?
Speaker 2 (11:34):
he asked.
He said Mom, how can I mentorboys Wonderful In high school to
tell them to keep going, youknow, and to study hard and go
to college, and I'm not doing itmyself, so that.
So he went back to school, sohe started in going to school
and then he, and once he left togo to daytona and we were
(11:56):
talking, he said mom, he saidyou need to go ahead and go to
school.
Well, I didn't go to school onebecause I felt that I was too
old girl, you and me, butbecause I was in my 40s.
I was in my 40s well I was closeto 50 I was closer to my 50s,
so I think I got my degree whenI was 51.
Speaker 1 (12:15):
Oh, okay.
Speaker 2 (12:16):
I was going to school along with my high school
daughter.
Wow but he encouraged me and hesaid mom, you can do it.
But the reason why I had notdone it was because I was
raising three children on my own.
I had older parents that I wastaking care of.
I was involved in my children'sactivities at school.
(12:41):
There's a lot going on.
And I was like how am I going tomake time for this Exactly?
How can I do this?
And my mom passed in 2007.
After that, that's when my sonwas like yeah, he said you need
to go head on, you know he saidyou can do wonderful and I was
like, yeah, I don't think I'mgonna pass that was me too,
(13:04):
because we were like go get yourdegree.
Speaker 1 (13:06):
I'm like no, I'm too old.
Speaker 2 (13:08):
Yeah, and you know it's young people in and yes,
and so I did, I, I signed up andI did in person, because I know
you younger moms and all ofthat good stuff Y'all can do
y'all online, not me Right?
That was not my cup of tea.
I did go in person and when Imet my classmates I told them.
(13:31):
I said and I think I was aboutthe oldest one in the group and
I said y'all gonna have to helpme.
I said because.
I said I'm starting out, I saidI'm older and this.
And they was like Miss Judy,you gonna be okay.
And lo and behold, two or threeclasses in.
They say Miss Judy, rememberwhen you said we needed to help
you?
Speaker 1 (13:51):
we coming to you for help.
Speaker 2 (13:54):
I was like okay, so yeah, I kept up my 3.5 average
Good.
Speaker 1 (14:00):
Did you graduate kumwani?
Speaker 2 (14:01):
I graduated with a 3.6 GPA.
So, yes, that is awesome.
So I was excited I did too.
Woo-hoo, yes, woo-hoo.
Speaker 1 (14:14):
I did too.
Woo-hoo, I did too.
I told you we have so much incommon as far as some of our
trials, our struggles, ourtriumphs and, like you, going to
school.
And I did hybrid, so I was inclass part-time and I was online
part-time.
It was a challenge.
Speaker 2 (14:32):
It was.
Speaker 1 (14:33):
You know, I'm still caring for my kids, I'm caring
for my parent trying to workfull-time.
Absolutely and it's like how inthe world am I going to get
this done?
But just like your sonencouraged you, my kids
encouraged me too.
And so, moms, you know, whileyou're thinking of encouraging
(14:53):
your children, one of the betterfeelings is when your children
encourage you?
Speaker 2 (15:00):
Yes, my goodness, you know what I'm saying.
I'm telling you, it is.
It goes a long way it does, andit was awesome because, even
though he was in Florida, hecame home for my graduation.
Speaker 1 (15:14):
Oh, wow, and he didn't tell me, wow.
Speaker 2 (15:16):
So he was like mom, I can't get no flights, the
flights are too expensive, I'mnot gonna be able.
I'm so sorry, I'm not gonna beable to come to your graduations
.
You know whatever he said, butI'm gonna come later and we can
celebrate.
Blah, blah, blah and lo andbehold.
He surprised me and he wasthere wonderful he came in town
for that.
Speaker 1 (15:35):
So yeah, I remember, uh, my kid because I wasn't
gonna walk, I would.
I, I was not gonna walk.
And before, well, and I wastelling my mom that I was like,
mama, I ain't walking acrossthat stage with them kids, I'm
not doing that she was like, yes, you are.
Yeah, I was like, um, I'm stillafraid of my mama, right,
(15:57):
absolutely.
And uh, she told me I was gonnawalk across the stage after I
had made it in my mind for themto mail me my diploma and, uh,
after she strongly influenced meto walk across the stage, I did
.
It was wild because at my age,amongst all of the younger folks
(16:20):
, it was just wild.
And for my kids to be there andto see me versus me seeing them
, what an experience.
Speaker 2 (16:31):
And do you know that you walking, walking, how you
encourage somebody else to movealong?
Yeah, because I didn't want todo a whole lot of things either
right, I always talk to myclassmates and I was like you're
young, you can do this, you cando that.
They was like.
At the end they was like missjudy, you don't understand how
much you have, um, justinfluenced me just with your
(16:56):
words and teaching me how to be.
Speaker 1 (17:01):
I've always been a public speaker, so so speaking
in public has never been a thingyes, never has been a problem,
really I would have neverpictured you as an extrovert,
and I'm the exact opposite.
I'm an introvert and that's onereason why I didn't want to go
across the stage, because I'mreserved, I keep to myself and
(17:22):
you know, let life go on.
But I would have never thoughtyou were an extrovert.
That's awesome.
Speaker 2 (17:29):
So, yeah, it's a good feeling, but, mothers, if you
have goals that you want to meet, there's going to be some bumps
in the road, there's going tobe some hills and some valley,
but take it in stride, be strongin what you're doing.
Keep the faith that you'regoing to make it At this point.
There are so many things outhere now that can help you.
Speaker 1 (17:52):
There's so many resources, technology and
resources.
Speaker 2 (17:55):
Yes, and don't be ashamed to take those resources,
because it helps you along theway.
Love it.
And guess what?
Love it we never have.
If never went through anything,we wouldn't be able to sit here
and talk to you about what wewent through to encourage you
(18:16):
along the way, right, right.
So if you never had a testimony, you never have a story to tell
, tell the truth Now.
Speaker 1 (18:23):
Do you have any?
Let me rephrase Is thereanything that you think you
could have done better withinyour power as a single mom?
Speaker 2 (18:36):
Yes, just, I think that I told my children yes more
than no, and I think that wasbecause I did not want them to
be disappointed.
But as I learned, as I gotolder, older, no, it's okay to
say no, they can't haveeverything and you can't do
everything right.
(18:57):
So there are going to be sometimes when you're going to have
to say no, because there weretimes when my children you know,
um, children, you know comingup to mama, want mcdonald's,
whatever, and I know that it wasright, going up toward payday,
I had just enough to get themsomething, right, and I would go
(19:19):
, and I would get them somethingand I would go home and eat
what's in the refrigerator.
And I think at times like that,I probably should have said you
know where, no, I'm going hometo cook dinner, right, right.
So this is what we're going tohave right.
Let's wait a little while,couple of days, and then I can
get you some, but we can't getthat today right, and.
(19:39):
But I learned from that becauseas the children started coming,
you know it might have been onewhen I said, no, you know yes,
but then you think about youhave three, you got four, listen
, listen.
And nowadays, with the price ofthings, right, they want
McDonald's.
That's like no, Because backthen we could go and get $2.
Speaker 1 (20:00):
Happy Meals and they were good, and the fast food
always, and I don't, I wasalways Mama.
Can I have this, a hamburger?
Can I get a chicken?
And I'd take, take them andlike you, wouldn't tell them, no
, just go on right on and gottago to work the next day and
don't have any lunch moneyexactly cause there's plenty
(20:21):
days I done been to work, workall day, no lunch break.
Speaker 2 (20:25):
No, you ain't had what.
You gonna take a lunch breakfor.
You ain't got nothing to eat.
Stomach.
Be all up in your throat, right?
So look, we're waiting on fiveo'clock so you can run home and
hurry up and fix that dinner sothat you can eat again.
Speaker 1 (20:42):
Just trying to make sure our kids have right, and I
think I compensated for my kidsbecause of the fact that their
father wasn't active in theirlife.
And so I tried to compensate forhim being inactive in their
lives Absolutely, I agree andask for stuff that I'm going to
(21:06):
give it.
I'm trying to go above andbeyond, but my son told me
something a few years ago.
Go above and beyond, but my sontold me something a few years
ago.
He says, um, mom, because I'vetaken them to Disney World and
some other trips and things likethat and I bought them passes
to amusement parks and stuff, soI was doing a lot of spending
(21:31):
and he came back and said Iwould have preferred you.
Just tell me you love me.
Speaker 2 (21:39):
Wow and how profound is that.
Speaker 1 (21:45):
And I said and I'm guilty, I am guilty I didn't
show my kids that emotion, thattenderness that they need,
because I felt I'm in survivalmode.
I'm just trying to keep a roofover me, the tables have turned,
so I'm trying to be the bestmom.
(22:08):
I know how to be and that's themessage I want to send to these
young single moms Be the bestthat you can be and then tack on
to that and say I still want tolearn, I still want to teach
because you are now a mentor.
Your identity has changed whenyou become a mom.
Speaker 2 (22:29):
That's right and so when my son told me that
processing.
Speaker 1 (22:36):
I didn't really need to do all of that and some
things are just basic.
Just tell them you love them,hug them, tell them you're proud
of them.
If you want your child to besuccessful, spend time with them
.
Put the phone down for at leastan hour or mute.
Spend time with your child,talk to them, teach them,
(22:58):
explain them about some oflife's natural things that
happen.
Absolutely Matter of fact, mynext episode is going to be
around illness.
Speaker 2 (23:08):
Absolutely.
Speaker 1 (23:08):
Educating about illness.
Why do they get a headache anddon't freak out?
Because you got a headacheright.
Why are you getting it?
Your body is going throughsomething that caused you to
have a headache Allergies, allof these things are happening,
but I never educated my kidsabout illness.
Why didn't I?
Because I didn't know no betterRight, right.
(23:29):
But things are happening thatthey're going to experience as a
result of just being human.
Right, absolutely.
And so we and I believe weshouldn't put all of the
teaching of our children in thehands of the school and
organization.
Speaker 2 (23:49):
Absolutely, because you are your child's first
teacher.
That boom and from the time ofat the age of three children are
like a sponge.
And they observe and theyabsorb everything that they see
and hear.
Yes, they do so we have to becareful as single mothers on the
(24:12):
things that we let our childrensee.
Boom Boom Us do yes and here,and it must be positive.
Speaker 1 (24:22):
Yes.
Speaker 2 (24:22):
Because we don't want to put the negative in the
light, that's right and we'renot, and the thing about it is
is this okay in being a mother,to go back to your child and
tell them that you're sorry?
Yeah, that you made a mistake,girl, that's it.
I learned that as a singlemother.
Speaker 1 (24:41):
Yes, that it's okay for me to say I'm sorry.
Yes, I made a mistake.
Yeah, I didn't get it right allthe time.
I had that conversation with mykids as well.
I didn't get it right all thetime.
I had that conversation with mykids as well.
I didn't get it right all thetime and I am sorry.
I am sorry to for allowing youto hear me talk about people
yeah, in front of you,absolutely now.
Speaker 2 (25:01):
That's something that I didn't do.
Now, when my children werecoming up in company, my friends
and things came over, orwhatever.
Children had their rooms to gointo or they went down in the
basement because of the separate?
Yeah, because you won't sit upand look in my mouth while I'm
talking, because that's mybusiness.
Speaker 1 (25:23):
This grown folk time right but, that's how I grew up,
but you know, unfortunatelythere were times my kids heard
things that they shouldn't haveheard, and that's true, they
shouldn't have heard.
Speaker 2 (25:37):
That's true Whether or not you were on the telephone
or you know in person.
You know we have to be careful.
And it's just like with afriend of mine, you know, when
we had the same amount ofchildren.
She had three, I had three andI had to tell her.
I stopped her at one point intime.
I say you know what?
We're not going to talk aboutthis while the children are
around Right, right, right,right.
Speaker 1 (25:59):
Let's get them together, get them fed, and,
because I'm big on if we gettogether.
We're going to feed the kidslet them go head and then we can
chat and chew as adults.
And she was like I never evenreally thought about children
(26:19):
being in the room while we'retalking.
Speaker 2 (26:20):
I say because you got to understand and they can
bring that back against you?
Speaker 1 (26:22):
Yes, they can.
Yeah, it's good that werecognize that so we can tell
you ladies, listen, be carefulof your behavior in front of
your children.
You know I talked about in theafrican-american community,
where some african-americanwomen wear the little bonnets
out and I know we can't tell youhow to dress, but if you have a
(26:45):
daughter, she's payingattention to that and is that
the message you want to send toher?
Speaker 2 (26:51):
just, a question, and I think you walk differently
when you have a female child.
Yes, when you know it's, it's,you know.
My boys came first.
My daughter was the last oneand I think that I think by the
time that she came along that Isaw things in a different light.
So there were a lot of thingsthat I did do differently with
(27:12):
her yes yeah, me too, you knowso um, I mean, you know your
children are going to teach youhow to be a mother.
Yes, they are, and we just haveto take it in stride.
We can't get mad upset.
You don't want to cuss them out.
You know whatever right.
First of all, they don't knowyou all they know exactly,
exactly so if I see you doing itand it's wrong.
(27:34):
That's all I know, because Isee you doing it Right and kids
will let you know Be like well,mom, you do that at home.
Speaker 1 (27:40):
Now you want me.
Speaker 2 (27:41):
Now you let me do this at home.
Now I can't do it.
Uh-uh See, I stopped that.
You ain't going to do it athome, so you won't do it in
public, right?
Exactly Because I don't want tohave to drag you off in the
corner, baby, let me tell you.
But yeah, so, mom, I want toencourage you to just be
(28:05):
uplifted in it.
If you are strugglingfinancially and things of that
sort, there are many resourcesin your community.
Speaker 1 (28:16):
Reach out to them.
Speaker 2 (28:17):
They are there to help you.
They are there to assist you,and there's nothing wrong with
taking assistance, that's rightBecause honey.
We got to start from somewhere,that's right.
Speaker 1 (28:27):
And if we got to start off getting assistance, to
make it to where we want to beright, that's okay, that is okay
that's okay because I can lookback.
Speaker 2 (28:35):
I'm thankful for my little sister, right, right that
I had right right, exactly bothare.
They praise and worship leadersthey are praise and worship
leaders so that was um, that wasa blessing um that is itself
and and even though um they werealways brought up in church yep
mine too, and so, therefore,you know things that they do in
(28:58):
church.
I support them absolutely.
I support them because of thesimple reason why they just let
me know that you know, um, thankgod that something I did was
right.
Speaker 1 (29:10):
Girl, girl, listen, my daughter used to mime.
I think you absolutelybeautiful.
And yeah absolutely.
Why people kept calling on her.
And so, again, it is just soimportant and that's why I'm
doing this podcast is to givethese tips of you know,
(29:31):
resources, of what you can do tobe a better mom.
A good mom teaches Bottom line,that's it Not perfect, but she
teaches.
We can't let somebody elseteach our children.
That's right.
We need to own that.
We need to own that.
Why do we need to own it?
(29:52):
Because they're going to bewith us forever, until we land
in a grave.
Our kids are going to be ourkids and so we can't put that
soulless on organizations toteach our children.
Speaker 2 (30:05):
Because once you have children, your life is no
longer yours, it is.
It turns from me to we To we,yep, and it's going to be we up
until they're 18 and out ofschool.
That's right, but it continuesto be we, because you still have
things that you're going tostill teach them as adult, right
(30:25):
.
Speaker 1 (30:25):
Going into adulthood Right.
Speaker 2 (30:27):
Right, you know you still teach them, you still want
them to be able to manage theirmoney, because we didn't do a
good job in it, but becausewe've learned, we can teach them
how to manage their money,exactly how to build their
credit.
So that they can get things ontheir own and that they won't
(30:49):
always be dependent on you orsomebody else in order to get
the things that they need tosurvive Exactly.
So it's always a teachablemoment, yes, well.
Speaker 1 (31:02):
Miss Judy, thank you, you're so welcome.
Thank you, we've been knowingeach other at least over 30
years, more than that, becausewe were in our teens.
Speaker 2 (31:12):
Yeah, we really started.
Oh, that's right.
Speaker 1 (31:15):
Yes, yeah, so it's been a long time yes, it's been
quite a while a long time, sothank you for joining, being my
first guest on mom to mentorspodcast and hopefully we'll do
this again.
Speaker 2 (31:30):
I will be more than glad to do it.
Speaker 1 (31:32):
And young ladies.
If you have a challenge or atriumph that you've overcame,
listen you can go out to mywebsite to Single Moms United
Podcast, and again I will bechanging that soon.
But there is a thing you cancomplete if you want to be a
(31:53):
guest on my show.
Again, it's not about daddybashing and all of that stuff.
That's for somewhere else.
Speaker 2 (32:01):
I'm specifically looking for folks that have
overcome the challenges ofparenting and want to be a
positive influence on the nextperson.
Speaker 1 (32:12):
There you go.
That's what I'm looking for.
I'm not talking about anynegative.
I don't want to hear about allthe other stuff that ain't
happening and should happen.
That's what it's all about.
But thank you all for joining.
I hope you enjoyed this episode.
Wow, so you just didn't have tohear me talking.
Hopefully you enjoyed thedialogue between me and my good
(32:35):
friend and if you did leave mesome comments, you can go to my
YouTube channel or you can leavesome comments on the website as
it relates to.
You know what you thought abouttoday's episode.
I hope you all have a great dayand a wonderful week.
Take care.
Hey ladies, welcome to the Single Moms United
podcast.
If this is your first timejoining, welcome If you are a
repeat listener.
Thank you, thank you.
Thank you for your loyalty.
Hey ladies, I have a greatsurprise for you today.
I have a special guest with meNow.
(00:23):
I've been talking about for awhile now that I'm trying to up
my game with this podcast, andpart of that is number one is
transitioning the name fromSingle Moms United Podcast or
Single Moms United to Moms, toMentor, because we are more than
just moms, we are mentors aswell.
(00:45):
Along with the name change, I'malso inviting guests to come,
and so I do have a special guestwith me today, and we're just
going to talk about life andparenting.
We are two older single moms,and she has three children and I
have two.
Our kids are about the same ageso we have a lot of
(01:08):
similarities in common.
We're just going to talk aboutsome of the challenges she's
faced and, lord knows, I face.
We probably have a lot incommon as it relates to that and
we're just going to share thatwith you.
So we hope you find thisepisode encouraging and
motivating, because now you'rehearing it from two older single
(01:31):
moms that got through it.
And that's what this podcast isall about to educate and
motivate you, single mom, to letyou know you can do it too.
Every situation you probablyencounter.
We've already been there.
We're just going to go aheadand get the party started.
Speaker 2 (01:51):
So welcome, miss judy , oh, thank you.
I'm glad to be a part of ittoday well.
Speaker 1 (01:56):
Thank you, I'm so happy and I gotta tell you,
ladies, there's two type ofpeople you need in your life.
One is one that will encourageyou and another one is someone
that has a sense of humor.
Luckily, my friend here hasboth of them, and I tell you,
when she has me laughing, it'snot a little bitty laugh.
(02:18):
She had me crying and that'sthe type of person you need in
your life because she is somotivational and encouraging.
So, ms Juddix, again, you're amom of three, and so tell me
what life was like for youraising your children as a
single mother.
Speaker 2 (02:36):
I look back over now and see where I've been, because
it was a lesson taught.
It was not easy.
Yes, I was on public assistanceat one time.
I lived in subsidized housing,but I did the best that I knew
how to do and as I learned more,I did better.
Speaker 1 (02:59):
Right, oh, that's it right there.
That's what this podcast is allabout, because I'm explaining,
or trying to convey to oursingle moms between a good mom
and a bad mom.
A good mom teaches, you know,and a bad mom doesn't.
And if you want to be a bettermom, then not only are you
(03:23):
teaching, but you're learning toteach.
So I apologize for interrupting, but I needed to stop right
there and share, but that's whatthis is all about.
A good mom's teach, but goahead.
Speaker 2 (03:36):
But yeah, I mean, and you know what, and that's OK
because of we're not perfect,people Girl, you said a word, we
are not perfect.
Speaker 1 (03:46):
We're not perfect, people.
Girl, you said a word, we'renot.
We are not perfect.
We are not gonna always makethe right decision exactly, and
there were a lot of stupiddecisions that I made me too as
coming up as a young christiansingle mother.
Speaker 2 (03:58):
There are a lot of mistakes that I made.
Yeah, praise god that you know.
There were some older peoplethat were there to encourage me
along the way, and to tell methat it's going to be okay, even
though I couldn't see it Right.
But I, but, but they wouldencourage me to say you know,
hey, it's going to be okay.
(04:19):
You know, um, you have to do aand C in order to get to D.
We're leaning and stepping onthe shoulders of those that came
before us.
Yes, and some of them weresingle mothers themselves, and
some of them raised morechildren than we Right.
We have two and three childrenRight and they had eight, nine,
(04:39):
ten eleven Right, but they madeit.
Speaker 1 (04:42):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (04:43):
And they may do with what they had.
When I talk to my children now,they'd be like mom I never
thought we were poor, but I'd belike baby.
If you only knew tell the truth, because you don't.
You you can live in subsidizedhousing and not act like you're
poor.
You know because, just becausethat's where you live.
(05:03):
Right that doesn't have to beyou Right, exactly.
You know that's where you start, exactly, but that's not where
you're going to finish.
There you go.
That's not where you're goingto finish, there you go.
Speaker 1 (05:16):
And young ladies.
That's what you need to hear,because some days it's going to
look dim, Some days you're gonnalike, how am I gonna make it?
Speaker 2 (05:28):
but we are here to tell you, you know what trouble
don't last, always.
Speaker 1 (05:29):
That's right.
You know, one of the biggestchallenges I've had with raising
my kids was managing myfinances.
Yeah, was that your number oneor number two?
Speaker 2 (05:39):
I can say finances.
Was it because I had to make dowith what I had?
And I look back now and wonderexactly how that I made it Girl,
because my oldest son is six,five and a half, oh my goodness,
and he wears a size 18 shoe, ohmy gosh.
And so you know coming upraising him.
(06:01):
He's playing football and yougot to buy cleats, girl.
Speaker 1 (06:04):
You got to buy shoes and stuff.
Speaker 2 (06:06):
you know to fit him.
They weren't in the stores.
Now in the stores they havemore bigger sizes than they did
back in the 80s and 90s.
It's a little bit better forthem, for moms and stuff, but
you don't have to.
Moms always remember that.
Yeah, we want the best foundchildren, but we don't have to
buy all of that name brand stuff.
Speaker 1 (06:28):
I talked about that.
Last week I shopped at thethrift store listen you go and
you.
Speaker 2 (06:34):
It's how you take care of your stuff.
It's how you take care of thethings that you have.
And yeah, I'm going by a dollarshirt and you wouldn't know
that it was a dollar.
Put it together with some $10pants, and there you got a nice
outfit on that may look like youdone spent $50, $60 on it or
whatever.
Speaker 1 (06:54):
Listen, I, thankfully , when I had my daughter, my
sister had my niece 9 monthsbefore her and then another
friend of mine had a little girlwhat?
Maybe?
Six months before my daughter.
So thank the Lord forhand-me-downs.
Speaker 2 (07:12):
Absolutely.
Speaker 1 (07:13):
It was a challenge, but I'm thankful that they were
okay with him giving me theclothes from their children to
my daughter.
So, yeah, you don't have tohave name brands.
So you got to be in survivalmode and one of the things that
I, you know, my kids give mefeedback like mom, you didn't do
(07:36):
this and do that.
But when you in survival modeyou just trying to make sure we
got a roof over your head, gotfood, food in your stomach.
I'm sorry I didn't get it rightall the time, you didn't.
Speaker 2 (07:48):
I didn't get it right all the time, and that's okay,
but now they can appreciate whatyou didn't do or didn't know
how to do at that point in time.
Boom, because there it is, isthat we have to understand that
we don't know everything.
That's right, and parentingdoesn't come with a book, even
though they have plenty of booksout on tell you how you need to
(08:10):
do your child at this age, thatage.
Every child is different,that's right.
So what I did with my childrenare six and seven years apart.
So there's six years betweenboth of my sons, and then my
middle son and my daughter isseven years apart.
What I did with one I couldn'tdo with the other because there
was a time yes, you know whatI'm saying they six years had
(08:32):
them pass, and then here comeanother one.
Speaker 1 (08:35):
So I had to start all over again, because them
clothes that I had for him girlthat was gone girl listen.
Even when I just got my son outof pampers and I was like I'm
pregnant again, I was like, ohmy gosh, I just got him out of
pain, I just got him off thebottle I'm starting now.
Speaker 2 (08:55):
You got to go back and start all over again you're
right.
Yeah, so it is not.
You know, we just have to keepa positive attitude.
Yes, and I think what happenedas I was growing is that, and I
think people should do it now,but my children didn't see me
cry.
Speaker 1 (09:13):
Even through my struggles.
Speaker 2 (09:16):
I did not cry in front of them.
Speaker 1 (09:18):
Mine was in the shower.
I was in the shower.
Speaker 2 (09:22):
And that can be a big mistake, really, because they
think that you don't haveemotions.
I didn't think about it likethat.
Or to follow you as to say, hey, you know what, she didn't cry
for this.
I'm not going to cry.
Speaker 1 (09:37):
Oh wow, now, I didn't even think about it like that.
Speaker 2 (09:39):
Yes, there's so much now.
You should show your emotions.
Speaker 1 (09:43):
Wow.
Speaker 2 (09:43):
Let your child know that it's okay to cry, it's okay
to be angry, it's okay, butit's how you take those and mold
them into and teach your childabout those things.
Not in a negative way, but in apositive way, boom I like that.
And so yeah, and I kind ofregret that I did, I had to.
(10:07):
I still, even though mychildren are adults, I still
have to teach them.
It's okay to show your emotions, mm-hmm, you know, it's okay.
Speaker 1 (10:16):
It's a good mom character.
You're teaching.
That's what a good mom does sheteaches.
Speaker 2 (10:22):
So it's okay, you know I made it through, but
that's a good point.
Speaker 1 (10:25):
Yeah, you bring up a very good point, because on
those bad days that Iexperienced in the shower,
absolutely Because I didn't wantthem to see that side, I didn't
want to incorporate any type ofnegativity with them of my
behavior or my emotion.
But I like what you just said,but I'm shielding them and it
(10:48):
may not be a good thing to letthem not see that emotion.
So that's a good point,absolutely.
Now you have your degree as asingle mom and you want to tell
us a little bit about theprocess you went through to get
your degree.
Speaker 2 (11:05):
I have 30 years experience with Head Start.
Oh, wow, I'll just put it likethat.
I was with one agency for 23years.
Wow, I had started out going toschool and didn't stop.
So years passed, my oldest sonhad started, he went.
He didn't go to college rightafter high school, but then he
(11:27):
decided he wanted to because hewas mentoring some younger boys.
Speaker 1 (11:32):
There's that word, and so when?
Speaker 2 (11:34):
he asked.
He said Mom, how can I mentorboys Wonderful In high school to
tell them to keep going, youknow, and to study hard and go
to college, and I'm not doing itmyself, so that.
So he went back to school, sohe started in going to school
and then he, and once he left togo to daytona and we were
(11:56):
talking, he said mom, he saidyou need to go ahead and go to
school.
Well, I didn't go to school onebecause I felt that I was too
old girl, you and me, butbecause I was in my 40s.
I was in my 40s well I was closeto 50 I was closer to my 50s,
so I think I got my degree whenI was 51.
Speaker 1 (12:15):
Oh, okay.
Speaker 2 (12:16):
I was going to school along with my high school
daughter.
Wow but he encouraged me and hesaid mom, you can do it.
But the reason why I had notdone it was because I was
raising three children on my own.
I had older parents that I wastaking care of.
I was involved in my children'sactivities at school.
(12:41):
There's a lot going on.
And I was like how am I going tomake time for this Exactly?
How can I do this?
And my mom passed in 2007.
After that, that's when my sonwas like yeah, he said you need
to go head on, you know he saidyou can do wonderful and I was
like, yeah, I don't think I'mgonna pass that was me too,
(13:04):
because we were like go get yourdegree.
Speaker 1 (13:06):
I'm like no, I'm too old.
Speaker 2 (13:08):
Yeah, and you know it's young people in and yes,
and so I did, I, I signed up andI did in person, because I know
you younger moms and all ofthat good stuff Y'all can do
y'all online, not me Right?
That was not my cup of tea.
I did go in person and when Imet my classmates I told them.
(13:31):
I said and I think I was aboutthe oldest one in the group and
I said y'all gonna have to helpme.
I said because.
I said I'm starting out, I saidI'm older and this.
And they was like Miss Judy,you gonna be okay.
And lo and behold, two or threeclasses in.
They say Miss Judy, rememberwhen you said we needed to help
you?
Speaker 1 (13:51):
we coming to you for help.
Speaker 2 (13:54):
I was like okay, so yeah, I kept up my 3.5 average
Good.
Speaker 1 (14:00):
Did you graduate kumwani?
Speaker 2 (14:01):
I graduated with a 3.6 GPA.
So, yes, that is awesome.
So I was excited I did too.
Woo-hoo, yes, woo-hoo.
Speaker 1 (14:14):
I did too.
Woo-hoo, I did too.
I told you we have so much incommon as far as some of our
trials, our struggles, ourtriumphs and, like you, going to
school.
And I did hybrid, so I was inclass part-time and I was online
part-time.
It was a challenge.
Speaker 2 (14:32):
It was.
Speaker 1 (14:33):
You know, I'm still caring for my kids, I'm caring
for my parent trying to workfull-time.
Absolutely and it's like how inthe world am I going to get
this done?
But just like your sonencouraged you, my kids
encouraged me too.
And so, moms, you know, whileyou're thinking of encouraging
(14:53):
your children, one of the betterfeelings is when your children
encourage you?
Speaker 2 (15:00):
Yes, my goodness, you know what I'm saying.
I'm telling you, it is.
It goes a long way it does, andit was awesome because, even
though he was in Florida, hecame home for my graduation.
Speaker 1 (15:14):
Oh, wow, and he didn't tell me, wow.
Speaker 2 (15:16):
So he was like mom, I can't get no flights, the
flights are too expensive, I'mnot gonna be able.
I'm so sorry, I'm not gonna beable to come to your graduations
.
You know whatever he said, butI'm gonna come later and we can
celebrate.
Blah, blah, blah and lo andbehold.
He surprised me and he wasthere wonderful he came in town
for that.
Speaker 1 (15:35):
So yeah, I remember, uh, my kid because I wasn't
gonna walk, I would.
I, I was not gonna walk.
And before, well, and I wastelling my mom that I was like,
mama, I ain't walking acrossthat stage with them kids, I'm
not doing that she was like, yes, you are.
Yeah, I was like, um, I'm stillafraid of my mama, right,
(15:57):
absolutely.
And uh, she told me I was gonnawalk across the stage after I
had made it in my mind for themto mail me my diploma and, uh,
after she strongly influenced meto walk across the stage, I did
.
It was wild because at my age,amongst all of the younger folks
(16:20):
, it was just wild.
And for my kids to be there andto see me versus me seeing them
, what an experience.
Speaker 2 (16:31):
And do you know that you walking, walking, how you
encourage somebody else to movealong?
Yeah, because I didn't want todo a whole lot of things either
right, I always talk to myclassmates and I was like you're
young, you can do this, you cando that.
They was like.
At the end they was like missjudy, you don't understand how
much you have, um, justinfluenced me just with your
(16:56):
words and teaching me how to be.
Speaker 1 (17:01):
I've always been a public speaker, so so speaking
in public has never been a thingyes, never has been a problem,
really I would have neverpictured you as an extrovert,
and I'm the exact opposite.
I'm an introvert and that's onereason why I didn't want to go
across the stage, because I'mreserved, I keep to myself and
(17:22):
you know, let life go on.
But I would have never thoughtyou were an extrovert.
That's awesome.
Speaker 2 (17:29):
So, yeah, it's a good feeling, but, mothers, if you
have goals that you want to meet, there's going to be some bumps
in the road, there's going tobe some hills and some valley,
but take it in stride, be strongin what you're doing.
Keep the faith that you'regoing to make it At this point.
There are so many things outhere now that can help you.
Speaker 1 (17:52):
There's so many resources, technology and
resources.
Speaker 2 (17:55):
Yes, and don't be ashamed to take those resources,
because it helps you along theway.
Love it.
And guess what?
Love it we never have.
If never went through anything,we wouldn't be able to sit here
and talk to you about what wewent through to encourage you
(18:16):
along the way, right, right.
So if you never had a testimony, you never have a story to tell
, tell the truth Now.
Speaker 1 (18:23):
Do you have any?
Let me rephrase Is thereanything that you think you
could have done better withinyour power as a single mom?
Speaker 2 (18:36):
Yes, just, I think that I told my children yes more
than no, and I think that wasbecause I did not want them to
be disappointed.
But as I learned, as I gotolder, older, no, it's okay to
say no, they can't haveeverything and you can't do
everything right.
(18:57):
So there are going to be sometimes when you're going to have
to say no, because there weretimes when my children you know,
um, children, you know comingup to mama, want mcdonald's,
whatever, and I know that it wasright, going up toward payday,
I had just enough to get themsomething, right, and I would go
(19:19):
, and I would get them somethingand I would go home and eat
what's in the refrigerator.
And I think at times like that,I probably should have said you
know where, no, I'm going hometo cook dinner, right, right.
So this is what we're going tohave right.
Let's wait a little while,couple of days, and then I can
get you some, but we can't getthat today right, and.
(19:39):
But I learned from that becauseas the children started coming,
you know it might have been onewhen I said, no, you know yes,
but then you think about youhave three, you got four, listen
, listen.
And nowadays, with the price ofthings, right, they want
McDonald's.
That's like no, Because backthen we could go and get $2.
Speaker 1 (20:00):
Happy Meals and they were good, and the fast food
always, and I don't, I wasalways Mama.
Can I have this, a hamburger?
Can I get a chicken?
And I'd take, take them andlike you, wouldn't tell them, no
, just go on right on and gottago to work the next day and
don't have any lunch moneyexactly cause there's plenty
(20:21):
days I done been to work, workall day, no lunch break.
Speaker 2 (20:25):
No, you ain't had what.
You gonna take a lunch breakfor.
You ain't got nothing to eat.
Stomach.
Be all up in your throat, right?
So look, we're waiting on fiveo'clock so you can run home and
hurry up and fix that dinner sothat you can eat again.
Speaker 1 (20:42):
Just trying to make sure our kids have right, and I
think I compensated for my kidsbecause of the fact that their
father wasn't active in theirlife.
And so I tried to compensate forhim being inactive in their
lives Absolutely, I agree andask for stuff that I'm going to
(21:06):
give it.
I'm trying to go above andbeyond, but my son told me
something a few years ago.
Go above and beyond, but my sontold me something a few years
ago.
He says, um, mom, because I'vetaken them to Disney World and
some other trips and things likethat and I bought them passes
to amusement parks and stuff, soI was doing a lot of spending
(21:31):
and he came back and said Iwould have preferred you.
Just tell me you love me.
Speaker 2 (21:39):
Wow and how profound is that.
Speaker 1 (21:45):
And I said and I'm guilty, I am guilty I didn't
show my kids that emotion, thattenderness that they need,
because I felt I'm in survivalmode.
I'm just trying to keep a roofover me, the tables have turned,
so I'm trying to be the bestmom.
(22:08):
I know how to be and that's themessage I want to send to these
young single moms Be the bestthat you can be and then tack on
to that and say I still want tolearn, I still want to teach
because you are now a mentor.
Your identity has changed whenyou become a mom.
Speaker 2 (22:29):
That's right and so when my son told me that
processing.
Speaker 1 (22:36):
I didn't really need to do all of that and some
things are just basic.
Just tell them you love them,hug them, tell them you're proud
of them.
If you want your child to besuccessful, spend time with them
.
Put the phone down for at leastan hour or mute.
Spend time with your child,talk to them, teach them,
(22:58):
explain them about some oflife's natural things that
happen.
Absolutely Matter of fact, mynext episode is going to be
around illness.
Speaker 2 (23:08):
Absolutely.
Speaker 1 (23:08):
Educating about illness.
Why do they get a headache anddon't freak out?
Because you got a headacheright.
Why are you getting it?
Your body is going throughsomething that caused you to
have a headache Allergies, allof these things are happening,
but I never educated my kidsabout illness.
Why didn't I?
Because I didn't know no betterRight, right.
(23:29):
But things are happening thatthey're going to experience as a
result of just being human.
Right, absolutely.
And so we and I believe weshouldn't put all of the
teaching of our children in thehands of the school and
organization.
Speaker 2 (23:49):
Absolutely, because you are your child's first
teacher.
That boom and from the time ofat the age of three children are
like a sponge.
And they observe and theyabsorb everything that they see
and hear.
Yes, they do so we have to becareful as single mothers on the
(24:12):
things that we let our childrensee.
Boom Boom Us do yes and here,and it must be positive.
Speaker 1 (24:22):
Yes.
Speaker 2 (24:22):
Because we don't want to put the negative in the
light, that's right and we'renot, and the thing about it is
is this okay in being a mother,to go back to your child and
tell them that you're sorry?
Yeah, that you made a mistake,girl, that's it.
I learned that as a singlemother.
Speaker 1 (24:41):
Yes, that it's okay for me to say I'm sorry.
Yes, I made a mistake.
Yeah, I didn't get it right allthe time.
I had that conversation with mykids as well.
I didn't get it right all thetime.
I had that conversation with mykids as well.
I didn't get it right all thetime and I am sorry.
I am sorry to for allowing youto hear me talk about people
yeah, in front of you,absolutely now.
Speaker 2 (25:01):
That's something that I didn't do.
Now, when my children werecoming up in company, my friends
and things came over, orwhatever.
Children had their rooms to gointo or they went down in the
basement because of the separate?
Yeah, because you won't sit upand look in my mouth while I'm
talking, because that's mybusiness.
Speaker 1 (25:23):
This grown folk time right but, that's how I grew up,
but you know, unfortunatelythere were times my kids heard
things that they shouldn't haveheard, and that's true, they
shouldn't have heard.
Speaker 2 (25:37):
That's true Whether or not you were on the telephone
or you know in person.
You know we have to be careful.
And it's just like with afriend of mine, you know, when
we had the same amount ofchildren.
She had three, I had three andI had to tell her.
I stopped her at one point intime.
I say you know what?
We're not going to talk aboutthis while the children are
around Right, right, right,right.
Speaker 1 (25:59):
Let's get them together, get them fed, and,
because I'm big on if we gettogether.
We're going to feed the kidslet them go head and then we can
chat and chew as adults.
And she was like I never evenreally thought about children
(26:19):
being in the room while we'retalking.
Speaker 2 (26:20):
I say because you got to understand and they can
bring that back against you?
Speaker 1 (26:22):
Yes, they can.
Yeah, it's good that werecognize that so we can tell
you ladies, listen, be carefulof your behavior in front of
your children.
You know I talked about in theafrican-american community,
where some african-americanwomen wear the little bonnets
out and I know we can't tell youhow to dress, but if you have a
(26:45):
daughter, she's payingattention to that and is that
the message you want to send toher?
Speaker 2 (26:51):
just, a question, and I think you walk differently
when you have a female child.
Yes, when you know it's, it's,you know.
My boys came first.
My daughter was the last oneand I think that I think by the
time that she came along that Isaw things in a different light.
So there were a lot of thingsthat I did do differently with
(27:12):
her yes yeah, me too, you knowso um, I mean, you know your
children are going to teach youhow to be a mother.
Yes, they are, and we just haveto take it in stride.
We can't get mad upset.
You don't want to cuss them out.
You know whatever right.
First of all, they don't knowyou all they know exactly,
exactly so if I see you doing itand it's wrong.
(27:34):
That's all I know, because Isee you doing it Right and kids
will let you know Be like well,mom, you do that at home.
Speaker 1 (27:40):
Now you want me.
Speaker 2 (27:41):
Now you let me do this at home.
Now I can't do it.
Uh-uh See, I stopped that.
You ain't going to do it athome, so you won't do it in
public, right?
Exactly Because I don't want tohave to drag you off in the
corner, baby, let me tell you.
But yeah, so, mom, I want toencourage you to just be
(28:05):
uplifted in it.
If you are strugglingfinancially and things of that
sort, there are many resourcesin your community.
Speaker 1 (28:16):
Reach out to them.
Speaker 2 (28:17):
They are there to help you.
They are there to assist you,and there's nothing wrong with
taking assistance, that's rightBecause honey.
We got to start from somewhere,that's right.
Speaker 1 (28:27):
And if we got to start off getting assistance, to
make it to where we want to beright, that's okay, that is okay
that's okay because I can lookback.
Speaker 2 (28:35):
I'm thankful for my little sister, right, right that
I had right right, exactly bothare.
They praise and worship leadersthey are praise and worship
leaders so that was um, that wasa blessing um that is itself
and and even though um they werealways brought up in church yep
mine too, and so, therefore,you know things that they do in
(28:58):
church.
I support them absolutely.
I support them because of thesimple reason why they just let
me know that you know, um, thankgod that something I did was
right.
Speaker 1 (29:10):
Girl, girl, listen, my daughter used to mime.
I think you absolutelybeautiful.
And yeah absolutely.
Why people kept calling on her.
And so, again, it is just soimportant and that's why I'm
doing this podcast is to givethese tips of you know,
(29:31):
resources, of what you can do tobe a better mom.
A good mom teaches Bottom line,that's it Not perfect, but she
teaches.
We can't let somebody elseteach our children.
That's right.
We need to own that.
We need to own that.
Why do we need to own it?
(29:52):
Because they're going to bewith us forever, until we land
in a grave.
Our kids are going to be ourkids and so we can't put that
soulless on organizations toteach our children.
Speaker 2 (30:05):
Because once you have children, your life is no
longer yours, it is.
It turns from me to we To we,yep, and it's going to be we up
until they're 18 and out ofschool.
That's right, but it continuesto be we, because you still have
things that you're going tostill teach them as adult, right
(30:25):
.
Speaker 1 (30:25):
Going into adulthood Right.
Speaker 2 (30:27):
Right, you know you still teach them, you still want
them to be able to manage theirmoney, because we didn't do a
good job in it, but becausewe've learned, we can teach them
how to manage their money,exactly how to build their
credit.
So that they can get things ontheir own and that they won't
(30:49):
always be dependent on you orsomebody else in order to get
the things that they need tosurvive Exactly.
So it's always a teachablemoment, yes, well.
Speaker 1 (31:02):
Miss Judy, thank you, you're so welcome.
Thank you, we've been knowingeach other at least over 30
years, more than that, becausewe were in our teens.
Speaker 2 (31:12):
Yeah, we really started.
Oh, that's right.
Speaker 1 (31:15):
Yes, yeah, so it's been a long time yes, it's been
quite a while a long time, sothank you for joining, being my
first guest on mom to mentorspodcast and hopefully we'll do
this again.
Speaker 2 (31:30):
I will be more than glad to do it.
Speaker 1 (31:32):
And young ladies.
If you have a challenge or atriumph that you've overcame,
listen you can go out to mywebsite to Single Moms United
Podcast, and again I will bechanging that soon.
But there is a thing you cancomplete if you want to be a
(31:53):
guest on my show.
Again, it's not about daddybashing and all of that stuff.
That's for somewhere else.
Speaker 2 (32:01):
I'm specifically looking for folks that have
overcome the challenges ofparenting and want to be a
positive influence on the nextperson.
Speaker 1 (32:12):
There you go.
That's what I'm looking for.
I'm not talking about anynegative.
I don't want to hear about allthe other stuff that ain't
happening and should happen.
That's what it's all about.
But thank you all for joining.
I hope you enjoyed this episode.
Wow, so you just didn't have tohear me talking.
Hopefully you enjoyed thedialogue between me and my good
(32:35):
friend and if you did leave mesome comments, you can go to my
YouTube channel or you can leavesome comments on the website as
it relates to.
You know what you thought abouttoday's episode.
I hope you all have a great dayand a wonderful week.
Take care.
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