Strong Moms, Stronger Kids: The Confidence Connection

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We're continuing our series on planting character seeds in our children, focusing this week on building confidence both in our kids and ourselves. As a single mom who struggled with confidence issues growing up, I share insights on how modeling confident behavior impacts our children more than what we tell them.

• Children learn more from watching our behavior than from hearing our instructions
• Confidence gives children strength to navigate life's disappointments without breaking down
• People with predatory intentions often target those who display weakness or low self-esteem
• Teaching kids to embrace their uniqueness helps build confidence against criticism
• Confident people may break down emotionally, but they don't stay there
• Our children are looking to us as their primary mentors, even as they get older

Visit singlemomsunitedpodcast.com if you're interested in sharing your story about overcoming parenting challenges on the Mom2Mentor podcast. Challenge yourself to put down your phone for at least an hour each day and limit social media time to connect with your children instead.

https://singlemomsunitedpodcast.com/

It's not how you arrived at the title, but what you do with it.

Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:01):
Hey ladies, welcome to the Mom2Mentor podcast.
If this is your first timejoining, welcome If you are a
repeat listener.
Thank you for your loyalty.
Hey, this podcast is designedto encourage and motivate moms,
specifically single moms.

(00:23):
As a single mom myself, I'mtrying to pay forward some of
the things I've learnedthroughout life that I think can
help you with your ownparenting skills.
So last week, if you heard theepisode, I'm talking about
planting character seeds, orplanting a virtual garden using

(00:44):
character seeds.
Last week I talked aboutapology and why we should teach
our children about apologizingand what the value is in
apologizing.
Right, because they're going tohave to do it at some point
throughout life and they'regoing to have to do it multiple
times, and so let's set them upon how and when they need to

(01:09):
apologize and what it means toapologize.
So if you didn't hear lastweek's episode, it's not too
late.
You can go back and review thatwherever you get your podcast
and say, hey, let me hear thelatest Mom to Mentor episode
entitled Apology.
And so again, a little nuggetfor you moms to share with your

(01:33):
children and even you.
Right, because some things wejust weren't taught, some things
we just didn't see or hear aswe were growing up, and so we
had to feel around in the darkwhen it came to things as far as
how to navigate and respond tocertain situations, because we

(01:56):
never saw it.
I didn't see some things.
It's no one's fault, it's justthat I didn't see it.
So you have to keep in mind,mom, when we talk about being a
mentor.
It's not only just givingverbal responses or correction
to your child, but when we'retalking about being a mentor,

(02:21):
they have to see us doing things.
They have to see us doingthings.
They have to see us doingthings Now, for example, I
allowed my daughter to see meapologize this week.
She heard me say I'm sorry tosomeone because of the fact of
how I approached the situationright.
So remember, a good mom teaches.

(02:43):
A better mom learns to teach.
So I think I was a pretty goodmom this week, and it doesn't
matter the age.
Your children are still lookingup to you, mom, so let's be a
good example to them.
And if we really want them tochange their behavior, they have

(03:04):
to see us doing some positivethings and our own behavior
reflecting that, because we cantalk until we're blue in the
face, but until they actuallysee what we're asking them to do
.
That's what's going to make thedifference.
Yeah, that's what's going tomake the difference.
Yeah, that's what's going tomake the difference, not about

(03:26):
how much we talk and tell themcorrect, but what they see.
So, as you go into a new week,think about that.
What are you going to allowyour child to see?
What are you going to teachyour child through their eyes?
Think about, think about that,right, and then think about last

(03:48):
week.
What did you teach them Just byyour own behavior?
Yeah, all right, let me getmoving.
Let me get moving.
I get off the highway, as youknow, from time to time.
So let me get back on thehighway with our topic for today
.
So today I'm talking aboutconfidence, building confidence

(04:09):
in your child, buildingconfidence in you mom.
Yeah, and all confidence isstrength.
It's being able to navigatelife's challenges Right With
strength and not breaking downbecause it's easy.

(04:30):
Oh, my goodness.
Breaking down because it's easy, oh my goodness.
It is so easy for us to displayweakness and to cry and to
break down and say I can't dothis anymore.
It's very easy.
But what's hard is justmaintaining strength.
When disappointments come, doyou break down?
Or do you say you know what?

(04:50):
Do you break down?
Or do you say you know what?
That was just something notmeant for me.
Yeah, trust me, I've been theremultiple times and as a
Christian, I said thank God forthe block.
I appreciate you blocking thatbecause I didn't need it anyway
and I didn't have the clearvision or the knowledge to know

(05:11):
I didn't need that or it wasn'tright for me.
So thank you for the block.
That's how I developed my ownstrength is because I
acknowledge I didn't needwhatever I was pursuing Right.
So your kids, as they grow up,they're going to be challenged
by other kids talking about themand just different things that

(05:35):
happens in life, thosedisappointments that come.
So what are you going to do toteach them about those
disappointments and how tohandle those disappointments?
Additionally, when we talk aboutconfidence, you know, as I was
growing up, I mentioned before Iwas heavy set.
I still am, but I was talkedabout so much that it

(06:02):
interrupted my own confidenceBecause everywhere I went, when
I walked in a room, it was like,oh, here comes fatty, or here
comes fatso or so and so right.
So my confidence wasn't there.
So oftentimes I did not hold myhead high because of how I
looked and because of how peoplemade me feel.

(06:24):
So how do you encourage andcultivate that seed of
confidence in your child whenthey just have low self-esteem?
Because that's what it is, it'slow self-esteem.
And even for yourself, right?
You may have some characteristicon your body that you don't

(06:45):
like and that people have atendency to point that out.
So how do you build your ownconfidence?
Well, I said it in a priorepisode, you just say I'm unique
, right?
So whatever that variation isthat is unlike everyone else,
hey, I'm unique.

(07:05):
That's how you build thatconfidence.
That's how you go about beingstrong.
When people want to point outthose deficiencies or those
defects on your body, hey, I'munique.
And you keep moving.
It's just that simple.
And that's what you would tellyour child, because they're
going to need that confidence.

(07:27):
Why do you need confidence?
Because if you don't have thatconfidence, it's the exact
opposite.
It's going to display aweakness and people pounce on
weakness.
That's how they get folksmanipulate you.
They see that weakness, theysee you coming.
Oh, I'm going to go right overhere because that person has no

(07:48):
or low self-esteem.
So I'm going to go ahead andtake advantage and do what I
need to do, because I see theyjust don't have that confidence.
So that's number one, mom.
You're building up thatself-esteem with your child and
making sure that when they havethat strength that no one,

(08:11):
anyone, can come along and takethat away from them.
And it's important, especiallyas they're going through this
learning age in life, yourschool age children, because
once that confidence is broken,look, their grades start to
suffer.
I feel less than because I'mnot confident, because someone

(08:35):
has manipulated my own issues,have turned against me.
But when you're confident,folks are not going to approach
you in that manner.
Matter of fact, they may notapproach you at all because what
they see is strength.
Oh, I'm not going over thereand touching that, no-uh.
No, you can tell the wall is upand I ain't even going to try

(08:57):
to penetrate it right?
So again, this week, mom, we'replanting confidence not just
into your child but into you.
Let them see you be confident.
Let them see you show strengthduring disappointment.
Let them see that that's howthey learn, that's who you are

(09:22):
as a mentor.
You're not just a nourisher,you are someone your children
look up to.
That they value.
Because if they don't look atyou that way.
They're going to look atsomeone else that way, and
that's not always a good thing.
It's not.
So let us start at home withyou and so be the strength, be

(09:48):
that person that your child canlook up to and value, value you.
Yeah, you're not perfect, butthey still should see some
things about you that saysthat's my mom, that's my mom,
and be proud of you.
That's what you want.

(10:08):
And, in turn, guess what?
They're going to startdepicting that same behavior
that they've seen you do.
And now you're going to be likethat's my child, I'm so proud
of them.
See how that works, right.
So, ladies, again, make sureyour child see more positive

(10:36):
things with your behaviors thannegative, because it's going to
pay off in the end.
It is, I promise you it is.
And again, to cultivateconfidence, you just want to go
back and reassure them.
You can do this.
It's okay.
You know things are going tohappen, but you're going to get

(11:00):
through it.
And I've said in the past, it'sokay to break down, it's okay
to have an emotional issue orencounter right, but you don't
stay there.
You don't stay there.
People with confidence yeah, webreak down, yeah, we do, but we
don't stay there.
That's what separates us fromothers, because I'm not going to

(11:25):
let whatever situation happenkeep me down, and that's the
mindset we have to have.
Moms, all right, I hope youenjoyed today's episode.
If you did leave me somefeedback.
If you're interested inbecoming or coming on the

(11:45):
Mom2Mentor podcast, visitsinglemomsunitedpodcastcom and
register and I'll reach out toyou.
And again, it's aboutovercoming challenges as a
parent, what you did and talkabout what some of the successes
you achieved as a result ofthat.
I really appreciate you.

(12:08):
I hope you have a great week, agreat day, love on your children
, spend time with your childrenand put that phone down at least
an hour a day and spend timewith your child.
I would even also argue orchallenge you to stay off of
social media.
Stay off of social media for aday or an hour, because a lot of

(12:31):
times there's just a lot ofnegative things out there that
divert your attention and youdon't need that kind of stress.
So I would challenge you tomanage your social media
interactions and use that timeto spend with your child or your

(12:51):
children, because they need you.
Mom.
You're more of a mentor thanyou really think you are because
they really are watching.
All right, you have a great day, Take care.