June 12, 2025 • 34 mins
They were friends before he went in, running in the same circles and chasing the party. Life happened, they lost touch. Then- years into what ended up being 13 years inside- they reconnected... and reconnected again.. which triggered something to start building something real, the foundation, of what it is today.
What is it today? Now he's home. 10 days ago. And she's feeling everything: the hope, the nerves, the pressure and the love. And trying not to expect anything, keeping herself grounded, all at the same time.
In this episode of More Than an Inmate's Girlfriend, we follow her story in real time- just days after he comes home (he's actually in the next room!), following over a decade apart.
This season is winding down with a few impactful episodes ahead but you won't want to miss season 2, starting this fall, when we go back and uncover the reality of months later. Are they together? Did they go back to being just friends? Or did life on the outside change everything and tear them apart?
Follow us on Instagram @podcast_prisongf (CURRENTLY DOING A GIVEAWAY- CHECK IT OUT!)
or TikTok @morethananinmatesgf
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:00):
Target believe can touch you andyou're not going away.
Nobody's saying you've got one minute remaining.
Welcome to More than an inmate'sgirlfriend.
I'm your host, Jay, and this week we have a very exciting
guest that I think a lot of people are going to want to hear
(00:21):
this woman's experiences becausenot only did she know her man
before he was incarcerated, but he has now come out after many,
many years. We are dying to explore what
that was like and having him come out and what their
relationship has grown into. I think so many people have
(00:42):
heard such horrible stories around men that are incarcerated
and come out and then disaster ensues.
I think that this is one of those stories that not only does
that not happen, but it really emphasizes this whole show and
what it's about, that love can exist beyond the bars.
(01:04):
So with that, I will introduce you to our guest.
Her name is QTMQTM. Welcome.
Thank you. Thank you.
Hello. So excited to have you.
I'm excited to be here. And nervous so dying to know how
long have you guys known each other?
So I've known him for approximately 30 years, but he's
(01:28):
known me for longer, so he says.Wow, how does that work?
So how did you guys meet? We met through mutual friends,
kind of the party scene. I had the party house at that
time in both of our lives. Somehow he ended up there.
At your house. Yes, do.
You remember seeing him for the first time.
Oh yeah? Oh yeah, him.
(01:48):
His cousin. And it was the party house.
Like, am I proud of that now? Absolutely not.
But there were so many people always in and out and in and
out. But there was something.
Oh yeah, I remember him for the first time.
And why does he say that he knewyou longer?
He's told me the car that I drove, the tag number that I had
(02:09):
when I honestly didn't know thathe was even the person.
I mean he is 7 years younger than me so that might be why.
Who approached who when you first started talking?
Do you remember? That's one of the crazy things.
Me and one of my girlfriends, him and his cousin, it just
became four of us running aroundtogether, partying together,
doing things together. It was always him, always him
(02:33):
that I was attracted to. So we all ran around together
for a really long time and then we separated.
We all in our separate ways. The party life changed, the
things we were doing changed, the drugs changed and we kind of
went separate ways. And then you reconnect.
Yeah. So we went separate ways for a
really long time. And, you know, we've seen each
(02:53):
other here and there, but when we did see each other, neither
one of us was in good shape. What was it about him that made
you attracted to him? What was his quality traits?
You said that it was always him.What made him different?
That was a very good question, very good question.
I've thought about it and thought about it, and I really
don't know. His parents, their relationship,
(03:16):
their marriage was very strong. He was at the time very
respectful. Oh nice.
To his parents, very helpful to his parents.
His dad was in a wheelchair froma previous accident.
I've seen qualities in him that he didn't see him himself.
But with him being younger than me, it's like he's just going to
(03:39):
be that wild child and he's going to do whoever, whatever,
whenever he wants, you know? Yeah, he was young, right?
Were you guys together when he was incarcerated?
When he got arrested? No, No.
No, I really don't even know exactly when he got arrested was
in 2013. I do know that.
I'm not sure the exact story. I know there was a car accident.
(04:01):
I don't know if it was right after that or what.
Double 2013. He went to prison.
We had not been contacted with each other for a good little
minute. OK.
And then I ended up in Tennesseein rehab around the same time.
And then when did you hear abouthim?
When did his memory come to mindfor you?
(04:23):
His memory was always in my mind.
Don't ask me why, I don't know, but it was always there.
And then 2016, I wrote out to him through J Payne.
We were talking earlier and he said he even thought there was
some letters involved, like snail mail involved, but I don't
remember that. I do recall that he had asked me
to do something that I wasn't comfortable doing or even
(04:46):
talking about with me getting clean.
And I'd only been clean a few years, two or three years at
that time. And I cut it off immediately
just. Good for you.
It scared me, you know what I mean?
Yeah, it scared me big time. I knew what I was capable of.
I knew what he was capable of and I knew I didn't want to go
back down that path. I think that really shows the
character that you have and the strength you have in your
(05:10):
sobriety and how important it was to you, 'cause I feel like a
lot of women might not have gonethat route.
And even though you cared about him obviously, and he was always
on your mind, you still stuck toyour boundaries, you know?
Right. So obviously he was in a
different place than you at thatpoint in his journey.
(05:32):
So then you cut it off in 2016, you said?
I cut it off in 2016 all the wayto 2022.
What happened? 2022 I couldn't stand it
anymore. Like I was dreaming about him.
It was the closest thought in myhead and I was like, you know
what? I'm going to reach back out to
him and if nothing else, I just want to be there for him.
(05:57):
I knew the people in this area, this area that we grew up in is
small. It's little.
It's less than 1000 people. We just got shitty people here,
you know what I mean? Like when you're on drugs, you
either continue to die or you move away.
Right. Basically, I consider myself
very lucky and blessed. Have been able to go to
Tennessee for a while. So I write out to win and he
(06:21):
writes right back out. And then I did learn something
earlier because I was like, it'sdifferent when you're on the
other phone, but sitting here face to face, it's hard for me
to. Kick something from you for
sure. So he told me on the day that he
got that message that his silly had just got out and he was put
in lockdown for 22 days. Your loved one.
(06:42):
For an investigation and I didn't know that until tonight
when we were talking about it. So when you reached out to him
on J Pay, it was J Pay, right? Correct.
And then he went on lockdown right that day.
He did. And I said, what was it, 27 days
before you messaged me? And he was like, it was November
the 22nd. And I was like, yeah, you're
(07:03):
right. It was November the 22nd.
So you reached out to him and sent him a message and he didn't
have access to be able to answeryou for those two weeks?
And he said they printed it off and gave it to him.
Oh cool. So he did not have access to the
kiosk, but they had printed it off and gave leave it to it.
Cool, but he couldn't respond. I've heard of this before where
sometimes people get printouts, but if you don't have your
(07:25):
address or anything on these printouts, then the person can't
respond, right? He doesn't know who to respond
to. Is that what happened?
Right, I honestly don't rememberthat.
Might have been when the snail mail came into play there for a
little bit. Right.
And do you remember your thoughtprocess in reaching out?
You just were having dreams about him and you were just
wondering how he was doing. Were you thinking about a
(07:46):
relationship at that point or were you just like, I want to
reconnect with this human? I mean, more than anything at
that point, I wanted to reconnect with this human.
I wanted him to know that he wasn't alone and that he did
have people out here that supported him and who cared
about him. And I really regretted not doing
it sooner. But like I said, I made that
boundary and I stuck with that boundary back in 2016.
(08:09):
But it was, I don't know. Yeah, I really didn't have any
expectations, and I still don't have expectations.
I try not to do that. But I did want him to know that
he was important and that he wasloved and that he wasn't alone.
Yeah. And did he share with you how he
felt when he got that message from you?
He must have been surprised after the fallout of 2016.
(08:30):
Yeah, there wasn't a fallout. I just stopped, Right.
And then he just stopped too. I don't know what he thought.
Like, OK, well, this crazy girl just stopped, so I'm going to
stop too. I don't know what his thought
process was on that. Maybe one day we can.
Ask him. Yeah.
And then when he finally responded, do you remember what
you felt like? Oh, yes, I was on cloud 9
because you know how men are. This makes me feel on top of the
(08:51):
world kind of stuff, you know? You know how they are.
Yeah, I. Know exactly how they are.
So yeah, I do. I remember that feeling.
I was like, Oh my gosh. And then it's been daily since
then. OK, so that was 2022 and now
we're 2025. That was November of 2022 and I
went to visit him his first timein January of 2023.
(09:14):
And were you guys in a relationship right away or are
you defined? No, we're still not defined.
It's weird. You're just enjoying.
Yeah, he calls me his old lady, which I love because people hate
that. They're like, they'll call me
your old lady. I love it.
So I went to visit him in January and that was amazing.
I was a nervous wreck and blessed his heart.
(09:37):
I could feel him shaking all over when he hugged me, like he
was so nervous. It was bad, it was bad.
I still joke with him about it. And did you visit him regularly
after that? Is it close by for you or is it
a trek? It's about 3 hours now, but when
I started visiting him it was about 4 1/2 to 5 because I still
(09:59):
lived in Tennessee. OK, I didn't move back to
Virginia until June of 2020. Four.
Wow. And did you move here knowing
that he was going to be releasedhere?
I want to say no. I want to pretend and say that's
not the only reason. I mean, honestly, everything is
(10:19):
here for me. My parents, my grandparents, my
children, my grandchildren, everyone is here.
I had no one in Tennessee. So I had prayed several times,
like, I want to come home, when's the right time?
And I would try to listen and I kept feeling like it wasn't
time. And then more talking about him
coming home and was like, OK, I think God's ready for me to
move. Yeah.
And immediately my mom was like,are you moving?
(10:41):
Because Tony's coming home soon.And I'm like no.
So he was incarcerated since 2013 and he got out recently.
Last week. That's crazy.
What was it like leading up to that?
I feel like the last 30 days really went by fast.
(11:01):
Mm hmm. Just the anxiousness, not
knowing the excitedness. How's this going to be?
Because when we were talking about this earlier, like with
him being locked up, I feel likeI chose him right.
I know exactly what you're saying.
Is he going to choose me? Yes, when he's free.
(11:22):
I relate to that. That was a fear.
Yes, I can. Oh, you put it perfectly.
I had the same conversation withNick when we first started
dating and he has a life sentence and I feel like I can
choose from everyone in the world.
I have open territory and I'm choosing to be with you, but I
(11:43):
feel like you don't have that option and I would want you to
have that opportunity when you got out because I want to be
chosen. I know exactly what you're
saying, Yeah. And.
We talked about that earlier. We have really not talked about
a whole lot of things like in depth, but earlier when we were
texting and we started talking, it opened up a door for him and
(12:04):
how to start talking about more things in depth.
Right. And sorry, that's after he was
got home or before. This was just like an hour ago.
Oh, wow. OK, so you're still figuring it
out. What kind of thing?
And did he change as his time was coming up that he was going
to get out? Did you find he was different?
(12:25):
Definitely, yeah, definitely. Maybe the last 30-40 days he was
more on edge. OK.
I mean, we've never had a disagreement, an argument or
anything like that. It was just edgy.
OK. But that did go away.
It didn't last the whole 30 to 40 days.
It was right around that mark that you could tell a difference
in him. He would be really quiet and I'm
(12:47):
like, what's on your mind? And he was like, everything is
just racing, racing, racing, which I can only imagine.
I can only imagine this man has been incarcerated for like 12
years or 11 years. That's so long, and then the
state comes out. Did he know for sure he was
going to get out on the 10th or did he have to go through parole
or anything? No, they don't have parole in
Virginia, unfortunately. OK, so he knew for sure.
(13:08):
Date. So he had a sooner date when I
first started talking to him. It was a 2024 date.
OK, I don't know what happened and I've still not asked him
what happened yet. We're still tiptoeing through
things. But it changed two years ago to
February the 10th of 2025. So we've known this date for
over a year. Oh.
My gosh, I can't even. To me it's so foreign.
(13:30):
The idea of your man coming out of those doors.
Were you there that day when he finally came out?
No, no, his mom picked him up. He didn't ask me to pick him up.
His mom picked him up. But even if he would have asked
me, I could not miss work. So I trekked through that whole
day of work, cannot wait knowinghe was home waiting on that
(13:53):
phone call and it was crazy. Did you sleep?
I feel like I wouldn't have slept for a week before.
Like the anxiety, there's so many unknowns, the excitement,
the nervousness, there must havebeen so many emotions inside of
you. Absolutely, absolutely.
His home plan was with his mom and his daughter, so I came
(14:15):
straight to his house as soon asI got off work.
And what was it like? Walk me through.
Did you ring the doorbell? Was he outside?
Yeah, he met me outside. He came walking out that door
just with that smile on his face.
He has a smile like most men do when he's up to no good.
So you never know if it's a happy smile or are you up to no
good. He had that smile.
(14:36):
It was amazing. I didn't want to let go.
Didn't hug, didn't hug, didn't hug, didn't hug.
So nice. And then after that did you can
meet his family? Did you guys like hang out
alone? Did you get that alone time?
We really didn't get the alone time.
I know his family, they would govisit on visits with me, but I
(14:57):
knew his family before this house that we're in right now.
I've been in this house before, so we've always known each
other. Small place.
We really didn't get a lot of a long time.
We sat on the couch, kind of felt like when you're 13 in high
school and have that boy over, but you can't go to your
bedroom. I'm so curious, did it feel
different than when you'd visited him in prison?
(15:20):
Not really, OK, Not at first. Not really.
It was a little bit of anxiousness.
Unbelievable that I'm touching you and holding you and feeling
you and nobody is telling me to stop.
Yeah. And it was like that for a
little bit like that hard to believe kind of thing that
you're right here, I can touch you and you're not going away.
(15:40):
Nobody's saying you've got one minute remaining.
Nobody's saying it's time your visit.
You have 5 minutes. Yeah.
And now it's been attendees. Yeah.
And how's that been since? Like, has it grown?
Has it changed? Are you still getting to know
each other in a different way? All of the above, all of the
above. So that was day one.
(16:02):
I stayed till, I don't know, 8:30 or 9:00 that night and I
went home, which was so hard to.I can't even imagine.
Yeah. I don't want to leave you.
I don't want to leave you. Love it, right?
It's. Like, OK, I don't like this.
I do not like leaving you at night.
No sex. Yeah.
So that was the first night. The second night his daughter
(16:24):
was here, his mom was at work. And then when his mom got home,
we went for a drive, just him and I, and that was our first.
You know that was your first time alone.
Yeah, just the two of us. And then that was the first
time, you know. Yeah, it was awesome.
But we were both nervous, of course.
Like we were both so nervous. I know I was.
And I could tell he was, too. Like it was.
(16:45):
Different like I can't even. Imagine, I mean, even in the
past, like when we've done that in the past, like we were both
on drugs, you know, right under the influence of something.
So here we are, clean freedom. Neither one of us did this in a
very long time. And it's like being a kid again.
Right. Would you say he's completely
(17:06):
different? Did you have memories of when
you were younger? Flashbacks of what you guys were
before and how you are now? Is it so different?
To an extent, it's different. He has always been to meet this
sweet, loving, gentle, caring person.
Right. Protective, that's a quality he
has to protectiveness. I feel protected when I'm with
(17:28):
him and that is big for me. So that was the second night.
Let's skip to the 4th on Valentine's Day.
Oh yes. Valentine's Day?
What day was Valentine's Day? On?
Friday. So I've been here to see him
every night but two because I'm trying to let him do his thing
as well. He was going a really long time.
(17:49):
There's a lot of adjustments, there's a lot of things, but
it's very hard for me not to spend every spare time I have
here with him. Because.
That's what I want to do. So Valentine's Day, that
morning, he's been calling me. When I get up to go to work,
he'll call, which is awesome. That's a great way to start my
day. And he said last night when I
(18:10):
walked you to your car, he sat in the car with me.
And he said when I got my chapstick out of my pocket, I
think I dropped my papers in your car.
And I'm like, what papers? He was like just some papers I
had in my pocket. So when you go start your car,
will you check? Yeah, I start my car and I go
around the passenger side and I open the door.
And he had made me two drawings with some words and stuff on it
(18:34):
while he was still in there. Oh, and my, like, you couldn't
have got me anything else that would have made me happier.
A new car, a new house, 10 dozenflowers, it would not have
mattered. Like it was just precious.
And there was two of them. One was like confessing love
(18:56):
sayings and the other one was a Valentine's 1.
So there was 2 in there. So yes, that was amazing.
And I called him and I was like,oh, Mr. Trickster, you dropped
your papers in the car. Hey.
So cute. What a win.
I know. So I had to work that day, of
course. And then after work I came up
(19:16):
and got him his first day out. He went to try to go ahead and
take care of some things like probation and stuff.
The day he got out. So the only other day he had
been out in public. OK, Then I'd ask him, how did
that feel? And he was like, Oh my gosh, my
nerves. You know, just.
Nerve wracking, Yeah. So I pick him up and we don't
know where we're going. And I'm like, do you want to go
(19:38):
through the drive through and eat?
Do you want to go in and eat? What do you want to do?
And of course it's up to you. It's up to you.
I don't like making decisions anyways.
So finally he was like drive through.
And I'm like, you know what, let's not, let's go to this
certain place where it's a restaurant, go in and sit down.
It was around 5:00. It shouldn't be that busy.
Let's do that. And he was like, all right,
(19:58):
let's do it. Good idea.
So we did that. We did that.
I could tell his nerves was a little crazy, but he did that.
He pushed through it and he did.It was the restaurant, quiet.
There were several people in there, but I couldn't have told
you that we were like in our ownlittle world.
Yeah. We just talked and it was like
we were in our own little world to that.
We went to a couple of stores tofind him some jeans and he
(20:20):
wasn't feeling it. He was ready to leave public.
He was done with the public. Really.
Was totally understandable. Totally understandable.
Yeah, I never thought about. That no that second time on
Valentine's Day was a different story.
Girl, girl, tell me. The nervousness was going.
(20:44):
I think it was for me anyway. I could tell it was for him too
and it was just amazing. It was just amazing.
His touch, caring. I don't know.
It's like you guys got more comfortable.
With each other. I love hearing this.
What would you say is the hardest part that you've noticed
(21:05):
for him? Is it the public?
The public and not knowing what to do.
He doesn't have driver's licenseyet.
All that still has to be taken care of.
So he's been home, his mom's at work, his daughter's been here
because we've had snow, so there's not been any school.
So family one day maybe that he was here by himself, which is
(21:26):
good because I feel like he needs that time to himself.
Right. But yeah, not knowing what to do
with himself and just public. Yeah.
Absolutely public. He went to Walmart with his mom
and he was like we will not be grocery shopping at the Walmart.
Oh, really? Yeah, yeah.
That was overwhelming, I think. Yeah, I'm interested in this a
(21:46):
lot too, because Nick and I talked about it and Nick's very
introverted and he loves Walmartand I don't know why he has
stories of when he was homeless and he's sleeping in the Walmart
and whatever, but he loves Walmart and he cannot wait for
the day that he gets to go to Walmart again.
And now I'm thinking it might behis worst nightmare because I
(22:06):
imagine he would be so similar to your loved one.
Right. It would be hard to be around a
lot of people. Yeah, I remember when I got out
of rehab. I was in rehab six months, just
6 short months. But to step my foot back out in
public was like, boring. Really.
So I can't imagine what he's been going through.
Yeah, 12 years. You know how you were talking
(22:29):
about how they are in prison when they're all like lovey
dovey and cute and they say the sweetest things.
Did that translate later? I know you mentioned those
Valentine's Day cards, which is so so adorable, but like his
character of who he was when he was inside talking to you, is it
still the same outside? It's better outside, yeah.
(22:52):
And what makes you say that? Because I would get the sweet
messages like I don't know, justcalling me sweet names and
stuff, but never be in depth lovey dovey stuff which is not.
Right. And but now it's totally
different. He is hands on, he is loving and
caring and like we made dinner this evening, we let his
(23:12):
daughter pick out what she wanted to eat and we made it.
And while I'm cooking, he's behind me with his arms around
me and just amazing. I've heard people say like that
when they get out they're like more touchy or than some people
are saying like they're distant.So you found he's more touchy?
Oh yeah. Cherishes touch.
(23:35):
Definitely. And I'm loving everything.
Yeah. I would just grab my arms and
legs around him. And that's where I'm at still,
yeah. Did you have any fears before he
got out that it wouldn't be likethat?
Was there anything in the back of your mind or were you
certain? Because at this point, like in
my life, I feel like my man, I'mso certain about it.
(23:55):
But I'm curious, when things come closer and then do doubts
come in and did you have those fears?
Definitely, definitely. Am I confident?
Yes. OK.
But is there fears? Yes.
Always. Always.
And you still have those. I'm trying to just push those
away, OK and enjoy it and let itbe what it is.
(24:16):
Right. What's been the hardest?
Has there been any hard days? The hardest is leaving him aw.
You're so cute. Walking off and leaving him
definitely, I just want, I just want it to already be put
together when I know that it's ajourney and it's going to take a
little time to put that together.
For sure, for sure. And what is that looking like
(24:37):
for him? Like is there support on his re
entry from the prison side? Is there any kind of guidance,
Are you given any kind of guidance on helping him
transition back to the free world?
Not. Really.
Absolutely. Not so.
You're just left to navigate it with him.
(24:57):
Wow, yeah. That's hard, and he's on parole.
He's on probation. I think he's only on probation
until fines are taken care of, OK, which I think there's a few
thousand of those, so it might be a little bit.
OK. And so the in terms of that,
they're not really helpful either, but it sounds.
Right. Well, so he went the very day
(25:18):
that he was released to try to check in with his probation
officer and they told him to come back on the 18th.
So he had all that set up to go on the 18th and then the courts
was closed due to snow. So now he has to go next week.
So there may be some help and some guidance that they can give
him there. He's just really not got to meet
with them yet. I will say something that a
(25:39):
release moment because there's different kinds of probation.
And he said I want to check in every month.
I want them to drug test me every month.
I want that accountability. And I was like, wow, OK, that's
a big step to admit that I need that accountability.
Were you afraid about the possibility of relapse?
Yeah, definitely, definitely. There's always that fear, but
(26:02):
you can have that fear on me too.
I was just about to say that I feel like you guys can connect
on that level because I mean, you're years ahead of him in
your sobriety. Do you connect in that way?
I feel like it, yes, Yeah. And I do.
Have you guys talked about what could happen in terms of hard
times or any difficulties that he might have?
(26:25):
Has that come up in conversationon how to deal with that
properly? Not yet.
No. That has not came up yet.
You're still in the honeymoon phase.
Oh girl, yeah. I love it.
And then in terms of his mental health, he's not getting any
(26:47):
kind of support either in that regard.
Not yet, no. I have suggested it.
We talked about it even before he got out counseling services,
and it's a possibility. OK, I'm.
Just gonna leave that there right now, yeah.
I feel. Possibility.
Definitely. Yeah, I feel like it's a hard
topic to broach. I've talked to Nick about it
too, if he were to ever get out.Actually, I told him if he ever
(27:09):
got an out date, I'd want to figure out some kind of like
therapist on the phone or something that we can connect
him with to try and transition. But it is a difficult
conversation and especially withthe guys, I feel like they've
been hardened for so long to survive that the idea of being
(27:29):
vulnerable and opening up to someone healing, it's a tough
one for sure. It was tough for me, so I know
it's tough for men, You know, they just want to keep that
tough guy. In it and you're almost blessed
with having those experiences, right?
Like a lot of people wouldn't have those experiences that you
(27:49):
had and to have gone through what you went through and you've
been sober for quite a long time.
So right, it's quite the accomplishment.
It's been an easy Rd. but it's been worth it.
Yeah. Earlier I was asking him.
I was like, what did you think about when I started messaging
you and you got that JPEG? How did you feel?
Did you say what? Why me?
(28:10):
And he was like, I thought maybelike, why is God put her in my
life? Why is he giving me this?
And you're in that small town still.
Has he seen people that he knew?Nope.
No. Lucky.
Do you run into people? Not really, because I don't go
into town much. OK.
I will say one of my greatest strengths is boundaries.
(28:31):
I will cut you off. I will tell you I don't want to
talk to you like I've worked toohard for this peace and joy that
I have to let anyone ruin it. So that is one of the best
things that I'm good at is boundaries.
Looking back on everything that you've gone through in the last
two weeks, it must be pretty surreal, this whole anticipation
to it finally happening. I don't even know looking back
(28:54):
how that would feel, but is there anything that you've
learned that you think would be helpful for people to know or
any advice that you've can recommend for people who are
going through similar situationsor are in anticipation of their
loved 1 coming home? I feel like there's a lot of
important things, definitely a lot of elements to it, but I
(29:14):
feel like one of the most important things is work on
yourself, right? It has your traumas, your toxic
traits. Work on yourself and give him
the distance to work on himself.But to still be there and be
supportive and definitely some patience with them because if
they've been there for a long time, it's going to take some
time. I feel like it is important.
(29:36):
God works in crazy ways. I truly believe that.
And these first few weeks I haveto walk off and leave him and go
home. And that's probably good.
He's got that drive to himself, that quiet time, that downtime.
Yes. And I feel like that's important
for him. Yeah, it's true.
Because if it was up to me, I'd be up his butt all the time,
(29:56):
right? So.
God is forcing you apart. I feel like, you know, yeah, God
knows what he's doing. Absolutely.
What do you see in the future? What's your perfect case
scenario expect in the next year?
What are you hopeful for? I try not to have expectations
because usually when I have expectations system when I let
(30:16):
myself down and then I want to blame it on them, my
expectations not theirs. Then that kind of goes a little
bit with working on yourself. My next perfect year would be of
continuing to spend more time together to get to know each
other better on this side of theno drugs, the no crazy lifestyle
(30:37):
that we used to live. My grandchildren, you know who
he is because of the phone and everything, but I've never
introduced them to him. OK.
I want to wait a little while, see how things goes, but for us
to spend that time together and build that bond, make sure this
is what we want. And then I mean at the end of
the day, what I love for us to be living together, growing
(31:00):
together. I'm tired of it being I, I, I,
I, I want to we. Oh girl, I know.
And I want that we to be with him.
And that's what I'm hopeful for.I'm hopeful for the next year
that we get those priorities in order, finances in order.
We both want the same things. We have the same hobbies.
He's a drag racer that is like his adrenaline junkie, even
(31:23):
while he's been locked up. I go to Drag Race, it's because
I love it so much and side by side, riding in the woods,
playing in the mud kind of thing.
When it comes to those things, we are on the same page, right?
So to just be able to enjoy those things together, that's my
hope. It sounds like you guys are,
(31:44):
what's the word not entwined, but like when you're so meant
for each other by the sounds of it.
So I'm so hopeful for you. Time to.
Yeah, if he were to one day hearthis podcast, is there anything
that you want the world to know about him other than what you've
(32:05):
already said? Oh wow, I do.
He has not just an inmate. Right.
He is not just a criminal, he isnot just a drug addict.
He is an amazing man, hands down.
He's growing into an amazing father, an amazing son and just
an amazing person in general. He's very loving, caring,
(32:28):
compassionate. He's got so many qualities than
his past and he deserves anotherchance just like everyone else.
Wow I'm so excited for him. I cannot wait to have a follow
up episode with you. Maybe he would love to like to
join us. Maybe because I'm so excited for
him. And I can't even imagine
(32:51):
everything he's going through and the trauma he's experienced
in prison and coming out to not only a supportive person in his
life, but his family. And I'm just so excited to see
where he takes it in the next couple months and what that
transition is like. I'm so excited for him.
I know it's not going to be easy, but I'm so hopeful that
(33:17):
you guys will be able to continue to grow together and I
can't wait to hear all about it,right.
And do I want it to be with me? Absolutely.
I want it to be with me, with everything in me.
But if it's not, that's OK too. As long as you don't lie to me
or screw me over, I'm still going to be in your corner.
Yeah, because at the end of the day, his sobriety and getting
(33:42):
his life stabilized is really the most important thing.
Absolutely. This happiness is very important
to me. Yeah, and I'm sure your
happiness is important to him. I hope so.
Thank you so much for sharing those experiences because so
many of us are waiting for that day and to hear you have that
(34:03):
day and what that was like, it warms my heart.
You know, wish you all the best and I hope we can reconnect next
year and get an update from the both of you.
Absolutely. Thank you so much.
For having you take care. Bye.
All right, bye, bye.
Target believe can touch you andyou're not going away.
Nobody's saying you've got one minute remaining.
Welcome to More than an inmate'sgirlfriend.
I'm your host, Jay, and this week we have a very exciting
guest that I think a lot of people are going to want to hear
(00:21):
this woman's experiences becausenot only did she know her man
before he was incarcerated, but he has now come out after many,
many years. We are dying to explore what
that was like and having him come out and what their
relationship has grown into. I think so many people have
(00:42):
heard such horrible stories around men that are incarcerated
and come out and then disaster ensues.
I think that this is one of those stories that not only does
that not happen, but it really emphasizes this whole show and
what it's about, that love can exist beyond the bars.
(01:04):
So with that, I will introduce you to our guest.
Her name is QTMQTM. Welcome.
Thank you. Thank you.
Hello. So excited to have you.
I'm excited to be here. And nervous so dying to know how
long have you guys known each other?
So I've known him for approximately 30 years, but he's
(01:28):
known me for longer, so he says.Wow, how does that work?
So how did you guys meet? We met through mutual friends,
kind of the party scene. I had the party house at that
time in both of our lives. Somehow he ended up there.
At your house. Yes, do.
You remember seeing him for the first time.
Oh yeah? Oh yeah, him.
(01:48):
His cousin. And it was the party house.
Like, am I proud of that now? Absolutely not.
But there were so many people always in and out and in and
out. But there was something.
Oh yeah, I remember him for the first time.
And why does he say that he knewyou longer?
He's told me the car that I drove, the tag number that I had
(02:09):
when I honestly didn't know thathe was even the person.
I mean he is 7 years younger than me so that might be why.
Who approached who when you first started talking?
Do you remember? That's one of the crazy things.
Me and one of my girlfriends, him and his cousin, it just
became four of us running aroundtogether, partying together,
doing things together. It was always him, always him
(02:33):
that I was attracted to. So we all ran around together
for a really long time and then we separated.
We all in our separate ways. The party life changed, the
things we were doing changed, the drugs changed and we kind of
went separate ways. And then you reconnect.
Yeah. So we went separate ways for a
really long time. And, you know, we've seen each
(02:53):
other here and there, but when we did see each other, neither
one of us was in good shape. What was it about him that made
you attracted to him? What was his quality traits?
You said that it was always him.What made him different?
That was a very good question, very good question.
I've thought about it and thought about it, and I really
don't know. His parents, their relationship,
(03:16):
their marriage was very strong. He was at the time very
respectful. Oh nice.
To his parents, very helpful to his parents.
His dad was in a wheelchair froma previous accident.
I've seen qualities in him that he didn't see him himself.
But with him being younger than me, it's like he's just going to
(03:39):
be that wild child and he's going to do whoever, whatever,
whenever he wants, you know? Yeah, he was young, right?
Were you guys together when he was incarcerated?
When he got arrested? No, No.
No, I really don't even know exactly when he got arrested was
in 2013. I do know that.
I'm not sure the exact story. I know there was a car accident.
(04:01):
I don't know if it was right after that or what.
Double 2013. He went to prison.
We had not been contacted with each other for a good little
minute. OK.
And then I ended up in Tennesseein rehab around the same time.
And then when did you hear abouthim?
When did his memory come to mindfor you?
(04:23):
His memory was always in my mind.
Don't ask me why, I don't know, but it was always there.
And then 2016, I wrote out to him through J Payne.
We were talking earlier and he said he even thought there was
some letters involved, like snail mail involved, but I don't
remember that. I do recall that he had asked me
to do something that I wasn't comfortable doing or even
(04:46):
talking about with me getting clean.
And I'd only been clean a few years, two or three years at
that time. And I cut it off immediately
just. Good for you.
It scared me, you know what I mean?
Yeah, it scared me big time. I knew what I was capable of.
I knew what he was capable of and I knew I didn't want to go
back down that path. I think that really shows the
character that you have and the strength you have in your
(05:10):
sobriety and how important it was to you, 'cause I feel like a
lot of women might not have gonethat route.
And even though you cared about him obviously, and he was always
on your mind, you still stuck toyour boundaries, you know?
Right. So obviously he was in a
different place than you at thatpoint in his journey.
(05:32):
So then you cut it off in 2016, you said?
I cut it off in 2016 all the wayto 2022.
What happened? 2022 I couldn't stand it
anymore. Like I was dreaming about him.
It was the closest thought in myhead and I was like, you know
what? I'm going to reach back out to
him and if nothing else, I just want to be there for him.
(05:57):
I knew the people in this area, this area that we grew up in is
small. It's little.
It's less than 1000 people. We just got shitty people here,
you know what I mean? Like when you're on drugs, you
either continue to die or you move away.
Right. Basically, I consider myself
very lucky and blessed. Have been able to go to
Tennessee for a while. So I write out to win and he
(06:21):
writes right back out. And then I did learn something
earlier because I was like, it'sdifferent when you're on the
other phone, but sitting here face to face, it's hard for me
to. Kick something from you for
sure. So he told me on the day that he
got that message that his silly had just got out and he was put
in lockdown for 22 days. Your loved one.
(06:42):
For an investigation and I didn't know that until tonight
when we were talking about it. So when you reached out to him
on J Pay, it was J Pay, right? Correct.
And then he went on lockdown right that day.
He did. And I said, what was it, 27 days
before you messaged me? And he was like, it was November
the 22nd. And I was like, yeah, you're
(07:03):
right. It was November the 22nd.
So you reached out to him and sent him a message and he didn't
have access to be able to answeryou for those two weeks?
And he said they printed it off and gave it to him.
Oh cool. So he did not have access to the
kiosk, but they had printed it off and gave leave it to it.
Cool, but he couldn't respond. I've heard of this before where
sometimes people get printouts, but if you don't have your
(07:25):
address or anything on these printouts, then the person can't
respond, right? He doesn't know who to respond
to. Is that what happened?
Right, I honestly don't rememberthat.
Might have been when the snail mail came into play there for a
little bit. Right.
And do you remember your thoughtprocess in reaching out?
You just were having dreams about him and you were just
wondering how he was doing. Were you thinking about a
(07:46):
relationship at that point or were you just like, I want to
reconnect with this human? I mean, more than anything at
that point, I wanted to reconnect with this human.
I wanted him to know that he wasn't alone and that he did
have people out here that supported him and who cared
about him. And I really regretted not doing
it sooner. But like I said, I made that
boundary and I stuck with that boundary back in 2016.
(08:09):
But it was, I don't know. Yeah, I really didn't have any
expectations, and I still don't have expectations.
I try not to do that. But I did want him to know that
he was important and that he wasloved and that he wasn't alone.
Yeah. And did he share with you how he
felt when he got that message from you?
He must have been surprised after the fallout of 2016.
(08:30):
Yeah, there wasn't a fallout. I just stopped, Right.
And then he just stopped too. I don't know what he thought.
Like, OK, well, this crazy girl just stopped, so I'm going to
stop too. I don't know what his thought
process was on that. Maybe one day we can.
Ask him. Yeah.
And then when he finally responded, do you remember what
you felt like? Oh, yes, I was on cloud 9
because you know how men are. This makes me feel on top of the
(08:51):
world kind of stuff, you know? You know how they are.
Yeah, I. Know exactly how they are.
So yeah, I do. I remember that feeling.
I was like, Oh my gosh. And then it's been daily since
then. OK, so that was 2022 and now
we're 2025. That was November of 2022 and I
went to visit him his first timein January of 2023.
(09:14):
And were you guys in a relationship right away or are
you defined? No, we're still not defined.
It's weird. You're just enjoying.
Yeah, he calls me his old lady, which I love because people hate
that. They're like, they'll call me
your old lady. I love it.
So I went to visit him in January and that was amazing.
I was a nervous wreck and blessed his heart.
(09:37):
I could feel him shaking all over when he hugged me, like he
was so nervous. It was bad, it was bad.
I still joke with him about it. And did you visit him regularly
after that? Is it close by for you or is it
a trek? It's about 3 hours now, but when
I started visiting him it was about 4 1/2 to 5 because I still
(09:59):
lived in Tennessee. OK, I didn't move back to
Virginia until June of 2020. Four.
Wow. And did you move here knowing
that he was going to be releasedhere?
I want to say no. I want to pretend and say that's
not the only reason. I mean, honestly, everything is
(10:19):
here for me. My parents, my grandparents, my
children, my grandchildren, everyone is here.
I had no one in Tennessee. So I had prayed several times,
like, I want to come home, when's the right time?
And I would try to listen and I kept feeling like it wasn't
time. And then more talking about him
coming home and was like, OK, I think God's ready for me to
move. Yeah.
And immediately my mom was like,are you moving?
(10:41):
Because Tony's coming home soon.And I'm like no.
So he was incarcerated since 2013 and he got out recently.
Last week. That's crazy.
What was it like leading up to that?
I feel like the last 30 days really went by fast.
(11:01):
Mm hmm. Just the anxiousness, not
knowing the excitedness. How's this going to be?
Because when we were talking about this earlier, like with
him being locked up, I feel likeI chose him right.
I know exactly what you're saying.
Is he going to choose me? Yes, when he's free.
(11:22):
I relate to that. That was a fear.
Yes, I can. Oh, you put it perfectly.
I had the same conversation withNick when we first started
dating and he has a life sentence and I feel like I can
choose from everyone in the world.
I have open territory and I'm choosing to be with you, but I
(11:43):
feel like you don't have that option and I would want you to
have that opportunity when you got out because I want to be
chosen. I know exactly what you're
saying, Yeah. And.
We talked about that earlier. We have really not talked about
a whole lot of things like in depth, but earlier when we were
texting and we started talking, it opened up a door for him and
(12:04):
how to start talking about more things in depth.
Right. And sorry, that's after he was
got home or before. This was just like an hour ago.
Oh, wow. OK, so you're still figuring it
out. What kind of thing?
And did he change as his time was coming up that he was going
to get out? Did you find he was different?
(12:25):
Definitely, yeah, definitely. Maybe the last 30-40 days he was
more on edge. OK.
I mean, we've never had a disagreement, an argument or
anything like that. It was just edgy.
OK. But that did go away.
It didn't last the whole 30 to 40 days.
It was right around that mark that you could tell a difference
in him. He would be really quiet and I'm
(12:47):
like, what's on your mind? And he was like, everything is
just racing, racing, racing, which I can only imagine.
I can only imagine this man has been incarcerated for like 12
years or 11 years. That's so long, and then the
state comes out. Did he know for sure he was
going to get out on the 10th or did he have to go through parole
or anything? No, they don't have parole in
Virginia, unfortunately. OK, so he knew for sure.
(13:08):
Date. So he had a sooner date when I
first started talking to him. It was a 2024 date.
OK, I don't know what happened and I've still not asked him
what happened yet. We're still tiptoeing through
things. But it changed two years ago to
February the 10th of 2025. So we've known this date for
over a year. Oh.
My gosh, I can't even. To me it's so foreign.
(13:30):
The idea of your man coming out of those doors.
Were you there that day when he finally came out?
No, no, his mom picked him up. He didn't ask me to pick him up.
His mom picked him up. But even if he would have asked
me, I could not miss work. So I trekked through that whole
day of work, cannot wait knowinghe was home waiting on that
(13:53):
phone call and it was crazy. Did you sleep?
I feel like I wouldn't have slept for a week before.
Like the anxiety, there's so many unknowns, the excitement,
the nervousness, there must havebeen so many emotions inside of
you. Absolutely, absolutely.
His home plan was with his mom and his daughter, so I came
(14:15):
straight to his house as soon asI got off work.
And what was it like? Walk me through.
Did you ring the doorbell? Was he outside?
Yeah, he met me outside. He came walking out that door
just with that smile on his face.
He has a smile like most men do when he's up to no good.
So you never know if it's a happy smile or are you up to no
good. He had that smile.
(14:36):
It was amazing. I didn't want to let go.
Didn't hug, didn't hug, didn't hug, didn't hug.
So nice. And then after that did you can
meet his family? Did you guys like hang out
alone? Did you get that alone time?
We really didn't get the alone time.
I know his family, they would govisit on visits with me, but I
(14:57):
knew his family before this house that we're in right now.
I've been in this house before, so we've always known each
other. Small place.
We really didn't get a lot of a long time.
We sat on the couch, kind of felt like when you're 13 in high
school and have that boy over, but you can't go to your
bedroom. I'm so curious, did it feel
different than when you'd visited him in prison?
(15:20):
Not really, OK, Not at first. Not really.
It was a little bit of anxiousness.
Unbelievable that I'm touching you and holding you and feeling
you and nobody is telling me to stop.
Yeah. And it was like that for a
little bit like that hard to believe kind of thing that
you're right here, I can touch you and you're not going away.
(15:40):
Nobody's saying you've got one minute remaining.
Nobody's saying it's time your visit.
You have 5 minutes. Yeah.
And now it's been attendees. Yeah.
And how's that been since? Like, has it grown?
Has it changed? Are you still getting to know
each other in a different way? All of the above, all of the
above. So that was day one.
(16:02):
I stayed till, I don't know, 8:30 or 9:00 that night and I
went home, which was so hard to.I can't even imagine.
Yeah. I don't want to leave you.
I don't want to leave you. Love it, right?
It's. Like, OK, I don't like this.
I do not like leaving you at night.
No sex. Yeah.
So that was the first night. The second night his daughter
(16:24):
was here, his mom was at work. And then when his mom got home,
we went for a drive, just him and I, and that was our first.
You know that was your first time alone.
Yeah, just the two of us. And then that was the first
time, you know. Yeah, it was awesome.
But we were both nervous, of course.
Like we were both so nervous. I know I was.
And I could tell he was, too. Like it was.
(16:45):
Different like I can't even. Imagine, I mean, even in the
past, like when we've done that in the past, like we were both
on drugs, you know, right under the influence of something.
So here we are, clean freedom. Neither one of us did this in a
very long time. And it's like being a kid again.
Right. Would you say he's completely
(17:06):
different? Did you have memories of when
you were younger? Flashbacks of what you guys were
before and how you are now? Is it so different?
To an extent, it's different. He has always been to meet this
sweet, loving, gentle, caring person.
Right. Protective, that's a quality he
has to protectiveness. I feel protected when I'm with
(17:28):
him and that is big for me. So that was the second night.
Let's skip to the 4th on Valentine's Day.
Oh yes. Valentine's Day?
What day was Valentine's Day? On?
Friday. So I've been here to see him
every night but two because I'm trying to let him do his thing
as well. He was going a really long time.
(17:49):
There's a lot of adjustments, there's a lot of things, but
it's very hard for me not to spend every spare time I have
here with him. Because.
That's what I want to do. So Valentine's Day, that
morning, he's been calling me. When I get up to go to work,
he'll call, which is awesome. That's a great way to start my
day. And he said last night when I
(18:10):
walked you to your car, he sat in the car with me.
And he said when I got my chapstick out of my pocket, I
think I dropped my papers in your car.
And I'm like, what papers? He was like just some papers I
had in my pocket. So when you go start your car,
will you check? Yeah, I start my car and I go
around the passenger side and I open the door.
And he had made me two drawings with some words and stuff on it
(18:34):
while he was still in there. Oh, and my, like, you couldn't
have got me anything else that would have made me happier.
A new car, a new house, 10 dozenflowers, it would not have
mattered. Like it was just precious.
And there was two of them. One was like confessing love
(18:56):
sayings and the other one was a Valentine's 1.
So there was 2 in there. So yes, that was amazing.
And I called him and I was like,oh, Mr. Trickster, you dropped
your papers in the car. Hey.
So cute. What a win.
I know. So I had to work that day, of
course. And then after work I came up
(19:16):
and got him his first day out. He went to try to go ahead and
take care of some things like probation and stuff.
The day he got out. So the only other day he had
been out in public. OK, Then I'd ask him, how did
that feel? And he was like, Oh my gosh, my
nerves. You know, just.
Nerve wracking, Yeah. So I pick him up and we don't
know where we're going. And I'm like, do you want to go
(19:38):
through the drive through and eat?
Do you want to go in and eat? What do you want to do?
And of course it's up to you. It's up to you.
I don't like making decisions anyways.
So finally he was like drive through.
And I'm like, you know what, let's not, let's go to this
certain place where it's a restaurant, go in and sit down.
It was around 5:00. It shouldn't be that busy.
Let's do that. And he was like, all right,
(19:58):
let's do it. Good idea.
So we did that. We did that.
I could tell his nerves was a little crazy, but he did that.
He pushed through it and he did.It was the restaurant, quiet.
There were several people in there, but I couldn't have told
you that we were like in our ownlittle world.
Yeah. We just talked and it was like
we were in our own little world to that.
We went to a couple of stores tofind him some jeans and he
(20:20):
wasn't feeling it. He was ready to leave public.
He was done with the public. Really.
Was totally understandable. Totally understandable.
Yeah, I never thought about. That no that second time on
Valentine's Day was a different story.
Girl, girl, tell me. The nervousness was going.
(20:44):
I think it was for me anyway. I could tell it was for him too
and it was just amazing. It was just amazing.
His touch, caring. I don't know.
It's like you guys got more comfortable.
With each other. I love hearing this.
What would you say is the hardest part that you've noticed
(21:05):
for him? Is it the public?
The public and not knowing what to do.
He doesn't have driver's licenseyet.
All that still has to be taken care of.
So he's been home, his mom's at work, his daughter's been here
because we've had snow, so there's not been any school.
So family one day maybe that he was here by himself, which is
(21:26):
good because I feel like he needs that time to himself.
Right. But yeah, not knowing what to do
with himself and just public. Yeah.
Absolutely public. He went to Walmart with his mom
and he was like we will not be grocery shopping at the Walmart.
Oh, really? Yeah, yeah.
That was overwhelming, I think. Yeah, I'm interested in this a
(21:46):
lot too, because Nick and I talked about it and Nick's very
introverted and he loves Walmartand I don't know why he has
stories of when he was homeless and he's sleeping in the Walmart
and whatever, but he loves Walmart and he cannot wait for
the day that he gets to go to Walmart again.
And now I'm thinking it might behis worst nightmare because I
(22:06):
imagine he would be so similar to your loved one.
Right. It would be hard to be around a
lot of people. Yeah, I remember when I got out
of rehab. I was in rehab six months, just
6 short months. But to step my foot back out in
public was like, boring. Really.
So I can't imagine what he's been going through.
Yeah, 12 years. You know how you were talking
(22:29):
about how they are in prison when they're all like lovey
dovey and cute and they say the sweetest things.
Did that translate later? I know you mentioned those
Valentine's Day cards, which is so so adorable, but like his
character of who he was when he was inside talking to you, is it
still the same outside? It's better outside, yeah.
(22:52):
And what makes you say that? Because I would get the sweet
messages like I don't know, justcalling me sweet names and
stuff, but never be in depth lovey dovey stuff which is not.
Right. And but now it's totally
different. He is hands on, he is loving and
caring and like we made dinner this evening, we let his
(23:12):
daughter pick out what she wanted to eat and we made it.
And while I'm cooking, he's behind me with his arms around
me and just amazing. I've heard people say like that
when they get out they're like more touchy or than some people
are saying like they're distant.So you found he's more touchy?
Oh yeah. Cherishes touch.
(23:35):
Definitely. And I'm loving everything.
Yeah. I would just grab my arms and
legs around him. And that's where I'm at still,
yeah. Did you have any fears before he
got out that it wouldn't be likethat?
Was there anything in the back of your mind or were you
certain? Because at this point, like in
my life, I feel like my man, I'mso certain about it.
(23:55):
But I'm curious, when things come closer and then do doubts
come in and did you have those fears?
Definitely, definitely. Am I confident?
Yes. OK.
But is there fears? Yes.
Always. Always.
And you still have those. I'm trying to just push those
away, OK and enjoy it and let itbe what it is.
(24:16):
Right. What's been the hardest?
Has there been any hard days? The hardest is leaving him aw.
You're so cute. Walking off and leaving him
definitely, I just want, I just want it to already be put
together when I know that it's ajourney and it's going to take a
little time to put that together.
For sure, for sure. And what is that looking like
(24:37):
for him? Like is there support on his re
entry from the prison side? Is there any kind of guidance,
Are you given any kind of guidance on helping him
transition back to the free world?
Not. Really.
Absolutely. Not so.
You're just left to navigate it with him.
(24:57):
Wow, yeah. That's hard, and he's on parole.
He's on probation. I think he's only on probation
until fines are taken care of, OK, which I think there's a few
thousand of those, so it might be a little bit.
OK. And so the in terms of that,
they're not really helpful either, but it sounds.
Right. Well, so he went the very day
(25:18):
that he was released to try to check in with his probation
officer and they told him to come back on the 18th.
So he had all that set up to go on the 18th and then the courts
was closed due to snow. So now he has to go next week.
So there may be some help and some guidance that they can give
him there. He's just really not got to meet
with them yet. I will say something that a
(25:39):
release moment because there's different kinds of probation.
And he said I want to check in every month.
I want them to drug test me every month.
I want that accountability. And I was like, wow, OK, that's
a big step to admit that I need that accountability.
Were you afraid about the possibility of relapse?
Yeah, definitely, definitely. There's always that fear, but
(26:02):
you can have that fear on me too.
I was just about to say that I feel like you guys can connect
on that level because I mean, you're years ahead of him in
your sobriety. Do you connect in that way?
I feel like it, yes, Yeah. And I do.
Have you guys talked about what could happen in terms of hard
times or any difficulties that he might have?
(26:25):
Has that come up in conversationon how to deal with that
properly? Not yet.
No. That has not came up yet.
You're still in the honeymoon phase.
Oh girl, yeah. I love it.
And then in terms of his mental health, he's not getting any
(26:47):
kind of support either in that regard.
Not yet, no. I have suggested it.
We talked about it even before he got out counseling services,
and it's a possibility. OK, I'm.
Just gonna leave that there right now, yeah.
I feel. Possibility.
Definitely. Yeah, I feel like it's a hard
topic to broach. I've talked to Nick about it
too, if he were to ever get out.Actually, I told him if he ever
(27:09):
got an out date, I'd want to figure out some kind of like
therapist on the phone or something that we can connect
him with to try and transition. But it is a difficult
conversation and especially withthe guys, I feel like they've
been hardened for so long to survive that the idea of being
(27:29):
vulnerable and opening up to someone healing, it's a tough
one for sure. It was tough for me, so I know
it's tough for men, You know, they just want to keep that
tough guy. In it and you're almost blessed
with having those experiences, right?
Like a lot of people wouldn't have those experiences that you
(27:49):
had and to have gone through what you went through and you've
been sober for quite a long time.
So right, it's quite the accomplishment.
It's been an easy Rd. but it's been worth it.
Yeah. Earlier I was asking him.
I was like, what did you think about when I started messaging
you and you got that JPEG? How did you feel?
Did you say what? Why me?
(28:10):
And he was like, I thought maybelike, why is God put her in my
life? Why is he giving me this?
And you're in that small town still.
Has he seen people that he knew?Nope.
No. Lucky.
Do you run into people? Not really, because I don't go
into town much. OK.
I will say one of my greatest strengths is boundaries.
(28:31):
I will cut you off. I will tell you I don't want to
talk to you like I've worked toohard for this peace and joy that
I have to let anyone ruin it. So that is one of the best
things that I'm good at is boundaries.
Looking back on everything that you've gone through in the last
two weeks, it must be pretty surreal, this whole anticipation
to it finally happening. I don't even know looking back
(28:54):
how that would feel, but is there anything that you've
learned that you think would be helpful for people to know or
any advice that you've can recommend for people who are
going through similar situationsor are in anticipation of their
loved 1 coming home? I feel like there's a lot of
important things, definitely a lot of elements to it, but I
(29:14):
feel like one of the most important things is work on
yourself, right? It has your traumas, your toxic
traits. Work on yourself and give him
the distance to work on himself.But to still be there and be
supportive and definitely some patience with them because if
they've been there for a long time, it's going to take some
time. I feel like it is important.
(29:36):
God works in crazy ways. I truly believe that.
And these first few weeks I haveto walk off and leave him and go
home. And that's probably good.
He's got that drive to himself, that quiet time, that downtime.
Yes. And I feel like that's important
for him. Yeah, it's true.
Because if it was up to me, I'd be up his butt all the time,
(29:56):
right? So.
God is forcing you apart. I feel like, you know, yeah, God
knows what he's doing. Absolutely.
What do you see in the future? What's your perfect case
scenario expect in the next year?
What are you hopeful for? I try not to have expectations
because usually when I have expectations system when I let
(30:16):
myself down and then I want to blame it on them, my
expectations not theirs. Then that kind of goes a little
bit with working on yourself. My next perfect year would be of
continuing to spend more time together to get to know each
other better on this side of theno drugs, the no crazy lifestyle
(30:37):
that we used to live. My grandchildren, you know who
he is because of the phone and everything, but I've never
introduced them to him. OK.
I want to wait a little while, see how things goes, but for us
to spend that time together and build that bond, make sure this
is what we want. And then I mean at the end of
the day, what I love for us to be living together, growing
(31:00):
together. I'm tired of it being I, I, I,
I, I want to we. Oh girl, I know.
And I want that we to be with him.
And that's what I'm hopeful for.I'm hopeful for the next year
that we get those priorities in order, finances in order.
We both want the same things. We have the same hobbies.
He's a drag racer that is like his adrenaline junkie, even
(31:23):
while he's been locked up. I go to Drag Race, it's because
I love it so much and side by side, riding in the woods,
playing in the mud kind of thing.
When it comes to those things, we are on the same page, right?
So to just be able to enjoy those things together, that's my
hope. It sounds like you guys are,
(31:44):
what's the word not entwined, but like when you're so meant
for each other by the sounds of it.
So I'm so hopeful for you. Time to.
Yeah, if he were to one day hearthis podcast, is there anything
that you want the world to know about him other than what you've
(32:05):
already said? Oh wow, I do.
He has not just an inmate. Right.
He is not just a criminal, he isnot just a drug addict.
He is an amazing man, hands down.
He's growing into an amazing father, an amazing son and just
an amazing person in general. He's very loving, caring,
(32:28):
compassionate. He's got so many qualities than
his past and he deserves anotherchance just like everyone else.
Wow I'm so excited for him. I cannot wait to have a follow
up episode with you. Maybe he would love to like to
join us. Maybe because I'm so excited for
him. And I can't even imagine
(32:51):
everything he's going through and the trauma he's experienced
in prison and coming out to not only a supportive person in his
life, but his family. And I'm just so excited to see
where he takes it in the next couple months and what that
transition is like. I'm so excited for him.
I know it's not going to be easy, but I'm so hopeful that
(33:17):
you guys will be able to continue to grow together and I
can't wait to hear all about it,right.
And do I want it to be with me? Absolutely.
I want it to be with me, with everything in me.
But if it's not, that's OK too. As long as you don't lie to me
or screw me over, I'm still going to be in your corner.
Yeah, because at the end of the day, his sobriety and getting
(33:42):
his life stabilized is really the most important thing.
Absolutely. This happiness is very important
to me. Yeah, and I'm sure your
happiness is important to him. I hope so.
Thank you so much for sharing those experiences because so
many of us are waiting for that day and to hear you have that
(34:03):
day and what that was like, it warms my heart.
You know, wish you all the best and I hope we can reconnect next
year and get an update from the both of you.
Absolutely. Thank you so much.
For having you take care. Bye.
All right, bye, bye.
Popular Podcasts
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
I’m Jay Shetty host of On Purpose the worlds #1 Mental Health podcast and I’m so grateful you found us. I started this podcast 5 years ago to invite you into conversations and workshops that are designed to help make you happier, healthier and more healed. I believe that when you (yes you) feel seen, heard and understood you’re able to deal with relationship struggles, work challenges and life’s ups and downs with more ease and grace. I interview experts, celebrities, thought leaders and athletes so that we can grow our mindset, build better habits and uncover a side of them we’ve never seen before. New episodes every Monday and Friday. Your support means the world to me and I don’t take it for granted — click the follow button and leave a review to help us spread the love with On Purpose. I can’t wait for you to listen to your first or 500th episode!
The Breakfast Club
The World's Most Dangerous Morning Show, The Breakfast Club, With DJ Envy And Charlamagne Tha God!
The Joe Rogan Experience
The official podcast of comedian Joe Rogan.