Blessings from the Temple with Ashlee

Send us a text

What blessings have you personally seen from worshiping in the temple? In this episode, Ashlee boldly testifies that all of her greatest blessings and distinct moments with the Savior have been directly linked to the time she has spent in the temple as both an ordinance worker and patron. From intense difficulty transitioning to college life, the passing of her dear brother, and throughout her fertility journey, temple service became a very personal way Ashlee could commune with divinity and find peace during each harrowing trial. Her testimony of the power received from dedicating time to temple service is incredible and we’re so excited to share it with you! 

Please reach out to me if you are interested in sharing your story! I would LOVE to hear from you. :)

Follow us on Social Media:

Facebook: More than Coincidence: Remembering Jesus Christ in Your Story
Instagram: mtc.rememberingjesuschrist

Website: https://morethancoincidencerememberingjesuschristinyourstory.buzzsprout.com

Email: [e-mail]

**Transcripts available on website!

Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:06):
Hello everyone and welcome to, more Than
Coincidence, remembering JesusChrist in your Story.
As the author and finisher ofour faith, our Savior writes
personal experiences into eachof our lives which can later
strengthen, empower and bring uspeace upon reflection.
This podcast is dedicated tosharing these anchoring memories

(00:26):
from everyone's unique storiesin order to collectively
remember and testify of thereality of Jesus Christ and his
presence in our lives.
I'm your host, lily, and I'mvery excited to share these
experiences together.
Good evening, everybody.
Tonight we have Ashley.
How are you doing?

Speaker 2 (00:44):
Ashley Scared.
No, I'm good.

Speaker 1 (00:52):
It's okay, you're doing great, thank you.
Would you mind introducingyourself for everybody really
fast?

Speaker 2 (01:07):
Yeah, I'm Ashley.
I'm married to Jason Harvey andwe have two really cute girls,
a five-year-old and a two and ahalf year old and I'm pregnant
with a really active little boy.

Speaker 1 (01:12):
Yeah, yeah, that's exciting.
So what memories do you havethat you reflect on, that prick
your heart in remembrance ofyour savior jesus christ, and
anchor you to him?

Speaker 2 (01:22):
great question.
Um, I've been thinking aboutthis a lot and I have thought
about a million and onedifferent things, so being
vulnerable can be really hardfor me.
Uh, but my whole life I feltstrongly that I've been giving,
like given opportunities um in,or experiences in my life that

(01:44):
can help others, like throughtheir struggles.
Yeah, which is like fun, butalso like why?
yeah, some of the experiencesare like so hard and I'm like I
feel like I only get like alittle bit, whereas some people
like, yeah, struggle withcertain things, like really,
like it's a huge struggle and Iget just a dip of like
everything.

(02:04):
I feel like, yeah, and it'sbeen awesome because I've been
able to like talk.
I love talking, yeah, and I'vebeen able to help people.
But it's also hard and it'shard to be vulnerable, because
then I have to like share mystory, right, and I like helping
others with theirs, but I don'tnecessarily have to talk about
mine, right, but like one goalin my life is to be a social

(02:25):
worker, oh yeah, and I just,I've always just liked helping
people and like.
I think that, like some of thetrials I've had, is like what
has helped me want to be asocial worker and I like
specifically want to help be asocial worker in nikkus, which
I'll talk about the NICU later.
But I wouldn't have that desireif I hadn't had, like that life

(02:46):
experience Right, and so I'mgrateful for these.
But it's also scary to bevulnerable.
Yeah Well, thank you for beingvulnerable.
Here we go, okay.
So there's like a big chunk ofmy life where I just feel like I
was given like experience afterexperience and they all just
kind of like connected like apuzzle, like it was like a

(03:11):
two-year lifespan, but like,yeah, the story wouldn't be,
wouldn't be complete withouteach little thing.
Yeah, and it just like it wasjust so obvious to me that like
god had his hand in every littlething in the, the mountains,
and in like the valleys.
So in 2014, I went to byu idaho.

(03:34):
I love byu idaho.
First, like so many I don'tknow, just amazing school,
amazing people there.
Yeah, um, my first semesterthere was 2014 fall and I was 18
and it was one of the hardestsemesters I've ever gone through
, not gonna lie.
Um, I I found like a at byuidaho.

(03:59):
There's not many people do likefreshman housing.

Speaker 1 (04:04):
Oh, interesting.

Speaker 2 (04:04):
Yeah.
So like I found just a reallygood apartment complex that I
heard really good things about,it's called Nauvoo House.
I loved it.
It was awesome, but a lot ofpeople I soon realized were
older in that complex I meanolder to me at the time- Like
they were like 22, 23.

Speaker 1 (04:21):
19's a baby.
Exactly, I'm 18 and I'm with abunch of like 22, 23.
19's a baby.

Speaker 2 (04:23):
Exactly, I'm 18 and I'm with a bunch of like 22, 23
year olds, yeah, so I was likeokay, like they all think I'm so
immature and young, like I wasalready stressed, right, but
they were really like theroommates I had that semester
were so sweet, uh-huh, and theyhelped me get through a lot.
But ultimately I just put a lotof like pressure on myself.
Yeah, lot of like pressure onmyself.

(04:48):
Yeah, that semester and I had Ihad pressure put on me by other
people too, right, other likeleaders and stuff that at the
now, looking back, I'm like,okay, yeah, there's probably a
lot to put on an 18 year oldright like it was.
It was my first experience likegetting out of the house and
being alone, right I'd donesummer term at BYU Provo which
was awesome.
But like, yeah, I'm living inthis different state, away from

(05:08):
my family, I'm adulting and Ialready put pressure on myself,
but I had a lot of pressure fromme and others and it was just I
got really stressed and Ilearned, um, really, what
anxiety was that semester?
Yeah, uh, it got really hardand like to the point where I

(05:29):
was just like I can't functionand I decided to try not the
healthiest um, what's the wordcoping techniques?
Yeah, I didn't.
I didn't use the healthiestcoping techniques and so, um, I

(05:49):
was working out way too much andI wasn't eating and I was just
so stressed and I learned thatif I made myself throw up, I
felt better.
Right, and that was not greatand it got very often and it was

(06:12):
really hard, but like that wassomehow to me in that time of my
life helped me feel like I hadcontrol and like it didn't
really stem from a eatingstandpoint.
It was a stress thing for me.
It was this is helping mystress.

(06:34):
I am so stressed I need to workout or I need to throw up or I
need to, or I can't eat becauseI'm just so nauseous.
And and it was just hard.
It was a lot I was dealing withat that time, right and
thinking about um.
So at the end of that semester,um with BYU-Idaho, they give

(06:54):
you two like semesters to attend.
Oh yeah, it's interesting.
It's not like you just go toschool year round, it's like,
okay, you're gonna go fallsemester and then you're going
to go spring semester, or you'regoing to go fall semester and
winter semester, not like BYUwhere you literally could be
just a student year round.
Yeah, and like, if you areassigned this semester, you

(07:15):
can't go the semester, you'reoff, and this helps them to get
like more students at the school.
Yeah, which is awesome, but itwas interesting at the school.
Yeah, which is awesome, but itwas interesting.
But when I was assigned, I wasassigned fall, spring, so I
couldn't go during winter, whichwas nice, because winter in
Idaho is it's really not fun,yeah, um, and it also ended up

(07:37):
being really good because afterstruggling through that first
semester of school, I needed abreak, yeah, and I realized I
was just like in a reallyunhealthy place and I wasn't
doing good and I needed help.
So I went home to Californiathat's where I'm from and found
the best therapist I've ever had, um, to this day I've.

(08:00):
I love therapy.
I think everybody needs atherapist, but I've gone through
so many therapists and she'sstill my favorite.
Looking back, she just likecould.
She knew what to say, she knewhow to help me, she was bold.
She made me like, takeaccountability for my actions
and it was really needed and itwas good.

(08:22):
It was good that I was going totherapy and I was just home, so
I was working on myself.
I was going to therapy.
I decided that I needed thathelp from a professional, but I
also needed help from God, andso I also just delved into
trying to be better, read myscriptures and she was.
She was also, um, a part of theChurch of jesus christ of

(08:44):
latter-day saints and she Iloved that.
She.
She used god when she wastalking to me and she made it
very clear that, like I, couldnot be healed or helped through
this trial without god and soshe'd give me challenges each
week to work on myself.
But she also challenged me toturn to God.
Yeah, um, and so I did.

(09:05):
I turned to God a lot and as Iwas home that semester, I really
started thinking, okay, well,I'm working hard, maybe.
I want to go on a mission likethis is kind.

(09:26):
Single family member in myfamily has served a mission.
Yeah, do you feel the pressure?
Yeah, yeah, lots of pressure,but, but not that anybody put
pressure on me, it was just thething to do.
In my family, both my parentsserved missions.
I have eight siblings, yeah,and every single one served a
mission, so it was just like thething to do and they all had

(09:49):
amazing experiences.
I guess let me take that backOne of them didn't serve a
mission, but he served in themilitary.
So, yeah, equivalent, right,serving God and country Exactly
so hard.
Anyways, sorry, right, servingserving god and country exactly
so hard.
Uh, anyways, sorry, um, but itwas just like it was a natural

(10:12):
thought process for me, morelike not that I didn't, not that
I felt a whole ton of pressure,just that it was like a natural
next step, like, well, right,maybe I'll serve a mission.
Yeah, like I'm really learningabout God right now and about
myself and this is what'sbringing me joy, right, so maybe
I should go out and share this,right, and so it just felt good

(10:37):
and it felt right.
But like, okay, we'll startpreparing for a mission.
So I went to mission prep andit was awesome.
I loved the class, it feltright and it's like this is what
I'm going to do.
I'm going to serve a mission.
And I went to the bishop and thestake president.
And the stake president looksat me and goes, no, you're not

(10:59):
healthy enough.
And I was crushed.
I was so crushed.
I was like and I was crushed.
I was so crushed.
I was like what do you mean?
I'm working so hard.
And he's like yeah, but you'restruggling with bulimia.
Like yeah, you people go onmissions, like so many, he told
me, like so many young peoplehave been going on missions
right now and coming home earlybecause of mental health, right,

(11:21):
and they're going out totallyhealthy.
Yeah, he's like if you're stillstruggling with this, it's
gonna get harder.
Like you know, when it, whenyou were stressed last semester,
it got worse and so you, youcan't do this.
And I was like so sad.
I was like no, I like I pridemyself in being control in.

(11:44):
I've got this, it's OK.
And he was like here's somethings I need you to work on
before we can even think aboutthis.
And he kind of gave me a listand I went out and did it.
I was like, ok, we're going towork on this.
And I did.
I got really good, I got itunder control.
Yeah, like I mean you're neverreally healed from things like
that.
You, yeah, like I mean you'renever really healed from things

(12:07):
like that.
You always have that thought orlike that temptation if you're
stressed, but like I had itunder control, I felt confident
and it was so hard to get tothat point, but like I was good,
that's what happened to me tooyeah, I was like I'm gonna.

Speaker 1 (12:19):
Yeah, they told me they're like because I had the
eating disorder issues and I,you know, was honest and told
them, yeah, you're like, we'rebeing honest.
And then they told me they'relike you need it.
You minimally need six monthsof therapy before we're going to
approve your papers.
Yeah, and I was like that'swhat they told me.

Speaker 2 (12:34):
They were like there's this thing in place yeah
.
And you're like, ok, well, yep.
So I worked on it and I waslike, well, I'm still gonna do
this because I'm stubborn.
I was like nobody can tell me.
Now that's hilarious.
Um, yeah, it's hard though,because, like I feel for

(12:55):
everyone that's that'sstruggling or coming home, but
at the same time I just felt solike this shouldn't be keeping
me from it, because I'm aware ofit and like I'm hyper aware,
and so I'm going to be fine.

Speaker 1 (13:08):
Yeah, and so it's just so hard for me.
I'm going to test all thehealing that I've done.

Speaker 2 (13:12):
Yeah, right, yeah, I'm like, I feel like I've come
so far but through thesestruggles I've become stronger
Right, and maybe like in my mindat that time, I had become
strong, I'd gone through thatstruggle and I'd become stronger
Right, and I was like it just,it's probably because I need to
serve a mission, this is whatled me to serve a mission.
And so I just I was confused, Iwas frustrated, but I was like,

(13:34):
okay, I'm going to do this.
And so I worked harder, Icontinued going to therapy and
to mission prep and all thisstuff therapy and to mission
prep and all this stuff andafter that specific period of
time, I was like, hey, I'm readyto resubmit my papers.
And you could tell that thestate president was definitely
nervous about it, I mean, like Idid it though, so right, I was

(13:57):
like I did everything you askedright.
so I submitted my papers and Ileft for spring semester and I
was up at school.
I love BYU-Idaho.
I mean I was a little nervousto go back just because the last
semester had been so hard,Right?

Speaker 1 (14:15):
Well, like going back into that environment.
You wonder, like will I fallback into old habits?
Like what's going to happen?

Speaker 2 (14:20):
Absolutely Well, and something actually that I forgot
about was I was going to goback to that same apartment
complex Nauvoo house which Imean I liked it.
It was awesome, there wasreally good people and like I
had a contract, and the weekbefore I decided I was like I
have to sell this, like I needto go somewhere else good for

(14:43):
you.
and I bought a differentcontract and I literally moved
in and still had the othercontract and I was like I need
to sell this.
And that day someone messagedme and was like hey, can I buy
your contract?
And it just like worked outbecause I was so stressed that I
was gonna have to pay twocontracts that semester, which
just showed me that God had aplan.
He needed me at that differentschool and I just trusted him

(15:07):
and went with it and was readyto eat my money.
But I just felt like itwouldn't happen and Heavenly
Father held me back.
Yeah, he held me back, so I wentto a different apartment
complex.
I think that was really good, areally good choice for me, just
to not be in that environment.
And everyone here was my age,which was nice, yeah, so it was

(15:31):
good and I was ready, and abouthalfway through the semester I
get a call from my statepresident, the most confusing
call of my life.
I to this day I don't reallyknow what happened, but he said
you know, I submitted yourpapers and it's just not the

(15:55):
right time.
And I was like like you've beentold.
Like he was like yeah, I gotlike a letter and you're not
supposed to serve a mission, andI'm like wait from church
headquarters.
I don't know, I didn't askenough questions yeah, because
now, thinking back, I'm like canI see it?
Like that's really interestingis this real, because every time

(16:16):
I say like I'm like, I just wastold it wasn't the right time,
yeah, people are like shockedand I'm like it.
I, yeah, that's interesting,you're right.
So I don't know.
I don't know if it was fromchurch headquarters or if he was
nervous or yeah, like what itwas.
I don't know, but I know that hesaid he submitted the papers
and I was just given thatresponse was it's not the right

(16:38):
time, and I was like so confusedand devastated.

Speaker 1 (16:42):
Yeah, I would be Every single thing they'd asked.
Yeah.

Speaker 2 (16:45):
I was ticked.
Yeah, I was so ticked.
Oh, thinking about it now, ohmy gosh.
Yeah, and I don't.
I think it's harder that Idon't know what happened.
I'm like I need to go ask.
Yeah, I just need to go ask,but I don't know.
And I mean ultimately lookingback, yeah, it was right, it
wasn't.
I wasn't supposed.

(17:06):
Looking back, it was right itwasn't.
I wasn't supposed to serve amission because, as you'll soon
find out, I would have missed alot of stuff in my life had I
gone on a mission.
But I was angry and sad and Idon't know, questioning
everything in my life.
Very normal.
So I went through like agrieving stage, almost Like I

(17:27):
can't serve a mission.
Everyone in my family verynormal, um.
So I went through like a like agrieving stage, almost like,
yeah, I can't serve a mission,everyone in my family served a
mission.
Why am I not right?
Healthy?
enough I worked so hard.
What do I need to do better?
I don't know right.
I was so confused and, likeeveryone at byu, idaho was like
going on missions and sending inpapers all my roommates.
And I was excited to do thesame.

(17:48):
I wanted to go on a mission andteach the gospel and spread this
joy.
Like I was so excited.
And as time passed I was likewhy does this still like I don't
know.
Like I felt like I should servea mission.
What was that wrong?
Was that a wrong prompting?
And suddenly I had the thought,like you've always been excited

(18:12):
to serve a mission, yeah, butlike you've always known, that
meant you would go to the templetoo and you've always wanted to
go to the temple.
And I think that was one of thesaddest parts for me when I
found out I couldn't go to on amission.
Was that means I can't gothrough the temple?
Yeah, and I was like I was sosad because I've always my whole

(18:36):
life the temple has just it'slike I've just felt a special
connection to, and I've alwaysloved being around the temple
and wanting to learn more.
But at this time it was likenot a thing and I was just sad
and I wanted to go to the templeand to feel that peace.
And I just started thinkingabout it a lot and I was like,

(19:02):
well, it's taboo, like I can'tgo, I'm not getting married and
I'm not going on a mission.
Um, and I was just so scared andbut I started just thinking
about it and my bishop at thetime was like we'll just go to
temple prep.
And I was like, okay, so Istarted going to Temple Prep and
I was like, okay, so I startedgoing to Temple Prep up at

(19:22):
BYU-Idaho and I heard a rumorthat like, oh, they were maybe
easing up on it, like they might.
And it was like like, likesometimes, like I heard, like it
was like somebody was like well, this person that I knew, who
had this friend, who like it waslike this distant thing.

Speaker 1 (19:44):
It was that I knew who had this friend who, like it
, was like this distant thingwas like yeah, they got theirs.
Yeah, they.

Speaker 2 (19:47):
They were in doubt and they didn't go on a mission
and didn't go to the temple andI was like, hmm, I'm looking to
do shit, right, yeah.
So I was like, okay, so I wentto temple prep and I was just
preparing, and then at the endof the semester I went home and
back to California and I waslike, ok, I'm going to ask, I'm
just going to ask if I can be indoubt.
Like worst case scenario, I'llget told no, right, right, which

(20:08):
I mean I was kind of scaredabout, just because I had felt
rejected on the mission call.
So many times I was going to sayyeah, Even though that was
never anybody's intention butlike many things, even though
that was never anybody'sintention, yeah, but like in my
mind it felt it was hard.
So I went to the interview withmy bishop and my bishop was
like, yeah, I don't see why notGo for it?

(20:30):
So then I had my interview withthe stake president and I was
scared this was the stakepresident that like had put me
through so much.
He was such a great guy.

Speaker 1 (20:40):
But, like my gosh, I felt like I had jumped through
hoops.
You're like I'm back.

Speaker 2 (20:44):
I know like seriously .
So I walked in I was honestlykind of just scared to see him
again, love him.
But I was scared and I just satthere for the longest time and
he wasn't showing up and I thinkGod knew I had anxiety, like I
don't know.
But he wasn't showing up andthe counselor kept coming out

(21:05):
and like where I was from, likeI knew the stake presidency or
bishopric, like I knew all ofthem very well.
It was just I don't know it wasa smaller stake.
I guess maybe I don't know itwas a smaller stake.
I guess maybe I don't know, Ijust knew everyone, yeah.
And so like I was verycomfortable, it was men I knew
and trusted.
And like he kept coming out andbeing like I'm trying to get a

(21:27):
hold of the stake president.
I wonder if, like maybe he justforgot, right.
And finally, after like 30minutes or so waiting, he was
like I just got a hold of himand I think there was like a
family emergency or something,but he's not gonna be able to
come in.
And he was like so I'm justgonna go ahead and take you back

(21:47):
and do it like I feel reallygood about letting you come back
and me giving you this likelet's talk, yeah, okay, yeah and
I was like yeah, and I was likein my mind, I was like wait,
maybe I won't be rejected.
I'm like I mean obviously likeyeah, if it was right, then the
God wouldn't allow me to berejected.

Speaker 1 (22:10):
and whatever I felt.

Speaker 2 (22:11):
But you're like, but I think he was aware of my
anxiety.
Yeah, and it worked out as itshould have, like it needed to
for my nerves.
Yeah, and it worked out as itshould have, like it needed to
for my nerves.
So I went back and like we justchatted and he was really nice
and like we finished and he waslike, well, I don't see why not.
And I was just like, oh my gosh, awesome.
I was so excited, I was sohappy, like I wasn't being like

(22:37):
I something that I wanted sobadly, I was being told I could
do and it was like such arighteous desire.
I just felt like I was finallybeing heard and I got my
recommend and I was I.
I was so excited and so I went,I was endowed at the San Diego
temple and yeah, it's beautifuland it was like 2015 in San

(23:03):
Diego.
And I went with my parents andI didn't tell anybody because I
was like everyone's going tothink I'm just too young.
I was like I just turned 19.
Yeah, I just turned 19.
And so like I was like I don'twant anybody to think I'm just
too young to go and I wasnervous about it, but like I had

(23:26):
such righteous desires and Iwas so excited and I was treated
like a princess holy cow, Ithink I went the princess temple
.
In the princess temple I thinkI went on like a random tuesday
or something, so it was quietand all of them were there, yeah
a bunch of sweet old ladies andthey were like nothing, like
big, exciting things don'thappen.

(23:48):
Like we don't get to help peopleget married or go through the
temple or like yeah, thatdoesn't happen on random
tuesdays during our shift.

Speaker 1 (23:57):
Yeah, that happened.
We got married on a tuesday andthe and they were the same at
our temple.

Speaker 2 (24:01):
They were like we're so happy you're here.
Oh my gosh, I felt like amillion bucks.
I was like I, it was just likeI needed to be there at that
exact time in my life.
Yes, it just was so validating.
But like they brought me intothe bride's room, they were like
you're going to get ready inthe bride's room today and it

(24:22):
was beautiful and so fun.
And they brought me like mintsand water and like all this
stuff.
I was just I felt so special andI mean it's such a big deal.
I feel like a lot of times atthat time especially, the
endowment was just like you getendowed and go on a mission.
You get endowed and get married.
Right, especially, yeah, theendowment was just like you get

(24:43):
endowed and go on a mission.
You get endowed and get married.
Right, it's like a prerequisiteand not like a thing in and of
itself.
Exactly, whereas like this waslike no, this is the temple and
this is important and this isall by itself.
Yes, and I thought it was soimportant and I just really felt
like that message was likebrought home in that moment,
like yes you're supposed to tobe here.
You're being treated like aprincess.
This is important.
You're about to make thesecovenants.
You're about.
This is a special thing.

(25:04):
It's not a scary thing.
It's not something you justkind of do to do as a step for
somewhere else.

Speaker 1 (25:09):
This is a big deal and you've worked for this for a
while, and jesus want you hereyeah and it just the whole
experience was amazing for me.

Speaker 2 (25:18):
I I've, ever since then, I've just I love the
temple, I feel very loved there,I feel very important.
It's not some big like, it'sjust, it just feels natural, it
feels like home and I love thatand it was just very testimony
building for me that Jesus lovesme and was aware of me and that

(25:44):
he knows where I'm supposed tobe at like which point in my
life.
Right, and you'll later seethat there was a very obvious
reason why I needed to beendowed at that exact moment in
my life.
So I was endowed and then Iwent back up to for fall
semester at BYU Idaho and oh,one of my favorite semesters.

(26:07):
I had the best roommates, madethe best friends coming off a
spiritual high, the best,exactly coming off, a spiritual
high and the best calling, and Ijust felt so loved and happy
and I was close to God.
I was just.
I was going to the temple oftenand I was just like I was happy
, I was social.

(26:27):
I love being social, like whenI'm happy in my life.

Speaker 1 (26:30):
You can tell because I want to be out, I want to be
doing.

Speaker 2 (26:35):
I want to be doing things.
And it was such a fun semester,yeah, and I just felt like
everything was going good, I wasturning to God, everything.
And when I was reading myscriptures one day, like there's
no need for change in my life,I am happy, right, and I'm

(26:56):
reading my scriptures and I readAlma 38.5.
Okay, and it says I would thatyou should remember that as much
as you shall put your trust inGod, even so much you shall be
delivered out of your trials andyour troubles and your
afflictions and you shall belifted up.
At the last day I was like, oh,that's beautiful, I love that,
but life's good, like.

(27:18):
And I just had this promptingin that moment, after reading
that I had just gone to thetemple and I was like it's like
you need to move to Provo.
I was like, but I like, I likeBYU Idaho, happy, like well, and
also like I wanted to be asocial worker.
They had a major of social workat BYU Idaho, which they didn't

(27:39):
have, a bachelor's of socialwork at BYU, right.
I was like there's no reasonfor me to go there, right, but
like my sister and my brothertwo sisters and my brother lived
in Provo and I was going downthere a lot just because, like I
had family and it was fun, andjust I just had that thought

(28:04):
like maybe I need to move downthere.
It's like that could be fun.
But I also like it here and Ijust like I suddenly had this
choice to make between two goodthings yes, which is a hard
choice, because it's not likeone is the obvious answer, right
?
Um, and I like wrote in myjournal at that time I was like
I was starting to think that Ishould just choose the easier

(28:25):
path, like it would totally justbe easier to stay at BYU-Idaho.
Yeah, I was happy it was lessrisky.
But then I went to the templeand was reading the scriptures
and especially in reading thisverse, I knew that I had to
choose the harder and moreuncertain path and just trust
God.
I was like I I had written likeI love how well God knows each

(28:47):
of us and he knows exactly whatwe need to hear, when we need to
hear it, and like he helps usknow what we need to do.
Right, and so I'm glad youwrote that down.
Yeah, I had so much faith and Iwas, I was worried, but like I
was like excited.
I was like this is right.
Yeah, I know that this is right.
And so I decided to move toProvo and I had not been

(29:14):
accepted to BYU yet.
I didn't have a job, I didn'thave a place to live, I didn't
have a car.
By the way, I didn't say this.
This um journal entry of medeciding this, of me getting
this prompting, was November 4th.

Speaker 1 (29:26):
Okay, so it's like the end of the semester, like if
I was gonna move to Provo.

Speaker 2 (29:31):
I got it, I had you had to do it and like I already
wasn't gonna go to BYU Idaho inwinter because that wasn't my
semester I had on right.
And so I was like, okay, I'mjust gonna do this.
But it all fell into place.
I applied.
So immediately I got on andapplied for BYU to start spring
term and then the last week ofNovember I went to Utah and got
a car.

(29:52):
So I was like, okay, I've gotthis.
And then on December 14th I gota job and a place to live at
the same time and that was theweek of finals and I was
supposed to be moving the nextweek.
That's insane.
And I was like this isobviously meant to happen and
like the way it worked out waslike my job was as a property

(30:15):
manager, like for a bunch oflike BYU housing, yeah, and
student housing, and so withthat they were like so we want
you to work here and like, withthat we have an opening and you
could live here right live hereright, and so it was like a job
and a placeto stay a place, to stay all in
one.
So I found a job and I wasexcited about it.
So I'm a weekly, I did myfinals and a week later I moved.

(30:37):
Wow, and I was excited, it wasfun, I liked the place and I was
like, okay, we'll see how thisworks out.
I mean, I've never been aproperty manager, worked for a
property, right, and the veryfirst week I went to church in
that student ward.

(30:57):
My bishop's like, hey, I wantto meet with you.
I'm like, oh well, you're ontop of this.
Like parents do not get newpeople in the ward, often Like,
okay, and so I go in to meetwith him.
And I'm like, oh great, likenerve-wracking, like what
calling am I going to get?
Yeah, and he, I didn't evenknow, like bishops did this.
I don't know he goes, I feelimpressed to ask you to be a

(31:20):
temple worker.
I was like I thought I have toask for that kind of a thing.
I was like whoa.

Speaker 1 (31:26):
Yes, sign me up.

Speaker 2 (31:27):
Yeah, I was like that's cool.
Like we live just down thestreet from the Provo city
center temple that was stillbeing built, so like it wasn't
even open yet.
Yeah, open yet.
Yeah, the open house hadn'tstarted nothing.

(31:48):
And he was like they're tryingto get temple workers already
signed up to help open thistemple and I wanted to ask you
if you would do this.
And I was like yeah, like yeah,I just got in doubt a couple
months ago.
Like yeah, that's a lot likeyeah, like I'm ready like this
is, so is so cool.
So I said yes and it was so neat.
I got to help with the openhouse and like, go and let
people go through for the firsttime and see it, and all these
young kids and people that havenever seen a temple, that

(32:09):
temple's beautiful, which wascool.
It was such a pretty temple ohmy gosh, beautiful temple.
And so I helped with the openhouse beautiful temple.
And so I helped with the openhouse.
And then they had this bigfireside for all the temple
workers.
This was before the dedicationand it was just for the temple
workers to kind of introduce usto what we would be doing, yeah
and where.

(32:30):
Like yeah, just to introduce usto the temple, to the temple
presidency, yeah, and it was soneat.
And then afterwards they werelike you guys can now drive over
to the temple and walk throughand and we don't want you to
feel like there's anywhere youcan't go we want you to know
this temple.
And it was so cool.
It was like eight o'clock atnight and I just parked in the

(32:51):
parking garage and I got to go.
I just got to walk around, likeI got to go down by like the
oxen, yeah, in the baptistry,yeah it's beautiful, that's
really cool and see everythingup close any anywhere yeah you
any door I wanted to open.
I could open like, oh yeah, Ifelt legit.
Uh, march 20th it was dedicatedand we opened it that week.

(33:14):
A bunch of new people who hadnever been temple workers before
trying to run a temple yep wasinteresting yeah, yeah it was
awesome, though happy chaos,happy chaos.
It was great.
It worked out.
Yeah, um, and I just built afamily like the temple workers

(33:34):
there.
It just felt like a family Iwas.
We got really close.
We would do like littlebrunches and stuff.
They were just really sweet andI still yeah, I'm in contact
with a lot of people that Iworked with there right, it was
awesome and I felt like eachweek I it was like I would, I
would go to the temple and justlike my energy was renewed.

(33:55):
And then by the next week, bythe time it was time to go, it
was like, oh, yeah, I I need togo again Like yeah it just got
me through my week and it wasgreat.
So that was like the templeaspect of moving to Provo.
I was like, ok, well, obviouslyfor some reason I need to be a
temple worker, I need to beendowed the job.

(34:16):
I was awesome.
It gave me a nice place to live.
I also made good friends, umlike, from that job I didn't
make a whole lot of like goodfriends in the like ward and
neighborhood and stuff, becauseI was just working all the time
and I wasn't going to schoollike everybody else, yeah so it
was a little different than whateveryone else was doing, right,

(34:38):
but I was working full-time andat that job like my co-workers
just were really sweet and Iloved working with them and I
became really close to a girlnamed Christina at the time and
she was actually the boss'sdaughter and just we instantly
became really good best friendslike, yeah, she was awesome and

(35:02):
the friends that I met this joblike would later help me through
like a really difficult time.
Then, about mid-march, I thinkI think it was about mid-march,
mid-march I got an email that Ihad gotten accepted to be by you
, yeah, and I was so happy andlike two of my classes were
women's studies and psychologyof happiness and like they were
classes that I needed but likewere also like interesting yeah

(35:25):
unique and I'd heard some thingsabout how, like, women's
studies was a little hard, but Iwas like it's gonna be great um
and I was just guided to takethose classes and the end of
March my mom and my sister weredriving around Salt Lake and

(35:46):
prayers were answered.
That day they ran into mybrother, one of my older
brothers, who they hadn't seen,we hadn't seen in a really long
time and we'd been praying tofind him or to see him.
Just because we hadn't seen himin a while.
He had been going through somestruggles that he felt he needed
to go through alone, yeah, andwe just prayed for him a lot.

(36:09):
We were worried about him butthey planned to meet up with him
for breakfast at IHOP on Easter.
So me, my mom and I think justone other sibling ended up
meeting up with him at IHOP onEaster.
So me, my mom and I think justone other sibling ended up
meeting up with him at IHOP andjust, oh my gosh, biggest
blessing, I have such a specialconnection with this brother, a

(36:29):
special bond, lots of funmemories, and we just talked and
we laughed and he wasvulnerable with us and after
IHOP he he drove, like we drovearound and he showed us just
some like special places in thecity that he'd like, yeah, just
were special to him or that hadbeen helping him during a hard

(36:51):
time, stuff like that.
But, oh my gosh, he gave he'salways, he's always given the
best hugs, um, and at the end hejust gave me the tightest hug.
I can still feel it to this dayand just the best hug and I
just, yeah, I love him.
And then, about two weeks later,on April 25th, I was sitting on

(37:17):
my bed and I got a phone callfrom my dad and I was like, oh
hey, dad, and he was like Ashley, and I just knew in his tone I
was like what's wrong?
Like what happened?
Like I know something is wrong.
And he told me my brother hadpassed away the and that was so
hard for me.
I still just all I can remembereverything that I felt.

(37:46):
And it was so hard and I wasshocked.
I mean, now looking back, I'mlike I was so blessed to have
seen him two weeks before, liketo have had that hug.
Yeah, I felt very fortunate, um, and so that was just a hard

(38:09):
time.
It was such a hard time I I hadto figure out what, like it was
just a huge change.
But that day I went out on awalk and one of my co-workers
that um, one of my co-workersfrom my job saw me and was like,

(38:29):
hey, like do you want to go todinner?
Didn't know anything, shedidn't know anything, what had
happened, nothing.
And she took me to dinner and Ididn't tell her anything.
And to this day, I'm just sograteful that she was there,
like she was meant to be thereat that time and she just I just
needed to not be alone thatnight, right, and she knew I

(38:53):
like I was emotional, she knew Iwas going through something and
she didn't push me, she wasjust there.
And then the next day, my otherfriend, christina, yeah, from
my job, again, like I was like Imet these people at this job.
For this time, I feel like shewas like, let's go to the temple

(39:15):
, like we're going to go, we'regoing to go to the temple, like
you need to, just like, and shehad known because I called off
work, and like she just knew.
And so we um and and like,obviously, like I just I feel so
blessed that I had, I wasendowed at that time, yep,
because that was such a goodtool to help me, to help me

(39:36):
through.
So we went to the temple and inthe celestial room, um, like,
for those who don't know, like,the celestial room is just a
room where you can just sit andbe peaceful and and feel close
to to your savior.
Um, it's just a calm room andand you can go there and just

(40:01):
pray and be.
And so in the celestial room,um, I was sitting there with
Christina and I was crying.
I mean, it was the day after,like I, I was distraught.
I wasn't just crying, I wasdistraught, I was being quiet,
but I was very upset.
And I get a tap on my shoulderand I looked up and it was a

(40:23):
professor from BYU, Idaho, butlike, for some reason was there
in Provo, so random, but she wasmy favorite professor.
I'd had her for Book of Mormon1 and Book of Mormon 2.
She was the best, yeah, and shejust was meant to be there at
that time, like I gave her a hugand um, she like she was just

(40:49):
very sweet and kind and I likekind of mentioned like I just
lost my brother, um, and shesent me, like in the mail, a
bunch of pamphlets about justlike loss and um he had taken
his life.
So she sent me a bunch ofpamphlets about just like loss
and um he had taken his life.
So she sent me a bunch of likeforms about suicide and family
members and dealing with it.
Because there's just a lot ofquestions and hard trials that

(41:11):
you go through, yes, with thatum, yes, very hard, and she just
she just needed to be there atthat time.
I needed to read, read thosepamphlets.
I needed her hug, I needed toknow that was just God being
like, hey, I see you, I'm likehi, I love you, Right, and
that's a pattern in my life.
I feel like God has put peoplein my life and it was just she

(41:36):
needed to be there, I needed tohave those friends at the time,
I needed to be endowed at thetime, like yeah, that's things
were just falling into place andI just felt seen, um, and so
then, through, like a coupledays later I was working at the
temple and, um, when you're atemple worker, they'll put you

(42:01):
on posts, just like around thetemple.
And so, um, that day I hadn'ttold anybody at the temple or
anything.
I was like I almost called insick.
I was like no, I just need toknow.
Yeah, and one of the first postsI had was standing near the
front of the temple and it wasat a time where not many people

(42:23):
were coming in, and so I waskind of just standing there by
myself, really quiet, had timeto just think, and I was
standing there staring directlyat this beautiful picture of the
savior, and I needed to bethere.
That the picture of Christ, itwas just it.

(42:45):
It I felt like it was Christlooking at me, like he was, he
was seeing me, and I was justreminded that, like I'm not
alone, christ, under Jesus,christ, understands what I'm
going through and he will bethere to lift me up and to help
me.

(43:05):
And I just sat there, likestood there for 30 minutes, just
feeling like Jesus was there,like hugging me, like feeling
like he, he was aware of me,just feeling so loved and seen
and also knowing that my brotherwas also being protected and

(43:30):
watched after from our Savior.
Now he was in his embrace andhe wasn't being ignored, he was
being watched after and it wassuch a good thing to know.
And obviously I was still.
I still had my sad moments.
I went home, I still grieved, Istill mourned, I still missed
him, I wanted him there again.

(43:51):
Um right, but that picture ofChrist came to my mind often, um
, and just helped me to know.
And I had several experiencesafter that of just knowing that
my Savior was going to help methrough.
A week after I found out hepassed away, I started spring

(44:13):
semester.
Definitely not the time tostart, let alone like.
Byu is a hard school.
It's hard.
So like something like women'sstudies or psychology of
happiness At BYU Idaho would belike that's a fun course to take
.

Speaker 1 (44:31):
Yeah, no.

Speaker 2 (44:32):
And at BYU it's like oh the professors are not joking
around.

Speaker 1 (44:38):
Yeah Well, and it's harder when you do the spring
and summer term, because it'slike a full semester yeah,
condensed.

Speaker 2 (44:43):
Yeah, it's a full semester and half the time the
teachers were amazing, though.

Speaker 1 (44:48):
Yeah.

Speaker 2 (44:49):
Before class even started, I emailed both of them.
I'm just like, look, yeah, thisis what's happening in my life.
Yeah, this is huge and hard andI don't know how I'm gonna get
through this.
But right, but I'm gonna try.
And both teachers encouraged meto stay in the class.
Cool, like both of them, on thefirst day of class, approached

(45:12):
me and were like we're gonnahelp you, you don't need to drop
because I didn't know how I wasgonna to do it, right.
And they both were like we'regoing to be here.
Like if you're having a hardday and can't come to class,
tell me.
Or if you're needing more timeon an assignment, tell me.
Like that's really cool.
There's not a timetable forgrief and you don't know when

(45:33):
it's going to hit.
Right and so Right.
But they knew that and theywere so nice about it Like I
just I knew that those were theclasses I was needing to be in.
Like God knew when I was signingup for my classes that I needed
those professors and I neededthose classes Right, and I was

(45:53):
in good hands, yeah, and so theyencouraged me Really hard
semester.
I had to leave halfway throughto go back to California for the
funeral.
But yeah, it opened up a lot ofthe feelings.
One of the hardest days of mylife.
Hate funerals to this day.

Speaker 1 (46:12):
I don't blame you.

Speaker 2 (46:14):
Yeah, um, but but I was very blessed that, like I,
my family had the the means tohelp me get back so that I could
attend the funeral and be there.
That was really important, likemy healing process and my
teachers were reallyunderstanding.
And like missing a week ofschool when it the semester is

(46:35):
only six weeks, like that's abig deal that's a huge deal, um,
but they were veryunderstanding and they they
helped me, um, and I think godknew that, like, if I had
dropped those classes, it wouldhave just been a darker time.
I needed that, those classes tokeep me going, to get me out of

(46:56):
the house.
I needed the, the professors,just to like know somebody was
out there that cared, like, thatthey were reaching out and
helping me.

Speaker 1 (47:05):
It was all right and keep your mind distracted
because you had to do anassignment you know right
exactly and just knowing, likegod knew what I needed, even
though it was hard, he knew yeahand the fact that I had was
taking a psychology of happinesscourse, like Right.

Speaker 2 (47:20):
Holy cow, I learned how to mourn and be sad but also
still be able to see joy inlife and to just get through the
hard time Right.
It was a great class.
I love psychology of happiness,but it was things I needed to
take like classes.
God knew where I needed to bethat semester and it was hard,

(47:43):
but, um, he helped me throughand he gave me a savior to help
me through.
Yeah, and that was very evidentat that time in my life.
Um, so then time passed and thebeginning of June I was working
in the temple.

Speaker 1 (48:03):
Hey, big shocker here another, here's another reason
why I needed to go through thetemple at the time.

Speaker 2 (48:11):
I saw this guy oh man , here we go yeah, he was pretty
cute and I was like this guy'shandsome.

Speaker 1 (48:19):
He was working in the temple so he was also a and I
was like this guy's handsome.

Speaker 2 (48:22):
He was working in the temple, so he was also a worker
and I was like man tall, darkand handsome, like brown hair,
brown eyes.
Obviously I knew he was a goodguy.
He was choosing to spend histime in the Lord's house.

Speaker 1 (48:35):
Yeah.

Speaker 2 (48:37):
Not many green flags.

Speaker 1 (48:39):
Nothing but green flags.

Speaker 2 (48:40):
Exactly, I'm like'm like good choices he's making,
uh-huh, um.
So I saw him.
I don't.
I'm still so sad.
I don't really remember when Ifirst noticed him.
I'm thinking it was likebeginning of june, uh-huh.
And like a week or two later, Idon't know, I was like um in
the temple again and he came upand like said some really nerdy

(49:03):
comment, I don't know, funny,and I was like the nerd um.
But he left and I told thetemple worker next to me.
I was like he's cute and shewas like, oh well, I think he's
quite a bit older than you.
Okay, okay, I'm like that'sfine, like hey, all for the
older guy yeah and um, she waslike well, right.

(49:28):
She was like well, like give himyour number.
I was like I can't do that.
She's like write your numberdown and I'll give it to him and
I was like oh, okay, okay, youthink?
Right, right and just.
If she hadn't encouraged me tobe bold and confident, this
wouldn't have happened.
But apparently I found outlater from jason apparently she

(49:51):
was leaving the temple in thetemple garage and saw him, like
clear across and like chased him.
Yeah, I'm like embarrassing.
Oh, it's just her it's okay.

Speaker 1 (50:03):
Oh my gosh it wasn't me.

Speaker 2 (50:05):
Yeah, I'm like, thank you, like I, I owe her so much.
That's really um.
So she gave him my number and acouple days later he called me
and I was on a different dateand I was like sorry, I'm on a
date right now.

Speaker 1 (50:20):
Can I talk to you later?

Speaker 2 (50:22):
so awkward, oh my gosh.
Well, it was a random numberand it was like a double date
and they were like just answerlike it's a, it's a.
Yeah, what's the name was?
It's a collect caller like ascam call.
Like yeah, like a scam call.
They were like this would be sofunny.
Answer I'm like okay, ha ha ha.
Like answer.
And it's this guy asking me out.

(50:43):
Yeah, sorry.
So I'm like trying not to tell.
Like, let on to the date.

Speaker 1 (50:49):
Yeah, that it's another dude that like it's a
guy asking me on a date.
But I'm also like trying.

Speaker 2 (51:03):
I don't know turning him down and I wasn't.

Speaker 1 (51:04):
I was like, oh yeah, I'd love to like see you
sometime, call me yeah anyways,it worked.

Speaker 2 (51:07):
Maybe later it was fine.
So we had our first date, june24th cool, and I mean obviously
that's why I'm sharing the story.
We got married um, but I tookthat as just a huge blessing
from being at the temple.
We got married at that temple.
Not many people can say theymet and married, met a person
and married them in the sameplace.

(51:27):
They met right um and thetemple president at that time
married us.
He always called us like hiscouple and it was just cool and
like uh yeah, it was just neat,it was just a really good
experience and I knew I neededto be at the temple that time
and that would not have happenedhad I not gone through the
temple a year earlier exactly.

(51:49):
So everything happened for areason and, um, that's kind of
the end of that little series ofexperiences that just helped me
see Christ in my life yeah.

(52:09):
I don't know if I made it clearenough, but Christ was in there,
every, everywhere, everywherefor me.
I just felt like everythinghappened for a reason, and in
christ was that reason.
I don't know, so, so cool.
That was hard and special timeup, lots of ups and down, but

(52:33):
christ never left me alone right, never once was I left alone.
Yeah, he was there through thetrials.
He was the only one who whofully understood me.
I think that was a huge thing.
When my brother passed away,that I learned was, even though
me and my siblings were allmourning and going through the

(52:55):
same situation, we would stilldidn't get each other because we
all had very differentrelationships.
Right, we all had verydifferent views on what was
happening and how to mourn theright way to breathe.
And yes, and it was.
We could turn to each other,but no one still fully

(53:19):
understood, yeah, what I wasgoing through and how I was
dealing with it and, right, thespecial bond I had.
Like, we all just had differentbonds and different and so but
the one person who did waschrist.
Yeah, and that was very.
I think God did a very good jobat making sure that I was

(53:43):
forced to turn to Christ.
I wouldn't say forced, but youknow he knew what I needed.
Yeah, made himself readilyavailable.
Yes, exactly, that's cool.
And Jesus was always there.
I never had to look hard forhim to be there.
He came and found me and helpedme through.
So there's one more story thatsticks out to me when I'm

(54:10):
thinking about Christ helping mein my life, helping me through
hard times and good times, andseeing that nothing's a
coincidence like you bring up,and that has been kind of like
my fertility journey, which is abig part of who I am.

(54:35):
So my first daughter, then Ihad two miscarriages and so like
to a lot of people likemiscarriages really aren't that
uncommon, right, a lot of peoplehave dealt with them, people
don't really talk about it andthey should.

Speaker 1 (54:52):
I agree, I think they should Agree.

Speaker 2 (54:54):
But for me I'm a pretty, I feel emotions very
strongly um so I struggled.
These miscarriages were feltlike life and death for me, like
I just emotionally struggled,but also physically.
They were really yeah,physically hard for me um and so

(55:18):
at that time I was like all Iwant in life is to be a mom,
like again going again myrighteous desire, my righteous
desire.
Yeah, god, I know my plan.
You just listen to my plan andum.
So when I was a temple worker atProvo City Center, you had to
live in like a certain arearight because they have like a

(55:40):
district.

Speaker 1 (55:41):
Yeah.

Speaker 2 (55:43):
And so when I got married, we had moved to Orem.

Speaker 1 (55:45):
And so I couldn't work at the temple anymore.
Right.

Speaker 2 (55:48):
And that's where I loved living in Orem.
It was the best.

Speaker 1 (55:52):
Yeah.

Speaker 2 (55:53):
But that's where I had the two miscarriages and
then, after living in Orem for awhile, then we felt like we
needed to move back to Provo.
We moved back to Provo and oneof the blessings in that was
that I got to work at the templeagain.
Like my temple.

Speaker 1 (56:09):
Yeah.

Speaker 2 (56:10):
And so I'd had two miscarriages.
Life was hard.
I'm like I'm going to work atthe temple, yeah, and it was
great work in the temple, yeah,um, and it was great, it was
good for me.
Um, and in my life I have seenvery direct blessings.
I don't think everyone getsvery like, right, hey, in your
face, this is a blessing fromserving in the temple.

(56:31):
But like in my life I have like, yeah, I've been helped through
hard times.
I met my husband.
I now got pregnant again andwas able to keep the baby and I
was like, yeah, like theblessings, like, okay, it's
gonna be okay, right, and sogetting pregnant and being able
to keep that pregnancy, like Itook that as a very just, direct

(56:54):
and that god was aware of me.
Um, so my first kid, I had 37weeks exactly yeah like not a
crazy, but she was considered.
Term, yes, not early and I waslike okay, great, it's fine had

(57:15):
to have a c-section becauseright, she's a punk and sassy
and totally fit her personalityand, uh, it was hard, it wasn't
fun.
I don't ever really want ac-section again right um, but I
still look back and with verygood fond memories of her and
her birth, yeah, um, and I justfelt blessed, cool, um, had my

(57:40):
sassy little girl.
And then a little bit later, Imean, you know, I had this plan
you have your kids every twoyears.
You know that's what everybodydoes like, that's just what you
do right and um, obviously myplan is still better than god's.
I haven't learned anythingright um, but I did.

(58:03):
I felt prompted to to getpregnant.
I was like, okay, this is theright time, we're gonna have
another baby, it's gonna begreat, right.
And um, a year later, I stillwasn't pregnant.
I was like, what the right,come on, I'm like my doctor had
been helping us, like so, justlike my normal ob was giving us
some like fertility meds.

(58:24):
Like, oh, this just helps, yeah, and it wasn't doing the trick.
And I'm like, okay, like, comeon, I want to be a mom, yeah, um
.
So finally, I was trying clomid, this beautiful medication that
just makes you feel like amillion bucks.
It doesn't.

(58:45):
It's miserable.

Speaker 1 (58:47):
And I got pregnant.

Speaker 2 (58:48):
I was like, sweet, like it worked, this is great,
right.
And then I had a miscarriage.
I was like, are you kidding?
Like what is wrong with my body?
Come on Right.
Like it took so long to getpregnant, right, it was so hard
and I was so sad because, like Isaid, I feel emotions
struggling and I was distraughtand I was like, well, you know,

(59:13):
I'm being a mom, it's fine, it'sgonna work.
And I was like you know what?
I should start working in thetemple, that'll help.
But it was COVID, oh, darn it.
So I put my name on the waitlist.
I was like that always helps mejust feel peace.
Every time I have had somethinghard in my life, the temple is

(59:37):
where I felt the peace.
That's where I felt my Saviorthe closest's where I felt like
literal, direct blessings andseen I could just get through.
Like that helps me feel like Icould get through the hard times
, and so I put our me and jasonboth put our name on the wait
list to be temple workers.
Um, but by the time the templesopened after covid, I was

(01:00:01):
pregnant so I was like okay well, I still take that as a
blessing from being willing.
Yeah, I was like okay, well, soI was already pregnant and oh
my gosh, that second, thatpregnancy with um, my second
daughter was very amazing veryhard.
Oh my gosh, it was so hard.
I like could not stand.

(01:00:22):
I was in pain.
Yeah, I just ugh, I don't dealwith pain.

Speaker 1 (01:00:27):
Amazing either.

Speaker 2 (01:00:28):
I just wanted to be a mom, I like this is so hard, I
can't get pregnant.
I can't have easy pregnancies.
So far I haven't had an easybirth Like C-section Come on far
.
I haven't had an easy birthlike c-section, come on, like
whatever.
So I ended up on bed rest andcouldn't even take care of my
first kid, like I just felt likea failure and went into labor

(01:00:48):
at 35 weeks.
I'm like, okay, come on.
And at that point they're likeokay, this is a preterm baby,
not terribly preterm but rightwhatever, she ended up in the
NICU, which was like a trial.
And then, on top of that, oh mygosh, I had a retained placenta
and like it hurt, I was in painand like these nurses are like,

(01:01:11):
I don't think you're supposed tobe feeling this much pain.

Speaker 1 (01:01:14):
Pain.

Speaker 2 (01:01:15):
Postpartum.
But like God knew where Ineeded to be.
But like God knew where Ineeded to be, and on that night,
at one in the morning, Ihappened to be at the hospital
with my baby and was able to goright downstairs and be at the
ER and even though, like myhusband, was able to find
someone to babysit and come meetwith me so that I wasn't alone,
and but even even though I hadbeen alone, like Christ was

(01:01:39):
there still giving me theconfidence to get checked out
and being my friend.
So I wasn't alone because I'memotional, by the way and he
helped me through that and Ijust felt seen.
And then, you know, two yearslater, I'm like obviously I need

(01:02:00):
to have another baby and I waslike, okay, well, like I've had
all these trials, I couldn't getpregnant.
I had hard pregnancies, I hadhard labors, I had hard babies.
I didn't want to sleep ever,like I'm going to get a break
this time time, and famous lastwords oh, my gosh, yeah, so this

(01:02:25):
is the pregnancy that I'm inright now, but it was which.
Congratulations, though, thankyou, thank you.
This is my little.
I mean, I feel like all my kidsare miracles, but this one's
probably the biggest, yeah,miracle.
This one just was really hard.
It took a lot longer to getpregnant than it did with my
second, and the medicalinterventions with my OB were

(01:02:45):
not helping.
And I went to a fertilityspecialist and again, like with
everything in my life, like Godonly gives me a little dip
compared to other people.
Other people struggle way more,um, and I had no idea how much
people like go through when theygo to fertility specialists.

Speaker 1 (01:03:06):
It's intense.

Speaker 2 (01:03:07):
It's intense and I had no earthly idea, and it was.
It opened my eyes.
I feel like, um, god has helpedme become aware of a lot of
things and hopefully I can helpothers someday, but for me it
was really hard, um, and so Iwent to this specialist.

(01:03:28):
We did a lot of testing, um,some of them are pretty painful,
um, and we got back just a lotof not fun news, a lot of stuff
that was like, well, this iswrong with your body and this is
wrong with your body.
And oh, by the way, this iswrong with your body and this is
wrong with your body, and oh,by the way this is wrong with
your body and it was like shethinks okay, this is great, and
it was just emotional hard timefor me.

(01:03:49):
I mean, I'm still like tryingto be a mom right and take care
of my two beautiful kids that.
I love um and so finally, Ifinished all of that and I was
just exhausted physically andmentally.
But, like we came up with aplan, we tried some different
drugs weren't helping and so westarted doing IUIs, which is

(01:04:12):
intrauterine insemination, whichis normally just like a step
before IVF.
It's just a step to help youget pregnant.
So we're doing these rounds,we're doing round after round of
IUI and it's not working andit's like okay, so we're on this
last round.
And they're like hey, well,actually they tell me they're

(01:04:35):
like this round was not good.
I'm like I've done all these.
I gave myself a shots to liketry to get this to work.
I've been taking medicine,right, I am so hormonal.
I'm like I can't do this anymoreand then they're like, by the
way, like, looking at your body,I don't, this isn't the round,

(01:04:57):
like you're not gonna getpregnant.
Let's prep you for IVF.
And I'm like, oh yeah, that'snot expensive.
Iui is expensive, right, andIVF is worse.
Yeah, so they're prepping mefor that and I'm scared and I
mean it's a lot more invasive.
Yeah, um, but I had still donethe IUI.
They just said it probablywon't work, right.

(01:05:19):
So I'm just feeling let downand suddenly I'm like pregnant
and I'm like, okay, well, theround that they didn't think
stunk worked.
Like, this is great, I'mpregnant.
It was awesome.
It was amazing, like to go fromsuch a low, low to such a high
high.
I was like, whoa, okay.

Speaker 1 (01:05:39):
Well, does it help your hormones?

Speaker 2 (01:05:41):
You're like yeah, well, and that's what was so
hard is.
I'm like sweet, this is awesome, I'm finally pregnant and it's
like but my body has beentricked into feeling like it was
pregnant, with all the medicineand all the things for a year
now, or more so.
So I was already exhausted,like I'm like feeling pregnancy

(01:06:02):
symptoms with no baby.
Oh my gosh.
Yes, and so I was pregnant, butlike I went through a really
hard time because I didn't feelpregnant for so long I was like
I feel pregnant, but I'm not.

Speaker 1 (01:06:15):
I feel pregnant, but I'm not pregnant right, and so
now I'm like you, I know I'mpregnant, so you're like is this
baby real?

Speaker 2 (01:06:20):
But I don't.
It feels like I've been feelingI mean I'm throwing up more,
but like I've been sick, I'vebeen emotional.

Speaker 1 (01:06:28):
I've been Right, all these other things, I'm just so
done.
Yeah.

Speaker 2 (01:06:35):
And so I just already feel like I've been pregnant
forever.

Speaker 1 (01:06:39):
But the end is in sight.
Oh my gosh, your end is Now.

Speaker 2 (01:06:43):
It is, it's coming, but at that time I was just like
oh, I feel miserable, and itjust feels like for no reason,
Like yeah.
Am I pregnant and, like Right,with both of my girls.
I had a miscarriage before, andso I haven't had a miscarriage

(01:07:04):
before, and so I haven't had amiscarriage this time, so you're
just kind of like waiting forthe other shoe to drop, yeah I'm
like just like what's gonnahappen.
Have one like my body just doesthat, like it's gonna work right
.
So I was going in each week tojust check on the baby and
everything was doing really goodand that was awesome to go in
each week but I was still scaredbut like it was good, my
doctors were on top of it.
It was great they had me startdoing daily shots.
That hurt so bad.

(01:07:25):
Oh, it was miserable.
And I still didn't feelpregnant.
I still felt miserable.
Yeah, and then, finally, at 20weeks, which was way later than
with both my girls, I felt himmove.

Speaker 1 (01:07:36):
And I was like okay, I'm pregnant.

Speaker 2 (01:07:39):
This is the part I like him move and I was like,
okay, I'm pregnant.
This is the part I like aboutpregnancy yeah, feeling a baby
move.
So I actually felt pregnant,but during all of this it was so
hard and I shed a lot of tears.
I felt so alone.
I didn't feel like I couldcomplain because people
struggled a lot worse.

Speaker 1 (01:08:00):
Yeah.

Speaker 2 (01:08:01):
Like people.
I knew it, I couldn't complain.
I couldn't, I didn't have aplace to do that.
But I also couldn't reallyrelate to people who hadn't been
in this situation.

Speaker 1 (01:08:11):
Yeah, you're kind of in a weird limbo.

Speaker 2 (01:08:13):
And, like your husband, tries his hardest, but
he doesn't have any idea whatyou're going through.
Yeah, Also half of what you'regoing through just feels crazy
because it's hormones and youcan't even control it.

Speaker 1 (01:08:25):
You're like is this actually crazy, or is it just me
?
Yeah, it's hard, it's hard.

Speaker 2 (01:08:32):
So I felt alone.
But, during all of this, I'venever been closer to my savior.
I've felt um his presencethroughout all of it.
I've I don't think I could havedone it without him.
Um, yeah, right, when I feltlike there was no one I could

(01:08:59):
turn to, when I felt like I wasscared and I wasn't sure if I'd
ever get pregnant, when I wasfelt like I'd been pregnant for
a million and one years and Icouldn't go another day and I
couldn't give myself anothershot, like, yeah, holding that
shot in front of my stomachthat's bruised and sore and like
you bump it and it hurts.
Like and holding that shot andknowing I had to do it, like the

(01:09:26):
only strength I was able to getwas from christ, yeah, was
saying a prayer, was turning togod, um, and I think that just
all of these experiences thatI've had in my life have been um

(01:09:47):
have helped me learn to rely onmy savior.
And I heard once that, like thereason you get so close to God
on your mission is because youlike can't call your family and
turn to them as much as you canwhen you're at home, right, and
so I'm like I never had thatexperience.

(01:10:07):
I never did that, so God madesure I had those experiences, um
, where I just I had a lot ofexperiences where I just, yeah,
the only one who couldunderstand me was Christ, and
I'm so grateful for that.
And I know I, with what I'vegone through, I could never deny

(01:10:30):
Christ.
I could never say that littlethings in my life were a
coincidence.
I could never say that HeavenlyFather wasn't perfectly aware
of me and guiding my path andfor how hard everything was like
.
I'm very grateful for what Ihave been through Because it's

(01:10:54):
made me the mom I want to be.
It's helped me teach mydaughters to be, to turn to
christ and to know that they'renever alone, and I love giving
them that power yeah, um, right,and having that friendship with
him that we can have, like hecan be our friend and, yeah, I'm

(01:11:14):
grateful for that that's socool.

Speaker 1 (01:11:17):
Ashley, you're amazing.
Thank you so much for comingtonight and just sharing all
these really just reallyheartfelt wonderful things.
And yeah, I I don't haveanything else to say I really I
really think you you did amazingtonight.
Are there any other finalthoughts or do you?
Would you, do you want to leaveus with a brief test?

(01:11:37):
I know you kind of just saidtest, you just going a little
bit right there, but if you haveany other final thoughts or
would like to just share a brieftestimony before we end, I
would appreciate that.
But really tonight has beenreally cool.
A lot of the stuff that you'vesaid has been so powerful, so
thank you for sharing.

Speaker 2 (01:11:55):
Thank you, lily.
I appreciate that it was hardto share some of the things, but
I'm grateful for thisopportunity to be here, aware of
us, and that every little tinytrial we go through, big or
small is, is for a reason.
Um, I know that we can grow, as, as we allow um, our savior, to

(01:12:37):
help us through, then that iswhat will grip, that is what
will give us strength, and Iknow that Christ can change your
past, improve your present andmake your future brighter.
That is just something that Ihave seen and I know, um, I know

(01:12:59):
that, uh, uh, my savior lovesme and he loves everyone.
We're all important to him andwe all get to feel that love if
we let him into our life, um,that he's there and he wants to
be in our life and he loves usno matter what, even when we're

(01:13:21):
imperfect and we think we knowbetter.
He loves us no matter what andI know that and thank you for
letting me be here and to sharethat with with you.

Speaker 1 (01:13:31):
Thank you for being here tonight.
I appreciate it.
Thanks again for tuning intomore than Than Coincidence
Remembering Jesus Christ in yourStory.
Please follow us on socialmedia or share us with a friend.
If you have an experience you'dlike to share, feel free to
reach out tomorethancoincidencerememberhim

(01:13:51):
at gmailcom.
I can't wait to hear all of theamazing memories you all have
of our Savior.
See you next time.