September 1, 2024 • 50 mins
Can a life-altering diagnosis at 14 lead to unwavering faith and miraculous moments? Join us as we sit down with Jennifer, an extraordinary early intervention specialist from Utah, who candidly shares her journey of discovering she has MRKH syndrome—a rare condition leaving her without a uterus, fallopian tubes, and cervix. Listen as Jennifer recounts the emotional devastation and solace she found in her faith, painting a vivid picture of her youth and the painful realization she would never bear her own children.
In the throes of medical adversity, Jennifer experienced profound spiritual growth. She takes us through the harrowing details of a complex surgery and the excruciating recovery, where her faith became her strongest ally. Hear about the miraculous turn of events that saw her transferred to a renowned hospital and the comfort she found in a simple picture of Christ. Jennifer’s narrative is a testament to the power of faith in the face of suffering, highlighting her mother's unwavering support and the unexpected blessings that stemmed from her trials.
Feel the transformative power of forgiveness and the atonement as Jennifer opens up about breaking free from a toxic relationship, finding love, and the emotional journey to adopt her daughter, Jeach. Discover the healing process she underwent through prayer, faith, and a revelatory dream that affirmed her future motherhood. Jennifer’s heartfelt story of finally becoming a wife and mother showcases the boundless hope and faith that carried her through years of waiting and longing. This episode is a powerful reminder of the strength found in faith, the miracles of adoption, and the ultimate liberation that comes from knowing one's worth as a child of God.
Please reach out to me if you are interested in sharing your story! I would LOVE to hear from you. :)
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Episode Transcript
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Lily (00:06):
Hello everyone and welcome to, more Than Coincidence,
remembering Jesus Christ in yourStory.
As the author and finisher ofour faith, our Savior writes
personal experiences into eachof our lives which can later
strengthen, empower and bring uspeace upon reflection.
This podcast is dedicated tosharing these anchoring memories
(00:26):
from everyone's unique storiesin order to collectively
remember and testify of thereality of Jesus Christ and his
presence in our lives.
I'm your host, lily, and I'mvery excited to share these
experiences together.
Jennifer (00:40):
Good evening everybody .
Tonight on the podcast we haveJennifer.
How are you doing Good, thankyou.
How are you Fantastic?
Would you mind introducingyourself for everyone?
Speaker 3 (00:50):
Yes, my name is Jennifer and I am 40 years old.
I live in Utah.
I am originally from California.
I served a mission out here inUtah and then came back to live
here and that's where I met myhusband.
Uh, we've been married for 16years to David.
He had a podcast recently withum with Lily, and then we have a
(01:14):
12 year old daughter.
She is our miracle baby.
She's adopted, so we just areenjoying her, and I work in
early intervention.
I, I work with little childrenthat are delayed in their
development and I, yeah, all thecute little kids, yes, I love
it.
Jennifer (01:30):
Well, that's really awesome.
Thank you for you knowintroducing yourself, so I'll
just ask you the question,jennifer, what memories do you
have that you reflect on, thatprick your heart in remembrance
of our Savior Jesus Christ, andanchor you to him?
Speaker 3 (01:43):
That's a great question, let's see.
Well, first of all, I am theyoungest of eight children and
my mom raised six of us.
So two were from my dad'sprevious marriage, but my mom
has six.
So my mom was a single mom ofsix kids pretty much my whole
(02:04):
life.
Wow, yeah, and just the factthat God always provided for us,
we always I mean, it was tightright and we didn't have like
excess.
Lily (02:16):
But we always had enough.
Speaker 3 (02:18):
We always had enough and just, I mean, I could go
into stories about my mom payingher tithing and the miracles
that would happen, and you knowall of that, but that's not
really the focus that I feel ledto talk about today.
Um, what I feel led to talkabout today is that, um, when I
was 13 years old, I didn't startmy menstruation like all my
(02:42):
friends did, right, and um, Istarted getting really curious
as to what could be, what couldbe wrong, right, and so my mom
finally took, like the spiritwas really with me, telling me
that something was off with mybody.
Something was off with my body.
My mom was finally.
My mom worked really hard.
She was finally able to take meinto the clinic.
(03:03):
And it was just like a littleMedicaid clinic or something,
and the doctor freaked out andshe said she kind of checked me
out down there and she said youseem to have something that I've
only seen in medical school.
So she referred us up to abigger hospital seen in medical
(03:29):
school.
So she referred us up to abigger hospital.
And it turns out I mean afteryears like I think two years of
like, like testing and MRIs andjust lots of visits, they
finally came to the conclusionthat I have a rare syndrome
called MRKH syndrome.
It's very rare, it's actuallyone in 5,000, which is probably
not that rare compared to someother syndromes.
(03:50):
Yeah, I was going to say it'sstill very, very unknown, like I
think in my whole life therethe doctor that helped me out is
the one doctor that reallyknows about.
Okay, maybe the one in theclinic and then the one that
helped me out.
Yeah, so it's.
It's kind of lonely in that way.
People don't know about it,doctors don't know about it,
(04:10):
they don't know how to handle it.
Lily (04:12):
Wow.
Speaker 3 (04:13):
Yeah.
So here I was, this kid thatalways wanted to have a big
family.
I was that little girl thatdreamed of having five, five or
seven, 10 kids, you know, rightand um, after all the testing
and so forth, I remember the daymy mom and I went into the
(04:34):
doctor's office and they hadresults for us, and we were
sitting down and the doctor hadthis diagram and he was showing
me what a woman's reproductivesystem should look like, right,
and he was telling me what Idon't have.
So, basically, I was bornwithout a uterus, without
fallopian tubes, without acervix, um, and I only have
(04:57):
ovaries.
What, uh-huh, uh-huh, wow, okay, and you were 13 when you heard
this.
13, yeah, maybe, maybe, maybe.
By this point I was 15.
No, it was my freshman year ofhigh school, so I guess I was 14
(05:19):
.
So I think the whole processstarted around 12 and then I
finally found out at 14.
Jennifer (05:23):
Oh, my goodness.
Speaker 3 (05:25):
Yeah, it was a very shocking moment for me.
And then, in addition to that,they let me know that, um,
externally, like in my vaginal,everything looked fine
externally but um, there, Iwouldn't be able to like have a
healthy marriage, basically,unless they were to do surgery
at some point in my life.
(05:45):
So I'll spare you, guys, allthe details you can look it up
on.
Google.
But I basically would have tohave like vaginoplasty as well.
Jennifer (05:54):
Right.
Speaker 3 (05:54):
My breast didn't develop properly.
Jennifer (05:56):
A lot of interventions .
Speaker 3 (05:58):
Yes, and so I, um, I remember that day very well and
I, I asked the doctor if I couldbe excused.
The hardest part was that helooked at me.
I didn't really know what hewas saying, but I know that he
looked at me and said, jennifer,you will never be able to bear
your own children.
I was crushed.
I was so crushed.
(06:19):
I asked to be excused.
I stood up in my little, mylittle adolescent self, and I
went into the bathroom and Ikneeled down at the toilet.
I remember very well, I asked,heavenly father, please help me,
because I knew that my life wasgoing to be a harder journey
than I had imagined and itwasn't going to look like what I
(06:42):
had imagined it to look like.
And that's a hard pill toswallow.
And then, on top of that, hereI was going into high school
with all the adolescent thingsand having to kind of keep this
a secret and know who I couldtell and who I couldn't tell, so
that I wouldn't be made fun of,right, right.
So on the way home that day, mysweet mom, you know, she looked
(07:08):
over at me and asked me how Iwas feeling.
And I, I, I was mad, and Ilooked at her and I was like,
how could heavenly father dothis to me?
Yeah, like he, there are peoplehaving babies and throwing them
in trash cans, right and.
(07:32):
And abort, you know, abortingthem and all these different
things, that I want them and Ican't have them, right.
And uh, that was a really hardmoment for me.
And then she turned to me andshe said you agreed to this.
And I was like what are youtalking about?
No, I didn't.
And she said before you came tothis earth, heavenly father
told you what your plan would be.
(07:52):
Yeah, and he told you what youwould go through.
And you said yes, father, Iwill go Right.
And honestly, lily, that wasthe last moment I was ever upset
with him about it.
It was just that moment and itwas over.
Wow, because I knew.
I knew what my mom was sayingwas true and I felt the spirit
(08:14):
when she said it.
And so, just from that momenton, was this journey of
navigating adolescence, and whatwill my life look like and will
anyone ever love me?
And I can't even give themchildren, and when will my
surgery be, and just all theunknowns, right?
So, with the Lord's help, I didmy best to just soldier forth
(08:37):
and, you know, try to enjoy highschool and honestly I really
did.
I was a cheerleader.
I was an actress in the plays.
I mean I had a blast.
I was, I really did.
I was a cheerleader, I was anactress in the plays.
I mean I had a blast.
I was, I really had a blast.
I had really good friends.
And then the time came where Iwas 17, graduating high school,
and my mom found out that Icould have the surgery at 17,
(08:59):
right before I turned 18.
And it would be free becauseshe had low income, yeah.
And so the government was goingto help us out and cover it.
So we decided that would be thebest thing for me, right?
And this is where I really Ithink my my relationship with my
savior really started to getstronger, because, um, so I
(09:20):
graduated high school and then Ihad my surgery and I couldn't
have imagined what kind of painI would be in.
Jennifer (09:27):
I can't even fathom it , girl.
That area is already sosensitive and so everything like
I can't even fathom whatrecovery would be like.
You can't even walk.
You can't go into the bathroom.
No, like you can't.
You probably couldn't wearpants for forever just because
of like the rubbage.
Like you always wear dresseslike I can't.
You probably couldn't wearpants for forever just because
of like the rubbage.
Like you'd have to always weardresses, Like I can't even
(09:48):
fathom.
I can't even fathom yeah.
Speaker 3 (09:51):
And I'm just going to be super real.
You know, I'm just going to besuper real with people and I
hope it's not too much.
But um, I had my surgery and Iremember waking up.
Basically, what they had to dowas separate my rectum and my
bladder and create a man-madecanal yeah.
And they took skin from mybuttocks to wrap around a stent
(10:16):
like a blow up stent, and theyand I used to be really shy
about all this, but now I justthink everyone should know, yeah
, I don't want to live inloneliness, right, and neither
do other people with thesyndrome, right?
So they took a blow up stent andthey wrapped my skin around it
and put it in the man-made canaland then they closed my labia
(10:36):
for two weeks.
So I had to lay in a bedwithout touching the floor,
without going to the bathroom,without anything, for two weeks
and um, I remember, when I wokeup from the surgery, I was
immediately in excruciating painand I screamed.
I screamed out so loud becauseI could feel all the pain, yeah,
(10:58):
and um, my best friend, shanna,was there and my mom was there.
And um, I got morphine pump,which really helped me through.
Thank heavens for morphine, ohit was such a big help, yeah,
but then everybody had to goback to work, you know, and go
(11:18):
back to life.
Jennifer (11:20):
And so were you just in the hospital for the two
weeks then yeah, I was at Loma.
Speaker 3 (11:24):
Linda, loma Linda.
I had a wonderful doctor.
I don't know if I can say hisname, so I won't, but he was a
wonderful man.
He had already done like 24 ofmy surgeries.
And let me tell you, let metell you, this cool miracle
hospital we were sent to it wasthe county hospital.
It was like a poor hospitallike a poor hospital right and
(11:46):
my mom and I were in a room andthe doctor was talking to me and
then he went out in the hallwayand talked to his nurses and we
could hear him because thewalls were paper thin.
Yeah, he.
So he said he was making fun ofme, basically.
And he came back in the roomand my mom said oh, you think
(12:06):
that we didn't hear you?
I heard you.
Your mom's awesome, she isawesome.
She always advocated for us.
Yes, so she, we marched rightup to the front desk and she
told them what he said.
Yeah, he got his licenserevoked for how, I don't know
however long, because he wassaying some really awful things,
right, and they sent us forfree, bumped us up to Loma Linda
(12:30):
, which is like the hospital inthe world where people send
their children from all over theworld, right, right, world
renowned.
So because of his, because ofthat awful situation with the
doctor, that doctor, I got sentto a doctor who had done 24 of
these surgeries previously.
Jennifer (12:47):
Yeah, so he knew what he was doing.
Oh my gosh.
Speaker 3 (12:51):
I know that's incredible.
Yes, that was one of theamazing miracles along the way,
um.
But you know, after my surgeryI'm in the hospital and my mom
had to go back to work.
She would come every night andbring me a treat and sit by my
side, and I love that I had somepeople pop in in the evenings
after work, but during the daysit was just myself and the
(13:15):
Savior and my relief.
I think it was my young women,or the Relief Society president
brought me this picture ofChrist.
If the people could see it Iwould show you.
But it's on my bedside.
It's in a silver frame which isnow all tarnished because it's
been like you know well, love,it's been a while yeah.
I 23 years, I had the surgerydone in 2001.
(13:38):
Um, and I would look.
I would look at that pictureand it was as if the spirit was
saying to me he's been there, heknows what you've been through,
yeah, he's with you andeverything's going to be okay.
And I just held on to thatfaith and that's where I really
(13:59):
came to know my savior was inthat dark, lonely hospital room,
because when we suffer is whenwe come to know him more
hospital room, because when wesuffer is when we come to know
him more.
It's just how it is and it'ssad that in life we have
suffering, right, but that'shonestly.
Those are the times when wecome to know him more, because
he suffered all things.
Jennifer (14:16):
Yeah exactly Well, and I think sometimes it's not even
just necessarily maybe thefaith, but the hope I feel like.
As a teenager I kind of hadlike shaky faith.
I just kind of did the things Iwas supposed to do, I went to
church and stuff, but I didn'treally like super believe until
I was put into a situation likesome not as intense as yours,
(14:38):
but my own situation where I didhave to say whoa, I am
literally by myself and I justall I have is this hope that all
these things that my parentshave taught me, or that
everything that I've learned inthe gospel is true, and to have
this hope that he is there andthat he'll be there with me.
Right and I think that as Iextended my hand and said,
(14:59):
please, god, help me, I need you.
He was there, and then I wasable to feel the spirit and
start that conversion of andhaving those, though, having
those little experiences whereI've been able to reach out,
feel the spirit and know that,okay, I'm not alone.
You might not physically behere, but I know that you're
there, because I felt yourspirit right.
Speaker 3 (15:21):
I felt the Holy Ghost testify to me that you're there
, right?
Yes, absolutely, thank you forsharing that.
Um, yeah, so that was kind ofthe start of I.
I, my mom, raised us in thechurch.
She took us to church everySunday.
You know, she did her best onher own to instill the gospel in
(15:42):
us and she did such a wonderfuljob on her own to instill the
gospel in us and she did such awonderful job Right.
However, I still needed to.
I always knew Christ was mysavior, but I just didn't have
that closeness with him as Istarted to gain during this
experience.
And there's there's more to thestory.
So then, after, after that,right after I went home and
(16:03):
started kind of trying tonavigate life, I had to use a
stent until I got married tokeep myself open for when I'm
married, and that was alwayskind of degrading and
uncomfortable.
Yeah, especially when I went onmy mission, I had to explain to
every companion like I wasgonna say yeah, like how would
that?
Jennifer (16:22):
even I don't even know yeah.
Speaker 3 (16:25):
I would say like I'm not, the mission knows about
this, I'm not being like bad,I'm just laying here, I have to
do this.
Right, it was totally medical,um, and but yeah, I mean, even
throughout high school therewould be rumors about me and I
just had to do my best to kindof deflect them and it just it
was just so uncomfortable, right.
(16:45):
But again, I knew the Saviorhad been through similar things,
so that was helpful, that hewas there for me always.
So shortly after thatexperience, I mean, my worth was
pretty shot, my, my self-worthwas pretty low and I really
didn't think a man could everlove someone like me, you know,
(17:06):
and not nonetheless, a man ofGod who holds the Holy
priesthood, like that was justout of the question in my mind.
So I met someone who had beenpursuing me pretty heavily and I
, um, he didn't believe in God.
I'm sure he, you know he was agood person, but at that time he
was having growth too.
(17:26):
You know he was learning andgrowing too.
Yeah, and um, I fell in love,and I fell in love really hard
and um started to make somedecisions that I am not proud of
, and although I still went tochurch I was.
I felt very ashamed everySunday knowing that I had done
things and was doing things thatwere not worthy of like a
(17:48):
temple marriage or just I justdidn't feel worthy.
I just felt so sinful andshameful and dark.
And that went on for like twoyears and at the year mark I
broke up with him because Iwanted to get married in the
temple and I tried to do thewhole, forcing him to take the
lessons and forcing him to go tochurch, and I learned, that's
not how you do it, but because Ididn't have self-worth.
(18:15):
I mean, self-esteem andself-worth are two different
things.
Exactly, I really didn't haveeither Right, and even though
you're told, you know throughoutyour life that you're a
daughter of God, you really haveto believe it.
Jennifer (18:27):
Right, exactly when it doesn't help that the world is
literally constantly puttinglike a woman's value on her sex
appeal and on her body, and thenin the church it's, you know,
culturally for a long time itwas, you know, yeah, yeah, mary
and children, and so for you,you're just kind of like, well,
I kind of can't, like I just Idon't know what to do with it.
(18:50):
Right, like you, you're justkind of in this position where
you really everything that,either the gospel or, well,
culturally, the gospel right,not the actual gospel in jesus
christ, but like the culture andthe world, say, is where you
get your worth from.
You're like, well, I literallykind of I literally don't fit
that mold like I, like I can'teven imagine like it it 100
(19:12):
makes sense why you would feelso just alone and just
completely different andisolated like that.
100% makes sense.
Thank you for validating that Iappreciate that.
Speaker 3 (19:24):
Yeah, it was.
It was quite lonely at times,um so, just yeah, I was in this
relationship and I wanted to bedoing something differently.
Yeah, so I asked HeavenlyFather to please help me and I
told him I really wanted to bemarried in the temple and I
really wanted to have the lifethat I had dreamed of, with a
(19:47):
priesthood holder that loved meand perhaps adopted children.
I still didn't know any of that, although my patriarchal
blessing when I was 16 did saythat my husband and I would
stand at the head of ourposterity.
Yay, did that give you comfort?
Lily (20:00):
head of our posterity.
Yay, did that give you comfort?
Speaker 3 (20:02):
Oh, so much.
Yeah, it did give me so muchcomfort, and also in my
patriarchal blessing itmentioned that I should find a
man who was willing and able totake me to the house of the Lord
to be sealed for time and alleternity.
Right and this man that I was inlove with was neither willing
nor able Right, despite all ofmy efforts.
(20:22):
And so, even though I was stillso in love with him, I broke up
with him and went through aboutfour years of like, daily
crying, and it was like comingoff of a drug kind of His and my
relationship was was toxic andnot healthy and and sinful and
oh, so yeah, so it wasdefinitely On top of the love
(20:45):
there was, like these chainsthat Satan wrapped around us.
And so it was coming out of allof that.
Jennifer (20:51):
So it was like a literal, like drug withdrawal,
then too maybe.
Speaker 3 (20:55):
There really was.
But I asked the Lord to neverleave me and even though I would
break up and get back togetherand break up and get back
together, however many times Iasked him to please never leave
me, to not let me, to, not letme do that.
And he, the Savior, stood by myside and he just thought, I
mean, he just let me know, Ihave something planned for you.
(21:18):
I mean, he just let me know, Ihave something planned for you,
I have something planned for you.
You don't have to think thatyou're not going to have these
blessings just because of yoursyndrome, you know.
And so he never left my sideand eventually I was able to
finally get out of that, whichis a whole nother podcast,
honestly, like fasting andpraying and sending me a friend
(21:40):
to get me, like to help me alongmy way.
Jennifer (21:43):
And yeah literal divine intervention he was like
you've been asking and I'm adeliver you right now.
Here we go, he delivered me.
Speaker 3 (21:51):
I love that you said that he is my deliverer.
He delivered me out of hell.
That was a hell that I putmyself in Right, and so I got
myself.
All you know well, I didn't getmyself.
The Lord helped me repent and Iwas able to learn about the
atonement and exercise theatonement Right.
And I remember sitting in thebishop's office and he looked at
me and said the Lord forgivesyou.
(22:14):
It's time for you to forgiveyourself.
Right, which is the hardestpart.
Agreed Right, which is thehardest part.
Agreed Right, how could I?
How could I?
Anywho?
No, I think it is the hardestpart because, at least at least
for me.
Jennifer (22:30):
It's like when I sin a lot of the time it's that I
consciously chose that sin.
Yes so how can he forgive mewhen I was consciously doing
things that I knew he wouldn't,that God wouldn't approve of,
that other people wouldn'tapprove of.
I put myself in this situation?
How could he forgive me?
Because a lot of other peoplewould look at you and say, girl,
(22:51):
you did that to yourself,observe what happened to you.
You know all of these thingsand that's not what Christ says
right and it's impossible,especially at least for me.
I, my, my brains really mean alot of the time and my, you know
, will hold that over me and notlet me just let it go and I
(23:13):
think that that's like anotherlayer and element of the
atonement that we just have totrust that, yeah, it's true that
he doesn't, that he willremember your sins no more, that
that you know the scripture,though your.
Your clothes may be red asscarlet you know they'll be
white as snow.
Yeah, and I think that's hardfor us to truly grasp and
understand when we when we lookat ourselves and are just
(23:35):
revolted at what we see in themirror right, why?
Speaker 3 (23:37):
would he?
Jennifer (23:38):
want to be with that.
Why would he want to be okaywith what I've done, right?
Speaker 3 (23:43):
Oh yeah, it's such a it's a hard process, but it's
also so liberating.
And I remember going when I wasgoing through that life.
At that time, the lack of peacethat I had was caused so much
anguish for me, yeah, and all Icould think was I would live on
(24:05):
a corner in a cardboard box justto be okay with God again.
Yeah, that was how much.
And I still feel that way.
I would not want to give up mypeace.
That comes from my relationshipof being right with God for
anything, for any amount ofmoney, for any person, for
anything.
I wouldn't ever want to do thatRight.
And so, after the bishop toldme that it took a while for me
(24:29):
to feel it and feel forgiven,but it came.
And when it came, it was soliberating and just a bag of
rocks off of a boulder off of myshoulders, right if it's not
too personal, like how were youable to convince your brain and
yourself of that?
Jennifer (24:46):
like honestly yeah, because I feel like science has
proven that if you just keephaving these thought patterns,
they're so hard to break.
And so at what point?
Like how do you?
How did you do that?
How did you eventually believeChrist?
Speaker 3 (25:01):
Well, reading the book Believing Christ helped me
a lot.
Oh, there you go.
Jennifer (25:05):
Yeah, that book.
Speaker 3 (25:07):
For anyone who may be struggling with perfectionism
I've struggled withperfectionism throughout my life
or not forgiving yourself, notbelieving that you can be
forgiving.
That book is amazing.
Lily (25:19):
Believing Christ.
Believing Christ.
Speaker 3 (25:20):
Believing Christ.
I think it's Jeff, something isthe author, but it was
monumental for me.
Okay, that book, lots of prayer, please, heavenly Father.
I remember I would kneel, Iwould stay in prayer on my knees
until I could feel the Lordthrough the adversary Right, wow
(25:41):
, right, like, like, right, likeI feel like around us, around
me at that time there was thisthick darkness Right, and I
would just pray, that I would.
I'd said I would stay on myknees until I feel you through
the darkness, like like breakthrough that.
Yes, and then I can and I would.
I would stay on my knees forlike a long time in the dark
(26:02):
waiting to feel the Lord and Iwould, he would break through
that.
Um, satan did not want to letme go.
It was very clear.
He, I had literal, like fightswith him, like I, I would like
not literal, physical, but wordfights, right, and I could feel
his you could feel it sospiritual yeah.
(26:23):
Yeah, because he knows what wecan do.
Yes, with the Lord on our side,he knows who we are, from the
pre-existence Right.
Lily (26:30):
Exactly.
Speaker 3 (26:31):
Not want.
He did not want me to be anyway, right.
So just lots of prayer and andlots of time in the scriptures
and pleading with the.
Lord, please help me to feelthee.
Please help me to know that I'mforgiven.
Yeah, and honestly, it went onthrough my mission.
Even on my mission, I struggled.
I didn't feel that I was worthyto be there, even though I knew
(26:53):
I had gone through all thesteps I needed to and I had
repented.
I just didn't feel ever goodenough, you know, but honestly,
I don't even know how or when.
One day I just woke up and knewI was a daughter of God.
It's kind of a miracle.
That's beautiful and thank you.
And I started to I don't want tosay demand, but expect a
(27:18):
certain amount of a certain typeof treatment.
I don't want to say demand, butexpect a certain amount of a
certain type of treatment.
I began to treat, teach othershow to treat me.
My brother, brian, would alwaystell me that you have to teach
others how to treat you.
You know, and after my mission,I would, you know, stand by the
car door.
They would come open my doorand so, all of a sudden, I had
this worth, I had thisself-worth about me and, yeah,
(27:41):
with the Lord on my side, youcouldn't stop me, you couldn't
talk, you couldn't treat mebadly.
You know, right, this is reallythe amazing part.
This is kind of tying up.
This last portion ties up thewhole thing.
So I was on my mission and,again to this point, I still
didn't know if I would become amother one day.
Yeah.
And again to this point, Istill didn't know if I would
become a mother one day, yeah.
And one night I went to sleepand I had a revelatory dream.
(28:07):
Yeah.
Lily (28:13):
And in the dream I met my daughter?
Speaker 3 (28:14):
No way, yes, and I had never had a revelatory dream
before.
So I was.
I woke up falling.
I woke up falling and mycompanion, who's now one of my
very best friends right now,this day, she said to me sister,
young, why are you crying?
And I said, I said where's Jaya?
And she goes who's Jaya?
(28:37):
Yeah, and I said I just hadjaya with me all night, my
daughter, we were playing allnight, shut up.
I promise you, oh my god, makeme cry.
This is where this is where youreally start seeing heavenly
father's hand in my life.
Okay, like even more, okay, yes.
So in my dream, this birth momhanded me a baby who was half
(29:02):
Mexican and said here you go.
And I said and she was just ina diaper and she had this little
Mexican bracelet on.
And I said oh, thank you.
What is her name?
And she goes it's Jaya.
And I said well, how do youspell Jaya?
And she goes J, e, a, c, h.
And I said oh, what's the C for?
(29:24):
She goes.
I don't know.
I don't know what the C is for.
So then I, we played all night,yeah, we, we played all night
long, and I felt the love of amother.
Wow, I fell in love with her,yeah.
And then I still had to waitseven years I understand, jacob,
(29:45):
waiting for Rachel.
Seven years, are you kidding me?
I woke up and and I knew Iwould have a daughter.
I knew the puzzle piecesstarted coming together for me.
Yes, so I okay.
I don't know how this is evergoing to work out.
I don't know how I'm going toget her.
(30:06):
I don't know what's going tohappen, but I know there will be
a daughter and her name will beJaya and she will be half
Mexican.
Yep, what a tender mercy, holycow.
Such a tender mercy, wow, yeah,like a light at the end of the
tunnel, right, right, because Ididn't.
Again, I had no idea the way mylife would turn out.
Exactly, I cannot providechildren for anybody, exactly
(30:29):
Right.
But I can raise them and I canlove them, right.
So I wrote home and I told mymom and I told my brother, brian
, who was like my father figure.
We are still very close.
He's my soulmate sibling.
I call him.
I love it, I love all of mysiblings.
But I wrote home to mom andBrian and they both wrote back
and they didn't live together,different states, and they both
(30:51):
said the same thing.
They said the C stands forChrist.
Who will bring her to you?
Lily (30:55):
No way.
Speaker 3 (30:56):
Yes, and the spirit touched me from my head to my
toes and it was like that is whythe C yes, and the spirit
touched me from my head to mytoes.
Yeah, and it was like.
That is that is why the seaRight.
So you know, keep going on mymission.
I come home.
I'm living life.
I stayed home with my mom forsix months, then I moved back
out to Utah in the Orem area,right, and I start fasting and
(31:17):
praying for hardcore.
Please, heavenly father, pleasesend me my husband.
I don't know what he's gonnalook like.
I don't know how he's gonnalove me, right, but somehow he's
gonna love me.
Jennifer (31:29):
Yeah, and I'm sorry, no, you're great.
Speaker 3 (31:37):
Thank you, I was working at Jason's Deli down in
Oremam, uh-huh this is myfavorite part from his story
yeah, I had dated.
I had dated like one other guy.
You know nothing serious.
I was like you're definitelynot the one you're definitely
not.
Jennifer (31:55):
You knew what you were looking for and you I knew, I
finally knew my worth.
Speaker 3 (32:00):
Yeah, I was not dependent upon anything other
than the fact that I am God'sdaughter, right, and that the
Savior died for me, right, right.
So I was enough worth for mySavior to do that for me.
So that just resonated with me.
So I'm working at Jason's Deliand I'm doing like my fasting
and my praying and doing all mystuff, and I even did like a
(32:22):
brother of Jared experiment andI asked the Lord, like, if I go
to every activity and I go toevery fireside and I say yes to
every date and you know all my,my little personal covenant,
will you please send me myhusband Right?
And so this one day I'm justworking and I hear the bell open
the door and I turn around andI see this guy walking in,
(32:43):
looking all fine.
Jennifer (32:47):
Looking all swagger.
He said he had a swagger.
He said he had a ghetto swagger.
Speaker 3 (32:52):
Oh my gosh.
And see, growing up in SouthernCalifornia, I like that, you
like yeah, yeah, it was right upyour alley, oh my gosh.
And I would always say send mesomeone that got that ghetto
swag that loves the Lord andhonors his priesthood, and
that's my love, I love it.
Right.
He comes walking in and I did adouble take and honestly I know
this sounds silly, he lookedfamiliar to me.
Jennifer (33:15):
You know what?
I've heard that so many times.
That's not silly at all, okay,like I know saturday's warrior
thing.
Speaker 3 (33:22):
Some people believe it, some don't.
I know that we don't believe insoulmate, but something about
him was so familiar to mepre-existence, pre-existence.
Right must be not that we hadto have gotten married, but
goodness, I just, you guys,could have been besties.
Yeah, we could have beenbesties.
And so I was immediatelyattracted to him.
(33:43):
Yeah, and he, um, he would keepcoming in, you know, keep
coming in.
And he told you the story.
But we fell in love quickly.
Right, he swept me off my feet.
He, he is my Prince Charming.
He loves me.
He loves me so unconditionallyand it's totally from God, right
(34:04):
.
So we started dating.
You know, we start falling inlove.
And I told him there'ssomething I have to tell you,
and he told me there's somethingI have to tell you.
So he's like I'm an illegalimmigrant and I'm like, I'm like
, I'm from California, I'm anillegal immigrant and I'm like,
I'm like.
I'm from California, right, yep,and I said I can't have
(34:30):
children, yeah, and I told himabout my syndrome and he he
really didn't plan on havingkids in his life, so he wasn't
concerned about that, right.
And what's so special aboutDavid and my story is that David
had that similar experiencewith his ex right, where he left
that for the temple and I leftmy experience for the temple and
I feel like Heavenly Fathersaid here's two people who want,
who have righteous desires andwant the same things in life
(34:52):
Exactly.
Jennifer (34:53):
And I'm going to bring them together.
Right, you were the ring thatfit.
Right, you were the ring thatfit.
I was the ring that fit.
Speaker 3 (34:59):
You're so sweet, I remember that.
You're so sweet, so I mean Icould go on and on.
But our, our temple, ourwedding day was in the Salt Lake
temple, which was always thedream of my life and always the
dream of my heart, right, andDavid, you know David's story,
(35:19):
like he's shared with you.
I just told him, because he wascoming back to the, he had come
back to the church, but hestill didn't know all the things
, and I just told him listen,you are not doing this for me,
like you already in the church.
This is between you and theLord.
I will not drag anyone along.
(35:39):
This is between you and the Lord.
I will not drag anyone along.
This is between you and him,and that's how it was.
It was never for me I, it wasalready happening before me,
right and but to see him howhe's grown from the man I
married to the man he is today,I mean he was already amazing,
right, but it's just every dayjust even more amazing, right.
(36:03):
So we fell in love.
Jennifer (36:05):
No, go ahead.
Oh, it just made me think abouthow you know when, like you
were, meant you brought up.
You know it's, it's theindividual, right, you have to
want that relationship with Godand you have to have that drive
to do that.
But how incredible is this wholehelp meet thing, right yeah,
adam and eve like right justimagine how much more he has
(36:26):
been able to come and you'vebeen able to come closer to the
savior, because you guys areboth working together, pushing
and pulling, like trying to makeit up right back to christ, and
I think that that that isyou're literally testifying of
that that when you have a spousewho truly wants to personally
(36:46):
know Christ and you want to worktogether to personally
incorporate him into yourmarriage and into both of your
lives, it's incredible what canhappen.
Speaker 3 (36:54):
Yes, absolutely.
I love that and that makes me,that makes that reminds me of um
, um, when I kneeled down topray about David, yeah, um, I, I
was almost a little bitchastised, and I say this
(37:16):
because he didn't look like whatI had imagined, right, or what
my family had imagined for me.
He had, you know, tattoos andlike big old locs on his, like
glasses and bandana, and he wasmy style.
He was my style, but he didn'tfit the quote, unquote, mold,
right, which, honestly, is whatI love about the atonement, yeah
(37:39):
, is that there is no mold.
Yeah, and we are all God'schildren, no matter what shape
form, you know, right.
And so I kneeled down to prayabout marrying him because I
knew it was coming, I knew thequestion was coming eventually,
yeah, and this was the answer Ireceived was number one.
You prayed him to you Don'tsabotage this, right, this is
(38:05):
what you asked for, right.
Number two, the Lord asked mein my prayer so, are you done
growing right?
What?
Because I'm like, because,basically, the Lord was telling
me he is only just beginning,yeah, and like, are you finished
(38:29):
growing, like?
Right, interesting, we're allstill growing and this is just
the beginning, yeah, and soanyway, interesting, it was just
really like oh yeah, I thankyou, and it was just kind of
like a, like a loving rebuke.
I am not done with him and I amnot done and I am not done with
(38:50):
you, Right, Right.
And so it was very clear to mehands down.
The answer was yes.
So he proposed we got married.
We had this fairy taleSeriously, like I would live
that day over and over until ourtemple day.
Jennifer (39:07):
And you know what you both deserve, that let's just be
real, right here.
Speaker 3 (39:10):
Yeah, oh, it just felt like the beginning of
everything I'd ever wanted, andit has been Right.
So let's just.
I know we have to end soon.
So five years in the future,well, two years in the future,
we start the adoption processbecause we had to be married.
We both knew Jaya was coming.
Right, right, right, we knewall about Jaya, right, she was
coming just a matter of time,just a matter of time, so.
(39:33):
but we didn't know if she wouldcome on this earth.
Maybe it could have been in the, in the, we never know, right.
So we had to be married twoyears before we could put in our
adoption paperwork, and so westarted, like filling out our
profile and getting our homestudy all set up.
Jennifer (39:50):
Right Adoption's a long process.
Speaker 3 (39:52):
It's a very long process and we went through at
that time, the church, theChurch of Jesus Christ
Latter-day Saint services, theLDS family services, right, and
there was no like guarantee,right, there were.
There were couples that hadbeen waiting 10 years Exactly,
and there were couples that hadbeen matched in three months,
three days, yeah.
So there was no guarantee.
We could have gone throughother companies, right, where
(40:20):
it's like 40,000 to start andlike all these extra charges,
but you're guaranteed a baby,right.
We just had faith and so wewent through, um, the church,
the lds family services, by ourthird year marriage, we were all
set up, our profile was on, youknow, because that's a long
process.
Um, we had to do likepsychological evaluations and
physicals and conferences and Imean it was huge.
Just to become a parent was ahuge task for us, but we're we
(40:44):
don't, we don't even care, we'reso happy.
So, um, then we waited two fullyears without any fights, zero
emails, zero contacts, nothing.
Jennifer (40:59):
So you've been married four years at this point, then
um?
Speaker 3 (41:03):
five, five years, okay, yep, just about five years
.
And I mean, mother's Day wasalways hard for me.
Yeah, um, seeing babies atchurch was always difficult for
me.
I was often teary-eyed, tryingto have faith, trying to know
that it would come.
But honestly, david and I kindof got to the point where we
thought we'll just be reallygood aunt and uncle, we'll just
(41:25):
be there for all of our niecesand nephews and maybe Jaya's not
coming on this earth.
Then one Monday, after mysister's wedding, we got back
into work and David had an email.
No, david didn't know he had anemail because he'd never gotten
one before from the adoptionagency, so he didn't even know
(41:45):
what to look for.
But I had an email from oursocial workers saying, right,
congrats on your first emailfrom a birth mom.
And I said what you didn't tellme, so I don't have the emails
go to your email never again.
Yes, I got mad.
Yes, you know what I'm saying.
I got upset with David becausehe's always checking his phone
(42:06):
but he couldn't check the emailthe one time, the one time.
So, um, I immediately messagedthis birth mom back.
Her name was Lacey, is Lacey,and she was in Texas.
And this is the amazing part,this is the amazing miracle she
already was parenting twochildren.
She was a single mom, yeah, um,and she got pregnant by a
(42:31):
Mexican boyfriend.
She was Caucasian and I stilldidn't know if it was a girl or
boy.
We, we start, we were emailingback for her.
Like it was April and she wasdue in June, wow, okay.
So we started emailing and wegot close quickly, um, she was
in her mid-20s, yeah, um, andshe said, for some reason, I
(42:59):
feel that this baby is not meantfor me.
Yeah, like, I'm pregnant and Ilove my children, but the spirit
is telling me this baby is notmy baby.
Lily (43:10):
Yeah.
Speaker 3 (43:11):
Not intended for me, right.
And so I started looking on,she said.
I started looking on theprofiles.
I started going on to LDSfamily services and looking at
profiles, right.
And this one day, um, I washaving a hard day and I looked
down and then I looked back upand there was your profile.
Yeah, she goes.
I don't know how you got on myscreen, but there were you and
(43:34):
David and I just knew, wow.
So that's why she contacted usyeah and you know, after like a
month and a half maybe a month,month and a half she finally
called us right, and that's thenight she told us that she had
chosen us to, that we were theparents that she knew we were
(43:56):
Jaya's.
She didn't know Jaya's name yet, but, right.
But what's cool is, as we wouldemail, I would ask oh, like,
what's the ethnicity?
And she'd say, oh, you knowMexican and white.
But she still hadn't decidedyet.
Right, right.
And then, little by little, Iget a little more brave.
Can I ask the gender?
Yeah, oh, it's a girl.
(44:26):
Oh, my gosh, when David and Iread had to have been losing
your mind.
You have to be losing your mind, david.
Lily (44:29):
and I read it's a girl.
Speaker 3 (44:29):
We both had chills, the holy ghost from the top of
our head to the bottom of ourtoes, and we just knew, yes, we
just knew.
So when Lacey called us to tellus that we would be the parents
, we were so ecstatic so we hadlike two weeks, good thing yeah,
we had already been buyingthings at yard sales, buying
thing off family members, right,right we already had our attic
full of.
we already those are prepping.
Yeah, we were prepping, and sowe all we did was pull
(44:52):
everything out of the attic, setup her nursery.
Yeah, we got plane ticketsbecause Lacey said, um, I I'm
going to have her induced sothat I can make sure you guys
are here.
Like the whole process.
Bam, bam, bam.
We would talk all the time onSkype.
She'd show us her belly wasgetting bigger and and, um, we
were able to drive out to Texas.
(45:14):
My mom and Brian, my mom and mybrother Brian and David and I
all drove out to Texas where shelived, and we met and we bonded
and I did Lacey's toenails and,you know, massaged her feet and
all the you know all the sisterthings.
And to this day we call eachother sister, they come visit
every year that we send eachother birthday presents and
(45:34):
Christmas presents and we talkon the phone and we are all just
a big family.
Yes, which is really reallybeautiful, you know, and kind of
rare, but right, that's kind ofthat.
So Jaya was born and we got todo I got to be in the room when
Jaya was born, that's beautiful.
(45:55):
I got to hold Lacey's hand, yep, and then David got to come in
and we gave her her first bathand her first diaper and then,
from then on, I mean we had noquestion.
We were never one of thosecouples who wondered if the
birth mom would sign, right?
I mean, she signed.
Five days later we got to gohome, yes, and then we got to
adopt her six months later, gotto get sealed in the temple to
(46:15):
her, and now she's 12 and she'sour everyday miracle, right.
And it's so cute because Laceysat her two little kids down and
told, asked them, and she saidcan we do this for heavenly
father?
Heavenly father wants us to dothis and we're going to bless
this family.
And yeah, you know, and theydidn't know if we were going to
keep our word, like her and herparents, like her, right, love
(46:39):
her, like we love her wholefamily, this, there are family,
right.
But they didn't know if wewould keep our word, right.
Jennifer (46:45):
There was a lot of trust there, a lot of leaps of
faith on both ends.
Yeah, on both ends.
Speaker 3 (46:50):
And we took off from Texas with that baby and they
didn't know if they would eversee her again Right, see her
again Right.
And we've all kept our word andwe've all been blessed with
this beautiful relationship andsome people understand it and
respect it and some people don't, and I don't, I don't blame
those that don't.
It's, it's a hard, it's, it's abig deal Like it's not.
You know, it's not somethingthat everyone understands and
(47:11):
that's okay.
But Jaya has from her day, fromday one, has known her special
story, is proud of her adoption,yeah, is so loved by David's
family, my family, lacey'sfamily, and she truly is.
Jaya is the I told her the otherday you are the evidence of a
(47:31):
loving God.
That's what she is.
She is evidence that miraclesstill happen, that God is a
still a God of miracles and thathe hears our prayers and that,
if it's according to his will,he answers them.
So it to tie it all together,really, in the end, here's this
(47:53):
13 year old, 14 year old girlwho had no idea what her life
would be like.
Right, right, right Felt likean outcast, felt like a weirdo,
um, and in the end, I feel themost blessed of all women.
I have a husband who is a worthypriesthood holder, who adores
me, I mean, tells me every dayI'm beautiful, tells me every
(48:14):
day how special I am, isfiercely loyal, wonderful
provider, everything more than Icould have asked for.
My best friend, right, and wehave our daughter, your miracle
baby, our miracle baby.
And I just know, I know withall my heart that if I had not
chosen Christ, my life would bein an entirely different place.
(48:37):
Actually, I know exactly whatwhere my life would be in an
entirely different place.
Actually, I know exactly whatwhere my life would be.
Yeah, you know, yep, and Iwould be so regretful and
miserable and sad about itbecause I knew I knew better
yeah.
I just want to end with mytestimony yes, please, that I
(48:57):
know that God lives.
I know he is our father.
He's always been my daddy.
That was a big part of my storythat my dad abandoned us so I
don't right.
So heavenly father's always beenmy daddy and he gives the
biggest gifts.
He is such a big giver.
There is no sin, there is nomisdeed that is too far from the
(49:25):
grasp of our Savior JesusChrist.
Don't ever believe Satan's liesthat tell you it's too late,
you can never come back.
That is the biggest, fattest,ugliest lie you can ever hear,
and he told it to me for yearsand I'm so thankful.
I fought it until I could hearthe Savior through it, right
(49:46):
Pass through it.
That's my testimony.
Jennifer (49:54):
And I share that in the name of Jesus Christ Amen.
Thank you so much for your timetonight.
Give me goosebumps so manytimes oh gosh, I've, I've loved
it, it's been.
Your story is incredible, thankyou so much for your testimony.
And yeah, I'm blown away.
Lily (50:11):
Thank, you so much thanks again for tuning in to more
thanincidence Remembering JesusChrist in your Story.
Please follow us on socialmedia or share us with a friend.
If you have an experience you'dlike to share, feel free to
reach out tomorethancoincidencerememberhim
at gmailcom.
I can't wait to hear all of theamazing memories you all have
(50:34):
of our Savior.
See you next time.
Hello everyone and welcome to, more Than Coincidence,
remembering Jesus Christ in yourStory.
As the author and finisher ofour faith, our Savior writes
personal experiences into eachof our lives which can later
strengthen, empower and bring uspeace upon reflection.
This podcast is dedicated tosharing these anchoring memories
(00:26):
from everyone's unique storiesin order to collectively
remember and testify of thereality of Jesus Christ and his
presence in our lives.
I'm your host, lily, and I'mvery excited to share these
experiences together.
Jennifer (00:40):
Good evening everybody .
Tonight on the podcast we haveJennifer.
How are you doing Good, thankyou.
How are you Fantastic?
Would you mind introducingyourself for everyone?
Speaker 3 (00:50):
Yes, my name is Jennifer and I am 40 years old.
I live in Utah.
I am originally from California.
I served a mission out here inUtah and then came back to live
here and that's where I met myhusband.
Uh, we've been married for 16years to David.
He had a podcast recently withum with Lily, and then we have a
(01:14):
12 year old daughter.
She is our miracle baby.
She's adopted, so we just areenjoying her, and I work in
early intervention.
I, I work with little childrenthat are delayed in their
development and I, yeah, all thecute little kids, yes, I love
it.
Jennifer (01:30):
Well, that's really awesome.
Thank you for you knowintroducing yourself, so I'll
just ask you the question,jennifer, what memories do you
have that you reflect on, thatprick your heart in remembrance
of our Savior Jesus Christ, andanchor you to him?
Speaker 3 (01:43):
That's a great question, let's see.
Well, first of all, I am theyoungest of eight children and
my mom raised six of us.
So two were from my dad'sprevious marriage, but my mom
has six.
So my mom was a single mom ofsix kids pretty much my whole
(02:04):
life.
Wow, yeah, and just the factthat God always provided for us,
we always I mean, it was tightright and we didn't have like
excess.
Lily (02:16):
But we always had enough.
Speaker 3 (02:18):
We always had enough and just, I mean, I could go
into stories about my mom payingher tithing and the miracles
that would happen, and you knowall of that, but that's not
really the focus that I feel ledto talk about today.
Um, what I feel led to talkabout today is that, um, when I
was 13 years old, I didn't startmy menstruation like all my
(02:42):
friends did, right, and um, Istarted getting really curious
as to what could be, what couldbe wrong, right, and so my mom
finally took, like the spiritwas really with me, telling me
that something was off with mybody.
Something was off with my body.
My mom was finally.
My mom worked really hard.
She was finally able to take meinto the clinic.
(03:03):
And it was just like a littleMedicaid clinic or something,
and the doctor freaked out andshe said she kind of checked me
out down there and she said youseem to have something that I've
only seen in medical school.
So she referred us up to abigger hospital seen in medical
(03:29):
school.
So she referred us up to abigger hospital.
And it turns out I mean afteryears like I think two years of
like, like testing and MRIs andjust lots of visits, they
finally came to the conclusionthat I have a rare syndrome
called MRKH syndrome.
It's very rare, it's actuallyone in 5,000, which is probably
not that rare compared to someother syndromes.
(03:50):
Yeah, I was going to say it'sstill very, very unknown, like I
think in my whole life therethe doctor that helped me out is
the one doctor that reallyknows about.
Okay, maybe the one in theclinic and then the one that
helped me out.
Yeah, so it's.
It's kind of lonely in that way.
People don't know about it,doctors don't know about it,
(04:10):
they don't know how to handle it.
Lily (04:12):
Wow.
Speaker 3 (04:13):
Yeah.
So here I was, this kid thatalways wanted to have a big
family.
I was that little girl thatdreamed of having five, five or
seven, 10 kids, you know, rightand um, after all the testing
and so forth, I remember the daymy mom and I went into the
(04:34):
doctor's office and they hadresults for us, and we were
sitting down and the doctor hadthis diagram and he was showing
me what a woman's reproductivesystem should look like, right,
and he was telling me what Idon't have.
So, basically, I was bornwithout a uterus, without
fallopian tubes, without acervix, um, and I only have
(04:57):
ovaries.
What, uh-huh, uh-huh, wow, okay, and you were 13 when you heard
this.
13, yeah, maybe, maybe, maybe.
By this point I was 15.
No, it was my freshman year ofhigh school, so I guess I was 14
(05:19):
.
So I think the whole processstarted around 12 and then I
finally found out at 14.
Jennifer (05:23):
Oh, my goodness.
Speaker 3 (05:25):
Yeah, it was a very shocking moment for me.
And then, in addition to that,they let me know that, um,
externally, like in my vaginal,everything looked fine
externally but um, there, Iwouldn't be able to like have a
healthy marriage, basically,unless they were to do surgery
at some point in my life.
(05:45):
So I'll spare you, guys, allthe details you can look it up
on.
Google.
But I basically would have tohave like vaginoplasty as well.
Jennifer (05:54):
Right.
Speaker 3 (05:54):
My breast didn't develop properly.
Jennifer (05:56):
A lot of interventions .
Speaker 3 (05:58):
Yes, and so I, um, I remember that day very well and
I, I asked the doctor if I couldbe excused.
The hardest part was that helooked at me.
I didn't really know what hewas saying, but I know that he
looked at me and said, jennifer,you will never be able to bear
your own children.
I was crushed.
I was so crushed.
(06:19):
I asked to be excused.
I stood up in my little, mylittle adolescent self, and I
went into the bathroom and Ikneeled down at the toilet.
I remember very well, I asked,heavenly father, please help me,
because I knew that my life wasgoing to be a harder journey
than I had imagined and itwasn't going to look like what I
(06:42):
had imagined it to look like.
And that's a hard pill toswallow.
And then, on top of that, hereI was going into high school
with all the adolescent thingsand having to kind of keep this
a secret and know who I couldtell and who I couldn't tell, so
that I wouldn't be made fun of,right, right.
So on the way home that day, mysweet mom, you know, she looked
(07:08):
over at me and asked me how Iwas feeling.
And I, I, I was mad, and Ilooked at her and I was like,
how could heavenly father dothis to me?
Yeah, like he, there are peoplehaving babies and throwing them
in trash cans, right and.
(07:32):
And abort, you know, abortingthem and all these different
things, that I want them and Ican't have them, right.
And uh, that was a really hardmoment for me.
And then she turned to me andshe said you agreed to this.
And I was like what are youtalking about?
No, I didn't.
And she said before you came tothis earth, heavenly father
told you what your plan would be.
(07:52):
Yeah, and he told you what youwould go through.
And you said yes, father, Iwill go Right.
And honestly, lily, that wasthe last moment I was ever upset
with him about it.
It was just that moment and itwas over.
Wow, because I knew.
I knew what my mom was sayingwas true and I felt the spirit
(08:14):
when she said it.
And so, just from that momenton, was this journey of
navigating adolescence, and whatwill my life look like and will
anyone ever love me?
And I can't even give themchildren, and when will my
surgery be, and just all theunknowns, right?
So, with the Lord's help, I didmy best to just soldier forth
(08:37):
and, you know, try to enjoy highschool and honestly I really
did.
I was a cheerleader.
I was an actress in the plays.
I mean I had a blast.
I was, I really did.
I was a cheerleader, I was anactress in the plays.
I mean I had a blast.
I was, I really had a blast.
I had really good friends.
And then the time came where Iwas 17, graduating high school,
and my mom found out that Icould have the surgery at 17,
(08:59):
right before I turned 18.
And it would be free becauseshe had low income, yeah.
And so the government was goingto help us out and cover it.
So we decided that would be thebest thing for me, right?
And this is where I really Ithink my my relationship with my
savior really started to getstronger, because, um, so I
(09:20):
graduated high school and then Ihad my surgery and I couldn't
have imagined what kind of painI would be in.
Jennifer (09:27):
I can't even fathom it , girl.
That area is already sosensitive and so everything like
I can't even fathom whatrecovery would be like.
You can't even walk.
You can't go into the bathroom.
No, like you can't.
You probably couldn't wearpants for forever just because
of like the rubbage.
Like you always wear dresseslike I can't.
You probably couldn't wearpants for forever just because
of like the rubbage.
Like you'd have to always weardresses, Like I can't even
(09:48):
fathom.
I can't even fathom yeah.
Speaker 3 (09:51):
And I'm just going to be super real.
You know, I'm just going to besuper real with people and I
hope it's not too much.
But um, I had my surgery and Iremember waking up.
Basically, what they had to dowas separate my rectum and my
bladder and create a man-madecanal yeah.
And they took skin from mybuttocks to wrap around a stent
(10:16):
like a blow up stent, and theyand I used to be really shy
about all this, but now I justthink everyone should know, yeah
, I don't want to live inloneliness, right, and neither
do other people with thesyndrome, right?
So they took a blow up stent andthey wrapped my skin around it
and put it in the man-made canaland then they closed my labia
(10:36):
for two weeks.
So I had to lay in a bedwithout touching the floor,
without going to the bathroom,without anything, for two weeks
and um, I remember, when I wokeup from the surgery, I was
immediately in excruciating painand I screamed.
I screamed out so loud becauseI could feel all the pain, yeah,
(10:58):
and um, my best friend, shanna,was there and my mom was there.
And um, I got morphine pump,which really helped me through.
Thank heavens for morphine, ohit was such a big help, yeah,
but then everybody had to goback to work, you know, and go
(11:18):
back to life.
Jennifer (11:20):
And so were you just in the hospital for the two
weeks then yeah, I was at Loma.
Speaker 3 (11:24):
Linda, loma Linda.
I had a wonderful doctor.
I don't know if I can say hisname, so I won't, but he was a
wonderful man.
He had already done like 24 ofmy surgeries.
And let me tell you, let metell you, this cool miracle
hospital we were sent to it wasthe county hospital.
It was like a poor hospitallike a poor hospital right and
(11:46):
my mom and I were in a room andthe doctor was talking to me and
then he went out in the hallwayand talked to his nurses and we
could hear him because thewalls were paper thin.
Yeah, he.
So he said he was making fun ofme, basically.
And he came back in the roomand my mom said oh, you think
(12:06):
that we didn't hear you?
I heard you.
Your mom's awesome, she isawesome.
She always advocated for us.
Yes, so she, we marched rightup to the front desk and she
told them what he said.
Yeah, he got his licenserevoked for how, I don't know
however long, because he wassaying some really awful things,
right, and they sent us forfree, bumped us up to Loma Linda
(12:30):
, which is like the hospital inthe world where people send
their children from all over theworld, right, right, world
renowned.
So because of his, because ofthat awful situation with the
doctor, that doctor, I got sentto a doctor who had done 24 of
these surgeries previously.
Jennifer (12:47):
Yeah, so he knew what he was doing.
Oh my gosh.
Speaker 3 (12:51):
I know that's incredible.
Yes, that was one of theamazing miracles along the way,
um.
But you know, after my surgeryI'm in the hospital and my mom
had to go back to work.
She would come every night andbring me a treat and sit by my
side, and I love that I had somepeople pop in in the evenings
after work, but during the daysit was just myself and the
(13:15):
Savior and my relief.
I think it was my young women,or the Relief Society president
brought me this picture ofChrist.
If the people could see it Iwould show you.
But it's on my bedside.
It's in a silver frame which isnow all tarnished because it's
been like you know well, love,it's been a while yeah.
I 23 years, I had the surgerydone in 2001.
(13:38):
Um, and I would look.
I would look at that pictureand it was as if the spirit was
saying to me he's been there, heknows what you've been through,
yeah, he's with you andeverything's going to be okay.
And I just held on to thatfaith and that's where I really
(13:59):
came to know my savior was inthat dark, lonely hospital room,
because when we suffer is whenwe come to know him more
hospital room, because when wesuffer is when we come to know
him more.
It's just how it is and it'ssad that in life we have
suffering, right, but that'shonestly.
Those are the times when wecome to know him more, because
he suffered all things.
Jennifer (14:16):
Yeah exactly Well, and I think sometimes it's not even
just necessarily maybe thefaith, but the hope I feel like.
As a teenager I kind of hadlike shaky faith.
I just kind of did the things Iwas supposed to do, I went to
church and stuff, but I didn'treally like super believe until
I was put into a situation likesome not as intense as yours,
(14:38):
but my own situation where I didhave to say whoa, I am
literally by myself and I justall I have is this hope that all
these things that my parentshave taught me, or that
everything that I've learned inthe gospel is true, and to have
this hope that he is there andthat he'll be there with me.
Right and I think that as Iextended my hand and said,
(14:59):
please, god, help me, I need you.
He was there, and then I wasable to feel the spirit and
start that conversion of andhaving those, though, having
those little experiences whereI've been able to reach out,
feel the spirit and know that,okay, I'm not alone.
You might not physically behere, but I know that you're
there, because I felt yourspirit right.
Speaker 3 (15:21):
I felt the Holy Ghost testify to me that you're there
, right?
Yes, absolutely, thank you forsharing that.
Um, yeah, so that was kind ofthe start of I.
I, my mom, raised us in thechurch.
She took us to church everySunday.
You know, she did her best onher own to instill the gospel in
(15:42):
us and she did such a wonderfuljob on her own to instill the
gospel in us and she did such awonderful job Right.
However, I still needed to.
I always knew Christ was mysavior, but I just didn't have
that closeness with him as Istarted to gain during this
experience.
And there's there's more to thestory.
So then, after, after that,right after I went home and
(16:03):
started kind of trying tonavigate life, I had to use a
stent until I got married tokeep myself open for when I'm
married, and that was alwayskind of degrading and
uncomfortable.
Yeah, especially when I went onmy mission, I had to explain to
every companion like I wasgonna say yeah, like how would
that?
Jennifer (16:22):
even I don't even know yeah.
Speaker 3 (16:25):
I would say like I'm not, the mission knows about
this, I'm not being like bad,I'm just laying here, I have to
do this.
Right, it was totally medical,um, and but yeah, I mean, even
throughout high school therewould be rumors about me and I
just had to do my best to kindof deflect them and it just it
was just so uncomfortable, right.
(16:45):
But again, I knew the Saviorhad been through similar things,
so that was helpful, that hewas there for me always.
So shortly after thatexperience, I mean, my worth was
pretty shot, my, my self-worthwas pretty low and I really
didn't think a man could everlove someone like me, you know,
(17:06):
and not nonetheless, a man ofGod who holds the Holy
priesthood, like that was justout of the question in my mind.
So I met someone who had beenpursuing me pretty heavily and I
, um, he didn't believe in God.
I'm sure he, you know he was agood person, but at that time he
was having growth too.
(17:26):
You know he was learning andgrowing too.
Yeah, and um, I fell in love,and I fell in love really hard
and um started to make somedecisions that I am not proud of
, and although I still went tochurch I was.
I felt very ashamed everySunday knowing that I had done
things and was doing things thatwere not worthy of like a
(17:48):
temple marriage or just I justdidn't feel worthy.
I just felt so sinful andshameful and dark.
And that went on for like twoyears and at the year mark I
broke up with him because Iwanted to get married in the
temple and I tried to do thewhole, forcing him to take the
lessons and forcing him to go tochurch, and I learned, that's
not how you do it, but because Ididn't have self-worth.
(18:15):
I mean, self-esteem andself-worth are two different
things.
Exactly, I really didn't haveeither Right, and even though
you're told, you know throughoutyour life that you're a
daughter of God, you really haveto believe it.
Jennifer (18:27):
Right, exactly when it doesn't help that the world is
literally constantly puttinglike a woman's value on her sex
appeal and on her body, and thenin the church it's, you know,
culturally for a long time itwas, you know, yeah, yeah, mary
and children, and so for you,you're just kind of like, well,
I kind of can't, like I just Idon't know what to do with it.
(18:50):
Right, like you, you're justkind of in this position where
you really everything that,either the gospel or, well,
culturally, the gospel right,not the actual gospel in jesus
christ, but like the culture andthe world, say, is where you
get your worth from.
You're like, well, I literallykind of I literally don't fit
that mold like I, like I can'teven imagine like it it 100
(19:12):
makes sense why you would feelso just alone and just
completely different andisolated like that.
100% makes sense.
Thank you for validating that Iappreciate that.
Speaker 3 (19:24):
Yeah, it was.
It was quite lonely at times,um so, just yeah, I was in this
relationship and I wanted to bedoing something differently.
Yeah, so I asked HeavenlyFather to please help me and I
told him I really wanted to bemarried in the temple and I
really wanted to have the lifethat I had dreamed of, with a
(19:47):
priesthood holder that loved meand perhaps adopted children.
I still didn't know any of that, although my patriarchal
blessing when I was 16 did saythat my husband and I would
stand at the head of ourposterity.
Yay, did that give you comfort?
Lily (20:00):
head of our posterity.
Yay, did that give you comfort?
Speaker 3 (20:02):
Oh, so much.
Yeah, it did give me so muchcomfort, and also in my
patriarchal blessing itmentioned that I should find a
man who was willing and able totake me to the house of the Lord
to be sealed for time and alleternity.
Right and this man that I was inlove with was neither willing
nor able Right, despite all ofmy efforts.
(20:22):
And so, even though I was stillso in love with him, I broke up
with him and went through aboutfour years of like, daily
crying, and it was like comingoff of a drug kind of His and my
relationship was was toxic andnot healthy and and sinful and
oh, so yeah, so it wasdefinitely On top of the love
(20:45):
there was, like these chainsthat Satan wrapped around us.
And so it was coming out of allof that.
Jennifer (20:51):
So it was like a literal, like drug withdrawal,
then too maybe.
Speaker 3 (20:55):
There really was.
But I asked the Lord to neverleave me and even though I would
break up and get back togetherand break up and get back
together, however many times Iasked him to please never leave
me, to not let me, to, not letme do that.
And he, the Savior, stood by myside and he just thought, I
mean, he just let me know, Ihave something planned for you.
(21:18):
I mean, he just let me know, Ihave something planned for you,
I have something planned for you.
You don't have to think thatyou're not going to have these
blessings just because of yoursyndrome, you know.
And so he never left my sideand eventually I was able to
finally get out of that, whichis a whole nother podcast,
honestly, like fasting andpraying and sending me a friend
(21:40):
to get me, like to help me alongmy way.
Jennifer (21:43):
And yeah literal divine intervention he was like
you've been asking and I'm adeliver you right now.
Here we go, he delivered me.
Speaker 3 (21:51):
I love that you said that he is my deliverer.
He delivered me out of hell.
That was a hell that I putmyself in Right, and so I got
myself.
All you know well, I didn't getmyself.
The Lord helped me repent and Iwas able to learn about the
atonement and exercise theatonement Right.
And I remember sitting in thebishop's office and he looked at
me and said the Lord forgivesyou.
(22:14):
It's time for you to forgiveyourself.
Right, which is the hardestpart.
Agreed Right, which is thehardest part.
Agreed Right, how could I?
How could I?
Anywho?
No, I think it is the hardestpart because, at least at least
for me.
Jennifer (22:30):
It's like when I sin a lot of the time it's that I
consciously chose that sin.
Yes so how can he forgive mewhen I was consciously doing
things that I knew he wouldn't,that God wouldn't approve of,
that other people wouldn'tapprove of.
I put myself in this situation?
How could he forgive me?
Because a lot of other peoplewould look at you and say, girl,
(22:51):
you did that to yourself,observe what happened to you.
You know all of these thingsand that's not what Christ says
right and it's impossible,especially at least for me.
I, my, my brains really mean alot of the time and my, you know
, will hold that over me and notlet me just let it go and I
(23:13):
think that that's like anotherlayer and element of the
atonement that we just have totrust that, yeah, it's true that
he doesn't, that he willremember your sins no more, that
that you know the scripture,though your.
Your clothes may be red asscarlet you know they'll be
white as snow.
Yeah, and I think that's hardfor us to truly grasp and
understand when we when we lookat ourselves and are just
(23:35):
revolted at what we see in themirror right, why?
Speaker 3 (23:37):
would he?
Jennifer (23:38):
want to be with that.
Why would he want to be okaywith what I've done, right?
Speaker 3 (23:43):
Oh yeah, it's such a it's a hard process, but it's
also so liberating.
And I remember going when I wasgoing through that life.
At that time, the lack of peacethat I had was caused so much
anguish for me, yeah, and all Icould think was I would live on
(24:05):
a corner in a cardboard box justto be okay with God again.
Yeah, that was how much.
And I still feel that way.
I would not want to give up mypeace.
That comes from my relationshipof being right with God for
anything, for any amount ofmoney, for any person, for
anything.
I wouldn't ever want to do thatRight.
And so, after the bishop toldme that it took a while for me
(24:29):
to feel it and feel forgiven,but it came.
And when it came, it was soliberating and just a bag of
rocks off of a boulder off of myshoulders, right if it's not
too personal, like how were youable to convince your brain and
yourself of that?
Jennifer (24:46):
like honestly yeah, because I feel like science has
proven that if you just keephaving these thought patterns,
they're so hard to break.
And so at what point?
Like how do you?
How did you do that?
How did you eventually believeChrist?
Speaker 3 (25:01):
Well, reading the book Believing Christ helped me
a lot.
Oh, there you go.
Jennifer (25:05):
Yeah, that book.
Speaker 3 (25:07):
For anyone who may be struggling with perfectionism
I've struggled withperfectionism throughout my life
or not forgiving yourself, notbelieving that you can be
forgiving.
That book is amazing.
Lily (25:19):
Believing Christ.
Believing Christ.
Speaker 3 (25:20):
Believing Christ.
I think it's Jeff, something isthe author, but it was
monumental for me.
Okay, that book, lots of prayer, please, heavenly Father.
I remember I would kneel, Iwould stay in prayer on my knees
until I could feel the Lordthrough the adversary Right, wow
(25:41):
, right, like, like, right, likeI feel like around us, around
me at that time there was thisthick darkness Right, and I
would just pray, that I would.
I'd said I would stay on myknees until I feel you through
the darkness, like like breakthrough that.
Yes, and then I can and I would.
I would stay on my knees forlike a long time in the dark
(26:02):
waiting to feel the Lord and Iwould, he would break through
that.
Um, satan did not want to letme go.
It was very clear.
He, I had literal, like fightswith him, like I, I would like
not literal, physical, but wordfights, right, and I could feel
his you could feel it sospiritual yeah.
(26:23):
Yeah, because he knows what wecan do.
Yes, with the Lord on our side,he knows who we are, from the
pre-existence Right.
Lily (26:30):
Exactly.
Speaker 3 (26:31):
Not want.
He did not want me to be anyway, right.
So just lots of prayer and andlots of time in the scriptures
and pleading with the.
Lord, please help me to feelthee.
Please help me to know that I'mforgiven.
Yeah, and honestly, it went onthrough my mission.
Even on my mission, I struggled.
I didn't feel that I was worthyto be there, even though I knew
(26:53):
I had gone through all thesteps I needed to and I had
repented.
I just didn't feel ever goodenough, you know, but honestly,
I don't even know how or when.
One day I just woke up and knewI was a daughter of God.
It's kind of a miracle.
That's beautiful and thank you.
And I started to I don't want tosay demand, but expect a
(27:18):
certain amount of a certain typeof treatment.
I don't want to say demand, butexpect a certain amount of a
certain type of treatment.
I began to treat, teach othershow to treat me.
My brother, brian, would alwaystell me that you have to teach
others how to treat you.
You know, and after my mission,I would, you know, stand by the
car door.
They would come open my doorand so, all of a sudden, I had
this worth, I had thisself-worth about me and, yeah,
(27:41):
with the Lord on my side, youcouldn't stop me, you couldn't
talk, you couldn't treat mebadly.
You know, right, this is reallythe amazing part.
This is kind of tying up.
This last portion ties up thewhole thing.
So I was on my mission and,again to this point, I still
didn't know if I would become amother one day.
Yeah.
And again to this point, Istill didn't know if I would
become a mother one day, yeah.
And one night I went to sleepand I had a revelatory dream.
(28:07):
Yeah.
Lily (28:13):
And in the dream I met my daughter?
Speaker 3 (28:14):
No way, yes, and I had never had a revelatory dream
before.
So I was.
I woke up falling.
I woke up falling and mycompanion, who's now one of my
very best friends right now,this day, she said to me sister,
young, why are you crying?
And I said, I said where's Jaya?
And she goes who's Jaya?
(28:37):
Yeah, and I said I just hadjaya with me all night, my
daughter, we were playing allnight, shut up.
I promise you, oh my god, makeme cry.
This is where this is where youreally start seeing heavenly
father's hand in my life.
Okay, like even more, okay, yes.
So in my dream, this birth momhanded me a baby who was half
(29:02):
Mexican and said here you go.
And I said and she was just ina diaper and she had this little
Mexican bracelet on.
And I said oh, thank you.
What is her name?
And she goes it's Jaya.
And I said well, how do youspell Jaya?
And she goes J, e, a, c, h.
And I said oh, what's the C for?
(29:24):
She goes.
I don't know.
I don't know what the C is for.
So then I, we played all night,yeah, we, we played all night
long, and I felt the love of amother.
Wow, I fell in love with her,yeah.
And then I still had to waitseven years I understand, jacob,
(29:45):
waiting for Rachel.
Seven years, are you kidding me?
I woke up and and I knew Iwould have a daughter.
I knew the puzzle piecesstarted coming together for me.
Yes, so I okay.
I don't know how this is evergoing to work out.
I don't know how I'm going toget her.
(30:06):
I don't know what's going tohappen, but I know there will be
a daughter and her name will beJaya and she will be half
Mexican.
Yep, what a tender mercy, holycow.
Such a tender mercy, wow, yeah,like a light at the end of the
tunnel, right, right, because Ididn't.
Again, I had no idea the way mylife would turn out.
Exactly, I cannot providechildren for anybody, exactly
(30:29):
Right.
But I can raise them and I canlove them, right.
So I wrote home and I told mymom and I told my brother, brian
, who was like my father figure.
We are still very close.
He's my soulmate sibling.
I call him.
I love it, I love all of mysiblings.
But I wrote home to mom andBrian and they both wrote back
and they didn't live together,different states, and they both
(30:51):
said the same thing.
They said the C stands forChrist.
Who will bring her to you?
Lily (30:55):
No way.
Speaker 3 (30:56):
Yes, and the spirit touched me from my head to my
toes and it was like that is whythe C yes, and the spirit
touched me from my head to mytoes.
Yeah, and it was like.
That is that is why the seaRight.
So you know, keep going on mymission.
I come home.
I'm living life.
I stayed home with my mom forsix months, then I moved back
out to Utah in the Orem area,right, and I start fasting and
(31:17):
praying for hardcore.
Please, heavenly father, pleasesend me my husband.
I don't know what he's gonnalook like.
I don't know how he's gonnalove me, right, but somehow he's
gonna love me.
Jennifer (31:29):
Yeah, and I'm sorry, no, you're great.
Speaker 3 (31:37):
Thank you, I was working at Jason's Deli down in
Oremam, uh-huh this is myfavorite part from his story
yeah, I had dated.
I had dated like one other guy.
You know nothing serious.
I was like you're definitelynot the one you're definitely
not.
Jennifer (31:55):
You knew what you were looking for and you I knew, I
finally knew my worth.
Speaker 3 (32:00):
Yeah, I was not dependent upon anything other
than the fact that I am God'sdaughter, right, and that the
Savior died for me, right, right.
So I was enough worth for mySavior to do that for me.
So that just resonated with me.
So I'm working at Jason's Deliand I'm doing like my fasting
and my praying and doing all mystuff, and I even did like a
(32:22):
brother of Jared experiment andI asked the Lord, like, if I go
to every activity and I go toevery fireside and I say yes to
every date and you know all my,my little personal covenant,
will you please send me myhusband Right?
And so this one day I'm justworking and I hear the bell open
the door and I turn around andI see this guy walking in,
(32:43):
looking all fine.
Jennifer (32:47):
Looking all swagger.
He said he had a swagger.
He said he had a ghetto swagger.
Speaker 3 (32:52):
Oh my gosh.
And see, growing up in SouthernCalifornia, I like that, you
like yeah, yeah, it was right upyour alley, oh my gosh.
And I would always say send mesomeone that got that ghetto
swag that loves the Lord andhonors his priesthood, and
that's my love, I love it.
Right.
He comes walking in and I did adouble take and honestly I know
this sounds silly, he lookedfamiliar to me.
Jennifer (33:15):
You know what?
I've heard that so many times.
That's not silly at all, okay,like I know saturday's warrior
thing.
Speaker 3 (33:22):
Some people believe it, some don't.
I know that we don't believe insoulmate, but something about
him was so familiar to mepre-existence, pre-existence.
Right must be not that we hadto have gotten married, but
goodness, I just, you guys,could have been besties.
Yeah, we could have beenbesties.
And so I was immediatelyattracted to him.
(33:43):
Yeah, and he, um, he would keepcoming in, you know, keep
coming in.
And he told you the story.
But we fell in love quickly.
Right, he swept me off my feet.
He, he is my Prince Charming.
He loves me.
He loves me so unconditionallyand it's totally from God, right
(34:04):
.
So we started dating.
You know, we start falling inlove.
And I told him there'ssomething I have to tell you,
and he told me there's somethingI have to tell you.
So he's like I'm an illegalimmigrant and I'm like, I'm like
, I'm from California, I'm anillegal immigrant and I'm like,
I'm like.
I'm from California, right, yep,and I said I can't have
(34:30):
children, yeah, and I told himabout my syndrome and he he
really didn't plan on havingkids in his life, so he wasn't
concerned about that, right.
And what's so special aboutDavid and my story is that David
had that similar experiencewith his ex right, where he left
that for the temple and I leftmy experience for the temple and
I feel like Heavenly Fathersaid here's two people who want,
who have righteous desires andwant the same things in life
(34:52):
Exactly.
Jennifer (34:53):
And I'm going to bring them together.
Right, you were the ring thatfit.
Right, you were the ring thatfit.
I was the ring that fit.
Speaker 3 (34:59):
You're so sweet, I remember that.
You're so sweet, so I mean Icould go on and on.
But our, our temple, ourwedding day was in the Salt Lake
temple, which was always thedream of my life and always the
dream of my heart, right, andDavid, you know David's story,
(35:19):
like he's shared with you.
I just told him, because he wascoming back to the, he had come
back to the church, but hestill didn't know all the things
, and I just told him listen,you are not doing this for me,
like you already in the church.
This is between you and theLord.
I will not drag anyone along.
(35:39):
This is between you and the Lord.
I will not drag anyone along.
This is between you and him,and that's how it was.
It was never for me I, it wasalready happening before me,
right and but to see him howhe's grown from the man I
married to the man he is today,I mean he was already amazing,
right, but it's just every dayjust even more amazing, right.
(36:03):
So we fell in love.
Jennifer (36:05):
No, go ahead.
Oh, it just made me think abouthow you know when, like you
were, meant you brought up.
You know it's, it's theindividual, right, you have to
want that relationship with Godand you have to have that drive
to do that.
But how incredible is this wholehelp meet thing, right yeah,
adam and eve like right justimagine how much more he has
(36:26):
been able to come and you'vebeen able to come closer to the
savior, because you guys areboth working together, pushing
and pulling, like trying to makeit up right back to christ, and
I think that that that isyou're literally testifying of
that that when you have a spousewho truly wants to personally
(36:46):
know Christ and you want to worktogether to personally
incorporate him into yourmarriage and into both of your
lives, it's incredible what canhappen.
Speaker 3 (36:54):
Yes, absolutely.
I love that and that makes me,that makes that reminds me of um
, um, when I kneeled down topray about David, yeah, um, I, I
was almost a little bitchastised, and I say this
(37:16):
because he didn't look like whatI had imagined, right, or what
my family had imagined for me.
He had, you know, tattoos andlike big old locs on his, like
glasses and bandana, and he wasmy style.
He was my style, but he didn'tfit the quote, unquote, mold,
right, which, honestly, is whatI love about the atonement, yeah
(37:39):
, is that there is no mold.
Yeah, and we are all God'schildren, no matter what shape
form, you know, right.
And so I kneeled down to prayabout marrying him because I
knew it was coming, I knew thequestion was coming eventually,
yeah, and this was the answer Ireceived was number one.
You prayed him to you Don'tsabotage this, right, this is
(38:05):
what you asked for, right.
Number two, the Lord asked mein my prayer so, are you done
growing right?
What?
Because I'm like, because,basically, the Lord was telling
me he is only just beginning,yeah, and like, are you finished
(38:29):
growing, like?
Right, interesting, we're allstill growing and this is just
the beginning, yeah, and soanyway, interesting, it was just
really like oh yeah, I thankyou, and it was just kind of
like a, like a loving rebuke.
I am not done with him and I amnot done and I am not done with
(38:50):
you, Right, Right.
And so it was very clear to mehands down.
The answer was yes.
So he proposed we got married.
We had this fairy taleSeriously, like I would live
that day over and over until ourtemple day.
Jennifer (39:07):
And you know what you both deserve, that let's just be
real, right here.
Speaker 3 (39:10):
Yeah, oh, it just felt like the beginning of
everything I'd ever wanted, andit has been Right.
So let's just.
I know we have to end soon.
So five years in the future,well, two years in the future,
we start the adoption processbecause we had to be married.
We both knew Jaya was coming.
Right, right, right, we knewall about Jaya, right, she was
coming just a matter of time,just a matter of time, so.
(39:33):
but we didn't know if she wouldcome on this earth.
Maybe it could have been in the, in the, we never know, right.
So we had to be married twoyears before we could put in our
adoption paperwork, and so westarted, like filling out our
profile and getting our homestudy all set up.
Jennifer (39:50):
Right Adoption's a long process.
Speaker 3 (39:52):
It's a very long process and we went through at
that time, the church, theChurch of Jesus Christ
Latter-day Saint services, theLDS family services, right, and
there was no like guarantee,right, there were.
There were couples that hadbeen waiting 10 years Exactly,
and there were couples that hadbeen matched in three months,
three days, yeah.
So there was no guarantee.
We could have gone throughother companies, right, where
(40:20):
it's like 40,000 to start andlike all these extra charges,
but you're guaranteed a baby,right.
We just had faith and so wewent through, um, the church,
the lds family services, by ourthird year marriage, we were all
set up, our profile was on, youknow, because that's a long
process.
Um, we had to do likepsychological evaluations and
physicals and conferences and Imean it was huge.
Just to become a parent was ahuge task for us, but we're we
(40:44):
don't, we don't even care, we'reso happy.
So, um, then we waited two fullyears without any fights, zero
emails, zero contacts, nothing.
Jennifer (40:59):
So you've been married four years at this point, then
um?
Speaker 3 (41:03):
five, five years, okay, yep, just about five years
.
And I mean, mother's Day wasalways hard for me.
Yeah, um, seeing babies atchurch was always difficult for
me.
I was often teary-eyed, tryingto have faith, trying to know
that it would come.
But honestly, david and I kindof got to the point where we
thought we'll just be reallygood aunt and uncle, we'll just
(41:25):
be there for all of our niecesand nephews and maybe Jaya's not
coming on this earth.
Then one Monday, after mysister's wedding, we got back
into work and David had an email.
No, david didn't know he had anemail because he'd never gotten
one before from the adoptionagency, so he didn't even know
(41:45):
what to look for.
But I had an email from oursocial workers saying, right,
congrats on your first emailfrom a birth mom.
And I said what you didn't tellme, so I don't have the emails
go to your email never again.
Yes, I got mad.
Yes, you know what I'm saying.
I got upset with David becausehe's always checking his phone
(42:06):
but he couldn't check the emailthe one time, the one time.
So, um, I immediately messagedthis birth mom back.
Her name was Lacey, is Lacey,and she was in Texas.
And this is the amazing part,this is the amazing miracle she
already was parenting twochildren.
She was a single mom, yeah, um,and she got pregnant by a
(42:31):
Mexican boyfriend.
She was Caucasian and I stilldidn't know if it was a girl or
boy.
We, we start, we were emailingback for her.
Like it was April and she wasdue in June, wow, okay.
So we started emailing and wegot close quickly, um, she was
in her mid-20s, yeah, um, andshe said, for some reason, I
(42:59):
feel that this baby is not meantfor me.
Yeah, like, I'm pregnant and Ilove my children, but the spirit
is telling me this baby is notmy baby.
Lily (43:10):
Yeah.
Speaker 3 (43:11):
Not intended for me, right.
And so I started looking on,she said.
I started looking on theprofiles.
I started going on to LDSfamily services and looking at
profiles, right.
And this one day, um, I washaving a hard day and I looked
down and then I looked back upand there was your profile.
Yeah, she goes.
I don't know how you got on myscreen, but there were you and
(43:34):
David and I just knew, wow.
So that's why she contacted usyeah and you know, after like a
month and a half maybe a month,month and a half she finally
called us right, and that's thenight she told us that she had
chosen us to, that we were theparents that she knew we were
(43:56):
Jaya's.
She didn't know Jaya's name yet, but, right.
But what's cool is, as we wouldemail, I would ask oh, like,
what's the ethnicity?
And she'd say, oh, you knowMexican and white.
But she still hadn't decidedyet.
Right, right.
And then, little by little, Iget a little more brave.
Can I ask the gender?
Yeah, oh, it's a girl.
(44:26):
Oh, my gosh, when David and Iread had to have been losing
your mind.
You have to be losing your mind, david.
Lily (44:29):
and I read it's a girl.
Speaker 3 (44:29):
We both had chills, the holy ghost from the top of
our head to the bottom of ourtoes, and we just knew, yes, we
just knew.
So when Lacey called us to tellus that we would be the parents
, we were so ecstatic so we hadlike two weeks, good thing yeah,
we had already been buyingthings at yard sales, buying
thing off family members, right,right we already had our attic
full of.
we already those are prepping.
Yeah, we were prepping, and sowe all we did was pull
(44:52):
everything out of the attic, setup her nursery.
Yeah, we got plane ticketsbecause Lacey said, um, I I'm
going to have her induced sothat I can make sure you guys
are here.
Like the whole process.
Bam, bam, bam.
We would talk all the time onSkype.
She'd show us her belly wasgetting bigger and and, um, we
were able to drive out to Texas.
(45:14):
My mom and Brian, my mom and mybrother Brian and David and I
all drove out to Texas where shelived, and we met and we bonded
and I did Lacey's toenails and,you know, massaged her feet and
all the you know all the sisterthings.
And to this day we call eachother sister, they come visit
every year that we send eachother birthday presents and
(45:34):
Christmas presents and we talkon the phone and we are all just
a big family.
Yes, which is really reallybeautiful, you know, and kind of
rare, but right, that's kind ofthat.
So Jaya was born and we got todo I got to be in the room when
Jaya was born, that's beautiful.
(45:55):
I got to hold Lacey's hand, yep, and then David got to come in
and we gave her her first bathand her first diaper and then,
from then on, I mean we had noquestion.
We were never one of thosecouples who wondered if the
birth mom would sign, right?
I mean, she signed.
Five days later we got to gohome, yes, and then we got to
adopt her six months later, gotto get sealed in the temple to
(46:15):
her, and now she's 12 and she'sour everyday miracle, right.
And it's so cute because Laceysat her two little kids down and
told, asked them, and she saidcan we do this for heavenly
father?
Heavenly father wants us to dothis and we're going to bless
this family.
And yeah, you know, and theydidn't know if we were going to
keep our word, like her and herparents, like her, right, love
(46:39):
her, like we love her wholefamily, this, there are family,
right.
But they didn't know if wewould keep our word, right.
Jennifer (46:45):
There was a lot of trust there, a lot of leaps of
faith on both ends.
Yeah, on both ends.
Speaker 3 (46:50):
And we took off from Texas with that baby and they
didn't know if they would eversee her again Right, see her
again Right.
And we've all kept our word andwe've all been blessed with
this beautiful relationship andsome people understand it and
respect it and some people don't, and I don't, I don't blame
those that don't.
It's, it's a hard, it's, it's abig deal Like it's not.
You know, it's not somethingthat everyone understands and
(47:11):
that's okay.
But Jaya has from her day, fromday one, has known her special
story, is proud of her adoption,yeah, is so loved by David's
family, my family, lacey'sfamily, and she truly is.
Jaya is the I told her the otherday you are the evidence of a
(47:31):
loving God.
That's what she is.
She is evidence that miraclesstill happen, that God is a
still a God of miracles and thathe hears our prayers and that,
if it's according to his will,he answers them.
So it to tie it all together,really, in the end, here's this
(47:53):
13 year old, 14 year old girlwho had no idea what her life
would be like.
Right, right, right Felt likean outcast, felt like a weirdo,
um, and in the end, I feel themost blessed of all women.
I have a husband who is a worthypriesthood holder, who adores
me, I mean, tells me every dayI'm beautiful, tells me every
(48:14):
day how special I am, isfiercely loyal, wonderful
provider, everything more than Icould have asked for.
My best friend, right, and wehave our daughter, your miracle
baby, our miracle baby.
And I just know, I know withall my heart that if I had not
chosen Christ, my life would bein an entirely different place.
(48:37):
Actually, I know exactly whatwhere my life would be in an
entirely different place.
Actually, I know exactly whatwhere my life would be.
Yeah, you know, yep, and Iwould be so regretful and
miserable and sad about itbecause I knew I knew better
yeah.
I just want to end with mytestimony yes, please, that I
(48:57):
know that God lives.
I know he is our father.
He's always been my daddy.
That was a big part of my storythat my dad abandoned us so I
don't right.
So heavenly father's always beenmy daddy and he gives the
biggest gifts.
He is such a big giver.
There is no sin, there is nomisdeed that is too far from the
(49:25):
grasp of our Savior JesusChrist.
Don't ever believe Satan's liesthat tell you it's too late,
you can never come back.
That is the biggest, fattest,ugliest lie you can ever hear,
and he told it to me for yearsand I'm so thankful.
I fought it until I could hearthe Savior through it, right
(49:46):
Pass through it.
That's my testimony.
Jennifer (49:54):
And I share that in the name of Jesus Christ Amen.
Thank you so much for your timetonight.
Give me goosebumps so manytimes oh gosh, I've, I've loved
it, it's been.
Your story is incredible, thankyou so much for your testimony.
And yeah, I'm blown away.
Lily (50:11):
Thank, you so much thanks again for tuning in to more
thanincidence Remembering JesusChrist in your Story.
Please follow us on socialmedia or share us with a friend.
If you have an experience you'dlike to share, feel free to
reach out tomorethancoincidencerememberhim
at gmailcom.
I can't wait to hear all of theamazing memories you all have
(50:34):
of our Savior.
See you next time.
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