Twilight (2008) w/ Andy

Episode Transcript
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(00:30):
Hello, welcome to Movie Pod, a Reclaim Cinema podcast.
This is a podcast that looks at movies that has significant
change in critical reception since their release.
And this week we're gonna be talking about a movie that it
was kind of dunked on a lot whenit came out, but always had
shooters, but it's been kind of reprised.
Thanks. The two actors becoming pretty
major talents that people reallyappreciate now.

(00:51):
So I'm enjoying My Friend Andy again, my first returning guest
Movie Pod. Oht very cool.
How's it going, Andy? Hi, thank you for having me.
It's going well. I'm very same time with
Twilight, with you yet again, millionth time.
We've seen Twilight together probably at least five times,
right? Wrong.
We've seen Twilight every singleyear for the past like 10 years.

(01:14):
OK, so it's been like 10 years, 10 times, OK, like.
Like we've so we've been married, not you and I, but I
mean my husband have been married nine years and you and I
have started watching it together way past nine years.
So at least like 12. We're going on 12 years, I feel.
So we've seen this movie a lot. We have a lot of takes on
Twilight as a franchise, especially as we go along.

(01:34):
Like this is probably the first movie, The best movie of the
bunch. Wrong.
No. Sorry, I mean best like when it
comes to like, I guess by objective terms like oh, it's
the best directive, it's the onethat's the best acted OHT it
gets way more insane. Oh, I see.
I see. I see.
OK, I see. Yeah.
And like, so, yeah, so Twilight,it's, it's a, it's a phenomenon,
right? So it's the vampire romance

(01:55):
where a young teenage, a teenagegirl, she moves to some small
town back, some small town fallsunder the vampire, there's a
love triangle with the werewolf and things just kind of.
Then they go from there, They make those 4 bucks, they make 5
movies out of them and they're insane.
Did you Have you ever read the? Books I've read the first book,

(02:15):
Oh my Introduction to Twilight, was that my girlfriend in high
school, she was really into the books.
Name names text me who was later.
I could just delete this. Ohhhhh fuck.
Bless your heart. Yeah, woman of taste.
So she was really into the booksand like I kind of mocked her
for it a little bit was kind of fun.
But then like I ended up readingthe first book just like you're
like, no, I'll give it a shot. And the first book is exactly

(02:38):
the same as with most pros. Very only minor changes in the
movie. The so but like it's like it's
like right in compelling fashion, which is interesting.
Like I thought, Oh, it's actually it's a thick book, but
it's a pretty breezy read. Oht good.
So like it wasn't really like I was doing too much homework with
it. It is insane like, but things
like when you kind of wrapped upin it, it doesn't feel as
insane. But these are insane movies.

(02:58):
Would you say like the movie is better to experience than
reading the book? Because I've never read the
book. Like do you think I would enjoy
it more the. Movie maybe.
I think it's like I've never been a teenage girl.
Neither have I. You've been a teenage.
Girl. No.
Never. Not once.
No, skip the whole thing. All things I met you and your
teenage girl. You were a teenage.
Girl, no, not where did we meet.Do yeah, We met in high school.

(03:24):
We would, really. Together, Yes, English classes
too. You love to see it, Oh my.
Goodness. So yeah.
So Twilight is based on a novel series, same name by Stephanie
Meyer. So there are four books to
release from 2005 to 2008, and they're they, they do follow the
movie, like pretty accurately. The book sold 160 million

(03:47):
copies, which is a lot. So like it was like it's like a
like a few years after, like I think the last Harry Potter book
came out around the same time asthe Twilight books.
Like this is the young adult book like revolution coming
along and like the success of Twilight leads into stuff like
Hunger Games, divergent books like that.
So it really kick started a lot of things for the book world,

(04:11):
but at Twilight itself. So like here's some of you know,
some stuff I learned about Twilight as a production movie
is that in 2004 for the first book came out, the manuscript
caught the attention of a MTV films in Paramount.
And like, oh, look, we kind of want to like make some like
capture a younger audience. So let's just try and take
whatever vampire related things supernaturally things we can

(04:31):
make. Probably after the success of
Blade too, they kind of want to look at that.
So there's a very early draft that was more like a vampire
version of Romeo and Juliet and they wanted to appeal to a male
audience. So the changes they made to
Bella Swan was like a long distance runner and there's like
A and like at one point she is riding a jet ski while being
chased by the FBI. Um, which like, I kind of wish

(04:56):
they put in the movie somehow like Chrissy Stewart, just like
on a Jesse escaping like a bunchof like FBI.
I want some FBI like chasing down Dale Cooper between.
No, it's what is. What are the bad vampire names?
Is not the Illuminati the Volturi?
The Volturi chasing poor Bella. Like, flying around would be
awesome. Yeah.

(05:17):
I was like, you know, curses in it.
There's lots of swearing in it at one point.
OK, this part, I burst a lot from it.
Read this. Bella uses a shotgun against the
vampires who killed her father. So Charlie Swan is the best
character in the entire TwilightSaga.
We'll get into him absolutely aswe go along.
But like the fact that he was, he dies in the first draft that

(05:39):
came out. Awful thing.
Terrible. What a crock of shit.
Lucky there's some management changes at Paramount and all
vampire movies and where movies were completely scrapped because
the West Craven movie cursed with Christina Ricci and Jesse
Eisenberg completely tanked at the box office.
I don't know, I never heard thisbefore until it looks like W
Craven made of like a a werewolfmovie.

(06:00):
News to me. So so that that got scrapped and
then the movies became so big that the game possibly was like,
OK, we're going to try to make Twilight into a movie now.
And Paramount writes toilet expires.
So Summit acquired them and theyagreed to something more to
contract that they would be morefaithful to the books.
I remember there was like big talk before the movies came,
like before there was the movieswere even cast.

(06:21):
I remember there were like, murmurs and I heard that like,
people really wanted Alexis Bledel to play Bella.
Could you imagine what a different vibe that would be if
we had like, Alexis, Ladelle, Bella?
Like I think she could do it. She has like I think.
She would absolutely be able. To do and like she seems to like
decrease her talking speeding Gilmore Girls like 50% and she
can probably. Get done.
I feel like if Alexis Bledel wasin it wouldn't have had been

(06:44):
like so panned. Like I feel like they could have
probably pulled it off. I think would have the same
problems because I think like, well, they they especially like
the books are so massive, like and like they wanted to appeal
the audience of the books entirely.
So like I think with with. The girlies wanted Alexis.
They did, but like, I feel like a lot of things have marked
marked. The movie was like, how?

(07:05):
Like you know how it off beat itas how strange it is, how like
you know, like how much how muchof A blank slate Bella is, which
is Kristen Stewart did incredibly well blank slate job
for the character because that'swhat the characters in the books
like. So they're trying to really just
adapt the book to be exact with the book.
They adapt the movie to whateverthe book was.

(07:26):
So I feel like whatever issues popped up with I think that Alex
located in a very good job. I think Chris Stewart.
I think we've been very similar job though, because I think they
Chris Stewart kind of understoodwhat these assignment was.
I think like because like there's not much of A character
in the books. It's supposed to be like you're
a teenage girl. You're playing like this could
be me and so like I could see it, but she could probably do a

(07:47):
very good job with it too. Like actually the complete
career projector she would have been on compared to this.
Year instead of Sin City, she's doing fucking Twilight.
How crazy. That Yeah.
When was I? When did Gilmore Girls out
again? Like I dipped out.
I don't know, like grade eights.Like what?
Like don't quote me on this I don't know, but maybe like
22,000? 4 maybe?
OK, because then they did the. Favorable.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. So like Twilight would have been

(08:09):
so have been after Twilight started up that she would have
popped up into this. Like the books you mean?
Well, the the movie came with 2008 so.
Yeah, I feel like Gilmore Girls was done before 2000.
Eight, yeah, sure. I think part of the contract,
something Meyer signed with someentertainment that had to be a
lot more faithful to the books so they can make a lot of
changes to it. Catherine Hardwick, who directs
the movie she was hired off of off of directing a 13 Lords of

(08:33):
Dogtown. 13 with Nikki Reed who is in this which was just
phenomenal as a 13 year old girlto watch but also Lords of
Dogtown. I remember in like grade 9
wanting to like get my hands on that and I have yet to watch it.
I've watched the documentary butnot the like movie.
This needs to happen. We.
Have seen large dog town but I don't know much about it but I

(08:53):
remember liking. It good excuse to to watch it
again. And then Melissa Rosenberg was
harder at the screenplay and shewould write all 5 movies.
So Rosenberg was able to crank up the script pretty fast
because the 2008 roster was supposed to happen.
So Roseburg like this, I got a script done fast.
Or also be like in development hell for a long time.
So Stephanie Mark came with a list of things that cannot be

(09:16):
changed for the movie because admirers is very aware of how
big toilet was. Like there were lines that she
wanted to keep. There's lines like in the book
that you want to keep the movie because like she knew she ran to
fans had tattooed little lines of dialogue on them.
Like that won't work in the movie, but like she want to piss
off those fans. Like hey, why isn't my tattoo in
your movie? Did she mention which ones those

(09:37):
were? Was it the spider monkey?
OHS somebody like, you know, something with a lamb and a
lion? Or something.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. The lion falls in love with.
The lady, yes. He's doing the good the the wall
pin cabbage Don on her on a mossy rock and all the girly.
Squealing. So here's the list of things
Stephanie Meyer not allowed. The vampires cannot have fangs.

(09:58):
Yeah, Stephanie, you're, you're on the OP list.
Honest to God. Yeah, like.
There could be no coffins. OK, that's like the vampire lore
had to be pretty consistent. Like the vampires had to sparkle
in the sunlight. OK, which is ridiculous.
You can't kill anyone that does not die in the book, and the
character names have to be the same as they're in.
The book that's totally fair. So like so I'm sorry but in the

(10:19):
in the books do they do not havebangs?
I hate this woman. I hate this woman so.
Much. She's such a weird take on
vampires. It's such a bizarre, like, hook
it into him because like, they're like a mortal and
friendly, but like, I guess the main guys are.
But it's actually like, it's like, it's like, you know,
basically making a mortal lover.And that was the big thing.

(10:41):
And like, I guess it could be vampires.
I don't don't turn into bats, don't fly around.
Yeah, they don't die from a stake in the heart.
They give me their neck snapped.I just, I just kind of clocked
in that, oh, my God, this is such an appropriate episode to
do with me of all people who is from Transylvania.
And it's like the fact that she's like, no, no, we can't.
Vampire bangs. It's like, sis, what are you
doing? Yeah, Like, what is this?

(11:02):
Why are you calling them vampires at this point?
Let's call them ghouls or something.
Like what? You been doing?
It's bizarre. Like there's venom, there's
sparkles they don't have like literally like if it's like,
what does a vampire here? I'm I'm 70 miles.
I'm making a movie about about the wolfman and he has like

(11:22):
naked hippopotamus ears on his head and like like just the
most. I really like spiraling.
Now I can't even like. That and I'm like, they really
drink. Like they just eat people.
They fall under like eat and murder people.
So it's like more like, I guess cannibalism than it is just like
typical vampire. Shit, I can't believe I never
clocked in that they don't actually have things.

(11:43):
Yeah, like honestly. They just look like normal with
a infiltrate, infiltrate a high school and so.
Hot. I feel so uncomfortable with
angry. So Lily Collins and Jennifer
Lawrence both screen tested for the role of Bella.
Kristen Stewart was a hard express choice.

(12:03):
I think she's probably like, of those three, probably the best
option because she can do the blank and vacant things so well.
He seems kind of awkward and weird.
Jennifer Lawrence, when she's awkward.
And we were kind of a lot more endearing.
Endearing. There's something endearing
about Chris and Stewart in this movie.
So yeah, Jackson Rathbone who plays Jasper your favorite game?

(12:25):
I hate Jasper so much everytime.Jackson Rathbone, Jasper
possible screens like a jump scare listeners.
Please mail in all your Jackson Rathbone paraphernalia.
It's Brian. He loves it.
It's just a really. Big fan, I hate it looking at
him he he he almost played Edward.
Wow, could you imagine what a. Twist Yeah.
So the final four were consider the role were Jackson Rathbone,

(12:46):
Robert Pattinson, fellow Fernandez and Ben Barnes.
I don't know. I know Ben Barnes played Prince
Caspian was later Narnia movies.I'm not sure Shiloh Fernandez
is. Hardrick really pushed for
passing because she liked the way he looked.
Kind of the wild, kind of disheveled look.
He has Marsha one point. She wanted Emily Browning and
Henry Cavill to play Bella and Edward.

(13:07):
Henry Cavill. Look, I, I mean, I don't know
how old he would have been when this movie came out, but I feel
like Henry Cavill never once ever looked like a teenager,
even when he was a teenager. Yeah.
Like he seems like God's biggestboy and there's no way you can
convince someone he's like an Emmett vibe where it's like Emma
does not come out come off looking like he's a.
Teenager. Now he just looks like.

(13:27):
Something is an enormous human being.
Yeah, like how are you gonna getfreaking?
And Taylor Lautner, he just responded.
Open casting call from Roll. Jacob Black.
We're getting a lot of Jacob later on, of course.
He's like the other part of the love triangle we got this film
and the whole series. The film was shot primarily in
Portland, OR. I think like, the Pacific

(13:48):
Northwest vibe is pretty good. This movie has a great
atmosphere and mood to it, whichI think is like what makes it
kind of standing a lot more thaneven the later.
We don't have the same kind of moodiness to them.
Because the filter is gone too. Yeah, yeah, the the colour
filter they have. Like the the blue filter in
this, it's like really? Really strong, yeah.
Yeah. Yes, initial reviews were pretty

(14:11):
mixed that you know, Roger Ebertsaid that his crowd was wrapped
with attention, though, and the positive review said like it
cashed the feeling in 13 in female how Moody it is and how
like you know how she really wanted this guy or something
that doesn't really want her back and stuff.
It's like, you know, teens and their friends and stuff.
So captures a specific feeling people liked about it and like
they like the mood, like the atmosphere, the movie.

(14:33):
They thought the soundtrack worked.
Negative reviews focus really the performances how how flat
thing come across and they foundit unintentionally funny, which
it is. Absolutely a riot.
And I was reading more about like.
And so Twilight was pretty much an entirely female power
phenomenon, which I think reallyis really interesting how like

(14:53):
this is an era that doesn't likepeople are still using chick
flick a lot as a derogatory term.
Yeah. So that women were into were a
lot really dunked upon, especially on this time to us
when Justin Bieber became reallybig as well.
And there's a like around the time there's a lot of shooting
on Justin Bieber, his persona, but also the fans too.
It's almost what what girls wereinto were completely what girls
are into. Franklin are never respected in

(15:15):
society. That was sexism.
Like back then. It was like, at least we can
look back at it and say like, Ohyeah, like this was like a lot
of sexism just like, you know, like what girls like is stupid.
What guys like. It's cool, like Iron Man will
come. Out yes please please please
tell me how Family Guy is so great but Twilight is not like
come on like get the fuck out ofhere like American Dad is just

(15:35):
top tier fucking cinema but not.Talking.
I think that's bad. Remember the time when married
an 18 year old? 107 year old and yeah, so like
young adult thing was of course happening.
And with Twilight success we getto other books with female leads
getting adaptations like Hunger Games, Divergent, Mortal

(15:56):
Instrument, Beastly. Beastly, beastly.
That is a wild movie, that is. You just gotta embrace the suck,
which they really should have done this movie and give them
some other fuckers and things. Really impressed with losing
stuff. Yeah, have Neil Patrick Harris
play a blind guy who golfs off of rooftops.
I forgot that we had. Neil Patch.
That is such a weird movie. Like that is such a I think only

(16:16):
we've seen it. Like I don't think anyone.
I do own it. Yeah, it's on the shelf, right?
Beastly Beast TBD. Let's see.
OK, so yeah, yeah, Beasley is itright there middle shelf in the
middle. Yeah, of course I got beastly.
It has the outside the extended ending with actually like

(16:37):
finishes the story cause member like the virtual doesn't have
the proper ending. Can I borrow it?
Never give it back. No, I just know.
It's my precious, beastly OHS. Did you, did you set out to buy
like did you order it or did youjust happen to like upon it when
you were like thrifting or? Something I'm pretty sure about

(16:58):
it off eBay OHS. Actually add to cart and give me
one. I don't know cause like I played
the beastly game for the week asmy friend gave it to me and
that's the funniest video game ever because it's just a
collection of mini games that doesn't follow the plot of the
movie. I've seen videos of like last
place. It is the funniest video game
ever. It's so it's like it's like the
probably the best. So that's good game for the
Nintendo Wii because it's complete shovelware mini games

(17:21):
and like that cut scenes from the movie, but it has nothing to
do with your playing. It's it's wild.
There's also some twilight videogames too, like there was like
one for the DS is almost like I think it's like a point like a
puzzle game. You would have like images in
the movies, like puzzle pieces in there.
Excellent. Can't imagine that being that
much fun. Like they're making games for
everything point in time. And yeah.
So like, I feel like a reason why people come around is a

(17:41):
little more is like the young women who grew up the franchise
are really nostalgic for it. I always see it, saw it as like
a so bad it's good franchise. That's for the way I see it the
most part. This movie I kind of like a
little more than other ones. But overall, like I'm laughing
at the movies, not laughing withthe movies are.
There any parts in the movie where you supposed to be
laughing with? I think some parts, yeah.
Like, you know, Bella's dad, he has some funny lines and and

(18:06):
they see this sincere and genuine, which I think they are
like it's like not really cynical movie with the romance
passion. It's there.
It's not like like there's actual chemistry between the
actors and stuff. There's romantic tension.
Like she wants something, she wants romance, she wants
physical affection. And like you don't see that in
movies a lot now. Like I don't think Spiderman's
and Dave and hold hands on the Spiderman movies.

(18:27):
Like, OK, like there's like noneof that, like.
Yearning. No yearning.
Yearning is the best word for it.
Like this movie is just full of yearning.
Oh yarns Isabella, who earns? Yes, we found out with the later
films. And like the fact that they
they're really dedicating the books right without compromising
themselves. Like again, like they have the
jet ski FBI scene, which is actually kind of unfortunate,

(18:49):
kind of wish they did adapt that.
But like, you know, you can see like some studio notes being
like, hey, maybe Edward shouldn't be a 100 year old
vampire who's a pedophile and belike, you know, a 25 year old
vampire. You guys have to be that old.
Like, but the fact of the stick with the books so much is kind
of like interesting because likeyou can see the script notes pop
up for like any movie in any application, which I don't
really have anymore. And I think it's the insanity

(19:11):
that moves like that choice to keep Edward over 100 years old
going back to high school million times.
I think that's makes it interesting.
Probably just go to college at least.
Yeah, like what the fuck is he up to?
Like invisible crows feet in this film.
Like you can't pass for teenager.
I'm sorry. Yeah, and I got the hurricane.
I made a point about like how like it changed perception of
the idea what the movie about a girl wouldn't be popular, will

(19:33):
make a lot of money. It's like it broke a lot of
like, you know, some records here and there.
Like the first one especially isvery like, you know, female
writer, female director, female lead, written by a book by a
female author. The fact that kind of like
kicked almost some doors a little bit there.
That's kind of good for comes to, you know, representation of
movies. So like this is definitely a
series that's for the fans too, because I was slavishly devoted
they are to making it exactly like the book, like having, you

(19:55):
know, I don't read the later books, but from reading the plus
and offices, like they are the exact same as they go along
like. They have like the Italian
vampires and. Which to be fair, I feel like
that's just, I think that's justlike if you're making a movie
for the fans, you know what I mean?
Like that's what we want like that.
Like that's what like I feel like anything.

(20:16):
I think about how like a lot of serious like you kind of like
expand your audience, like if there's not enough male singer
movie, they're gonna try like, oh, what what can we do to
capture them? Like what if he Alec, you know,
you know, another sexier vampiresomething, but they never do
that. They kind of stick with like the
characters are already established in the books.
They don't really like, you know, I think a big, you know,
like it wouldn't be big enough. We wish all the boys to see.

(20:38):
It's kind of just like doesn't fit the five of the books.
They don't really add to the movie.
I can appreciate that and like, you know what I mean.
Like, and I think that like the big reason I can be kind of
going back to his now is like everyone thought that roar
parents and Christmas were bad actors and they were completely
ridiculed across the border. Like, you know, their shit
actors. Like it took a while to shake
off the image of being the toilet people.
But like Robert Pattinson Batmannow, he was like Mickey 17.

(21:01):
He's a Mickey 17. He used the voice in the boy in
the hair and he's in a lot of great movies.
And Kristen Stewart, like in Academy Award nominated actress,
she is like a good like she's they've both shown like they can
be in other movies and be very good and they were doing their
parts pretty well for the movies.
And like fans like sure, like people were wish casting other
people. Like I think overall people
liked who the cast overall the end like for all three of the

(21:24):
main actors. And like it's funny cause like
they were they weren't for raceswere the first with the all the
other 4 movies. Not for a lot of Razzies for
which I feel like is like the Razzies suck.
They're very annoying. I feel I've just lost sexually
always what girls like. And yeah, like, I feel like a
lot of the blame for the movies are put towards them rather than
the material, like how crazy they crazy the material is and

(21:45):
like, how like, how not characters they really are.
They don't really have much. Like, what does Edward have to
offer Bella other than like, I will protect you?
It's not like, you know, like I don't like, I like watch like,
oh, we can watch like in the thesame like Mariners game
together. It's just like, no, we're just
gonna talk about protecting one another, how much we love each.
Other just listen to Claire de Lune on repeat.

(22:06):
That is such a weird tactic He has like it was a girl does very
was like, oh, I said Claire de Loon like ready to go so
beautiful. Have it.
Which has to be a thing from thebook, right?
Because like. It must be, yeah.
Because think about how like themusic in this movie, the
soundtrack pretty good. They have a lot of.
Various soundtrack absolutely rips in my opinion is like the
best part of the. Whole thing.

(22:26):
And apparently the soundtrack was just like, chosen by Kristen
Stewart and Robert Pattinson. They were the ones that were
just like, yeah, why don't you have this song?
Have this song, this song. And it's like.
And they all except for one song, which you will absolutely
get to because it's the best part of the.
And like I've read some more of the feminist reads on Twilight
change over time too because like always, like, oh, it's

(22:47):
sexist. Looks like, you know, like them
falling like Stephanie Meyers isMormon.
So like there's a lot of like this is like a Mormon romance
story, which I find to be prettyinteresting.
But like, there's a lot of like,you know, the men being
controlling and stuff and a woman just like getting married
early on to have sex and stuff. But like I see some more
defenders with the romance too, because I read one article in an
article. I saw an article online Bitch

(23:08):
magazine could call this saga abstinence porn because the
whole, it's like 4 movies that build up.
Like she wants to get fucked. And he's like, no, I can't, I'll
hurt you. I'm too powerful.
And there's chemistry with that.There is like actual tension
with it. And like they're not sexless
people. Hmm, is it that he he wants it?
Like he can't hurt her and she wants it?
Cause like I want this vampire Din me so badly.

(23:31):
And it kind of stands out now because like it's rare to see
actual female sexual desire in amovie.
Like I don't see that often at all, except for especially
mainstream would be based on like a young adult book.
Like those Harry Potter movies don't really have a think about
The Hunger Games movies and how like there's a love triangle in
those movies, but like there's no real romantic attraction.

(23:52):
It seems like a. Force now in fairness, in The
Hunger Games they have bigger fish to fry.
Sure does make sense. Like she has other things to
worry about than like. Yeah, she's gonna fight.
More going on, but you know whatI mean, one thing I I gotta say
I don't really appreciate about the way this character like
Edward was written, I guess. And just like that dynamic is it

(24:13):
very much gives me the impression it's just like he
doesn't. It's like he it comes off as
like he knows better, you know what I mean?
Yeah. And she's like, well, this is
like my bodily autonomy. And I'm saying that like I am
ready to take this next step andlike, you clearly want to do
this and I want to do this and him being like, no, no, but in
that 100 and but even let's say like she was like 23 and he's

(24:36):
still like 130 or whatever, justthe fact that he's like, no, no,
I'm deciding for you that you are already.
I don't appreciate that. That comes off a little like a
lot. Icky it is, yeah.
You know what I mean? And it's just like, I can see
where the weird sexism, like I'mthe man of the house.
I know better like comes into play there.
You know what? I.
Mean and like even like, you know, in the saga when like they

(24:58):
are together, they're like married and stuff like.
OK, yeah, Like, so it's like, let's jump forward.
It's like the 4th movie or whatever.
And they're on their honeymoon and they finally have
intercourse and she's like, cool, I wanna do this again.
And he's like, no, I've decided that I don't want to keep doing
this because I was a little rough and you have a little
bruise and. Clear, like the small little
bruise on her. Arm and it's just like well,

(25:20):
she's clearly she clearly like she's saying to him like she had
a nice time and enjoyed herself and would like to continue this
and he's like no, no, I'm still going to choose for you even
though he is still like horned up and wants to like, you know
what I mean like a very much this keeps happening and it's
like ah what the. Fuck, the power dynamic is often
in his hands. Yeah, it's very much like a this

(25:42):
is this relationship isn't a partnership.
It is a like I'm at the top and I'm gonna make the final say and
call to your bodily autonomy. I like, oh, she's pressuring him
to have sex and he doesn't wannahave sex cause that's different.
Very much is like no they both want it but he's deciding for
her that she's she can't handle.She's not ready.
She's not ready for right now. And it's just like, this isn't

(26:02):
romantic or like, this isn't like, ooh, like, sexy tension.
This is just, like, very frustrating and achy, you know
what I mean? Yeah.
If we also just completely ignore the nastiness of Jesus
fucking Christ, you're like 135 and she's like 70.
Prison venereal diseases that like when extinct, like back in
the 1930s. But it's just like what the
Yeah, yeah, sorry for that. Rant.

(26:24):
Oh, no worries. That's always kind of irked me
about. Yeah, like also about the power
play dynamics too. Like, because a ton of fan
fiction, of course. And get 50 Shades of Gray.
Sorry, just to jump in. I don't know how like, you wanna
do this, but just this that reminded me of like, So like
eventually she would like to be turned into a vampire.
And again, he's like, no, you'renot ready for it.

(26:44):
Yeah. And he's again, ignoring her,
like, bodily autonomy and her decisions of like, I want this
for myself. And he's like, you're not ready.
And it's like, girl, just move on.
Team Team Jacob for the win because he wouldn't treat.
You there's someone else in the wings like he's like a weird his
own way too, but like there's also like why like I'm.
Sorry, what point are you going to start listening to her and
what she wants for her own fucking body, her own choices.

(27:08):
That's like her being like, hey babes, I turned 25, I'll go get
myself like my belly button piercing poop.
And he's like, no, you're not ready, babes.
Like we can't. But also you can't get that.
Pierce these are just everyone she's met with her like her two
days moving to Newtown, like if she like, I don't know, like
spends another week there. She like maybe meet a nice
normal human guy at a coffee shop or something or like

(27:29):
someone actually similar interest her.
But no, she has like all her friends she meets within the
first week she's there and no one else.
And I'm just like, oh, I have tosettle for one or two here.
Like no girl have more have morefaith in.
Herself. There's cuter guys, there's
plenty of fish in the sea. You don't have to settle for the
one cute guy in this and. Even he really wants some
vampire Dick that badly. There's other vampires in the

(27:51):
world too. OHS OHS.
Like. Cock one of them like yeah
that'd be hilarious completely destroyed the Cullen family
dynamic yeah so let's get to themovie itself it opens up with
like balancing a quick. Oht but Brian, but have you ever
given much thought to how you would.
Die. No, I haven't.
But does dying while recording in a Twilight podcast with

(28:12):
someone you love seem like a good way to go?
Does it? Does it seem like the way to?
Go. By the way, I'm taking this both
out. So and like, it's the most emo
thing ever, but the way she talks and like, it's a lush
Pacific Northwest forest. There's a dog drinking some
water that's being chased by some human figure.
It grabs the deer and cuts away.And we cut to Phoenix when we

(28:35):
meet our hero herself, Bella Swan.
She's holding a pot with the little cactus in it, and she's
holding a little, what is it called?
Treble Through, through. And I watched that for like the
millionth time and I just thought to myself, they're
literally going to a place whereit like, it's constantly
raining. That cactus is gonna die.
So I gotta get him. Something.
Yeah, I just put it into. This not responsible, no
supposed to be reminder of her time with Phoenix in the desert.

(28:58):
It will. It will wilt and die.
And, like, she's gonna miss her mom a lot, too.
And so like, yeah, so Belle played by Kristen Stewart.
We talked a little bit already, and her mom played his mom.
Her mom's getting married to a new guy.
And he's a minor. He's a minor League Baseball
player. And he looks exactly like you
would expect a minor League Baseball player to look like.
We hear about him a little bit. Like he has no personality.
Bella never inquires with him. Like ever.

(29:19):
Speaking rules and the whole. Series he's like I love you both
we gotta get in the car right now in the scene that.
So there you go and Simmons played by us Eric Clark.
She's best known as Nina Myers in 24 yeah yeah.
So Bella moves to force, which is where Forks, WA is, where her
dad lives. So we transitioned the scene,
Forks, WA, the Pacific Northwest, all the trees there.
We have Telecard, Twilight. Bella is in the cop cars are dad

(29:41):
because her dad is a cop. So like she's like arrested or
anything. And yeah, so her dad, Charlie
Swans with Billy Burke and he's the best character in the
franchise by far. He's completely.
Quoted he's. Completely ignorant of all the
supernatural shit happening around him.
He's a horrible, horrible cop that solves no crimes
whatsoever. He spends all his day drinking
at Rainier Beer and like everything is just drinking a

(30:04):
beer inside, cleaning a shotgun,drinking a beer.
He's like watching the Seattle Mariners play, drinking a beer.
And he like, loves his daughter,clearly.
But he's just like, I'm aware ofhow, like actually be a good
father. Just delightfully awkward.
Yeah. Because it's, it's very much
that divorced dad energy of like, OK, like you left when you
were like 5 and you're coming back now as a teenager.
And it's like, I like, you're kind of like a stranger to me.

(30:27):
We probably talk on the phone onholidays and birthdays, but we,
you clearly don't visit too much.
And I'm like, uncomfortable. I don't want to do the wrong
thing because it's like, I'm some old guy and it's like, OK,
like teenage girls, like, they can get a little.
They can get a little prick. You can't be stepping on our
toes here. And he's just, bless his heart,
he's just trying his best. Yeah, he's like a nice guy.
Like it's not like he's like a Dick bag father who's really

(30:49):
mean to like a he's definitely trust Edward too much because
she's really trust anyone aroundhis daughter really.
But like he he has a lot of agency.
Like she's not like like, you know, punish a lot for doing
things by her dad. Like it's actually pretty nice
father daughter relationship. He's he's.
He seems like a very sweet character.
Yeah, so like she moves back into her dad's house there, and

(31:11):
this house is available on Airbnb.
Yes it is, and if you weren't a coward you would.
Airbnb would be. No, I looked it up.
So like it's so like either how many bookings available or
they're completely booked through to, to at least 2028,
there's no bookings. Available.
We gotta do 2040. No 2030.
That's when we got to do it for my 40th birthday.

(31:33):
Most seasons change montage frommovie 2 and then big window like
we. Need it and like it is that it
is the house where they film with the movies, the interiors
of the like it was not a set like that is the actual house
and the listings really finds that shit like oh, you can eat
where the columns you can eat where the Swansea you can like,
you know, do this. And do you ever eat in the home?

(31:54):
There's a couple of parts for I I don't think I'm sure Bella
eats. I think it's just Bellas dad
drinking beer, drinking beers. Yeah.
Which is like, you know, pretty good.
Is it in the same city where thewhole movie was?
Filmed, yeah, all filmed in Portland and surrounding area so
I think the diner will be there too, so.
We gotta do a Charlie Swan tour where we just drink a beer in
every scene that he's drink a beer in.

(32:16):
So we go to the diner and have this little burger and drink a
beer off the table on this. So he's drinking a reindeer beer
the entire time. And so I looked it up like I
wanna get some Rainier beer for this recording, but could not
get in Ontario. So like, I don't think it's
available in Canada or I think it's available in BC but not
here. So which is kind of bullshit.

(32:36):
So would love to have done that.So apparently Billy Burke
himself was from Pacific Northwest.
So he was suggesting kind of it's like, hey, can I wear a
mustache first rolling Sure lookgreat with it and like what I
want some vitamin R like what's vitamin R like OHT right near a
beer. So that is the nickname for
which they actually call it in the movie, which I didn't
realize before. No way.
So like vitamin R as well like him and Billy Black Jacobs dad

(32:58):
or drinking like hey got some vitamin or watching the
Mariners. Game with that fish fry.
That famous fish fry. With the big like brown bag
that's like Saki 3. Soggy paper bag.
So yeah, this is like, this is the point where she's on the
room and she looks outside. There's a Bellows asked me a
couple of guys with the truck there, and it's Billy Black
played by Gilbert Birmingham andJacob Black played with Taylor

(33:18):
Lautner. So they're both Indigenous
members of the we let people. And so Billy's wheelchair and
him and Charlie in the background like power last like
12 year old boys so. Street in the middle of the
fucking St. Yeah, also, by the way, like
literally in the street you could get zipped by a car.
It's a nice little character. Moments like their friends are
the whole series too and stuff. You can tell they're absolute

(33:38):
besties, absolutely know they're.
Besties and like so Jacob and Bella were apparently they're
friends with young Cabela's livein Forks so become requinto now.
Don't really know each other, haven't talked in like forever.
In the background of the scene, there are kids playing like
tossing a soccer ball back and forth, not kicking, but tossing
a soccer ball back and forth. But I we caught on last night.

(34:00):
That was like, OK. So this red truck, the Chevy
truck Billy is selling to Charlie to give to Bella's
homecoming gift. So Bell is taking this truck to
school. She knows no one.
She stands up because the truck is red and there's nothing else
in this town with colour at all.I never really, it's like
everything's like, you know, black, grey and stuff.
All the cars are shit. But she really stands out when
she drives into. School.

(34:21):
It's a cute little truck. I like that.
It's like like a like round, notlike a square body truck bubbly
like round. And there's a nice little scene
where Jacob is trying to teach Bell how to use the clutch and
stuff. Like, she's kind of getting some
lessons from Jacobs and like, little things here and there,
like some, you know, she's interactions between the two.
Also a very nice thing of the dad to be like, OK, like you
live here now, I bought you a car.

(34:41):
I know, right? That's very kind.
Of him and so the high school they film at Chris and Stewart
was 17 when they're making this movie so she was still in high
school so they actually when shehad her coursework which had to
do young actors she was actuallydoing her coursework within the
school itself. So she was actually in school at
that school. I love it.
I like she was like seclusion classroom and stuff between
filming scenes and people will be like peeking in like going to

(35:03):
see the actress on the set therebecause Christmas was a child
actress like she's been. Things.
So she's been in things. So she is like a bit of an
established actor. Pattinson, not sure what he was
in before Twilight, he's been more of.
An utter was it? Right, Harry Potter.
Yeah, Harry Potter, the Goblet of Fire pops than that, yeah.
MMM. And so we introduced to with
her, if you get, you get introduced to the classmates at

(35:25):
school to become her friends, her very disposable friends.
Like she completely forgets about them very fast.
Yet they're in every single damnmovie.
So when the character Mike pops up, does he not give you
Chandler Bing vibes? Yeah.
Like he kind of looks like he could be Chandler Bing Sun and
straight up like very similar. Personality, yeah, very awkward,
like, you know, little sarcasticand stuff.

(35:46):
Has no confidence himself whatsoever.
Yeah. Yeah.
So like he meets, she misses himand gym class, but the first
person she runs into is Eric, played by Justin Sean.
He's overly helpful as building,you know, his haircuts, like
he's in the band AFI or something.
Like absolutely adore this character because I swear to
God, we all went to high school with one of these characters.
It's just like, like you're wearing like a dress shirt, a, a

(36:08):
tie. Your hair is just like quaffed
just so like, it's just like, bless your heart, you're really
into music. Like it's just like, yes.
He love it. He's probably the student
newspaper something that's very into himself.
So he pretty much the character dynamics pretty fast and just
the way he talks. This guy doesn't matter.
Overall the greatest team of things whatsoever.
Once Bella meets a vampire who'slike who she wants to have sex

(36:29):
with like she doesn't know interest in her human friends
whatsoever. This actor though, so Justin
Sean, this actor is an AK Pop parody group called Boys.
Generally Asian. Tell me more.
So boys, the cameras. I don't care about this podcast.
Tell me more. About this so boys generally
Asian or around between 2016 and2018 they have two songs,

(36:49):
neither on Spotify OHS reading Wikipedia page so but.
They're like sticks. What they would do is like they
would basically have come out the single there, but do all the
typical K Pop promo for that single.
There's like videos and things like that.
I didn't look at anything beyondthat.
I was wanting you to. I love this.
Thank you. I Oh my God, me and my K Pop.
That's you're gonna fucking loseit about this.

(37:11):
I gotta tell. Him so like yeah, so this guy,
I'm not sure what else he's really in much, but he sucks.
I don't like this guy with the character sucks like he's like
oh hey pretty girl anything you need help with I can be a tour
guide, a lunch date, a shoulder to cry on.
He's just, he's everything. He's got it all.
He invites her to LA Push, anything, you know what I mean?
Like he's got. And Bella says to him and

(37:31):
they're like, I'm a suffer in silence type, which basically is
like means fuck off, fuck right off.
And yeah, so the gym class, she meets Mike there.
We see Bella like who's like, you know, clumsy and gym class
not coordinated with the volleyball and stuff which like.
Beamed on the head with a volleyball, which we've all been
there, man. Like her being clumsy with the
one character trait she has in the books, like, oh, Bell is
clumsy. That's the only thing she's
going for her. So like, it's really flat card

(37:54):
was just nothing going on. And apparently Kristen Stewart,
she's really good volleyball in real life.
Oh, really? Yeah.
So you play volleyball in high score self.
So like, she had like, you know,really fake being bad.
Well, and she meets Mike by actually watching a volleyball
in the back of Mike's head, which is awesome.
And this guy fucking sucks too. He I dislike his character so
much more than what the other guys.
Name Eric. Yeah, my Mike Rolls because he

(38:16):
gets completely humiliated in the second movie and the
funniest way possible and was like, what do you think?
What do you thinks is the date? And it gets completely cucked on
that date by Jacob. It's the funniest thing in the
world. Like I'm just scared about this
movie. Can I go home now?
It's so funny. And also in gym class will meet
the the spunky fun character Jessica, played by Anna

(38:37):
Kendrick. Our favorite girl she makes.
It yeah, so she has a Tony nominee child actress at this
point and she's all these moves,which is insane.
She breaks out like the next year was like up in the air and
Scott Pilgrim versus the. World I like saying like her
acting is like hers and Charlie's are the best acting in
the entire. Franchise yeah because he she
completely she yeah she understands what she's up to so
like she's playing this kind of like.

(38:58):
Jealous of like, she very like clearly has a crush on Mike.
Jealous that the Bellas this shiny new toy and everyone kind
of like focusing on her. But since like everyone wants to
be her friend, she's like, well,I guess can't be mean to her.
I guess I gotta tag along and like, Oh yeah.
And just very gossipy OHT here, all the columns wrapped.
So here's this dynamic. I know all the dynamics of the
school right here. You gotta listen to me.
It should be the centre of. Attention.

(39:20):
We've all known a girl like that.
Absolutely. It's like she has a very self
centred wedding speech in the 4th movie, which is really funny
and like good for dinner for keep coming back because I
guarantee you I like she could probably be like, I know I think
she said something like, yeah, they're easy to film and stuff.
They're kind of fun to show for a couple days.
And like, you know, it was great.
Like, we meet the final disposable friend, which is
Angela. She's like a combination of two

(39:41):
other characters in the book. So she's kind of something
made-up for this movie. Oh, really?
Because like, these friends don't matter.
So why do you need all of them? And she lacks confidence, kind
of awkward. But Christians Serratos, whose
parents in The Walking Dead. But like everyone in The Walking
Dead that shows me in 5 million years.
So that eating lunch in the cafeteria and.
She sexually assaulted by a man by the classmate.

(40:02):
Was this part? It's this is the part where it's
like, oh, like Bella sit next tome or like something like that.
And then like this one, the the guy that ends up almost hitting.
You with his right, Yeah. Just rolls up out of nowhere and
just like kisses her on like thecheek just.
All that's so weird. Which is like people, we don't,
people don't like that. Like no, just like, kiss a
stranger like. That like yeah, ohk guys icky I
don't like. Consent is a thing.

(40:24):
Like please don't just be like getting your smoochers out for
just strangers like. That so like this is the part
where Jess is being really gossipy in the lunchroom, the
cafeteria, and a bunch of pale face weirdo start walking around
outside. With their with their in their
grey sweats and their zip lock bag full of Deviled.
Eggs, hard boiled eggs. So I'll get into that in a

(40:44):
second. So like the they're all walking
in like and Jessica's explainingwho they all are, like their
doctrine. Miss Collins Foster.
Kids. OK, so here's my hot take on.
Tell me a little bit more and then I'll tell you my hot take
on this. Yeah, so we so we introduced
like one at a time. So like first we see Emmett
Cullen, played by Kellan Lutz, with a bag, a clear bag of soft

(41:04):
boiled eggs. Well, they have to be hard
boiled, right? Yeah, I guess I took a bag of
hard boiled eggs. It makes zero sense for the
character because, well, he's a vampire, right?
He doesn't fucking. Eggs Really candy.
SO3 zombies, the reason why it'sin the movies, Catherine
Hardwick said that she's callinglots.
He's clearly in shape so he has his own strict diet.
So he walked on the set with a dozen eggs and like zip lock bag
himself. Those were just kids.
Earnest, hard boiled. Eggs and looks like she was

(41:26):
really fucking funny this guys walking up like bag of eggs like
we gotta have you this we walking around with eggs.
This is outrageous. Makes no.
Sense protein babes, Yeah. And so Emmett mate or partner
isn't Rosalie play with Nikki rages enough.
She Co wrote and starred in a Catholic priest when 13.
Fantastic film. She's not in this movie that

(41:46):
much, showing a couple of parts in this.
So like Emmett Rosalie, there are a couple and Anna Kendrick,
like I'm not sure that's legal because they're foster siblings.
And here's my hot take. This is where it all started.
Everyone loving this whole like step sibling situation.
This was the seed that was planted way back in 2008 and
this film. This is what Star like, like all

(42:07):
these porn storylines, was Twilight.
Because of this scene in Twilight we have in, you know,
911, however many years later, that guy from Texas liking that
tweet. Oht Ted Cruz like in the porn
I'm 911 like. Taking the steps and we have
this scene to thank for. That, to be fair, wasn't step

(42:29):
sibling and step mom step. Son step.
Just the step family. The whole thing that basic
changed porn forever is oh, it'staboo, it's risky, but like
these colours? Like even taboo you're not
related like. Yes, it is taboo like you're
like if the dynamic still there like these people are these
people like Emma and Rosalie, they're foster siblings.
Have they been like, well, sorry, the guys of foster

(42:51):
something like what they're pretending to be.
Yeah, they're not. They're like immortal vampire
has been together for decades like like they're like language
has been around for long, but they're pretending to be foster
siblings. So if you like.
It's so fucked up and. Fucking.
But so entertaining is like, yeah, it was legal, but angels
like it's fine. They're not actually related,
Kendrick, just like, yeah, but they live together.
It's weird, which it is. It's incredibly strange.

(43:13):
All the dynamics are strange. Doesn't all relations are
strange and so? Like fucking family, man.
Yeah, and so then we see the telling Alice played with Ashley
Greene is kind of like a Pixie cut thing.
You can tell she's the quirky one because her hair like, whips
out. Apparently they wanted to make
this character Japanese for the adaptation.
So you don't have some some like, you know, different
ethnicities movie, but somewheresaid no, she asked me white.

(43:34):
Huh. That's the Mormon in.
You. Yeah, she's being trolled around
by her brother lover Jasper. Your favorite character?
Jasper, I fucking hate you staying with Jackson Rathbone.
He always looks like he just letout a fart.
Saka or the Avatar? Movie.
Yeah, he was a soccer in The Last Airbender.

(43:54):
They went Shaman Movie. He's awful in that movie.
He looks like he's never been a movie before in his life.
And Anna Kendrick says like Jasper always looks like he's in
pain, which he does look he's inpain.
He looks like which? In fairness though, kinda does
make sense he's actually very good actor because he is kind of
in pain cause he was the newly transformed.
Yeah, he's the newest vegetarian.

(44:15):
They call us vegetarians becausethey don't eat humans.
Yeah. So like, he wants to eat
everyone's classroom right now. Yeah, and he's.
Trying to control. He's just he's fighting these
nicotine cravings. So yeah, I mean, it makes sense.
He's actually a very. Yeah, he looks ghoulish like if
I was like if I saw him walking around my high school, I called
the police like and spoiler in the third movie, they really
fought for the Confederacy. He fought for slavery.

(44:38):
Like this is not him exaggerating.
This is Larry's flashback in thethird movie is like you got
turned by like a couple like Atrio vampire women during the
Civil war like insane thing to do And also this whole part in
the 30s and same because he getsa actually I'm Jackson Rathbone.
Actually. KFC Bourbon and Anna Kendrick

(45:02):
says, would you always be like, oh, Doctor Collins is foster dad
matchmaker. Yeah, which is insane, but what
are you talking about? You should be like Shane.
So not I'm like, oh, they're so dreamy.
It's the most fucked up dynamic in the world.
Like, what the fuck is wrong with this movie?
Like, I think is OK. I try to like, you know, maybe
Twilight is like, you know, something in there for a girl,
young girls and stuff like that.Maybe just feminist in some

(45:23):
ways. We look at it.
Maybe it's very sincere. So I'm going to show you this.
Like why the fuck am I defendingthis movie?
She. Had like the Angel said
something she's like, oh, maybe a doctor Colin will adopt me
like what the fuck is your you're in the step porn stuff
too, because you actually want to like you know he like adopted

(45:45):
and having a foster brother you can fuck like this is insane.
No one this movie is normal at all.
But we finally get introduced the final column and here he
comes Micki 17 himself. It's Robert Pattinson as a
Edward Cullen and the crowd goesnuts.
The girls found him handsome. They're all horned up for this
guy and it's like all the colours are sitting down at the
table. They're Emmett with his eggs and
Bella cannot stop looking over at Edward and Edward keep

(46:07):
looking like you swallowed a bug.
He's like. He swallowed and damned.
Yeah, and so in science class, Bella walks in, a fan blows, and
downwind of her as a Edward editor responds like he just
jizzed in his pants. He sidebar the the the science
teachers clearly Tony Shaloub. He looks just like I didn't

(46:30):
write down what the actors name was.
He looks like he feels that. He feels exactly a science
teacher. Yeah, he's a very, like, he's a
very charming, like, bless his little heart.
He just wants kids to learn about science.
And so Edwards like covering hisnose and mouth, He's around
Bella, he lives comfortably around her.
He leaves the class and try it goes the guidance counselor.
It's like switch classes. Could you imagine being 104
years old and going to a guidance counselor?

(46:53):
That's so shameful. Having to raise your hand, You.
Excuse me, Mr. Teacher, I have to go.
We Hey, like, why are you doing this to yourself?
Yeah, university. My God.
Like you, you have visible crowsfeet like.
You're not passing, no. Just kidding you.

(47:16):
Yeah, exactly. Like maybe the plan is because
like the, the, the reason why they going back to high school
is because like they don't age. They wanna stick together in one
spot together as a family as long as they can.
And they start in high school, they can get like maybe 7 years
and pretend like they're the same age.
Real notice that they've, you know, they don't age at all.
But I don't know, I would just like move up and down the coast
rather fucking go to a high school.

(47:37):
I don't. I do not want to go through
grade 11 physics again. That's what's up.
It's like, like, I cannot think of a greater hell yeah to have
to experience that over and overand over again.
I don't wanna be interacting with teenagers at all my life.
And honestly at this point, likeyou're risking like a like a
school shooting. Yeah, like you're putting your
life. That's gotta be a fan fiction,
right? Like a really dark fanfiction.

(47:59):
Of. Like sure, like the common
stopping of school shooting or something like like Christ, it's
like, yeah, it's such a fucked up dynamic.
And so like Bella is like reallyintrigued by Edwards like
pajamas change classes. I see.
Like so like next day she seems like all the columns arrive in a
park in the parking lot and Mr. staying on top of the.
Like, but like the fucking golden retriever.

(48:21):
He is God's sweetest man. Just like a little dog with his
head out the fucking window. It is the most endearing and
just. I bet you I.
It was Kellan Lutz's idea. Was it because I was gonna say
like, I bet you that's just how does you know what I mean?
Like that's just how he. And so all the colours there
except for Edwards. So she's like what the where is

(48:43):
this guy? And so like Edward skipping
class and like he's not there for a few days and we cut to a,
there's a guy in a hard hat. He's like a factor or something
that he's being chased around. And I got some sinister foot and
same kind of like the human figure we saw eat this dough or
something, or something simple like that.
So there's some menace in the area and we cut back just a few

(49:04):
times, but then we get back to this boring stuff at the high
school. So Everett finally shows up in
class. He's normal now, not bugging
out. He just like I remember calling.
Chatty Cathy. Now, yeah, and like a learning
about mitosis or something in class and like Edward knows the
answers very quickly, obviously taking this class 30 times
already and. And of course is like when she's
like, oh, it's prophase metaphase.

(49:25):
Whenever he's like, mind if I check?
Because it's just like his vibe is fucking awful.
Yeah. Like it's very much like he
knows better than her, regardless of the situation.
Yeah, I'm. I can't defend this shit.
I'm not Team Edward. I'm sorry.
He needs a better attitude. I think the biggest difference
here is because I am overall team Edward compared to team
Jacob despite the pedophilia thing because I think that Jacob

(49:48):
is very aggro with her and it's very very obnoxious and it's
like basically all Jacob does islike grab Bellas arm like you
can't be with him God be with meinstead.
I think that's his entire dynamic.
It's very frustrating. Also spoiler for the 5th book or
no sorry 5th the 4th movie is that he falls in love with the
baby he falls in love that baby and it's fucked up and weird and

(50:10):
so in class with Edward Robert Pattinson's eyes are like orange
now they're coming more golden looking these CGI to make those
look there's. Golden like honey.
Yeah, so she's suspicious. So apparently the colour changes
due to hunger for blood. Really.
Yeah. I listen to the audio commentary
for this movie with Catherine Hardwick.
Kristen Stewart's got a lot of details.
I kind of missed the smaller things.

(50:30):
You know, they actually were pretty detailed folks, which is
pretty interesting. So, yeah, in the parking lot,
that one creep that kissed her on the cheek there, he's driving
under control in the van and he almost hit the bell.
Edward Johnson between her and the van.
Sixes are amount stops the van leaving a big dents in it, and
Bell is at the hospital. Charlie's yelling at this kid
that almost killed her, which rolls, and she's being treated

(50:51):
by that Carlisle Cullen, played by Peter Facinelli.
He was like Mike Dexter can't hardly wait.
So she's, she's the doctor in town.
He's like the palest of them all.
He looks like he's wearing like 8 inches of makeup, like powdery
like like like you, you are likeMarie Antoinette bestie and you
were just all white. You know what I mean?
Cause you're just like in all ofthis white man kind of thing.

(51:13):
Yeah, so like, she's Bella's fine, like, despite his
accident. And you know, she goes back to
the parking lot, she activates her Witcher vision, the PCO
happens. Again, in this scene, again,
another critique of Edward. Again, he's just, like, trying
to gas later. OK, two critiques.
OK, two things I wanted to mention.
So it's like, she's like, she talks to the doctor, the doctor,

(51:33):
vampire, and then, like, goes out in the hallway and sees
Edward. And she's like, you, How did you
get to me? Like, you were across the
parking lot. You got to me so fast.
What's up? And he's just trying to gaslight
her being like, no, like, that never happens.
Like, no ones gonna believe you.And it's just like, the whole
attitude is not great. And also, I just kind of want to
mention, like, the little tiny scene before that happens is she
overhears Edward and Rosalie talking and him being like,

(51:57):
well, what? What did you expect me to do?
Like, I wasn't just going to lether die because Rosalie's upset
with him that he kind of showed his hours and kind of revealed
to her that he's not your typical human and and she's
like, well, this effects all of us now.
So Rosalie is OK with Edward letting Bella get smushed, but
she's not OK later on? Spoilers with Bella getting an

(52:20):
abortion. Yeah, right.
Yeah. Interesting.
Yeah. Interesting.
Just to make their. Rosemary.
Interesting. Politics.
And so Bella is like, you know, using detective vision, like
figure out what happened, like pieces and get like the axe
where everyone standing and stuff.
So this is extremely suspicious Edward stuff.
And she was asked about prom by by Mike.

(52:42):
And Bella is too busy to pay even pay attention to him.
It's like he's talking and like the focus is entirely Edward.
And was like mad dogging her like crazy.
Was trying to like lit eavesdropin and like hear what's going.
On and he's like like no I can'tgo to prom because like I'm
gonna Jackson to see my mom again he's like could you go
another weekend like take a hintto.
This just like please. I'm just trying to politely say
no, I don't. Want to go with you it's nursing

(53:03):
the cafeteria and emitting a rice crispy square, which
doesn't make any sense at all again it's like kind of like
it's kind of funny quirky was doing that it was like well he
doesn't eat food like there's a whole big parties maybe and they
set up a big surf trip so they. Go to the push baby.
Push. Yeah, push.
And in the I just leave the cafeteria.
She fell drops apple and Edwardsable to catch it was super,

(53:25):
super speed and stuff like that.Yeah, he makes, he makes the
cover of the book, which is the apple.
Yeah, holding the apple. Which means temptation.
Is that what that's OHT? My God.
It's a metaphor. Holy shit.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. And.
Layers on layers. Yeah, so at the beach,
everyone's surfing is La Push isin the Quelet tribal territory

(53:49):
and Jacob is Bishop and he says something about all the columns
don't are allowed here. So Jacob and Bella are alone.
They're walking along and Jacob song or something old spooky
story about how the legend of how the killets are descended
from wolves and the colours descended from enemy clan.
And we have sepia tone flashbackof like the column boys, like
they look like in Red Dead Redemption 2 and like they're

(54:09):
killing a deer. They have like little like like
paper boy caps on and like, yeah, that's very.
Funny so the IT is the actor just like for our paths and
stuff in these old timey outfitsare just so funny.
And because like the the chief caught them hunting their land.
They was like, hey, these guys are something different.
So they made a pact. They wouldn't expose the columns
to the pale faces. And Bella is like, I thought

(54:31):
they just moved here and Jacobs like or maybe this back.
Yeah, well, you get more of the quippy action stuff again.
We see mysterious figure attacked.
There's a guy drinking whiskey on the boat.
It was the Santa Claus, the friends he played Santa's butt
crack Santa, as they called him.Yeah, so like, this is the guy
who's known around town. You my Bella?
So guy jumps on his boys. Shirtless guy played by Camp

(54:53):
Gigantic. Who the real ones?
No, I'll check from the OC boy. Bull checks back, baby.
He's back and killing again. No, they're like, I lost my damn
because I didn't obviously know.And as soon as he comes up on
the screen, I did the whole Leo like, Oh my God, it's him.
It's him. It's Ball, Jack.
And so he's perfect. Trio is also a redheaded woman

(55:14):
in Victoria, played by Rachel Levy, but she's recast.
Who she used to be in Big Wolf on Campus, the TV show.
OK. That was a pretty good TV show.
She gets recast by Bryce Dallas Howard the later.
Movies heard this? Girl, same here.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. And the third guy is a James,
played by Eddie Gathegi, who is a Mr. Terrific and Superman.

(55:36):
This year. He said something like, oh like
don't play with your food. Was saying to my I was saying to
my husband watching this last night.
I was like this guy, like been in anything else, like he seems
so familiar and then just to kind of clock to me that no,
I've just watched this movie a million times.
That's why he feels so familiar.He's like an old friend, like.
So like, you know, Bella is a kind of spoof by his legend she

(55:56):
hears. So she goes to 2008 Google and
starts Googling, you know, bookstore.
She finds a bookstore, she's gonna look up Quizlet legends,
figure what's going on there. And Bella and her friends are
getting ready for getting dressed, ready for prom and
everything which I use is kind of bit of storytelling for the
movie. Don't really need it.
I don't know. I'm sure it's a big scene in the
book and so after so Bella goes in the bookstore and gets his

(56:18):
book about Quelet legends and she gets a possibly a group of
four guys wanna party with her. They have a six pack of.
Beer they and they seem like they're in college.
Yeah, they seem like in college.Like they're quite old.
They're like, you know, 6 pack. They like, so it's really creepy
because it's like while they're all, while the 2 characters are
dress shopping, the guys like knock on the window and like
yeah, great. It's like it's really, really

(56:39):
creepy and uncomfortable making these like little teen girls
like doing that to them. That's so fucked.
Up really, it's night time, they're really pushing around
and stuff and all the darkness of Volvo skids in.
It's Edward, he opens up the door, scares the fuck out of the
harassers. They all dropped their beers.
They run away everywhere is likeI should RIP their heads off.
You don't know the vial over polls.

(57:00):
Things were thinking, so they go.
Like what? Like what would you?
Know yeah they go to dinner together like it's a mushroom
ravioli ever gets nothing and hejust watched her eat she demands
answers he won't give her any she.
Story of their whole fucking relationship.
Yeah, and she's like, how did the fuck you know where I was?
And she's like, I could read minds of everyone in this room
but can't read yours. Or your mind.

(57:20):
So that makes her unique and special.
And he says something. I don't have the strength to
stay away from me anymore. Then don't.
So like, you know, they're getting closer together now and
Charlie and Carlisle, they realized that the guy on the
boat died. The thing is, animal attack.
Carlisle knows better so Edward touches Bell around point.
Rose is super cold to the touch so she's doesn't research

(57:41):
online. She has some intense Googling.
She learns about all kinds of immortal beings that drink blood
in her cold here. Yeah, it's vampire shit.
And at school, Bella walks, is with Edward.
He's like walks in the woods. Edward follows.
It's almost always foggy tree. She confronts him.
She brings up all the weird things about him.
He's like, he's like, how old are?
You 17. But how long have you been 17?

(58:03):
A long time. Wow.
And and like. Which is OK, sorry, but like
it's so fucking crazy to me because there's so many
different like I've heard like like there are so many stories
of like yes, you could just be born a vampire and you happen to
be 17 and you can live, you know, for like 1000 years.
Why couldn't you have just been born a vampire and they were

(58:24):
both actually the same age? Why does he have to be 100?
And. 30 it doesn't. It makes it doesn't matter.
At all like like just make him actually 17?
Maybe it's like all like I was waiting my entire life for you.
Well, like, I don't know. She was like number.
Like I'm sure you said other people before, like yeah, not
been forever like a long guy. And it's just like, I'm sorry,
but like, as soon as you're like, how long have you been 17?

(58:44):
And he's like a while. It's like, but why the fuck?
Like I don't even wanna like I don't even want to have a
conversation with the 17 year old.
How could he possibly oht Like why does he care?
What do you want to date? This why would he why was like,
you know, high school, like, youknow, years like OHT, like 2008,
like, oh, cool. Like what's everyone listening
to you now? Like MGM T or something?
Was he keeping up with what I was up to?
Yeah. And so like she says, like, I

(59:06):
know you are saying say it out loud.
Are you afraid? No one was basic question.
What do we eat? So she's like he grabs her and
toss it on her back and runs up the hill.
Super speed. So Benny Hill, like it's so
funny. And he steps in the sunlight,
opens up his shirt, and in the sunlight he sparkles like
diamonds. He's like, I'm disgusting to

(59:26):
look at. Look at this is the skin of this
is the tit soak. Yeah, this is the tits part of
the movie, which stands for Thisis the Skin of the Killer, which
is very like if you see tits joke, you know that you're.
Like is that like a fandom thing?
Yes, it's a fandom. Oh my God, it's so he's all
upset and whiny. He's like, I'm the most world's
most dangerous predator. Which is also he's like, I need

(59:47):
to show you how gross I am Here I am in the sunlight.
I literally sparkle like freaking diamonds.
I constantly attacked by Magpies.
But it's like why? At what point did you why did
you need to unbutton your shirt and show us your nips?
I told you to see it. Your face is exposed, your hands
are exposed. That extra.
Straight like. This may as well just like under

(01:00:08):
his pants and show his cock too like.
Pretty much like in the second movie, it's just such mean
bullshit of like, why are you taking your shirt off?
It's not necessary for this. Yeah, which is, you know what,
you know, bless their hearts. It's nice.
Like fan service for like, for like young women, cause, you

(01:00:29):
know, hardly ever really see that.
And especially then, yeah, it's never fan service for women.
So it's like, OK, fine, that's good for you for that.
But at the same time, it's so fucking meaningless.
Yeah, and so like he's just likehopping around like Super Mario
saying how powerful and strong is he's designed to kill.
She's powers against him so he'll always overpower her and
he's like, I've killed people before and she doesn't really

(01:00:51):
care. And like apparently this is
actually the audition seeing theuse for the movie because the
cast, Kristen Stewart 1st and all the other actors that tried
with her, they would use this scene to audition the 2.
Edward says he's never wanted human blood as much as everyone
have hers and she trust him though, and she goes you know,
tell us about how the comments Igot them to contain the thirst
of human blood. The only eat animals.

(01:01:11):
He says like, you're my own personal brand of heroin is
like, so she's so special. And he goes on like he's not.
Sure. He's like, it's delicious.
It's like, it's like, if it's like you're dating someone and
they smell like, like the tastiest rotisserie chicken ever
and you're just going through like drooling like one of the

(01:01:31):
aliens in The Simpsons, just like, Oh my God.
He's like a auto shipping control myself around you which
is like some would not shut the fuck up for like 4. 4 which is
like wow good job man little. 100B Do you wanna cookie?
I guess you can't eat a cookies.Well, you've learned fucking
self-control by now. Yeah God damn.
Like you're not special. We all have to control.
And they lie down the middle here sharing those eyes, the

(01:01:52):
tube, absolutely nothing to talkabout.
They don't talk about current events and talking like, you
know, what's George W Bush up toright now?
Like they're just like, they're horny, fuck one another.
But he's like, I don't wanna hurt you.
Like I want you to hurt me. It's the exact same dynamic for
like 4 fucking movies. OK, sorry, just to add to the
look at the creepiness of just this character before they
started dating and I think before they even like really
started getting along. There was a scene in the movie

(01:02:13):
where she just like, it's like her bedroom at night and she's
asleep and you see him staring at her and she wakes up and he's
gone. And literally it's like this 130
year old man has broken into this underage girls bedroom and
just watched her sleep. And then later on in the film
she was like, he rolls up in herbedroom.
She's like, have you like been here before?

(01:02:34):
And he's like, yeah, like I've come here before and she's like,
why? He goes?
I just, I find it interesting that you sleep and it's like,
well, First off, you were a human.
Before, Yeah, and you've watchedpeople sleep for like 300 years
at this. Point, you know, people sleep so
it's not that, but it's like also it's like Stephanie Myers
says, what are you doing? Like this is this this isn't
sexy or like romantic. It's just very, very fucking

(01:02:56):
creepy. Within this Universal Credit is
an old man breaking into an underage girls room.
Yeah, I watch her. Sleep is supposed to be so
fucked up and it supposed to be romantic and hot.
Like it's so. Weird, so not OK.
And so like, yeah, there are a couple now.
So like he drives a school in the Volvo there.
He's like sunglasses on. He's.
Actually got the ray. Bans and like he opens the drop
the passenger door for her, which is like come on Mr.

(01:03:18):
Chivalrous like get over yourself.
And he tells Bella that he was turned into a vampire in 1918
when he's dying in Spanish clip.So Edward this makes Edward born
in 1901. Bella is born in 1987.
So we're talking 86 year age gap.
The Hello was born in 1987. At least in the books that this
math is all books. I think this I think we actually

(01:03:39):
supposed 2004 as well, maybe because like the Spanish flu was
specific gear, right. Yeah.
So yeah, so did the math. The 86 year year age gap.
It's like if me and Greta Garbo started dating.
I'm like silent era stars when Iwas dating them.
Edward was around like when downto like when down.
Now he takes place. He would remember like he
wouldn't came with the Titanic went down.

(01:04:00):
Yeah, he would have some like, you know, uncles and stuff died
in World War One. Like he was around the same time
as Ottoman Empire. Let's watch, you know, looking
up. He was around before
Transylvania and Romania united.Get outta here.
Yeah, like he's been around forever, like.
Like who wants to date your great grandpa, man?
Yeah. I don't wanna date anyone

(01:04:20):
doesn't remember 911. Like sorry, but like like old
people, like OK, an 80 year old guy has some hot fucking takes.
Yeah and they have no fucking yeah patience or time for anyone
younger than them. So it just does not even work.
Like you would be like, I don't want to listen to Skrillex babes
like fuck right now. Probably has some racial slurs
in his back pocket that we've never even heard of before.

(01:04:42):
Because you have been cancelled in 1927.
About that's why he refuses to interact with Eric.
Yeah, there's no scenes together.
Yeah, yeah. That's why he hates Jacob.
It's just racism. It's not because of anything
else. It's just like.
He's just racist fucking pedophile running wild in this

(01:05:03):
fucking God damn it. It's like we see a scene of like
Edwardian turnabout Carlisle. So Carlo turned Edward first in
the whole Cullen clan. So like it went Carlisle and
Edward. So there are buddies and stuff.
So this dynamic is weird becauseEdward supposed to be this
foster son, right? Yeah, but he was the second one
in there, so we didn't part of his whole idea, like, hey, let's

(01:05:24):
get the whole foster sibling fucking community together.
So it's probably his idea too. And not for nothing, but it's
like, why do you guys have to hang out?
Yeah, just like. Like, OK, maybe the first seven
years, maybe the first seven years, you're like, OK, like
let's you know, and you don't want to venture.
Out. Yeah.
It's like, you know, you're immortal vampire, don't be like,
you know, go find some Turkish vampire to fuck or something.

(01:05:45):
Like and very much. The dynamic is very much like I
have to listen to, like he is the father figure and I have to
listen to him and it's like I'm like an 80 year old man.
Like fuck you. No, I'm not doing that.
But also like it's weird cause like I think like maybe they
found like Jasper something asterisk with Jasper was turned
in the civil war. Yeah, by separate.
Yeah, so like was turned by Carlisle, but I guess I just

(01:06:06):
found him and was like, hey, you're you're part of our family
now. You're now my son.
What? Is happening so Edward tells
Bella this guy in the boat was killed by their vampires under
vampires are like them they're more violent and you know they
eat people and Edward advice about bell over the cones cones
for hanging out and the Collins house is very fancy.
They use a Nike executives home that that was just built.

(01:06:26):
The Cullens are trying to like, you know, learn how to cook
because they want to help out. Sorry about this scene.
Sorry to interrupt. So when they get to the house,
she's like, wow, this house is like incredible.
And he literally says to her quote, this is the one place we
don't have to hide so we can allbe ourselves.
This is our safe space. However, your house is
predominantly windows and I feellike you probably should be

(01:06:46):
hiding if you're zipping around second blood doing whatever
you're doing. Not sleeping in any beds.
There's no beds. See him there and they will see
that you're not doing normal human things, which should not
be that comfortable. Siblings are fucking.
No, but it's just like we don't have to hide like our vampire
vibes. And it's like, but you probably
do. You're surrounded by windows.

(01:07:07):
Also if the big fear is like ohshima wireless people
sparkling. Yeah.
Should he be like hiding something?
Somewhere the sun can't get through.
Yeah, like a basement, like livein a basement like you.
It's this apparently full of strippers are just covered in
glitter at all times. That makes no sense at all.
So the covenants are trying to be nice that they're learning
how to cook like cooking shows. They're making Italiano.

(01:07:28):
Yeah, because they think she's Italian, was Bella, which is
pretty funny. I like.
So we also now we meet ASME, who's Edwards mother.
For all intents and purposes, no.
You had a mother, Edward. Yeah.
And like you, you met her when you're over 18 years old, you
fucking freak. Like, it's not your mom and it's
his mom, you know? And Bella said she's being.
She ate for. She got therapy.

(01:07:48):
She knew that, like, the Cullens, like, don't eat food.
Yeah. So they're all being considered.
But Rosalie, it crushes a bowl of sugar and anger, which is
really funny. And her gloves.
Yeah. Bella.
And Rosalie says, like, oh, Bella being here is dangerous
for all of us, which is correct.Yeah.
Like, she can tell him, like, everyone, that vampires exist.
And then through the window, Alice and Jasper come in.
It's disgusting. So Bella gets to meet Jasper and

(01:08:12):
gets told about vegetarian shit.How with the newest guy?
This seat is so great because it's like Jasper's trying
really, really hard to not just attack Bella cause she's which
is crazy because it's like, homie, you go to like a fucking
high school. Yeah, so every day is a struggle
for you. But he's like wow, damn.
Like she smells really good. And he's like trying very hard
to like not either. And what's the Jasper's partners

(01:08:32):
name? Alice is like, it's OK, you
won't need her. That's a good boy.
And it's the most incredible shot because like she says that
to him and then just pans to Edward and he just like, it's
not even acting. I swear to God.
It's just like, it's just like Robert Pattinson hearing this
line read for the first time. He has the most disgusted, just
like, yeah, what the fuck? Kind of like facial reaction,

(01:08:55):
her saying like that's it's OK you you're like it's just so
great. I actually really like that
scene cause he just like you. What the fuck.
So Alice has a power as a vampire so she can see the
future was a really shitty future seeing power because the
future can change. So like.
Changing. But it's just like Amanda
Seyfried, Mean Girls, which is just ESPN.
You can tell the future. It's just like, no, you if the

(01:09:16):
future is always gonna change, you're making up things.
So when she says like, oh, Jasper, you won't eat her, it's
because she's like she's like Professor X looks into the
future, Like, oh, like, no, you don't eat.
Her, yeah. So they're walking up to
Edward's room, she saw he's showing her the house, and
there's a whole display of graduation caps from all the
times they graduated from high school.

(01:09:36):
I counted there are 125 graduation caps.
OK can you do the math on that though?
Him being 83 years old like thatdoesn't even make.
Sense there's five of them, right?
The five like kids, they go so like and I guess if Jasper came
in late, like I'm not sure you can really do the math too
easily, but like 5 / 125 it's like 2525 graduations of piece.

(01:09:57):
That's crazy. Doc which like if I had two, if
I graduated high school a secondtime, I'd kill myself.
Like I would not want to do highschool twice.
Absolutely. I would be jumping in front of
that blast man. I called me and I would be
meeting and greeting man. Yeah, so like they say the
younger the Santa play, the younger they tend to be the
longest day in a place looking suspicious.
So like they have like they say that about eight years per spot

(01:10:17):
where they look young for people.
So like, hey, like, why is this person like like aging normally?
And so Edward like shows up off his bedroom is like an artsy
girl's dreams, whole books, CD'sand vinyl records.
She's like, hey, she instantly knows knows there's no bed at
all because he's asleep. So like she's initially thinking
like fucking. And so she's like press like
play on CD player player to loomstarts playing was like whatever

(01:10:39):
dude, whatever dude. This is like listen to better
music. It's like Edward grabs her and
the jump onto a tree. She's like.
The famous line that everyone got tattooed on their bodies.
You better hold on tight, SpiderMonkey, which is actually
made-up for the movie. Is it?
Really so it's not from the bookso he starts hopping from tree
to tree perch up at the top there looking over the river
gorge and like pretty good shot of the of two two people at top

(01:11:01):
of tree there so these stunt double s for the wide shots when
it's actually really far out so they.
Plopped 2 people on top of the really tall.
Tree, they have problem. They climbed up.
They got 22 Sun Devils to climb up there.
So he wasn't even CGI, like justlike a little bit of a tree and
then they just like CGI. That's what they did for was the
two of them was was clearly Robert Pattinson and Kristen
Stewart. Yeah, that is a lot.
Some CGI in the background stuffis having a little small smaller

(01:11:24):
tree that signed up. But for the white child there,
the MC, I like their faces I think, but like it's too stunt
double s out there. There is 2 stunt double s on the
tippy top of the giant tree. And apparently because they had
no wires and such and the helicopter which has like the
camera focus on them almost blewthem off.

(01:11:46):
That was supposed to. It's clearly CGI cause there
ain't no way you could just likefly a fucking helicopter and
they're not blow them. Off it was incredibly dangerous,
which is hilarious and then we see like Edward playing the song
for Bella, which. Is like in this weird room, this
weird dark room. Yeah, I think it's a Carter
Burwell composition. He composed the movie.
So we see some charges in the police investigating.

(01:12:08):
There's more stuff with like thetrio.
Vampires up to no good. Charlie does not solve this
case. Spoiler alert, no.
Charlie solves no cases. Franchises pretty useless.
It's the scene where Edward Hobbs is the window and stuff
with Bells on the phone with hermom.
Her mom was moved back to Jacksonville, but she was
staying Forks. And her mom clocks, Right.
Like it's because you're a boy, you know?
Are you being? Safe.
Yeah, we're just hilarious. And this is when they first

(01:12:30):
started, like, you know, have their first, like, physical
moments. They start kissing.
She's like, straddling him. She's into him.
He recalls back like flies back.He's like, Oh my God, it almost
hurts you. And I can never lose control
around you. Like, I know, Bella, move on.
Like, like, surely these your, your other friends school, they
suck. They're bad people.
Like, they won't try to murder you.
Yeah. And so it's the next morning and

(01:12:53):
of course they got to know kids don't have sex like 4 movies.
And Bella wants to introduce herdad.
Right. They stay up all night talking.
Oh yeah. Which is like, what could an 83
year old man possibly have to domy talking?
Here's what the Stark Market waslike when I was back then.
Here's what the Dust Bowl was like happening next morning.

(01:13:14):
Bella fetches Or dad. He brings him a beer as he's
cleaning his gun. So Bella.
Exactly. So she brings Bella brings her
dad a beer while he was cleaninghis gun and he has already has
another beer like a tall boy of Rainier on his table.
There's already been drinking. And she's like, hey, I'm gonna
have a good dude ever colour you.
Like, there's a little old for you.
Yeah, you're right. Yeah.
Edward is waiting outside and like, he's ready to officially

(01:13:34):
meet Charlie. And Bella dies like, right used
to shock, like snaps back into place like, well, bring him in.
So he introduced himself. And like how many times I think
Iris introduced himself to a high school girlfriend's father?
Millions. Yeah, like.
Every time he goes to high school, he's done that.
Yeah, like he's done it segregated in high school, that
old like. And so, yeah, now the colours

(01:13:59):
can have some fun. And now is the best scene in the
movie. Oht.
Bounce back down super super massive black hole so.
Used to listen to music quite a lot as a team.
Yeah. It's like, I cannot hear this
song without thinking of this. Amazing.
Like it has changed the trajectory of my life with this.

(01:14:20):
So because it comes with super fast and super powers, like if
they play baseball again, they smack like, you know, get a home
or something that it's superhuman.
The ball was a million places. So they do it in the
thunderstorm. So like they can distract the
sound of like a ball hitting thebat like with the Thunder.
So it's kind of clever with that.
And like it's like a lot of you know, it's the actors having

(01:14:41):
fun. It's a lot of them are doing
vampire shit, kind of show up with the powers, like they can
jump really high in the air and stuff.
Like Ashley Greene has never pitched baseball before and
learned to do it for this movie.Ohe which like she looks like a
complete pro doing it. And Jasper or Jackson Rathbone,
he knew how to play baseball. So.
He's doing the fun flips and dips with the.
Bat and like, it's just such a funny, funny scene, just like

(01:15:02):
showing off what vampires can actually doing a fun way.
I really like Emmett in this scene.
He's just like. Just job hunting, yeah.
And then when Rosalie gets all pissed he's all like come on
bitch. Absolutely love him in this game
so much. I wish I had more to do in the
movies. He has nothing to.
Do he's the Honestly, he's the funniest of the vampires.

(01:15:23):
And so then the trio of vampiresshow up to break up the baseball
scene and like, oh, like, oh, sorry, we know this is your
territory. Oh, that's all cool and
everything. Like, hey, let's play baseball
with you guys and like, OK, sure, let's do that.
And like, oh, like, you know, what's the time?
We gotta go back and like, watchlike watch TV or something.
And they sniff Bella and was like, oh, shit, she smells
really good. Like oh fuck, she's human and

(01:15:45):
somebody. Bring a rotisserie chicken hit.
Me up pulled pork. Hell yeah.
And so they sniffer, they want to eat her husband.
They're all like, you know, like, yeah, like, gathered
around like gremlins all like kissing.
It's so funny. So it's funny watching the
actions behind the scenes do this part because, like, they
all do like this hissing back and forth.
They all just burst out laughingevery single time.

(01:16:06):
It's so ridiculous. So ridiculous.
So now like it's the final conflict of the movie pretty
much where these vampires want Bella that comes want to protect
her. So Bella's at home packing her
bags with the fuck away and Charlie's all confused things
Edwards like beating her or something and and so.
She hurts his feelings. It's like besides part of the

(01:16:26):
whole. Movie yeah so like candy game is
the main vampire is the one really wants to eat her cause
his power is he's a really good tracker.
So Bell is going to drive through the night away from them
to like a Phoenix and Edward, like, hops in the truck and
like, you know, Edward hops in the truck like Ford in the
passages that he can drive because he has to protect.
Her yeah, it's really fucked. I don't like this character at.
All and so for some reason Laurence he shows up and warns

(01:16:49):
him how James wants he wants he Bella no idea why and so they.
Cause in the next movie he's notlike an ally.
No, not at all. And so Alice and separating
Edward and Bella because they know that they follow Edward
they can find so Alice drive Allison is gonna Alison Jasper
Dr. Bella to Phoenix. I would if I was if I was a car

(01:17:11):
Jasper. I think the steering wheel drive
off a Cliff. I do not want me to carry Jasper
at all. Oht Alice is the future in terms
of a big shows and having a ballet studio.
Bella sees a phone call that shethinks for a month, but it's
James. He's tricking her into thinking
that her mom is like being kidnapped and trying to ballet
studio. Hello.
Hello. Where are you, Bella?
So it's like a million years in it and James is there taunting
Bella. This food again.

(01:17:34):
Sam Corey wants to make a snuff film for some reason.
So he wants to break Edwards heart for some reason.
He like stomps on her leg and breaks her leg.
He bites her arm. Gets that?
Good good, let him in. Her yeah so she is now got like
the vampire goo in her Edward shows that start attacking each
other so they're smashing their faces in the mirrors which is
awesome kicking each other across the room a lot of good
wire work actually. And bell Bell is wounded because

(01:17:57):
of you know the bite her arm there ever was all pissed off
you know like Oh my God you hurtmy Bella.
And Edward takes a big chunk of James's neck which is awesome
which is like apparently used that chicken and cheese to have
like the fleshy bit. Yeah, so it's just our parents,
like taking a big butt chicken cheese and spitting it out, and
Jasper and Emmett that they're there.
So they finally do something good and they restrained James

(01:18:18):
Alice hops up on his neck, snapsit and they start saying his
corpse. And they look so pleased as
punch, like they're like, practically shouting yippee,
yeah, and jumping around for joythat they're ripping this like
fellow vampire. They murdered a guy and they
love. It could you imagine the next
morning the ballet studio owner like rolls up to work and it's
like broken destroyed all the beer store before I take camping

(01:18:45):
barn fire Michael bonfire. It's like I'm gonna have to shut
down my I'm gonna just shut downmy business.
Insurance is not gonna cover this.
Like why is there so much blood and bone here?
This looks like a fucking corpse.
Yeah, like. God, yeah, like.

(01:19:10):
Like they made such a mess. It's absolutely absurd, yeah.
And it's like when they when they all left, they take the
camcorder with them. Or was the camcorder.
There, that was so funny. If like the ballet was like,
what the fuck happened here lastnight?
Why they wanna move around like that?
They're so happy snapping guys neck off.
So Edwards all upset because like she you know, Bella is

(01:19:30):
dying, but there is an option toturn her into a vampire, but he
won't do it. So he needs to suck the venom
out of her. He has to restrain himself
because he by her blood so tastythat like.
He has to purify her blood, however.
Purify. It's too hard.
It's very hard to resist. And we have to have the strength
stop fully eating her, which like, I'm sure.
Why Carl? Couldn't do it.
You are literal fucking doctor. You've done this by blood and

(01:19:52):
you've done this like 40 times. Yes, you've done this to all of
your stepchildren. Yeah, and you're?
The one to do it. Man, yeah, I understand why it
has to be Edward. And like, yeah, it makes no
sense at all why it has to be Edward, not him.
Because like, I guess for dramatic stakes, narratively
makes zero sense. So as I work to remove the
benefit by setting flashbacks over times early in the movie,
you know, vision hearing should be some other visions of, like,

(01:20:14):
Snow and Edward together, which are not happened yet.
So clearly she's seeing some other parts of like those big
romance and she wakes up in the hospital.
Moms there and Edwards there too, but Edwards pretending to
be asleep and he says some bullshit about how like all I
said was gonna stop like drinking, sucking all your blood
and you have to go back to Jacksonville because like I
can't protect you here. She Christmas was great in the
scene where he's like, no, I want to stay with you.

(01:20:34):
Like fuck off. Like you can't keep saying this
to me and like there's a guy fine, fine, fine.
Back off and kiss on the forehead.
Kiss the made-up. So now it's prom time because
Bell is not going to prom since,like, you know, she's been
mortally wounded. He has a nice blue dress.
Charlie says she looks really fine.
Edward has this Volvo back. She's like, you know, driving
her prominent Volvo and outside.He's dressed in the most
expensive. The most expensive piece of set

(01:20:57):
in the whole movie is the $7000 Armani suit that he's writing,
which is like no one gives a damn.
You didn't have to spend all of that budget on this suit.
We probably met our monuments first started out, so you
probably bought the site when I was like, you know, cost like 3
nickels like around forever. But it's like, yeah, apparently
that was the most expensive, like, thing that they spent
their money on while filming this movie was his suit for this

(01:21:18):
prom scene. But I'm sure that there's been
so many Tumblr photos of him in that suit there too.
It's probably worth it overall Iguess if you're in.
Like you have a props department, I'm sure they could
just like make you a nice fittedsuit.
You don't have to shell out the money for an army.
Suit business or partnership or something like that, some sort
of sponsorship deal. And so at the prom outside of
it, Jacob shows up. He's just, you know, like, you
know, like a dress shirt and tie.

(01:21:39):
Like, you know, his hair is likeall like his hair is all along
like, you know, not tied up. And so he jokes that his dad
paid 20 bucks to talk to her. And you know, something like, Oh
yeah, we'll be watching you, Bella.
I was like, there's another protector for Bella because this
whole damn series feels like I want to protect you, belt, and
that's just kind of gun. Charlie gives her frigging Mace

(01:22:00):
like. Hairspray.
Like, I don't know, if I was like, I would just give Bella
like a gawk or something that just like her, just like, you
know, yeah, I can protect myself.
Strapped 24/7. And so Edward shows up too.
He hates change. Lakes near 1 of the stare at one
another. Yeah, cause Edwards racist.
And yeah, it was like, I leave you 2 for a moment.
The wolves descend. Which seems very like a very

(01:22:21):
problematic like thing to say inthis situation, in this in this
universe of world building. It very much seems like that's
the sussing to say. So like there out there shooting
Monte Carlo Fithian prom actually doesn't actually looks
OK. And yeah, bell all bells
disposal friends are there. They're having a fun time.
OK, so this has been like 40 problems already.

(01:22:41):
Like he's been so many. Like it's insane.
And they're dancing together at the that they're dancing
together. The gazebo outside.
It's romantic, sure. She's talking like she wants to
be turned. And yet again, he refuses to.
He's like, isn't enough for a long happy life together, but
she wants forever. Yeah.
And they kiss. And meanwhile, like Victoria,
the redhead vampires upstairs creeping out of them.

(01:23:01):
So this is another old lady hanging out prom and everything,
creeping all the students like. Why?
I don't know how old Victoria is, but.
But like she's like either. She's not dating a fucking
student. We'll say that maybe.
That's just a normal thing for vampires.
And where are the ones being racist for thinking that?
So she's just lurking and observing them seeing plotting
her revenge. Revenge because they killed
James. And then 15 Step by Radiohead

(01:23:23):
starts playing. We get the credits.
Which again, that song is forever ruined for me because I
won't. Whenever I hear that song, I
think of that ending scene. Yeah, and like, I guess that's
time went on. Like bands are writing songs.
Sports. Like like Muse wrote a song for
Twilight. Paramore wrote Decode for
Twilight, which is crazy becausewithin the within the movie,
they have a Paramore song when they're shopping for prom
dresses and it's not Decode whatsoever.

(01:23:45):
And the song Decode shows up as like the second or third credit
song. It's not even like like when
like 15 Steps started, that's when Decode just started if
anything, you know what I mean? And it's like, no, we have 15
step, we have something else, but then decode like comes into.
Like the soundtracks were huge. Like they're big.
I mean they had no right to be as good as they were, but they
fucking. Rich so yeah, Twilight wasn't

(01:24:08):
hit made $408 million off of $37million budget.
I think the the movies kept making more money and went along
It catapulted stars in the tabloids and like stardom got 4
sequels. Pattinson Stewart started dating
in real life and broke up and maybe got back together again.
They broke up again. They're not talking now, of
course. So yeah, again, we talked about

(01:24:28):
already about Twilight was already kind of like mocked by
expect mock it and like Revere, but all the fans.
So it won best movie, best Female performance, best
breakthrough Male performance, Best Kiss and best Fight at the
MTV Movie Awards. Words.
Yeah, and 110 of its 11 nominations of 2019 Choice
Awards. Excellent.
So it always has dedicated fandom.

(01:24:49):
But I think people really kind of came around because, like,
the actors now, it's not as ridiculous as it used to be.
I think it could just be time. But like, I feel like people are
not really dunking on Duncan Stewart and patients are being
the Twilight people anymore. I feel like now people are more
so dunking on just, like, the plot and the yeah building
because it's like, yeah, like they're acting to me in this
first movies. Like, you know what I mean?

(01:25:10):
It is what it is. But for me, the thing that riles
me up whenever I watch these movies is the world building.
Yeah. And the like choices these
characters. Are the choices are insane?
Yeah, which makes them really fun to watch it for me.
This makes them perfect so bad. They're good movies because I
think this one is really Moody. It's I think it's pretty well
acted. I like the atmosphere of it.
I like the emote, the heightenedemotions.
The later ones is getting very, very stupid the whole time.

(01:25:33):
And I think like some of the later ones are just really bad
movies. My favorite is the second one,
then the first part of the 4th. Like the 4th 1 I guess the
wedding one, then this first movie, then the third one, then
the fifth one. It's crazy how little happens
the rest of the movies. I literally the third movie
don't remember it. Yeah, like it's like just I, I
have no idea what the. Fuck out.

(01:25:54):
There was a lot of action to it,so I kind of like it for that.
Stuff actually happens. Like grand scheme doesn't really
matter. The first half of the second one
is absolutely my favorite. Like once he goes to Italy,
don't care but they're like the just like the melodrama, the emo
vibes, just the like heartbreak of that first half of the second
one. Love it to death.
Yeah, so like the second one is directed by Chris Weitz, who

(01:26:16):
directed the previous episode movie pod American Pie.
OHT Nice. And he did a new moon because
Catherine Hardwick was told likeif you wanna come back, they
wanna do it within a year with the with the tighter budget.
And she was like, yeah, no. So Newman is also very close to
novel too, but it's kind of too bad that like this female headed
franchise for the first movie has male directors the rest of

(01:26:38):
the time. Yeah, I feel like it kind of
even nice to have all be chargedby women instead of just, you
know, the first one. Yeah, I guess like Christmas
said interview that anybody who wants to talk shit about
Twilight I completely get. But there's something there that
I'm endlessly into this day fucking proud of my memory of it
still feels really good. So I'm glad that that like, even
like Pattinson Stewart, they, they, they respect the fans of

(01:27:00):
the series because like they arevery passionate fans, but they
also met like they are kind of silly movies we have fun with.
Them they're riot like they're an absolute blast.
We literally like we have like a12 year tradition you and I have
literally just watching it everyfall.
Yeah, like it's. It's so fun.
They're so fun to. Moody for this like time of year

(01:27:20):
too. Yeah, they're also like Andreas
part of a spooky month. Like it's not a scary movie at
all. But like the IT is funny the way
they kind of switched the vampire and werewolf Lord, took
something that's very accessibleto a demographic that would
never care about the shit. And yeah, they're very fall
feeling losers. Kind of strange because like,
they're not they take place in the Pacific Northwest was very
rainy. I think just the Pacific

(01:27:41):
Northwest kind of often gives mea fall by yeah, if that makes.
Sense because someone endless like, you know, the last season
of rain. Yeah.
And it's like it's, it seems cold.
Can't like it's always like those trees where it's like,
well, they're around all season long so it's like it just you
can pass for fall and because everything is cold and wet,
they're always wearing like warmer clothing and such as

(01:28:02):
wearing mix. She's wearing like scarves.
Just it gives me a fall Bible love.
It makes me want to eat mushroomravioli makes me want to have
two beers while cleaning my gun.I love.
It I really want to try some Rainier beer.
Sometime we gotta. Tear and buy a gun.
Buy again. Good luck with that.
I'm gonna buy a gun to protect Bella.
She can't protect herself. I'm gonna curl mustache just for

(01:28:23):
this in honor of Charlie. Yeah, so Andy, I mean, final
thoughts about the first Twilight?
Movie it's it's very fun. It's I, I would say to listeners
who have not seen this movie, ifyou wanna watch it, it is a
blast watching it not sober. So if legally you can consume
cannabis or get drunk like it isan absolute riot.

(01:28:45):
I would say if you are sober, itkind of.
You start picking it apart. It's a little bit of salt cause
there's a lot of moments where it's just like there's like
awkward silence. Hmm.
And it's like as far as somebodylike me who kind of has ADHD and
I don't have the patience for that stuff, it's just kind of
like, alright, let's get going with it.
But if I'm under the influence, it's a lot more fun, so I like.

(01:29:07):
I saw this last year at HighlandCinema, they had an interactive
screening. Oht.
Very so basically people were encouraged to kind of like shout
and cheer for things and it was a blast.
Go screen like that. It's great too, because like
people were not people were not really mocking.
The movie wasn't like the rumor.People like whole time like
people were hooting and hollering when Echo, Rochelle or
Jacob would show up, laughing a lot, cheering when like a

(01:29:28):
musical come on. I was like cheering so hard with
super massive black. Hole hell.
Yeah, it was. It was a really fun.
It was really interesting to me being part of a fandom that I'm
not really part of and being part of their.
Culture, part of this fandom, don't you worry about.
I feel like we approach from a different degree.
I like, we're not. OK, I think it's it counts that
were part of the them because weown the movies.

(01:29:50):
Yeah, I have all 5 in blue, right?
We literally, like, watch them annually.
You, you literally part of my wedding speech was you like
mentioning how often we watched Twilight.
Alright, so we bonded over Twilight.
Yeah. You know, you like it is.
We are in the fandom. They're important movies for us.
Yeah, we're tip soak all the way.
Yeah, yeah, like we're we're notgonna Tumblr fan of like we are

(01:30:12):
people that we watched movies a lot Yeah, cause we get something
out of it, which is not just. Like it brings us joy, Like.
Yeah, like, you know, this is kind of fun to do some of the
deeper research work because like I, you know, it's funny
listening to both the very closeattention to detail they did for
the book and the second one, they did a lot of the same stuff
too. And it's interesting.
It's just see, like, Oh yeah, like the people who made this
actually did care. They want to get it right for

(01:30:33):
the fans. And I like how they are just
movies that are for one specificgroup of people and not trying
to be for everyone. Yes, and I appreciate that.
Yeah. Like stop trying to do like the
lowest common denominator. Like that's how you just sort of
lose the plot. Just like, yes, keep the
characters how like Stephanie Myers wanted them.
Keep like don't add the jet ski with the bazooka.

(01:30:54):
Bazooka be so good. That we can do that in the like
extended edition or something else.
But it's like, I do appreciate that they wanted to keep it
close, as close as possible to like the actual reading
material. So thank you so much for joining
me this week. Thanks is an absolute blast to
talk about this movie. I'm.
Sorry if I cackled too much during.
This that was the point be a funone.
It was great. You can follow me on Twitter,

(01:31:17):
Blue sky and letterbox at be Wishart.
You can also follow Movie pod aton Twitter, blue sky and
YouTube. Next, we're gonna be joined by
Jacob, not the Jacob from this movie, and we'll be discussing
Halloween three season of the. Witch ohe.
Very nice. Have you seen that?
One I've not. Wait, is that the one with the
mask? Yes, I have seen that one.
I watch it with. You, it's so much fun, so

(01:31:37):
ridiculous. So I'm stoked to talk to Jacob
about that movie. And yeah, so until next week,
everyone, Movie Pod Nation, takecare.

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