S4E4: Unmasking the Complexity of Authenticity (with Kevin Holmes)

As promised this episode is a continuation of episode 3! Buckle up it's going to be a funny and bumpy ride!

Ever felt the weight of silence pressing down on you after a long day of work, even though you crave deep connections with your partner? Ever held back from expressing your true feelings simply to maintain a façade of peace? Kevin and I discuss what it looks like to manage these paradoxes in relationships. As we dive into the realm of authenticity and vulnerability, we'll explore ways to balance the often conflicting needs for space and connection.

We've all been there - the fear of acceptance, the discomfort of conflict, and the challenge of being honest. Kevin shares his insights on navigating these complexities and fostering healthier relationships. We ponder on strategies that would help us stay true to ourselves, yet effectively manage the dynamics of different interactions. How about taking our conversations from zero to one hundred, bringing about productive outcomes?

Embrace the power of self-discovery and growth, as we discuss how life's ups and downs shape us into better individuals. Kevin, the co-creator of the insightful podcast, the Game Recognize Game. Ultimately, we remind you of your lifeline - a strong support network, a fortress of strength during challenging times. Join us on this insightful journey to forge more authentic relationships.

More about Kevin: Kevin is a Man, Dad, Brother, Son, Lover, Educator, DJ, Podcaster and Light worker. Follow him on IG at @iamyourdjkev and @grgrljkev.

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INSPIRED ACTIONS/THOUGHTS FOR THIS EPISODE:
How would you answer the question...tell me about yourself?
How do you show up in relationships?
What are you afraid people will find out about you?
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Or what can I present of myselfto your audience that I'm
comfortable with sharing?
Yeah, Like it's crazy, right,Mm-hmm.
And I think when you meetpeople and you're in new

(00:53):
environments, like we all havethat crossroads.

Chantée Christian (00:56):
Mm-hmm, Absolutely Like.
I always have to think aboutBrené Brown when it comes to
vulnerability, because she hasthis where she talks about like
when she'll meet somebody on theplane.
They'll be like, what do you do?
And she's like it depends onhow much I want to talk to them.
If I really do want to shut itdown, I tell them that I'm a
psychologist for working on ourvulnerability expert and blah,

(01:17):
blah, blah.

Kevin Holmes (01:18):
They'll be like oh , I don't know what the hell
that is next.
Right, and so, excuse me, I'mlike the peanuts and the
presumes, right.

Chantée Christian (01:28):
And so, but she just talks about even how
it's a struggle at home.
Sometimes you know, like justto be open, and I'm like I dig
that.
Yeah, I dig that becauseoccupational hazard you're
vulnerable all day and you'relistening to other people's
vulnerabilities Don't reallywant to come home and be that

(01:51):
talkative and open, like I wantto have some surface level
conversation, but then becauseof my level of awareness I
refuse to allow certain surfacelevel situations to go on.

Kevin Holmes (02:02):
So then I'm like but you know the crazy part,
shantae, that's a learnedbehavior though Facts.
You know what I'm saying.
So when you said you know youhave these conversations all day
.
You're in this environment,your brain is constantly working
and that is really part of myjourney, right, being young,
being black, being a male andvarious exclusive higher ed

(02:28):
organizations Right, yep, andbeing the one of few.
It's almost like you have this24 hour conversation with
yourself to combat the impostersyndrome to you know, settle
your nerves so that you can thengo forward in an environment
and really be authentic.
And I can be Kevin, 24 seven.

(02:52):
Yeah, because a lot of thoseenvironments don't want you to
do that.
They want to put you in a setbox.
Yeah, that doesn't give you thebandwidth to stretch out and
really explore who you are orwhat you're dealing with, or
sharing part of your true,authentic life story.

(03:12):
Yeah, and so it's unfortunate.
But when you talk about theinability to do that in your
home life is even crazier,because I just remember, like
being married and coming homeand a lot of the conversations
that me and my ex-wife wouldhave.
It's like damn, I don't thinkshe understands that.

(03:34):
I legit been talking to peopleall day.
I've been making decisions allday, yeah, and like be mindful
of my own quirkiness in thisexperience, and so then when I
get home, it's like yo, I justwant to, I just want to breathe,
take a breath, yeah, and let myshoulders relax, yeah, maybe.

(03:57):
Maybe let my head down a littlebit, yeah, and try to figure it
out, yeah.
But I also think, even in thatenvironment, I didn't
necessarily take on the role ofbeing a husband or father or the
man air quotes, the man of thehouse, without taking some of

(04:18):
the stuff that helped me succeedin my profession, yeah, like
the onus of being responsiblefor others, the onus on you know
, the success of thisorganization falls solely on
your back.
Yeah, but I don't think that'show, like, families work.
You know what I'm saying.

Chantée Christian (04:39):
So that's the thing, like cause cause.
I've been on the other side tooright, and I find myself even
more often because I workremotely and my person right now
doesn't that I want to talk.

Kevin Holmes (04:51):
That's fair.

Chantée Christian (04:52):
Like I want to.
I know you've been working, butI still got shit to say, right,
and it's this wild balance that, like so we do relationship
check-ins.

Kevin Holmes (05:05):
I'm going to have to steal that one.
Let me get my pen and pad.
Let me get my check-ins.

Chantée Christian (05:09):
Yeah, we do a check.
Tell me more, we do a toastcheck, like you know what's
going well, what's not goingwell, what would you like to see
improved by the next one?
Do you even want to continue togo to a next one?
Right, like, let's have a realconversation about what do you
need?
And I was telling one of myfriends about it and he was like

(05:30):
you are operating like yourrelationship is a business and I
said it is, it is.

Kevin Holmes (05:37):
Yo, it's real rap.

Chantée Christian (05:39):
That's cool.
That's cool, I said, and I'mhappy that I found someone who
was down with the relationshipcheck-ins before I could even
say it.
Right, because it is.
And when you have two people atthe head of this organization,
although one of them may be thepresident and another one is the

(05:59):
vice president, I don't evenlook at it as president, as vice
president.

Kevin Holmes (06:04):
It's more like co-founders Boom.
Y'all are co-founders of thatorganization.

Chantée Christian (06:08):
Co-founder yes, co-founders, right, and in
a space of co-founders, likewe're not always going to agree
on things, we're not alwaysgoing to be in sync about, like
just life and growth and stuff,and if we don't check in and do

(06:29):
a post check on thisorganization, it ain't going to
be one.

Kevin Holmes (06:35):
I'm still that Chantée and it resonates so much
with me because I'm dating awonderful person right now and
it's a long distance situationMe too, and I ain't talking
about like a couple of statesdown, I'm talking like 3,000
miles away, right, and the thingthat I think has kept me

(06:59):
engaged is the fact that I haveto be intentional of having
those check-ins, because reallyyou want your close people to
have enough information andinsight and experiences with you
to be able to hopefullyanticipate the question that you
ask Tell me about yourself.

(07:21):
But we never have thoseconversations with everyone
significant others, familymembers, co-workers, neighbor
you know what I mean.
And so it's crazy because likesomebody could be crazy close to
you, in proximity, and theydon't know who you are as a

(07:45):
person.
That's it, that's it.
It's scary, but I just had likean epiphany.
Like man that is.
I think that is the crux of whyrelationships fail.
Ooh, tell me more.
Okay, so let's go back to theoriginal question.
Tell me about yourself andyou're in a job interview.

(08:06):
I can tell you about myself andyou see from my resume that I
have the requisite skills.
In the interview you can seethat you know my personality
probably is a decent fit foryour organization.
However, on the surface level,it's like wow, this is a great
employee, but you never get tothe fact of, oh well, you're

(08:31):
never on time.
Oh, I don't like to be on time,right, I'm never punctual.
You never truthful in thatresponse, you never transparent
with that response.
You know what I'm saying.
Do you like being part of teams?
Sometimes I do, sometimes Idon't.
Well, are you accustomed toworking in diverse environments?
Well, usually I am thediversity in my environment.

(08:53):
So I guess that's what's really.
Yes, absolutely All right.
So I don't know if we're evertruthful and, most importantly,
when you consider theorganization, they're never
gonna tell you who they are asan organization as transparently
as you possibly would like toknow they're never gonna do that

(09:14):
Listen.
It's like yeah, well, you know,the morale sucks, the pay's
pretty good.
I don't know if this contractwe just signed it's gonna be
renewed, but you know we gotsalary for you for the rest of
this fiscal year.
The position has been posted.
We're gonna save all thedetails for later.
You know what I mean and so,like, that's how it works.

(09:39):
If you are an employee or aprospective employee for a
company, or you are aprospective mate or potential
mate or potential partner forsomeone that you wanna be
involved with, like, there'salways a level of fear.
Like, am I dope enough tocommunicate that?

(10:01):
Yo man, I'm wearing multifocalcontact lenses.
You know what I'm saying?
Like, the side of my head isgetting more gray by the day.
I'm just happy I got somewhatof a hairline and I wear bangs
to cover up my big forehead.

Chantée Christian (10:17):
Wait, I did not say the forehead part , I
did say oh well, you didn't sayit, but you meant.

Kevin Holmes (10:21):
I knew what you meant, though I knew what you
meant.
Shantay has been getting on meabout my bangs for like the last
three years, you know.

Chantée Christian (10:28):
Yo, they been real.

Kevin Holmes (10:30):
I keep the bangs popping.
Baby Natural hair don't care.

Chantée Christian (10:33):
Let me ask that you know and it's so crazy
you say that.
So one of my clients came to melast week week before last and
she's going on the first date inyears and she said that one of
her biggest fear was that she'sgonna find the guy that she
likes.
He's not gonna like her for whoshe really is.

(10:56):
Oh, that's hot.
And I said if anyone you talkto were honest with you, they
tell you that that was theirbiggest fear too.
Am I gonna find somebody who,when they find out who I really
am, that they still fuck with me?
That's true.
And I told cause she was like,yeah, like I haven't been, you

(11:16):
know, really showing who I am?
And I said well, if you don'tshow them who you are, how will
you ever know if you actuallylike them and or their response
to who you are?

Kevin Holmes (11:28):
Because at the end of the day, the rubber will
meet the road and something'sgonna happen.
Like myself, tell me aboutyourself.
Well, you know, I'm a prettyeasy going guy.
Pretty easy going guy, you know, I like to get along, I like to
create positive environments,but when there's a cancer in my
environment, I like to bully.

(11:48):
Bullies, right, you know whatI'm saying.
Like if you're a bully, youlike if, or if you're, if, I
know that you have a trackrecord of being inconsiderate
and not really caring and beingself-absorbed and caring about
yourself.
There's probably gonna be amoment in time where I'm gonna
conflict with that.
Yeah, yeah, I know it.
Yeah, do you say it?

Chantée Christian (12:09):
though I don't know Like.
I think back to the last likenine to five job interview that
I did.
I walked away and was like damn, it was a great interview but
I'm not gonna get the job.
Because I felt as though I wastoo honest.
They asked me how did I handleconflict?
And I said, well, do you wantme to lie to you or do you want
me to tell you the truth?
And they looked at me like thisis crazy.

(12:33):
So I said you know, I want toassess the situation, I want to
understand what's going on, andthen I'm going straight in with
all of the research that I haveto have this conversation.
I said to me conflict justmeans that we're not in
agreement, like there's a ruffleand it doesn't have to be this

(12:54):
huge thing.
But if you just, like you said,with cancer, if you let it
spread.

Kevin Holmes (12:59):
no, you got to nip it in the bud.
You got to cut that thing allthe way out.
Yeah Right.

Chantée Christian (13:04):
And if we got to get radiation and all the
other things, let's do it,because what we're not going to
do is allow one thing and orperson to sabotage this whole
situation.
And they looked at me and theylooked at each other and I was
like that's me and I think about, like even in relationships I'm
a lot more passive, aggressivethan not, and it's funny.

Kevin Holmes (13:28):
So you're faking with the smoke Like you want the
smoke but you don't really wantthe smoke.
Well, it's like you fan in thesmoke a little bit.

Chantée Christian (13:35):
I fan the smoke.
I fan the smoke to see what'shappening.

Kevin Holmes (13:39):
Uh huh, uh huh, you being slick, that's what
you're doing, you being slick.

Chantée Christian (13:44):
And then once I see what's happening, then
I'm like uh huh, okay, all right, and I know that's the asshole
in me.
I'm fully aware that's not meSmoke signals.

Kevin Holmes (13:53):
Though that's the crazy point you, you fan in the
smoke, but you sending me allthe smoke signals with all the
messages and all the LennieWilliams songs.

Chantée Christian (14:00):
Well, I mean, and then right.
So I and I do realize thatabout myself too, I do go from
zero to 100.
Now I crank up to 100 becausein my mind I've given us
opportunity and space to get onthe corrective mode.
But it's also who you're withRight.

(14:20):
Just like how we said,depending on who asks you who
are you, or tell me a little bitabout yourself, your answer is
going to be different.
Who we're with will bring outdifferent things in us.

Kevin Holmes (14:33):
I hope my friend knows that.
I think she knows by now that Ilike the smoke.
I don't necessarily want to runinto the burning building or
create the fire, but like, likeyou said, like you could get
turned up to 100.
Like, tell me about yourself,tell me more about you.
Like yo, I'm with the shitsometimes.

Chantée Christian (14:51):
Sometimes.
What do you say?
What Beyoncé say "I got timetoday Sometimes.

Kevin Holmes (14:57):
I like the environment of being on the
hundred on occasion.
See, like when I was younger,then it was zero to 100, real
quick, real quick.
You know what I'm saying.
I'm like 40 plus now.
I'm kind of like Marlowe in thewire at the end of the wire.
The last episode, marlowe's likeat this event, trying to figure

(15:19):
out how to funnel his money andwash his money and he, looking
at a corner boy outside of awindow, like he's at this, like
hotel or office building, he see, like he see the drug activity
across the street and he leavesthe office party and he goes to
that corner and he takes thecorner.
He goes up to the corner boys,smacks the corner boy, takes his

(15:41):
drugs, takes his money and thecorner boy runs off scared and
he's like, yeah, I like it wasalmost like he needed the smoke,
he needed the action.
Yeah, but as you, you know, asyou evolve, like it's still in
you, it's never going away, thefact that you like to get
ratcheted up to a hundred.
It's never going to go away.
Shantae is who you are.

Chantée Christian (16:01):
It's part of who you are, I know.
That's why I need somebodythat's patient.

Kevin Holmes (16:04):
If somebody asks you like, tell me about yourself
, you should say like yo, I liketo be on the hundred on
occasion.
On occasion, yeah, it keeps me.
It keeps me young, keeps myskin glowing Right.

Chantée Christian (16:19):
Like yeah, he'd be like that, excellated
real quick.
I'm like oh, for real, I wasjust asking a question.

Kevin Holmes (16:27):
I have a similar problem, Chantée.
I got a similar problem, likereal talk, I got a similar
problem.

Chantée Christian (16:31):
Oh, that's how you feel Like whoa, that's
not what I said, but that iswhat you did.

Kevin Holmes (16:38):
I be having to clarify myself too, because you
know, you know, especially youknow you dealing with the
distance thing.
It's like a multimedia processof communication.
It might be video, it might bephone, it might be text.
It's usually quicker.
But I get in more trouble withthe text messages though.
Yeah, because you know peopletake stuff out of context or

(16:59):
like I have this system If I getmad I'll do like text to talk,
or, you know, record it, Neversend it, never hit the send
button on those.

Chantée Christian (17:10):
You gotta reread that.

Kevin Holmes (17:11):
Because that will get you in trouble.
That will get you in troubleand probably get you blocked
Chantée, and that's just frompersonal experience.
You know what I'm saying.
Oh yeah, all right.
So I get it like never sayingwhat you're thinking, but I do
feel like that's kind ofimportant to present who you are
Like it's a level of awarenesswe need to have about ourselves

(17:34):
to be able to articulate it andcommunicate it in, whether it's
for acceptance or to letsomebody know like I'm with the
shits, I'm turned up, so enterat your own risk.

Chantée Christian (17:46):
Yeah, like, oh my God, what was the name of
the judge with the really shorthair?
The black lady, and she'salways reading people.

Kevin Holmes (17:57):
Oh my God, Does she have a husband that just
passed away?
Young people we can pull up the.

Chantée Christian (18:02):
What's herr name?
Est yet judge?
Oh, she did, divorce court, shedid divorce, but then she have
a.

Kevin Holmes (18:10):
I think her husband or something that just
passed away.

Chantée Christian (18:13):
Oh, I didn't realize he passed away.
Yeah, cause her husband's likeor he's like six foot something,
a big dude.
And she even wrote in her bookabout how like they were in a
house together for years andnever spoke cause they were
beefing that tough.

Kevin Holmes (18:28):
And they were still in the house together,
still in the house together.
They couldn't afford to getseparate houses no like he was
like no, they could.

Chantée Christian (18:35):
she was a judge and he was, you know.
But they, they had young kidsand Kids have put a damper on
your relationship, man, I giveyou that they will.

Kevin Holmes (18:48):
They will Now.
I love my son.
I love my son, but what I'msaying is, when you have
children in the household, thenlike, if you got two adults this
beefing, then it's like, allright, well, we'll eff that
other person.
I'm gonna put all my attentionand this little person, and then
that little person iteventually grows up to be a big
person and they gonna piss youoff.

(19:08):
So then, who you gonna directyour beef with?
You know what I'm saying Pissedoff the person that you
supposed to be riding with.
And now you mad at your kid.
But that's true, yes, JudgeLynn.

Chantée Christian (19:20):
Judge Lynn, Judge Lynn and her husband.

Kevin Holmes (19:23):
Resting peace to her husband.
Her husband passed beforeChristmas.

Chantée Christian (19:26):
Oh, yeah, oh, I did not realize that.
So she did an interview I thinkit was with the breakfast club,
and she was talking about howshe was the one that was wild
and crazy and he was the onethat was just.
It didn't matter what you triedto do, he was unwavered in his
calmness and just who he was.
And she literally said youcan't have two maniacs.

(19:47):
No, you can't, man, you can'thave two maniacs, you can't.
And as the older I get, themore I've realized that, right
Like we both can't be ready togo to 100 all the time.

Kevin Holmes (20:00):
See, that's part of my problem, though, Chantée.
That's part of my problem withme and my friend man.
It's like we both Scorpios, soit could be really really good,
If you know what I'm saying, ify'all follow the Horace Goats,
that's all of the astrology.
It could be really really good,but if it go left, Chantée, Be
really really bad.

(20:20):
Because, like you said, youcan't really have like two
maniacs or two people.
That's like zero to 100.
But like that's my struggle.
It's not really a struggle, butI think part of it is because I
know that there's distance andthings can get misconstrued in,
like the communication pathway,like I probably need to be the
calm one there, or calmer, orcalmer.

Chantée Christian (20:43):
Right, calmer , yeah, yeah, because you're
more aware of how you react tothings.
You're able to put yourself incheck, like I know that if I
sent a certain text right nowhe'll be so annoyed, but he
still won't shake.
But his response to me send meover the edge and I'll go flying

(21:07):
.
I'll take my cape and I'll goflying right off the cliff.

Kevin Holmes (21:11):
Did you tell him that when he said well, tell me
about yourself.
And you said, yo, I'm liable tofly off the handle?
with a cape , on.
And matching boots.

Chantée Christian (21:21):
But he figured it out really quickly
and I told him.
I said, you know, I know that Icould be on 100.
And it could be about anything.
And when I say 100, I don'tmean like I'm not cussing and
stomping up, I ain't gettingarrested.

Kevin Holmes (21:35):
You know what I'm saying?
No, I'm not doing anything likethat.
That's me, that's me.
You know, but I do get someenergy around friction You're
supposed to, though that'ssupposed to be a level of, I
mean, it's physics.

Chantée Christian (21:50):
Yeah, and so it's like when things are going
like real cool, real calm, I'mlike what's up, what's, what's
you doing?

Kevin Holmes (21:58):
So you wanted them other.
You wanted them people to thinklike when things are going
pretty calm and pretty good,like you think like another
shoe's going to drop, no, notwith him Like or is it like
eerily calm, like something,something going to happen?

Chantée Christian (22:11):
It's like why is this going so smooth?
Because you're not used to it?
Oh, absolutely, OK, Absolutely,and I'm more conscious of that
now, right.
So I'm like, OK, don't respondwith that.
And, like you said, with thedistance.
It's like like I remember whenwe first started dating, we were

(22:34):
talking and responding to textslike boom, boom, boom, boom
boom, then you get busy, and youget busy.
And it's like why talk to thisjoke in like four hours?
What did I say?
What did he do?
Like how dare so I go throughall these range of emotions.
And when I was younger he wouldhave caught all of those
emotions, right, but instead Isat with it.
I sat with it, I sat with itand then I was like oh, he

(22:57):
really ain't going to respond tome ever Like so.
Then I texted him.
I was like yo, this reallyfeels weird, are?

Kevin Holmes (23:04):
you listening to the face she just made when she
felt, oh boy, we're going torespond.
Brother, if you're listening tome now, just respond, because I
don't think you want to seethat face, and to your audience.
I think that facial expressioncould probably go up another
notch when she on at 100.

(23:25):
I'm just saying but that's just20 years of experience.
You know what I'm saying.
I ain't mean to put you outthere like that, but yeah.

Chantée Christian (23:32):
I mean, it's a true.
So imagine me in my room bymyself, like what the hell is
really going on here.
And so I sent him this text andI was like it.
Just it feels really weird notto have talked in such a large
span of time.
And his response to me was alittle too nonchalant for a calm

(23:54):
version of me and I said, oh OK, all right.
And then I said, you know what?
I realized that I sound alittle crazy, right, because I
was like maybe it is me, and soI fell back.
But you know, lessons comequickly, and so a couple of days
go by.
I'm the one that's busy, I'mthe one that has my phone on, do

(24:14):
not disturb because I'm working.
And he was like, oh, I nowunderstand what you meant and I
had never been in a space whereI felt comfortable enough to
share that.

Kevin Holmes (24:27):
Regardless, I don't like to be ignored.
My expectation is, if we have acadence of communicating at
this time, this time, this time,with this response, this
response, this response, thenthe expectation level has been
set for our partnership Set.
But then when something goesleft or right, you don't
necessarily know why becauseyour distance of busy schedules

(24:51):
and things like that, yo, wemake a lot of assumptions in our
head, we make a lot of storiesup in our head, shantay.
Yo, we make a lot of stories upG.

Chantée Christian (24:59):
A lot, and then it's right.
And so one of the things thatI've had to learn is to take a
beat on the fact versus thestory I created.
The fact is I didn't sayanything wild and crazy for him
not to respond.
He's going to respond when hecan, right, and so I don't.
Anybody knows me knows I don'tlike to read books, but I listen

(25:21):
to them, and there's this bookcalled the Four Agreements.
Have you ever read the FourAgreements?
Great, great book, great book,right.
I literally listen to it everyyear because I need a reminder
that it's not all about me,because, as a only child.
You take yourself so serious man, right, but as a only child.
As you talk about learnedbehaviors and my parents, I mean

(25:45):
, they're not together anymore.
Obviously they didn't have aperfect marriage, right.
Who was getting all of thisattention?
Your girl.
And so now, as a learnedbehavior, going into a
relationship and it ain't allabout me.
I mean, I understand a littlebit, but when we set the bar, I
expect that bar to continue tobe set, and when it goes under,

(26:07):
then is it something that I needto recalibrate on, or is it
something that us as a unitneeds to recalibrate on?

Kevin Holmes (26:12):
It's like a coin flip.
I think it's.
I don't think it's mutuallyexclusive.
I agree, you know what I mean.
I think you have to recalibratebecause, god knows, I'm just
thinking, like you said, thatI'm thinking about my son now
and I'm just like man, he better, he better, not.
I mean, yes, you want a partner, that you are there, everything
blah, blah, blah, get all thatstuff, but it's still like a way

(26:34):
that you can duck yourself.
Yeah, right, yeah.

Chantée Christian (26:38):
Yeah, but I feel like you have to learn you,
though, right.
This is why I think that datingis so important.
Had I not gotten back into thedating scene the way I did
online dating, I would havenever been able to practice the
who are you?
I would have never been able topractice the.
What do you do to getcomfortable enough with myself

(27:01):
to say, oh, I am a two-timeinternational Amazon bestselling
author.
I do have a podcast.
I I am a coach, I am aconsultant, I own my own
business.
Like, I am these things, andI'm also a daughter, I'm a
auntie to a bunch of kids, I'm afriend and and and people like

(27:24):
oh well, what's your best talent?
Well, what's your biggest gift?
My mouth.
I have a gift for gab.
That's just.
It just is.
It always has been like that.
I didn't know that.
Accepting that, though, that'sthe crazy part.

Kevin Holmes (27:36):
Finally Right, You're finally comfortable with
that, with that aspect of of whoyou are.

Chantée Christian (27:43):
Like and that's real talk.
Yeah, cause I hadn't beenalways, but it's taken time,
it's taken experience.
And it's taken experiencesbecause had I not been in those,
I wouldn't know who.
I don't like that, well, Idon't like this.
Well, how do I say I don't likethat?
Hmm, how do I say I don't know?
And I'm to the point now where,if I show you who I am and I

(28:09):
tell you who I am and you don'tget down with that, I'm sorry
for you.

Kevin Holmes (28:15):
Cause at that point it's none of your business
.
It's not about business.
That's more to do about themthan you yeah.

Chantée Christian (28:22):
Yeah, and nothing is out of malice or
anything like that.
And if I've done something thathas offended you, then tell me,
but don't assume that I know,true, just like I ain't about to
assume that you know that I amlike something that you did.
So, yeah, it's interesting, sotell me.
Yeah, we've talked about a lot.

(28:44):
What would you like to leavethe people with?

Kevin Holmes (28:49):
I want to answer your question because I don't
know if I answered the questionin a eloquent manner that I
would be accustomed to, so Iguess, for your audience, I
would like to leave them with.
You know, I'm Kevin Holmes man.
I'm a ambassador of dopeness, acurator of exquisite vibes, I

(29:12):
am a educator, I'm a father, I'ma son, I'm a brother, I'm a
dope ass friend, I'm the cooluncle and I really just enjoy
being the light worker that I am.
I'm an empath.
You know what I'm saying.
So I'm a lead and love with myheart.

(29:33):
I support the people that Icare about, I love the people
that I care about and, at theend of the day, like you said,
I'm still a work in progress,regardless of, like my 20 years
of experience in my profession,regardless of the DJ gigs that
I've booked, regardless of theviewership or listenership of my

(29:57):
podcast, etc.
Etc.
I am 42 years old and I'mfinally coming into my own in
terms of being comfortable withwho Kevin Holmes is, and that
hasn't been a coincidence.
That's been through a widevariety of lived and learned

(30:19):
experiences A lot of trials, alot of tribulations, a lot of
trauma.
The journey of trying to healfrom sad trauma, the journey of
getting outside of my comfortzone and exploring new things
and new ways of thinking and newphysical and mental

(30:39):
environments.
I enjoy life and the trials andtribulations that have occurred
in my life have been blessings.
People talk about wins andlosses.
I don't believe in failure.
I don't believe in losses.
I do believe in failure andlosses if you quit and you don't

(31:02):
continue on and you getdiscouraged by the lesson that
you're trying to learn or thelesson that maybe you need to
learn.
But I think, within all ofthose experiences that helped me
identify how I needed to becomea better partner for my friend,
that helped me identify how Iwant to ensure that some of the

(31:25):
life lessons that I had to learn, I don't want my son to learn
those same lessons in thatmanner.
He's going to learn lessons ofhis own, just based on his own
experience right now.
But I don't want to recreateflat tires of wheels that don't
roll.
You know what I mean.
So I would say to leave yourlisteners with.

(31:45):
If you've enjoyed anything thatwe've discussed today and you
want to hear more of my banterand nonsense, you could follow
my podcast at GRGRLJKEV therecognized game podcast with RLJ
and Kev I happen to be Kev,that conglomerate.
Follow us on social media atGRGRLJKEV.

(32:08):
If you kind of like how I think, or you want to see some DJ
sets, you can follow me at HEFFAHomes 1, j-e-f-e-h-o-l-m-e-s,
the number one on Instagram.
I get live on occasion.
I ain't trying to sell younothing.
I ain't trying to sell younothing.

(32:29):
I'm not trying to promotenothing.
You know, if anything, maybe wecan be connected, just so that
we can exchange positive energy.
Man, because that's what I'mabout at this moment in time,
after the crazy three-plus yearswe've had, somehow Chantée and
myself, we got this bright ideato try to be media moguls in the

(32:50):
process of a pandemic.
Nevertheless, here we are andwe doing pretty damn good.
We managing, we managing, wedoing pretty damn good and we
pretty damn dope.
Yes, yes.

Chantée Christian (33:05):
I am so grateful and thankful for you
because I've said this before,but I've never said it to you on
my platform.
So here we go.
I would have never had the myBest Shift podcast if it weren't
for you.
I'll never forget sending youthe text talking about soul
podcast when do I start?

(33:26):
And you were like this nigga.

Kevin Holmes (33:32):
Yeah, but the real rap, though, like I had no game
to really give you coming fromthe game, recognized game
podcast, because it was more solike you just got to jump in man
and I was like, ok, well, whatkind of mic do you use?

Chantée Christian (33:43):
I was like I'm not using that.
I was like this is on a budget,but no, but just knowing that
someone I knew was doing one,and knowing that I could come to
you and ask just randomquestions that weren't outside
of a blog that I have read orwhatever, and I just remember

(34:06):
when I said I was doing it, yousaid you know I've talked around
and you know whenever you'reready you can come on our show,
and we could just do this thingtogether.
And I was like my friendbelieves in me, we could do this
right, and I will always beappreciative of just how God has

(34:28):
put you in my life, becauseyour cousin is my audio engineer
.

Kevin Holmes (34:34):
Shout Hitz Muzic to Hit Muzic.
Shout out to my bro man.

Chantée Christian (34:39):
Yes, like you know, and we've just been able
to do so much together, and soI'm just I'm forever grateful
for our friendship, for ourconnection, and I'm so glad that
we finally got you on thepodcast Real rap real rap man
and honestly, I remember thatmoment as well and, once again,

(34:59):
you know the talent and theskill set was there, you know
like.

Kevin Holmes (35:03):
So if you told me about yourself then and say, you
know I want to be a media mogul, and I would probably say
that's dope, let's do it.

Chantée Christian (35:14):
Yeah, I wasn't ready then.

Kevin Holmes (35:15):
You weren't.
You weren't ready then.
You're ready now, but evenstill, it's the build up.
You know what I mean.
My grandfather once told me Kevhe was like Kevin you're not
going to go from the classroomto the boardroom.
It's going to have to be somejourneys involved before you
make that step.
Same way, I met with a presidentof a small liberal arts college
in North Carolina Many, manyyears ago.

(35:37):
He said, yeah, you're going tobe a college president one day.
You're going to be a universitypresident one day.
And I said, yeah, that would bea cool journey, a cool gig.
Like how do I get there?
That was like my first question.
Like how do I get there?
And he says you'll get thereeventually, but you need a
little more gray in your hair.
I said, great for what I got tobe old.
Like I'm not going to be ableto do it when I'm old.

(35:58):
And that wasn't his point.
His point was that the seasonsthat come with gray hair are
going to be just as equallyvaluable learning experience as
the degrees and the lettersbehind your name and the
professional experiences thatyou gain and the accomplishments

(36:21):
that you're going to.
It's with the changing of theseasons that you then become
more comfortable in answeringthat question.
Shantay, yeah, tell me aboutyourself.

Chantée Christian (36:34):
Yeah, that's real.
I'm going to tell you becauseso often we want to get there,
especially like in this culture,in this space we're in, people
are used to having things at thetouch of their hands.
Right, we talked about in thisepisode how people will never
know certain things.
Well, in those things that wewere naming came patience and

(36:58):
came ability to have resilienceand to figure out work around,
be innovative and creativewithout all the extra things
that come along with having yourphone right at the tip of your
hand or having software and allthese other things like just
being dope without all the extrashit, and it takes time.

(37:21):
It's why you may have alwaysbeen dope.
You didn't always know it.

Kevin Holmes (37:27):
You didn't know how to develop it.

Chantée Christian (37:29):
Yeah, or appreciate it or appreciate it,
realize it, witness it.
Yeah, when you can witness yourdope-ness, that shit is crazy
to me being able to watch orlisten to people listen to my
podcasts, or if I do an eventand they come and they hear me
speak and then they tell me I'mlike, oh me.

(37:53):
But then there's sometimes whenI walk off that stage and I
know that shit was hot, and it'sin those moments where I'm like
, oh yeah, you got it, yourmoonwalk moment, man.
Yeah, yeah, right.
So I appreciate you for beingon this journey with me.

Kevin Holmes (38:13):
Aw, thank you so much, sister.
You know I'm always there.
Yeah, if I can be, I'm a be.

Chantée Christian (38:25):
Thank you for listening to this week's
episode of the my Best Shiftpodcast.
I really enjoy talking withKevin about the true essence of
who we are and how much orlittle we share with others.
For more information or ifyou'd like to reach out to us,
please visit at my Best Shiftunderscore LLC on Instagram.

(38:48):
Remember, stop doing shit thatdoesn't serve you.
See you later.