October 9, 2024 • 37 mins
Get in touch! Drop Benji and Brad a text message by clicking on this link.
Can a petty argument really be the catalyst for an adventure in the heart of London? Join us as we navigate the aftermath of a heated debate between your favorite hosts, Benji and Brad. Amidst the tension, there’s a silver lining as Brad scores a free coffee from Pret, while Benji patiently waits for a planned rendezvous. Our episode is sprinkled with playful jabs, Mr. Burns references, and a reminder that Halloween is just around the corner—our very own "gay Christmas."
Feel that crisp autumn air and prepare for some spine-tingling fun as we reminisce about childhood Halloween shenanigans, from crafting seasonal posters to scoring the ultimate Disney sound book prize. Get ready for an event-packed October as we share our plans for Tully's Farm horror festival, where the thrills and chills of spooky mazes await. Our journey through memories and anticipation of what's to come is a testament to our love for all things horror, even if it took a while to embrace the Halloween spirit.
Ever wondered what it’s like to be the keeper of a chastity device key? We explore the hilarity of adult-themed communities, from surprise encounters in adventurous WhatsApp groups to the comedic chaos of "Locktober." Toss in some psychic reading skepticism and a notorious jam-related online video, and you've got a recipe for laughter and camaraderie. Don't miss out on our cheeky tales and musings, and join us in sharing your own stories for next week’s antics.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 2 (00:18):
Hello and welcome to this week's episode of my Big
Gay Podcast with me, Benji.
Speaker 1 (00:23):
And me, Brad, giving you the life, the loves and lols
of living in London.
Speaker 2 (00:28):
Two gays, one city.
What could possibly?
Speaker 1 (00:31):
go wrong.
Look, I was having an amazing,amazing start to my day.
Thank you so much.
Speaker 2 (00:40):
Tell someone who cares.
Speaker 1 (00:42):
Well, I care about it .
Speaker 2 (00:44):
Yeah, shocker that you care about you.
Go on podcasters.
We have a story no, I willstart podcasters if you feel a
vibe at home, be it a negativeone or that one of slight
tension.
You would, in fact, be correct.
Browse and I, today have hadthe second largest argument that
we've ever had, and I know I'mmaybe saying it like in jest,
(01:06):
but seriously it was.
Speaker 1 (01:08):
It was firm words second, we've only had one today
no, brighton.
Speaker 2 (01:12):
Oh yeah, do you want to bring that up?
Speaker 1 (01:15):
no, no we buried that .
We buried that, that's uh,that's dead and buried yeah,
there were tears, there waswords said yes, that one was a
big one and benji actually leftthe country.
Speaker 2 (01:24):
You did did.
Speaker 1 (01:24):
I did, yeah, you did, wow.
Yeah, I had forgotten aboutthat.
Speaker 2 (01:28):
Yes, the second largest.
We'll leave it at that.
Speaker 1 (01:29):
Well, I actually had a really good start to my day
until you came along.
Not going to lie.
Speaker 2 (01:33):
Good for you, good for you.
Speaker 1 (01:39):
I went to Pret today the coffee shop and ever had a
free coffee offered to youbefore no, but well, I've had
that like qr code where you usedto be able to get free.
Speaker 2 (01:46):
Do you remember like coffee club?
Speaker 1 (01:48):
oh yeah, not that, because you know, prep people
they can give away free coffees,so many a day yes, oh, now you
said that, yes, I have had afree coffee and a free banana
from prep.
Speaker 2 (01:58):
You're from prep yeah , I have.
Speaker 1 (01:59):
I just stolen your story.
No, no, no, no, but I've hadthe same thing.
That happened today all right,it's not competition but I've
had a few times because argumentthree is coming yeah, literally
I um, I like to say I've gotlike a sunny personality.
Speaker 2 (02:11):
I like to like to think.
Speaker 1 (02:12):
When I walk into a room, the sun starts shining.
So because I do that a prayer,I have had quite a few free
coffees in my lifetime uh-huh,did you used to watch the
simpsons?
Yeah, I've Simpsons.
Speaker 2 (02:22):
Did you watch the episode where what's his name?
Mr Burns?
Speaker 1 (02:26):
Oh yes.
Speaker 2 (02:27):
Was like abducted by aliens and he had to go for this
treatment and they caught himlike skipping through, like
cornfields, uh-huh, and he waslike completely out of it, just
like la, la, la, la la.
That is how I believe that youlive your life Obliv, oblivilulu
to everything that's going onaround you.
Speaker 1 (02:43):
Well, that kind of makes sense, then, why you were
fuming at me today?
Because podcast is, I am afreak off.
It's like today it's going tobe an amazing, amazing day.
Went to Benji's.
When you opened the door I waslike hiya, you just stormed off
and I thought you were joking.
Speaker 2 (02:56):
Stormed would have been too much energy.
I wasn't even giving you that.
I opened the the door I lookedyou and I turned around and I
went to the kitchen and closedthe door, yeah, and I was like,
are you okay?
Speaker 1 (03:08):
and then, you were just like, yeah, cold shoulder.
Yeah, it was cold, coldshoulder, you deserved it.
And then in my head I was like,oh, I think I've upset him, but
I don't know what I've done.
Speaker 2 (03:12):
You knew exactly what you've done.
Podcast is while he was, he wasgoing about his day getting his
free coffee, which, by the way,if it's your birthday and you
tell prayer, they they areobliged to give you a free
coffee.
Speaker 1 (03:22):
Oh nice.
Speaker 2 (03:22):
Yeah, and also I've heard that if you give them a
compliment or ask them how theirday is, they will also give you
something for free.
It's very like positivereinforcement.
Speaker 1 (03:29):
That makes sense.
Yeah, because I always do that.
I'm like oh, how are you?
Have you had a nice day?
Speaker 2 (03:33):
No, they give you free coffee, darling, because
your card gets declined andthey've already made it.
So whilst he was having hisfree coffee there, I was at home
waiting for part of our daythat we had planned.
We had a meeting going onwaiting for it to go ahead.
Was this one skipping aroundgetting free oat lattes?
Speaker 1 (03:53):
but I like being you ruined my entire day today I
know, but you took a vow when wedid this podcast.
You said I will accept youflaws and all I did never say
that that never happened.
Speaker 2 (04:04):
I did start the verbal beating by saying listen,
I love you to pieces, but butthen I let you have it yeah, I
know, and I felt really awful,didn't I?
Speaker 1 (04:12):
well, yeah, maybe I did I felt awful, did you?
Speaker 2 (04:15):
yeah, good, you should feel bad.
You should feel bad.
You're a horrible, horriblelittle girl today I'm sorry,
selfish self-centered, but wewon't go on because the
listeners at home don't don'twant to hear about this.
That's true, but sadly, podcastis this is going to be our last
episode ever Because, quitefrankly, I've had enough.
No, I'm only joking with you.
(04:36):
We resolved it, we think.
Speaker 1 (04:42):
And then I was trying to make you laugh and be like
this is why you're single,because you act like this.
That didn't help the situation.
Speaker 2 (04:47):
No, because I was like I've had longer
relationships than fucking youman, bloody hell.
Speaker 1 (04:54):
But it's Halloween season and it's gay Christmas,
so stop ruining gay Christmasfor me.
Speaker 2 (04:58):
That's true.
So if I do punch you in theface and you're black and blue
and bleeding, at least you'reblending with the crowd.
Oh, my goodness.
But no, it is Halloween season,which is no lie that this is
your favourite time of year.
Speaker 1 (05:08):
Love it so much, right?
I don't mind getting the wintercoat out, the scarves, the
autumn leaves the horror, thespooks, the ghouls, the witches,
the wizards yeah, bring it allon, do you know what I day?
Speaker 2 (05:25):
I realized I loved autumn, so it sounds like the
beginning of some sort of memoir.
Um, no, but I remember being akid um, it wasn't that long ago,
obviously and on the radio mydad was a radio presenter.
I don't know if I've ever toldyou this, but he was um, and he
was just about to start.
So he was listening to theradio to like just sort of get
the vibe in the house and it wasfor him for research etc.
And I heard on the radio theywere doing this competition
where you could make a poster torepresent your favorite season
(05:47):
and send it in.
You could win a prize, right, Iwas really excited about this.
I wasn't really the arts andcrafts kind of kid but for some
reason I think I think I was soexcited for my dad being a radio
presenter, I was like justthrowing myself at it.
Yeah, so I like I went on tolike the, the common area, the
football.
It's called the common.
Do you call them commons overhere?
Speaker 1 (06:05):
So I used to call my park the rec, as in it's called
recreational grounds.
But everyone used to call itthe rec, like oh, you're going
to the rec.
Speaker 2 (06:11):
Cool, we didn't use that.
We called it the common.
Speaker 1 (06:15):
Or there's a football pitch.
Quite a number.
Speaker 2 (06:16):
Anyway, we went out to the Greenland and I I started
collecting acorns and leaves.
Anyway, long story short, Imade this poster that was a leaf
made out of lots of littleleaves and acorns.
Really cute, right, that iscute.
Speaker 1 (06:30):
Cute little like Crafty queen over here.
Speaker 2 (06:32):
I wanted to say like five-year-old Benji, but I was
definitely older than that,which is a bit embarrassing.
I think I was probably about 11.
But anyway, I won Amazing and Iwon one of those Disney sound
books.
I won Amazing and I won one ofthose Disney sound books.
I don't know if you ever hadone, yes, but you read along and
down the side.
There's a panel and I won theyeah, the Peter Pan one.
Speaker 1 (06:49):
And you click the button, it makes the noise to go
to the story.
Yeah, you read the story andthe picture.
Speaker 2 (06:52):
But yeah, yeah, and all I can remember is the
Tinkerbell one which is likediddling, diddling, oh yeah yeah
, ba-dum-bum, that was it.
Speaker 1 (07:02):
Uh-huh Ba-dum-bum, and you lived your best life.
Speaker 2 (07:04):
Yeah, thrived, Anyway .
So that's my little autumnalstory for you.
Speaker 1 (07:07):
So when it's autumn, does it remind you of that time?
It?
Speaker 2 (07:09):
really does and I actually, like you know I like
cold anyway.
I love the summer when I canjust be it.
However, in london it's vileautumn.
(07:31):
When it's cold outside, you'rewearing like a t-shirt and a
jumper not not quite the coatsand scarves that's a bit too
winter for me, but like autumnwe're like you could be in a
t-shirt if you wanted to, butyou were a bit cold, but you
were like a light jumper.
Speaker 1 (07:45):
I love it.
I love it.
Speaker 2 (07:47):
Yeah, it kind of gets me going.
I'm not going to lie.
Speaker 1 (07:48):
Yeah, I do like it too.
But do you like Halloween andhorror?
Are you a horror person?
Speaker 2 (07:53):
We were brought up, never allowed to celebrate
Halloween, so it's not reallylike in my blood to celebrate it
.
In fact went to halloweenparties until I met you,
although there's a lot of thingsI didn't do until I met you.
I've opened up your world.
(08:13):
You're so welcome.
Yeah, some of those doors Iclosed very quickly.
Get the bag.
No, um, you'll like it.
It's sweet.
Uh, what are we talking abouthalloween?
Yeah, but I, I do.
I understand why people enjoyit and we actually have a
fun-filled Halloween diary thisyear.
Speaker 1 (08:27):
Oh my goodness, this weekend we are busy, busy with
Halloween events.
Speaker 2 (08:30):
Yeah, Can't wait.
Just the whole of this month isjust back-to-back Halloween
plans.
Speaker 1 (08:34):
Yeah we're going to Tully's, which I've always
wanted to go to.
It's a horror festival, I guess.
Yeah, sure, that's part ofOctober.
I think they called itshocktober.
Um, yeah, it's all like horrormazes and rides and you can get
um beer and things I don't know.
Speaker 2 (08:49):
It just sounds like oh beer.
Speaker 1 (08:51):
Yeah, I don't know beer in the, in the cold, being
chased by a zombie do you knowwhat?
Speaker 2 (08:54):
beer in the cold.
I'm really here for that, yeah.
So it's like uh, they have itthroughout the year.
They have like escape rooms.
It's like a whole big I'vedon't know how many acres it is,
but it's big.
Speaker 1 (09:03):
Yeah, it's a massive farm, isn't it?
Speaker 2 (09:05):
Yeah, and we've been lucky enough to be invited to
their press night, so we get tofilm inside some of the
attractions, which is normallycompletely top secret and not
allowed to.
So if this does interest youand you like Halloween and you
like immersive things and justsomething to do this Halloween,
do go over to our Instagram andcheck out our recent reel.
We're going to do a.
Come with us to uh and do totali's farm.
(09:25):
Yeah and um yeah, show you whatwe get up to although I do have
a secret.
Speaker 1 (09:30):
I actually find it really scary oh, there's horror
mazes, yeah, yeah I will beabsolutely fucking shitting
myself.
Speaker 2 (09:35):
Yeah, watch your language, please timothy, no
same, I don't like it.
I don't like the unknownapparently there's this ride.
Speaker 1 (09:42):
I don't want to give too much away, but it's like a
tractor and you are put intolike a, a big metal, like um, I
don't know, like trailer, Iguess right that's the tractor
pulls along right and it goesthrough all the woods and all
these zombies start chasing youand like climbing on, like the
trailer bit and trying to get in.
Okay, as the tractor's likedriving around and is this
compulsory?
I'm'm going to be screaming.
Speaker 2 (10:04):
Oh, my goodness, do you know what the tractor in the
trailer I was here with?
I mean, I grew up on an islandwhere agriculture is rife, so
I've ridden many a tractor, butthe through the woods is where
you kind of lost me with thatone.
Speaker 1 (10:17):
Okay, it's going to be scary.
Speaker 2 (10:19):
I'm wishing I'd done more research, research before
we accepted the invitation.
But hey ho we're.
Speaker 1 (10:23):
We're locked in we're going to be doing it, so watch
the space speaking of locked inand you saying shocktober, did
you know it's locktober?
Speaker 2 (10:29):
what's locktober?
It's uh, when people wear uhfor lack of a better term a cock
cage so I actually have metsomeone who wears a cock cage
before so I know what that iswho wears one before.
Did you change that sentenceover to who wears one?
Oh crap, better not say hestill does it.
Speaker 1 (10:47):
How before?
Who has worn?
Yeah, it's a blast from thepast.
So I have seen somebody withone on yeah, I listen, it's not
for me.
Speaker 2 (10:56):
I don't want to wear that.
I I have definitely hooked upwith guys that have them on.
Uh, I just don't know how yougo about your day with them.
I'll be honest.
Speaker 1 (11:04):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (11:05):
I don't get it.
Speaker 1 (11:06):
You can still wee right.
Speaker 2 (11:07):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (11:08):
You just can't get hard.
Speaker 2 (11:09):
Imagine if you couldn't go to the toilet.
Speaker 1 (11:10):
I don't know.
Some people have got somefantasies, but people wear them
for the whole month.
Speaker 2 (11:14):
Oh yeah, because normally what happens is like A
sub will have one and wear itfor a little bit and will offer
the key to, like a key keeperhang on.
Speaker 1 (11:22):
Did you buy someone a lock before?
Speaker 2 (11:25):
they asked me to buy them a cock cage.
Yeah, did that happen?
No, because that was that guythat then.
That was the brat that thendidn't want to see me because I
was working too much who, by theway, I actually did me up with
last week.
But we'll save that for lateron the podcast.
Um, and he may well belistening this episode, so I
will edit perhaps, what I sayever so slightly.
But yeah, I've never actuallythe key for someone, but I've
had many a person ask if I willbe the key keeper.
Speaker 1 (11:47):
Wow, yeah, I mean great Keeper of the keys, but
that would make me reallynervous.
Speaker 2 (11:51):
Like if my, you know, very special gentleman was
locked away in a cage andsomeone else had the key.
What happens if there was anemergency and I had to get it
off?
Oh God, yeah, I emergency and Ihad to get it off oh god, yeah,
I bet a and e is rife in october, with people needing them cut
off.
Yeah, lock tober.
I've never actually heard ofthat.
So remember I mentioned thislike um fisting group that I was
out of, two literally first ofoctober, everyone posting
(12:15):
pictures of them all locked up.
Oh, wow, yeah.
And then there's like this topis like holding this like ring
with like six or seven keys onit and he's like a keykeeper the
warden, prison warden.
I'm sure I don't know why youhave this like way of just
turning things into being almosttheatrical like it.
Whatever it is you're doing toit, it's making it not sexy.
(12:37):
It's the story of my life.
You managed to remove, like,any sort of allure or sex from
anything.
Speaker 1 (12:45):
It's quite a talent.
Speaker 2 (12:45):
It's a gift yeah, oh my gosh, we finally found your
talent, finally found it.
It's making any situation thatcould be really hot, not hot.
Speaker 1 (12:55):
I'm the person you want at a orgy.
Speaker 2 (12:57):
Yeah, when you want everyone to leave.
Speaker 1 (13:00):
Time to move on.
Everyone Hi, everyone Hieveryone.
Speaker 2 (13:06):
I'm just about to put on the mega mix of Legally
Blonde.
You're very welcome to watch.
Here we go.
That's how you clear a room,people.
But speaking of WhatsApp groups, I've been added to another one
.
Speaker 1 (13:14):
Oh God, what now?
Speaker 2 (13:17):
This one is a bit different.
Actually, I was going to sayfull extreme.
It's not actually as extreme,but it is literally a sex group
and we have discussed it beforein our group, our social group,
and I never thought I was goingto be added to it, but this week
I was.
Speaker 1 (13:31):
The main one, the main London one, the main one
that is around the word trouble.
Speaker 2 (13:36):
We'll just leave it at that.
Yeah, I was added to that.
Speaker 1 (13:38):
I have a few of my friends that are in that group.
Yeah, I saw them them oh,you've seen them yeah, yeah, uh,
and so obviously I've had alittle nose and like little,
look see what goes on in there.
Speaker 2 (13:47):
I mean busy the difference with this group is
it's on vanishing um messages,right.
So they only say that I thinkit's for 24 or 48 hours, whereas
the fisting group that I'm init's there, they don't vanish,
right.
So people send like vanishingpictures, but otherwise the chat
is there for as long as you'rein the group, sure.
But yeah, this other group,yeah, people that I'm like,
quite friendly with, I've seen adifferent side to them.
(14:08):
Now again, not judging, I'm notsaying it's a worse sign,
better sign, it's just it's.
There's no in, there's no softintroduction to it, it's just
you're in the group and wham bam.
Thank you, ma'am it's all there.
Speaker 1 (14:18):
yeah, wow, it's all there.
And have you seen people in thegroup that you know and you're
like did not know you were intothat?
Yes, actually, oh gossip, yeahgossip.
Speaker 2 (14:28):
I don't know if they listen to the podcast.
They might do, Do you remember?
Oh, it's just too much actuallyTell the gossip.
Okay, I'll keep it reallyelusive.
Speaker 1 (14:36):
Will I know the?
Speaker 2 (14:37):
person.
No, no, but our like avid fanlisteners will get the story
really well, and if you don'tfully understand it, just go
back and listen.
There was a guy that I wasseeing and I shared the story on
the podcast and they caughtwind of me sharing it and I got
in trouble with them.
Do you remember?
Speaker 1 (14:54):
Was this to do with Buckingham Palace?
Speaker 2 (14:55):
Yes, don't say anymore because I don't want to
give away too much.
Well, the person who told theguy that I was seeing about me
sharing the story yes, he's init, and it was one of the first
posts that I saw.
Wow.
Speaker 1 (15:09):
Yeah, have you said hello.
Speaker 2 (15:10):
No, I have not.
I've kind of just kept quietfor a bit Okay.
An onlooker surveying yeah, Idon't normally like that.
Like I said in the fistinggroup, I introduced myself
straight away because I didn'tlike being this sort of like
creep in the background, whatyou're gonna do.
I ain't got no time for no luckylube.
I'm not one of those.
Uh, I mean, there's a time, noplace, but that was.
I felt a bit weird.
But this one I have.
There's over a thousand peoplein this group, so I don't feel
(15:32):
it necessary to introduce myself.
No well, I was in the other one.
There was about 150.
Speaker 1 (15:36):
Oh, that's a bit more .
It's a bit more.
I mean, there's now like 350.
Speaker 2 (15:39):
But anyway, we digress.
Yeah, so that's been quite theweek, but we've got other
Halloween plans coming up.
Speaker 1 (15:44):
We do and we're going to talk about them after this
very short break.
Speaker 2 (15:54):
Oh gosh, I really feel like we went off there for
a minute.
We did.
I did not know about this othergroup, so thanks for sharing I
wasn't really planning onsharing that with you, to be
honest, but what I will sharewith you are these little
tinnies that I brought for us oh, I know.
So I'll be honest.
I've got into a bit of a uhdirty habit let's call it of um
drinking red bull it's not goodfor you it's really not.
(16:15):
And last sunday when we went tosasha colby, oh yeah, I drank
three in quite quick successionyour heart must have been
pumping I did not go to sleeptill about half past seven in
the morning that's not like youeither no, and it took a long
time for me to like actuallydrift off to sleep and I woke up
at like 10 and I was still wideawake who needs cocaine when
you've got apricot red bull?
Yeah but I've still never donecocaine my body doesn't have red
(16:36):
fine anyway.
So my favourite if anyone fromRed Bull is listening, feel free
to send me mountains of fuckingmountains of it, because I
really like it and my drink ofthe moment, flavour of the
moment, actually is the coconutand berry.
And do you know who got mestarted on this?
Speaker 1 (16:52):
who.
Speaker 2 (16:53):
Scarlett Harlot, the drag queen oh yeah, because she
requested it at a gig once and Iwas like I've literally never
even heard of that and it'sdelicious.
Speaker 1 (17:00):
Well, you've got me apricot strawberry.
Speaker 2 (17:02):
Which I thought was sweet and kind of bland, a bit
like you.
Speaker 1 (17:05):
Sweet, sugary and lots of fun Right here we go,
let's open them up.
Speaker 2 (17:08):
Red Bulls.
Other energy drinks areavailable, right cheers.
Speaker 1 (17:13):
Cheers.
Speaker 2 (17:15):
Cheers.
Speaker 1 (17:15):
Colleague.
Does this mean that we'refriends again?
Speaker 2 (17:17):
No, we're colleagues.
I jumped to it before you evengot to it.
Speaker 1 (17:21):
Oh, it's so good, that is gorgeous, that is
absolutely gorgeous.
Speaker 2 (17:27):
Cheryl Cole, the nation's sweetheart.
I am absolutely gorgeous.
Speaker 1 (17:34):
I've not heard that for a while.
You've not done an impression.
Speaker 2 (17:36):
No, simon, it's not a joke, it's my life.
That would be your snatch gameif you ever went on report,
wouldn't it?
Cheryl carl?
Yeah, and every time theyturned back to me I'd change my
card to a different surnamebecause she'd be married about
six oh, that's funny.
Oh, come on with the jokesit'll be like cheryl tweedy cut
back cheryl carl, cut backcheryl carl fernandez one
(17:59):
direction, yeah, one directionand then just C, which is like
that bitch, cheryl, if you'relistening, I actually love you,
really love you, right?
so anyway, we were talking aboutour Halloween plans.
We're doing Tully's, we've got,we're going back to Broadway
Rave tonight, which we will tellyou all about once we've
relived it, because I get toactually go this time yes,
(18:19):
because you didn't make it lasttime, unfortunately, because I
had salmonella and I was dying.
Did I mention that I was dying?
Because I was dying?
Speaker 1 (18:24):
yes, you did.
I heard it once or twice dying,uh.
Speaker 2 (18:28):
And then sunday, because we did it last year and
they've invited us back.
We're going to fright night atthought park, which could be I
don't know how good it is doingtallies's and Thorpe Park so
close to each other.
Speaker 1 (18:39):
It's a lot of horror and horror mazes, and all of
that in one, isn't it?
Speaker 2 (18:42):
Yeah, it is a lot and they're full on.
Days Like Thorpe Park exhaustsme.
Yeah, no age jokes please, butI do find it exhausting.
Speaker 1 (18:50):
It's because you're on your feet all day, queuing,
going on the rides runningaround.
Speaker 2 (18:54):
Putting up with you, you yeah well, that's energizing
six gays going, seven, there'sseven of us going seven gays.
Speaker 1 (19:02):
It's gonna be a bit mad, isn't?
Speaker 2 (19:03):
it, it is.
But anyway, thank you merlinfor the tickets.
Speaker 1 (19:05):
But yeah, it's gonna be um well, I'll tell you all
about it, I guess, it'll beinteresting.
Speaker 2 (19:10):
Sometimes it hurts my neck.
The rides whiplash, whiplash,whip my hair back and forth.
I will not be doing that, butanyway.
So that's our, our halloween.
Now I don't really have any funchildhood stories to tell you
about Halloween, oh, other thanone time my dad was away and my
sister snuck me out and wenttrick-or-treating and I made
like £400.
Speaker 1 (19:27):
Yeah, that's a side hustle.
Speaker 2 (19:29):
Yeah, I found this like estate around the corner of
where my parents live, and theydidn't give out sweets, they
gave out cash.
We're going there this weekend,cancel tully's castle it was so
good we're gonna earn some cashliterally it was wild, um, but
you must have loads of like funhalloween memories oh my
goodness.
Speaker 1 (19:45):
Yeah, I mean, I've always been a big fan of
halloween, as you know, butthere is one story that always
comes to mind when I think ofhalloween as a kid.
So I just started at secondaryschool.
I was 11 years old and wantedto make new friends, right and
so the school the school I wasat in our year group there was a
guy and he was hostingHalloween for all the boys.
Oh my, oh no no, it's not whatyou think.
(20:08):
It's not what you think.
It's actually slightlyembarrassing on my part.
Speaker 2 (20:11):
Podcast.
I'm giving him the eyes.
I feel like this is your firstorgy.
First and last no never, andLegally Blonde wasn't even
written back then, so youcouldn't have even performed for
them.
Speaker 1 (20:23):
So imagine me 11 years old At this point.
That's when I'd really startedto get into horror about sort of
six months before then, and Iused to be obsessed with this
horror movie called the Birds.
Speaker 2 (20:32):
Oh yeah, Hitchcock.
Speaker 1 (20:34):
Yes, yeah, and my mum liked quite a lot of horror
movies as well, so we werereally bonded over that and yeah
started watching all thesehorror movies and she told me
about this movie called theExorcist and how horrendous it
is.
And she saw it when she was akid and she snuck into the
cinema because she was too youngto go see it back in the day
when it first came out.
(20:56):
So they sneaked into the cinemathrough the fire exit door,
watched it and it scarred herfor life, kind of thing.
Oh my gosh.
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (20:59):
So she was like please don't ever watch that
movie until you're older,because it's hardcore did you
know, in the exorcist, whilstthey were filming it, the set
burnt down like three times see,I've actually seen some of
these conspiracy things aboutother horror films where weird
things happen when you're makingthe film.
Yeah, literally burnt down Ididn't know about that one,
though, yeah and somebody died,oh, do it, and I expect I would
do a bit of research.
But yeah, it was it was weird.
Some weird shit's happening,man, yeah, right.
Speaker 1 (21:21):
So, anyway, I'm going to this Halloween party, 11
years old, with all the new boysI've just met at school.
Speaker 2 (21:26):
Right.
Speaker 1 (21:27):
And the guy that was hosting was like everyone bring
a horror movie because we'regoing to have sleepover and
watch horror films, right?
So obviously I wasn't allowedto bring the exorcist because I
was forbidden.
So I was like, what do I havein my horror movie collection?
So I rocked up with Godzilla,jurassic Park and Toy Soldiers,
okay.
(21:48):
Toy Soldiers is a film that is agood film, but that is not a
horror film bit scary though youknow when they keep popping up,
you know the evil soldiers, andthey've got like trying to
attack them sure bit scary.
Ah, and they've got to try andattack them Sure Bit scary, sure
.
So I went in my rucksack, gotall these movies.
We're going to have a wildnight.
And so then my friend at schoolwas like okay, boys, what films
(22:09):
has everyone brought?
People were like Silence of theLambs, the Exorcist I brought
Godzilla.
Speaker 2 (22:18):
I brought Peter Pan because there's the bit with
Captain Hook.
It's really Godzilla.
I brought Peter Pan becausethere's the bit with Captain
Hook.
Speaker 1 (22:22):
It's really scary.
Speaker 2 (22:23):
I was a crocodile.
Speaker 1 (22:25):
No, I didn't actually say it.
I was like, oh, I've totallyforgot to bring any because
obviously at this point Irealised I'm not going to bring,
I will not make friends if.
I admit what I've got in myrucksack, so true.
So I was like I didn't bringany films.
So we ended up watching theExorcist.
That was my first experience ofit and obviously when I went
home the next day my mum waslike how was the Halloween party
?
What did you watch?
I was like, well, you'll neverbelieve this the Exorcist.
(22:47):
So she was a little bit fuming.
She was going to call up themum of that boy to be like I
can't believe you've made my sonwatch this awful movie.
But because obviously that cameout in the 70s and this was
like early 2000s, effects havecome on so much so.
I was like you didn't find itscary, one little bit like get
over yourself, and that was that.
So Halloween just alwaysreminds me of me going to that
(23:08):
house party trying to makefriends with bloody Godzilla in
my rucksack.
Speaker 2 (23:16):
That classic horror movie.
It's not quite the birds, is it?
Speaker 1 (23:18):
No.
Speaker 2 (23:18):
Wow, okay, so you watched Exorcist all the way
through and you were fine withit.
Speaker 1 (23:23):
Absolutely fine.
Not scarred for life.
As you can see, I'm totallynormal and absolutely fine.
Speaker 2 (23:26):
I feel like the actress had to go into a psych
ward after it.
Speaker 1 (23:29):
Really.
Speaker 2 (23:33):
Honestly, some weird stuff happened on that movie set
.
Well, I'm gonna have to googlein a minute, but yeah, I
remember basically when I didwork experience a long time ago.
I worked in like a littleoverweight benji.
I worked in a kitchen making,uh, patisseries and stuff.
I made cakes, basically right,and this cake were you eating
half the stock?
(23:53):
This shit, literally.
Oh, my goodness, no word of lie.
You know like um, like custardslices, cream slices, eclairs.
If they didn't look likeperfect, they were in the bin oh
so I found this like massive.
It's like I think it used to belike a big tub of mayonnaise,
clean plastic box, and I justlike scraped all their leftovers
into there and literally I'd gohome with a fork and just dig
in wow, you're the thepatisserie dumpster.
Speaker 1 (24:16):
I was the dumpster the dumpster.
Speaker 2 (24:18):
I was augustus gloop.
I literally was augustus gloop.
No, but the guy that I workedwith, who was a bit weird now I
think about it told me about theexorcist and brought it in for
me to take home and watch and myum, my dad caught wind of it,
or my mom caught wind of it andthey were fuming.
Speaker 1 (24:32):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (24:33):
And I was older at this point, I must have been
like 16.
And they were like there's noway you're watching this in this
household, wow.
Speaker 1 (24:38):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (24:39):
So I've still never seen it.
You've still never seen it.
No, I've obviously seen clipson those TV shows like top 50
horror moments, yeah, yeah.
Speaker 1 (24:55):
So I've seen little bits happens from scary movie
referencing and stuff, but I'venot actually seen the.
Speaker 2 (24:57):
Well, guess what we're doing now this halloween?
No, I'm not doing.
I don't think I want to watchit.
I I don't know if I'vementioned this before I'm.
I'm really fine with halloween,but I can't do anything satanic
I really don't like it.
Gore eating people, killingpeople fine.
As soon as it's like satanic, Idon't like it too scary, it's
just.
I feel like it's a world thatshouldn't be played with.
It's a world that could well beexisting, and I mean a lot.
(25:21):
This isn't talking aboutanyone's personal beliefs, but
like people believe that it isreal and there are some people
that believe that it isn't real,but like, yeah, it's too much
for me I'm guessing you've neverdone a ouija board never, never
.
I would never do one.
Speaker 1 (25:34):
Would you not no?
Speaker 2 (25:35):
Seance absolutely not .
Speaker 1 (25:36):
No.
Speaker 2 (25:37):
In America.
Once I went to a fortune telleroh, yes, or whatever.
You tell them like a palmreader.
Speaker 1 (25:43):
Yeah, yeah, yeah, Psychic one of those.
Speaker 2 (25:45):
And there was three of us, my friends Blake and
Hannah they're both American andme and Blake's mum.
And Blake's mum was like oh,I'm taking you here, like I'm
gonna pay for all of you, likeyou can go in one-on-one or we
could all go in together, don'tmind.
And I was like, oh, my goodness, how am I gonna politely
decline this?
So like Blake went in, likepaid, came out and it was like
really weird stuff that she wassaying, but like really accurate
(26:06):
.
And then my friend Hannah wentin.
There was my turn.
I had to literally be like I'mreally sorry, I don't want to do
it.
And they're like, oh, come on,it's just a bit of fun.
I was like, no, I really I justdon't want to know, because I'm
the sort of person where itwould really fuck me up.
If that psychic was like you'regonna die in three years, the
next three years would be theworst three years of my life.
Literally.
Yeah, I'd be living my life asin, as if I was in like final
(26:30):
destination, great film, film.
There's like 12 of them.
I know loads.
Yeah, I didn't do it, I justcan't, I can't do any of that
like into the other side.
Speaker 1 (26:39):
So you've never done a psychic reading ever, mm-mm.
I did one a couple of years agoand she was saying stuff.
I was like how would you knowthat, how she listens to saying
things like names?
Speaker 2 (26:58):
I was like there is just literally no way that you
would know that yeah, never metyou in my life, but I do believe
that people can access thatinformation.
I do believe, I fully believethat, yeah, but I don't, I don't
want anything to do with it.
I know, I just don't wantanything to do with it.
If there is that evil like demon, trying to make into the world
evil side, there's whatever youwant to call it, dark side,
literally whatever you refer to,as I don't want to toy with it,
just don't no toys here.
Speaker 1 (27:14):
Thanks, I'm sure I'm not your toy.
Speaker 2 (27:17):
I just, yeah, it's not for me, I can't do it, can't
do it to myself.
Wow, it could be the heavychristian uh like upbringing
that I had.
But also, yeah, I just don'twant to play with fire well,
happy halloween, benji I knowscary, can't wait for all these
scare mazes.
But like gore and stuff is fine.
Even harry potter came out.
My mom was like I'm not sure ifI want you reading it because
(27:37):
it's all like witches and stuffyeah, yeah, yeah not that we're
promoting harry potter I wasgonna say we're not even gonna
go into that conversation rightnow.
Obviously we support all ourtrans brothers and sisters.
But yeah, harry potter was onethat wasn't really forbidden.
Yeah, it was okay.
In end, there's a TV showcoming out about it, did you see
?
Speaker 1 (27:54):
I did see they're remaking it, aren't they?
Do we need a Harry Potterremake, do we?
Speaker 2 (27:57):
I don't know.
I feel like it's done.
I feel just like leave it now.
It's had its time.
Speaker 1 (28:01):
For sure, and for all sorts of reasons it's become
quite problematic.
Speaker 2 (28:09):
I yeah, we'll leave that anyway.
I feel like we're wafflingquite a bit, so let's go get
another red ball.
No, all right, fine, no morered balls, but let's get another
drink and we'll be back rightafter this very small break it's
that time of the week.
It is time for queer diary youdon't do it quite as well as I
do it well.
Speaker 1 (28:29):
You did the little jingle, which is a lot of
official thing.
You wow, it's not an officialjingle, that's not been signed
off.
If it's official, if I say it'sWell, you did the little jingle
which is not an official thing.
Speaker 2 (28:34):
Wow, it's not an official jingle.
Speaker 1 (28:35):
That's not been signed off.
If it's official, if I say it'sofficial, who made you the bus?
Speaker 2 (28:39):
Me Go on.
You do it with your coke-burnedvoice.
Come on.
Speaker 1 (28:44):
Queer diary.
Speaker 2 (28:46):
You actually sounded auto-tuned, then it's talent.
I don't know what it is, butit's not talent, maybe she's
born with it, maybe it'sdelusion, anyway, so this week's
Queer Diary is oh, okay, sothis is from David and he David.
(29:07):
David David, not David David.
I don't really know how to.
Okay, for some context if youhaven't listened to a previous
episode.
Last week we were talking aboutwhat things you may or may not
have used as a sex toy to insertinside yourself, and David has
written in and said thefollowing Hi boys, just on the
(29:29):
back of you talking about usinga courgette as a sex toy, when I
was around 13 13 I used toregularly use my lava lamp.
Looking back on it now,probably not the best of ideas.
Speaker 1 (29:41):
The glass is actually super thin on those things now,
I used to have a lava lamp whenI was a teenager yeah, I think
we all did we kind of grew up.
It was a thing, wasn't it yeah?
Speaker 2 (29:51):
they're big.
Well, do you know what actually, david?
David, you're onto something,because that's quite clever,
because they start off smaller.
Speaker 1 (29:58):
It's like the cone bit yeah.
Speaker 2 (29:59):
The traffic cone?
Yeah, and if you plug it in itgets nice and warm.
Speaker 1 (30:07):
Yeah, it's the glass.
I said no, did you ever watchthat movie?
Not movie.
Yeah, it's a movie, porn movie.
Speaker 2 (30:15):
I don't know a movie called one man, one jar.
Yes, it's not a movie, that'sjust a clip, isn't it?
Speaker 1 (30:17):
a homemade movie.
I don't know what that was,it's not a movie like bloody
godzilla now, that is a scaryfilm.
Speaker 2 (30:24):
I won't hear a word against it oh, tonight kids
we're gonna watch toy storysoldiers, sorry toy story.
Wow, wow dad.
Oh, my goodness, do not havechildren um yeah, that one man,
one jar.
Speaker 1 (30:42):
Oh, my goodness, that was something I watched when I
was like early 20s, wheneveryone was talking about it,
and I'm actually so scarred forlife.
Speaker 2 (30:48):
I can still see it.
Speaker 1 (30:48):
I can see the blood gushing out yeah, yeah, it's the
blood it's the blood and it'sthe um, if you're not seeing it,
this is really gross.
But basically a man sits on ajar like a jam jar, yeah, and he
gets it, oh, he gets it in, andthen you hear the like crack,
yes, oh, my goodness.
Speaker 2 (31:02):
And then he like poos out the no, no, no, no, no, no,
no, no, no, no, no no, no, no,no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no,
no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no,no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no,
no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no,no, no, no.
That's the wrong comes out.
That's the wrong visionary.
He then yeah, he put he triesto push the jar back out and it
comes out as like blades ofglass it's going through me and
then there's an awful lot of umblood yeah, oh god, you've gone
(31:24):
white as a sheet yeah, honestly,it really makes you squeamish
Speaker 1 (31:27):
well you brought it up.
No, it was david david's a lavalamp.
Nothing about one man, one jobbut he said the lava lamp's got
thin glass.
Speaker 2 (31:36):
It could be really dangerous hitchcock movie one
man, one jar now, that is ahorror film.
Speaker 1 (31:42):
That is a horror film .
They should make a whole seriesout of that if you haven't
watched it.
Speaker 2 (31:45):
It probably is readily available on the
internet.
But it just a pre-warning.
Speaker 1 (31:50):
It is not um, it's not it's not, you will be
scarred for life.
Yeah, you will be sure.
You will never not have thatimage in your head when someone
says one man, one jar yeah, andyou will then really question
about what else you might put upyour bum well, talking about
that, some other people wrote inwith some other things that
they put up their bum that's outof the ordinary.
Speaker 2 (32:08):
Uh, someone said the handle of a hammer my question
with that is when are you in asituation where you're really
aroused and all that you cangrab, or rather the best thing
that you can grab is a hammernow?
Hammer time come here littlekiddies on my lap, isn't that
(32:28):
the lyric?
Because he's back with a brandnew rap.
Um, I mean, maybe he's a sexyhandyman.
Speaker 1 (32:34):
Bob the Builder.
Speaker 2 (32:36):
See what I mean.
You just managed to make it notsexy.
In my head it's like kind oflike Scruff.
You know, bit of stubble very.
You know Olly King, high-visjacket, work boots and a hammer,
not the fucking brace-wearingbright yellow cartoon Bob the
Builder.
Can he fix it?
(32:56):
You are no one's in this roomright now.
I'm embarrassed by you.
You should feel embarrassedright now.
Speaker 1 (33:06):
Well, he then went on to say I also did a screwdriver
as well, but the hammer waslonger and it was more fun.
Speaker 2 (33:12):
Right, that's interesting.
So he is someone that preferslength over girth.
I would have thought ascrewdriver had a long, had a
thicker handle I wouldn't know.
Speaker 1 (33:19):
Do I look like someone who's got a toolkit?
Speaker 2 (33:21):
no, that's exactly wrong crowd, wrong crowd.
Speaker 1 (33:25):
So true, but if you needed one, you'd call bob the
builder and then somebody elsesaid um, just the usual toys and
body parts now.
Now, body parts sounds a bitominous.
Speaker 2 (33:36):
Body parts.
I assume they mean like fingers, toes.
Speaker 1 (33:38):
Yes, but when they say body parts, I just think,
look, where is the body, whereis the body?
Are you up there?
Speaker 2 (33:47):
Not the joke, no.
Speaker 1 (33:50):
Okay, fine, took the joke too far.
Yeah, jeez God, you're funtoday, aren't you?
Speaker 2 (33:56):
I'm still not talking to you.
This is purely for thelisteners.
You're welcome listeners.
I'm sat here seething at youstill.
But no, I mean interesting.
We also had like a baseball bat, and this next one I find very
peculiar.
And again, basically what theywrote in with is, um, like
snooker balls, what?
Yeah, when they wrote that in,I was like surely you'd go for
(34:18):
like the snooker queue.
You know the thing that you putthe sit on the queue?
Speaker 1 (34:22):
oh, I'm gonna sit on it.
Bloody hell, it's like sevenfoot long.
Speaker 2 (34:27):
It's longer than me.
Speaker 1 (34:29):
I could bat myself it's much like a roasting pig,
you know, being turned aroundyes, no, I got it rotisserie
chicken.
Yeah, um, yeah, I know theballs as in like anal b type
vibes I suppose, but do you putthem in by number or I'm on
stripes?
That's cool, isn't it?
Two reds, one yellow, please.
Speaker 2 (34:49):
I'm on my last one, pass me the black wowzer.
Well, there's all sorts ofthings that people have used to
shove up their bum and, quitefrankly, I've never used any of
them.
But on that note, podcasters,that is all we have time for
this week's episode of my biggay podcast.
If you don't already, pleasehead over to our Instagram or
our social media pages.
It's at big gay podcast or youcan check out mybiggaypodcastcom
(35:10):
.
Speaker 1 (35:10):
And if you've got any fun stories that you would like
to share with not only us, butalso our listeners as well, then
of course, the entire worldyeah absolutely Let us know.
We're all about caring andsharing on this podcast, so get
in touch, let us know thosestories.
Slide in the DMs.
Speaker 2 (35:25):
That's right, but like I said, podcasters, that us
luck with our Halloweenendeavors this weekend.
I don't know what state we'regoing to be in next weekend, but
see you next.
Speaker 1 (35:38):
Wednesday.
So I just zoned out there.
I was thinking about the horrormaze, Right?
Well, that was just what I wasthinking about.
I thought do I actually want todo this?
Is that why you missed your?
Speaker 2 (35:47):
line.
Speaker 1 (35:47):
Yeah, because I was thinking about us running around
the maze.
Speaker 2 (35:49):
I was like that might tip me over the edge.
Don't lie, you were thinkingabout one man, one jar I feel
sick are you gonna say your linethis time?
Yeah, go on, then we're readysee you next wednesday.
Speaker 1 (36:04):
What's like a jam jar yes, and I can never open up a
strawberry jam jar, ever, everagain, without thinking about
that image.
And even now it, now it's in mymind.
I can't get it out.
Speaker 2 (36:15):
Is that why you prefer things like apricot and
marmalade?
Yeah, that's why I got you anapricot and strawberry red bull.
Speaker 1 (36:23):
Thank you, that's very kind of you.
Speaker 2 (36:24):
Because it's bland.
Speaker 1 (36:25):
But also, the can is bright orange and if I put it up
to your hair, like I am now,you literally cannot tell the
difference.
Oh, now, you literally cannottell the difference.
Mmm, oh, he's angry at me again.
Oh God.
Hello and welcome to this week's episode of my Big
Gay Podcast with me, Benji.
Speaker 1 (00:23):
And me, Brad, giving you the life, the loves and lols
of living in London.
Speaker 2 (00:28):
Two gays, one city.
What could possibly?
Speaker 1 (00:31):
go wrong.
Look, I was having an amazing,amazing start to my day.
Thank you so much.
Speaker 2 (00:40):
Tell someone who cares.
Speaker 1 (00:42):
Well, I care about it .
Speaker 2 (00:44):
Yeah, shocker that you care about you.
Go on podcasters.
We have a story no, I willstart podcasters if you feel a
vibe at home, be it a negativeone or that one of slight
tension.
You would, in fact, be correct.
Browse and I, today have hadthe second largest argument that
we've ever had, and I know I'mmaybe saying it like in jest,
(01:06):
but seriously it was.
Speaker 1 (01:08):
It was firm words second, we've only had one today
no, brighton.
Speaker 2 (01:12):
Oh yeah, do you want to bring that up?
Speaker 1 (01:15):
no, no we buried that .
We buried that, that's uh,that's dead and buried yeah,
there were tears, there waswords said yes, that one was a
big one and benji actually leftthe country.
Speaker 2 (01:24):
You did did.
Speaker 1 (01:24):
I did, yeah, you did, wow.
Yeah, I had forgotten aboutthat.
Speaker 2 (01:28):
Yes, the second largest.
We'll leave it at that.
Speaker 1 (01:29):
Well, I actually had a really good start to my day
until you came along.
Not going to lie.
Speaker 2 (01:33):
Good for you, good for you.
Speaker 1 (01:39):
I went to Pret today the coffee shop and ever had a
free coffee offered to youbefore no, but well, I've had
that like qr code where you usedto be able to get free.
Speaker 2 (01:46):
Do you remember like coffee club?
Speaker 1 (01:48):
oh yeah, not that, because you know, prep people
they can give away free coffees,so many a day yes, oh, now you
said that, yes, I have had afree coffee and a free banana
from prep.
Speaker 2 (01:58):
You're from prep yeah , I have.
Speaker 1 (01:59):
I just stolen your story.
No, no, no, no, but I've hadthe same thing.
That happened today all right,it's not competition but I've
had a few times because argumentthree is coming yeah, literally
I um, I like to say I've gotlike a sunny personality.
Speaker 2 (02:11):
I like to like to think.
Speaker 1 (02:12):
When I walk into a room, the sun starts shining.
So because I do that a prayer,I have had quite a few free
coffees in my lifetime uh-huh,did you used to watch the
simpsons?
Yeah, I've Simpsons.
Speaker 2 (02:22):
Did you watch the episode where what's his name?
Mr Burns?
Speaker 1 (02:26):
Oh yes.
Speaker 2 (02:27):
Was like abducted by aliens and he had to go for this
treatment and they caught himlike skipping through, like
cornfields, uh-huh, and he waslike completely out of it, just
like la, la, la, la la.
That is how I believe that youlive your life Obliv, oblivilulu
to everything that's going onaround you.
Speaker 1 (02:43):
Well, that kind of makes sense, then, why you were
fuming at me today?
Because podcast is, I am afreak off.
It's like today it's going tobe an amazing, amazing day.
Went to Benji's.
When you opened the door I waslike hiya, you just stormed off
and I thought you were joking.
Speaker 2 (02:56):
Stormed would have been too much energy.
I wasn't even giving you that.
I opened the the door I lookedyou and I turned around and I
went to the kitchen and closedthe door, yeah, and I was like,
are you okay?
Speaker 1 (03:08):
and then, you were just like, yeah, cold shoulder.
Yeah, it was cold, coldshoulder, you deserved it.
And then in my head I was like,oh, I think I've upset him, but
I don't know what I've done.
Speaker 2 (03:12):
You knew exactly what you've done.
Podcast is while he was, he wasgoing about his day getting his
free coffee, which, by the way,if it's your birthday and you
tell prayer, they they areobliged to give you a free
coffee.
Speaker 1 (03:22):
Oh nice.
Speaker 2 (03:22):
Yeah, and also I've heard that if you give them a
compliment or ask them how theirday is, they will also give you
something for free.
It's very like positivereinforcement.
Speaker 1 (03:29):
That makes sense.
Yeah, because I always do that.
I'm like oh, how are you?
Have you had a nice day?
Speaker 2 (03:33):
No, they give you free coffee, darling, because
your card gets declined andthey've already made it.
So whilst he was having hisfree coffee there, I was at home
waiting for part of our daythat we had planned.
We had a meeting going onwaiting for it to go ahead.
Was this one skipping aroundgetting free oat lattes?
Speaker 1 (03:53):
but I like being you ruined my entire day today I
know, but you took a vow when wedid this podcast.
You said I will accept youflaws and all I did never say
that that never happened.
Speaker 2 (04:04):
I did start the verbal beating by saying listen,
I love you to pieces, but butthen I let you have it yeah, I
know, and I felt really awful,didn't I?
Speaker 1 (04:12):
well, yeah, maybe I did I felt awful, did you?
Speaker 2 (04:15):
yeah, good, you should feel bad.
You should feel bad.
You're a horrible, horriblelittle girl today I'm sorry,
selfish self-centered, but wewon't go on because the
listeners at home don't don'twant to hear about this.
That's true, but sadly, podcastis this is going to be our last
episode ever Because, quitefrankly, I've had enough.
No, I'm only joking with you.
(04:36):
We resolved it, we think.
Speaker 1 (04:42):
And then I was trying to make you laugh and be like
this is why you're single,because you act like this.
That didn't help the situation.
Speaker 2 (04:47):
No, because I was like I've had longer
relationships than fucking youman, bloody hell.
Speaker 1 (04:54):
But it's Halloween season and it's gay Christmas,
so stop ruining gay Christmasfor me.
Speaker 2 (04:58):
That's true.
So if I do punch you in theface and you're black and blue
and bleeding, at least you'reblending with the crowd.
Oh, my goodness.
But no, it is Halloween season,which is no lie that this is
your favourite time of year.
Speaker 1 (05:08):
Love it so much, right?
I don't mind getting the wintercoat out, the scarves, the
autumn leaves the horror, thespooks, the ghouls, the witches,
the wizards yeah, bring it allon, do you know what I day?
Speaker 2 (05:25):
I realized I loved autumn, so it sounds like the
beginning of some sort of memoir.
Um, no, but I remember being akid um, it wasn't that long ago,
obviously and on the radio mydad was a radio presenter.
I don't know if I've ever toldyou this, but he was um, and he
was just about to start.
So he was listening to theradio to like just sort of get
the vibe in the house and it wasfor him for research etc.
And I heard on the radio theywere doing this competition
where you could make a poster torepresent your favorite season
(05:47):
and send it in.
You could win a prize, right, Iwas really excited about this.
I wasn't really the arts andcrafts kind of kid but for some
reason I think I think I was soexcited for my dad being a radio
presenter, I was like justthrowing myself at it.
Yeah, so I like I went on tolike the, the common area, the
football.
It's called the common.
Do you call them commons overhere?
Speaker 1 (06:05):
So I used to call my park the rec, as in it's called
recreational grounds.
But everyone used to call itthe rec, like oh, you're going
to the rec.
Speaker 2 (06:11):
Cool, we didn't use that.
We called it the common.
Speaker 1 (06:15):
Or there's a football pitch.
Quite a number.
Speaker 2 (06:16):
Anyway, we went out to the Greenland and I I started
collecting acorns and leaves.
Anyway, long story short, Imade this poster that was a leaf
made out of lots of littleleaves and acorns.
Really cute, right, that iscute.
Speaker 1 (06:30):
Cute little like Crafty queen over here.
Speaker 2 (06:32):
I wanted to say like five-year-old Benji, but I was
definitely older than that,which is a bit embarrassing.
I think I was probably about 11.
But anyway, I won Amazing and Iwon one of those Disney sound
books.
I won Amazing and I won one ofthose Disney sound books.
I don't know if you ever hadone, yes, but you read along and
down the side.
There's a panel and I won theyeah, the Peter Pan one.
Speaker 1 (06:49):
And you click the button, it makes the noise to go
to the story.
Yeah, you read the story andthe picture.
Speaker 2 (06:52):
But yeah, yeah, and all I can remember is the
Tinkerbell one which is likediddling, diddling, oh yeah yeah
, ba-dum-bum, that was it.
Speaker 1 (07:02):
Uh-huh Ba-dum-bum, and you lived your best life.
Speaker 2 (07:04):
Yeah, thrived, Anyway .
So that's my little autumnalstory for you.
Speaker 1 (07:07):
So when it's autumn, does it remind you of that time?
It?
Speaker 2 (07:09):
really does and I actually, like you know I like
cold anyway.
I love the summer when I canjust be it.
However, in london it's vileautumn.
(07:31):
When it's cold outside, you'rewearing like a t-shirt and a
jumper not not quite the coatsand scarves that's a bit too
winter for me, but like autumnwe're like you could be in a
t-shirt if you wanted to, butyou were a bit cold, but you
were like a light jumper.
Speaker 1 (07:45):
I love it.
I love it.
Speaker 2 (07:47):
Yeah, it kind of gets me going.
I'm not going to lie.
Speaker 1 (07:48):
Yeah, I do like it too.
But do you like Halloween andhorror?
Are you a horror person?
Speaker 2 (07:53):
We were brought up, never allowed to celebrate
Halloween, so it's not reallylike in my blood to celebrate it
.
In fact went to halloweenparties until I met you,
although there's a lot of thingsI didn't do until I met you.
I've opened up your world.
(08:13):
You're so welcome.
Yeah, some of those doors Iclosed very quickly.
Get the bag.
No, um, you'll like it.
It's sweet.
Uh, what are we talking abouthalloween?
Yeah, but I, I do.
I understand why people enjoyit and we actually have a
fun-filled Halloween diary thisyear.
Speaker 1 (08:27):
Oh my goodness, this weekend we are busy, busy with
Halloween events.
Speaker 2 (08:30):
Yeah, Can't wait.
Just the whole of this month isjust back-to-back Halloween
plans.
Speaker 1 (08:34):
Yeah we're going to Tully's, which I've always
wanted to go to.
It's a horror festival, I guess.
Yeah, sure, that's part ofOctober.
I think they called itshocktober.
Um, yeah, it's all like horrormazes and rides and you can get
um beer and things I don't know.
Speaker 2 (08:49):
It just sounds like oh beer.
Speaker 1 (08:51):
Yeah, I don't know beer in the, in the cold, being
chased by a zombie do you knowwhat?
Speaker 2 (08:54):
beer in the cold.
I'm really here for that, yeah.
So it's like uh, they have itthroughout the year.
They have like escape rooms.
It's like a whole big I'vedon't know how many acres it is,
but it's big.
Speaker 1 (09:03):
Yeah, it's a massive farm, isn't it?
Speaker 2 (09:05):
Yeah, and we've been lucky enough to be invited to
their press night, so we get tofilm inside some of the
attractions, which is normallycompletely top secret and not
allowed to.
So if this does interest youand you like Halloween and you
like immersive things and justsomething to do this Halloween,
do go over to our Instagram andcheck out our recent reel.
We're going to do a.
Come with us to uh and do totali's farm.
(09:25):
Yeah and um yeah, show you whatwe get up to although I do have
a secret.
Speaker 1 (09:30):
I actually find it really scary oh, there's horror
mazes, yeah, yeah I will beabsolutely fucking shitting
myself.
Speaker 2 (09:35):
Yeah, watch your language, please timothy, no
same, I don't like it.
I don't like the unknownapparently there's this ride.
Speaker 1 (09:42):
I don't want to give too much away, but it's like a
tractor and you are put intolike a, a big metal, like um, I
don't know, like trailer, Iguess right that's the tractor
pulls along right and it goesthrough all the woods and all
these zombies start chasing youand like climbing on, like the
trailer bit and trying to get in.
Okay, as the tractor's likedriving around and is this
compulsory?
I'm'm going to be screaming.
Speaker 2 (10:04):
Oh, my goodness, do you know what the tractor in the
trailer I was here with?
I mean, I grew up on an islandwhere agriculture is rife, so
I've ridden many a tractor, butthe through the woods is where
you kind of lost me with thatone.
Speaker 1 (10:17):
Okay, it's going to be scary.
Speaker 2 (10:19):
I'm wishing I'd done more research, research before
we accepted the invitation.
But hey ho we're.
Speaker 1 (10:23):
We're locked in we're going to be doing it, so watch
the space speaking of locked inand you saying shocktober, did
you know it's locktober?
Speaker 2 (10:29):
what's locktober?
It's uh, when people wear uhfor lack of a better term a cock
cage so I actually have metsomeone who wears a cock cage
before so I know what that iswho wears one before.
Did you change that sentenceover to who wears one?
Oh crap, better not say hestill does it.
Speaker 1 (10:47):
How before?
Who has worn?
Yeah, it's a blast from thepast.
So I have seen somebody withone on yeah, I listen, it's not
for me.
Speaker 2 (10:56):
I don't want to wear that.
I I have definitely hooked upwith guys that have them on.
Uh, I just don't know how yougo about your day with them.
I'll be honest.
Speaker 1 (11:04):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (11:05):
I don't get it.
Speaker 1 (11:06):
You can still wee right.
Speaker 2 (11:07):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (11:08):
You just can't get hard.
Speaker 2 (11:09):
Imagine if you couldn't go to the toilet.
Speaker 1 (11:10):
I don't know.
Some people have got somefantasies, but people wear them
for the whole month.
Speaker 2 (11:14):
Oh yeah, because normally what happens is like A
sub will have one and wear itfor a little bit and will offer
the key to, like a key keeperhang on.
Speaker 1 (11:22):
Did you buy someone a lock before?
Speaker 2 (11:25):
they asked me to buy them a cock cage.
Yeah, did that happen?
No, because that was that guythat then.
That was the brat that thendidn't want to see me because I
was working too much who, by theway, I actually did me up with
last week.
But we'll save that for lateron the podcast.
Um, and he may well belistening this episode, so I
will edit perhaps, what I sayever so slightly.
But yeah, I've never actuallythe key for someone, but I've
had many a person ask if I willbe the key keeper.
Speaker 1 (11:47):
Wow, yeah, I mean great Keeper of the keys, but
that would make me reallynervous.
Speaker 2 (11:51):
Like if my, you know, very special gentleman was
locked away in a cage andsomeone else had the key.
What happens if there was anemergency and I had to get it
off?
Oh God, yeah, I emergency and Ihad to get it off oh god, yeah,
I bet a and e is rife in october, with people needing them cut
off.
Yeah, lock tober.
I've never actually heard ofthat.
So remember I mentioned thislike um fisting group that I was
out of, two literally first ofoctober, everyone posting
(12:15):
pictures of them all locked up.
Oh, wow, yeah.
And then there's like this topis like holding this like ring
with like six or seven keys onit and he's like a keykeeper the
warden, prison warden.
I'm sure I don't know why youhave this like way of just
turning things into being almosttheatrical like it.
Whatever it is you're doing toit, it's making it not sexy.
(12:37):
It's the story of my life.
You managed to remove, like,any sort of allure or sex from
anything.
Speaker 1 (12:45):
It's quite a talent.
Speaker 2 (12:45):
It's a gift yeah, oh my gosh, we finally found your
talent, finally found it.
It's making any situation thatcould be really hot, not hot.
Speaker 1 (12:55):
I'm the person you want at a orgy.
Speaker 2 (12:57):
Yeah, when you want everyone to leave.
Speaker 1 (13:00):
Time to move on.
Everyone Hi, everyone Hieveryone.
Speaker 2 (13:06):
I'm just about to put on the mega mix of Legally
Blonde.
You're very welcome to watch.
Here we go.
That's how you clear a room,people.
But speaking of WhatsApp groups, I've been added to another one
.
Speaker 1 (13:14):
Oh God, what now?
Speaker 2 (13:17):
This one is a bit different.
Actually, I was going to sayfull extreme.
It's not actually as extreme,but it is literally a sex group
and we have discussed it beforein our group, our social group,
and I never thought I was goingto be added to it, but this week
I was.
Speaker 1 (13:31):
The main one, the main London one, the main one
that is around the word trouble.
Speaker 2 (13:36):
We'll just leave it at that.
Yeah, I was added to that.
Speaker 1 (13:38):
I have a few of my friends that are in that group.
Yeah, I saw them them oh,you've seen them yeah, yeah, uh,
and so obviously I've had alittle nose and like little,
look see what goes on in there.
Speaker 2 (13:47):
I mean busy the difference with this group is
it's on vanishing um messages,right.
So they only say that I thinkit's for 24 or 48 hours, whereas
the fisting group that I'm init's there, they don't vanish,
right.
So people send like vanishingpictures, but otherwise the chat
is there for as long as you'rein the group, sure.
But yeah, this other group,yeah, people that I'm like,
quite friendly with, I've seen adifferent side to them.
(14:08):
Now again, not judging, I'm notsaying it's a worse sign,
better sign, it's just it's.
There's no in, there's no softintroduction to it, it's just
you're in the group and wham bam.
Thank you, ma'am it's all there.
Speaker 1 (14:18):
yeah, wow, it's all there.
And have you seen people in thegroup that you know and you're
like did not know you were intothat?
Yes, actually, oh gossip, yeahgossip.
Speaker 2 (14:28):
I don't know if they listen to the podcast.
They might do, Do you remember?
Oh, it's just too much actuallyTell the gossip.
Okay, I'll keep it reallyelusive.
Speaker 1 (14:36):
Will I know the?
Speaker 2 (14:37):
person.
No, no, but our like avid fanlisteners will get the story
really well, and if you don'tfully understand it, just go
back and listen.
There was a guy that I wasseeing and I shared the story on
the podcast and they caughtwind of me sharing it and I got
in trouble with them.
Do you remember?
Speaker 1 (14:54):
Was this to do with Buckingham Palace?
Speaker 2 (14:55):
Yes, don't say anymore because I don't want to
give away too much.
Well, the person who told theguy that I was seeing about me
sharing the story yes, he's init, and it was one of the first
posts that I saw.
Wow.
Speaker 1 (15:09):
Yeah, have you said hello.
Speaker 2 (15:10):
No, I have not.
I've kind of just kept quietfor a bit Okay.
An onlooker surveying yeah, Idon't normally like that.
Like I said in the fistinggroup, I introduced myself
straight away because I didn'tlike being this sort of like
creep in the background, whatyou're gonna do.
I ain't got no time for no luckylube.
I'm not one of those.
Uh, I mean, there's a time, noplace, but that was.
I felt a bit weird.
But this one I have.
There's over a thousand peoplein this group, so I don't feel
(15:32):
it necessary to introduce myself.
No well, I was in the other one.
There was about 150.
Speaker 1 (15:36):
Oh, that's a bit more .
It's a bit more.
I mean, there's now like 350.
Speaker 2 (15:39):
But anyway, we digress.
Yeah, so that's been quite theweek, but we've got other
Halloween plans coming up.
Speaker 1 (15:44):
We do and we're going to talk about them after this
very short break.
Speaker 2 (15:54):
Oh gosh, I really feel like we went off there for
a minute.
We did.
I did not know about this othergroup, so thanks for sharing I
wasn't really planning onsharing that with you, to be
honest, but what I will sharewith you are these little
tinnies that I brought for us oh, I know.
So I'll be honest.
I've got into a bit of a uhdirty habit let's call it of um
drinking red bull it's not goodfor you it's really not.
(16:15):
And last sunday when we went tosasha colby, oh yeah, I drank
three in quite quick successionyour heart must have been
pumping I did not go to sleeptill about half past seven in
the morning that's not like youeither no, and it took a long
time for me to like actuallydrift off to sleep and I woke up
at like 10 and I was still wideawake who needs cocaine when
you've got apricot red bull?
Yeah but I've still never donecocaine my body doesn't have red
(16:36):
fine anyway.
So my favourite if anyone fromRed Bull is listening, feel free
to send me mountains of fuckingmountains of it, because I
really like it and my drink ofthe moment, flavour of the
moment, actually is the coconutand berry.
And do you know who got mestarted on this?
Speaker 1 (16:52):
who.
Speaker 2 (16:53):
Scarlett Harlot, the drag queen oh yeah, because she
requested it at a gig once and Iwas like I've literally never
even heard of that and it'sdelicious.
Speaker 1 (17:00):
Well, you've got me apricot strawberry.
Speaker 2 (17:02):
Which I thought was sweet and kind of bland, a bit
like you.
Speaker 1 (17:05):
Sweet, sugary and lots of fun Right here we go,
let's open them up.
Speaker 2 (17:08):
Red Bulls.
Other energy drinks areavailable, right cheers.
Speaker 1 (17:13):
Cheers.
Speaker 2 (17:15):
Cheers.
Speaker 1 (17:15):
Colleague.
Does this mean that we'refriends again?
Speaker 2 (17:17):
No, we're colleagues.
I jumped to it before you evengot to it.
Speaker 1 (17:21):
Oh, it's so good, that is gorgeous, that is
absolutely gorgeous.
Speaker 2 (17:27):
Cheryl Cole, the nation's sweetheart.
I am absolutely gorgeous.
Speaker 1 (17:34):
I've not heard that for a while.
You've not done an impression.
Speaker 2 (17:36):
No, simon, it's not a joke, it's my life.
That would be your snatch gameif you ever went on report,
wouldn't it?
Cheryl carl?
Yeah, and every time theyturned back to me I'd change my
card to a different surnamebecause she'd be married about
six oh, that's funny.
Oh, come on with the jokesit'll be like cheryl tweedy cut
back cheryl carl, cut backcheryl carl fernandez one
(17:59):
direction, yeah, one directionand then just C, which is like
that bitch, cheryl, if you'relistening, I actually love you,
really love you, right?
so anyway, we were talking aboutour Halloween plans.
We're doing Tully's, we've got,we're going back to Broadway
Rave tonight, which we will tellyou all about once we've
relived it, because I get toactually go this time yes,
(18:19):
because you didn't make it lasttime, unfortunately, because I
had salmonella and I was dying.
Did I mention that I was dying?
Because I was dying?
Speaker 1 (18:24):
yes, you did.
I heard it once or twice dying,uh.
Speaker 2 (18:28):
And then sunday, because we did it last year and
they've invited us back.
We're going to fright night atthought park, which could be I
don't know how good it is doingtallies's and Thorpe Park so
close to each other.
Speaker 1 (18:39):
It's a lot of horror and horror mazes, and all of
that in one, isn't it?
Speaker 2 (18:42):
Yeah, it is a lot and they're full on.
Days Like Thorpe Park exhaustsme.
Yeah, no age jokes please, butI do find it exhausting.
Speaker 1 (18:50):
It's because you're on your feet all day, queuing,
going on the rides runningaround.
Speaker 2 (18:54):
Putting up with you, you yeah well, that's energizing
six gays going, seven, there'sseven of us going seven gays.
Speaker 1 (19:02):
It's gonna be a bit mad, isn't?
Speaker 2 (19:03):
it, it is.
But anyway, thank you merlinfor the tickets.
Speaker 1 (19:05):
But yeah, it's gonna be um well, I'll tell you all
about it, I guess, it'll beinteresting.
Speaker 2 (19:10):
Sometimes it hurts my neck.
The rides whiplash, whiplash,whip my hair back and forth.
I will not be doing that, butanyway.
So that's our, our halloween.
Now I don't really have any funchildhood stories to tell you
about Halloween, oh, other thanone time my dad was away and my
sister snuck me out and wenttrick-or-treating and I made
like £400.
Speaker 1 (19:27):
Yeah, that's a side hustle.
Speaker 2 (19:29):
Yeah, I found this like estate around the corner of
where my parents live, and theydidn't give out sweets, they
gave out cash.
We're going there this weekend,cancel tully's castle it was so
good we're gonna earn some cashliterally it was wild, um, but
you must have loads of like funhalloween memories oh my
goodness.
Speaker 1 (19:45):
Yeah, I mean, I've always been a big fan of
halloween, as you know, butthere is one story that always
comes to mind when I think ofhalloween as a kid.
So I just started at secondaryschool.
I was 11 years old and wantedto make new friends, right and
so the school the school I wasat in our year group there was a
guy and he was hostingHalloween for all the boys.
Oh my, oh no no, it's not whatyou think.
(20:08):
It's not what you think.
It's actually slightlyembarrassing on my part.
Speaker 2 (20:11):
Podcast.
I'm giving him the eyes.
I feel like this is your firstorgy.
First and last no never, andLegally Blonde wasn't even
written back then, so youcouldn't have even performed for
them.
Speaker 1 (20:23):
So imagine me 11 years old At this point.
That's when I'd really startedto get into horror about sort of
six months before then, and Iused to be obsessed with this
horror movie called the Birds.
Speaker 2 (20:32):
Oh yeah, Hitchcock.
Speaker 1 (20:34):
Yes, yeah, and my mum liked quite a lot of horror
movies as well, so we werereally bonded over that and yeah
started watching all thesehorror movies and she told me
about this movie called theExorcist and how horrendous it
is.
And she saw it when she was akid and she snuck into the
cinema because she was too youngto go see it back in the day
when it first came out.
(20:56):
So they sneaked into the cinemathrough the fire exit door,
watched it and it scarred herfor life, kind of thing.
Oh my gosh.
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (20:59):
So she was like please don't ever watch that
movie until you're older,because it's hardcore did you
know, in the exorcist, whilstthey were filming it, the set
burnt down like three times see,I've actually seen some of
these conspiracy things aboutother horror films where weird
things happen when you're makingthe film.
Yeah, literally burnt down Ididn't know about that one,
though, yeah and somebody died,oh, do it, and I expect I would
do a bit of research.
But yeah, it was it was weird.
Some weird shit's happening,man, yeah, right.
Speaker 1 (21:21):
So, anyway, I'm going to this Halloween party, 11
years old, with all the new boysI've just met at school.
Speaker 2 (21:26):
Right.
Speaker 1 (21:27):
And the guy that was hosting was like everyone bring
a horror movie because we'regoing to have sleepover and
watch horror films, right?
So obviously I wasn't allowedto bring the exorcist because I
was forbidden.
So I was like, what do I havein my horror movie collection?
So I rocked up with Godzilla,jurassic Park and Toy Soldiers,
okay.
(21:48):
Toy Soldiers is a film that is agood film, but that is not a
horror film bit scary though youknow when they keep popping up,
you know the evil soldiers, andthey've got like trying to
attack them sure bit scary.
Ah, and they've got to try andattack them Sure Bit scary, sure
.
So I went in my rucksack, gotall these movies.
We're going to have a wildnight.
And so then my friend at schoolwas like okay, boys, what films
(22:09):
has everyone brought?
People were like Silence of theLambs, the Exorcist I brought
Godzilla.
Speaker 2 (22:18):
I brought Peter Pan because there's the bit with
Captain Hook.
It's really Godzilla.
I brought Peter Pan becausethere's the bit with Captain
Hook.
Speaker 1 (22:22):
It's really scary.
Speaker 2 (22:23):
I was a crocodile.
Speaker 1 (22:25):
No, I didn't actually say it.
I was like, oh, I've totallyforgot to bring any because
obviously at this point Irealised I'm not going to bring,
I will not make friends if.
I admit what I've got in myrucksack, so true.
So I was like I didn't bringany films.
So we ended up watching theExorcist.
That was my first experience ofit and obviously when I went
home the next day my mum waslike how was the Halloween party
?
What did you watch?
I was like, well, you'll neverbelieve this the Exorcist.
(22:47):
So she was a little bit fuming.
She was going to call up themum of that boy to be like I
can't believe you've made my sonwatch this awful movie.
But because obviously that cameout in the 70s and this was
like early 2000s, effects havecome on so much so.
I was like you didn't find itscary, one little bit like get
over yourself, and that was that.
So Halloween just alwaysreminds me of me going to that
(23:08):
house party trying to makefriends with bloody Godzilla in
my rucksack.
Speaker 2 (23:16):
That classic horror movie.
It's not quite the birds, is it?
Speaker 1 (23:18):
No.
Speaker 2 (23:18):
Wow, okay, so you watched Exorcist all the way
through and you were fine withit.
Speaker 1 (23:23):
Absolutely fine.
Not scarred for life.
As you can see, I'm totallynormal and absolutely fine.
Speaker 2 (23:26):
I feel like the actress had to go into a psych
ward after it.
Speaker 1 (23:29):
Really.
Speaker 2 (23:33):
Honestly, some weird stuff happened on that movie set
.
Well, I'm gonna have to googlein a minute, but yeah, I
remember basically when I didwork experience a long time ago.
I worked in like a littleoverweight benji.
I worked in a kitchen making,uh, patisseries and stuff.
I made cakes, basically right,and this cake were you eating
half the stock?
(23:53):
This shit, literally.
Oh, my goodness, no word of lie.
You know like um, like custardslices, cream slices, eclairs.
If they didn't look likeperfect, they were in the bin oh
so I found this like massive.
It's like I think it used to belike a big tub of mayonnaise,
clean plastic box, and I justlike scraped all their leftovers
into there and literally I'd gohome with a fork and just dig
in wow, you're the thepatisserie dumpster.
Speaker 1 (24:16):
I was the dumpster the dumpster.
Speaker 2 (24:18):
I was augustus gloop.
I literally was augustus gloop.
No, but the guy that I workedwith, who was a bit weird now I
think about it told me about theexorcist and brought it in for
me to take home and watch and myum, my dad caught wind of it,
or my mom caught wind of it andthey were fuming.
Speaker 1 (24:32):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (24:33):
And I was older at this point, I must have been
like 16.
And they were like there's noway you're watching this in this
household, wow.
Speaker 1 (24:38):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (24:39):
So I've still never seen it.
You've still never seen it.
No, I've obviously seen clipson those TV shows like top 50
horror moments, yeah, yeah.
Speaker 1 (24:55):
So I've seen little bits happens from scary movie
referencing and stuff, but I'venot actually seen the.
Speaker 2 (24:57):
Well, guess what we're doing now this halloween?
No, I'm not doing.
I don't think I want to watchit.
I I don't know if I'vementioned this before I'm.
I'm really fine with halloween,but I can't do anything satanic
I really don't like it.
Gore eating people, killingpeople fine.
As soon as it's like satanic, Idon't like it too scary, it's
just.
I feel like it's a world thatshouldn't be played with.
It's a world that could well beexisting, and I mean a lot.
(25:21):
This isn't talking aboutanyone's personal beliefs, but
like people believe that it isreal and there are some people
that believe that it isn't real,but like, yeah, it's too much
for me I'm guessing you've neverdone a ouija board never, never
.
I would never do one.
Speaker 1 (25:34):
Would you not no?
Speaker 2 (25:35):
Seance absolutely not .
Speaker 1 (25:36):
No.
Speaker 2 (25:37):
In America.
Once I went to a fortune telleroh, yes, or whatever.
You tell them like a palmreader.
Speaker 1 (25:43):
Yeah, yeah, yeah, Psychic one of those.
Speaker 2 (25:45):
And there was three of us, my friends Blake and
Hannah they're both American andme and Blake's mum.
And Blake's mum was like oh,I'm taking you here, like I'm
gonna pay for all of you, likeyou can go in one-on-one or we
could all go in together, don'tmind.
And I was like, oh, my goodness, how am I gonna politely
decline this?
So like Blake went in, likepaid, came out and it was like
really weird stuff that she wassaying, but like really accurate
(26:06):
.
And then my friend Hannah wentin.
There was my turn.
I had to literally be like I'mreally sorry, I don't want to do
it.
And they're like, oh, come on,it's just a bit of fun.
I was like, no, I really I justdon't want to know, because I'm
the sort of person where itwould really fuck me up.
If that psychic was like you'regonna die in three years, the
next three years would be theworst three years of my life.
Literally.
Yeah, I'd be living my life asin, as if I was in like final
(26:30):
destination, great film, film.
There's like 12 of them.
I know loads.
Yeah, I didn't do it, I justcan't, I can't do any of that
like into the other side.
Speaker 1 (26:39):
So you've never done a psychic reading ever, mm-mm.
I did one a couple of years agoand she was saying stuff.
I was like how would you knowthat, how she listens to saying
things like names?
Speaker 2 (26:58):
I was like there is just literally no way that you
would know that yeah, never metyou in my life, but I do believe
that people can access thatinformation.
I do believe, I fully believethat, yeah, but I don't, I don't
want anything to do with it.
I know, I just don't wantanything to do with it.
If there is that evil like demon, trying to make into the world
evil side, there's whatever youwant to call it, dark side,
literally whatever you refer to,as I don't want to toy with it,
just don't no toys here.
Speaker 1 (27:14):
Thanks, I'm sure I'm not your toy.
Speaker 2 (27:17):
I just, yeah, it's not for me, I can't do it, can't
do it to myself.
Wow, it could be the heavychristian uh like upbringing
that I had.
But also, yeah, I just don'twant to play with fire well,
happy halloween, benji I knowscary, can't wait for all these
scare mazes.
But like gore and stuff is fine.
Even harry potter came out.
My mom was like I'm not sure ifI want you reading it because
(27:37):
it's all like witches and stuffyeah, yeah, yeah not that we're
promoting harry potter I wasgonna say we're not even gonna
go into that conversation rightnow.
Obviously we support all ourtrans brothers and sisters.
But yeah, harry potter was onethat wasn't really forbidden.
Yeah, it was okay.
In end, there's a TV showcoming out about it, did you see
?
Speaker 1 (27:54):
I did see they're remaking it, aren't they?
Do we need a Harry Potterremake, do we?
Speaker 2 (27:57):
I don't know.
I feel like it's done.
I feel just like leave it now.
It's had its time.
Speaker 1 (28:01):
For sure, and for all sorts of reasons it's become
quite problematic.
Speaker 2 (28:09):
I yeah, we'll leave that anyway.
I feel like we're wafflingquite a bit, so let's go get
another red ball.
No, all right, fine, no morered balls, but let's get another
drink and we'll be back rightafter this very small break it's
that time of the week.
It is time for queer diary youdon't do it quite as well as I
do it well.
Speaker 1 (28:29):
You did the little jingle, which is a lot of
official thing.
You wow, it's not an officialjingle, that's not been signed
off.
If it's official, if I say it'sWell, you did the little jingle
which is not an official thing.
Speaker 2 (28:34):
Wow, it's not an official jingle.
Speaker 1 (28:35):
That's not been signed off.
If it's official, if I say it'sofficial, who made you the bus?
Speaker 2 (28:39):
Me Go on.
You do it with your coke-burnedvoice.
Come on.
Speaker 1 (28:44):
Queer diary.
Speaker 2 (28:46):
You actually sounded auto-tuned, then it's talent.
I don't know what it is, butit's not talent, maybe she's
born with it, maybe it'sdelusion, anyway, so this week's
Queer Diary is oh, okay, sothis is from David and he David.
(29:07):
David David, not David David.
I don't really know how to.
Okay, for some context if youhaven't listened to a previous
episode.
Last week we were talking aboutwhat things you may or may not
have used as a sex toy to insertinside yourself, and David has
written in and said thefollowing Hi boys, just on the
(29:29):
back of you talking about usinga courgette as a sex toy, when I
was around 13 13 I used toregularly use my lava lamp.
Looking back on it now,probably not the best of ideas.
Speaker 1 (29:41):
The glass is actually super thin on those things now,
I used to have a lava lamp whenI was a teenager yeah, I think
we all did we kind of grew up.
It was a thing, wasn't it yeah?
Speaker 2 (29:51):
they're big.
Well, do you know what actually, david?
David, you're onto something,because that's quite clever,
because they start off smaller.
Speaker 1 (29:58):
It's like the cone bit yeah.
Speaker 2 (29:59):
The traffic cone?
Yeah, and if you plug it in itgets nice and warm.
Speaker 1 (30:07):
Yeah, it's the glass.
I said no, did you ever watchthat movie?
Not movie.
Yeah, it's a movie, porn movie.
Speaker 2 (30:15):
I don't know a movie called one man, one jar.
Yes, it's not a movie, that'sjust a clip, isn't it?
Speaker 1 (30:17):
a homemade movie.
I don't know what that was,it's not a movie like bloody
godzilla now, that is a scaryfilm.
Speaker 2 (30:24):
I won't hear a word against it oh, tonight kids
we're gonna watch toy storysoldiers, sorry toy story.
Wow, wow dad.
Oh, my goodness, do not havechildren um yeah, that one man,
one jar.
Speaker 1 (30:42):
Oh, my goodness, that was something I watched when I
was like early 20s, wheneveryone was talking about it,
and I'm actually so scarred forlife.
Speaker 2 (30:48):
I can still see it.
Speaker 1 (30:48):
I can see the blood gushing out yeah, yeah, it's the
blood it's the blood and it'sthe um, if you're not seeing it,
this is really gross.
But basically a man sits on ajar like a jam jar, yeah, and he
gets it, oh, he gets it in, andthen you hear the like crack,
yes, oh, my goodness.
Speaker 2 (31:02):
And then he like poos out the no, no, no, no, no, no,
no, no, no, no, no no, no, no,no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no,
no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no,no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no,
no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no,no, no, no.
That's the wrong comes out.
That's the wrong visionary.
He then yeah, he put he triesto push the jar back out and it
comes out as like blades ofglass it's going through me and
then there's an awful lot of umblood yeah, oh god, you've gone
(31:24):
white as a sheet yeah, honestly,it really makes you squeamish
Speaker 1 (31:27):
well you brought it up.
No, it was david david's a lavalamp.
Nothing about one man, one jobbut he said the lava lamp's got
thin glass.
Speaker 2 (31:36):
It could be really dangerous hitchcock movie one
man, one jar now, that is ahorror film.
Speaker 1 (31:42):
That is a horror film .
They should make a whole seriesout of that if you haven't
watched it.
Speaker 2 (31:45):
It probably is readily available on the
internet.
But it just a pre-warning.
Speaker 1 (31:50):
It is not um, it's not it's not, you will be
scarred for life.
Yeah, you will be sure.
You will never not have thatimage in your head when someone
says one man, one jar yeah, andyou will then really question
about what else you might put upyour bum well, talking about
that, some other people wrote inwith some other things that
they put up their bum that's outof the ordinary.
Speaker 2 (32:08):
Uh, someone said the handle of a hammer my question
with that is when are you in asituation where you're really
aroused and all that you cangrab, or rather the best thing
that you can grab is a hammernow?
Hammer time come here littlekiddies on my lap, isn't that
(32:28):
the lyric?
Because he's back with a brandnew rap.
Um, I mean, maybe he's a sexyhandyman.
Speaker 1 (32:34):
Bob the Builder.
Speaker 2 (32:36):
See what I mean.
You just managed to make it notsexy.
In my head it's like kind oflike Scruff.
You know, bit of stubble very.
You know Olly King, high-visjacket, work boots and a hammer,
not the fucking brace-wearingbright yellow cartoon Bob the
Builder.
Can he fix it?
(32:56):
You are no one's in this roomright now.
I'm embarrassed by you.
You should feel embarrassedright now.
Speaker 1 (33:06):
Well, he then went on to say I also did a screwdriver
as well, but the hammer waslonger and it was more fun.
Speaker 2 (33:12):
Right, that's interesting.
So he is someone that preferslength over girth.
I would have thought ascrewdriver had a long, had a
thicker handle I wouldn't know.
Speaker 1 (33:19):
Do I look like someone who's got a toolkit?
Speaker 2 (33:21):
no, that's exactly wrong crowd, wrong crowd.
Speaker 1 (33:25):
So true, but if you needed one, you'd call bob the
builder and then somebody elsesaid um, just the usual toys and
body parts now.
Now, body parts sounds a bitominous.
Speaker 2 (33:36):
Body parts.
I assume they mean like fingers, toes.
Speaker 1 (33:38):
Yes, but when they say body parts, I just think,
look, where is the body, whereis the body?
Are you up there?
Speaker 2 (33:47):
Not the joke, no.
Speaker 1 (33:50):
Okay, fine, took the joke too far.
Yeah, jeez God, you're funtoday, aren't you?
Speaker 2 (33:56):
I'm still not talking to you.
This is purely for thelisteners.
You're welcome listeners.
I'm sat here seething at youstill.
But no, I mean interesting.
We also had like a baseball bat, and this next one I find very
peculiar.
And again, basically what theywrote in with is, um, like
snooker balls, what?
Yeah, when they wrote that in,I was like surely you'd go for
(34:18):
like the snooker queue.
You know the thing that you putthe sit on the queue?
Speaker 1 (34:22):
oh, I'm gonna sit on it.
Bloody hell, it's like sevenfoot long.
Speaker 2 (34:27):
It's longer than me.
Speaker 1 (34:29):
I could bat myself it's much like a roasting pig,
you know, being turned aroundyes, no, I got it rotisserie
chicken.
Yeah, um, yeah, I know theballs as in like anal b type
vibes I suppose, but do you putthem in by number or I'm on
stripes?
That's cool, isn't it?
Two reds, one yellow, please.
Speaker 2 (34:49):
I'm on my last one, pass me the black wowzer.
Well, there's all sorts ofthings that people have used to
shove up their bum and, quitefrankly, I've never used any of
them.
But on that note, podcasters,that is all we have time for
this week's episode of my biggay podcast.
If you don't already, pleasehead over to our Instagram or
our social media pages.
It's at big gay podcast or youcan check out mybiggaypodcastcom
(35:10):
.
Speaker 1 (35:10):
And if you've got any fun stories that you would like
to share with not only us, butalso our listeners as well, then
of course, the entire worldyeah absolutely Let us know.
We're all about caring andsharing on this podcast, so get
in touch, let us know thosestories.
Slide in the DMs.
Speaker 2 (35:25):
That's right, but like I said, podcasters, that us
luck with our Halloweenendeavors this weekend.
I don't know what state we'regoing to be in next weekend, but
see you next.
Speaker 1 (35:38):
Wednesday.
So I just zoned out there.
I was thinking about the horrormaze, Right?
Well, that was just what I wasthinking about.
I thought do I actually want todo this?
Is that why you missed your?
Speaker 2 (35:47):
line.
Speaker 1 (35:47):
Yeah, because I was thinking about us running around
the maze.
Speaker 2 (35:49):
I was like that might tip me over the edge.
Don't lie, you were thinkingabout one man, one jar I feel
sick are you gonna say your linethis time?
Yeah, go on, then we're readysee you next wednesday.
Speaker 1 (36:04):
What's like a jam jar yes, and I can never open up a
strawberry jam jar, ever, everagain, without thinking about
that image.
And even now it, now it's in mymind.
I can't get it out.
Speaker 2 (36:15):
Is that why you prefer things like apricot and
marmalade?
Yeah, that's why I got you anapricot and strawberry red bull.
Speaker 1 (36:23):
Thank you, that's very kind of you.
Speaker 2 (36:24):
Because it's bland.
Speaker 1 (36:25):
But also, the can is bright orange and if I put it up
to your hair, like I am now,you literally cannot tell the
difference.
Oh, now, you literally cannottell the difference.
Mmm, oh, he's angry at me again.
Oh God.
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