October 16, 2024 • 43 mins
Get in touch! Drop Benji and Brad a text message by clicking on this link.
Ever found yourself unexpectedly clutching a penis pump after a night of Drag Bingo chaos? You're not alone. We kick off with tales of spooky thrills from London's Tully's Farm Shocktober Fest and Thorpe Park's Fright Nights, where scare mazes and roller coasters in the dark set the scene for our Halloween escapades. The adventure takes a cheeky twist with a night out in Soho's Little Coup, where an unexpected prize left us pondering its pros, cons, and the slapstick comedy of late-night filming mishaps.
Shenanigans continue as we navigate London’s social scene, from party mishaps to climbing the social ladder with unexpected celebrity connections. Relive the hilarity of a celebrity-style party invite from an old acquaintance, Matt, and the cringe-worthy aftermath of neglecting instruction manuals (yes, involving that penis pump again). There’s also a dash of nostalgia for themed parties, highlighted by a memorable moment of channeling our inner Heathers, perms included, at the Mighty Hoopla's Butlins Weekenders.
Wrap your ears around tales of romantic beach encounters and high-octane escapades on sandy shores. From secret moonlit rendezvous to the thrill of nearly getting caught in compromising locations, these stories promise a mix of humor, intrigue, and oversharing—perfect for those who relish a good laugh. We round off with a playful mystery revolving around a mysterious Luke and a promise to keep the fun coming next week. Join us for an episode that captures the spirited essence of life in London and beyond!
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 2 (00:19):
Hello and welcome to this week's episode of my Big
Gay Podcast with me, Benji.
Speaker 1 (00:26):
And me, brad, giving you the life, the laughs and
lulls of living in London.
That was my ghost voice.
Speaker 2 (00:36):
Right, two gays, one city.
What could?
Possibly go wrong, I think forme.
I was trying to give ghosts.
You were giving gandalf andthen the bit after.
You're like one.
What's your line?
Give me the life that I waslost.
You're giving me this likerapper hands.
I was getting into charactergiving me the life, the love.
(00:57):
Stand the love.
Where is the love?
Literally?
Speaker 1 (01:02):
you're strange yeah, that's my character.
Speaker 2 (01:04):
You are strange.
I feel like we're spending toomuch time together.
Speaker 1 (01:07):
Well, we spent all weekend together.
Speaker 2 (01:09):
We, as you may have heard on last week's episode, we
had a real busy weekend ofHalloween activities.
Did you like it?
I really did enjoy it, did you?
Yeah, I did.
I mean, it was scary, yeah, itwas.
I would it yeah, it was, Iwould, I would go again.
Speaker 1 (01:30):
I would definitely recommend it for people, would
you?
I would, yeah.
Did you enjoy it?
Because I loved it.
That was probably the scariestthing I've ever done.
Oh wow, and I've done somescary shit in my time, like
godzilla.
That's a scary film.
That is a scary film no it.
Speaker 2 (01:37):
You know what, it was really good.
And if you are into like scares, scare, mazes, thrills, rides,
all the shabam, we woulddefinitely recommend going and
checking out Tully's.
You can go to their website,just google Tully's Farm.
They're doing a whole likeShocktober yeah fest and also
then on the Sunday we went toThought Park to do Fright Nights
, which is also really good.
You have the normal sort ofrides during the day and then in
(01:59):
the evening all these likeghouls and ghosts and gumptions
all of that, all of it plus.
Speaker 1 (02:04):
They have horror mazes there as well, and what's
really cool is you get to ridethe roller coasters in the dark,
which is also a bit scarythat's so fun, yeah, so anyway,
that's thought.
Speaker 2 (02:11):
Park the one with holly's farm.
If you haven't checked outbefore, definitely go and check
it out.
Have you had a good rest ofyour week?
Speaker 1 (02:17):
do you know what?
Speaker 2 (02:18):
I'm a fucking winner this week oh, sorry for the
language because straight instraight in there.
Speaker 1 (02:23):
I went to Drag Bingo Now you know I like Drag Bingo,
yeah, and we went to one atLittle Coup in Soho.
Yeah, really cute bar have youbeen before I have?
That is a great bar for a datenight.
Speaker 2 (02:33):
I think that's a lovely place to take a date.
Yeah, well, that's thedifference between me and you,
isn't it why I wouldn't take adate to Little Cape?
Speaker 1 (02:42):
no, I thought it was really friendly.
It's nice.
Speaker 2 (02:44):
It's a bit intimate there's intimate, and then
there's being able to heareveryone else's conversations.
Speaker 1 (02:48):
I guess, yeah, I guess.
So I thought it was cute youknow it's lovely, I just
wouldn't take a first date therebut anyway, they're now doing
drag bingo there a couple timesa month and we went me was so
good I won a prize oh gosh, Iactually know what price is this
, but I'll I'll act shocked.
Speaker 2 (03:06):
Oh, what price did you win?
Speaker 1 (03:08):
a penis pump, christ, on a bike not that I need it,
but I'm really intrigued to tryit out.
Okay, first of all, you mightneed it.
Speaker 2 (03:18):
Second of all, they are do you know what can go
wrong with a penis pump?
Speaker 1 (03:22):
I know nothing about a penis pump.
I'll be honest, other than it'smeant to make your dick look a
bit bigger.
Speaker 2 (03:28):
Yeah, yeah, it's like , yeah, I mean.
Speaker 1 (03:32):
You put your dick in a capsule, you pump it and
something to do with the air andit like it's a vacuum.
Speaker 2 (03:37):
A vacuum right, it's like a vacuum.
So you're sucking all the airout, oh out, oh so, as you're
sucking the air out and yourpenis is in there, what it's
doing is it's like drawing moreblood into your penis oh, that's
why.
Speaker 1 (03:49):
And then?
Speaker 2 (03:49):
it's, yeah, it's.
It kind of has a similar effectif you wore like a quite a
tight cock ring ah, yes, thatmakes sense.
Yeah, yeah, yeah and then it'ssupposed to be quite a temporary
thing, like it doesn't make itbigger forever.
What it can do, though, is likestretch the tissue so like when
you soft, you might have alonger soft, willy Forever, a
(04:09):
bit more of a dangly.
Yeah, it can do Forever, yeah,and because of that damage you
can actually get, then peniledysfunction.
You don't get as hard erectionsbecause you've damaged it.
Speaker 1 (04:17):
So now I'm thinking maybe I shouldn't use the penis
pump.
Have you used?
Speaker 2 (04:20):
it yet to be honest?
No, I actually haven't.
Have you used it yet?
Be honest?
No, I actually haven't.
Speaker 1 (04:22):
So when I got home that night.
Now obviously again.
Speaker 2 (04:25):
You were trashed.
Speaker 1 (04:26):
Yeah, I pissed you off again because we were going
to do a video and I turned upand I had a few too many wines
there was me like makeup done,lighting done, camera mic'd,
ready to go.
Speaker 2 (04:36):
This one comes around the corner, baby.
Me wow we're not filming today,are we?
It's Jack Bingo Jaw on thefloor, Not mine his.
Speaker 1 (04:49):
I'm never shocked.
I'm out of my bag with me,didn't I With my penis pump.
And your backpack.
Speaker 2 (05:00):
I just got the joke.
Speaker 1 (05:01):
I just got it.
Yes, I had my penis pump andthat night I was telling
everyone wasn't I.
I was like I'm going home earlytonight.
Lads, I'm going it.
Yes, I had my penis pump andthat night I was telling
everyone wasn't I like I'm goinghome early tonight lads.
I'm going home because I'm goingto try this out.
I'm really intrigued, but Iended up not going home early or
trying out the penis pump, soit's still ready to go no, you
stayed with me till about 5am,yeah, and then I think you
probably went and passed out.
Speaker 2 (05:19):
yeah, recently bought a set of cock rings.
Did I tell you about this?
No, oh, yeah, I recently boughta set of them.
Speaker 1 (05:24):
For you or for yeah, yeah, no for me.
Speaker 2 (05:27):
Listen, I don't need them.
Sorry, I'm going to try and putthis in so it doesn't make me
sound very like I don't know.
I'm going to try and not paintmyself in a really bad light.
Hang on, I personally don'tfeel that I need them for the
benefit that a lot of peoplewear them for right.
Some people wear them becauseit maintains your erection so
you can stay hard for longer.
Yep, Right, Just in my lifethat is not a problem that I
(05:49):
have.
Speaker 1 (05:50):
Do they also correct me if I'm wrong?
Stop you from coming quicker aswell, don't know.
Speaker 2 (05:54):
Okay, no comment.
I would have to.
Yeah, I don't know.
Right, you're only supposed towear them for about at a time,
because it literally does stopthe blood supply.
Speaker 1 (06:02):
But surely you need the blood in the dick to make it
hard.
Speaker 2 (06:05):
Yes, once you're then hard, it kind of stays in there
.
Speaker 1 (06:07):
Oh, so it traps the blood in.
Speaker 2 (06:08):
It basically traps the blood in.
You can put it on when you'resoft, but I think you do
normally put it on when you'resoft, but I think the blood will
go in there easy and then itcomes back out again.
I assume I don't really knowthe physics is it gives you more
sensitivity, so it, if you getlike a different, you get a
different vibe.
Speaker 1 (06:26):
Let's say more of a sensation yeah, a different
sensation.
Speaker 2 (06:29):
I wouldn't say more, I wouldn't say less.
It's a very different one, moreof like a tingly one that might
be good, right no?
Yeah, yeah, for sure.
I think that's why people wearthem some.
Some people wear them anyway.
I was really curious.
I've um hooked up with guys,I've chatted guys that wear them
and I just thought I would giveit a go, but um, was it good I
mean, I haven't worn one inaction with anyone yet, I've
(06:49):
just sort of worn one around thehouse, um, but it was like, it
was like a pack of six, which Iwasn't really sure about, and
they're all different sizes.
So I thought, oh, it's like apack and you just wear the one
that fits.
Speaker 1 (07:02):
Yeah, that makes sense, right.
Yeah, no, no that's not.
Speaker 2 (07:05):
That's not what they're for.
See, like the biggest one goesaround, like all of you, yeah,
oh yeah, balls a lot.
Then you have other ones justfor your balls, and then you
have smaller ones, that is justfor like your shaft, let's say,
and you can wear like three atonce wow, yeah, ring around the
shaft, yeah, around the actualwilly itself, one round the
entire thing, and then one justaround your balls, and then I
(07:26):
assume you can do them like oneround each ball.
Oh, but do you remember?
Speaker 1 (07:31):
Sounds like torture chamber.
Speaker 2 (07:33):
Well, yeah, but some people are into that.
Did you used to play with likecat's cradles at school?
Yeah, you kind of ended uplooking like that, and because
of what?
Speaker 1 (07:42):
you put them all on at once.
Speaker 2 (07:43):
No, I put two, when I was like this is too much
because the ones I got they'rereally cheap.
I'm gonna be honest.
They're like six quid.
Um, they're silicon and theyreally, really pinch.
Speaker 1 (07:55):
Oh yeah, they're tugging at that skin they pinch
and pull.
Speaker 2 (07:58):
Yeah, I was like I not for me no, I think if I was
to do it again, I'd have to getsome sort of like oil or
something involved.
But they've gone in the drawerand they haven't come out the
drawer.
They're going to collect dustforever and ever, I think I
might just throw them away Rightor offer them to my female
housemate as headbands.
Speaker 1 (08:13):
Off to the gym.
Tie your hair up, love.
Speaker 2 (08:15):
Yeah, just tie your hair up, it's silicon.
Speaker 1 (08:20):
a great philosopher.
If you liked it, then youshould have put a ring on it and
you did.
Speaker 2 (08:27):
I did, I put two on it, actually greedy, and you
didn't like it.
No, I took the ring off yeah,it's strange, I don't know how
we got onto my.
Speaker 1 (08:35):
Oh, your penis pump, penis pump yeah, so you've not
done a penis pump no, when I wasa kid, did I put my willy in a
hoover?
Speaker 2 (08:41):
Yes, I did.
Speaker 1 (08:42):
Did you?
Yeah, I did Me too, yeah, Ithink everyone has.
Speaker 2 (08:45):
I think any gay at home that says they didn't is
lying, yeah, or just not veryclever because it was an
awakening.
Speaker 1 (08:52):
Do you know how I learned to do that?
Well, not how I learned.
I only did it once from ScaryMovie Of course you did Of
course you.
It was like oh, is that a thingthat you do?
So I did it once.
Speaker 2 (09:02):
I just used to love cleaning.
Well, I do love cleaning and Iremember being like huh.
Speaker 1 (09:05):
Mum, like Benji, you can't hoover your room every day
.
You keep getting that hooverout.
Speaker 2 (09:13):
Back at home.
I've got my own hoover BecauseI'm on the third floor.
Speaker 1 (09:24):
So there's the hoover oh how's it work?
Just suck it a little bit.
Honestly, make my gag reflex.
Speaker 2 (09:29):
I didn't even know I had a gag reflex, but you knock
it every time.
You say stuff like that.
Speaker 1 (09:34):
Oh my god, no, no, I did not imagine that whipping
around the dice inside gross soyou just put it over for a bit
and then would you like pull itaway.
Oh yeah, oh yeah.
Speaker 2 (09:49):
So it was like give me don't act as if you didn't do
the exact.
You're only asking me thesequestions because you did the
exact same thing, but what youcleverly do is try paint me with
that brush so you get offscot-free.
Don't think I don't know whatyou're doing.
Speaker 1 (10:02):
You're the kinky one out of us too, so it makes sense
for you to talk about it and meto act shocked like, oh my
goodness, never done that before.
Right, that's the dynamic,right?
Speaker 2 (10:11):
I must have missed that bit in the manuals, anyway,
yeah, so I feel like we've gotoff topic.
Cock pump.
Are you going?
Speaker 1 (10:19):
I am going to try it Now.
I do appreciate there's somerisks around it.
Speaker 2 (10:24):
I think the risk only happens if you use it a lot.
Speaker 1 (10:26):
All the time I'm just going to probably do it once,
just out of curiosity, but I dolike before and after, not
pictures, I'll send it Likewhich one do you prefer?
Speaker 2 (10:34):
I've seen your willy before and I don't want to see
it ever again.
Speaker 1 (10:37):
It's a lovely one though.
Speaker 2 (10:38):
Yeah, I've seen better, I've enjoyed better.
I do not want to see your penisever again.
I've got it out of my mind.
Please don't put that imageback in my head.
But you enjoy yourself.
Speaker 1 (10:55):
Thank you so much.
Yeah, I will let you know how Iget on.
Speaker 2 (10:57):
I do feel like you should give us like a written
review of how I will.
Speaker 1 (11:00):
Yeah, I definitely will let you know.
Once I've done it, I will tellyou about my experience Like
read the manual.
Speaker 2 (11:04):
Oh yeah, I will do that.
Read the instructions.
Speaker 1 (11:05):
Oh yeah, I'm not going to just wing it.
You are definitely that person.
Speaker 2 (11:08):
I know I was going to wing it.
Speaker 1 (11:09):
I was no, but now you've made me a bit nervous
about the health implications,so I will read the manual You're
.
Speaker 2 (11:21):
Oh my goodness, what it doesn't go down the hole.
Imagine the A&E trip now, hello.
So what can I help you for?
My mate has got his willy stuckin a penis pump.
I'm really sorry.
I don't know how he's got itwrong, but he's got it wrong.
Speaker 1 (11:37):
Didn't read the manual.
Speaker 2 (11:39):
Didn't read.
Oh, my goodness, we need totake a break.
Speaker 1 (11:41):
We do.
I'm getting too giddy Enjoyingthat, jack.
No, I'm trying to get comfy.
Oh my gosh, you're so annoying.
Listen, I've got a story totell you about a party that I
went to the other weekend.
Okay Now, unfortunately youweren't here because I was going
(12:02):
to bring you as my plus one.
You're welcome, where was I?
You were back home in jersey,joyce, joyce, right, fine, but I
got invited to this what canonly be described as like a
celebrity la type party.
Speaker 2 (12:17):
You know like you see in, like tvs and films.
Speaker 1 (12:20):
I don't know how I made the invite list.
Speaker 2 (12:22):
Right, I'm going to keep my mouth closed, so you
tell me some more, because Iyeah, I'm going to reserve my
opinions for in a minute.
Speaker 1 (12:30):
Okay, fine.
So the story was years ago whenI first moved to London.
I worked on this freelance jobwith some other gays, including
this guy called Matt.
So this is like over 10 yearsago, and we were friendly enough
.
But you know like you move onto other jobs, et cetera, et
cetera, and we Did you skatewith him.
No, no, no, not at all.
And like once the blue moon,we'd cross paths.
Either we'd bump into eachother out and about, or we might
(12:51):
end up working on like acrossover gig or something and
we'd be like and then, do youknow, recently Mighty Hoopla
were doing the ButlinsWeekenders Right, which you
never came to any of those.
Speaker 2 (13:02):
No.
Speaker 1 (13:03):
And that's because podcasters Benji is a bit too
bougie for the Butlins life.
Speaker 2 (13:07):
I just didn't want to travel all the way down to
Bogna fucking region, just thename Bogna.
Speaker 1 (13:13):
Where are you going for the weekend, bogna?
Speaker 2 (13:15):
Yeah, to stay in a Butlins, yeah.
Yeah to stay in a butlins, yeah, with two and a half thousand
other gays yeah, it's just notfor you just I mean, yeah, no,
not for you.
Don't think so.
I might have done it if theydidn't.
You know, stop doing them.
Speaker 1 (13:28):
But that maybe tells me everything I need to know,
sure yeah, yeah, they're notdoing them anymore, but for the
last three years, every end ofjanuary they had these weekend
parties and he was always there.
So I used to always bump intohim, and the first year they did
it where I bumped into him,he'd also had a perm.
Speaker 2 (13:43):
So we were perm brothers at the same time wow,
does he put it off better thanyou did?
Speaker 1 (13:47):
I think we're both afterwards.
We were laughing about it lastyear to be like.
What were we thinking at thetime?
Speaker 2 (13:53):
well, you were going through a bit of a midlife
crisis he's same age.
I think he was also going forthe same thing what his
boyfriend just rolled over andsaid he wants to break up with
you you love to bring up my pasttrauma I just love the fact
that you were rolling.
I just know what you're likelike rolling over bed like
morning literally was thatchirper and chippy we'd have a
(14:13):
little chat.
Oh, I'm not gonna break up withme, are you?
He broke up with you yeah,literally sorry.
Speaker 1 (14:18):
Yeah, yeah, yeah, good times.
Speaker 2 (14:19):
I actually love that story because I know you would
have rolled over, literally likeyou know, all beaming and ready
for a day, happily, blissfullyin in the world of brad's
thinking.
Speaker 1 (14:30):
Everything was hunker , dory and fine yeah, literally
could have knocked me over witha feather.
I said it as a joke and he waslike no, actually the joke that
you're saying is true.
Anyway, we digress.
So kept bumping into thislovely guy called Matt at
Butlins and he's done reallywell for himself, he's started
his own business, it's donequite well, etc.
(14:50):
Etc.
And I bumped into him againthis year at Butlins and this
year they have a fancy dressthemed night and they did a
night of the musicals, soeveryone was dressed up as
whatever musical characters theywanted, and so me and two of
the friends that I went with wewent as the Heathers.
Speaker 2 (15:07):
Oh yeah.
Speaker 1 (15:08):
Can I tell you side story?
I really like wearing the skirt.
Speaker 2 (15:12):
I like swooshing it I know?
Speaker 1 (15:14):
Okay, I'm tapping into my feminine era, I think.
Speaker 2 (15:18):
I don't think you're tapping in.
I think you've very much beenthere for a while.
I'm in it, you're in it.
Speaker 1 (15:22):
Now, I wouldn't want to wear a skirt all the time,
but on a night out with the gaysI quite liked the little swoosh
of the skirt.
Speaker 2 (15:28):
But you're still a dom-top.
Speaker 1 (15:30):
Yeah, in your tartan skirt.
Look, angel on the streets.
That's what I like to say.
With a penis pump, oh my,goodness, skiddies in the sheets
.
Speaker 2 (15:41):
What about you?
Speaker 1 (15:45):
Oh my goodness.
Anyway, so we went as the ThreeHeathers and he also went with
his friends as the ThreeHeathers.
So I was like, oh my goodness,how funny.
Blah, blah, blah.
We ended up hanging out allnight.
We were having a gay old time.
And he was like like, oh,sometimes I host parties at my
flat in London.
You should totally come to them.
I was like, oh my goodness, I'dlove to.
Anyway, he invited me onemonths ago and I couldn't make
(16:07):
it anyway.
And he had another one theother day and I was like, yeah,
I'd love to come.
And he said the theme waswicked.
Oh yeah, the wickedly talented.
So, yeah, everyone went.
It's sort of like pink green.
Now there was a bit of a joke,was like, oh, should I get like
black cape, green face paint?
Speaker 2 (16:27):
no, glad I didn't, because it's not that sort of
vibe it's like it's not thetacky pound world halloween
parties that you like to throwwell, it's just not fancy dress
it's like you might wear like apink jock and the pink harness.
Speaker 1 (16:39):
It's a sex pie.
It wasn't a sex party, but thatdid happen later on at a
different party.
That was kind of like a joint.
That's a.
I'll come to that story in asecond oh, lord, okay so thank
goodness I didn't go in likegreen face paint and a cape,
because that would have beenlike that mean girls moment
right, where everyone's lookingreally sexy and I'm like full-on
witch yeah, why are you dressedso scary?
Speaker 2 (17:03):
it's halloween, katie .
If you don't dress slutty, thatis slut shaming us.
Frankenstein's mother, whateverlife, yeah literally that.
Speaker 1 (17:12):
Um so anyway, rocked up to this party, bumped into
someone I dated years ago.
He came over, was like I know,you don't know.
I was like, yeah, we slepttogether like a few years back,
uh, it's one of those sort ofmoments and then his boyfriend
was there and uh was chatting tohis boyfriend and then the
boyfriend, who works in fashion,had this like tartan uh
(17:32):
customed waistcoat, as in likedorothy tartan waistcoat with
like gingham?
Speaker 2 (17:37):
I think gingham yes that's it.
With long socks, red high heels, yeah, it looked very
fashionable I don't take yourword for that, because yeah, but
you're in fashion no, no.
Speaker 1 (17:48):
But he looks at someone like oh yeah, you look
quite fashionable.
It turns out he works infashion.
His job is to pick the suitsthat kamala harris wears for her
campaigns oh, wow in america,yeah, and just came back from
New York Fashion Week.
So this is like the level ofpeople that I was at this party
with Okay, top lawyers, top TVproducers it was that sort of
crowd.
Speaker 2 (18:08):
And then you and me Hedgetoe green.
Speaker 1 (18:11):
No, I didn't wear the green face.
Speaker 2 (18:12):
That's right, sorry, thank goodness for that.
Speaker 1 (18:14):
Thank so luckily.
Speaker 2 (18:15):
I did it.
Why was I not there?
Speaker 1 (18:17):
No, because my friend was like oh, bring a plus one.
So you was going to be my plusone, but you went around.
We could have gone as Glindaand Elphaba together.
Speaker 2 (18:25):
Oh, thank Christ, I wasn't here.
Speaker 1 (18:26):
Oh, my goodness, that could have been a moment for us
.
I would have gone as Chesteriethe monkey.
Speaker 2 (18:30):
Yeah, you don't need a costume for that, anyway, so
anyway.
Speaker 1 (18:36):
So he sent me instructions to get to his
apartment.
It's in lime house, nice area,and uh went there.
You can't access his floor onthe elevator because the
elevator goes up to floors oneto five.
He's on floor six so you have toput in like a special, yes,
penthouse so you have to put inlike the special code to go up
to the sixth floor, which islike off limits.
It's massive balconyoverlooking the thames glass
(18:58):
staircase up to the second floor.
Yeah, I've never been to ahouse party like that in my life
.
Speaker 2 (19:03):
I'll be honest with you.
Speaker 1 (19:04):
Every alcoholic drink you could mention.
He'd paid for bar staff tobasically work in his kitchen
and just make you whateverdrinks you wanted Canapes that
were all like Wicked themed.
All the light bulbs in his flathe changed either pink or green
coloured light bulbs, yeah itwas a full thing.
Oh, he had like a projectorthat projected like the wicked
(19:26):
logo on the balcony.
Speaker 2 (19:27):
He had singers singing wicked and stuff from
the west end it was.
It was secretly.
Speaker 1 (19:29):
I was actually there and I was one of the guys were
you the waiter?
No, wash your mouth out um, andhe said powder rooms upstairs,
help yourself.
Now I didn't quite know whatthat meant.
Speaker 2 (19:40):
Oh no.
Speaker 1 (19:42):
Until I went in and knew what he was talking about.
Speaker 2 (19:46):
I've got gadgets and gifts.
Speaker 1 (19:50):
I went into this room I was like powder room.
It's like this massive dresser,light bulb mirror, Every single
substance that you couldpossibly think of was available.
Speaker 2 (20:00):
You know sharpie, yeah, yeah whole like box of it.
Speaker 1 (20:05):
I was like whatever you want, help yourself when I
tell you that powder room wasbusy that night.
It was a busy powder room, sopeople are.
Speaker 2 (20:11):
I'm just gonna go powder my nose yeah, because
that's what that means, isn't itwell?
Speaker 1 (20:14):
yes, now I know oh, don't act.
All brand new, oh, my goodnessso I can only really describe it
as, like those parties you seein films and TVs, you know the
celebrity kind of world in LAparties.
Speaker 2 (20:25):
It was very much that you were like I've made it.
Speaker 1 (20:28):
I was thinking oh my goodness, if me and you make it,
we could live in our ownpenthouse apartment and have my
big gay parties.
Speaker 2 (20:34):
I feel like you were at a big gay party?
Speaker 1 (20:36):
No, but we could do our own version.
We could be the rival party.
I, yeah, Would you ever livewith me as a housemate?
No, but we're not the same room.
Obviously like separate rooms.
Speaker 2 (20:45):
Well, yes, that's not a housemate, that's a partner.
Speaker 1 (20:50):
Um no, Do you not think we'd live well together?
Speaker 2 (20:53):
No, I think you're too messy for me, do you think?
Speaker 1 (20:55):
think, I think I'm quite clean and tidy it depends
how big the place was like twofloors.
You're on the top floor, I'm onthe bottom floor.
I just made.
It well, it's all coming outnow, isn't it?
Speaker 2 (21:07):
finally admitting.
I mean, not, it wasn't enoughthat the guy that you said, that
you bumped into, that used tosleep with his current boyfriend
, was dressed in long socks anda skirt.
We all know what team youbatted for at that stage.
Speaker 1 (21:19):
No, oh my goodness, the boyfriend was chatting away
with me and he was like, oh,would you consider coming back
to us tonight and having afreeway?
Speaker 2 (21:25):
I mean, you just take that conversation the way you
want to do, don't you?
No, I was just like.
Thank you so much for the offerYou're like oh yeah let me just
grab my cock pump and with, justin case, one for you, one for
you, one for you will I livewith you.
I don't know if we had enoughspace I'm talking like nice big
apartment, penthouse, top floorbut if I, if I had the excess
(21:47):
cash to have a penthouse, Idon't think I'd need to live
with anyone.
No, that's true.
So have I just that completelycrushed your dreams?
Speaker 1 (21:54):
yeah, because in my head I was like god, what a life
we could have, my big gay partyif I didn't ghost you.
Speaker 2 (21:59):
Yeah, party, what a life.
Isn't that a song for a musical?
Speaker 1 (22:03):
but yeah, so this party happened and then his
neighbor who lived in the flatopposite there was like oh,
everyone back to mine, it's like3am in the morning, and then
that became sort of sex partyvibes and that's where I ducked
out.
I was like thanks so much forthe lovely evening what was
happening?
Um, it's just not really myvibe sex parties, is it?
And people are in and out ofrooms very high at this point
(22:25):
and it's just not really my sortof crowd.
Speaker 2 (22:27):
Just everywhere you're looking, people are
shagging.
Speaker 1 (22:29):
Not everywhere, but I just find it.
You're sort of havingconversations with people, but
they're not really therelistening.
Speaker 2 (22:36):
Oh, they're looking around.
Speaker 1 (22:36):
They're looking around, yeah, and they're just
looking for, like the next shag.
Everyone's all just shaggingeach other and I just thought,
oh, that's not really me.
I'm up for like cocktails,drinks and the laugh, playing
some games, whatever.
That's my sort of afters party.
No, that's fair.
Speaker 2 (22:56):
I think I'm.
I know I go to someone's flat.
That was a sex party.
Speaker 1 (22:59):
I don't think I could do that it's a bit intense, I
think, because it's all there.
It's literally like they'regoing into the bathroom or the
bedrooms, but you know, likeliterally it's right there
what's going on it's like thelast ten minutes of Brewers on
Saturday night yeah, everyone,no one was there really to have
like fun convo no one was thereto, like you know, spit.
(23:20):
Lyrics from wicked I was readyto lip sync for my life again
yeah, I'm sure no one wasinterested.
Speaker 2 (23:28):
Did you wear anything wicked orientated?
I wore?
Oh, I went in pink.
Oh, my goodness, which pinkoutfit did you wear?
Speaker 1 (23:35):
pink shorts and a glittery pink top and pink
glittery trainers.
Everyone loved the trainers.
They got a good amount ofcompliments.
Speaker 2 (23:42):
Yeah, because they were high as a kite.
Speaker 1 (23:45):
Wow, the sparkles Dude, those are totally.
Speaker 2 (23:48):
I mean, that's what I imagine high people sound like.
Wow, yeah, I bet you looked asnack.
Speaker 1 (23:53):
I did.
Thank you so much.
Yeah, I know you're saying thatin like a mean way but I ate no
crumbs.
Speaker 2 (24:00):
Oh my goodness, no crumbs.
Speaker 1 (24:03):
Okay, which is an interesting experience.
This is why I love living inLondon, because you get to go to
these crazy parties and wildnights out Like.
I've done some amazing partiesin my life here in London so far
, and my life's still going Moreto come, so you're going to
invite me to the next one.
Yeah, for sure.
Speaker 2 (24:21):
You've stumbled on it .
Yeah, no, I definitely will.
Speaker 1 (24:24):
I'd love for you to have been there, that one,
especially because it's wicked.
I know you love wicked.
Speaker 2 (24:28):
I love wicked.
Speaker 1 (24:29):
Oh, my goodness, flashback.
I also bumped into at thatparty your ex-boss that you
don't like and he, he obviouslywe met like briefly a couple
times, yeah, and he was tryingto make conversation with me.
I was giving him the coldshoulder very much what you were
giving to me last week when werecorded the episode um, and he
was so high he just clearly didnot put face to memory.
(24:52):
I was like trying to chat and Iwas just one word answers and
like turning my back to him tobe like I'm not talking to you.
You upset my best friend yeah,gross.
Speaker 2 (24:59):
Anyway, we won't talk about him.
It's not fair to slate someonewho can't speak for himself, but
he's not a very nice person.
Um, cool.
Well, that sounds like a reallyfun party.
I'll be honest, I'm actually abit sad that I did miss it,
mainly because of the wickedtheme.
I feel like everyone would havebeen there, like looking for
their next bit of action or blow, whether that be from you know
the guy around the corner, orfrom the powder room upstairs
(25:20):
and we would be like, oh mygoodness, look at all these
bulbs.
Look, I know, right, you go upthose stairs and be Glinda.
I'll be down here excuse me, doyou have a broomstick?
Literally all of that yeah wewould have been unpaid
entertainment grab themicrophone.
Speaker 1 (25:35):
We're hosting tonight , girls, oh my goodness, it was
so good.
Speaker 2 (25:37):
Oh, I do you know what I really want to get?
I'm trying, desperately trying,to find red carpet tickets for
wicked the movie oh, can I beyour plus one?
Speaker 1 (25:46):
I?
Speaker 2 (25:46):
have exhausted all my resources, all my contacts from
wicked and pr companies.
I've tried everything.
Speaker 1 (25:54):
I cannot find who it is that is doing if you are
listening to this podcast, canyou make two little gay boy
dreams come true and get us togo to the wicked party?
Speaker 2 (26:02):
Yeah, and if you can only get one ticket, that's fine
, I will have it.
Honestly, I would be so, sohappy If we got one ticket
offered to us.
Speaker 1 (26:12):
Would we rock paper scissors for it?
Speaker 2 (26:13):
No, I would have it.
That's not fair.
Being honest, it's got to be?
Speaker 1 (26:16):
it's got to be like 50-50 chance.
Nope, shall we just rock paperscissors now and see who would
win?
Alright, but hang on, do you go1, 2, 3 shoot and whoever wins
is going to the wicked premierewith the ticket the one singular
ticket that doesn't exist.
Speaker 2 (26:30):
We don't exist.
Yeah, yeah, ok, ready, ok fine.
1, 2, 3 shoot.
Speaker 1 (26:35):
Oh, we're both scissoring each other, not the
first time Not again.
Here we go again One, two,three shoot.
Speaker 2 (26:44):
Yes, mine's the rock.
Yeah, I know it's also a fist,which I know you love.
Speaker 1 (26:50):
And you did scissors again.
I went for the scissors againbecause I thought that bitch is
not going for scissors again,rock beats scissors darling.
So you're going and I'm not, soI'm going with this ticket that
we still don't have, I feelgood.
Well, fine, if you need me,I'll be in the powder room.
Oh my gosh.
Speaker 2 (27:09):
Right podcasters, it is time for Queer Diary.
Everybody hate that jingle.
Now I feel like it's grating.
Speaker 1 (27:15):
I hate it from the get-go.
I never signed off on it.
I hate you from the get-go I.
Speaker 2 (27:18):
I hated it from the get-go.
I never signed off on it.
Speaker 1 (27:20):
I hate you from the get-go.
I never signed off on you.
Speaker 2 (27:21):
Well, you stuck with me.
We did a whole day's castingand for some reason, you slipped
through the net.
I was the best you got Anywaythis week's Queer Diary is from
somebody called Luke who haswritten in, and I'm going to be
honest.
Speaker 1 (27:36):
Wait, aren't we supposed to keep everyone
anonymous?
Speaker 2 (27:38):
I didn't say that was his real name.
Okay, luke is it, isn't it?
Who knows?
Speaker 1 (27:45):
you don't know.
Speaker 2 (27:47):
Literally you don't know, so I'm going to.
It's quite a long story so I'mgoing to paraphrase a little bit
, so I apologise right now, luke, if I stumble up here to there.
But listeners, this is a reallygood story.
So just buckle in.
If you're driving, just becareful.
If you're at home, stop whatyou're doing, have a listen and
really get in the mood.
In fact, let's play someromantic Spanish music.
(28:10):
Ooh ole, ole.
Okay, it says hi boys.
I was just listening to arecent episode from my sun
lounger in Coz Nice.
At the end of the episode,where you talk about kinks and
nearly get in court, and I feltobligated to update you on my
escapades from last night.
Speaker 1 (28:28):
Oh.
Speaker 2 (28:28):
God.
So all day yesterday I've beenchatting to this sexy little
Spanish twink on Grindr.
Now I'm not going to lieSpanish boys.
Speaker 1 (28:37):
They do it for you, they.
Speaker 2 (28:38):
Spanish twink on Grindr.
Now, I'm not going to lieSpanish boys, they do it for you
, they do it for me.
Yeah.
Yeah, it's really weird.
Normally in a club I'd go forthe blondes.
Speaker 1 (28:42):
Uh-huh.
Speaker 2 (28:43):
But when I'm away, spanish like oh, just slightly
darker, mm-hmm.
Really gets me going.
I need to go on holidayimmediately.
So sorry, spanish tw Twink onGrindr and we arranged to meet
up for a hookup last night.
Now I'm sharing a room with myfriend, so my room was off
limits If we were on holiday andwe were sharing a good room to
(29:03):
save money and I was like Idefinitely need to shag this guy
, what would you do?
Do?
Speaker 1 (29:08):
you know what I'd take one for the team.
I'd be like I'm going to popout for a bit.
Speaker 2 (29:11):
I.
Speaker 1 (29:13):
Got the camera ready, we're going to have some money
on OnlyFans Would you go out?
Yeah, I would, and I'd justlike to text him when you're
done.
Speaker 2 (29:19):
Oh, that's really cute Would you do it for me?
Speaker 1 (29:21):
No, I'd be like go to his hotel.
Speaker 2 (29:26):
I'm doing my skincare .
Speaker 1 (29:28):
I need my beauty sleep.
Speaker 2 (29:29):
It's just yeah, take that penis pop.
Anyway, I'm sorry I'mdisturbing your story.
So the room was off limits, butI love the great outdoors.
I'm with you and, with ourhotel being right on the beach,
it seemed the best place to takeour little rendezvous.
I'm loving the language here.
(29:49):
So when he arrived at the hotel, where the vibe is definitely
straight middle-class couples Ithought it best to take the
scenic route to the beach.
Anywho, we get down to thebeach, keeping an eye out for
people walking along the front.
We head down towards theshoreline, where it's darker and
obviously more private.
We grab a sun lounger and arechatting for a bit while
snuggled up Cute.
Speaker 1 (30:10):
Nice.
Speaker 2 (30:10):
Little holiday romance.
Speaker 1 (30:12):
Love it.
It's very Grease the musicalit's very.
Speaker 2 (30:21):
Mamma Mia yeah, I love it.
Grease the musical yeah, youknow that first scene when
they're on the beach.
Sure, I think it's more like da, da, da, yeah, yeah, yeah, but
anyway, so we grab a sunligerand they're snuggling.
That's where we got to.
The only light around is themoon on the sea and dot, dot dot
.
Speaker 1 (30:36):
This is so romantic.
Speaker 2 (30:37):
I'm actually here for the story I know I told you
it's a good one.
As we snuggle and chat, thingsstart to get a bit groupie.
Things then went from slow andsteady to full-on fast pace,
like we were so desperate as I'mfucking.
Oh, it was really.
It changed.
We hit fast forward.
It changed as I'm making loveto him on a sun lounger.
(31:00):
We hear voices and I literallyhover over him mid shag to wait
for people to pass.
So I assume they're both facingthe same way.
Speaker 1 (31:09):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (31:10):
And he must like be hiding him with his body.
Speaker 1 (31:12):
Yeah, that's what I see in my mind Cute.
Speaker 2 (31:14):
Like an invisibility cloak.
This only intensifies themoment.
Yeah, I've been there.
He then climbs on top and isriding me and things come to a
natural, amazing orgasm endingWell, he's put that in the
capitals.
I feel like he's relived themoment whilst typing this you
better work, luke.
It's only then that I realised Iwasn't really prepared for the
(31:36):
clean-up.
We both needed to walk backthrough the hotel, so clothes
were not an option, and I thenrealised I had my socks on and
would have to sacrifice them inthe name of getting clean.
All in all, an amazingexperience, made even hotter by
the thrill of nearly gettingcaught.
Okay, so I've lost my reaction.
So what did you have to cleanup, is my question.
Speaker 1 (31:58):
Well, the spunk.
Speaker 2 (31:59):
Which would have been inside him.
Speaker 1 (32:01):
Not necessarily.
Might have been a come on myface job, I see, but you're
going to go in the sea, oh right, could have washed in the sea.
So basically he used his socksto clear up and then was like,
oh, I can't wear the socks back.
Speaker 2 (32:11):
Yeah, couldn't wear the socks, right?
I think this is very you, thisstory, this is very me.
Yeah, this is very I do so.
Yeah, obviously I had lots ofoutdoor escapades and I have had
a few risky deliberately riskyoccasions where, like the thrill
is the possibility of gettingcaught.
Speaker 1 (32:27):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (32:28):
Like that time on the tube, the hotel elevator.
Speaker 1 (32:31):
Outside Buckingham Palace.
Outside Buckingham Palace.
Speaker 2 (32:34):
Christ, yeah, yeah, lots of places and yeah, on the
beach, the tube is risky.
Speaker 1 (32:38):
I still can't believe you did that.
Yeah, a smile on your face letsme know that you need me.
Speaker 2 (32:45):
There's a truth in your eyes yeah, no, it was, it
was really good.
And I actually I have spoken topeople like like Tinder and
stuff, and we've just beenchatting like what's the wildest
thing you've done?
And when I tell people they arelike that's really hot.
Yeah, some people said, isn'tit really dirty?
Because but I think they'reimagining a very different
scenario.
It wasn't like romantic.
Let's lie on the floor and letme like hold your lower back and
(33:08):
you, you know yeah, it's notthat this is like it's
aggressive fuck on the tube.
It's please mind the doors.
Doors are closed.
We get in the tube.
It's get your trousers by yourankles.
That's what it was.
Mind the doors, doors areclosed.
Speaker 1 (33:19):
We get in the tube.
It's get your trousers by yourankles.
Speaker 2 (33:20):
That's what it was.
Mind the gap indeed, yeah.
And then the next stop isquickly buckle back up, yeah
yeah yeah, but it was really hot, I'm not gonna lie.
So yeah, getting caught is athrill.
Have you ever nearly got caughtbefore?
Speaker 1 (33:29):
I have actually been caught before.
Speaker 2 (33:42):
Okay, mom, get out of my room again.
I'm pretty sure me and some ofthe lads have walked in on you
halfway through certainescapades.
Yeah, that's happened a fewtimes.
Yeah, yeah, with a little rosycheek face.
Hello, what are you doing?
Just go wait upstairs.
Speaker 1 (33:47):
You're back early yeah, yeah, that's happened a
couple times.
Um, no, actually on holiday aswell, and I met a guy off
grinder.
This was years ago and, uh, Iwas on a family holiday so of
course could not bring him backto the hotel room.
Yeah, so I just said to thefamily like oh, I'm just gonna
go for a little wander by myself, blah, blah, blah.
And we by the beach again bythe beach, found like a little
(34:11):
woodland area, went in.
He was in little speedos,pulled them down, was in having
a wild time.
People walking by didn'trealize.
So I just picked him up andlike threw him off me.
Oh, and ran no, just like inhorror, like pulled up,
obviously like my shorts, andwe're just sat there like hello
(34:32):
because they they clearly sawwhat was going on what did they
say?
Well, they kind of gave a lookand just carried on walking.
Was this guy that was sat on me, basically like rolling down
the riverbank?
Speaker 2 (34:43):
was like get off me.
Oh my gosh.
Speaker 1 (34:48):
Poor guy.
Have you ever?
Been caught Because you go inplaces where you could be caught
.
Speaker 2 (34:53):
Yes, actually there was an occasion this week in the
park near my house and I metthis guy really cute and we were
sort of going at it in thetrees and the park was closed
and some people started walkingpast.
We didn't separate, let's say,but we stopped making noise and
movement.
Speaker 1 (35:13):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (35:14):
And it was nighttime and they walked past with
torches and they shone torchesinto the bushes.
Speaker 1 (35:19):
And they saw.
Speaker 2 (35:20):
Well, we just stayed very quiet.
I don't know if they saw ordidn't see, right, but yeah,
then we just carried on Wow.
Speaker 1 (35:26):
Yeah, so you don't know if you have been caught.
That's a still question mark.
Or are you certain that theyprobably?
Speaker 2 (35:36):
saw things they didn't expect to see.
It depends who you mean, Iguess.
For me it only matters to mewho I've been caught by.
If it's someone who I know andI wouldn't want them to catch me
, I think my brain honestlywould blank it out and I
wouldn't remember him.
I love my brain for that.
It does just sort of forgetthings I want it to.
But, like, obviously I've beenlike cruising in parks and
(35:57):
whatnot and there's alwayspeople walking past so I really
care, but it depends on thelocation.
The hotel lift, I think, wasreally quite fun.
Speaker 1 (36:02):
Did that not have cameras in?
Speaker 2 (36:04):
No, you should always check for cameras, right,
always check for cameras.
Rule number one yeah, becausewe were just in the lift with
the doors closed and so ifanyone had pressed the lift
button on that floor, the doorwould open straight away, but
also they'd press them on anyother floor, which then did
happen.
The lift then starts to move,so then you know you're yeah,
but you don't know how longyou've got to get ready.
Speaker 1 (36:23):
It's a risk you're really into the risk factor,
aren't you?
Yeah?
Speaker 2 (36:27):
sometimes, I think, because it obviously raises your
heartbeat when you're likenervous and obviously in that
situation your heartbeats arealready going.
Sure, it just kind ofcomplements each other wow I
don't know, maybe it's weird whoSure it.
Just kind of compliments eachother.
Speaker 1 (36:39):
Wow, I don't know, maybe it's weird, who knows?
But I'm here for it, you'reinto it.
Speaker 2 (36:42):
I'm here for it.
Have you ever done it on a sunlounger?
Speaker 1 (36:45):
No, I have done it on the beach, but not on a sun
lounger.
Speaker 2 (36:49):
I lost my virginity on the beach.
Speaker 1 (36:52):
Did you in the showers like sand in places that
I did not know sand could getto?
Speaker 2 (36:57):
so you bottomed for the first time on the beach no,
it was actually with a girl well, that's all we have time for on
this week's episode of the biggay podcast.
If you do have any questions,I'm sure you will please write
in go.
What is this?
Gay, non gay, gay, non-gay.
Our Instagrams may look similar, but we're a very different
(37:26):
podcast.
Speaker 1 (37:26):
Yeah, that was when I was way young, you know 17.
Speaker 2 (37:29):
Okay, yeah, okay.
Speaker 1 (37:31):
That was my first ever sexual experience properly.
I'm confused as to how you werethen finding sound in all sorts
of places if you were the, themale and male female sexual
situation well, obviously I had,like my shorts down, so still
getting in places that I didn'twant it to get into I'm talking
about my arsehole, okay yeah,but why was anything going in
your?
Because my shorts were downright, okay, okay.
Speaker 2 (37:54):
I didn't really want the image in my head, but but I
am now seeing it.
Speaker 1 (37:57):
Do you like it?
Speaker 2 (37:58):
No, I don't like it, but I can see it.
Speaker 1 (38:01):
What's worse?
That or One man, one Jar.
Speaker 2 (38:05):
No One man, One Jar is still way worse.
Okay, good, good, oh gosh, yeah, let's not talk about that
again.
Speaker 1 (38:12):
Anyway, sun Loungers, sex on the Beach, Plus, you
have to remember I've actuallyseen both.
Speaker 2 (38:18):
So I've seen one man, one jar, and I have seen you
with your shorts down.
So oh my goodness, yeah, wow,podcasters if you wanted
oversharing this week, friends,you've got it anyway.
Um so luke luke wink, wink winkwink, great story great story.
(38:41):
Great story, I mean good for youtrying to find somewhere
discreet, and good for you fortrying to make it romantic to
begin with yeah, I, I was intothe romantic bit, to be honest
yeah, and probably was the music, but I think who knows people
walking past, maybe they knewwhat was happening and they
wanted to join in now I thinkthat's a fantasy that you would
do you.
Speaker 1 (38:58):
You make me sound like I've got a sex problem
Sometimes.
I think you might have why.
Speaker 2 (39:01):
Not in a bad way.
A problem is normally a badthing.
Speaker 1 (39:05):
Not a problem, I just very high sex drive.
Speaker 2 (39:07):
I do have a very high sex drive.
I feel like when I'm single Ihave a real high sex drive.
But when I'm joked, before Ihave had some really long term
relationships probably longerthan yours, in fact, definitely
longer than yours and in thosesituations I what is at the
moment when I'm on my own sexdrive kind of gets split into
like sex drive but also likeromance.
So I find I get like saying Iget a kick from it is too much.
(39:31):
But like what I would get fromhaving sex with people when I'm
single.
I turn that into buying flowers, making dinner, like doing
their washing, like taking themout for dinner, holding their
hand.
Speaker 1 (39:41):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (39:42):
Like cuddling with a movie.
Yeah, it sometimes scratchesthe same itch for me.
Yeah, but obviously, when I'msingle, I don't do as much of
that, so my sex drive getshigher.
Speaker 1 (39:49):
That makes sense.
Yeah, yeah.
Speaker 2 (39:51):
I mean it's still high in a relationship.
I want to have sex quite a lotin a relationship every day my
last relationships.
Speaker 1 (40:04):
We've had sex every day, every day, pretty much.
Speaker 2 (40:05):
Yeah, definitely every time.
We've seen each other, at leastonce, maybe twice three times a
day.
Speaker 1 (40:08):
I think my most was seven in one day.
Yeah, jesus, yeah, I did thentake a few days off.
Speaker 2 (40:12):
I was a bit sore by the end of that was anything
even coming out after theseventh time yes, go on just a
bit of on.
Just a little sign that saidbang.
Speaker 1 (40:25):
Oh, my goodness.
Speaker 2 (40:26):
Well, on that note of me and my ejaculations, you'll
be pleased to hear that's allwe've got time for on this
week's episode of my Big GamePodcast.
If you don't I always say itevery week please go over to our
Instagram and give us a follow.
In fact, all our social mediasare at Big Gay Podcast.
You can see what we've been upto lately.
You can see our videos fromTully's, from Thought Park
(40:48):
Fright Night and some other onesfor you to go and check out.
So, like I said, that's allsocial medias at Big Gay Podcast
.
Speaker 1 (40:58):
And and if you've got a story or a problem that you
would like to share with us onthe podcast, just like lovely
Luke did then slip on in the DMsand get in touch.
Speaker 2 (41:02):
Luke was it.
Speaker 1 (41:02):
Luke, wasn't it?
Luke, who knows?
We'll never know, maybe that'san anonymous name.
Speaker 2 (41:05):
Who knows, maybe we just plucked that out my sandy
bum, your sandy bum, rather.
Speaker 1 (41:09):
But like I said, podcast that's all we've got
(41:40):
time for in this week.
See you next Wednesday.
He gave her yeah, yeah, sandy,sandy Minj, oh Christ, thank you
.
Hello and welcome to this week's episode of my Big
Gay Podcast with me, Benji.
Speaker 1 (00:26):
And me, brad, giving you the life, the laughs and
lulls of living in London.
That was my ghost voice.
Speaker 2 (00:36):
Right, two gays, one city.
What could?
Possibly go wrong, I think forme.
I was trying to give ghosts.
You were giving gandalf andthen the bit after.
You're like one.
What's your line?
Give me the life that I waslost.
You're giving me this likerapper hands.
I was getting into charactergiving me the life, the love.
(00:57):
Stand the love.
Where is the love?
Literally?
Speaker 1 (01:02):
you're strange yeah, that's my character.
Speaker 2 (01:04):
You are strange.
I feel like we're spending toomuch time together.
Speaker 1 (01:07):
Well, we spent all weekend together.
Speaker 2 (01:09):
We, as you may have heard on last week's episode, we
had a real busy weekend ofHalloween activities.
Did you like it?
I really did enjoy it, did you?
Yeah, I did.
I mean, it was scary, yeah, itwas.
I would it yeah, it was, Iwould, I would go again.
Speaker 1 (01:30):
I would definitely recommend it for people, would
you?
I would, yeah.
Did you enjoy it?
Because I loved it.
That was probably the scariestthing I've ever done.
Oh wow, and I've done somescary shit in my time, like
godzilla.
That's a scary film.
That is a scary film no it.
Speaker 2 (01:37):
You know what, it was really good.
And if you are into like scares, scare, mazes, thrills, rides,
all the shabam, we woulddefinitely recommend going and
checking out Tully's.
You can go to their website,just google Tully's Farm.
They're doing a whole likeShocktober yeah fest and also
then on the Sunday we went toThought Park to do Fright Nights
, which is also really good.
You have the normal sort ofrides during the day and then in
(01:59):
the evening all these likeghouls and ghosts and gumptions
all of that, all of it plus.
Speaker 1 (02:04):
They have horror mazes there as well, and what's
really cool is you get to ridethe roller coasters in the dark,
which is also a bit scarythat's so fun, yeah, so anyway,
that's thought.
Speaker 2 (02:11):
Park the one with holly's farm.
If you haven't checked outbefore, definitely go and check
it out.
Have you had a good rest ofyour week?
Speaker 1 (02:17):
do you know what?
Speaker 2 (02:18):
I'm a fucking winner this week oh, sorry for the
language because straight instraight in there.
Speaker 1 (02:23):
I went to Drag Bingo Now you know I like Drag Bingo,
yeah, and we went to one atLittle Coup in Soho.
Yeah, really cute bar have youbeen before I have?
That is a great bar for a datenight.
Speaker 2 (02:33):
I think that's a lovely place to take a date.
Yeah, well, that's thedifference between me and you,
isn't it why I wouldn't take adate to Little Cape?
Speaker 1 (02:42):
no, I thought it was really friendly.
It's nice.
Speaker 2 (02:44):
It's a bit intimate there's intimate, and then
there's being able to heareveryone else's conversations.
Speaker 1 (02:48):
I guess, yeah, I guess.
So I thought it was cute youknow it's lovely, I just
wouldn't take a first date therebut anyway, they're now doing
drag bingo there a couple timesa month and we went me was so
good I won a prize oh gosh, Iactually know what price is this
, but I'll I'll act shocked.
Speaker 2 (03:06):
Oh, what price did you win?
Speaker 1 (03:08):
a penis pump, christ, on a bike not that I need it,
but I'm really intrigued to tryit out.
Okay, first of all, you mightneed it.
Speaker 2 (03:18):
Second of all, they are do you know what can go
wrong with a penis pump?
Speaker 1 (03:22):
I know nothing about a penis pump.
I'll be honest, other than it'smeant to make your dick look a
bit bigger.
Speaker 2 (03:28):
Yeah, yeah, it's like , yeah, I mean.
Speaker 1 (03:32):
You put your dick in a capsule, you pump it and
something to do with the air andit like it's a vacuum.
Speaker 2 (03:37):
A vacuum right, it's like a vacuum.
So you're sucking all the airout, oh out, oh so, as you're
sucking the air out and yourpenis is in there, what it's
doing is it's like drawing moreblood into your penis oh, that's
why.
Speaker 1 (03:49):
And then?
Speaker 2 (03:49):
it's, yeah, it's.
It kind of has a similar effectif you wore like a quite a
tight cock ring ah, yes, thatmakes sense.
Yeah, yeah, yeah and then it'ssupposed to be quite a temporary
thing, like it doesn't make itbigger forever.
What it can do, though, is likestretch the tissue so like when
you soft, you might have alonger soft, willy Forever, a
(04:09):
bit more of a dangly.
Yeah, it can do Forever, yeah,and because of that damage you
can actually get, then peniledysfunction.
You don't get as hard erectionsbecause you've damaged it.
Speaker 1 (04:17):
So now I'm thinking maybe I shouldn't use the penis
pump.
Have you used?
Speaker 2 (04:20):
it yet to be honest?
No, I actually haven't.
Have you used it yet?
Be honest?
No, I actually haven't.
Speaker 1 (04:22):
So when I got home that night.
Now obviously again.
Speaker 2 (04:25):
You were trashed.
Speaker 1 (04:26):
Yeah, I pissed you off again because we were going
to do a video and I turned upand I had a few too many wines
there was me like makeup done,lighting done, camera mic'd,
ready to go.
Speaker 2 (04:36):
This one comes around the corner, baby.
Me wow we're not filming today,are we?
It's Jack Bingo Jaw on thefloor, Not mine his.
Speaker 1 (04:49):
I'm never shocked.
I'm out of my bag with me,didn't I With my penis pump.
And your backpack.
Speaker 2 (05:00):
I just got the joke.
Speaker 1 (05:01):
I just got it.
Yes, I had my penis pump andthat night I was telling
everyone wasn't I.
I was like I'm going home earlytonight.
Lads, I'm going it.
Yes, I had my penis pump andthat night I was telling
everyone wasn't I like I'm goinghome early tonight lads.
I'm going home because I'm goingto try this out.
I'm really intrigued, but Iended up not going home early or
trying out the penis pump, soit's still ready to go no, you
stayed with me till about 5am,yeah, and then I think you
probably went and passed out.
Speaker 2 (05:19):
yeah, recently bought a set of cock rings.
Did I tell you about this?
No, oh, yeah, I recently boughta set of them.
Speaker 1 (05:24):
For you or for yeah, yeah, no for me.
Speaker 2 (05:27):
Listen, I don't need them.
Sorry, I'm going to try and putthis in so it doesn't make me
sound very like I don't know.
I'm going to try and not paintmyself in a really bad light.
Hang on, I personally don'tfeel that I need them for the
benefit that a lot of peoplewear them for right.
Some people wear them becauseit maintains your erection so
you can stay hard for longer.
Yep, Right, Just in my lifethat is not a problem that I
(05:49):
have.
Speaker 1 (05:50):
Do they also correct me if I'm wrong?
Stop you from coming quicker aswell, don't know.
Speaker 2 (05:54):
Okay, no comment.
I would have to.
Yeah, I don't know.
Right, you're only supposed towear them for about at a time,
because it literally does stopthe blood supply.
Speaker 1 (06:02):
But surely you need the blood in the dick to make it
hard.
Speaker 2 (06:05):
Yes, once you're then hard, it kind of stays in there
.
Speaker 1 (06:07):
Oh, so it traps the blood in.
Speaker 2 (06:08):
It basically traps the blood in.
You can put it on when you'resoft, but I think you do
normally put it on when you'resoft, but I think the blood will
go in there easy and then itcomes back out again.
I assume I don't really knowthe physics is it gives you more
sensitivity, so it, if you getlike a different, you get a
different vibe.
Speaker 1 (06:26):
Let's say more of a sensation yeah, a different
sensation.
Speaker 2 (06:29):
I wouldn't say more, I wouldn't say less.
It's a very different one, moreof like a tingly one that might
be good, right no?
Yeah, yeah, for sure.
I think that's why people wearthem some.
Some people wear them anyway.
I was really curious.
I've um hooked up with guys,I've chatted guys that wear them
and I just thought I would giveit a go, but um, was it good I
mean, I haven't worn one inaction with anyone yet, I've
(06:49):
just sort of worn one around thehouse, um, but it was like, it
was like a pack of six, which Iwasn't really sure about, and
they're all different sizes.
So I thought, oh, it's like apack and you just wear the one
that fits.
Speaker 1 (07:02):
Yeah, that makes sense, right.
Yeah, no, no that's not.
Speaker 2 (07:05):
That's not what they're for.
See, like the biggest one goesaround, like all of you, yeah,
oh yeah, balls a lot.
Then you have other ones justfor your balls, and then you
have smaller ones, that is justfor like your shaft, let's say,
and you can wear like three atonce wow, yeah, ring around the
shaft, yeah, around the actualwilly itself, one round the
entire thing, and then one justaround your balls, and then I
(07:26):
assume you can do them like oneround each ball.
Oh, but do you remember?
Speaker 1 (07:31):
Sounds like torture chamber.
Speaker 2 (07:33):
Well, yeah, but some people are into that.
Did you used to play with likecat's cradles at school?
Yeah, you kind of ended uplooking like that, and because
of what?
Speaker 1 (07:42):
you put them all on at once.
Speaker 2 (07:43):
No, I put two, when I was like this is too much
because the ones I got they'rereally cheap.
I'm gonna be honest.
They're like six quid.
Um, they're silicon and theyreally, really pinch.
Speaker 1 (07:55):
Oh yeah, they're tugging at that skin they pinch
and pull.
Speaker 2 (07:58):
Yeah, I was like I not for me no, I think if I was
to do it again, I'd have to getsome sort of like oil or
something involved.
But they've gone in the drawerand they haven't come out the
drawer.
They're going to collect dustforever and ever, I think I
might just throw them away Rightor offer them to my female
housemate as headbands.
Speaker 1 (08:13):
Off to the gym.
Tie your hair up, love.
Speaker 2 (08:15):
Yeah, just tie your hair up, it's silicon.
Speaker 1 (08:20):
a great philosopher.
If you liked it, then youshould have put a ring on it and
you did.
Speaker 2 (08:27):
I did, I put two on it, actually greedy, and you
didn't like it.
No, I took the ring off yeah,it's strange, I don't know how
we got onto my.
Speaker 1 (08:35):
Oh, your penis pump, penis pump yeah, so you've not
done a penis pump no, when I wasa kid, did I put my willy in a
hoover?
Speaker 2 (08:41):
Yes, I did.
Speaker 1 (08:42):
Did you?
Yeah, I did Me too, yeah, Ithink everyone has.
Speaker 2 (08:45):
I think any gay at home that says they didn't is
lying, yeah, or just not veryclever because it was an
awakening.
Speaker 1 (08:52):
Do you know how I learned to do that?
Well, not how I learned.
I only did it once from ScaryMovie Of course you did Of
course you.
It was like oh, is that a thingthat you do?
So I did it once.
Speaker 2 (09:02):
I just used to love cleaning.
Well, I do love cleaning and Iremember being like huh.
Speaker 1 (09:05):
Mum, like Benji, you can't hoover your room every day
.
You keep getting that hooverout.
Speaker 2 (09:13):
Back at home.
I've got my own hoover BecauseI'm on the third floor.
Speaker 1 (09:24):
So there's the hoover oh how's it work?
Just suck it a little bit.
Honestly, make my gag reflex.
Speaker 2 (09:29):
I didn't even know I had a gag reflex, but you knock
it every time.
You say stuff like that.
Speaker 1 (09:34):
Oh my god, no, no, I did not imagine that whipping
around the dice inside gross soyou just put it over for a bit
and then would you like pull itaway.
Oh yeah, oh yeah.
Speaker 2 (09:49):
So it was like give me don't act as if you didn't do
the exact.
You're only asking me thesequestions because you did the
exact same thing, but what youcleverly do is try paint me with
that brush so you get offscot-free.
Don't think I don't know whatyou're doing.
Speaker 1 (10:02):
You're the kinky one out of us too, so it makes sense
for you to talk about it and meto act shocked like, oh my
goodness, never done that before.
Right, that's the dynamic,right?
Speaker 2 (10:11):
I must have missed that bit in the manuals, anyway,
yeah, so I feel like we've gotoff topic.
Cock pump.
Are you going?
Speaker 1 (10:19):
I am going to try it Now.
I do appreciate there's somerisks around it.
Speaker 2 (10:24):
I think the risk only happens if you use it a lot.
Speaker 1 (10:26):
All the time I'm just going to probably do it once,
just out of curiosity, but I dolike before and after, not
pictures, I'll send it Likewhich one do you prefer?
Speaker 2 (10:34):
I've seen your willy before and I don't want to see
it ever again.
Speaker 1 (10:37):
It's a lovely one though.
Speaker 2 (10:38):
Yeah, I've seen better, I've enjoyed better.
I do not want to see your penisever again.
I've got it out of my mind.
Please don't put that imageback in my head.
But you enjoy yourself.
Speaker 1 (10:55):
Thank you so much.
Yeah, I will let you know how Iget on.
Speaker 2 (10:57):
I do feel like you should give us like a written
review of how I will.
Speaker 1 (11:00):
Yeah, I definitely will let you know.
Once I've done it, I will tellyou about my experience Like
read the manual.
Speaker 2 (11:04):
Oh yeah, I will do that.
Read the instructions.
Speaker 1 (11:05):
Oh yeah, I'm not going to just wing it.
You are definitely that person.
Speaker 2 (11:08):
I know I was going to wing it.
Speaker 1 (11:09):
I was no, but now you've made me a bit nervous
about the health implications,so I will read the manual You're
.
Speaker 2 (11:21):
Oh my goodness, what it doesn't go down the hole.
Imagine the A&E trip now, hello.
So what can I help you for?
My mate has got his willy stuckin a penis pump.
I'm really sorry.
I don't know how he's got itwrong, but he's got it wrong.
Speaker 1 (11:37):
Didn't read the manual.
Speaker 2 (11:39):
Didn't read.
Oh, my goodness, we need totake a break.
Speaker 1 (11:41):
We do.
I'm getting too giddy Enjoyingthat, jack.
No, I'm trying to get comfy.
Oh my gosh, you're so annoying.
Listen, I've got a story totell you about a party that I
went to the other weekend.
Okay Now, unfortunately youweren't here because I was going
(12:02):
to bring you as my plus one.
You're welcome, where was I?
You were back home in jersey,joyce, joyce, right, fine, but I
got invited to this what canonly be described as like a
celebrity la type party.
Speaker 2 (12:17):
You know like you see in, like tvs and films.
Speaker 1 (12:20):
I don't know how I made the invite list.
Speaker 2 (12:22):
Right, I'm going to keep my mouth closed, so you
tell me some more, because Iyeah, I'm going to reserve my
opinions for in a minute.
Speaker 1 (12:30):
Okay, fine.
So the story was years ago whenI first moved to London.
I worked on this freelance jobwith some other gays, including
this guy called Matt.
So this is like over 10 yearsago, and we were friendly enough
.
But you know like you move onto other jobs, et cetera, et
cetera, and we Did you skatewith him.
No, no, no, not at all.
And like once the blue moon,we'd cross paths.
Either we'd bump into eachother out and about, or we might
(12:51):
end up working on like acrossover gig or something and
we'd be like and then, do youknow, recently Mighty Hoopla
were doing the ButlinsWeekenders Right, which you
never came to any of those.
Speaker 2 (13:02):
No.
Speaker 1 (13:03):
And that's because podcasters Benji is a bit too
bougie for the Butlins life.
Speaker 2 (13:07):
I just didn't want to travel all the way down to
Bogna fucking region, just thename Bogna.
Speaker 1 (13:13):
Where are you going for the weekend, bogna?
Speaker 2 (13:15):
Yeah, to stay in a Butlins, yeah.
Yeah to stay in a butlins, yeah, with two and a half thousand
other gays yeah, it's just notfor you just I mean, yeah, no,
not for you.
Don't think so.
I might have done it if theydidn't.
You know, stop doing them.
Speaker 1 (13:28):
But that maybe tells me everything I need to know,
sure yeah, yeah, they're notdoing them anymore, but for the
last three years, every end ofjanuary they had these weekend
parties and he was always there.
So I used to always bump intohim, and the first year they did
it where I bumped into him,he'd also had a perm.
Speaker 2 (13:43):
So we were perm brothers at the same time wow,
does he put it off better thanyou did?
Speaker 1 (13:47):
I think we're both afterwards.
We were laughing about it lastyear to be like.
What were we thinking at thetime?
Speaker 2 (13:53):
well, you were going through a bit of a midlife
crisis he's same age.
I think he was also going forthe same thing what his
boyfriend just rolled over andsaid he wants to break up with
you you love to bring up my pasttrauma I just love the fact
that you were rolling.
I just know what you're likelike rolling over bed like
morning literally was thatchirper and chippy we'd have a
(14:13):
little chat.
Oh, I'm not gonna break up withme, are you?
He broke up with you yeah,literally sorry.
Speaker 1 (14:18):
Yeah, yeah, yeah, good times.
Speaker 2 (14:19):
I actually love that story because I know you would
have rolled over, literally likeyou know, all beaming and ready
for a day, happily, blissfullyin in the world of brad's
thinking.
Speaker 1 (14:30):
Everything was hunker , dory and fine yeah, literally
could have knocked me over witha feather.
I said it as a joke and he waslike no, actually the joke that
you're saying is true.
Anyway, we digress.
So kept bumping into thislovely guy called Matt at
Butlins and he's done reallywell for himself, he's started
his own business, it's donequite well, etc.
(14:50):
Etc.
And I bumped into him againthis year at Butlins and this
year they have a fancy dressthemed night and they did a
night of the musicals, soeveryone was dressed up as
whatever musical characters theywanted, and so me and two of
the friends that I went with wewent as the Heathers.
Speaker 2 (15:07):
Oh yeah.
Speaker 1 (15:08):
Can I tell you side story?
I really like wearing the skirt.
Speaker 2 (15:12):
I like swooshing it I know?
Speaker 1 (15:14):
Okay, I'm tapping into my feminine era, I think.
Speaker 2 (15:18):
I don't think you're tapping in.
I think you've very much beenthere for a while.
I'm in it, you're in it.
Speaker 1 (15:22):
Now, I wouldn't want to wear a skirt all the time,
but on a night out with the gaysI quite liked the little swoosh
of the skirt.
Speaker 2 (15:28):
But you're still a dom-top.
Speaker 1 (15:30):
Yeah, in your tartan skirt.
Look, angel on the streets.
That's what I like to say.
With a penis pump, oh my,goodness, skiddies in the sheets
.
Speaker 2 (15:41):
What about you?
Speaker 1 (15:45):
Oh my goodness.
Anyway, so we went as the ThreeHeathers and he also went with
his friends as the ThreeHeathers.
So I was like, oh my goodness,how funny.
Blah, blah, blah.
We ended up hanging out allnight.
We were having a gay old time.
And he was like like, oh,sometimes I host parties at my
flat in London.
You should totally come to them.
I was like, oh my goodness, I'dlove to.
Anyway, he invited me onemonths ago and I couldn't make
(16:07):
it anyway.
And he had another one theother day and I was like, yeah,
I'd love to come.
And he said the theme waswicked.
Oh yeah, the wickedly talented.
So, yeah, everyone went.
It's sort of like pink green.
Now there was a bit of a joke,was like, oh, should I get like
black cape, green face paint?
Speaker 2 (16:27):
no, glad I didn't, because it's not that sort of
vibe it's like it's not thetacky pound world halloween
parties that you like to throwwell, it's just not fancy dress
it's like you might wear like apink jock and the pink harness.
Speaker 1 (16:39):
It's a sex pie.
It wasn't a sex party, but thatdid happen later on at a
different party.
That was kind of like a joint.
That's a.
I'll come to that story in asecond oh, lord, okay so thank
goodness I didn't go in likegreen face paint and a cape,
because that would have beenlike that mean girls moment
right, where everyone's lookingreally sexy and I'm like full-on
witch yeah, why are you dressedso scary?
Speaker 2 (17:03):
it's halloween, katie .
If you don't dress slutty, thatis slut shaming us.
Frankenstein's mother, whateverlife, yeah literally that.
Speaker 1 (17:12):
Um so anyway, rocked up to this party, bumped into
someone I dated years ago.
He came over, was like I know,you don't know.
I was like, yeah, we slepttogether like a few years back,
uh, it's one of those sort ofmoments and then his boyfriend
was there and uh was chatting tohis boyfriend and then the
boyfriend, who works in fashion,had this like tartan uh
(17:32):
customed waistcoat, as in likedorothy tartan waistcoat with
like gingham?
Speaker 2 (17:37):
I think gingham yes that's it.
With long socks, red high heels, yeah, it looked very
fashionable I don't take yourword for that, because yeah, but
you're in fashion no, no.
Speaker 1 (17:48):
But he looks at someone like oh yeah, you look
quite fashionable.
It turns out he works infashion.
His job is to pick the suitsthat kamala harris wears for her
campaigns oh, wow in america,yeah, and just came back from
New York Fashion Week.
So this is like the level ofpeople that I was at this party
with Okay, top lawyers, top TVproducers it was that sort of
crowd.
Speaker 2 (18:08):
And then you and me Hedgetoe green.
Speaker 1 (18:11):
No, I didn't wear the green face.
Speaker 2 (18:12):
That's right, sorry, thank goodness for that.
Speaker 1 (18:14):
Thank so luckily.
Speaker 2 (18:15):
I did it.
Why was I not there?
Speaker 1 (18:17):
No, because my friend was like oh, bring a plus one.
So you was going to be my plusone, but you went around.
We could have gone as Glindaand Elphaba together.
Speaker 2 (18:25):
Oh, thank Christ, I wasn't here.
Speaker 1 (18:26):
Oh, my goodness, that could have been a moment for us
.
I would have gone as Chesteriethe monkey.
Speaker 2 (18:30):
Yeah, you don't need a costume for that, anyway, so
anyway.
Speaker 1 (18:36):
So he sent me instructions to get to his
apartment.
It's in lime house, nice area,and uh went there.
You can't access his floor onthe elevator because the
elevator goes up to floors oneto five.
He's on floor six so you have toput in like a special, yes,
penthouse so you have to put inlike the special code to go up
to the sixth floor, which islike off limits.
It's massive balconyoverlooking the thames glass
(18:58):
staircase up to the second floor.
Yeah, I've never been to ahouse party like that in my life
.
Speaker 2 (19:03):
I'll be honest with you.
Speaker 1 (19:04):
Every alcoholic drink you could mention.
He'd paid for bar staff tobasically work in his kitchen
and just make you whateverdrinks you wanted Canapes that
were all like Wicked themed.
All the light bulbs in his flathe changed either pink or green
coloured light bulbs, yeah itwas a full thing.
Oh, he had like a projectorthat projected like the wicked
(19:26):
logo on the balcony.
Speaker 2 (19:27):
He had singers singing wicked and stuff from
the west end it was.
It was secretly.
Speaker 1 (19:29):
I was actually there and I was one of the guys were
you the waiter?
No, wash your mouth out um, andhe said powder rooms upstairs,
help yourself.
Now I didn't quite know whatthat meant.
Speaker 2 (19:40):
Oh no.
Speaker 1 (19:42):
Until I went in and knew what he was talking about.
Speaker 2 (19:46):
I've got gadgets and gifts.
Speaker 1 (19:50):
I went into this room I was like powder room.
It's like this massive dresser,light bulb mirror, Every single
substance that you couldpossibly think of was available.
Speaker 2 (20:00):
You know sharpie, yeah, yeah whole like box of it.
Speaker 1 (20:05):
I was like whatever you want, help yourself when I
tell you that powder room wasbusy that night.
It was a busy powder room, sopeople are.
Speaker 2 (20:11):
I'm just gonna go powder my nose yeah, because
that's what that means, isn't itwell?
Speaker 1 (20:14):
yes, now I know oh, don't act.
All brand new, oh, my goodnessso I can only really describe it
as, like those parties you seein films and TVs, you know the
celebrity kind of world in LAparties.
Speaker 2 (20:25):
It was very much that you were like I've made it.
Speaker 1 (20:28):
I was thinking oh my goodness, if me and you make it,
we could live in our ownpenthouse apartment and have my
big gay parties.
Speaker 2 (20:34):
I feel like you were at a big gay party?
Speaker 1 (20:36):
No, but we could do our own version.
We could be the rival party.
I, yeah, Would you ever livewith me as a housemate?
No, but we're not the same room.
Obviously like separate rooms.
Speaker 2 (20:45):
Well, yes, that's not a housemate, that's a partner.
Speaker 1 (20:50):
Um no, Do you not think we'd live well together?
Speaker 2 (20:53):
No, I think you're too messy for me, do you think?
Speaker 1 (20:55):
think, I think I'm quite clean and tidy it depends
how big the place was like twofloors.
You're on the top floor, I'm onthe bottom floor.
I just made.
It well, it's all coming outnow, isn't it?
Speaker 2 (21:07):
finally admitting.
I mean, not, it wasn't enoughthat the guy that you said, that
you bumped into, that used tosleep with his current boyfriend
, was dressed in long socks anda skirt.
We all know what team youbatted for at that stage.
Speaker 1 (21:19):
No, oh my goodness, the boyfriend was chatting away
with me and he was like, oh,would you consider coming back
to us tonight and having afreeway?
Speaker 2 (21:25):
I mean, you just take that conversation the way you
want to do, don't you?
No, I was just like.
Thank you so much for the offerYou're like oh yeah let me just
grab my cock pump and with, justin case, one for you, one for
you, one for you will I livewith you.
I don't know if we had enoughspace I'm talking like nice big
apartment, penthouse, top floorbut if I, if I had the excess
(21:47):
cash to have a penthouse, Idon't think I'd need to live
with anyone.
No, that's true.
So have I just that completelycrushed your dreams?
Speaker 1 (21:54):
yeah, because in my head I was like god, what a life
we could have, my big gay partyif I didn't ghost you.
Speaker 2 (21:59):
Yeah, party, what a life.
Isn't that a song for a musical?
Speaker 1 (22:03):
but yeah, so this party happened and then his
neighbor who lived in the flatopposite there was like oh,
everyone back to mine, it's like3am in the morning, and then
that became sort of sex partyvibes and that's where I ducked
out.
I was like thanks so much forthe lovely evening what was
happening?
Um, it's just not really myvibe sex parties, is it?
And people are in and out ofrooms very high at this point
(22:25):
and it's just not really my sortof crowd.
Speaker 2 (22:27):
Just everywhere you're looking, people are
shagging.
Speaker 1 (22:29):
Not everywhere, but I just find it.
You're sort of havingconversations with people, but
they're not really therelistening.
Speaker 2 (22:36):
Oh, they're looking around.
Speaker 1 (22:36):
They're looking around, yeah, and they're just
looking for, like the next shag.
Everyone's all just shaggingeach other and I just thought,
oh, that's not really me.
I'm up for like cocktails,drinks and the laugh, playing
some games, whatever.
That's my sort of afters party.
No, that's fair.
Speaker 2 (22:56):
I think I'm.
I know I go to someone's flat.
That was a sex party.
Speaker 1 (22:59):
I don't think I could do that it's a bit intense, I
think, because it's all there.
It's literally like they'regoing into the bathroom or the
bedrooms, but you know, likeliterally it's right there
what's going on it's like thelast ten minutes of Brewers on
Saturday night yeah, everyone,no one was there really to have
like fun convo no one was thereto, like you know, spit.
(23:20):
Lyrics from wicked I was readyto lip sync for my life again
yeah, I'm sure no one wasinterested.
Speaker 2 (23:28):
Did you wear anything wicked orientated?
I wore?
Oh, I went in pink.
Oh, my goodness, which pinkoutfit did you wear?
Speaker 1 (23:35):
pink shorts and a glittery pink top and pink
glittery trainers.
Everyone loved the trainers.
They got a good amount ofcompliments.
Speaker 2 (23:42):
Yeah, because they were high as a kite.
Speaker 1 (23:45):
Wow, the sparkles Dude, those are totally.
Speaker 2 (23:48):
I mean, that's what I imagine high people sound like.
Wow, yeah, I bet you looked asnack.
Speaker 1 (23:53):
I did.
Thank you so much.
Yeah, I know you're saying thatin like a mean way but I ate no
crumbs.
Speaker 2 (24:00):
Oh my goodness, no crumbs.
Speaker 1 (24:03):
Okay, which is an interesting experience.
This is why I love living inLondon, because you get to go to
these crazy parties and wildnights out Like.
I've done some amazing partiesin my life here in London so far
, and my life's still going Moreto come, so you're going to
invite me to the next one.
Yeah, for sure.
Speaker 2 (24:21):
You've stumbled on it .
Yeah, no, I definitely will.
Speaker 1 (24:24):
I'd love for you to have been there, that one,
especially because it's wicked.
I know you love wicked.
Speaker 2 (24:28):
I love wicked.
Speaker 1 (24:29):
Oh, my goodness, flashback.
I also bumped into at thatparty your ex-boss that you
don't like and he, he obviouslywe met like briefly a couple
times, yeah, and he was tryingto make conversation with me.
I was giving him the coldshoulder very much what you were
giving to me last week when werecorded the episode um, and he
was so high he just clearly didnot put face to memory.
(24:52):
I was like trying to chat and Iwas just one word answers and
like turning my back to him tobe like I'm not talking to you.
You upset my best friend yeah,gross.
Speaker 2 (24:59):
Anyway, we won't talk about him.
It's not fair to slate someonewho can't speak for himself, but
he's not a very nice person.
Um, cool.
Well, that sounds like a reallyfun party.
I'll be honest, I'm actually abit sad that I did miss it,
mainly because of the wickedtheme.
I feel like everyone would havebeen there, like looking for
their next bit of action or blow, whether that be from you know
the guy around the corner, orfrom the powder room upstairs
(25:20):
and we would be like, oh mygoodness, look at all these
bulbs.
Look, I know, right, you go upthose stairs and be Glinda.
I'll be down here excuse me, doyou have a broomstick?
Literally all of that yeah wewould have been unpaid
entertainment grab themicrophone.
Speaker 1 (25:35):
We're hosting tonight , girls, oh my goodness, it was
so good.
Speaker 2 (25:37):
Oh, I do you know what I really want to get?
I'm trying, desperately trying,to find red carpet tickets for
wicked the movie oh, can I beyour plus one?
Speaker 1 (25:46):
I?
Speaker 2 (25:46):
have exhausted all my resources, all my contacts from
wicked and pr companies.
I've tried everything.
Speaker 1 (25:54):
I cannot find who it is that is doing if you are
listening to this podcast, canyou make two little gay boy
dreams come true and get us togo to the wicked party?
Speaker 2 (26:02):
Yeah, and if you can only get one ticket, that's fine
, I will have it.
Honestly, I would be so, sohappy If we got one ticket
offered to us.
Speaker 1 (26:12):
Would we rock paper scissors for it?
Speaker 2 (26:13):
No, I would have it.
That's not fair.
Being honest, it's got to be?
Speaker 1 (26:16):
it's got to be like 50-50 chance.
Nope, shall we just rock paperscissors now and see who would
win?
Alright, but hang on, do you go1, 2, 3 shoot and whoever wins
is going to the wicked premierewith the ticket the one singular
ticket that doesn't exist.
Speaker 2 (26:30):
We don't exist.
Yeah, yeah, ok, ready, ok fine.
1, 2, 3 shoot.
Speaker 1 (26:35):
Oh, we're both scissoring each other, not the
first time Not again.
Here we go again One, two,three shoot.
Speaker 2 (26:44):
Yes, mine's the rock.
Yeah, I know it's also a fist,which I know you love.
Speaker 1 (26:50):
And you did scissors again.
I went for the scissors againbecause I thought that bitch is
not going for scissors again,rock beats scissors darling.
So you're going and I'm not, soI'm going with this ticket that
we still don't have, I feelgood.
Well, fine, if you need me,I'll be in the powder room.
Oh my gosh.
Speaker 2 (27:09):
Right podcasters, it is time for Queer Diary.
Everybody hate that jingle.
Now I feel like it's grating.
Speaker 1 (27:15):
I hate it from the get-go.
I never signed off on it.
I hate you from the get-go I.
Speaker 2 (27:18):
I hated it from the get-go.
I never signed off on it.
Speaker 1 (27:20):
I hate you from the get-go.
I never signed off on you.
Speaker 2 (27:21):
Well, you stuck with me.
We did a whole day's castingand for some reason, you slipped
through the net.
I was the best you got Anywaythis week's Queer Diary is from
somebody called Luke who haswritten in, and I'm going to be
honest.
Speaker 1 (27:36):
Wait, aren't we supposed to keep everyone
anonymous?
Speaker 2 (27:38):
I didn't say that was his real name.
Okay, luke is it, isn't it?
Who knows?
Speaker 1 (27:45):
you don't know.
Speaker 2 (27:47):
Literally you don't know, so I'm going to.
It's quite a long story so I'mgoing to paraphrase a little bit
, so I apologise right now, luke, if I stumble up here to there.
But listeners, this is a reallygood story.
So just buckle in.
If you're driving, just becareful.
If you're at home, stop whatyou're doing, have a listen and
really get in the mood.
In fact, let's play someromantic Spanish music.
(28:10):
Ooh ole, ole.
Okay, it says hi boys.
I was just listening to arecent episode from my sun
lounger in Coz Nice.
At the end of the episode,where you talk about kinks and
nearly get in court, and I feltobligated to update you on my
escapades from last night.
Speaker 1 (28:28):
Oh.
Speaker 2 (28:28):
God.
So all day yesterday I've beenchatting to this sexy little
Spanish twink on Grindr.
Now I'm not going to lieSpanish boys.
Speaker 1 (28:37):
They do it for you, they.
Speaker 2 (28:38):
Spanish twink on Grindr.
Now, I'm not going to lieSpanish boys, they do it for you
, they do it for me.
Yeah.
Yeah, it's really weird.
Normally in a club I'd go forthe blondes.
Speaker 1 (28:42):
Uh-huh.
Speaker 2 (28:43):
But when I'm away, spanish like oh, just slightly
darker, mm-hmm.
Really gets me going.
I need to go on holidayimmediately.
So sorry, spanish tw Twink onGrindr and we arranged to meet
up for a hookup last night.
Now I'm sharing a room with myfriend, so my room was off
limits If we were on holiday andwe were sharing a good room to
(29:03):
save money and I was like Idefinitely need to shag this guy
, what would you do?
Do?
Speaker 1 (29:08):
you know what I'd take one for the team.
I'd be like I'm going to popout for a bit.
Speaker 2 (29:11):
I.
Speaker 1 (29:13):
Got the camera ready, we're going to have some money
on OnlyFans Would you go out?
Yeah, I would, and I'd justlike to text him when you're
done.
Speaker 2 (29:19):
Oh, that's really cute Would you do it for me?
Speaker 1 (29:21):
No, I'd be like go to his hotel.
Speaker 2 (29:26):
I'm doing my skincare .
Speaker 1 (29:28):
I need my beauty sleep.
Speaker 2 (29:29):
It's just yeah, take that penis pop.
Anyway, I'm sorry I'mdisturbing your story.
So the room was off limits, butI love the great outdoors.
I'm with you and, with ourhotel being right on the beach,
it seemed the best place to takeour little rendezvous.
I'm loving the language here.
(29:49):
So when he arrived at the hotel, where the vibe is definitely
straight middle-class couples Ithought it best to take the
scenic route to the beach.
Anywho, we get down to thebeach, keeping an eye out for
people walking along the front.
We head down towards theshoreline, where it's darker and
obviously more private.
We grab a sun lounger and arechatting for a bit while
snuggled up Cute.
Speaker 1 (30:10):
Nice.
Speaker 2 (30:10):
Little holiday romance.
Speaker 1 (30:12):
Love it.
It's very Grease the musicalit's very.
Speaker 2 (30:21):
Mamma Mia yeah, I love it.
Grease the musical yeah, youknow that first scene when
they're on the beach.
Sure, I think it's more like da, da, da, yeah, yeah, yeah, but
anyway, so we grab a sunligerand they're snuggling.
That's where we got to.
The only light around is themoon on the sea and dot, dot dot
.
Speaker 1 (30:36):
This is so romantic.
Speaker 2 (30:37):
I'm actually here for the story I know I told you
it's a good one.
As we snuggle and chat, thingsstart to get a bit groupie.
Things then went from slow andsteady to full-on fast pace,
like we were so desperate as I'mfucking.
Oh, it was really.
It changed.
We hit fast forward.
It changed as I'm making loveto him on a sun lounger.
(31:00):
We hear voices and I literallyhover over him mid shag to wait
for people to pass.
So I assume they're both facingthe same way.
Speaker 1 (31:09):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (31:10):
And he must like be hiding him with his body.
Speaker 1 (31:12):
Yeah, that's what I see in my mind Cute.
Speaker 2 (31:14):
Like an invisibility cloak.
This only intensifies themoment.
Yeah, I've been there.
He then climbs on top and isriding me and things come to a
natural, amazing orgasm endingWell, he's put that in the
capitals.
I feel like he's relived themoment whilst typing this you
better work, luke.
It's only then that I realised Iwasn't really prepared for the
(31:36):
clean-up.
We both needed to walk backthrough the hotel, so clothes
were not an option, and I thenrealised I had my socks on and
would have to sacrifice them inthe name of getting clean.
All in all, an amazingexperience, made even hotter by
the thrill of nearly gettingcaught.
Okay, so I've lost my reaction.
So what did you have to cleanup, is my question.
Speaker 1 (31:58):
Well, the spunk.
Speaker 2 (31:59):
Which would have been inside him.
Speaker 1 (32:01):
Not necessarily.
Might have been a come on myface job, I see, but you're
going to go in the sea, oh right, could have washed in the sea.
So basically he used his socksto clear up and then was like,
oh, I can't wear the socks back.
Speaker 2 (32:11):
Yeah, couldn't wear the socks, right?
I think this is very you, thisstory, this is very me.
Yeah, this is very I do so.
Yeah, obviously I had lots ofoutdoor escapades and I have had
a few risky deliberately riskyoccasions where, like the thrill
is the possibility of gettingcaught.
Speaker 1 (32:27):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (32:28):
Like that time on the tube, the hotel elevator.
Speaker 1 (32:31):
Outside Buckingham Palace.
Outside Buckingham Palace.
Speaker 2 (32:34):
Christ, yeah, yeah, lots of places and yeah, on the
beach, the tube is risky.
Speaker 1 (32:38):
I still can't believe you did that.
Yeah, a smile on your face letsme know that you need me.
Speaker 2 (32:45):
There's a truth in your eyes yeah, no, it was, it
was really good.
And I actually I have spoken topeople like like Tinder and
stuff, and we've just beenchatting like what's the wildest
thing you've done?
And when I tell people they arelike that's really hot.
Yeah, some people said, isn'tit really dirty?
Because but I think they'reimagining a very different
scenario.
It wasn't like romantic.
Let's lie on the floor and letme like hold your lower back and
(33:08):
you, you know yeah, it's notthat this is like it's
aggressive fuck on the tube.
It's please mind the doors.
Doors are closed.
We get in the tube.
It's get your trousers by yourankles.
That's what it was.
Mind the doors, doors areclosed.
Speaker 1 (33:19):
We get in the tube.
It's get your trousers by yourankles.
Speaker 2 (33:20):
That's what it was.
Mind the gap indeed, yeah.
And then the next stop isquickly buckle back up, yeah
yeah yeah, but it was really hot, I'm not gonna lie.
So yeah, getting caught is athrill.
Have you ever nearly got caughtbefore?
Speaker 1 (33:29):
I have actually been caught before.
Speaker 2 (33:42):
Okay, mom, get out of my room again.
I'm pretty sure me and some ofthe lads have walked in on you
halfway through certainescapades.
Yeah, that's happened a fewtimes.
Yeah, yeah, with a little rosycheek face.
Hello, what are you doing?
Just go wait upstairs.
Speaker 1 (33:47):
You're back early yeah, yeah, that's happened a
couple times.
Um, no, actually on holiday aswell, and I met a guy off
grinder.
This was years ago and, uh, Iwas on a family holiday so of
course could not bring him backto the hotel room.
Yeah, so I just said to thefamily like oh, I'm just gonna
go for a little wander by myself, blah, blah, blah.
And we by the beach again bythe beach, found like a little
(34:11):
woodland area, went in.
He was in little speedos,pulled them down, was in having
a wild time.
People walking by didn'trealize.
So I just picked him up andlike threw him off me.
Oh, and ran no, just like inhorror, like pulled up,
obviously like my shorts, andwe're just sat there like hello
(34:32):
because they they clearly sawwhat was going on what did they
say?
Well, they kind of gave a lookand just carried on walking.
Was this guy that was sat on me, basically like rolling down
the riverbank?
Speaker 2 (34:43):
was like get off me.
Oh my gosh.
Speaker 1 (34:48):
Poor guy.
Have you ever?
Been caught Because you go inplaces where you could be caught
.
Speaker 2 (34:53):
Yes, actually there was an occasion this week in the
park near my house and I metthis guy really cute and we were
sort of going at it in thetrees and the park was closed
and some people started walkingpast.
We didn't separate, let's say,but we stopped making noise and
movement.
Speaker 1 (35:13):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (35:14):
And it was nighttime and they walked past with
torches and they shone torchesinto the bushes.
Speaker 1 (35:19):
And they saw.
Speaker 2 (35:20):
Well, we just stayed very quiet.
I don't know if they saw ordidn't see, right, but yeah,
then we just carried on Wow.
Speaker 1 (35:26):
Yeah, so you don't know if you have been caught.
That's a still question mark.
Or are you certain that theyprobably?
Speaker 2 (35:36):
saw things they didn't expect to see.
It depends who you mean, Iguess.
For me it only matters to mewho I've been caught by.
If it's someone who I know andI wouldn't want them to catch me
, I think my brain honestlywould blank it out and I
wouldn't remember him.
I love my brain for that.
It does just sort of forgetthings I want it to.
But, like, obviously I've beenlike cruising in parks and
(35:57):
whatnot and there's alwayspeople walking past so I really
care, but it depends on thelocation.
The hotel lift, I think, wasreally quite fun.
Speaker 1 (36:02):
Did that not have cameras in?
Speaker 2 (36:04):
No, you should always check for cameras, right,
always check for cameras.
Rule number one yeah, becausewe were just in the lift with
the doors closed and so ifanyone had pressed the lift
button on that floor, the doorwould open straight away, but
also they'd press them on anyother floor, which then did
happen.
The lift then starts to move,so then you know you're yeah,
but you don't know how longyou've got to get ready.
Speaker 1 (36:23):
It's a risk you're really into the risk factor,
aren't you?
Yeah?
Speaker 2 (36:27):
sometimes, I think, because it obviously raises your
heartbeat when you're likenervous and obviously in that
situation your heartbeats arealready going.
Sure, it just kind ofcomplements each other wow I
don't know, maybe it's weird whoSure it.
Just kind of compliments eachother.
Speaker 1 (36:39):
Wow, I don't know, maybe it's weird, who knows?
But I'm here for it, you'reinto it.
Speaker 2 (36:42):
I'm here for it.
Have you ever done it on a sunlounger?
Speaker 1 (36:45):
No, I have done it on the beach, but not on a sun
lounger.
Speaker 2 (36:49):
I lost my virginity on the beach.
Speaker 1 (36:52):
Did you in the showers like sand in places that
I did not know sand could getto?
Speaker 2 (36:57):
so you bottomed for the first time on the beach no,
it was actually with a girl well, that's all we have time for on
this week's episode of the biggay podcast.
If you do have any questions,I'm sure you will please write
in go.
What is this?
Gay, non gay, gay, non-gay.
Our Instagrams may look similar, but we're a very different
(37:26):
podcast.
Speaker 1 (37:26):
Yeah, that was when I was way young, you know 17.
Speaker 2 (37:29):
Okay, yeah, okay.
Speaker 1 (37:31):
That was my first ever sexual experience properly.
I'm confused as to how you werethen finding sound in all sorts
of places if you were the, themale and male female sexual
situation well, obviously I had,like my shorts down, so still
getting in places that I didn'twant it to get into I'm talking
about my arsehole, okay yeah,but why was anything going in
your?
Because my shorts were downright, okay, okay.
Speaker 2 (37:54):
I didn't really want the image in my head, but but I
am now seeing it.
Speaker 1 (37:57):
Do you like it?
Speaker 2 (37:58):
No, I don't like it, but I can see it.
Speaker 1 (38:01):
What's worse?
That or One man, one Jar.
Speaker 2 (38:05):
No One man, One Jar is still way worse.
Okay, good, good, oh gosh, yeah, let's not talk about that
again.
Speaker 1 (38:12):
Anyway, sun Loungers, sex on the Beach, Plus, you
have to remember I've actuallyseen both.
Speaker 2 (38:18):
So I've seen one man, one jar, and I have seen you
with your shorts down.
So oh my goodness, yeah, wow,podcasters if you wanted
oversharing this week, friends,you've got it anyway.
Um so luke luke wink, wink winkwink, great story great story.
(38:41):
Great story, I mean good for youtrying to find somewhere
discreet, and good for you fortrying to make it romantic to
begin with yeah, I, I was intothe romantic bit, to be honest
yeah, and probably was the music, but I think who knows people
walking past, maybe they knewwhat was happening and they
wanted to join in now I thinkthat's a fantasy that you would
do you.
Speaker 1 (38:58):
You make me sound like I've got a sex problem
Sometimes.
I think you might have why.
Speaker 2 (39:01):
Not in a bad way.
A problem is normally a badthing.
Speaker 1 (39:05):
Not a problem, I just very high sex drive.
Speaker 2 (39:07):
I do have a very high sex drive.
I feel like when I'm single Ihave a real high sex drive.
But when I'm joked, before Ihave had some really long term
relationships probably longerthan yours, in fact, definitely
longer than yours and in thosesituations I what is at the
moment when I'm on my own sexdrive kind of gets split into
like sex drive but also likeromance.
So I find I get like saying Iget a kick from it is too much.
(39:31):
But like what I would get fromhaving sex with people when I'm
single.
I turn that into buying flowers, making dinner, like doing
their washing, like taking themout for dinner, holding their
hand.
Speaker 1 (39:41):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (39:42):
Like cuddling with a movie.
Yeah, it sometimes scratchesthe same itch for me.
Yeah, but obviously, when I'msingle, I don't do as much of
that, so my sex drive getshigher.
Speaker 1 (39:49):
That makes sense.
Yeah, yeah.
Speaker 2 (39:51):
I mean it's still high in a relationship.
I want to have sex quite a lotin a relationship every day my
last relationships.
Speaker 1 (40:04):
We've had sex every day, every day, pretty much.
Speaker 2 (40:05):
Yeah, definitely every time.
We've seen each other, at leastonce, maybe twice three times a
day.
Speaker 1 (40:08):
I think my most was seven in one day.
Yeah, jesus, yeah, I did thentake a few days off.
Speaker 2 (40:12):
I was a bit sore by the end of that was anything
even coming out after theseventh time yes, go on just a
bit of on.
Just a little sign that saidbang.
Speaker 1 (40:25):
Oh, my goodness.
Speaker 2 (40:26):
Well, on that note of me and my ejaculations, you'll
be pleased to hear that's allwe've got time for on this
week's episode of my Big GamePodcast.
If you don't I always say itevery week please go over to our
Instagram and give us a follow.
In fact, all our social mediasare at Big Gay Podcast.
You can see what we've been upto lately.
You can see our videos fromTully's, from Thought Park
(40:48):
Fright Night and some other onesfor you to go and check out.
So, like I said, that's allsocial medias at Big Gay Podcast
.
Speaker 1 (40:58):
And and if you've got a story or a problem that you
would like to share with us onthe podcast, just like lovely
Luke did then slip on in the DMsand get in touch.
Speaker 2 (41:02):
Luke was it.
Speaker 1 (41:02):
Luke, wasn't it?
Luke, who knows?
We'll never know, maybe that'san anonymous name.
Speaker 2 (41:05):
Who knows, maybe we just plucked that out my sandy
bum, your sandy bum, rather.
Speaker 1 (41:09):
But like I said, podcast that's all we've got
(41:40):
time for in this week.
See you next Wednesday.
He gave her yeah, yeah, sandy,sandy Minj, oh Christ, thank you
.
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