September 18, 2024 • 27 mins
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Three bottles of Whispering Angel, two gays, one drag queen, one drinking game... what could possibly go wrong this week?!
Join Benji, Brad and Chanel No.5, London's campiest drag queen, for a riotous game of Mr and Mr: The Benji and Brad Edition. The game forces the boys to share some of their messy stories including wild nights out, masturbating at work and the embarrassment of waking up next to someone without knowing their name.
In this weeks Queer Diary, we reveal a listeners story about an awkward family Airplay incident involving a rosebud on the big screen.
So what are you waiting for? Grab a bottle of wine and play along!
Get to know us more personally!
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Benji (00:00):
Right, brad, are you ready for part two?
So ready?
You said there was somedetermination, I'm ready.
Well, you said there was somedetermination, I'm ready.
Okay, whenever you're ready.
Brad (00:10):
I'm ready.
Benji (00:28):
Let's go Welcome back to part two of my Big Game Podcast
with the one and only MissChanel no 5.
Woohoo.
Miss Chanel No.5 (00:37):
We're here, we're back.
Brad (00:40):
Podcasters, our wine is topped up, Whispering Angel is
at its full and we are ready fora game with Chanel Woo.
Miss Chanel No.5 (00:48):
You ready, girls?
I'm so ready so what is therules?
Brad (00:52):
How do we play?
Miss Chanel No.5 (00:53):
So basically, I have a series of statements.
Oh God, I can feel the dreadsetting in.
Benji (01:02):
It's because, podcasters, I don't think you're aware of
how many devastating thingsChanel has probably seen on a
night out.
And also, we have no idea whatthis game is going to be.
We just said to Chanel bring agame and we will play it.
Miss Chanel No.5 (01:14):
Initially I did bring Monopoly, but I
thought that might get in thebrief.
And then I thought, should wejust play bingo?
Benji (01:22):
Oh my gosh.
No, All right, hit me with it.
Miss Chanel No.5 (01:26):
So what I need you to do is I'm going to read
you a statement.
We'll count down from three andyou need to say who is most
likely to do it either Benji orBrad.
And if you get it right, if youboth say the same person, I
have to take a sip of mywhispering angel, and if you get
it wrong, I'm afraid you haveto drink some of your whispering
(01:47):
angel, I would have boughtshots.
Benji (01:48):
Shots will push me over the edge.
Okay, so what we have to do isanswer the statement.
We both either say benji or weboth say brad.
If we both say the same name,you drink, and if we say
different names, we drink.
That's essentially brad.
Are you ready for this?
We actually have to worktogether I can do that, sisters.
Brad (02:03):
I know sisters are finally doing it for themselves sisters
, sisters.
Benji (02:10):
Now the thing is.
Brad (02:10):
I'll be a bit honest with you, benji.
I feel a little bit drunkalready.
I'm hammered.
Yeah, we've been doing thislovely episode.
Miss Chanel No.5 (02:17):
I'm absolutely trashed, so we really you say
we've been doing this episode.
Brad (02:21):
We started drinking two hours before the episode shush
shush, shush, shush, shush,shush, shush, shush, shush,
shush.
Benji (02:27):
The magic of the podcast.
The magic of the podcast.
Brad (02:30):
But the.
Thing is we need to worktogether so that I don't get any
more drunk than what I alreadyam.
Miss Chanel No.5 (02:34):
Okay, so be, with me on this.
Benji (02:37):
It's taking a new turn to actually.
Miss Chanel No.5 (02:39):
So you're going to get me absolutely
trollied and send me home on thetube.
Benji (02:42):
Or I'll deliberately get it wrong, so he gets absolutely
trollied no because you knowwhat I'm like.
Miss Chanel No.5 (02:46):
You get trollied as well.
Benji (02:47):
This studio is right by my house.
I can crawl home, oh, flushback to Brighton In the gutter,
not the gutter.
I so almost made it to Subway.
That's.
The best bit about that storyis that I almost made it to
Subway.
I cleared left by Broadway totry and get carbs to sober up
and I just didn't quite make it,didn't?
Miss Chanel No.5 (03:04):
make it.
We were talking about adifferent time in Brighton.
No, I was talking about Okay,so on with the podcast.
Benji (03:10):
So the game.
Miss Chanel No.5 (03:11):
Okay, we get the game.
Benji (03:12):
Fantastic Cool.
Miss Chanel No.5 (03:13):
Are you ready for your first statement, Cheers
so out of the pair of.
Benji (03:20):
It's the delicate, soft voice that has me scared.
It's actually so cool, calm andcollected cool cats and kittens
that she fits the fit.
I'm just carry on.
I'm drunk, I'm hammered.
Are you judging me for my?
No, I'm good.
I'm quoting tiger king, whichis probably a loss radio, voice,
radio, voice.
Miss Chanel No.5 (03:37):
I've got a voice for radio and a face for
radio a face for a dark roomCome on.
So, benji and Brad, yes, out ofthe pair of you, which one is
most likely To leave brewers Tograb a Maccies?
And your answers In three, two,one.
Brad (03:56):
Benji Whee.
Well done, benji.
Benji (04:00):
Literally because I do.
That is my tactic.
Miss Chanel No.5 (04:02):
You do, we will be on a night out, I will
vanish.
Benji (04:05):
I will go up to my lovely bouncer friend get my stamp.
Run to mackers get somethingand come back.
Save me up briefly and comeback.
Sorry did you drink.
Miss Chanel No.5 (04:17):
Yeah, I did I just drunk.
Benji (04:18):
Two fingers.
We know how much you love that.
Miss Chanel No.5 (04:21):
Two fingers, two fingers sorry, three or four
for you.
I was going to say a whole fist.
Brad (04:26):
And shout out to the two brewers in Clapham we love to go
there, we love, we live, welove.
Miss Chanel No.5 (04:30):
Next question Our next question Benji and Brad
, who is most likely to cheat atbingo Three, two, one?
Brad (04:38):
Brad Benji.
Oh Shit, shit.
I thought he was going to voteme and me shady.
That's why I went for me.
I was paying you at your game.
I was double bluffing you nobabes.
Benji (04:49):
you know that every time you go to the toilet, I cross
off more songs on your bingoplaylist.
Brad (04:52):
You do.
You just want me to look like afool.
Miss Chanel No.5 (04:54):
And also I draw willies and stuff because
I'm really mature, he's somature and he's so single in the
time that we've been doing, inthe time that I've been doing
bingo, we've gone from dabbersto pens, to pencils, because the
gays cannot be trusted to notdraw penises on everything yeah
and it's when they come out withthe, the red stained hands from
the dabbers, that we go.
Benji (05:15):
We need to stop this fun fact.
When you used to do your bingoat a different bar, I brought a
date which was five years.
Miss Chanel No.5 (05:24):
It'll be five years since I started doing
bingo in clapham on february14th.
Wow, okay, but it wasn't fiveyears ago.
It was like no, it wasn't fiveyears ago.
Benji (05:31):
No but it was when you used to use dabbers and I
brought a date and I got sodrunk.
He was wearing a white shirtand let's just say, when he left
the shirt was no longer white.
I had to draw on all over it.
I remember that, do you?
And the next morning he sent mea picture.
He was like I really hope thesestains come out.
And I was like, oh gosh havingused those pens for years they
don't come out, they don't theyreally don't because those are
(05:52):
not good dabbers.
Miss Chanel No.5 (05:53):
Those are like rough dabbers that like I'm
pretty sure there is like jetfuel in them.
Brad (05:58):
Wow, cheap daggers, cheap entertainment right next we got
a drink.
Cheers, cheers, two fingersBenji.
Benji (06:07):
That was two, oh gosh, two fingers of wine is not fine.
Miss Chanel No.5 (06:10):
You just came back from France.
The whole thing was wine.
Brad (06:14):
Bonjour, benji is le wasted.
Benji (06:17):
Voulez-vous coucher avec moi?
Miss Chanel No.5 (06:20):
Never.
You know, the French love theguillotine.
I think both of you might havejust earned your spot.
Our next question who is mostlikely to forget the name of a
hookup?
Three, two, one.
Brad (06:36):
Benji Facts and facts.
Miss Chanel No.5 (06:38):
Facts and facts, melga, I had to chuck in
some easy ones.
Benji (06:43):
That is embarrassing.
Brad (06:44):
actually, have you ever taken, taken someone home?
Woke up with them the next wokeup.
Benji (06:47):
You're right, darling, don't take that wine away.
Woke up what?
Why did you do that impression?
Brad (06:57):
because I can't get my words out oh, because they're
digging your mouth yeah, haveyou ever taken someone home?
Woke up with them the next dayand not known their name yes,
come on, we've all done thatsome more than others.
Benji (07:09):
Clearly you've done that, I think, once or twice.
Miss Chanel No.5 (07:12):
You've done that, chanel though, to be fair,
benji, if they're calling youdaddy the entire time, I'm not
sure they know your name either.
Benji (07:19):
So, true and I'm fine with it if they can't find me on
social media platforms.
The best, perfect, perfect.
So come on, darling two fingers, that's one off a fist already
Because of the last two fingers,not Sure, sure, yeah, yeah.
Miss Chanel No.5 (07:35):
Right next question Was the Whispering
Angel, a good choice.
Benji (07:38):
Yes, or should we have gone for something a little?
Miss Chanel No.5 (07:40):
bit more subtle Like water.
Benji (07:42):
Yes, we could have done a spritz darling A squash.
Brad (07:46):
Oh, that's true.
Miss Chanel No.5 (07:47):
Who is most likely to masturbate in public?
Three, two, one, brad.
Benji (07:54):
Really, really, in public .
Brad (07:56):
I have done that before.
Benji (07:57):
Go on then.
I love that you guys just outedyourselves as masturbating in
public.
Brad (08:01):
Tell us the story At work Really yes.
Miss Chanel No.5 (08:04):
I mean locked in a cubicle.
It's private, it's contained.
Benji (08:07):
He never said in a cubicle.
Was it in a cubicle?
Miss Chanel No.5 (08:09):
It was in a cubicle, oh.
Benji (08:11):
Goodness.
Miss Chanel No.5 (08:12):
Wow and.
Benji (08:13):
Benji, I used to work at a hotel and I used to go check
the rooms.
Miss Chanel No.5 (08:19):
If you're changing the covers anyway.
Benji (08:20):
Oh no, I didn't do that.
I just went to like just checkon the rooms, Like if I was just
on a shift.
That was really boring.
I had a skeleton key, so theempty rooms I'd just go into.
Miss Chanel No.5 (08:27):
At least it was empty.
Yeah, not going to some roomand sniffing some man's pants,
no.
Benji (08:30):
But working in hotels.
You see the weirdest things.
People would call down forthings like extra pillows and I
actually mean extra pillow, nota hooker.
What it means, oh, I had noidea.
So that's why they sent thatwoman out, literally.
But I've gone to people's roomslike with random things, like
glasses or like a coffee cup orextra biscuits, whatever, and
(08:50):
they answer the door likecompletely naked and they're
clearly not.
They don't know.
I don't think they want, likeme, to join in for it.
They're dying for it, but theyum yeah, they just wanted to
sort of flush themselves butwe've all got to get our kicks
somehow, yeah and sometimes Iwas just like yeah, I get it.
Do you want to have a chat?
I'll have a chat, Come on in.
(09:11):
Sometimes they're women, Nice.
And I was like well.
Zorlan great knockers.
Miss Chanel No.5 (09:16):
Still got it, still got it, still pass, still
got it, sweetheart.
Brad (09:20):
So speaking of kinks, because brad has no money and
benji is about to buy a house,and so he has loads of money.
No, the irony now he doesn'thave it.
Now he has no money.
Benji (09:38):
The irony of that?
No, I think probably me,because you're not really into
the whole twink scene anymore.
You're kind of done with it.
I really feel like I'm donewith it.
I'll be honest, yeah yeah nowI'm 28, I just think twinks,
it's just not not really sureenough for you no, I'm 28 now.
Yeah, I want to date someone,at least like 26.
28 in dog years?
Yeah, two years either side.
(10:00):
I couldn't date anyone over 30.
Miss Chanel No.5 (10:03):
Well, you're settling down.
You're settling down.
You're a homeowner, now Ahomo-owner.
Benji (10:07):
Well, I'm not settling down.
I'll be using that home fororgies.
This has got a bit of a fairroll.
Actually, I'm not going to lieCarry on.
You were the one who asked forthis.
Miss Chanel No.5 (10:16):
Yeah, so my loves.
The next question.
Benji (10:18):
Next question.
Miss Chanel No.5 (10:19):
Which of the pair of you is most likely to
sell feet pics Three, two, oneBrad.
Benji (10:29):
The reason why I know this is that Brad recently said
he had signed up to this websitewhere you'd sell feet pics,
because he was like this is mynew money making scheme and I'll
be honest with you.
Brad (10:37):
My feet have had a lot of attention in the past, including
people that are in.
Benji (10:40):
No, I can't hack this, don't if you're about to tell me
that people love my high arch,which I know is the word that's
about to come out your mouth notjust the high arch.
Brad (10:48):
My toes are really neat.
My feet look like meaty, youknow, know, like good feet.
Benji (10:54):
Meaty feet.
Brad (10:55):
Meaty feet like that's a man's foot, but it's smooth,
it's not hairy, there's nocracked skin.
It's a beautiful foot.
Honestly, I've dated peoplethat are into feet and they go
mad for my feet.
Benji (11:06):
Right, Brad, get your feet out Right now.
Now Podcast I'm filming so youcan get a good little shot of
this.
Miss Chanel No.5 (11:13):
Now look at that.
Oh, the sock's coming off.
Now we need to do it properlySock's off.
Benji (11:16):
Da-da-da, da-da-da-da-da, oh smell.
Brad (11:22):
Look at that lovely, lovely thing.
What?
Miss Chanel No.5 (11:25):
size are they?
Brad (11:26):
Nine, you'd struggle to find heels.
Honestly, they could go mad forthese babies.
Miss Chanel No.5 (11:34):
This is where the cash cow is at.
Wow, I guess I better drink andwe just move on.
How much money have?
Benji (11:36):
you made off those.
Minus at the moment becauseBecause the subscription has
been charging me 30 pounds amonth.
Brad (11:43):
I keep forgetting to do it .
Benji (11:43):
Yes, brad, it's a minus.
It's atrocious with money.
We once sold a podcast mug.
I love telling this story.
I love telling this story.
We once sold a podcast mug andobviously we add on like postage
.
Brad (11:55):
Yeah.
Benji (11:55):
And he spent more on the postage than the entire worth of
money that came in.
So, for example, if the wholething was 15 quid, he spent like
18 pounds on postage.
He lost us money.
It actually probably would havebeen cheaper for him to hop on
a tube and to hand deliver itthan what he did.
I don't want to hear whatyou're going to say.
Miss Chanel No.5 (12:12):
I can see you working out a sentence the
personal service is worth not alot.
Benji (12:18):
No, no, no.
Actually, I can't even talkabout it.
Next question.
Miss Chanel No.5 (12:22):
So next up most likely to give the best lap
dance?
Benji (12:28):
Hang on, I need some time to think about this.
Brad (12:29):
I've got my answer straight away.
Benji (12:31):
Oh, in that case I know I've got my answer.
Miss Chanel No.5 (12:35):
There'll be no conflabbing, no I just, I can
read his brain.
Benji (12:38):
You can read his brain, I can.
You're about to find out.
Miss Chanel No.5 (12:40):
Yeah, I'm ready.
Brad (12:41):
Three two one, brad.
Facts are facts.
I can give a great lap danceWell it helps that you're
against Benji.
Miss Chanel No.5 (12:49):
That is true, benji.
Who that is?
Brad (12:51):
true, who's got two left feet and no hip movements?
Benji (12:53):
Benji, who actually is the trained dancer.
Brad (12:56):
I would like to remind you if you've got natural talent,
you've got natural talent andyou know the lord above did
bless me with natural talent inthat department yeah, I was
going to say corner work is nota lap dance.
Miss Chanel No.5 (13:07):
That's true.
Alright, fine, a triplepirouette is not a lap dance
triple.
Brad (13:11):
Are you joking?
Lucky to get a single out ofthat one.
I am single.
Benji (13:17):
I've seen your hips.
They do lie, shakira would beappalled by your hips.
Brad (13:23):
I taught Shakira how to move her hips.
Miss Chanel No.5 (13:24):
Well, it's lucky that your breasts are
small and humble.
Benji (13:27):
So they don't confuse them with mountains.
Lucky that my breasts are smalland humble, so you don't
confuse them with mountains.
Miss Chanel No.5 (13:34):
I hate gay people because in what other
situation could you say that andpeople would understand?
Benji (13:38):
Doesn't she then sing I'm at your feet.
Brad (13:42):
Not the feet again.
She's obsessed with my feet.
Benji (13:45):
Oh, my gosh Right next question.
Brad (13:56):
Our next question is out of the pair of you, which one is
?
Miss Chanel No.5 (13:58):
most likely to send a naughty text to the
wrong person.
Benji (13:59):
Three, two, one, benji.
I promise you.
I told my brain to answer thatand nothing came out my mouth
you just stood staring at me,you, just you just sat there,
but I was gonna say, benji, I'mnot sure that we can count that,
but I'm gonna give you anexample okay so I once sent a
naughty text, um, and the personwho I sent it to was obviously
(14:20):
not the person who meant toreceive it and it was talking
about in the text.
I was talking about a gapinghole and I sent it to my dad in
his spare time.
Uh, benji gardens a lot I thenwent to edit it, but whilst I
edited it, my dad replied sayingwhat with a laughing emoji, and
I managed to pull it off as anerror and I was like, oh my
(14:42):
goodness, that's the worst typouh auto text because, as you
always joke about, what you autocorrecting my, my, my texting
is atrocious anyway, and quiteoften spelled incorrectly or
just the wrong word.
So he told me he bought it, andwhether he did or not I don't
know.
Wow, I don't think he did.
Miss Chanel No.5 (15:00):
I think your dad knows that you are, you like
gaping holes?
Benji (15:03):
You like gaping holes.
I don't know if my dad wouldunderstand that.
Miss Chanel No.5 (15:07):
I feel like you should give your dad a
little bit more credit, yeah.
Brad (15:14):
He has grown up with you for the past 26 years.
No, no, I don't.
How old is she?
Benji (15:17):
now 45?
Oh come on.
Hi, mum and dad, I'm gay, solet me tell you about gaping
holes.
Miss Chanel No.5 (15:22):
Yeah, but as a parent, you do research.
You do research once your childcomes out as gay.
Not quite Pornhub research, but, like you, learn the mechanics
so that you can.
Benji (15:31):
What was the rest of the message?
Do you know what?
I will go back on my messagesand we'll read it on another
episode I have got the wholechat and I did get away with it.
Really, can you send it to me?
I?
Miss Chanel No.5 (15:38):
want to frame it.
Yeah, I will do.
Speaking of gaping holes, ohgosh, which one of you is the
biggest, dirtiest, filthiest?
Oh my come dump pig.
Oh my, a cum-dump pig Acum-dump pig.
Benji (15:55):
Okay, count us down.
Miss Chanel No.5 (15:57):
Three, two, one Chanel.
She's an African grey namedChanel, chanel, Chanel.
Oh, I didn't sign up for thisbullying, do you?
Brad (16:16):
know what?
You were very in sync there.
You didn't even look at eachother, you just knew.
Benji (16:22):
We just knew.
Miss Chanel No.5 (16:24):
Toilet doors don't lie.
Benji (16:27):
That is very true.
We think it's you, chanel.
Oh Chanel, thank you so muchfor playing that game with us.
Brad (16:31):
That's all right, and thank you so much for coming on
to the podcast.
Miss Chanel No.5 (16:34):
Oh, it's been an absolute joy, honestly.
Benji texted me and said oh,we're going to record today.
I didn't suppose you werearound and I said do you know
what I do feel like doing somecharity work today.
Brad (16:45):
Oh, that's so nice.
Benji (16:46):
The truth of the matter is I put on my Instagram big
podcast day saying I've gotnothing to do.
Shall I come along.
That sounds about right.
Miss Chanel No.5 (16:52):
I'll make tea if you want, do you know what
You're outing me, I know as aproper person.
Benji (16:58):
Chanel, darling, we're actually really happy that
you're finally coming on thepodcast.
We have honestly wanted to haveyou on for a very, very long
time.
Miss Chanel No.5 (17:02):
It's been an absolute joy to sit here and
drink rose with you for the pasttwo hours.
Facts are facts.
Benji (17:12):
No, but definitely Come back at some point.
And if people do Want to comeand see your shows, or you live
or you're screaming Into amicrophone On the different key
To the music that's playing whencan they come find you?
Miss Chanel No.5 (17:22):
Wow, thank you .
First and foremost.
Thank you for being my numberone fan, my biggest supporter.
You can find me At MissChenault N05 Across all
platforms Instagram, facebook,twitter, tiktok.
I am the most beautiful womanin the world.
It's me Chanel number 5.
At MissChanelN05.
You can catch me in Clapham.
You can catch me up and downthe country.
Benji (17:39):
I'm sure I'll see you all somewhere very soon and if
you'd like to book her, she hasgood availability and also if
you'd like to chip in, for likeher singing lessons she has a
Patreon.
Miss Chanel No.5 (17:50):
I don't actually have good availability.
I'm very, very busy.
We're leading up to Christmasand I am the queen of Christmas.
I've got a great Christmasoutfit.
Benji (17:58):
You have already posted about Christmas.
I've already posted aboutChristmas.
Miss Chanel No.5 (18:01):
I know.
Brad (18:02):
I see that you've got no whispering angel left.
Miss Chanel No.5 (18:05):
Unfortunately, the pair of you have driven me
to drink.
I need another bottle.
Benji (18:11):
Can you fit two bottles?
I've heard that about you if hetells me he loves me.
So, chanel, we know that you'rean avid listener of the podcast
.
I love it, yeah.
So are you aware of our segmentcalled queer diary?
(18:32):
I absolutely am, yeah.
So we were wondering if you'dlike to try and answer one of
the queer diary questions oh,I've always wanted to be an
agony aunt.
Miss Chanel No.5 (18:40):
Yes, I know, yes, that makes you like brad.
Benji (18:42):
That's why we put the segment in, because brad would
rather try and sort somebodyelse's life out than his own
it's true, which is on, to behonest with you, projection, it
works.
It works sometimes.
So you've had lots of messagescome in.
Thank you so much putting outon your instagram as well.
But, brad, what is this week'squeer diary?
Brad (19:00):
here we go oh my gosh last week I stayed around my parents
house after a family barbecuecute.
Towards the end of the night Ifound myself having some raunchy
conversations with some newfaces on the orange pages the
hometown hits different.
Uh-huh.
Miss Chanel No.5 (19:18):
It hits different sometimes.
Brad (19:19):
Benji, you're quite a regular on the Orange Pages.
She's got a Platinumsubscription.
Benji (19:26):
Can we carry on reading?
Brad (19:27):
the entry, please.
Anyway.
So I said my goodnights andheaded to the spare bedroom to
enjoy some adult entertainmenton my phone, porn Ooh.
In the process of unzippingmyself for the main event
Unzipping, I butt-dialed theAirplay button on my phone and
selected the living room TV,where most of the people who
(19:51):
hadn't left yet were now sat forthe end of the evening.
No, what was momentarilydisplayed to my extended family
before I realised, can only bedescribed as the aggressive
climax of some rosebud fistingporn oh, not even the, the pizza
delivery boy, the, the nicelittle fixed scenario to get
(20:11):
into it the full climax oh mygod, I can never face them again
.
For the love of god, please keepme anonymous.
Well, thank you.
So much from Joe Brown forwriting Joking, joking, joking.
Miss Chanel No.5 (20:24):
He's one of your sub scribers.
Every week.
Brad (20:30):
Oh my goodness, yeah, so thank you so much for writing in
with that message.
Wow, wow.
I don't even know where tobegin with that.
I would be mortified if I wasat a family home and I was
looking at porn and then itconnected to the family TV.
Benji (20:46):
I mean, like you say, chanel, it wasn't like.
It's not a hard one to shakeoff Like if it was the start of
like a pizza delivery, you could, although if it says like porn
hub at the top, it's very hardto describe, but I mean fisting
rose budding.
If you don't know what that is,maybe it's looking up.
Um, that's a hard one to tryand disguise something else, I
do have a question.
Miss Chanel No.5 (21:07):
Yeah, was it.
Do we think it was just audioor do we think it was audio and
video?
I think it was video you think,that is what I'm getting from
the message that the whole thing.
Brad (21:17):
Can you imagine we're going to be playing Pictionary
right now with the kiddies?
Benji (21:24):
yeah, the thing is my tv back at home.
If you try and like, add airview to it.
Miss Chanel No.5 (21:29):
If the tv is off, it will turn the tv on
which is what I think happensyeah, so I fully believe that
this is a thing, oh so peoplewere talking, people having a
nice time, having a glass ofrose.
Suddenly the tv turns on andit's literally and it's just
yeah, oh, that is hot.
That honestly sounds like it'sa scene out of a sitcom that is
american pie right there, right,yeah, it's very very that I
(21:52):
think hang on rosebud.
Brad (21:55):
Yeah, is that where it pops out?
Miss Chanel No.5 (21:56):
the technical term would be prolapse and it
becomes a rosebud.
Benji (22:00):
Yeah, but I don't know.
Listen, let's, let's, let'sbring it down to the same level
for everyone, right?
I would say the majority ofthis world watches porn.
I would definitely say themajority of this world
masturbates.
So people in that room, unlessthey were obviously younger
which let's just assume theyweren't for a second it seemed
(22:21):
like it was the end of the night.
Miss Chanel No.5 (22:22):
I'm assuming that the kids are gone to bed.
Adults only, yeah.
Benji (22:24):
Adults only.
As much as it is embarrassing,it's a bit of a taboo that it
comes out.
They've all done it.
Brad (22:30):
That's true.
Miss Chanel No.5 (22:30):
Perhaps not the fisting, but who knows, who
knows Grandma.
Brad (22:34):
Betsy is a pro at fisting pro lap.
Benji (22:37):
She puts the pro in pro lap.
You never know, you don't everknow.
So oh, the thing is, there'snothing you can really do to try
and overcome this, other thanjust just own it laugh at it,
laugh at it stride of pride.
Miss Chanel No.5 (22:52):
Yeah, it's funny.
At the end of the day it isfunny.
You've got to laugh at it.
You've these are your family.
You've got to kind of cope withit.
It's just one of those thingsthat you can't really get away
from.
Benji (23:00):
It's like going out for halloween full halloween outfit,
hooking up with someone,staying at their house and going
home the next morning there isno way you can play off what's
happened, because you're?
You're probably half dressed asdracula and it's midday the
next day.
Yeah, everyone knows you didn'tgo home.
Miss Chanel No.5 (23:15):
I mean laugh it off.
We've all done it.
Brad (23:22):
We've all watched porn at some point in our lives.
I'm assuming We've all had awank, so yeah.
Benji (23:27):
And a lot of us have walked in on their parents doing
it.
That's an episode from the time.
I think they're most likelygoing to want to laugh about it.
Miss Chanel No.5 (23:35):
Laugh about it .
Benji (23:35):
Definitely laugh about it and make it normal, or they'll
just be delicate and they'llnever talk about it.
Miss Chanel No.5 (23:38):
They're either going to laugh about it and
make it normal, or they'll justbe delicate and they'll never
talk about it.
We'll move on.
Yeah, I don't think it's worthemancipating yourself for at all
.
Benji (23:42):
It's not going to affect your relationship with them.
I mean, did he say about themknowing if he was gay or not?
No, so listen.
If they already knew you wereout, this is obviously the sort
of porn you're going to watch.
Miss Chanel No.5 (23:55):
I mean, I understand that you know porn,
but I mean, you can always justsay I opened twitter, I'm gay.
On twitter, people share thatkind of stuff I wasn't expecting
it.
It accidentally connected.
Benji (24:07):
I'm so sorry, fine or do this if they bring it up, play
completely dumb and pretend itwas a neighbor oh, that is a
good, because because where Ilive.
We can connect to their speakerand when they're having like
rows they're really loud.
My housemate connects theirspeaker and plays Lily Allen
fuck you.
Brad (24:23):
Oh, that's hilarious.
Pass the blame on somebody else.
Yeah, play.
Benji (24:29):
So you.
Brad (24:31):
Just play dumb what?
Benji (24:32):
That wasn't me.
I've got no clue what you're onabout.
Miss Chanel No.5 (24:34):
What's a rosebud?
What's a fist Boxing, what that?
Benji (24:37):
what's a fist yeah boxing what that could be it who knows
?
Brad (24:43):
who knows, absolutely, absolutely well.
Anyway, thank you so much forwriting in with your queer diary
.
If you've got a queer diarythat you would like featured on
the podcast, all you need to dois slide into the DMs that,
sadly, is all we have time foron this week's episode of my big
gay podcast.
Benji (24:56):
If you don't follow us already, you're absolutely shit.
It's at Big Gay Podcast and youcan head over to our website,
which is wwwmybiggaypodcastcomand sign up to our mailing list.
But, like I said, podcast isthat is all we have time for in
this week's episode of my BigGay Podcast, until next time.
See you next Wednesday.
Brad (25:12):
I love hearing that live.
Do you, chanel?
Would you like to join in forthe final line?
Oh, should we do it?
Should we do it All?
Benji (25:19):
right Ready, but until next time.
Miss Chanel No.5 (25:25):
See you next Wednesday, wednesday Did you
enjoy that I did, I thoroughlyenjoyed that.
Benji (25:31):
Spit on my face and call me a good boy Is a quote from a
movie.
Don't.
Miss Chanel No.5 (25:39):
I'll come you.
Right, brad, are you ready for part two?
So ready?
You said there was somedetermination, I'm ready.
Well, you said there was somedetermination, I'm ready.
Okay, whenever you're ready.
Brad (00:10):
I'm ready.
Benji (00:28):
Let's go Welcome back to part two of my Big Game Podcast
with the one and only MissChanel no 5.
Woohoo.
Miss Chanel No.5 (00:37):
We're here, we're back.
Brad (00:40):
Podcasters, our wine is topped up, Whispering Angel is
at its full and we are ready fora game with Chanel Woo.
Miss Chanel No.5 (00:48):
You ready, girls?
I'm so ready so what is therules?
Brad (00:52):
How do we play?
Miss Chanel No.5 (00:53):
So basically, I have a series of statements.
Oh God, I can feel the dreadsetting in.
Benji (01:02):
It's because, podcasters, I don't think you're aware of
how many devastating thingsChanel has probably seen on a
night out.
And also, we have no idea whatthis game is going to be.
We just said to Chanel bring agame and we will play it.
Miss Chanel No.5 (01:14):
Initially I did bring Monopoly, but I
thought that might get in thebrief.
And then I thought, should wejust play bingo?
Benji (01:22):
Oh my gosh.
No, All right, hit me with it.
Miss Chanel No.5 (01:26):
So what I need you to do is I'm going to read
you a statement.
We'll count down from three andyou need to say who is most
likely to do it either Benji orBrad.
And if you get it right, if youboth say the same person, I
have to take a sip of mywhispering angel, and if you get
it wrong, I'm afraid you haveto drink some of your whispering
(01:47):
angel, I would have boughtshots.
Benji (01:48):
Shots will push me over the edge.
Okay, so what we have to do isanswer the statement.
We both either say benji or weboth say brad.
If we both say the same name,you drink, and if we say
different names, we drink.
That's essentially brad.
Are you ready for this?
We actually have to worktogether I can do that, sisters.
Brad (02:03):
I know sisters are finally doing it for themselves sisters
, sisters.
Benji (02:10):
Now the thing is.
Brad (02:10):
I'll be a bit honest with you, benji.
I feel a little bit drunkalready.
I'm hammered.
Yeah, we've been doing thislovely episode.
Miss Chanel No.5 (02:17):
I'm absolutely trashed, so we really you say
we've been doing this episode.
Brad (02:21):
We started drinking two hours before the episode shush
shush, shush, shush, shush,shush, shush, shush, shush,
shush.
Benji (02:27):
The magic of the podcast.
The magic of the podcast.
Brad (02:30):
But the.
Thing is we need to worktogether so that I don't get any
more drunk than what I alreadyam.
Miss Chanel No.5 (02:34):
Okay, so be, with me on this.
Benji (02:37):
It's taking a new turn to actually.
Miss Chanel No.5 (02:39):
So you're going to get me absolutely
trollied and send me home on thetube.
Benji (02:42):
Or I'll deliberately get it wrong, so he gets absolutely
trollied no because you knowwhat I'm like.
Miss Chanel No.5 (02:46):
You get trollied as well.
Benji (02:47):
This studio is right by my house.
I can crawl home, oh, flushback to Brighton In the gutter,
not the gutter.
I so almost made it to Subway.
That's.
The best bit about that storyis that I almost made it to
Subway.
I cleared left by Broadway totry and get carbs to sober up
and I just didn't quite make it,didn't?
Miss Chanel No.5 (03:04):
make it.
We were talking about adifferent time in Brighton.
No, I was talking about Okay,so on with the podcast.
Benji (03:10):
So the game.
Miss Chanel No.5 (03:11):
Okay, we get the game.
Benji (03:12):
Fantastic Cool.
Miss Chanel No.5 (03:13):
Are you ready for your first statement, Cheers
so out of the pair of.
Benji (03:20):
It's the delicate, soft voice that has me scared.
It's actually so cool, calm andcollected cool cats and kittens
that she fits the fit.
I'm just carry on.
I'm drunk, I'm hammered.
Are you judging me for my?
No, I'm good.
I'm quoting tiger king, whichis probably a loss radio, voice,
radio, voice.
Miss Chanel No.5 (03:37):
I've got a voice for radio and a face for
radio a face for a dark roomCome on.
So, benji and Brad, yes, out ofthe pair of you, which one is
most likely To leave brewers Tograb a Maccies?
And your answers In three, two,one.
Brad (03:56):
Benji Whee.
Well done, benji.
Benji (04:00):
Literally because I do.
That is my tactic.
Miss Chanel No.5 (04:02):
You do, we will be on a night out, I will
vanish.
Benji (04:05):
I will go up to my lovely bouncer friend get my stamp.
Run to mackers get somethingand come back.
Save me up briefly and comeback.
Sorry did you drink.
Miss Chanel No.5 (04:17):
Yeah, I did I just drunk.
Benji (04:18):
Two fingers.
We know how much you love that.
Miss Chanel No.5 (04:21):
Two fingers, two fingers sorry, three or four
for you.
I was going to say a whole fist.
Brad (04:26):
And shout out to the two brewers in Clapham we love to go
there, we love, we live, welove.
Miss Chanel No.5 (04:30):
Next question Our next question Benji and Brad
, who is most likely to cheat atbingo Three, two, one?
Brad (04:38):
Brad Benji.
Oh Shit, shit.
I thought he was going to voteme and me shady.
That's why I went for me.
I was paying you at your game.
I was double bluffing you nobabes.
Benji (04:49):
you know that every time you go to the toilet, I cross
off more songs on your bingoplaylist.
Brad (04:52):
You do.
You just want me to look like afool.
Miss Chanel No.5 (04:54):
And also I draw willies and stuff because
I'm really mature, he's somature and he's so single in the
time that we've been doing, inthe time that I've been doing
bingo, we've gone from dabbersto pens, to pencils, because the
gays cannot be trusted to notdraw penises on everything yeah
and it's when they come out withthe, the red stained hands from
the dabbers, that we go.
Benji (05:15):
We need to stop this fun fact.
When you used to do your bingoat a different bar, I brought a
date which was five years.
Miss Chanel No.5 (05:24):
It'll be five years since I started doing
bingo in clapham on february14th.
Wow, okay, but it wasn't fiveyears ago.
It was like no, it wasn't fiveyears ago.
Benji (05:31):
No but it was when you used to use dabbers and I
brought a date and I got sodrunk.
He was wearing a white shirtand let's just say, when he left
the shirt was no longer white.
I had to draw on all over it.
I remember that, do you?
And the next morning he sent mea picture.
He was like I really hope thesestains come out.
And I was like, oh gosh havingused those pens for years they
don't come out, they don't theyreally don't because those are
(05:52):
not good dabbers.
Miss Chanel No.5 (05:53):
Those are like rough dabbers that like I'm
pretty sure there is like jetfuel in them.
Brad (05:58):
Wow, cheap daggers, cheap entertainment right next we got
a drink.
Cheers, cheers, two fingersBenji.
Benji (06:07):
That was two, oh gosh, two fingers of wine is not fine.
Miss Chanel No.5 (06:10):
You just came back from France.
The whole thing was wine.
Brad (06:14):
Bonjour, benji is le wasted.
Benji (06:17):
Voulez-vous coucher avec moi?
Miss Chanel No.5 (06:20):
Never.
You know, the French love theguillotine.
I think both of you might havejust earned your spot.
Our next question who is mostlikely to forget the name of a
hookup?
Three, two, one.
Brad (06:36):
Benji Facts and facts.
Miss Chanel No.5 (06:38):
Facts and facts, melga, I had to chuck in
some easy ones.
Benji (06:43):
That is embarrassing.
Brad (06:44):
actually, have you ever taken, taken someone home?
Woke up with them the next wokeup.
Benji (06:47):
You're right, darling, don't take that wine away.
Woke up what?
Why did you do that impression?
Brad (06:57):
because I can't get my words out oh, because they're
digging your mouth yeah, haveyou ever taken someone home?
Woke up with them the next dayand not known their name yes,
come on, we've all done thatsome more than others.
Benji (07:09):
Clearly you've done that, I think, once or twice.
Miss Chanel No.5 (07:12):
You've done that, chanel though, to be fair,
benji, if they're calling youdaddy the entire time, I'm not
sure they know your name either.
Benji (07:19):
So, true and I'm fine with it if they can't find me on
social media platforms.
The best, perfect, perfect.
So come on, darling two fingers, that's one off a fist already
Because of the last two fingers,not Sure, sure, yeah, yeah.
Miss Chanel No.5 (07:35):
Right next question Was the Whispering
Angel, a good choice.
Benji (07:38):
Yes, or should we have gone for something a little?
Miss Chanel No.5 (07:40):
bit more subtle Like water.
Benji (07:42):
Yes, we could have done a spritz darling A squash.
Brad (07:46):
Oh, that's true.
Miss Chanel No.5 (07:47):
Who is most likely to masturbate in public?
Three, two, one, brad.
Benji (07:54):
Really, really, in public .
Brad (07:56):
I have done that before.
Benji (07:57):
Go on then.
I love that you guys just outedyourselves as masturbating in
public.
Brad (08:01):
Tell us the story At work Really yes.
Miss Chanel No.5 (08:04):
I mean locked in a cubicle.
It's private, it's contained.
Benji (08:07):
He never said in a cubicle.
Was it in a cubicle?
Miss Chanel No.5 (08:09):
It was in a cubicle, oh.
Benji (08:11):
Goodness.
Miss Chanel No.5 (08:12):
Wow and.
Benji (08:13):
Benji, I used to work at a hotel and I used to go check
the rooms.
Miss Chanel No.5 (08:19):
If you're changing the covers anyway.
Benji (08:20):
Oh no, I didn't do that.
I just went to like just checkon the rooms, Like if I was just
on a shift.
That was really boring.
I had a skeleton key, so theempty rooms I'd just go into.
Miss Chanel No.5 (08:27):
At least it was empty.
Yeah, not going to some roomand sniffing some man's pants,
no.
Benji (08:30):
But working in hotels.
You see the weirdest things.
People would call down forthings like extra pillows and I
actually mean extra pillow, nota hooker.
What it means, oh, I had noidea.
So that's why they sent thatwoman out, literally.
But I've gone to people's roomslike with random things, like
glasses or like a coffee cup orextra biscuits, whatever, and
(08:50):
they answer the door likecompletely naked and they're
clearly not.
They don't know.
I don't think they want, likeme, to join in for it.
They're dying for it, but theyum yeah, they just wanted to
sort of flush themselves butwe've all got to get our kicks
somehow, yeah and sometimes Iwas just like yeah, I get it.
Do you want to have a chat?
I'll have a chat, Come on in.
(09:11):
Sometimes they're women, Nice.
And I was like well.
Zorlan great knockers.
Miss Chanel No.5 (09:16):
Still got it, still got it, still pass, still
got it, sweetheart.
Brad (09:20):
So speaking of kinks, because brad has no money and
benji is about to buy a house,and so he has loads of money.
No, the irony now he doesn'thave it.
Now he has no money.
Benji (09:38):
The irony of that?
No, I think probably me,because you're not really into
the whole twink scene anymore.
You're kind of done with it.
I really feel like I'm donewith it.
I'll be honest, yeah yeah nowI'm 28, I just think twinks,
it's just not not really sureenough for you no, I'm 28 now.
Yeah, I want to date someone,at least like 26.
28 in dog years?
Yeah, two years either side.
(10:00):
I couldn't date anyone over 30.
Miss Chanel No.5 (10:03):
Well, you're settling down.
You're settling down.
You're a homeowner, now Ahomo-owner.
Benji (10:07):
Well, I'm not settling down.
I'll be using that home fororgies.
This has got a bit of a fairroll.
Actually, I'm not going to lieCarry on.
You were the one who asked forthis.
Miss Chanel No.5 (10:16):
Yeah, so my loves.
The next question.
Benji (10:18):
Next question.
Miss Chanel No.5 (10:19):
Which of the pair of you is most likely to
sell feet pics Three, two, oneBrad.
Benji (10:29):
The reason why I know this is that Brad recently said
he had signed up to this websitewhere you'd sell feet pics,
because he was like this is mynew money making scheme and I'll
be honest with you.
Brad (10:37):
My feet have had a lot of attention in the past, including
people that are in.
Benji (10:40):
No, I can't hack this, don't if you're about to tell me
that people love my high arch,which I know is the word that's
about to come out your mouth notjust the high arch.
Brad (10:48):
My toes are really neat.
My feet look like meaty, youknow, know, like good feet.
Benji (10:54):
Meaty feet.
Brad (10:55):
Meaty feet like that's a man's foot, but it's smooth,
it's not hairy, there's nocracked skin.
It's a beautiful foot.
Honestly, I've dated peoplethat are into feet and they go
mad for my feet.
Benji (11:06):
Right, Brad, get your feet out Right now.
Now Podcast I'm filming so youcan get a good little shot of
this.
Miss Chanel No.5 (11:13):
Now look at that.
Oh, the sock's coming off.
Now we need to do it properlySock's off.
Benji (11:16):
Da-da-da, da-da-da-da-da, oh smell.
Brad (11:22):
Look at that lovely, lovely thing.
What?
Miss Chanel No.5 (11:25):
size are they?
Brad (11:26):
Nine, you'd struggle to find heels.
Honestly, they could go mad forthese babies.
Miss Chanel No.5 (11:34):
This is where the cash cow is at.
Wow, I guess I better drink andwe just move on.
How much money have?
Benji (11:36):
you made off those.
Minus at the moment becauseBecause the subscription has
been charging me 30 pounds amonth.
Brad (11:43):
I keep forgetting to do it .
Benji (11:43):
Yes, brad, it's a minus.
It's atrocious with money.
We once sold a podcast mug.
I love telling this story.
I love telling this story.
We once sold a podcast mug andobviously we add on like postage
.
Brad (11:55):
Yeah.
Benji (11:55):
And he spent more on the postage than the entire worth of
money that came in.
So, for example, if the wholething was 15 quid, he spent like
18 pounds on postage.
He lost us money.
It actually probably would havebeen cheaper for him to hop on
a tube and to hand deliver itthan what he did.
I don't want to hear whatyou're going to say.
Miss Chanel No.5 (12:12):
I can see you working out a sentence the
personal service is worth not alot.
Benji (12:18):
No, no, no.
Actually, I can't even talkabout it.
Next question.
Miss Chanel No.5 (12:22):
So next up most likely to give the best lap
dance?
Benji (12:28):
Hang on, I need some time to think about this.
Brad (12:29):
I've got my answer straight away.
Benji (12:31):
Oh, in that case I know I've got my answer.
Miss Chanel No.5 (12:35):
There'll be no conflabbing, no I just, I can
read his brain.
Benji (12:38):
You can read his brain, I can.
You're about to find out.
Miss Chanel No.5 (12:40):
Yeah, I'm ready.
Brad (12:41):
Three two one, brad.
Facts are facts.
I can give a great lap danceWell it helps that you're
against Benji.
Miss Chanel No.5 (12:49):
That is true, benji.
Who that is?
Brad (12:51):
true, who's got two left feet and no hip movements?
Benji (12:53):
Benji, who actually is the trained dancer.
Brad (12:56):
I would like to remind you if you've got natural talent,
you've got natural talent andyou know the lord above did
bless me with natural talent inthat department yeah, I was
going to say corner work is nota lap dance.
Miss Chanel No.5 (13:07):
That's true.
Alright, fine, a triplepirouette is not a lap dance
triple.
Brad (13:11):
Are you joking?
Lucky to get a single out ofthat one.
I am single.
Benji (13:17):
I've seen your hips.
They do lie, shakira would beappalled by your hips.
Brad (13:23):
I taught Shakira how to move her hips.
Miss Chanel No.5 (13:24):
Well, it's lucky that your breasts are
small and humble.
Benji (13:27):
So they don't confuse them with mountains.
Lucky that my breasts are smalland humble, so you don't
confuse them with mountains.
Miss Chanel No.5 (13:34):
I hate gay people because in what other
situation could you say that andpeople would understand?
Benji (13:38):
Doesn't she then sing I'm at your feet.
Brad (13:42):
Not the feet again.
She's obsessed with my feet.
Benji (13:45):
Oh, my gosh Right next question.
Brad (13:56):
Our next question is out of the pair of you, which one is
?
Miss Chanel No.5 (13:58):
most likely to send a naughty text to the
wrong person.
Benji (13:59):
Three, two, one, benji.
I promise you.
I told my brain to answer thatand nothing came out my mouth
you just stood staring at me,you, just you just sat there,
but I was gonna say, benji, I'mnot sure that we can count that,
but I'm gonna give you anexample okay so I once sent a
naughty text, um, and the personwho I sent it to was obviously
(14:20):
not the person who meant toreceive it and it was talking
about in the text.
I was talking about a gapinghole and I sent it to my dad in
his spare time.
Uh, benji gardens a lot I thenwent to edit it, but whilst I
edited it, my dad replied sayingwhat with a laughing emoji, and
I managed to pull it off as anerror and I was like, oh my
(14:42):
goodness, that's the worst typouh auto text because, as you
always joke about, what you autocorrecting my, my, my texting
is atrocious anyway, and quiteoften spelled incorrectly or
just the wrong word.
So he told me he bought it, andwhether he did or not I don't
know.
Wow, I don't think he did.
Miss Chanel No.5 (15:00):
I think your dad knows that you are, you like
gaping holes?
Benji (15:03):
You like gaping holes.
I don't know if my dad wouldunderstand that.
Miss Chanel No.5 (15:07):
I feel like you should give your dad a
little bit more credit, yeah.
Brad (15:14):
He has grown up with you for the past 26 years.
No, no, I don't.
How old is she?
Benji (15:17):
now 45?
Oh come on.
Hi, mum and dad, I'm gay, solet me tell you about gaping
holes.
Miss Chanel No.5 (15:22):
Yeah, but as a parent, you do research.
You do research once your childcomes out as gay.
Not quite Pornhub research, but, like you, learn the mechanics
so that you can.
Benji (15:31):
What was the rest of the message?
Do you know what?
I will go back on my messagesand we'll read it on another
episode I have got the wholechat and I did get away with it.
Really, can you send it to me?
I?
Miss Chanel No.5 (15:38):
want to frame it.
Yeah, I will do.
Speaking of gaping holes, ohgosh, which one of you is the
biggest, dirtiest, filthiest?
Oh my come dump pig.
Oh my, a cum-dump pig Acum-dump pig.
Benji (15:55):
Okay, count us down.
Miss Chanel No.5 (15:57):
Three, two, one Chanel.
She's an African grey namedChanel, chanel, Chanel.
Oh, I didn't sign up for thisbullying, do you?
Brad (16:16):
know what?
You were very in sync there.
You didn't even look at eachother, you just knew.
Benji (16:22):
We just knew.
Miss Chanel No.5 (16:24):
Toilet doors don't lie.
Benji (16:27):
That is very true.
We think it's you, chanel.
Oh Chanel, thank you so muchfor playing that game with us.
Brad (16:31):
That's all right, and thank you so much for coming on
to the podcast.
Miss Chanel No.5 (16:34):
Oh, it's been an absolute joy, honestly.
Benji texted me and said oh,we're going to record today.
I didn't suppose you werearound and I said do you know
what I do feel like doing somecharity work today.
Brad (16:45):
Oh, that's so nice.
Benji (16:46):
The truth of the matter is I put on my Instagram big
podcast day saying I've gotnothing to do.
Shall I come along.
That sounds about right.
Miss Chanel No.5 (16:52):
I'll make tea if you want, do you know what
You're outing me, I know as aproper person.
Benji (16:58):
Chanel, darling, we're actually really happy that
you're finally coming on thepodcast.
We have honestly wanted to haveyou on for a very, very long
time.
Miss Chanel No.5 (17:02):
It's been an absolute joy to sit here and
drink rose with you for the pasttwo hours.
Facts are facts.
Benji (17:12):
No, but definitely Come back at some point.
And if people do Want to comeand see your shows, or you live
or you're screaming Into amicrophone On the different key
To the music that's playing whencan they come find you?
Miss Chanel No.5 (17:22):
Wow, thank you .
First and foremost.
Thank you for being my numberone fan, my biggest supporter.
You can find me At MissChenault N05 Across all
platforms Instagram, facebook,twitter, tiktok.
I am the most beautiful womanin the world.
It's me Chanel number 5.
At MissChanelN05.
You can catch me in Clapham.
You can catch me up and downthe country.
Benji (17:39):
I'm sure I'll see you all somewhere very soon and if
you'd like to book her, she hasgood availability and also if
you'd like to chip in, for likeher singing lessons she has a
Patreon.
Miss Chanel No.5 (17:50):
I don't actually have good availability.
I'm very, very busy.
We're leading up to Christmasand I am the queen of Christmas.
I've got a great Christmasoutfit.
Benji (17:58):
You have already posted about Christmas.
I've already posted aboutChristmas.
Miss Chanel No.5 (18:01):
I know.
Brad (18:02):
I see that you've got no whispering angel left.
Miss Chanel No.5 (18:05):
Unfortunately, the pair of you have driven me
to drink.
I need another bottle.
Benji (18:11):
Can you fit two bottles?
I've heard that about you if hetells me he loves me.
So, chanel, we know that you'rean avid listener of the podcast
.
I love it, yeah.
So are you aware of our segmentcalled queer diary?
(18:32):
I absolutely am, yeah.
So we were wondering if you'dlike to try and answer one of
the queer diary questions oh,I've always wanted to be an
agony aunt.
Miss Chanel No.5 (18:40):
Yes, I know, yes, that makes you like brad.
Benji (18:42):
That's why we put the segment in, because brad would
rather try and sort somebodyelse's life out than his own
it's true, which is on, to behonest with you, projection, it
works.
It works sometimes.
So you've had lots of messagescome in.
Thank you so much putting outon your instagram as well.
But, brad, what is this week'squeer diary?
Brad (19:00):
here we go oh my gosh last week I stayed around my parents
house after a family barbecuecute.
Towards the end of the night Ifound myself having some raunchy
conversations with some newfaces on the orange pages the
hometown hits different.
Uh-huh.
Miss Chanel No.5 (19:18):
It hits different sometimes.
Brad (19:19):
Benji, you're quite a regular on the Orange Pages.
She's got a Platinumsubscription.
Benji (19:26):
Can we carry on reading?
Brad (19:27):
the entry, please.
Anyway.
So I said my goodnights andheaded to the spare bedroom to
enjoy some adult entertainmenton my phone, porn Ooh.
In the process of unzippingmyself for the main event
Unzipping, I butt-dialed theAirplay button on my phone and
selected the living room TV,where most of the people who
(19:51):
hadn't left yet were now sat forthe end of the evening.
No, what was momentarilydisplayed to my extended family
before I realised, can only bedescribed as the aggressive
climax of some rosebud fistingporn oh, not even the, the pizza
delivery boy, the, the nicelittle fixed scenario to get
(20:11):
into it the full climax oh mygod, I can never face them again
.
For the love of god, please keepme anonymous.
Well, thank you.
So much from Joe Brown forwriting Joking, joking, joking.
Miss Chanel No.5 (20:24):
He's one of your sub scribers.
Every week.
Brad (20:30):
Oh my goodness, yeah, so thank you so much for writing in
with that message.
Wow, wow.
I don't even know where tobegin with that.
I would be mortified if I wasat a family home and I was
looking at porn and then itconnected to the family TV.
Benji (20:46):
I mean, like you say, chanel, it wasn't like.
It's not a hard one to shakeoff Like if it was the start of
like a pizza delivery, you could, although if it says like porn
hub at the top, it's very hardto describe, but I mean fisting
rose budding.
If you don't know what that is,maybe it's looking up.
Um, that's a hard one to tryand disguise something else, I
do have a question.
Miss Chanel No.5 (21:07):
Yeah, was it.
Do we think it was just audioor do we think it was audio and
video?
I think it was video you think,that is what I'm getting from
the message that the whole thing.
Brad (21:17):
Can you imagine we're going to be playing Pictionary
right now with the kiddies?
Benji (21:24):
yeah, the thing is my tv back at home.
If you try and like, add airview to it.
Miss Chanel No.5 (21:29):
If the tv is off, it will turn the tv on
which is what I think happensyeah, so I fully believe that
this is a thing, oh so peoplewere talking, people having a
nice time, having a glass ofrose.
Suddenly the tv turns on andit's literally and it's just
yeah, oh, that is hot.
That honestly sounds like it'sa scene out of a sitcom that is
american pie right there, right,yeah, it's very very that I
(21:52):
think hang on rosebud.
Brad (21:55):
Yeah, is that where it pops out?
Miss Chanel No.5 (21:56):
the technical term would be prolapse and it
becomes a rosebud.
Benji (22:00):
Yeah, but I don't know.
Listen, let's, let's, let'sbring it down to the same level
for everyone, right?
I would say the majority ofthis world watches porn.
I would definitely say themajority of this world
masturbates.
So people in that room, unlessthey were obviously younger
which let's just assume theyweren't for a second it seemed
(22:21):
like it was the end of the night.
Miss Chanel No.5 (22:22):
I'm assuming that the kids are gone to bed.
Adults only, yeah.
Benji (22:24):
Adults only.
As much as it is embarrassing,it's a bit of a taboo that it
comes out.
They've all done it.
Brad (22:30):
That's true.
Miss Chanel No.5 (22:30):
Perhaps not the fisting, but who knows, who
knows Grandma.
Brad (22:34):
Betsy is a pro at fisting pro lap.
Benji (22:37):
She puts the pro in pro lap.
You never know, you don't everknow.
So oh, the thing is, there'snothing you can really do to try
and overcome this, other thanjust just own it laugh at it,
laugh at it stride of pride.
Miss Chanel No.5 (22:52):
Yeah, it's funny.
At the end of the day it isfunny.
You've got to laugh at it.
You've these are your family.
You've got to kind of cope withit.
It's just one of those thingsthat you can't really get away
from.
Benji (23:00):
It's like going out for halloween full halloween outfit,
hooking up with someone,staying at their house and going
home the next morning there isno way you can play off what's
happened, because you're?
You're probably half dressed asdracula and it's midday the
next day.
Yeah, everyone knows you didn'tgo home.
Miss Chanel No.5 (23:15):
I mean laugh it off.
We've all done it.
Brad (23:22):
We've all watched porn at some point in our lives.
I'm assuming We've all had awank, so yeah.
Benji (23:27):
And a lot of us have walked in on their parents doing
it.
That's an episode from the time.
I think they're most likelygoing to want to laugh about it.
Miss Chanel No.5 (23:35):
Laugh about it .
Benji (23:35):
Definitely laugh about it and make it normal, or they'll
just be delicate and they'llnever talk about it.
Miss Chanel No.5 (23:38):
They're either going to laugh about it and
make it normal, or they'll justbe delicate and they'll never
talk about it.
We'll move on.
Yeah, I don't think it's worthemancipating yourself for at all
.
Benji (23:42):
It's not going to affect your relationship with them.
I mean, did he say about themknowing if he was gay or not?
No, so listen.
If they already knew you wereout, this is obviously the sort
of porn you're going to watch.
Miss Chanel No.5 (23:55):
I mean, I understand that you know porn,
but I mean, you can always justsay I opened twitter, I'm gay.
On twitter, people share thatkind of stuff I wasn't expecting
it.
It accidentally connected.
Benji (24:07):
I'm so sorry, fine or do this if they bring it up, play
completely dumb and pretend itwas a neighbor oh, that is a
good, because because where Ilive.
We can connect to their speakerand when they're having like
rows they're really loud.
My housemate connects theirspeaker and plays Lily Allen
fuck you.
Brad (24:23):
Oh, that's hilarious.
Pass the blame on somebody else.
Yeah, play.
Benji (24:29):
So you.
Brad (24:31):
Just play dumb what?
Benji (24:32):
That wasn't me.
I've got no clue what you're onabout.
Miss Chanel No.5 (24:34):
What's a rosebud?
What's a fist Boxing, what that?
Benji (24:37):
what's a fist yeah boxing what that could be it who knows
?
Brad (24:43):
who knows, absolutely, absolutely well.
Anyway, thank you so much forwriting in with your queer diary
.
If you've got a queer diarythat you would like featured on
the podcast, all you need to dois slide into the DMs that,
sadly, is all we have time foron this week's episode of my big
gay podcast.
Benji (24:56):
If you don't follow us already, you're absolutely shit.
It's at Big Gay Podcast and youcan head over to our website,
which is wwwmybiggaypodcastcomand sign up to our mailing list.
But, like I said, podcast isthat is all we have time for in
this week's episode of my BigGay Podcast, until next time.
See you next Wednesday.
Brad (25:12):
I love hearing that live.
Do you, chanel?
Would you like to join in forthe final line?
Oh, should we do it?
Should we do it All?
Benji (25:19):
right Ready, but until next time.
Miss Chanel No.5 (25:25):
See you next Wednesday, wednesday Did you
enjoy that I did, I thoroughlyenjoyed that.
Benji (25:31):
Spit on my face and call me a good boy Is a quote from a
movie.
Don't.
Miss Chanel No.5 (25:39):
I'll come you.
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