October 2, 2024 • 30 mins
Get in touch! Drop Benji and Brad a text message by clicking on this link.
Ever received a mysterious text that led to an unforgettable adventure? Benji did, and it started with "Golf Course." This week, we recount the hilarity and romance that unfolded from this cryptic message, revealing unexpected connections and a charmingly awkward encounter. As Benji transitions from anonymous dating to seeking friends with benefits, you’ll be in stitches with the side-splitting details of an impromptu golf course escapade. The laughs keep coming as we dive into Benji’s evolving love life and the unpredictable twists that come with it.
But that's not all! Brace yourself for tales that are both outrageous and cringe-worthy as we share stories of everyday items being used in unconventional ways. From vegetables in intimate settings to a friend's unfortunate trip to A&E, we promise you won't believe some of these wild anecdotes. Finally, we delve into the emotional labyrinth of transitioning a friendship to friends with benefits, featuring a listener's heartfelt story and our candid advice. With humor, personal anecdotes, and plenty of surprises, this episode is a rollercoaster you won't want to miss!
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 2 (00:19):
Hello and welcome to this week's episode of my Big
Gay Podcast With me, benji, I'veput my name in and me, brad,
giving you the life, the lovesand lols of living in London.
Speaker 1 (00:31):
How many have you had Two gays?
Speaker 2 (00:33):
One city, six bottles of wine what?
Speaker 1 (00:36):
could possibly go wrong, goodness me.
Speaker 2 (00:40):
We need to stop drinking before we start doing
the episodes.
Speaker 1 (00:43):
Oh, I know, but I do like the rosé wine.
I'm going through a bit of arosé phase at the moment.
Love rosé, yes, way rosé.
Speaker 2 (00:50):
Please never say that again.
That's the most icky thing Ithink you've ever done in my
life.
I think there's been more ickythings I've done in the past.
That is true, and some of yeah,I'm really, really great.
Speaker 1 (01:04):
I've had an amazing week.
The bizarre thing is that weknow we've got our group chat
about the podcast.
Yeah, you just the other dayjust texted Golf Course, so are
you okay?
Speaker 2 (01:15):
Yes, I'm fine, thank you very much.
So this WhatsApp group I saidit's a WhatsApp group, there's
only the two of us in it and oneof our producers, and every now
and then, when we come up withgood topics that we want to talk
about, we just pop in littlereminder words.
And yeah, mine this week wasgolf course, because I'll tell
you what I had a wild time didyou.
Speaker 1 (01:32):
I did because it was.
I was on the tube.
I came out the tube.
It was like ping ping golfcourse from benji.
I'm like what is he bloody onabout?
So I'm ready for this story.
Speaker 2 (01:40):
We're gonna go straight in because, legit
podcasters, we don't talk aboutsome of these stories before we
go air, before we go live,because we want to give you the
um honest reaction.
So are you ready for my golfstore, golf course story yes,
because you don't play golf.
So I have no idea where this isgoing I actually used to have
golf lessons when I was youngerthat sounds like a very jersey
boy thing to do yeah, it was soboring, so sorry yeah, sorry to
(02:02):
golfers out I never really gotpast the teeing off sitch.
Could you swing the bat?
Oh, I'm great at swinging andI'm great at getting things in
holes, Especially in one, butyeah, golf just wasn't for me.
I'm not going to lie, However.
So I was back at home for a fewdays and I was on the good old
yellow Facebook and this guycame up, really attractive guy
(02:26):
and had really good vibes.
Now I'm going through aslightly different phase using
that app and I'm looking formore I want to say friends with
benefits right, okay.
You know I used to do like theF&G.
I told you about that.
Speaker 1 (02:37):
You did the.
Speaker 2 (02:38):
Anon, f&g and like the wham bam, thank you, ma'am,
and just get out.
Yeah, thank you, man, not ma'am.
Yeah, um, but now I'm likeactually having a little chat
with someone, getting to knowthem, getting kind of like mates
, then getting down to it andthen chatting and leaving.
It's actually so much morefulfilling this is growth for
you I think so.
I still don't necessarily wantlike a relationship from it, but
(02:59):
I'm enjoying getting to knowthem more before like, yeah, I
at least getting their name.
That's a first for you.
It certainly is.
My little black book of likepeople that I've slept with is
just sort of like guy numberfive.
Speaker 1 (03:15):
Man in socks Twink with an owl tattoo.
They're all called that.
Well, they are when I'm donewith them anyway.
No.
Speaker 2 (03:25):
So I was chatting to this guy and I was like, listen,
go for a drive, I'll pick youup from your hotel because he
was visiting and I'll just wecan go for a walk.
Anyway, picked him up, he wasanother top right, so I was very
low expectations of what wasactually going to happen.
Speaker 1 (03:37):
I was going to say like two tops, do not make a
bottom.
Speaker 2 (03:40):
But quite often people say that they're tops
when they are not.
Speaker 1 (03:45):
Why are you looking at me with those dagger eyes of
yours when you say that?
Speaker 2 (03:50):
Because anyway.
So I went to go pick him upfrom his hotel, saw him I was
like, oh, actually it's reallycute.
Like his pictures were alreadylike quite cute and really good
balance, which is actually why Imet him.
Anyway, got in the car, wentfor a drive.
Within like minutes we werelaughing Very funny.
(04:11):
He was a very like bear bearwith me with this one.
He's a very awkward person, butnot in like a weird way.
He just did things like he madelike weird, like noises in an
awkward way or like just laughedwhen there was a silence and it
was.
It was actually really likeadorable.
Anyway, chat, chat, chat, chat.
He had a boyfriend.
So I was like okay, openrelationship, that was
absolutely fine.
I said to him like does yourboyfriend know that you meet
other people?
He said yes, we're all good.
Got to the golf course and heturned to me and was like I'm
(04:33):
actually in a bombing mood and Iwas like what do you mean by
this?
He was like I don't know, let'sjust go with it.
So I didn't know if he meantlike he literally wanted to get
straight to it or if if plantingthe seed yeah, well, I did
plant that seed if he waswanting me to be more dominant.
I didn't really know.
Anyway, hang just go back a sec.
Speaker 1 (04:51):
I don't know how we get from chatting someone on
grinder going really well,really lovely.
Suddenly we're at a golf course.
Where did the golf course comeinto the mix?
Speaker 2 (04:58):
well, I said should we go for a drive?
Because obviously when I'm backon the island I can't host,
right.
So it's either like an outdoorsituation or his hotel room,
which was an option.
But he wanted to, like, lookaround the island.
Okay, and it's a reallybeautiful golf course.
Speaker 1 (05:12):
It's public land tour guide benji, here we come,
literally.
Speaker 2 (05:16):
I was like I can show you um a whole new hole in one
as well um.
So we got to the golf course, hewas like, yeah, let's go for a
walk.
Feeling very submissive, I waslike, okay, cool, went for a
little walk.
And he said again, like I justdon't know why I'm away from my
boyfriend.
And he was like normally I'mthe top and he's the bottom in
the relationship.
But I'm just feeling quitesubmissive and I was like really
(05:41):
he was like, yeah, try me.
So I said to him all right,take off all your clothes, leave
them in the car and I'll walkyou around the golf course with
nothing on.
And he was like all right.
So he literally stripped whatTurns out he was in a jockstrap.
So I was like you can keep thaton.
I'd like to keep it on please.
And I just literally walked himaround this golf course in just
(06:01):
a jockstrap, and his trainers.
Speaker 1 (06:04):
Now this is open to the public, right, correct, so
anyone could walk by at any time.
Speaker 2 (06:08):
So it was nighttime and this particular golf course
runs along the beach Right.
So I had said to him I was likeif we actually bump into anyone
which is very unlikely we couldjust say we were going for a
swim.
Speaker 1 (06:19):
Right.
Speaker 2 (06:20):
So yeah, and then I had a jacket on as well, so it's
like really worst case scenario.
I was giving my jacket andyou'll look like you're in
swimming trunks from the front.
Speaker 1 (06:29):
Not so much from the behind.
Wow, okay, so you're walkingalong the golf course.
Yeah, you went to the beach,you kissed on the beach and Dot
dot dot.
Speaker 2 (06:39):
We never actually got to the beach.
We were then making jokes about, honestly, the bounce was
really good.
I really actually enjoyed thechat with him, but we were
making jokes about the holes.
Oh, there's another hole.
Oh, there's another hole,because it's a gut, of course.
Well, we got to the next holeand he went and got on all fours
over the hole.
Speaker 1 (06:57):
Oh, and said, and I quote here's your next hole.
Yeah, podcasters, I'm not evenjoking.
My mouth is to the floor rightnow and that's not the mdma,
that is yeah.
Speaker 2 (07:14):
So I was like, oh, and he was like, well, come on
then.
So yeah, we just got to it.
Speaker 1 (07:18):
On the and how far did the golf chat go, were you
like?
Speaker 2 (07:21):
well, luckily, I brought my club wink wink okay,
gross, we're not icky like youhe'd already laid up the joke
and I I just took it well hetook it yeah, yeah.
So we ended up having like sexon the golf course, um, and then
didn't actually finish, carriedon walking, just got at it,
went at it again all around thegolf course.
(07:42):
It was wild, wow, yeah.
And then, after we'd likefinished and got to the car, etc
.
We carried on chatting, whichagain was really lovely, and he
was like, oh, I'm actually inclapham quite often.
I was like, oh, okay, that'sinteresting.
And he was like, yeah, so is myboyfriend, do you want to come
meet him sometime?
And I was like, yes, yes, I do.
So I'm hoping at some point wewill meet up again, maybe the
(08:04):
three of us, who knows, whoknows?
But it was super fun and youknow me, I liked you very
sexually explorative uh-huh andthis was yeah, it was good fun
that is a story and a half.
Speaker 1 (08:16):
Yeah, because I actually just got up the group
chat now did you get it up?
Speaker 2 (08:19):
that's very quick for you to get it up.
It's always up.
I wouldn't say that ready to go.
Speaker 1 (08:24):
Um.
So you said, golf course, and Isaid can't wait for this story.
And then you replied with I diddamage myself, though now out
of action for a bit, haha, okayI'd forgotten.
I'd said that thank you so muchfor showing up the podcast oh
gosh.
Speaker 2 (08:41):
So because he was a top, I didn't bring all the
things I would normally bring asin lube, exactly.
So I had condom, I had a condomin my pocket, but I didn't have
any lube.
And what did you use?
Well, yeah, but clearly not notenough, and we were playing
around and I hadn't.
Actually, I'm very safe withthese sorts of things, right,
it's why I've still never hadlike an sti or an std.
(09:02):
I'm very safe with these things, but I was playing around.
It's why I've still never hadlike an STI or an STD.
I'm very safe with these things, but I was playing around
without the condom on andobviously no lube, and there was
a certain accident thathappened and he did really like
wrench me quite hard and afterthat I put the condom on and it
was fine, but then you know likeI think maybe it was the
adrenaline as the evening got on, I got home into bed.
(09:26):
I was like I'm actually kind ofsore and yeah, there was some um
painful things that hadhappened.
Let's just put it that way.
Were you red raw?
It wasn't just red raw.
Certain things had had had hadripped.
Oh, your banjo?
No, it wasn't my banjo, I don't, there's no need to go into it,
but let's just say it was justa little bit sore.
So, yeah, I was out for a fewdays.
Speaker 1 (09:45):
Are you fully recovered?
Oh, fully recovered.
Speaker 2 (09:48):
Tried and tested more and more.
I'm fine, back at the golfcourse.
Well, no, not back to the golfcourse.
I don't like to revisit thesethings.
But, yeah, I'm fine now.
But it was a painful situation.
Always use l.
So do you now need to carrythose um lube packets with you
(10:09):
as well as condom?
Well, I normally do carry lubeor at least oil with me.
Oil, yes, oil.
Why do people?
It's just like the bottoms Italked on grinder.
They're like oil.
Yes, it's so much better, notsome oil.
Some oils will actuallydeteriorate the condom right
some oils.
Speaker 1 (10:19):
Good to know what I always is good to use in that
situation people think, use babyoil.
Speaker 2 (10:24):
Do not use baby oil.
And did you know baby oil isactually really bad for your
face?
Fun fact you know, I'm inskincare.
Baby oil is a mineral oil,which is a man-made oil.
It's not a plant-based oil.
So actually it's really bad foryou, right?
So it will break down lots ofthings, including the natural
oils on your skin, but alsothings like condoms certain
brands, brands of condoms anywayBaby oil will actually.
(10:46):
They'll break.
Speaker 1 (10:47):
So I'm actually genuinely intrigued by this.
What oil would you use?
Speaker 2 (10:51):
Well, look, I'm not going to say what oil.
I'm going to say go andresearch it yourself, because I
don't want to say, use an oiland then you have an issue with
it.
But plant-based oils are lesslikely to break down the
compounds that make condoms,particularly if they're condoms
that come with like a lube on.
You know, sometimes they do oh,yeah, yeah, yeah they can react
with oils and they can yeah,you can break the condom so be
(11:12):
safe.
Speaker 1 (11:13):
Wow, I have learned so much already in the first 10
minutes of this episode.
You are welcome.
Thank you for sharing yourknowledge and your experience
and your wisdom.
Speaker 2 (11:20):
Just you enjoy your bottoming stages.
Got the oil because you've beenplaying being a top for way too
long.
Speaker 1 (11:31):
Well, thank you so much for that lovely story.
I also have a story for you aswell.
What's the story about.
Amore, well, a friend of mine.
Speaker 2 (11:39):
Wait, wait, wait, you have other friends.
Speaker 1 (11:41):
I do Sorry about that .
I hate them already.
But a friend of mine did giveme a call and was like brad,
I've got a story to share withyou that I think you would love,
and you're welcome, to use onthe podcast.
I was like, oh my goodness,give me the goss, oh, lord.
So he had a grinder hook up.
Speaker 2 (11:58):
Come around, I know you like those I mean I'd also
love a husband at some point,but yeah, at the moment, grinder
is all I have.
Speaker 1 (12:03):
Yeah and uh.
So this hookup went to hishouse.
They were getting on getting abit kinky and then this hookup
said oh, do you have any toys?
Speaker 2 (12:13):
so let's do play with toys, great fine buzz light
year yeah, whatever's goingwoody barbie yeah, any of that
and, uh, my friend actuallydidn't.
Speaker 1 (12:23):
So theup said what about anything from your fridge
that we could use?
Speaker 2 (12:27):
No, I've been here.
Speaker 1 (12:29):
Have you?
I've been here.
What did you use on the fridgeCarrot?
You used a carrot on someone.
Yeah, how did that go they?
Loved it Wow.
Speaker 2 (12:38):
Quite a big carrot.
There was a cucumber.
I did have a cucumber, but Iwanted it for my lunch for the
next day.
I did have a cucumber, but Iwanted it for my lunch for the
next day.
Speaker 1 (12:45):
That was honestly a true story wow, sorry you can't
have this.
Speaker 2 (12:47):
It's for my lunch.
Yeah, sorry, I'm skinny thesedays.
Speaker 1 (12:50):
Come on zen pic.
It was way before I zen bityeah, I didn't want to give up
my cucumber oh my goodness yeah,so here's a carrot well, anyway
, my friend only had a courgettein the fridge, so the guy was
like, cool, let's use thecourgette anyway they were
playing with the condom right onthe courgette, because
courgettes, I don't know if yourealize, are actually quite
prickly I did ask did you put acondom on?
(13:11):
He said no, I know.
Yes, I pulled that same face aswell when he told me the story.
Speaker 2 (13:16):
Okay, well, okay, carry on.
So he was getting zucchini yeah, it was all happening actually
for american listeners, acourgette is a zucchini.
Yeah, yeah um.
Speaker 1 (13:28):
So basically, he had a courgette up his ass and it.
Speaker 2 (13:32):
Oh, just when you say things, it really hits me hard
in a good way no, not at all,something I need to talk to my
therapist.
Something triggers inside mewhen you say things like this.
It makes me look sick.
Speaker 1 (13:44):
Well, I'm sorry to say, the courgette went up his
arse.
Speaker 2 (13:47):
Did it come back out?
Speaker 1 (13:47):
No, it was gone Stuck .
They were trying to pull it outand they could not get this
bloody courgette out.
So my friend had to go to A&Eand they had to get a doctor
come and tweezer it out with.
What's it called?
What are those out with?
Um?
What's it called what?
(14:08):
Those like forceps?
Is that what they're called?
Yeah, what do you call whenyou're on a barbecue?
And you've got like the thetongs tongs yeah, yeah, yeah.
Speaker 2 (14:11):
What do you call those tongs?
Speaker 1 (14:12):
they're tongs, oh yeah so, yeah, my friend had to
go to a and e get all properlysurgically removed a courgette
up his ass.
Wow, wow, I, I think I'd findthat quite humiliating.
Speaker 2 (14:21):
yeah, yeah, did he get the courgette back, washed
it off, use it for his dinnerthe next day and Wow, wow.
I think I'd find that quitehumiliating.
Speaker 1 (14:25):
Yeah, yeah.
Speaker 2 (14:26):
Did he get the courgette back?
Speaker 1 (14:28):
Washed it off, used it for his dinner the next day,
and then I used it for sick.
I don't care, I don't care.
Yeah, so he went to A&E.
Now I also have another friendof mine, because you have a lot
of friends.
Speaker 2 (14:38):
I do, I do Is this like one of those?
Things where actually the wasyou no, like my friend one time
sat on a bottle and should thatfriend wink wink want to get
that bottle back out of hisrectum, wink wink would you help
him wait.
Speaker 1 (14:56):
Where's that whisper an angel bottle gone legit.
Um so another friend of minehis friend worked for, uh, the
ambulance and we were chattingat his birthday and I was like,
oh my goodness, you're anambulance driver like tell me
everything.
Like what's been one of themost like crazy stories.
He said that they got a call,went to this guy's house.
He had used a toilet brush uphis ass.
(15:19):
The bristly end, ouch, ouch,got stuck.
So he obviously called theambulance.
Do you know what he told theambulance?
He fell.
Speaker 2 (15:28):
I slipped in the bathroom and fell on the toilet
brush apparently that is thenumber one like reason that
people give for things gettingstuck up them yeah, this guy
said the same as like.
We've heard that story amillion times people have like
toy cars and stuff like remotecontrol.
It's like, oh, I slipped andsat on it yeah sorry, darling, I
don't slip and sit on anythinglike.
How loose are you?
Speaker 1 (15:47):
right.
So they obviously like pickedhim off the ambulance that took
him.
But obviously he was laying onthe bed in the ambulance, face
down with the brush likesticking out.
Oh, my gosh they had a coverover the the brush, so it was
like like a tent.
Basically they then called hiswife to be like your husband's
in a and a do you want to comeand be here so you can take him
home?
And apparently when the wifeturned up, obviously the guy had
(16:10):
the brush still sticking outhis arse and she was like what
have you done now?
As if, like that was a normalthing that happened in that
relationship.
Speaker 2 (16:17):
So he's always shoving stuff up his bum.
Always guys do like that atoilet brush no, no, like things
up their bum.
Speaker 1 (16:28):
Oh, I know one particular relationship which
the guy can only finish byhaving something up his bum like
a straight relationship yeah,yeah, yeah yeah so when he's
having sex with the girl, she'sgot to shove something up their
bum a toy or a finger orsomething nice.
Speaker 2 (16:38):
Yeah, yeah, nice, nice straight lads kind of into
them at the moment, are you alittle bit?
Yeah, nice yeah so anyway.
Speaker 1 (16:46):
so so that's stories about what to put up your bum,
so I thought I'd ask you thequestion.
Speaker 2 (16:49):
Well, rather what?
Not to put up your bum, but yes, please do not go at home, but
like, lick your toilet brush.
Speaker 1 (16:56):
Oh, my goodness, that's a good time.
Hell, no, hell no.
Speaker 2 (16:59):
Also really dirty or the infection anyway.
What were you gonna say?
Speaker 1 (17:03):
have you ever put anything up your bum?
Speaker 2 (17:04):
that's maybe not the ordinary why do I always get
landed with these questionsfirst?
that isn't in the ordinary soobviously ordinary is either a
penis, a finger or like a toythat's designed for that yeah I
do think I've put some sort ofvegetable up before, because I
feel like that's why I use thecarrot, because I was like I
(17:25):
know that you can use this soyou've also sat on a carrot.
I would have sat on a carrot.
Maybe I've tried with a carrota very long time ago.
Listen, I'm very comfortablewith just being a top.
I don't really like things upthere no no, a fingernail and
then fine, nothing else.
I think maybe I might have useda carrot at some point, but I
love this.
Speaker 1 (17:43):
I think, maybe not quite sure, but maybe I use the
carrot maybe I use the carrot.
Speaker 2 (17:50):
What about you?
What have you used?
Speaker 1 (17:52):
fucking traffic code beep, beep no parking here.
Speaker 2 (18:03):
It was orange when it went in, but it was not orange
when it came out.
Speaker 1 (18:10):
I've got the giggles.
Speaker 2 (18:12):
Sorry if you're having dinner right now.
Podcasters.
Speaker 1 (18:16):
When I was younger, I actually used a pen once.
Speaker 2 (18:18):
Like a biro.
Yeah, just out of curiosity.
Wow, be a bit ambitious.
Speaker 1 (18:22):
I know it's boring, isn't it?
In comparison, I bet you didn'teven feel it Still up there
right now.
That's how I sign autographs.
Speaker 2 (18:31):
You've never been asked for your autograph.
Speaker 1 (18:32):
No true.
Speaker 2 (18:35):
Can you just?
Speaker 1 (18:37):
You want an autograph ?
Yeah, no worries, let me justpull my pants down and pen is
ready to go.
Not the first time you've donethat, that is true.
Speaker 2 (18:43):
In fact, sometimes you don't pull them down, you
sort of rip them open frombehind, especially when you're
performing for cheeky girls, nowa friend of ours.
Speaker 1 (18:52):
I have to share this story because I also said the
same story.
It's like what weird thing haveyou put up your bum?
I feel like most gay men atsome point have tried something
a little bit Out of the ordinaryup their bum, right For sure.
So I asked my friend what aboutyou?
And he said a mop, but thehandle of a mop that was in his
bathrobe.
Speaker 2 (19:08):
Well, I would hope it was the handle of a mop rather
than the actual mop head.
Speaker 1 (19:11):
But you said it had a hook on it and it really hurt.
Speaker 2 (19:16):
I mean sorry, no judgment, we never judge.
Wow, come on, captain Hook, sowe're going to play a game.
Speaker 1 (19:29):
I'm Peter Pan.
Speaker 2 (19:29):
And the mop is.
Speaker 1 (19:30):
Captain Hook oh, ouch , yeah.
So he tells the story like,yeah, I don't know why I did
that, but never again.
Speaker 2 (19:35):
I'm trying to think if I've got any stories of
people putting weird things upthere.
I don't think anything beats amop hook.
Speaker 1 (19:40):
A mop hook, yeah, so obviously we've had a courgette,
yeah, yeah.
So obviously we've had acourgette, yeah, carrot, we've
had a carrot Toilet brush.
I think is probably the worstBristle end.
Speaker 2 (19:48):
Remote control.
I've heard Remote control,Obviously pen.
Speaker 1 (19:50):
that's nothing really in comparison.
I feel quite tame.
My friend, obviously the mophook.
So, podcasters, we want to hearfrom you.
Speaker 2 (19:59):
Oh my gosh, I did not agree to this Pod.
To know what have you put up,your bum?
Speaker 1 (20:04):
we'll share that on the podcast.
It'll be totally anonymous, soyou can get rid of your cheeky
secrets.
You can go wild, absolutely so.
Let us know what have you putup, your bum?
Speaker 2 (20:13):
that's out of the ordinary oh gosh, I really feel
like we've taken a turn inseason six, but all right.
Well, whilst you're thinkingabout what you've put up your
bum and actually, morerealistically, what you want to
tell us you've put up your bum,we're gonna take a little break.
So, podcasters, it is time forqueer diary we haven't worked on
(20:36):
the uh jingle yet, but we'regonna work on that I feel like
every week you're workshopping anew jingle.
Speaker 1 (20:41):
We're gonna get it by the end of the season sure, um.
Speaker 2 (20:46):
So this week's queer diary input is from um.
We're keeping it anonymous,aren't we?
Yes, sorry, yes, yes, wecertainly are sorry, I'm sorry,
don't reveal the secrets so fromsomeone who I've seen have
liked stories in the past, areclearly a avid listener, so
thank you so much for writing in.
And this is their diaryquestion what's your voice?
(21:08):
You want me to read in?
Speaker 1 (21:09):
oh, um, I feel like soft, like I'm gonna go to bed
and I'm just gonna read a littlechapter of my book before I go
to bed.
Speaker 2 (21:16):
Okay, will I get some music?
Yeah, okay, soft, soft, soft.
Queer diary About a year ago.
Okay, it's really hard to dosoft after a couple of bottles
of wine, but we're going to gowith this.
About a year ago, my bestfriend and I decided to upgrade
(21:37):
our friendship status to friendswith benefits, something you've
been wanting to do with me fora while.
And I keep saying no, ew, ew,how dare you?
Naturally, feelings gotinvolved, but we decided to keep
things the way they were Casual, no strings attached.
(21:57):
Fast forward to now and he'sstarted dating someone else.
Oh, but he's being allsecretive about it.
It presumably in an effort toavoid any awkwardness and spare
my feelings.
However, not only do I feelI've lost a lover, oh, but also
my best friend.
Any advice, perhaps, on how tobump off the new partner and
(22:22):
make it look like an accident?
I hope you're both doing welland excited to see the new
podcast oh, that's really sweetum.
First of all, murder is never agood reason for anything, so do
not bump off the new.
That is a really interestingone actually.
I like I've actually saidbefore like recently I've been
trying, like with grinder andwhatnot, to try and find friends
with benefit vibes, but it'sgoing in with the friends with
(22:44):
benefits.
I don't think I have any.
I don't think I have anyonethat I've been friends with for
a certain amount of time who'sthen turned into like a friend
that I sleep with.
For me I don't think that wouldactually ever work.
Just because what I'm like not,maybe I can be quite jealous,
maybe that's the thing.
I'm very like protective and Idon't know, probably because I'd
(23:07):
be too scared that thissituation would happen to me.
I would catch feels whilesleeping with them.
I'm already a best friend withthem, so I obviously get on with
them really really well, yes,but then I'm still not quite
good enough and they end up withsomebody else.
I don't know if I could do ityeah, that is a lot.
I think sleeping with your bestfriend probably not don't look
at me in the eyes when you saythat but I'm looking at you with
squinty eyes, to be like, Ican't imagine this yeah, but
(23:30):
when you say that all I canimagine is that night of our day
where you're like straddling meoh, why you got that in your
memory for obsessed.
Speaker 1 (23:38):
You're obsessed with me and I love it it's like burnt
in my mind.
I'm just gonna not look at youfor a minute, so I carry on
talking because it would be likeif me and you started shagging
now, wouldn't it best, friendsshagging, and then I get a
boyfriend and then you getjealous you wish I'd get jealous
(24:03):
.
Speaker 2 (24:03):
I'd like.
Thank no, sorry, we're makingjokes, we're making a lie to it,
but no, that is a really roughsituation.
I don't.
I guess.
My question is have you toldyour friend how you feel?
Oh, goodness.
Because, I mean, let's behonest, there is a small chance
that the mate doesn't realisethat you have feelings for him.
Speaker 1 (24:20):
This could be like one of those rom-com movies
where it's a movie I, I wantthis to happen.
I agree with benji on this one.
I think you should say yourfeelings but say but I love you
more as a friend regardless.
Speaker 2 (24:32):
So if you don't feel the same way, I still want our
friendship yeah, or or you sayto him I know you're being
secretive about this new personyou're seeing and it's
absolutely fine if you'reenjoying it, but I've been
feeling for a while thatactually friends with benefits
isn't enough for me and Iactually really have feels for
you.
I've loved you as like a bestfriend and now I feel like I'm
(24:55):
loving you as a lover as well.
And see where it goes.
Who knows?
And maybe the other person isjust doing it to test the water
with someone else to make themjealous oh yes, it's a
Cinderella story.
Speaker 1 (25:06):
It really is.
There's so many like CallHilary Duff at the Cinderella
story.
But what if it goes horriblywrong?
What if he says you know, Ilove you as best friend, but I
also have these extra feelingsfor you.
And then he turns around andsays but I don't see you in that
way.
Oh my goodness.
Speaker 2 (25:21):
I mean, I don't actually know.
Is that possible, though Idon't know?
If someone is your best mate,right, let's bring it closer to
home, let's bring it back to meand you Although I'm going to
try not to vomit If you'vemanaged to get to the stage
where someone is your bestfriend, and by best friend I
mean like you tell themeverything, they know your
family, you tell them about themost like intimate parts of your
life and whatever that entailsfor you.
(25:43):
On top of that, there isclearly a physical attraction,
which we don't have.
But there is a physicalattraction where you are
sleeping together and if it'shappening more than once,
clearly you're both enjoying it.
If you're then saying to themyou like them, want to take it
further, and they say I justdon't see how they could say no
to that.
What else is it they want?
What is it that you are notgiving them?
(26:05):
Because you're giving themeverything.
You're giving them best friendmaterial, you're giving them
sexual pleasure, uh-huh,attraction, what is it?
And if they then turn aroundand be like something really
pernickety and small, they'renot for you anyway, darling.
Speaker 1 (26:18):
Okay, so I think, go in with the.
You're my best friend and,regardless of whatever happens,
I still want that.
I think that should be thefirst line, see I?
Speaker 2 (26:25):
wouldn't do that, but carry on.
Speaker 1 (26:26):
Would you not?
What would you say?
Speaker 2 (26:27):
I'd go and go listen.
We've been best friends, we'vebeen lovers.
I really have feelings for youand I want everything.
Speaker 1 (26:33):
That's strong, that's strong.
Speaker 2 (26:34):
I don't feel like I could have anything but that.
So it's either we try this as arelationship actually that
sounds like I'm being dramatic.
That's how I work, but I thinkthis guy still wants the
friendship I would be honestwith him.
That's my first question is howhonest have you been with him?
(26:54):
What?
Speaker 1 (26:54):
do you want and?
Speaker 2 (26:54):
whatever it is you want, make it clear yeah and go
for it.
Speaker 1 (26:56):
Okay, good luck.
Please let us know.
We are rooting for you.
We hope it goes amazingly.
We are rooting for you and wewant the cinderella story to
happen.
Speaker 2 (27:05):
We do want the cinderella stories but yeah,
actually genuinely, please dokeep in touch.
Do you know what?
We're gonna send you a messagenow, anyway, and say that you've
come on the podcast.
Uh, well, your message has comeon the podcast and, yeah, tell
us what you do.
I'm hooked, I'm really hurt.
This is actually like good,sorry, we're not making fun out
of your situation but likegenuinely, this could happen to
any one of us and I thinkwhatever you do is the right
(27:27):
move for you.
Oh, I don't know.
Anyway, sadly, podcasters,that's all we have time for in
this week's episode of my biggame podcast.
If you don't already, pleasehead over to our instagram it's
at big game podcast or head overto our website, which is wwwi
don't know why I keep sayingthat mybiggamepodcastcom and
sign up for our mailing list anddo you have a dilemma that you
want to get off your chest, andso me and Benji can explore all
(27:48):
the options.
I thought you were going to sayme and Benji can exploit it.
That's what I thought you weregoing to say.
Speaker 1 (27:53):
Not exploit.
Explore and look at all theoptions.
Try and give you a bit ofadvice.
Maybe we've been in thatsituation.
We could help, or if not, we'lljust see what we can do to
assist you on that.
Maybe help yeah, oh my goodness.
But yes, slip into the DMs.
Speaker 2 (28:08):
But, like I said, podcast is all we have time for.
On this week's episode of myBig Gay Podcast Until next time,
see you next.
Speaker 1 (28:14):
Wednesday.
So, benji, do you think you'llever go back to the golf course
again?
Speaker 2 (28:21):
Yeah, probably.
Speaker 1 (28:22):
Is this because you like a hole in one?
Well, a little birdie told meit was a good place to go and
how many boys do you think youcould have in one night on the
golf course?
Speaker 2 (28:34):
four if you go down to the tiger woods tonight,
you're sure of the big surprise.
Hello and welcome to this week's episode of my Big
Gay Podcast With me, benji, I'veput my name in and me, brad,
giving you the life, the lovesand lols of living in London.
Speaker 1 (00:31):
How many have you had Two gays?
Speaker 2 (00:33):
One city, six bottles of wine what?
Speaker 1 (00:36):
could possibly go wrong, goodness me.
Speaker 2 (00:40):
We need to stop drinking before we start doing
the episodes.
Speaker 1 (00:43):
Oh, I know, but I do like the rosé wine.
I'm going through a bit of arosé phase at the moment.
Love rosé, yes, way rosé.
Speaker 2 (00:50):
Please never say that again.
That's the most icky thing Ithink you've ever done in my
life.
I think there's been more ickythings I've done in the past.
That is true, and some of yeah,I'm really, really great.
Speaker 1 (01:04):
I've had an amazing week.
The bizarre thing is that weknow we've got our group chat
about the podcast.
Yeah, you just the other dayjust texted Golf Course, so are
you okay?
Speaker 2 (01:15):
Yes, I'm fine, thank you very much.
So this WhatsApp group I saidit's a WhatsApp group, there's
only the two of us in it and oneof our producers, and every now
and then, when we come up withgood topics that we want to talk
about, we just pop in littlereminder words.
And yeah, mine this week wasgolf course, because I'll tell
you what I had a wild time didyou.
Speaker 1 (01:32):
I did because it was.
I was on the tube.
I came out the tube.
It was like ping ping golfcourse from benji.
I'm like what is he bloody onabout?
So I'm ready for this story.
Speaker 2 (01:40):
We're gonna go straight in because, legit
podcasters, we don't talk aboutsome of these stories before we
go air, before we go live,because we want to give you the
um honest reaction.
So are you ready for my golfstore, golf course story yes,
because you don't play golf.
So I have no idea where this isgoing I actually used to have
golf lessons when I was youngerthat sounds like a very jersey
boy thing to do yeah, it was soboring, so sorry yeah, sorry to
(02:02):
golfers out I never really gotpast the teeing off sitch.
Could you swing the bat?
Oh, I'm great at swinging andI'm great at getting things in
holes, Especially in one, butyeah, golf just wasn't for me.
I'm not going to lie, However.
So I was back at home for a fewdays and I was on the good old
yellow Facebook and this guycame up, really attractive guy
(02:26):
and had really good vibes.
Now I'm going through aslightly different phase using
that app and I'm looking formore I want to say friends with
benefits right, okay.
You know I used to do like theF&G.
I told you about that.
Speaker 1 (02:37):
You did the.
Speaker 2 (02:38):
Anon, f&g and like the wham bam, thank you, ma'am,
and just get out.
Yeah, thank you, man, not ma'am.
Yeah, um, but now I'm likeactually having a little chat
with someone, getting to knowthem, getting kind of like mates
, then getting down to it andthen chatting and leaving.
It's actually so much morefulfilling this is growth for
you I think so.
I still don't necessarily wantlike a relationship from it, but
(02:59):
I'm enjoying getting to knowthem more before like, yeah, I
at least getting their name.
That's a first for you.
It certainly is.
My little black book of likepeople that I've slept with is
just sort of like guy numberfive.
Speaker 1 (03:15):
Man in socks Twink with an owl tattoo.
They're all called that.
Well, they are when I'm donewith them anyway.
No.
Speaker 2 (03:25):
So I was chatting to this guy and I was like, listen,
go for a drive, I'll pick youup from your hotel because he
was visiting and I'll just wecan go for a walk.
Anyway, picked him up, he wasanother top right, so I was very
low expectations of what wasactually going to happen.
Speaker 1 (03:37):
I was going to say like two tops, do not make a
bottom.
Speaker 2 (03:40):
But quite often people say that they're tops
when they are not.
Speaker 1 (03:45):
Why are you looking at me with those dagger eyes of
yours when you say that?
Speaker 2 (03:50):
Because anyway.
So I went to go pick him upfrom his hotel, saw him I was
like, oh, actually it's reallycute.
Like his pictures were alreadylike quite cute and really good
balance, which is actually why Imet him.
Anyway, got in the car, wentfor a drive.
Within like minutes we werelaughing Very funny.
(04:11):
He was a very like bear bearwith me with this one.
He's a very awkward person, butnot in like a weird way.
He just did things like he madelike weird, like noises in an
awkward way or like just laughedwhen there was a silence and it
was.
It was actually really likeadorable.
Anyway, chat, chat, chat, chat.
He had a boyfriend.
So I was like okay, openrelationship, that was
absolutely fine.
I said to him like does yourboyfriend know that you meet
other people?
He said yes, we're all good.
Got to the golf course and heturned to me and was like I'm
(04:33):
actually in a bombing mood and Iwas like what do you mean by
this?
He was like I don't know, let'sjust go with it.
So I didn't know if he meantlike he literally wanted to get
straight to it or if if plantingthe seed yeah, well, I did
plant that seed if he waswanting me to be more dominant.
I didn't really know.
Anyway, hang just go back a sec.
Speaker 1 (04:51):
I don't know how we get from chatting someone on
grinder going really well,really lovely.
Suddenly we're at a golf course.
Where did the golf course comeinto the mix?
Speaker 2 (04:58):
well, I said should we go for a drive?
Because obviously when I'm backon the island I can't host,
right.
So it's either like an outdoorsituation or his hotel room,
which was an option.
But he wanted to, like, lookaround the island.
Okay, and it's a reallybeautiful golf course.
Speaker 1 (05:12):
It's public land tour guide benji, here we come,
literally.
Speaker 2 (05:16):
I was like I can show you um a whole new hole in one
as well um.
So we got to the golf course, hewas like, yeah, let's go for a
walk.
Feeling very submissive, I waslike, okay, cool, went for a
little walk.
And he said again, like I justdon't know why I'm away from my
boyfriend.
And he was like normally I'mthe top and he's the bottom in
the relationship.
But I'm just feeling quitesubmissive and I was like really
(05:41):
he was like, yeah, try me.
So I said to him all right,take off all your clothes, leave
them in the car and I'll walkyou around the golf course with
nothing on.
And he was like all right.
So he literally stripped whatTurns out he was in a jockstrap.
So I was like you can keep thaton.
I'd like to keep it on please.
And I just literally walked himaround this golf course in just
(06:01):
a jockstrap, and his trainers.
Speaker 1 (06:04):
Now this is open to the public, right, correct, so
anyone could walk by at any time.
Speaker 2 (06:08):
So it was nighttime and this particular golf course
runs along the beach Right.
So I had said to him I was likeif we actually bump into anyone
which is very unlikely we couldjust say we were going for a
swim.
Speaker 1 (06:19):
Right.
Speaker 2 (06:20):
So yeah, and then I had a jacket on as well, so it's
like really worst case scenario.
I was giving my jacket andyou'll look like you're in
swimming trunks from the front.
Speaker 1 (06:29):
Not so much from the behind.
Wow, okay, so you're walkingalong the golf course.
Yeah, you went to the beach,you kissed on the beach and Dot
dot dot.
Speaker 2 (06:39):
We never actually got to the beach.
We were then making jokes about, honestly, the bounce was
really good.
I really actually enjoyed thechat with him, but we were
making jokes about the holes.
Oh, there's another hole.
Oh, there's another hole,because it's a gut, of course.
Well, we got to the next holeand he went and got on all fours
over the hole.
Speaker 1 (06:57):
Oh, and said, and I quote here's your next hole.
Yeah, podcasters, I'm not evenjoking.
My mouth is to the floor rightnow and that's not the mdma,
that is yeah.
Speaker 2 (07:14):
So I was like, oh, and he was like, well, come on
then.
So yeah, we just got to it.
Speaker 1 (07:18):
On the and how far did the golf chat go, were you
like?
Speaker 2 (07:21):
well, luckily, I brought my club wink wink okay,
gross, we're not icky like youhe'd already laid up the joke
and I I just took it well hetook it yeah, yeah.
So we ended up having like sexon the golf course, um, and then
didn't actually finish, carriedon walking, just got at it,
went at it again all around thegolf course.
(07:42):
It was wild, wow, yeah.
And then, after we'd likefinished and got to the car, etc
.
We carried on chatting, whichagain was really lovely, and he
was like, oh, I'm actually inclapham quite often.
I was like, oh, okay, that'sinteresting.
And he was like, yeah, so is myboyfriend, do you want to come
meet him sometime?
And I was like, yes, yes, I do.
So I'm hoping at some point wewill meet up again, maybe the
(08:04):
three of us, who knows, whoknows?
But it was super fun and youknow me, I liked you very
sexually explorative uh-huh andthis was yeah, it was good fun
that is a story and a half.
Speaker 1 (08:16):
Yeah, because I actually just got up the group
chat now did you get it up?
Speaker 2 (08:19):
that's very quick for you to get it up.
It's always up.
I wouldn't say that ready to go.
Speaker 1 (08:24):
Um.
So you said, golf course, and Isaid can't wait for this story.
And then you replied with I diddamage myself, though now out
of action for a bit, haha, okayI'd forgotten.
I'd said that thank you so muchfor showing up the podcast oh
gosh.
Speaker 2 (08:41):
So because he was a top, I didn't bring all the
things I would normally bring asin lube, exactly.
So I had condom, I had a condomin my pocket, but I didn't have
any lube.
And what did you use?
Well, yeah, but clearly not notenough, and we were playing
around and I hadn't.
Actually, I'm very safe withthese sorts of things, right,
it's why I've still never hadlike an sti or an std.
(09:02):
I'm very safe with these things, but I was playing around.
It's why I've still never hadlike an STI or an STD.
I'm very safe with these things, but I was playing around
without the condom on andobviously no lube, and there was
a certain accident thathappened and he did really like
wrench me quite hard and afterthat I put the condom on and it
was fine, but then you know likeI think maybe it was the
adrenaline as the evening got on, I got home into bed.
(09:26):
I was like I'm actually kind ofsore and yeah, there was some um
painful things that hadhappened.
Let's just put it that way.
Were you red raw?
It wasn't just red raw.
Certain things had had had hadripped.
Oh, your banjo?
No, it wasn't my banjo, I don't, there's no need to go into it,
but let's just say it was justa little bit sore.
So, yeah, I was out for a fewdays.
Speaker 1 (09:45):
Are you fully recovered?
Oh, fully recovered.
Speaker 2 (09:48):
Tried and tested more and more.
I'm fine, back at the golfcourse.
Well, no, not back to the golfcourse.
I don't like to revisit thesethings.
But, yeah, I'm fine now.
But it was a painful situation.
Always use l.
So do you now need to carrythose um lube packets with you
(10:09):
as well as condom?
Well, I normally do carry lubeor at least oil with me.
Oil, yes, oil.
Why do people?
It's just like the bottoms Italked on grinder.
They're like oil.
Yes, it's so much better, notsome oil.
Some oils will actuallydeteriorate the condom right
some oils.
Speaker 1 (10:19):
Good to know what I always is good to use in that
situation people think, use babyoil.
Speaker 2 (10:24):
Do not use baby oil.
And did you know baby oil isactually really bad for your
face?
Fun fact you know, I'm inskincare.
Baby oil is a mineral oil,which is a man-made oil.
It's not a plant-based oil.
So actually it's really bad foryou, right?
So it will break down lots ofthings, including the natural
oils on your skin, but alsothings like condoms certain
brands, brands of condoms anywayBaby oil will actually.
(10:46):
They'll break.
Speaker 1 (10:47):
So I'm actually genuinely intrigued by this.
What oil would you use?
Speaker 2 (10:51):
Well, look, I'm not going to say what oil.
I'm going to say go andresearch it yourself, because I
don't want to say, use an oiland then you have an issue with
it.
But plant-based oils are lesslikely to break down the
compounds that make condoms,particularly if they're condoms
that come with like a lube on.
You know, sometimes they do oh,yeah, yeah, yeah they can react
with oils and they can yeah,you can break the condom so be
(11:12):
safe.
Speaker 1 (11:13):
Wow, I have learned so much already in the first 10
minutes of this episode.
You are welcome.
Thank you for sharing yourknowledge and your experience
and your wisdom.
Speaker 2 (11:20):
Just you enjoy your bottoming stages.
Got the oil because you've beenplaying being a top for way too
long.
Speaker 1 (11:31):
Well, thank you so much for that lovely story.
I also have a story for you aswell.
What's the story about.
Amore, well, a friend of mine.
Speaker 2 (11:39):
Wait, wait, wait, you have other friends.
Speaker 1 (11:41):
I do Sorry about that .
I hate them already.
But a friend of mine did giveme a call and was like brad,
I've got a story to share withyou that I think you would love,
and you're welcome, to use onthe podcast.
I was like, oh my goodness,give me the goss, oh, lord.
So he had a grinder hook up.
Speaker 2 (11:58):
Come around, I know you like those I mean I'd also
love a husband at some point,but yeah, at the moment, grinder
is all I have.
Speaker 1 (12:03):
Yeah and uh.
So this hookup went to hishouse.
They were getting on getting abit kinky and then this hookup
said oh, do you have any toys?
Speaker 2 (12:13):
so let's do play with toys, great fine buzz light
year yeah, whatever's goingwoody barbie yeah, any of that
and, uh, my friend actuallydidn't.
Speaker 1 (12:23):
So theup said what about anything from your fridge
that we could use?
Speaker 2 (12:27):
No, I've been here.
Speaker 1 (12:29):
Have you?
I've been here.
What did you use on the fridgeCarrot?
You used a carrot on someone.
Yeah, how did that go they?
Loved it Wow.
Speaker 2 (12:38):
Quite a big carrot.
There was a cucumber.
I did have a cucumber, but Iwanted it for my lunch for the
next day.
I did have a cucumber, but Iwanted it for my lunch for the
next day.
Speaker 1 (12:45):
That was honestly a true story wow, sorry you can't
have this.
Speaker 2 (12:47):
It's for my lunch.
Yeah, sorry, I'm skinny thesedays.
Speaker 1 (12:50):
Come on zen pic.
It was way before I zen bityeah, I didn't want to give up
my cucumber oh my goodness yeah,so here's a carrot well, anyway
, my friend only had a courgettein the fridge, so the guy was
like, cool, let's use thecourgette anyway they were
playing with the condom right onthe courgette, because
courgettes, I don't know if yourealize, are actually quite
prickly I did ask did you put acondom on?
(13:11):
He said no, I know.
Yes, I pulled that same face aswell when he told me the story.
Speaker 2 (13:16):
Okay, well, okay, carry on.
So he was getting zucchini yeah, it was all happening actually
for american listeners, acourgette is a zucchini.
Yeah, yeah um.
Speaker 1 (13:28):
So basically, he had a courgette up his ass and it.
Speaker 2 (13:32):
Oh, just when you say things, it really hits me hard
in a good way no, not at all,something I need to talk to my
therapist.
Something triggers inside mewhen you say things like this.
It makes me look sick.
Speaker 1 (13:44):
Well, I'm sorry to say, the courgette went up his
arse.
Speaker 2 (13:47):
Did it come back out?
Speaker 1 (13:47):
No, it was gone Stuck .
They were trying to pull it outand they could not get this
bloody courgette out.
So my friend had to go to A&Eand they had to get a doctor
come and tweezer it out with.
What's it called?
What are those out with?
Um?
What's it called what?
(14:08):
Those like forceps?
Is that what they're called?
Yeah, what do you call whenyou're on a barbecue?
And you've got like the thetongs tongs yeah, yeah, yeah.
Speaker 2 (14:11):
What do you call those tongs?
Speaker 1 (14:12):
they're tongs, oh yeah so, yeah, my friend had to
go to a and e get all properlysurgically removed a courgette
up his ass.
Wow, wow, I, I think I'd findthat quite humiliating.
Speaker 2 (14:21):
yeah, yeah, did he get the courgette back, washed
it off, use it for his dinnerthe next day and Wow, wow.
I think I'd find that quitehumiliating.
Speaker 1 (14:25):
Yeah, yeah.
Speaker 2 (14:26):
Did he get the courgette back?
Speaker 1 (14:28):
Washed it off, used it for his dinner the next day,
and then I used it for sick.
I don't care, I don't care.
Yeah, so he went to A&E.
Now I also have another friendof mine, because you have a lot
of friends.
Speaker 2 (14:38):
I do, I do Is this like one of those?
Things where actually the wasyou no, like my friend one time
sat on a bottle and should thatfriend wink wink want to get
that bottle back out of hisrectum, wink wink would you help
him wait.
Speaker 1 (14:56):
Where's that whisper an angel bottle gone legit.
Um so another friend of minehis friend worked for, uh, the
ambulance and we were chattingat his birthday and I was like,
oh my goodness, you're anambulance driver like tell me
everything.
Like what's been one of themost like crazy stories.
He said that they got a call,went to this guy's house.
He had used a toilet brush uphis ass.
(15:19):
The bristly end, ouch, ouch,got stuck.
So he obviously called theambulance.
Do you know what he told theambulance?
He fell.
Speaker 2 (15:28):
I slipped in the bathroom and fell on the toilet
brush apparently that is thenumber one like reason that
people give for things gettingstuck up them yeah, this guy
said the same as like.
We've heard that story amillion times people have like
toy cars and stuff like remotecontrol.
It's like, oh, I slipped andsat on it yeah sorry, darling, I
don't slip and sit on anythinglike.
How loose are you?
Speaker 1 (15:47):
right.
So they obviously like pickedhim off the ambulance that took
him.
But obviously he was laying onthe bed in the ambulance, face
down with the brush likesticking out.
Oh, my gosh they had a coverover the the brush, so it was
like like a tent.
Basically they then called hiswife to be like your husband's
in a and a do you want to comeand be here so you can take him
home?
And apparently when the wifeturned up, obviously the guy had
(16:10):
the brush still sticking outhis arse and she was like what
have you done now?
As if, like that was a normalthing that happened in that
relationship.
Speaker 2 (16:17):
So he's always shoving stuff up his bum.
Always guys do like that atoilet brush no, no, like things
up their bum.
Speaker 1 (16:28):
Oh, I know one particular relationship which
the guy can only finish byhaving something up his bum like
a straight relationship yeah,yeah, yeah yeah so when he's
having sex with the girl, she'sgot to shove something up their
bum a toy or a finger orsomething nice.
Speaker 2 (16:38):
Yeah, yeah, nice, nice straight lads kind of into
them at the moment, are you alittle bit?
Yeah, nice yeah so anyway.
Speaker 1 (16:46):
so so that's stories about what to put up your bum,
so I thought I'd ask you thequestion.
Speaker 2 (16:49):
Well, rather what?
Not to put up your bum, but yes, please do not go at home, but
like, lick your toilet brush.
Speaker 1 (16:56):
Oh, my goodness, that's a good time.
Hell, no, hell no.
Speaker 2 (16:59):
Also really dirty or the infection anyway.
What were you gonna say?
Speaker 1 (17:03):
have you ever put anything up your bum?
Speaker 2 (17:04):
that's maybe not the ordinary why do I always get
landed with these questionsfirst?
that isn't in the ordinary soobviously ordinary is either a
penis, a finger or like a toythat's designed for that yeah I
do think I've put some sort ofvegetable up before, because I
feel like that's why I use thecarrot, because I was like I
(17:25):
know that you can use this soyou've also sat on a carrot.
I would have sat on a carrot.
Maybe I've tried with a carrota very long time ago.
Listen, I'm very comfortablewith just being a top.
I don't really like things upthere no no, a fingernail and
then fine, nothing else.
I think maybe I might have useda carrot at some point, but I
love this.
Speaker 1 (17:43):
I think, maybe not quite sure, but maybe I use the
carrot maybe I use the carrot.
Speaker 2 (17:50):
What about you?
What have you used?
Speaker 1 (17:52):
fucking traffic code beep, beep no parking here.
Speaker 2 (18:03):
It was orange when it went in, but it was not orange
when it came out.
Speaker 1 (18:10):
I've got the giggles.
Speaker 2 (18:12):
Sorry if you're having dinner right now.
Podcasters.
Speaker 1 (18:16):
When I was younger, I actually used a pen once.
Speaker 2 (18:18):
Like a biro.
Yeah, just out of curiosity.
Wow, be a bit ambitious.
Speaker 1 (18:22):
I know it's boring, isn't it?
In comparison, I bet you didn'teven feel it Still up there
right now.
That's how I sign autographs.
Speaker 2 (18:31):
You've never been asked for your autograph.
Speaker 1 (18:32):
No true.
Speaker 2 (18:35):
Can you just?
Speaker 1 (18:37):
You want an autograph ?
Yeah, no worries, let me justpull my pants down and pen is
ready to go.
Not the first time you've donethat, that is true.
Speaker 2 (18:43):
In fact, sometimes you don't pull them down, you
sort of rip them open frombehind, especially when you're
performing for cheeky girls, nowa friend of ours.
Speaker 1 (18:52):
I have to share this story because I also said the
same story.
It's like what weird thing haveyou put up your bum?
I feel like most gay men atsome point have tried something
a little bit Out of the ordinaryup their bum, right For sure.
So I asked my friend what aboutyou?
And he said a mop, but thehandle of a mop that was in his
bathrobe.
Speaker 2 (19:08):
Well, I would hope it was the handle of a mop rather
than the actual mop head.
Speaker 1 (19:11):
But you said it had a hook on it and it really hurt.
Speaker 2 (19:16):
I mean sorry, no judgment, we never judge.
Wow, come on, captain Hook, sowe're going to play a game.
Speaker 1 (19:29):
I'm Peter Pan.
Speaker 2 (19:29):
And the mop is.
Speaker 1 (19:30):
Captain Hook oh, ouch , yeah.
So he tells the story like,yeah, I don't know why I did
that, but never again.
Speaker 2 (19:35):
I'm trying to think if I've got any stories of
people putting weird things upthere.
I don't think anything beats amop hook.
Speaker 1 (19:40):
A mop hook, yeah, so obviously we've had a courgette,
yeah, yeah.
So obviously we've had acourgette, yeah, carrot, we've
had a carrot Toilet brush.
I think is probably the worstBristle end.
Speaker 2 (19:48):
Remote control.
I've heard Remote control,Obviously pen.
Speaker 1 (19:50):
that's nothing really in comparison.
I feel quite tame.
My friend, obviously the mophook.
So, podcasters, we want to hearfrom you.
Speaker 2 (19:59):
Oh my gosh, I did not agree to this Pod.
To know what have you put up,your bum?
Speaker 1 (20:04):
we'll share that on the podcast.
It'll be totally anonymous, soyou can get rid of your cheeky
secrets.
You can go wild, absolutely so.
Let us know what have you putup, your bum?
Speaker 2 (20:13):
that's out of the ordinary oh gosh, I really feel
like we've taken a turn inseason six, but all right.
Well, whilst you're thinkingabout what you've put up your
bum and actually, morerealistically, what you want to
tell us you've put up your bum,we're gonna take a little break.
So, podcasters, it is time forqueer diary we haven't worked on
(20:36):
the uh jingle yet, but we'regonna work on that I feel like
every week you're workshopping anew jingle.
Speaker 1 (20:41):
We're gonna get it by the end of the season sure, um.
Speaker 2 (20:46):
So this week's queer diary input is from um.
We're keeping it anonymous,aren't we?
Yes, sorry, yes, yes, wecertainly are sorry, I'm sorry,
don't reveal the secrets so fromsomeone who I've seen have
liked stories in the past, areclearly a avid listener, so
thank you so much for writing in.
And this is their diaryquestion what's your voice?
(21:08):
You want me to read in?
Speaker 1 (21:09):
oh, um, I feel like soft, like I'm gonna go to bed
and I'm just gonna read a littlechapter of my book before I go
to bed.
Speaker 2 (21:16):
Okay, will I get some music?
Yeah, okay, soft, soft, soft.
Queer diary About a year ago.
Okay, it's really hard to dosoft after a couple of bottles
of wine, but we're going to gowith this.
About a year ago, my bestfriend and I decided to upgrade
(21:37):
our friendship status to friendswith benefits, something you've
been wanting to do with me fora while.
And I keep saying no, ew, ew,how dare you?
Naturally, feelings gotinvolved, but we decided to keep
things the way they were Casual, no strings attached.
(21:57):
Fast forward to now and he'sstarted dating someone else.
Oh, but he's being allsecretive about it.
It presumably in an effort toavoid any awkwardness and spare
my feelings.
However, not only do I feelI've lost a lover, oh, but also
my best friend.
Any advice, perhaps, on how tobump off the new partner and
(22:22):
make it look like an accident?
I hope you're both doing welland excited to see the new
podcast oh, that's really sweetum.
First of all, murder is never agood reason for anything, so do
not bump off the new.
That is a really interestingone actually.
I like I've actually saidbefore like recently I've been
trying, like with grinder andwhatnot, to try and find friends
with benefit vibes, but it'sgoing in with the friends with
(22:44):
benefits.
I don't think I have any.
I don't think I have anyonethat I've been friends with for
a certain amount of time who'sthen turned into like a friend
that I sleep with.
For me I don't think that wouldactually ever work.
Just because what I'm like not,maybe I can be quite jealous,
maybe that's the thing.
I'm very like protective and Idon't know, probably because I'd
(23:07):
be too scared that thissituation would happen to me.
I would catch feels whilesleeping with them.
I'm already a best friend withthem, so I obviously get on with
them really really well, yes,but then I'm still not quite
good enough and they end up withsomebody else.
I don't know if I could do ityeah, that is a lot.
I think sleeping with your bestfriend probably not don't look
at me in the eyes when you saythat but I'm looking at you with
squinty eyes, to be like, Ican't imagine this yeah, but
(23:30):
when you say that all I canimagine is that night of our day
where you're like straddling meoh, why you got that in your
memory for obsessed.
Speaker 1 (23:38):
You're obsessed with me and I love it it's like burnt
in my mind.
I'm just gonna not look at youfor a minute, so I carry on
talking because it would be likeif me and you started shagging
now, wouldn't it best, friendsshagging, and then I get a
boyfriend and then you getjealous you wish I'd get jealous
(24:03):
.
Speaker 2 (24:03):
I'd like.
Thank no, sorry, we're makingjokes, we're making a lie to it,
but no, that is a really roughsituation.
I don't.
I guess.
My question is have you toldyour friend how you feel?
Oh, goodness.
Because, I mean, let's behonest, there is a small chance
that the mate doesn't realisethat you have feelings for him.
Speaker 1 (24:20):
This could be like one of those rom-com movies
where it's a movie I, I wantthis to happen.
I agree with benji on this one.
I think you should say yourfeelings but say but I love you
more as a friend regardless.
Speaker 2 (24:32):
So if you don't feel the same way, I still want our
friendship yeah, or or you sayto him I know you're being
secretive about this new personyou're seeing and it's
absolutely fine if you'reenjoying it, but I've been
feeling for a while thatactually friends with benefits
isn't enough for me and Iactually really have feels for
you.
I've loved you as like a bestfriend and now I feel like I'm
(24:55):
loving you as a lover as well.
And see where it goes.
Who knows?
And maybe the other person isjust doing it to test the water
with someone else to make themjealous oh yes, it's a
Cinderella story.
Speaker 1 (25:06):
It really is.
There's so many like CallHilary Duff at the Cinderella
story.
But what if it goes horriblywrong?
What if he says you know, Ilove you as best friend, but I
also have these extra feelingsfor you.
And then he turns around andsays but I don't see you in that
way.
Oh my goodness.
Speaker 2 (25:21):
I mean, I don't actually know.
Is that possible, though Idon't know?
If someone is your best mate,right, let's bring it closer to
home, let's bring it back to meand you Although I'm going to
try not to vomit If you'vemanaged to get to the stage
where someone is your bestfriend, and by best friend I
mean like you tell themeverything, they know your
family, you tell them about themost like intimate parts of your
life and whatever that entailsfor you.
(25:43):
On top of that, there isclearly a physical attraction,
which we don't have.
But there is a physicalattraction where you are
sleeping together and if it'shappening more than once,
clearly you're both enjoying it.
If you're then saying to themyou like them, want to take it
further, and they say I justdon't see how they could say no
to that.
What else is it they want?
What is it that you are notgiving them?
(26:05):
Because you're giving themeverything.
You're giving them best friendmaterial, you're giving them
sexual pleasure, uh-huh,attraction, what is it?
And if they then turn aroundand be like something really
pernickety and small, they'renot for you anyway, darling.
Speaker 1 (26:18):
Okay, so I think, go in with the.
You're my best friend and,regardless of whatever happens,
I still want that.
I think that should be thefirst line, see I?
Speaker 2 (26:25):
wouldn't do that, but carry on.
Speaker 1 (26:26):
Would you not?
What would you say?
Speaker 2 (26:27):
I'd go and go listen.
We've been best friends, we'vebeen lovers.
I really have feelings for youand I want everything.
Speaker 1 (26:33):
That's strong, that's strong.
Speaker 2 (26:34):
I don't feel like I could have anything but that.
So it's either we try this as arelationship actually that
sounds like I'm being dramatic.
That's how I work, but I thinkthis guy still wants the
friendship I would be honestwith him.
That's my first question is howhonest have you been with him?
(26:54):
What?
Speaker 1 (26:54):
do you want and?
Speaker 2 (26:54):
whatever it is you want, make it clear yeah and go
for it.
Speaker 1 (26:56):
Okay, good luck.
Please let us know.
We are rooting for you.
We hope it goes amazingly.
We are rooting for you and wewant the cinderella story to
happen.
Speaker 2 (27:05):
We do want the cinderella stories but yeah,
actually genuinely, please dokeep in touch.
Do you know what?
We're gonna send you a messagenow, anyway, and say that you've
come on the podcast.
Uh, well, your message has comeon the podcast and, yeah, tell
us what you do.
I'm hooked, I'm really hurt.
This is actually like good,sorry, we're not making fun out
of your situation but likegenuinely, this could happen to
any one of us and I thinkwhatever you do is the right
(27:27):
move for you.
Oh, I don't know.
Anyway, sadly, podcasters,that's all we have time for in
this week's episode of my biggame podcast.
If you don't already, pleasehead over to our instagram it's
at big game podcast or head overto our website, which is wwwi
don't know why I keep sayingthat mybiggamepodcastcom and
sign up for our mailing list anddo you have a dilemma that you
want to get off your chest, andso me and Benji can explore all
(27:48):
the options.
I thought you were going to sayme and Benji can exploit it.
That's what I thought you weregoing to say.
Speaker 1 (27:53):
Not exploit.
Explore and look at all theoptions.
Try and give you a bit ofadvice.
Maybe we've been in thatsituation.
We could help, or if not, we'lljust see what we can do to
assist you on that.
Maybe help yeah, oh my goodness.
But yes, slip into the DMs.
Speaker 2 (28:08):
But, like I said, podcast is all we have time for.
On this week's episode of myBig Gay Podcast Until next time,
see you next.
Speaker 1 (28:14):
Wednesday.
So, benji, do you think you'llever go back to the golf course
again?
Speaker 2 (28:21):
Yeah, probably.
Speaker 1 (28:22):
Is this because you like a hole in one?
Well, a little birdie told meit was a good place to go and
how many boys do you think youcould have in one night on the
golf course?
Speaker 2 (28:34):
four if you go down to the tiger woods tonight,
you're sure of the big surprise.
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