"I Said That?" Breaking the Habit of Negative Self-Talk

"She called herself stupid. And I was like, what? I mean, it's not even a word I would begin to associate with my mom." Theresa Hubbard and Walker Bird explore the unconscious habit of calling ourselves names and how becoming aware of our internal dialogue is the first step toward self-compassion and personal freedom.

Episode Highlights
(00:04:39) Theresa's awakening to negative self-talk - "It was not something that I had an awareness of until 2006 when my mom came and spent time with me... and she called herself stupid"
[00:07:52] Walker's pattern recognition - "It's usually curse words and usually comes in threes... it's typically thinking about some past event, and I'll say, 'What an effing dumbass'"
[00:11:53] The powerful "Who Said That?" retreat exercise - "We had them invite in all of those people into the middle of the circle... and then they would start saying those voices"
[00:16:13] The challenge of releasing critical voices - "Somehow there was some part of them that felt like, I have to keep that voice that shames me around in some way, thinking that it'll keep me in line"
[00:18:21] Mirror work for self-compassion - "Looking at yourself in the mirror and saying, I love you, all the emotion that can come with that. When you're looking yourself in the eye and telling yourself that you love yourself"
[00:26:00] Life as an experiment - "I wonder how our life would be different if we were taught life was an experiment... would it be so hard if that was the lens that we were brought up with?"
[00:27:47] The universality of perfectionism - "The very first night I said, whoever has struggled with perfectionism, raise your hand. And everybody raised their hand"
[00:31:51] Raising awareness to new levels - "For me, often the conversations we're having are about increasing our awareness... so that we can see ourselves more clearly"
[00:35:55] Journal prompts for transformation - "How many times in the last week did I call myself something, or did I speak to myself harshly or in a way that I wouldn't speak to anybody else?"
[00:36:31] The ultimate question - "Who would I be without that story? More myself. Freer, vibrant, more joyful"

Key Takeaways
* Most of us call ourselves names without even realizing it - raising awareness is the first essential step
* We often hold onto critical voices, believing they somehow "keep us in line" when they actually limit our potential
* The question "How do you see me treat myself?" can generate powerful feedback from trusted people in your life
* Seeing life as an experiment rather than a test can significantly reduce perfectionism and self-criticism
* Intentional journaling focused on self-talk patterns creates space for transformation and release
* The physical sensation of someone's hand on your shoulder paired with critical words creates powerful awareness of what we carry
* Walker's perspective: "Before I had cancer... I just wasn't present. It's hard to say I'm grateful for the times that I've suffered, but I am because I have that perspective"

Whether you're curious about your own internal dialogue, seeking tools to cultivate self-compassion, or wanting to break free from perfectionism, this episode offers practical wisdom for speaking to yourself with greater kindness. Join Theresa and Walker as they share vulnerable insights and proven practices from their retreats and personal journeys.

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