October 1, 2024 • 15 mins
My previous work on the podcast was about cognitive processing and intellectual reflection during moments of transition. But when I went through my latest life transition, losing my mom, I realized that there were just some journeys that my brain wasn't my best guide. By getting curious about the world of somatics, I found a way to bring my full self--head, heart, and hara (or gut intuition) into my process. Along the way I learned some essential practices, found some long sought after answers, and found truly embodied transformation that led to long-lasting change in my life. Join me in the new season of My Innermission to investigate the power of somatics and somatic practices in our transitions and transformations.
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Episode Transcript
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(00:00):
Welcome to My Innermission, apodcast conversation about the
(00:03):
transitions and changes we facein life, and the strategies and
approaches that support us intaking the next step in our
journey. I'm your host ColleenStanevich.
I'm baaaaack.
I started this podcast severalyears ago, really wanting to dig
into what makes personal andprofessional transitions
(00:24):
powerful and impactful. Throughthat journey, I got to interview
incredible people who wentthrough their own transitions,
caring for aging parents, makingprofessional pivots, coming to
terms with grief, stepping intogreater social justice work and
opening themselves to the powerof play, and now those folks
(00:45):
help others navigate transitionssuccessfully too.
Through those interviews, Ilearned so much and made such
amazing connections and gainedsome important insights into
what patterns supportedsuccessful life transitions.
Those patterns helped me createthe my intermission journals to
help people get curious abouttheir own identity, roles, their
(01:07):
life's purpose and their plansfor moving through transitions
to make them trulytransformational.
But through that work and my ownpersonal work, I felt like there
was a missing, unspoken peaceabout transitions that could
truly capture how they can leadto transformation.
(01:28):
I took a break from the podcastdue to another transitional
moment in my own life. My momexperienced dementia for several
years and began to deterioratequickly after covid, I found
myself taking more trips out tosupport her and my sister in the
Northwest, and was able to sitwith her when my mom passed
away.
(01:49):
The grief that came afterwatching her suffer for so many
months was different than otherlosses I had experienced. For
anyone who has grieved multiplelosses, we know that each loss
and the subsequent grief carryits own nuances, emotions,
experiences, processes andtimeframes. There isn't a set
(02:12):
rhyme and reason to grief. Theonly constant is you have to go
through it on its own timeline.
This grief carried with it asense of relief that my mom
didn't have to suffer anymore.
This grief and the fact that Ihad seen her death coming meant
that the loss of her life wassomething I had prepared for and
(02:33):
was actually welcoming on somelevel, so that she could be at
peace.
I mourn the loss of the womanwho gave me life, raised me,
taught me so many beautifullessons about love, leadership,
connection, and instilled theimportance of always having
fresh flowers and homemadecinnamon rolls at the ready.
(02:56):
The grief that came out of leftfield in a more unpredictable
way was the grief that I feltfor myself, the grief of all
that I was trying to juggle,trying to work be present for my
kids and husband, navigatingmonthly trips to care for mom
and somewhere in there, tryingto take care of myself. The toll
(03:17):
of juggling all those pieces hadbeen building inside of me, and
with my mom's passing and movingthrough the grief of losing her,
the heaviness of what I hadcarried caught up with me,
it was an opportunity foranother intermission.
This time I got to revisitelements of my identity, who was
(03:39):
I without a mother. Who was Iwhen I wasn't a caretaker for my
parent or struggling to balanceall the missing parts?
I revisited my roles. What doesit mean to lose a mother and
have to Mother yourself? Howcould I sustain being a mom,
wife, consultant and healthyhuman?
(04:00):
And I pause to reconsider my ownpurpose. Death always gives the
clear reminder that we are onlyon this planet for a finite
amount of time, and none of itis promised. Was I doing the
work I wanted to do with my onewild and precious life, as Mary
Oliver names it.
(04:22):
Through therapy, journaling andusing some of the practices I
had learned through thispodcast, I moved through that
grief on many levels, but therewas something that still
lingered.
I could name what was next forme, what I wanted to be, but I
could feel something holding meback. Spoiler alert, what was
(04:43):
holding me back was the place Ihadn't looked in a long time, my
Soma.
You see, when I started myintermission, I relied so much
on how our brains make sense oftransition and move through
transition, through reflection,analysis.
And planning for what's next.
Given my background ineducation, this felt like the
sweet spot for learning aboutoneself and taking on new
(05:06):
challenges in life. What Ihadn't considered was that all
that thinking in our brains isconnected to the rest of our
Somas, or our wholeness of beingwhen we're dealing with change
In the last few years, the fieldof somatics has gotten greater
attention, whether it is somatictherapy, somatic experiencing,
(05:30):
or somatic coaching. This ideathat we are so much more than
our brains, but that our fullbodies contain cells and tissues
of knowing, emoting, supportingand protecting that also guide
our paths.
I've come to understand that itisn't just about turning off our
brains, but insteadrecalibrating like an old stereo
(05:54):
system equalizer, turning downthe volume on our brains, which
is so often so loud and turningup what the rest of our Somas,
our hearts, our intuition, ourarmoring tissues that protect
us, and our overall somaticshape.
We have to look at those piecesto get the full picture of how
(06:17):
we are being and experiencingthe world.
So I took an introductory courseon somatics and embodied
transformation, and I instantlyfelt like a door had been
unlocked for everything I hadlearned about how the brain
takes in information, howsynapses form over time, how our
(06:38):
cognitive processing and mindsetcan help us make sense of
challenges I had been ignoring.
The other ways of knowing thatthe rest of my body had been
holding and had been trying veryhard to get my attention
Through this four day course, Irecognized what it means to be
centered in myself, not justgrounded, not just present, but
(07:03):
fully centered in my dignity, inmy connections with others and
in my own presence, between mypast experiences and my future
desires, I uncovered some of myconditioned tendencies that had
been developed to help Create asense of worth by holding and
supporting others, but holdingothers had left me off center in
(07:26):
terms of my own sense ofinherent dignity.
I recognized how much I hadtried to keep myself from
feeling all my emotions inservice of keeping the peace
with others and to keep myselffrom feeling out of control,
and I had the opportunity tomake an embodied choice to
redefine my relationship withalcohol, not due to addiction,
(07:50):
but due to the fact that I had ahabit of pouring a glass of wine
to help countering big emotionson both ends of the spectrum,
the biggest celebrations and Thebiggest stresses would call for
a glass of wine, and that wasdoling me from experiencing all
the things and all the richness,the highs and the lows that life
(08:11):
contains.
So coming off that four dayexperience, I found myself with
new levels of aliveness andawareness that I hadn't known in
years, if ever, I ultimatelychose to begin a path through
the Strozzi Institute, a lineagederived from Aikido principles,
that offers approaches,processes and practices to help
(08:34):
find our own centered energy,and allows us to meet the energy
of others, of our environmentaround us, of the sites of
shaping in our life, experiencesthat have led us to where we are
today.
And through this coachingprogram, I feel like I have more
fully come to know myself andrecognize how my experiences
(08:57):
have created all the ways I showup in the world.
I've developed practices thathave helped me find my center,
return to my center, even intimes of great conflict or
challenge,and I've developed ways to
uphold boundaries that help mekeep my commitment to myself
first.
(09:18):
So this coaching program and thesomatics work really had a
personal impact, but it alsouncovered a bigger connection to
the purpose that I had beenlonging for in all of my periods
of intermission.
Through this work, I felt howbecoming an embodied human and
letting my Soma inform who I amin this world is also an
(09:41):
essential way to create changein our world,
if by staying on center andupholding healthy boundaries,
living into my commitment tomyself and connecting to the
energy of nature and otherswhile seeing my place in the
greater whole of the world thatleads to real change. I'm
(10:05):
rebelling against all of theforces that are destroying our
planet, creating divisionamongst each other, and
perpetuating inequitable systemsin our society and world.
So as a person who has spentdecades avoiding conflict, to
try and keep the peace withothers, no matter what the cost
was for my own well being, Ihave found that I now welcome
(10:29):
being a disrupter and leading aquiet rebellion for myself, with
my clients, for my kids and fora better world.
Pragmatically, what does allthis mean? I think there have
been a few concrete takeawaysthat have really shaped my new
approach and my coaching workwith others. First,
(10:50):
transformation requires slowingdown our world, our society, our
technology, all require us tomove quicker, respond rapidly
and to get more done in lesstime. To maximize efficiency,
profits, productivity, buttransformation, it requires
(11:12):
deeper intention,greaterawareness, grace, patience and
space.
I don't run slowly all the time,but I find when I begin to be
overly reactive to the stressand complexities around me, my
first step is to take a deepbreath and slow down even a five
(11:38):
minute recentering slows mynervous system and helps me
recalibrate.
Secondly, our brains areamazing, and they are asked to
hold too much in terms ofdecision making, emotional
regulation and guidingtransformation. We may think
about creating a plan of actionto instill change or write out
(12:02):
scenarios of how we're going torespond in times of conflict, or
to create my favorite a pro conlist to help us say yes or no
when making decisions.
And by asking our brains to holdall of this responsibility, we
are exhausting them andourselves and dismissing all the
other ways that we're meant toprocess concretely. This means
(12:26):
that when I feel stuck indecision making or emotionally
ramped up, my first approach nowis to give my brain permission
to take a break, and then I turnup my intuition and listen to
the rest of my Soma.
What does my heart feel like?
What's my body's response when Iconsider different options in a
(12:49):
decision?
By doing this, I FEEL my wayinto decisions and moments
instead of analyzing,strategizing and overtaxing my
brain.
Thirdly, nature has so much toteach us. I think I've always
(13:12):
loved to be in nature, and havealways felt reverence for its
beauty and rhythms. But in thiswork, I've realized that nature
isn't something outside of us.
It is us. If this somatic workis about the energy we have and
the energy we bring to theworld, we also have to
acknowledge what energy theworld, and especially the
(13:34):
natural world, brings to us.
Putting my feet in the grass,even just running my fingers on
the foliage of an indoor plant,helps me humbly, reconnect and
be part of the world around me.
When I think about myself andother humans as organisms in
(13:55):
this much larger ecosystem, itdefinitely gives me peace,
perspective and presence. Sowith all this new learning, I'm
ready to recommit to thepodcast. I've realized that
being a storyteller, creatingand getting curious with others,
are all things that really feedmy energy. I'm also committed to
(14:19):
bringing more healing,connection and Joy to the world.
So this podcast can become animportant vehicle to explore
somatics with others, to sharesomatic practices and to help
create something that supportsothers in a journey to
experience their own embodiedtransformation into who they are
longing to be. So join me onseason three of this podcast.
(14:44):
We'll spend the first couple ofepisodes exploring the why
behind somatics and the originsof practices. In the second part
of the season, we'll explore thepractices themselves, their
importance, and how they supportus in creating change in our
lives. Thanks for listening. A.
Along the way, and I lookforward to the next phase of the
myintermission podcast.
(15:05):
Curious to learn more aboutsomatics? Check out
myinnermission.com for updateson retreats, additional
resources, including reflection,journals, coaching opportunities
and to dig into previousepisodes of this podcast. Also
be sure to follow MyInnermission on Instagram,
Facebook and LinkedIn forupcoming events and offerings.
Welcome to My Innermission, apodcast conversation about the
(00:03):
transitions and changes we facein life, and the strategies and
approaches that support us intaking the next step in our
journey. I'm your host ColleenStanevich.
I'm baaaaack.
I started this podcast severalyears ago, really wanting to dig
into what makes personal andprofessional transitions
(00:24):
powerful and impactful. Throughthat journey, I got to interview
incredible people who wentthrough their own transitions,
caring for aging parents, makingprofessional pivots, coming to
terms with grief, stepping intogreater social justice work and
opening themselves to the powerof play, and now those folks
(00:45):
help others navigate transitionssuccessfully too.
Through those interviews, Ilearned so much and made such
amazing connections and gainedsome important insights into
what patterns supportedsuccessful life transitions.
Those patterns helped me createthe my intermission journals to
help people get curious abouttheir own identity, roles, their
(01:07):
life's purpose and their plansfor moving through transitions
to make them trulytransformational.
But through that work and my ownpersonal work, I felt like there
was a missing, unspoken peaceabout transitions that could
truly capture how they can leadto transformation.
(01:28):
I took a break from the podcastdue to another transitional
moment in my own life. My momexperienced dementia for several
years and began to deterioratequickly after covid, I found
myself taking more trips out tosupport her and my sister in the
Northwest, and was able to sitwith her when my mom passed
away.
(01:49):
The grief that came afterwatching her suffer for so many
months was different than otherlosses I had experienced. For
anyone who has grieved multiplelosses, we know that each loss
and the subsequent grief carryits own nuances, emotions,
experiences, processes andtimeframes. There isn't a set
(02:12):
rhyme and reason to grief. Theonly constant is you have to go
through it on its own timeline.
This grief carried with it asense of relief that my mom
didn't have to suffer anymore.
This grief and the fact that Ihad seen her death coming meant
that the loss of her life wassomething I had prepared for and
(02:33):
was actually welcoming on somelevel, so that she could be at
peace.
I mourn the loss of the womanwho gave me life, raised me,
taught me so many beautifullessons about love, leadership,
connection, and instilled theimportance of always having
fresh flowers and homemadecinnamon rolls at the ready.
(02:56):
The grief that came out of leftfield in a more unpredictable
way was the grief that I feltfor myself, the grief of all
that I was trying to juggle,trying to work be present for my
kids and husband, navigatingmonthly trips to care for mom
and somewhere in there, tryingto take care of myself. The toll
(03:17):
of juggling all those pieces hadbeen building inside of me, and
with my mom's passing and movingthrough the grief of losing her,
the heaviness of what I hadcarried caught up with me,
it was an opportunity foranother intermission.
This time I got to revisitelements of my identity, who was
(03:39):
I without a mother. Who was Iwhen I wasn't a caretaker for my
parent or struggling to balanceall the missing parts?
I revisited my roles. What doesit mean to lose a mother and
have to Mother yourself? Howcould I sustain being a mom,
wife, consultant and healthyhuman?
(04:00):
And I pause to reconsider my ownpurpose. Death always gives the
clear reminder that we are onlyon this planet for a finite
amount of time, and none of itis promised. Was I doing the
work I wanted to do with my onewild and precious life, as Mary
Oliver names it.
(04:22):
Through therapy, journaling andusing some of the practices I
had learned through thispodcast, I moved through that
grief on many levels, but therewas something that still
lingered.
I could name what was next forme, what I wanted to be, but I
could feel something holding meback. Spoiler alert, what was
(04:43):
holding me back was the place Ihadn't looked in a long time, my
Soma.
You see, when I started myintermission, I relied so much
on how our brains make sense oftransition and move through
transition, through reflection,analysis.
And planning for what's next.
Given my background ineducation, this felt like the
sweet spot for learning aboutoneself and taking on new
(05:06):
challenges in life. What Ihadn't considered was that all
that thinking in our brains isconnected to the rest of our
Somas, or our wholeness of beingwhen we're dealing with change
In the last few years, the fieldof somatics has gotten greater
attention, whether it is somatictherapy, somatic experiencing,
(05:30):
or somatic coaching. This ideathat we are so much more than
our brains, but that our fullbodies contain cells and tissues
of knowing, emoting, supportingand protecting that also guide
our paths.
I've come to understand that itisn't just about turning off our
brains, but insteadrecalibrating like an old stereo
(05:54):
system equalizer, turning downthe volume on our brains, which
is so often so loud and turningup what the rest of our Somas,
our hearts, our intuition, ourarmoring tissues that protect
us, and our overall somaticshape.
We have to look at those piecesto get the full picture of how
(06:17):
we are being and experiencingthe world.
So I took an introductory courseon somatics and embodied
transformation, and I instantlyfelt like a door had been
unlocked for everything I hadlearned about how the brain
takes in information, howsynapses form over time, how our
(06:38):
cognitive processing and mindsetcan help us make sense of
challenges I had been ignoring.
The other ways of knowing thatthe rest of my body had been
holding and had been trying veryhard to get my attention
Through this four day course, Irecognized what it means to be
centered in myself, not justgrounded, not just present, but
(07:03):
fully centered in my dignity, inmy connections with others and
in my own presence, between mypast experiences and my future
desires, I uncovered some of myconditioned tendencies that had
been developed to help Create asense of worth by holding and
supporting others, but holdingothers had left me off center in
(07:26):
terms of my own sense ofinherent dignity.
I recognized how much I hadtried to keep myself from
feeling all my emotions inservice of keeping the peace
with others and to keep myselffrom feeling out of control,
and I had the opportunity tomake an embodied choice to
redefine my relationship withalcohol, not due to addiction,
(07:50):
but due to the fact that I had ahabit of pouring a glass of wine
to help countering big emotionson both ends of the spectrum,
the biggest celebrations and Thebiggest stresses would call for
a glass of wine, and that wasdoling me from experiencing all
the things and all the richness,the highs and the lows that life
(08:11):
contains.
So coming off that four dayexperience, I found myself with
new levels of aliveness andawareness that I hadn't known in
years, if ever, I ultimatelychose to begin a path through
the Strozzi Institute, a lineagederived from Aikido principles,
that offers approaches,processes and practices to help
(08:34):
find our own centered energy,and allows us to meet the energy
of others, of our environmentaround us, of the sites of
shaping in our life, experiencesthat have led us to where we are
today.
And through this coachingprogram, I feel like I have more
fully come to know myself andrecognize how my experiences
(08:57):
have created all the ways I showup in the world.
I've developed practices thathave helped me find my center,
return to my center, even intimes of great conflict or
challenge,and I've developed ways to
uphold boundaries that help mekeep my commitment to myself
first.
(09:18):
So this coaching program and thesomatics work really had a
personal impact, but it alsouncovered a bigger connection to
the purpose that I had beenlonging for in all of my periods
of intermission.
Through this work, I felt howbecoming an embodied human and
letting my Soma inform who I amin this world is also an
(09:41):
essential way to create changein our world,
if by staying on center andupholding healthy boundaries,
living into my commitment tomyself and connecting to the
energy of nature and otherswhile seeing my place in the
greater whole of the world thatleads to real change. I'm
(10:05):
rebelling against all of theforces that are destroying our
planet, creating divisionamongst each other, and
perpetuating inequitable systemsin our society and world.
So as a person who has spentdecades avoiding conflict, to
try and keep the peace withothers, no matter what the cost
was for my own well being, Ihave found that I now welcome
(10:29):
being a disrupter and leading aquiet rebellion for myself, with
my clients, for my kids and fora better world.
Pragmatically, what does allthis mean? I think there have
been a few concrete takeawaysthat have really shaped my new
approach and my coaching workwith others. First,
(10:50):
transformation requires slowingdown our world, our society, our
technology, all require us tomove quicker, respond rapidly
and to get more done in lesstime. To maximize efficiency,
profits, productivity, buttransformation, it requires
(11:12):
deeper intention,greaterawareness, grace, patience and
space.
I don't run slowly all the time,but I find when I begin to be
overly reactive to the stressand complexities around me, my
first step is to take a deepbreath and slow down even a five
(11:38):
minute recentering slows mynervous system and helps me
recalibrate.
Secondly, our brains areamazing, and they are asked to
hold too much in terms ofdecision making, emotional
regulation and guidingtransformation. We may think
about creating a plan of actionto instill change or write out
(12:02):
scenarios of how we're going torespond in times of conflict, or
to create my favorite a pro conlist to help us say yes or no
when making decisions.
And by asking our brains to holdall of this responsibility, we
are exhausting them andourselves and dismissing all the
other ways that we're meant toprocess concretely. This means
(12:26):
that when I feel stuck indecision making or emotionally
ramped up, my first approach nowis to give my brain permission
to take a break, and then I turnup my intuition and listen to
the rest of my Soma.
What does my heart feel like?
What's my body's response when Iconsider different options in a
(12:49):
decision?
By doing this, I FEEL my wayinto decisions and moments
instead of analyzing,strategizing and overtaxing my
brain.
Thirdly, nature has so much toteach us. I think I've always
(13:12):
loved to be in nature, and havealways felt reverence for its
beauty and rhythms. But in thiswork, I've realized that nature
isn't something outside of us.
It is us. If this somatic workis about the energy we have and
the energy we bring to theworld, we also have to
acknowledge what energy theworld, and especially the
(13:34):
natural world, brings to us.
Putting my feet in the grass,even just running my fingers on
the foliage of an indoor plant,helps me humbly, reconnect and
be part of the world around me.
When I think about myself andother humans as organisms in
(13:55):
this much larger ecosystem, itdefinitely gives me peace,
perspective and presence. Sowith all this new learning, I'm
ready to recommit to thepodcast. I've realized that
being a storyteller, creatingand getting curious with others,
are all things that really feedmy energy. I'm also committed to
(14:19):
bringing more healing,connection and Joy to the world.
So this podcast can become animportant vehicle to explore
somatics with others, to sharesomatic practices and to help
create something that supportsothers in a journey to
experience their own embodiedtransformation into who they are
longing to be. So join me onseason three of this podcast.
(14:44):
We'll spend the first couple ofepisodes exploring the why
behind somatics and the originsof practices. In the second part
of the season, we'll explore thepractices themselves, their
importance, and how they supportus in creating change in our
lives. Thanks for listening. A.
Along the way, and I lookforward to the next phase of the
myintermission podcast.
(15:05):
Curious to learn more aboutsomatics? Check out
myinnermission.com for updateson retreats, additional
resources, including reflection,journals, coaching opportunities
and to dig into previousepisodes of this podcast. Also
be sure to follow MyInnermission on Instagram,
Facebook and LinkedIn forupcoming events and offerings.
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