July 23, 2024 • 44 mins
Text Brian & Shawna (Fan Mail)
What if acknowledging your stress and anxiety could be the first step to mastering them? Today, we’re opening up about our personal battles with stress and anxiety, and how they’ve shaped our journeys. Shawna shares how her tendency to overcommit leads to stress, while I dive into my experiences with anxiety driven by a forward-thinking business mindset. We're joined by MetaCoach, a certified behavioral life coach, who provides expert insights into distinguishing and managing these often misunderstood states.
Throughout our conversation, we uncover the subtle but significant differences between stress and anxiety, and how low-level depression can further complicate these feelings. MetaCoach helps us recognize early indicators of stress, like changes in behavior or mood, and underscores the importance of setting boundaries to avoid the pitfalls of people-pleasing. We discuss practical strategies for coping, from physical activities like stress balls and sunlight exposure to simple joys like singing hymns or jotting down tasks.
In a particularly insightful segment, we touch on the societal pressures men face in admitting stress and how the pandemic has reshaped our understanding of mental well-being. With stories of loved ones finding solace in small, meaningful activities, we illustrate the power of self-care. As we wrap up, we're enthusiastic about continuing this vital conversation, aiming to provide even more insights and support in a future episode. Join us as we navigate these complex emotions and learn to create moments of calm amidst life's chaos.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:01):
I'm noticing a lot of low-level depression, you know,
and it's to the point wherepeople are starting to wear it
like clothes and they begin toaccept it as the norm, this
low-level depression, and wehave to accept the fact.
I can't go further.
I'm going to have to admit tomyself this is as far as I can
(00:25):
go.
Speaker 2 (00:25):
Welcome to the New Horizons podcast.
I'm Brian Curie.
Speaker 3 (00:29):
And I'm Shawna Curie, also known as Mr and Mrs Killer
B, in virtual reality.
Speaker 2 (00:33):
So this podcast is recorded live from the metaverse
at the Killer B studios.
Speaker 3 (00:38):
Where real life stories and experiences are
shared in a way only themetaverse can offer.
Speaker 2 (00:43):
With that, let's go ahead and dive into today's
episode, All right?
Well, tonight, tonight, ourtopic we're going to be talking
about stress and anxiety.
Now I want to share just alittle bit of why we decided to
get on this topic.
After our promo video, someonewas asking me about it.
They were dealing with somestuff and they said, hey, would
you guys ever consider talkingabout stress and anxiety?
(01:05):
And I said, yeah, I think wewould definitely do that, but I
don't want to do it just me andMrs Killer Bee talking about it,
because I knew that we're notreally experts.
You know, we're not experts,we're not life coaches or
therapists or anything like that, but we can share our
experiences.
But we wanted to make sure wehad somebody in here that can
speak into that from aprofessional point.
(01:26):
And MetaCoach that we'll bringout here in a little bit is that
he's a certified behaviorallife coach.
I think that's right.
I think I got it right there,right.
Speaker 3 (01:34):
The certified behavioral life coach.
We'll have to ask him when hecomes out.
He'll correct me if I'm wrong.
Make sure we're saying theright thing.
Yes, but he is.
Speaker 2 (01:42):
he is legit and he is , he has got a lot of wisdom.
As I was preparing for this,this show tonight, you know, I
was doing some research onstress and anxiety and I was
kind of shocked, did?
Speaker 3 (01:58):
you know that stress and anxiety are not exactly the
same thing.
Yeah, I think so.
Ok, so I don't know.
I just want to take a guess,okay, about the difference.
So I would think that stress islike a reaction or response to
something that you're dealingwith, and anxiety seems to me
like anticipating what you'regoing to have to deal with.
Speaker 2 (02:24):
So does that have something to do with the
difference?
I think that's really good.
I'll read what I wrote down.
So I want to get MetaCoach'sideas on this too.
Speaker 3 (02:30):
Yeah, me too.
Speaker 2 (02:31):
Because this is the first time I actually ever put
this together by doing thisresearch, and I remember
recently we had just talkedabout in a show that I said.
You know, I never reallycategorized things as stress,
because maybe I wasn'tunderstanding what stress really
was too.
So here's what it said.
It says stress is more like thedemand placed on your brain or
physical body.
It says like something in lifethat makes us feel frustrated or
(02:53):
nervous or you know cause.
Like nervousness, it triggersstress, which is what you're
saying right there.
You know it's something'shappening to you or in your life
and it can cause you to feelfrustrated.
This is what's interesting too.
It says anxiety is more like afeeling of fear, worry or
uneasiness, and it can be like areaction to stress.
Speaker 5 (03:17):
But what I?
Speaker 2 (03:18):
really thought was interesting is that it pointed
out that anxiety can happenwithout an obvious trigger too.
Up that.
But anxiety can happen withoutan obvious trigger too, and and
I thought that was interestingbecause I know we had josh
wilson here recently that wastalking about anxiety as well.
So, knowing a little bit of howthese two things are different
and not exactly the same, wouldyou say that you're more likely
(03:38):
to deal with stress or beanxious?
Which one are you more likelyto fall into sometimes?
Speaker 3 (03:45):
Definitely stress.
Speaker 2 (03:46):
Yeah, definitely stress.
Speaker 3 (03:47):
Yeah, because and I don't know if this is a common
thing for people I am not asprone to have anxiety because I
don't think very far ahead aboutthings.
So I think in one way thathelps me, because you know, I
don't anticipate like, oh no,what if this happens?
(04:10):
Oh no, if that happens.
You know, that's not reallykind of how I am, but where
that's a downfall is I'm notgood at anticipating when I have
scheduled myself for too manythings.
So then when I feel overwhelmedand I feel that stress, then I
do that kind of often and I'mgetting better.
(04:31):
I think I used to be just ahopeless people pleaser.
I mean, if anyone said, hey,will you do this, will you help
me with that, yes, yes, I wassaying yes all the time and I
got to a place where I realizedthat I was neglecting my own
family because I was saying yesto all sorts of other people
(04:52):
about all sorts of other things,and so I'm definitely much more
likely to feel stress thananxiety, and that's part of the
reason why.
Speaker 2 (05:00):
When I was thinking about this question to ask, I
feel like I fall I'm more likelyto fall into the anxious side
Really, and that's probablybecause, like you know, as you
know, running a business andstuff like that, I'm always
thinking ahead and trying toplan and orchestrate things and
so if you say that that kind ofclicked like that's why I
(05:22):
probably get anxious more, but Ireally never realized it as
being that.
Speaker 3 (05:27):
Let me do say this I don't really know if that makes
sense.
We'll have to ask Medicoach ifthat even makes sense how I said
that because I'm not sure ifthat's the reason why.
Speaker 2 (05:36):
You guys, as we get ready to bring on our guest,
let's please rain him with someconfetti.
Let's go and hit that guestmusic and welcome our guest to
the stage with the confetti way.
Can I hear music?
Yeah, I hear it there.
It is there.
It is there, it is awkwardlytrying to give you a high five.
Speaker 3 (05:57):
Yeah, there we go, now we got it okay, I forgot to
show them where to go, so okay,oh
Speaker 2 (06:04):
you come right here, medicoach.
Here we go Right behind thismic.
I should put like a littlething that says yes, mic right
here.
Speaker 1 (06:09):
Thank you for being here, medicoach, you're welcome,
and what I want to say isthat's the show.
You guys answered everything.
Speaker 3 (06:17):
Oh no, there's a lot more questions, Don't you worry.
Speaker 2 (06:21):
There's plenty of questions.
Well, metacoach, some peoplehere might not know who you are,
so would you take about 30seconds and let everybody know
who you are and what you do?
Speaker 1 (06:31):
Sure, I'm MetaCoach and I'm a behavioral life coach
and I do a show in here calledCoached and it's on Wednesdays
at 4 pm Eastern time and I doalso one on Thursday nights at 9
pm Eastern time.
So 4 pm Eastern time and I doalso one on Thursday nights at 9
pm Eastern time.
So 4 pm Eastern time onWednesdays, 9 pm on Thursdays.
But tonight may bleed over, sosome of my people will probably
(06:51):
be popping in here tonight.
Speaker 3 (06:53):
So we're good.
I was just going to say webetter get you out of here on
time then.
Speaker 1 (06:59):
They'll probably pop in here.
They'll see me online, sothey'll probably come in here
tonight.
Speaker 2 (07:02):
Oh, that would be amazing and you're on social.
Which social media platform areyou most?
Speaker 1 (07:08):
active on too, instagram and X.
Speaker 2 (07:10):
Instagram and.
X.
Okay, cool, awesome, awesome.
Well, thank you for joining us.
Metacoach, he's no stranger toHorizons.
He's been here for a long timeand great friends, really great
friend.
I really trust this guy.
Guy a lot of wisdom and Ithought when we this topic came
up I told mrs killer b is likewe've got to see if meta coach
will come in, because, talkingabout a subject like this, I
(07:32):
want to really make sure it'ssomebody up here that has a lot
of wisdom and I know their heartand where they're at and he is
a person.
If you need someone to talk to,please reach out to meta coach.
So, meta coach, I to ask youjust kind of start off, what are
your thoughts on the differencebetween stress and anxiety?
Did we miss it up?
Can you help clarify a littlebit?
Speaker 1 (07:52):
giving us a definition of what these two are
.
I think you all were on theright track and I want to lay a
simple foundation to prepare thetalk, just to kind of bucket it
Now.
I see stress as what'shappening now physically.
It's impacting me physically.
I see anxiety as perceived oranticipated.
(08:13):
And so take, for example,you're working, you have a
deadline and you're currentlyworking on that deadline and
you're stressed because of thetime factor.
But if you're anticipating notmaking it the deadline now, you
start moving into a phase ofanxiety.
So you can move from stressinto a moment of anxiety,
(08:38):
because sometimes stress has youmotivated to plow in and to
dive in and to keep going.
But when you start to getanxious, you begin to lose some
of the fuel that may be providedby the stress.
So now, when you move intoanxiety, you're perceiving an
outcome.
Speaker 3 (08:56):
I knew you were going to have some picture that would
pull it all into place.
Speaker 2 (09:00):
I knew it, yeah you see, you got to give him some
applause for that.
That was pretty good.
Speaker 3 (09:05):
He really clarified that.
Speaker 2 (09:06):
For us, that makes a lot of sense, because that's one
of the things I was thinkingabout too when I was researching
.
I'm like so there can be a goodtype of stress too, and a bad
type of stress.
And what you're saying, evenwith a timeline, you know you
have a deadline to have to hit,so you might be a little bit
stressed, but you know it's,it's a is that would be like a
good stress, like it's going tohelp you, motivate you to get
(09:29):
this done, but it can transitionto bad.
How about that?
Speaker 1 (09:33):
Well, for some that stress can be good, you know,
sometimes you know that thatstress kind of fuels your
mindset, you know, and you canhave that good stress.
Now, when it gets to the pointwhere it becomes debilitating,
you know you're driving to workand you're anticipating
something and you know you feela little stress because, hey,
(09:56):
there's traffic around me,they're stressing me out.
But you start looking at yourwatch and what happens now?
Speaker 3 (10:04):
Then you're getting anxious because you're feeling
like you're going to be late orwhatever.
Is that?
Speaker 1 (10:09):
Yeah.
So now here's where the stressgets bad.
Now I start stepping on the gas, cutting people off, you know.
Speaker 2 (10:17):
Yeah, that's a good one.
Speaker 1 (10:18):
And that's just a visual picture.
But we do that in other areasof our life where we get
stressed out and we start toreact in a negative way.
We either become combative ordistant so many other aspects
that can come out when stressmoves into that negative zone.
Speaker 2 (10:36):
That's a great way to put it.
Now I can realize that I havebeen stressed before too, so I
probably stumped on that gas.
I could have told you that Iprobably stumped on that guess.
I could have told you that.
Speaker 3 (10:45):
This is the beauty of co-hosts that are married is.
I can call it out and tell youall the truth when he's like, I
don't know if I've been stressedYep you have Medical coach.
Speaker 2 (10:58):
when we think about stress and anxiety, what are
some common symptoms that weshould be aware of when it comes
to stress and anxiety?
Speaker 1 (11:14):
Well, stress is kind of sneaky and I think we need to
think about in the moment ifI'm starting to get stressed.
One of the things that I'venoticed about myself is I start
to get quiet for a minute Now.
But I know people who when theyget stressed, they get more
animated.
So first of all, I look forwhat's the noticeable change in
behavior and reaction right now.
(11:35):
So for me I start to get quietbecause I'm trying to focus on
what's what's bothering me,what's what's stressing me right
now.
And that's a good thing.
And it's a bad thing becausesometimes, if you're focusing
too much on it, you're notreally thinking clearly, because
it's like one of those thingsthe forest and the trees.
So I'm thinking about thisissue as opposed to let me.
(11:56):
Let me put it out here so I cantake a look at it, so I get
quiet and I can get tunnelvision.
So that's one of my cues.
People that I know, that I seethem start to get nervous,
chatter or more boisterous ormore agitated.
I can tell there's some stressthat's taking place there.
So I think if you know yourself, know your behaviors, know your
(12:19):
keys and your triggers, thenyou can begin to notice that in
yourself.
Now here's one thing that I'venoticed and I'm in the metaverse
a bit real world.
Well, I got chastised forsaying real world I would say
physical world, so I chastisedmyself for saying that.
But I'm noticing a lot oflow-level depression among
(12:45):
people yes.
You know, and it's to the pointwhere people are starting to
wear it like clothes.
Yes, you know, they begin toaccept it as the norm, this
low-level depression, and peopleare finding themselves there,
depression, and people arefinding themselves there, and
(13:12):
that also to me becomes kind oflike a fertile bed for stress,
because I'm already not at peakperformance, peak thinking,
because I got this low leveldepression going on.
So now things begin to hit andstick a little differently,
because I see this low leveldepression kind of like
depression, kind of like a muddypool of water that's really
kind of murky and you'restepping in it and you're
getting stuck.
So those little things thatnormally, if you weren't in this
(13:33):
low level depression, that youwould say, okay, that's what
that is and move on.
These things are getting stuck,they're hanging on and I liken
it to a river that has a lot ofdebris in it trees, stuff
flowing downstream gets tangledup in it, and then when you see
the tide or the water go down,you see all these branches with
(13:54):
bottles and paper and all thisstuff that's entangled in it.
So I see that like that.
People are dealing with stressand anxiety of things that
already passed or gone, but it'sstill stuck in that mud in
their life because of this lowlevel depression.
They haven't figured out how tolet it go.
So that's one of the thingsthat I see with stress right now
(14:18):
.
Now the anxiety comes Now, onceI've realized I got all this
stuff on me.
How did I get it off?
What do I do?
I'm stuck.
I'm here, but not only am Istressed now, I'm anxious
because I don't know what,what's next.
So I'm perceiving a threat thatmay or may not be there.
Hope that's kind of makingsense, that it's right.
Speaker 3 (14:39):
I'll be there.
Speaker 2 (14:40):
No, that's a powerful picture yeah.
What do you do when you get inthat that kind of place, like
when you're, when you realizethat or how did?
How do you start recognizing?
Speaker 1 (14:49):
that Well, if you recognize it, one of the first
things you have to do.
It's like we used to do thelittle fire drill stop, drop and
roll.
So I use that in dealing withstress.
First of all, I stop, all right, and try and get a visual what
(15:09):
it is.
What am I really really dealingwith?
Am I?
Do I have a deadline that I gotto meet?
Do I have some pressure on me?
You know, is there somethingmajor that's happening that I
may feel that's a bit out of mycontrol?
So I have to assess what am Ireally feeling.
(15:30):
Once I can get to the pointwhere I say, ok, this is, I'm
feeling stressed because Ireally this is over my head, but
this is big, I can do it, butit's bigger than what I thought.
So once I can make that kind ofassessment, then I can begin to
back up and say, ok, what can Ido now?
Here's a, here's a way to kinddo what I call stop, drop and
(15:51):
roll.
When you ask yourself, whenyou're stressed, say what is the
worst thing that could happenif I don't get this done or if
this thing proceeds?
What is the worst?
So now, if you can get apicture of what is the worst
thing that could happen and youcould stop this in my mind, this
is the worst thing I could seehappening.
(16:12):
Then you can begin to back upfrom that point and say, okay, I
see what the worst can be.
Let me start backing up to thepoint where I can keep it from
going there.
But that relieves a lot ofstress because I visual,
visualize the worst already.
Speaker 3 (16:32):
That's one of my favorite, very favorite tools to
use, and I think we've actuallytalked about this before on a
different show.
But I have a personal storythat kind of relates to that,
which is I used to have a bakingbusiness and it was when, you
know, we were raising Ashton.
He was little, I was staying athome but we needed some extra
(16:52):
money, so I was baking differentorders and stuff like that, and
this one particular order camein that I was so excited about
because it was such a big job.
And that's another one of myprobably downfalls is no matter
how big of a project comes along, I always think I got it no
problem.
So I'm not good at predictinglike, hey, that's actually a
(17:16):
little beyond my ability rightnow, but that's a different
story for a different time.
So I started baking all thesecakes.
It was an order for 40 cakesand I had to deliver it in two
phases, one day apart from eachother.
So I got the first 20 cakesdone, but it almost killed me
and I didn't sleep.
I was crying, I was having allsorts of issues and that day
(17:40):
when I delivered the first 20cakes, I could not imagine even
baking 20 more cakes, cannotimagine even baking 20 more
cakes.
And I had to have that donewithin one day.
So I had to call and say Icannot make any more cakes.
(18:02):
I think I'm getting sick.
I can barely stand, I can't doit, I have to cancel this part
of the order.
And at the end of the day Iremember telling Brian I was
like I have to make this call,it's humiliating, I'm going to
ruin my business.
At the end of the day it wasn'tthat big of a deal.
They were like, okay, well,that's disappointing, but we'll
just go to Publix and we'll getsome more cakes for the rest of
our clients, because ironically,these cakes were for a dentist
(18:27):
who was giving cakes to theirclients or something.
I don't know exactly who theywere giving them to, but it was
like a Christmas presentbasically.
And yeah.
So now I love to think aboutthat.
That was the worst possiblething that could have happened
during that project.
I ended up not making any moneyon that project because I had
bought all the ingredients aheadof time.
(18:48):
So what I got paid for the 20only covered the ingredients,
and then I didn't make any moneyfor all that work.
So that was the worst casescenario, basically for that.
Speaker 6 (18:58):
But at the end of the day.
Speaker 3 (19:00):
It wasn't that big of a deal.
It didn't ruin my business, itdidn't ruin me.
I still have the people I love.
It was an embarrassing thing,but you know it was fine.
Speaker 1 (19:19):
And see that's a perfect example of dealing with
stress, but kind of like saying,ok, I'm at the point where I
can't go further, so I'm goingto envision the worst, that I'm
not going to make these cakes,and accept that.
So what that immediately doesyour anxiety.
Now just came the dread ofmaking a phone call.
It wasn't the anxiety of tryingto finish the cakes, so that
(19:41):
anxiety now was probably smallerthan putting yourself at health
risk.
And that's one of the mostimportant things that we can do.
When we find that, hey, I'm atthe end of what I can do, that's
where the stop drop and roll.
I'm at the end of what I can do, that's where the stop drop and
roll.
I'm rolling out of this becauseI can't go a step further.
I'm going to have to admit tomyself and to whoever I'm this
is as far as I can go.
Yeah, and once you can admitthat to yourself and accept that
(20:05):
, it becomes easier to tellwhoever may be depending on you.
Yeah, I can't go a step further.
And here's one thing to keep inmind too when you get to a
point where you cannotphysically, emotionally,
intellectually, financially,whatever move another step, then
you need to accept that you'reat the you're at the limit of
(20:26):
your responsibility, and that'sa hard thing to do, that we have
to let go, because we don'tlike to feel like a failure.
Yeah, when it's impossible foryou to take a next step, you
have to accept this is the endof what I'm supposed to do here.
Wow, that's good, that's reallygood.
Speaker 3 (20:48):
That takes a lot of pressure off just in itself.
Like thinking about that, likethis is this as far as I can go.
This is the end of myresponsibility.
Speaker 1 (20:56):
I really like that and sometimes, when we get to
that point, we find that we'reactually giving some empowering
somebody else.
Speaker 2 (21:05):
Oh yeah, that's a beautiful thing that's so true
you stepping back can beempowering somebody else that's
been waiting for thatopportunity.
I love that.
That is powerful, really good.
That's good, all right.
So we have Okie.
Okie, come on down, come ondown the mic.
Thank you again for joining us.
Speaker 4 (21:26):
Can I do two?
I can't do two.
Can I do two?
I can't do two.
Can I do two?
Speaker 2 (21:32):
questions Sure, go right ahead.
Speaker 4 (21:34):
First one is for Mrs Killer Bee.
I always thought I was a peoplepleaser too, until I realized
that it's less I want to pleasepeople and more I don't want
confrontation.
Do you think maybe that's thecase for you?
Speaker 3 (21:54):
too.
I would say it's probably halfand half for me, because it is
important to me to bring joy topeople, to be helpful to people.
I love to be there for somebodyand when someone says I need
help with this, I love to be theperson to say I can help with
(22:19):
that.
But I also don't likeconfrontation, so I think that's
definitely part of it.
I do not like disappointingpeople.
I hate making people mad and Ihate the idea of someone yelling
at me.
So, yeah, I think it'sdefinitely.
They probably go right hand inhand for me.
Speaker 4 (22:32):
yeah yeah, we, we have a lot of comments it does
sound like that can I?
Speaker 1 (22:37):
can I share a thought on that too, please?
People pleasers tend to havethe biggest backpack of anxiety.
And the reason.
The reason I say that?
Because when you're a peoplepleaser, you're kind of
anticipating what can I do, howdo I get ahead of this, you know
(22:59):
, and people will dump on youbecause they begin to sense that
you're a people pleaser.
You're going to try and fix it,you're going to try and answer
it, you're going to try and bethere and it's going to put you
in that place where you know youmight have some other things
that you need to be doingpersonally for yourself, but
because you're a people pleaser,you begin to neglect yourself
and I don't want to disappointanybody.
Speaker 4 (23:22):
Yeah.
Speaker 3 (23:23):
I can see that.
Speaker 1 (23:26):
I posted in my Instagram about three weeks ago
a diagram called this is how youknow if you're a people pleaser
, and I'm going to post it again.
Speaker 3 (23:36):
Oh, yes, I would love to see that.
I would love to see that.
I already know the answer, butI still want to see it.
Speaker 2 (23:42):
We'll share it on the Killer Bee Studios too.
Speaker 3 (23:45):
I'd love to see that, definitely, definitely Okay.
Speaker 4 (23:48):
What's your?
Second question I don'tremember.
Speaker 2 (23:51):
Well, you can come back up in a little bit,
absolutely.
Speaker 3 (23:54):
Just hit the button.
Speaker 2 (23:54):
If you remember, hit the button again, All right.
So, Angela, come on down.
Angela.
Speaker 6 (23:59):
So I do feel both, by the way, quite a bit More
anxiety than stress, and I amalso not so much a peeper
pleaser as say, but I amsomebody who wants to take care
of people.
Yeah, more like I had a bunchof kids and then I, you know,
(24:21):
get these.
You know all these people thatneed my help all the time in my
family like so-and-so has cancer.
Well, angela will take care ofthem.
You know, I'm that person foreverybody.
I'm the caregiver.
Speaker 3 (24:37):
That's a gift, Like being a caretaker.
That is a gift.
You have a heart for people andthat is a beautiful thing, you
know, we just have to be carefulnot to neglect other important
things in our life.
Speaker 5 (24:50):
You know, and it's a whole thing about boundaries.
Speaker 3 (24:53):
You know, if you can't learn how to set
boundaries, then you will allowyourself to get worn down to
where you can't help anyoneanymore, because you can't even
help yourself.
You know and that's you know theperson he's talking about.
That's the position she's in,where she's never been willing
to set a boundary.
So now she's spent, she'sliterally just spent.
(25:15):
She can't even get out of bedsometimes.
And so if we can look at asituation like that and see I
don't want to get to that point,because now I see you can be no
good to anyone, not evenyourself, if you don't set a
boundary that will protectactually everybody in the
situation, it really doesprotect everybody in this
(25:36):
situation.
Speaker 1 (25:37):
You know I did a talk a few weeks ago called the
Liberating Power of the Word.
No and I close with no is acomplete sentence.
Speaker 2 (25:48):
Oh, that's good, that's good.
Speaker 1 (25:52):
That's really good.
Sometimes we don't need to givesomebody an explanation of why
we say no.
Speaker 3 (25:57):
Yeah, yep, isn't it weird that all of these things
are tying together, that you'realready talking about and we've
been talking about and thinkingabout like we didn't know that
medical coach had talked aboutany of these things recently.
It's just interesting that allthese things are tying together.
Speaker 1 (26:13):
There's a common theme that's going on right now
People are realizing they haveneeds and people are starting to
express needs, but people arestarting to look for answers and
looking for a safe space to sayhey, you know the bouncy houses
are fun and you know this isfun, but I have some questions
(26:34):
that I need answered.
Yeah, you know things aren'tfun anymore.
You know life has gotten realand I need to deal with the real
.
Yeah, yeah for sure, and one ofthe reasons why I did the talk
on the liberating power of no isfor people pleasers.
Speaker 3 (26:55):
Yeah, yep, definitely .
Speaker 1 (26:58):
Like you said, getting worn out.
And here's what happens beforeyou get worn out, sometimes you
get bitter and you get angry andthen you miss opportunities to
really help somebody who really,really needed your help.
But you can't see it becauseyou're so burnt out and you're
so tired from helping people whoeither didn't need it or didn't
(27:19):
respect it or misused it.
Speaker 3 (27:22):
Yeah Well, it's a tricky thing too for someone who
likes to take care of otherpeople when you get to the point
where you don't feel likeanyone's taking care of you and
then you think why am I doingall this?
Nobody even cares about whatI'm dealing with, you know.
So then you lose the joy ofserving people, which if you're
(27:42):
not serving people out of joyand out of love, then it's no
good anyhow.
So it's definitely it's a risk.
It's a big, you know, can be.
Speaker 2 (27:53):
So that leads me to another question, because when
you get to this point and we'regoing to bring up loss here in
just a second, that leads me toa question.
When I'm hearing you guys talkabout this and from a people
pleaser too, is there a and whenyou get to that point where all
that pressure is coming and youstart getting bitter because
that can I've definitely seenthat in myself, I know you've
(28:14):
seen it in yourself where we'vetaken on so much and we start
becoming bitter, I noticed thatwe're likely to start becoming
bitter to the people closest tous first, not the people that's
doing doing this.
So say it again yes, yes,exactly we, we, we, the people
(28:34):
closest to us.
We are bitter to them, not tothe people that are actually
causing this problem.
Right?
But my question on this is what?
How would you suggest bringingthis up to, to somebody that's
close to you?
Because for myself, this is me.
For myself, I've had people askme before, not ask me.
They've just said you'restressed.
(28:56):
Well, I don't like it.
If someone says you're stressed, I'm like.
Now, you know, I'm like that,just like you don't know, I'm
like I'm not stressed.
I'm not stressed at all.
Just what you're doing is notokay.
That's kind of like a thingthere.
But how do you approachsomebody?
Because some ways I'm like, ifthey ask like hey, are you okay?
Or you know, you think youmight be a little stressed.
(29:18):
I don't know.
I don't know what's the bestway to approach somebody that we
care about that is turning intothat bitter monster that we're
like whoa, what's going?
Speaker 5 (29:27):
on.
Speaker 2 (29:28):
I told you you had too much on your plate.
You need to take some of thisstuff off, like because I mean I
don't know.
What are your thoughts on that?
Speaker 1 (29:37):
First thing, you have to be honest with yourself.
Yeah, because when you say I'mnot stressed, yeah, maybe you
are Okay.
So you know, and I think,looking at yourself, it's okay.
All right, I am stressed.
Now I'm going to say somethingabout us guys.
How many guys are?
Just just three of us?
Is that what it?
Speaker 2 (29:57):
is OK.
There's four of us.
Speaker 1 (29:59):
There's four Good soldiers, ok, good soldiers.
Here's what happens.
Here's what happens when usguys you know we don't like to
admit that we're out of controlor there's something that's
slipping past our control.
Speaker 2 (30:12):
Before he goes any further.
Ladies, you cannot tell us thisif we're acting that way.
Look, you don't like to be toldthat you're out of control.
Speaker 3 (30:23):
All right, please continue.
Take that off of my list realquick.
Speaker 2 (30:26):
Take that off your list, Mrs Kelly.
Speaker 1 (30:29):
It's like it's a badge of honor.
I'm not stressed, I'm handlingthis, but I'm hollering at the
wife, the kids, the neighbors.
I'm hollering at people, but I'mnot stressed, you know, and I
think being honest withourselves and say, okay, I am,
and we have to accept the factwe can't do everything.
You know, our capes areprobably torn from so many
(30:52):
battles and we can't fly like weused to, and you know we're not
made of steel anymore, so wehave to admit, okay, uh, this is
.
This is getting a little bitbeyond me, and so sometimes just
being able to be honest withmyself also gives me a different
perspective on my load, becausemaybe the load is bigger in my
(31:12):
mind than it is in my hands.
Speaker 4 (31:16):
Wow.
Speaker 1 (31:18):
Because I'm, you know , I'm stressed and anxiety is
starting to build in.
Everything is piling up, kindof like that.
All that brush underneath thatwater, all this stuff is just
getting snagged there.
And you know, this debris, yeah, and I need to stop and say,
okay, this is what's reallybothering me, but all this other
debris is dragging me down andlet me be honest with myself,
(31:43):
this is what's going on.
You know, honey, I'm sorry, Iam stressed, you're right, I
didn't want to hear it.
But practice this price, honey,I am, I am stressed, you're
right, I didn't want to hear it,but practice this, brian.
Say, honey, I am stressed, sayit with me.
Speaker 3 (31:53):
Let me put this on the record I'm practicing right
now.
Speaker 4 (31:56):
Please Ms.
Speaker 2 (31:56):
Kilbrey, she's interrupting my practice.
I'm not getting bitter, I'mjust no.
Speaker 3 (32:02):
I just want to put this on the record that he
wasn't talking about me.
It wasn't me that brought up hewas stressed, it was somebody
else.
Speaker 5 (32:08):
I just want to put that on the record Okay, it's on
the record.
Speaker 3 (32:16):
Take note everyone.
I was just thinking while youwere talking about that too,
medicoach, you know if you needto bring that up to somebody,
like for whatever reason, like Ifeel like you're stressed.
I kind of put myself in thatposition while you were talking
(32:37):
about that and I thought youknow what I want someone to say
to me if they're going to say,hey, you look stressed, cause I
get what you're saying, mrKiller B.
Like it annoys me If someonesays you seem stressed, because
it's probably that what you'retalking about.
Like I don't want it to looklike I'm out of control in my
life, even though sometimes I am.
But what I would want someoneto say to me is I can see how
much you're doing, I can see howmuch you're carrying.
(33:01):
I'm sorry, what can I do?
Or whatever, Maybe even justacknowledging, because then it's
not like an accusation You'restressed, it's more like I see
you, you, I see where you're at,I see why you're feeling this
way.
Speaker 2 (33:17):
That'd be kind of like approaching it with like
empathy.
Speaker 1 (33:19):
First I would say so standing like yes I think, so
yeah, I recognize this isdisarming, because now I don't
have to defend myself.
Speaker 2 (33:31):
All right, so let's bring up.
We have three more questionsLost virtually.
Come on down, can you hear?
Speaker 5 (33:37):
me.
We can hear you.
You know, the great part aboutgoing through the pandemic is
that we were able to see howeveryone around us handled
stress, and we were able to seewho tapped out.
We were able to see who becameafraid and just shut down,
(33:58):
closed down, and we were able tosee who persevered and kept
climbing the hill.
And so we were able to see andthe thing about it is that
overcoming stress it's acharacter trait those who don't
overcome stress and let stresshandle them.
Needless to say, I mean, youknow so.
(34:19):
So at least that's what whatI've discovered with the, with
the pandemic, and some peopleresponded this way.
And some people responded thisway, and the people with the
great character, overcome,persevered.
Speaker 1 (34:34):
Can I clarify something there?
Yes, I hear what you're sayingwith the character flaw, but
there's another word that I liketo use, that I think that
really even fits even better,because I hear what you're
saying Personality traits have abig to do with how we handle
stress and manage things.
(34:56):
I don't know how many of youare familiar with Myers-Briggs
personality assessments anybodyfamiliar with that.
I'm a practitioner of that andI've done thousands of those
assessments for people in mypractice and many of them that
had to go through this, and I'vedone thousands of those
assessments for people in mypractice and many of them that
(35:22):
had to go through this camethrough because they were either
failing at their job or theywere having some kind of other
issue.
And I began to do some metricsand begin to identify people,
which personality types weremore prone to stress and anxiety
, which ones probably had thefastest recovery and those kind
of things.
Oh, and I hear what you'resaying with character, because
there's a part of character thatdoes deal with that too.
(35:44):
But I like to use personalitytrait because it gives a bigger
picture at least to me it doesof dealing with those kind of,
with those kind of things.
So I hope that helps.
But you know, but you're on theright track with the, with the
character things also thank youlost.
Speaker 2 (35:59):
Yeah, you know.
Can I ask you medicos too, aslost was sharing that, like
during the pandemic, when peoplebecame to get, uh, you know,
stress or anything like that,fears started creeping in.
Would fear fall more into?
Like the anxiety side of it?
It's like an after effect fromthe stress, like the anxiety
started kicking in which wascausing the fear.
(36:20):
Was it anxiety or was it stress?
Speaker 1 (36:22):
I think during the pandemic, from my observation, I
think the scales tipped on theanxiety side and the reason I
would say that because there wasso much uncertainty, people
didn't know what to expect.
You know we were washing ourhands 15 times a day.
We were wearing masks.
You know people wearingsnorkels and you know has mask
(36:44):
suits and you know.
Speaker 3 (36:46):
Lysol-ing in our mail .
Speaker 1 (36:50):
You know, and so we were doing all this stuff
because we were so anxious,because we didn't know what was
going on.
Now there were people who werestressed because, hey, they lost
their jobs.
So now they had currentpressure on them like, hey, how
am I going to feed my family?
So that's stress.
But the anxiety was, you know,I got to keep getting COVID.
(37:14):
So I'm spraying this down, I'mdoing this, you know, don't
cough.
You know, oh, I cough.
What's wrong with me?
Do I have it?
You know, you know, oh, Isneezed, oh no, yes, brings a
whole nother level into it.
Yes, I would say, the scales tip.
I think more toward anxiety,because we just didn't know.
Speaker 3 (37:34):
I could see that.
Speaker 2 (37:34):
No, yeah, good soldier was going to ask you
what are some ways that youwould recommend kind of dealing
with stress, like moving beyondit, like you know.
For himself, he said he likesto pray, that helps him.
So what are some ways?
For himself, he said he likesto pray, that helps them.
So what are some ways?
And to add to that I would liketo add do stress balls or those
(37:55):
things even work?
So I mean, I'm curious aboutthat too.
Speaker 1 (38:03):
Yeah, I think, distracting yourself from the
moment.
So stress balls you know you'remanipulating your hands, you're
doing something and, believe itor not, it's starting to relax
you because now you're focusingon moving these balls around in
your hands and stuff and, asyou're starting to do that,
begin to kind of relax a littlebit more, because you're focused
on this movement and it alsokind of untangles thoughts
(38:29):
sometimes.
So it's a relaxing motion, it'sa sensation.
So it's a relaxing motion, it'sa sensation, it's a repetitive
motion Breathing, gettingoutside, getting fresh air.
Oh yes, here's something that Ilearned from my mom.
When she would get stressed out, she would start singing hymns
(38:50):
and praises.
Oh, that's so beautiful.
That's when I could tell thatsomething was going on.
She starts singing and as a kidI didn't, you know, know that
she was dealing with something.
I just thought mom's singing,you know, yeah, but as I grew up
I realized that's how she dealtwith stress and anxiety.
She starts singing these songs.
So anything that you could findthat kind of relaxes you, that
(39:13):
puts you in a frame of mindwhere you're not so focused on
the issue at hand, is healthy.
And a lot of times the physicalthings really help the
emotional and psychologicalthings, because you're doing
some movement, you're gettingblood flow.
Um, step it into light.
(39:34):
When people have had some kindof psychological episode, one of
the worst things they could dois be in a dark room.
Speaker 3 (39:42):
Yes.
Speaker 1 (39:44):
So finding, finding light, sunshine.
It's amazing how, when you'restressed, if you can step out
into the sunshine and take adeep breath.
What an amazing moment itbecomes when you do that.
Speaker 3 (39:57):
There's so many things about sunlight and the
way that we respond to itphysiologically that are good
for our brain, good for our body, good for our immune system,
all of that.
Yeah, that's such a good point.
Speaker 2 (40:09):
Yeah, Mrs Kilby.
How about you?
What are some ways that you letgo of stress?
Is there anything that youpractice to do?
Speaker 3 (40:15):
Yeah, so most of my stress comes from when I'm
overwhelmed, like when I've gottoo many things on my plate,
I've overscheduled or whatever.
So my trick that helps me everysingle time is, if I start
feeling overwhelmed and stressed, first I'll stop.
I'll write down what I need toget done.
That kind of gets it out of mybrain and onto a piece of paper
(40:39):
and then it feels moremanageable.
When I can look at it on a listI think, oh well, it's not that
bad.
When it's all just swirlingaround in your brain it feels so
much bigger.
But then when I plan my days, Itry to build in some time to
stop doing everything and dojust something I enjoy,
(40:59):
something that relaxes me, youknow, reading, or taking a bath
or taking a walk or whatever.
And when I have that time, whenI tell myself like this half an
hour, I'm taking it for myself,have that time.
When I tell myself like thishalf an hour, I'm taking it for
myself, I just set a timer on myphone.
That way I don't have to thinkabout what time it is or what
else is on the list.
I just set the timer and Ithink I'll do whatever I want
(41:21):
right now for this 30 minutes orhow you know.
You might not have 30 minutes,but if you have 10 minutes even,
it's amazing the difference itmakes in the way your day feels.
If you're clicking from onething to another, to another, to
another, it can feel sostressful, even on your body,
because you're never givingyourself a break.
(41:42):
So that's my trick, that's mygo-to trick.
Speaker 2 (41:46):
That's the interesting thing is, like this
stress and anxiety definitelyplays a role in our health.
I know we're not even going toget into that, but I mean I've
been around where, even ifsomebody is talking negative, I
can feel like the tension in mybody now, like, yeah, I don't
want to be here, like I don'twant to listen to this, like I
can feel my body tension up.
I don't know if that's justbecause I'm getting older, but I
can feel it.
Speaker 3 (42:07):
I don't know.
I think you're just more intune.
Speaker 1 (42:10):
That's a show within itself.
If you ever deal with thattopic, call me back.
Speaker 3 (42:14):
All right, so I was just going to say can we just do
a stress and anxiety part two,like can we get that scheduled?
Because I feel like I have alot more to say and I know you
have a lot more to say, and Igot a lot more to say too, so
maybe Thanks for giving usconfetti, all right.
Speaker 2 (42:27):
Well, we'll talk to Medicoach to see if we can do
that.
We would love to do that,Awesome, Okay.
Well, we'll continue thisconversation later as we get
ready to wrap it up.
Medicoach, what would be atakeaway?
You would hope anybodylistening to the podcast or
anybody here live with us.
What would you hope theirtakeaway would be today?
Speaker 1 (42:45):
That we all have stress.
You know nobody's immune to it.
So take some time to get toknow yourself, know what your
triggers are, because if youdon't know what your triggers
are when they hit you, you don'trecognize.
You just know that you'vefallen to this place and learn
to take breaks, If you enjoyedthis episode don't forget to
(43:07):
follow this podcast and leave usa review.
I'm noticing a lot of low-level depression, you know,
and it's to the point wherepeople are starting to wear it
like clothes and they begin toaccept it as the norm, this
low-level depression, and wehave to accept the fact.
I can't go further.
I'm going to have to admit tomyself this is as far as I can
(00:25):
go.
Speaker 2 (00:25):
Welcome to the New Horizons podcast.
I'm Brian Curie.
Speaker 3 (00:29):
And I'm Shawna Curie, also known as Mr and Mrs Killer
B, in virtual reality.
Speaker 2 (00:33):
So this podcast is recorded live from the metaverse
at the Killer B studios.
Speaker 3 (00:38):
Where real life stories and experiences are
shared in a way only themetaverse can offer.
Speaker 2 (00:43):
With that, let's go ahead and dive into today's
episode, All right?
Well, tonight, tonight, ourtopic we're going to be talking
about stress and anxiety.
Now I want to share just alittle bit of why we decided to
get on this topic.
After our promo video, someonewas asking me about it.
They were dealing with somestuff and they said, hey, would
you guys ever consider talkingabout stress and anxiety?
(01:05):
And I said, yeah, I think wewould definitely do that, but I
don't want to do it just me andMrs Killer Bee talking about it,
because I knew that we're notreally experts.
You know, we're not experts,we're not life coaches or
therapists or anything like that, but we can share our
experiences.
But we wanted to make sure wehad somebody in here that can
speak into that from aprofessional point.
(01:26):
And MetaCoach that we'll bringout here in a little bit is that
he's a certified behaviorallife coach.
I think that's right.
I think I got it right there,right.
Speaker 3 (01:34):
The certified behavioral life coach.
We'll have to ask him when hecomes out.
He'll correct me if I'm wrong.
Make sure we're saying theright thing.
Yes, but he is.
Speaker 2 (01:42):
he is legit and he is , he has got a lot of wisdom.
As I was preparing for this,this show tonight, you know, I
was doing some research onstress and anxiety and I was
kind of shocked, did?
Speaker 3 (01:58):
you know that stress and anxiety are not exactly the
same thing.
Yeah, I think so.
Ok, so I don't know.
I just want to take a guess,okay, about the difference.
So I would think that stress islike a reaction or response to
something that you're dealingwith, and anxiety seems to me
like anticipating what you'regoing to have to deal with.
Speaker 2 (02:24):
So does that have something to do with the
difference?
I think that's really good.
I'll read what I wrote down.
So I want to get MetaCoach'sideas on this too.
Speaker 3 (02:30):
Yeah, me too.
Speaker 2 (02:31):
Because this is the first time I actually ever put
this together by doing thisresearch, and I remember
recently we had just talkedabout in a show that I said.
You know, I never reallycategorized things as stress,
because maybe I wasn'tunderstanding what stress really
was too.
So here's what it said.
It says stress is more like thedemand placed on your brain or
physical body.
It says like something in lifethat makes us feel frustrated or
(02:53):
nervous or you know cause.
Like nervousness, it triggersstress, which is what you're
saying right there.
You know it's something'shappening to you or in your life
and it can cause you to feelfrustrated.
This is what's interesting too.
It says anxiety is more like afeeling of fear, worry or
uneasiness, and it can be like areaction to stress.
Speaker 5 (03:17):
But what I?
Speaker 2 (03:18):
really thought was interesting is that it pointed
out that anxiety can happenwithout an obvious trigger too.
Up that.
But anxiety can happen withoutan obvious trigger too, and and
I thought that was interestingbecause I know we had josh
wilson here recently that wastalking about anxiety as well.
So, knowing a little bit of howthese two things are different
and not exactly the same, wouldyou say that you're more likely
(03:38):
to deal with stress or beanxious?
Which one are you more likelyto fall into sometimes?
Speaker 3 (03:45):
Definitely stress.
Speaker 2 (03:46):
Yeah, definitely stress.
Speaker 3 (03:47):
Yeah, because and I don't know if this is a common
thing for people I am not asprone to have anxiety because I
don't think very far ahead aboutthings.
So I think in one way thathelps me, because you know, I
don't anticipate like, oh no,what if this happens?
(04:10):
Oh no, if that happens.
You know, that's not reallykind of how I am, but where
that's a downfall is I'm notgood at anticipating when I have
scheduled myself for too manythings.
So then when I feel overwhelmedand I feel that stress, then I
do that kind of often and I'mgetting better.
(04:31):
I think I used to be just ahopeless people pleaser.
I mean, if anyone said, hey,will you do this, will you help
me with that, yes, yes, I wassaying yes all the time and I
got to a place where I realizedthat I was neglecting my own
family because I was saying yesto all sorts of other people
(04:52):
about all sorts of other things,and so I'm definitely much more
likely to feel stress thananxiety, and that's part of the
reason why.
Speaker 2 (05:00):
When I was thinking about this question to ask, I
feel like I fall I'm more likelyto fall into the anxious side
Really, and that's probablybecause, like you know, as you
know, running a business andstuff like that, I'm always
thinking ahead and trying toplan and orchestrate things and
so if you say that that kind ofclicked like that's why I
(05:22):
probably get anxious more, but Ireally never realized it as
being that.
Speaker 3 (05:27):
Let me do say this I don't really know if that makes
sense.
We'll have to ask Medicoach ifthat even makes sense how I said
that because I'm not sure ifthat's the reason why.
Speaker 2 (05:36):
You guys, as we get ready to bring on our guest,
let's please rain him with someconfetti.
Let's go and hit that guestmusic and welcome our guest to
the stage with the confetti way.
Can I hear music?
Yeah, I hear it there.
It is there.
It is there, it is awkwardlytrying to give you a high five.
Speaker 3 (05:57):
Yeah, there we go, now we got it okay, I forgot to
show them where to go, so okay,oh
Speaker 2 (06:04):
you come right here, medicoach.
Here we go Right behind thismic.
I should put like a littlething that says yes, mic right
here.
Speaker 1 (06:09):
Thank you for being here, medicoach, you're welcome,
and what I want to say isthat's the show.
You guys answered everything.
Speaker 3 (06:17):
Oh no, there's a lot more questions, Don't you worry.
Speaker 2 (06:21):
There's plenty of questions.
Well, metacoach, some peoplehere might not know who you are,
so would you take about 30seconds and let everybody know
who you are and what you do?
Speaker 1 (06:31):
Sure, I'm MetaCoach and I'm a behavioral life coach
and I do a show in here calledCoached and it's on Wednesdays
at 4 pm Eastern time and I doalso one on Thursday nights at 9
pm Eastern time.
So 4 pm Eastern time and I doalso one on Thursday nights at 9
pm Eastern time.
So 4 pm Eastern time onWednesdays, 9 pm on Thursdays.
But tonight may bleed over, sosome of my people will probably
(06:51):
be popping in here tonight.
Speaker 3 (06:53):
So we're good.
I was just going to say webetter get you out of here on
time then.
Speaker 1 (06:59):
They'll probably pop in here.
They'll see me online, sothey'll probably come in here
tonight.
Speaker 2 (07:02):
Oh, that would be amazing and you're on social.
Which social media platform areyou most?
Speaker 1 (07:08):
active on too, instagram and X.
Speaker 2 (07:10):
Instagram and.
X.
Okay, cool, awesome, awesome.
Well, thank you for joining us.
Metacoach, he's no stranger toHorizons.
He's been here for a long timeand great friends, really great
friend.
I really trust this guy.
Guy a lot of wisdom and Ithought when we this topic came
up I told mrs killer b is likewe've got to see if meta coach
will come in, because, talkingabout a subject like this, I
(07:32):
want to really make sure it'ssomebody up here that has a lot
of wisdom and I know their heartand where they're at and he is
a person.
If you need someone to talk to,please reach out to meta coach.
So, meta coach, I to ask youjust kind of start off, what are
your thoughts on the differencebetween stress and anxiety?
Did we miss it up?
Can you help clarify a littlebit?
Speaker 1 (07:52):
giving us a definition of what these two are
.
I think you all were on theright track and I want to lay a
simple foundation to prepare thetalk, just to kind of bucket it
Now.
I see stress as what'shappening now physically.
It's impacting me physically.
I see anxiety as perceived oranticipated.
(08:13):
And so take, for example,you're working, you have a
deadline and you're currentlyworking on that deadline and
you're stressed because of thetime factor.
But if you're anticipating notmaking it the deadline now, you
start moving into a phase ofanxiety.
So you can move from stressinto a moment of anxiety,
(08:38):
because sometimes stress has youmotivated to plow in and to
dive in and to keep going.
But when you start to getanxious, you begin to lose some
of the fuel that may be providedby the stress.
So now, when you move intoanxiety, you're perceiving an
outcome.
Speaker 3 (08:56):
I knew you were going to have some picture that would
pull it all into place.
Speaker 2 (09:00):
I knew it, yeah you see, you got to give him some
applause for that.
That was pretty good.
Speaker 3 (09:05):
He really clarified that.
Speaker 2 (09:06):
For us, that makes a lot of sense, because that's one
of the things I was thinkingabout too when I was researching
.
I'm like so there can be a goodtype of stress too, and a bad
type of stress.
And what you're saying, evenwith a timeline, you know you
have a deadline to have to hit,so you might be a little bit
stressed, but you know it's,it's a is that would be like a
good stress, like it's going tohelp you, motivate you to get
(09:29):
this done, but it can transitionto bad.
How about that?
Speaker 1 (09:33):
Well, for some that stress can be good, you know,
sometimes you know that thatstress kind of fuels your
mindset, you know, and you canhave that good stress.
Now, when it gets to the pointwhere it becomes debilitating,
you know you're driving to workand you're anticipating
something and you know you feela little stress because, hey,
(09:56):
there's traffic around me,they're stressing me out.
But you start looking at yourwatch and what happens now?
Speaker 3 (10:04):
Then you're getting anxious because you're feeling
like you're going to be late orwhatever.
Is that?
Speaker 1 (10:09):
Yeah.
So now here's where the stressgets bad.
Now I start stepping on the gas, cutting people off, you know.
Speaker 2 (10:17):
Yeah, that's a good one.
Speaker 1 (10:18):
And that's just a visual picture.
But we do that in other areasof our life where we get
stressed out and we start toreact in a negative way.
We either become combative ordistant so many other aspects
that can come out when stressmoves into that negative zone.
Speaker 2 (10:36):
That's a great way to put it.
Now I can realize that I havebeen stressed before too, so I
probably stumped on that gas.
I could have told you that Iprobably stumped on that guess.
I could have told you that.
Speaker 3 (10:45):
This is the beauty of co-hosts that are married is.
I can call it out and tell youall the truth when he's like, I
don't know if I've been stressedYep you have Medical coach.
Speaker 2 (10:58):
when we think about stress and anxiety, what are
some common symptoms that weshould be aware of when it comes
to stress and anxiety?
Speaker 1 (11:14):
Well, stress is kind of sneaky and I think we need to
think about in the moment ifI'm starting to get stressed.
One of the things that I'venoticed about myself is I start
to get quiet for a minute Now.
But I know people who when theyget stressed, they get more
animated.
So first of all, I look forwhat's the noticeable change in
behavior and reaction right now.
(11:35):
So for me I start to get quietbecause I'm trying to focus on
what's what's bothering me,what's what's stressing me right
now.
And that's a good thing.
And it's a bad thing becausesometimes, if you're focusing
too much on it, you're notreally thinking clearly, because
it's like one of those thingsthe forest and the trees.
So I'm thinking about thisissue as opposed to let me.
(11:56):
Let me put it out here so I cantake a look at it, so I get
quiet and I can get tunnelvision.
So that's one of my cues.
People that I know, that I seethem start to get nervous,
chatter or more boisterous ormore agitated.
I can tell there's some stressthat's taking place there.
So I think if you know yourself, know your behaviors, know your
(12:19):
keys and your triggers, thenyou can begin to notice that in
yourself.
Now here's one thing that I'venoticed and I'm in the metaverse
a bit real world.
Well, I got chastised forsaying real world I would say
physical world, so I chastisedmyself for saying that.
But I'm noticing a lot oflow-level depression among
(12:45):
people yes.
You know, and it's to the pointwhere people are starting to
wear it like clothes.
Yes, you know, they begin toaccept it as the norm, this
low-level depression, and peopleare finding themselves there,
depression, and people arefinding themselves there, and
(13:12):
that also to me becomes kind oflike a fertile bed for stress,
because I'm already not at peakperformance, peak thinking,
because I got this low leveldepression going on.
So now things begin to hit andstick a little differently,
because I see this low leveldepression kind of like
depression, kind of like a muddypool of water that's really
kind of murky and you'restepping in it and you're
getting stuck.
So those little things thatnormally, if you weren't in this
(13:33):
low level depression, that youwould say, okay, that's what
that is and move on.
These things are getting stuck,they're hanging on and I liken
it to a river that has a lot ofdebris in it trees, stuff
flowing downstream gets tangledup in it, and then when you see
the tide or the water go down,you see all these branches with
(13:54):
bottles and paper and all thisstuff that's entangled in it.
So I see that like that.
People are dealing with stressand anxiety of things that
already passed or gone, but it'sstill stuck in that mud in
their life because of this lowlevel depression.
They haven't figured out how tolet it go.
So that's one of the thingsthat I see with stress right now
(14:18):
.
Now the anxiety comes Now, onceI've realized I got all this
stuff on me.
How did I get it off?
What do I do?
I'm stuck.
I'm here, but not only am Istressed now, I'm anxious
because I don't know what,what's next.
So I'm perceiving a threat thatmay or may not be there.
Hope that's kind of makingsense, that it's right.
Speaker 3 (14:39):
I'll be there.
Speaker 2 (14:40):
No, that's a powerful picture yeah.
What do you do when you get inthat that kind of place, like
when you're, when you realizethat or how did?
How do you start recognizing?
Speaker 1 (14:49):
that Well, if you recognize it, one of the first
things you have to do.
It's like we used to do thelittle fire drill stop, drop and
roll.
So I use that in dealing withstress.
First of all, I stop, all right, and try and get a visual what
(15:09):
it is.
What am I really really dealingwith?
Am I?
Do I have a deadline that I gotto meet?
Do I have some pressure on me?
You know, is there somethingmajor that's happening that I
may feel that's a bit out of mycontrol?
So I have to assess what am Ireally feeling.
(15:30):
Once I can get to the pointwhere I say, ok, this is, I'm
feeling stressed because Ireally this is over my head, but
this is big, I can do it, butit's bigger than what I thought.
So once I can make that kind ofassessment, then I can begin to
back up and say, ok, what can Ido now?
Here's a, here's a way to kinddo what I call stop, drop and
(15:51):
roll.
When you ask yourself, whenyou're stressed, say what is the
worst thing that could happenif I don't get this done or if
this thing proceeds?
What is the worst?
So now, if you can get apicture of what is the worst
thing that could happen and youcould stop this in my mind, this
is the worst thing I could seehappening.
(16:12):
Then you can begin to back upfrom that point and say, okay, I
see what the worst can be.
Let me start backing up to thepoint where I can keep it from
going there.
But that relieves a lot ofstress because I visual,
visualize the worst already.
Speaker 3 (16:32):
That's one of my favorite, very favorite tools to
use, and I think we've actuallytalked about this before on a
different show.
But I have a personal storythat kind of relates to that,
which is I used to have a bakingbusiness and it was when, you
know, we were raising Ashton.
He was little, I was staying athome but we needed some extra
(16:52):
money, so I was baking differentorders and stuff like that, and
this one particular order camein that I was so excited about
because it was such a big job.
And that's another one of myprobably downfalls is no matter
how big of a project comes along, I always think I got it no
problem.
So I'm not good at predictinglike, hey, that's actually a
(17:16):
little beyond my ability rightnow, but that's a different
story for a different time.
So I started baking all thesecakes.
It was an order for 40 cakesand I had to deliver it in two
phases, one day apart from eachother.
So I got the first 20 cakesdone, but it almost killed me
and I didn't sleep.
I was crying, I was having allsorts of issues and that day
(17:40):
when I delivered the first 20cakes, I could not imagine even
baking 20 more cakes, cannotimagine even baking 20 more
cakes.
And I had to have that donewithin one day.
So I had to call and say Icannot make any more cakes.
(18:02):
I think I'm getting sick.
I can barely stand, I can't doit, I have to cancel this part
of the order.
And at the end of the day Iremember telling Brian I was
like I have to make this call,it's humiliating, I'm going to
ruin my business.
At the end of the day it wasn'tthat big of a deal.
They were like, okay, well,that's disappointing, but we'll
just go to Publix and we'll getsome more cakes for the rest of
our clients, because ironically,these cakes were for a dentist
(18:27):
who was giving cakes to theirclients or something.
I don't know exactly who theywere giving them to, but it was
like a Christmas presentbasically.
And yeah.
So now I love to think aboutthat.
That was the worst possiblething that could have happened
during that project.
I ended up not making any moneyon that project because I had
bought all the ingredients aheadof time.
(18:48):
So what I got paid for the 20only covered the ingredients,
and then I didn't make any moneyfor all that work.
So that was the worst casescenario, basically for that.
Speaker 6 (18:58):
But at the end of the day.
Speaker 3 (19:00):
It wasn't that big of a deal.
It didn't ruin my business, itdidn't ruin me.
I still have the people I love.
It was an embarrassing thing,but you know it was fine.
Speaker 1 (19:19):
And see that's a perfect example of dealing with
stress, but kind of like saying,ok, I'm at the point where I
can't go further, so I'm goingto envision the worst, that I'm
not going to make these cakes,and accept that.
So what that immediately doesyour anxiety.
Now just came the dread ofmaking a phone call.
It wasn't the anxiety of tryingto finish the cakes, so that
(19:41):
anxiety now was probably smallerthan putting yourself at health
risk.
And that's one of the mostimportant things that we can do.
When we find that, hey, I'm atthe end of what I can do, that's
where the stop drop and roll.
I'm at the end of what I can do, that's where the stop drop and
roll.
I'm rolling out of this becauseI can't go a step further.
I'm going to have to admit tomyself and to whoever I'm this
is as far as I can go.
Yeah, and once you can admitthat to yourself and accept that
(20:05):
, it becomes easier to tellwhoever may be depending on you.
Yeah, I can't go a step further.
And here's one thing to keep inmind too when you get to a
point where you cannotphysically, emotionally,
intellectually, financially,whatever move another step, then
you need to accept that you'reat the you're at the limit of
(20:26):
your responsibility, and that'sa hard thing to do, that we have
to let go, because we don'tlike to feel like a failure.
Yeah, when it's impossible foryou to take a next step, you
have to accept this is the endof what I'm supposed to do here.
Wow, that's good, that's reallygood.
Speaker 3 (20:48):
That takes a lot of pressure off just in itself.
Like thinking about that, likethis is this as far as I can go.
This is the end of myresponsibility.
Speaker 1 (20:56):
I really like that and sometimes, when we get to
that point, we find that we'reactually giving some empowering
somebody else.
Speaker 2 (21:05):
Oh yeah, that's a beautiful thing that's so true
you stepping back can beempowering somebody else that's
been waiting for thatopportunity.
I love that.
That is powerful, really good.
That's good, all right.
So we have Okie.
Okie, come on down, come ondown the mic.
Thank you again for joining us.
Speaker 4 (21:26):
Can I do two?
I can't do two.
Can I do two?
I can't do two.
Can I do two?
Speaker 2 (21:32):
questions Sure, go right ahead.
Speaker 4 (21:34):
First one is for Mrs Killer Bee.
I always thought I was a peoplepleaser too, until I realized
that it's less I want to pleasepeople and more I don't want
confrontation.
Do you think maybe that's thecase for you?
Speaker 3 (21:54):
too.
I would say it's probably halfand half for me, because it is
important to me to bring joy topeople, to be helpful to people.
I love to be there for somebodyand when someone says I need
help with this, I love to be theperson to say I can help with
(22:19):
that.
But I also don't likeconfrontation, so I think that's
definitely part of it.
I do not like disappointingpeople.
I hate making people mad and Ihate the idea of someone yelling
at me.
So, yeah, I think it'sdefinitely.
They probably go right hand inhand for me.
Speaker 4 (22:32):
yeah yeah, we, we have a lot of comments it does
sound like that can I?
Speaker 1 (22:37):
can I share a thought on that too, please?
People pleasers tend to havethe biggest backpack of anxiety.
And the reason.
The reason I say that?
Because when you're a peoplepleaser, you're kind of
anticipating what can I do, howdo I get ahead of this, you know
(22:59):
, and people will dump on youbecause they begin to sense that
you're a people pleaser.
You're going to try and fix it,you're going to try and answer
it, you're going to try and bethere and it's going to put you
in that place where you know youmight have some other things
that you need to be doingpersonally for yourself, but
because you're a people pleaser,you begin to neglect yourself
and I don't want to disappointanybody.
Speaker 4 (23:22):
Yeah.
Speaker 3 (23:23):
I can see that.
Speaker 1 (23:26):
I posted in my Instagram about three weeks ago
a diagram called this is how youknow if you're a people pleaser
, and I'm going to post it again.
Speaker 3 (23:36):
Oh, yes, I would love to see that.
I would love to see that.
I already know the answer, butI still want to see it.
Speaker 2 (23:42):
We'll share it on the Killer Bee Studios too.
Speaker 3 (23:45):
I'd love to see that, definitely, definitely Okay.
Speaker 4 (23:48):
What's your?
Second question I don'tremember.
Speaker 2 (23:51):
Well, you can come back up in a little bit,
absolutely.
Speaker 3 (23:54):
Just hit the button.
Speaker 2 (23:54):
If you remember, hit the button again, All right.
So, Angela, come on down.
Angela.
Speaker 6 (23:59):
So I do feel both, by the way, quite a bit More
anxiety than stress, and I amalso not so much a peeper
pleaser as say, but I amsomebody who wants to take care
of people.
Yeah, more like I had a bunchof kids and then I, you know,
(24:21):
get these.
You know all these people thatneed my help all the time in my
family like so-and-so has cancer.
Well, angela will take care ofthem.
You know, I'm that person foreverybody.
I'm the caregiver.
Speaker 3 (24:37):
That's a gift, Like being a caretaker.
That is a gift.
You have a heart for people andthat is a beautiful thing, you
know, we just have to be carefulnot to neglect other important
things in our life.
Speaker 5 (24:50):
You know, and it's a whole thing about boundaries.
Speaker 3 (24:53):
You know, if you can't learn how to set
boundaries, then you will allowyourself to get worn down to
where you can't help anyoneanymore, because you can't even
help yourself.
You know and that's you know theperson he's talking about.
That's the position she's in,where she's never been willing
to set a boundary.
So now she's spent, she'sliterally just spent.
(25:15):
She can't even get out of bedsometimes.
And so if we can look at asituation like that and see I
don't want to get to that point,because now I see you can be no
good to anyone, not evenyourself, if you don't set a
boundary that will protectactually everybody in the
situation, it really doesprotect everybody in this
(25:36):
situation.
Speaker 1 (25:37):
You know I did a talk a few weeks ago called the
Liberating Power of the Word.
No and I close with no is acomplete sentence.
Speaker 2 (25:48):
Oh, that's good, that's good.
Speaker 1 (25:52):
That's really good.
Sometimes we don't need to givesomebody an explanation of why
we say no.
Speaker 3 (25:57):
Yeah, yep, isn't it weird that all of these things
are tying together, that you'realready talking about and we've
been talking about and thinkingabout like we didn't know that
medical coach had talked aboutany of these things recently.
It's just interesting that allthese things are tying together.
Speaker 1 (26:13):
There's a common theme that's going on right now
People are realizing they haveneeds and people are starting to
express needs, but people arestarting to look for answers and
looking for a safe space to sayhey, you know the bouncy houses
are fun and you know this isfun, but I have some questions
(26:34):
that I need answered.
Yeah, you know things aren'tfun anymore.
You know life has gotten realand I need to deal with the real
.
Yeah, yeah for sure, and one ofthe reasons why I did the talk
on the liberating power of no isfor people pleasers.
Speaker 3 (26:55):
Yeah, yep, definitely .
Speaker 1 (26:58):
Like you said, getting worn out.
And here's what happens beforeyou get worn out, sometimes you
get bitter and you get angry andthen you miss opportunities to
really help somebody who really,really needed your help.
But you can't see it becauseyou're so burnt out and you're
so tired from helping people whoeither didn't need it or didn't
(27:19):
respect it or misused it.
Speaker 3 (27:22):
Yeah Well, it's a tricky thing too for someone who
likes to take care of otherpeople when you get to the point
where you don't feel likeanyone's taking care of you and
then you think why am I doingall this?
Nobody even cares about whatI'm dealing with, you know.
So then you lose the joy ofserving people, which if you're
(27:42):
not serving people out of joyand out of love, then it's no
good anyhow.
So it's definitely it's a risk.
It's a big, you know, can be.
Speaker 2 (27:53):
So that leads me to another question, because when
you get to this point and we'regoing to bring up loss here in
just a second, that leads me toa question.
When I'm hearing you guys talkabout this and from a people
pleaser too, is there a and whenyou get to that point where all
that pressure is coming and youstart getting bitter because
that can I've definitely seenthat in myself, I know you've
(28:14):
seen it in yourself where we'vetaken on so much and we start
becoming bitter, I noticed thatwe're likely to start becoming
bitter to the people closest tous first, not the people that's
doing doing this.
So say it again yes, yes,exactly we, we, we, the people
(28:34):
closest to us.
We are bitter to them, not tothe people that are actually
causing this problem.
Right?
But my question on this is what?
How would you suggest bringingthis up to, to somebody that's
close to you?
Because for myself, this is me.
For myself, I've had people askme before, not ask me.
They've just said you'restressed.
(28:56):
Well, I don't like it.
If someone says you're stressed, I'm like.
Now, you know, I'm like that,just like you don't know, I'm
like I'm not stressed.
I'm not stressed at all.
Just what you're doing is notokay.
That's kind of like a thingthere.
But how do you approachsomebody?
Because some ways I'm like, ifthey ask like hey, are you okay?
Or you know, you think youmight be a little stressed.
(29:18):
I don't know.
I don't know what's the bestway to approach somebody that we
care about that is turning intothat bitter monster that we're
like whoa, what's going?
Speaker 5 (29:27):
on.
Speaker 2 (29:28):
I told you you had too much on your plate.
You need to take some of thisstuff off, like because I mean I
don't know.
What are your thoughts on that?
Speaker 1 (29:37):
First thing, you have to be honest with yourself.
Yeah, because when you say I'mnot stressed, yeah, maybe you
are Okay.
So you know, and I think,looking at yourself, it's okay.
All right, I am stressed.
Now I'm going to say somethingabout us guys.
How many guys are?
Just just three of us?
Is that what it?
Speaker 2 (29:57):
is OK.
There's four of us.
Speaker 1 (29:59):
There's four Good soldiers, ok, good soldiers.
Here's what happens.
Here's what happens when usguys you know we don't like to
admit that we're out of controlor there's something that's
slipping past our control.
Speaker 2 (30:12):
Before he goes any further.
Ladies, you cannot tell us thisif we're acting that way.
Look, you don't like to be toldthat you're out of control.
Speaker 3 (30:23):
All right, please continue.
Take that off of my list realquick.
Speaker 2 (30:26):
Take that off your list, Mrs Kelly.
Speaker 1 (30:29):
It's like it's a badge of honor.
I'm not stressed, I'm handlingthis, but I'm hollering at the
wife, the kids, the neighbors.
I'm hollering at people, but I'mnot stressed, you know, and I
think being honest withourselves and say, okay, I am,
and we have to accept the factwe can't do everything.
You know, our capes areprobably torn from so many
(30:52):
battles and we can't fly like weused to, and you know we're not
made of steel anymore, so wehave to admit, okay, uh, this is
.
This is getting a little bitbeyond me, and so sometimes just
being able to be honest withmyself also gives me a different
perspective on my load, becausemaybe the load is bigger in my
(31:12):
mind than it is in my hands.
Speaker 4 (31:16):
Wow.
Speaker 1 (31:18):
Because I'm, you know , I'm stressed and anxiety is
starting to build in.
Everything is piling up, kindof like that.
All that brush underneath thatwater, all this stuff is just
getting snagged there.
And you know, this debris, yeah, and I need to stop and say,
okay, this is what's reallybothering me, but all this other
debris is dragging me down andlet me be honest with myself,
(31:43):
this is what's going on.
You know, honey, I'm sorry, Iam stressed, you're right, I
didn't want to hear it.
But practice this price, honey,I am, I am stressed, you're
right, I didn't want to hear it,but practice this, brian.
Say, honey, I am stressed, sayit with me.
Speaker 3 (31:53):
Let me put this on the record I'm practicing right
now.
Speaker 4 (31:56):
Please Ms.
Speaker 2 (31:56):
Kilbrey, she's interrupting my practice.
I'm not getting bitter, I'mjust no.
Speaker 3 (32:02):
I just want to put this on the record that he
wasn't talking about me.
It wasn't me that brought up hewas stressed, it was somebody
else.
Speaker 5 (32:08):
I just want to put that on the record Okay, it's on
the record.
Speaker 3 (32:16):
Take note everyone.
I was just thinking while youwere talking about that too,
medicoach, you know if you needto bring that up to somebody,
like for whatever reason, like Ifeel like you're stressed.
I kind of put myself in thatposition while you were talking
(32:37):
about that and I thought youknow what I want someone to say
to me if they're going to say,hey, you look stressed, cause I
get what you're saying, mrKiller B.
Like it annoys me If someonesays you seem stressed, because
it's probably that what you'retalking about.
Like I don't want it to looklike I'm out of control in my
life, even though sometimes I am.
But what I would want someoneto say to me is I can see how
much you're doing, I can see howmuch you're carrying.
(33:01):
I'm sorry, what can I do?
Or whatever, Maybe even justacknowledging, because then it's
not like an accusation You'restressed, it's more like I see
you, you, I see where you're at,I see why you're feeling this
way.
Speaker 2 (33:17):
That'd be kind of like approaching it with like
empathy.
Speaker 1 (33:19):
First I would say so standing like yes I think, so
yeah, I recognize this isdisarming, because now I don't
have to defend myself.
Speaker 2 (33:31):
All right, so let's bring up.
We have three more questionsLost virtually.
Come on down, can you hear?
Speaker 5 (33:37):
me.
We can hear you.
You know, the great part aboutgoing through the pandemic is
that we were able to see howeveryone around us handled
stress, and we were able to seewho tapped out.
We were able to see who becameafraid and just shut down,
(33:58):
closed down, and we were able tosee who persevered and kept
climbing the hill.
And so we were able to see andthe thing about it is that
overcoming stress it's acharacter trait those who don't
overcome stress and let stresshandle them.
Needless to say, I mean, youknow so.
(34:19):
So at least that's what whatI've discovered with the, with
the pandemic, and some peopleresponded this way.
And some people responded thisway, and the people with the
great character, overcome,persevered.
Speaker 1 (34:34):
Can I clarify something there?
Yes, I hear what you're sayingwith the character flaw, but
there's another word that I liketo use, that I think that
really even fits even better,because I hear what you're
saying Personality traits have abig to do with how we handle
stress and manage things.
(34:56):
I don't know how many of youare familiar with Myers-Briggs
personality assessments anybodyfamiliar with that.
I'm a practitioner of that andI've done thousands of those
assessments for people in mypractice and many of them that
had to go through this, and I'vedone thousands of those
assessments for people in mypractice and many of them that
(35:22):
had to go through this camethrough because they were either
failing at their job or theywere having some kind of other
issue.
And I began to do some metricsand begin to identify people,
which personality types weremore prone to stress and anxiety
, which ones probably had thefastest recovery and those kind
of things.
Oh, and I hear what you'resaying with character, because
there's a part of character thatdoes deal with that too.
(35:44):
But I like to use personalitytrait because it gives a bigger
picture at least to me it doesof dealing with those kind of,
with those kind of things.
So I hope that helps.
But you know, but you're on theright track with the, with the
character things also thank youlost.
Speaker 2 (35:59):
Yeah, you know.
Can I ask you medicos too, aslost was sharing that, like
during the pandemic, when peoplebecame to get, uh, you know,
stress or anything like that,fears started creeping in.
Would fear fall more into?
Like the anxiety side of it?
It's like an after effect fromthe stress, like the anxiety
started kicking in which wascausing the fear.
(36:20):
Was it anxiety or was it stress?
Speaker 1 (36:22):
I think during the pandemic, from my observation, I
think the scales tipped on theanxiety side and the reason I
would say that because there wasso much uncertainty, people
didn't know what to expect.
You know we were washing ourhands 15 times a day.
We were wearing masks.
You know people wearingsnorkels and you know has mask
(36:44):
suits and you know.
Speaker 3 (36:46):
Lysol-ing in our mail .
Speaker 1 (36:50):
You know, and so we were doing all this stuff
because we were so anxious,because we didn't know what was
going on.
Now there were people who werestressed because, hey, they lost
their jobs.
So now they had currentpressure on them like, hey, how
am I going to feed my family?
So that's stress.
But the anxiety was, you know,I got to keep getting COVID.
(37:14):
So I'm spraying this down, I'mdoing this, you know, don't
cough.
You know, oh, I cough.
What's wrong with me?
Do I have it?
You know, you know, oh, Isneezed, oh no, yes, brings a
whole nother level into it.
Yes, I would say, the scales tip.
I think more toward anxiety,because we just didn't know.
Speaker 3 (37:34):
I could see that.
Speaker 2 (37:34):
No, yeah, good soldier was going to ask you
what are some ways that youwould recommend kind of dealing
with stress, like moving beyondit, like you know.
For himself, he said he likesto pray, that helps him.
So what are some ways?
For himself, he said he likesto pray, that helps them.
So what are some ways?
And to add to that I would liketo add do stress balls or those
(37:55):
things even work?
So I mean, I'm curious aboutthat too.
Speaker 1 (38:03):
Yeah, I think, distracting yourself from the
moment.
So stress balls you know you'remanipulating your hands, you're
doing something and, believe itor not, it's starting to relax
you because now you're focusingon moving these balls around in
your hands and stuff and, asyou're starting to do that,
begin to kind of relax a littlebit more, because you're focused
on this movement and it alsokind of untangles thoughts
(38:29):
sometimes.
So it's a relaxing motion, it'sa sensation.
So it's a relaxing motion, it'sa sensation, it's a repetitive
motion Breathing, gettingoutside, getting fresh air.
Oh yes, here's something that Ilearned from my mom.
When she would get stressed out, she would start singing hymns
(38:50):
and praises.
Oh, that's so beautiful.
That's when I could tell thatsomething was going on.
She starts singing and as a kidI didn't, you know, know that
she was dealing with something.
I just thought mom's singing,you know, yeah, but as I grew up
I realized that's how she dealtwith stress and anxiety.
She starts singing these songs.
So anything that you could findthat kind of relaxes you, that
(39:13):
puts you in a frame of mindwhere you're not so focused on
the issue at hand, is healthy.
And a lot of times the physicalthings really help the
emotional and psychologicalthings, because you're doing
some movement, you're gettingblood flow.
Um, step it into light.
(39:34):
When people have had some kindof psychological episode, one of
the worst things they could dois be in a dark room.
Speaker 3 (39:42):
Yes.
Speaker 1 (39:44):
So finding, finding light, sunshine.
It's amazing how, when you'restressed, if you can step out
into the sunshine and take adeep breath.
What an amazing moment itbecomes when you do that.
Speaker 3 (39:57):
There's so many things about sunlight and the
way that we respond to itphysiologically that are good
for our brain, good for our body, good for our immune system,
all of that.
Yeah, that's such a good point.
Speaker 2 (40:09):
Yeah, Mrs Kilby.
How about you?
What are some ways that you letgo of stress?
Is there anything that youpractice to do?
Speaker 3 (40:15):
Yeah, so most of my stress comes from when I'm
overwhelmed, like when I've gottoo many things on my plate,
I've overscheduled or whatever.
So my trick that helps me everysingle time is, if I start
feeling overwhelmed and stressed, first I'll stop.
I'll write down what I need toget done.
That kind of gets it out of mybrain and onto a piece of paper
(40:39):
and then it feels moremanageable.
When I can look at it on a listI think, oh well, it's not that
bad.
When it's all just swirlingaround in your brain it feels so
much bigger.
But then when I plan my days, Itry to build in some time to
stop doing everything and dojust something I enjoy,
(40:59):
something that relaxes me, youknow, reading, or taking a bath
or taking a walk or whatever.
And when I have that time, whenI tell myself like this half an
hour, I'm taking it for myself,have that time.
When I tell myself like thishalf an hour, I'm taking it for
myself, I just set a timer on myphone.
That way I don't have to thinkabout what time it is or what
else is on the list.
I just set the timer and Ithink I'll do whatever I want
(41:21):
right now for this 30 minutes orhow you know.
You might not have 30 minutes,but if you have 10 minutes even,
it's amazing the difference itmakes in the way your day feels.
If you're clicking from onething to another, to another, to
another, it can feel sostressful, even on your body,
because you're never givingyourself a break.
(41:42):
So that's my trick, that's mygo-to trick.
Speaker 2 (41:46):
That's the interesting thing is, like this
stress and anxiety definitelyplays a role in our health.
I know we're not even going toget into that, but I mean I've
been around where, even ifsomebody is talking negative, I
can feel like the tension in mybody now, like, yeah, I don't
want to be here, like I don'twant to listen to this, like I
can feel my body tension up.
I don't know if that's justbecause I'm getting older, but I
can feel it.
Speaker 3 (42:07):
I don't know.
I think you're just more intune.
Speaker 1 (42:10):
That's a show within itself.
If you ever deal with thattopic, call me back.
Speaker 3 (42:14):
All right, so I was just going to say can we just do
a stress and anxiety part two,like can we get that scheduled?
Because I feel like I have alot more to say and I know you
have a lot more to say, and Igot a lot more to say too, so
maybe Thanks for giving usconfetti, all right.
Speaker 2 (42:27):
Well, we'll talk to Medicoach to see if we can do
that.
We would love to do that,Awesome, Okay.
Well, we'll continue thisconversation later as we get
ready to wrap it up.
Medicoach, what would be atakeaway?
You would hope anybodylistening to the podcast or
anybody here live with us.
What would you hope theirtakeaway would be today?
Speaker 1 (42:45):
That we all have stress.
You know nobody's immune to it.
So take some time to get toknow yourself, know what your
triggers are, because if youdon't know what your triggers
are when they hit you, you don'trecognize.
You just know that you'vefallen to this place and learn
to take breaks, If you enjoyedthis episode don't forget to
(43:07):
follow this podcast and leave usa review.
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