September 23, 2025 • 10 mins
What happens when your child discovers something inappropriate online? Your reaction in that instant might be the most important parenting decision you make. Through a powerful personal story, we see how responding with gratitude for honesty and creating positive reinforcement fundamentally changes the parent-child dynamic around technology.
KEEPING KIDS SAFE ONLINE
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Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:01):
Welcome to the Next Talk podcast.
We are a nonprofit passionateabout keeping kids safe online.
We're learning together how tonavigate tech culture and faith
with our kids.
Avoid crazy parent mode.
Why is this important?
I want to start with a littlestory when my daughter first
(00:23):
earned Instagram and I sayearned.
You guys know I do not believein a kid just turning a certain
age and getting a phone orgetting social media.
It has to be based on theirbehavior.
So you can say, be 14 and dothis and this, but it can't just
be a birthday.
It's got to be more about theirbehavior.
(00:45):
So my child had earned her firstsocial media platform and we
were kind of learning, you know,what it was like to post and
that sort of thing.
And one day I was making dinnerand she rounded the corner and
she had her phone in her handand her eyes were wide open and
I knew in that moment it wasgoing to be like, like important
(01:05):
.
And she said to me mom, mom,I'm scrolling Instagram and so
and so posted beautiful picturesof a wedding.
And that was back in the daywhen you used a lot of hashtags
and it said hashtag wedding.
And she said I clicked thathashtag because I wanted to see
pretty dresses and what poppedup was just porn, like naked
(01:27):
people everywhere, guys.
And so she's telling me thisand she's showing me this.
Old Mandy would have literallylooked at my child and said I
tried to be cool, instamom, butwe are done here, delete the app
.
That's what old Mandy wouldhave done, but new Mandy, being
(01:49):
aware that creating a healthyrelationship is what's going to
keep my kids safe online, right,the next talk way.
Understanding that, new Mandydid not respond in any way like
that.
Instead, I said to my kid I amso proud of you, thank you so
much for sharing that with me.
(02:09):
You saw something online and itmade you feel weird and you
knew it wasn't right and youtold me and because you told me,
you can get a new app today.
Now she lit up.
I mean, this was years ago, itwas an experiment, like I didn't
know what I was doing.
So I kind of had to reel back aminute and said, okay, you can
have a new app, but I still haveto approve it.
I still have to make sure it'ssafe for you.
(02:31):
I didn't realize at the timewhat I was doing.
You know, I just was.
I knew that I had to build ahealthy relationship with my
kids about what they were seeingonline.
But looking back all theseyears, you guys, that moment was
one of the foundational momentsof us becoming a Next Talk
family.
Because I want you to thinkabout something.
(02:52):
Had old Mandy responded the wayI wanted to, okay, and I would
have made her delete Instagramand we're done here.
The next time that she goes toa neighbor's house or a friend's
house or she has shownsomething online, is she going
to tell me no, because then I'mgoing to not let her hang out
with that person, or I'm goingto take away whatever, because
(03:15):
that is what the setup is in myhome.
I'm creating.
It feels right.
It feels right because you'reprotecting your kid, but what
it's actually doing is creatingan environment where they're
going to lie to you because theydon't want to tell you, because
then they lose whatever theywant to play or whatever app
they want to be involved in.
New Mandy, on the other hand,new Mandy is creating positive
(03:40):
reinforcement.
You tell me you get morefreedom, if I can trust you, you
get more online access.
Right, and even that night Icrawled in bed with her because
you know, deuteronomy 6, 6 and 7says talk when you're going to
bed.
That's one of the key times.
And I remember scratching herback and I just asked her like
(04:03):
are you okay after seeing allthat?
Like I saw those pictures, Ireported it.
I saw even more like are youokay?
And we were able to have aconversation that night.
And it was a long conversation.
But I said to her honey, youknow, when you see stuff like
that, when you see pornography,it changes the way you see
(04:25):
people.
And so tomorrow when you go toschool, you may think different
things in the locker room or inthe bathroom or whatever.
You may think different thingsbecause of what you've seen.
That's why it's so important toprotect your heart and mind,
like you have to guard yourselfwhat you're going to allow in
your heart and your mind.
(04:45):
And then we also talked abouthow porn objectifies people.
Like we're more than body parts.
We've got skills, we've got apurpose on our life right, that
we're called to, that we'recreated for, and porn just makes
it about body parts.
We're more than that.
We shouldn't be objectified.
So what I did was, instead ofjust screaming out, don't watch
(05:10):
porn, I shifted to this approachof educating her about
pornography and allowing her tomake a decision about it.
Because if we're going to bereal, like all of our kids are
going to make that choice oneway or the other, like what is
your kid going to choose?
And if we just are continuallysaying it's bad, don't do it?
(05:31):
I don't know, but when I was ateenager, that didn't work with
me at all.
So it's really about theeducational piece of why we want
you to choose not to watchpornography.
But had I responded in crazyparent mode, I would have shut
out all of this conversation inour home about pornography and
the dangers of it and why theyshould guard their hearts and
(05:52):
minds from it.
So we've got to be reallycareful to overreact Now.
If you're like, oh no, lastnight my son brought me
something that he was playing onRoblox and I made him delete it
and I went psycho.
Okay, guess what you can do nowand I've had to do this many
times before you can go back toyour kid and apologize.
(06:15):
It goes something like this hey, do you remember last night
when you brought me the iPad andyou showed me that thing on
Roblox and I went crazy your kidis probably going to look at
you and be like, yeah, you arepsycho mom, just take that, let
them get away with that.
Then you say to your kid listen, I am so sorry that popped up
(06:40):
and you knew that it wasn't okayand you entrusted me with it
and I should have.
My first response should havebeen thank you for telling me.
I did get angry, and I gotangry because I'm so mad that
you're growing up in a worldwhere that's on a kid's app.
It shouldn't be, and I'm madabout that, that you're growing
(07:01):
up in this kind of world.
But I need you to hear me.
I'm not mad at you.
You did all the right thingsand so if you and I can keep
working together to keep yousafe, we're going to be fine.
But I need you to keep tellingme these things, reporting these
things to me, and my end of thebargain is I promise not to go
(07:26):
crazy parent mode.
Now I do want to say adisclaimer about this crazy
parent mode talking point.
Sometimes, when we are verycalm all the time, when our kids
tell us we may need to adjust,and what I mean by that is it's
okay if your kids are doingsomething super dangerous and
(07:49):
they see you elevate your voiceor be very stern with them that
this is not okay.
That is not what we're talkingabout here.
And an example of this would belike your four or five-year-old
runs out into the road, right,you're going to elevate your
voice, you're going to say stopbecause it's dangerous.
That is okay.
That's not what we're talkingabout here.
(08:11):
When I say avoid crazy parentmode, what I'm talking about is
all the time you're at a level10 when you should be talking to
your kid at a level 2 or 3,right and some of us are guilty
of this that we respond all thetime in crazy parent mode.
That is not going to beeffective.
(08:31):
It's not.
My default is to overreact likethat.
I've had to do a lot of work onmyself to make sure that I do
not respond this way.
My husband, on the other hand,he's very logical.
He never raises his voice, butyou guys, looking back over
their childhood, he raised hisvoice at my kids, probably two
(08:53):
or three times.
I could vividly remember and mykids still talk about it today.
Those were big moments whenthey were like whoa, I am in big
trouble right now.
I should not have done this,but he was able to do that
because on a normal basis, hewas not doing that.
It can't be the normal.
So when we say avoid crazyparent mode, it's part of the
(09:18):
Next Talk 10.
It is a core principle becauseif we cannot control our
overreactions, our kids are notgoing to confide in us.
It is foundational to creatinga culture in our home where we
can have a healthy dialogue withour kids.
This is the key to keeping themsafe online and off.
(09:42):
So it's very important that weunderstand and avoid crazy
parent mode.
Speaker 2 (09:50):
Next Talk is a 501c3 nonprofit keeping kids safe
online.
To support our work, make adonation at nexttalkorg.
Next Talk resources are notintended to replace the advice
of a trained healthcare or legalprofessional, or to diagnose,
treat or otherwise render expertadvice regarding any type of
medical, psychological, legal,financial or other problem.
You are advised to consult aqualified expert for your
(10:10):
personal treatment plan.
Welcome to the Next Talk podcast.
We are a nonprofit passionateabout keeping kids safe online.
We're learning together how tonavigate tech culture and faith
with our kids.
Avoid crazy parent mode.
Why is this important?
I want to start with a littlestory when my daughter first
(00:23):
earned Instagram and I sayearned.
You guys know I do not believein a kid just turning a certain
age and getting a phone orgetting social media.
It has to be based on theirbehavior.
So you can say, be 14 and dothis and this, but it can't just
be a birthday.
It's got to be more about theirbehavior.
(00:45):
So my child had earned her firstsocial media platform and we
were kind of learning, you know,what it was like to post and
that sort of thing.
And one day I was making dinnerand she rounded the corner and
she had her phone in her handand her eyes were wide open and
I knew in that moment it wasgoing to be like, like important
(01:05):
.
And she said to me mom, mom,I'm scrolling Instagram and so
and so posted beautiful picturesof a wedding.
And that was back in the daywhen you used a lot of hashtags
and it said hashtag wedding.
And she said I clicked thathashtag because I wanted to see
pretty dresses and what poppedup was just porn, like naked
(01:27):
people everywhere, guys.
And so she's telling me thisand she's showing me this.
Old Mandy would have literallylooked at my child and said I
tried to be cool, instamom, butwe are done here, delete the app
.
That's what old Mandy wouldhave done, but new Mandy, being
(01:49):
aware that creating a healthyrelationship is what's going to
keep my kids safe online, right,the next talk way.
Understanding that, new Mandydid not respond in any way like
that.
Instead, I said to my kid I amso proud of you, thank you so
much for sharing that with me.
(02:09):
You saw something online and itmade you feel weird and you
knew it wasn't right and youtold me and because you told me,
you can get a new app today.
Now she lit up.
I mean, this was years ago, itwas an experiment, like I didn't
know what I was doing.
So I kind of had to reel back aminute and said, okay, you can
have a new app, but I still haveto approve it.
I still have to make sure it'ssafe for you.
(02:31):
I didn't realize at the timewhat I was doing.
You know, I just was.
I knew that I had to build ahealthy relationship with my
kids about what they were seeingonline.
But looking back all theseyears, you guys, that moment was
one of the foundational momentsof us becoming a Next Talk
family.
Because I want you to thinkabout something.
(02:52):
Had old Mandy responded the wayI wanted to, okay, and I would
have made her delete Instagramand we're done here.
The next time that she goes toa neighbor's house or a friend's
house or she has shownsomething online, is she going
to tell me no, because then I'mgoing to not let her hang out
with that person, or I'm goingto take away whatever, because
(03:15):
that is what the setup is in myhome.
I'm creating.
It feels right.
It feels right because you'reprotecting your kid, but what
it's actually doing is creatingan environment where they're
going to lie to you because theydon't want to tell you, because
then they lose whatever theywant to play or whatever app
they want to be involved in.
New Mandy, on the other hand,new Mandy is creating positive
(03:40):
reinforcement.
You tell me you get morefreedom, if I can trust you, you
get more online access.
Right, and even that night Icrawled in bed with her because
you know, deuteronomy 6, 6 and 7says talk when you're going to
bed.
That's one of the key times.
And I remember scratching herback and I just asked her like
(04:03):
are you okay after seeing allthat?
Like I saw those pictures, Ireported it.
I saw even more like are youokay?
And we were able to have aconversation that night.
And it was a long conversation.
But I said to her honey, youknow, when you see stuff like
that, when you see pornography,it changes the way you see
(04:25):
people.
And so tomorrow when you go toschool, you may think different
things in the locker room or inthe bathroom or whatever.
You may think different thingsbecause of what you've seen.
That's why it's so important toprotect your heart and mind,
like you have to guard yourselfwhat you're going to allow in
your heart and your mind.
(04:45):
And then we also talked abouthow porn objectifies people.
Like we're more than body parts.
We've got skills, we've got apurpose on our life right, that
we're called to, that we'recreated for, and porn just makes
it about body parts.
We're more than that.
We shouldn't be objectified.
So what I did was, instead ofjust screaming out, don't watch
(05:10):
porn, I shifted to this approachof educating her about
pornography and allowing her tomake a decision about it.
Because if we're going to bereal, like all of our kids are
going to make that choice oneway or the other, like what is
your kid going to choose?
And if we just are continuallysaying it's bad, don't do it?
(05:31):
I don't know, but when I was ateenager, that didn't work with
me at all.
So it's really about theeducational piece of why we want
you to choose not to watchpornography.
But had I responded in crazyparent mode, I would have shut
out all of this conversation inour home about pornography and
the dangers of it and why theyshould guard their hearts and
(05:52):
minds from it.
So we've got to be reallycareful to overreact Now.
If you're like, oh no, lastnight my son brought me
something that he was playing onRoblox and I made him delete it
and I went psycho.
Okay, guess what you can do nowand I've had to do this many
times before you can go back toyour kid and apologize.
(06:15):
It goes something like this hey, do you remember last night
when you brought me the iPad andyou showed me that thing on
Roblox and I went crazy your kidis probably going to look at
you and be like, yeah, you arepsycho mom, just take that, let
them get away with that.
Then you say to your kid listen, I am so sorry that popped up
(06:40):
and you knew that it wasn't okayand you entrusted me with it
and I should have.
My first response should havebeen thank you for telling me.
I did get angry, and I gotangry because I'm so mad that
you're growing up in a worldwhere that's on a kid's app.
It shouldn't be, and I'm madabout that, that you're growing
(07:01):
up in this kind of world.
But I need you to hear me.
I'm not mad at you.
You did all the right thingsand so if you and I can keep
working together to keep yousafe, we're going to be fine.
But I need you to keep tellingme these things, reporting these
things to me, and my end of thebargain is I promise not to go
(07:26):
crazy parent mode.
Now I do want to say adisclaimer about this crazy
parent mode talking point.
Sometimes, when we are verycalm all the time, when our kids
tell us we may need to adjust,and what I mean by that is it's
okay if your kids are doingsomething super dangerous and
(07:49):
they see you elevate your voiceor be very stern with them that
this is not okay.
That is not what we're talkingabout here.
And an example of this would belike your four or five-year-old
runs out into the road, right,you're going to elevate your
voice, you're going to say stopbecause it's dangerous.
That is okay.
That's not what we're talkingabout here.
(08:11):
When I say avoid crazy parentmode, what I'm talking about is
all the time you're at a level10 when you should be talking to
your kid at a level 2 or 3,right and some of us are guilty
of this that we respond all thetime in crazy parent mode.
That is not going to beeffective.
(08:31):
It's not.
My default is to overreact likethat.
I've had to do a lot of work onmyself to make sure that I do
not respond this way.
My husband, on the other hand,he's very logical.
He never raises his voice, butyou guys, looking back over
their childhood, he raised hisvoice at my kids, probably two
(08:53):
or three times.
I could vividly remember and mykids still talk about it today.
Those were big moments whenthey were like whoa, I am in big
trouble right now.
I should not have done this,but he was able to do that
because on a normal basis, hewas not doing that.
It can't be the normal.
So when we say avoid crazyparent mode, it's part of the
(09:18):
Next Talk 10.
It is a core principle becauseif we cannot control our
overreactions, our kids are notgoing to confide in us.
It is foundational to creatinga culture in our home where we
can have a healthy dialogue withour kids.
This is the key to keeping themsafe online and off.
(09:42):
So it's very important that weunderstand and avoid crazy
parent mode.
Speaker 2 (09:50):
Next Talk is a 501c3 nonprofit keeping kids safe
online.
To support our work, make adonation at nexttalkorg.
Next Talk resources are notintended to replace the advice
of a trained healthcare or legalprofessional, or to diagnose,
treat or otherwise render expertadvice regarding any type of
medical, psychological, legal,financial or other problem.
You are advised to consult aqualified expert for your
(10:10):
personal treatment plan.
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