110: What Your Sexual Fantasies Are Really Trying to Tell You | The Surprising Way to Heal Porn Addiction (with Drew Boa)

What if your sexual fantasies weren’t the enemy, but the key to your healing?

In this powerful episode of the No More Desire Podcast, I sit down with my friend and fellow recovery leader Drew Boa, author of Outgrow Porn, to uncover what your sexual fantasies are really trying to tell you—and how to use them as a surprising pathway to heal porn addiction.

Most men believe that the way to stop porn is more willpower, more discipline, more accountability. But neuroscience and psychology show something radically different: porn addiction is never about porn. It’s about unresolved fear, shame, and grief—what Drew calls the “three great sexualizers.” When these emotions go unprocessed, they surface sexually in the form of specific fantasies, fetishes, and cravings.

Instead of battling your sexuality, it’s time to befriend it. In this episode, Drew and I dive deep into:

• The difference between arousal vs desire—and why separating them is key to porn addiction recovery.
• How to process your sexual fantasies without shame and discover the good desires underneath.
• Why parts work (Internal Family Systems) is one of the most powerful tools for porn recovery.
• The role of embodiment, vulnerability, and spiritual connection in lasting freedom.
• Why self-compassion, not self-hatred, is the real key to outgrowing porn.

I share some of my own raw, personal experiences in this episode, including the way my childhood wounds shaped my arousal template—and how facing them with courage transformed my recovery.

If you’ve ever wondered why your sexual fantasies seem so powerful, or how to move beyond the purge-binge cycle into true healing, this conversation will open your eyes and give you practical tools for your recovery journey.

Listen in and learn how to:

• Decode what your fantasies are really revealing about your story.
• Heal the underlying wounds of fear, shame, and grief.
• Experience freedom not by fighting yourself, but by listening with compassion.

This isn’t just about quitting porn. This is about becoming the man you were created to be—whole, connected, and free.

Head to outgrowporn.com to get Drew Boa's new book Outgrow Porn for 25% off using coupon code NOMOREDESIRE. Free bonus eBook included!

Resources & Links:

• Get Drew’s book: Outgrow Porn
  
  
• Explore Drew’s work: HusbandMaterial.com
  
  
• Join me at No More Desire for more resources on porn addiction recovery.

Support the show

No More Desire