116: How to Support a Partner Struggling with Addiction (Without Losing Yourself to Betrayal Trauma)

When you love someone who’s caught in addiction—whether it’s porn, alcohol, or anything else that numbs pain—the chaos doesn’t just stay with them. It spills into your relationship, your emotions, and even your identity.

In this episode of The No More Desire Podcast, I sit down with Holly Thornton, author of The Hardest Help, who’s lived through the agony of betrayal trauma, manipulation, and loss—and emerged with compassion, clarity, and tools that actually work.

Together, we explore what most recovery conversations miss: how addiction and betrayal trauma intertwine, and how both partners can begin to heal through boundaries, empathy, and truth.

If you’re a man working to overcome porn addiction, this episode will give you a powerful glimpse into what your spouse experiences on the other side of your addiction—and how understanding her pain can transform your recovery.

And if you’re the partner of someone battling addiction, you’ll learn how to support your loved one without losing yourself, why “rock bottom” is a dangerous myth, and what practical, compassion-based methods like the CRAFT approach can do to restore hope.

In This Episode, We Explore:

• How betrayal trauma affects the brain—and why partners of addicts often feel anxious, confused, or “crazy.”
• The myth of rock bottom and why waiting for collapse keeps you trapped in addiction.
• Emotional regulation tools rooted in neuroscience to calm the nervous system and build resilience.
• The psychology of boundaries—how to protect yourself and rebuild trust without punishing or controlling your partner.
• Why curiosity heals more than confrontation, and how to communicate in a way that promotes safety, not shame.
• How small daily actions rewire the addicted brain through neuroplasticity and consistency.
• Spiritual and psychological integration—how empathy, compassion, and ownership reconnect you to your True Self.

This conversation isn’t about blame—it’s about healing through understanding.

It’s about becoming a man who doesn’t just say “I’m sorry,” but lives as someone who’s safe to love.

Because real recovery isn’t just about quitting porn—it’s about becoming whole, grounded, and emotionally present enough to lead yourself and your relationship with integrity.

Link to Blog Article for this Episode

If you’re ready to build the mindset and lifestyle that lead to long-term freedom from porn addiction, visit NoMoreDesire.com and apply for my 1-on-1 Porn Addiction Recovery Coaching Program. You’ll gain the structured tools, accountability, and training you need to transform not only your habits—but your heart.

Grab my Free eBook and Free Workshop for more strategies to overcome porn addiction, rewire your brain, and rebuild your life

Follow Holly at thehardesthelp.com
or on Instagram @holly_jthorton

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