Sometimes we as addicts have troubles looking outside of ourselves. We may experience difficulty listening to others' troubles and being present for their physical or emotional needs.
This is not because we are inherently selfish, but because our past trauma and shame habits can make it hard for us to connect with others and look outside of ourselves, thus leading to unfortunately selfish acts, such as porn addiction.
Empathy and addiction do not coexist very well. This can be a hard truth for many of us addicts to face, but until we do we cannot change. We hold a lot of fear and shame inside, in other words we are afraid that the bad things that happened in the past - neglect, betrayal, failure - will happen again, and we question our worthiness of love.
We get stuck in an endless cycle of detachment and anger, rather than facing the underlying feelings of insecurity and unworthiness (shame habits) that follow us around everywhere we go.
We addicts desperately want those around us to feel loved and cared for. We want to be good and do good. It’s just that our own insecurities get in the way, and we don’t know how to overcome them; to get out of the cycle of fear, shame, and addiction that leads to selfish acts.
It’s not that we’re selfish, just temporarily damned in our progression, much as scripture states sinners are “damned to hell” - trapped in a cycle of suffering until we experience a fundamental change of heart through voluntary humility and God’s grace.
To feel true empathy, we addicts must find a new way of thinking and acting. Our own selfishness will continue to bar us from meaningful relationships until we can humble ourselves enough and be self-compassionate enough to put down our “shame-shield” that blocks us from love, and realize that we and those around us are all worthy of love in God’s eyes.
BUILD THE NO MORE PORN LIFESTYLE
FREE WORKSHOP: The 8 Keys to Lose Your Desire for Porn
FREE EBOOK: The 10 Tools to Conquer Porn Cravings
Intensive Porn Addiction Recovery Program
MORE ARTICLES
The 4 Root Causes of Porn Addiction
How to Help Someone with a Porn Addiction in 3 Steps
8 Rules to Get You 3 Months Sober from Porn
Stop Porn Cravings | 7 Tools to Overcome Fantasizing & Lust Habits
Trauma, Attachment, Shame & Porn Addiction
Popular Podcasts
Stuff You Should Know
If you've ever wanted to know about champagne, satanism, the Stonewall Uprising, chaos theory, LSD, El Nino, true crime and Rosa Parks, then look no further. Josh and Chuck have you covered.
Dateline NBC
Current and classic episodes, featuring compelling true-crime mysteries, powerful documentaries and in-depth investigations. Special Summer Offer: Exclusively on Apple Podcasts, try our Dateline Premium subscription completely free for one month! With Dateline Premium, you get every episode ad-free plus exclusive bonus content.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
I’m Jay Shetty host of On Purpose the worlds #1 Mental Health podcast and I’m so grateful you found us. I started this podcast 5 years ago to invite you into conversations and workshops that are designed to help make you happier, healthier and more healed. I believe that when you (yes you) feel seen, heard and understood you’re able to deal with relationship struggles, work challenges and life’s ups and downs with more ease and grace. I interview experts, celebrities, thought leaders and athletes so that we can grow our mindset, build better habits and uncover a side of them we’ve never seen before. New episodes every Monday and Friday. Your support means the world to me and I don’t take it for granted — click the follow button and leave a review to help us spread the love with On Purpose. I can’t wait for you to listen to your first or 500th episode!