March 30, 2024 • 31 mins
"You're constantly striving for more, you want to be thinner, you want to look better. And it's just like this toxic path that never really ends and it never gets you anywhere. I should have asked for help..."
On this week's episode I am joined by real story guest Natalia Szala. And this week's is a bit of a special one, as Nat is also my colleague and friend.
When we get together to film we'll often hash back to all of our previous dieting years, sometimes having those "holy moly, you did that too!" moments together.
And today we are sharing these all with you too!
Diving into our own battles with food, from the sneaky (and deceptive!) comfort of solo binge-eating sessions. To the quiet struggles so often hidden behind social media's "flawless" bodies.
We're peeling back the layers to let you know you'e not alone.
Nat and I dig into the whole external validation thing... Where what's oh-so often praised as 'discipline' can actually be reinforcing harmful habits.
And we shed light on the necessity of confronting the roots of disordered eating. So you can live a life without obsessing over food!
Want to ditch the diet culture for good? Get my Back to Basics app today - try it FREE for 7 days here. The customisable app helps you create a healthier relationship with food—no rigid rules or diet plans required!
Want to feel more in control around food? Check out my Stop Struggling With Food Guide, currently on sale for 40% off.
You’ll also find 50 of my favourite recipes to get you inspired!
Get my Free 5 Day Course to help you stop binge and emotional eating.
Looking for more support to feel in control around food? I'd love to support you in my Binge Free Academy.
Come follow me on the gram at @nude_nutritionist (no nude pics, sorry).
Want to share some feedback or have an idea for an episode, I'd LOVE to hear from you - hit me up at hello@lyndicohen.com
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:02):
When you feel that food is limited, it just makes
you want it so much more, andthat's what happened for me.
That triggered me so much.
I'm going to be real.
It's going to be like that ifyou are recovering.
Speaker 2 (00:16):
I'm keen to know what strategies you used in this
recovery phase.
I'll tell you a story.
Speaker 1 (00:29):
I remember always looking forward so much to a
binge, to planning out exactlywhat I'm going to eat and what
I'm going to have, getting itgoing to the supermarket.
It would pretty much always besomething like chips, nutella
bread, kit Kat, sometimes likepastries, cookies.
I would honestly it would be afeast.
(00:51):
It could feed multiple people,but really it was just for me.
I remember one time my mum wasgoing to be away for the weekend
and I got all this food.
I was so excited.
I pretty much ran up the hilljust to get home and put on my
favourite movie and just likeeat it.
(01:11):
And then I walk in the door andshe's home and I was so angry.
I was like why are you home?
You're meant to be out.
Like, what are you doing here?
And she's like, oh, no, thingshave changed.
And I was like what do you mean?
Like can't you just go?
And she's like what's going on?
What's all this food?
And I had to lie to her and say, oh well, I was going to invite
(01:35):
my friends over and you know wewere going to watch some movies
.
And now you're here and she waslike oh, you can still have
your friends over, sweetie.
Oh, mum, that is not it.
Speaker 2 (01:52):
Hello everyone and welcome to this week's episode
of no Wellness.
Wengie, I am stoked becausesitting in front of me is my
colleague and, I guess, myfriend, nat Jalla.
Natalia Jalla, it's so nice tohave you here.
Speaker 1 (02:04):
Thanks, lindy, it's so great to be here.
I'm a big fan, obviously, ofthe no Wellness Wengie podcast
and I've had a little go at thisbefore and so this is only my
second time.
So second time recording, yes,no, but I'm very excited, very
excited to share my story.
Speaker 2 (02:21):
You and I chat because you run my socials.
If anyone's following me onsocial media, yes, it's Nat and
I.
We collaborate and you probablywould have seen in the last few
months my social media game hasgotten a whole lot better.
That's because Nat startedworking with me about six months
ago and you and I just sitaround every Tuesday and we hash
back to all our previousdieting years and we tell our
(02:44):
stories to each other andsometimes we have these moments
of going holy moly, did you dothat too?
I did that, and so oftendisordered eating and eating
disorders exist with no one'swatching, no one's hearing.
We think we're alone.
We were so isolated and I thinkthis is why I wanted to have
you on the podcast so we canshare our stories and go.
You're not alone if you'relistening and you're not crazy.
(03:06):
You're very normal and I wantto hear from you.
I want to hear about how didyou get started dieting?
Take me through.
When did it start?
Speaker 1 (03:14):
Yeah, so for me, I think it really started when I
was around 14, 15.
I remember what reallytriggered me was Instagram.
So before that, you know, Ithink I had a really healthy
relationship with food.
I grew up, you know, with mymom, always like having positive
messages to me around my body,like never commenting badly
(03:35):
about how I look, like nevercommenting about my weight or
anything like that.
And it wasn't until Idownloaded Instagram and I
remember specifically seeingthis photo of a girl and she was
wearing those Nike Pro shorts.
I think you know which one I'mtalking about.
Oh, I know I had them pinned onmy wall.
Yes, yes, you did.
You took it one step furtherthan me, but, yeah, no, she had
(04:01):
like a visible abs.
She looked great and I thoughtI want to look like her.
How do I look like her?
So I started researching and Istarted Googling and I was like
you know, what did you?
Speaker 2 (04:11):
Google.
What were you Googled?
Speaker 1 (04:12):
I searched.
You know how to get a flatstomach, how do I get a thigh
gap?
And all this stuff that cameout was, you know, my fitness
pal, do this meal plan, 1200calories.
It all started from there and Ithought, cool, yep, I can do
that.
So I started, you know,downloading my fitness power,
(04:34):
tracking how much I was eating.
I remember counting down to thegrapes.
I got very specific, I got verystrict and I was good at it.
I really was.
I was really good atrestricting and sticking to you
know, those 1200 calories for awhile until, you know, I did
start to get hungry and that'swhere I had those periods of,
(04:57):
you know, eating quite a lot offood and then I would feel
guilty and I would restrict.
It wasn't I don't think I was abinge eater then.
I definitely still had adisordered relationship with
food, but that cycle continuedfor years and years.
What did people around you say?
So I was really good at hidingit.
So my mum would always pack melunch, a sandwich, some fruit,
(05:19):
yoga, that kind of stuff.
Like dinner was like meat, veg,just normal kind of food, and I
would eat that.
But I would always throw awaymy lunch and just eat like fruit
.
I remember sticking to fruitbecause for me that felt safe, I
could very easily track it.
And then no one else reallycommented, no one really paid
(05:42):
attention.
My friends didn't really sayanything because I guess they
were distracted with themselves.
Had they noticed that you'dlost weight.
Yes, they did, and actually,funnily enough, that's when I
started to get so much moreattention from boys and that, I
guess, encouraged me to keepgoing, because, especially at
that age, you do want to getattention, you want to be seen
(06:06):
as the hot girl, the cool girl,and I definitely got that and I
thought, okay, well, what I'mdoing must be right, because
people are seeing me Like, yes,this is what I want.
So I kept doing it, and then itjust got so much worse from
there, because I actually joineda gym and I became a cardio
bunny.
Speaker 2 (06:26):
And your friends say to you oh my goodness, you're so
disciplined.
I wish I could be like you.
Speaker 1 (06:30):
Yes, yes, they did.
So the cardio, like I wasobsessed.
So excessive exercise,excessive, and I was exhausted,
and this continued for quite awhile.
We got to the stage where Iactually lost my period,
obviously because I was undereating, overexercising.
I went to the doctor and thedoctor prescribed me on the pill
(06:54):
.
They said this will help youregulate your period.
This is how you're going to getit back.
And I thought, okay, thatsounds good.
No one asked me are you eatingenough?
Are you overexercising?
That was completely out of thequestion.
Speaker 2 (07:08):
No one suspected that you had disordered eating.
What they saw your body andthey thought you don't look like
you have an eating disorder,which is one of the things we
see all the time.
In fact, they saw all yourdisordered eating patterns
You're overexercising and theythought well done, you're
healthy.
We're so proud of you and thatjust further endorsed you to
keep going.
Can you tell me then, when didyou start binge eating?
Speaker 1 (07:32):
So I started binge eating when I was around 16.
That's when it got really bad.
I remember specifically after Igot my braces and after I got
them put on and everyone said tome oh my God, you're going to
lose so much weight, so muchmore weight, because you won't
be able to eat all these foods.
And that triggered me so muchthat I ate all the foods I
(07:52):
wasn't meant to be eating, likeI was in pain and agony eating
the hard foods that I shouldn'tbe, just because I wanted to eat
.
I just like the idea of havingthe food restricted and you know
we talk about this all the time.
You know you talk about this alot.
It's that restrictive cyclethat when you fear that food is
limited, it just makes you wantit so much more.
(08:13):
And that's what happened for me, and I actually gained quite a
bit of weight.
In saying that, I never got to astage of being overweight and
that's what you would call alittle bit chubby.
So I guess that's why my eatingdisorder went undiagnosed
forever.
Really, no one ever diagnosedme.
I never wanted to admit toanyone that I have it because I
(08:34):
was so embarrassed, like how doyou go to a doctor and tell them
hey, I can't stop eatingchocolate, I can't stop eating
all the cupcakes that my mumgets for other people, like I
feel so out of control.
It's embarrassing, like youfeel embarrassed and you know,
and there is that stigma likeyou shouldn't be doing that
(08:54):
that's not normal and it'sdefinitely not talked about
enough.
So for me, I just, yeah, Icompletely lost control around
food and I went from cycles ofrestricting a lot it would be
probably like a week or so oflike just not eating enough and
then like two to three weeks ofjust completely losing control
(09:18):
and eating everything,everything and anything.
And this pattern you kept ithidden, right?
Yeah, I kept it hidden.
I never, ever told anyone,never told my friends.
I hid it from my mum.
Of course.
She knew something was up,because she could tell there was
a lot of food constantlymissing, and so what she
(09:40):
actually did was she took me tothe doctor and she thought I had
a worm in my stomach.
So she went to the doctor andshe said, look, I think my
daughter has a worm becauseshe's eating so much, and like,
and I thought I did too.
I thought it makes sense.
(10:01):
This is why I'm so hungry allthe time.
Speaker 2 (10:05):
It's so funny, we laugh about it.
And we have to laugh about itbecause it's such a ridiculous
situation.
It was so unsuspected that youmight have an eating disorder
that the possibility of having aworm was more likely even to a
doctor.
And the story you've beentelling yourself is I'm too
hungry, there's something wrongwith my appetite and,
(10:25):
fundamentally, the real problem,which is the problem I see with
so many clients is they're noteating enough during the day.
You were fundamentally starvingyourself.
So, yes, even if yesterday youdid eat enough, if you have
starved yourself for weeks andweeks before, your appetite has
some fundamental changes whereyou are hungrier than, I guess,
what you probably think youshould be, and so you had
created this food monster.
Speaker 1 (10:47):
Exactly, that's exactly it.
Speaker 2 (10:49):
How do you feel when you were in this obsession where
food controlled your life?
Speaker 1 (10:56):
I just thought this is normal.
I guess this is what I'm goingto feel like forever, and I
remember daydreaming andplanning of the day where I
could actually eat what I wantedto eat within my day.
I always thought my diet isgoing to have an end date, this
is going to end, and then I willbe able to eat a toasted
sandwich for lunch and actuallya yummy yoga bowl and still
(11:21):
healthy food, but actually eatenough.
I was daydreaming of that.
I was quite literally dreamingabout food.
It's how restrictive I got andhow obsessed I got.
But you know, no matter howhard I tried, I always would end
up losing the weight andregaining it.
So that end date never reallycame for me.
It was just a constant ongoingcycle.
Speaker 2 (11:45):
What was your breaking?
Speaker 1 (11:46):
point.
My breaking point was uni, sothat's where my eating disorder
completely went out of control.
I felt like a terrible friendbecause I would live with
housemates and I would eat theirfood and I tried to replace it
as much as I could.
You know, sometimes I couldn'tbecause it was food that was not
(12:09):
replaceable.
I remember there was a timewhere one of my housemates, she,
made this batch of bologneseand I would just kind of peek at
it day by day and theneventually there was very little
left, like keep in mind, Ithought that she was eating it
too.
And then it got to the end ofthe week and she was like
(12:32):
where's my bolognese?
And of course I was soembarrassed I was like I can't
tell her that I ate it.
I thought she was eating it toothroughout the week, like she
meal prepped it, and I just feltawful.
And to this day I feel awful.
And you know, I thought, likehow can I admit to someone that,
like I'm eating the food?
(12:53):
Like there's something wrongwith me.
I must be a terrible friend.
But really we know that this isactually normal behaviour for a
binge eater.
Like this is what happens.
So you know, if you'relistening and you're thinking.
You know I'm a terrible person.
I do this Like I eat my kidsfood, like I eat my housemates
food.
Please don't.
You know there's nothingactually wrong with you.
(13:13):
This is your eating disorder.
This is what it does to you.
It controls you.
It makes you turn into anobsessed human being and you
need to.
You know you need to work onthat.
You need to work on building ahealthy relationship with food.
You need the support toactually get there.
But that's something that Ididn't do and that's something I
regret so, so much.
(13:34):
Because because I wasted somany years saying no to plans
and you know, just feeling outof control around food, that I
would avoid going out withfriends, avoid social situations
.
I would just stay home andbinge and be sad, because I
didn't want to admit that I hada problem, because I was so
(13:58):
embarrassed and so scared ofwhat might happen and that's
definitely my biggest regret inlife.
You know I should have askedfor help and I wish that I had
that help in front of me or nearme where I could access that
support, but I never felt like Idid.
You know, it was just like itwasn't talked about and, yes, I
(14:18):
did learn about it at uni, so wetalked about.
I studied nutrition, so ofcourse I studied about eating
disorders.
But I thought, no way, that'snot me Like, it's just my
willpower.
There's absolutely no way.
I haven't any disorder.
This is normal.
It's normal to feel out ofcontrol around food and to binge
eat and, to you know, hide itand eat it in secret.
(14:39):
No, it's not normal.
Speaker 2 (14:42):
And you don't need to live like that.
I think that's a fundamentalthing.
I get so many emails frompeople saying I've been like
this for so long.
I don't know any other way to be.
I don't think I could be anyother way.
I think there's somethingfundamentally wrong with me, and
everyone else seemed to get it.
They can stop eating when theyfeel full.
They wait till they feel hungry.
It's nothing wrong with me.
(15:02):
It's not.
Tell me about where you are now, because the person in front of
me is is not the person who'sshying away from life, who's
meek and mild in the corner,who's saying no to opportunities
you live.
Big and Huge part of that isbecause your eating disorder is
something you have overcome.
(15:22):
How did?
What was the turning point foryou?
Speaker 1 (15:26):
So it wasn't until I finished uni that I realized,
you know, I actually want to bein the workforce, I want to help
people and I need to takecontrol.
You study to be a nutritionist?
Speaker 2 (15:36):
Yes, and, for the sake, I always talk about the
fact I became a nutritionist and, by the way, if you're a
nutritionist, dietitian,listening there are so many of
us who end up going into thisprofession precisely because we
think, oh what, how brilliant wecan get paid for our obsession.
Oh great a profession that willfeed the thing I can't wait to
read about all the time.
And so, just like me, youbecame a nutritionist, for I
(15:56):
guess the wrong reasons, ahundred percent.
Speaker 1 (15:58):
I thought I'm gonna help people, you know, to lose
weight, to be healthier.
I didn't actually know whatthat meant, but I thought, no,
this is gonna be my goal.
And then I realized, you know,I Am out of control.
I actually got really depressedas well after uni.
There was a lot of thingshappening and my eating disorder
just completely it was stillout of control.
I moved in with my boyfriendand his brother and I Started
(16:23):
doing like a casual job, infashion.
Of course, that just triggeredme even more, and that went on
for quite a while untileventually I thought you know, I
have to do something.
So I started slowlyreintroducing Different foods.
How did you know to do this?
I just did more research.
I thought, you know, there'ssomething wrong with my gut.
(16:44):
So it actually started with mygut.
It was completely messed up,and that's actually quite common
as well.
You know, if you're a bingeeater, you might experience a
lot of bloating, discomfort, allthat kind of stuff.
Your digestion is messed up.
Speaker 2 (16:56):
In addition if you are restricting, people say I
feel really bloated, my gut's ina terrible place, but I'm not
eating anything.
What is it?
And we get wrongly a diagnosedwith IBS kind of symptoms.
But the fundamental problem isyou are stressed, you're not
eating or you're eating too mucha hundred percent and that's
what it was.
Speaker 1 (17:10):
I thought I had IBS.
So it started with anelimination diet, as you would
think, and then I slowlyreintroduced foods and I found I
slowly did feel better.
There were still cycles where Iwould go back and I was binge
eating and I was eating normaland then eventually, like that,
slowly, slowly eased.
I also stopped working at cook.
(17:30):
I Got a job that I actuallyliked.
I felt a lot more supportedfrom my friends and Just
everyone around me not that Iwasn't ever supported, you know,
I always had like a greatemotional support from my family
and friends.
But I got to a point where Iwas actually happy in life.
I was doing things that made mehappy.
I guess that's another point ofyou know.
(17:52):
An eating disorder like bingeeating disorder.
It often means that there'ssomething missing in your life
and you know it's hard to findthat if you have so much going
on and you feel so out ofcontrol like how do you get
there?
It's good to have that kind ofsupport and guidance from
someone.
So because I didn't have that,mind you, it took years to get
to a stage where I felt normalaround food.
(18:14):
I could have chocolate in thehouse and I wouldn't eat the
whole thing beforehand.
Absolutely mind-blowing.
There's no chance.
I just thought there'sabsolutely never, ever, ever,
ever going to be a day when Ihave chocolate and I don't eat
it All in one sitting never.
But I promise you, if you'relistening and you feel like this
(18:35):
, I promise you that day cancome, because that's you now,
that's me now.
Like I can have chocolate, Ican have anything in the house
and I don't binge on it.
Like I can't remember the lasttime when I felt how I felt,
where I would binge eat.
You know that.
You know that feeling whenyou're lying in bed and you just
feel so physically ill.
(18:55):
Oh, I know that feeling, thatyou just like you can't even
fall asleep because you're sofull and you're just so like
Sick and hateful and hateful.
Speaker 2 (19:04):
You're so angry yourself.
Speaker 1 (19:06):
You're so angry?
Speaker 2 (19:07):
I'm a mental and a physical kind of ick, so I'm
keen to know what strategiesthat you use to help you along
the way that other people mightgo.
Oh, I might want to try that.
If you're kind of in thisrecovery phase, going Okay, what
do I do next?
Did you start listening to yourhunger as well?
Speaker 1 (19:29):
So my hunger was out of whack.
I'm going to be real and it'sgoing to be like that.
You know, if you are recovering.
It was really hard for me tolisten to my hunger because I
was so restricted.
I didn't even know like whatdoes hunger even feel like?
Like what does it feel like?
So I did a little bit moreresearch into what that is like
and, honestly, it wasn't until Iactually did like different
(19:50):
strategies of you know going outand eating the foods that I
wanted, actually allowing myselfto have that, and then I felt,
okay, I'm actually satisfied.
And after that, instead of youknow, completely binge eating
for the rest of the day, I wouldthink, okay, am I actually
hungry?
No, I'm not.
So I'm going to have somethinglight and I would try to kind of
(20:13):
just like ease into that slowlyand if you were hungry, you
said I'm going to eat.
I'm going to eat.
I need to eat.
You know, this hasn't worked.
I've spent so many yearsdieting and restricting and I'm
still not at my goal weight,like I need a break.
So for me it's really was.
It was more of like I'm justgoing to have this break and
(20:36):
then maybe I'll try again.
Speaker 2 (20:37):
Right, and then I'm going to have a break from
dieting, a break from dieting,and that's what helped you go.
I'm going to stay here.
I'm just going to sit with thisdiscomfort and the discomfort
of eating when I feel like Ishouldn't be eating and the
discomfort of feeling guilt.
I'm just going to sit herebecause it's temporary.
Yes, exactly.
And the other thing you'resaying is you said to yourself
I'm, I know what dieting, I'vetried the dieting thing, I know
(20:58):
how it's led, I know, if I keepgoing on the dieting, where it's
going to continue to lead me.
What do I have to lose by goingdown this pathway?
Speaker 1 (21:05):
Was is that it 100% Like I, literally I have nothing
to lose at this point.
I've lost so many years sayingno to things, you know.
I've lost so many years sittingat home in my bedroom watching
a show that made me feel likecrap and I would just be eating
Like it wasn't fun.
I was so sick of not having funand living my life and living a
(21:27):
small life With a small bodyWith a small body yeah, like it
got me nowhere.
You know like what that I gotattention from boys.
You know I actually don't care.
That's not going to bring youhappiness.
Having more attention fromsomeone praising you how you
look, that's not going to makeyou happy.
Speaker 2 (21:44):
I'm so glad that my starving myself pleases you.
You know, were you scared ofgaining weight.
Speaker 1 (21:51):
Yes, I was Honestly like.
I reminded myself I wentthrough this cycle so much and I
didn't actually lose any weightbecause, mind you, throughout
this whole process I would takebefore photos, which ended up,
you know, for my after photos,but I never got the after photo.
Let's see if all these beforephotos I would never all these
(22:14):
before photos of me being likesuper bloated, Like I would
always take them purposely whenafter a binge, because I was
like this is the worst I'm goingto look.
My after photo is going to beepic because, like, I have this
before bloated photo and thenthis after photo where I'm super
slim.
I never got there, so I keptall those photos.
Speaker 2 (22:34):
But you did lose some weight when you were doing the
restrictive phases.
But was it just that you justnever thought that was the end
point?
Speaker 1 (22:40):
I never I actually never thought that I was thin
enough.
You know, looking back, yes, Ilost weight and I was slim, but
in that time, in that moment, Ithought no, I'm not good enough.
Because you know, when you askI can that cycle?
You're constantly striving formore, you want to be thinner,
you want to look better, andit's just like it's this toxic,
(23:01):
toxic path that never reallyends and it never gets you
nowhere.
Like and if you're listening,you've been there, you know you
lose weight and you're like oh,actually, maybe just a little
bit more, maybe just likeslightly slimmer stomach, like
my bum could be just a littlebit perky, and you chase it, and
chase it and it just gets younowhere.
Speaker 2 (23:21):
It's very relatable, hmm, and I think so many people
go.
Well, I did lose weight bygoing on a diet, but I think the
thing is, if you didn'tmaintain that weight and you
ended up gaining more weightthan you originally started out,
then actually that was theresult of dieting.
It wasn't the weight loss.
That contrary, weight loss isnot the result Nat, I know
you've got some good stories.
Yes, anything that you canshare with us to help us all
(23:45):
feel less alone.
Speaker 1 (23:46):
Okay, so that's one story that I do want to share
with you.
I remember one time this waswhen I was at uni I had a long
day.
I was going to be good that day, but I was starving.
I finished an assignment and Ithought, you know, I deserve to
eat something good.
I deserve to eat what I'mreally feeling.
I'm going to go all out.
So I ordered a pizza and Iordered, like this, chocolate
(24:08):
fudge sundae with ice cream togo with it as well.
It was from Domino's, if youknow.
You know, and I was so excitedI got the message you know the
your deliveries here.
I quickly ran out to grab it.
I got it and then I realized Ilocked myself out of my
apartment.
(24:28):
It was like 11 PM, you know,all my friends were asleep, it
was like a school night and Ithought crap, I'm going to have
to call a locksmith.
And I was so, so embarrassed ofthe locksmith turning up and
seeing me with a pizza anddessert that I threw it out and
(24:51):
it broke me.
I can't even explain the angerand the sadness that I felt in
that moment.
I thought this was going tomake my day so good and now I
have to let it go because I'm soembarrassed.
Like what's he going to say?
Speaker 2 (25:08):
Do you think the locksmith would judge you?
Speaker 1 (25:10):
The locksmith, I thought he's going to think I'm
crazy.
Like why is this girl orderinga pizza and a dessert at 11 PM?
Like how dare she?
Yeah, how dare she eat, yeah,literally.
So, yeah, that was like a.
I thought that was a turningpoint for me and you know, I
think I had a lot of pointswhere I thought this is a
turning point.
This is where things are goingto get better.
(25:31):
There was another time where Iwas walking to uni and I felt so
disgusted in myself because Iate so much that day before, you
know that really heavy feelingthat you have and you just feel
puffy and you just feel bloated.
And I remember walking to uniand I was just like I can't do
this, I just can't do this.
And this was actually a daywhere we had to do, like, body
(25:52):
measurements and that was sotriggering for me.
You know the skin folds, allthat kind of stuff, and I kid
you not, I broke down bawling myeyes out on a busy Burwood
Highway.
It was Burwood Highway.
I remember exactly and Iremember that moment telling
myself this is the turning point.
Speaker 2 (26:13):
This is the turning point.
Was it in fact a turning point?
And it?
Speaker 1 (26:15):
wasn't.
Speaker 2 (26:16):
It wasn't so there were multiple low points where
you, just because dieting is sosinister in that it makes us
think you know, no, actuallylet's try it again.
Speaker 1 (26:26):
Yes, yeah, I had so many, I had so many and it was
just like.
You know, when you're good andyou feel like you're really on
track, so you have those lowpoints, and then you're like, no
, I'm gonna be good.
And you wake up and you're good, you're perfect.
You know, you have that yogurtand berries and oats, no honey,
like you're killing it.
You're on a strike and thensomething happens and you're
(26:50):
like this would just make mefeel so much better, like that
chocolate, the Kit Kat, nutellabread, and you have it and
you're like I am a failure andit's just like an ongoing cycle.
And you know, if you've beendoing it for years and years and
years, it kind of starts tofeel familiar and you're like
you know, maybe this is whatlife is gonna be like, maybe
(27:12):
this is what my life is, butit's not.
It doesn't have to be like this.
Speaker 2 (27:18):
Well, I am so impressed by you, by the huge
transformation that I've seen inyou even in the six months that
you've been working with me.
It's just been very, very coolto watch.
Speaker 1 (27:28):
Thank you.
It's honestly, it's sorewarding working with you and
you know there's so many timeswhere, like I, literally get
shivers because to me, to thinkthat you know we are changing
people's lives and you know,hopefully forever and for the
better.
Like it honestly, like itbrings it almost brings me to
(27:48):
tears, like it's just that hastears in her eyes as she's
saying this, by the way.
It's just yeah, and you know,that's where, like, a lot of the
inspiration comes from for thecontent.
Like, if you watch our contentand you're like, wow, like I can
relate, it's because we've beenthere, we get it, we get it.
Speaker 2 (28:07):
Mm-hmm, nat, I'm so grateful for you sharing your
story.
Thank you for sharing with usand helping us realize that we
can get help.
It's never too late and you canbe in the depths and the
darkness of your disorder andget full recovery.
Thank you for having me, Lindy.
Speaker 1 (28:27):
Oh God, what a pleasure.
Ha, ha, ha.
Speaker 2 (28:33):
Everyone.
I'm so glad that you listenedto this episode.
If you want more real chatspeople like yourself, if you
want to share a story perhapsyour story and how far you've
come I would love to speak toyou.
Please reach out tohelloatlindycoancom.
That's helloatlindycoancom, andI would love to hear your story
(28:53):
and hopefully have you on thepodcast as well, helping other
people realize that we are notalone and share some of your
best tips with them.
Thanks for listening and I'llsee you next time.
When you feel that food is limited, it just makes
you want it so much more, andthat's what happened for me.
That triggered me so much.
I'm going to be real.
It's going to be like that ifyou are recovering.
Speaker 2 (00:16):
I'm keen to know what strategies you used in this
recovery phase.
I'll tell you a story.
Speaker 1 (00:29):
I remember always looking forward so much to a
binge, to planning out exactlywhat I'm going to eat and what
I'm going to have, getting itgoing to the supermarket.
It would pretty much always besomething like chips, nutella
bread, kit Kat, sometimes likepastries, cookies.
I would honestly it would be afeast.
(00:51):
It could feed multiple people,but really it was just for me.
I remember one time my mum wasgoing to be away for the weekend
and I got all this food.
I was so excited.
I pretty much ran up the hilljust to get home and put on my
favourite movie and just likeeat it.
(01:11):
And then I walk in the door andshe's home and I was so angry.
I was like why are you home?
You're meant to be out.
Like, what are you doing here?
And she's like, oh, no, thingshave changed.
And I was like what do you mean?
Like can't you just go?
And she's like what's going on?
What's all this food?
And I had to lie to her and say, oh well, I was going to invite
(01:35):
my friends over and you know wewere going to watch some movies
.
And now you're here and she waslike oh, you can still have
your friends over, sweetie.
Oh, mum, that is not it.
Speaker 2 (01:52):
Hello everyone and welcome to this week's episode
of no Wellness.
Wengie, I am stoked becausesitting in front of me is my
colleague and, I guess, myfriend, nat Jalla.
Natalia Jalla, it's so nice tohave you here.
Speaker 1 (02:04):
Thanks, lindy, it's so great to be here.
I'm a big fan, obviously, ofthe no Wellness Wengie podcast
and I've had a little go at thisbefore and so this is only my
second time.
So second time recording, yes,no, but I'm very excited, very
excited to share my story.
Speaker 2 (02:21):
You and I chat because you run my socials.
If anyone's following me onsocial media, yes, it's Nat and
I.
We collaborate and you probablywould have seen in the last few
months my social media game hasgotten a whole lot better.
That's because Nat startedworking with me about six months
ago and you and I just sitaround every Tuesday and we hash
back to all our previousdieting years and we tell our
(02:44):
stories to each other andsometimes we have these moments
of going holy moly, did you dothat too?
I did that, and so oftendisordered eating and eating
disorders exist with no one'swatching, no one's hearing.
We think we're alone.
We were so isolated and I thinkthis is why I wanted to have
you on the podcast so we canshare our stories and go.
You're not alone if you'relistening and you're not crazy.
(03:06):
You're very normal and I wantto hear from you.
I want to hear about how didyou get started dieting?
Take me through.
When did it start?
Speaker 1 (03:14):
Yeah, so for me, I think it really started when I
was around 14, 15.
I remember what reallytriggered me was Instagram.
So before that, you know, Ithink I had a really healthy
relationship with food.
I grew up, you know, with mymom, always like having positive
messages to me around my body,like never commenting badly
(03:35):
about how I look, like nevercommenting about my weight or
anything like that.
And it wasn't until Idownloaded Instagram and I
remember specifically seeingthis photo of a girl and she was
wearing those Nike Pro shorts.
I think you know which one I'mtalking about.
Oh, I know I had them pinned onmy wall.
Yes, yes, you did.
You took it one step furtherthan me, but, yeah, no, she had
(04:01):
like a visible abs.
She looked great and I thoughtI want to look like her.
How do I look like her?
So I started researching and Istarted Googling and I was like
you know, what did you?
Speaker 2 (04:11):
Google.
What were you Googled?
Speaker 1 (04:12):
I searched.
You know how to get a flatstomach, how do I get a thigh
gap?
And all this stuff that cameout was, you know, my fitness
pal, do this meal plan, 1200calories.
It all started from there and Ithought, cool, yep, I can do
that.
So I started, you know,downloading my fitness power,
(04:34):
tracking how much I was eating.
I remember counting down to thegrapes.
I got very specific, I got verystrict and I was good at it.
I really was.
I was really good atrestricting and sticking to you
know, those 1200 calories for awhile until, you know, I did
start to get hungry and that'swhere I had those periods of,
(04:57):
you know, eating quite a lot offood and then I would feel
guilty and I would restrict.
It wasn't I don't think I was abinge eater then.
I definitely still had adisordered relationship with
food, but that cycle continuedfor years and years.
What did people around you say?
So I was really good at hidingit.
So my mum would always pack melunch, a sandwich, some fruit,
(05:19):
yoga, that kind of stuff.
Like dinner was like meat, veg,just normal kind of food, and I
would eat that.
But I would always throw awaymy lunch and just eat like fruit
.
I remember sticking to fruitbecause for me that felt safe, I
could very easily track it.
And then no one else reallycommented, no one really paid
(05:42):
attention.
My friends didn't really sayanything because I guess they
were distracted with themselves.
Had they noticed that you'dlost weight.
Yes, they did, and actually,funnily enough, that's when I
started to get so much moreattention from boys and that, I
guess, encouraged me to keepgoing, because, especially at
that age, you do want to getattention, you want to be seen
(06:06):
as the hot girl, the cool girl,and I definitely got that and I
thought, okay, well, what I'mdoing must be right, because
people are seeing me Like, yes,this is what I want.
So I kept doing it, and then itjust got so much worse from
there, because I actually joineda gym and I became a cardio
bunny.
Speaker 2 (06:26):
And your friends say to you oh my goodness, you're so
disciplined.
I wish I could be like you.
Speaker 1 (06:30):
Yes, yes, they did.
So the cardio, like I wasobsessed.
So excessive exercise,excessive, and I was exhausted,
and this continued for quite awhile.
We got to the stage where Iactually lost my period,
obviously because I was undereating, overexercising.
I went to the doctor and thedoctor prescribed me on the pill
(06:54):
.
They said this will help youregulate your period.
This is how you're going to getit back.
And I thought, okay, thatsounds good.
No one asked me are you eatingenough?
Are you overexercising?
That was completely out of thequestion.
Speaker 2 (07:08):
No one suspected that you had disordered eating.
What they saw your body andthey thought you don't look like
you have an eating disorder,which is one of the things we
see all the time.
In fact, they saw all yourdisordered eating patterns
You're overexercising and theythought well done, you're
healthy.
We're so proud of you and thatjust further endorsed you to
keep going.
Can you tell me then, when didyou start binge eating?
Speaker 1 (07:32):
So I started binge eating when I was around 16.
That's when it got really bad.
I remember specifically after Igot my braces and after I got
them put on and everyone said tome oh my God, you're going to
lose so much weight, so muchmore weight, because you won't
be able to eat all these foods.
And that triggered me so muchthat I ate all the foods I
(07:52):
wasn't meant to be eating, likeI was in pain and agony eating
the hard foods that I shouldn'tbe, just because I wanted to eat
.
I just like the idea of havingthe food restricted and you know
we talk about this all the time.
You know you talk about this alot.
It's that restrictive cyclethat when you fear that food is
limited, it just makes you wantit so much more.
(08:13):
And that's what happened for me, and I actually gained quite a
bit of weight.
In saying that, I never got to astage of being overweight and
that's what you would call alittle bit chubby.
So I guess that's why my eatingdisorder went undiagnosed
forever.
Really, no one ever diagnosedme.
I never wanted to admit toanyone that I have it because I
(08:34):
was so embarrassed, like how doyou go to a doctor and tell them
hey, I can't stop eatingchocolate, I can't stop eating
all the cupcakes that my mumgets for other people, like I
feel so out of control.
It's embarrassing, like youfeel embarrassed and you know,
and there is that stigma likeyou shouldn't be doing that
(08:54):
that's not normal and it'sdefinitely not talked about
enough.
So for me, I just, yeah, Icompletely lost control around
food and I went from cycles ofrestricting a lot it would be
probably like a week or so oflike just not eating enough and
then like two to three weeks ofjust completely losing control
(09:18):
and eating everything,everything and anything.
And this pattern you kept ithidden, right?
Yeah, I kept it hidden.
I never, ever told anyone,never told my friends.
I hid it from my mum.
Of course.
She knew something was up,because she could tell there was
a lot of food constantlymissing, and so what she
(09:40):
actually did was she took me tothe doctor and she thought I had
a worm in my stomach.
So she went to the doctor andshe said, look, I think my
daughter has a worm becauseshe's eating so much, and like,
and I thought I did too.
I thought it makes sense.
(10:01):
This is why I'm so hungry allthe time.
Speaker 2 (10:05):
It's so funny, we laugh about it.
And we have to laugh about itbecause it's such a ridiculous
situation.
It was so unsuspected that youmight have an eating disorder
that the possibility of having aworm was more likely even to a
doctor.
And the story you've beentelling yourself is I'm too
hungry, there's something wrongwith my appetite and,
(10:25):
fundamentally, the real problem,which is the problem I see with
so many clients is they're noteating enough during the day.
You were fundamentally starvingyourself.
So, yes, even if yesterday youdid eat enough, if you have
starved yourself for weeks andweeks before, your appetite has
some fundamental changes whereyou are hungrier than, I guess,
what you probably think youshould be, and so you had
created this food monster.
Speaker 1 (10:47):
Exactly, that's exactly it.
Speaker 2 (10:49):
How do you feel when you were in this obsession where
food controlled your life?
Speaker 1 (10:56):
I just thought this is normal.
I guess this is what I'm goingto feel like forever, and I
remember daydreaming andplanning of the day where I
could actually eat what I wantedto eat within my day.
I always thought my diet isgoing to have an end date, this
is going to end, and then I willbe able to eat a toasted
sandwich for lunch and actuallya yummy yoga bowl and still
(11:21):
healthy food, but actually eatenough.
I was daydreaming of that.
I was quite literally dreamingabout food.
It's how restrictive I got andhow obsessed I got.
But you know, no matter howhard I tried, I always would end
up losing the weight andregaining it.
So that end date never reallycame for me.
It was just a constant ongoingcycle.
Speaker 2 (11:45):
What was your breaking?
Speaker 1 (11:46):
point.
My breaking point was uni, sothat's where my eating disorder
completely went out of control.
I felt like a terrible friendbecause I would live with
housemates and I would eat theirfood and I tried to replace it
as much as I could.
You know, sometimes I couldn'tbecause it was food that was not
(12:09):
replaceable.
I remember there was a timewhere one of my housemates, she,
made this batch of bologneseand I would just kind of peek at
it day by day and theneventually there was very little
left, like keep in mind, Ithought that she was eating it
too.
And then it got to the end ofthe week and she was like
(12:32):
where's my bolognese?
And of course I was soembarrassed I was like I can't
tell her that I ate it.
I thought she was eating it toothroughout the week, like she
meal prepped it, and I just feltawful.
And to this day I feel awful.
And you know, I thought, likehow can I admit to someone that,
like I'm eating the food?
(12:53):
Like there's something wrongwith me.
I must be a terrible friend.
But really we know that this isactually normal behaviour for a
binge eater.
Like this is what happens.
So you know, if you'relistening and you're thinking.
You know I'm a terrible person.
I do this Like I eat my kidsfood, like I eat my housemates
food.
Please don't.
You know there's nothingactually wrong with you.
(13:13):
This is your eating disorder.
This is what it does to you.
It controls you.
It makes you turn into anobsessed human being and you
need to.
You know you need to work onthat.
You need to work on building ahealthy relationship with food.
You need the support toactually get there.
But that's something that Ididn't do and that's something I
regret so, so much.
(13:34):
Because because I wasted somany years saying no to plans
and you know, just feeling outof control around food, that I
would avoid going out withfriends, avoid social situations
.
I would just stay home andbinge and be sad, because I
didn't want to admit that I hada problem, because I was so
(13:58):
embarrassed and so scared ofwhat might happen and that's
definitely my biggest regret inlife.
You know I should have askedfor help and I wish that I had
that help in front of me or nearme where I could access that
support, but I never felt like Idid.
You know, it was just like itwasn't talked about and, yes, I
(14:18):
did learn about it at uni, so wetalked about.
I studied nutrition, so ofcourse I studied about eating
disorders.
But I thought, no way, that'snot me Like, it's just my
willpower.
There's absolutely no way.
I haven't any disorder.
This is normal.
It's normal to feel out ofcontrol around food and to binge
eat and, to you know, hide itand eat it in secret.
(14:39):
No, it's not normal.
Speaker 2 (14:42):
And you don't need to live like that.
I think that's a fundamentalthing.
I get so many emails frompeople saying I've been like
this for so long.
I don't know any other way to be.
I don't think I could be anyother way.
I think there's somethingfundamentally wrong with me, and
everyone else seemed to get it.
They can stop eating when theyfeel full.
They wait till they feel hungry.
It's nothing wrong with me.
(15:02):
It's not.
Tell me about where you are now, because the person in front of
me is is not the person who'sshying away from life, who's
meek and mild in the corner,who's saying no to opportunities
you live.
Big and Huge part of that isbecause your eating disorder is
something you have overcome.
(15:22):
How did?
What was the turning point foryou?
Speaker 1 (15:26):
So it wasn't until I finished uni that I realized,
you know, I actually want to bein the workforce, I want to help
people and I need to takecontrol.
You study to be a nutritionist?
Speaker 2 (15:36):
Yes, and, for the sake, I always talk about the
fact I became a nutritionist and, by the way, if you're a
nutritionist, dietitian,listening there are so many of
us who end up going into thisprofession precisely because we
think, oh what, how brilliant wecan get paid for our obsession.
Oh great a profession that willfeed the thing I can't wait to
read about all the time.
And so, just like me, youbecame a nutritionist, for I
(15:56):
guess the wrong reasons, ahundred percent.
Speaker 1 (15:58):
I thought I'm gonna help people, you know, to lose
weight, to be healthier.
I didn't actually know whatthat meant, but I thought, no,
this is gonna be my goal.
And then I realized, you know,I Am out of control.
I actually got really depressedas well after uni.
There was a lot of thingshappening and my eating disorder
just completely it was stillout of control.
I moved in with my boyfriendand his brother and I Started
(16:23):
doing like a casual job, infashion.
Of course, that just triggeredme even more, and that went on
for quite a while untileventually I thought you know, I
have to do something.
So I started slowlyreintroducing Different foods.
How did you know to do this?
I just did more research.
I thought, you know, there'ssomething wrong with my gut.
(16:44):
So it actually started with mygut.
It was completely messed up,and that's actually quite common
as well.
You know, if you're a bingeeater, you might experience a
lot of bloating, discomfort, allthat kind of stuff.
Your digestion is messed up.
Speaker 2 (16:56):
In addition if you are restricting, people say I
feel really bloated, my gut's ina terrible place, but I'm not
eating anything.
What is it?
And we get wrongly a diagnosedwith IBS kind of symptoms.
But the fundamental problem isyou are stressed, you're not
eating or you're eating too mucha hundred percent and that's
what it was.
Speaker 1 (17:10):
I thought I had IBS.
So it started with anelimination diet, as you would
think, and then I slowlyreintroduced foods and I found I
slowly did feel better.
There were still cycles where Iwould go back and I was binge
eating and I was eating normaland then eventually, like that,
slowly, slowly eased.
I also stopped working at cook.
(17:30):
I Got a job that I actuallyliked.
I felt a lot more supportedfrom my friends and Just
everyone around me not that Iwasn't ever supported, you know,
I always had like a greatemotional support from my family
and friends.
But I got to a point where Iwas actually happy in life.
I was doing things that made mehappy.
I guess that's another point ofyou know.
(17:52):
An eating disorder like bingeeating disorder.
It often means that there'ssomething missing in your life
and you know it's hard to findthat if you have so much going
on and you feel so out ofcontrol like how do you get
there?
It's good to have that kind ofsupport and guidance from
someone.
So because I didn't have that,mind you, it took years to get
to a stage where I felt normalaround food.
(18:14):
I could have chocolate in thehouse and I wouldn't eat the
whole thing beforehand.
Absolutely mind-blowing.
There's no chance.
I just thought there'sabsolutely never, ever, ever,
ever going to be a day when Ihave chocolate and I don't eat
it All in one sitting never.
But I promise you, if you'relistening and you feel like this
(18:35):
, I promise you that day cancome, because that's you now,
that's me now.
Like I can have chocolate, Ican have anything in the house
and I don't binge on it.
Like I can't remember the lasttime when I felt how I felt,
where I would binge eat.
You know that.
You know that feeling whenyou're lying in bed and you just
feel so physically ill.
(18:55):
Oh, I know that feeling, thatyou just like you can't even
fall asleep because you're sofull and you're just so like
Sick and hateful and hateful.
Speaker 2 (19:04):
You're so angry yourself.
Speaker 1 (19:06):
You're so angry?
Speaker 2 (19:07):
I'm a mental and a physical kind of ick, so I'm
keen to know what strategiesthat you use to help you along
the way that other people mightgo.
Oh, I might want to try that.
If you're kind of in thisrecovery phase, going Okay, what
do I do next?
Did you start listening to yourhunger as well?
Speaker 1 (19:29):
So my hunger was out of whack.
I'm going to be real and it'sgoing to be like that.
You know, if you are recovering.
It was really hard for me tolisten to my hunger because I
was so restricted.
I didn't even know like whatdoes hunger even feel like?
Like what does it feel like?
So I did a little bit moreresearch into what that is like
and, honestly, it wasn't until Iactually did like different
(19:50):
strategies of you know going outand eating the foods that I
wanted, actually allowing myselfto have that, and then I felt,
okay, I'm actually satisfied.
And after that, instead of youknow, completely binge eating
for the rest of the day, I wouldthink, okay, am I actually
hungry?
No, I'm not.
So I'm going to have somethinglight and I would try to kind of
(20:13):
just like ease into that slowlyand if you were hungry, you
said I'm going to eat.
I'm going to eat.
I need to eat.
You know, this hasn't worked.
I've spent so many yearsdieting and restricting and I'm
still not at my goal weight,like I need a break.
So for me it's really was.
It was more of like I'm justgoing to have this break and
(20:36):
then maybe I'll try again.
Speaker 2 (20:37):
Right, and then I'm going to have a break from
dieting, a break from dieting,and that's what helped you go.
I'm going to stay here.
I'm just going to sit with thisdiscomfort and the discomfort
of eating when I feel like Ishouldn't be eating and the
discomfort of feeling guilt.
I'm just going to sit herebecause it's temporary.
Yes, exactly.
And the other thing you'resaying is you said to yourself
I'm, I know what dieting, I'vetried the dieting thing, I know
(20:58):
how it's led, I know, if I keepgoing on the dieting, where it's
going to continue to lead me.
What do I have to lose by goingdown this pathway?
Speaker 1 (21:05):
Was is that it 100% Like I, literally I have nothing
to lose at this point.
I've lost so many years sayingno to things, you know.
I've lost so many years sittingat home in my bedroom watching
a show that made me feel likecrap and I would just be eating
Like it wasn't fun.
I was so sick of not having funand living my life and living a
(21:27):
small life With a small bodyWith a small body yeah, like it
got me nowhere.
You know like what that I gotattention from boys.
You know I actually don't care.
That's not going to bring youhappiness.
Having more attention fromsomeone praising you how you
look, that's not going to makeyou happy.
Speaker 2 (21:44):
I'm so glad that my starving myself pleases you.
You know, were you scared ofgaining weight.
Speaker 1 (21:51):
Yes, I was Honestly like.
I reminded myself I wentthrough this cycle so much and I
didn't actually lose any weightbecause, mind you, throughout
this whole process I would takebefore photos, which ended up,
you know, for my after photos,but I never got the after photo.
Let's see if all these beforephotos I would never all these
(22:14):
before photos of me being likesuper bloated, Like I would
always take them purposely whenafter a binge, because I was
like this is the worst I'm goingto look.
My after photo is going to beepic because, like, I have this
before bloated photo and thenthis after photo where I'm super
slim.
I never got there, so I keptall those photos.
Speaker 2 (22:34):
But you did lose some weight when you were doing the
restrictive phases.
But was it just that you justnever thought that was the end
point?
Speaker 1 (22:40):
I never I actually never thought that I was thin
enough.
You know, looking back, yes, Ilost weight and I was slim, but
in that time, in that moment, Ithought no, I'm not good enough.
Because you know, when you askI can that cycle?
You're constantly striving formore, you want to be thinner,
you want to look better, andit's just like it's this toxic,
(23:01):
toxic path that never reallyends and it never gets you
nowhere.
Like and if you're listening,you've been there, you know you
lose weight and you're like oh,actually, maybe just a little
bit more, maybe just likeslightly slimmer stomach, like
my bum could be just a littlebit perky, and you chase it, and
chase it and it just gets younowhere.
Speaker 2 (23:21):
It's very relatable, hmm, and I think so many people
go.
Well, I did lose weight bygoing on a diet, but I think the
thing is, if you didn'tmaintain that weight and you
ended up gaining more weightthan you originally started out,
then actually that was theresult of dieting.
It wasn't the weight loss.
That contrary, weight loss isnot the result Nat, I know
you've got some good stories.
Yes, anything that you canshare with us to help us all
(23:45):
feel less alone.
Speaker 1 (23:46):
Okay, so that's one story that I do want to share
with you.
I remember one time this waswhen I was at uni I had a long
day.
I was going to be good that day, but I was starving.
I finished an assignment and Ithought, you know, I deserve to
eat something good.
I deserve to eat what I'mreally feeling.
I'm going to go all out.
So I ordered a pizza and Iordered, like this, chocolate
(24:08):
fudge sundae with ice cream togo with it as well.
It was from Domino's, if youknow.
You know, and I was so excitedI got the message you know the
your deliveries here.
I quickly ran out to grab it.
I got it and then I realized Ilocked myself out of my
apartment.
(24:28):
It was like 11 PM, you know,all my friends were asleep, it
was like a school night and Ithought crap, I'm going to have
to call a locksmith.
And I was so, so embarrassed ofthe locksmith turning up and
seeing me with a pizza anddessert that I threw it out and
(24:51):
it broke me.
I can't even explain the angerand the sadness that I felt in
that moment.
I thought this was going tomake my day so good and now I
have to let it go because I'm soembarrassed.
Like what's he going to say?
Speaker 2 (25:08):
Do you think the locksmith would judge you?
Speaker 1 (25:10):
The locksmith, I thought he's going to think I'm
crazy.
Like why is this girl orderinga pizza and a dessert at 11 PM?
Like how dare she?
Yeah, how dare she eat, yeah,literally.
So, yeah, that was like a.
I thought that was a turningpoint for me and you know, I
think I had a lot of pointswhere I thought this is a
turning point.
This is where things are goingto get better.
(25:31):
There was another time where Iwas walking to uni and I felt so
disgusted in myself because Iate so much that day before, you
know that really heavy feelingthat you have and you just feel
puffy and you just feel bloated.
And I remember walking to uniand I was just like I can't do
this, I just can't do this.
And this was actually a daywhere we had to do, like, body
(25:52):
measurements and that was sotriggering for me.
You know the skin folds, allthat kind of stuff, and I kid
you not, I broke down bawling myeyes out on a busy Burwood
Highway.
It was Burwood Highway.
I remember exactly and Iremember that moment telling
myself this is the turning point.
Speaker 2 (26:13):
This is the turning point.
Was it in fact a turning point?
And it?
Speaker 1 (26:15):
wasn't.
Speaker 2 (26:16):
It wasn't so there were multiple low points where
you, just because dieting is sosinister in that it makes us
think you know, no, actuallylet's try it again.
Speaker 1 (26:26):
Yes, yeah, I had so many, I had so many and it was
just like.
You know, when you're good andyou feel like you're really on
track, so you have those lowpoints, and then you're like, no
, I'm gonna be good.
And you wake up and you're good, you're perfect.
You know, you have that yogurtand berries and oats, no honey,
like you're killing it.
You're on a strike and thensomething happens and you're
(26:50):
like this would just make mefeel so much better, like that
chocolate, the Kit Kat, nutellabread, and you have it and
you're like I am a failure andit's just like an ongoing cycle.
And you know, if you've beendoing it for years and years and
years, it kind of starts tofeel familiar and you're like
you know, maybe this is whatlife is gonna be like, maybe
(27:12):
this is what my life is, butit's not.
It doesn't have to be like this.
Speaker 2 (27:18):
Well, I am so impressed by you, by the huge
transformation that I've seen inyou even in the six months that
you've been working with me.
It's just been very, very coolto watch.
Speaker 1 (27:28):
Thank you.
It's honestly, it's sorewarding working with you and
you know there's so many timeswhere, like I, literally get
shivers because to me, to thinkthat you know we are changing
people's lives and you know,hopefully forever and for the
better.
Like it honestly, like itbrings it almost brings me to
(27:48):
tears, like it's just that hastears in her eyes as she's
saying this, by the way.
It's just yeah, and you know,that's where, like, a lot of the
inspiration comes from for thecontent.
Like, if you watch our contentand you're like, wow, like I can
relate, it's because we've beenthere, we get it, we get it.
Speaker 2 (28:07):
Mm-hmm, nat, I'm so grateful for you sharing your
story.
Thank you for sharing with usand helping us realize that we
can get help.
It's never too late and you canbe in the depths and the
darkness of your disorder andget full recovery.
Thank you for having me, Lindy.
Speaker 1 (28:27):
Oh God, what a pleasure.
Ha, ha, ha.
Speaker 2 (28:33):
Everyone.
I'm so glad that you listenedto this episode.
If you want more real chatspeople like yourself, if you
want to share a story perhapsyour story and how far you've
come I would love to speak toyou.
Please reach out tohelloatlindycoancom.
That's helloatlindycoancom, andI would love to hear your story
(28:53):
and hopefully have you on thepodcast as well, helping other
people realize that we are notalone and share some of your
best tips with them.
Thanks for listening and I'llsee you next time.
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