May 5, 2024 • 22 mins
Does "I wish I was skinny. I HATE how my body looks" sound familiar?
Wanting to be skinny is something Lyndi & Natalia know too well.
We live in a world that tells us the most impressive thing a woman can be is thin. It's no wonder we are constantly trying to lose weight. But this isn't actually helping us be healthier, more confident or happier.
When you wake up and hate how you look, your knee-jerk reaction might be to go on a diet or cancel plans. But neither of these things helps in the long term.
So how do you navigate these bad body image days? Let's unpack what to do when your body image and self-esteem spiral in 8 simple steps.
Crank up my Body Confidence ❤️ Feel Good Playlist ❤️ on Spotify and get my FREE toolkit for building a healthier body image.
Check out my YouTube video on 15 Ways I learned to love my body - and how you can too.
Reclaim getting dressed so it gives you joy, instead of sucking confidence with my Confidence Cure Style Series.
Want to feel more in control around food? Check out my Stop Struggling With Food Guide, currently on sale for 40% off.
You’ll also find 50 of my favourite recipes to get you inspired!
Looking for more support to feel in control around food? I'd love to support you in my Binge Free Academy.
Come follow me on the gram at @nude_nutritionist (no nude pics, sorry).
Want to share some feedback or have an idea for an episode, I'd LOVE to hear from you - hit me up at hello@lyndicohen.com
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:02):
My university friends all got me together and they
were like so we've all agreedthat we're not going to talk
about food and bodies anymore.
Is that okay?
And I was like okay.
Speaker 2 (00:13):
I would have so many times where I would wake up and
I'd say myself and I'd be likeyuck, I hate how I look, I'm not
going anywhere.
Speaker 1 (00:22):
We have a negativity bias.
We seem to remember all thenegative things people have said
about us and we forget all thelovely things.
And I'm determined not toforget the lovely things.
How I felt about my body wouldcompletely determine how that
(00:45):
day was going to go.
If I woke up that day and I wasfeeling awful in my body and
that is to say I go, look in themirror and I go, I feel fat.
And you know, people say youcan't feel fat.
Fat's not a feeling, it's, itjust is something that exists.
But what I'm talking about whenI say I felt fat is I'd look in
the mirror and I'd go.
I'm unacceptable, I don't likethis feeling in my body.
(01:08):
I don't like the way I look.
I feel like I'm going to getjudged when I'd wake up on those
days.
Sometimes I'd weigh myself andI'd either be met by something
good or bad, it doesn't reallymatter.
But it would throw me into atailspin regardless and I end up
really doing all sorts of veryunhealthy things for my body.
Either I would force myself tolike walk to school so that I
(01:30):
could burn more calories, sothat I had an extra, like little
hit on the day to try and geton top of it.
I would fundamentally try andunder eat to try and compensate.
I would mentally berate myselffor how I looked and everything
I did, and it's almost like onthose days that internal voice
would be so intense.
(01:51):
I felt like such a failure andI felt like what I needed to do
to fix myself.
I felt like I had to go toextreme measures.
And then, what do you know?
The same old predictable tale Iget home and I basically blow
it all and eat everything Icould find, and I'd have to
start again the next day.
And I'd get home and I'dbasically blow it all and eat
everything I could find, and I'dhave to start again the next
day, and I'd wake up the nextday feeling even more miserable.
(02:11):
So I know this feeling well,and so that is why today, on
this episode on no WellnessWankery, I'm going to be sharing
with you eight tips for how todeal with a bad body image day.
So welcome.
I am your host, lindy Cohen.
I'm a dietitian, nutritionistand now someone who genuinely
likes my body, and I'm joined bythe wonderful Natalia Jala,
(02:34):
fellow nutritionist, mycolleague and someone who also
knows what it's like to feel atwar with your body.
Speaker 2 (02:40):
Hi Lindy.
Yes, look, completely canrelate to your story.
It's actually.
It's quite sad now that I thinkabout it.
You know, I would have so manytimes where I would wake up and
I'd see myself and I'd be likeugh, yuck, I hate how I look,
like I'm not going anywhere, I'mnot going to uni, the day's
cancelled, it's cancelled, Idon't care, like I have plans,
(03:02):
they're cancelled because Ihated how I looked.
And you know, I think havingjust like practical strategies
that we can do in that moment,you know, when we're actually
feeling like crap, can be so, sohelpful.
So I'm so excited for thisepisode.
Speaker 1 (03:17):
Can I also say that the irony of canceling your
plans is I actually think itleads to more out of control
eating because you feel moremiserable, you've got nothing to
do, and so what do you do?
You just head back and forth tothe pantry all day, whereas I
think on those days where you'refeeling uncomfortable in your
body, I actually think that'sthe day to go out, to live a
(03:38):
life, to seek out more enjoymentand fun, to fill up your cup in
some other way, and Idefinitely feel like it can help
take your mind off your body.
But for some reason, our kneejerk reaction is to do the
opposite, which is not the rightthing to do.
So if you're listening to thisand you're like, oh, I woke up
feeling bad, please don't cancel.
Please keep going.
In fact, lean in, lean intosomething fun and find ways to
(04:01):
try and forget this.
But we're going to be talkingabout eight different ways that
you can learn to navigate badbody image days.
I do just want to mention thatbody confidence and feeling
comfortable in yourself andliking your body is fully, fully
possible.
Not only did I do it myself,but I've seen it countless,
countless, thousands andthousands of times from clients
that I've helped, and I justknow that it is something that
(04:22):
you can do.
I will say, though, that it isa practice and it's not a
destination.
It's a bit like when you'redoing yoga and you're like you
don't arrive, you're not gonnaone day go.
Oh, I never have a thoughtabout not liking my body.
You live in a world that thinksthe most impressive thing a
woman can be is thin, and thus,as a result, you're going to
wake up irrespective of what youweigh.
(04:42):
Irrespective of what you weigh,you will wake up on days and
think that you are too fat andthat there's something wrong
with you, and I just also wantto mention this idea of using
the word fat here.
The reason I use the term feelfat is I don't want to add to
any of the stigma that people inlarger bodies already feel
anyone who identifies withowning the word fat, but I do
want to say that that is such aterm that I grew up hearing that
(05:04):
I think so many of ourlisteners perhaps you can
recognize, and, as a result, Ido just want to mention it and
be really clear about the factthat it's true we're not really
talking about.
It's not the feeling because,regardless of your body fat
percentage, you can feel thisway and what it really is is
discomforting your body andfeeling like you're not enough.
So let's get into it.
Speaker 2 (05:33):
Okay.
So tip number one is noticeyour thinking.
So when you actually have thosethoughts, recognize that.
Okay, I'm having these negativethoughts and I need to separate
it from actual reality.
Speaker 1 (05:50):
So one of the things you can do is get out your phone
, open the notes section andstart to write down these
thoughts and go okay, let mehear the exact thoughts I'm
telling to myself.
How am I talking to myself?
Because I bet you, if youactually wrote it out, you go oh
my goodness, this is a reallyawful way to be talking to
myself, and if you think aboutit, I mean you, basically you
become the sum of all yourthoughts.
So if you are spending the restof your day then berating
(06:11):
yourself, like I had done,telling yourself how bad you are
, then you're going to feelworse and worse and worse.
And to try and climb out ofthat feeling, we really need to
change your thinking patterns.
As I said, body acceptance is apractice.
It's not a journey, and what itrequires is you making
conscious decisions each day tochoose to show your body
kindness, and that's pointnumber two.
(06:31):
What I really want you to do isto forgive yourself.
When you look in the mirror orwhen you hop on the scale and
you see a number or a look ofsomething that you go.
I don't like that about myself.
Can you forgive yourself forbeing imperfect?
I think the antidote to hatingyourself and anger is
forgiveness, and for me, whatthat really looks like is it's
(06:53):
just genuinely.
I say to myself it's okay, youdon't need to look perfect to be
happy.
You don't need to have theperfect body, and when you had a
smaller body, you weren'thappier.
Speaker 2 (07:05):
Yes, I think that's such an important one and just
remind yourself on that note aswell.
You know, how you look is notthe most interesting thing about
you.
It's really not.
It's not why people love you,you know.
It's not what makes you fun.
It's not what makes you caringkind a hard worker, like it's
not what makes you fun.
It's not what makes you caringkind a hard worker, like it's
the least interesting thing.
I know you care about it, butother people really, really
(07:26):
don't yeah, like at your funeral, no one's like.
Oh my goodness, at least herarms were skinny oh, at least
she, you know, had a nice,perfect jaw, like jaw.
Look at her flat jaw line wasperfect.
Speaker 1 (07:41):
Tell me how what a relief, what a relief she didn't
actually have that many organs.
I don't know what she did withthem, but she tucked them all in
nice and proper, like a ladyshould.
No, no one cares, and I thinkwe often think that everyone
else is caring.
It's hard for me because I didgrow up in a society and, I
guess, a household, where Iheard judgments about other
(08:01):
people's bodies.
I heard, oh my goodness, thatperson looks a bit, you know,
and so it's weird because thatbecomes your internal dialogue.
And so if you grew up with a momwho was constantly criticizing
her body, criticizing otherpeople's body, that becomes the
way you talk to yourself.
So, instead of allowing theinherited voice to continue this
is what noticing our thoughtsand practicing that forgiveness
(08:23):
looks like you go.
Okay, I noticed this voice andyou know what it sounds familiar
.
It sounds like my mom and Idon't want to replicate what
she's done and therefore I needto identify this thinking
pattern and I need to choosethat we're not going to allow
these thoughts to continue, sochoosing to go every day.
You know what?
I'm not going to keep my lifesmall as a result of waking up
and feeling this way.
Speaker 2 (08:44):
I think that's so great and on that point as well,
let's set the precedent.
When you hear people have thosenegative talks and you hear
people you know body shameothers or say, oh my gosh, she's
gained so much weight, shelooks fat.
Like, oh my God, look at her.
Like, look what she's wearing,just be like stop, this is not
(09:07):
okay.
Like we shouldn't be talkingabout someone like this, because
the more you're around that,the more you turn that into your
own self dialogue and you'relike oh, I'm fat, I shouldn't be
wearing this, I look gross,let's stop that.
Okay, if you have your friendssaying that, just call it out.
And I know it can feeluncomfortable, but really it's
going to pass, they're going toget over it.
If you just keep repeating itand you're like okay, this is
not okay.
If your mom comments onsomeone's body, on your child's
(09:29):
body, they see someone walkingpast the street and like, oh my
God, look at her, just be likehey, there's no need to say that
, let's just not say it.
Change the topic, move on.
It can be as simple as that.
Speaker 1 (09:40):
And you might need to change the way you phrase it
depending on who you arespeaking to, and I encourage you
to.
In my book, your Weight Is Notthe Problem.
I actually give you a scriptabout how do we tackle when
someone is a food police,someone who's reprimanding what
you're eating, or someone's abody bully, someone who's either
judging you or someone else'sbody.
What do we actually say to thatperson?
Sometimes, a phrase I feelquite is quite helpful is to say
(10:06):
something like I know you thinkyou're helping when you make
comments like that, but actuallyit makes me feel really bad
about my own body.
Do you mind if we don't talkabout other people's bodies or
my body or whatever it is?
Fill in the blanks, but you'rereally kind of recruiting them
particularly if there's someonewho's shaming you and is often
commenting about your body,might be a partner.
This is quite a common situationwhere you have someone who is
antagonizing you and making itreally hard for you to actually
(10:28):
like yourself.
They're saying oh, you've letyourself go.
I'm feeling really ashamed withyou.
I can't believe you look likethat.
I used to receive a whole bunchof comments not dissimilar to
that and the irony is that itactually made me.
It's so much harder for me tobe consistent because, as I said
, it would throw me into thatall or nothing thinking and then
I'd end up, you know, justbinge eating by nighttime again.
(10:49):
So letting them know this isnot helpful.
In fact, this is actuallymaking it so much harder is
important, and I will say thatin university, because I had
such a raging eating disorder,my university friends all got me
together and they were like ohhey, listen, so we've all agreed
that we're not going to talkabout food and bodies anymore.
Speaker 2 (11:07):
Is that okay?
And I was like okay, how didthat make you feel, was that
helpful?
Speaker 1 (11:12):
Well, they did it in a way where they made it sound
like everyone you know it waseveryone's decision and that it
wasn't about me.
But then it didn't take me longto think oh, this is about me,
this is about me and the factthat I talk about food and, to
be honest, maybe I felt a littlebit judged for a moment and
(11:32):
then I felt relief.
I felt such relief into having aplace where I couldn't fall
back on talking about food,where I knew that we weren't
going to judge anyone else'sbody.
It was actually really nice tohave this safe place, something
I'd never had, and I think itreally contributed to my
recovery.
So if you think about thefriends that you hang out with,
(11:52):
if you do have people who youfind are hypercritical, you
might be able to have thisconversation and if not, if it
feels too hard for some people,you might be able to kind of
pull and number four.
A fourth tip is go intocompassion mode and I think it
really such a strong antidote toanger is compassion and empathy
(12:15):
and it can really take thesting out of things.
So you know those people whoare making negative comments
about your body or someoneelse's body.
What's a useful way for us tothink about it?
Speaker 2 (12:25):
I think just thinking okay, I think this person has
been through a lot.
I think they're making thesecomments because they probably
grew up dieting.
They probably grew up withtheir mum commenting on their
body, with their friends sayinghow they look.
So now that's passed on andthey're saying that to other
people.
So I think compassion is areally good one.
It's really like bringing youkind of like in their shoes and
(12:48):
realizing you know, they aresaying this because of how they
were raised, how they grew up.
So I guess just being moreunderstanding of that and saying
you know what I'm going tochoose to be kind to you because
you've probably been through alot.
Speaker 1 (13:03):
Their comments on your body or someone else's is
not a reflection on your body orsomeone else's body.
It's a reflection of their ownrelationship with their body.
It's a them problem.
And what's the them problem?
I know it hurts you, but havingcompassion for them definitely
does take the sting out of itand the anger.
And if it is a partner or a manin your life who's making these
(13:24):
comments, you think, oh, Idon't think they actually have
experienced that.
Think about the way that menare programmed from a very early
age, that they think thatwoman's worth is very much
related to how she looks, sothat it's really the most
impressive thing a woman can beis thin, and all the messages
that that man in your life hasreceived about what a woman
should be.
And that's what we're dealingwith here.
(13:44):
It's once again not areflection of you, but it is,
dare I say, the patriarchy andall the nonsense but really is.
It is up for him to work onthat relationship with how he
sees women.
Speaker 2 (13:55):
I think that's very important as well.
Speaker 1 (13:57):
Another thing I do is tip number five is to keep a
compliments diary.
Now, this is a bit of a strangeone, but I'm into it.
Every time people give me acompliment and this is related
to anything, so it could beabout how I look, but mostly
it's not, Mostly it's about nicethings about me.
And I keep it stored away on mycomputer, a little folder where
(14:18):
I keep these compliments,because we have a negativity
bias whereby we seem to rememberall the negative things people
have said about us and we forgetall the lovely things.
And I am determined not toforget the lovely things.
So when I'm having a crappy dayas is inevitable when you are a
human being living in thisworld I go to my computer, I
(14:39):
open that folder and I feelreally amazing when I read that
and I'm delighted.
So I encourage you if youhaven't got one, maybe try the
compliment diary.
Speaker 2 (14:49):
I remember when you told me about this and I was
like seems a bit wacky, like Idon't know about it, lindy, I
didn't want to say anything toyou, but I just thought I don't
know how I feel about that.
And then I thought you knowwhat?
I'm going to give it a try,especially like when it gets
that time of the month, and I'mjust like I'm the worst person
ever.
I hate myself, no one loves me.
(15:10):
And then what I started doingwas I started like even
collecting things likescreenshots of messages that my
friends would send me that Ithought were really nice, or, if
it was, it was like somethingfrom work, or just like a
comment that my partner wouldmake on like not necessarily my
appearance, just like me, orlike something I did.
And then I looked back on itand I was like you know what?
(15:31):
This is actually really nice,because we forget these things
we really do like in the moment,like you forget, it's like a
fleeting thing, and then to havethat to look back on when
you're really feeling like crap,it's just such a nice little
mood booster.
Speaker 1 (15:46):
So you did it and you loved it.
I did it and I loved it.
Oh, I love that, I love that.
So if you're kind of on thefence going, this is wacky give
it a whirl, give it a whirl.
Speaker 2 (15:53):
Honestly, don't judge , don't judge us.
Speaker 1 (15:57):
Tip number six is to buy clothes that fit.
And my goodness, no-transcriptfull of clothes.
(16:18):
Why is this happening?
I argue that finding clothesthat for you, feel comfortable
in has got nothing to do withfashion, maybe a little bit to
do with fashion, but mostly it'sgot to do with body acceptance,
body confidence, and we'regiving you some tips to make
that happen.
So please, even if you've got abra, especially a bra or undies
that you feel push into yoursquidgy bit oh, undies.
Speaker 2 (16:38):
Like why?
Why don't we just like go forthe bigger size?
It's like oh no, I'm a size 18.
Close, it must be a size 18undies no.
Speaker 1 (16:51):
No, never I have to size up two or three sizes.
Oh yep, what's up with that?
That is ridiculous.
Honestly, it's crazy.
Otherwise I've got a littlefabric up my tush.
I don't love that.
But I do love buying clothesthat fit, and if your body has
recently gone through a change,it is perfectly okay to get some
boxes.
Pop all the clothes that don'tcurrently fit you so you don't
have to stare at them when youopen your wardrobe.
Pop them up top of yourwardrobe or anywhere in garage,
(17:11):
wherever you can kind of storethem, and go and get yourself
just a few key pieces.
I mean, personally I go upshopping so it's a really
affordable way to do it.
But you know Target, all thatkind of stuff.
That's a really kind of easyentry point where you go.
I deserve to have clothes thatfit me.
I'm worthy of wearing clothesthat I feel comfortable in.
Speaker 2 (17:28):
And number seven is consider a mantra.
So what can you say to yourselfevery morning when you wake up
and you feel like crap, lindy,do you have a mantra that you
repeat to yourself?
Speaker 1 (17:40):
Yeah, I mean, I think the thing I say to myself is
it's not my life's purpose tolook perfect from every angle.
I say, when I see a photo ofmyself with my kids you know my
husband's taking like a veryunflattering photo of me with my
kids I go, it doesn't matter,it doesn't matter, I'm here with
my kids.
What my kids will remember isthat I was, I was here with them
(18:00):
.
They're not going to look backat these photos and go oh, my
goodness, her arms are big.
They're going to go oh, she wasplaying with me and she loved
me.
And I do.
I sure do, and I think that'sjust the thing.
I come back with thesereminders.
I'm constantly reminding myselfof my self-worth because we need
to counteract it.
There are so many phrases I sayto myself If I put on some
clothes that don't fit me, I gooh, that's okay, I'm allowed to
(18:22):
change size, my body's allowedto be different versions.
I am so dedicated to lovingdifferent versions of myself.
Once I had my kids my Charlie'sone now but immediately
postpartum I was multiple sizesbigger than I am now and I was
like you know what?
I'm bigger, I'm just going tohave the clothes that fit me.
I'm going to forgive myselfactively.
I'm going to say it doesn'tmatter that I'm big, I'm still
(18:43):
going to turn up in photos andI'm still lovable in this bigger
size.
I think that's something Iwould say to myself quite often.
Speaker 2 (18:49):
I really like that.
And also, you know, it's not mylife's purpose to look perfect
from every angle, I think.
Just remind yourself of thoselittle things.
It's true.
Speaker 1 (18:59):
And last, one, number eight is to focus on your
health and not on size.
Oh, my goodness, what if,instead of using the scale as
barometer for how you're goingwith your progress, you used how
consistent you are, howenjoyable you find your exercise
, how many serves of veggiesyou're getting in a day?
There are so many ways we cantrack our wellbeing, our health,
number of hours slept, how manytimes I scream at my husband.
(19:25):
There are so many things youcan use that have nothing to do
with kilograms or pounds, and Iwould so encourage you to do
this.
What you might find is it's fareasier to be consistent and to
enjoy that consistency whenyou're not putting your size at
the forefront of it, and I saythis is a lot easier said than
done, but once again, this iswhere those reminders come in.
(19:46):
I hope you found today's episodereally helpful.
I know it's a big one, and Ifeel like this 20 minute episode
is just not going to cut itwhen it comes to helping you
feel better.
If you need a little bit ofextra support, I do have a cool
little body confidence playlist,which I will leave a link to so
you can listen to.
It is actually something I puton when I'm having a bad body
image day or I'm putting on mymakeup.
(20:07):
I just like to listen to it.
And I also have my bodyconfidence toolkit, which has a
whole bunch of tips.
If you're going, oh listen,this is a nice place to start,
but I want more, then check thedescription in this podcast,
because I'll leave a link.
You can sign up and you can getthat toolkit.
It's totally free.
Speaker 2 (20:23):
Thank you so much for listening everyone and please,
if you have found this helpful,you know, if you wake up and you
feel like crap and you think,okay, I'm going to try these
strategies, I'm going to see howit goes, leave a comment and
please let us know what youthink.
Have a lovely day, everyone.
Thank you so much for listening.
(20:44):
Bye.
My university friends all got me together and they
were like so we've all agreedthat we're not going to talk
about food and bodies anymore.
Is that okay?
And I was like okay.
Speaker 2 (00:13):
I would have so many times where I would wake up and
I'd say myself and I'd be likeyuck, I hate how I look, I'm not
going anywhere.
Speaker 1 (00:22):
We have a negativity bias.
We seem to remember all thenegative things people have said
about us and we forget all thelovely things.
And I'm determined not toforget the lovely things.
How I felt about my body wouldcompletely determine how that
(00:45):
day was going to go.
If I woke up that day and I wasfeeling awful in my body and
that is to say I go, look in themirror and I go, I feel fat.
And you know, people say youcan't feel fat.
Fat's not a feeling, it's, itjust is something that exists.
But what I'm talking about whenI say I felt fat is I'd look in
the mirror and I'd go.
I'm unacceptable, I don't likethis feeling in my body.
(01:08):
I don't like the way I look.
I feel like I'm going to getjudged when I'd wake up on those
days.
Sometimes I'd weigh myself andI'd either be met by something
good or bad, it doesn't reallymatter.
But it would throw me into atailspin regardless and I end up
really doing all sorts of veryunhealthy things for my body.
Either I would force myself tolike walk to school so that I
(01:30):
could burn more calories, sothat I had an extra, like little
hit on the day to try and geton top of it.
I would fundamentally try andunder eat to try and compensate.
I would mentally berate myselffor how I looked and everything
I did, and it's almost like onthose days that internal voice
would be so intense.
(01:51):
I felt like such a failure andI felt like what I needed to do
to fix myself.
I felt like I had to go toextreme measures.
And then, what do you know?
The same old predictable tale Iget home and I basically blow
it all and eat everything Icould find, and I'd have to
start again the next day.
And I'd get home and I'dbasically blow it all and eat
everything I could find, and I'dhave to start again the next
day, and I'd wake up the nextday feeling even more miserable.
(02:11):
So I know this feeling well,and so that is why today, on
this episode on no WellnessWankery, I'm going to be sharing
with you eight tips for how todeal with a bad body image day.
So welcome.
I am your host, lindy Cohen.
I'm a dietitian, nutritionistand now someone who genuinely
likes my body, and I'm joined bythe wonderful Natalia Jala,
(02:34):
fellow nutritionist, mycolleague and someone who also
knows what it's like to feel atwar with your body.
Speaker 2 (02:40):
Hi Lindy.
Yes, look, completely canrelate to your story.
It's actually.
It's quite sad now that I thinkabout it.
You know, I would have so manytimes where I would wake up and
I'd see myself and I'd be likeugh, yuck, I hate how I look,
like I'm not going anywhere, I'mnot going to uni, the day's
cancelled, it's cancelled, Idon't care, like I have plans,
(03:02):
they're cancelled because Ihated how I looked.
And you know, I think havingjust like practical strategies
that we can do in that moment,you know, when we're actually
feeling like crap, can be so, sohelpful.
So I'm so excited for thisepisode.
Speaker 1 (03:17):
Can I also say that the irony of canceling your
plans is I actually think itleads to more out of control
eating because you feel moremiserable, you've got nothing to
do, and so what do you do?
You just head back and forth tothe pantry all day, whereas I
think on those days where you'refeeling uncomfortable in your
body, I actually think that'sthe day to go out, to live a
(03:38):
life, to seek out more enjoymentand fun, to fill up your cup in
some other way, and Idefinitely feel like it can help
take your mind off your body.
But for some reason, our kneejerk reaction is to do the
opposite, which is not the rightthing to do.
So if you're listening to thisand you're like, oh, I woke up
feeling bad, please don't cancel.
Please keep going.
In fact, lean in, lean intosomething fun and find ways to
(04:01):
try and forget this.
But we're going to be talkingabout eight different ways that
you can learn to navigate badbody image days.
I do just want to mention thatbody confidence and feeling
comfortable in yourself andliking your body is fully, fully
possible.
Not only did I do it myself,but I've seen it countless,
countless, thousands andthousands of times from clients
that I've helped, and I justknow that it is something that
(04:22):
you can do.
I will say, though, that it isa practice and it's not a
destination.
It's a bit like when you'redoing yoga and you're like you
don't arrive, you're not gonnaone day go.
Oh, I never have a thoughtabout not liking my body.
You live in a world that thinksthe most impressive thing a
woman can be is thin, and thus,as a result, you're going to
wake up irrespective of what youweigh.
(04:42):
Irrespective of what you weigh,you will wake up on days and
think that you are too fat andthat there's something wrong
with you, and I just also wantto mention this idea of using
the word fat here.
The reason I use the term feelfat is I don't want to add to
any of the stigma that people inlarger bodies already feel
anyone who identifies withowning the word fat, but I do
want to say that that is such aterm that I grew up hearing that
(05:04):
I think so many of ourlisteners perhaps you can
recognize, and, as a result, Ido just want to mention it and
be really clear about the factthat it's true we're not really
talking about.
It's not the feeling because,regardless of your body fat
percentage, you can feel thisway and what it really is is
discomforting your body andfeeling like you're not enough.
So let's get into it.
Speaker 2 (05:33):
Okay.
So tip number one is noticeyour thinking.
So when you actually have thosethoughts, recognize that.
Okay, I'm having these negativethoughts and I need to separate
it from actual reality.
Speaker 1 (05:50):
So one of the things you can do is get out your phone
, open the notes section andstart to write down these
thoughts and go okay, let mehear the exact thoughts I'm
telling to myself.
How am I talking to myself?
Because I bet you, if youactually wrote it out, you go oh
my goodness, this is a reallyawful way to be talking to
myself, and if you think aboutit, I mean you, basically you
become the sum of all yourthoughts.
So if you are spending the restof your day then berating
(06:11):
yourself, like I had done,telling yourself how bad you are
, then you're going to feelworse and worse and worse.
And to try and climb out ofthat feeling, we really need to
change your thinking patterns.
As I said, body acceptance is apractice.
It's not a journey, and what itrequires is you making
conscious decisions each day tochoose to show your body
kindness, and that's pointnumber two.
(06:31):
What I really want you to do isto forgive yourself.
When you look in the mirror orwhen you hop on the scale and
you see a number or a look ofsomething that you go.
I don't like that about myself.
Can you forgive yourself forbeing imperfect?
I think the antidote to hatingyourself and anger is
forgiveness, and for me, whatthat really looks like is it's
(06:53):
just genuinely.
I say to myself it's okay, youdon't need to look perfect to be
happy.
You don't need to have theperfect body, and when you had a
smaller body, you weren'thappier.
Speaker 2 (07:05):
Yes, I think that's such an important one and just
remind yourself on that note aswell.
You know, how you look is notthe most interesting thing about
you.
It's really not.
It's not why people love you,you know.
It's not what makes you fun.
It's not what makes you caringkind a hard worker, like it's
not what makes you fun.
It's not what makes you caringkind a hard worker, like it's
the least interesting thing.
I know you care about it, butother people really, really
(07:26):
don't yeah, like at your funeral, no one's like.
Oh my goodness, at least herarms were skinny oh, at least
she, you know, had a nice,perfect jaw, like jaw.
Look at her flat jaw line wasperfect.
Speaker 1 (07:41):
Tell me how what a relief, what a relief she didn't
actually have that many organs.
I don't know what she did withthem, but she tucked them all in
nice and proper, like a ladyshould.
No, no one cares, and I thinkwe often think that everyone
else is caring.
It's hard for me because I didgrow up in a society and, I
guess, a household, where Iheard judgments about other
(08:01):
people's bodies.
I heard, oh my goodness, thatperson looks a bit, you know,
and so it's weird because thatbecomes your internal dialogue.
And so if you grew up with a momwho was constantly criticizing
her body, criticizing otherpeople's body, that becomes the
way you talk to yourself.
So, instead of allowing theinherited voice to continue this
is what noticing our thoughtsand practicing that forgiveness
(08:23):
looks like you go.
Okay, I noticed this voice andyou know what it sounds familiar
.
It sounds like my mom and Idon't want to replicate what
she's done and therefore I needto identify this thinking
pattern and I need to choosethat we're not going to allow
these thoughts to continue, sochoosing to go every day.
You know what?
I'm not going to keep my lifesmall as a result of waking up
and feeling this way.
Speaker 2 (08:44):
I think that's so great and on that point as well,
let's set the precedent.
When you hear people have thosenegative talks and you hear
people you know body shameothers or say, oh my gosh, she's
gained so much weight, shelooks fat.
Like, oh my God, look at her.
Like, look what she's wearing,just be like stop, this is not
(09:07):
okay.
Like we shouldn't be talkingabout someone like this, because
the more you're around that,the more you turn that into your
own self dialogue and you'relike oh, I'm fat, I shouldn't be
wearing this, I look gross,let's stop that.
Okay, if you have your friendssaying that, just call it out.
And I know it can feeluncomfortable, but really it's
going to pass, they're going toget over it.
If you just keep repeating itand you're like okay, this is
not okay.
If your mom comments onsomeone's body, on your child's
(09:29):
body, they see someone walkingpast the street and like, oh my
God, look at her, just be likehey, there's no need to say that
, let's just not say it.
Change the topic, move on.
It can be as simple as that.
Speaker 1 (09:40):
And you might need to change the way you phrase it
depending on who you arespeaking to, and I encourage you
to.
In my book, your Weight Is Notthe Problem.
I actually give you a scriptabout how do we tackle when
someone is a food police,someone who's reprimanding what
you're eating, or someone's abody bully, someone who's either
judging you or someone else'sbody.
What do we actually say to thatperson?
Sometimes, a phrase I feelquite is quite helpful is to say
(10:06):
something like I know you thinkyou're helping when you make
comments like that, but actuallyit makes me feel really bad
about my own body.
Do you mind if we don't talkabout other people's bodies or
my body or whatever it is?
Fill in the blanks, but you'rereally kind of recruiting them
particularly if there's someonewho's shaming you and is often
commenting about your body,might be a partner.
This is quite a common situationwhere you have someone who is
antagonizing you and making itreally hard for you to actually
(10:28):
like yourself.
They're saying oh, you've letyourself go.
I'm feeling really ashamed withyou.
I can't believe you look likethat.
I used to receive a whole bunchof comments not dissimilar to
that and the irony is that itactually made me.
It's so much harder for me tobe consistent because, as I said
, it would throw me into thatall or nothing thinking and then
I'd end up, you know, justbinge eating by nighttime again.
(10:49):
So letting them know this isnot helpful.
In fact, this is actuallymaking it so much harder is
important, and I will say thatin university, because I had
such a raging eating disorder,my university friends all got me
together and they were like ohhey, listen, so we've all agreed
that we're not going to talkabout food and bodies anymore.
Speaker 2 (11:07):
Is that okay?
And I was like okay, how didthat make you feel, was that
helpful?
Speaker 1 (11:12):
Well, they did it in a way where they made it sound
like everyone you know it waseveryone's decision and that it
wasn't about me.
But then it didn't take me longto think oh, this is about me,
this is about me and the factthat I talk about food and, to
be honest, maybe I felt a littlebit judged for a moment and
(11:32):
then I felt relief.
I felt such relief into having aplace where I couldn't fall
back on talking about food,where I knew that we weren't
going to judge anyone else'sbody.
It was actually really nice tohave this safe place, something
I'd never had, and I think itreally contributed to my
recovery.
So if you think about thefriends that you hang out with,
(11:52):
if you do have people who youfind are hypercritical, you
might be able to have thisconversation and if not, if it
feels too hard for some people,you might be able to kind of
pull and number four.
A fourth tip is go intocompassion mode and I think it
really such a strong antidote toanger is compassion and empathy
(12:15):
and it can really take thesting out of things.
So you know those people whoare making negative comments
about your body or someoneelse's body.
What's a useful way for us tothink about it?
Speaker 2 (12:25):
I think just thinking okay, I think this person has
been through a lot.
I think they're making thesecomments because they probably
grew up dieting.
They probably grew up withtheir mum commenting on their
body, with their friends sayinghow they look.
So now that's passed on andthey're saying that to other
people.
So I think compassion is areally good one.
It's really like bringing youkind of like in their shoes and
(12:48):
realizing you know, they aresaying this because of how they
were raised, how they grew up.
So I guess just being moreunderstanding of that and saying
you know what I'm going tochoose to be kind to you because
you've probably been through alot.
Speaker 1 (13:03):
Their comments on your body or someone else's is
not a reflection on your body orsomeone else's body.
It's a reflection of their ownrelationship with their body.
It's a them problem.
And what's the them problem?
I know it hurts you, but havingcompassion for them definitely
does take the sting out of itand the anger.
And if it is a partner or a manin your life who's making these
(13:24):
comments, you think, oh, Idon't think they actually have
experienced that.
Think about the way that menare programmed from a very early
age, that they think thatwoman's worth is very much
related to how she looks, sothat it's really the most
impressive thing a woman can beis thin, and all the messages
that that man in your life hasreceived about what a woman
should be.
And that's what we're dealingwith here.
(13:44):
It's once again not areflection of you, but it is,
dare I say, the patriarchy andall the nonsense but really is.
It is up for him to work onthat relationship with how he
sees women.
Speaker 2 (13:55):
I think that's very important as well.
Speaker 1 (13:57):
Another thing I do is tip number five is to keep a
compliments diary.
Now, this is a bit of a strangeone, but I'm into it.
Every time people give me acompliment and this is related
to anything, so it could beabout how I look, but mostly
it's not, Mostly it's about nicethings about me.
And I keep it stored away on mycomputer, a little folder where
(14:18):
I keep these compliments,because we have a negativity
bias whereby we seem to rememberall the negative things people
have said about us and we forgetall the lovely things.
And I am determined not toforget the lovely things.
So when I'm having a crappy dayas is inevitable when you are a
human being living in thisworld I go to my computer, I
(14:39):
open that folder and I feelreally amazing when I read that
and I'm delighted.
So I encourage you if youhaven't got one, maybe try the
compliment diary.
Speaker 2 (14:49):
I remember when you told me about this and I was
like seems a bit wacky, like Idon't know about it, lindy, I
didn't want to say anything toyou, but I just thought I don't
know how I feel about that.
And then I thought you knowwhat?
I'm going to give it a try,especially like when it gets
that time of the month, and I'mjust like I'm the worst person
ever.
I hate myself, no one loves me.
(15:10):
And then what I started doingwas I started like even
collecting things likescreenshots of messages that my
friends would send me that Ithought were really nice, or, if
it was, it was like somethingfrom work, or just like a
comment that my partner wouldmake on like not necessarily my
appearance, just like me, orlike something I did.
And then I looked back on itand I was like you know what?
(15:31):
This is actually really nice,because we forget these things
we really do like in the moment,like you forget, it's like a
fleeting thing, and then to havethat to look back on when
you're really feeling like crap,it's just such a nice little
mood booster.
Speaker 1 (15:46):
So you did it and you loved it.
I did it and I loved it.
Oh, I love that, I love that.
So if you're kind of on thefence going, this is wacky give
it a whirl, give it a whirl.
Speaker 2 (15:53):
Honestly, don't judge , don't judge us.
Speaker 1 (15:57):
Tip number six is to buy clothes that fit.
And my goodness, no-transcriptfull of clothes.
(16:18):
Why is this happening?
I argue that finding clothesthat for you, feel comfortable
in has got nothing to do withfashion, maybe a little bit to
do with fashion, but mostly it'sgot to do with body acceptance,
body confidence, and we'regiving you some tips to make
that happen.
So please, even if you've got abra, especially a bra or undies
that you feel push into yoursquidgy bit oh, undies.
Speaker 2 (16:38):
Like why?
Why don't we just like go forthe bigger size?
It's like oh no, I'm a size 18.
Close, it must be a size 18undies no.
Speaker 1 (16:51):
No, never I have to size up two or three sizes.
Oh yep, what's up with that?
That is ridiculous.
Honestly, it's crazy.
Otherwise I've got a littlefabric up my tush.
I don't love that.
But I do love buying clothesthat fit, and if your body has
recently gone through a change,it is perfectly okay to get some
boxes.
Pop all the clothes that don'tcurrently fit you so you don't
have to stare at them when youopen your wardrobe.
Pop them up top of yourwardrobe or anywhere in garage,
(17:11):
wherever you can kind of storethem, and go and get yourself
just a few key pieces.
I mean, personally I go upshopping so it's a really
affordable way to do it.
But you know Target, all thatkind of stuff.
That's a really kind of easyentry point where you go.
I deserve to have clothes thatfit me.
I'm worthy of wearing clothesthat I feel comfortable in.
Speaker 2 (17:28):
And number seven is consider a mantra.
So what can you say to yourselfevery morning when you wake up
and you feel like crap, lindy,do you have a mantra that you
repeat to yourself?
Speaker 1 (17:40):
Yeah, I mean, I think the thing I say to myself is
it's not my life's purpose tolook perfect from every angle.
I say, when I see a photo ofmyself with my kids you know my
husband's taking like a veryunflattering photo of me with my
kids I go, it doesn't matter,it doesn't matter, I'm here with
my kids.
What my kids will remember isthat I was, I was here with them
(18:00):
.
They're not going to look backat these photos and go oh, my
goodness, her arms are big.
They're going to go oh, she wasplaying with me and she loved
me.
And I do.
I sure do, and I think that'sjust the thing.
I come back with thesereminders.
I'm constantly reminding myselfof my self-worth because we need
to counteract it.
There are so many phrases I sayto myself If I put on some
clothes that don't fit me, I gooh, that's okay, I'm allowed to
(18:22):
change size, my body's allowedto be different versions.
I am so dedicated to lovingdifferent versions of myself.
Once I had my kids my Charlie'sone now but immediately
postpartum I was multiple sizesbigger than I am now and I was
like you know what?
I'm bigger, I'm just going tohave the clothes that fit me.
I'm going to forgive myselfactively.
I'm going to say it doesn'tmatter that I'm big, I'm still
(18:43):
going to turn up in photos andI'm still lovable in this bigger
size.
I think that's something Iwould say to myself quite often.
Speaker 2 (18:49):
I really like that.
And also, you know, it's not mylife's purpose to look perfect
from every angle, I think.
Just remind yourself of thoselittle things.
It's true.
Speaker 1 (18:59):
And last, one, number eight is to focus on your
health and not on size.
Oh, my goodness, what if,instead of using the scale as
barometer for how you're goingwith your progress, you used how
consistent you are, howenjoyable you find your exercise
, how many serves of veggiesyou're getting in a day?
There are so many ways we cantrack our wellbeing, our health,
number of hours slept, how manytimes I scream at my husband.
(19:25):
There are so many things youcan use that have nothing to do
with kilograms or pounds, and Iwould so encourage you to do
this.
What you might find is it's fareasier to be consistent and to
enjoy that consistency whenyou're not putting your size at
the forefront of it, and I saythis is a lot easier said than
done, but once again, this iswhere those reminders come in.
(19:46):
I hope you found today's episodereally helpful.
I know it's a big one, and Ifeel like this 20 minute episode
is just not going to cut itwhen it comes to helping you
feel better.
If you need a little bit ofextra support, I do have a cool
little body confidence playlist,which I will leave a link to so
you can listen to.
It is actually something I puton when I'm having a bad body
image day or I'm putting on mymakeup.
(20:07):
I just like to listen to it.
And I also have my bodyconfidence toolkit, which has a
whole bunch of tips.
If you're going, oh listen,this is a nice place to start,
but I want more, then check thedescription in this podcast,
because I'll leave a link.
You can sign up and you can getthat toolkit.
It's totally free.
Speaker 2 (20:23):
Thank you so much for listening everyone and please,
if you have found this helpful,you know, if you wake up and you
feel like crap and you think,okay, I'm going to try these
strategies, I'm going to see howit goes, leave a comment and
please let us know what youthink.
Have a lovely day, everyone.
Thank you so much for listening.
(20:44):
Bye.
Popular Podcasts
Dateline NBC
Current and classic episodes, featuring compelling true-crime mysteries, powerful documentaries and in-depth investigations. Follow now to get the latest episodes of Dateline NBC completely free, or subscribe to Dateline Premium for ad-free listening and exclusive bonus content: DatelinePremium.com
Stuff You Should Know
If you've ever wanted to know about champagne, satanism, the Stonewall Uprising, chaos theory, LSD, El Nino, true crime and Rosa Parks, then look no further. Josh and Chuck have you covered.
Intentionally Disturbing
Join me on this podcast as I navigate the murky waters of human behavior, current events, and personal anecdotes through in-depth interviews with incredible people—all served with a generous helping of sarcasm and satire. After years as a forensic and clinical psychologist, I offer a unique interview style and a low tolerance for bullshit, quickly steering conversations toward depth and darkness. I honor the seriousness while also appreciating wit. I’m your guide through the twisted labyrinth of the human psyche, armed with dark humor and biting wit.