December 12, 2024 • 27 mins
How do you turn someone down romantically without creating awkwardness or burning bridges? In this episode, my partner, Danny, and I tackle one of the trickiest aspects of non-monogamous relationships: rejection. Inspired by a question from one of our Patreon supporters, we explore how to say "no" in a way that’s respectful, kind, and true to your own boundaries.
Key Topics We Cover:
- Why Over-Explaining Hurts More Than It Helps: Learn how to set boundaries without feeling the need to justify yourself.
- Handling Social Dynamics After a Rejection: Discover strategies for maintaining positive connections in your community.
- Balancing Honesty with Kindness: Find out how to express your needs without hurting others unnecessarily.
Practical Tips and Personal Stories
We both open up about our own experiences with rejection, sharing valuable advice on how to:
- Stand firm in your boundaries and desires.
- Communicate with clarity and confidence.
- Handle rejection with grace when it happens to you.
A Conversation Rooted in Self-Worth
We also discuss how to deal with the sting of being turned down. From navigating feelings of hopelessness to rebuilding self-worth, this episode provides actionable insights for building resilience and honoring your authentic self in all interactions.
"What I want matters more than what others want for me."
Bonus Segment for Patreon Supporters:
Want an extra does of insight? For our dedicated Patreon friends, we've included an exclusive "Just the Tip" segment with additional insights and a spicy tidbit you won't want to miss. Head over to patreon.com/notmonogamous to to unlock ad-free episodes, Q&A calls, and more perks.
Whether you're new to non-monogamy or been on this ride for years, this episode offers tools for navigating rejection with confidence and compassion. Tune in for a conversation that will transform the way you approach saying—and hearing—"no."
🎧 Don’t miss this episode. Listen now wherever you get your podcasts!
📰 Subscribe to Not A Monogamous Newsletter to stay up to date with new episodes and offerings from Ellecia. https://elleciapaine.podia.com/newsletter
❤️ Enjoying the show? The best way to thank us is by following and leaving a review or a note. And if you want more, join our Patreon! http://www.patreon.com/notmonogamous
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Music: Composer/Author (CA): Oscar Lindstein
STIM IPI: 572 393 237
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Ellecia (00:00):
Welcome, Danny, to Nope , we're Not Monogamous.
I'm so happy to have you on theshow.
Danny (00:05):
I'm happy to be back.
Ellecia (00:07):
Okay, so we're going to talk about rejection.
Neither of us have everexperienced that.
Danny (00:14):
Not once.
Ellecia (00:15):
Not even once we're lying.
Okay, so this episode wasinspired by one of our Patreon
friends with benefits.
One of our Patreon supportershad a question how do I?
What was it, Gracefully?
Danny (00:38):
I think it was.
How do I gracefully turn peopledown?
Ellecia (00:41):
I'm going to look.
I'm going to tell you exactlywhat it was.
Danny (00:45):
And I think they meant in like romantic advances, not
like turn down like a freenewspaper or something graceful
rejection.
Ellecia (00:54):
Oh, that's better.
I'm finding that being openlypoly leads to a lot of
propositions and I don't thinkI'm doing the best I could in
turning them down.
And I thought that was a reallygood question.
And she was asking if we haddone any episodes on that and I
was like you know, I'm sure thatthere are episodes where that
has been touched on, but I can'ttell you off the top of my head
(01:18):
where those are.
So for our friend on Patreon,this episode is for you.
She's also not just a Patreonfriend, it's a real life friend.
That's why I'm not saying hername, because I don't want to
call her out.
That's fair, because that feelsweird.
But also I adore her and she'shot, so of course she's getting
(01:40):
lots of propositions.
Danny (01:42):
Oh, my God.
Ellecia (01:42):
And also like really smart and fun and you know all
the things that make somebody gobeing desirable.
I want to make out with you sograceful rejection.
Yeah, Do you ever turn peopledown Gracefully?
Danny (02:04):
Gracefully, not as often as I would like that's.
Uh, yeah, I absolutely have.
I've turned people down and Ithink I've gotten better at it
over time.
Um, I think that an easypitfall to fall into an easy pit
to fall into an easy pit tofall into.
Uh, yeah, I think.
I think that uh like somethingthat's like easy to fall into,
(02:25):
though is to think that you needto explain it.
Ellecia (02:30):
Oh yeah, you need to defend your rejection, Right?
Yeah, like I'm too busy or I'mtoo polysaturated or I'm not
looking for something right now.
But, none of those things maybe true.
It may just be that you're notinterested in this person that's
propositioning you, whetherthat's for a date or a makeout
session or a one-night standyeah, anything yeah, or dnd game
(02:53):
absolutely no, I'm good.
Oh, my god, don't get me intothat I'm just saying like I feel
like that rejection is alsoyeah, it just rejected for for
anything like, hey, do you wantto do a thing?
Danny (03:05):
And that comes with the risk of them saying no, I don't.
Yeah, and whenever I'm about tosay no, I don't Like in my mind
, like even now, even though Iam, I think I do.
I'm better at it, I'm moregracefully reject people.
Ellecia (03:27):
Now I still, in my head , imagine that they're going to
have follow up questions likeI'll need to.
I'll need to explain why not,why not, what's wrong.
Oh, why do you hate me?
Has anybody ever?
Danny (03:31):
done that after high school, like that, oh, after
high school.
Yeah, because I said, I gotlike as kids for sure.
Ellecia (03:34):
Yeah, I feel like when you're learning how to date
right, whether you know, somepeople are learning how to date
as adults and but still, likewhen you're learning how to date
, you do that like why, what'swrong with me?
Yeah, and then it's like whenyou're learning how to date.
Danny (03:43):
you do that Like well, why?
What's wrong?
Ellecia (03:44):
with me, yeah.
And then it's like well, maybeyou saw that invitation for yeah
.
Danny (03:50):
Like it's it.
I think that people like or atleast we assume.
I assume I'm not going to speakfor everybody, but I think a
lot of people assume thatthey're going to take offense to
it.
Like that high school thing isright.
I don't think in my adult lifeand I'm really thinking about it
I don't think anyone's ever hada follow-up question, Not
(04:10):
really.
They're just like oh okay, Likemaybe they're bummed out or
something, or maybe I offer anexplanation and then they, and
then it turns to a conversationthat neither one of us wants to
have.
Ellecia (04:14):
Yeah.
Danny (04:15):
Yeah.
Ellecia (04:15):
Yeah, that Okay.
So when I'm turning people down, okay, it depends on the
situation.
Okay, if it's like an event, afestival, a party, something
where, like, people are justlike randomly making out, or
it's like like turning down adance.
Hey, do you want to dance?
Yes no, I'm good, no thanks.
(04:36):
Hey, do you want to make out?
No thanks.
Thanks for the invitation.
Danny (04:42):
I appreciate it oh, you make it look so easy.
I've watched you do this.
Ellecia (04:45):
It's not easy.
It takes practice and more thanpractice, it takes knowing like
a little bit of security inmyself, right, like rather than
that thing, the people pleasingthing that a lot of us do where
(05:08):
it's like, oh no, sorry, I don't, I don't feel like it right now
.
Or oh sorry, I'm not, I'm on myway out the door.
Danny (05:20):
Actually there, is a sorry, I feel bad oh sorry the
door.
Ellecia (05:24):
Actually there is a sorry, I feel bad.
Oh, sorry, yeah.
And so, rather than doing that,I've I've practiced believing
that what I want, like mydesires and my boundaries,
actually matter.
They actually matter.
They actually matter more thanthis other person that isn't my
(05:47):
partner, isn't my, I don't owethis person anything yeah, man,
it sounds easy when you say itlike that having self-worth yeah
yeah, that's all.
Danny (06:00):
Just go get some self-worth geez, they sell it at
7-eleven, right, just buy likea eight ounce bag you're good to
go next to the five-hour energy.
Yeah, wow, yeah, so yeah I'veseen you do that a bunch, like a
whole bunch and, like I said,you do make it look really easy.
But do you think that appliesto, uh, things that go a little
more in depth than just amakeout or a dance?
(06:22):
like a date yeah, like a datelike, hey, do you want to go out
sometime?
Because I assume that youprobably have some some manner
of rapport, like I think ifsomeone walks up to you and says
, hey, do you want to go outsometime, that is like hello,
stranger, no, that's no, that'sa crazy thing to say I don't.
I've never said a single wordto you, but if someone has been
talking to you for a while ormaybe it's their guys are kind
of friends or something uh-huhdo you think the same rules
(06:43):
apply can?
Ellecia (06:44):
you say, oh, that makes it so much harder.
Right, because I'm like this isyou know, this is my friend, or
someone that, like, I am in asocial circle with, and I think
definitely we take into accounttheir, their like social, uh,
currency, right, like, are youmean, uh, are they friends with
a whole bunch of your friends?
(07:04):
Do you see them all the time?
Do they carry a lot of?
Are they popular?
Do they carry a lot of socialweight?
Danny (07:10):
Sure Right.
Ellecia (07:11):
If you turn them down, are they going to like be mad
and then retaliate socially,like tell other people what a
jerk you are for turning themdown, like all of those things
kind of go into it like all ofthose things kind of go into it.
Danny (07:28):
Yeah, but should that?
Ellecia (07:28):
influence your answer?
No, like this person's gonnaact like a psycho, which is why
I have to come back and be like,actually my boundaries and my
desires, like those two combined, are more important than what
this other person wants.
Absolutely actually, because,like, and I and i- know this I
know this because I've gone onlots of dates with people that I
(07:49):
didn't want to go on a datewith and I felt bad.
Or after like starting the date, I'm like, oh, I don't know why
I said yes, I I didn't reallywant to.
I should have said no.
I would be a lot happier rightnow sitting at home watching
this Is Us than I would be onthis date right now.
Right.
Danny (08:09):
Yeah, I would definitely be on that date.
Ellecia (08:13):
Or or what was the other thought I had about that?
I've gone on dates I didn'twant to go on.
I've made out with people Ididn't want to make out with.
I've had sex with people Ididn't want to have sex with
because I was scared to turnthem down.
And when you get to the otherside of that and there's this
level of like, shame, guilt,weird, value things that come up
(08:36):
should.
Well, I shouldn't have donethis or I should have done that,
that all sucks.
But also I've learned valuablelessons that what I want matters
yeah, more than other people,and not like what I want matters
in their lives more than in mylife as being the only person
(08:57):
living my life.
Uh, it matters more and you'reso cool I feel like some people
would say that that soundsshitty or selfish on the on the
surface level, right Before youget to the point I say that yeah
, so they might say thatsomebody who doesn't want to be
rejected might say oh yeah,that's shitty, or?
Danny (09:19):
selfish right, yeah, rather than saying the thing
that they should say, which isthank you for taking care of
yourself that is a really goodthing to say thank you for
responding honestly yeah, andyou can almost carry on a
conversation after that yep yeah, like if I, yeah, like if I was
like hey, like saying thattwice, if I was like hey, hey,
(09:41):
uh, yeah, and I wanted to askyou, uh, and you're like no,
thank you okay, ask, ask me out.
Ellecia (09:46):
Oh, I don't know if I can say no to you.
Yeah, I can you totally can.
Danny (09:49):
It'll be fun.
All right, I want you to.
Oh yeah you do at least yeah,do you want to like go out
sometime?
Ellecia (10:00):
where are we gonna go?
Danny (10:03):
bagel shop no thanks.
Ellecia (10:08):
Thanks for asking right on.
Danny (10:10):
I respect how you uh you handle yourself there and how
you respect your own desiresyeah, that's really cool.
Ellecia (10:16):
Yeah, thank you, you're welcome thanks.
Danny (10:18):
I still want to go on a date with you, but like I
respect you, thank you.
Ellecia (10:23):
I appreciate that and I appreciate your desires.
We're not going on a date,though.
Okay, I really thought, maybe Iknow, I know, but we're not
going to.
So thank you, though.
It's really flattering and Iappreciate it, and good luck out
there in the wild world.
The finger guns really help.
So yeah, for those of you whohave to turn someone down, use
(10:49):
finger guns.
Danny (10:51):
No, thank you, no, thank you guaranteed to make it way
less awkward.
Oh man, man, that sucks.
Being rejected sucks yeah ohman yeah what am I gonna do?
Yeah, just don't take it toheart oh, okay not everyone's,
for you, babe oh my god, that'sreally good advice.
That took me way too long tolearn.
Yeah, but not everyone's for meyeah, yeah, well, so, okay.
Ellecia (11:14):
So we were looking up, um, I was looking up, like, how
would other people answer thisquestion about rejecting people?
And somebody else asked thequestion how do you, as a
polyamorous person, deal withthe constant rejection of those
you get close to?
I'm starting to feel hopelessand undesirable.
And the first thing I and thisis funny now that I'm reading it
(11:38):
a second time I picked upsomething that I did the first
time.
I thought I didn't read thepart where he or they said, um,
how do you deal with therejection of those you get close
to?
I just thought it was sayinglike constant rejection, and I'm
like, well, is this person justlike?
Danny (11:56):
going down the street asking people out, like as soon
as they meet them or whatever.
Ellecia (12:01):
um, which is a weird thing that some people do.
They think that, like, ifyou're trying to like date
people, you're trying to find apartner or someone to like
interact with that.
If you see someone that you'reinterested in, you should just
ask them on a date and I'm likeno, you should ask them their
name and then you should askthem questions about themselves
(12:22):
and see if you have anything atall in common before you ask
them on a date.
Danny (12:30):
I think school dances did it.
Oh yeah, go go ask her to dance.
Yeah, because what else are yougonna do?
You just gotta find a date.
Just ask hey, trisha, do youwant to go to the dance with me?
Ellecia (12:37):
right yeah, and I think people carry it over into
adulthood yeah, it's not a goodhabit, weird practice it is, and
I don't think I've ever, Idon't think kids are doing that
anymore, though that's fair.
Danny (12:45):
I haven't been a kid for a while yeah, they're like
they've made it way better.
Ellecia (12:48):
They're like going to dances with their friends.
Danny (12:51):
Yeah and like yeah yeah, just having fun treating like a
club.
At least I think I could bewrong.
Ellecia (12:57):
I could be wrong, but from what I've seen, having
teenagers that's what I've seenbut so being constantly rejected
from the people that you getclose to, which I have so many
questions about that I wish thisperson had given more
information.
Danny (13:10):
OK, but what do you want to know?
Ellecia (13:12):
So how do you deal with being rejected?
I would say first is, like Isaid earlier, like thank you for
taking care of yourself, thankyou for thank you for giving me
an honest answer.
Danny (13:24):
Oh, my God, the amount of respect right there.
Yeah, I won't lie, even in ourfake scenario though, which I
really hope was fake, but butour fake scenario though, yeah,
that that is like that's a realthing.
I feel like respect of this,like the.
You thought I could handle it.
Ellecia (13:39):
Yeah, you didn't treat me like a baby yes, or like a
violent criminal that I had totiptoe around oh my god correct
which you know is a thing thatmany of us are taking a risk on
when we're rejecting people,like the fear of retaliation,
the fear of physical violence,like those are very real things
(14:01):
that a lot of us have to dealwith.
And so I think, like thequestion earlier, graceful
rejection, like being kind aboutit, I think is really important
.
And on the other side is, takea no for a no, like it doesn't
have to mean.
It probably doesn't meananything about you as a matter
(14:21):
of fact, I know it doesn't meananything about you.
It's 100 percent about theperson that is doing the
rejecting.
It's 100% about them and theirlife and the things that are
happening in their head, thestories that they have, the
desires they have for their life, the boundaries that they have
around their life.
It's 100% about them andactually has nothing to do with
(14:43):
you.
Danny (14:45):
I would encourage anyone to really, if they were, if you
are getting rejected, to thinkof a time that you have not, uh,
wanted to go out with someone.
I think that anyone can thinkof a time, like just imagine a
time where if someone had said,hey, do you want to go out right
now?
You would have been like oh mygod, no, like my dog just died,
or like my mom's house justburned down.
Ellecia (15:06):
I'm busy.
Absolutely I'm not interestedin a bagel right now.
Danny (15:12):
It's finals week, I mean, if you want to blow me that'd
be fine.
Oh my God, Absolutely.
Yeah, I mean read your person.
Ellecia (15:21):
I was just going to say like counteroffer yeah.
No, I don't want to date you,but like we could be friends we
could have this conversation.
I don't know if I'm giving goodadvice or not.
Danny (15:35):
I don't either I really don't.
Ellecia (15:37):
It's fine, it's fine.
Danny (15:40):
We might just cut this whole episode.
Ellecia (15:41):
Yeah, if you're seeing this, just know we didn't cut it
.
Okay.
If you're seeing this, justknow we didn't cut it.
Okay.
So the feelings that someonegets after being rejected.
What did this person say?
They felt worthless.
Yeah, which, oh, no, I'm sorry.
They said I'm starting to feelhopeless and undesirable.
Danny (16:02):
Sure.
Ellecia (16:05):
What do you do about feeling hopeless and undesirable
?
Danny (16:09):
Okay, don't look at that Feeling hopeless and undesirable
.
Ellecia (16:15):
So undesirable.
What that says to me is I don'tfeel valuable, I don't feel
like I have worth to otherpeople.
Danny (16:30):
Right.
Ellecia (16:32):
And it's really, really important to find the things
that you feel are desirable foryourself.
Right, like what is valuableabout me, whether other people
see it or not, what do I know isvaluable about me?
(16:53):
What do I know is worthwhileabout me?
What do I know is desirableabout me?
Anything, it doesn't have to bebig things.
If you have a hard time comingup with things like.
It can be little things.
It can be that I'm kind or I'mfunny, or every once in a while
I say something funny, or everyonce in a while I do really
awesome things.
(17:13):
Or I know how to change the oilin the car, or I know how to I
can pick up heavy things or youknow anything that, like, you
find even a little bit desirableand really gas that up and own
that, because the more confidentthat you feel it's a catch 22,
(17:35):
right Like?
We feel like we will be moreconfident if people desire us
and respond well to us.
But people desire us andrespond well to us because we're
exuding confidence.
You have to find some of thatconfidence and then you'll start
getting that external feedbackthat you are desirable.
(17:55):
I mean, trust me, there arepeople, there are humans out
there that I do not desire, thatare getting so much love and
affection.
Danny (18:09):
Yeah, absolutely, and hard same, I think it's.
Yeah, I don't think there's anysuch thing as like being a
desirable person.
Ellecia (18:18):
What do you measure that to?
Danny (18:20):
Exactly Like, yeah, like.
How do you quantify that Likedesirable to everyone?
Is that what you're shootingfor?
To most people, that's wild.
Eight billion people.
You want eight billion otherpeople to be in you, right?
Ellecia (18:30):
You're so busy Find a couple, yeah, that's it.
One, even Two, three Ever.
Yeah, yeah, that's great,that's a lot, that is.
Danny (18:41):
Yeah, and how did we get?
Oh, we, because the person wasfeeling undesirable because
they're getting rejected so much.
Ellecia (18:51):
Yeah, they were feeling sorry, hopeless and undesirable
.
Hopeless being like I don't.
I've lost hope in the idea thatI will make matches with people
.
Yeah, Be able to date people.
Danny (19:03):
Which, which I do get.
I wish we did.
I wish we could talk to thatperson, because I'm curious, I
know I always want to know thedetails, because I feel like it
sounds like whatever theirapproach is also isn't working.
If they're people to get closeto, so it means that they are
engaging in conversation.
That's something about whatthey're doing, and I'm not
saying that every personwouldn't say yes.
I'm not saying that maybe everyperson still would turn them
(19:24):
down, but I do wonder if he'schanging up his approach,
because that is possible thatwhat you're doing is setting
anyone off.
Yeah, uh, like, I like, justlike putting it to an extreme.
What's a great let's?
Just it's something that nobodywould be into.
Like, if you're handing afistful of worms to someone and
saying, will you please go outwith me, I feel like most people
would say no, no, no, thank you, so it's okay, and obviously no
(19:47):
, I don't think anyone's doingthat.
Maybe maybe it would work forsomebody, but I mean, I think
overall most people would say no, thank you.
But maybe change it up.
If everyone's always saying noafter you hand them the handful
of worms, you need to change it.
And I'm not saying that's whatthis guy is doing.
I'm saying that's an extreme.
Whatever he's doing, maybe heshould change it up.
Ellecia (20:03):
So that's the next step Some self-reflection, oh.
I love talking to you, right, doa little bit of self-reflection
.
Like what, what has worked inmy life, what has not worked?
What do I find valuable?
What do I think should enticepeople?
What am, what am I attracted to?
(20:24):
What are the traits that otherpeople have that I'm attracted
to and do I have any of those,or can I build any of those up
Right?
What do I enjoy when people aretalking to me or approaching me
and can I practice those things?
Like self-reflection is a reallyimportant part and really just
finding every single human thatis born is lovable and worthy
(20:48):
and valuable.
There is no baby that comesinto this world that's not worth
loving, okay, so there has beena time in your life, every
single person.
There has been a time in yourlife where you were absolutely
lovable.
So you have evidence that youare lovable, okay, like you have
evidence that you are avaluable human, even if you
(21:12):
aren't feeling it right now.
And so, like thatself-reflection piece is you
find the things that you canactually do to feel better, to
find hope, oh my.
Danny (21:23):
God, you are enchanting Shush Okay.
Ellecia (21:27):
Thank you, of course.
Thank you.
My foot fell asleep.
Danny (21:30):
Oh, no, yeah, all that wisdom.
I have nothing to add to thatthat's wild, that's so good I'm
speechless, thank you, thank you, uh, maybe I do no, I don't.
Ellecia (21:43):
I don't know.
It's a hard topic becausenobody wants to be rejected.
It sucks nobody wants to turnpeople down that also sucks we
don't like hurting people'sfeelings, but what is even worse
, people that you don't want tohang out with them anyway well,
yeah, and what's worse than thatis to like pretend or fake it,
(22:04):
yes.
How far can you take that beforeyou're finally like I should
have said no the first time,like that's so much worse than
just being really clear andhonest and like solid in
yourself and your desires andyour boundaries?
Danny (22:19):
You're right, you do have to say no.
You're going to have to say it,and you might as well do it up
front if you're feeling it Saveeveryone.
Ellecia (22:25):
You don't want to wait until you're like I've been
married for 40 years.
Why did you get married?
Well, I just thought that'swhat I was supposed to do
Exactly.
I didn't know there were otheroptions.
We all know this story.
Yeah, I think yeah.
So how do you, gracefully,reject people?
You say no, thank you.
(22:45):
And what do you do if you'rethe one getting rejected?
You say thank you for takingcare of yourself.
Danny (22:54):
Yeah, there's really nothing else you can do past
that.
Yeah, because I think that wasthat was the other part of that,
of that, that conversation too.
Like it's like it is like howdo you, how do you handle
rejection?
And you just there's no otherway other than to say thank you,
thanks for the yeah, yeah youcould even say oh, ouch thanks
for taking care of yourself.
Ellecia (23:14):
I appreciate that I you're someone I like, so I
appreciate that you are takingcare of yourself can you say out
, yeah, you can say ouch oh okay, that's fine.
I'm gonna go cry in the cornerabsolutely and you can do that.
Danny (23:29):
I think you can totally go home and cry.
Ellecia (23:30):
I mean humor is always a good way to deal with our
feelings, I think uh, for sureyou have other healthy ways to
deal with them as well.
But I think humor is a reallygood way, especially because
sometimes maybe you feelembarrassed.
Oh, my god or maybe you feelashamed, or maybe you know like
there's so many differentfeelings that can come up, so
make light of it, be real aboutit, like it's fine yeah, you can
(23:55):
do it I feel like about a senseof reality check earlier.
Danny (23:57):
What I meant was a real answer.
I just want to be clear aboutthat reality check.
Yeah what I was talking about,like in regard to uh, if someone
says no to you, it's like I'llthink of the reality check, like
that's not what it is, it's areal answer not a reality check.
Ellecia (24:09):
check, I'm like I am undesirable.
Danny (24:12):
I needed to hear that A real answer.
Yes, it's a real answer.
I just wanted to be clear.
Ellecia (24:16):
Yeah, that makes sense Absolutely.
Danny (24:18):
Yeah, Wait what else.
Ellecia (24:23):
Just the tip.
Danny (24:24):
That's it Just the tip.
Ellecia (24:26):
Just the tip, just the tip, that's all.
Yeah, that's it, yeah.
Danny (24:31):
Okay, and what is?
Just a tip.
Ellecia (24:33):
I don't know.
Danny (24:34):
You don't know.
No, I mean like, like thesegment, I've never heard of it.
Oh, oh, my God, Every episodeis someone's first episode.
Ellecia (24:47):
That was hilarious.
Danny (24:48):
Thank you.
Thank you, I've never heard ofit.
I don't edit this podcast.
Ellecia (24:53):
Never, just the tip.
What do I normally say?
I don't remember.
Danny (25:00):
I'm a little brain dead.
Oh, that's okay.
We're recording late guys.
It's our Patreon segment.
It's for the folks who pay justa little bit extra and we give
them a sexy tip.
Ellecia (25:15):
Yeah, is that how I say it?
Danny (25:16):
No, but you weren't saying it.
How would you say it Exactlylike that?
Oh good, I like it.
I think that was perfect.
One take it's good.
Ellecia (25:22):
Yeah, it's good, it's good.
Danny (25:24):
Yeah.
Ellecia (25:24):
Yeah, so this segment is not on the normal podcast.
So if you want to hear it, youhave to go to patreoncom slash
not monogamous and sign up to beone of our friends with
benefits or lovers, where you'llhear a sexy segment or some
behind the scenes.
(25:45):
You'll also get ad freeepisodes.
You can join a Q&A call with me.
If you become friends withbenefits, you can get a nope,
we're not monogamous mug.
There's all sorts of benefits.
So go check it out.
Patreoncom slash not monogamous.
Yeah, just the tip.
(26:19):
Go to Patreoncom slash notmonogamous.
Yeah, we're gonna go.
Oh, oh, wait.
Yeah, wait.
Subscribe.
Leave a review.
Leave a review, please.
Um, I have people message meall the time, almost every day,
and say how much they love thepodcast, and I've started
responding.
Please go leave a review sothat other people know about
these really beautiful wordsthat you're saying to me.
(26:39):
I will love you forever, butbut also I want more people to
hear the podcast.
You want more people to hearthe podcast.
Leave a review, leave a ratingwherever you're listening to it,
just like scroll down to thepart where it says reviews.
Danny (26:53):
Even if it's the guy next to you, just give him an elbow.
Be like dude.
I'm listening to this podcast.
It's really good.
Ellecia (26:56):
Bye.
Welcome, Danny, to Nope , we're Not Monogamous.
I'm so happy to have you on theshow.
Danny (00:05):
I'm happy to be back.
Ellecia (00:07):
Okay, so we're going to talk about rejection.
Neither of us have everexperienced that.
Danny (00:14):
Not once.
Ellecia (00:15):
Not even once we're lying.
Okay, so this episode wasinspired by one of our Patreon
friends with benefits.
One of our Patreon supportershad a question how do I?
What was it, Gracefully?
Danny (00:38):
I think it was.
How do I gracefully turn peopledown?
Ellecia (00:41):
I'm going to look.
I'm going to tell you exactlywhat it was.
Danny (00:45):
And I think they meant in like romantic advances, not
like turn down like a freenewspaper or something graceful
rejection.
Ellecia (00:54):
Oh, that's better.
I'm finding that being openlypoly leads to a lot of
propositions and I don't thinkI'm doing the best I could in
turning them down.
And I thought that was a reallygood question.
And she was asking if we haddone any episodes on that and I
was like you know, I'm sure thatthere are episodes where that
has been touched on, but I can'ttell you off the top of my head
(01:18):
where those are.
So for our friend on Patreon,this episode is for you.
She's also not just a Patreonfriend, it's a real life friend.
That's why I'm not saying hername, because I don't want to
call her out.
That's fair, because that feelsweird.
But also I adore her and she'shot, so of course she's getting
(01:40):
lots of propositions.
Danny (01:42):
Oh, my God.
Ellecia (01:42):
And also like really smart and fun and you know all
the things that make somebody gobeing desirable.
I want to make out with you sograceful rejection.
Yeah, Do you ever turn peopledown Gracefully?
Danny (02:04):
Gracefully, not as often as I would like that's.
Uh, yeah, I absolutely have.
I've turned people down and Ithink I've gotten better at it
over time.
Um, I think that an easypitfall to fall into an easy pit
to fall into an easy pit tofall into.
Uh, yeah, I think.
I think that uh like somethingthat's like easy to fall into,
(02:25):
though is to think that you needto explain it.
Ellecia (02:30):
Oh yeah, you need to defend your rejection, Right?
Yeah, like I'm too busy or I'mtoo polysaturated or I'm not
looking for something right now.
But, none of those things maybe true.
It may just be that you're notinterested in this person that's
propositioning you, whetherthat's for a date or a makeout
session or a one-night standyeah, anything yeah, or dnd game
(02:53):
absolutely no, I'm good.
Oh, my god, don't get me intothat I'm just saying like I feel
like that rejection is alsoyeah, it just rejected for for
anything like, hey, do you wantto do a thing?
Danny (03:05):
And that comes with the risk of them saying no, I don't.
Yeah, and whenever I'm about tosay no, I don't Like in my mind
, like even now, even though Iam, I think I do.
I'm better at it, I'm moregracefully reject people.
Ellecia (03:27):
Now I still, in my head , imagine that they're going to
have follow up questions likeI'll need to.
I'll need to explain why not,why not, what's wrong.
Oh, why do you hate me?
Has anybody ever?
Danny (03:31):
done that after high school, like that, oh, after
high school.
Yeah, because I said, I gotlike as kids for sure.
Ellecia (03:34):
Yeah, I feel like when you're learning how to date
right, whether you know, somepeople are learning how to date
as adults and but still, likewhen you're learning how to date
, you do that like why, what'swrong with me?
Yeah, and then it's like whenyou're learning how to date.
Danny (03:43):
you do that Like well, why?
What's wrong?
Ellecia (03:44):
with me, yeah.
And then it's like well, maybeyou saw that invitation for yeah
.
Danny (03:50):
Like it's it.
I think that people like or atleast we assume.
I assume I'm not going to speakfor everybody, but I think a
lot of people assume thatthey're going to take offense to
it.
Like that high school thing isright.
I don't think in my adult lifeand I'm really thinking about it
I don't think anyone's ever hada follow-up question, Not
(04:10):
really.
They're just like oh okay, Likemaybe they're bummed out or
something, or maybe I offer anexplanation and then they, and
then it turns to a conversationthat neither one of us wants to
have.
Ellecia (04:14):
Yeah.
Danny (04:15):
Yeah.
Ellecia (04:15):
Yeah, that Okay.
So when I'm turning people down, okay, it depends on the
situation.
Okay, if it's like an event, afestival, a party, something
where, like, people are justlike randomly making out, or
it's like like turning down adance.
Hey, do you want to dance?
Yes no, I'm good, no thanks.
(04:36):
Hey, do you want to make out?
No thanks.
Thanks for the invitation.
Danny (04:42):
I appreciate it oh, you make it look so easy.
I've watched you do this.
Ellecia (04:45):
It's not easy.
It takes practice and more thanpractice, it takes knowing like
a little bit of security inmyself, right, like rather than
that thing, the people pleasingthing that a lot of us do where
(05:08):
it's like, oh no, sorry, I don't, I don't feel like it right now
.
Or oh sorry, I'm not, I'm on myway out the door.
Danny (05:20):
Actually there, is a sorry, I feel bad oh sorry the
door.
Ellecia (05:24):
Actually there is a sorry, I feel bad.
Oh, sorry, yeah.
And so, rather than doing that,I've I've practiced believing
that what I want, like mydesires and my boundaries,
actually matter.
They actually matter.
They actually matter more thanthis other person that isn't my
(05:47):
partner, isn't my, I don't owethis person anything yeah, man,
it sounds easy when you say itlike that having self-worth yeah
yeah, that's all.
Danny (06:00):
Just go get some self-worth geez, they sell it at
7-eleven, right, just buy likea eight ounce bag you're good to
go next to the five-hour energy.
Yeah, wow, yeah, so yeah I'veseen you do that a bunch, like a
whole bunch and, like I said,you do make it look really easy.
But do you think that appliesto, uh, things that go a little
more in depth than just amakeout or a dance?
(06:22):
like a date yeah, like a datelike, hey, do you want to go out
sometime?
Because I assume that youprobably have some some manner
of rapport, like I think ifsomeone walks up to you and says
, hey, do you want to go outsometime, that is like hello,
stranger, no, that's no, that'sa crazy thing to say I don't.
I've never said a single wordto you, but if someone has been
talking to you for a while ormaybe it's their guys are kind
of friends or something uh-huhdo you think the same rules
(06:43):
apply can?
Ellecia (06:44):
you say, oh, that makes it so much harder.
Right, because I'm like this isyou know, this is my friend, or
someone that, like, I am in asocial circle with, and I think
definitely we take into accounttheir, their like social, uh,
currency, right, like, are youmean, uh, are they friends with
a whole bunch of your friends?
(07:04):
Do you see them all the time?
Do they carry a lot of?
Are they popular?
Do they carry a lot of socialweight?
Danny (07:10):
Sure Right.
Ellecia (07:11):
If you turn them down, are they going to like be mad
and then retaliate socially,like tell other people what a
jerk you are for turning themdown, like all of those things
kind of go into it like all ofthose things kind of go into it.
Danny (07:28):
Yeah, but should that?
Ellecia (07:28):
influence your answer?
No, like this person's gonnaact like a psycho, which is why
I have to come back and be like,actually my boundaries and my
desires, like those two combined, are more important than what
this other person wants.
Absolutely actually, because,like, and I and i- know this I
know this because I've gone onlots of dates with people that I
(07:49):
didn't want to go on a datewith and I felt bad.
Or after like starting the date, I'm like, oh, I don't know why
I said yes, I I didn't reallywant to.
I should have said no.
I would be a lot happier rightnow sitting at home watching
this Is Us than I would be onthis date right now.
Right.
Danny (08:09):
Yeah, I would definitely be on that date.
Ellecia (08:13):
Or or what was the other thought I had about that?
I've gone on dates I didn'twant to go on.
I've made out with people Ididn't want to make out with.
I've had sex with people Ididn't want to have sex with
because I was scared to turnthem down.
And when you get to the otherside of that and there's this
level of like, shame, guilt,weird, value things that come up
(08:36):
should.
Well, I shouldn't have donethis or I should have done that,
that all sucks.
But also I've learned valuablelessons that what I want matters
yeah, more than other people,and not like what I want matters
in their lives more than in mylife as being the only person
(08:57):
living my life.
Uh, it matters more and you'reso cool I feel like some people
would say that that soundsshitty or selfish on the on the
surface level, right Before youget to the point I say that yeah
, so they might say thatsomebody who doesn't want to be
rejected might say oh yeah,that's shitty, or?
Danny (09:19):
selfish right, yeah, rather than saying the thing
that they should say, which isthank you for taking care of
yourself that is a really goodthing to say thank you for
responding honestly yeah, andyou can almost carry on a
conversation after that yep yeah, like if I, yeah, like if I was
like hey, like saying thattwice, if I was like hey, hey,
(09:41):
uh, yeah, and I wanted to askyou, uh, and you're like no,
thank you okay, ask, ask me out.
Ellecia (09:46):
Oh, I don't know if I can say no to you.
Yeah, I can you totally can.
Danny (09:49):
It'll be fun.
All right, I want you to.
Oh yeah you do at least yeah,do you want to like go out
sometime?
Ellecia (10:00):
where are we gonna go?
Danny (10:03):
bagel shop no thanks.
Ellecia (10:08):
Thanks for asking right on.
Danny (10:10):
I respect how you uh you handle yourself there and how
you respect your own desiresyeah, that's really cool.
Ellecia (10:16):
Yeah, thank you, you're welcome thanks.
Danny (10:18):
I still want to go on a date with you, but like I
respect you, thank you.
Ellecia (10:23):
I appreciate that and I appreciate your desires.
We're not going on a date,though.
Okay, I really thought, maybe Iknow, I know, but we're not
going to.
So thank you, though.
It's really flattering and Iappreciate it, and good luck out
there in the wild world.
The finger guns really help.
So yeah, for those of you whohave to turn someone down, use
(10:49):
finger guns.
Danny (10:51):
No, thank you, no, thank you guaranteed to make it way
less awkward.
Oh man, man, that sucks.
Being rejected sucks yeah ohman yeah what am I gonna do?
Yeah, just don't take it toheart oh, okay not everyone's,
for you, babe oh my god, that'sreally good advice.
That took me way too long tolearn.
Yeah, but not everyone's for meyeah, yeah, well, so, okay.
Ellecia (11:14):
So we were looking up, um, I was looking up, like, how
would other people answer thisquestion about rejecting people?
And somebody else asked thequestion how do you, as a
polyamorous person, deal withthe constant rejection of those
you get close to?
I'm starting to feel hopelessand undesirable.
And the first thing I and thisis funny now that I'm reading it
(11:38):
a second time I picked upsomething that I did the first
time.
I thought I didn't read thepart where he or they said, um,
how do you deal with therejection of those you get close
to?
I just thought it was sayinglike constant rejection, and I'm
like, well, is this person justlike?
Danny (11:56):
going down the street asking people out, like as soon
as they meet them or whatever.
Ellecia (12:01):
um, which is a weird thing that some people do.
They think that, like, ifyou're trying to like date
people, you're trying to find apartner or someone to like
interact with that.
If you see someone that you'reinterested in, you should just
ask them on a date and I'm likeno, you should ask them their
name and then you should askthem questions about themselves
(12:22):
and see if you have anything atall in common before you ask
them on a date.
Danny (12:30):
I think school dances did it.
Oh yeah, go go ask her to dance.
Yeah, because what else are yougonna do?
You just gotta find a date.
Just ask hey, trisha, do youwant to go to the dance with me?
Ellecia (12:37):
right yeah, and I think people carry it over into
adulthood yeah, it's not a goodhabit, weird practice it is, and
I don't think I've ever, Idon't think kids are doing that
anymore, though that's fair.
Danny (12:45):
I haven't been a kid for a while yeah, they're like
they've made it way better.
Ellecia (12:48):
They're like going to dances with their friends.
Danny (12:51):
Yeah and like yeah yeah, just having fun treating like a
club.
At least I think I could bewrong.
Ellecia (12:57):
I could be wrong, but from what I've seen, having
teenagers that's what I've seenbut so being constantly rejected
from the people that you getclose to, which I have so many
questions about that I wish thisperson had given more
information.
Danny (13:10):
OK, but what do you want to know?
Ellecia (13:12):
So how do you deal with being rejected?
I would say first is, like Isaid earlier, like thank you for
taking care of yourself, thankyou for thank you for giving me
an honest answer.
Danny (13:24):
Oh, my God, the amount of respect right there.
Yeah, I won't lie, even in ourfake scenario though, which I
really hope was fake, but butour fake scenario though, yeah,
that that is like that's a realthing.
I feel like respect of this,like the.
You thought I could handle it.
Ellecia (13:39):
Yeah, you didn't treat me like a baby yes, or like a
violent criminal that I had totiptoe around oh my god correct
which you know is a thing thatmany of us are taking a risk on
when we're rejecting people,like the fear of retaliation,
the fear of physical violence,like those are very real things
(14:01):
that a lot of us have to dealwith.
And so I think, like thequestion earlier, graceful
rejection, like being kind aboutit, I think is really important
.
And on the other side is, takea no for a no, like it doesn't
have to mean.
It probably doesn't meananything about you as a matter
(14:21):
of fact, I know it doesn't meananything about you.
It's 100 percent about theperson that is doing the
rejecting.
It's 100% about them and theirlife and the things that are
happening in their head, thestories that they have, the
desires they have for their life, the boundaries that they have
around their life.
It's 100% about them andactually has nothing to do with
(14:43):
you.
Danny (14:45):
I would encourage anyone to really, if they were, if you
are getting rejected, to thinkof a time that you have not, uh,
wanted to go out with someone.
I think that anyone can thinkof a time, like just imagine a
time where if someone had said,hey, do you want to go out right
now?
You would have been like oh mygod, no, like my dog just died,
or like my mom's house justburned down.
Ellecia (15:06):
I'm busy.
Absolutely I'm not interestedin a bagel right now.
Danny (15:12):
It's finals week, I mean, if you want to blow me that'd
be fine.
Oh my God, Absolutely.
Yeah, I mean read your person.
Ellecia (15:21):
I was just going to say like counteroffer yeah.
No, I don't want to date you,but like we could be friends we
could have this conversation.
I don't know if I'm giving goodadvice or not.
Danny (15:35):
I don't either I really don't.
Ellecia (15:37):
It's fine, it's fine.
Danny (15:40):
We might just cut this whole episode.
Ellecia (15:41):
Yeah, if you're seeing this, just know we didn't cut it
.
Okay.
If you're seeing this, justknow we didn't cut it.
Okay.
So the feelings that someonegets after being rejected.
What did this person say?
They felt worthless.
Yeah, which, oh, no, I'm sorry.
They said I'm starting to feelhopeless and undesirable.
Danny (16:02):
Sure.
Ellecia (16:05):
What do you do about feeling hopeless and undesirable
?
Danny (16:09):
Okay, don't look at that Feeling hopeless and undesirable
.
Ellecia (16:15):
So undesirable.
What that says to me is I don'tfeel valuable, I don't feel
like I have worth to otherpeople.
Danny (16:30):
Right.
Ellecia (16:32):
And it's really, really important to find the things
that you feel are desirable foryourself.
Right, like what is valuableabout me, whether other people
see it or not, what do I know isvaluable about me?
(16:53):
What do I know is worthwhileabout me?
What do I know is desirableabout me?
Anything, it doesn't have to bebig things.
If you have a hard time comingup with things like.
It can be little things.
It can be that I'm kind or I'mfunny, or every once in a while
I say something funny, or everyonce in a while I do really
awesome things.
(17:13):
Or I know how to change the oilin the car, or I know how to I
can pick up heavy things or youknow anything that, like, you
find even a little bit desirableand really gas that up and own
that, because the more confidentthat you feel it's a catch 22,
(17:35):
right Like?
We feel like we will be moreconfident if people desire us
and respond well to us.
But people desire us andrespond well to us because we're
exuding confidence.
You have to find some of thatconfidence and then you'll start
getting that external feedbackthat you are desirable.
(17:55):
I mean, trust me, there arepeople, there are humans out
there that I do not desire, thatare getting so much love and
affection.
Danny (18:09):
Yeah, absolutely, and hard same, I think it's.
Yeah, I don't think there's anysuch thing as like being a
desirable person.
Ellecia (18:18):
What do you measure that to?
Danny (18:20):
Exactly Like, yeah, like.
How do you quantify that Likedesirable to everyone?
Is that what you're shootingfor?
To most people, that's wild.
Eight billion people.
You want eight billion otherpeople to be in you, right?
Ellecia (18:30):
You're so busy Find a couple, yeah, that's it.
One, even Two, three Ever.
Yeah, yeah, that's great,that's a lot, that is.
Danny (18:41):
Yeah, and how did we get?
Oh, we, because the person wasfeeling undesirable because
they're getting rejected so much.
Ellecia (18:51):
Yeah, they were feeling sorry, hopeless and undesirable
.
Hopeless being like I don't.
I've lost hope in the idea thatI will make matches with people
.
Yeah, Be able to date people.
Danny (19:03):
Which, which I do get.
I wish we did.
I wish we could talk to thatperson, because I'm curious, I
know I always want to know thedetails, because I feel like it
sounds like whatever theirapproach is also isn't working.
If they're people to get closeto, so it means that they are
engaging in conversation.
That's something about whatthey're doing, and I'm not
saying that every personwouldn't say yes.
I'm not saying that maybe everyperson still would turn them
(19:24):
down, but I do wonder if he'schanging up his approach,
because that is possible thatwhat you're doing is setting
anyone off.
Yeah, uh, like, I like, justlike putting it to an extreme.
What's a great let's?
Just it's something that nobodywould be into.
Like, if you're handing afistful of worms to someone and
saying, will you please go outwith me, I feel like most people
would say no, no, no, thank you, so it's okay, and obviously no
(19:47):
, I don't think anyone's doingthat.
Maybe maybe it would work forsomebody, but I mean, I think
overall most people would say no, thank you.
But maybe change it up.
If everyone's always saying noafter you hand them the handful
of worms, you need to change it.
And I'm not saying that's whatthis guy is doing.
I'm saying that's an extreme.
Whatever he's doing, maybe heshould change it up.
Ellecia (20:03):
So that's the next step Some self-reflection, oh.
I love talking to you, right, doa little bit of self-reflection
.
Like what, what has worked inmy life, what has not worked?
What do I find valuable?
What do I think should enticepeople?
What am, what am I attracted to?
(20:24):
What are the traits that otherpeople have that I'm attracted
to and do I have any of those,or can I build any of those up
Right?
What do I enjoy when people aretalking to me or approaching me
and can I practice those things?
Like self-reflection is a reallyimportant part and really just
finding every single human thatis born is lovable and worthy
(20:48):
and valuable.
There is no baby that comesinto this world that's not worth
loving, okay, so there has beena time in your life, every
single person.
There has been a time in yourlife where you were absolutely
lovable.
So you have evidence that youare lovable, okay, like you have
evidence that you are avaluable human, even if you
(21:12):
aren't feeling it right now.
And so, like thatself-reflection piece is you
find the things that you canactually do to feel better, to
find hope, oh my.
Danny (21:23):
God, you are enchanting Shush Okay.
Ellecia (21:27):
Thank you, of course.
Thank you.
My foot fell asleep.
Danny (21:30):
Oh, no, yeah, all that wisdom.
I have nothing to add to thatthat's wild, that's so good I'm
speechless, thank you, thank you, uh, maybe I do no, I don't.
Ellecia (21:43):
I don't know.
It's a hard topic becausenobody wants to be rejected.
It sucks nobody wants to turnpeople down that also sucks we
don't like hurting people'sfeelings, but what is even worse
, people that you don't want tohang out with them anyway well,
yeah, and what's worse than thatis to like pretend or fake it,
(22:04):
yes.
How far can you take that beforeyou're finally like I should
have said no the first time,like that's so much worse than
just being really clear andhonest and like solid in
yourself and your desires andyour boundaries?
Danny (22:19):
You're right, you do have to say no.
You're going to have to say it,and you might as well do it up
front if you're feeling it Saveeveryone.
Ellecia (22:25):
You don't want to wait until you're like I've been
married for 40 years.
Why did you get married?
Well, I just thought that'swhat I was supposed to do
Exactly.
I didn't know there were otheroptions.
We all know this story.
Yeah, I think yeah.
So how do you, gracefully,reject people?
You say no, thank you.
(22:45):
And what do you do if you'rethe one getting rejected?
You say thank you for takingcare of yourself.
Danny (22:54):
Yeah, there's really nothing else you can do past
that.
Yeah, because I think that wasthat was the other part of that,
of that, that conversation too.
Like it's like it is like howdo you, how do you handle
rejection?
And you just there's no otherway other than to say thank you,
thanks for the yeah, yeah youcould even say oh, ouch thanks
for taking care of yourself.
Ellecia (23:14):
I appreciate that I you're someone I like, so I
appreciate that you are takingcare of yourself can you say out
, yeah, you can say ouch oh okay, that's fine.
I'm gonna go cry in the cornerabsolutely and you can do that.
Danny (23:29):
I think you can totally go home and cry.
Ellecia (23:30):
I mean humor is always a good way to deal with our
feelings, I think uh, for sureyou have other healthy ways to
deal with them as well.
But I think humor is a reallygood way, especially because
sometimes maybe you feelembarrassed.
Oh, my god or maybe you feelashamed, or maybe you know like
there's so many differentfeelings that can come up, so
make light of it, be real aboutit, like it's fine yeah, you can
(23:55):
do it I feel like about a senseof reality check earlier.
Danny (23:57):
What I meant was a real answer.
I just want to be clear aboutthat reality check.
Yeah what I was talking about,like in regard to uh, if someone
says no to you, it's like I'llthink of the reality check, like
that's not what it is, it's areal answer not a reality check.
Ellecia (24:09):
check, I'm like I am undesirable.
Danny (24:12):
I needed to hear that A real answer.
Yes, it's a real answer.
I just wanted to be clear.
Ellecia (24:16):
Yeah, that makes sense Absolutely.
Danny (24:18):
Yeah, Wait what else.
Ellecia (24:23):
Just the tip.
Danny (24:24):
That's it Just the tip.
Ellecia (24:26):
Just the tip, just the tip, that's all.
Yeah, that's it, yeah.
Danny (24:31):
Okay, and what is?
Just a tip.
Ellecia (24:33):
I don't know.
Danny (24:34):
You don't know.
No, I mean like, like thesegment, I've never heard of it.
Oh, oh, my God, Every episodeis someone's first episode.
Ellecia (24:47):
That was hilarious.
Danny (24:48):
Thank you.
Thank you, I've never heard ofit.
I don't edit this podcast.
Ellecia (24:53):
Never, just the tip.
What do I normally say?
I don't remember.
Danny (25:00):
I'm a little brain dead.
Oh, that's okay.
We're recording late guys.
It's our Patreon segment.
It's for the folks who pay justa little bit extra and we give
them a sexy tip.
Ellecia (25:15):
Yeah, is that how I say it?
Danny (25:16):
No, but you weren't saying it.
How would you say it Exactlylike that?
Oh good, I like it.
I think that was perfect.
One take it's good.
Ellecia (25:22):
Yeah, it's good, it's good.
Danny (25:24):
Yeah.
Ellecia (25:24):
Yeah, so this segment is not on the normal podcast.
So if you want to hear it, youhave to go to patreoncom slash
not monogamous and sign up to beone of our friends with
benefits or lovers, where you'llhear a sexy segment or some
behind the scenes.
(25:45):
You'll also get ad freeepisodes.
You can join a Q&A call with me.
If you become friends withbenefits, you can get a nope,
we're not monogamous mug.
There's all sorts of benefits.
So go check it out.
Patreoncom slash not monogamous.
Yeah, just the tip.
(26:19):
Go to Patreoncom slash notmonogamous.
Yeah, we're gonna go.
Oh, oh, wait.
Yeah, wait.
Subscribe.
Leave a review.
Leave a review, please.
Um, I have people message meall the time, almost every day,
and say how much they love thepodcast, and I've started
responding.
Please go leave a review sothat other people know about
these really beautiful wordsthat you're saying to me.
(26:39):
I will love you forever, butbut also I want more people to
hear the podcast.
You want more people to hearthe podcast.
Leave a review, leave a ratingwherever you're listening to it,
just like scroll down to thepart where it says reviews.
Danny (26:53):
Even if it's the guy next to you, just give him an elbow.
Be like dude.
I'm listening to this podcast.
It's really good.
Ellecia (26:56):
Bye.
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