What happens when you grow up being told your body isn’t yours, your desires are dangerous, and your worth is tied to being someone’s “only one”… and then you finally break free?
In this powerful conversation, I’m joined (again!) by Leah Carey, relationship and intimacy coach and former host of Good Girls Talk About Sex, to talk about what so many folks discover after leaving high-control environments like purity culture, religious abuse, cults, or narcissistic family systems:
→ The floodgates of curiosity open—and suddenly queerness, kink, and non-monogamy are on the table.
We dig into:
- Why exploring outside monogamy can feel like a reclamation of autonomy
- How high-control systems shape our nervous systems and sexual wiring (and why “just getting over it” isn’t a thing)
- The sticky shame messages ex-purity-culture kids drag into adult relationships—and how to start untangling them
- How non-monogamy can be a massive relief during seasons of mismatched desire (and Leah’s refreshing take on letting a meta meet your partner’s needs)
- Why true sexual freedom often starts with learning what your real yes and no even are
If you’ve ever thought, “Why can’t I just be normal about love and sex?” this episode will remind you—you’re not broken. You just weren’t given a roadmap. And you get to write a new one.
Links & Resources:
- Connect with Leah: leahcarey.com | YouTube | @XOLeahCarey on socials
- Leah Carey is a Relationship and Intimacy Coach and host of the podcast Good Girls Talk About Sex, which ran from 2019-2024. In a world full of confusing and contradictory messages about intimacy and relationships, Leah helps sex make sense. Drawing on her own healing journey from fear and repression, she specializes in working with people from High-Control childhoods like Purity Culture, narcissistic abuse, cults, and other religious abuse. Regardless of your background, she works with clients to unlearn stigmas and unhealthy patterns around intimacy and communication. Her work has been featured by Buzzfeed, Yahoo, NBCThink, The Journal of Cancer Education, and more.
- Learn more about non-monogamy support at elleciapaine.com
- Join the Nope! We’re Not Monogamous
FLOW Nitric Oxide Booster
FLOW brings blood where you want it to go — your brain, your heart, and your pleasure zones. Try your first bottle of FLOW FREE — just pay shipping. Experience the results yourself and cancel anytime. We’re confident FLOW will reignite your spark!
📰 Subscribe to Not A Monogamous Newsletter to stay up to date with new episodes and offerings from Ellecia. https://elleciapaine.podia.com/newsletter
❤️ Enjoying the show? The best way to thank us is by following and leaving a review or a note. And if you want more, join our Patreon! http://www.patreon.com/notmonogamous
👀 Find Us Online
🌍 Website: https://www.elleciapaine.com
📘 Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/elleciapaine
📸 Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/elleciapaine/
Music: Composer/Author (CA): Oscar Lindstein
STIM IPI: 572 393 237
Popular Podcasts
Stuff You Should Know
If you've ever wanted to know about champagne, satanism, the Stonewall Uprising, chaos theory, LSD, El Nino, true crime and Rosa Parks, then look no further. Josh and Chuck have you covered.
Dateline NBC
Current and classic episodes, featuring compelling true-crime mysteries, powerful documentaries and in-depth investigations. Follow now to get the latest episodes of Dateline NBC completely free, or subscribe to Dateline Premium for ad-free listening and exclusive bonus content: DatelinePremium.com
CrimeLess: Hillbilly Heist
It’s 1996 in rural North Carolina, and an oddball crew makes history when they pull off America’s third largest cash heist. But it’s all downhill from there. Join host Johnny Knoxville as he unspools a wild and woolly tale about a group of regular ‘ol folks who risked it all for a chance at a better life. CrimeLess: Hillbilly Heist answers the question: what would you do with 17.3 million dollars? The answer includes diamond rings, mansions, velvet Elvis paintings, plus a run for the border, murder-for-hire-plots, and FBI busts.