If you’ve ever struggled with mismatched desires, defining commitment with a partner, or navigating the messier side of non-monogamy — this episode is for you.
In this candid conversation, I talk with Dr. Tammy Nelson, sexologist, therapist, TEDx speaker, and author of Open Monogamy. With 35+ years of experience working with couples in both monogamous and open relationships, Tammy brings a nuanced lens to everything from sexual boredom and emotional disconnection to jealousy, relationship fatigue, and the evolving nature of commitment.
We explore:
- Why mismatched desires and “monogamy gaps” show up even in non-monogamy
- How open relationships can become more intimate — not less — when built on clarity
- Tools for navigating jealousy, initiating hard conversations, and honoring shifting needs
- The danger of jumping to a solution before naming the real problem
- Why fantasy, communication, and appreciation matter more than frequency or rules
🛠️ Relationship Tools You’ll Walk Away With:
- How to co-create a flexible relationship agreement (that actually works)
- A framework for checking in when needs or desires change
- What to say when your partner reacts with fear or defensiveness
- Why shared language (and revisiting your agreements) matters more than labels
Tammy’s insights offer a refreshing, non-shaming perspective for anyone doing the work of building relationships that actually fit. Whether you're deep in your ENM journey or just refining your agreements, there’s something in here for you.
Curious to learn more? Check out Dr. Tammy Nelson's book, "Open Monogamy: A Guide to Co-Creating Your Ideal Relationship Agreement," and visit her website at https://www.drtammynelson.com/ for additional resources and insights. Mention this episode to get her free download: 100 Questions for Your Monogamy Agreement
📰 Subscribe to Not A Monogamous Newsletter to stay up to date with new episodes and offerings from Ellecia. https://elleciapaine.podia.com/newsletter
❤️ Enjoying the show? The best way to thank us is by following and leaving a review or a note. And if you want more, join our Patreon! http://www.patreon.com/notmonogamous
👀 Find Us Online
🌍 Website: https://www.elleciapaine.com
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📸 Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/elleciapaine/
Music: Composer/Author (CA): Oscar Lindstein
STIM IPI: 572 393 237
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