What happens when you leave monogamy… but bring patriarchy with you?
In this episode of Nope! We’re Not Monogamous, I sit down with Cass Banker (they/them) — a polyamorous, eXvangelical, non-binary human on a mission to deconstruct patriarchal masculinity in themselves and the world. Raised and socialized as a man for most of their life, Cass knows firsthand how entitlement, dominance, and pre-written gender scripts sneak into all kinds of relationships — yes, even ethical non-monogamy.
We talk about:
- How patriarchy shows up in ENM (and why “polyamory” doesn’t automatically mean anti-patriarchal)
- The Chooser vs. Chosen dynamic and how it harms everyone
- Why polyamory can be a playground for men who speak “progressive” but live patriarchal
- The ghost of patriarchal programming — and how it can haunt your sex life
- The emotional labor trap: why your deconstruction work isn’t your partner’s job
- Self-acceptance vs. self-erasure: why shame won’t actually change you
- Building non-monogamy rooted in equity, care, and genuine love
Cass also shares their own polyamory journey — the mistakes, the heartbreaks, and the moments of beauty that make it all worth it. And yes, they drop a Just the Tip bonus for better sex that will change how you listen to your partner’s body.
Whether you’re new to polyamory, deep into your ENM life, or just curious how gender and power dynamics shape love, this conversation will give you language, insight, and maybe a few “ouch” moments worth sitting with.
Follow Cass:
TikTok: @cas_of_the_void
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Music: Composer/Author (CA): Oscar Lindstein
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