116. Not for Rage Bait + The Real Reason Your Friends Never Take Your Advice

Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:00):
All of these reports about what the kids are doing, it's almost
never coming from a kid. It's always coming from a 43
year old man who's hearing gossip from somewhere.
And I would like some primary source information because I
have a feeling most of it is just a TikTok or two that went

(00:22):
viral. Welcome back, baby boys.
This is not for everyone. It's a podcast hosted by a
hater. That's me and a lover.
That's Hesika. Hesika's a little bit sick
today, ain't she? I'm always sick.

(00:43):
I feel like I have a fear, a deep seated fear that there's
like 1 listener who's been tracking every time that I've
ever been sick and is like goingto report me to my mom or
something. Like I don't know who The Who
the person is that I'm going to get turned into.
But I just feel like I'm sick all the time and it's starting
to get embarrassing and the listeners are noticing.

(01:06):
But that's me. That's that, that is me today
and I'm going to be drinking teaand I'm going to sound this way
and they're going to have to deal.
I do like that as a theory of how somebody is quietly hating
you like I do the same. Thing of all things.
Yeah, it's like the of all the hobbies a person could have,
what they really want to do is spend their time tracking when

(01:28):
I'm sick or not, or like how many times I said an annoying
thing or talk too loudly. Or a filler word.
It feels like a filler word for me to be sick this often, you
know? It feels like how often I say,
you know, and it's just something that somebody out
there is like quietly judging mefor.
And one day they're gonna, they're gonna go big with it and

(01:51):
they're just gonna put it out there into the universe and it's
gonna ruin me. Also that it is funny that this
is the thing that I fear. Like as though there's not other
hateable things or annoying things about me.
I'm like, it's just that I'm sick.
Everything else they love. I also like that your greatest
fear is that they take it to your mom.
That is who I'm the most afraid.Of yeah.

(02:14):
It's just honest. It's just, it's just my truth.
I have a funny story. I have a funny story from a few
weeks ago that I felt quite proud of and I've been meaning
to tell it. So Ryan and I went to New York
to visit some friends a few weeks ago and very fun.
Shout out to my best friend Angela who listens to the pod

(02:34):
and she lives in New York and wehad a great time.
Shout out. New.
York shout out new. York, you guys know it.
Let me just say before I even tell my story that every time I
go to New York, I have some likeversion of who I think I'm going
to be in New York, just in the way that I pack.
Like I pack these trendy outfitsand I like order new shoes for

(02:56):
the trip every time I go there. Like new shoes that are going to
be comfortable to walk in but also look good with my outfits.
And then every time I walk like a mile and I'm done, I'm like,
my feet hurt and I want to go home and I'm so upset.
And then I was noticing. I was like looking around at
everyone in New York, noticing that they all wear the ugliest

(03:19):
sneakers with whatever outfit they're wearing.
Like actual New Yorkers aren't really that trendy because they
have to be very functional in their everyday wear.
Meanwhile, I'm traveling there thinking like I need to keep up
with the trendy city girls. So that's just, that's my little
hot take on New York. There are kind, there are trends
in New York, but I feel like they're out of sync with trends

(03:44):
nationally. Like they're different trends.
They're specific to New York. And I also, this is my theory of
why black is like always the most popular color in New York
is a, because you have to be able to wear whatever you're
wearing. Like you don't get to go home
and change after work. You have to be able to wear what
you're wearing. Usually 2 work, 2 drinks, 2
whatever and black I feel like can be the most versatile and

(04:10):
chic. And also it's the color that you
can like get feces smeared on and still go to the club.
It's like you're gonna get dirty.
You're gonna get dirty somewhere.
You're not wearing the white pants out and.
Like, and your sweat's not gonnashow as much 'cause you're gonna
be sweating, you're gonna showerin the morning and do your hair
and then as soon as you get on the subway, it's all gonna be

(04:32):
for naughty. Like I just, it just pisses me
off a lot. And I, I almost like forget and
re remember every time I go there.
And I've been there so many times, and I still relearn it
every time. And then it also made me realize
that, you know, how like, sneakers with dresses or
sneakers with jeans, like wearing athletic shoes with a

(04:52):
otherwise trendy, dressy, cute outfit has become way more in
fashion recently. I think that's just solely based
on New York because that's what people have to do there.
So anyway, that was part of the New York experience.
Then on the day we were leaving,our flight was like late in the
day and we didn't really have anything to do.

(05:14):
It was Monday and my friends were going back to work and
like, it just didn't really madesense that I made the flight so
late. So we decided to try to get on
an earlier one. I was like, I cannot walk around
the city anymore, let's just go to the airport and see if we can
get the hell out of. Here, I feel like when you're
ready to leave, you're ready to leave.
There's nothing like that extra delay.
Yes, exactly. I was like this.

(05:34):
We've done enough. We've done enough damage to my
body and my soul and my spirit. And we went to the airport and
it was a little bit of a tricky situation because we had booked
basic economy flights on United.Which means that like you are a
second class citizen, like you just don't get to do a lot of

(05:57):
the normal things that you wouldexpect to do on a flight, which
I knew when we booked them, but I was like, it's fine.
I have status. We've talked about airline
status before. I have status.
Like I, I'll be able to swing itif we need to, like because of
my status, I can still check a bag.
Like whatever. There's some exceptions for

(06:17):
people who have status. So we're trying to get on an
earlier flight. I was able to change my flight,
but Ryan was going to have to dostandby.
He was really anxious about doing standby And I felt like
because I was kind of the one who had whose like trip, it was
like we were visiting my friends.
I was the one who kind of like booked our flights and made sure

(06:39):
like chose that we were going tobe on basic economy and said
that I have status and whatever.I was the one who was in charge.
And so I really didn't want to disappoint him.
And I saw that he was anxious about being on standby.
And I was like, I got to make things right for my baby.
This is last week. Me talking about how I'm an
alpha, like, this is another example of it.
And so I'm like going around theairport looking for someone who

(07:03):
can help us get him on standby. And the customer service in
LaGuardia for United is terrible.
Nobody's available for you. Like, you literally stand in a
line to talk to somebody and then you get up to the front of
the line, ask them your question, and they're like, oh,
you have to go to that desk. And then you go to that desk and
they're like, oh, you have to goto that desk, which I was just
at. So it's that whole type of

(07:24):
situation. Then finally, I'm waiting in a
line to talk to a United agent, and this man comes around like
he circumvents everybody else who's in the line and comes
straight over to me, a United employee.
And he was like, right. He was like, can I help you?
And I was like, yeah, like, we're trying to figure out the
status of this flight. And, you know, nobody's being

(07:47):
able to give me an answer. And so he looked it up, and he
helped me a little bit. And I was like, OK, we're also
trying to get my boyfriend on standby for this flight.
And he goes, where is he? And he walks with me.
This United man walks with me like, to another part of the
airport to find where Ryan's sitting and gets him on standby
on this flight and like, pulls this magic trick for us

(08:10):
basically. And then it's just like, OK, I
got you covered. Like, have a good day.
And he leaves. I look at our my app to check
like that everything's in order.And he had changed my seat, not
Ryan's. He got Ryan on the flight, but
he changed my seat to seat 1A, which is first class, the first
seat in the plane. And I was like, it was the most

(08:35):
after the weekend in New York where I was just destroyed.
My my confidence was in the ground.
I was like, oh, this man. I think we little.
I think we had a little bit of amoment.
I think I flirted to get my boyfriend on this flight with me
and the man was just happy to help because I was a pretty

(08:55):
girl. Like that was a little bit the
vibe and he walked away and Ryanwas like, he was attractive and
I was like, yeah, so anyway, this is my story.
I felt really proud of it. And it it begs the question for
you of is there ever a time whenyou flirted a little to get
something not only for yourself but like for your partner too

(09:18):
'cause that's the best part of it.
Every day, right? Every day.
Yeah, you. Seem like you probably do this
more than me. I feel like I'm bad at flirting
and it's it's only every so often I get the opportunity when
someone like sees something in me.
Yeah, I think yeah, I flirt for stuff.
I think it's like within the realm of like normal the way

(09:43):
most. The way the world works.
Yeah. It did make me think of, it's
not the same, but it just made me think of it.
The guy at your gym, the potentially gay guy at your.
Gym. That loves Justin.
Yeah, Something about it had an essence of that.
Do you think he's flirting to get something out of Justin?

(10:04):
I don't know. I think there's AI, just think
there's a trio dynamic there that somebody could get
something out of, probably somebody could get.
Something, I don't think it's gonna be me though.
Yeah, I think it's just gonna bethem having a good time.
Something else brought this up to me.
I'm. I'm going on a tangent now.
First of. All, Yeah.
I, I actually don't even know ifI can comment on the, the

(10:25):
airport story because wow, All it took was one person wanting
to help you and then there, there was a solution at hand.
It wasn't like you need to change five.
It's just like it just took one anyway.
I can't. I can't. 100% we can't.
It was so frustrating. We can't.
And then he was my Angel. Like I hope he's listening to
this, 'cause I couldn't even, I didn't even get his name.

(10:47):
I was like, I wish I could leavehim a review or something.
I didn't even get his name. So this is me putting it
according to the universe. I don't know.
He was the only helpful person that man is.
Living a good life already. He's he, he has the blessing,
the karma is all his you know Sotrue.
He's already living a good life.Speaking of this man at the gym

(11:10):
flirting to have his way with myfiance, some other guy friend
brought up to me this week how his girlfriend or his
ex-girlfriend or someone really wanted to was like always
hinting that she wanted to see him with another man or to like

(11:33):
or like just to know. Not even to see it but just to
like to know that he might be into it.
She just like really wanted, shejust like kept fishing for him
to say that, like he might be into that and I guess he wasn't,
but I feel like that's not that uncommon when he said it to me.
Oh yeah, well, that's not uncommon.
I feel like that's, that's definitely a kink.

(11:56):
I've heard about that. There's a few variations of it,
like wanting to liking a little bit to see your partner, like
flirt with somebody else, and then liking to know that they'd
be that they'd be that other people would be interested in
them. And then potentially another

(12:16):
angle of it with the same sex. Yeah, there's like all.
No, I'm talking specifically menlike I know, but I mean, we know
that oh, there's the lesbian girl on girl sex fantasy.
That's straight man, that's so cool.
But I feel like people don't talk as much about how a lot of
straight women want their boyfriend to be with another

(12:38):
man. But like not really.
Like I don't really want like but a little.
Know they could. I, I want to know.
I don't know what I want. I don't even know.
I don't know what you want. I don't know what I want.
I'm just saying. I don't think it's weird or or
abnormal at all or uncommon. Well, I don't even care if it
is. I'm just saying no, I don't need

(12:59):
anything. I'm just saying I need to
explore this more. And it was.
I enjoyed hearing somebody else.Name it just.
Be like my girlfriend wouldn't leave me alone about this.
That's pretty funny. Well, yeah.
I mean, I definitely, I don't, that's not a thing that I'm
particularly curious about, but I do think what I was saying

(13:20):
before the thing of like just watching your partner flirt with
someone else or having your partner watch you be hit on or
something like there is a. Yeah.
There's a hotness to just knowing like, hey, we still got
it and other people are still into this or something.
So that's gives you a little. That's my more vanilla version.
But I mean, you don't get to it's, you know, coveting.

(13:46):
The coveting is increased when something's a little out of your
reach. Like you get a little, have a
little bit of that chase, like, oh, they're out there and
they're they're in other people's grasps and I have to
run and get them and get them back.
Even if that's, you know, kind of a farce.
But. Or even even it's kind of just
like, oh, they could have other people, but they still choose

(14:09):
me, you know, they're. Stuck with this little rat.
Interested, but they're still right here.
Like I think that's what I like about it totally.
But I do agree there is you're so right about the lesbian
fantasy or like the girl on girlfantasy that's so played out.
And it is true that the same does not usually exist in the

(14:32):
reverse. And I wonder why.
Like why has that? Why has girl on girl become such
a like hot thing and guy on guy is not the same penises?
Probably just 'cause men controlthe porn industry like women
aren't. Using most of the.
Porn out there. And so that's, you know.

(14:53):
My thought was penises. I just think they're objectively
worse than boobs, you know? Oh.
Penises are worse. I would rather look at a bunch
of boobs than look at a bunch ofpenises.
I like penises, but I don't wanna look at a bunch of them
together. But I would look at a bunch of
boobs together. I feel like that's what's great
about it. It's just like more of them.

(15:15):
Yeah, that's not that's not doing anything for me.
That's why sexuality is the spectrum.
That's what I'm gonna say. I love boobs.
I love them. Here's a question that's more
important. This is something I was thinking
about this week. I was thinking about, you know,
when you're talking to a dear friend of yours who is single

(15:37):
and they really want to be in a relationship and they're really
frustrated about being single and they want to find their
person and they haven't found them yet.
And like, we've all been in thatposition before.
And I'm and I and you know, Pete, listeners write into the
podcast about that all the time,like, you know, asking for
dating help a relationship or like, how do I, how can I just

(15:57):
get on board with accepting thatI'm going to be single, but I
don't want to be a blah, blah, blah.
And what I always am compelled to tell people, even people I
don't know at all, an anonymous listener to the podcast, I
always feel compelled to say, like, yeah, you're going to find
it, even though I don't know them and I have no context and

(16:19):
no information to back that up. And and so in a way, it feels
false to say that because like, oh, some people could end up
alone. But then I was thinking about it
and at least personally, I do not know, I am not aware of any
person personally in my life or,you know, one connection away or

(16:44):
so who wanted to find a loving relationship and continued to
look for it their whole life andwas not a destructive or toxic
or, you know, criminal person and never found it.

(17:05):
I actually don't know. I I personally don't know
anybody who wanted it and continue to look for it and and
is like, you know, for all intents and purposes, a well
enough healed and well enough functional and well enough
lovable person and never found it.
Do you? I don't think so.

(17:25):
There's a couple people I can think of who I don't know super
well, so I can't verify, like who are a bit older than me in
their 40s or something and are single.
And I don't know, kind of fall in a weird in between of like, I
don't know that they're trying very, very hard to fill that
void. But I think they do want it.

(17:48):
So I think I do know some peoplewho it's like, you get out of it
what you put into it. So putting into it a bunch of
like thought and dreaming isn't gonna do a whole lot.
But putting in like actual attempts and like putting
yourself out there and trying, Ithink, I think anybody I know

(18:08):
who has put in some effort to it, yeah, it eventually comes
and it just depends. It's just a matter of when
'cause I say that to people too,'cause I do believe that.
But then as I think about it, I'm like, there's some people
who I don't know, I need to knowmore of their story.
Like how bad do they want it? Or have they just decided maybe
they don't? Who I can think of who are a bit

(18:30):
older and single seem happy withit but.
I was, I was talking to Justin about it 'cause I was like
trying to explore and prove or disprove this like initial
theory. Because at first, yeah, I would
say that like, of course you'll find someone.
I'd say that just as a platitude.
Cause like, what else do you say?
But the more I thought about it,I was like, I think that
actually, I think I might actually think that's true.

(18:53):
I was talking to Justin and I was like, do you know anybody
who is like able to have a relationship?
So I'm talking about like, not psychotic, pathological,
destructive people. And actually those people often
find relationships too because they manipulate their way into
it. But I was like, do you know
anybody like that who wanted oneand never, ever, ever got one?

(19:16):
And he named one person older, much, much older, like sixties,
70s. And I was like, no, they took
themselves out of the running. They had one heartbreak and they
stopped dating. So I was like, so I don't
consider that it's like that. That's someone who decided they
were no longer willing to put themselves out there.
It's like a very, they're like proud of this that they stopped

(19:37):
and and there was someone else that I felt like also didn't
like. I can't, I don't know anyone
anyway, this is I'm bringing it to the people.
And I feel like, yeah, I, I don't know, I thought maybe it
was like a hopeful thing for that listener.
Like truly think, do you know anybody who you're like, this is

(19:59):
by all intents and purposes, an admirable, perfectly normal,
perfectly healthy, perfectly lovable person.
Like, we all have our flaws. We all have our wounds.
We all have, you know, ways we can improve.
But like, you know, whatever they could, they could have
someone as much as anyone else does, looked for it their entire
lives and never got it. And if you're thinking of people
who like. Chose an addiction over

(20:21):
partnership, or took themselves out of the running, or stopped
dating or settled for something.I know a lot of people who
settled for something toxic settled for a relationship that
was abusive or less than or likethat's like most of my fucking
extended family. But I don't know anybody who
just never found it. Yeah, I think the one thing I

(20:44):
would add almost as something that takes people out of the
running, but they don't realize they're taking themselves out of
the running. I think as people get older,
what I have seen with some people, not everyone obviously,
is that there can be a tendency to like get very stubborn and
said in your ways and like looking for a very specific

(21:08):
thing in a partner and almost like conflating there's, it's
like, yes, don't settle, but also understand that.
The things that don't matter. Thing isn't out there or yeah,
what things matter and what things don't and I do feel like
that is something it's almost like when you're younger, I

(21:31):
think you could have a tendency to do that and be like, oh, I
want all these things. Oh, he said he didn't he likes
pineapple on pizza. So I'm out, you know, and then
you like mature and then you're later 20s and 30s and whatever,
whatever age it is for each individual person, but you start
to be like, no, I think I need to be a little more flexible.
There's things that matter and things that don't.

(21:52):
And then I think there's a bell curve.
Like it almost for some people comes back and as they get
older, they are a little bit like, well, I've been on my own
for this long. So if I'm going to find
somebody, I do want them to be very specific.
But then that takes them out of the running because that's just

(22:13):
like no way to actually find someone.
And so it's this type of person who like would want someone but
is being a little unreasonable in what they're looking for and
in doing so, limiting themselvesfrom ever finding it.
I feel like that exists. Yeah.
Well, I find that to be I, I think the examples I know of

(22:35):
that I almost might label as like a little destructive
because they're like not able tolike, I don't know, give people
a chance or like, yeah, there's like an openness, I don't know.
But yeah, that that actually does sound like a, a reasonable
exception. I think I could try to make the
argument that that's like its own toxicity, but I don't know

(22:59):
if that's true or not. I think, yeah, I know what?
I know what you're saying. It is.
It is its own toxicity and it's also like a light version of
toxicity that I. And also, toxicity is a word is
pretty pervasive. Yeah, yeah.
Exactly. It's very subjective.
So I could make, yeah, I could make either argument on that.
But I agree, I do think this is,I do think there's some truth to

(23:24):
that. I mean, I think that you
probably have to believe that ifyou're a person who's wanting it
and hasn't found it yet, I thinkyou need to believe that you can
find it. I think as soon as you stop
believing you can find it. I don't know you're, it doesn't

(23:45):
mean it's impossible anymore, but you're definitely cutting
your chances. So I think by you giving people
that advice or that like comfort, it is just reminding
them to like stay open and stay hopeful.
Like you're saying what they need to believe that they will
find it basically. I think, I don't know, I think a

(24:07):
lot of people take themselves out of the running too soon
'cause they've decided like, Oh well, I've passed a point when
it's probably not gonna happen for me.
And I agree with you. As long as you continue to
believe that it could happen foryou and show up non-toxic and
open, then it will. But as soon as you stop
believing it, you're, it's a self fulfilling prophecy, you

(24:30):
know? Yeah.
Science. Yeah.
I just think it's science now. OK, Do you think that's like, is
that the main thing that you find yourself saying to people
who like single friends who are talking about this stuff or what
are your other go to lines and are they good or bad 'cause

(24:54):
there's some go to lines that I used to get.
I know you used to get that are like fucking that's so
unhelpful. I don't even know what to say to
people there. I guess there's a spectrum.
Like I, yeah, I feel like datingand like the romantic journey.

(25:16):
It's, it's almost like the same.It's almost indecipherable from
like the spiritual journey. And I don't know that there's
anything actually I can say to aperson that they're going to
absorb without them just like learning it on their own.
It does. I feel like almost like I think

(25:38):
about like the healthiest peopleI know and also like the most
toxic people I know. And I feel like any dating
advice goes like equally nowherewith any of them.
You know, it's so true, you know?
Like I think they, you know, sometimes people talk out loud
like do you think this? Do you think that?
Do you think that? And I don't know, you're, I
think I feel more just like a wall that people need their

(26:00):
sounds to bounce off of rather than, you know, they're working
things out at their own pace, same as I did.
And I don't really know if what I say matters.
Probably I don't know. I don't know what to say.
I don't know. No, I agree with you.
It's funny 'cause we give so much advice on the podcast about
dating, but it is true like. Well, there's a huge difference

(26:21):
actually. It's like a known difference
where people are much more likely to listen to advice from
a stranger than they are to advice from someone they know.
Weird because there's so much and it I guess it does make
sense because it it feels non judgmental.
It can't be personal. Yeah, if I, if I give some piece
of advice, you know, my sister, yeah, my sister might think,

(26:45):
well that's just Caroline judging me on this 'cause she
never liked this and she has herown blah, blah, blah.
And she's really talking about this and she doesn't think I
can, you know, a personal relationship like a fam family
member or a long term friend. But if it's someone like, I
literally don't know you, you can't, you can't think that it's

(27:06):
my own bias. Support for Not for Everyone
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He had never used it before. Justin just cooks his own meals.

(27:28):
Lottie, Dottie, dot, I don't know, I guess he loves labor.
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talking about our love story andour engagement, and there's a
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ingredients, then you have to doall the portioning out of the
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taste any of the benefits of that labor in the food.
What I want to enjoy is watchingmy fiance cook dinner for me and
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(28:32):
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(29:15):
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(29:43):
Literally, I've had an experience, I've had a couple
experiences realizing how true that is that like the distance
of like the impersonalness of giving advice on the Internet
can penetrate people much betterbecause it's actually happened
with my own family. Like my, I will say my mom

(30:04):
growing up with my mom is one ofthe main sources of how I
learned all my beliefs about home organization because it's
completely opposite of how she does it.
My mom is super, super type A. She is high executive
functioning. There's nothing neurodiverse

(30:25):
about her. And if anybody doesn't organize
the way that she organizes, it'slike it's just like butting
heads non-stop. And it was really through like
growing up in her home and just seeing how her systems didn't
work for anyone else in the homeand why they didn't work.
And like the energy that I did or didn't want in my own home as

(30:48):
an adult, that's basically whereI like decided, you know, it's
one of those many things that you grow up in your family and
you're like, OK, I like this thing you did.
I'm going to change this thing you did.
And we all have those. And a home organization honestly
was one of them. And she also is kind of like me
in that she has hoarder tendencies.
I'm going to say I have hoarder tendencies.

(31:10):
And I saw how it kind of like was this burden on her to just
like have clutter all the time. And, and that's why I eventually
unchose my own hoarding, my own clutter tendencies, because I
think I actually bless her for like giving me the example, the
gift of the example of someone to watch and like see the effect

(31:32):
it had on their life. And so I was like, OK, because
I've seen that I'm going to try and change this for myself.
And I'm, and so many times I'd like talk to her about like,
mom, you can get rid of these things.
You can get rid of those things or like, let's do a little
declutter or let's get rid of this or let's organize that.
Or like, you don't need to have all this stuff or like, we can't
even use this room. And it was like, there's, it

(31:54):
would go nowhere. And you know, I stopped giving
that advice for years. And then I made a home
organization video that was like, basically entirely
informed by my childhood and what I'd learned about what does
and doesn't work and the emotional burden of keeping
these things because you think you have to or you have to be
frugal or this is the right way to do it or whatever.

(32:16):
And like, what a different cursethat can be.
And after that video came, I didn't talk about her in the
video, but after that video cameout, she watched it.
And this one time I was in her kitchen and she was like, she
like pulled the drawer open and she was like, oh, Caroline, look
like I organized this, this, this and I, I decluttered this
and I, I got dividers for that. And I threw away these things.
And she was really proud to showme.

(32:38):
And it actually, it actually really broke my heart like that.
She all of a sudden she wanted my approval on it and she like
wanted me to like applaud her and she needed my approval in
this moment where it, it actually really did kind of make
me sad that maybe she felt like she wasn't passing the test or

(33:02):
something and she needed me to approve her.
And I'm and it was just this, this such a distinct difference.
Like, for years, she could not hear, no matter how kindly I
said it, anything I had to say about, like, clutter in the
home. But Caroline in the video had an
immediate impact on her. And I'm.

(33:23):
Yeah, I've had that. I've had that happen like a
couple times with family membersor close friends and them
hearing me say something in a video because I think they just
know, like, oh, she's saying this to lots of people.
It's not because she hates me. It's not because she doesn't
like me. This is just what she thinks
everyone needs to hear or something.

(33:44):
Yeah. Yeah, I love that story.
I love that story. It's happened a lot with
different things. Yeah, it made me think of a
little bit tangential, but the same.
I was talking to my dad. He was like visiting in Chicago
a few months ago and we went to brunch, just me and him.
And we were having this like deep conversation as we do.

(34:05):
And kind of like the way that our conversations often go is
him turning into like a life advice.
Like let me walk you through everything that I ever did in my
when I was your age and tell youwhat worked and what didn't and
whatever. But I love it.
Like I'm so obsessed with my dadthat like he can tell me that

(34:26):
over and over again and I reallydon't get sick of it, but I, I
do a little bit feel like, OK, I, I know what, I know what he's
saying. I'm not, I'm like, I'll allow
him to say it again, but like, but you've heard.
Like you've heard the lessons? Yeah.
I know what he what his perspective is.
It's actually like entirely shaped me.
So like, yeah, I'm very familiarbecause this is also how my

(34:48):
brain works, you know, but he's still doing it.
And I got emotional because I they.
Got the greatest hits they got to play their.
Right, and so I'm trying to let him play the greatest hits, but
then I kind of had a moment where I was like, are you?
He was just describing what I felt like I do and I've learned
from him. And so at a point I was like,
Dad, like you're really hammering this home, but like,

(35:11):
is that because you feel like I'm not doing it?
Like I'm not doing exactly what you're saying 'cause I feel like
I am, and I feel like everythingI do is shaped by the fact that
you've told me this life less than 20 times.
Like, so it's like, do not see me, do not see, do not see poor
things about me. Yes, So that I have this
emotional moment at brunch of like, do you not see me?

(35:33):
And my dad is the person who makes me feel usually like the
most seen in the world. So it like really kind of hit
something with me. And he reassured me and he was
like, oh, I'm sorry, you know that I just like get on these
tangents and talk about my life and like, I know you've heard
this a million times and I know you do it.
And whatever, it ended up being beautiful.
On the same token, there was this other thing that happened

(35:56):
where like he's talking through some of it and he's talking
about like the choices he made, like all these moments where he
had a big choice and how he tried to make the best choice
given what his values were at all of those moments.
And I said something, and I think we had had a conversation

(36:18):
on the podcast not to like recent enough to when this this
happened with my dad, where we talked about the difference
between like luck and like planning and making choices
consciously for like career stuff and just like where you
want your life to go. And so I suggested to him, like,

(36:40):
don't you feel like there's a little bit of luck in that too?
Like, yes, you made really good choices and like you did your
best with the information you had at the time.
But don't you also see how maybeluck played in in this way or
that way? And it really like offended him
or something because he in the same way that like in the same

(37:01):
conversation, I had felt so unseen by him for a second and
then he felt unseen by me and hekind of got emotional and like,
we were able to talk about that too.
And basically like he eventuallyconceded.
Like, yes, I'm sure luck plays into everything, but when you
said that I was like, is Jessicanot like so proud of me for

(37:25):
everything I've done and like chosen and tried to do like for
her and for, you know, for this life and whatever.
So it's just it, your, your story with your mom made me
think of it because it's like these moments when we want to
feel our parents are proud of us, but they also want to feel
that we're proud of them, which like I didn't, I, I think only

(37:50):
recently in my adulthood have I started to notice these like
vulnerabilities every once in a while with my parents where
they're like, I need to know that you're proud of me too, you
know, and I've spent my whole life and will spend my whole
life trying to make them proud. So like, it's just wild when the

(38:11):
script flips, whether it's in like a small way with home
organization, which isn't small 'cause it's shaped a lot of
things about you from your family, you know?
It was such a core point of resistance, yeah.
Yeah. And then such a core point of,
like, what defined and LED you, and he wants your approval on
it. Yeah, it is.

(38:32):
It's, like, beautiful. And it's heartbreaking.
And it's just overwhelming watching watching your parents
grow up. I know.
It's overwhelming. I had this thought the other
day. I was like, I'm 33.

(38:53):
I knew my mom when she was 33 'cause she had me when she was
30. You know, something about like,
oh, I knew my mom when she was my age.
Like really threw me, 'cause I feel so like I'm 33, but what
does that even mean? Like, I don't, I don't know how
old I feel. I don't know how old I act.
I don't know what age even fucking means.
I I venture to say it means verylittle, but then just thinking

(39:18):
like, Oh my God, my mom. I knew my mom when she was 33.
She had this fucking kid and shewas working.
And I don't know something aboutthat.
The parent, the parent of it all.
I don't even know that I can getinto it because I'll cry.
Yeah. But the parent of it all.
The parent of it all. Thinking about pretty

(39:39):
constantly. I know I have a pivot like hard
pivot. OK.
OK, are you familiar with rage bait, this new form of Internet
clickability really quickly Ragebait.
You'd probably see this pop up on your Instagram.
I feel like I didn't know there was a name for it until like the

(40:03):
other day, but I've been seeing it for months.
It's like when something pops upon your Instagram that's like
infuriating to watch. And they purposely made this
video that's infuriating to watch so that you would watch
the whole thing. And probably comment you'll
you're more likely to comment. And comments are usually one of

(40:24):
the most important metrics that social media platforms track to
be like, oh, people are really liking this video.
There's a lot of comments, even if the comments are like you're
a bigot or you're a horrible mother or you're rude or how
dare you or yeah. So yeah, I just.
I'm curious what you think aboutit as someone on social media,

(40:49):
like as an influencer too, because I can't tell what I
think about it. Like as a consumer, it pisses me
off, but it also works. And I'm like fascinated by, I'm
just fascinated by the fact thatit makes me mad and it works.

(41:09):
And then I, I'm like, I don't think I would ever do that.
Like I think it annoys me to think about doing it myself.
But then there's probably some, there's probably some more
creative ways to do it that I could get behind.
Like I've seen more creative ways that I actually thought
were kind of smart, like. Like what?

(41:31):
I've seen people actually sayingsomething meaningful like an
Instagram reel where they're giving like a really good tidbit
of wisdom, but while they're doing it, they're like pouring.
They look like they're about to pour themselves water or coffee
or something, but they never actually go to pour it.

(41:51):
Like they keep like picking up the kettle and then putting it
down or like starting to pour and then putting it down.
It's like a visual queue of like, oh, stay here because I'm
about to complete this like visual task, but they never
complete it. But you say the whole video kind
of waiting for them to do it. And instead what they're doing

(42:14):
is just say talking through thisthing.
So I kind of like that because there is value in the video
'cause they're sharing something.
And then people will comment like why didn't you fucking pour
the water? Yeah, people will comment like
who stayed till the end to see if she poured the water or like
stuff like that. Like, yeah, like good advice,
but really was waiting for you to pour the water.

(42:35):
Like people will comment on thattype of thing.
It's really interesting. So I don't necessarily think of
that as rage bait. I think of rage bait as people
intentionally putting out something that is like
offensive. OK.
Yeah, I think of them. You think you're probably right.
I think of them in a similar category.

(42:56):
I guess I'm more talking about this type of video.
One is like a pet peeve where they're they're they're implying
they're they're implying they'reopening a loop that they don't
ever close. But to me, that's not the same
as rage. Like, to me, when I hear rage
bait, I think of like a guy getting on and being like, this

(43:18):
is all the stuff I have to do around the house because women
can't do anything. And like, he doesn't even
necessarily feel that, but he's posting that just to get cheap
comments and he wants views, whether it's hate views or like
views. Yeah, that's what I think of as.
That makes sense. I think the other is just like.

(43:39):
It's bait trickery. It's bait.
A different type of bait, Yeah. OK, Yeah.
So what are your Does it? Does it enrage you?
No, I mean, I OK, so we're talking about two separate
individual things. Actual rage bait.
The way I think of it, I'm sure there's definitely things that

(43:59):
can get to me, but genuinely, ifI stumble across something
online that is really upsetting to me, I usually just leave it
and walk away because whatever it is, whether it's something
genuine or not, like something and, and you know, political

(44:20):
stuff and like global well-being, I think is separate.
But when it's just like somebodymaking a comment about a woman
or you know, trying to be homophobic or trying whatever, I
don't even know what they fucking all are.
When it's when it's just someonelike who is clearly attacking a

(44:40):
value that a lot of people have.The Internet really shouldn't
have that power over me. And these these like probably
aren't even real opinions of that person.
And there's definitely people out there who have those
opinions. But me pouring my that, that is
so costly to let to let the fucking screen receive that

(45:04):
emotion and receive my raising heart rate and my hormones and
my chemicals. Pumping like that is so costly
and it goes to fucking nothing. So genuinely like every once in
a while I will see something. I can't remember what it was I
saw the other day. I scrolled past something
there's there's certain commenting on like motherhood,

(45:26):
like people are horrible to momson the Internet.
And as soon as I see one, I watch so much parenting content
and like mom content. And there's some that are great
and there's some that I'm like, oh, this is going to be so
upsetting to me. And like I don't sit and watch
it. What where is that?
That energy I expend is going togo nowhere if I'm just sitting

(45:48):
there furious at the screen and it ruins my day or if I'm
furious at the screen and I takeit to the comments like it's not
fucking helping anything. So I really do try to disengage
and sometimes stuff gets me, butlike I would never engage with
it genuinely. And no, I would never
intentionally do rage bait. There are, there are times or

(46:09):
two where I'm like, if I'm saying something in a video
where I'm making content and I'mlike, oh, people aren't going to
like this. I could, I could take it out.
But basically I just ask, well, do I actually do?
I actually believe it? Yeah, if it's genuine and I and
people's comments of disagreement aren't going to

(46:29):
like hurt my esteem and hurt my relationship to myself, then
I'll just leave it in. Great leave.
I'll take the engagement, but I won't put it there just to get
engagement. I totally agree with you about
rage bait. I really, I'm very comfortable
scrolling away from something. That's how I feel about
everything. Like if you don't like this
podcast, then why are you listening to it?
If you don't like, you know, thestuff I post on my stories and

(46:53):
why are you following me? Like I feel that way about the
content that I put out there andhow people can choose whether or
not they want to engage with it or not for everyone.
Like that's the whole thing. So in the same way, when I see
something I don't like, whether it's somebody's genuine opinion
that I don't like or when it's rage bait, I will scroll past it

(47:13):
for sure. I think I when I initially was
thinking of rage bait as a topic, I think I was more
interested in this other form ofbathing.
Like trickery, Yeah, where they're like coloring in.
It's like watch me color in thisillustration.
And then they like don't finish coloring 1 little corn.
Right. Gets mad or like, yeah, like

(47:34):
there's a lot of cooking ones that people cook something
crazy. Yeah, I just get mad because
kind of. Perspective, I feel like it's
low, it's low quality content. So you you have no ideas to
actually share with the world. It's just like, you're going to
annoy people, OK, But yeah, it'sannoying.
I don't know. It's the same as like doing

(47:56):
stupid pranks. To me.
It's like, OK, it's low quality content.
I get enraged by those like that's my rage bait because I
just get mad that I fall for it a lot of the times.
Like I get mad at myself for sticking around on some of those
videos. What?
Was one that got you. Oh, I they get me two, they get
me two. What's one that got you really
worked up recently? I feel like there's cooking ones

(48:18):
that I watch because I like yesterday I made three different
trending Instagram healthy food meals.
Like I was homesick all day and needed kind of something to do
and a way to like eat healthy while I was sick and whatever.
And I was like, oh, I've pinned all these recipes, why don't I

(48:40):
actually try to make some of them?
And so I I. Pause, Pause.
Pause. Pause.
Yeah. Where do you go to get these
recipes? I need help.
Oh, they just pop up on my Instagram.
I get so much food. On your Instagram.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, I get you. Know what they never put?
They never put. They never put real.
I feel like they never put real instructions.
They're just like. Add.
Flour, add salt and I'm like, fucking how much?

(49:01):
Yes. When it is enraging, when they
don't put because they want you to like comment for the recipe
or whatever. Some people do put it in the
kitchen. Food over here, help me.
So if I see something that that people are like this is the
viral sweet potato cottage cheese ball, but just.
Say that it's the first time anyone's ever even said that

(49:22):
recipe. It's not.
Literally it's not viral, but then I'm like, OK, if they're
saying it's viral, that probablymeans that a lot of people have
posted about it and they're joining who you believe trend.
So I don't believe that it's viral, but what I believe is
that there's probably multiple videos about it.
So then I just. I got to tell you something.
I got to tell you something. People just.
Say viral sometimes people just say viral sometimes.

(49:43):
But this is actually this recipe, it people will know like
who get food content on their Instagram.
This recipe is one that viral. I don't know what the fuck viral
means anymore. It's all relative.
But like, this is a recipe that's been popping off on
Instagram. And so I saw it once and the
person didn't put like measurements, but then I
searched it and I got like 50 ofthem because everybody's been

(50:08):
posting about it. And I was able to find one
person that put measurements. So that's my tactic.
Anyway. The whole reason for bringing
this up is just to say that I get a lot of food content on
Instagram. And right now I'm getting a lot
of healthy food content. I'm on a bit of a like health
kick journey myself right now. So some of the bait that I fall
for is people cooking where it starts off.

(50:30):
And it seems like maybe this is an interesting recipe, but then
by the end, it's just like the most disgusting thing they're
putting like raw, they're putting chicken with no
seasoning on it in a pan with cottage cheese and like pasta
and they're baking it all together.
So there's. So there's no chance that this

(50:51):
is a genuine recipe. I do think there's a chance
sometimes that these are genuinerecipes.
I think it started out with a bunch of Karens who don't really
know how to cook like good seasoned food.
Putting out videos of like this is what I make for my Midwestern
family and people being like, yo, like it's actually Speaking
of black Twitter, we talked about a few weeks ago how Ryan

(51:14):
taught you about black Twitter. It's like a a thing on black
Twitter to make fun of these like white, white people caring
recipes that are like just really bland recipes.
So I think there are some peoplewho are doing it genuinely, but
I think that from that morphed this whole world of people who

(51:35):
are baiting viewers by making a recipe that they know sucks, but
they're just like trying to get you to stay and comment and be
like, what the fuck is this? There's this one cooking guy who
just in every video his recipes are actually fine, but in every
video he mispronounces a word like he says a very normal word

(51:56):
in a very weird way so that people will comment and be like
what the fuck you're saying? I think that's creative, you
know? Which is kind of fun.
Game recognized game. It's become a stick.
So yeah, anyway, I just find myself the more I scroll, the
more I'm like, all of this is bait and I'm falling for 70% of
it. Like what, Jessica, what do I

(52:19):
do? What do?
I do. What do you do you mean like
it's bait as in you're not OK. So I think there's tube types of
bait online. There's a type of bait where
they they act like they're goingto deliver value and they don't.
And then there's a type of bait where they do also deliver
value, but they also throw a trick in there for the ones who
like I have seen a real or two recently where they're like, I

(52:41):
don't know if they were going totell a story or like give a tip
And they're like, this is my best tip for a long lasting
marriage. And then they talk for three
minutes and then it cuts off andthey don't say the tip that I'm
like, you're going to hell. I we'll start praying and
believing in God just to make sure you go to hell for that.
They're a bad person where they just like completely rob you of

(53:03):
three minutes of your day. But if they're mispronouncing a
word or they don't pour their glass or they don't let it know,
it's like there's still value init.
I'm OK with that. As long as there's still value
in it, I'm OK with it too. Like I sometimes note them and
I'm like, oh, maybe this is something to try in a, in a reel
that we make. So which one is getting you?
Which one are you getting? Both.
Oh, I just get all of them. I get every version of this,

(53:25):
which is what I'm saying like tome, the Internet that I'm
currently experiencing is, is 75% what we're talking about,
all forms of it and then 25% severance like and that's what
my Internet experience, which I love that 25%, but everything
else is not doing it for me. So anyway, this kind of helped,

(53:47):
you know, I probably just need to like go touch grass or
something. Yeah, I think the Internet just
like, isn't that good? I've been sick so I've it's all
I've had. Oh yeah, I don't know what to
offer you. I wish I had more of an answer.
I just think that the Internet is bad and I'm.

(54:07):
I'm trying to get away from it. I'm trying to get away.
Yeah, I try. I'm so upset to hear that your
your good recipes are on Instagram.
I can't go back there. More I'm.
Already on there too much. I can send party on there too
much. Can you just send me the written
version of them? I don't want a reel.
I don't want a reel. No, I won't send that to you.
I'll just send you exactly what I made for breakfast this

(54:29):
morning, which I recommend to everyone.
OK, great. What is it?
It's a protein pancake that you microwave.
It takes like 3 seconds to make and it's really good and it has
a lot of protein, but it's. Horrible.
It sounds horrible. No, it's so good.
I'm on a kick. You have to support my kick
right now. No, I believe that it's good.

(54:50):
I'm just saying the way you described it is.
Horrible. Yeah, I know, but that's just
what it is. I put chocolate chips in it.
I support your cake. I support your cake.
I'm trying to get on a better cake, too.
I've been just eating. When Justin cooks for us, bless
his little heart, he splits the meal in two and he gives us each
50%, Sir, that's not going to fucking work.

(55:13):
And I'll eat it because I'm a dog and I will just eat whatever
is in front of me. And after two years of doing
this, I said, Justin, you need to give me a smaller serving.
You are five times the size of it.
You need to give me a smaller serving or the situation is not
going to last. Yeah.
And even if it's just like, you know, we eat at a dining table

(55:34):
that's basically in the kitchen,it's like the rest of the food
is 20 steps away. But if it's on my plate, there's
no discussion. I'm eating it.
I know because I'm an animal. I'm the same way.
I'm the same way and we had the same conversation.
And The thing is Ryan sometimes tries to gauge.
He's like, oh, OK, I'm not goingto give her 50%.
So he'll ask me before he put plates our food like.

(55:55):
Yeah. Like how hungry are you?
Which I never know how to answerthat.
I mean, if I'm starving, then I'll say I'm starving well.
That's a ridiculous question. It's a hard question.
To answer, I'm like I don't know.
Hungry enough to hit you? Does that help you like I don't?
Get you still have to do a like a conversion rate of like what
medium is to you and medium is to him.
Why can't you just plate plate your own plate?
That's why can't I plate my I don't know.

(56:16):
Ryan really loves to plate argue.
Oh, give me a break. It's so much.
A break we keep. Talking about how Ryan just like
treats me like a Princess. But I would really like to plate
my own food. I think, I think we're going to
have to grow into that. He loved, but it's also so
sweet. It's so sweet to receive the
plate from. Him.
OK, I actually really want to. I actually really want to

(56:37):
problem solve this for you. What if would it work for you if
he if you establish a ratio and you're like, you serve me this
percent of the of the serving size you give yourself and then
if there's something that you want more of, you can go and get
a little another serving. Yeah, I think.
This is crazy. We have started to do more of

(56:58):
that, where he'll just give me less, yeah, and then I'll help
myself too. That's what we've started to do.
It doesn't happen every time, but it's happening more.
It's all and I'm making my protein pancakes.
It's all good. It's all good.
We're figuring it out. Listen, send me the recipe, I
bet they're good and I want to eat them but they just the audio
version of them is good. I know the audio version.

(57:21):
The audio version of the pancakesucks.
Yeah, OK. What else do I have to say?
I wanted to go back to I had a revelation about Ryan and Black
Twitter when he was talking to me about Black Twitter.
And that moment, if you missed the episode, there was just a
moment where Jess and Justin andRyan and I were at a wedding a
couple of months ago. And we were talking about like

(57:44):
what he and you and Kai get up to at weddings or social events
or whatever. And he was like, oh, Kai and I
just sit in the back and we justtalk about Black Twitter.
And like my head exploded and like, we just had this long
conversation. I was like, what the fuck is
black Twitter? And like he was just making me
laugh so hard the whole time andexplaining black Twitter to me.
And I realized, well, finally, after we talked through that

(58:05):
episode, why that moment was so funny to me.
Like there, there were so many levels to it.
It was amazing to learn about black Twitter, this part of
Twitter that obviously won't letme near it.
They won't let me in. And like, what are the jokes
that are on there in this whole world that Ryan's involved with
but never talked about before and blah, blah, blah.

(58:27):
And hearing about this, you know, forum that somebody loves
and getting whatever, whatever. But the funniest part to me was
the moment felt like he was coming out as black.
It felt like he was. It literally felt like he was
finally admitting to me that he was black.

(58:48):
Oh, so I do this thing that you don't know.
I don't know if you've noticed, but I actually have some things
so different from what you have going on.
It it didn't it wasn't like a child coming out to their
parents as gay. And it's like really, really
emotionally burdened. And this is hard to say.
It was more like you're cousin who you only see like once a

(59:12):
year and like you've known they were gay this whole time,
obviously. And like there's you, but but
like, there's no reason you would have ever talked about it.
You only see each other once a year.
So it's like, it's probably known, but you're not going to
make him say that he's gay. And he like has no reason to be
telling you his gay business. And then one time you're at a
wedding and you're like, hey, are you dating anyone?

(59:35):
And he's like, yeah, I am. Well, you know, I'm gay, so I'm
dating this nice guy, blah blah blah.
And it's like it's light, but it's like it felt like that.
It felt. Like.
Felt like Ryan was coming out tome as black for some reason.
That's what it felt like he was like.
Well, I know that I haven't saidthis before, but I am black.

(59:56):
It was making me laugh so hard. And then there was this.
This moment of intimacy around it Where?
It was a connection for sure. We're all still thinking about
it. Yes, be you.
Be you. We love you can be.
Black with me. I always thought you might be
black. It was making me laugh.

(01:00:18):
It still makes me laugh to thinkabout it.
And I, I couldn't figure out whyit was so fucking funny until
after that episode. And I was like, I felt like he
was finally admitting coming outof the.
Gloves. That's so good.
Yeah, I think that's perfect. I think that describes how I
felt. During the moment too, so I was
like you. Can do it sweetie like she'll

(01:00:38):
accept you be continue to talk about it This is good yeah I
felt like the doting mom like meso proud of my black son my.
Black. Son, I should have gotten Kai's
takes on black Twitter on her, on her episode.
We'll have to have her back. Maybe with you to she'll come

(01:01:01):
out too. But yeah, it's just there's a
lot going on there. I get to be Privy to it
sometimes. I take it as a gift every time
I'm in like a Instagram group chat.
Oh my gosh, it made my day. The other day we went, we hung
out with Ryan's brother and whenwe all like he was downstairs
with Ryan and then I came downstairs and he was like, what

(01:01:24):
up chat? And I was like, chat.
And he was like, yeah, that's like what the kids are saying,
like, 'cause it's the group chatin real life or whatever.
And I loved it. I hate the kids, I hate the
kids, I hate the kids like. 43 year old brother is the one who
teaches me what the kids are saying.
It is hilarious but he taught methat they're saying chat.

(01:01:46):
I felt very honored that I'm part of the chat cause the three
of us have this chat that's likebecome pretty epic.
This is and by the chat that youhave, This is just like a
conversation with three people in real life.
No, no, it's like our Instagram DMS where we send each other
reels and memes and just like, talk about stuff.
And you say chat, you say you type chat in the DM or you say

(01:02:09):
it you. Say it in real life, it's like
if you're with the people who you have a group chat with.
Oh, OK. Real chat, you know, So it made
me feel again, this is coming from a 43 year old man, but I
trust him with my life. So why does he have?
Why does he have access to this?Where are these children?
I don't know, but the other thing he taught me about, which

(01:02:31):
is also a thing. Have you heard of Borgs?
No, obviously, no. OK, borgs are what the kids are
doing. It's like the new way to drink
alcohol in college. Stop it.
Stop. It, and it's called, it stands
for Black Outrage Gallon. OK, the kids are carrying around

(01:02:53):
gallon bottles that are filled half with vodka, half with water
and a bit of like, crystal. Light.
Oh my God. Oh my God, that's horrible.
That sounds like your pancake. Yeah, the audio version of it is
bad and the real life version ofit is bad.
I don't know. It sounds terrifying.
They're they name them, they like right on the outside of the

(01:03:15):
gallon, like cool plays on the word Borg, which is kind of fun.
See my question. My question with this is it's
like. Like they'll name it like Borgan
Freeman, stuff like that. I feel like all of these all of
these reports about what the kids are doing, it's almost it's
almost never coming from a kid. It's always coming from a 43

(01:03:38):
year old man or you who's hearing gossip from somewhere.
And I would like some primary worse information because I have
a feeling, I'm sure I know some of these things are real.
I know the kids are doing some things.
But I also feel like most of it is just a TikTok or two that

(01:03:59):
went viral. Yeah, you're probably right.
The Borg stuff. Is probably by a 43 year old.
Is all over like people are talking about.
I had not heard about it, but apparently it actually is a big
big thing. But yeah, we should of.
Course where on TikTok? Because the fact that a lot of
people are talking about on TikTok does not mean it occupies

(01:04:22):
a large presence in real life. True, this is the thing on
TikTok. So that's or Instagram.
Same as Instagram if you Google it.
Same for Instagram. It's the Internet, but if you
Google it, there's like all these articles about colleges
having to like monitor the kids and put up warnings about borgs
and like, it's the new 4 Loko. Like when we were in college and

(01:04:44):
people were mixing caffeine withalcohol and then four Loko
became a thing and colleges had to try to do intervention of
like, you really shouldn't do that.
It seems like it's that. So this actually seems
legitimate, but I agree the sources are still questionable.
I mean, this too is rage bait. Like the I would say almost

(01:05:06):
everything that like the kids, any sentence that starts with
the kids are doing this. It's all rage bait.
Sometimes it's real, sometimes it's not, but it's like this is
the it's the same as like the polarizing, you know, political
extremist news that Facebook escalates because it gets the

(01:05:30):
most engagement. It's like the scary stuff, the
stuff that's going to be the most worrisome about our future
is going to always get the most engagement.
So I don't know, I can't care. I can't care about this stuff.
It's ending our lives, Jessica. Like our lives are shortening
because of Borgs. Because because of Borgs just

(01:05:53):
from like I can't, I don't, I cannot, I cannot be concerned
this often in the day when when I haven't even left my living
room it. Can't.
It can't be good. That's I think that's what's how
we're gonna die. Yes, it's a here's here's how I
interpret for myself what you'resaying.

(01:06:14):
OK. To me, OK, there's an element of
I need to set boundaries with the Internet and like touch
grass and all of that. And there's also an element of
it's kind of like a necessary evil in a part of life.
If I'm going to be exposed to stuff on the Internet, I'd

(01:06:41):
rather be exposed to Borgs than be exposed to Elon Musk.
You know, like, that's just kindof where I'm at on that
spectrum. Like, tell me what the kids are
doing. Don't tell me what the old white
men are doing. I don't care.
I don't think I give a shit about the kids.
Yeah, I don't think I I don't think.

(01:07:01):
I want to know. I don't want to know.
I want to live in bliss. Well, true.
I guess to me, I'm like I'm, it seems like, it seems like it's
just going to be there because even if I'm not on the Internet,
somebody's going to tell me about it, you know?
Well, they don't have to, No. You're the only person who tells
me about these things, Jess, I feel like.
But then. But then what do you do with
that information? You do with.

(01:07:23):
That information? Nothing you do think.
About funny names for borgs. This is OK, all right.
So it brings you joy. If if does it bring you joy?
It did in the conversation yesterday, but now I'm like
neutral. OK, if it brings you joy, then
that's great value. I think it just annoys me and I
don't actually even care. And I feel like if it's

(01:07:43):
something, this is my rule. If it's something that can
create a negative emotion in me and I'm not going to take action
about it. For me, this goes for political
stuff as well. If I'm just reading political
news and negative updates all day and I'm not fucking doing
anything about it, then I'm not doing anything about it.

(01:08:06):
Like I think a lot of people like to delude themselves that
just keeping up with every bad update is some kind of activism.
No, it's not like you're you're making your life a lot worse and
you're probably making the livesof anyone who has to talk to you
a lot worse because you're goingto be like inconsolable.

(01:08:27):
But I try. But if there's also like there's
too much negativity and rage bait in every corner of the
world, you should not be subjecting yourself to all of
it. You should choose if you want to
subject yourself to some, I think choose the things that
you're willing to take some action on.
Maybe that means this corner of political things.
Maybe it means these number of borgs in that state.

(01:08:49):
Maybe it means this part of fucking TikTok.
I don't know if there's some things you're going to take
action on, great. If you're going to use that
negative emotion to do good or affect change or help someone or
even help yourself, great. But if it's just going to create
negative emotion in me and I'm just going to fucking sit with

(01:09:11):
it. There's literally nobody
benefits it. It only it only brings like, I
don't know what the point is of it.
I can't. 100 percent, 100%. OK, I feel like you were looking
for more laughs from this momentthan I was able to bring.
No, that's OK. I wasn't necessarily looking for
laughs. I don't know what I was looking
for, but I do want to be. Clear.

(01:09:31):
I didn't bring it. That I agree and these are not
things that upset me. I don't get engaged with things
that upset me for no purpose either.
I but I do engage with things that add nothing.
And I think. That's.
That's beautiful. Yeah, that's beautiful.
I think it's probably that I am enraged more easily than you,

(01:09:54):
that I probably have to have stricter rules.
Maybe that might be true, 'causethings that bring me nothing.
I'm just like, OK, that brought me nothing.
It also took nothing, you know. Well, takes something takes time
takes time it takes. Time brain cells scrolling.
I'm already scrolling like that's on me.
If I wanted to use that time on something else, then I could go

(01:10:16):
use that time on something else.But I'm already scrolling, so
whatever I see is kind of like out of my hands, you know what I
mean? I decided to be there scrolling
through it. I've been having somewhat
success replacing. I was trying to just do OK, no
scrolls for bedtime and every fucking night I do it I've had
some so I'm trying to like replace it with like a scroll

(01:10:38):
that's less infinite. So I've been going on Reddit
instead and just doing just scrolling on Reddit.
Those scrolls don't last as longand they don't get as bad for me
actually. How do you choose your
subreddits? Like do you have certain
subreddits you always go to or is it a nightly like I wanna I?
Just go to my feed. I just go to the feed and then I
get a little sprinkling. Yeah.

(01:10:59):
Yeah, it's not as bad. I feel like it's not as bad and
I don't feel as dirty as scrolling on Instagram.
I do think that it is much like any other addiction, like if
you're eliminating one scroll, you do kind of need to replace
it with a different scroll 'cause there was a time when I
deleted Instagram for a couple months and I just replaced it

(01:11:22):
with LinkedIn scrolling. Like I I needed something to
look at in the morning when I woke up and was just like
getting ready for my day. And it just turned into
LinkedIn, which had its pros andcons too.
It definitely would. Last time it's.
So relatable, but it's also crazy because we used to not
scroll. Totally.

(01:11:43):
Yeah. What did we?
Fucking do we just like stared at walls sat all day.
We just sat and stared at. Walls, I know.
All the time. Literally what was I doing?
Ryan is really good at that. He's really good at just being
like and like stares at a wall and he seems happy.
He he literally just sits there.I gotta do shit.

(01:12:05):
I will get up, listen to music and lay and he'll like.
He has like an iPod. He doesn't even have music on
his. Phone, it's a separate device,
so his phone doesn't have to be with him and he just has an iPod
and his headphones and he'll just hang out and listen and he
doesn't need to be looking at anything.
It's, I think I used to do that actually at some point in like

(01:12:30):
middle school. I think middle school is the
last time I did that. But it's a very beautiful thing
to observe that he does it. Yeah.
That's sweet. That's cute.
I think I gotta go stare at a wall.
OK right now. You think that's?
What you're gonna do. OK.
Yeah. OK.
Yeah. Yeah.
Yeah. I need to touch grass.

(01:12:51):
You need to stare at a wall. This has been not for everyone.
Thanks for joining us for another day of ransom complaints
and sniffles. Send this episode to a friend.
Leave us a review. Send us topics.
Do all the things we always ask of you.
We appreciate it. And we love you.
Kisses. Bye babies.

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