118. Not for Blushing Brides + Spooky Stories About Hypnosis & Trauma

Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:00):
It's so relatable. It's so relatable to so many
things. That really struck me.
You work so hard to get yourselfto the place you've always
wanted to be, and then you kind of can't believe you're there.
Or did I even get there? Am I anywhere?
Did I? Even get there.
Yeah, yeah. Hey guys, welcome back.

(00:27):
We are not for everyone. A podcast hosted by 1 hater
That's me and a lover. That's Jess.
My name is Caroline and this is a a podcast for haters and for
lovers and everything in between.
But we would rather you are on one extreme or the other.
That is true. I do prefer people who just
commit to commit to the bit, youknow?
Yeah, Yeah. Somebody wrote us Adm that

(00:53):
actually like we've probably talked about it a little before,
but I need a refresher on your thoughts.
So they wrote and asked us. I require knowledge about
Caroline's journey with bangs. They look so good and have gone
through so many phases. I've gone in and out of my bang
life for years, but always get frustrated with finding a non

(01:15):
annoying way to style them and keep them in place.
Help tell us all the secrets. Also for Jess, have you ever had
bangs? I have so many.
This is like a, this is like this is hot topic #1 like this
is we have to like this now. Yeah, Yeah, we do.
We do. When they wrote this, I was
like, Oh my God. Thank you for reminding me that

(01:36):
I have been meaning to ask Caroline about.
This. That's crazy.
That's. Crazy.
How do you make it make sense? I didn't, I think I didn't feel
that it made sense. I feel like there's random days
where it's like, oh, I guess that works.
And then that's only like 2% of the days.

(01:58):
That's not my experience of yourbangs.
Whenever I see them, I say that's how bangs should look as
opposed to what's going on here,here on my face if you're
watching. I didn't even realize you had
bangs till just the second. I got curtain bangs a few months
ago. They've grown.
They're, I'm growing them out now, so they're longer than they

(02:19):
were. And I have had straight across
bangs before too. When I was a kid, that's like
how my mom did our hair. But then in college, I got a
notorious bang cut that like allmy friends won't let me forget
about. I mean, it looked good when it
looked good, but that was like once every.

(02:42):
It was like once in the whole, yeah, year that I had that.
Yeah, it's just like when you walk out of the salon and then
they never look good again. Yeah, but I don't think that's
true of yours. And then I would then I always
get tempted of like, what's thatgirl Gracie Abrams, the singer,
She has like, she's so cute. She's so cute.

(03:04):
And she has this, like, short hair and like these curtain
bangs. And that's who I styled myself
after when I got my most recent haircut with Bang's attempt.
Just doesn't look like that. It just doesn't look like that.
Doesn't feel like that, doesn't give me the feeling that I
imagine she feels or doesn't give me the feeling that I feel

(03:24):
when I look at her. I don't.
I don't know what I'm chasing, but I know I'm not the only one.
And I feel like you do have the answers and you're withholding
them. Whoa, that's crazy.
OK, first of all, I'll say this.Bangs are a dream.
Bangs are. Bangs are a life we want to live

(03:44):
but none of us get to live. I think.
And I'm looking at I'm looking at Gracie Abrams.
I just Google image her name andthere I'm looking at 200 photos
of her. None of them would, I say she
has bangs you consider? This bangs, she has more of the
curtain. Maybe I'm getting confused.
I think that was when I decided to chop my hair.
Off the chop. Yeah.

(04:04):
And then she kind of has like a little side curtain thing.
Yeah. There's like no.
Wisps, Wisps in her face. She's not the right example.
There's like Zooey Deschanel maybe is the right example of a
true bang celebrity, which I diddo that.
Look, I feel like yours is kind of like hers.
Yeah, see, I don't, I don't likethat look.

(04:26):
I I actually don't really. I don't want the look of bangs.
If I could get away without bangs, I prefer that look.
But I don't think every time I see a picture of myself from the
side basically without bangs, I don't like how I look.
So yeah, I don't really like bangs.
Like I don't like Zooey Deschanel's, you know, like

(04:51):
what's I can't, I don't have anywords 'cause I'm about to get my
period. Her.
Like, you know, I want to say notorious again, bang, iconic,
like bang. I don't like that.
Actually. I wish I could just have long
hair, but I have a huge patch onthe sides of my heads where I
don't grow hair and I do also have a large forehead.
It's not the worst thing in the world.

(05:12):
It's more the sides of my head where I really don't.
I have that too. Grow hair and I don't like how
it looks. I'm especially if I ever pull my
hair back. So I don't know if my mom
started giving me bangs. I had bangs like half my
childhood and then go in and outof them.
I'm I really don't know. I really don't.
What do you do to style do? Because if it's not your

(05:34):
preference, that's fine. However you have them and they
look good. I'm the rest of I really.
Know that I'm not struggling, OK?
I'm not being humble. I didn't think they looked good.
I'm I'm not being humble. You know, I'm not humble.
I don't, I really don't know. I do like the haircut I got
recently. Maybe I should share the photo,
the inspo photo I got where I took this to the hair stylist.

(05:58):
Justin was tired of watching me cry after I cut my own bangs.
And he was like, I don't know why you keep doing this and he
goes to a salon. Sorry to out you Justin.
And he loves his stylist and he was like, please just go to a
salon. You're always sad afterwards.
Like why do you keep doing that?And they did a great job and it
was like not more expensive thanme going to Supercuts or

(06:22):
whatever. And so it's, I don't know, it's
a little bit longer now. And actually these, I used to
literally for like the past three years, I would always blow
dry my bangs with a big round brush.
But now I'm just letting them pretty much completely air dry
and they're a little longer and I feel like they're more chill.
So I'm actually doing the least to them, but I think it's all

(06:45):
about the length 'cause if they're too short, it's really
there's no margin for error. But as soon as they get a little
too long on like relative to your face, then they're just
hanging in your face. I will say I love the look of a
curtain bang. I love the look of it in photos
and the editorial shots. And so cool.
I could never, ever, ever live with that hair in my face.

(07:09):
It's so difficult. Things just dangling in your
face. I That is a weird life.
My experience with the curtain bang is that I would style them
with a round brush and a blow dryer and when I first finished
styling they would look amazing.They were like swooped perfectly
and framing my face, you know, and then in like an hour that

(07:31):
curl would be no longer and theywould straighten and then it
would just be like rogue straight hairs or actually my
hair has a bit of wave to it. So if I if I sweat or was in
humidity or anything, they wouldkind of curl and then it would
just be these like pieces of hair in my face, so.
Then you've got like that Hasidic look of like the little.
In them back. Exactly.

(07:52):
I literally had that at a bar last weekend.
My friends and I went out and went dancing, which I've not
done in a really long time. It was actually very fun, but it
was I was not dressed accordingly because it's
Chicago. So I was wearing like a sweater
and jeans and it was really hot at this bar that we were at
dancing anyway. So I put my hair up and I was

(08:14):
like, maybe I should leave my curtain bangs down because
that's a cute look that I've seen people do while my the rest
of my hair is in a ponytail and the sweat just made them ring
lit. And I had these two that sounds
cute in front of me. That sounds very my friends were
complimenting it, but I like took.
I was like, Oh my God, everyone thinks I look cute and I took a
selfie and it was so ugly. So I don't know.

(08:37):
I don't agree this. Is the thing about having female
friends who love you, you can't ever fucking trust their opinion
on when you look. You.
Cannot you? Cannot.
This is the thing that I've experienced too with like you
know how I used to always talk about my ugly nights Ugly Nights
TM? It's just when I'm ugly and

(08:57):
alone on the couch. Loving it, but loving it 'cause
you're like, getting intentional.
Like sweatpants, like I think that's it.
That's all I know. That.
It's sweatpants. It's just like I put absolutely
no effort into how I look and I have a rot day that's I feel
like that's a popular. And like, you want to be left
alone, probably. Or is like, is Ryan allowed to

(09:19):
witness you or you like, get away?
At this point he's witnessed it,but it's not the same.
Like I would prefer it if it's just totally alone.
I don't want to be seen. But anyway, I'll, I would speak
about my ugly nights, which I think is a very normal healthy
thing that everybody should justhave like alone time when they
don't have to worry about being viewed by someone else.

(09:42):
And my friends are like, Oh my God, you're not ugly.
Like don't call it that. And I'm like dog, I'm not, I
know I'm not ugly. Like that's not the point.
Yeah, no one said I'm ugly. No one said I'm ugly.
Yeah, exactly. And they're like, don't say
that. I'm like girl.
So annoying. You don't get it.
I don't get it. I mean, we need both the yin and

(10:05):
the Yang. You can't have joy without the
pain. You can't be hot on Saturday if
you're not ugly on Tuesday. Exactly.
Exactly. Exactly, and you can't trust
your friends with any of. It I know I was, I invited like
some of my friends came wedding dress shopping with me the other
day and I have it was so sweet and I have like the most

(10:27):
enthusiastic, supportive, like yes to everything friends.
And I was like, wow. The only problem with this is
that they're just going to be over the top about everything
and then I'm not going to be able to trust their opinions.
And I said that to them. I was like you guys, you guys, I
need to be able to like read some differences in your
reactions here. They was actually great.

(10:48):
Did you choose one? I did not.
I've been to a couple shops and nothing is remotely close to
anything I like. And I I was even like I even
tried on dresses that I was like, OK, I can't afford this.
Like, you know, nice boutiques and this and that and like just
try it on, see if you like the style.
And I'm like, wow, this is like a nothing.

(11:09):
This is nothing to me. I don't, I don't, I don't know.
It's it's weird. I will be.
Very curious when you do find the one that you go with, if
that feeling changes like if youexperience the feeling that
people talk about when they're like you'll, you'll just know
you'll put on the dress and you know because.

(11:30):
I so weird have. I have trust issues believing
that. Like, I just don't.
It doesn't really track for me that that's, yeah, a feeling
that exists, people. That's also the bullshit magical
thing people say about finding your person.
Like, I think I found the greatest person in the world and
I didn't. It wasn't two months of me.
I think it was six months of me doubting if he was right for me.

(11:52):
There was no moment where I was like, Oh my God, I knew he was
the 1. I feel so certain of that now.
But it was like many, many months of, I think healthy doubt
of like before that feel like, So I'm supposed to feel that
about a dress? First of all, I hate, I hate
myself. I've never had a wedding before.

(12:13):
It's so much pressure. It's one outfit that's supposed
to capture everything that I feel about myself forever.
What? No, that's exactly what I would
think about it and what I expectabout it.
But it is that's why I'm going to be so curious.
I mean, I think if you go into it that way, then you're going
to have a very realistic experience of it as opposed to

(12:35):
people who are maybe if you're looking for the magic feeling,
maybe you find it because maybe that's that you're like self
fulfilling, prophesying yourselfinto finding that magic feeling
when you put on a dress. But I don't, I don't see that
for myself. And now I I understand that
we're aligned and that you don'tsee that for yourself.
I don't I, I don't know what I'mlooking for at this point.

(12:57):
Like I I know I know a feeling and a style of dress I like I
guess, but like a tone maybe, but I doubt it's going to be
like this is the one. I just that seems weird to me.
I did have one discovery weddingdress shopping.
So I went to one shop with my mom and my sister Julia.

(13:18):
And then I went to another shop the other day with some of my
girlfriends and I noticed duringboth of the so both of these
fittings, you had to like make an appointment and there's a
stylist strapping you in and outof dresses and clipping them.
And like, it's this whole fucking thing.
And I'm both times I noticed that I was like compulsively,

(13:40):
like I was kind of compulsively vulgar about myself.
I'm in this way that I think noteven saying I was like ugly or
something, but just kind of, I think I just felt so

(14:03):
uncomfortable and undeserving oflike the preciousness and like
the sweetness and the celebration and the moment of it
all. Or like ultimately just feel
like every step of the way have felt this pretty strong sense of
like undeserving and like it doesn't fit.

(14:24):
And it's not like it doesn't even make sense for me.
And I've had this weird impulse to like, I'm, I don't know, just
like put myself down in this very weird way to make it.
I don't know why, what exactly the vibe is, but it, it was, it
was interesting to notice like how compulsively and it's like,

(14:47):
it doesn't make anyone else comfortable.
It's like, just be precious about your moment.
That's what everybody else actually wants.
But it was, it's, it's been verystrange and uncomfortable in a
way to like this thing where you're supposed to just be like,
I deserve to be celebrated and Ideserve to have people look at

(15:07):
me and I deserve to celebrate like this moment or who I am or
how I got here. It all feels so like, I believe
in all of that. And I would, you know, insist on
that for anybody I love. But it's been really
uncomfortable to embody for myself.

(15:28):
I don't know. Yeah, that makes sense to me
just because obviously of knowing you, but also like, I
think I would feel similarly. I think it's strange that we as
a society, don't we expect people to go into a moment like
that, like your wedding dress fitting and like your time as an

(15:51):
engaged person getting ready to get married and plan your
wedding and everything, and expect that people are going to
be precious about it and feel deserving of it when nothing in
life up until that point made usfeel deserving of anything.
Do you know what I mean? Like, why would I start now?
Like why would I start now? Why would I start feeling

(16:12):
deserving now? Yeah.
And it's, it's like so much of this emphasis on getting married
and like the, the significance of that milestone, which it is
significant. And I'm not downplaying that,
but it's just such a celebrated thing in comparison to so many
other things that you could be celebrating to that caliber, but

(16:33):
we don't typically. So then when you get there, it's
like, wait, why? Like I'm not used to being
celebrated or to celebrate myself in this way because like,
that's not how we are groomed until we get to that moment.
I don't know. This is like, it's not something
I've said out loud or pieced together before this, so I don't
know if that's making any sense,but it attracts that that would

(16:55):
be your experience. And I don't think that's like as
much as you deal with like a self-proclaimed self.
I don't know, self loathing's too strong of a word, but just
like a lot of self criticism andstuff.
Yeah. So as as much as you identify

(17:17):
with that, I still don't think what you're describing is like
because of that relationship to yourself.
I think it's something that a lot of people in your position
would have experienced too. Because it feels like, you know,
even though there's a bunch of different ways that people have

(17:38):
their weddings and celebrate their marriages these days, and
there's like more and more variety in that.
There still is for the most part, like one set identity of
like a bride and one set identity of like newlywed and
woman getting married. And it feels like this set
costume, like a uniform and thatyou're that you put on, but it

(18:02):
doesn't quite feel like a uniform I'd usually wear, which
is not to say like I'm very alternative.
I'm not, I'm very traditional and I want the white dress and I
want the traditional wedding. But I'm, it feels like there's
this like set standard uniform of what a bride feels and acts

(18:23):
like and exudes and their energyand their grace and their
magnanimousness. And it's just like doesn't just
feels foreign to me. Yeah, it's interesting.
But I was like, OK, maybe stop, maybe just stop compulsively
doing and saying these things and it's OK to just feel

(18:43):
uncomfortable, but maybe try it on, Maybe try it on, I don't
know. Yeah, but it's also like
probably your way of making it more comfortable.
Actually, yeah, but uncomfortable.
To you too. But it's, I think it's, it's in
a. It's like a self deprecating
thing. Yeah, it's a defensive thing,
but it's. More comfortable to be making

(19:05):
jokes and like being, I don't know, being quote UN quote
yourself about it than it. Is.
To play the role and put on the cost.
Because it's the. Person who feels the sweetness
and. Well, I mean, I get like maybe
it's easier with an example likeI put on I like, you know, like
put on one dress. And it was really like sweet

(19:25):
looking and, you know, the stylist was like, how do you
feel about this? I was like, I really like it.
Like I feel like this stress like makes me feel like more of
a virgin and then the others, I feel more like a regular old
slut or whatever. And you know, that's kind of
like my humor. But there, you know, there was
no laughter. I could just see the stylist
feeling uncomfortable and not knowing what to do.

(19:46):
And I'm like, first of all, why am I calling myself a slut?
I'm the opposite of a slut. I went on like a sex hiatus
forever. Like I'm nothing about me is a
slut. Why am I why am I talking about
myself that way? It's not it's not authentic.
It was just like this kind of like try and it and it all of a
sudden actually felt worse, feltdirtier.
It's like people are trying to do something nice for you and
you like can't accept it, so you're trying to dirty it.

(20:09):
I'm yeah. It didn't feel like being more
me. It just felt like, it just felt
like just this unnecessary resistance to like.
Yeah, maybe you can look and feel lovely and like people want
to do something nice for you andgive you attention.
Like just fucking relax, you know what I mean?
I. Get that?
I I understand what you're saying.

(20:30):
Yeah. Yeah.
It's like, oh, you're wrong to be doing this for me because I'm
actually horrible. And it's like, but you're not.
But I'm not, and I don't even believe that.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Interesting.
Yeah, I don't know. I think there's so much pressure
on women at many milestones of life, including a wedding, and

(20:58):
it makes it feel like you have to fit into this role.
And if that role doesn't come naturally to you, which it
probably doesn't come naturally to most women in this era, you
know, it's just like, because it's based on, I don't know,
it's based on tradition. That even if you like the
tradition, even if you like the white dress and you like The
Walking down the aisle and you like the whatever, you can like

(21:20):
those things and still not feel like the people who created
those traditions however many years ago, you know?
And so I don't know, I'll be curious how this continues to
evolve. Obviously if it's getting in the
way of your enjoyment of the which I know you hate that word.

(21:42):
I don't hate that word. No, I understand it now.
I think you explained it to me. Yeah.
If it's getting in the way of your enjoyment of these moments
and milestones, then it is something to figure out.
I. Think it was just me noticing,
like a rejection of nice things and nice moments.
It's like just accept it. Just be uncomfortable and let

(22:04):
someone do something nice for you and see the good in you.
Like that's what's uncomfortable.
Yeah, yeah. Anyway, and maybe if you accept
it a couple times and it's uncomfortable for those couple
times, then you'll start to actually be able to enjoy it.
Like you have to practice, you know?
I saw this. It kind of makes me think.
I saw this Instagram Reel that Ithought was so fucking sweet and

(22:26):
wonderful the other day. And it was somehow this
Instagram pulled up on my feed of this guy's, this young man's
weight loss journey. And I think he'd lost like over
£150 or more or something. And he started as like a really,
really big guy. And then, you know, he's working
out in the gym. And it was about his like slow

(22:48):
weight loss journey and progressand getting fit in the gym.
And then after, you know, he's maybe 20s or so, and then you
see his progression and when, when you've lost that much
weight, I think a lot of time you end up with a lot of loose
skin. And so he has a ton of loose
skin. The, the amount of loose skin
where I think a lot of people after they've achieved

(23:10):
something, you know, that huge of this kind of transformation,
they might get a surgery or something like it.
It is loose skin in a way that it's like it's, it's a thing,
you know? And then I was looking on his
page because it was like such aninteresting transformation.
And he had this cool story aboutit.
And then he posted one reel where he was replying to a
comment and a commenter was like, hey, like, don't you know,

(23:34):
No need to reply to this if it'stoo personal.
But I also went through a huge weight loss journey and I also
have all this loose skin and I feel really self-conscious of
it. Like, do you ever feel
self-conscious or like how do you relate to that blah, blah,
blah. And then this young guy, you
know, he's 20, young 20s or something, replied to it.
And he was just so sweet and thoughtful and I loved it.

(23:56):
And he was like, I definitely felt really self-conscious and
ashamed of all my loose skin fora while, for like a long time.
I just like hated it more. And then sometime last year, I
realized that I had worked so hard and done so much to
transform my life and give myself this different experience

(24:19):
of life. And then I wasn't letting myself
enjoy it. And he was like, why wasn't I
like I, he was like, I got here.Why am I not letting myself
enjoy it? Like, you know, I used to not be
able to stand anyone looking at me, my face, the way my voice
sounded, my myself in a shirt orout of a shirt, in a bathing
suit or not. And like, I did all this work to

(24:41):
give myself a different experience and I still wouldn't
let myself fucking enjoy it. And, and now I've just decided
I'm allowed to enjoy it. Like I have achieved something
for myself. I made a change I wanted to and
that is like the experience I enjoy now.
And I don't know, the way he said it, it was just like, it
just felt so genuine and so relatable and so like beautiful.

(25:06):
And I thought it related to so much more than just weight loss
of like, you know, it actually made me think of like all the
work that I put into it was a lot of intentional growth to put
myself in a place where I could even have a healthy romantic
relationship with someone. And then there were still all
these moments where I like, wouldn't let myself enjoy it and

(25:28):
I wouldn't let myself just have the beautiful thing.
I was like, what is the deal with that?
And I, I think so many people relate to that probably in a
million different ways. I thought it was sweet.
Yeah, I have so many thoughts onthis.
I was just giving a friend advice along these lines where,
you know, he's kind of gotten into a new relationship and

(25:49):
because of the previous relationships that he's been in
and she's been in and kind of the way that they got together
and whatever, he's like stuck ina place where he is not being
able to fully enjoy it. He's like obsessing over kind of
like little details that at thispoint don't matter anymore.

(26:09):
And I was like, and he was like,what do I do basically?
And I was like, I think you needto actually not do anything.
I think all you need to do is take the step into this next
chapter with this person that you're excited to be with and
just let it be good. Like just don't look back.
You know, like it sounds really good to me, but you're so caught

(26:33):
up in everything that happened before that you can't step into
the next phase where it's actually good and you did all
that to get to here. So just I'm giving you
permission to do that. And I think it just applies to
so much like we hold ourselves back.
And that's what I was saying about exactly the the wedding
dress try on of like you, you'reyou're one person who's one way

(26:59):
forever and you're used to not letting yourself enjoy things
and you're used to like not let not thinking of yourself as
deserving. And then all the sudden this
milestone comes where you're supposed to all the sudden be a
person. Who?
Takes in all the sweetness and that's not who you've been
before. But it is like you.
It's just a conscious effort to decide.

(27:19):
OK, I guess I'm going to be thatperson now.
I'm getting in my own way. What are you waiting for?
What are you Yeah, it you're in your own way.
I and I've gotten a lot of that similar like weight loss journey
content on my Instagram recentlyand there was somebody else who
posted like she's lost a ton of weight.

(27:41):
I really like her Instagram. It's like smaller Sam or
something and she has lost like over 200 lbs.
Most of it was she gone naturally and she has PCOS.
So then she got on Ozempic to help with that.
Whatever. It's like this whole journey.
And she gives a lot of helpful recipes.
And I think she's most known forshe'll like go to a drive

(28:05):
through and show you what she orders at the drive through.
That still helps her maintain her, you know, health goals.
And anyway, she was posting something where she's so small
now. She used to be like over 300
lbs. She's shown pictures of this and
now she is, you'd never know. She's so, so fit and small.
And I'm not saying that's my value, but that's what she

(28:29):
pursued and she achieved it. And it was really hard for her
to achieve. And her health outcomes are all
better and whatever. And she still thinks of herself,
though she still has the same brain as the person who was over
300 lbs. And so she still like kind of
looks at herself with this body dysmorphia of like, do I even
look any different? And she's been with herself

(28:50):
every day through the journey. So if you're watching the slow
progress every day, you're not noticing what somebody sees when
they look at the £350 pound photo and the £150 photo.
And somebody in the comments wrote to her and was like, I
have this same experience, and Iintentionally kept my size,

(29:12):
whatever jeans, and I try them on regularly to, like, prove to
myself that it's real. That's crazy.
Yeah. And it's just like, it's so
relatable. It's so relatable to so many
things. That really struck me.
You work so hard to get yourselfto the place you've always

(29:32):
wanted to be, and then you kind of can't believe you're there.
Or did I even get there? Am I anywhere?
Did I even get there? Yeah, yeah.
Oh my God, we just torture ourselves.
I know it kind of makes me thinkabout, Oh my God, do you ever
think about like what the fuck would it be like if you could go

(29:52):
back and have a conversation or have a lunch with your like 16
year old self? Would I hate her?
Probably because I hate me. But like, like probably.
But like how annoying was she? Or was she better than I
remember? Or like, is she unrecognizable?
I, I can't actually tell. I really can't tell.

(30:15):
I do think about that because I feel like there's also an
Instagram trend going around of people writing their a note to
their younger. Self, yeah, but they're always
annoying and sappy. They are really amazing and you
achieved that dream. You did that thing as though
when you were 16 you wanted the exact thing.
You had I know if I. Wanted the happiness, you wanted

(30:36):
the success. But did you know it would be
you? Were probably chasing the wrong
things. Yeah, today I had, I had lunch
with my 16 years year old self. I told her you are whole, you
are beautiful, Shut up. You're making Instagram reels
now. Your life's not that cool.
You shut up. So true, but did you see that

(30:57):
movie with Aubrey Plaza that came out last year?
Called my old ass. So have I talked about.
This. I started watching it and I
thought it was horrible. I couldn't even finish it.
It was bad. It was.
Really slow moving and like not good.
It was genuinely not good until the end.
I watched the whole thing because a friend of mine told me
stick it out and watch it. And I mean by the end, I, I

(31:20):
cried for like 24 hours. I was like, I was affected by
this movie. But the, the whole first like
hour is terrible and slow and you're like, is this going
anywhere? Kind of like white.
But then the payoff was at the end.
And anyway, the whole thing is that, like, her younger self
gets to talk to her older self on the phone and like, check in

(31:42):
about, oh, I met this boy, what do I do about it?
Oh, mom's being annoying. What do I do about it?
And the older self is like, giving her advice in hindsight,
you know? And I do think about that a lot.
I think there's certain things if I told my younger self that
I'm doing them, she would be amazed and excited and proud.

(32:02):
And there's certain things that if I told her about them, she'd
be like. What, like I'm worried about
you? Yeah, yeah, like you abandoned
your values or something, you know, because because certain
things have changed about the way I view the world and the way
I view my purpose and the way I view my like self and my duty to
my family and my whether I woulddo drugs or not, like even

(32:26):
things like that, you know, likeI 16 year old Jess would be like
shocked. But then on the whole, I think
she'd be happy. I don't know.
I don't know what that bitch is thinking.
I know, I just can't even. Picture her.
I can't even picture that. Hoe she's they were hoes.
They were hoes together, that's for sure.

(32:50):
It's the best day of the year. If you know that reference,
you're a real one. It's the best day of the year
because I get to talk about SKIMS and I get to talk about
how I love to treat myself to Skims intimates every single
day. It's generally what's on my
body, OK. I have struggled for my entire
life to find bras and underwear that are comfortable, that fit

(33:12):
me well, that are supportive enough for a curvier body but
also aren't restrictive. And in particular, bras have
been my biggest struggle I developed in like the 5th grade.
You can ask Caroline. These things have been here
forever and I have not really found bras that I can wear all
day and just feel like I'm not wearing anything until I

(33:34):
discovered the Skims Fits Everybody collection.
Specifically, I am a huge fan ofthe Fits Everybody bralettes.
I love the scoop neck one, I love the racerback one, I even
have the strapless one for summertime.
They are so supportive, so soft.They don't rub, they don't
squeeze, they don't leave like Marks and indentations in my

(33:55):
body which most bras do. OK, like it's a thing.
And then I'm a big fan of their underwear too.
I'm slowly but surely collectingmore and more of them as I kind
of refresh my underwear drawer because apparently currently
that's something you should be doing.
Let me look it up. Hold on, let me look it up.
We do this a lot on. Not for everyone.
How often should I refresh my underwear?

(34:16):
We like to Google things here. We do because we're not experts,
we're just scientists. OK, you should refresh your
underwear drawer every six to 12months.
Yep, not what I'm doing. But slowly but.
Surely I'm picking up more and more Skims.
I really like the brief. You get a nice amount of
coverage, but it still looks really flattering and it's that
same fits everybody. Soft, soft, soft material.

(34:37):
So whether you're needing to refresh your underwear drawer or
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(35:07):
I was sick. We all know I get sick all the
time. I was sick.
Whatever. I've been sick.
I am a sick person and the thingthat helps me the most when I'm
sick is not medicine. It's not sleeping.
It's not like vitamin C. It is Vick's vapor rub and I

(35:29):
just, I rubbed Vick's vapor rub on my chest for the like 20th
time the other day. Can you explain the science?
Of this. Well, this is what I was going
to say. It makes me believe in
alternative medicine because it is the only thing that truly
like makes it possible for me tosleep when I'm having a cold or

(35:51):
a respiratory issue or whatever.OK.
So it helps with like if you're very, what's the thing it helps
with like if you're coughing a lot and it's keeping you up at
night. Yeah, like if you're coughing a
lot at night and like having trouble kind of breathing or, or
sleeping while coughing or whatever, I think it's literally
just that the scent opens up your Airways through your nose.

(36:17):
And so putting it on your chest,there's nothing about the fact
that it's on. Your chest, so it's not like.
Gets through to your. Lungs.
I think that's, you know, I was wondering about.
Which I have wondered about too.It's literally just that your
chest is right by I hit. The I'm surprised they don't
have you smear it like a little smell it.
Can you just smear it like a little Hitler mustache under
your nose and do the same? Thing I think you can do that I

(36:40):
like. I rub it on my chest and then I
just take a sniff of the of the little pot and it immediately
helps and I'm able to go to sleep.
And I just wrote down the other day in my notes.
Vick's vapor rub makes me believe in alternative medicine
because what is that? What is that?
It's. Crazy.
Meanwhile, every medication I'm on antibiotics.
Not anymore. I'm fine now, but I was on

(37:02):
antibiotics, I was on a steroid,I was on it all and nothing was
helping until I got the Vick's vapor rub out.
That's my science for the day. I know I do feel like so much of
Wellness or sickness is like hypnosis.
Like actually like. Placebo effect stuff like just

(37:23):
mindset. Yeah, and not even in the
placebo effect way, but like youcan, you can get, you can have
physical symptoms from, from, I mean, we know how like mental
and emotional stress has a physical effect on the body and
on your lifespan. And I don't know my, my to my
dad's a surgeon. And he is also, if you look on

(37:48):
his doctor's website, you will say that he also experiments
with prestidigitation, which is what's that It's a being a
magician, it's called, It's being a magician, but he refuses
to. Use that word on his
professional. It's like on his Like About Me
page it says Like plays the cello, enjoys photography and
prestidigitation and we always tease him about it, but he

(38:10):
really does for a very like science based man.
He talks a lot about using hypnosis in with his patients.
That's fascinating, I. Want a lot?
A lot. Because he's an ENT and that's
exactly I have so many ENT issues and maybe he's the only

(38:34):
one that can cure me. Maybe this whole thing has just
been for me to get to your dad so he can cure.
Me, I will. I mean, I would be that first of
all, that'd be my dream. But yeah, I mean, and I don't
say any of that to minimize. There's enough like, you know,
doctors out there who minimize symptoms and things like that.
I don't mean it like that. I think it's very, very real

(38:55):
pain. And obviously, like, I've been
that patient who was not being listened to by doctors.
But like, he tells this, he has several stories like this.
But one of I think his favoritesis I think he was like a young
doctor. He was still working in a
hospital and he was like, just walking in a hallway.
And some other doctor, like, urgently, like, pulled him into

(39:18):
this exam room. Like, he wasn't the doctor
assigned to this case. And they're like, Tom, like, we
just need help. We don't know what to do here.
Like we've tried everything. This kid is compulsively
coughing for like 18 days. They've been coughing their
whole to their whole throat is torn up, their bleeding from
their throat because it's like so raw.

(39:38):
It's like extremely painful. And then you get more irritated
because you're coughing more andblah, blah, blah.
But they've seen specialists have gone to Johns Hopkins,
they've thrown across the country, They, we've had X-rays,
we've done scans, we've given steroids and this and that.
Like there's six doctors in here.
And like, we, we, I literally don't know what to do.
Like it's and it's becoming, youknow, you can die from bleeding
out in your throat and it's really hard to like, stick.

(40:02):
Pitch and heel and clot and all of that.
And my dad tells a story of being a young doctor and being
like, what the fuck? Like a bunch of other ENT's
worked on this and no one can doanything.
Like, what am I going to offer here?
Like, what do you think I'm going to do?
I'm not going to do anything. And he walked in and there's
like all these people standing around and like parents and
family kind of around. He describes it as like the

(40:23):
scene of the Exorcist with like all these people around.
There's children on the bed and all the doctors.
And it's like this very waited moment.
He was like, what am I supposed to do here?
You guys? I was just trying to go to the
bathroom and I'm, I can't remember the whole story, but it
like, culminates with him just sitting with this young kid and
being like, like touching their throat and being like, so it

(40:48):
hurts like right here. And they're like, yeah, yeah,
right there and like touching this other part.
And he's like, and there's something over here too, right?
I can feel that, right. And they're like, yeah, yeah,
He's not feeling anything. And they're just like, yeah,
yeah. And he's like, I see, I see
right here. So I know what I need to do.
What I'm going to do is I'm going to realign your throat and

(41:08):
I'm going to count back from 5:00 and then I'm going to
realign it. And once I count down from 5 and
I realign your throat, you're going to stop coughing.
And he's like, is it OK if I do that?
And the kids like, yeah, that's OK.
And he does like 54321 like little jerk on the throat and

(41:34):
you're done coughing now. There's no more coughing now and
like. And that was it.
I can I say that I'm wet? Like is that OK to say?
I'm not going to say that about my dad, but people have.
Yeah. And he has.
This is not, it's, it's not his only story.

(41:54):
Like they believe it. It's not his only story like
that. And there are a lot with kids
because I think like deep traumais often tied to some of these
things. And it's not a manipulative kid.
It's not conscious, but like like this, it's there's
something with trauma and with stress that it, it, it produces
physical symptoms. They're not fake symptoms.

(42:16):
It's not placebo. It's not fake.
It's not in your head. They're it can make you really
sick. And he has a bunch of stories
like this where it's crazy. Kind of sitting with them and
validating. Them and being like and.
Telling them you've got. It I hear what's going on with
you and now we're going to make you better and and he has these

(42:38):
stories with adults too, a lot, but you know, it's it's a
minority of stories. He's a He also does real
medicine, but. He's also he's.
Also a real doctor. But that's a real, but that's a
real isn't that crazy thing likemore doctors should be.
It's both the mental health and the emotional health and like

(43:01):
making their patient feel seen, honestly, because it's true.
Like my sister struggled for years with kind of like GI
stuff. Like we didn't know it.
Does she have celiac disease? Or is it like more of a PCOS
type of thing? Like there, there was just a lot

(43:22):
going on. She couldn't stomach almost any
food. She was like lactose intolerant,
She was gluten intolerant. Everything was a problem.
And we noticed as her family, like it definitely flares up at
times when she's stressed about something personally.
That doesn't mean. But regardless of that, like I

(43:45):
think we knew that and we would try to talk to her about that.
Like, do you notice that it flares up when you're more
stressed? And that made her feel like you
think I'm making. Yeah, less validated.
You know, and it's hard because it's like, no, we believe that
you are in pain. We see that you can't eat any

(44:06):
food. Like we see it.
We know the pain is real. We're just trying to get to what
the source is. And so anyway, now she doesn't
struggle at all and she eats everything and like she's grown
out of that phase or, you know, whatever, whatever needed to
happen. She's been to therapy.
I don't know what did it, but I think like when she was younger

(44:27):
and struggling with all of that,you know, my parents took her to
so many doctors and they told her, you're intolerant of this,
you're intolerant of that. Start eating this diet, start
doing this. And she did all those things and
it didn't get better. And then we started to notice it
was probably kind of triggered by stress.
And I don't think it was until she really started to like take

(44:48):
care of herself and address someof those more like mental health
related. I'm an adult now.
I need to like, take care of my life and go to therapy and like
process some stuff that I reallysaw a difference in her.
Like, I don't know if she's named that so much.
I think she would agree. But it, it's, it's just the

(45:08):
truth. I've seen it with so many people
and at my company we talk about that a lot.
Like I work in healthcare and it's, there's so much of the
mental and physical that is becoming more talked about in
healthcare. But for a long time it was yeah,
ignored that connection. It's.
So interesting. I don't know what to make of it

(45:28):
all but it it does feel really undeniable and it's so hard to
approach like you said. I do think that my my getting
sick all the time, just like colds, you know, I'm lucky it's
nothing, it's nothing dire, but just how often I get a cold is
totally related to stress. Oh, interesting.

(45:50):
You know, I mean, not every time.
Sometimes it's really. They could be higher.
Exposed to a germ. But yeah, a lot of the times
it's just like, I noticed that I'll be like, go, go, go working
all the time or just like stressed out about things, not
getting a lot of rest, not taking care of myself.

(46:10):
Literally lower body immune system.
If you don't, if you're not sleeping enough, your immune
system is weaker. Right.
And then like, what's interesting is that my body will
keep going. It's like, oh, we have to, we
have to finish doing these things.
We have to make it to the end ofthis like push and it will.
And then the next day. Do you remember when we went to

(46:32):
LA last year together and I had had a really busy few weeks at
work and then we went on our trip and we were like, kind of,
I mean we were hanging out and actually relaxing a lot, but we
also needed to be on because we recorded in studio and we met up
with some people. We were working.
And so it was just like a lot was going on.

(46:52):
And literally like the moment wefinished recording our episode,
I was like, I'm sick. You lost your you like lost your
voice. It was.
It was within an hour of recording the episode, your
voice was completely gone. It was.
It was spooky, actually, Yeah. It was immediate.
It was like my body took me through the thing that I needed
to do. And then it was like, no more

(47:15):
you're done. No more voice, which is
literally the asset for a podcast and.
This is so crazy. I'll tell you I'll tell you one
other spooky story. So I talked.
I also, similar to your sister, had really frustrating digestive
issues for years and years. And I saw allergists and I saw

(47:39):
gastroenterologists and I saw, you know, alternative healing
eaters and nutritionists and fucking got my gallbladder
scanned like I did it all. And some I saw some like
alternative lady who wanted me to poop in a tube and mail it to
her like. I think Caitlin did.
Something I wouldn't do it. I wouldn't do it.

(47:59):
My mom set me up with this lady and she was like this lady's
amazing. She's healed so many people and
just try it. And she sent me this package and
it was like an at home care package with this like whole set
of test tubes and like fucking chemicals that you'd mix into
them. Like when you're a kid and you
mixed potions with lotions, except the lotion here was your
own feces and she wanted you to poop in a tube and mix it and

(48:19):
then keep it in your in your fridge and then mail it to her.
And I was just like, I think I'mjust going to be sick forever.
Like I'm not going to do this. I'm not going to keep it in my
fridge. And I wanted, I actually so
badly wanted to give this lady some feedback about her business
and be like, what is your clientdrop off rate?
Because if it's severe, I think I know why you can't like this

(48:40):
doesn't work. And anyway, tried, you know,
tried to poop in a tube and mailit to this woman and tube mail
it to my mom's friend and I'm just.
Picturing you having to like thetube is too.
Small. I wouldn't even do it.
I couldn't do it. I couldn't do it.
I was so mad. I couldn't even do it.
I was like, no. You're like offended that this

(49:02):
is what it's I. Was I really was and I'm, and So
what I was doing all these yearswas like, I was on medication to
help my digestive system do all these things and supplements and
probiotics and prescription meds.
And I stopped eating gluten for six years.
I stopped eating dairy for six years.
And things got worse and worse and worse.

(49:24):
And by the end I was also like, oh, I'm also reacting to soy
now. Oh, I'm also reacting to red
meat now. And there was basically
nutritionally nothing fucking left in my diet.
And it definitely was not good. And it definitely, we felt like
one of those things where the more I cut out, the more
sensitive I was. And I'm, you know, it's, it's an

(49:44):
insidious thing. That was my unique experience.
So, you know, everyone have their own, but it was an
insidious thing where at first cutting out something seems to
be helping. And it, it takes years to
realize that like this is getting more and more
restrictive. And I it actually doesn't seem
much better. And then six years later, all of

(50:07):
a sudden I could eat food again,and I eat everything now.
And do you know what happened atthe beginning of those six years
when I was first sick? Your relationship Six year
relationship. I got into a toxic relationship.
I solved the puzzle. And then six years later, I got
out. Yep.

(50:28):
Wow. It's facts.
I mean, and nobody, nobody can tell me that I wasn't genuinely,
supremely, painfully, miserably physically sick for those six
years. It was so hurtful and so
insulting when anybody ever questioned what was physically
happening with me because it wasso miserable and it dominated my

(50:50):
life and I was open to trying anything to solve it.
You could never have convinced me.
I mean, I still don't know. I'm sure it, like most things,
probably like depression and anxiety in these things, it's a
combination of environment and and genetics.
It's a combination. Most of these things are a

(51:10):
combination. It's not just one source.
I think they're so hard. It's so hard to treat mental
illness and it's so hard to treat the gut because they're
both so complex and there's so much mystery and there's just
too many inputs that affect bothof them.
But six years in, six years out,and then I could eat food.
Again, that's why I was, but obviously I believe it 100%.

(51:35):
Yeah. And I think very my sister went
through a very similar thing, not necessarily tied to a
relationship, but just like. Stress.
Misery. As you said, as you said, trying
everything, cutting out foods and it just keeps getting worse
and it's so hard to watch somebody go through that, like

(51:55):
it, it affects your whole life. It affects every day you got to
eat. Every social gathering is eating
everything, you know, like it really, really was miserable for
her and it was miserable for me to watch.
I can only imagine how miserableit was to actually experience.
So, but my girls are better now.My girls are eating it.

(52:18):
All my girls are eating, they'reeating their ice cream and they
have no complaint. I've got some mochi in the
fridge right now. For my girls I love.
Mochi so good. Oh, it's so good.
Why is it? So good flavor.
Oh, it's like the stretchiness of the outside.
It's so. Good.
I'm pretty picky about my brands, but I really love the
Trader Joe's strawberry mochi. And then they have another one.

(52:43):
Justin, I just tried. It was like maybe it was like a
passion fruit or something. It was really good, but I've
been disappointed by a lot of mochi before.
Yeah, they're not. They're not all created equal.
I love mango mochi a lot. I love mango and I like some
green tea mochi, but not all. That's the one that's very

(53:06):
variable. Yeah, that's true.
How do you feel about like when they do like a cookies and cream
mochi? I don't want it.
Me neither. Personally, I don't want it.
Yeah. It's like how I feel about
cheesecake. I just want a classic
cheesecake. I don't want the like Oreo.
Peanut. Butter monster situation that
they make at Cheesecake Factory.Just give me the classic thing.

(53:28):
Maybe there can be raspberries, some like strawberries on top or
raspberries exactly. But that's all I'm going for.
And you know I don't like a compote, so don't put a.
Don't put any Wet Wet jams on there.
No hot, wet fruits ever. Yeah, yeah.
OK, I won't. OK.
Thank you. Yo dogs, we all know that I'm

(53:50):
sick all the time. This is not news to us.
We've talked about it in this very episode.
So I don't really. Need to make a case for why I'm
looking for doctors constantly. What I do need to tell you is
that I have found so many doctors through Zocdoc.
I'm going to list for you all ofmy doctors that have come from
Zocdoc. One, primary care provider, 2,
my first ever OBGYN. And that's a huge moment in a

(54:13):
girl's life. So thank you.
Zocdoc 3, my dermatologist. 4, My second dermatologist when I
needed more help. Five, another dermatologist when
I moved to Chicago. I really have a lot of skin
issues that I'm working on rightnow.
I have found so many doctors from Zocdoc.
Oh, did I mention my dentist? And then, yeah, when I moved,
Yeah, every time I move, I just go to Zocdoc and I find a new

(54:36):
Doctor because I always be having these issues and I need
care. Zocdoc is a free app and website
where you can search and comparehigh quality in network doctors
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Through Zocdoc, you can filter for doctors who take your
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medical need that you might have.

(54:56):
I also care about things like, you know, wanting my
gynecologist to be a woman, actually wanting my
dermatologist to be a woman because I feel like a lot of my
skin stuff is hormonal and she just might get in and I won't
feel as judged. And whatever your reasons are,
you can find that doc, doc. You can find that doc doc, you
can find that doctor with Zocdoc, and then you can find

(55:18):
appointments that are literally within 24 to 72 hours of
booking. Sometimes you can even get a
same day appointment. It's so easy.
I highly recommend it. Stop putting off those doctor's
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doctor today. That's zocdoc.com/not for

(55:39):
everyone. Zocdoc.com/not for everyone.
I write down the dumbest shit and I'm like this, This is the
the thing I'm going to talk about.
My list of things is crazy. What do?
You tell me your list. Tell me your list.
Maybe I'll just do. Maybe I'll just do one of those
moments where I run through my list.
Give me your. List.

(56:00):
Give me your list. This one says.
One of my biggest flexes is thatI was a Joe Jonas Stan from the
start. No, it's not.
That's not fine. That's awesome.
Why do I believe that? I don't know, but I do.
I did write it at some point. Let's see what else I've
written. That's cute.

(56:23):
Oh, this is maybe this is something because I think you do
this something I used to hate and now I love when female
friends call me babe. OK, I like it, but I like it.
I think I used to not like it. I think I used to not like it.
I got in a pretty big fight withmy brother.
I'm over babe. He was calling.

(56:45):
I think it was babe he was calling.
I think he called one of my sisters or like my mom babe in
in that way that's supposed to be chummy.
Like it wasn't supposed to be weird but I fucking hated it
where he was like OK babe and and it was supposed to be like.
I can. Hear something?
Like, he's like jokey, yeah. Yeah.

(57:07):
And I was like, I was like, don't fucking ever call me that.
I was. So he wasn't actually even
talking to me. And I did it.
I said it proactively. I was like, don't ever fucking
call me that. Just so you know, let's get
ahead of it. And he was really offended.
And I was just like, I don't, I don't know.
I probably didn't do it. No, I agree with you though.

(57:30):
I was like, I hate that so much.And it actually made me feel
like one of those moments where when I was younger, I used to
try to disrespect my mom by calling her by her first name,
Lauren. And it was effective.
She hated it and it was so disrespectful.
And I feel like moms do that a lot, where we had funny names
for my mom and some of them she liked and some she hated.

(57:52):
And I was like, then have her. It's just a nickname.
We're trying to be silly with you.
And then I had this moment with my brother where I was like,
don't fucking call me that. And I was like, oh, I'm such a
mom now. Yeah, you can feel your mom in
you. Yeah, I can.
My I am my mom. I am my mom.
I'm totally, I'm totally my mom.Yeah, Like, I'm here visiting my

(58:13):
parents right now and just everything my mom does, I'm
like, oh, oh, oh, like every move that is made, I'm like,
that explains that. That explains that explains in
the way that, like, my dad gets annoyed with her.
I'm like, this is me and Ryan. Like, it is pretty interesting
stuff to be observing from the outside.

(58:36):
But my mom does this thing when we used to tease her when we
were kids, she just got fed up with it, you know, one day and
she's like, I, I can see that I'm never going to win this.
My girls are always going to tease me.
It's I'm never going to get themto stop.
It's just part of it. And so finally she just decided
that she's going to become part of the fun.
And she just goes, well, I'm glad I am providing you

(59:00):
entertainment. And that's like my mom's little
cute accent. And so now that's her bit.
It's just whenever we're teasingher, I'm glad I'm providing you
entertainment. And that's how she like spins it
that. Is a good you can.
Feel good about OK, well, you'remy girls are bonding.
She says this like, yeah, as long as the girls are friends,
even if they're making fun of me, it's OK.

(59:22):
It's also like if you embrace a nickname, it's no longer that
fun to call somebody at SO. I give so many nicknames though,
and I feel like I make people with the nicknames I give them.
Like yeah, but is it to get? Under their.
Skin. I feel like if you want to get
under someone, if someone's trying to get under your skin

(59:44):
and they call you a nickname, you can't react.
Oh, totally. Yeah.
You can sense it's usually more in family dynamics where you
can. You can feel that it's like
they're trying to annoy you. Yeah, no, but I'll just create
nicknames for people. What's one of your favor?
What are you most about? Oh, I can think of a couple.
One of my friends from college, his name's Anthony and Kai and I

(01:00:09):
started calling him before we were even friends with him.
We knew who he was. I can't believe I'm giving him
so much clout right now. But we knew who he was because
he was in the all guys a cappella group.
We were in the all girls a cappella group.
That was a thing. If you've seen Pitch Perfect,
you know, and we needed like code names, Kai and I, to be

(01:00:31):
able to talk about the guys in the group.
And his name was Anthony. So we started calling him Twon,
short for Antwon. We spell it Twon and we're still
ever. So that was before we were even
friends with him. Then we ended up becoming
friends with him. And then there became a point in
the friendship where we could reveal to him that we've had

(01:00:53):
this nickname for him the whole time that he didn't know about.
And he embraced it so hard and loved it.
And now his wife calls him Twan.We still talk to him sometimes.
And it's like a run. It's like still in existence.
And that's. I'm pretty proud of that moment.
And I do take credit for that's good who he's become now.

(01:01:13):
Yeah, that's cute. So that's just.
Like a cute little diminutive that's really good.
Yeah, Yeah. That's really good.
We have a few like that, I think.
Yeah, Kai and I are too proud ofthe men that we've made with our
nicknames. OK, this takes us full circle
because I feel like I started the episode with the with the

(01:01:34):
bangs topic. It's another beauty topic.
There's a trend right now that'slike all blush.
It's just like put so much blushall over your face and I just
feel like is everyone else's face not red 100% of the time?
Like why? Why?

(01:01:55):
I have no problem being red. I want the red to go down.
Interesting. Meanwhile, all the girlies on
Instagram are putting blush likeon their foreheads everywhere,
Caroline, everywhere that you could put blush on a face.
They're just, I think it's I think there's a name for it.
I don't know what it's called. And I think that Selena Gomez
started it. And I don't know if that's.

(01:02:16):
Selena Gomez. I'm blaming her, and I don't
think I can really blame her. But you mean Sabrina Carpenter?
Maybe her? OK, because I know Sabrina
Carpenter, I feel like popularized blush blindness.
Oh, did she? OK, then maybe that's it.
Well. I don't know if I don't, you
know, I don't know anything about.

(01:02:37):
What's happening? No, I think I thought Selena
Gomez because she has a makeup line and people really like.
The no it could be. Her makeup.
Line. I don't know.
I don't know. It's a combination of the two of
them. They're putting it everywhere in
them. I don't it's their.
Fault, you know, I don't hate it.
I don't hate it. It's cute, I'm just wondering
why am I the only one who's red in the face?

(01:02:57):
I never think of you as. Red I never think.
Of you as red. That's because I'm putting,
because I'm diluting it as opposed to you said you're.
Not wearing anything right now. You look perfectly olive.
Thank you, I think I look red. OK, I validate you.
You look red. Thank.
You OK? So you I just have complaints
about it, I guess I just don't. I just think, I just think we

(01:03:22):
should all be real with our redness.
I think what they do is they putfoundation on and then they put
the blush back on on top of that.
For sure they do. And I'm like, I'm already, I
already look like that. Yeah, it's good.
It's funny. Everybody not already look like
trying to look? Yeah.
The way that you put makeup on to put color back on your face.

(01:03:42):
It's like how when you go to thebeach and you're not wearing
makeup and you don't do your hair, it's like the best you've
ever looked. Yeah.
I think that's why you think I look good right now 'cause I'm
at the beach. Oh, you are at the beach.
You. Do look good right now.
So that's why, yeah, you look, Ihave like a little more color to
my face, which I feel better about.
It was funny I'm when I was trying on wedding dresses the

(01:04:06):
stylist was like sorry so many of these are stained with spray
tan. I was like that's disgusting.
Why are we all getting brown? Why are we all putting on brown
face to get? Me a guts.
And then it's rubbing off on ourdresses.
I was just like, that's. Gross and also I love self tan
and I'll always do it especiallyat my wedding.

(01:04:27):
I'm trying to just accept that I'm pale unless I let myself get
sun damage. You get really dark though when
you're in. The sun I'm I get super dark and
then the rest of the year I still feel dark, but then I see
a photo and I'm like no, that's very regular white.
And that's how I feel, but I feel it's unnatural, like Ryan

(01:04:48):
says that I lied to him about myskin tone for a long time
because I definitely self tanned.
Oh my God, that's funny. I definitely self tanned for a
while. That's.
Funny. Our relationship.
Was that a hard? Transition confident, I think
so. I feel more confident in my
body. He.
Didn't know he was with the sortof white girl.
Yeah, he didn't know. He was like, oh, she's ethnic

(01:05:09):
enough. Like this is fine and I am in my
DNA but I get pretty white in the winter.
Like my skin is still but I don't think it's natural.
Can I tell you something? My ancestors are from the Middle
East. It is natural.
It is natural if that's what happens to you when you're just
when you do nothing, then it is natural when I'm just inside.

(01:05:30):
Can I tell you something? I know, I know how much you like
looking darker. Why?
What are you going to expose right now?
I mean, I say. It I don't know if we'll put
this on air or not. You can tell me if this is
acceptable. I know how much you value.
You value having darker skin than me even though we have the

(01:05:50):
same color skin. Than you.
Yeah. And so sometimes when I'm
editing our thumbnails, I will edit your skin darker because I
know you because I know you wantthe tan and I know you like
because in a lot of our thumbnail, in our a lot of our
thumbnail images, the lights from like the camera studio
lighting does blow us out to look the same color.

(01:06:12):
And I know that's not how you feel internally.
So sometimes I make you darker because I know that what is what
makes you happy. We can leave this in.
That is the nicest thing you could ever do for me.
I I I have no shame about. That I will have I just.
Feel incredibly seen. Have to post a photo.
I feel incredibly so we. Can only share that if it if

(01:06:34):
I've appropriately articulated that this is because I know
that's your love language. Is that you?
Want it is my love language. Is that you want to feel brown
so sometimes. I want to feel brown.
I don't I edit you brown, but I want to feel.
Photoshop you to be darker than me, even when you're not.
My God, yeah, I really do like Ilove generating cuz.

(01:06:55):
If you look in some of our if you look in it's just like the
shadows and stuff in some of ourbrand photos like our iconic
ones. Yeah yeah that we did with Rima
Desai. We were both really pale there
and I think you don't look cuz we.
Did that in like yeah in the fall it was not tan time let.
Me see if I can pull up one of these.

(01:07:17):
And then she also when she yeah,when she edited the photos,
Jessica, when she edited the photos, we did notice that she
lightened she like added brightness.
So we both look like Victorian ghost children.
Which is not either of us. We both, we actually have very
similar skin tones, like all of the yeah skin tone.

(01:07:38):
And then we both get tan when we're in the sun.
So sometimes I give you a tan. But you know that it like is an
identity. I know it is I.
Know the way that it's not I know to everyone.
I love you. Thank you.
I love you too. OK, wait, I was going to say
something all about blush. Yeah, I I giggle to myself every
time. OK, so but that really is like

(01:07:58):
just my small little sweetness to you.
OK, blush. Can I?
This annoys me with blush trends, how we've gone through
this long trend with blushes andI think we are coming out of it
where every makeup artist and everyone on Instagram says
you're supposed to put blush waythe fuck back here.
It's almost like in your hairline.
And I'm like, that's not even where my cheek is.

(01:08:21):
And they're like, you're not supposed to put it on the apple,
blah, blah blah. But then at the same time,
people say you're supposed to put blush where your face gets
naturally red when you work out,when you naturally flush.
And when I naturally and when I work out and I naturally flush,
I flush here on the apple. I don't flush back here where my
forehead meets my ear. I don't flush there.

(01:08:43):
But that's the trend of this like high and lifted snatched
blush. But like it, I don't think it
looks good on me. It just makes me look weird and
I don't and I that's annoying. Spans the face.
Yeah, but. That's the thing people need to
think about what their face shape is.
If you're placing blush or bronzer, whatever color on your
face, and you're the further away from the middle of your

(01:09:05):
face that you're putting it, it makes the middle of your face
look wider because the middle ofyour face stays.
Light. And the colors on the sides
which? I get I think it works if you
have a very modely like flat face, but I have like deep set
eyes and like a lot of points onme, you know, as opposed to that

(01:09:27):
like moon, moon faced look. That's what every model looks
like now. I feel like if you have like
flatter, like a nose that's flatter to your face and eyes
that are flatter to your cheeks,that's like more idolized right
now. And then I think it helps lift
you. But if you're already a bunch of
like craters and rocks and mountains, I don't think it

(01:09:47):
makes me look wider. Think it just makes me look like
the blushes in my ear. I believe that.
I totally believe that. I put thank you, my bronzer and
blush pretty much on top of eachother.
The way I do it is I just think about where does the sun hit me?
Smart. And I put the color there.
So it's like pretty much, I don't know, like all the way.

(01:10:10):
You got it, makeup. Yeah, you know.
Do my makeup for me one time. Oh my God, I love it more than
anything I. Would love it.
OK, we'll do that. We'll do that next time I see
you. I don't know.
I think I don't. I, I complained about the blush
trend, but I'm not participatingin the blush trend because I

(01:10:30):
know that for my skin tone and my face and whatever, that's not
what's gonna work. Like, I don't really change the
way. Once I figured out the way to do
my makeup for my face, I stoppedchanging anything.
You know, it's like trends can come and go, but my face is my
face. And placing makeup in certain
places for this face is just what works.

(01:10:51):
And once I figured it out, I stop.
I stop trying to, like, reinventthe wheel.
It's not worth it. Yeah.
And it will just take more time.It's like, I know my routine.
I can do it really fast. I know it works for my face.
That's it. I like that.
I like that by you. Thank you.
You always look good. Thank you.
Thank you. Welcome so much.
OK, check it out. Bye, bye.

(01:11:12):
We done, we done, we done. This has been not for everyone.
Come find us on Instagram at notthe number 4 everyone pod.
That is what I would like for you to do.
Send this episode to a friend who wears too much blush or
something. Maybe that's maybe that's
they'll figure it out if they get to the end and they hear me
say this and then they'll know that that's why you sent it to

(01:11:33):
them and that's for you to deal with.
OK. So I'm not too anxious about my
loose skin anymore. I used to be super
self-conscious about my appearance in all facets,
whether that be how people heardme speak, what my face look

(01:11:57):
like, what I look like with a shirt on or off.
But last year I kind of had thismoment where I realized that
I've been putting in all this effort to change my lifestyle to
treat myself better, but I'm still not letting myself enjoy
any of the things that have comefrom it.
So I gave myself a lot of perspective with that.
So yes, it was difficult and no,it was not easy.

(01:12:18):
But it's been with a lot of focused effort over a long time
that I've been able to become a lot more comfortable in my own
skin, literally and figuratively.

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