June 20, 2024 • 34 mins
In this episode, we dive into the complex and often misunderstood topic of fatherhood and parenting. The history of the Black Father has been distorted and we're here to challenge that narrative. One thing we know for sure is that there's still time to course correct. We will discuss the good and the bad of fatherhood, with a focus on being better communicators and making sure we're always present in our children's lives. No more excuses, let's get to the real talk.
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Episode Transcript
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(00:00):
What's going on it's your boy Duane Burino from Notch's Music Podcast. Thank
(00:03):
you for joining us another week. Let's go. What's going on everybody it's your
boy Duane Burino from Notch's Music Podcast. Got Quincy Murdock in the
building as always. Hopefully you get people are doing well. But first off
what's up with you bro? How's everything? Everything is everything.
Back. Blessings. Blessings to you brother. Anything new? Anything going down? Wanna announce?
(00:29):
Quincy Murdock the movie man. People ain't seen it. Y'all check it out. Get more into
the filming industry. I'm looking for actors. Not just necessarily just for one
venture. Just many ventures that we plan on doing. Just film, filming, content
regardless. Even just not just music podcast. Some of the ideas we had we
(00:50):
need actors. We need you know what I'm saying people that's doing amazing
things. Any gift you have we looking for you. You know me personally the wine. Not
just music podcast as a whole. Brain get you know what I'm saying. Just wanna throw
that in there. If you have anything and if you know of anybody. If you have great
aunt, great great uncle, daddy, granddaddy, mama that's still alive that
(01:15):
understands history. That knows something that's very pinnacle that went on in time
and of the past. Please please please please please please pass it on. Not for
the case of saying we're just trying to spotlight but for the most points that
as I've been saying educate educate educate. That's what we need. We need education.
(01:39):
I think we've made a valid point of that man. We ain't here for the club. We here
it's just been me and you pushing this. Giving them the knowledge and trying to
give them educate. So I think we made a clear statement on that man. That's never
for cloud. Just because we generally love to do and care about what we're talking
about and topic. So most of our people that we are connecting with now are of a
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very very very very big black influence to an area. As far as what I want to be
very direct about in this episode is the black father more than anything. As
history would say the black father is going downhill mainly due to the sake of
(02:42):
maybe lack of father maybe lack of parenting maybe lack of education maybe
there are many things that could follow to considerably mess up and derail the
black father. They're different educational values within this all though.
(03:07):
Every person has something different in them considerably that can considerably
boost them into saying or boost them to the next level of being a great father.
One reason one of those options being listening. One thing we fail it especially
(03:33):
coming along in history in time we do not listen to good valuable help. Mama told
you don't do it mama told you. It could come down to the it could come down to
the smallest thing to you think about it and it's not even it's not even you're
absolutely right and jokingly it's okay. It's sad you think about it.
(03:58):
There's pinnacle moments in time where somebody a parent told you not to do
something. Put your arm on that stove you don't get burnt and you take take a
grown-up now a days again that comes from a child adolescent into being a
grown-up you still do share some of those like qualities that being hard hit
(04:19):
because it's hard to change when once they get older once you get older it's
hard to you're stuck and again it's almost it's almost like a addiction to
something they're addicted to whatever that they was that was or that was going
on and that's deadly now keep doing it like you say now you bring a father into
this situation right now it kills me every time with fathers nowadays you know
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I'm gonna be nice but I'm gonna be direct be direct now if you feel that
fatherhood was supposed to be easy you have another thing come it was never
supposed to be easy motherhood is not easy parenting is not easy so Q said I
(05:08):
Q I said one Q said one then I brought it in together for the last one
parenting is not easy so look at what we do is black people and then I take I'm
going on this line because the case of how the black community and blacks looked
into making sure and I'm speaking from the father role the fathers were very
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pinnacle to a lot of families in these slave and maybe considered before the
slave era too but during the slave era it really became a big thing for a to be
a black man and also to be a black father you think about it right
(05:52):
think about teaching your son in that era versus now right what do you feel the
moral or the morality of that time was versus so let's not yeah good I'm
gonna say that I think also the the respect the black man has for his
(06:16):
mother which majority black men is black woman is how he's gonna treat his kids I
think into the end of the day what I think is a lot of black men have hate
towards the black woman now that they take it out on the kids you know and
history has hurt that I think you know and we got to be accountable too but I
(06:42):
think you know the togetherness is not as strong as it was back then on the
correction like we talked about in previous episodes people scared to
correct bad behavior or if he's a bad father they don't want to correct it and
once you don't correct it and you let them be in a ways it's toxic ain't
nothing you can do about it is because it's saying with a woman like you know
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if you don't correct people if you don't correct their behavior they're just
gonna feel like they're right they're not doing nothing wrong you know I'm
saying and at the end of the day without correction nothing is solved nothing
is fixed no progress is made that's why I feel as you just said progress what do
you feel could help progress and I'm not even saying this is saying this is cute
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it is not saying a right or wrong thing this is for like saying the the things
that you the qualities that you teach your son right you want me to tell you I
think we need to communicate better I think we need to communicate better we
need to start getting at the tables again and and okay this is what hurt me
this is what I don't like that you do and then everybody speak their mind
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like the old modern times we see that the table like I remember a soulful he
said you know it was it was more than just coming to Big Mama house and eating
we got to sit at the table and communicate and share our stories and
just talk about life and you know and unite and that's what I think is missing
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now is we don't want to hear each other out you know we so quick to feel like
we're the victim or we're being victimized and we don't want to see the
other person side and might what we might be doing wrong so I think we need
to communicate better you know I'm saying and show weakness when it's when
it's needed me and say sorry yeah when it's needed yeah you know I'm saying on
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both ends and that will heal a lot of generational curses generational things
or heat that people have towards people like it would help and most likely and
most definitely it would help the kids because kids feed off this energy kids
feed off everything so kids sense when something ain't right so kids sense when
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things are right everything is good so communication
bro communication is definitely my main one and I speak on that because I see
how communication messed up the whole lifestyle of the black man once the
black man black male black males became in a position I don't know how it got to
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the position where we felt as if and we shouldn't be able to communicate or be
able to talk or to be able to express right I hate the feeling or even the
thought of making a man or woman pated to feel as if and they should have a
space to be able to say anything and it pushes the black man more away in the
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sense because the black man I ended up just shutting down and that's the
crazy that's the part I hate you see even just riding around you ride through
these you know these poverty-stricken areas areas you see a lot of black
people I'll most of them most are black males are heavy and in sense and we got
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to get on our game because like this is how this is like we talk about the system
and stuff like that see this is what you got you got the black woman you know
when she needs help who did she run to most times she runs to the government
sometimes she runs to the white man she she has a place you know she's doing
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most most parents women are doing what benefits their kids and putting them in
the right position and then you have some that abuse the system but as you told
me and some people they use it the right way so then what the man will do is he
sees that as an opportunity instead of getting his own he wants to go and live
and shack up with this woman and a house that she ain't even worked for that the
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government gave her so with like from the top to the bottom it's not teaching
value it's not teaching anything it's not teaching no
independence you know I'm saying I know lesson in between that so like all this
goes together into like the man black man's behavior I feel all this trickles
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all these things matter and that's why I want to bring them out and talk about
them because everything takes a part in why a man feels the way he feels and
does the things he does you know I'm saying I'm I'm disturbed at a lot of the
stuff that some people feel is if in like oh this is the right thing to do as a
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as a human being period and the best thing to do is I'm gonna just not tell
anybody what I'm going through I hate that I seen some rappers be like I don't
need rehab do I don't need rehab you know I'm saying I ain't thought about it
man like bro you know you hurt man so how you cope with it you know I'm saying
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like you know smoking weed and drinking ain't coping with it ain't fixing
fix that you know I'm saying like me going for women or women my past story
I'm gonna talk about somebody talk about me going to women and women wasn't
fixing my unhappiness you know I'm saying trying to find love in women like
like that that wasn't fixing anything I had to come to conclusions and face my
(12:11):
battles you know I'm saying head-on so it's about accepting and being
accountable you know for what's not making you figure out what's not making
you happy or what's not making you be the best man a person or fighter you can
be and then it all a click it'll work I think I think one thing this is one
thing too for me and this is as a as a black father to and even going is in
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history looking back in history on things like each situation is different
each situation is different so with that that's the first thing I'm gonna look
at but the main source to all of it is a stable mind if your mind isn't stable
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as a as a black man and especially as a black father right and happy father's
day to all that are paying attention let me say that because this is the
father's day slightly it's for father's day special but of course I'm
speaking on history and things of that nature along with it correct but it's a
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lot of it's a lot of the black fathers that end up in these positions because
the case of they just there won't break that cycle of communication because
sometimes the easiest thing to say is I messed up or I did wrong or you know it's
hard for it's hard for the black men to actually say that and it be genuinely
(13:41):
meant as goodwill right but those that do speak on it communicated
apologize and go about trying to do better those are the ones you can you
can tell you definitely can tell when it's when his effort being put out in
(14:03):
energy that's being put out that not only you the father can understand but
the child can understand it me as a father I have twin girls that are who
have autism or those want to consider it on the spectrum but can considerably it
is autism a lot of parents in my area of being a father I'm speaking my area
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meaning of those who are you know rockin yeah yeah in my area you rarely see
black fathers who are quote-unquote there active in active in their children's
lives not even just not even just saying just children or not me not even
(14:53):
just speaking of kids that have special needs or autism or anything that falls
along the disability lines right period right now one thing that I've noticed is
in my position of being a father is one of the biggest barriers to break with
kids who are on the spectrum is talking the English language you know my daughter
(15:20):
my oldest daughter my oldest child period my oldest child she hasn't spoken
the word in about to be 15 years this year for only thing that she's ever done
is communicated openly in the nature of via hand gestures and sound and that
helps show a sense of it recognizes and it raised everything when it came to me
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and when it came to being aware so with that it taught me me period first off as
a father I need to do more to communicate as a man period meaning if she can
express and that's God testing that's God I think everything happens for a
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reason to like that's God testing you and made you into a better man and it taught
me it taught me you know I'm saying you had to be you had to be more hands-on so
it demanded your attention you know I'm saying so things that we don't look at
we look at is you know something is there to hurt us it helped us and it's a
(16:28):
blessing behind it I look at those and I looked at those times and thought about
those people back in those times where you know you have a kid that's openly
trying to understand life right trying to understand what's the next move where
to go to next you know those parents that I feel now are are in a bad position
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they feel as if and they can't tell tell their child anything or express anything
to their child right the only reason I feel that way is because they feel ashamed
we go back to talking about being ashamed now if anybody says that to their
selves you are already putting yourself in a bad you starting off in the wrong
position you have to communicate with yourself in a very positive way firstly
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I looked at a lot of those a lot of these old videos and you know of these of
these people of the past and you know going back to the 1800s and stuff like
that in the early 1900s these people would be out in the fields and cotton
fields and stuff like that they'd be working all day long but one thing that
they wouldn't change is their mentality and their head space that they were in
they always kept a positive mindset and they always show their children the
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correct mindset to have when it came to growth that's like my grandpa bro you
explain my grandpa man I hate to put my grandfather but he's a father you know
I'm saying but was he the best husband probably not but one thing I can't say
he took care of them girls he took care of my mom he took care of my you know
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I'm saying he works so don't matter and that's what I'm trying to get into this
black you know generation of fathers like it don't matter what you got going on
outside it don't matter if you out here screwing Sue and Sally and and this and
that it don't matter if you smoking choking don't ask you drinking whatever
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have you only your life but always be there for them babies that's what my
grandpa always did he was always there and that's what kids remember don't
never miss no graduation don't never miss no event don't never miss no don't
matter if even if you and the child mother ain't getting the loan she can't
stand you don't never I just attended my daughter's dance recital and it made me
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so happy like you know and to see her first one like you know just just being
there so I wouldn't miss those things in the world so that's how I take you that's
how I feel as a father even though her whole family was there and I was like you
know people like what you gonna do with they all come I'm there to see my daughter
man you know I'm saying so that's the thing never get distracted off being
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dead finding no saying mm-hmm that's the part of them I'm concerned too far as
like when it comes to moving forward into the next phase of life like just as
if in I said these men had to go deal with cotton fields and beyond cotton
fields all day long and still found some right still found time to be a father
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like this ain't even working nowadays I got all the time in the world and can't
even be a father for five minutes bro 30 so ain't working you ain't doing
nothing you ain't you you don't even got a you know spend time with them in the
house you live in the same house that the mama is staying in eating the baby
snacks now that can't even raise kids and every time I'm definitely be changed
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you looking for the mama to change and then that comes along with great it
comes with baby and not correct and like I said before we have baby the black
man was great understanding that was not educated the correct way right and
that's the parts again where we're still trying to get us black people the black
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community needs to absorb some good energy for these black fathers to live
by and live off of good I won't say this too don't look at what the black woman
is doing wrong also don't look at what the black woman is doing wrong just
fix what you can fix in you mm-hmm just cuz she's a bad mother my mama always
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tell me this just because she's a bad mother she does this or she do that
don't mean you have to do that question exactly just cuz she feel that certain
way don't mean you have to feel that certain way that should not stop you
from seeing your kids Quincy that should not stop you from being a father
Quincy me and your daddy didn't get along but did it stop me from being a
mama that's what my mama she give me that lecture so you look at it that way
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it's some women is in the same position as you you know I'm saying some black
man out there the father was trifling you know left the kid with the mom then you
know I'm saying so don't play victim correct what you can correct within you
that go for women don't play victim don't worry about what the man doing if
you see a father not still stand on your business and that's why a lot of them do
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you know they still stand on that business and they gonna raise them
babies that's how the mentality got to be with the fathers too and this is
another thing to to add to that be again be your best stop giving your half
stop giving that quarter stop giving that 10 give your all to being a father
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that's simply what I'm trying to say you know nobody nobody is gonna be perfect
but if nothing else you go out fighting for your child as hard as you can to make
sure that they are growing and being educated in the correct manner that is
very important stop looking at your past stop looking at everybody's past you
might need that same child in the future thank you take care and you know nothing
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once you overlook and didn't think nothing of you might need them you know
to wipe your behind one day you can't move that's the part what I feel a lot
of parents don't realize sometimes it may not even be the case of that your
child me might even have to swing back around and help you but just to have
(22:37):
that child in the mentality of their mama or my daddy was there right but
more so for us black fathers and the father is there my conscious eats me
not a thing of your in your kids like I can't show up I can't show up to a
special event and I know I wasn't even there to see the practices of the
(23:00):
process yeah that's like what life like if I wasn't there at them stages them
ages or what not and I missed it why should I come I might as well not even
come when she went when she had he doing big you know saying like how what was
that movie with the basketball player when the dad got drafted yeah I can't
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know what ain't no way for brother this dude he was living in the projects his
mama was Angela Bassett yeah I'm tired people yeah okay mama living in the
projects and he balling with a dream and then you gonna show up at his draft day
you would never there you never even a dream or nothing I can't be one of them
fathers man my conscious will allow me to do that just because I just stay a
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child does not mean that you're or going to be respected as a father right what
makes you respected as a father Q said it about two times in this whole
podcast your time right where you at what you putting your time into I don't
care what you what you got going on if you ain't putting no time into going to
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make make it to your children's okay if you living in the household with them
tonight at least call them every day make it your make it your face your business
I'll be in your kids live it's no excuse like even it take one day out the week if
you can take a just stop being so selfish to something so they see you right
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seriously go pick them up school at least two or three times a week
tell you tell you baby mom or your wife look let me go pick them up me I'm type
father pick up my kids every day I've been picking up taking my kids and picking
my kids see you look sorry man tell it cuz we don't have the good and this is
the other have good so I don't throw them up so if the case of I go I take my
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kids to school and picking my kids up from school every single day I've been
doing that since they were bait was since as long as they've been going to
school correct the reason being is because I put it in myself that I was not
going to allow anybody to to anybody to ever dictate to me about the case of
being in my kids life and you still feel like it's your duty to still be an active
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father that says a lot you know cuz you have some fathers is not in their
child's life or baby mama's life or woman's life and feel like I don't want
to be in the kids life what would you say about that for some is is the case of
it's not the case of that you look at your fatherhood as you being a father
right don't allow what the mom your wife your spouse your girlfriend your baby
(25:39):
mama don't allow her yet don't allow her to make your decision for you or put
you in your child's life you put yourself in your child's life that's your
obligation to yourself firstly to me I'm gonna say that you should be your
first main obligation is your are your kids doing good do your kids see you not
(26:02):
did not I sent man I'm a nation my child's pool of pay forget that did you
go see your child cuz guess what you talking to me you let the child listen
I'm gonna be on it bro could listen cuz when I first became a father and my
younger stages and I was put on child support or what night I used to have
that my sit I like I paid my you got the courts involved I paid my share so why
(26:27):
you can't ask me for more mm-hmm but then I had thing about it if I call my
mom right now and she asked me for something personally she'll give it to
I asked her she would give it to me and I'm 32 years old so I had to stop
thinking of it is like I'm helping her and I'm helping my kids you know I'm
saying I'm not I'm there to help my kids you give what I'm saying and it's
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trying to stop trying to make it personal with her you know and that's and
I know a lot of the fathers that's what stopping them from doing for their kids
cuz I want I want to put that out there cuz you're you're taking it personal
with the mother and you thinking you know you're hurting a mother by not
giving her this or that but you're actually hurting your child your kids so
(27:11):
that you got a dip you know separate those thank you cuz I cuz they you
speaking for a person that went through that and I feel like it's important for
me to tell that side of me to help somebody else out there that's good
that's the topic is the topic of this whole situation is the communication
right you're communicating that's the only way people are gonna understand it
if they hear it right right that's communication and that's the part where
(27:35):
I say it like you just basically saying you said it first black men fail at the
part where when we're a father the communication of a father is very
important to that child right so I don't care again what mama says be in the
child's life if you're at a point where you're struggling to get in your child's
(27:58):
life do what you gotta do to get in your child's life I don't care if they are
12 13 14 get in their lives make a mark make a mark make a mark make a mark if
you don't make a mark is gonna leave you in a position like okay well leave the
child in a position like okay well I am I did it so I can I say that I'm
(28:19):
my edit and I do want to put this in there women allow that man to be a father
to his children because I personally know I personally know women that have
key I and this is personal I know a woman that had a kid with a guy and one of
the other guy that she's with to be the father and she will brainwash this kid
(28:41):
and tell this kid that this is the father knowing that's not the blood father
that this is the other and the father's mom has attempted to give talk to the
kid and she and she'll be like wishing to tell him to come back over here don't
talk to your grandma you have women like that too you have women like that too
(29:03):
that will brainwash a kid and that like I'm like man that's it is ugly to it's
deep that's a new child that's ugly that you would do a child it's deep that
now again now fathers let me make sense of that yeah make sense of that part you
can counteract that part of what's going on even if you are in a position where a
(29:28):
woman is putting you in a position to make you seem as if in like well I don't
want my child to have nothing to do with you there is a way to go about that if
you choose to go about it the correct way the correct way to go about it is the
system make sure that you stay in the case of I know you don't want to deal
with the system but if you want something to do with your child as I said be a
part of your child's life do what you have to do to be a part of the child's
(29:52):
life but my thing is I just want to get to a point where we ain't got to get that
ugly mm-hmm I pray for that peace I pray where we could just get along and just
cope here peace and tranquility yeah yeah I don't like getting the people
involved these kids you know I'm saying these kids deserve the best and I feel
that if again if a father can start from an early age please start from an early
(30:15):
age and make a mark on your child's life to wear your child is basically talking
about you in a good manner to wear a mama don't got to worry about nothing
right that's all it really comes down to don't make mama worry about nothing
right then don't let the child ever worry about anything you know take it take
as much advantage advantage of the things that the child needs not what the
(30:36):
child wants what the child needs not what he wants but again we be at it we
be doing it we be done again another episode on let me shout out my father
my dad pops on Theron Barino aka Chino I appreciate you sir I appreciate what
(31:01):
you've brought to the table as a father and what you continue to steal brand to
the table as a father it still continues to teach a 40 year old man how to do
things and to be a great communicator it's taught me so much so I appreciate
you for for always looking out and again I appreciate all the fathers that are
(31:22):
out there period I want to appreciate my grandpa for being that father figure in
my role and the reason why I say that is when nobody wanted to step up as a man
to be my father you stepped in that role so Larry Nelson Murdoch I love you you
know and even though we're not perfect you were there you know I'm saying you
showed that you care and you played a role that my own blood father didn't want
(31:47):
to play so I give kudos to you and people that in the same shoes or
not if you had that father fit maybe you didn't have your biological father but
if you had that man that stepped in and took it upon his duty to be that father
show him love today call him and wish him a happy father's day just like you
wish your biological father because blood don't make your father your actions
(32:09):
do and again if there's a child that needs me father and is not in the
position to have a father black men please be mindful to look out for each
child out here each child needs help if you see a part where help is needed
please grant that help and make the best of it because every child deserves a
(32:34):
winning father figure right so again we are not just music podcast make sure
y'all like in with us subscribe email of course like in with our emails because
in case of you don't want to miss anything you definitely want to be there
again we shout out to all the fathers we appreciate y'all for being who you are
and what you're doing and the great bounds that are being displayed we
(32:59):
appreciate it and again one last thing to black history this is again a thing
that we want to push for our black people in a whole as a whole but at the
same time black fathers remember there's a lot of history to look at when it came
to being a black man and a black father please be open to looking great as a
(33:24):
yeah please be open to looking for things that could inspire you to get
there of course we didn't get to get there all the way this this episode but
again I wanted to push more so the sake of communication and understanding what
father should be doing to make theirself better fathers again Duvall
Barino Quincy Murdoch in the building as always and we are out what's happening
(33:48):
was having this boy Quincy Murdoch courtesy a not just music podcast we
want to greatly greatly greatly thank you for tuning in to another episode y'all be
blessed
What's going on it's your boy Duane Burino from Notch's Music Podcast. Thank
(00:03):
you for joining us another week. Let's go. What's going on everybody it's your
boy Duane Burino from Notch's Music Podcast. Got Quincy Murdock in the
building as always. Hopefully you get people are doing well. But first off
what's up with you bro? How's everything? Everything is everything.
Back. Blessings. Blessings to you brother. Anything new? Anything going down? Wanna announce?
(00:29):
Quincy Murdock the movie man. People ain't seen it. Y'all check it out. Get more into
the filming industry. I'm looking for actors. Not just necessarily just for one
venture. Just many ventures that we plan on doing. Just film, filming, content
regardless. Even just not just music podcast. Some of the ideas we had we
(00:50):
need actors. We need you know what I'm saying people that's doing amazing
things. Any gift you have we looking for you. You know me personally the wine. Not
just music podcast as a whole. Brain get you know what I'm saying. Just wanna throw
that in there. If you have anything and if you know of anybody. If you have great
aunt, great great uncle, daddy, granddaddy, mama that's still alive that
(01:15):
understands history. That knows something that's very pinnacle that went on in time
and of the past. Please please please please please please pass it on. Not for
the case of saying we're just trying to spotlight but for the most points that
as I've been saying educate educate educate. That's what we need. We need education.
(01:39):
I think we've made a valid point of that man. We ain't here for the club. We here
it's just been me and you pushing this. Giving them the knowledge and trying to
give them educate. So I think we made a clear statement on that man. That's never
for cloud. Just because we generally love to do and care about what we're talking
about and topic. So most of our people that we are connecting with now are of a
(02:09):
very very very very big black influence to an area. As far as what I want to be
very direct about in this episode is the black father more than anything. As
history would say the black father is going downhill mainly due to the sake of
(02:42):
maybe lack of father maybe lack of parenting maybe lack of education maybe
there are many things that could follow to considerably mess up and derail the
black father. They're different educational values within this all though.
(03:07):
Every person has something different in them considerably that can considerably
boost them into saying or boost them to the next level of being a great father.
One reason one of those options being listening. One thing we fail it especially
(03:33):
coming along in history in time we do not listen to good valuable help. Mama told
you don't do it mama told you. It could come down to the it could come down to
the smallest thing to you think about it and it's not even it's not even you're
absolutely right and jokingly it's okay. It's sad you think about it.
(03:58):
There's pinnacle moments in time where somebody a parent told you not to do
something. Put your arm on that stove you don't get burnt and you take take a
grown-up now a days again that comes from a child adolescent into being a
grown-up you still do share some of those like qualities that being hard hit
(04:19):
because it's hard to change when once they get older once you get older it's
hard to you're stuck and again it's almost it's almost like a addiction to
something they're addicted to whatever that they was that was or that was going
on and that's deadly now keep doing it like you say now you bring a father into
this situation right now it kills me every time with fathers nowadays you know
(04:46):
I'm gonna be nice but I'm gonna be direct be direct now if you feel that
fatherhood was supposed to be easy you have another thing come it was never
supposed to be easy motherhood is not easy parenting is not easy so Q said I
(05:08):
Q I said one Q said one then I brought it in together for the last one
parenting is not easy so look at what we do is black people and then I take I'm
going on this line because the case of how the black community and blacks looked
into making sure and I'm speaking from the father role the fathers were very
(05:31):
pinnacle to a lot of families in these slave and maybe considered before the
slave era too but during the slave era it really became a big thing for a to be
a black man and also to be a black father you think about it right
(05:52):
think about teaching your son in that era versus now right what do you feel the
moral or the morality of that time was versus so let's not yeah good I'm
gonna say that I think also the the respect the black man has for his
(06:16):
mother which majority black men is black woman is how he's gonna treat his kids I
think into the end of the day what I think is a lot of black men have hate
towards the black woman now that they take it out on the kids you know and
history has hurt that I think you know and we got to be accountable too but I
(06:42):
think you know the togetherness is not as strong as it was back then on the
correction like we talked about in previous episodes people scared to
correct bad behavior or if he's a bad father they don't want to correct it and
once you don't correct it and you let them be in a ways it's toxic ain't
nothing you can do about it is because it's saying with a woman like you know
(07:06):
if you don't correct people if you don't correct their behavior they're just
gonna feel like they're right they're not doing nothing wrong you know I'm
saying and at the end of the day without correction nothing is solved nothing
is fixed no progress is made that's why I feel as you just said progress what do
you feel could help progress and I'm not even saying this is saying this is cute
(07:30):
it is not saying a right or wrong thing this is for like saying the the things
that you the qualities that you teach your son right you want me to tell you I
think we need to communicate better I think we need to communicate better we
need to start getting at the tables again and and okay this is what hurt me
this is what I don't like that you do and then everybody speak their mind
(07:54):
like the old modern times we see that the table like I remember a soulful he
said you know it was it was more than just coming to Big Mama house and eating
we got to sit at the table and communicate and share our stories and
just talk about life and you know and unite and that's what I think is missing
(08:14):
now is we don't want to hear each other out you know we so quick to feel like
we're the victim or we're being victimized and we don't want to see the
other person side and might what we might be doing wrong so I think we need
to communicate better you know I'm saying and show weakness when it's when
it's needed me and say sorry yeah when it's needed yeah you know I'm saying on
(08:35):
both ends and that will heal a lot of generational curses generational things
or heat that people have towards people like it would help and most likely and
most definitely it would help the kids because kids feed off this energy kids
feed off everything so kids sense when something ain't right so kids sense when
(08:57):
things are right everything is good so communication
bro communication is definitely my main one and I speak on that because I see
how communication messed up the whole lifestyle of the black man once the
black man black male black males became in a position I don't know how it got to
(09:19):
the position where we felt as if and we shouldn't be able to communicate or be
able to talk or to be able to express right I hate the feeling or even the
thought of making a man or woman pated to feel as if and they should have a
space to be able to say anything and it pushes the black man more away in the
(09:40):
sense because the black man I ended up just shutting down and that's the
crazy that's the part I hate you see even just riding around you ride through
these you know these poverty-stricken areas areas you see a lot of black
people I'll most of them most are black males are heavy and in sense and we got
(10:03):
to get on our game because like this is how this is like we talk about the system
and stuff like that see this is what you got you got the black woman you know
when she needs help who did she run to most times she runs to the government
sometimes she runs to the white man she she has a place you know she's doing
(10:25):
most most parents women are doing what benefits their kids and putting them in
the right position and then you have some that abuse the system but as you told
me and some people they use it the right way so then what the man will do is he
sees that as an opportunity instead of getting his own he wants to go and live
and shack up with this woman and a house that she ain't even worked for that the
(10:48):
government gave her so with like from the top to the bottom it's not teaching
value it's not teaching anything it's not teaching no
independence you know I'm saying I know lesson in between that so like all this
goes together into like the man black man's behavior I feel all this trickles
(11:08):
all these things matter and that's why I want to bring them out and talk about
them because everything takes a part in why a man feels the way he feels and
does the things he does you know I'm saying I'm I'm disturbed at a lot of the
stuff that some people feel is if in like oh this is the right thing to do as a
(11:29):
as a human being period and the best thing to do is I'm gonna just not tell
anybody what I'm going through I hate that I seen some rappers be like I don't
need rehab do I don't need rehab you know I'm saying I ain't thought about it
man like bro you know you hurt man so how you cope with it you know I'm saying
(11:50):
like you know smoking weed and drinking ain't coping with it ain't fixing
fix that you know I'm saying like me going for women or women my past story
I'm gonna talk about somebody talk about me going to women and women wasn't
fixing my unhappiness you know I'm saying trying to find love in women like
like that that wasn't fixing anything I had to come to conclusions and face my
(12:11):
battles you know I'm saying head-on so it's about accepting and being
accountable you know for what's not making you figure out what's not making
you happy or what's not making you be the best man a person or fighter you can
be and then it all a click it'll work I think I think one thing this is one
thing too for me and this is as a as a black father to and even going is in
(12:34):
history looking back in history on things like each situation is different
each situation is different so with that that's the first thing I'm gonna look
at but the main source to all of it is a stable mind if your mind isn't stable
(12:56):
as a as a black man and especially as a black father right and happy father's
day to all that are paying attention let me say that because this is the
father's day slightly it's for father's day special but of course I'm
speaking on history and things of that nature along with it correct but it's a
(13:16):
lot of it's a lot of the black fathers that end up in these positions because
the case of they just there won't break that cycle of communication because
sometimes the easiest thing to say is I messed up or I did wrong or you know it's
hard for it's hard for the black men to actually say that and it be genuinely
(13:41):
meant as goodwill right but those that do speak on it communicated
apologize and go about trying to do better those are the ones you can you
can tell you definitely can tell when it's when his effort being put out in
(14:03):
energy that's being put out that not only you the father can understand but
the child can understand it me as a father I have twin girls that are who
have autism or those want to consider it on the spectrum but can considerably it
is autism a lot of parents in my area of being a father I'm speaking my area
(14:32):
meaning of those who are you know rockin yeah yeah in my area you rarely see
black fathers who are quote-unquote there active in active in their children's
lives not even just not even just saying just children or not me not even
(14:53):
just speaking of kids that have special needs or autism or anything that falls
along the disability lines right period right now one thing that I've noticed is
in my position of being a father is one of the biggest barriers to break with
kids who are on the spectrum is talking the English language you know my daughter
(15:20):
my oldest daughter my oldest child period my oldest child she hasn't spoken
the word in about to be 15 years this year for only thing that she's ever done
is communicated openly in the nature of via hand gestures and sound and that
helps show a sense of it recognizes and it raised everything when it came to me
(15:47):
and when it came to being aware so with that it taught me me period first off as
a father I need to do more to communicate as a man period meaning if she can
express and that's God testing that's God I think everything happens for a
(16:08):
reason to like that's God testing you and made you into a better man and it taught
me it taught me you know I'm saying you had to be you had to be more hands-on so
it demanded your attention you know I'm saying so things that we don't look at
we look at is you know something is there to hurt us it helped us and it's a
(16:28):
blessing behind it I look at those and I looked at those times and thought about
those people back in those times where you know you have a kid that's openly
trying to understand life right trying to understand what's the next move where
to go to next you know those parents that I feel now are are in a bad position
(16:50):
they feel as if and they can't tell tell their child anything or express anything
to their child right the only reason I feel that way is because they feel ashamed
we go back to talking about being ashamed now if anybody says that to their
selves you are already putting yourself in a bad you starting off in the wrong
position you have to communicate with yourself in a very positive way firstly
(17:12):
I looked at a lot of those a lot of these old videos and you know of these of
these people of the past and you know going back to the 1800s and stuff like
that in the early 1900s these people would be out in the fields and cotton
fields and stuff like that they'd be working all day long but one thing that
they wouldn't change is their mentality and their head space that they were in
they always kept a positive mindset and they always show their children the
(17:36):
correct mindset to have when it came to growth that's like my grandpa bro you
explain my grandpa man I hate to put my grandfather but he's a father you know
I'm saying but was he the best husband probably not but one thing I can't say
he took care of them girls he took care of my mom he took care of my you know
(17:58):
I'm saying he works so don't matter and that's what I'm trying to get into this
black you know generation of fathers like it don't matter what you got going on
outside it don't matter if you out here screwing Sue and Sally and and this and
that it don't matter if you smoking choking don't ask you drinking whatever
(18:22):
have you only your life but always be there for them babies that's what my
grandpa always did he was always there and that's what kids remember don't
never miss no graduation don't never miss no event don't never miss no don't
matter if even if you and the child mother ain't getting the loan she can't
stand you don't never I just attended my daughter's dance recital and it made me
(18:45):
so happy like you know and to see her first one like you know just just being
there so I wouldn't miss those things in the world so that's how I take you that's
how I feel as a father even though her whole family was there and I was like you
know people like what you gonna do with they all come I'm there to see my daughter
man you know I'm saying so that's the thing never get distracted off being
(19:09):
dead finding no saying mm-hmm that's the part of them I'm concerned too far as
like when it comes to moving forward into the next phase of life like just as
if in I said these men had to go deal with cotton fields and beyond cotton
fields all day long and still found some right still found time to be a father
(19:35):
like this ain't even working nowadays I got all the time in the world and can't
even be a father for five minutes bro 30 so ain't working you ain't doing
nothing you ain't you you don't even got a you know spend time with them in the
house you live in the same house that the mama is staying in eating the baby
snacks now that can't even raise kids and every time I'm definitely be changed
(19:58):
you looking for the mama to change and then that comes along with great it
comes with baby and not correct and like I said before we have baby the black
man was great understanding that was not educated the correct way right and
that's the parts again where we're still trying to get us black people the black
(20:19):
community needs to absorb some good energy for these black fathers to live
by and live off of good I won't say this too don't look at what the black woman
is doing wrong also don't look at what the black woman is doing wrong just
fix what you can fix in you mm-hmm just cuz she's a bad mother my mama always
(20:42):
tell me this just because she's a bad mother she does this or she do that
don't mean you have to do that question exactly just cuz she feel that certain
way don't mean you have to feel that certain way that should not stop you
from seeing your kids Quincy that should not stop you from being a father
Quincy me and your daddy didn't get along but did it stop me from being a
mama that's what my mama she give me that lecture so you look at it that way
(21:05):
it's some women is in the same position as you you know I'm saying some black
man out there the father was trifling you know left the kid with the mom then you
know I'm saying so don't play victim correct what you can correct within you
that go for women don't play victim don't worry about what the man doing if
you see a father not still stand on your business and that's why a lot of them do
(21:27):
you know they still stand on that business and they gonna raise them
babies that's how the mentality got to be with the fathers too and this is
another thing to to add to that be again be your best stop giving your half
stop giving that quarter stop giving that 10 give your all to being a father
(21:52):
that's simply what I'm trying to say you know nobody nobody is gonna be perfect
but if nothing else you go out fighting for your child as hard as you can to make
sure that they are growing and being educated in the correct manner that is
very important stop looking at your past stop looking at everybody's past you
might need that same child in the future thank you take care and you know nothing
(22:16):
once you overlook and didn't think nothing of you might need them you know
to wipe your behind one day you can't move that's the part what I feel a lot
of parents don't realize sometimes it may not even be the case of that your
child me might even have to swing back around and help you but just to have
(22:37):
that child in the mentality of their mama or my daddy was there right but
more so for us black fathers and the father is there my conscious eats me
not a thing of your in your kids like I can't show up I can't show up to a
special event and I know I wasn't even there to see the practices of the
(23:00):
process yeah that's like what life like if I wasn't there at them stages them
ages or what not and I missed it why should I come I might as well not even
come when she went when she had he doing big you know saying like how what was
that movie with the basketball player when the dad got drafted yeah I can't
(23:21):
know what ain't no way for brother this dude he was living in the projects his
mama was Angela Bassett yeah I'm tired people yeah okay mama living in the
projects and he balling with a dream and then you gonna show up at his draft day
you would never there you never even a dream or nothing I can't be one of them
fathers man my conscious will allow me to do that just because I just stay a
(23:44):
child does not mean that you're or going to be respected as a father right what
makes you respected as a father Q said it about two times in this whole
podcast your time right where you at what you putting your time into I don't
care what you what you got going on if you ain't putting no time into going to
(24:04):
make make it to your children's okay if you living in the household with them
tonight at least call them every day make it your make it your face your business
I'll be in your kids live it's no excuse like even it take one day out the week if
you can take a just stop being so selfish to something so they see you right
(24:28):
seriously go pick them up school at least two or three times a week
tell you tell you baby mom or your wife look let me go pick them up me I'm type
father pick up my kids every day I've been picking up taking my kids and picking
my kids see you look sorry man tell it cuz we don't have the good and this is
the other have good so I don't throw them up so if the case of I go I take my
(24:51):
kids to school and picking my kids up from school every single day I've been
doing that since they were bait was since as long as they've been going to
school correct the reason being is because I put it in myself that I was not
going to allow anybody to to anybody to ever dictate to me about the case of
being in my kids life and you still feel like it's your duty to still be an active
(25:14):
father that says a lot you know cuz you have some fathers is not in their
child's life or baby mama's life or woman's life and feel like I don't want
to be in the kids life what would you say about that for some is is the case of
it's not the case of that you look at your fatherhood as you being a father
right don't allow what the mom your wife your spouse your girlfriend your baby
(25:39):
mama don't allow her yet don't allow her to make your decision for you or put
you in your child's life you put yourself in your child's life that's your
obligation to yourself firstly to me I'm gonna say that you should be your
first main obligation is your are your kids doing good do your kids see you not
(26:02):
did not I sent man I'm a nation my child's pool of pay forget that did you
go see your child cuz guess what you talking to me you let the child listen
I'm gonna be on it bro could listen cuz when I first became a father and my
younger stages and I was put on child support or what night I used to have
that my sit I like I paid my you got the courts involved I paid my share so why
(26:27):
you can't ask me for more mm-hmm but then I had thing about it if I call my
mom right now and she asked me for something personally she'll give it to
I asked her she would give it to me and I'm 32 years old so I had to stop
thinking of it is like I'm helping her and I'm helping my kids you know I'm
saying I'm not I'm there to help my kids you give what I'm saying and it's
(26:50):
trying to stop trying to make it personal with her you know and that's and
I know a lot of the fathers that's what stopping them from doing for their kids
cuz I want I want to put that out there cuz you're you're taking it personal
with the mother and you thinking you know you're hurting a mother by not
giving her this or that but you're actually hurting your child your kids so
(27:11):
that you got a dip you know separate those thank you cuz I cuz they you
speaking for a person that went through that and I feel like it's important for
me to tell that side of me to help somebody else out there that's good
that's the topic is the topic of this whole situation is the communication
right you're communicating that's the only way people are gonna understand it
if they hear it right right that's communication and that's the part where
(27:35):
I say it like you just basically saying you said it first black men fail at the
part where when we're a father the communication of a father is very
important to that child right so I don't care again what mama says be in the
child's life if you're at a point where you're struggling to get in your child's
(27:58):
life do what you gotta do to get in your child's life I don't care if they are
12 13 14 get in their lives make a mark make a mark make a mark make a mark if
you don't make a mark is gonna leave you in a position like okay well leave the
child in a position like okay well I am I did it so I can I say that I'm
(28:19):
my edit and I do want to put this in there women allow that man to be a father
to his children because I personally know I personally know women that have
key I and this is personal I know a woman that had a kid with a guy and one of
the other guy that she's with to be the father and she will brainwash this kid
(28:41):
and tell this kid that this is the father knowing that's not the blood father
that this is the other and the father's mom has attempted to give talk to the
kid and she and she'll be like wishing to tell him to come back over here don't
talk to your grandma you have women like that too you have women like that too
(29:03):
that will brainwash a kid and that like I'm like man that's it is ugly to it's
deep that's a new child that's ugly that you would do a child it's deep that
now again now fathers let me make sense of that yeah make sense of that part you
can counteract that part of what's going on even if you are in a position where a
(29:28):
woman is putting you in a position to make you seem as if in like well I don't
want my child to have nothing to do with you there is a way to go about that if
you choose to go about it the correct way the correct way to go about it is the
system make sure that you stay in the case of I know you don't want to deal
with the system but if you want something to do with your child as I said be a
part of your child's life do what you have to do to be a part of the child's
(29:52):
life but my thing is I just want to get to a point where we ain't got to get that
ugly mm-hmm I pray for that peace I pray where we could just get along and just
cope here peace and tranquility yeah yeah I don't like getting the people
involved these kids you know I'm saying these kids deserve the best and I feel
that if again if a father can start from an early age please start from an early
(30:15):
age and make a mark on your child's life to wear your child is basically talking
about you in a good manner to wear a mama don't got to worry about nothing
right that's all it really comes down to don't make mama worry about nothing
right then don't let the child ever worry about anything you know take it take
as much advantage advantage of the things that the child needs not what the
(30:36):
child wants what the child needs not what he wants but again we be at it we
be doing it we be done again another episode on let me shout out my father
my dad pops on Theron Barino aka Chino I appreciate you sir I appreciate what
(31:01):
you've brought to the table as a father and what you continue to steal brand to
the table as a father it still continues to teach a 40 year old man how to do
things and to be a great communicator it's taught me so much so I appreciate
you for for always looking out and again I appreciate all the fathers that are
(31:22):
out there period I want to appreciate my grandpa for being that father figure in
my role and the reason why I say that is when nobody wanted to step up as a man
to be my father you stepped in that role so Larry Nelson Murdoch I love you you
know and even though we're not perfect you were there you know I'm saying you
showed that you care and you played a role that my own blood father didn't want
(31:47):
to play so I give kudos to you and people that in the same shoes or
not if you had that father fit maybe you didn't have your biological father but
if you had that man that stepped in and took it upon his duty to be that father
show him love today call him and wish him a happy father's day just like you
wish your biological father because blood don't make your father your actions
(32:09):
do and again if there's a child that needs me father and is not in the
position to have a father black men please be mindful to look out for each
child out here each child needs help if you see a part where help is needed
please grant that help and make the best of it because every child deserves a
(32:34):
winning father figure right so again we are not just music podcast make sure
y'all like in with us subscribe email of course like in with our emails because
in case of you don't want to miss anything you definitely want to be there
again we shout out to all the fathers we appreciate y'all for being who you are
and what you're doing and the great bounds that are being displayed we
(32:59):
appreciate it and again one last thing to black history this is again a thing
that we want to push for our black people in a whole as a whole but at the
same time black fathers remember there's a lot of history to look at when it came
to being a black man and a black father please be open to looking great as a
(33:24):
yeah please be open to looking for things that could inspire you to get
there of course we didn't get to get there all the way this this episode but
again I wanted to push more so the sake of communication and understanding what
father should be doing to make theirself better fathers again Duvall
Barino Quincy Murdoch in the building as always and we are out what's happening
(33:48):
was having this boy Quincy Murdoch courtesy a not just music podcast we
want to greatly greatly greatly thank you for tuning in to another episode y'all be
blessed
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