The Gang Graffitis a Tortoise | Ep 52

The crew opens Thanksgiving week by cannonballing straight into Stroke nearly drowning in face-sitting when a 7 a.m. creeper tried to recruit him and his GF for a threesome.

 From there it only gets dumber: McRib betrayal, gas-station Cuban sandwiches, a cat licking its own asshole on Jen’s car, voicemails from unhinged dammits, and a Smurf-themed musical that nobody asked for. Then comes a parade of cheaters, panic-attack manipulators, Roblox predators, period-blood skincare, and two idiots trying to conquer Haiti with a homeless army. 

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🧠 Episode Breakdown

• A Gravy Slut turkey-costume video is confusing 
• Jen explains the Emo’s Not Dead cruise and the crew immediately spirals into “we sponsor a flamingo at a zoo” fantasies, including branding a tortoise shell with the NTDS logo.
• Voicemails include: DP Jeff torturing Jen with “moist,” a dude contemplating the gayness of sucking his own dick, and another listener announcing he’s about to drink Everclear for TikTok.
• A Sacramento listener promotes a free-food pantry, which sends Stroke into a tangent about a church full of suspiciously hot, jacked disciples.
• The crew debates Black Jesus, Black Santa, and the white lady who somehow got offended on behalf of everyone who isn’t her.
• The Damn Problem segment hits hard: cheating girlfriends texting coworkers at 3 a.m., drunk boyfriends confessing therapy resentment at weddings, and women faking panic attacks to dodge accountability.
• The show ends with a revival of the Criminal Dating Game, where the guys must choose between three incarcerated women before learning their crimes and seeing their photos.
  

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