Ever feel like you’re either all in on health—meal prepping, intense workouts, cutting out everything fun—or completely off the wagon? That all-or-nothing mindset is exhausting, unsustainable, and (spoiler alert) not the key to long-term health.
In this episode, I sit down with health coach Liz Rodriguez to reframe what real wellness looks like. We’re ditching the toxic perfectionism around food and fitness and learning how to create a healthy lifestyle that actually fits into your life.
💡 What You’ll Learn:
✔️ How to break free from all-or-nothing thinking around food and exercise
✔️ Why being healthy doesn’t mean giving up the foods you love (yes, even Cheez-Its!)
✔️ Creative ways to fit sustainable wellness habits into your routine
✔️ How to stop feeling guilty when life isn’t perfectly balanced
This is my very first guest episode, and Liz is the perfect person to kick it off—funny, down-to-earth, and full of real advice you can actually use.
Liz Rodriguez is a health coach who helps people redefine what health looks like so they can build sustainable habits without burnout. She believes in progress over perfection and teaches her clients how to ditch restrictive rules, reframe their mindset, and enjoy the process of living a healthy life.
Find Liz online:
🌐 Website: lizrodriguezcoaching.com
📌 Facebook: Liz Rodriguez Coaching
🎧 Hit play now and start redefining health on your terms!
👉 Grab your FREE Audio Training: Get Unstuck- 3 Strategies to Break Free from Unhealthy Patterns
👉 Follow me on social @notyourtherapist.kayla
👉 Ask me a question hello@kaylareilly.com
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
In this episode, we're going to break the all or
nothing mindset around healthand fitness and show you how to
make wellness work for your reallife, without burnout or the
guilt.
Hey, I'm Kayla Riley.
If you're new here, welcome.
Welcome.
I'm a licensed therapist withover a decade of experience.
I built my counseling centerfrom the ground up, growing it
(00:22):
to three locations and a team ofover 20 plus badass healers.
I started the Not yourTherapist podcast because I
wanted to share what I'velearned along the way, not just
as a therapist, but as a clientand a leader in the mental
health space, so that you cannavigate life with more clarity,
confidence and a little less BS.
(00:43):
And today is an extra specialepisode because this is my very
first guest episode.
I couldn't have picked a betterperson to kick this off with
than Liz Rodriguez.
She's a health coach, she'sfunny, she's down to earth and a
fellow Cheez-It lover, whichobviously makes her good people
in my book.
Instead of rigid health rulesand diet culture, we're going to
(01:07):
talk about how to ditch the allor nothing thinking around food
and fitness, why being healthydoesn't mean sacrificing the
foods that you love, and how toget creative and make wellness
work for your particularlifestyle.
This conversation was so muchfun, very eye opening, and I
know you're going to walk awaywith a new perspective on what
(01:27):
healthy actually means.
So grab a snack, sure, cheeseit if you want.
Hit play, let's do this.
Speaker 2 (01:45):
Let's dive into self-care first.
Okay, all right, let's talkself-care first.
Because, okay, all right, let'stalk self-care, let's talk
self-care.
I wrote a, I wrote a sub stackabout this the other day and the
way that I started it was likedo you remember those like old
dove ice cream commercials where, like she's like has the
chocolate bar and it's like thiswhole experience and she's like
earned it, she's probably got.
It's like this whole experienceand she's like earned it, she's
(02:05):
probably got.
It's like this ridiculous.
You look at like oldcommercials sometimes and you're
like what, what was happening?
What was happening back then?
But I think that self-care,specifically in the wellness
industry, is sort of packaged aslike well, you earned it, kayla
, you earned it.
It's not, you deserve, youdeserve to sleep and like have
(02:26):
time for meditation and workingout and all that.
No, no, you earned it.
And so that that little thing Ithink that I see it all the
time with my coaching is thatpeople feel like women feel like
they need to be in a certainplace before they have earned
the right to then start toinvest back into themselves.
So that's a huge, I mean, andthere's so much to impact right
(02:50):
there right, oh yeah, this ideathat self-care is selfish.
Speaker 1 (02:55):
Well, no, I think what you're saying kind of
resonates with one of thetherapists at Evolution.
She likes to call it thedifference between self-care and
self-indulgence.
Yes, right, so like the Dovechocolate bar, the massage you
schedule yourself, that'sindulgence.
That's not self-care.
Self-care is being aware of whoyou are, what you need, what
(03:16):
serves you in the moment, anddoing those things right, like
going to the dentist, is trueself-care.
Saying to someone hey, I don'thave any energy left today, I'm
going to have to cancel on youso that I can chill and eat
Cheez-Its flavor blasted whitecheddar self-care.
Speaker 2 (03:35):
And opening up that conversation, and also that
self-care does not need to bepackaged into something and it
doesn't need to be a service.
I'm really big on that.
When we're like coming up with,like you know, self-care things
is like that could be you, youknow, meditating for like five
minutes in the morning before,like any chaos starts, or it
could.
It could be so many differentthings, but it's literally just
(03:59):
a tiny.
It could be a moment or an hourof saying like this is
literally just what I need rightnow.
This is what I need and it hasnothing to do with anybody else.
Speaker 1 (04:09):
Side note from a psychology perspective,
self-care is defined as theintentional acts and practices
individuals engage in tomaintain their physical,
emotional and mental wellbeing.
It's actually backed by a lotof science that engaging in this
self-care regularly, like sleep, exercise and stress management
, it'll reduce your cortisollevels, which is the body's
(04:30):
primary stress hormone.
Lower cortisol means bettermental clarity, means improved
mood and even a stronger immunesystem.
Booyah, what about this ideathat you have to actually spend
a lot of time to be healthy?
Because this is a trap I fallinto a lot, especially with
eating.
Speaker 2 (04:46):
Yeah, I think, and that's another that's part of
the whole, that's part of thefitness industry and its
toxicity.
I use this sort of it'll allmake sense.
But I think back to one of mytrainers that I had in Chicago
where he always made a point toat the end of his shift and
stuff he always like change intolike regular street clothes,
(05:09):
like before he left, and allthis and and I was always like,
why do you do that?
And he said, because you needto take the uniform off, liz.
Um, I, I still.
I I haven't gotten into thatyet.
I'm still wearing fitness gear20 years later.
But he was like it's such youridentity and and that shifted to
when I went through the wholething with back surgery and what
that meant.
It was like you're going tohave to literally shift who you
(05:30):
are, because you're never goingto be the girl that ran 8,500
miles in college.
You're not going to be the girlthat deadlifted 200 pounds or
leg press 600 or whatever or hadall these perfect meals lined
up.
It's just never going to bethat again.
And as I got more into andlearning more about it because
the health coaching process islike, first you have to actually
(05:53):
learn what it all is and whatit means and how you're going to
apply it to clients.
I started to really realizethere's all of these things of
like oh, we can only do it oneway.
I need to lose weight, so I'mgoing to eat chicken and
broccoli because that's the onlyway to do it, and I'm going to
go and do cardio for an hour andthen I'm going to do my
strength training for an hourand that just doesn't work.
You know, that would be like if, um, I don't know you, I'm
(06:15):
trying to think of like a goodexample, of like another
professional.
I guess it would be like you'regoing to redo your house and
they're like yeah, you can onlydo it if you're going to redo
the floors and you're going topaint and you're going to like
put on new siding, and you'relike but I just kind of wanted
to freshen up like the cabinetslike, maybe new, like cabinet
handles and maybe like a newcountertop, and they're like
(06:36):
well, what's the point of that?
I think for women it's about,it's really about asking
yourself well, first andforemost, I think what's really,
really important is what isyour end goal and why do you
want to lose the weight, and Ithink that most women now
recognize okay, I get it, I gotto have more of a why.
(06:58):
It's like, no, no, no, and thenwe go underneath that again, is
your why really extrinsic orintrinsic, is it?
You feel that you need to looka certain way because you're
starting to get older and I feellike, oh my God, they're just
going to think I'm this fat,sloppy 40 year old that, like
was used to be in fitness, butnow she's like all washed up and
she totally let herself go.
(07:19):
She probably doesn't have timefor fitness anymore, so she just
became like everybody else.
Because those are just maybesome things that might go
through people's brains, insteadof saying, like you know, I
just really want to feel better,I don't feel like myself
anymore.
And when you make it all of likeyour internal thoughts and like
what's going on up here, that'sreally when you start to say,
(07:42):
okay, I think this is thedirection that I want to go.
And that's where I come in tosay, okay, cool, so let's look
at your life, kayla, like whatmakes sense right now let's talk
about, and then we you knowwhether it's about habit
stacking and kind of adding somethings here and there.
That makes sense.
I do that a lot with my momsbecause, dude, they, they don't
have a lot of there's just toomuch.
(08:03):
There's too much.
Or is it like looking at thingsdifferently, is it?
Is it sort of reframing yourday?
I have a couple of clients thattheir kids are now in their
teens.
These kids love me because nowthey're cooking meals at night
for mom and mom isn't getting upat five anymore, because you
don't need to get your 13 yearold off to school.
(08:24):
I'm not a parent, but I thinkthey're going to be just fine.
No, let it go.
Let it go.
Yes.
Speaker 1 (08:29):
Oh, wow.
I've seen many a woman that hasto be, yeah, therapized out of
the dependency of caring fortheir kids and it's like but
then they're going to missschool.
Yep, natural consequence of achoice.
Yep, natural consequence of achoice.
Well, and what you were saying,like this need or this
motivation, I think to givingwomen permission to just say I
(08:53):
want to look hot and feelconfident.
And you define what that is Like.
It doesn't not.
Everybody has to be like.
Oh well, you know.
I just want to eat healthierbecause I want to feel better.
No, I want to be hot.
I want to be a MILF.
I want right.
I want to go drop off my kidsand not feel like, oh my God,
(09:14):
I'm a disgusting slob.
I want to feel good andattractive.
I want a good sex life with myhusband.
Right, those are all legitimatereasons, it's okay.
I think there's this wholecommentary about shallow.
I don't know.
I think feeling confident andfeeling good about yourself is
(09:36):
not shallow.
Speaker 2 (09:36):
No, I think that ties right back in, though, with,
like the self-care as a luxuryand what that looks like.
You having your nails done doesnot somehow make you like a bad
mom, like, oh, when did you havetime to do that?
Why do you get to have anopinion about that?
And by the way, on the flipside, for everybody listening,
now that I'm out of the clubsand now that I'm also getting
(09:57):
more into my forties, I don'tget it as much.
But do you know the amount ofpeople that wanted to have an
opinion about me not having kids?
Speaker 1 (10:08):
Oh, I can't even imagine.
Speaker 2 (10:09):
And I mean first off, which I have learned because we
hold a sacred space, like we'rethose people that we find out
everything first, right, likewhen you have clients and things
like that they got to tell you,they got to tell you really
early.
And so I have been programmedof like you don't ask questions
about it, you listen, likebecause it's a sacred thing.
(10:30):
And so when I had people askingthat it was like I literally
started to have responses oflike you know what I better call
you every time I want to make alife decision, because
obviously, like, you're going totell me, like, what I should be
doing.
Speaker 1 (10:43):
You salty bitch, but but your husband's beautiful.
Speaker 2 (10:47):
You would have such amazing first off like what if?
What if I was fun?
Speaker 1 (10:51):
you're gonna regret it.
It's like well, that's, youdon't know me, you don't know
what I'm going through, youdon't even.
There's a lot of celebritiesthat are coming out about that
too, talking about that andmaking that more of a open
conversation publicly, which Ilove and respect that because
(11:14):
you don't know what's going onbehind the scenes.
Here's some interesting facts.
According to a 2024 researchstudy, 64% of US women under 50
who don't have children say theysimply don't want them, and
over the past several decades,there's been a notable increase
in the number of women choosingnot to have kids.
Here's a snapshot In 1976,approximately 10% of women aged
(11:41):
around 40 to 44 had never givenbirth.
Women aged around 40 to 44 hadnever given birth.
Then in 2000, it rose from 10%to 19% of women between 40 and
44 had never given birth.
That's still relatively thesame today, but in 2023, the US
fertility rate reached ahistoric low of 1.6 births per
women, well below thereplacement rate of 2.1.
(12:04):
So several factors contributeto this.
Economic considerations likeraising children has become
hella expensive.
Career and personal aspirationsobviously more women are
focusing on their careers andaccess to family planning.
Improved access tocontraception and family
planning resources allows womengreater control over their
(12:25):
reproductive choices.
This trend reflects a broadersocietal shift towards valuing
personal anonymity andredefining traditional life
trajectories.
I like the little rule of thumbif it's past your nose, it's
none of your fucking business.
I love that and a lot of mentalhealth is freed up.
(12:46):
Like a lot of people's mentalhealth is really freed up when
they can let go of others.
Right, like, just let go.
Who cares what they're doing?
Who cares what they think aboutyou?
Who cares if your husband'ssucceeding in his career?
Like, if you can let go of howother people do things, why
(13:06):
other people do things, whatthey think about, how they're
going to respond to you.
It's such a freeing place to bein your head.
Speaker 2 (13:15):
And what could you sort of replace that with?
You know, when we talk about,I'm big on like what is filled
in my brain.
Um, I am very type a.
You can um, which the thelisteners won't be able to see,
but when I get really excitedabout things, I'm like flush
right now, cause that's it'slike my body's response.
When I get really excited, Igotta, I gotta have a better
(13:38):
zoom filter, like, um, but yeah,I think it's just important,
like for, but yeah, I think it'sjust important, like for for
people just to take a step backand and really think, like, if
you are allowing all of theseother people into your space,
like what are you missing out on?
You know, you know, like, wherecould your energy go?
And it doesn't mean that itlike you need to like start all
(14:00):
these other projects, because Iused to think that too.
It's just more of like Just how, how could your body feel
different when you're notconstantly holding on to all of
this other baggage from otherpeople?
You know.
Speaker 1 (14:12):
Well, and I think I resonate with what you're saying
too that if you live your lifefor so long caring about what
other people think and manageimage management right, like
trying to control things thatyou're not in control of and
then all of a sudden you reach apoint where you know you're
getting older, you're in yourthirties, your forties, your
(14:33):
fifties, whatever, wherever youare in life, and all of a sudden
you start to let that go, itdoes feel empty.
It can feel hollow empty, itcan feel hollow.
And then it's what do I investin myself?
How do I make a rich existence?
Speaker 2 (14:54):
no-transcript.
For those of us that grew up in.
We grew up in the same time.
Um we?
I remember one of my trainerssaying this, cause we were.
I think we're the same age, turoif you're listening the dog and
the picket fence and the houseand like all this stuff.
And yeah, then one.
Then you're like I literallyhit a point in my late thirties.
(15:27):
Like right before I leftcommercial fitness, I had like
run out of goals.
I was like, okay, I got thedegrees, I got my MBA.
I've like driven, you know,kind of risen through the
corporate ladder.
I had hit a ceiling therebecause the only place I had
left to go was like they wantedme to like move to corporate and
that was in state.
I was like I don't want to movethere.
Um, and I remember looking atmy husband I was like all right,
(15:48):
you're up, what do you want todo?
And he was like, well, I reallywant to overland.
And I'm like I don't even knowwhat that is.
And six months later we weredriving around the country with
a rooftop tent on our Jeep andfiguring things out and it was
like terrifying, because Liz isa planner and she is structured
and I was starting to work onbuilding a business while like
(16:10):
driving around the country.
That's great.
Speaker 1 (16:12):
That's something that I always see people doing.
I'm like man.
I wish I would have done that.
Speaker 2 (16:16):
Oh, you got time.
Speaker 1 (16:18):
Right.
Speaker 2 (16:19):
Oh yeah.
Speaker 1 (16:20):
Ain't that the truth?
I told my husband, when thekids are grown and gone, we're
going to sell everything.
And just when are you guyslocated?
Wanderlust, wilmington, northCarolina, right on the beach and
that's part of where that comesfrom.
Speaker 2 (16:34):
Like I'm from the Midwest and like when we went
out West, those people have itmore figured out.
Like you go to Colorado andlike on the weekend it's like oh
, you want to go, like hiking,or like you want to go kayaking,
you want to do this.
And it doesn't mean that wedon't have that, but it's very.
I think the West is a betterjob of like you just just just
(16:56):
go and do it, just go and do it.
I grew up, you know, like in theburbs of Chicago, so if we, you
know, it's like oh you can goto Starved Rock and it's like an
hour and a half away, but ohyeah, the difference between
suburbs and city living, forsure.
Speaker 1 (17:13):
Oh yeah.
What about people who feel likeI just don't have time, like I
feel like that's my one numberone weakness when it comes to
health?
I'm like I don't have time togo to the gym.
Oh, I don't have time to mealprep.
Oh, I don't have time to, like,go to the grocery store and
pick a bunch of healthy quinoaand salmon on a bed of asparagus
and shit and then come home andprepare that for my kids, who
are probably going to throw iton the floor.
Speaker 2 (17:33):
So I'm going to talk about a couple of different
things with that Cause.
I actually just had a workshopabout this of uh, and it sort of
morphed, while this always whathappens.
It was a prioritize yourselfwhen those around you don't.
And then, as we were commentingand talking and everything
during it, and I was like, okay,we're going to change gears
just a little bit here, um,raise your hand If you think
(17:55):
that part of this is maybeyou're just not prioritizing
yourself.
And what I mean by that rightis starting the reframing, kayla
.
So those days where you know,and at first it's just kind of
taking a step back, and what Imean by reframing is I'm going
to use, you know, like theoxygen mask example from being
(18:17):
in an airplane right, TotallyPlanes crashing.
Speaker 1 (18:18):
Put it on yourself before anyone else, right.
Speaker 2 (18:20):
Because you might not have the energy otherwise, and
that's such a simple example.
But you're like you know, youcan't pour from an empty cup.
I think it's first of sayinglike, okay, hey, kayla, we got
to reframe this a little bit tosay, you know, when we say we
don't have time, like as we'rekind of looking at the
(18:41):
priorities and things, this isand this is also where you start
to get kind of other peopleinvolved.
So first I think it's reallykind of having that conversation
with yourself.
And then when you have family,when you have spouses involved,
I think sometimes we start tosilo ourselves and it's like we
feel like, well, this is wherewe're at and this is everything
I'm supposed to be doing, butthen you don't have
conversations with anybody else.
I don't have that conversationwith my husband, with kids and
stuff.
But I did have that a lot in mycareer where I was taking on
(19:04):
everything and I wanted to makesure that I was the big bad
female boss and I didn't want toask for help from anybody else,
because then I was going tolook weak and then they wouldn't
want to promote me.
So I feel like it's like, andthat's very common, it's very
common, and so I think reallyone is that having that
reframing conversation withyourself, having some maybe
(19:24):
tough conversations wherethey're not always tough, I
think it's more of you're sortof scared of what the outcome
could be, whether it's with myclient, like with their kids,
like sitting them down, like allright, you guys are going to
start cooking once a week.
And they were like what?
And there was a littleresistance.
And then, when they understoodwhy, they were like, oh, mom
needs more time.
And then also knowing, on theflip side, there's never going
(19:48):
to be perfect time, there'snever going to be this perfect
like schedule, where you're likepop in the yoga class three
times a week and do this and ifand if that is the case, I think
it's more of and we can kind ofstart to go into this of how we
start to redefine, well, like,what's a workout and like what
does it mean to meal plan.
I actually just finished it andit's going to come out this
(20:09):
week, but I was starting towrite a sub stack about like, oh
, like quick meals for, like youknow, busy women, and then I'm
like, no, nope, we got to go, wegot to peel back a little bit
more and instead I was like,well, how do I cook and how do I
create that?
Like I have a system and mysystem is like I always have
(20:29):
certain things that are in thehouse that it's like okay, I got
five minutes, I'm going to oneof my favorite lunches.
Like throw a handful of wheatthins on there.
If it's not cheese, it's youknow, slice up some cucumber.
There's my little um, eitherpacket or cans tuna, maybe a
little bay belt cheese lunch,and so it's got protein, it's
got fire, it's got veggie, but Ididn't meal prep.
(20:53):
That it's a different, it's adifferent conversation and I
think it's like a shift ofmentality, really shift of
mentality.
And I think, again, that wholedefining of fitness, of like oh,
you got to get out your people,and I mean I love those people,
I'm friends with those peoplewhere, like, I used to spend
like three hours on Sundays mealprepping for the week and I
(21:16):
just never do that anymore.
I'm like, what were you doing?
And like why?
And it's just, I still eat thesame way, but it's like
different time.
It's like so I think it'sreally about taking that step
back and reframing and then fromthere creating a system or
something.
Um, or mini workouts, likelittle things where you're like
(21:37):
you know exactly why you'redoing what you're doing too.
It's like little things whereyou're like you know exactly why
you're doing what you're doingto, and it's also it's it's
you're creating habits that areuseful for you, Because, on the,
on the, on the back end, if youam I going with this, we got to
take away from these parameters.
I have this conversation with mydad all the time of like well,
(21:57):
I'm not going to go to the gymunless I have an hour.
I'm like, why, hmm, interesting, so you have to go for an hour.
Is that like a rule?
Do they like check it when yougo in?
You have to like sign off whenyou leave?
No, so, again, we got to getaway from these, these weird
parameters that were set up,where you got to be walking
around with your jug of gallonof water I hate that, by the way
(22:19):
, but we'll talk about that adifferent day Um, and you like
have to meal plan every singleday, and you got to do three,
you know, three workouts ofstrength and three workouts of
cardio.
Um, when we get down to theweeds with it, with clients, is
like, once we kind of know wherethey're at and their timing, I
will educate in terms of likehey, these are the like, these
are kind of the parameters thatwe're looking at of um making
(22:41):
changes with strength trainingand nutrition that are gonna you
kind of hit the um.
You got to do a certain amountof things in order to kind of
see a result, but it's usuallyit's much simpler and much less
time than people realize.
And that's coming from someonelike a trainer that like train
people for 55 minutes for many,many years.
Why did it have to be an hour?
(23:04):
Like, who made that up?
Because it worked in theschedule and it works for the
business and it works for how wegot paid and everything.
But did it work for theindividual, right?
And I think now, with healthand wellness and fitness and all
that good stuff, I like to callyou guys fitness consumers.
You have a lot more options now, like you don't have to go to
(23:27):
the gym, you have online classes, you have studios, you have
fitness equipment coming out ofyour ears.
Let's talk about the systemlike the outline, like the
framework of like 150 minutes ofcardio each week and strength
training and all that, and thenlet's just figure out, like, how
we're going to create a systemthat's going to work in Kayla's
(23:49):
schedule.
It doesn't matter what Liz'sschedule is, you know.
Speaker 1 (23:52):
Yeah, that's cool.
I like that idea of like how doI just build in tiny, tiny,
sustainable little fitness goals?
Speaker 2 (24:02):
Mm-hmm.
Speaker 1 (24:03):
Okay, so give me an example.
Like give me an example.
If you were working withsomeone and they were like I
don't have time to like eathealthy or work out, but I kind
of want to start to feel betterand less bloated, what could I
do?
What are what's like an exampleof little things you've helped
clients build into their life?
Speaker 2 (24:23):
Yeah, and it's actually really similar for both
.
So it started out with aprocess that I used with a lot
of clients not all, because notall of them.
You got clients that don't wantto learn.
They like show up, you trainthem and they leave.
That's cool.
But a lot of clients that I had,what we started to do in
training sessions was we had anongoing Google doc push, pull,
(24:45):
hinge, squat, core mobility andso, as we were doing the
workouts and stuff, if we did anexercise that they felt
comfortable with, I would add itto the list.
And so those days that theywent into the gym on their own,
like I'm like, picture my clientSaul.
He would bring in a sheet andit would say at the top choose
one to two exercises from eachcategory, perform this many reps
(25:06):
.
He was going to do a push andhe was going to do a pull.
So what could that look like?
So let's say, once we've kindof educated the client of like
okay, so I know I need to dothese different movements and
things like that, and okay, Iknow I want to do around 12 to
15 reps, couple sets.
That's going to help me, youknow, get the micro muscle tears
.
So I'm going to build muscle.
(25:27):
Once they kind of understandthat, it's like, okay, cool,
let's start writing.
And because obviously all myclients right now are online.
So then it's starting to talkabout what kind of equipment do
they have?
Are they going to a gym?
Is it just going to be at home?
And equipment do they have?
Are they going to a gym?
Is it just going to be at home?
And then, once we start tobuild out that format, then they
(25:48):
just have their sheet andthey're like, okay, cool, I got
10 minutes.
Right now, coffee is going.
You know, kids are still asleep.
I'm going to do a plank andthen I'm going to do some squats
, I'm going to do some pushups.
I got my banded row.
Oh, I got time for another set.
Cool, Just got that in.
All right, Awesome, I just gotmy strength training in and then
I already have programmed in mywalks for the week.
So you see what we just didthere right, yeah, I love that.
Speaker 1 (26:08):
Well, and I was picturing.
Do you watch Great British BakeOff?
No, watch it, it's almost likea hug.
You watch it and it's a hug.
So anyways, my husband and Iwatch that when we're sad
because it's friendly and theyhug each other and it's a
competition.
But in England they're moresupportive and kind and lovely
(26:29):
and whatever.
Anyways, we love that show.
And there's this little oldlady and she takes the beans
when she's waiting for her breadto be done baking and she just
goes back and forth lifting thebeans and she like swings her
legs and she's like picking upthe beans and then everybody
started doing it because it wasjust cute and funny and she's
like this is how I get my stepsin For all you busy peeps out
(26:54):
there.
Let's take this concept alittle bit further.
In psychology, this concept iscalled environmental design or
choice architecture, and it'sbased on principles of
behavioral psychology andoperant conditioning.
The idea is to shape yourenvironment to make behaviors
you want easier and moreautomatic, while making
undesirable behaviors harder.
(27:14):
So here's how it works Insteadof relying on willpower, change
your cues and triggers in yoursurroundings to support your
goals.
Here's some classic examples.
So, before you go to bed, if youwant to work out in the morning
, take your yoga outfit and yoursneakers and put them on top of
your dresser.
That way, as soon as you wakeup, you don't even have to think
, you just get into your workoutoutfit.
(27:35):
If you want to work out fromhome, keep weights by the coffee
machine, so every time you'rebrewing your cup.
You do a couple reps.
If you want to maybe havebetter sleep, keep your phone in
another room and put an actualold school alarm clock by your
bed.
These strategies work becauseit reduces friction for positive
(27:56):
behaviors.
You don't have to think aboutthem as much because it's more
automatic.
It's in your environment.
It also increases friction forhabits.
You're trying to break JamesClear's Atomic Habits.
Talks about this a lot and it'sa key part of behavioral
psychology and habit formationin therapy.
All right, let's get back to it.
Speaker 2 (28:15):
We've only evolved so far.
It's something which we can goon a lot of different tangents
on when we talk about the humanbody and how we've evolved.
We've only evolved, like so far.
So you know, and what I mean bythat is we lived so many years
depending on how long youbelieve we've been here for a
minute where we were very activeand we were moving around, and
(28:38):
now, all of a sudden, that'ssignificantly changed with the
industrial revolution which isnow being we'll just call it
like a hundred years.
So because of that, you know,when we talk about our activity
levels and everything, that'swhy I really try to get people
to be more creative with howthey see movement.
It's there, like you, and Ithink about have you watched um?
(28:59):
Have you watched night bitchyet?
There, like you, and I thinkabout have you watched um have
you watched night bitch yet?
no, but I want it on the list.
God, it's amazing.
Amy Adams does an amazing job.
Oh my god.
I love woman power, but I meanyou carrying your kids around
and you like walking to go tothe grocery store and doing all
this laundry, like that is labor, that is workout.
You know what I mean.
Speaker 1 (29:19):
I got a little Fitbit and I work Mondays, wednesdays,
fridays, tuesdays and ThursdaysI stay at home with my babies.
Okay, so the Fitbit said I getlike 2000 steps on days that I
work, work, and then on days ofmy other work my family, like
raising children 12,000 steps,easy, no sweat.
(29:42):
Think about it.
You're doing laundry, you'rewalking from one side of the
house to the other side of thehouse, you're tidying toys,
you're taking, emptying thedishwasher All of those things
are incredibly active those arethe clients I have.
Speaker 2 (29:59):
That like the work from homers that can get.
We just have to get morecreative.
Um, one of my peeps I haveright now she's out in Colorado
and we got a little bit morecreative in terms of like.
You know, she's like one ofthose back-to-back zooms and I
was like, okay, let's talk aboutall these zooms.
And, by the way, like whenpeople talk about their jobs, if
it's like not fitness orsomething, I'm like I don't know
(30:22):
what you do, I have noreference point.
Speaker 1 (30:24):
I call that CP ninnies.
When my husband talks aboutwhat he does, I'm like oh, CP
ninnies.
Okay, goodbye.
Speaker 2 (30:31):
Like Chandler Bing was, I don't know, but so one of
the things that we starteddoing was there were certain
Zooms that like she needed tohear but she didn't need to be
present.
So that's when she was likegetting in her mini workouts and
stuff like that.
Speaker 1 (30:44):
I love that idea.
I started translating my workcalls, some of my work calls
from Zoom, because I don't needto see you to audio, because I
think so much better when I walkLike when I'm on a phone call
and I pace, I can just generatemore ideas.
I don't know why, but it's athing, and so now I have once a
(31:05):
month I'll have this leadershipmeeting on a call instead, and
it just works for me.
I go on a little walk, then myexercise is done, my call is
done, I sit down, I do a reviewemail for myself so I can encode
the memory better, and that'sthe kind of thing you're talking
about.
Right, it's just like gettingcreative.
Speaker 2 (31:31):
Get creative Again.
Like same thing, whether it'slike at your job.
I think COVID did a lot ofchanges with this.
You know I was working atLifetime during and after COVID
and everything.
That's the last company Iworked for and you know we
started creating more where wewere having online meetings and
things like that, and it also itmade us change of like.
I don't need to be in my officefor that.
I used to take calls all thetime on headphones and I would
go like walk around chapcockcrossing and stuff, and it was
(31:54):
just like such a betterexperience Cause you'd be
surprised and it's like anythingelse, like being a manager in
fitness you wind up getting.
I used to mentor a lot ofmanagers and I'm like you got to
get out of your office.
That's not why they hired you.
Your people are out there, yourmembers trainers are out there
and if you're bought, you'regetting all this to bog you down
(32:16):
.
You're never going to get outthere and I'm like it's such a
great example of like everythingelse with, like fitness and
wellness is like you get stuckin this thing but everything
else is out there.
You got to get out there.
Speaker 1 (32:29):
The most valuable thing, not checking your email?
I agree with that Absolutely.
Just like being a good mom.
Being a good mom is not a cleanplayroom, like being a good mom
.
Being a good mom is not a cleanplayroom.
Being a good mom is sittingdown and playing cars, just
saying, you know.
I think there's this differencebetween what people think
qualitative means and whatqualitative actually is.
Speaker 2 (32:54):
Yeah, I think one of my best friends from college.
She moved back and so when I'min Illinois I usually get to see
her and her two kids and herand her wife.
And it's always funny where youknow kids act differently when
you have other people around andso you know there's like
they're screaming and there'syelling and they're always I'm
sorry and I'm like what can wedo?
(33:16):
Like, cause I always bring allthe food and I cook and stuff
and I'm like why don't you guysjust have a beer and like chill
out?
Speaker 1 (33:24):
Oh, you're my best friend type, because if you live
in Wilmington, north Carolina,and you are a friend that brings
over food and cooks, yeah, Iwill get you whatever you want
to drink.
You know what?
Speaker 2 (33:41):
And I learned a lot of that from once I was single
into like my 30s and stuff likethat.
I learned a lot from like myother single friends of it was
easy for me to get in my ownhead of like well, no one's
calling me anymore and like I'mby myself, and my other single
friends were like that's not howit works.
You're an adult, you know likeif you need something you need
to tell, tell us.
But I think for some of mygirlfriends and stuff that
things have happened.
(34:01):
I think I've also reallylearned too of like sometimes
people are really strugglingwhen you don't hear from them.
That's like when you got toreach out or like you know you
drop them a ten dollar Starbuckscard because it's like dude, I
feel like some stuff's going onand like, yeah, talk, like yeah,
we need to be better with thoseconnections because the more
that we kind of put ourselvesout there with that it's
(34:22):
actually not that we need it toreciprocate, but I think it just
opens up the whole conversationfor just less walls, less silos
.
Speaker 1 (34:31):
Yeah, and this whole idea of like, hey, to hang out
with a friend, everybody's gotto drop what you're doing.
Drive 20 minutes to therestaurant get dressed up, do
your makeup and hair Like no,just hey, come over, come over.
I'm building this load oflaundry and taking out the
dishes from the dishwasher.
Come over.
Speaker 2 (34:52):
Because that's life, you know.
I mean like I think those arethe kind of friends that we need
.
That's how I am.
My husband and I spend anobscene amount of time with each
other because we both work fromhome.
There have probably been threeinstances in the last eight
years where I've been away fromhim for more than two days.
Yeah, I'm so sick of my husbandtoo, but I love doing all the
(35:12):
basic shit with him.
I'm like we get to go to thegrocery store.
Speaker 1 (35:15):
Yay, I love that.
Yay, out of my freaking house,it's a prison.
My husband last night he gotoff work and he was like I could
cook or I could go get us tacosfrom Taco Tuesday, you know
whatever down the street, and Iwas like, okay, I'll go grab it.
And he goes oh, please, please,for the love of God, let me go
(35:35):
grab it, because I just need toget out of this space, this
freaking four walls closing inon me, and I'm like, oh, okay,
cool, you go pick up the tacos,I'll be here.
That was a very open, adultconversation that you had,
though it was pretty awesome.
Ah, being married to atherapist, poor guy, poor guy.
(35:55):
Do you want to talk about it?
I love that.
Some of our fights are if yousay the word validate one more
time, I'm going to fucking breaksomething and I'm like I get it
.
I totally get that All right.
So if you had one piece ofadvice for somebody who's on
this journey and wants to gethealthier, but is struggling
(36:17):
with this whole, like, hey, I doall the things I'm balancing.
What's your one piece of advice, your little golden nugget?
Speaker 2 (36:24):
Yeah, I think, um, I'm going to use the nugget that
I think about every day formyself is is be more, be more
kind to yourself.
Like listen to the voice that'sin your head and if it's not so
good, like start changing thatthat's in your head.
And if it's not so good, likestart changing that.
(36:44):
You know, because I think thatwe are constantly ruled by, like
the voice in our heads and, um,I mean, I'm like a pretty, I
love that person and stuff,right, but if it all stems from
there, all of a sudden, when youchange that voice, it starts to
bring down some of the walls oflike what does success mean?
What is like success in fitnessand nutrition in my life?
And like, what am I supposed tolook like?
And all that that starts to allstart to come down.
(37:06):
You start to ask yourselfdifferent questions.
So I think it really starts, atfirst of like, start listening
to that voice and give yourselfa little bit more.
We like to say the word grace alot in health coaching.
You got and I used to hatehearing that, but it's true Like
you got to give yourself somegrace, you know Compassion
whatever you want to call it,give yourself more of that shit.
Speaker 1 (37:29):
Self-love is I love you.
You are so much fun.
I feel like you and I need somewine and Cheez-Its in our life.
Yes, together, and I'm goinggonna be out east this summer,
so, hey, hit me up.
Well, and I was looking at yourwebsite and I'm like I could
use a coach that's gonna help meand and hold me accountable
with food and working out mybodies, even with my can of
(37:52):
beans.
Oh, my god I love that, myselfdoing that.
Speaker 2 (37:56):
You know the ski step side to side side to side all
those like my school, likevideos of like when you like,
when they started making likefitness machines for women and
stuff, and I'm like, oh my God,some of that stuff still works.
Speaker 1 (38:09):
But what about the one that shakes your ass?
The one that like oh my God,you know what I'm talking about,
right?
I do the one that goes behindthe hips and just shakes.
I feel like my whole body wouldjust wobble off if I was on one
of those machines, theShakeology stuff and the power
plate.
Speaker 2 (38:26):
Don't get on that stuff, guys.
All the research is bullshit.
I know I'm gonna get some hatemail after that.
One Don't get on anythingthat's vibrating unless it's in
your bedroom.
Speaker 1 (38:37):
Oh my God, all right, I'm dying.
Where can people find you?
If they want more from you andthey want to connect with you,
where can they find you?
Speaker 2 (38:46):
Totally.
Um, I can't believe I got thisdomain.
My website islizardrigascoachingcom.
Um, and then also you can findme on Substack, and it's
redefining health and wellnessfor women, I think.
I don't know, I always forgetthe name of it, but if you look
up Liz Rodriguez coaching, it'llpop up.
Um, so whether you are, youknow you want to set up a call
(39:07):
or something like that, or youkind of want to.
You know we all like to stalkeach other first on the site.
Speaker 1 (39:14):
This has been really lovely.
I really enjoyed it.
Maybe we could do another one.
I would love that.
In this episode, we're going to break the all or
nothing mindset around healthand fitness and show you how to
make wellness work for your reallife, without burnout or the
guilt.
Hey, I'm Kayla Riley.
If you're new here, welcome.
Welcome.
I'm a licensed therapist withover a decade of experience.
I built my counseling centerfrom the ground up, growing it
(00:22):
to three locations and a team ofover 20 plus badass healers.
I started the Not yourTherapist podcast because I
wanted to share what I'velearned along the way, not just
as a therapist, but as a clientand a leader in the mental
health space, so that you cannavigate life with more clarity,
confidence and a little less BS.
(00:43):
And today is an extra specialepisode because this is my very
first guest episode.
I couldn't have picked a betterperson to kick this off with
than Liz Rodriguez.
She's a health coach, she'sfunny, she's down to earth and a
fellow Cheez-It lover, whichobviously makes her good people
in my book.
Instead of rigid health rulesand diet culture, we're going to
(01:07):
talk about how to ditch the allor nothing thinking around food
and fitness, why being healthydoesn't mean sacrificing the
foods that you love, and how toget creative and make wellness
work for your particularlifestyle.
This conversation was so muchfun, very eye opening, and I
know you're going to walk awaywith a new perspective on what
(01:27):
healthy actually means.
So grab a snack, sure, cheeseit if you want.
Hit play, let's do this.
Speaker 2 (01:45):
Let's dive into self-care first.
Okay, all right, let's talkself-care first.
Because, okay, all right, let'stalk self-care, let's talk
self-care.
I wrote a, I wrote a sub stackabout this the other day and the
way that I started it was likedo you remember those like old
dove ice cream commercials where, like she's like has the
chocolate bar and it's like thiswhole experience and she's like
earned it, she's probably got.
It's like this whole experienceand she's like earned it, she's
(02:05):
probably got.
It's like this ridiculous.
You look at like oldcommercials sometimes and you're
like what, what was happening?
What was happening back then?
But I think that self-care,specifically in the wellness
industry, is sort of packaged aslike well, you earned it, kayla
, you earned it.
It's not, you deserve, youdeserve to sleep and like have
(02:26):
time for meditation and workingout and all that.
No, no, you earned it.
And so that that little thing Ithink that I see it all the
time with my coaching is thatpeople feel like women feel like
they need to be in a certainplace before they have earned
the right to then start toinvest back into themselves.
So that's a huge, I mean, andthere's so much to impact right
(02:50):
there right, oh yeah, this ideathat self-care is selfish.
Speaker 1 (02:55):
Well, no, I think what you're saying kind of
resonates with one of thetherapists at Evolution.
She likes to call it thedifference between self-care and
self-indulgence.
Yes, right, so like the Dovechocolate bar, the massage you
schedule yourself, that'sindulgence.
That's not self-care.
Self-care is being aware of whoyou are, what you need, what
(03:16):
serves you in the moment, anddoing those things right, like
going to the dentist, is trueself-care.
Saying to someone hey, I don'thave any energy left today, I'm
going to have to cancel on youso that I can chill and eat
Cheez-Its flavor blasted whitecheddar self-care.
Speaker 2 (03:35):
And opening up that conversation, and also that
self-care does not need to bepackaged into something and it
doesn't need to be a service.
I'm really big on that.
When we're like coming up with,like you know, self-care things
is like that could be you, youknow, meditating for like five
minutes in the morning before,like any chaos starts, or it
could.
It could be so many differentthings, but it's literally just
(03:59):
a tiny.
It could be a moment or an hourof saying like this is
literally just what I need rightnow.
This is what I need and it hasnothing to do with anybody else.
Speaker 1 (04:09):
Side note from a psychology perspective,
self-care is defined as theintentional acts and practices
individuals engage in tomaintain their physical,
emotional and mental wellbeing.
It's actually backed by a lotof science that engaging in this
self-care regularly, like sleep, exercise and stress management
, it'll reduce your cortisollevels, which is the body's
(04:30):
primary stress hormone.
Lower cortisol means bettermental clarity, means improved
mood and even a stronger immunesystem.
Booyah, what about this ideathat you have to actually spend
a lot of time to be healthy?
Because this is a trap I fallinto a lot, especially with
eating.
Speaker 2 (04:46):
Yeah, I think, and that's another that's part of
the whole, that's part of thefitness industry and its
toxicity.
I use this sort of it'll allmake sense.
But I think back to one of mytrainers that I had in Chicago
where he always made a point toat the end of his shift and
stuff he always like change intolike regular street clothes,
(05:09):
like before he left, and allthis and and I was always like,
why do you do that?
And he said, because you needto take the uniform off, liz.
Um, I, I still.
I I haven't gotten into thatyet.
I'm still wearing fitness gear20 years later.
But he was like it's such youridentity and and that shifted to
when I went through the wholething with back surgery and what
that meant.
It was like you're going tohave to literally shift who you
(05:30):
are, because you're never goingto be the girl that ran 8,500
miles in college.
You're not going to be the girlthat deadlifted 200 pounds or
leg press 600 or whatever or hadall these perfect meals lined
up.
It's just never going to bethat again.
And as I got more into andlearning more about it because
the health coaching process islike, first you have to actually
(05:53):
learn what it all is and whatit means and how you're going to
apply it to clients.
I started to really realizethere's all of these things of
like oh, we can only do it oneway.
I need to lose weight, so I'mgoing to eat chicken and
broccoli because that's the onlyway to do it, and I'm going to
go and do cardio for an hour andthen I'm going to do my
strength training for an hourand that just doesn't work.
You know, that would be like if, um, I don't know you, I'm
(06:15):
trying to think of like a goodexample, of like another
professional.
I guess it would be like you'regoing to redo your house and
they're like yeah, you can onlydo it if you're going to redo
the floors and you're going topaint and you're going to like
put on new siding, and you'relike but I just kind of wanted
to freshen up like the cabinetslike, maybe new, like cabinet
handles and maybe like a newcountertop, and they're like
(06:36):
well, what's the point of that?
I think for women it's about,it's really about asking
yourself well, first andforemost, I think what's really,
really important is what isyour end goal and why do you
want to lose the weight, and Ithink that most women now
recognize okay, I get it, I gotto have more of a why.
(06:58):
It's like, no, no, no, and thenwe go underneath that again, is
your why really extrinsic orintrinsic, is it?
You feel that you need to looka certain way because you're
starting to get older and I feellike, oh my God, they're just
going to think I'm this fat,sloppy 40 year old that, like
was used to be in fitness, butnow she's like all washed up and
she totally let herself go.
(07:19):
She probably doesn't have timefor fitness anymore, so she just
became like everybody else.
Because those are just maybesome things that might go
through people's brains, insteadof saying, like you know, I
just really want to feel better,I don't feel like myself
anymore.
And when you make it all of likeyour internal thoughts and like
what's going on up here, that'sreally when you start to say,
(07:42):
okay, I think this is thedirection that I want to go.
And that's where I come in tosay, okay, cool, so let's look
at your life, kayla, like whatmakes sense right now let's talk
about, and then we you knowwhether it's about habit
stacking and kind of adding somethings here and there.
That makes sense.
I do that a lot with my momsbecause, dude, they, they don't
have a lot of there's just toomuch.
(08:03):
There's too much.
Or is it like looking at thingsdifferently, is it?
Is it sort of reframing yourday?
I have a couple of clients thattheir kids are now in their
teens.
These kids love me because nowthey're cooking meals at night
for mom and mom isn't getting upat five anymore, because you
don't need to get your 13 yearold off to school.
(08:24):
I'm not a parent, but I thinkthey're going to be just fine.
No, let it go.
Let it go.
Yes.
Speaker 1 (08:29):
Oh, wow.
I've seen many a woman that hasto be, yeah, therapized out of
the dependency of caring fortheir kids and it's like but
then they're going to missschool.
Yep, natural consequence of achoice.
Yep, natural consequence of achoice.
Well, and what you were saying,like this need or this
motivation, I think to givingwomen permission to just say I
(08:53):
want to look hot and feelconfident.
And you define what that is Like.
It doesn't not.
Everybody has to be like.
Oh well, you know.
I just want to eat healthierbecause I want to feel better.
No, I want to be hot.
I want to be a MILF.
I want right.
I want to go drop off my kidsand not feel like, oh my God,
(09:14):
I'm a disgusting slob.
I want to feel good andattractive.
I want a good sex life with myhusband.
Right, those are all legitimatereasons, it's okay.
I think there's this wholecommentary about shallow.
I don't know.
I think feeling confident andfeeling good about yourself is
(09:36):
not shallow.
Speaker 2 (09:36):
No, I think that ties right back in, though, with,
like the self-care as a luxuryand what that looks like.
You having your nails done doesnot somehow make you like a bad
mom, like, oh, when did you havetime to do that?
Why do you get to have anopinion about that?
And by the way, on the flipside, for everybody listening,
now that I'm out of the clubsand now that I'm also getting
(09:57):
more into my forties, I don'tget it as much.
But do you know the amount ofpeople that wanted to have an
opinion about me not having kids?
Speaker 1 (10:08):
Oh, I can't even imagine.
Speaker 2 (10:09):
And I mean first off, which I have learned because we
hold a sacred space, like we'rethose people that we find out
everything first, right, likewhen you have clients and things
like that they got to tell you,they got to tell you really
early.
And so I have been programmedof like you don't ask questions
about it, you listen, likebecause it's a sacred thing.
(10:30):
And so when I had people askingthat it was like I literally
started to have responses oflike you know what I better call
you every time I want to make alife decision, because
obviously, like, you're going totell me, like, what I should be
doing.
Speaker 1 (10:43):
You salty bitch, but but your husband's beautiful.
Speaker 2 (10:47):
You would have such amazing first off like what if?
What if I was fun?
Speaker 1 (10:51):
you're gonna regret it.
It's like well, that's, youdon't know me, you don't know
what I'm going through, youdon't even.
There's a lot of celebritiesthat are coming out about that
too, talking about that andmaking that more of a open
conversation publicly, which Ilove and respect that because
(11:14):
you don't know what's going onbehind the scenes.
Here's some interesting facts.
According to a 2024 researchstudy, 64% of US women under 50
who don't have children say theysimply don't want them, and
over the past several decades,there's been a notable increase
in the number of women choosingnot to have kids.
Here's a snapshot In 1976,approximately 10% of women aged
(11:41):
around 40 to 44 had never givenbirth.
Women aged around 40 to 44 hadnever given birth.
Then in 2000, it rose from 10%to 19% of women between 40 and
44 had never given birth.
That's still relatively thesame today, but in 2023, the US
fertility rate reached ahistoric low of 1.6 births per
women, well below thereplacement rate of 2.1.
(12:04):
So several factors contributeto this.
Economic considerations likeraising children has become
hella expensive.
Career and personal aspirationsobviously more women are
focusing on their careers andaccess to family planning.
Improved access tocontraception and family
planning resources allows womengreater control over their
(12:25):
reproductive choices.
This trend reflects a broadersocietal shift towards valuing
personal anonymity andredefining traditional life
trajectories.
I like the little rule of thumbif it's past your nose, it's
none of your fucking business.
I love that and a lot of mentalhealth is freed up.
(12:46):
Like a lot of people's mentalhealth is really freed up when
they can let go of others.
Right, like, just let go.
Who cares what they're doing?
Who cares what they think aboutyou?
Who cares if your husband'ssucceeding in his career?
Like, if you can let go of howother people do things, why
(13:06):
other people do things, whatthey think about, how they're
going to respond to you.
It's such a freeing place to bein your head.
Speaker 2 (13:15):
And what could you sort of replace that with?
You know, when we talk about,I'm big on like what is filled
in my brain.
Um, I am very type a.
You can um, which the thelisteners won't be able to see,
but when I get really excitedabout things, I'm like flush
right now, cause that's it'slike my body's response.
When I get really excited, Igotta, I gotta have a better
(13:38):
zoom filter, like, um, but yeah,I think it's just important,
like for, but yeah, I think it'sjust important, like for for
people just to take a step backand and really think, like, if
you are allowing all of theseother people into your space,
like what are you missing out on?
You know, you know, like, wherecould your energy go?
And it doesn't mean that itlike you need to like start all
(14:00):
these other projects, because Iused to think that too.
It's just more of like Just how, how could your body feel
different when you're notconstantly holding on to all of
this other baggage from otherpeople?
You know.
Speaker 1 (14:12):
Well, and I think I resonate with what you're saying
too that if you live your lifefor so long caring about what
other people think and manageimage management right, like
trying to control things thatyou're not in control of and
then all of a sudden you reach apoint where you know you're
getting older, you're in yourthirties, your forties, your
(14:33):
fifties, whatever, wherever youare in life, and all of a sudden
you start to let that go, itdoes feel empty.
It can feel hollow empty, itcan feel hollow.
And then it's what do I investin myself?
How do I make a rich existence?
Speaker 2 (14:54):
no-transcript.
For those of us that grew up in.
We grew up in the same time.
Um we?
I remember one of my trainerssaying this, cause we were.
I think we're the same age, turoif you're listening the dog and
the picket fence and the houseand like all this stuff.
And yeah, then one.
Then you're like I literallyhit a point in my late thirties.
(15:27):
Like right before I leftcommercial fitness, I had like
run out of goals.
I was like, okay, I got thedegrees, I got my MBA.
I've like driven, you know,kind of risen through the
corporate ladder.
I had hit a ceiling therebecause the only place I had
left to go was like they wantedme to like move to corporate and
that was in state.
I was like I don't want to movethere.
Um, and I remember looking atmy husband I was like all right,
(15:48):
you're up, what do you want todo?
And he was like, well, I reallywant to overland.
And I'm like I don't even knowwhat that is.
And six months later we weredriving around the country with
a rooftop tent on our Jeep andfiguring things out and it was
like terrifying, because Liz isa planner and she is structured
and I was starting to work onbuilding a business while like
(16:10):
driving around the country.
That's great.
Speaker 1 (16:12):
That's something that I always see people doing.
I'm like man.
I wish I would have done that.
Speaker 2 (16:16):
Oh, you got time.
Speaker 1 (16:18):
Right.
Speaker 2 (16:19):
Oh yeah.
Speaker 1 (16:20):
Ain't that the truth?
I told my husband, when thekids are grown and gone, we're
going to sell everything.
And just when are you guyslocated?
Wanderlust, wilmington, northCarolina, right on the beach and
that's part of where that comesfrom.
Speaker 2 (16:34):
Like I'm from the Midwest and like when we went
out West, those people have itmore figured out.
Like you go to Colorado andlike on the weekend it's like oh
, you want to go, like hiking,or like you want to go kayaking,
you want to do this.
And it doesn't mean that wedon't have that, but it's very.
I think the West is a betterjob of like you just just just
(16:56):
go and do it, just go and do it.
I grew up, you know, like in theburbs of Chicago, so if we, you
know, it's like oh you can goto Starved Rock and it's like an
hour and a half away, but ohyeah, the difference between
suburbs and city living, forsure.
Speaker 1 (17:13):
Oh yeah.
What about people who feel likeI just don't have time, like I
feel like that's my one numberone weakness when it comes to
health?
I'm like I don't have time togo to the gym.
Oh, I don't have time to mealprep.
Oh, I don't have time to, like,go to the grocery store and
pick a bunch of healthy quinoaand salmon on a bed of asparagus
and shit and then come home andprepare that for my kids, who
are probably going to throw iton the floor.
Speaker 2 (17:33):
So I'm going to talk about a couple of different
things with that Cause.
I actually just had a workshopabout this of uh, and it sort of
morphed, while this always whathappens.
It was a prioritize yourselfwhen those around you don't.
And then, as we were commentingand talking and everything
during it, and I was like, okay,we're going to change gears
just a little bit here, um,raise your hand If you think
(17:55):
that part of this is maybeyou're just not prioritizing
yourself.
And what I mean by that rightis starting the reframing, kayla
.
So those days where you know,and at first it's just kind of
taking a step back, and what Imean by reframing is I'm going
to use, you know, like theoxygen mask example from being
(18:17):
in an airplane right, TotallyPlanes crashing.
Speaker 1 (18:18):
Put it on yourself before anyone else, right.
Speaker 2 (18:20):
Because you might not have the energy otherwise, and
that's such a simple example.
But you're like you know, youcan't pour from an empty cup.
I think it's first of sayinglike, okay, hey, kayla, we got
to reframe this a little bit tosay, you know, when we say we
don't have time, like as we'rekind of looking at the
(18:41):
priorities and things, this isand this is also where you start
to get kind of other peopleinvolved.
So first I think it's reallykind of having that conversation
with yourself.
And then when you have family,when you have spouses involved,
I think sometimes we start tosilo ourselves and it's like we
feel like, well, this is wherewe're at and this is everything
I'm supposed to be doing, butthen you don't have
conversations with anybody else.
I don't have that conversationwith my husband, with kids and
stuff.
But I did have that a lot in mycareer where I was taking on
(19:04):
everything and I wanted to makesure that I was the big bad
female boss and I didn't want toask for help from anybody else,
because then I was going tolook weak and then they wouldn't
want to promote me.
So I feel like it's like, andthat's very common, it's very
common, and so I think reallyone is that having that
reframing conversation withyourself, having some maybe
(19:24):
tough conversations wherethey're not always tough, I
think it's more of you're sortof scared of what the outcome
could be, whether it's with myclient, like with their kids,
like sitting them down, like allright, you guys are going to
start cooking once a week.
And they were like what?
And there was a littleresistance.
And then, when they understoodwhy, they were like, oh, mom
needs more time.
And then also knowing, on theflip side, there's never going
(19:48):
to be perfect time, there'snever going to be this perfect
like schedule, where you're likepop in the yoga class three
times a week and do this and ifand if that is the case, I think
it's more of and we can kind ofstart to go into this of how we
start to redefine, well, like,what's a workout and like what
does it mean to meal plan.
I actually just finished it andit's going to come out this
(20:09):
week, but I was starting towrite a sub stack about like, oh
, like quick meals for, like youknow, busy women, and then I'm
like, no, nope, we got to go, wegot to peel back a little bit
more and instead I was like,well, how do I cook and how do I
create that?
Like I have a system and mysystem is like I always have
(20:29):
certain things that are in thehouse that it's like okay, I got
five minutes, I'm going to oneof my favorite lunches.
Like throw a handful of wheatthins on there.
If it's not cheese, it's youknow, slice up some cucumber.
There's my little um, eitherpacket or cans tuna, maybe a
little bay belt cheese lunch,and so it's got protein, it's
got fire, it's got veggie, but Ididn't meal prep.
(20:53):
That it's a different, it's adifferent conversation and I
think it's like a shift ofmentality, really shift of
mentality.
And I think, again, that wholedefining of fitness, of like oh,
you got to get out your people,and I mean I love those people,
I'm friends with those peoplewhere, like, I used to spend
like three hours on Sundays mealprepping for the week and I
(21:16):
just never do that anymore.
I'm like, what were you doing?
And like why?
And it's just, I still eat thesame way, but it's like
different time.
It's like so I think it'sreally about taking that step
back and reframing and then fromthere creating a system or
something.
Um, or mini workouts, likelittle things where you're like
(21:37):
you know exactly why you'redoing what you're doing too.
It's like little things whereyou're like you know exactly why
you're doing what you're doingto, and it's also it's it's
you're creating habits that areuseful for you, Because, on the,
on the, on the back end, if youam I going with this, we got to
take away from these parameters.
I have this conversation with mydad all the time of like well,
(21:57):
I'm not going to go to the gymunless I have an hour.
I'm like, why, hmm, interesting, so you have to go for an hour.
Is that like a rule?
Do they like check it when yougo in?
You have to like sign off whenyou leave?
No, so, again, we got to getaway from these, these weird
parameters that were set up,where you got to be walking
around with your jug of gallonof water I hate that, by the way
(22:19):
, but we'll talk about that adifferent day Um, and you like
have to meal plan every singleday, and you got to do three,
you know, three workouts ofstrength and three workouts of
cardio.
Um, when we get down to theweeds with it, with clients, is
like, once we kind of know wherethey're at and their timing, I
will educate in terms of likehey, these are the like, these
are kind of the parameters thatwe're looking at of um making
(22:41):
changes with strength trainingand nutrition that are gonna you
kind of hit the um.
You got to do a certain amountof things in order to kind of
see a result, but it's usuallyit's much simpler and much less
time than people realize.
And that's coming from someonelike a trainer that like train
people for 55 minutes for many,many years.
Why did it have to be an hour?
(23:04):
Like, who made that up?
Because it worked in theschedule and it works for the
business and it works for how wegot paid and everything.
But did it work for theindividual, right?
And I think now, with healthand wellness and fitness and all
that good stuff, I like to callyou guys fitness consumers.
You have a lot more options now, like you don't have to go to
(23:27):
the gym, you have online classes, you have studios, you have
fitness equipment coming out ofyour ears.
Let's talk about the systemlike the outline, like the
framework of like 150 minutes ofcardio each week and strength
training and all that, and thenlet's just figure out, like, how
we're going to create a systemthat's going to work in Kayla's
(23:49):
schedule.
It doesn't matter what Liz'sschedule is, you know.
Speaker 1 (23:52):
Yeah, that's cool.
I like that idea of like how doI just build in tiny, tiny,
sustainable little fitness goals?
Speaker 2 (24:02):
Mm-hmm.
Speaker 1 (24:03):
Okay, so give me an example.
Like give me an example.
If you were working withsomeone and they were like I
don't have time to like eathealthy or work out, but I kind
of want to start to feel betterand less bloated, what could I
do?
What are what's like an exampleof little things you've helped
clients build into their life?
Speaker 2 (24:23):
Yeah, and it's actually really similar for both
.
So it started out with aprocess that I used with a lot
of clients not all, because notall of them.
You got clients that don't wantto learn.
They like show up, you trainthem and they leave.
That's cool.
But a lot of clients that I had,what we started to do in
training sessions was we had anongoing Google doc push, pull,
(24:45):
hinge, squat, core mobility andso, as we were doing the
workouts and stuff, if we did anexercise that they felt
comfortable with, I would add itto the list.
And so those days that theywent into the gym on their own,
like I'm like, picture my clientSaul.
He would bring in a sheet andit would say at the top choose
one to two exercises from eachcategory, perform this many reps
(25:06):
.
He was going to do a push andhe was going to do a pull.
So what could that look like?
So let's say, once we've kindof educated the client of like
okay, so I know I need to dothese different movements and
things like that, and okay, Iknow I want to do around 12 to
15 reps, couple sets.
That's going to help me, youknow, get the micro muscle tears
.
So I'm going to build muscle.
(25:27):
Once they kind of understandthat, it's like, okay, cool,
let's start writing.
And because obviously all myclients right now are online.
So then it's starting to talkabout what kind of equipment do
they have?
Are they going to a gym?
Is it just going to be at home?
And equipment do they have?
Are they going to a gym?
Is it just going to be at home?
And then, once we start tobuild out that format, then they
(25:48):
just have their sheet andthey're like, okay, cool, I got
10 minutes.
Right now, coffee is going.
You know, kids are still asleep.
I'm going to do a plank andthen I'm going to do some squats
, I'm going to do some pushups.
I got my banded row.
Oh, I got time for another set.
Cool, Just got that in.
All right, Awesome, I just gotmy strength training in and then
I already have programmed in mywalks for the week.
So you see what we just didthere right, yeah, I love that.
Speaker 1 (26:08):
Well, and I was picturing.
Do you watch Great British BakeOff?
No, watch it, it's almost likea hug.
You watch it and it's a hug.
So anyways, my husband and Iwatch that when we're sad
because it's friendly and theyhug each other and it's a
competition.
But in England they're moresupportive and kind and lovely
(26:29):
and whatever.
Anyways, we love that show.
And there's this little oldlady and she takes the beans
when she's waiting for her breadto be done baking and she just
goes back and forth lifting thebeans and she like swings her
legs and she's like picking upthe beans and then everybody
started doing it because it wasjust cute and funny and she's
like this is how I get my stepsin For all you busy peeps out
(26:54):
there.
Let's take this concept alittle bit further.
In psychology, this concept iscalled environmental design or
choice architecture, and it'sbased on principles of
behavioral psychology andoperant conditioning.
The idea is to shape yourenvironment to make behaviors
you want easier and moreautomatic, while making
undesirable behaviors harder.
(27:14):
So here's how it works Insteadof relying on willpower, change
your cues and triggers in yoursurroundings to support your
goals.
Here's some classic examples.
So, before you go to bed, if youwant to work out in the morning
, take your yoga outfit and yoursneakers and put them on top of
your dresser.
That way, as soon as you wakeup, you don't even have to think
, you just get into your workoutoutfit.
(27:35):
If you want to work out fromhome, keep weights by the coffee
machine, so every time you'rebrewing your cup.
You do a couple reps.
If you want to maybe havebetter sleep, keep your phone in
another room and put an actualold school alarm clock by your
bed.
These strategies work becauseit reduces friction for positive
(27:56):
behaviors.
You don't have to think aboutthem as much because it's more
automatic.
It's in your environment.
It also increases friction forhabits.
You're trying to break JamesClear's Atomic Habits.
Talks about this a lot and it'sa key part of behavioral
psychology and habit formationin therapy.
All right, let's get back to it.
Speaker 2 (28:15):
We've only evolved so far.
It's something which we can goon a lot of different tangents
on when we talk about the humanbody and how we've evolved.
We've only evolved, like so far.
So you know, and what I mean bythat is we lived so many years
depending on how long youbelieve we've been here for a
minute where we were very activeand we were moving around, and
(28:38):
now, all of a sudden, that'ssignificantly changed with the
industrial revolution which isnow being we'll just call it
like a hundred years.
So because of that, you know,when we talk about our activity
levels and everything, that'swhy I really try to get people
to be more creative with howthey see movement.
It's there, like you, and Ithink about have you watched um?
(28:59):
Have you watched night bitchyet?
There, like you, and I thinkabout have you watched um have
you watched night bitch yet?
no, but I want it on the list.
God, it's amazing.
Amy Adams does an amazing job.
Oh my god.
I love woman power, but I meanyou carrying your kids around
and you like walking to go tothe grocery store and doing all
this laundry, like that is labor, that is workout.
You know what I mean.
Speaker 1 (29:19):
I got a little Fitbit and I work Mondays, wednesdays,
fridays, tuesdays and ThursdaysI stay at home with my babies.
Okay, so the Fitbit said I getlike 2000 steps on days that I
work, work, and then on days ofmy other work my family, like
raising children 12,000 steps,easy, no sweat.
(29:42):
Think about it.
You're doing laundry, you'rewalking from one side of the
house to the other side of thehouse, you're tidying toys,
you're taking, emptying thedishwasher All of those things
are incredibly active those arethe clients I have.
Speaker 2 (29:59):
That like the work from homers that can get.
We just have to get morecreative.
Um, one of my peeps I haveright now she's out in Colorado
and we got a little bit morecreative in terms of like.
You know, she's like one ofthose back-to-back zooms and I
was like, okay, let's talk aboutall these zooms.
And, by the way, like whenpeople talk about their jobs, if
it's like not fitness orsomething, I'm like I don't know
(30:22):
what you do, I have noreference point.
Speaker 1 (30:24):
I call that CP ninnies.
When my husband talks aboutwhat he does, I'm like oh, CP
ninnies.
Okay, goodbye.
Speaker 2 (30:31):
Like Chandler Bing was, I don't know, but so one of
the things that we starteddoing was there were certain
Zooms that like she needed tohear but she didn't need to be
present.
So that's when she was likegetting in her mini workouts and
stuff like that.
Speaker 1 (30:44):
I love that idea.
I started translating my workcalls, some of my work calls
from Zoom, because I don't needto see you to audio, because I
think so much better when I walkLike when I'm on a phone call
and I pace, I can just generatemore ideas.
I don't know why, but it's athing, and so now I have once a
(31:05):
month I'll have this leadershipmeeting on a call instead, and
it just works for me.
I go on a little walk, then myexercise is done, my call is
done, I sit down, I do a reviewemail for myself so I can encode
the memory better, and that'sthe kind of thing you're talking
about.
Right, it's just like gettingcreative.
Speaker 2 (31:31):
Get creative Again.
Like same thing, whether it'slike at your job.
I think COVID did a lot ofchanges with this.
You know I was working atLifetime during and after COVID
and everything.
That's the last company Iworked for and you know we
started creating more where wewere having online meetings and
things like that, and it also itmade us change of like.
I don't need to be in my officefor that.
I used to take calls all thetime on headphones and I would
go like walk around chapcockcrossing and stuff, and it was
(31:54):
just like such a betterexperience Cause you'd be
surprised and it's like anythingelse, like being a manager in
fitness you wind up getting.
I used to mentor a lot ofmanagers and I'm like you got to
get out of your office.
That's not why they hired you.
Your people are out there, yourmembers trainers are out there
and if you're bought, you'regetting all this to bog you down
(32:16):
.
You're never going to get outthere and I'm like it's such a
great example of like everythingelse with, like fitness and
wellness is like you get stuckin this thing but everything
else is out there.
You got to get out there.
Speaker 1 (32:29):
The most valuable thing, not checking your email?
I agree with that Absolutely.
Just like being a good mom.
Being a good mom is not a cleanplayroom, like being a good mom
.
Being a good mom is not a cleanplayroom.
Being a good mom is sittingdown and playing cars, just
saying, you know.
I think there's this differencebetween what people think
qualitative means and whatqualitative actually is.
Speaker 2 (32:54):
Yeah, I think one of my best friends from college.
She moved back and so when I'min Illinois I usually get to see
her and her two kids and herand her wife.
And it's always funny where youknow kids act differently when
you have other people around andso you know there's like
they're screaming and there'syelling and they're always I'm
sorry and I'm like what can wedo?
(33:16):
Like, cause I always bring allthe food and I cook and stuff
and I'm like why don't you guysjust have a beer and like chill
out?
Speaker 1 (33:24):
Oh, you're my best friend type, because if you live
in Wilmington, north Carolina,and you are a friend that brings
over food and cooks, yeah, Iwill get you whatever you want
to drink.
You know what?
Speaker 2 (33:41):
And I learned a lot of that from once I was single
into like my 30s and stuff likethat.
I learned a lot from like myother single friends of it was
easy for me to get in my ownhead of like well, no one's
calling me anymore and like I'mby myself, and my other single
friends were like that's not howit works.
You're an adult, you know likeif you need something you need
to tell, tell us.
But I think for some of mygirlfriends and stuff that
things have happened.
(34:01):
I think I've also reallylearned too of like sometimes
people are really strugglingwhen you don't hear from them.
That's like when you got toreach out or like you know you
drop them a ten dollar Starbuckscard because it's like dude, I
feel like some stuff's going onand like, yeah, talk, like yeah,
we need to be better with thoseconnections because the more
that we kind of put ourselvesout there with that it's
(34:22):
actually not that we need it toreciprocate, but I think it just
opens up the whole conversationfor just less walls, less silos
.
Speaker 1 (34:31):
Yeah, and this whole idea of like, hey, to hang out
with a friend, everybody's gotto drop what you're doing.
Drive 20 minutes to therestaurant get dressed up, do
your makeup and hair Like no,just hey, come over, come over.
I'm building this load oflaundry and taking out the
dishes from the dishwasher.
Come over.
Speaker 2 (34:52):
Because that's life, you know.
I mean like I think those arethe kind of friends that we need
.
That's how I am.
My husband and I spend anobscene amount of time with each
other because we both work fromhome.
There have probably been threeinstances in the last eight
years where I've been away fromhim for more than two days.
Yeah, I'm so sick of my husbandtoo, but I love doing all the
(35:12):
basic shit with him.
I'm like we get to go to thegrocery store.
Speaker 1 (35:15):
Yay, I love that.
Yay, out of my freaking house,it's a prison.
My husband last night he gotoff work and he was like I could
cook or I could go get us tacosfrom Taco Tuesday, you know
whatever down the street, and Iwas like, okay, I'll go grab it.
And he goes oh, please, please,for the love of God, let me go
(35:35):
grab it, because I just need toget out of this space, this
freaking four walls closing inon me, and I'm like, oh, okay,
cool, you go pick up the tacos,I'll be here.
That was a very open, adultconversation that you had,
though it was pretty awesome.
Ah, being married to atherapist, poor guy, poor guy.
(35:55):
Do you want to talk about it?
I love that.
Some of our fights are if yousay the word validate one more
time, I'm going to fucking breaksomething and I'm like I get it
.
I totally get that All right.
So if you had one piece ofadvice for somebody who's on
this journey and wants to gethealthier, but is struggling
(36:17):
with this whole, like, hey, I doall the things I'm balancing.
What's your one piece of advice, your little golden nugget?
Speaker 2 (36:24):
Yeah, I think, um, I'm going to use the nugget that
I think about every day formyself is is be more, be more
kind to yourself.
Like listen to the voice that'sin your head and if it's not so
good, like start changing thatthat's in your head.
And if it's not so good, likestart changing that.
(36:44):
You know, because I think thatwe are constantly ruled by, like
the voice in our heads and, um,I mean, I'm like a pretty, I
love that person and stuff,right, but if it all stems from
there, all of a sudden, when youchange that voice, it starts to
bring down some of the walls oflike what does success mean?
What is like success in fitnessand nutrition in my life?
And like, what am I supposed tolook like?
And all that that starts to allstart to come down.
(37:06):
You start to ask yourselfdifferent questions.
So I think it really starts, atfirst of like, start listening
to that voice and give yourselfa little bit more.
We like to say the word grace alot in health coaching.
You got and I used to hatehearing that, but it's true Like
you got to give yourself somegrace, you know Compassion
whatever you want to call it,give yourself more of that shit.
Speaker 1 (37:29):
Self-love is I love you.
You are so much fun.
I feel like you and I need somewine and Cheez-Its in our life.
Yes, together, and I'm goinggonna be out east this summer,
so, hey, hit me up.
Well, and I was looking at yourwebsite and I'm like I could
use a coach that's gonna help meand and hold me accountable
with food and working out mybodies, even with my can of
(37:52):
beans.
Oh, my god I love that, myselfdoing that.
Speaker 2 (37:56):
You know the ski step side to side side to side all
those like my school, likevideos of like when you like,
when they started making likefitness machines for women and
stuff, and I'm like, oh my God,some of that stuff still works.
Speaker 1 (38:09):
But what about the one that shakes your ass?
The one that like oh my God,you know what I'm talking about,
right?
I do the one that goes behindthe hips and just shakes.
I feel like my whole body wouldjust wobble off if I was on one
of those machines, theShakeology stuff and the power
plate.
Speaker 2 (38:26):
Don't get on that stuff, guys.
All the research is bullshit.
I know I'm gonna get some hatemail after that.
One Don't get on anythingthat's vibrating unless it's in
your bedroom.
Speaker 1 (38:37):
Oh my God, all right, I'm dying.
Where can people find you?
If they want more from you andthey want to connect with you,
where can they find you?
Speaker 2 (38:46):
Totally.
Um, I can't believe I got thisdomain.
My website islizardrigascoachingcom.
Um, and then also you can findme on Substack, and it's
redefining health and wellnessfor women, I think.
I don't know, I always forgetthe name of it, but if you look
up Liz Rodriguez coaching, it'llpop up.
Um, so whether you are, youknow you want to set up a call
(39:07):
or something like that, or youkind of want to.
You know we all like to stalkeach other first on the site.
Speaker 1 (39:14):
This has been really lovely.
I really enjoyed it.
Maybe we could do another one.
I would love that.
Popular Podcasts
Are You A Charlotte?
In 1997, actress Kristin Davis’ life was forever changed when she took on the role of Charlotte York in Sex and the City. As we watched Carrie, Samantha, Miranda and Charlotte navigate relationships in NYC, the show helped push once unacceptable conversation topics out of the shadows and altered the narrative around women and sex. We all saw ourselves in them as they searched for fulfillment in life, sex and friendships. Now, Kristin Davis wants to connect with you, the fans, and share untold stories and all the behind the scenes. Together, with Kristin and special guests, what will begin with Sex and the City will evolve into talks about themes that are still so relevant today. "Are you a Charlotte?" is much more than just rewatching this beloved show, it brings the past and the present together as we talk with heart, humor and of course some optimism.
Dateline NBC
Current and classic episodes, featuring compelling true-crime mysteries, powerful documentaries and in-depth investigations. Follow now to get the latest episodes of Dateline NBC completely free, or subscribe to Dateline Premium for ad-free listening and exclusive bonus content: DatelinePremium.com
Stuff You Should Know
If you've ever wanted to know about champagne, satanism, the Stonewall Uprising, chaos theory, LSD, El Nino, true crime and Rosa Parks, then look no further. Josh and Chuck have you covered.