Shrink Shots: Therapy Terms 101 – Reparenting – Giving Yourself the Childhood You Wish You Had

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Did your childhood leave you with some emotional gaps? Enter reparenting—the process of giving yourself the love, support, and validation you may not have received growing up. In this quick Shrink Shots episode, we break down what reparenting is, why it matters, and how you can start healing old wounds by becoming the nurturing, compassionate parent you needed. Learn practical strategies to soothe your inner child, set healthier boundaries, and rewrite the messages that still impact your self-worth today.

💡 Topics Covered:
✔️ What is reparenting, and why does it matter?
✔️ Signs you might need to reparent yourself
✔️ Simple ways to start reparenting today
✔️ How working with a therapist can deepen your healing

If you’ve ever felt like you’re carrying emotional baggage from childhood, this episode is for you. Hit play and start giving yourself the care you deserve!

🎧 Listen now and don’t forget to subscribe for more no-BS mental health insights!

#Reparenting #InnerChildHealing #MentalHealthPodcast #EmotionalHealing #ShrinkShots

👉 Ask me a question or suggest a topic [e-mail]

Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:01):
When I first heard the term reparenting or inner
child work, it was like a gianteye roll for me.
However, as I worked more andmore with therapists as a client
and when I became a therapistworking with clients, I
eventually began to convert tothe woo-woo shit, because I saw

(00:23):
and embraced this idea thatpersonifying my little self
could be incredibly powerful inclinical work.
It also, to this day, stillstands as one of the most
powerful interventions that Iutilize with clients, once I
have a really good rapport withthem and we're breaking through
and we're ready to go into somedeeper emotional work.

(00:45):
So it's becoming more and morepopular in the world.
I think more and more peopleare talking about it, so I want
to break it down for you guysand give you a little bit of an
overview.
So here we go, let's talkreparenting.
Hey, I'm Kayla Riley, licensedtherapist, entrepreneur and mama
, just trying to keep my shittogether like the rest of you.

(01:06):
Welcome to Shrink Shots quickhit bonus episodes packed with
bite-sized insights onrelationships, parenting and
more.
No fluff, just real talk.
Let's do this.
Reparenting is exactly what itsounds like Taking on the role

(01:26):
of the parent you needed whenyou were younger.
It's about meeting youremotional needs now as an adult,
especially in the areas wherecaregivers might have fallen
short when you were a kid.
So it's rooted in inner childwork and the idea is that the
experiences we had as kidsshaped how we see ourselves, how
we see our emotions and how weshow up in relationships.

(01:50):
And if you grew up in a homewhere things were chaotic, where
emotions weren't validated,where love felt conditional,
passive, aggressive comments,critical parenting, maybe
neglectful parenting, that stuffreally fucking sticks with you.
It really impacts the way thatwe show up in our lives later.
So it's not about erasing whathappened to you.

(02:14):
It's not about blaming yourparents Although, let's be
honest, we all need a moment toprocess our anger and our
bitterness when we startrecognizing, you know, the
neglect or abuse that weactually went through.
But, friendly reminder, ourparents did the best they could
with what they had.
A lot of us are victims oftransgenerational trauma.

(02:37):
So when I work with clients andwe're doing inner child work, a
lot of times they getfrustrated because their parents
didn't.
You know, it's like thiseye-opening experience where
you're recognizing how much yourparents screwed you up.
But I think also it takes anelement of compassion.
You have to recognize that yourparents probably also were

(03:02):
victims of not so awesomeparenting.
Anyways, I digress.
We're not talking about blamingyour parents here.
We're talking about what youdidn't receive and how to figure
out how to give that toyourself now.
All right, if you want to knowif this could actually work for

(03:23):
you or help you, here are somesigns that you might need
reparenting.
One is you struggle toself-soothe.
So when things go wrong, youspiral out instead of comforting
yourself.
So maybe you're an overthinker.
Or maybe spiral out withdrinking or shopping or whatever
.
Plug in unhealthy coping skillhere.

(03:45):
Another sign is that you have aharsh inner critic.
So if the voice in your headbeats you up and tells you
you're not good enough or you'retoo much or you don't deserve
to rest, that means that youmight have internalized an
unhealthy voice of a parent andyou need reparenting.
So a lot of us learn how tothink based on what we witness.

(04:09):
I know that's kind of like amind fudge, but if you witness a
parent who, let's say, forexample, doesn't take care of
themselves, takes care ofeveryone else, kind of plays
that martyr like I just buy newclothes for you kids.
I never buy clothes for myselfbecause you're more important,
like you're witnessing that andthat is going to craft your

(04:32):
inner voice.
So this whole idea ofreparenting is trying to
reprogram that inner voice.
So there you go.
Another sign is you have a harshinner critic.
The next one, the next sign, isbeing a seeker of external
validation.
So if you absolutely needexternal validation to feel okay
, maybe it's in relationships orwork or just wanting someone

(04:56):
else to tell you that you'reallowed to exist.
So these are people whoconstantly need reassurance,
can't drop a fight, have to bedoing good and being recognized
at work in order to feel likeokay.
These are all examples ofseeking external validation.
Another sign that you mightneed reparenting is struggling

(05:18):
with setting boundaries.
Maybe it's because you weretaught that love means
self-sacrifice, or maybe it'sbecause your parents trampled
all over your boundaries whoknows?
But if you have a hard timesetting boundaries, this is
another sign.
So if any of this soundsfamiliar, if any of this sounds
familiar, keep listening,because we're going to talk

(05:39):
about what you can do about it.
The number one tip when we'rethinking about reparenting
ourself is working with atherapist or a coach.
So reparenting can bring up alot of grief, anger and
resistance.

(05:59):
It's one thing to startnoticing these patterns, but to
actually lean in and change them.
That's where a licensedprofessional can really be a
game changer.
A good therapist can help youidentify the beliefs that you
internalized, process theemotions that come up when
you're starting to deal with it,and develop tools and skills to

(06:20):
, like, rewrite the story youtell yourself in a healthy way.
So, if this resonates, considerworking with someone who
specializes in inner child workor attachment healing, because,
yeah, you can do a lot of thison your own, but you don't have
to If you are going to work onthese things by yourself.
Here are nice.
Here are four steps ofreparenting yourself One,

(06:44):
talking to yourself the way youneeded to hear it as a kid.
Two, giving yourself what youmissed out on.
Three, creating the structurethat you needed and didn't
receive.
And four, inner child work.
So talking to yourself the wayyou needed to hear as a kid is
reframing your thoughts.
So we talked earlier about howyou might have internalized a
parent's voice, and this isbasically overriding that or

(07:08):
reprogramming that.
So paying attention how youtalk to yourself in your head,
right, not out loud, although Ido talk to myself out loud.
I like myself, I'm my favoriteperson, anyways how you talk to
yourself in your head.
So, instead of things like whyare you so lazy?
Try you're tired, let's restInstead of get over it.

(07:29):
Try it's okay to feel sad.
Let's figure out what you needInstead of you're too much.
Try you're worthy of love justas you are and you taking up
space is okay.
So, number two giving yourselfwhat you missed.
If you didn't get nurtured,focus on self-care.
If you were pressured toachieve, practice resting

(07:51):
without guilt.
If your emotions weren'tvalidated, start validating them
for yourself.
Your emotions weren't validated.
Start validating them foryourself.
So try to identify what youdidn't receive from a parent.
That would be healthy.
A good way to do this is tothink about a kid you know now
and think about how your parentstreated you and think about how

(08:13):
you would do it differently.
If you are a parent.
This comes naturally.
If you're not a parent, youmight have to think of somebody
in your life, like, think of a10-year-old, or think of, you
know, your niece or nephew, andtry to imagine how you would
treat them, and that can kind ofbe instructional about what to

(08:33):
do for yourself.
All right.
Number three creating thestructure you need.
If you grew up in chaos,finding routines can be hard,
but you need to find some.
If you grew up feeling unseen,you have to find ways to express
yourself and to be heard.
Finding that voice.
If you grew up with noboundaries, start practicing

(08:54):
small, manageable ones.
So practice makes perfect,small changes.
Number four is that inner childwork.
What this means is picturingyourself at five, seven, 12
years old, maybe even finding apicture of yourself at that age
and learning to speak to yourlittle self.
I know that sounds woo woo, butit's really powerful.

(09:17):
So what did that version of youneed to hear?
Can you say it to yourself?
Now?
Most people and most clients ofmine, when they start doing
this work, it brings up a lot oftears, a lot of feelings, a lot
of anger towards their parents.
But all that means is you're onthe right path.
Lean into the feelings.

(09:39):
You have to feel it in order toheal it right and start giving
yourself what you're missing.
It's very transformative.
Reparenting is about recognizingwhere your emotional needs
weren't met and giving yourselfthat care now.
It's not about erasing the past.
It's about changing how youtreat yourself right now, in the

(10:00):
present.
So next time you're being hardon yourself, ask yourself what
would I say to little Kayla?
Obviously, your name probablyisn't Kayla, but you get it.
Boom, now you've got somethingto think about.
If this hits home, share itwith a friend, or tag me on
Instagram atnotyourtherapistkayla Shrink.

(10:20):
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