November 6, 2023 • 57 mins
Did you know that the secret to a successful relationship is about much more than just physical attraction? In this candid discourse, we plunge into the importance of deeper connections and how the beauty of personality, interests, and values outlast mere looks. This episode is a roadmap to the complexities of relationships, a lighthouse guiding you through the stormy seas.
Ever heard of the 80-20 rule in relationships, or struggled with balance in time spent on gaming and other needs of your partner? As we uncover these issues, we elucidate the criticality of open communication about long-term goals and realistic compromises, right down to contentious topics like reallocating budgeting from leisure to essentials. We don't shy from addressing tricky matters such as outside interference in relationships or addressing a partner's gaming habits, providing you with insights to ensure it doesn't affect your relationship negatively.
Finally, we don't leave you hanging about handling criticism constructively. The conversation concludes with tips on effective communication to ensure a fulfilling relationship. So, buckle up as we explore these realms that can either make or break relationships. Our episode promises a deep dive into maintaining and navigating the challenges in relationships; it's all about understanding, balance, and effective communication. Tune in and let's navigate this intricate maze together.
Go to http://www.overcometoobecome.com to see all of the Video Podcasts and the other podcasts under the "Overcome 2 Become" YouTube Channel
Follow M at @overcometoobecome and T at @tress_city on Instagram
Email us at overcometoobecome@gmail.com for thoughts, comments and show suggestions. Come join the discussion
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
M (00:04):
People's welcome back to on the mic with the M and T today,
ladies, can you bring more tothe table than just your looks
and Sex.
T (00:19):
But is it?
And we want to know why Like wejust like?
Hmm, because it's assuperficial as the same right,
mm-hmm.
Why is sex and looks not enough?
I feel like the question has tobe explored and answered.
M (00:38):
Let me do for men.
For men, the first thingattracts us to you is your looks
.
We'll know about sex.
We know your looks you look atabsolutely so from that point
was a hey, and you know how youlook, you kind of be back on my
like that one to talk to her, tokind of get to know her.
Don't talk to her, I want tobang it or I don't really know.
(00:58):
So I just gonna talk to and seewhere she falls in the paradigm
, right.
But you know, once I kind oftalk to you, oh she's really
that bright, but she is fine.
No, she got a nice booty on her.
T (01:11):
Oh, so in other words, as soon as I open up my mouth.
So I'm gauging thatconversation right.
That adds to the attraction, ohyeah, or or.
Or it takes away.
It depends right.
It can add to or it can takeaway exactly because for us you
find any sport.
So now you're like superattractive, right, because it's
(01:32):
a difference between being likefine and then being like
attractive to someone, right,and For a mature person, like
going into a relationship.
You want to make certain thatthe person who you're dealing
with is, like attracted to youright, Absolutely more than just
like oh no, my girl, you knowshe's a nice looking woman, like
(01:53):
, because a lot of people arenice looking right now.
You want to be attracted tothat person.
M (02:00):
Absolutely, and then from there you kind of judge where
you want to go.
That means you talk andconversate.
Also, that doesn't mean swipeleft and right.
That means actually need totalk, which is the shit that
pissed me off now, this whole.
Oh, I can swipe left and right,motherfucker.
You can look at her picture,but you don't know her.
How do you know?
So I'm you by swiping.
T (02:18):
That's the first thing we just talked about.
Right, you know if they're nicelooking, but you don't know,
like if they're reallyattractive to you, right?
M (02:25):
Exactly, a lot of people say you know, she was fine when I
was swiping, swiping through,and I've talked to she, dumb as
shit.
Yeah she ain't got nothinggoing on.
T (02:32):
There's nothing in common.
M (02:33):
No, because you text.
The problem is you texted allthe time.
Oh, she's good on text, you gottime on text, so you can't
sound good on text.
But when she started talking toyou start the diminutive
dominant this.
You know, oh, that ain't what Ithought what?
T (02:46):
no, she text you or you like a fast life, and I may be like a
little more of a slow-pacedlife.
M (02:51):
Absolutely right, but when?
T (02:52):
we just chilling, kicking it and we're just texting, you know
, throughout the day, right, thepace is sort of kind of what we
created to be as opposed to thereality right.
Absolutely really don't get toknow each other until we really,
you know, sit down, kick it and, you know, exchange a
conversation with each other.
M (03:13):
Absolutely.
And then by that time we'relike, okay, then we're gonna try
to gauge you.
So, okay, she got some sense,she's pretty.
T (03:19):
Or she don't got sense.
She don't got sense, right.
M (03:21):
Oh lord, she don't got sense then.
Then you just say how long it'sgonna take before I get to the
booty, or how many looks does ittake For me to get to the
silver or maybe you just tryingto get rid of this situation.
T (03:34):
Not every situation you want to touch.
Like you, you might want tododge some bullets, oh yeah yes,
and you ask those criticalquestions, like you ever.
M (03:43):
The kids.
T (03:44):
How is that the most critical question?
Wow, possibly.
M (04:06):
You know, but it cuz for us.
I'm gonna look at you so damn,especially certain age.
You get to your late 20s or 30s.
Mac Da Don (04:13):
I'm gonna say damn she probably may have one kid.
M (04:17):
Okay, you know, I'm assume, but I may be wrong by one ass.
I don't want to just get allwrapped up in you, you know come
up in the conversation, I wouldassume, at least by the second
date.
T (04:27):
But do something when they come up in conversation.
Mac Da Don (04:29):
No, I was real strong.
T (04:32):
Yeah, wow it's the first question and don't you have to
beat around a bunch, but like inan organic conversation, like
the first thing you're gonna sayis this so how many kids you
got?
Mac Da Don (04:49):
You have really nice hair and I think your house is
really pretty.
T (04:58):
You know, I feel like.
Mac Da Don (05:04):
Yeah, I'm gonna get some heat for this, mama said
anyway, we're gonna setthemselves up a failure.
Oh what the conversationstarted and say you know what
else I need to bring besides sexand looks right.
When you get older, naturallylooks the client, regardless of
if you're a man or woman.
Mm-hmm.
Yes, so if you bring looks insex to the table.
T (05:27):
It looks go away eventually, Right to a certain extent, yeah
you still ideally if you findthe right person grandma, some
grandma's who kept it together.
Mac Da Don (05:38):
Most like you.
Most people are gonnadeteriorate with a.
T (05:41):
Everybody is right yeah.
Mac Da Don (05:42):
And so like.
Ideally, you find somebodywho's attracted to you
Regardless.
That's the hope that you'rewith.
T (05:51):
So I was not superficial as a woman right man, right right,
and that's the idea how you'regonna get there exactly like you
ideally want to have somebodywho, like, even when you start
getting older, like.
Mac Da Don (06:02):
No, she's just as beautiful to me as a day that I
met her.
T (06:05):
He's just Because you just still is genuine right, more
than just your look exactly.
Mac Da Don (06:11):
But if that?
But let's say he only likes youfor your looks, right, right in
your looks.
Deterioration.
Now that's one out of two down.
Yeah, so now you have a sex.
A lot of times women will stateas I as you have kids or as you
get older, life stress hashappened, sex kind of me.
I don't really need to have sexevery day.
I'm kind of tired today.
(06:31):
I don't really want to do thisBecause you're home.
T (06:40):
No, I didn't know, I didn't.
Women's libido increases as shegets older.
No Well, I'm not at the brown40.
M (06:50):
Yeah, okay, and then what?
T (06:51):
what are y'all trying to claim the men is doing at that
age?
Mac Da Don (06:54):
because Well, no, no .
So here's what I'm saying, notthat like, not that like all of
a sudden women's is not gonna dosex.
I'm saying is that there's alot women who will Naturally
kind of feel pressure to havesex with their men when they're
in the dating phase until theyget the right, because they're
not really that kind of.
They're not really that kind ofpeople, right.
(07:16):
But if you bring sex and looksat table, you look's gonna go in
eventually.
You stop giving sex.
Then you in a relationship witha guy sitting there wondering
what the fuck am I getting outof this?
T (07:26):
So can I, can I, can I kind of regurgitate with you saying
what?
I heard you said so.
Are you saying that perhaps inthe dating phase You're more
willing to pull out the tricksand then, when you're settled
down, the love life is just alittle more settled?
Okay, I mean, and that's fine.
Sleepin.
Mac Da Don (08:02):
Work today like nigga, I'm tired, you time we
just trying to go big.
The problem becomes is that ifyou doing convent of ceiling
every night, we are dating andthen you get married like my
bones are, I'm not supposed tobe, I hate heights, I, you know,
I just was doing an issue butlike fuck all that, yeah, then
it's gonna feel so a guy like abeating switch, like okay, yeah,
(08:27):
you, you, you was doing allthis one before the rain that
gave you the ring and now Iain't got shit to show.
T (08:35):
No, that was a big switch.
I got right.
Mac Da Don (08:38):
Got him.
Yeah, yeah it makes sense whythat happens, but I think that's
where it falls apart.
T (08:45):
Yeah, so that's that whole idea where you really need to
secure that.
That's something more is beingbrought there, right, because
the sex like on both sides ofthe table, right, everybody's
gonna be out there doing themost right you like you're doing
to do.
And, yeah, eventually, like no,I gotta go work 40, 60 hours
this week.
I'm not doing all of those.
(09:11):
That is true, but it's based onthose two things based on sex
only and the sex is gonna do asex.
That was gonna be great, andthen it's just gonna be.
You know it's gonna be just I.
You know, sometimes it's just.
M (09:24):
I, you know we get to that point where you know you're done
, yet oh, what?
Oh?
Oh, yeah, yeah, you're done.
Yeah, keep it, keep going yet,like you know, two, three
seconds I should be done.
But you know, for guys we go tothat thing cuz we get older,
mm-hmm.
You know, guys, take care ofyourselves, stay healthy, eat
(09:48):
right, because if you don't eatright, you're gonna have that
problem.
T (09:52):
See, and that goes to the woman that you're attracting
right, so you attract the rightwoman and she will make certain
that you are eating right, right, that we are taking care of
ourself as a couple or as afamily, right, I lead how the
family kind of conductsthemselves in the world and what
we're consuming and how we'rekind of going about basically
(10:14):
the lifestyle that we as afamily are living.
Mac Da Don (10:17):
And I think that's kind of it is a great point.
But I think that also goes backto, like the health station
what do you bring to the table?
Part of that ideally when youfind a woman is you find
somebody who helps direct thefamily, Like she makes sure that
like you go to that damndoctor's appointment.
T (10:35):
Yeah, and she took off her work.
You was complaining about yourbag.
I'm in the car with you, yeah,yeah, because you know I should
never remember the fucking case,or not.
You come home.
I mean, what did the doctor say?
Oh, you said, oh, no, nothing.
M (10:49):
Now, you're gonna show up at the next one.
T (10:50):
Yeah, I'm talking about all of them now, because now you
can't be trusted, right?
But we create this lifestyle.
M (10:56):
Absolutely.
T (10:57):
And there's.
Do you have to bring more thanthe sex and the looks to the?
Don't leave those off right,cause that would be dumb.
No, that would be dumb.
M (11:08):
No, and the thing is that's a part of it.
T (11:09):
It's a part of it.
That's absolutely a part of it.
You got the entire puzzle.
M (11:12):
It's not like two pieces of sex and looks, but it's a part
of the overall puzzle and Ithink a lot of people don't
really think about it becauseyou get tied up in the emotional
part of it.
They know the looks and shefinding all this.
But again, if you decide tokeep her or she decides to keep
you or you decide to keep eachother.
T (11:28):
No, I mean, we're talking specifically about the woman.
That's fine.
M (11:31):
Yeah.
So she decides to be okay, I'mgonna go ahead and roll.
Then you have to bring morethan just that.
T (11:36):
Yes, you do.
M (11:36):
And if you can't bring anything more than that, you
should not be dating anybody.
You should be figuring out whoyou are, which is another thing.
Women need to get themselvesright or straight, or know who
they are before they startbringing somebody else to their
time fuller of their fuckery.
Because you come to us as acomplete package.
We said that on previouspodcasts that you have to be a
complete person before youdecide to get into any
(11:57):
relationship.
T (11:58):
You should be.
M (11:59):
So when you present yourself, you should be the complete
package, not.
This is kind of what I am, andmaybe he can add or fill in the
parts of me that I'm not toocool with.
That's not his job.
His job is to love you for whoyou are.
Mac Da Don (12:13):
I think that whole I took the job for both sides,
just to love each other for whothey are.
Problem is that women thinkthey can change their niggas and
men think they, you know sheholds the beat.
M (12:21):
Oh, yes, yes and that's the issue.
Mac Da Don (12:23):
If you're constantly thinking he or she is cool if,
and only if.
Or would be really really niceif she, it'd be really really
nice if he.
Nah, you already bad in athousand, because what you've
been saying Attentional thinkingyes, exactly, and that's the
problem.
M (12:38):
I've heard women over the years say that exact same quote
that the producers just saidhe's a nice guy, he's a good guy
, but this, but that, but this.
But I'll change him.
T (12:47):
It's like the idea of us building together being
distorted right, because theidea of somebody like completing
me, right, or us growingtogether right.
Because someone who's not in thesituation?
Right, You're not growing withsomeone.
(13:07):
Perhaps you see a couple who'sgotten older and you see what
they've kind of accumulated overthe years and you're thinking,
hmm, maybe I can acquire suchthings as well, right, Maybe I
can acquire real estate and goon nice trips, but only if I had
someone else to help me dothose things, Cause I got a
decent job, I can manage fundsand all those things.
(13:30):
But you're thinking only if Ihad someone to do those things
with me.
So now you're out searching foryou know a life partner to help
acquire you know things with,as opposed to searching for a
life partner to basically serve.
Right, you have it backwards,right, Would you two come
(13:51):
together and choose and are ableto build right and grow to
right?
That's great, but thatshouldn't be like the thing that
dictates why you're looking forsomeone else, Because then it
truly is like well, what are youbringing to the table and do
you understand what you'rebringing to the table?
Is that really a value for theother partner?
M (14:13):
Absolutely, and men just generally, just don't change
overnight.
You see, you pretty much seewhat you get.
You know there's always roomfor change, always.
You can always change something.
But, what you see.
Pretty much is what he is.
T (14:26):
Yeah, I want to say I mean, I don't, y'all don't change at
all, like what you talking about, at what age that you're
meeting this man, like you meeta guy over the age of 30.
I don't know what changes thatman is gonna and perhaps he
becomes enlightened about, likemaybe the music he wants to
listen to, right, perhaps hebecomes enlightened about you
(14:48):
know his food choices or maybeyou know his gym habits, like
small things like that.
But overall you know hispersonality, his morals, you
know his standards in life.
Those tend to be set in stonefor you know, basically the
adult.
M (15:05):
And that's why women have to understand that, no matter how
much you put on him or what youdo to him, unless he's willing
to change it, he's never gonnachange.
Mac Da Don (15:15):
Same thing with women.
M (15:16):
You're not gonna change If I say you know what?
You got a little stank attitudeyou need to work on Now.
If you don't think of a stankattitude, you're not gonna work
on yourself.
He'll get used to it.
No, I'm not.
T (15:26):
And so that goes right back to that 80-20 rule, right, like,
either you're gonna accept thatand chop that up to basically
that 20% that you know I'm notable to give to you and the 80%
that I do give, you know thatfills you all the way.
Well, you gotta carry on.
You can't stick around somebodywho you only feel like they're
(15:47):
giving you.
You know 30%, 40% of what youneed and you're hoping for you
know that other 40% to kind ofbe that potential that builds
and that he changes into.
Like, oh, one day, you know,he'll get himself together.
Oh, one day, you know, he'llget a better job.
Oh, one day, you know.
You just know, know what wedoing today.
(16:10):
That's what we got to be willingto accept people at, and growth
is great, but if you're notokay with where, like the woman
is at right there, then what yougonna do?
I would have what?
M (16:26):
Now you have to make a decision.
T (16:27):
What are you gonna do?
M (16:29):
Because she is who she is in turn, like in essence, right,
that's so true, and then youhave to ask yourself God damn,
don't want to spend the time inthe effort.
Mac Da Don (16:38):
So I think what ends up fucking up it's funny that
you were going where you weregoing makes a lot of sense.
People I feel like that's wherethe dating of younger women
come from from men is the falseidea that if you date somebody
older, right, she's already kindof set in her way.
(16:58):
So she's not really a motherlytype, but she's not really a
homemaker, she's more of ago-getter.
Then you meet her you 35, youmeet her at 35, you gonna deal
with her, however, the fuck sheis right.
So now you're trying to findsomebody who's of that age,
who's gonna be able to kind ofside in with what you need,
right?
Just like women trying to finda guy who kind of side in with
(17:20):
what they need.
Problem is that if she's 35 andsingle, she's probably not
gonna be the person that youlooking for.
Not because she's older, butbecause if she's not a homemaker
at that point, she's probablynot gonna become one.
Just like if a guy's died ableto provide for himself at 35
(17:41):
years old, he probably not gonnabe able to provide for both of
y'all after that.
No, I mean, it's just not gonnahappen.
You watching, right?
He?
T (17:47):
always on the sidelines delivering those cold hard truth
, because we have to because weare looking at a shattered
dating world.
M (17:56):
It's a war.
By the way, people, I have afatigue because it's a war that
we're in.
It's a war and I don'tunderstand why we're in this war
.
T (18:04):
It's like if you come to the table you know, it's like a
control piece too, I guess,right Caught up in the chaos and
the frenzy, you don't.
You know you can't really doanything else.
M (18:18):
Oh God it's be chaotic, and you know, in the frenzy yeah,
it's crazy everybody, for I'vetalked to people from age 30 to
age 60 who are going through thesame problem, which is crazy,
because you think 30 will have acertain problem.
40 years you will have 15, 60.
T (18:35):
You mean among singles dating .
M (18:37):
Yes okay.
You would think there would bedifferent, because a 30 year old
will have a certain set ofproblems in the 60 year old, the
60 year old and basically livetheir lives and they're looking
for a certain type of person.
But the 30, the 40, the 30, the40 and 50 and 60 year olds are
having the same problem.
So what the fuck it's like?
Let him talking to him andthey're talking to me.
I was.
(18:59):
I talked to a guy recently andhe said he'd been married for 15
years and he shouldn't havegotten married and he should not
have gotten married 15 yearsago
15 years ago.
He should have gotten marriedbut he got tricked.
He said you know, she wasbeautiful she and I use no names
because he'll know when he seesthat's me he said I murdered 15
(19:22):
years ago.
She was fine, she was doing allthis stuff from, she was
cooking and all that.
And then, all of a sudden, yeartwo, she stopped cooking, she
stopped looking, it's fine,taking care of herself.
And I was like, what did she do?
He said, well, she's a militaryperson.
Okay, so she stopped doing allthat.
And he said well, you know,thought maybe you know, once she
got out, that should dodifferently.
Well, she got up, became apolice officer and he said this
(19:44):
got worse and worse.
You got to a point now he saidhe look at her and he's like
this is Diving the person that Iget married.
And I said well, why are youstill there?
He said I'm scared to leavebecause I'm scared, at my age
and he's 50, to leave and try tofind someone else, because the
women I've seen I hear it couldbe another trick bag, it could
(20:04):
be.
They look this way and I hookup with him and now and up here
he's.
But I am not happy.
I'm married, but I should bemarried.
I should have never married itbecause she tricked me.
T (20:12):
Is she why she did not trick him?
Mac Da Don (20:16):
If you, if you do something while you're dating if
you do Something, period whileyou're dating and then you get
married and then you stop doingthe thing that you did before
you were dating.
I'm thinking, ideally, what youdo in dating should be an
analog for what the marriageshould look like.
T (20:34):
I think she was doing it for the first two years of the
marriage as well.
I think what ended up happeningshe was she too was in the
service.
She came, she separated fromthe military.
It became a retired from themilitary, so she secured one
retirement and she wanted tosecure a second retirement.
That's what she's basicallydoing and that's see, that's
(20:55):
that's a conversation for familyplanning.
They, they kind of missed thatright there.
Right, he didn't.
It sounds like he didn't needthat extra bag that she wanted
to go out and secure no and whatyou sacrifice, or with the
(21:15):
woman sacrifices and theworkforce.
You are sacrificing something.
If you're not at home All day,you go out, you work, you're too
tired to come home now and cookand clean and tend to and, oh
you know, let me, you know,bring you down, kind of like
(21:37):
cater to the man type of thing.
Like no, I don't feel like it.
Because first of all you toldmy she left out of the service
to go be a Full-time policeofficer no, see, first of all,
no, that's a different type ofstress.
And then you tell my some go,be stressed out and Disrespected
by you know the generalcommunity and come home and you
(21:57):
know, be your wife, like and besoft and do the cooking.
And that was poor familyplanning and sometimes in
relationships, you know, poorfamily planning Can feel like
disrespect.
But perhaps that wasn't theintention.
So you got to kind of treadcarefully there because this,
this nightmare that he's feelingin the right now, it might be
(22:21):
something that you are deliveredfrom in your retirement and you
might have the best years ofyour life being married to that
woman.
Mac Da Don (22:28):
Yeah, but damn, I've been together for 13 fucking
years.
I ain't seen shit.
I just don't know.
T (22:33):
I Know she, she did miss the mark.
They missed the mark is whatI'm saying.
Yeah, and I don't think thatshe did anything, you know, with
deceit, like I don't think shepulled any wolves over the man's
head.
But perhaps it doesn't dawn onthem that when she go back into
(22:55):
the workforce, like she's notgonna be able to provide for the
household the way that he'swanting to be provided for,
especially a man from that, youknow, generation like before
like Couple podcasts going on,even think it's out.
Mac Da Don (23:12):
I think it's one of those podcasts we have in the
can.
We talked about a study that Itold you guys that already, how
they were grading what youthought you were doing well in
terms of points.
Yeah, I think this is a reallygood example of how two people
think they're providingsomething.
Yeah it's a net negative forboth yeah she's thinking I'm
bringing the connection dollarsto the house.
(23:33):
I got a motivation.
I'm driving.
I'm driven like I'm reallyenjoying what I do.
Bubble, he's sitting on likedamn.
He really just straight up,hold me out of my dinner.
I'm my good-looking wife andyou just run around here just
being being a piece of shit tobe in regular.
T (23:47):
You're right, like the rest of the women, like girl, I
thought you went into theservice and retired early still.
You know you could be my queennow, and now you are a driving
regular wearing police.
Perhaps for him.
You know, he probably gave thethumbs up in the okay and
(24:08):
support and didn't really thinklike that's not the life that I
want.
And you know, once she in andshe's like why am I doing this
to retirement?
Because that's what she'saccustomed to.
Absolutely and she got thoseyears left in her body, she
feeling like a week.
But as women, I think sometimeswe have to slow down and kind
of help direct that show likenah, let us raise our own
(24:33):
children right, give us a fewyears to be at home, let us be
part-time in the workplace andlet us sit down and actually
plan out.
You know our family and ourfinances and how we're going to
afford certain things.
So you know precious moments,don't just pass us by, because
to me I Think what this man issaying is I don't get to enjoy
(24:58):
your beauty.
So by the time we get toretirement and we got the money,
you know we out on the islandsin Hawaii.
You know Now you're lookingregular, yeah, faded, and it's
not to say you know she's bad.
Mac Da Don (25:13):
You know bad-looking woman, but you know the woman
that the attraction also fadestoo, because you both that
resentment build up, and that'sthe other thing, because it
doesn't matter, because you,that's a years of.
T (25:26):
Scar tissue.
Yeah, you got that, layers ofthat, that.
But If you want it, you know,hopefully I'm afraid for this
couple.
M (25:36):
Yeah.
T (25:36):
I'm hoping that you know it's like that little pot of gold at
the end of the rainbow and youknow it's just all Fairy tales
and and ponies, you know?
M (25:47):
Yeah, I hope so too.
And I told him I say, hey, man,look at the podcast.
And he, he's part of podcast.
I ain't gonna show his name,but you're part of the park, I
saw it, thank you.
She said I gotta look, I gottafind out, gotta get my life,
because at 50 he's like somebodywho's 18 crazy 50 year old, is
(26:08):
in an 18 year old stage becausesomehow he told me other things
and I ain't going to talk aboutit on the podcast, but other
things that that really helpedhim back and he thought this was
gonna change his life, gettingmarried and all that and it
changed it, but not for what hethought not to.
Also told him communicationskey.
T (26:26):
How old were they when they got married?
M (26:29):
In the 30s.
T (26:30):
Okay.
M (26:30):
Yeah, it was in the 30s.
He was, yeah, he's 5035 when hegot married.
I think she's 30, so like afive year difference, he's older
than she is.
Okay so I see you got tocommunicate, and that's what a
lot of people don't realize well, you got to communicate for the
short term and the long term.
T (26:46):
Constantly communication because if you don't have like
that long-term conversation, youdon't see the family for the
long term and you just live forthe short term and you get like,
well, we only got here, we'restill not comfortable, you don't
see the overall picture.
So that's when stuff gets shaky.
M (27:04):
That's the problem today's, where everybody wants to quit
the tick tock that boom, boom,boom.
T (27:09):
We're in the instant, yeah instant Graphication.
M (27:12):
I don't give a damn what I got.
Take a pill, take a shot, takea drink, take whatever.
I need it now.
T (27:17):
Give it to me right now, you keep going to get that rush.
M (27:20):
Well, if you keep me, never rush early, there's nothing
later on, because eventuallylife happens, yeah, and you look
at so, whoa, you ain't the sameperson that used to be.
And you're gonna say, oh,you're not the same person, but
you never communicated, becauseyou'll always try and get that
initial high, because that'swhat you kept going and that's
how you started, yep.
So the thing is, you can't yousay, oh, it's gonna be this way
(27:40):
forever.
No, it ain't.
It's the fucking beginning theygonna be.
Oh, it's gonna be beautiful andit's gonna be unicorns and
flowers.
No, no, no, that's the fuck.
That's a fake reality rightthere.
Mac Da Don (27:51):
I think the issue, though, is yeah, we say here to
take communication, but I thinkcommunications Like if the
problem had three steps, it'slike half a step into fixing the
problem.
The other step and a half issaying compromise.
T (28:09):
That's the hardest thing, I don't care what, none of y'all
think Well, that comes in theplanning part and that is the
hardest part.
Mac Da Don (28:15):
That is the most difficult thing.
People don't want.
T (28:18):
I think sometimes it stops the conversation Like you know
what, if we can't compromise onthis, we're not even going to
handle it.
We're just going to let lifetake over and play it out.
M (28:29):
And then that's again.
T (28:29):
You get back to that shaky situation.
And now you uncomfortable, andnow he uncomfortable, and now we
uncomfortable around each other.
And I'm looking at you allstank face and you looking at me
stank face because you overthere hungry and I'm over here
lights.
I know he don't think I'm aboutto make him nothing to eat.
I just worked all day long.
M (28:49):
Yes.
T (28:49):
And now we out here resenting each other Like he couldn't
even go to the grocery store andhe over there looking at me
like she didn't go to thegrocery store, like come on Now.
We being petty in the world ofInsta cart, we arguing about who
didn't go to the grocery store.
M (29:03):
Oh, and let me get you more pettier.
He comes in with food and don'thave shit for you.
T (29:08):
I got my two big pieces of biscuit.
We got right now.
I got my two big pieces ofbiscuit.
I'm not going to feed that shitto the dog when you cook
another one.
M (29:14):
I'm buying my own shit.
You get your own you just wentout for self.
Self.
T (29:18):
Wow, that's how shit gets started, yeah.
Mac Da Don (29:21):
I had one guy.
T (29:21):
I had one guy years ago he sat in my chair and he said to
me you know he was just talkingabout his lady friend and you
know this situation in the houseand he was like I mean, it's
not, it's not looking good, it'snot looking good.
And he was like the thing Iunderstand about women is, you
know, she decided she's going tostop doing my laundry,
(29:43):
specifically my why?
I say reason why you ain't gotyour own, you know, chicken
sandwich, I guess to live yourlife for yourself, you know, to
alienate, like you don't want todo for me, I'm not going to do
for you, oh damn.
And what he was saying is don'tis, is not going to work, like
how you want it to work right,like you didn't manipulate the
(30:04):
situation and your favor right.
Yeah, that's right he just goingto go do his laundry and
eventually he going to go do himlike I'm I'm on my way out now.
So you thought that you stoppeddoing his laundry to make him
kind of pay attention and pitchin more, so to speak.
Right, you thought you went outand got your own food to make
her like, oh so if he going toget his own food, I should maybe
(30:27):
start cooking for him now.
But it's not the right way togo about things.
You never get the end result.
You only get a girl who'ssitting there looking at you
like, oh, he couldn't get mesomething to eat all the times.
I had made him a meal, and nowI come in the house, I'm tired,
I'm overworked and I couldn't,you know, cook for the both of
us.
And he had the energy enough togo out and get himself a meal
(30:49):
and he couldn't at least get mea meal and at least he still got
clean underwear in his drawer.
Mac Da Don (30:54):
I won't tell you.
T (30:55):
But you know, he's mad, mad because I didn't cook for him
tonight I do it so well.
I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm
sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'msorry.
Mac Da Don (31:04):
I'm sorry.
I'm sorry, I'm sorry.
I think that's a perfectexample, though.
It's like there's just twopeople who think like oh man,
fuck that again.
T (31:15):
Yeah, like they fuck each other, and think you're gonna
get like a better result fromthe situation and you're not
gonna break it down thesituation that you really wanted
to build up.
You, real life, want this girl.
You, real life, want that man.
Mac Da Don (31:32):
Yeah so.
T (31:32):
I'm sitting there on my butt.
I'm so tired, get your ass upso tired.
Mac Da Don (31:36):
I'm just saying like look there's nothing wrong with
saying you know what I'm reallytired of making like dinner by
myself every night.
I don't understand how, likepeople just don't say don't sit
there and say you know what, I'mtired of doing this.
I feel like I'm being underappreciated, like, hey, I would
like for you to cook a meal orlike take me out to dinner or
(31:56):
whatever, something to balancethis shit out.
This goes back to the planet.
Yeah, just balancing it out.
Wanting to do it because youguys want to say like I'm trying
to keep a peaceful home.
I don't understand people whosay you know what fuck in my
house is the chaos.
T (32:12):
It'd be all right.
No, you can't do anything inthe chaos?
M (32:16):
No, and let me tell you this T the one thing that all men I'm
speaking for all men want whenthey come home is peace.
T (32:24):
Don't know.
Sometimes I create the chaos somuch I want peace.
Create shit, stirring shit up.
We want peace.
M (32:30):
We want peace, we don't want to come home after a long day.
We're taking shit from peoplewe don't like.
We have to.
At least can we come home, walkthe door, get a.
Hey how you doing, baby, it'sgood food ready.
You know I'm going to get mylittle drink and everything and
I asked you how you're going togo.
Everything cool, everythingcool.
(32:51):
I'm sitting in the chair andjust so on a little bit, maybe
play some some gaming, becausethat's the biggest thing,
because that's the big.
Thing now see back in the day itwas so, back and let me have a
drink and look at TV.
Now there's a lot of guys.
They want to come home and gameand guys that said that to me
said man, can you talk about?
Why can't I game?
My girl can say it's childish.
T (33:12):
Why can't I just come in the house and game?
M (33:15):
Why can't I?
Why can't I just game?
It's too old for gaming.
Mac Da Don (33:18):
I just do all to do that and I'm going to tell you,
I'm going to say it like thiswomen fucking hate when they're
not the center of attention.
M (33:26):
I want to hear I'm not being a center of attention.
Mac Da Don (33:34):
So you come home.
You are not sitting therestaring her in her fucking just
a little bit.
T (33:40):
Just a little bit, just a little bit, the apex of your eye
right now.
Mac Da Don (33:43):
Yeah, she will make your life hell, because I miss
you all day.
So because touch me first, likewhat are you doing?
I said all right.
I'll get your head, I'll getyour head.
I'm going to sit down in frontof the PlayStation.
No, let me tell you about myday.
I'm going to see because I'mlooking forward to you all day
(34:07):
and you've been looking forwardto the PlayStation Wow.
M (34:11):
And let me tell you a lot of, I get a lot of, we get a lot of
comments.
Yeah, I love how you fight forus, but damn.
T (34:21):
I think that that that was a phenomenal, that we just, you
know, uncovered that layer rightthere, yes.
I've been waiting all day longjust to engage you in
conversation, tell you threetimes the same story, over and
over again, about what happenedat work.
I'm going to switch it up justa little bit, but it is the same
(34:42):
story.
But who cares?
Right?
True, true, and I just want to.
I just, I just want yourattention.
I do want all of your attention.
Right and in theory, in my head.
Right, sure, you can come homeand get on the video game, right
, but I didn't know that youwanted to get on the video game,
like more like more than youwant to see me.
M (35:02):
Yeah, these young man are older man.
Mac Da Don (35:05):
It's the one time of the day where, like, I can just
turn my brain off.
Yeah, that's why I got becauseeven when I'm with you, my brain
has to be on.
T (35:14):
But that's what I'm getting to because, I think that I can
talk to you while you're playingyour video game, but you know.
Mac Da Don (35:20):
So that's the part that's messing yourself.
No, who has?
T (35:26):
told you the story three times and you still don't know
what happened to my co-workertoday.
What's happening here?
Nope, what's?
Mac Da Don (35:33):
happening.
Or here's the thing I'm one ofthose people who I can play a
game and listen.
Okay Right, he's rare.
T (35:39):
Yeah, it's very rare I can listen because the game to me
becomes violence.
Mac Da Don (35:43):
Okay, and I can say, okay, I can turn my brain off
of this, I can focus on theconversation I got, not because
I did that.
I had a girl I was talking within college.
She was.
She literally cut thetelevision off.
She was explaining how hermother came by to drop off food
today and she dropped offsomething she didn't want and
she had told her three timesbefore and she didn't want it.
(36:04):
So she is like I was upsetabout it.
I'm like damn, I was reallyfucked up, like she really
should have just listened to you.
I'm engaging in theconversation, right, I'm not
looking at you.
She's sitting in my peripheral,so she's yeah.
T (36:16):
He's talking to me so I'm like what's going to you?
Talk to my back.
She was like no, I won't.
Mac Da Don (36:21):
That's exactly what.
M (36:22):
I was going to do.
You're not paying attention tome, you're not looking, you're
not like looking at me.
They were young, young though,but it says the thing that's 18.
Mac Da Don (36:30):
Yeah, yeah, I could tell 35, 36, 37 nicks are still
doing the same shit.
Yes, that's the problem, that'sthe problem.
T (36:36):
That's the problem.
If I did, you can't.
You can't recognize that.
Okay, I'm not going to say that.
I'm not going to say that.
Mac Da Don (36:39):
That's where I want to be played the thing.
You just didn't track him andyou been laying there the other
day, I don't know this.
Yeah, look, look, I always talkabout Мне glad to have Raffaello
.
All right, we're going to betalking.
We're going to be talking here.
Okay, man, this is the thing Iwouldn't say, that I wouldn't
saying that I'm not going to saythat, yeah, okay, okay Right,
(37:02):
very cool separate.
I'm going to say that, allright, anyway, why don't you
want to talk to me about?
I really sure you're not fromhere in the house.
Now it's all making like Idon't do shit for you.
I'm gonna treat you like ass,blah, blah, instead of saying
you know what I knew?
You come home.
Because, like you, come home,you run to play a game.
I fully understand.
I just want to talk to myhusband my boyfriend for like 35
(37:24):
, 45 minutes before you go game,or can you have a set cutoff
time so we can spend timetogether?
Yeah.
T (37:31):
And you're all together.
I'm not willing to do thesecompromises Exactly Like I need
to give you my information rightnow, when you come to the door.
Mac Da Don (37:38):
Why don't you get him right?
Yeah, I need to.
T (37:40):
I need the mindless behavior right now, like no, I got to sit
down, I got to sit down, sit onthe game, because I just need
to move sideways.
And those are the conversationsthat we really need to have
with each other, like spaces andplaces where you can't
compromise that me time.
Like, oh, hold on, this is metime.
Like, no, we're not doing thekids homework, you know, as soon
(38:01):
as they come in the house,because I need 45 minutes to
game.
So you don't start on the kidshomework and I ain't gonna start
on the kids homework becauseI'm going to go do my video
gaming thing and whatever youyou know you will, because that
a lot of times is what'shappening as well.
Right, the woman comes in thehouse and it's more than just
cooking, right, she kind of getswhat we say gets to work, right
.
She comes in the house and nowyou're moving and grooving,
(38:22):
hanging up the kids jackets oryou know.
Turning to the little people,maybe the dogs need to go out,
to go out for a walk or whateverneeds to get done.
M (38:30):
Right.
T (38:30):
But as the man has now sat down, you can take your load off
, then cock the little shoes off, control in your hand.
Get the hell up and take thatdamn dog out for a walk.
Yeah, and now it's time for thekids to start their little
homework, right, because we'vegot on the same.
So now I'm offended to thepoint where I'm just like the
(38:53):
audacity.
Yeah, and how I just escalatedand come in the house and go sit
down.
Mac Da Don (39:03):
Yeah, so so you know , honey I need a sister for you
sit down today.
Yeah, Before you sit down andyou kick your shoes off and
relax.
We got to take care of a BSEbecause the moment we finish
that, I'm not with you for theday.
T (39:15):
But in that man's head he probably where I was working.
Yes, ceo, yeah From the bottomto the top.
He coming in that house heavy,like she didn't sat around nails
or cute walking around allprissy.
You know you're to him, youknow the woman's life is light,
(39:37):
like she does come in and she, Ijust need to sit down.
I've been dealing with allthese people.
M (39:42):
For a moment, I think I take a personal experience.
When I was working in up in DCand came home late, the first
thing I said I just want to comehome, I just want to sit down
and this one have a drink, butsomething to drink.
Well, I saw when I heard myopening door was a little person
.
Mm-hmm who was at the door whenI opened it.
(40:02):
In fact, I could barely open it, do I said it's like he back up
back up.
He was looking at me likethey've been gone all day long.
Mac Da Don (40:08):
He is fun time, oh god.
M (40:11):
He's, he's up, he's bright.
I wish you till so now, okay, Itake my time.
If he go, take run on the timeand I go now.
I know I have to spend timewith him.
T (40:19):
Yep.
M (40:20):
And you know, I just want to just sit down and grab a remote
and not have nobody shit to me,because I've been talking people
all Fucking day.
Yep, I have to talk to him.
I gotta talk to the wife How'syour day?
Cuz she's there taking care ofall day.
So I have to do that before Iwent and played Sega Genesis,
y'all.
T (40:36):
That was the day.
M (40:38):
Have my fun and then but I did give me his bath do all that
then, after all that, I can goahead and truly unwind.
Yep but that's a conversationthat I had to have.
Like baby, listen, I work allday long, I know you're home, I
know you here looking him allday and all that, but can at
least have some time after Iplay with him, after we eat, you
know, then go have my 40minutes on the game, but you
(41:00):
have to have that conversation.
That's not like you're justgonna go in and do it because
this shit has to be done.
T (41:04):
It's in other words you're either gonna be out of order or
you're gonna get yourself inorder, right you're gonna get on
the same page.
If the issue is you know dinnerright and I'm tired of cooking
every night, you might want tocook some of those meals you
know in the same night.
Can you say that one more time?
Mac Da Don (41:21):
the issue is what.
The issue is?
Dinner right, then.
The issue is that your wife beincompetent as fuck.
T (41:32):
No, okay, so fight the issue Like the person exactly.
Mac Da Don (41:35):
Okay, the issue is that you hungry, she hungry what
, we neither.
So we just bought a factor intothe household because it's a
tie to me mission makes a tie tocook it.
So we're like well, how do weall eat and eat decently?
Wow, still maintaining ourworkout schedules are still
(41:57):
maintaining our every day.
All right, we might have toinvest a couple dollars, but it
makes sure that not everybodyhas something fresh to eat.
No, it has to complain aboutwhat the hell they gonna eat for
lunch, for dinner, for whatever, because it's food in the
refrigerator.
If that's something you need todo, then you go do it.
You're putting you each fourhundred dollars together.
Now y'all got meals for anentire week.
Y'all ain't never got to thinktwice about it.
(42:18):
It's, it's expensive, but thetrade off is that it creates
piece of your household.
If that is the issue, andthat's the way you decide to
solve it, what ends up happeningis this hey, one time I get
married first, she's not gonnacook.
I was like whoa would you?
How'd you eat?
Beforehand?
I went out.
Okay, well, meal prep is a nicein between.
It's like going out at home.
T (42:40):
It's the, it's the idea of having an issue and being
willing to Work on the issue.
M (42:47):
Nobody wants to work on it.
It's like if it's not solvedlike that, then Devices are a
record high this year.
I saw recently and a lot ofpeople like well, she's not
doing or he's not doing what hetold me, a what, okay?
When you stood in front of thechurch in the state of Maryland,
on state Wherever you gotmarried from, you said the
(43:08):
sickness and health and rich andpoor and better, worse.
If you are fucking up on abreakup because of a simple
disagreement you can't talkabout, then that is always an
out and that's why marriage, inany kind of relationship you
have to be able to talk to eachother about things, is going to
just bother you, because if it'sbothering you, it ruins the
(43:28):
unity and the sanctity of yourhouse and don't let it go, right
.
T (43:33):
So if you're the guy and the woman doesn't budge on the video
game thing, right, and so youlike I'm just let it go, I'm not
even gonna work on, you know,the compromise in the situation
because she don't see, I'm justdo me Eventually, to just do me
gonna be the disrespect to her,and because you wasn't, you know
(43:54):
, willing to force the situation, because you was Totic, you
know kind of rattling, you knowher up.
M (43:59):
Mm-hmm.
T (44:00):
It helped cause a deterioration in the
relationship.
Mac Da Don (44:05):
Flip side of that would be because you do want to
come to compromise with me, butwe spoke about it initially and
that's how I bring it up again.
You didn't compromise thesecond time.
They're not trying to bring upa third time he still didn't
compromise now I feelingdisrespected.
T (44:23):
And so if you're being disrespected and then that
causes deterioration in therelationship, that's valid.
Didn't let the relation.
I don't want to be that type ofperson, but there are certain
things that will break arelationship right, and a lack
of compromise on certain things,especially when it, you know,
results in disrespect.
No, it's time to let certainthings go, certain things go,
(44:46):
and and letting things go willif somebody wants you enough and
they feel like you are worth it.
They will recognize that, wow, Ididn't have to take it to this
level.
I think I want them more in mylife, with them playing that
game or with them doing that.
To a certain extent, you know,now I can kind of figure out
(45:08):
what I wanted to compromise,because what I don't want is a
lack of that person.
M (45:13):
Exactly, or you could get rid of that person.
Bring another person who don'tplay video games, but then he
barely worked.
T (45:19):
Yeah.
Mac Da Don (45:21):
Like what's the devil's that you're willing to
deal with?
Yeah, okay, he's a great guy,he go to work, but like he games
all the time and that's thething.
Like all his child is like Idon't like things to play games.
He go for yourself in the good,don't play games Like you say
he doesn't work or like he works.
But then he come home and hedrank.
So now, instead of worryingabout the next game release and
him maybe being up late at night, he said out the club, drunk as
(45:44):
fuck.
Yeah, and now you wonder who hewith, because you know he and
some of these, all thesedifferent women and shit.
So, like you gotta ask likereally, is the thing that the
person across the table from youdoing that damn bad?
T (45:58):
Like, truly, they're asking of you Is it something that you
really have to be so rigid onthat you're willing to let that
person go on?
M (46:07):
That's true like dinner.
T (46:08):
Y'all real life can't figure out dinner in 2023.
Instacart door dash FactorStore got one.
Mac Da Don (46:19):
Yep.
T (46:21):
It's in this food supplies to where it's like we're still
talking about she don't cooklike come on, so so you didn't
even.
Nobody even wanted to try.
M (46:31):
And you have to try yes you have to try the certain things
you said.
Listen, we both work, we bothcome home late With nobody feels
like cook yeah, unless you putsome of the crock pot and let it
cook all day, and you only wantto do that, but so so many
times during the week, so yougotta have another, another
reason or don't go out to dinnerevery day, because that's gonna
run you about 100 and some $9to you.
So now you eat out every day.
(46:53):
That's $700 a goddamn week Justfor eating out.
So, and everything is expensive, so you want to compromise it.
Am I working to eat out?
Am I working to just be able todo some things and be able to
sit at my home or someone?
T (47:06):
just you sit down at these tables and you have these
conversations and you just say,oh baby, we spending seven,
seven hundred dollars a week toeat out.
Maybe we can reallocate thosesons to do something else.
Maybe we want to do somethingelse without money, but you sit
down and you talk and you openup that conversation piece on
how we can you know better takecare of each other, um, and
(47:29):
enjoy and build the relationshipthat we actually want.
No, that's when you got it.
Yes, I'm living the life that Iwant.
No, I get to come home and I getto play my video game when I
want to and know it's not assoon as I walk through the house
.
Because, guess what, that don'tserve my family.
So, now as a man.
You got a new perspective fromlife, you know, and the same
(47:50):
thing with the woman, like no,I'm gonna sit on the phone and
I'm gonna talk to my mom.
You know, with my littleearbuds in my ear I'm gonna
listen to my little Alexa music.
You know, when I first come inthe house, because you know take
, you know talking to my husband, you know, until his little
ears falls off, that it justdoesn't serve us right, I can
talk to him later on.
M (48:08):
Exactly, there's a time and a place, yeah.
T (48:10):
So you start picking and choosing and seeing things a
little bit different and livingyour life To serve your family
as opposed to just serving yourown self, because that's selfish
.
M (48:22):
That is so true and it's a part of growing up and the
things people don't realize islike these are childish
behaviors.
I'm talking, we're talkingabout, because that's what kids
do, you know?
I don't want to, I want tobargain.
I want that cookie.
T (48:34):
I need all the attention.
I need everything and and itfeels so good to have all the
attention.
But be real, like that man isHired and you talking about.
M (48:44):
You need for him to look at you girl by, girl by and that's
the thing, and and once youunderstand that, hey, he's a
person like you're a person.
Mac Da Don (48:54):
He has needs like you have needs.
M (48:56):
You wouldn't want nobody to trample on your needs, so why
would you trample on his?
Because, oh, he should be ableto listen to me, because I'm,
I'm this and I'm that.
T (49:04):
And it's not to say that we don't have the growing pains.
So, like growing pains, that's,that's, that's valid right.
We've all felt slighted in acertain situation.
But what we're saying is bewilling to work through the
things, be willing to have thoseopen conversations and stay
level-headed enough to receive,you know, the criticism from
(49:26):
each other.
Mac Da Don (49:27):
Like, no, I don't like if that's the person who
you quote unquote love.
And that's the person you quoteunquote want to be, um, we're
for the rest of your life.
Then you should be able toaccept criticism from that same.
That same person Uh, there's asomebody I was watching on a
podcast said a really good uhquote.
And they were like.
(49:47):
You know, the reason I don'treally get bothered by the
internet is because I don't takeadvice from people I wouldn't
take criticism from.
M (49:56):
Ah, that's true.
Yeah that's very true, and thatalso goes to Stop telling
motherfuckers that they ain'tgot a healthy relationship in
their life.
Your business.
Mac Da Don (50:04):
Mm-hmm.
M (50:05):
You always want, I'm gonna go to such.
I'm talking my aunt, I'mtalking no.
If they've just got five kidsor six different men In 20 other
situational things going on,what the fuck?
Mac Da Don (50:15):
She nobody healthy relationship, yeah, so again
yeah, because you think, oh, shehelped me solve problems again.
But people are good for certainthings.
Yep, there's nothing wrong withthat.
Like your mom always helped youwith, like your problems when
they come to deep when you'regrowing up, cool right.
But if you did it in ondifferent dudes and none of
those work, that, then maybe youand your mom not really good
(50:36):
Collective when it comes to youand Dayton or if you're spending
more time trying to solve andfigure out you and your
significant others problems,like you're spending more time
with your mom talking to yourmom about him.
T (50:47):
Or your auntie about it or your cousin about it, then you
are like actually talking to himabout it.
That that might be the problem.
Yeah, I'm not spending enoughtime talking about the actual
problems and how we're gonna fixit.
Mac Da Don (51:03):
You know my mom and my cousin or my auntie don't
like you and it's like well,yeah cuz fuck.
Every time they ever hearanything about me is I'm trash
or no.
T (51:12):
They're just trash people, because what type of mature
adult believes everythingsomeone says just one-sided,
they've been ain't like the oldboys.
Would, you want to be in arelationship where people don't
root for your significant other,like on both sides.
(51:32):
That is very if you have a ladyand your mama don't like that
lady and she's like willing tosay it out loud.
M (51:40):
Hmm.
T (51:42):
Like what type of person is that?
Come on See.
M (51:48):
Validated.
That's the problem.
You know, if you go to them yougonna fall for validation.
Oh, they're gonna accept.
Everything I said to him is God, but that's.
T (51:54):
But that's not the right you.
You want them to validate youwhen the stuff is hard, when you
can't see that woman for all ofher great worth and you can't
see that man for everything thathe's worth, like ah.
Mac Da Don (52:06):
He want me to do everything I can't stand them
and you come at you like nigga,are you serious Accountable?
T (52:13):
no, he actually does everything for you.
And now you got to actuallywash them damn dishes and, you
know, cook a chicken.
And now you mad as hell.
And that man, just you know,paid all the bills and fixed all
the tires on the car, and nowyou mad, mad because you got a,
you know Baked some potatoes andcooked some chicken.
No, you need people like that,you know, to keep you in
perspective.
You don't need the people who'son your team telling you, yeah,
(52:35):
he ain't worth shit.
Yes, your baby mother ain'tworth shit.
Oh, yeah, not what you distant,what?
No people.
Who's on your team who wants tosee your relationships fail and
not thrive?
You need to run, including yourmother.
M (52:58):
Think what you just said.
I have to now stand on my owntwo feet and I have to go
against what my mama Told me all, your best friend your best
friend or people who've been inmy life, my entire life.
T (53:09):
Yeah, watch you make those four decisions Time and time
again, and half of the time isbecause you had everybody in
your business.
Everybody and you probablydidn't know what you brought to
the table.
M (53:24):
Exactly, you probably sold all this.
You really didn't bring much.
In fact, you probably didn'tbring a fork.
Mm-hmm maybe some happens, buteverything else he put you put
on the table and then you, I gota fork.
T (53:35):
Yeah, you came to eat.
M (53:37):
You can't eat shit with a fork.
You can lick the fork, but youcan't eat nothing off this table
because you didn't bringanything.
Yeah but we bought, we'rebringing everything to this
table, everything we got.
T (53:44):
We got holding some chips or or you showing up the tables
with a man, didn't?
You ain't bring much and heain't bring much.
And now, instead of you lookingto grow with somebody because
you don't have much, Mm-hmm youdon't have much Mm-hmm.
But instead of you looking togrow with somebody, you looking
at him like where, when yougonna go get it?
When will it be here?
M (54:08):
Hey, you know T, that's Great .
You said that, the wholeconversation about a high-value
man and all that.
I hear those discussions foryears.
Can we just go for the guywho's a bus driver, the guy
who's a construction worker, theguy who's just gonna work every
day and come home have a pieceof mind?
Mac Da Don (54:27):
He's not making a hundred thousand.
M (54:29):
He's been making forty, fifty , but he, that man, will bust
his ass and would do anything inthe world for you.
But you look at him based on oh, he only bringing a muffin to
the table.
I need more than a muffin.
I'm not fucking, you ain't gotshit to eat right now, but he's
gonna give you his muffin.
T (54:44):
Well, remember the high value man of today.
Right, They've given one childoutside of your relationship and
that little six figures gonnastart doing something different
y'all so they get that confused.
Yeah, I mean that that thatlady on the door side pieces
costs money.
So I'm just in, yeah you talkabout a high value man, right.
(55:06):
You talk about a man who's alittle more well-capped, right.
So, he spends more of his ownmoney, right, somebody who's you
know making about 85, 65 andunder right, and I splurge in a
little a little less spending onon oneself.
So normally the woman looks alittle better and well cut than
the man does, right absolutely.
(55:27):
Now it might be a little bitmore money in certain situations
, dependent on that situation.
M (55:34):
Exactly.
Yeah, you have to not discountall these guys, because again.
No, because they're only wherethey're at Now, where they're
gonna end that there you go andwe say before that 1% or less 1%
guy, it's like you hitting thedamn lottery, it's like you
hitting the billion dollarlottery ticket in fact you may
have a better oh yeah, they'redefinitely 1% and no, if you're
(55:56):
not hanging out with those guysand you didn't go to school with
them, then what I mean?
T (56:00):
what you want again?
Yeah, we don't have nothing incommon like we don't hang out in
the same bars, we don't go tothe same Restaurants, we don't
do anything, we don't even speakthe same language at or we're
here saying people like you saidnothing.
M (56:12):
We're totally in different levels.
T (56:14):
Yep.
M (56:14):
So you're trying to get into a level that's actually Kind of
impossible to get into, yeah,but you discount all the good
guys.
You do a lot of guys will.
T (56:23):
I'm gonna sit back and enjoy your parents.
Yeah right who gonna actuallywant to sit there and show up
for Sunday dinner?
We're gonna actually.
You know your mother get old,your grandmother get old.
They're gonna show up and helpyou pick your grandmother up,
like nah, babe, where yourgrandmother need to go, I'm a
ride with you because you know Iknow she needs somebody to help
move her around.
That's the guy who's gonna dothat.
M (56:44):
That's the guy.
T (56:45):
Yeah.
M (56:46):
And so strive for that guy look at that guy.
T (56:48):
They're out there and this in the comments, constantly saying
Shallow and just get to knowsome guys just get the date date
.
M (56:57):
Yeah, these guys don't you benefits off the table.
T (57:00):
Stop adding on them benefits and, like we said on the last
show, yes, and just get to knowpeople genuinely and get to know
your damn.
M (57:07):
So and with that we're in this episode of on the mic with
the M.
Auntie listen people.
You know what you need to do.
Subscribe to the channel, hitthe like button and hit the
little bell, so you get all thenewest podcasts out there.
Until next time, peace andblessings.
People's welcome back to on the mic with the M and T today,
ladies, can you bring more tothe table than just your looks
and Sex.
T (00:19):
But is it?
And we want to know why Like wejust like?
Hmm, because it's assuperficial as the same right,
mm-hmm.
Why is sex and looks not enough?
I feel like the question has tobe explored and answered.
M (00:38):
Let me do for men.
For men, the first thingattracts us to you is your looks
.
We'll know about sex.
We know your looks you look atabsolutely so from that point
was a hey, and you know how youlook, you kind of be back on my
like that one to talk to her, tokind of get to know her.
Don't talk to her, I want tobang it or I don't really know.
(00:58):
So I just gonna talk to and seewhere she falls in the paradigm
, right.
But you know, once I kind oftalk to you, oh she's really
that bright, but she is fine.
No, she got a nice booty on her.
T (01:11):
Oh, so in other words, as soon as I open up my mouth.
So I'm gauging thatconversation right.
That adds to the attraction, ohyeah, or or.
Or it takes away.
It depends right.
It can add to or it can takeaway exactly because for us you
find any sport.
So now you're like superattractive, right, because it's
(01:32):
a difference between being likefine and then being like
attractive to someone, right,and For a mature person, like
going into a relationship.
You want to make certain thatthe person who you're dealing
with is, like attracted to youright, Absolutely more than just
like oh no, my girl, you knowshe's a nice looking woman, like
(01:53):
, because a lot of people arenice looking right now.
You want to be attracted tothat person.
M (02:00):
Absolutely, and then from there you kind of judge where
you want to go.
That means you talk andconversate.
Also, that doesn't mean swipeleft and right.
That means actually need totalk, which is the shit that
pissed me off now, this whole.
Oh, I can swipe left and right,motherfucker.
You can look at her picture,but you don't know her.
How do you know?
So I'm you by swiping.
T (02:18):
That's the first thing we just talked about.
Right, you know if they're nicelooking, but you don't know,
like if they're reallyattractive to you, right?
M (02:25):
Exactly, a lot of people say you know, she was fine when I
was swiping, swiping through,and I've talked to she, dumb as
shit.
Yeah she ain't got nothinggoing on.
T (02:32):
There's nothing in common.
M (02:33):
No, because you text.
The problem is you texted allthe time.
Oh, she's good on text, you gottime on text, so you can't
sound good on text.
But when she started talking toyou start the diminutive
dominant this.
You know, oh, that ain't what Ithought what?
T (02:46):
no, she text you or you like a fast life, and I may be like a
little more of a slow-pacedlife.
M (02:51):
Absolutely right, but when?
T (02:52):
we just chilling, kicking it and we're just texting, you know
, throughout the day, right, thepace is sort of kind of what we
created to be as opposed to thereality right.
Absolutely really don't get toknow each other until we really,
you know, sit down, kick it and, you know, exchange a
conversation with each other.
M (03:13):
Absolutely.
And then by that time we'relike, okay, then we're gonna try
to gauge you.
So, okay, she got some sense,she's pretty.
T (03:19):
Or she don't got sense.
She don't got sense, right.
M (03:21):
Oh lord, she don't got sense then.
Then you just say how long it'sgonna take before I get to the
booty, or how many looks does ittake For me to get to the
silver or maybe you just tryingto get rid of this situation.
T (03:34):
Not every situation you want to touch.
Like you, you might want tododge some bullets, oh yeah yes,
and you ask those criticalquestions, like you ever.
M (03:43):
The kids.
T (03:44):
How is that the most critical question?
Wow, possibly.
M (04:06):
You know, but it cuz for us.
I'm gonna look at you so damn,especially certain age.
You get to your late 20s or 30s.
Mac Da Don (04:13):
I'm gonna say damn she probably may have one kid.
M (04:17):
Okay, you know, I'm assume, but I may be wrong by one ass.
I don't want to just get allwrapped up in you, you know come
up in the conversation, I wouldassume, at least by the second
date.
T (04:27):
But do something when they come up in conversation.
Mac Da Don (04:29):
No, I was real strong.
T (04:32):
Yeah, wow it's the first question and don't you have to
beat around a bunch, but like inan organic conversation, like
the first thing you're gonna sayis this so how many kids you
got?
Mac Da Don (04:49):
You have really nice hair and I think your house is
really pretty.
T (04:58):
You know, I feel like.
Mac Da Don (05:04):
Yeah, I'm gonna get some heat for this, mama said
anyway, we're gonna setthemselves up a failure.
Oh what the conversationstarted and say you know what
else I need to bring besides sexand looks right.
When you get older, naturallylooks the client, regardless of
if you're a man or woman.
Mm-hmm.
Yes, so if you bring looks insex to the table.
T (05:27):
It looks go away eventually, Right to a certain extent, yeah
you still ideally if you findthe right person grandma, some
grandma's who kept it together.
Mac Da Don (05:38):
Most like you.
Most people are gonnadeteriorate with a.
T (05:41):
Everybody is right yeah.
Mac Da Don (05:42):
And so like.
Ideally, you find somebodywho's attracted to you
Regardless.
That's the hope that you'rewith.
T (05:51):
So I was not superficial as a woman right man, right right,
and that's the idea how you'regonna get there exactly like you
ideally want to have somebodywho, like, even when you start
getting older, like.
Mac Da Don (06:02):
No, she's just as beautiful to me as a day that I
met her.
T (06:05):
He's just Because you just still is genuine right, more
than just your look exactly.
Mac Da Don (06:11):
But if that?
But let's say he only likes youfor your looks, right, right in
your looks.
Deterioration.
Now that's one out of two down.
Yeah, so now you have a sex.
A lot of times women will stateas I as you have kids or as you
get older, life stress hashappened, sex kind of me.
I don't really need to have sexevery day.
I'm kind of tired today.
(06:31):
I don't really want to do thisBecause you're home.
T (06:40):
No, I didn't know, I didn't.
Women's libido increases as shegets older.
No Well, I'm not at the brown40.
M (06:50):
Yeah, okay, and then what?
T (06:51):
what are y'all trying to claim the men is doing at that
age?
Mac Da Don (06:54):
because Well, no, no .
So here's what I'm saying, notthat like, not that like all of
a sudden women's is not gonna dosex.
I'm saying is that there's alot women who will Naturally
kind of feel pressure to havesex with their men when they're
in the dating phase until theyget the right, because they're
not really that kind of.
They're not really that kind ofpeople, right.
(07:16):
But if you bring sex and looksat table, you look's gonna go in
eventually.
You stop giving sex.
Then you in a relationship witha guy sitting there wondering
what the fuck am I getting outof this?
T (07:26):
So can I, can I, can I kind of regurgitate with you saying
what?
I heard you said so.
Are you saying that perhaps inthe dating phase You're more
willing to pull out the tricksand then, when you're settled
down, the love life is just alittle more settled?
Okay, I mean, and that's fine.
Sleepin.
Mac Da Don (08:02):
Work today like nigga, I'm tired, you time we
just trying to go big.
The problem becomes is that ifyou doing convent of ceiling
every night, we are dating andthen you get married like my
bones are, I'm not supposed tobe, I hate heights, I, you know,
I just was doing an issue butlike fuck all that, yeah, then
it's gonna feel so a guy like abeating switch, like okay, yeah,
(08:27):
you, you, you was doing allthis one before the rain that
gave you the ring and now Iain't got shit to show.
T (08:35):
No, that was a big switch.
I got right.
Mac Da Don (08:38):
Got him.
Yeah, yeah it makes sense whythat happens, but I think that's
where it falls apart.
T (08:45):
Yeah, so that's that whole idea where you really need to
secure that.
That's something more is beingbrought there, right, because
the sex like on both sides ofthe table, right, everybody's
gonna be out there doing themost right you like you're doing
to do.
And, yeah, eventually, like no,I gotta go work 40, 60 hours
this week.
I'm not doing all of those.
(09:11):
That is true, but it's based onthose two things based on sex
only and the sex is gonna do asex.
That was gonna be great, andthen it's just gonna be.
You know it's gonna be just I.
You know, sometimes it's just.
M (09:24):
I, you know we get to that point where you know you're done
, yet oh, what?
Oh?
Oh, yeah, yeah, you're done.
Yeah, keep it, keep going yet,like you know, two, three
seconds I should be done.
But you know, for guys we go tothat thing cuz we get older,
mm-hmm.
You know, guys, take care ofyourselves, stay healthy, eat
(09:48):
right, because if you don't eatright, you're gonna have that
problem.
T (09:52):
See, and that goes to the woman that you're attracting
right, so you attract the rightwoman and she will make certain
that you are eating right, right, that we are taking care of
ourself as a couple or as afamily, right, I lead how the
family kind of conductsthemselves in the world and what
we're consuming and how we'rekind of going about basically
(10:14):
the lifestyle that we as afamily are living.
Mac Da Don (10:17):
And I think that's kind of it is a great point.
But I think that also goes backto, like the health station
what do you bring to the table?
Part of that ideally when youfind a woman is you find
somebody who helps direct thefamily, Like she makes sure that
like you go to that damndoctor's appointment.
T (10:35):
Yeah, and she took off her work.
You was complaining about yourbag.
I'm in the car with you, yeah,yeah, because you know I should
never remember the fucking case,or not.
You come home.
I mean, what did the doctor say?
Oh, you said, oh, no, nothing.
M (10:49):
Now, you're gonna show up at the next one.
T (10:50):
Yeah, I'm talking about all of them now, because now you
can't be trusted, right?
But we create this lifestyle.
M (10:56):
Absolutely.
T (10:57):
And there's.
Do you have to bring more thanthe sex and the looks to the?
Don't leave those off right,cause that would be dumb.
No, that would be dumb.
M (11:08):
No, and the thing is that's a part of it.
T (11:09):
It's a part of it.
That's absolutely a part of it.
You got the entire puzzle.
M (11:12):
It's not like two pieces of sex and looks, but it's a part
of the overall puzzle and Ithink a lot of people don't
really think about it becauseyou get tied up in the emotional
part of it.
They know the looks and shefinding all this.
But again, if you decide tokeep her or she decides to keep
you or you decide to keep eachother.
T (11:28):
No, I mean, we're talking specifically about the woman.
That's fine.
M (11:31):
Yeah.
So she decides to be okay, I'mgonna go ahead and roll.
Then you have to bring morethan just that.
T (11:36):
Yes, you do.
M (11:36):
And if you can't bring anything more than that, you
should not be dating anybody.
You should be figuring out whoyou are, which is another thing.
Women need to get themselvesright or straight, or know who
they are before they startbringing somebody else to their
time fuller of their fuckery.
Because you come to us as acomplete package.
We said that on previouspodcasts that you have to be a
complete person before youdecide to get into any
(11:57):
relationship.
T (11:58):
You should be.
M (11:59):
So when you present yourself, you should be the complete
package, not.
This is kind of what I am, andmaybe he can add or fill in the
parts of me that I'm not toocool with.
That's not his job.
His job is to love you for whoyou are.
Mac Da Don (12:13):
I think that whole I took the job for both sides,
just to love each other for whothey are.
Problem is that women thinkthey can change their niggas and
men think they, you know sheholds the beat.
M (12:21):
Oh, yes, yes and that's the issue.
Mac Da Don (12:23):
If you're constantly thinking he or she is cool if,
and only if.
Or would be really really niceif she, it'd be really really
nice if he.
Nah, you already bad in athousand, because what you've
been saying Attentional thinkingyes, exactly, and that's the
problem.
M (12:38):
I've heard women over the years say that exact same quote
that the producers just saidhe's a nice guy, he's a good guy
, but this, but that, but this.
But I'll change him.
T (12:47):
It's like the idea of us building together being
distorted right, because theidea of somebody like completing
me, right, or us growingtogether right.
Because someone who's not in thesituation?
Right, You're not growing withsomeone.
(13:07):
Perhaps you see a couple who'sgotten older and you see what
they've kind of accumulated overthe years and you're thinking,
hmm, maybe I can acquire suchthings as well, right, Maybe I
can acquire real estate and goon nice trips, but only if I had
someone else to help me dothose things, Cause I got a
decent job, I can manage fundsand all those things.
(13:30):
But you're thinking only if Ihad someone to do those things
with me.
So now you're out searching foryou know a life partner to help
acquire you know things with,as opposed to searching for a
life partner to basically serve.
Right, you have it backwards,right, Would you two come
(13:51):
together and choose and are ableto build right and grow to
right?
That's great, but thatshouldn't be like the thing that
dictates why you're looking forsomeone else, Because then it
truly is like well, what are youbringing to the table and do
you understand what you'rebringing to the table?
Is that really a value for theother partner?
M (14:13):
Absolutely, and men just generally, just don't change
overnight.
You see, you pretty much seewhat you get.
You know there's always roomfor change, always.
You can always change something.
But, what you see.
Pretty much is what he is.
T (14:26):
Yeah, I want to say I mean, I don't, y'all don't change at
all, like what you talking about, at what age that you're
meeting this man, like you meeta guy over the age of 30.
I don't know what changes thatman is gonna and perhaps he
becomes enlightened about, likemaybe the music he wants to
listen to, right, perhaps hebecomes enlightened about you
(14:48):
know his food choices or maybeyou know his gym habits, like
small things like that.
But overall you know hispersonality, his morals, you
know his standards in life.
Those tend to be set in stonefor you know, basically the
adult.
M (15:05):
And that's why women have to understand that, no matter how
much you put on him or what youdo to him, unless he's willing
to change it, he's never gonnachange.
Mac Da Don (15:15):
Same thing with women.
M (15:16):
You're not gonna change If I say you know what?
You got a little stank attitudeyou need to work on Now.
If you don't think of a stankattitude, you're not gonna work
on yourself.
He'll get used to it.
No, I'm not.
T (15:26):
And so that goes right back to that 80-20 rule, right, like,
either you're gonna accept thatand chop that up to basically
that 20% that you know I'm notable to give to you and the 80%
that I do give, you know thatfills you all the way.
Well, you gotta carry on.
You can't stick around somebodywho you only feel like they're
(15:47):
giving you.
You know 30%, 40% of what youneed and you're hoping for you
know that other 40% to kind ofbe that potential that builds
and that he changes into.
Like, oh, one day, you know,he'll get himself together.
Oh, one day, you know, he'llget a better job.
Oh, one day, you know.
You just know, know what wedoing today.
(16:10):
That's what we got to be willingto accept people at, and growth
is great, but if you're notokay with where, like the woman
is at right there, then what yougonna do?
I would have what?
M (16:26):
Now you have to make a decision.
T (16:27):
What are you gonna do?
M (16:29):
Because she is who she is in turn, like in essence, right,
that's so true, and then youhave to ask yourself God damn,
don't want to spend the time inthe effort.
Mac Da Don (16:38):
So I think what ends up fucking up it's funny that
you were going where you weregoing makes a lot of sense.
People I feel like that's wherethe dating of younger women
come from from men is the falseidea that if you date somebody
older, right, she's already kindof set in her way.
(16:58):
So she's not really a motherlytype, but she's not really a
homemaker, she's more of ago-getter.
Then you meet her you 35, youmeet her at 35, you gonna deal
with her, however, the fuck sheis right.
So now you're trying to findsomebody who's of that age,
who's gonna be able to kind ofside in with what you need,
right?
Just like women trying to finda guy who kind of side in with
(17:20):
what they need.
Problem is that if she's 35 andsingle, she's probably not
gonna be the person that youlooking for.
Not because she's older, butbecause if she's not a homemaker
at that point, she's probablynot gonna become one.
Just like if a guy's died ableto provide for himself at 35
(17:41):
years old, he probably not gonnabe able to provide for both of
y'all after that.
No, I mean, it's just not gonnahappen.
You watching, right?
He?
T (17:47):
always on the sidelines delivering those cold hard truth
, because we have to because weare looking at a shattered
dating world.
M (17:56):
It's a war.
By the way, people, I have afatigue because it's a war that
we're in.
It's a war and I don'tunderstand why we're in this war
.
T (18:04):
It's like if you come to the table you know, it's like a
control piece too, I guess,right Caught up in the chaos and
the frenzy, you don't.
You know you can't really doanything else.
M (18:18):
Oh God it's be chaotic, and you know, in the frenzy yeah,
it's crazy everybody, for I'vetalked to people from age 30 to
age 60 who are going through thesame problem, which is crazy,
because you think 30 will have acertain problem.
40 years you will have 15, 60.
T (18:35):
You mean among singles dating .
M (18:37):
Yes okay.
You would think there would bedifferent, because a 30 year old
will have a certain set ofproblems in the 60 year old, the
60 year old and basically livetheir lives and they're looking
for a certain type of person.
But the 30, the 40, the 30, the40 and 50 and 60 year olds are
having the same problem.
So what the fuck it's like?
Let him talking to him andthey're talking to me.
I was.
(18:59):
I talked to a guy recently andhe said he'd been married for 15
years and he shouldn't havegotten married and he should not
have gotten married 15 yearsago
15 years ago.
He should have gotten marriedbut he got tricked.
He said you know, she wasbeautiful she and I use no names
because he'll know when he seesthat's me he said I murdered 15
(19:22):
years ago.
She was fine, she was doing allthis stuff from, she was
cooking and all that.
And then, all of a sudden, yeartwo, she stopped cooking, she
stopped looking, it's fine,taking care of herself.
And I was like, what did she do?
He said, well, she's a militaryperson.
Okay, so she stopped doing allthat.
And he said well, you know,thought maybe you know, once she
got out, that should dodifferently.
Well, she got up, became apolice officer and he said this
(19:44):
got worse and worse.
You got to a point now he saidhe look at her and he's like
this is Diving the person that Iget married.
And I said well, why are youstill there?
He said I'm scared to leavebecause I'm scared, at my age
and he's 50, to leave and try tofind someone else, because the
women I've seen I hear it couldbe another trick bag, it could
(20:04):
be.
They look this way and I hookup with him and now and up here
he's.
But I am not happy.
I'm married, but I should bemarried.
I should have never married itbecause she tricked me.
T (20:12):
Is she why she did not trick him?
Mac Da Don (20:16):
If you, if you do something while you're dating if
you do Something, period whileyou're dating and then you get
married and then you stop doingthe thing that you did before
you were dating.
I'm thinking, ideally, what youdo in dating should be an
analog for what the marriageshould look like.
T (20:34):
I think she was doing it for the first two years of the
marriage as well.
I think what ended up happeningshe was she too was in the
service.
She came, she separated fromthe military.
It became a retired from themilitary, so she secured one
retirement and she wanted tosecure a second retirement.
That's what she's basicallydoing and that's see, that's
(20:55):
that's a conversation for familyplanning.
They, they kind of missed thatright there.
Right, he didn't.
It sounds like he didn't needthat extra bag that she wanted
to go out and secure no and whatyou sacrifice, or with the
(21:15):
woman sacrifices and theworkforce.
You are sacrificing something.
If you're not at home All day,you go out, you work, you're too
tired to come home now and cookand clean and tend to and, oh
you know, let me, you know,bring you down, kind of like
(21:37):
cater to the man type of thing.
Like no, I don't feel like it.
Because first of all you toldmy she left out of the service
to go be a Full-time policeofficer no, see, first of all,
no, that's a different type ofstress.
And then you tell my some go,be stressed out and Disrespected
by you know the generalcommunity and come home and you
(21:57):
know, be your wife, like and besoft and do the cooking.
And that was poor familyplanning and sometimes in
relationships, you know, poorfamily planning Can feel like
disrespect.
But perhaps that wasn't theintention.
So you got to kind of treadcarefully there because this,
this nightmare that he's feelingin the right now, it might be
(22:21):
something that you are deliveredfrom in your retirement and you
might have the best years ofyour life being married to that
woman.
Mac Da Don (22:28):
Yeah, but damn, I've been together for 13 fucking
years.
I ain't seen shit.
I just don't know.
T (22:33):
I Know she, she did miss the mark.
They missed the mark is whatI'm saying.
Yeah, and I don't think thatshe did anything, you know, with
deceit, like I don't think shepulled any wolves over the man's
head.
But perhaps it doesn't dawn onthem that when she go back into
(22:55):
the workforce, like she's notgonna be able to provide for the
household the way that he'swanting to be provided for,
especially a man from that, youknow, generation like before
like Couple podcasts going on,even think it's out.
Mac Da Don (23:12):
I think it's one of those podcasts we have in the
can.
We talked about a study that Itold you guys that already, how
they were grading what youthought you were doing well in
terms of points.
Yeah, I think this is a reallygood example of how two people
think they're providingsomething.
Yeah it's a net negative forboth yeah she's thinking I'm
bringing the connection dollarsto the house.
(23:33):
I got a motivation.
I'm driving.
I'm driven like I'm reallyenjoying what I do.
Bubble, he's sitting on likedamn.
He really just straight up,hold me out of my dinner.
I'm my good-looking wife andyou just run around here just
being being a piece of shit tobe in regular.
T (23:47):
You're right, like the rest of the women, like girl, I
thought you went into theservice and retired early still.
You know you could be my queennow, and now you are a driving
regular wearing police.
Perhaps for him.
You know, he probably gave thethumbs up in the okay and
(24:08):
support and didn't really thinklike that's not the life that I
want.
And you know, once she in andshe's like why am I doing this
to retirement?
Because that's what she'saccustomed to.
Absolutely and she got thoseyears left in her body, she
feeling like a week.
But as women, I think sometimeswe have to slow down and kind
of help direct that show likenah, let us raise our own
(24:33):
children right, give us a fewyears to be at home, let us be
part-time in the workplace andlet us sit down and actually
plan out.
You know our family and ourfinances and how we're going to
afford certain things.
So you know precious moments,don't just pass us by, because
to me I Think what this man issaying is I don't get to enjoy
(24:58):
your beauty.
So by the time we get toretirement and we got the money,
you know we out on the islandsin Hawaii.
You know Now you're lookingregular, yeah, faded, and it's
not to say you know she's bad.
Mac Da Don (25:13):
You know bad-looking woman, but you know the woman
that the attraction also fadestoo, because you both that
resentment build up, and that'sthe other thing, because it
doesn't matter, because you,that's a years of.
T (25:26):
Scar tissue.
Yeah, you got that, layers ofthat, that.
But If you want it, you know,hopefully I'm afraid for this
couple.
M (25:36):
Yeah.
T (25:36):
I'm hoping that you know it's like that little pot of gold at
the end of the rainbow and youknow it's just all Fairy tales
and and ponies, you know?
M (25:47):
Yeah, I hope so too.
And I told him I say, hey, man,look at the podcast.
And he, he's part of podcast.
I ain't gonna show his name,but you're part of the park, I
saw it, thank you.
She said I gotta look, I gottafind out, gotta get my life,
because at 50 he's like somebodywho's 18 crazy 50 year old, is
(26:08):
in an 18 year old stage becausesomehow he told me other things
and I ain't going to talk aboutit on the podcast, but other
things that that really helpedhim back and he thought this was
gonna change his life, gettingmarried and all that and it
changed it, but not for what hethought not to.
Also told him communicationskey.
T (26:26):
How old were they when they got married?
M (26:29):
In the 30s.
T (26:30):
Okay.
M (26:30):
Yeah, it was in the 30s.
He was, yeah, he's 5035 when hegot married.
I think she's 30, so like afive year difference, he's older
than she is.
Okay so I see you got tocommunicate, and that's what a
lot of people don't realize well, you got to communicate for the
short term and the long term.
T (26:46):
Constantly communication because if you don't have like
that long-term conversation, youdon't see the family for the
long term and you just live forthe short term and you get like,
well, we only got here, we'restill not comfortable, you don't
see the overall picture.
So that's when stuff gets shaky.
M (27:04):
That's the problem today's, where everybody wants to quit
the tick tock that boom, boom,boom.
T (27:09):
We're in the instant, yeah instant Graphication.
M (27:12):
I don't give a damn what I got.
Take a pill, take a shot, takea drink, take whatever.
I need it now.
T (27:17):
Give it to me right now, you keep going to get that rush.
M (27:20):
Well, if you keep me, never rush early, there's nothing
later on, because eventuallylife happens, yeah, and you look
at so, whoa, you ain't the sameperson that used to be.
And you're gonna say, oh,you're not the same person, but
you never communicated, becauseyou'll always try and get that
initial high, because that'swhat you kept going and that's
how you started, yep.
So the thing is, you can't yousay, oh, it's gonna be this way
(27:40):
forever.
No, it ain't.
It's the fucking beginning theygonna be.
Oh, it's gonna be beautiful andit's gonna be unicorns and
flowers.
No, no, no, that's the fuck.
That's a fake reality rightthere.
Mac Da Don (27:51):
I think the issue, though, is yeah, we say here to
take communication, but I thinkcommunications Like if the
problem had three steps, it'slike half a step into fixing the
problem.
The other step and a half issaying compromise.
T (28:09):
That's the hardest thing, I don't care what, none of y'all
think Well, that comes in theplanning part and that is the
hardest part.
Mac Da Don (28:15):
That is the most difficult thing.
People don't want.
T (28:18):
I think sometimes it stops the conversation Like you know
what, if we can't compromise onthis, we're not even going to
handle it.
We're just going to let lifetake over and play it out.
M (28:29):
And then that's again.
T (28:29):
You get back to that shaky situation.
And now you uncomfortable, andnow he uncomfortable, and now we
uncomfortable around each other.
And I'm looking at you allstank face and you looking at me
stank face because you overthere hungry and I'm over here
lights.
I know he don't think I'm aboutto make him nothing to eat.
I just worked all day long.
M (28:49):
Yes.
T (28:49):
And now we out here resenting each other Like he couldn't
even go to the grocery store andhe over there looking at me
like she didn't go to thegrocery store, like come on Now.
We being petty in the world ofInsta cart, we arguing about who
didn't go to the grocery store.
M (29:03):
Oh, and let me get you more pettier.
He comes in with food and don'thave shit for you.
T (29:08):
I got my two big pieces of biscuit.
We got right now.
I got my two big pieces ofbiscuit.
I'm not going to feed that shitto the dog when you cook
another one.
M (29:14):
I'm buying my own shit.
You get your own you just wentout for self.
Self.
T (29:18):
Wow, that's how shit gets started, yeah.
Mac Da Don (29:21):
I had one guy.
T (29:21):
I had one guy years ago he sat in my chair and he said to
me you know he was just talkingabout his lady friend and you
know this situation in the houseand he was like I mean, it's
not, it's not looking good, it'snot looking good.
And he was like the thing Iunderstand about women is, you
know, she decided she's going tostop doing my laundry,
(29:43):
specifically my why?
I say reason why you ain't gotyour own, you know, chicken
sandwich, I guess to live yourlife for yourself, you know, to
alienate, like you don't want todo for me, I'm not going to do
for you, oh damn.
And what he was saying is don'tis, is not going to work, like
how you want it to work right,like you didn't manipulate the
(30:04):
situation and your favor right.
Yeah, that's right he just goingto go do his laundry and
eventually he going to go do himlike I'm I'm on my way out now.
So you thought that you stoppeddoing his laundry to make him
kind of pay attention and pitchin more, so to speak.
Right, you thought you went outand got your own food to make
her like, oh so if he going toget his own food, I should maybe
(30:27):
start cooking for him now.
But it's not the right way togo about things.
You never get the end result.
You only get a girl who'ssitting there looking at you
like, oh, he couldn't get mesomething to eat all the times.
I had made him a meal, and nowI come in the house, I'm tired,
I'm overworked and I couldn't,you know, cook for the both of
us.
And he had the energy enough togo out and get himself a meal
(30:49):
and he couldn't at least get mea meal and at least he still got
clean underwear in his drawer.
Mac Da Don (30:54):
I won't tell you.
T (30:55):
But you know, he's mad, mad because I didn't cook for him
tonight I do it so well.
I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm
sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'msorry.
Mac Da Don (31:04):
I'm sorry.
I'm sorry, I'm sorry.
I think that's a perfectexample, though.
It's like there's just twopeople who think like oh man,
fuck that again.
T (31:15):
Yeah, like they fuck each other, and think you're gonna
get like a better result fromthe situation and you're not
gonna break it down thesituation that you really wanted
to build up.
You, real life, want this girl.
You, real life, want that man.
Mac Da Don (31:32):
Yeah so.
T (31:32):
I'm sitting there on my butt.
I'm so tired, get your ass upso tired.
Mac Da Don (31:36):
I'm just saying like look there's nothing wrong with
saying you know what I'm reallytired of making like dinner by
myself every night.
I don't understand how, likepeople just don't say don't sit
there and say you know what, I'mtired of doing this.
I feel like I'm being underappreciated, like, hey, I would
like for you to cook a meal orlike take me out to dinner or
(31:56):
whatever, something to balancethis shit out.
This goes back to the planet.
Yeah, just balancing it out.
Wanting to do it because youguys want to say like I'm trying
to keep a peaceful home.
I don't understand people whosay you know what fuck in my
house is the chaos.
T (32:12):
It'd be all right.
No, you can't do anything inthe chaos?
M (32:16):
No, and let me tell you this T the one thing that all men I'm
speaking for all men want whenthey come home is peace.
T (32:24):
Don't know.
Sometimes I create the chaos somuch I want peace.
Create shit, stirring shit up.
We want peace.
M (32:30):
We want peace, we don't want to come home after a long day.
We're taking shit from peoplewe don't like.
We have to.
At least can we come home, walkthe door, get a.
Hey how you doing, baby, it'sgood food ready.
You know I'm going to get mylittle drink and everything and
I asked you how you're going togo.
Everything cool, everythingcool.
(32:51):
I'm sitting in the chair andjust so on a little bit, maybe
play some some gaming, becausethat's the biggest thing,
because that's the big.
Thing now see back in the day itwas so, back and let me have a
drink and look at TV.
Now there's a lot of guys.
They want to come home and gameand guys that said that to me
said man, can you talk about?
Why can't I game?
My girl can say it's childish.
T (33:12):
Why can't I just come in the house and game?
M (33:15):
Why can't I?
Why can't I just game?
It's too old for gaming.
Mac Da Don (33:18):
I just do all to do that and I'm going to tell you,
I'm going to say it like thiswomen fucking hate when they're
not the center of attention.
M (33:26):
I want to hear I'm not being a center of attention.
Mac Da Don (33:34):
So you come home.
You are not sitting therestaring her in her fucking just
a little bit.
T (33:40):
Just a little bit, just a little bit, the apex of your eye
right now.
Mac Da Don (33:43):
Yeah, she will make your life hell, because I miss
you all day.
So because touch me first, likewhat are you doing?
I said all right.
I'll get your head, I'll getyour head.
I'm going to sit down in frontof the PlayStation.
No, let me tell you about myday.
I'm going to see because I'mlooking forward to you all day
(34:07):
and you've been looking forwardto the PlayStation Wow.
M (34:11):
And let me tell you a lot of, I get a lot of, we get a lot of
comments.
Yeah, I love how you fight forus, but damn.
T (34:21):
I think that that that was a phenomenal, that we just, you
know, uncovered that layer rightthere, yes.
I've been waiting all day longjust to engage you in
conversation, tell you threetimes the same story, over and
over again, about what happenedat work.
I'm going to switch it up justa little bit, but it is the same
(34:42):
story.
But who cares?
Right?
True, true, and I just want to.
I just, I just want yourattention.
I do want all of your attention.
Right and in theory, in my head.
Right, sure, you can come homeand get on the video game, right
, but I didn't know that youwanted to get on the video game,
like more like more than youwant to see me.
M (35:02):
Yeah, these young man are older man.
Mac Da Don (35:05):
It's the one time of the day where, like, I can just
turn my brain off.
Yeah, that's why I got becauseeven when I'm with you, my brain
has to be on.
T (35:14):
But that's what I'm getting to because, I think that I can
talk to you while you're playingyour video game, but you know.
Mac Da Don (35:20):
So that's the part that's messing yourself.
No, who has?
T (35:26):
told you the story three times and you still don't know
what happened to my co-workertoday.
What's happening here?
Nope, what's?
Mac Da Don (35:33):
happening.
Or here's the thing I'm one ofthose people who I can play a
game and listen.
Okay Right, he's rare.
T (35:39):
Yeah, it's very rare I can listen because the game to me
becomes violence.
Mac Da Don (35:43):
Okay, and I can say, okay, I can turn my brain off
of this, I can focus on theconversation I got, not because
I did that.
I had a girl I was talking within college.
She was.
She literally cut thetelevision off.
She was explaining how hermother came by to drop off food
today and she dropped offsomething she didn't want and
she had told her three timesbefore and she didn't want it.
(36:04):
So she is like I was upsetabout it.
I'm like damn, I was reallyfucked up, like she really
should have just listened to you.
I'm engaging in theconversation, right, I'm not
looking at you.
She's sitting in my peripheral,so she's yeah.
T (36:16):
He's talking to me so I'm like what's going to you?
Talk to my back.
She was like no, I won't.
Mac Da Don (36:21):
That's exactly what.
M (36:22):
I was going to do.
You're not paying attention tome, you're not looking, you're
not like looking at me.
They were young, young though,but it says the thing that's 18.
Mac Da Don (36:30):
Yeah, yeah, I could tell 35, 36, 37 nicks are still
doing the same shit.
Yes, that's the problem, that'sthe problem.
T (36:36):
That's the problem.
If I did, you can't.
You can't recognize that.
Okay, I'm not going to say that.
I'm not going to say that.
Mac Da Don (36:39):
That's where I want to be played the thing.
You just didn't track him andyou been laying there the other
day, I don't know this.
Yeah, look, look, I always talkabout Мне glad to have Raffaello
.
All right, we're going to betalking.
We're going to be talking here.
Okay, man, this is the thing Iwouldn't say, that I wouldn't
saying that I'm not going to saythat, yeah, okay, okay Right,
(37:02):
very cool separate.
I'm going to say that, allright, anyway, why don't you
want to talk to me about?
I really sure you're not fromhere in the house.
Now it's all making like Idon't do shit for you.
I'm gonna treat you like ass,blah, blah, instead of saying
you know what I knew?
You come home.
Because, like you, come home,you run to play a game.
I fully understand.
I just want to talk to myhusband my boyfriend for like 35
(37:24):
, 45 minutes before you go game,or can you have a set cutoff
time so we can spend timetogether?
Yeah.
T (37:31):
And you're all together.
I'm not willing to do thesecompromises Exactly Like I need
to give you my information rightnow, when you come to the door.
Mac Da Don (37:38):
Why don't you get him right?
Yeah, I need to.
T (37:40):
I need the mindless behavior right now, like no, I got to sit
down, I got to sit down, sit onthe game, because I just need
to move sideways.
And those are the conversationsthat we really need to have
with each other, like spaces andplaces where you can't
compromise that me time.
Like, oh, hold on, this is metime.
Like, no, we're not doing thekids homework, you know, as soon
(38:01):
as they come in the house,because I need 45 minutes to
game.
So you don't start on the kidshomework and I ain't gonna start
on the kids homework becauseI'm going to go do my video
gaming thing and whatever youyou know you will, because that
a lot of times is what'shappening as well.
Right, the woman comes in thehouse and it's more than just
cooking, right, she kind of getswhat we say gets to work, right
.
She comes in the house and nowyou're moving and grooving,
(38:22):
hanging up the kids jackets oryou know.
Turning to the little people,maybe the dogs need to go out,
to go out for a walk or whateverneeds to get done.
M (38:30):
Right.
T (38:30):
But as the man has now sat down, you can take your load off
, then cock the little shoes off, control in your hand.
Get the hell up and take thatdamn dog out for a walk.
Yeah, and now it's time for thekids to start their little
homework, right, because we'vegot on the same.
So now I'm offended to thepoint where I'm just like the
(38:53):
audacity.
Yeah, and how I just escalatedand come in the house and go sit
down.
Mac Da Don (39:03):
Yeah, so so you know , honey I need a sister for you
sit down today.
Yeah, Before you sit down andyou kick your shoes off and
relax.
We got to take care of a BSEbecause the moment we finish
that, I'm not with you for theday.
T (39:15):
But in that man's head he probably where I was working.
Yes, ceo, yeah From the bottomto the top.
He coming in that house heavy,like she didn't sat around nails
or cute walking around allprissy.
You know you're to him, youknow the woman's life is light,
(39:37):
like she does come in and she, Ijust need to sit down.
I've been dealing with allthese people.
M (39:42):
For a moment, I think I take a personal experience.
When I was working in up in DCand came home late, the first
thing I said I just want to comehome, I just want to sit down
and this one have a drink, butsomething to drink.
Well, I saw when I heard myopening door was a little person
.
Mm-hmm who was at the door whenI opened it.
(40:02):
In fact, I could barely open it, do I said it's like he back up
back up.
He was looking at me likethey've been gone all day long.
Mac Da Don (40:08):
He is fun time, oh god.
M (40:11):
He's, he's up, he's bright.
I wish you till so now, okay, Itake my time.
If he go, take run on the timeand I go now.
I know I have to spend timewith him.
T (40:19):
Yep.
M (40:20):
And you know, I just want to just sit down and grab a remote
and not have nobody shit to me,because I've been talking people
all Fucking day.
Yep, I have to talk to him.
I gotta talk to the wife How'syour day?
Cuz she's there taking care ofall day.
So I have to do that before Iwent and played Sega Genesis,
y'all.
T (40:36):
That was the day.
M (40:38):
Have my fun and then but I did give me his bath do all that
then, after all that, I can goahead and truly unwind.
Yep but that's a conversationthat I had to have.
Like baby, listen, I work allday long, I know you're home, I
know you here looking him allday and all that, but can at
least have some time after Iplay with him, after we eat, you
know, then go have my 40minutes on the game, but you
(41:00):
have to have that conversation.
That's not like you're justgonna go in and do it because
this shit has to be done.
T (41:04):
It's in other words you're either gonna be out of order or
you're gonna get yourself inorder, right you're gonna get on
the same page.
If the issue is you know dinnerright and I'm tired of cooking
every night, you might want tocook some of those meals you
know in the same night.
Can you say that one more time?
Mac Da Don (41:21):
the issue is what.
The issue is?
Dinner right, then.
The issue is that your wife beincompetent as fuck.
T (41:32):
No, okay, so fight the issue Like the person exactly.
Mac Da Don (41:35):
Okay, the issue is that you hungry, she hungry what
, we neither.
So we just bought a factor intothe household because it's a
tie to me mission makes a tie tocook it.
So we're like well, how do weall eat and eat decently?
Wow, still maintaining ourworkout schedules are still
(41:57):
maintaining our every day.
All right, we might have toinvest a couple dollars, but it
makes sure that not everybodyhas something fresh to eat.
No, it has to complain aboutwhat the hell they gonna eat for
lunch, for dinner, for whatever, because it's food in the
refrigerator.
If that's something you need todo, then you go do it.
You're putting you each fourhundred dollars together.
Now y'all got meals for anentire week.
Y'all ain't never got to thinktwice about it.
(42:18):
It's, it's expensive, but thetrade off is that it creates
piece of your household.
If that is the issue, andthat's the way you decide to
solve it, what ends up happeningis this hey, one time I get
married first, she's not gonnacook.
I was like whoa would you?
How'd you eat?
Beforehand?
I went out.
Okay, well, meal prep is a nicein between.
It's like going out at home.
T (42:40):
It's the, it's the idea of having an issue and being
willing to Work on the issue.
M (42:47):
Nobody wants to work on it.
It's like if it's not solvedlike that, then Devices are a
record high this year.
I saw recently and a lot ofpeople like well, she's not
doing or he's not doing what hetold me, a what, okay?
When you stood in front of thechurch in the state of Maryland,
on state Wherever you gotmarried from, you said the
(43:08):
sickness and health and rich andpoor and better, worse.
If you are fucking up on abreakup because of a simple
disagreement you can't talkabout, then that is always an
out and that's why marriage, inany kind of relationship you
have to be able to talk to eachother about things, is going to
just bother you, because if it'sbothering you, it ruins the
(43:28):
unity and the sanctity of yourhouse and don't let it go, right
.
T (43:33):
So if you're the guy and the woman doesn't budge on the video
game thing, right, and so youlike I'm just let it go, I'm not
even gonna work on, you know,the compromise in the situation
because she don't see, I'm justdo me Eventually, to just do me
gonna be the disrespect to her,and because you wasn't, you know
(43:54):
, willing to force the situation, because you was Totic, you
know kind of rattling, you knowher up.
M (43:59):
Mm-hmm.
T (44:00):
It helped cause a deterioration in the
relationship.
Mac Da Don (44:05):
Flip side of that would be because you do want to
come to compromise with me, butwe spoke about it initially and
that's how I bring it up again.
You didn't compromise thesecond time.
They're not trying to bring upa third time he still didn't
compromise now I feelingdisrespected.
T (44:23):
And so if you're being disrespected and then that
causes deterioration in therelationship, that's valid.
Didn't let the relation.
I don't want to be that type ofperson, but there are certain
things that will break arelationship right, and a lack
of compromise on certain things,especially when it, you know,
results in disrespect.
No, it's time to let certainthings go, certain things go,
(44:46):
and and letting things go willif somebody wants you enough and
they feel like you are worth it.
They will recognize that, wow, Ididn't have to take it to this
level.
I think I want them more in mylife, with them playing that
game or with them doing that.
To a certain extent, you know,now I can kind of figure out
(45:08):
what I wanted to compromise,because what I don't want is a
lack of that person.
M (45:13):
Exactly, or you could get rid of that person.
Bring another person who don'tplay video games, but then he
barely worked.
T (45:19):
Yeah.
Mac Da Don (45:21):
Like what's the devil's that you're willing to
deal with?
Yeah, okay, he's a great guy,he go to work, but like he games
all the time and that's thething.
Like all his child is like Idon't like things to play games.
He go for yourself in the good,don't play games Like you say
he doesn't work or like he works.
But then he come home and hedrank.
So now, instead of worryingabout the next game release and
him maybe being up late at night, he said out the club, drunk as
(45:44):
fuck.
Yeah, and now you wonder who hewith, because you know he and
some of these, all thesedifferent women and shit.
So, like you gotta ask likereally, is the thing that the
person across the table from youdoing that damn bad?
T (45:58):
Like, truly, they're asking of you Is it something that you
really have to be so rigid onthat you're willing to let that
person go on?
M (46:07):
That's true like dinner.
T (46:08):
Y'all real life can't figure out dinner in 2023.
Instacart door dash FactorStore got one.
Mac Da Don (46:19):
Yep.
T (46:21):
It's in this food supplies to where it's like we're still
talking about she don't cooklike come on, so so you didn't
even.
Nobody even wanted to try.
M (46:31):
And you have to try yes you have to try the certain things
you said.
Listen, we both work, we bothcome home late With nobody feels
like cook yeah, unless you putsome of the crock pot and let it
cook all day, and you only wantto do that, but so so many
times during the week, so yougotta have another, another
reason or don't go out to dinnerevery day, because that's gonna
run you about 100 and some $9to you.
So now you eat out every day.
(46:53):
That's $700 a goddamn week Justfor eating out.
So, and everything is expensive, so you want to compromise it.
Am I working to eat out?
Am I working to just be able todo some things and be able to
sit at my home or someone?
T (47:06):
just you sit down at these tables and you have these
conversations and you just say,oh baby, we spending seven,
seven hundred dollars a week toeat out.
Maybe we can reallocate thosesons to do something else.
Maybe we want to do somethingelse without money, but you sit
down and you talk and you openup that conversation piece on
how we can you know better takecare of each other, um, and
(47:29):
enjoy and build the relationshipthat we actually want.
No, that's when you got it.
Yes, I'm living the life that Iwant.
No, I get to come home and I getto play my video game when I
want to and know it's not assoon as I walk through the house
.
Because, guess what, that don'tserve my family.
So, now as a man.
You got a new perspective fromlife, you know, and the same
(47:50):
thing with the woman, like no,I'm gonna sit on the phone and
I'm gonna talk to my mom.
You know, with my littleearbuds in my ear I'm gonna
listen to my little Alexa music.
You know, when I first come inthe house, because you know take
, you know talking to my husband, you know, until his little
ears falls off, that it justdoesn't serve us right, I can
talk to him later on.
M (48:08):
Exactly, there's a time and a place, yeah.
T (48:10):
So you start picking and choosing and seeing things a
little bit different and livingyour life To serve your family
as opposed to just serving yourown self, because that's selfish
.
M (48:22):
That is so true and it's a part of growing up and the
things people don't realize islike these are childish
behaviors.
I'm talking, we're talkingabout, because that's what kids
do, you know?
I don't want to, I want tobargain.
I want that cookie.
T (48:34):
I need all the attention.
I need everything and and itfeels so good to have all the
attention.
But be real, like that man isHired and you talking about.
M (48:44):
You need for him to look at you girl by, girl by and that's
the thing, and and once youunderstand that, hey, he's a
person like you're a person.
Mac Da Don (48:54):
He has needs like you have needs.
M (48:56):
You wouldn't want nobody to trample on your needs, so why
would you trample on his?
Because, oh, he should be ableto listen to me, because I'm,
I'm this and I'm that.
T (49:04):
And it's not to say that we don't have the growing pains.
So, like growing pains, that's,that's, that's valid right.
We've all felt slighted in acertain situation.
But what we're saying is bewilling to work through the
things, be willing to have thoseopen conversations and stay
level-headed enough to receive,you know, the criticism from
(49:26):
each other.
Mac Da Don (49:27):
Like, no, I don't like if that's the person who
you quote unquote love.
And that's the person you quoteunquote want to be, um, we're
for the rest of your life.
Then you should be able toaccept criticism from that same.
That same person Uh, there's asomebody I was watching on a
podcast said a really good uhquote.
And they were like.
(49:47):
You know, the reason I don'treally get bothered by the
internet is because I don't takeadvice from people I wouldn't
take criticism from.
M (49:56):
Ah, that's true.
Yeah that's very true, and thatalso goes to Stop telling
motherfuckers that they ain'tgot a healthy relationship in
their life.
Your business.
Mac Da Don (50:04):
Mm-hmm.
M (50:05):
You always want, I'm gonna go to such.
I'm talking my aunt, I'mtalking no.
If they've just got five kidsor six different men In 20 other
situational things going on,what the fuck?
Mac Da Don (50:15):
She nobody healthy relationship, yeah, so again
yeah, because you think, oh, shehelped me solve problems again.
But people are good for certainthings.
Yep, there's nothing wrong withthat.
Like your mom always helped youwith, like your problems when
they come to deep when you'regrowing up, cool right.
But if you did it in ondifferent dudes and none of
those work, that, then maybe youand your mom not really good
(50:36):
Collective when it comes to youand Dayton or if you're spending
more time trying to solve andfigure out you and your
significant others problems,like you're spending more time
with your mom talking to yourmom about him.
T (50:47):
Or your auntie about it or your cousin about it, then you
are like actually talking to himabout it.
That that might be the problem.
Yeah, I'm not spending enoughtime talking about the actual
problems and how we're gonna fixit.
Mac Da Don (51:03):
You know my mom and my cousin or my auntie don't
like you and it's like well,yeah cuz fuck.
Every time they ever hearanything about me is I'm trash
or no.
T (51:12):
They're just trash people, because what type of mature
adult believes everythingsomeone says just one-sided,
they've been ain't like the oldboys.
Would, you want to be in arelationship where people don't
root for your significant other,like on both sides.
(51:32):
That is very if you have a ladyand your mama don't like that
lady and she's like willing tosay it out loud.
M (51:40):
Hmm.
T (51:42):
Like what type of person is that?
Come on See.
M (51:48):
Validated.
That's the problem.
You know, if you go to them yougonna fall for validation.
Oh, they're gonna accept.
Everything I said to him is God, but that's.
T (51:54):
But that's not the right you.
You want them to validate youwhen the stuff is hard, when you
can't see that woman for all ofher great worth and you can't
see that man for everything thathe's worth, like ah.
Mac Da Don (52:06):
He want me to do everything I can't stand them
and you come at you like nigga,are you serious Accountable?
T (52:13):
no, he actually does everything for you.
And now you got to actuallywash them damn dishes and, you
know, cook a chicken.
And now you mad as hell.
And that man, just you know,paid all the bills and fixed all
the tires on the car, and nowyou mad, mad because you got a,
you know Baked some potatoes andcooked some chicken.
No, you need people like that,you know, to keep you in
perspective.
You don't need the people who'son your team telling you, yeah,
(52:35):
he ain't worth shit.
Yes, your baby mother ain'tworth shit.
Oh, yeah, not what you distant,what?
No people.
Who's on your team who wants tosee your relationships fail and
not thrive?
You need to run, including yourmother.
M (52:58):
Think what you just said.
I have to now stand on my owntwo feet and I have to go
against what my mama Told me all, your best friend your best
friend or people who've been inmy life, my entire life.
T (53:09):
Yeah, watch you make those four decisions Time and time
again, and half of the time isbecause you had everybody in
your business.
Everybody and you probablydidn't know what you brought to
the table.
M (53:24):
Exactly, you probably sold all this.
You really didn't bring much.
In fact, you probably didn'tbring a fork.
Mm-hmm maybe some happens, buteverything else he put you put
on the table and then you, I gota fork.
T (53:35):
Yeah, you came to eat.
M (53:37):
You can't eat shit with a fork.
You can lick the fork, but youcan't eat nothing off this table
because you didn't bringanything.
Yeah but we bought, we'rebringing everything to this
table, everything we got.
T (53:44):
We got holding some chips or or you showing up the tables
with a man, didn't?
You ain't bring much and heain't bring much.
And now, instead of you lookingto grow with somebody because
you don't have much, Mm-hmm youdon't have much Mm-hmm.
But instead of you looking togrow with somebody, you looking
at him like where, when yougonna go get it?
When will it be here?
M (54:08):
Hey, you know T, that's Great .
You said that, the wholeconversation about a high-value
man and all that.
I hear those discussions foryears.
Can we just go for the guywho's a bus driver, the guy
who's a construction worker, theguy who's just gonna work every
day and come home have a pieceof mind?
Mac Da Don (54:27):
He's not making a hundred thousand.
M (54:29):
He's been making forty, fifty , but he, that man, will bust
his ass and would do anything inthe world for you.
But you look at him based on oh, he only bringing a muffin to
the table.
I need more than a muffin.
I'm not fucking, you ain't gotshit to eat right now, but he's
gonna give you his muffin.
T (54:44):
Well, remember the high value man of today.
Right, They've given one childoutside of your relationship and
that little six figures gonnastart doing something different
y'all so they get that confused.
Yeah, I mean that that thatlady on the door side pieces
costs money.
So I'm just in, yeah you talkabout a high value man, right.
(55:06):
You talk about a man who's alittle more well-capped, right.
So, he spends more of his ownmoney, right, somebody who's you
know making about 85, 65 andunder right, and I splurge in a
little a little less spending onon oneself.
So normally the woman looks alittle better and well cut than
the man does, right absolutely.
(55:27):
Now it might be a little bitmore money in certain situations
, dependent on that situation.
M (55:34):
Exactly.
Yeah, you have to not discountall these guys, because again.
No, because they're only wherethey're at Now, where they're
gonna end that there you go andwe say before that 1% or less 1%
guy, it's like you hitting thedamn lottery, it's like you
hitting the billion dollarlottery ticket in fact you may
have a better oh yeah, they'redefinitely 1% and no, if you're
(55:56):
not hanging out with those guysand you didn't go to school with
them, then what I mean?
T (56:00):
what you want again?
Yeah, we don't have nothing incommon like we don't hang out in
the same bars, we don't go tothe same Restaurants, we don't
do anything, we don't even speakthe same language at or we're
here saying people like you saidnothing.
M (56:12):
We're totally in different levels.
T (56:14):
Yep.
M (56:14):
So you're trying to get into a level that's actually Kind of
impossible to get into, yeah,but you discount all the good
guys.
You do a lot of guys will.
T (56:23):
I'm gonna sit back and enjoy your parents.
Yeah right who gonna actuallywant to sit there and show up
for Sunday dinner?
We're gonna actually.
You know your mother get old,your grandmother get old.
They're gonna show up and helpyou pick your grandmother up,
like nah, babe, where yourgrandmother need to go, I'm a
ride with you because you know Iknow she needs somebody to help
move her around.
That's the guy who's gonna dothat.
M (56:44):
That's the guy.
T (56:45):
Yeah.
M (56:46):
And so strive for that guy look at that guy.
T (56:48):
They're out there and this in the comments, constantly saying
Shallow and just get to knowsome guys just get the date date
.
M (56:57):
Yeah, these guys don't you benefits off the table.
T (57:00):
Stop adding on them benefits and, like we said on the last
show, yes, and just get to knowpeople genuinely and get to know
your damn.
M (57:07):
So and with that we're in this episode of on the mic with
the M.
Auntie listen people.
You know what you need to do.
Subscribe to the channel, hitthe like button and hit the
little bell, so you get all thenewest podcasts out there.
Until next time, peace andblessings.
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