December 13, 2024 • 18 mins
In this heartfelt episode of Open Seat, Jesusa Arnett shares her inspiring life story of living with addiction while pursuing higher education, and coping with profound grief. Jesusa talks about her journey from being a high school dropout to earning a master's degree, her battle with drug addiction, and finding strength in faith. She also discusses her new support group, 'Among the Living,' at Holy Family Parish in Adrian, Michigan aimed at helping others deal with various forms of grief. This conversation between Katie Love and Jesusa is truly an authentic and unfiltered conversation about resilience, hope, and divine intervention.
Jesusa is the ministry head of the grief support group called Among the Living that takes place at Holy Family Parish in Adrian, MI.
St. Mary Campus Activities Center • 305 N. Division Street, Adrian, MI (Parkling lot off of Frank St) on Tuesdays at 4:15 PM.
00:00 Introduction to Open Seat Podcast
00:47 Meet Jesusa Arnett
01:11 Jesusa's Educational Journey
03:44 Overcoming Addiction
07:02 Starting 'Among the Living' Group
09:43 Coping with Loss and Addiction
10:30 The Role of Faith in Grief
10:56 Understanding Different Types of Grief
11:45 Healthy Ways to Deal with Grief
12:33 The Eye of the Storm: Finding Calm
13:40 Sharing Experiences to Help Others
16:11 Self-Reflection and Personal Growth
16:47 Advice for Younger Generations
17:30 A Message to My Children
18:02 Among the Living Group Details
This is a podcast of Holy Family Parish, located in Adrian MI. We are a Catholic people, not a place, striving to Live Jesus through celebrating the sacraments and forming disciples in Adrian and beyond.
www.HolyFamilyAdrian.org
Instagram: Instagram.com/holyfamilyadrian
Facebook: Facebook.com/adrianCatholic
YouTube: www.youtube.com/@holyfamilyadrian
Open Seat es un podcast Parroquia de la Sagrada Familia ubicada en Adrian, Michigan. Somos un pueblo católico, no un lugar, que se esfuerza por vivir a Jesús celebrando los sacramentos y formando discípulos en Adrian y más allá.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:00):
Crying is a release and it'sa good release because there's
so many negative ways to dealwith the death of someone
that you love, which I havedone and the group is going
to help me just like I hopethat it can help others.
Welcome to Open Seat, thepodcast where we create
(00:20):
a space for authenticconversations about faith,
unfiltered and unapologetic.
Here, we believe thatevery story matters.
Whether you're questioning,seeking, or steadfast in
your beliefs, you'll findsomething relatable in
these heartfelt discussions.
So grab your seat, getcomfortable, and let's dive
(00:42):
into today's story here atOpen Seat.
Jesusa (00:47):
Okay.
So today in the Open Seatwe have Jesusa Arnett.
And so thank you so muchfor joining us today.
Thank for inviting me, Katie.
It's a pleasure.
You are one amazing woman.
I just know a little bit,so I'm really excited to get
to know you better today.
But I first met you whenyou started teaching
Religious Ed here.
That's correct.
Katie (01:06):
Yeah, and we still miss you.
Why don't you just tell usa little bit about yourself?
Jesusa (01:11):
I was born here in Adrian I lived
here all my life.
I love this community.
I have three childrenand I have four grandchildren.
I live in Morenci.
I was a high school dropout.
I went back to schoolat the age of 30 I
graduated from adult ed.
from there I went on to JCC.
Got my basic education credits.
(01:33):
From there, I went toSiena, got my bachelor's
in social work.
And from there, I wentto, Eastern Michigan University.
I got my master's in chemicaldependency and, Mental illness.
The Lord, Katie, as Ilook back upon my life,
I can see that the Lordhas always given me favor.
while I was at Eastern,I was selected for a new
(01:55):
program that Eastern wasworking in collaboration
with the University ofMichigan to bring people of
color into higher education.
So, my name was submittedfor a doctorate at the
University of Michigan,and I was accepted.
So I went to the U ofM during the summer to, take
(02:17):
some summer classesand prepare me for the
doctorate level of education.
And now when allthis is going on, I have three
children at home andI'm also working full time
and going to school.
Katie (02:29):
What were you doing before you, while you
were studying?
Jesusa (02:32):
I was a cook.
So, it was, it wassomething that, I would
have never believedwould happen to me.
well, I grew up over bythe fairgrounds, And I
would walkby Sienna Heights, and I
would see that it was there.
I could see it.
Physically see it, but in myheart, I felt like it's there,
but it's not there for me.
(02:53):
So, long story short I turneddown the doctorate
level of educationfrom the U of M because
I felt like I needed to be home.
I missedmy children, and I was tired.
I was tired.
But,I'll never forget, they took
us to the top ten collegesconferences, to promote
us, and all of the collegesheard about this new program,
(03:16):
so they, really wanted usThey would try to convince us to
go to their school.
so I tell that story and peoplewill say, What?
You turned down adoctorate from the
University of Michigan?
What is wrong with you?
And I'm like, you have no idea.
The reason that Idropped out of school
And this is another storythat, that I want to share,
(03:36):
because it is powerful for me.
And I know that, it'sanother example of how the
Lord has given me favor.
So I quit school becauseof a drug addiction.
I was a hardcore drug, I was anintravenous drug user at
one point.
one point.
And so,for me, to come from that,
To be here right now, withthe education level that I
(03:58):
have, and the things that,I've accomplished, I give all
praise To our father.
Katie (04:03):
So, what at age 30 made you decide
to go back to school?
Jesusa (04:09):
People have asked me that.
how were you able to be soresilient and come out
the other end so strong?
And I say, I wish I couldgive you an equation,
if you do this, this, and this,it'll happen.
I said, but I can't, all Ican tell you is that I feel
like there was a divineintervention in my life.
And that I give, All glory toFather for that.
(04:29):
And, of course I couldn'tsee it then,
cause I was just like,in a whirlwind of
a whole lot of hot mess,you know, hot mess,
That's all I can think of
Katie (04:40):
That's a great description of life.
If anyone does not knowwhat hot mess is, God bless
you you've not been there.
Jesusa (04:47):
Yeah, And then for the longest time, I didn't
think that I was worthy.
why is this happening?
and and like I said, it, I,it just came into
my heart, go backto school, go back to school.
And when, I went to AdultEd to speak to the,
the, I guess shewas a counselor.
She said, well, just take theGED.
Because I went,like, ...I was there
(05:09):
for a couple years.
And I told her, I don'tthink I can pass it.
And she said, oh.
Because at that time, mybrain was short circuited
because of all the years ofdrug abuse.
I mean, I could read something,but it wouldn't register.
It'd come in one yearand out the other.
It wouldn't stay.
so I struggled with that forthe longest time.
I remember, just readingand reading with the
(05:31):
dictionary, and justtrying to focus.
And then from there,it's just like, a teacher
pulled me aside and showed me mygrades.
And he said, you needto go to college.
there were a's.
before I had evengraduated, From adult ed.
I had already enrolledin JCC to take my basics.
So I was doing both at thesame time with the family
(05:53):
and working.
Yeah, I don't knowhow I did that.
I cannot tell youhow I did that.
I never hadthat much determination
to succeed.
I had that much determinationin my addiction and
to use, but to switchit completely around and
refocus that into a differentdirection, like I said, I feel
like I was part of a divineintervention.
Katie (06:13):
it's powerful in and of itself, the whole
story, but what I thinkstrikes me is that you
have taken what wasyour greatest weakness
and made it now your greateststrength.
Because you do substance abusecounseling.
And, social work, whichis amazing.
and so you can tellpeople, No, I've literally
walked in your shoes.
You can do this.
(06:34):
this And not many social workersand substance abuse counselors
can say that.
Jesusa (06:39):
there's a lot of clients that I had, when
I was a therapist, thatwould tell me, can learn
about addiction in a book.
you can learneverything that there is, like
the treatments,the lingo and all that.
But when you've been there, it'sanother level of understanding,
acceptance And, I wastold that quite often.
(06:59):
And then when, the thoughtof putting this grief,
because I am also grievingthe death of my son, and
it came into my heartand I believe the
Lord did that as well becauseI was thinking of
how can I honor myson and honor the Lord at the
same time.
So it came into my heart thatI needed to start a group.
(07:23):
And, Initially, my reactionwas like, who said that?
Where's that coming from?
Katie (07:28):
you coming from?
I'm in this room
Jesusa (07:31):
Know, I'm like, I'm like, you want me to do what?
Katie (07:33):
right
Jesusa (07:34):
I can't even hardly talk without crying, and
you want me to do a group?
Is that serious right now?
So I procrastinated, justlike, when the Lord called
on Moses or whoever, gotalk to pharaoh.
And he's he's like, what?
Katie (07:48):
Luckily, you weren't Jonah and
ended up in the whale.
But this is good.
Jesusa (07:53):
I mean, I'm not comparing myself to anybody
like that, but how the messagecame to me is what I'm
trying point out here.
I procrastinatedand procrastinated
and then finally,because I also wanted to
honor my son and the Lord,so then that's when I
called Father Mike.
I'm not, I'm not sayingthat I have all the answers.
I'm just sayingthat I, once again,
(08:16):
know how it feels.
I know how it feelsand I can relate.
The group is open discussion.
You can come in at any time.
There's not a begindate and end date.
It's just going to be ongoing.
And my hope for the group isthat we support one another.
I, want to try tohelp lift people up.
Katie (08:32):
talking about this group, what's it called?
Jesusa (08:34):
It's called Among the Living.
Katie (08:36):
And did you come up with that title?
Jesusa (08:38):
I did and I want want to tell you how
I came up what that title.
Katie (08:41):
I want to hear about this.
Jesusa (08:42):
So, in my grief, I, isolated myself.
I didn't want to be aroundpeople.
So, in my darkness, Ihad a tendency to stay there
too long and I and I had toliterally remind myself that
(09:02):
my place was among the living.
I have to, I had totell them, your place
is among the living.
So, I name my group that.
I needed to go on with my life.
My son would not want me to notlive because of his death.
And, my son took his life.
(09:26):
So, that's how Icame about the name.
And I still have toremind myself sometimes
and I think that waspart of the reason why
I was reluctant to dothe group But, and I
know that doing the group.
I'll still be emotional,but crying is a release,
(09:46):
and it's a good release.
Because there's somany negative ways to
deal with a death ofsomeone that you love.
Which I have done.
When my mother passedaway, I was active in
my addiction, and thatwas my coping strategy.
Substance abuse oranything, it wasn't good.
I think that this isprobably the first
(10:08):
loss in my life thatI've been able to, go
through, somewhat healthy.
Somewhat healthy.
And the group isgoing to help me,
just like I hope thatit can help others.
And like I said, I don'tknow all the answers.
and I don't pretend to.
But I want to share what hashelped me deal with my grief.
(10:31):
people, Ithink, sometimes are too
quick to blame the Lord.
If you're allloving, if you're all
forgiving, why am I, whyam I going through this?
But the Father gave usself will.
And he built a perfectworld for us when
it all started withAdam and Eve.
It was perfect.
But we all know howthat story goes, and then
it's like, okay,so if that's how
(10:52):
it's gonna be, thenyou are gonna, yeah.
Katie (10:55):
I don't know anyone who really has not experienced
some kind of grief.
And, so your grief sharinggroup, Among the Living, which
beautiful title by the way,
Jesusa (11:04):
Thank you.
Katie (11:04):
Is not just for those who have experienced
death, but any type of grief.
Right?
Jesusa (11:10):
This is gonna sound crazy,
but when I decide, orwhen the Lord put in
my heart to to sober upand get my stuff together,
I grieved the loss ofmy addiction, my drug
of choice, you know.
Katie (11:22):
I've heard that before.
Jesusa (11:22):
I've grieved that.
So, I said any loss, any loss.
It's like the loss of a pet,a relationship, the quality
of your life, you know.
thatthat change, that your whole,
you're independent, you'restrong and, then something
happens, and you're dependentupon somebody else for
your care, for your basic care.
That's a loss.
(11:43):
That's a tragic loss.
And people sometimesjust, like for me, get
stuck in that darkness.
You know, and something snapped.
It's like, get up.
Do something.
Don't sit here,It's not good for
you, But I started toget comfortable there.
Katie (12:02):
That's what happens, right?
It It becomes familiar.
And I think we experiencea lot of griefs in a lot
of different ways thatwe just don't even acknowledge.
And, it can come outin a lot of different ways.
So dealing with itin a very healthy manner is
what we need to start gearingtowards.
And today, I mean, Youcould grieve nearly anything.
Jesusa (12:26):
Absolutely.
I explained it to one of theladies that met with me on
Tuesday, it's like,I see the storm.
I see the storm right therein front of me It's huge and
it's blowing everythingaround and causing so much
destruction But rather than walkthrough that storm
and feel what I need tofeel and let go of what
(12:46):
I need to let go I'mgoing to take the long
way around and avoid.
It's going to takeme a lot longer.
It's not going to be healthybecause i'm going to repress
the emotion associated withthe loss whatever that may be.
And it's going to manifestitself in your body
somehow it's goingto manifest itself.
it's like I've learned to walkthrough the storm
(13:08):
And I've never experiencedthis, but I have read
that in the eye of thestorm, there's a calm.
So, when I'm goingthrough my grief,
I tell myself, I am inthe eye of the storm.
And I am, in the calm,even though my world is
like in turmoil in everypart that it could possibly be.
And my self talk is,I'm in the eye of the storm.
(13:30):
I'm in the calm.
And the Lord is with me.
The Lord is with me.
And he's carried methrough so much, he's not
gonna drop me nowIf I have faith, if I
have faith.
Cause like I said, whenI look back on the life
that I lived, I don'thave a police record Ms.
Katie.
I'm still alive.
You hear about people that areintravenous drug users
(13:51):
that overdose.
I'm still alive, I'm still here.
I have educated myself.
And I've turned down adoctorate degree from the
University of Michigan.
What kind?
You know what I mean?
Katie (14:01):
I, I think it's amazing.
I just think back tothe scripture where it
talks about, that thestorm comes, and they're
in the middle of the storm,and Jesus is sleeping.
And they're like, whatthe heck, you know?
Jesusa (14:11):
We're gonna die
Katie (14:14):
And.
I think oh my gosh,how many times in life
are we in that momentwhere it's like, What
the heck are you goingto wake up anytime soon
cause right now thisis not good.
And Jesus is like, ifyou focus on me, it'll
be fine, we'll getthrough this and every
single time that happens.
But what's really interestingis you are taking those
moments and sharingthem with people to help them
(14:37):
get through their storms.
And there aren't awhole lot of people
who want to do that.
Jesusa (14:41):
I was reluctant.
But I was born andraised here in Adrian.
So people that know me,know me from when I was, yeah.
yeah.
It's no secret.
Katie (14:53):
I think in that grief, there's that shame part.
And that I think holds us back alot.
And so you're just like, oh,here's your shame.
I'm kicking it to the curb.
Jesusa (15:03):
There's no judgment.
My intentions are pure.
I don't, wanna gain anything.
I don't want any recognition.
In fact, I was hesitantwhen Father Mike says,
You gotta do a podcastand I'm like, do what?
Katie (15:14):
But right in the beginning of this
podcast, which is what I,find so amazing, is that
it says it's authenticand unfiltered.
That is exactly how weshould come to church.
On Sunday, I find it reallyinteresting, you walk
in and you're like,Hey, how are you?
Good, good, good, good.
Jesusa (15:32):
I'm lying.
Katie (15:33):
Everybody, every one every one of us.
Every one of us arelying because, no, the
world is falling apart.
All of us havesomething going on.
But, I would never tell you whatThat thing is.
Jesusa (15:45):
I am very particular.
I've known you I I respect you.
I love you.
And so I feel that's why Isaid yes, I feel comfortable
talking to Miss Katie.
I will talk with Miss Katie.
Katie (15:57):
I appreciate it beacuse there's a lot here
Jesusa (15:59):
There's certain people that I can open
up to, but I can countthe friends I have in one hand.
And that's my choice,I avoid drama.
I just want to be atpeace, and stay in the
center of the storm.
So the one thing thatI'm working on, because I
always do self reflectionand when I saw the video
with Father Mike, Idid not like what I saw.
(16:20):
So, I am working right nowon smiling more.
That's like a natural thing.
You smile.
Because when you feel deadinside, it's hard to smile.
You know, and I sawthat and I'm like, Oh my
God, I, look horrible.
I look horrible,and So, I'm I'm
working on smiling more.
So I hope that it willsomeday be authentic, But
(16:43):
I'm just trying to get
Katie (16:44):
Fake it until you make it.
Jesusa (16:45):
Exactly.
Exactly.
Katie (16:47):
What one piece of advice would you give
younger Jesusa?
Jesusa (16:52):
Know the voice of your shepherd and have faith.
Katie (16:56):
Unfortunately, a lot of times, it's not unusual
that that develops overtime through hardships.
Because my voice candrown out that voice.
Jesusa (17:06):
Mm hmm.
Mm hmm.
You know, and I wanted to, builda better life.
The reason, I think, behindmy going to school, it
was a thought in my heart.
But then I wanted better for mychildren.
I wanted to showthem that there's another
way to live other thanseeing mom come home or
(17:29):
not come home at all.
And I tell them that I couldn'tdo it for love of self.
I couldn't straightenmy life out for love of self.
But I did because of you.
Because of my children.
Katie (17:41):
And how did they receive that?
Jesusa (17:42):
I think they understood it.
I think I wrote itin a christmas card.
I bought them each a Christmasand I wrote them each a message.
And I said that.
Katie (17:51):
Yeah, I'm guessing most of them probably have
it to this day because it wasprobably a pretty big
turning point for them.
Jesusa (17:57):
Mm hmm.
Katie (17:58):
Wow, well, Jesusa, thank you so much.
You have shared so muchwith us today and your
Among the Living group meets
Tuesdays at 4 (18:06):
15 in the St.
Mary Activities Center.
And anybody is welcome?
It's just a drop thing?
So there's no commitment,There's
Jesusa (18:17):
no Nope.
Katie (18:18):
And nobody has to sign up?
You can just show up.
Jesusa (18:20):
Nope, nope.
You don't even haveto tell me your name.
The only goal forthis is to help.
Katie (18:24):
Well, thank you again for using your gifts
and talents.
Jesusa (18:27):
Aw, you're very welcome, Katie.
Katie (18:29):
Once again, we thank you for joining us today.
We hope that wherever youfind an open seat in your
life, you will invitesomeone to join you.
Crying is a release and it'sa good release because there's
so many negative ways to dealwith the death of someone
that you love, which I havedone and the group is going
to help me just like I hopethat it can help others.
Welcome to Open Seat, thepodcast where we create
(00:20):
a space for authenticconversations about faith,
unfiltered and unapologetic.
Here, we believe thatevery story matters.
Whether you're questioning,seeking, or steadfast in
your beliefs, you'll findsomething relatable in
these heartfelt discussions.
So grab your seat, getcomfortable, and let's dive
(00:42):
into today's story here atOpen Seat.
Jesusa (00:47):
Okay.
So today in the Open Seatwe have Jesusa Arnett.
And so thank you so muchfor joining us today.
Thank for inviting me, Katie.
It's a pleasure.
You are one amazing woman.
I just know a little bit,so I'm really excited to get
to know you better today.
But I first met you whenyou started teaching
Religious Ed here.
That's correct.
Katie (01:06):
Yeah, and we still miss you.
Why don't you just tell usa little bit about yourself?
Jesusa (01:11):
I was born here in Adrian I lived
here all my life.
I love this community.
I have three childrenand I have four grandchildren.
I live in Morenci.
I was a high school dropout.
I went back to schoolat the age of 30 I
graduated from adult ed.
from there I went on to JCC.
Got my basic education credits.
(01:33):
From there, I went toSiena, got my bachelor's
in social work.
And from there, I wentto, Eastern Michigan University.
I got my master's in chemicaldependency and, Mental illness.
The Lord, Katie, as Ilook back upon my life,
I can see that the Lordhas always given me favor.
while I was at Eastern,I was selected for a new
(01:55):
program that Eastern wasworking in collaboration
with the University ofMichigan to bring people of
color into higher education.
So, my name was submittedfor a doctorate at the
University of Michigan,and I was accepted.
So I went to the U ofM during the summer to, take
(02:17):
some summer classesand prepare me for the
doctorate level of education.
And now when allthis is going on, I have three
children at home andI'm also working full time
and going to school.
Katie (02:29):
What were you doing before you, while you
were studying?
Jesusa (02:32):
I was a cook.
So, it was, it wassomething that, I would
have never believedwould happen to me.
well, I grew up over bythe fairgrounds, And I
would walkby Sienna Heights, and I
would see that it was there.
I could see it.
Physically see it, but in myheart, I felt like it's there,
but it's not there for me.
(02:53):
So, long story short I turneddown the doctorate
level of educationfrom the U of M because
I felt like I needed to be home.
I missedmy children, and I was tired.
I was tired.
But,I'll never forget, they took
us to the top ten collegesconferences, to promote
us, and all of the collegesheard about this new program,
(03:16):
so they, really wanted usThey would try to convince us to
go to their school.
so I tell that story and peoplewill say, What?
You turned down adoctorate from the
University of Michigan?
What is wrong with you?
And I'm like, you have no idea.
The reason that Idropped out of school
And this is another storythat, that I want to share,
(03:36):
because it is powerful for me.
And I know that, it'sanother example of how the
Lord has given me favor.
So I quit school becauseof a drug addiction.
I was a hardcore drug, I was anintravenous drug user at
one point.
one point.
And so,for me, to come from that,
To be here right now, withthe education level that I
(03:58):
have, and the things that,I've accomplished, I give all
praise To our father.
Katie (04:03):
So, what at age 30 made you decide
to go back to school?
Jesusa (04:09):
People have asked me that.
how were you able to be soresilient and come out
the other end so strong?
And I say, I wish I couldgive you an equation,
if you do this, this, and this,it'll happen.
I said, but I can't, all Ican tell you is that I feel
like there was a divineintervention in my life.
And that I give, All glory toFather for that.
(04:29):
And, of course I couldn'tsee it then,
cause I was just like,in a whirlwind of
a whole lot of hot mess,you know, hot mess,
That's all I can think of
Katie (04:40):
That's a great description of life.
If anyone does not knowwhat hot mess is, God bless
you you've not been there.
Jesusa (04:47):
Yeah, And then for the longest time, I didn't
think that I was worthy.
why is this happening?
and and like I said, it, I,it just came into
my heart, go backto school, go back to school.
And when, I went to AdultEd to speak to the,
the, I guess shewas a counselor.
She said, well, just take theGED.
Because I went,like, ...I was there
(05:09):
for a couple years.
And I told her, I don'tthink I can pass it.
And she said, oh.
Because at that time, mybrain was short circuited
because of all the years ofdrug abuse.
I mean, I could read something,but it wouldn't register.
It'd come in one yearand out the other.
It wouldn't stay.
so I struggled with that forthe longest time.
I remember, just readingand reading with the
(05:31):
dictionary, and justtrying to focus.
And then from there,it's just like, a teacher
pulled me aside and showed me mygrades.
And he said, you needto go to college.
there were a's.
before I had evengraduated, From adult ed.
I had already enrolledin JCC to take my basics.
So I was doing both at thesame time with the family
(05:53):
and working.
Yeah, I don't knowhow I did that.
I cannot tell youhow I did that.
I never hadthat much determination
to succeed.
I had that much determinationin my addiction and
to use, but to switchit completely around and
refocus that into a differentdirection, like I said, I feel
like I was part of a divineintervention.
Katie (06:13):
it's powerful in and of itself, the whole
story, but what I thinkstrikes me is that you
have taken what wasyour greatest weakness
and made it now your greateststrength.
Because you do substance abusecounseling.
And, social work, whichis amazing.
and so you can tellpeople, No, I've literally
walked in your shoes.
You can do this.
(06:34):
this And not many social workersand substance abuse counselors
can say that.
Jesusa (06:39):
there's a lot of clients that I had, when
I was a therapist, thatwould tell me, can learn
about addiction in a book.
you can learneverything that there is, like
the treatments,the lingo and all that.
But when you've been there, it'sanother level of understanding,
acceptance And, I wastold that quite often.
(06:59):
And then when, the thoughtof putting this grief,
because I am also grievingthe death of my son, and
it came into my heartand I believe the
Lord did that as well becauseI was thinking of
how can I honor myson and honor the Lord at the
same time.
So it came into my heart thatI needed to start a group.
(07:23):
And, Initially, my reactionwas like, who said that?
Where's that coming from?
Katie (07:28):
you coming from?
I'm in this room
Jesusa (07:31):
Know, I'm like, I'm like, you want me to do what?
Katie (07:33):
right
Jesusa (07:34):
I can't even hardly talk without crying, and
you want me to do a group?
Is that serious right now?
So I procrastinated, justlike, when the Lord called
on Moses or whoever, gotalk to pharaoh.
And he's he's like, what?
Katie (07:48):
Luckily, you weren't Jonah and
ended up in the whale.
But this is good.
Jesusa (07:53):
I mean, I'm not comparing myself to anybody
like that, but how the messagecame to me is what I'm
trying point out here.
I procrastinatedand procrastinated
and then finally,because I also wanted to
honor my son and the Lord,so then that's when I
called Father Mike.
I'm not, I'm not sayingthat I have all the answers.
I'm just sayingthat I, once again,
(08:16):
know how it feels.
I know how it feelsand I can relate.
The group is open discussion.
You can come in at any time.
There's not a begindate and end date.
It's just going to be ongoing.
And my hope for the group isthat we support one another.
I, want to try tohelp lift people up.
Katie (08:32):
talking about this group, what's it called?
Jesusa (08:34):
It's called Among the Living.
Katie (08:36):
And did you come up with that title?
Jesusa (08:38):
I did and I want want to tell you how
I came up what that title.
Katie (08:41):
I want to hear about this.
Jesusa (08:42):
So, in my grief, I, isolated myself.
I didn't want to be aroundpeople.
So, in my darkness, Ihad a tendency to stay there
too long and I and I had toliterally remind myself that
(09:02):
my place was among the living.
I have to, I had totell them, your place
is among the living.
So, I name my group that.
I needed to go on with my life.
My son would not want me to notlive because of his death.
And, my son took his life.
(09:26):
So, that's how Icame about the name.
And I still have toremind myself sometimes
and I think that waspart of the reason why
I was reluctant to dothe group But, and I
know that doing the group.
I'll still be emotional,but crying is a release,
(09:46):
and it's a good release.
Because there's somany negative ways to
deal with a death ofsomeone that you love.
Which I have done.
When my mother passedaway, I was active in
my addiction, and thatwas my coping strategy.
Substance abuse oranything, it wasn't good.
I think that this isprobably the first
(10:08):
loss in my life thatI've been able to, go
through, somewhat healthy.
Somewhat healthy.
And the group isgoing to help me,
just like I hope thatit can help others.
And like I said, I don'tknow all the answers.
and I don't pretend to.
But I want to share what hashelped me deal with my grief.
(10:31):
people, Ithink, sometimes are too
quick to blame the Lord.
If you're allloving, if you're all
forgiving, why am I, whyam I going through this?
But the Father gave usself will.
And he built a perfectworld for us when
it all started withAdam and Eve.
It was perfect.
But we all know howthat story goes, and then
it's like, okay,so if that's how
(10:52):
it's gonna be, thenyou are gonna, yeah.
Katie (10:55):
I don't know anyone who really has not experienced
some kind of grief.
And, so your grief sharinggroup, Among the Living, which
beautiful title by the way,
Jesusa (11:04):
Thank you.
Katie (11:04):
Is not just for those who have experienced
death, but any type of grief.
Right?
Jesusa (11:10):
This is gonna sound crazy,
but when I decide, orwhen the Lord put in
my heart to to sober upand get my stuff together,
I grieved the loss ofmy addiction, my drug
of choice, you know.
Katie (11:22):
I've heard that before.
Jesusa (11:22):
I've grieved that.
So, I said any loss, any loss.
It's like the loss of a pet,a relationship, the quality
of your life, you know.
thatthat change, that your whole,
you're independent, you'restrong and, then something
happens, and you're dependentupon somebody else for
your care, for your basic care.
That's a loss.
(11:43):
That's a tragic loss.
And people sometimesjust, like for me, get
stuck in that darkness.
You know, and something snapped.
It's like, get up.
Do something.
Don't sit here,It's not good for
you, But I started toget comfortable there.
Katie (12:02):
That's what happens, right?
It It becomes familiar.
And I think we experiencea lot of griefs in a lot
of different ways thatwe just don't even acknowledge.
And, it can come outin a lot of different ways.
So dealing with itin a very healthy manner is
what we need to start gearingtowards.
And today, I mean, Youcould grieve nearly anything.
Jesusa (12:26):
Absolutely.
I explained it to one of theladies that met with me on
Tuesday, it's like,I see the storm.
I see the storm right therein front of me It's huge and
it's blowing everythingaround and causing so much
destruction But rather than walkthrough that storm
and feel what I need tofeel and let go of what
(12:46):
I need to let go I'mgoing to take the long
way around and avoid.
It's going to takeme a lot longer.
It's not going to be healthybecause i'm going to repress
the emotion associated withthe loss whatever that may be.
And it's going to manifestitself in your body
somehow it's goingto manifest itself.
it's like I've learned to walkthrough the storm
(13:08):
And I've never experiencedthis, but I have read
that in the eye of thestorm, there's a calm.
So, when I'm goingthrough my grief,
I tell myself, I am inthe eye of the storm.
And I am, in the calm,even though my world is
like in turmoil in everypart that it could possibly be.
And my self talk is,I'm in the eye of the storm.
(13:30):
I'm in the calm.
And the Lord is with me.
The Lord is with me.
And he's carried methrough so much, he's not
gonna drop me nowIf I have faith, if I
have faith.
Cause like I said, whenI look back on the life
that I lived, I don'thave a police record Ms.
Katie.
I'm still alive.
You hear about people that areintravenous drug users
(13:51):
that overdose.
I'm still alive, I'm still here.
I have educated myself.
And I've turned down adoctorate degree from the
University of Michigan.
What kind?
You know what I mean?
Katie (14:01):
I, I think it's amazing.
I just think back tothe scripture where it
talks about, that thestorm comes, and they're
in the middle of the storm,and Jesus is sleeping.
And they're like, whatthe heck, you know?
Jesusa (14:11):
We're gonna die
Katie (14:14):
And.
I think oh my gosh,how many times in life
are we in that momentwhere it's like, What
the heck are you goingto wake up anytime soon
cause right now thisis not good.
And Jesus is like, ifyou focus on me, it'll
be fine, we'll getthrough this and every
single time that happens.
But what's really interestingis you are taking those
moments and sharingthem with people to help them
(14:37):
get through their storms.
And there aren't awhole lot of people
who want to do that.
Jesusa (14:41):
I was reluctant.
But I was born andraised here in Adrian.
So people that know me,know me from when I was, yeah.
yeah.
It's no secret.
Katie (14:53):
I think in that grief, there's that shame part.
And that I think holds us back alot.
And so you're just like, oh,here's your shame.
I'm kicking it to the curb.
Jesusa (15:03):
There's no judgment.
My intentions are pure.
I don't, wanna gain anything.
I don't want any recognition.
In fact, I was hesitantwhen Father Mike says,
You gotta do a podcastand I'm like, do what?
Katie (15:14):
But right in the beginning of this
podcast, which is what I,find so amazing, is that
it says it's authenticand unfiltered.
That is exactly how weshould come to church.
On Sunday, I find it reallyinteresting, you walk
in and you're like,Hey, how are you?
Good, good, good, good.
Jesusa (15:32):
I'm lying.
Katie (15:33):
Everybody, every one every one of us.
Every one of us arelying because, no, the
world is falling apart.
All of us havesomething going on.
But, I would never tell you whatThat thing is.
Jesusa (15:45):
I am very particular.
I've known you I I respect you.
I love you.
And so I feel that's why Isaid yes, I feel comfortable
talking to Miss Katie.
I will talk with Miss Katie.
Katie (15:57):
I appreciate it beacuse there's a lot here
Jesusa (15:59):
There's certain people that I can open
up to, but I can countthe friends I have in one hand.
And that's my choice,I avoid drama.
I just want to be atpeace, and stay in the
center of the storm.
So the one thing thatI'm working on, because I
always do self reflectionand when I saw the video
with Father Mike, Idid not like what I saw.
(16:20):
So, I am working right nowon smiling more.
That's like a natural thing.
You smile.
Because when you feel deadinside, it's hard to smile.
You know, and I sawthat and I'm like, Oh my
God, I, look horrible.
I look horrible,and So, I'm I'm
working on smiling more.
So I hope that it willsomeday be authentic, But
(16:43):
I'm just trying to get
Katie (16:44):
Fake it until you make it.
Jesusa (16:45):
Exactly.
Exactly.
Katie (16:47):
What one piece of advice would you give
younger Jesusa?
Jesusa (16:52):
Know the voice of your shepherd and have faith.
Katie (16:56):
Unfortunately, a lot of times, it's not unusual
that that develops overtime through hardships.
Because my voice candrown out that voice.
Jesusa (17:06):
Mm hmm.
Mm hmm.
You know, and I wanted to, builda better life.
The reason, I think, behindmy going to school, it
was a thought in my heart.
But then I wanted better for mychildren.
I wanted to showthem that there's another
way to live other thanseeing mom come home or
(17:29):
not come home at all.
And I tell them that I couldn'tdo it for love of self.
I couldn't straightenmy life out for love of self.
But I did because of you.
Because of my children.
Katie (17:41):
And how did they receive that?
Jesusa (17:42):
I think they understood it.
I think I wrote itin a christmas card.
I bought them each a Christmasand I wrote them each a message.
And I said that.
Katie (17:51):
Yeah, I'm guessing most of them probably have
it to this day because it wasprobably a pretty big
turning point for them.
Jesusa (17:57):
Mm hmm.
Katie (17:58):
Wow, well, Jesusa, thank you so much.
You have shared so muchwith us today and your
Among the Living group meets
Tuesdays at 4 (18:06):
15 in the St.
Mary Activities Center.
And anybody is welcome?
It's just a drop thing?
So there's no commitment,There's
Jesusa (18:17):
no Nope.
Katie (18:18):
And nobody has to sign up?
You can just show up.
Jesusa (18:20):
Nope, nope.
You don't even haveto tell me your name.
The only goal forthis is to help.
Katie (18:24):
Well, thank you again for using your gifts
and talents.
Jesusa (18:27):
Aw, you're very welcome, Katie.
Katie (18:29):
Once again, we thank you for joining us today.
We hope that wherever youfind an open seat in your
life, you will invitesomeone to join you.
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