February 18, 2025 • 46 mins
We are back with more laughs, life lessons, and a touch of ridiculousness. In this episode, we dive into the humbling realities of parenting (including a fabricated playground brawl), the wild world of fake cancer scams, and Carrin's love for dragons- because, honestly, why can’t we all have a pet dragon? Plus, we open up about our journeys with sobriety, sharing raw, real, and inspiring insights on life beyond the booze. Tune in and let’s get into it!
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:00):
Hello! We are Carrin and Kylie, and this is OPES and Dreams, a podcast about life's humbling
(00:09):
moments, how we are able to live through and beyond them to achieve our goals and dreams.
Each episode will talk about an OAP, what led up to it, why was it so funny, and how it
was a valuable lesson for growth. We are both sober living advocates, Midwest originals,
and eager to share our stories with you. So join us as we laugh, cry, and chat about
(00:30):
the hilarious complexities of humans. Here we go!
Hi! Welcome back to OAPS and Dreams! Karn and I would like to start off by thanking
everyone who liked, listened, and subscribed this past week! If you haven't yet, go ahead
and follow us on the socials and find us on your favorite streaming platforms for podcasts.
(00:54):
Speaking of streaming platforms, soon you'll be able to see our faces with the audio on
YouTube. So keep listening and get ready to watch the ridiculousness as well!
Because we are so pretty and you want to see our faces.
We are! And so right now we currently just have like a little audio video on there, but
soon we'll be, you know, YouTubeing and recording once we get all of that set up.
(01:17):
And yeah, YouTube Daddy will be happy to have us.
Yes, I don't know who that is and I don't want to ever find out. Thank you very much.
Alright, so I wanted to personally thank everyone who reached out after last week's episode
to send their sweet, sweet sympathies for my poor little child who allegedly was punched
(01:40):
in the face. Apparently, he made the whole thing up.
Oh, eesh.
Yeah, so he didn't know where it came from and he just, that's the first thing that came
to his mind was that another kid had punched him.
So did he punch himself?
No, it probably came from when he was at his cousin's house, rough housing.
(02:01):
Was it a swan?
Did a swan just come and attack him? Just like, just...
Yeah, so how's that for humbling moments?
I did make him tell the kid what he said and I made him apologize. The kid was kind of
(02:25):
annoyed that he took him away from whatever game he was playing to apologize.
Yes, he should be.
Right, so...
It's all good.
Parenting is a wild and always challenging ride, but I'm here for it.
Yes, I can imagine. That's just like reason 900 bajillion that I am happy that I don't
have to deal with that kind of thing on a daily basis.
(02:46):
Because I can't imagine what you parents have to go through with just things like that that
are completely beyond your control.
When you're not around them, you can't see them, you don't know what they're doing.
And you only hope that what you say to them is absorbed and carried out into their everyday
life.
Absolutely. I've always said, my words today are his thoughts tomorrow.
(03:10):
So everything we tell him sticks with him in some way or another. And I always say,
we have the gift of perspective. You have to see a situation from multiple angles from
all of the people that are involved so that, A, you're not an asshole about it, which I'm
grateful that I wasn't.
Right.
Because that would have come back negatively.
(03:31):
Right.
Right, you would have just started yelling at him, like what is that really showing him?
Right.
Nothing.
I got the privilege of witnessing their before school routine this morning. I came here early.
Like I was actually sleeping outside in the street the whole entire night waiting for them
(03:52):
to wake up.
She wanted to turn the space heater on in here to warm it up for us.
Yeah, it was a little cold in here last time. So we're just adjusting. But if we have the
space heater on, it's just going to be like at you the whole entire time.
It's not cute.
It's not cute.
So I was really happy to see just a little pep talks and see him allegedly absorb the
(04:14):
information that you were telling us whether or not he likes that stick the rest of the
day.
But really all you can do is just hope for the best, I suppose, in that situation.
And with kids that age, it's nice to...that's why I do the little mantras. Small phrases
and words.
What are you going to be today? Good, kind, patient, respectful. And that's it.
(04:35):
Keep it simple, keep it short, and it repeats in their head automatically.
Right.
Yeah.
So what has happened this week?
Well, it was Valentine's Day.
Yes, it was Valentine's Day.
Not only was it Valentine's Day, but more importantly, it was me and my sweet baby's
three year anniversary.
I can't believe it's only been three years.
(04:56):
It feels like it's been absolutely forever.
You guys should have just been together always.
I feel like we have been. It doesn't, you know, like it's just a really weird thing.
So did you do anything for Valentine's Day?
Yeah, we went out to dinner at the Blind Shot Social Club.
Okay.
It's a great restaurant on Fair Oaks Avenue in front of Garver Feed Mill.
My husband, Alex, and I shout out to Alex Parsons, AP, The Parsons, if you know, you know.
(05:21):
Lord, that's enough.
I know, right?
Because we're both sober, it's hard to find restaurants that cater to sobriety.
They have a whole menu of mocktails that are delicious and flavorful and really kind of
give you that satisfaction of having a drink with dinner.
(05:42):
We had grandma and grandpa with us too.
That's nice.
Which was really nice, but it was super snowy.
Yeah, it was. It was like a blizzard.
And because of that, I also work at a restaurant in that neighborhood actually called Elkime Cafe.
I've been there, it would be seven years this year.
Wow.
It's really, really slow, but the snowstorm, I think, is really what helped people back.
(06:04):
For sure.
And it just can't do anything about the weather.
We are lucky enough to get a lot of people that locally walk around that neighborhood
and still come in.
Yeah, it's good.
So we had our favorite regulars.
So it was a great place to be on Valentine's Day.
Yeah, nice and cozy.
Nice and cozy.
It's really cute in there.
It is.
What else did we do?
I feel like...
We watched some things.
(06:26):
Yeah, we did watch some things.
We watched some Netflix because that's all we do when we're at home.
I mean, I do that all the time. That's pretty much all I do anyway.
I mean, at home, I've got the Netflix on.
So, Apple Cider Vinegar, that was a show that we both watched.
And yeah, that's a lot to unpack there.
(06:47):
I can't believe that's a true story.
I know.
I don't know how much truth is to it.
Was it like...
Yeah.
Because she's still out there doing her thing.
She's only 33.
She's younger than me.
Imagine, I mean...
That's bonkers.
It is crazy to me.
It's so weird.
I mean, if you haven't seen Apple Cider Vinegar, we don't want to spoil earlier any of this for you.
(07:09):
But the premise is basically that this girl just fixed cancer.
And she's out doing these blogs and...
She's pretending to cure her cancer with healthy eating, which you can't do.
Go see an oncologist, please.
Yeah.
I mean, I do subscribe to holistic things, but for certain things, not so much for cancer
(07:34):
or things like that.
I think that that's a point where you need to believe in science a little bit and test
your doctors.
And I mean, there was another girl in the movie that was a little bit more into it.
She goes to some center down in Mexico and she just goes on this hardcore juice diet.
And she does like coffee, M&M, and M&M on stuff.
(07:55):
And she goes, EES!
She's just goofing coffee.
She's goofing coffee.
And I don't know, I'm just gonna go ahead and say that that's not the best idea for you.
Probably not.
We're not doctors.
We can't recommend anything.
Don't know.
I mean, don't really listen to us, but...
Pretty sure coffee and M&M don't cure cancer.
And then there's another show.
Don't come after me.
(08:16):
Scamanda that's on Netflix.
I don't know that one.
Completely unrelated.
Okay.
And then there's another girl who fakes cancer.
And she gets all of this money donated to her through all of these like, it's like a four-part
series on Netflix.
Again, don't want to give away any of that, whether it's for people that love watching
these kinds of shows like us.
(08:36):
But now she goes and like, she creates all of these like fundraisers for herself and she
has this like online set up that she's very much a part of this church.
And there's like a part in the show where they're showing her standing on the stage and there's
like smoke in the background and the people are just like throwing money at her feet.
Oh God.
(08:57):
And she's like the princess of this church and just scamming, scamming, scamming all of these
people.
Why is that a trending topic?
I don't know right now.
To lie and fake things.
I mean, it's just like, I feel like it's just putting bad energy out there.
It's just like now we're talking about like, like you gotta be, you gotta have something
wrong with you to like...
Something seriously wrong with you.
Yeah.
(09:18):
Like you just need to, you weren't hugged enough as a child.
Who hurt you?
Like who hurt you enough to think that you need to sit out there and just be like getting
money from all of these people.
It's disgusting.
Good job.
Right.
She like went really far with this and like would go to the hospital and like, she's,
there's pictures of her with like ports and all kinds of stuff.
(09:39):
Oh God.
This is the level that she went to make this, she had like a long blog, I don't know if
it's still up, I should have researched and checked this out because I was really curious
about this.
Research, smish merch.
Yeah, no kidding.
But yeah, so that was wild.
That was a, yes some of the highlights of my love is blind is back.
I don't know if anybody else watches that.
(10:00):
No.
I got about two episodes in of that one.
It's too much trash to use on the annual list this time.
Oh really?
Mm-hmm.
Like on Tik Tok, there's been like a lot of people going on and like complaining about
one of the guys that's out there already.
Uh-oh.
Apparently just being, you know.
Is he yucky?
Apparently, I don't know.
I didn't really look too much.
I didn't want to spoil or load any of it for myself for the show.
(10:23):
Fair enough.
Yeah, and white lotus is back.
That's right.
I got an email.
Right.
It was like, it appeared as an invite to the hotel where the season is taking place.
What I wouldn't give.
It's in Thailand.
Thailand, that's right.
Yeah, it looks amazing.
I only got about halfway in because we were up later last night doing our rundown meeting,
(10:46):
which we're doing now.
Rundown.
Video chatting on Sunday nights to get ready and to prepare ourselves a little better for
you folks out there that have to sit through listening to us.
Because organization is nice.
It's okay.
It's okay.
I'm more of a like, just go with it and see what happens.
And she's out here with like printed papers for us right now, which there is room for
(11:09):
both of those things and it seems to be flowing well for us.
We compliment each other very well.
We sure do.
It's working great.
So anything else?
Well, the other thing that I watched was on Apple TV.
It was called The Gorge.
And I only want to talk about it because Miles Teller is one of my most favorite actors.
He's a younger guy, but he did.
(11:30):
The movie that I remember him from before this.
At least.
No.
Did he do the new Foulouse?
Yeah.
Oh, sweet.
The other one was with Jonah Hill where they sold guns to the US government.
They were just like two bros and they somehow acquired all of these guns in ammo and were
selling it to the US government.
It was based on a true story.
It's a fascinating movie.
(11:53):
But The Gorge is him and Anya Joy Taylor, who was in the Queen's Gambit.
Yeah.
I'm not going to spoil anything, but they are both snipers and they are placed in these
opposing towers on either side of a gorge.
And the reason makes itself known in the movie.
(12:15):
And I liked it a lot.
It was really good.
It was an interesting story.
I looked up who wrote and directed it while I was watching it because some of the special
effects and the ideas that they came up with for the things I thought was really cool.
Okay.
So, The Gorge on Apple TV?
Yeah, I'll have to check it out when I run out of all of these other things.
I just got HBO Max.
So, I have, because I, for White Lotus, I needed it.
(12:37):
Oh, sure.
So, now I have this whole thing opened up of shows I had for a while and then stopped
watching.
House of Dragon only has like 10 days left before they take it off of there.
So, I kind of said, I need to watch that because I didn't watch the second season.
Yeah.
I got like almost to the end of the first, but I love me some dragons.
That's one thing if you follow me on social media, my personal social medias, I post about
(13:00):
dragons on an almost daily basis.
I'm obsessed with them.
I think I want, it's not fair that humans can't bond dragons and I could go on and on
about this.
It hurts my soul that I can't have a dragon just in my backyard, ready to ride up into
the air with me to breathe fire on all of the people that piss me off every day.
That is all we're going to say about that right now because I will cry.
(13:23):
I won't want so bad.
One thing, did you know that they made a live action How to Train Your Dragon that's coming
out soon?
I did.
It's pretty awesome.
I'm ready.
We went to go see a movie, I think it was the Sonic movie and the trailer came up and
it looks awesome.
I'm super excited.
We'll all go see it when we show.
Yeah, we should do that.
Yeah.
I saw that they're making like a How to Train Your Dragon 2, but the live action thing
(13:46):
sounds really amazing.
But I think it's going to help my place here.
No, it'll probably make it worse.
I think it's going to further just like really, you know, upset me.
Like I follow all of these like, I mean, ridiculous AI pages on Instagram of these little...
She'll send me stuff all the time.
And the Dragon's people create, I'm like, why do I not have a fluffy yellow dragon sleeping
(14:10):
at the...
I do actually.
I do have a fluffy yellow dragon sleeping at the foot.
My name is Suzy.
Suzy.
Suzy.
Anyway, moving on.
All right.
This is not the topic of this episode.
But do you know what is the topic of this episode?
Yes.
Are we there yet?
Or do you want to still recap a little bit?
No, we can dive in.
All right.
(14:31):
Let's dive in.
So let's dive into sobriety.
Let's do that.
So we did mention last time that we weren't going to make our sobriety a focal point of
the podcast.
However, we figured let's just get this part over with right away.
Yeah.
Let's just get it out of the way.
Let's talk about it.
Let's...
Background.
So we are now...
(14:52):
It's a big deal.
Yeah.
And we might as well just get right into it right away.
Great.
Which is, you know, this could be trigger warning for some people about some of the topics that
come up with sharing our stories.
It could just be triggering for those who are struggling with alcohol themselves or with
being sober, curious even and having a hard time navigating that.
(15:13):
So just kind of a little warning about that if you don't want to hear about this or you've
heard too much about us talk about it or me, I mean, I don't know, keep listening but
maybe like skip ahead or something.
Sure.
I don't know what to tell you.
So Karin, why and when did you stop drinking?
(15:36):
So I stopped drinking March 8th, 2020 right before the shutdown for the pandemic.
It's a great time to stop.
It wasn't planned.
It's something I tried to quit drinking off and on for about 12 years.
I was constantly one of those people doing like dry January and sober October and really
(16:02):
just like grabbing onto any break I could take.
But at the same time, my drinking controlled me more than I controlled it, which was a
big reason why I needed to stop.
But I grew up in a setting.
I'm from a tourist town that had a big waterski attraction that I grew up at.
(16:26):
So from my younger years, I was always around these like older cool skiers that were partying
every night and we actually like lived on property.
So for a period of time when we moved in with my stepdad, we lived at the trailer that was
right next to the party trailer.
Which you think would be an awesome way to grow up.
Not when you're eight.
(16:47):
Right.
But I was a child.
So again, it wasn't cool there at that time.
So I grew up seeing this like very binge drinking party atmosphere around me.
And as I started getting a little older and more impressionable, 10, 11, that's all I
wanted to do.
I wanted to be just like these people.
I wanted to hang out with them.
(17:09):
I wanted to be cool.
I wanted to be seen by them.
So I really early on started like fantasizing alcohol and you know, just like wanting to
be cool and wanting to do it.
So my friends and I would experiment with drinking when we were really too young.
I remember we had a pool in our backyard and my parents had this like camper parked next
(17:33):
to it.
And we would like sneak a beer out of their coolers when the adults were inside and we
would drink the beer.
Our parents, I think I was like 11 the first time I tried vodka.
Oh wow.
Yeah, I was really, really young.
I was young.
We didn't drink the whole cup or anything like that.
We just like took six and thought we were cool.
But like I remember like 15 is when it really started like drinking more often.
(17:56):
Yeah.
And then it went to school parties.
I actually didn't do a lot of high school parties, honestly.
My friends and I would get together and do movie parties.
So there was a period of time in high school where I actually didn't drink a lot.
It was only in the summers.
During school I absolutely didn't.
It was when all of the people from this attraction came back from the town.
Then it was like okay now we're back in this.
(18:19):
But that was like every summer for me.
And then the drinking really hit when I was like 18, 19, 20, you know and into my 20s.
For me it was the normal, you know.
I think the town that I grew up in really exaggerated drinking more so.
It was a tourist town so people were there to party in the summer.
(18:40):
And I feel like it was normal.
I feel like it was.
I look back at it now and I'm like no that was excessive.
But in Wisconsin we don't have a line between normal and excessive.
We don't see that here.
But towards the end of my 30s, I would say in my 30s is when it probably got the worst
for me mental health wise.
(19:03):
So it went from just being this thing that everybody does normal to really impacting
my mental and physical health.
I you know could start to see the physical effects of alcohol on my body.
I was large.
I was bloating.
My spin was dull.
My hair was dying.
It was just all kinds of things.
(19:25):
And I was you know just gaining weight and just and then on top of that I mean my mental
health was really taking a toll.
I started being very depressed.
There was a point at the end where I was drinking by myself every night at work.
I'd sit and have drinks regardless of who was coming to meet up with me.
What was going on that night.
(19:46):
I would just sit there and I'd cry every night.
I was very very very depressed.
Going in and out of like shitty relationships with people.
And just like my self esteem just really taking a dive to the point of you know having thoughts
of taking my own life more often than not.
(20:06):
Almost an everyday thing.
I hate that.
So there was a point where I was like okay well you know I either continue this I'm gonna
die or I need to stop.
And I don't know it almost I don't know if some people might not believe in like these
divine timings or divine interventions or things like that but I remember being at home
(20:30):
um this particular night very depressed very sad um just feeling empty and hollow inside
and just something happened and clicked.
And I was like I'm never drinking again.
And I woke up that day feeling just shitty and hungover as we tend to do the anxieties
there and I remember walking down to my friend's shop she had a shake shop in the neighborhood
(20:55):
and being like I'm never drinking again and she's like okay whatever.
I'm gonna go and finish that after they're done drinking.
But that was it I have never had a sip of alcohol on purpose since then.
So that was um that for me in the first year or two um with a lot I mean it was really
(21:18):
learning they once you quit the work isn't done the work is just beginning.
It's just getting started and there's so much that goes into that um of just navigating
that but I will say I had one huge advantage um when I quit drinking is I was a social drinker
meaning I never drank at home by myself I would drink out at the bars by myself um because
(21:41):
I was hoping that there would be somebody that I wouldn't end up getting to hang out
with.
Right um but the fact that I quit during the pandemic um really created a solid base for
me because I couldn't go out and socialize and drink.
Right.
I didn't have that temptation to go out to the bar and see what was going on and who
was out I had to stay home for three months.
Yeah um and that's a really important the first three months are really really important
(22:04):
for like um just getting that pattern down and that foundation.
From new habits.
So that was um a blessing for me so I you know there are a lot of people had a hard time
with the pandemic and it was a really hard and scary time for everyone but for me it
was changed my life for the better so that's my uh little journey there.
(22:25):
I love it.
What about you?
I never really I don't think we've ever really talked too much about.
Yeah.
A little bit here and there but.
A little bit.
My story is my story is a little different um I'm not as quote unquote loud about my sobriety
um because it's it's just kind of it became normal for me really easily um I quit drinking
(22:51):
October 1st of 2017 um my last drink was at John and Teresa Hardy's wedding out at Driftless
Music Gardens.
I had decided to quit drinking before that but that was sort of my last hurrah it was
free we were out there for the weekend it was a good time it was sort of my send off
(23:12):
um to drinking.
But also their wedding.
Also their wedding.
The the send off was the bonus that was an amazing wedding one of my favorites out at
DMG um it was a beautiful beautiful weekend shout out to John and T we love you guys so
much.
Love you love you and that was a great wedding it was so beautiful.
It was um yeah.
I my sort of epiphany moment came um sometime in in between 2016 and the fall of 2017 uh
(23:44):
my husband and I drank to get drunk we didn't drink to just enjoy the beverage it was the
purpose of it was to get fucked up and I drank beer a lot and then I got curious about what
it would be like to be sober because I knew we wanted to have a child and you can't drink
while you're pregnant you cannot drink alcohol while you are pregnant.
(24:09):
Anyway I wanted to see what it was like I wanted to see what my life would be like as
it was sober so I did a month in February and I kept track of every time we went out
I estimated how much money I would have spent um and I saved about $400 in that month of
February um and I was like okay I can do this I still went out to shows I still went to
(24:34):
the bar still hung out with friends uh and it was it was a good experience after that
um I started drinking again but I started drinking vodka and whiskey instead of beer so instead
of drinking to just get drunk I was drinking to fully black out and I would stop remembering
how we got home at night which is not safe um it it kind of got scary and since I knew
(24:59):
that I wanted to have a kid um I've always been the kind of person where I've got a five
year plan at the time that I met Alex my five year plan was to get married and have a kid
um when we first started hanging out I told him about that about three months into us
hanging out I was like look this is this is what I want to do I want to get married I
want to have a kid I want to do this this part of life if you're into it let's keep
(25:23):
going if you're not into it maybe we should stop hanging out and he was fully on board
we moved in together after six months of dating so it happened fast um but without without
bringing attention to people that don't need attention brought to them I'll just say I
saw friends stay up all night until their kids woke up when I saw that that was it for
(25:50):
me I was like no way my dream was to be the best parent that I possibly could be for this
kid um so that's what I did that is why I did it I I didn't want to be a hungover parent
that's the the hugest motivation the second biggest motivation was to set an example for
Alex I wanted him to quit drinking too and he needed to we both needed to it was when
(26:16):
we were part of a group called operation shit show and that's exactly what it was it was
just a complete shit show all the time so it's kind of like okay it's time to grow up
it's time to be responsible um set the foundation for the life that we want to have the life
that we have now is awesome we have this lovely house we have our nice cars we have our good
(26:36):
jobs and we have this amazing six year old who gets a thousand percent of our attention
every single day um I often say I'm fine being tired I can be tired any day I never have
to be hungover right oh god never feeling hungover from alcohol again is is one of the greatest
(26:57):
parts of it it's a blessing every single day yes to wake up and be like I don't feel like
garbage I can get up at 6am yeah I can have my cup of tea or my cup of coffee and I every
single day I wake up and I am just reminding myself of how blessed I am that I chose that
yeah this is why I do it is it's a choice it's an every single day choice that you make
(27:19):
for yourself and for the people around you yeah and it's just you know it's really hard
especially being as involved in um like the music scene as we are um and having to be
in environments where naturally people are drinking more they're doing whatever the recreational
choice is um and just having to see you know for me it's really hard to see people that
(27:43):
um I love and care about that are like older than I am that are still making these choices
for themselves to be destructive and unhealthy and seeing them struggle and wanting so bad
to be sober because I don't know how many times I've had people come to me like oh my
gosh how do you do it I wish I could do that I wish I could do that and that's really hard
for me because I'm like it's a mindset it's such a hard thing to do and to just see people
(28:07):
want it so badly yeah but I've said um to people over and over again that if I could
give one gift to anybody in the world everybody that I love and care about it would just be
the feeling of being sober like after the work is done or on the the work is never done
but after you kind of you kind of everybody kind of reaches this like aha at after a
(28:29):
long term sobriety yeah where you just everything feels better you're so happy it sticks it's
good it's just good good good good good good and great things just happen to you and I
just wish I could give everybody that like feeling for just a day to know what that feels
like because I just don't think there would be alcohol abuse or alcohol left in the world
yeah understood what that felt like um because it's a problem it is it is a problem regardless
(28:55):
of if people want to admit it or not um it's a problem in our society um with in so many
ways and there's lots of different types of alcoholics this is something that I realized
shortly before I quit just because you like if you'd get super drunk all the time yeah
you're probably an alcoholic but also if you have to have one glass of wine every single
(29:20):
day after work you're an alcoholic that's a level of alcoholism that some people may
not want to hear and I'm sorry but that's that's what it is I mean there's so many different
kinds of um not even alcoholism we can't even really call it that all of the time because
there are high achieving people that still get up every day they still go to work they're
(29:42):
making lots of money they're providing for their family they're doing great they still
can't not have that couple of beers every night when they get home or go on the weekends
like they can't go to an event or they can't do anything without having to have alcohol
involved it's too attached and that's a problem yeah um because we have many other beverage
options that we can reach for you can reach for sparkling water there's you know all kinds
(30:07):
of things I think that um like good NA beers and moctas are really helpful in the beginning
phases of quitting drinking I tell you what an ice cold NA bush light after a hike in
the summertime was amazing yeah like for me when we go like camping and stuff yeah sitting
around that fire with everybody at after like the DMG festivals in 2020 we were lucky that
(30:29):
they would have drive-in shows it was so much fun it was really nice safe social distancing
um the ability to be able to socialize safely with people um and camping and being able
to have like that cold NA beer um if it weren't for that I wouldn't have been able to you
know probably stick to it as much but there's I just always tell people like replacement
(30:50):
is such an important thing like a bridge you can still go out and drink um just change
the drink in your hand um you can still feel like you're part of the socializing but you're
going to realize very very quickly um it'll be like oh I seeing the people around you
and how they're behaving when you're sober and you're you quickly start to be like oh
(31:12):
like it's hard it's like a mirror to you of your choices um it's hard to look at people
around you drinking um and feeling shame about your own behavior because it brings up triggers
yeah it's uh it's just there's a lot to it and um I also want to say not to put shame
(31:34):
too much on anybody that drinks like do do what you want we're not trying to shit on
people that drink necessarily because for my perspective for example out at Driflus
events we want you to come party and have a good time I don't want you to feel bad for
wanting to come party and have a good time I actually get a stupid amount of joy watching
(31:55):
people have a good time that's why I do what I do at Driflus when I'm out there I used
to be riding the rail to every single band at music festivals now I'm like backstage
or I'm sitting at Scott's bus but I love I love seeing people have a good time that's
(32:18):
important to me um I want everybody to enjoy their lives and have a really good time I
just want you to be aware of what you need to have that good time right awareness is
huge when it comes to it that's the first step that is the most important thing I think
that you know for me alcohol is a hard no I'm very strong about that I do have a hard
(32:42):
time still accepting that other people are allowed to make their own choices sometimes
that's something that I work very hard on sometimes I fall short and fail at that um
but I do think that having that awareness and realizing and taking a step back and like
examining your relationship with alcohol is such an important thing especially if you're
(33:04):
going to continue to keep drinking right um just take a step back and just be like is
is this really like serving me and if it is if I'm not having a problem because everybody
doesn't have a quote unquote problem right um if you're able to handle it and still be
able to safely um conduct yourself in society and through life while still enjoying that
(33:27):
drink um great for you um but still live in Wisconsin and it's toxic right it is to be
blunt it is um it's not something that you know say you're in California shout out to
our San Francisco listener whoever you were um if you're you know out in other parts of
the world and other parts of the country everybody is like it's not like that here right this
(33:49):
is not like the drinking culture that is here in Wisconsin um which is sad I mean I just
I don't know yeah so let's talk about a funny story real quick because when you were telling
your story you mentioned you haven't had a drink on purpose right so we're going to talk
about when we were in Mexico last last year for the fish concerts on the beach um it was
(34:14):
amazing we were at a moon palace all inclusive resort so like you get into your hotel room
and there is a literal cabinet that you just pull out of a drawer and it's liquor bottles
just as much as you want at any moment while you're in your room um the staff offers to
lock it for you we didn't because we're like no we're good morning yeah we don't need to
however there was a restaurant that we frequented the buffet and our favorite server Gregorio
(34:40):
remember hey Gregorio hi Gregorio you don't know but you were the best ever I hope you
still there he was so sweet so we often would order a coffee at the end of our meal because
you know instead of having a pick me up with alcohol we'd have a pick me up of espresso
yeah we just replaced with coffee right so we we asked for coffees at the end of our
(35:00):
meal and he's like I'm gonna bring you my special my special coffee we're like okay
cool and he brings it over all four of us me Alex Karen and Dan take a sip and we're
like oh my god that is so delicious for a good deal is what is it magical and he said
(35:21):
Kahlua except for Dan Dan is soul crushing yeah we all pushed our cups towards Dan like
here you go I mean it was just I mean and there was a moment where we all you know we
did kind of panic for a second just a second oh shit like those six years of surprise there
(35:44):
goes like all of this work and just like you know a little bit of guilt comes into that
but at the end of the day it's like it was a total accident none of us like you know
flew off the wagon and said this or a coffee right then and there so it was a funny moment
that we got to share it was good it was kind of like funny because of all places you know
if somebody were to like be like oh if we're gonna have a little bit of fun it's gonna
(36:07):
be at a fish show in Mexico right but like we didn't we were really good and we stayed
strong and I'm very proud of all of us because this is a place where you walk in and as you're
walking into the venue on either side of you like in Beauty and the Beast when they're
like doing be our guest there's just like trays and trays of margaritas and beer lined
(36:27):
up for the taking and obviously all inclusive resorts are very heavy on the drink the alcohol
here it is it's everywhere you look and but also just as much as there's alcohol everywhere
there's cake and coffee cafe and the cutest little desserts there's just food everywhere
and there's like taco stands at the venue and Turros and fries on the beach french fries
(36:53):
on the beach was the best day of my life the only thing that could have made it better
is if a dragon swooped down and picked me up and carried me over the venue and it picked
up tray and he just played a song for me on the back of this dragon and it was just
as she was Tila flew I am am I not so yeah there's that so that was a really anyway
(37:19):
it was a great trip um a couple of things um we want to talk about for anybody who might
be sober curious yeah what you got so you know I've got a couple books that I would
recommend to anybody that is really looking one book is more geared towards women it's
called how to quit like a woman by Holly Whitaker that book is really powerful it's more geared
(37:42):
towards like the high achieving woman the woman who's out in society working hard having
those glasses of wine and how to really navigate that kind of world and removing alcohol she
had at one point created a sobriety program called the Tempest sobriety school that actually
I heard of that I loosely followed it um so it was like a you get sent an email um every
(38:05):
day with just like different topics and um it was kind of like a step by step program
not like AA um but it's in it in its own way um which I followed loosely um once I made
the decision I was done it was something it collected it's like a switch it is it really
is a switch in your brain um you know it was the same switch for me um real quick when
I quit smoking cigarettes too so I still smoked cigarettes after I quit drinking I had my last
(38:32):
cigarette the day before I took the pregnancy test I knew it was going to be positive I
remember driving down northport going over to the north side for some reason and I just
I enjoyed the shit out of that last cigarette knowing it was going to be my last one but
because I knew what was coming next with my family there was no other option I didn't
(38:55):
want to smoke more I still even six weeks after having him I was in a wedding um shout
out to my bestie Ashley in Florida love you uh in her wedding party I remember we were
taking pictures outside the venue and I held her cigarette for her and I looked at it
and I was like nope I'm good I'm just going to hold this for her I don't care that my
(39:18):
fingers were smell will smell it doesn't matter to me but I'm not going to I'm not going to
smoke this cigarette and that was probably the last time that I even held one um so
it's just kind of like it's a it's a mental space that you need to be in you need to tell
yourself your brain tells you that you're ready for it right and then you can build
(39:38):
the foundation to support that choice moving forward right and on that note um the second
book I want to recommend is this naked mind um that book is really amazing and it gets
into more of the physiological um aspects of science of drinking and what it does to
your body and how it affects you and um just all of that kind of stuff and that was really
(40:00):
like woof for me um some of that stuff to realize like exactly what damage it does to our body
it's kind of poison yeah it's it's totally poison um it's like drinking ethanol um but
I will leave the book up to get into those details um so I definitely recommend those
two books if you're looking another um piece of advice I have for people is to start following
(40:21):
sober pages there are tons and tons and tons of them on Instagram and Facebook um and social
media and the more you um expose yourself to those pages and the more that pops up every
single day as a reminder um the more helpful it is for it to stay in your brain and stay
at the forefront so that you can um kind of stick to that helps you normalize it absolutely
(40:42):
you change your environment you can change your behaviors yeah you sure
somebody should write that down put that on the pillow, frost stitch it, or something
it's okay I recorded it in the podcast there we go there you have it any other advice for
our um sober curious pals out there um yeah one thing that Alex and I struggled with when
(41:05):
we quit was the extreme sugar cravings because alcohol is sugar uh so we both gained a lot
of weight granted I was pregnant during my first year of sobriety so it doesn't it doesn't
exactly count um but we've had to make some really really big life changes to counteract
um the weight gain that you naturally get from people think you lose a bunch of weight
(41:25):
when you quit drinking and you do you lose the puffiness you lose the water weight um
but then you start eating right and it comes right back so it kind of goes hand in hand
with just healthy living in general drink so much water like you can drink a gallon of
water a day right and you probably should right that's a really good way to move your
body yeah get out find an activity I mean you don't have to do all of this right away
(41:49):
no baby steps baby steps okay it's enough it's a lot of work yeah don't quit everything
all at once um you know I think there is a natural point after you quit that we all of
a sudden like do start gearing towards like going to the gym or for me it was hiking
and I was just being outside and getting back in nature because there's something to be
said and I don't know if this is um if this is just something I experienced or if this
(42:13):
is something universal with with quitting but I noticed that I kind of reverted back
into who I was before I quit drinking and finding activities that I loved I was a feral
woodland child um where I was running around in the woods making forts and being outside
so I naturally just gravitated back towards um being outside and surrounded in nature
when I quit and that was like very healing for me yeah and she lost a ton of weight
(42:37):
from that summer that she went hiking like every single freaking day in the winter yeah
it was awesome it was amazing and what I wouldn't do to get back there now but I'm 41 now all
of that so it's harder to that's a whole other thing for another day yeah so yeah so sobriety
it's difficult it's rewarding it's not for everybody but it should be on some level um
(43:04):
but yeah we just thanks for listening to our stories we wanted to kind of get those out
of the way um so that we didn't have to hammer it in too much um we can move on to other
topics like being so grateful for all of the people that have listened so far thank you
it's been really amazing to see um where people are listening from yeah I'm an analytical
(43:28):
nerd um so we have our host site that I'm constantly checking like where people are
listening from um what platforms they're listening to us on and it's been really cool to just
see like there's somebody out in San Francisco um there's people in um Virginia and just
you know it's just really really the real Virginia I was gonna say like there's people
(43:51):
listening from your hoo-ha no it's my brother actually awkward so yeah just like you know
shout out to everyone who's tuned in I wanted to shout out to my um anomony crew what's
up monomony thank you for liking and following it's really cool to see people from my childhood
(44:13):
tuning in um that was that was super fun and like speaking of liking and tuning in um do
it really really important um if you enjoy what we're doing here to kind of help us spread
awareness and share and like and subscribe and follow our socials um that's kind of how
(44:34):
we keep being able to do this um so that's really important and we really really really
appreciate it and we love interaction on the social media we want to hear what you think
we should be doing and talking about um we know that you all want to come on here and
be guests um obviously when we do want you to we do we do want you to um but we are
(45:00):
no we're not quite there yet we're not really ready for um having a guest added into this
we will get there though we just gotta figure this all out as we go but we will be having
some really exciting guests um talking about various topics and sharing their hopes and
dreams along the way um so yeah just again thank you so much for um joining in on the
(45:25):
fun with us and for giving us a listen and a chance yeah this uh is already a very fun
learning experience and we are so grateful to have this platform for which to bother
you all we are not live coaches um but we can be if you listen to our advice which you
probably should and just one more time thank you so much for listening um again don't forget
(45:50):
to share like follow and subscribe we thrive on your attention um we literally need it
to survive pay attention to me we are hashtag nurses sisters yes um trademarking that before
we trademark the podcast yeah absolutely and uh yeah again share with us what you think
we should talk about next time um comment your favorite moment remind us again of how
(46:15):
hilarious you think we are um and join us next time when we ask what would you do if
someone's at home crying all alone with a bedroom phone because he's hungry
really what would you do if you got a round trip plane ticket to anywhere in the world
(46:37):
and why is it rockford illinois nothing against you rockford folk oh boy that's gonna be really
fun topic that's gonna be um a wrap for us today so thanks for bearing through episode
number two thank you thank you so much bye love you bye
Hello! We are Carrin and Kylie, and this is OPES and Dreams, a podcast about life's humbling
(00:09):
moments, how we are able to live through and beyond them to achieve our goals and dreams.
Each episode will talk about an OAP, what led up to it, why was it so funny, and how it
was a valuable lesson for growth. We are both sober living advocates, Midwest originals,
and eager to share our stories with you. So join us as we laugh, cry, and chat about
(00:30):
the hilarious complexities of humans. Here we go!
Hi! Welcome back to OAPS and Dreams! Karn and I would like to start off by thanking
everyone who liked, listened, and subscribed this past week! If you haven't yet, go ahead
and follow us on the socials and find us on your favorite streaming platforms for podcasts.
(00:54):
Speaking of streaming platforms, soon you'll be able to see our faces with the audio on
YouTube. So keep listening and get ready to watch the ridiculousness as well!
Because we are so pretty and you want to see our faces.
We are! And so right now we currently just have like a little audio video on there, but
soon we'll be, you know, YouTubeing and recording once we get all of that set up.
(01:17):
And yeah, YouTube Daddy will be happy to have us.
Yes, I don't know who that is and I don't want to ever find out. Thank you very much.
Alright, so I wanted to personally thank everyone who reached out after last week's episode
to send their sweet, sweet sympathies for my poor little child who allegedly was punched
(01:40):
in the face. Apparently, he made the whole thing up.
Oh, eesh.
Yeah, so he didn't know where it came from and he just, that's the first thing that came
to his mind was that another kid had punched him.
So did he punch himself?
No, it probably came from when he was at his cousin's house, rough housing.
(02:01):
Was it a swan?
Did a swan just come and attack him? Just like, just...
Yeah, so how's that for humbling moments?
I did make him tell the kid what he said and I made him apologize. The kid was kind of
(02:25):
annoyed that he took him away from whatever game he was playing to apologize.
Yes, he should be.
Right, so...
It's all good.
Parenting is a wild and always challenging ride, but I'm here for it.
Yes, I can imagine. That's just like reason 900 bajillion that I am happy that I don't
have to deal with that kind of thing on a daily basis.
(02:46):
Because I can't imagine what you parents have to go through with just things like that that
are completely beyond your control.
When you're not around them, you can't see them, you don't know what they're doing.
And you only hope that what you say to them is absorbed and carried out into their everyday
life.
Absolutely. I've always said, my words today are his thoughts tomorrow.
(03:10):
So everything we tell him sticks with him in some way or another. And I always say,
we have the gift of perspective. You have to see a situation from multiple angles from
all of the people that are involved so that, A, you're not an asshole about it, which I'm
grateful that I wasn't.
Right.
Because that would have come back negatively.
(03:31):
Right.
Right, you would have just started yelling at him, like what is that really showing him?
Right.
Nothing.
I got the privilege of witnessing their before school routine this morning. I came here early.
Like I was actually sleeping outside in the street the whole entire night waiting for them
(03:52):
to wake up.
She wanted to turn the space heater on in here to warm it up for us.
Yeah, it was a little cold in here last time. So we're just adjusting. But if we have the
space heater on, it's just going to be like at you the whole entire time.
It's not cute.
It's not cute.
So I was really happy to see just a little pep talks and see him allegedly absorb the
(04:14):
information that you were telling us whether or not he likes that stick the rest of the
day.
But really all you can do is just hope for the best, I suppose, in that situation.
And with kids that age, it's nice to...that's why I do the little mantras. Small phrases
and words.
What are you going to be today? Good, kind, patient, respectful. And that's it.
(04:35):
Keep it simple, keep it short, and it repeats in their head automatically.
Right.
Yeah.
So what has happened this week?
Well, it was Valentine's Day.
Yes, it was Valentine's Day.
Not only was it Valentine's Day, but more importantly, it was me and my sweet baby's
three year anniversary.
I can't believe it's only been three years.
(04:56):
It feels like it's been absolutely forever.
You guys should have just been together always.
I feel like we have been. It doesn't, you know, like it's just a really weird thing.
So did you do anything for Valentine's Day?
Yeah, we went out to dinner at the Blind Shot Social Club.
Okay.
It's a great restaurant on Fair Oaks Avenue in front of Garver Feed Mill.
My husband, Alex, and I shout out to Alex Parsons, AP, The Parsons, if you know, you know.
(05:21):
Lord, that's enough.
I know, right?
Because we're both sober, it's hard to find restaurants that cater to sobriety.
They have a whole menu of mocktails that are delicious and flavorful and really kind of
give you that satisfaction of having a drink with dinner.
(05:42):
We had grandma and grandpa with us too.
That's nice.
Which was really nice, but it was super snowy.
Yeah, it was. It was like a blizzard.
And because of that, I also work at a restaurant in that neighborhood actually called Elkime Cafe.
I've been there, it would be seven years this year.
Wow.
It's really, really slow, but the snowstorm, I think, is really what helped people back.
(06:04):
For sure.
And it just can't do anything about the weather.
We are lucky enough to get a lot of people that locally walk around that neighborhood
and still come in.
Yeah, it's good.
So we had our favorite regulars.
So it was a great place to be on Valentine's Day.
Yeah, nice and cozy.
Nice and cozy.
It's really cute in there.
It is.
What else did we do?
I feel like...
We watched some things.
(06:26):
Yeah, we did watch some things.
We watched some Netflix because that's all we do when we're at home.
I mean, I do that all the time. That's pretty much all I do anyway.
I mean, at home, I've got the Netflix on.
So, Apple Cider Vinegar, that was a show that we both watched.
And yeah, that's a lot to unpack there.
(06:47):
I can't believe that's a true story.
I know.
I don't know how much truth is to it.
Was it like...
Yeah.
Because she's still out there doing her thing.
She's only 33.
She's younger than me.
Imagine, I mean...
That's bonkers.
It is crazy to me.
It's so weird.
I mean, if you haven't seen Apple Cider Vinegar, we don't want to spoil earlier any of this for you.
(07:09):
But the premise is basically that this girl just fixed cancer.
And she's out doing these blogs and...
She's pretending to cure her cancer with healthy eating, which you can't do.
Go see an oncologist, please.
Yeah.
I mean, I do subscribe to holistic things, but for certain things, not so much for cancer
(07:34):
or things like that.
I think that that's a point where you need to believe in science a little bit and test
your doctors.
And I mean, there was another girl in the movie that was a little bit more into it.
She goes to some center down in Mexico and she just goes on this hardcore juice diet.
And she does like coffee, M&M, and M&M on stuff.
(07:55):
And she goes, EES!
She's just goofing coffee.
She's goofing coffee.
And I don't know, I'm just gonna go ahead and say that that's not the best idea for you.
Probably not.
We're not doctors.
We can't recommend anything.
Don't know.
I mean, don't really listen to us, but...
Pretty sure coffee and M&M don't cure cancer.
And then there's another show.
Don't come after me.
(08:16):
Scamanda that's on Netflix.
I don't know that one.
Completely unrelated.
Okay.
And then there's another girl who fakes cancer.
And she gets all of this money donated to her through all of these like, it's like a four-part
series on Netflix.
Again, don't want to give away any of that, whether it's for people that love watching
these kinds of shows like us.
(08:36):
But now she goes and like, she creates all of these like fundraisers for herself and she
has this like online set up that she's very much a part of this church.
And there's like a part in the show where they're showing her standing on the stage and there's
like smoke in the background and the people are just like throwing money at her feet.
Oh God.
(08:57):
And she's like the princess of this church and just scamming, scamming, scamming all of these
people.
Why is that a trending topic?
I don't know right now.
To lie and fake things.
I mean, it's just like, I feel like it's just putting bad energy out there.
It's just like now we're talking about like, like you gotta be, you gotta have something
wrong with you to like...
Something seriously wrong with you.
Yeah.
(09:18):
Like you just need to, you weren't hugged enough as a child.
Who hurt you?
Like who hurt you enough to think that you need to sit out there and just be like getting
money from all of these people.
It's disgusting.
Good job.
Right.
She like went really far with this and like would go to the hospital and like, she's,
there's pictures of her with like ports and all kinds of stuff.
(09:39):
Oh God.
This is the level that she went to make this, she had like a long blog, I don't know if
it's still up, I should have researched and checked this out because I was really curious
about this.
Research, smish merch.
Yeah, no kidding.
But yeah, so that was wild.
That was a, yes some of the highlights of my love is blind is back.
I don't know if anybody else watches that.
(10:00):
No.
I got about two episodes in of that one.
It's too much trash to use on the annual list this time.
Oh really?
Mm-hmm.
Like on Tik Tok, there's been like a lot of people going on and like complaining about
one of the guys that's out there already.
Uh-oh.
Apparently just being, you know.
Is he yucky?
Apparently, I don't know.
I didn't really look too much.
I didn't want to spoil or load any of it for myself for the show.
(10:23):
Fair enough.
Yeah, and white lotus is back.
That's right.
I got an email.
Right.
It was like, it appeared as an invite to the hotel where the season is taking place.
What I wouldn't give.
It's in Thailand.
Thailand, that's right.
Yeah, it looks amazing.
I only got about halfway in because we were up later last night doing our rundown meeting,
(10:46):
which we're doing now.
Rundown.
Video chatting on Sunday nights to get ready and to prepare ourselves a little better for
you folks out there that have to sit through listening to us.
Because organization is nice.
It's okay.
It's okay.
I'm more of a like, just go with it and see what happens.
And she's out here with like printed papers for us right now, which there is room for
(11:09):
both of those things and it seems to be flowing well for us.
We compliment each other very well.
We sure do.
It's working great.
So anything else?
Well, the other thing that I watched was on Apple TV.
It was called The Gorge.
And I only want to talk about it because Miles Teller is one of my most favorite actors.
He's a younger guy, but he did.
(11:30):
The movie that I remember him from before this.
At least.
No.
Did he do the new Foulouse?
Yeah.
Oh, sweet.
The other one was with Jonah Hill where they sold guns to the US government.
They were just like two bros and they somehow acquired all of these guns in ammo and were
selling it to the US government.
It was based on a true story.
It's a fascinating movie.
(11:53):
But The Gorge is him and Anya Joy Taylor, who was in the Queen's Gambit.
Yeah.
I'm not going to spoil anything, but they are both snipers and they are placed in these
opposing towers on either side of a gorge.
And the reason makes itself known in the movie.
(12:15):
And I liked it a lot.
It was really good.
It was an interesting story.
I looked up who wrote and directed it while I was watching it because some of the special
effects and the ideas that they came up with for the things I thought was really cool.
Okay.
So, The Gorge on Apple TV?
Yeah, I'll have to check it out when I run out of all of these other things.
I just got HBO Max.
So, I have, because I, for White Lotus, I needed it.
(12:37):
Oh, sure.
So, now I have this whole thing opened up of shows I had for a while and then stopped
watching.
House of Dragon only has like 10 days left before they take it off of there.
So, I kind of said, I need to watch that because I didn't watch the second season.
Yeah.
I got like almost to the end of the first, but I love me some dragons.
That's one thing if you follow me on social media, my personal social medias, I post about
(13:00):
dragons on an almost daily basis.
I'm obsessed with them.
I think I want, it's not fair that humans can't bond dragons and I could go on and on
about this.
It hurts my soul that I can't have a dragon just in my backyard, ready to ride up into
the air with me to breathe fire on all of the people that piss me off every day.
That is all we're going to say about that right now because I will cry.
(13:23):
I won't want so bad.
One thing, did you know that they made a live action How to Train Your Dragon that's coming
out soon?
I did.
It's pretty awesome.
I'm ready.
We went to go see a movie, I think it was the Sonic movie and the trailer came up and
it looks awesome.
I'm super excited.
We'll all go see it when we show.
Yeah, we should do that.
Yeah.
I saw that they're making like a How to Train Your Dragon 2, but the live action thing
(13:46):
sounds really amazing.
But I think it's going to help my place here.
No, it'll probably make it worse.
I think it's going to further just like really, you know, upset me.
Like I follow all of these like, I mean, ridiculous AI pages on Instagram of these little...
She'll send me stuff all the time.
And the Dragon's people create, I'm like, why do I not have a fluffy yellow dragon sleeping
(14:10):
at the...
I do actually.
I do have a fluffy yellow dragon sleeping at the foot.
My name is Suzy.
Suzy.
Suzy.
Anyway, moving on.
All right.
This is not the topic of this episode.
But do you know what is the topic of this episode?
Yes.
Are we there yet?
Or do you want to still recap a little bit?
No, we can dive in.
All right.
(14:31):
Let's dive in.
So let's dive into sobriety.
Let's do that.
So we did mention last time that we weren't going to make our sobriety a focal point of
the podcast.
However, we figured let's just get this part over with right away.
Yeah.
Let's just get it out of the way.
Let's talk about it.
Let's...
Background.
So we are now...
(14:52):
It's a big deal.
Yeah.
And we might as well just get right into it right away.
Great.
Which is, you know, this could be trigger warning for some people about some of the topics that
come up with sharing our stories.
It could just be triggering for those who are struggling with alcohol themselves or with
being sober, curious even and having a hard time navigating that.
(15:13):
So just kind of a little warning about that if you don't want to hear about this or you've
heard too much about us talk about it or me, I mean, I don't know, keep listening but
maybe like skip ahead or something.
Sure.
I don't know what to tell you.
So Karin, why and when did you stop drinking?
(15:36):
So I stopped drinking March 8th, 2020 right before the shutdown for the pandemic.
It's a great time to stop.
It wasn't planned.
It's something I tried to quit drinking off and on for about 12 years.
I was constantly one of those people doing like dry January and sober October and really
(16:02):
just like grabbing onto any break I could take.
But at the same time, my drinking controlled me more than I controlled it, which was a
big reason why I needed to stop.
But I grew up in a setting.
I'm from a tourist town that had a big waterski attraction that I grew up at.
(16:26):
So from my younger years, I was always around these like older cool skiers that were partying
every night and we actually like lived on property.
So for a period of time when we moved in with my stepdad, we lived at the trailer that was
right next to the party trailer.
Which you think would be an awesome way to grow up.
Not when you're eight.
(16:47):
Right.
But I was a child.
So again, it wasn't cool there at that time.
So I grew up seeing this like very binge drinking party atmosphere around me.
And as I started getting a little older and more impressionable, 10, 11, that's all I
wanted to do.
I wanted to be just like these people.
I wanted to hang out with them.
(17:09):
I wanted to be cool.
I wanted to be seen by them.
So I really early on started like fantasizing alcohol and you know, just like wanting to
be cool and wanting to do it.
So my friends and I would experiment with drinking when we were really too young.
I remember we had a pool in our backyard and my parents had this like camper parked next
(17:33):
to it.
And we would like sneak a beer out of their coolers when the adults were inside and we
would drink the beer.
Our parents, I think I was like 11 the first time I tried vodka.
Oh wow.
Yeah, I was really, really young.
I was young.
We didn't drink the whole cup or anything like that.
We just like took six and thought we were cool.
But like I remember like 15 is when it really started like drinking more often.
(17:56):
Yeah.
And then it went to school parties.
I actually didn't do a lot of high school parties, honestly.
My friends and I would get together and do movie parties.
So there was a period of time in high school where I actually didn't drink a lot.
It was only in the summers.
During school I absolutely didn't.
It was when all of the people from this attraction came back from the town.
Then it was like okay now we're back in this.
(18:19):
But that was like every summer for me.
And then the drinking really hit when I was like 18, 19, 20, you know and into my 20s.
For me it was the normal, you know.
I think the town that I grew up in really exaggerated drinking more so.
It was a tourist town so people were there to party in the summer.
(18:40):
And I feel like it was normal.
I feel like it was.
I look back at it now and I'm like no that was excessive.
But in Wisconsin we don't have a line between normal and excessive.
We don't see that here.
But towards the end of my 30s, I would say in my 30s is when it probably got the worst
for me mental health wise.
(19:03):
So it went from just being this thing that everybody does normal to really impacting
my mental and physical health.
I you know could start to see the physical effects of alcohol on my body.
I was large.
I was bloating.
My spin was dull.
My hair was dying.
It was just all kinds of things.
(19:25):
And I was you know just gaining weight and just and then on top of that I mean my mental
health was really taking a toll.
I started being very depressed.
There was a point at the end where I was drinking by myself every night at work.
I'd sit and have drinks regardless of who was coming to meet up with me.
What was going on that night.
(19:46):
I would just sit there and I'd cry every night.
I was very very very depressed.
Going in and out of like shitty relationships with people.
And just like my self esteem just really taking a dive to the point of you know having thoughts
of taking my own life more often than not.
(20:06):
Almost an everyday thing.
I hate that.
So there was a point where I was like okay well you know I either continue this I'm gonna
die or I need to stop.
And I don't know it almost I don't know if some people might not believe in like these
divine timings or divine interventions or things like that but I remember being at home
(20:30):
um this particular night very depressed very sad um just feeling empty and hollow inside
and just something happened and clicked.
And I was like I'm never drinking again.
And I woke up that day feeling just shitty and hungover as we tend to do the anxieties
there and I remember walking down to my friend's shop she had a shake shop in the neighborhood
(20:55):
and being like I'm never drinking again and she's like okay whatever.
I'm gonna go and finish that after they're done drinking.
But that was it I have never had a sip of alcohol on purpose since then.
So that was um that for me in the first year or two um with a lot I mean it was really
(21:18):
learning they once you quit the work isn't done the work is just beginning.
It's just getting started and there's so much that goes into that um of just navigating
that but I will say I had one huge advantage um when I quit drinking is I was a social drinker
meaning I never drank at home by myself I would drink out at the bars by myself um because
(21:41):
I was hoping that there would be somebody that I wouldn't end up getting to hang out
with.
Right um but the fact that I quit during the pandemic um really created a solid base for
me because I couldn't go out and socialize and drink.
Right.
I didn't have that temptation to go out to the bar and see what was going on and who
was out I had to stay home for three months.
Yeah um and that's a really important the first three months are really really important
(22:04):
for like um just getting that pattern down and that foundation.
From new habits.
So that was um a blessing for me so I you know there are a lot of people had a hard time
with the pandemic and it was a really hard and scary time for everyone but for me it
was changed my life for the better so that's my uh little journey there.
(22:25):
I love it.
What about you?
I never really I don't think we've ever really talked too much about.
Yeah.
A little bit here and there but.
A little bit.
My story is my story is a little different um I'm not as quote unquote loud about my sobriety
um because it's it's just kind of it became normal for me really easily um I quit drinking
(22:51):
October 1st of 2017 um my last drink was at John and Teresa Hardy's wedding out at Driftless
Music Gardens.
I had decided to quit drinking before that but that was sort of my last hurrah it was
free we were out there for the weekend it was a good time it was sort of my send off
(23:12):
um to drinking.
But also their wedding.
Also their wedding.
The the send off was the bonus that was an amazing wedding one of my favorites out at
DMG um it was a beautiful beautiful weekend shout out to John and T we love you guys so
much.
Love you love you and that was a great wedding it was so beautiful.
It was um yeah.
I my sort of epiphany moment came um sometime in in between 2016 and the fall of 2017 uh
(23:44):
my husband and I drank to get drunk we didn't drink to just enjoy the beverage it was the
purpose of it was to get fucked up and I drank beer a lot and then I got curious about what
it would be like to be sober because I knew we wanted to have a child and you can't drink
while you're pregnant you cannot drink alcohol while you are pregnant.
(24:09):
Anyway I wanted to see what it was like I wanted to see what my life would be like as
it was sober so I did a month in February and I kept track of every time we went out
I estimated how much money I would have spent um and I saved about $400 in that month of
February um and I was like okay I can do this I still went out to shows I still went to
(24:34):
the bar still hung out with friends uh and it was it was a good experience after that
um I started drinking again but I started drinking vodka and whiskey instead of beer so instead
of drinking to just get drunk I was drinking to fully black out and I would stop remembering
how we got home at night which is not safe um it it kind of got scary and since I knew
(24:59):
that I wanted to have a kid um I've always been the kind of person where I've got a five
year plan at the time that I met Alex my five year plan was to get married and have a kid
um when we first started hanging out I told him about that about three months into us
hanging out I was like look this is this is what I want to do I want to get married I
want to have a kid I want to do this this part of life if you're into it let's keep
(25:23):
going if you're not into it maybe we should stop hanging out and he was fully on board
we moved in together after six months of dating so it happened fast um but without without
bringing attention to people that don't need attention brought to them I'll just say I
saw friends stay up all night until their kids woke up when I saw that that was it for
(25:50):
me I was like no way my dream was to be the best parent that I possibly could be for this
kid um so that's what I did that is why I did it I I didn't want to be a hungover parent
that's the the hugest motivation the second biggest motivation was to set an example for
Alex I wanted him to quit drinking too and he needed to we both needed to it was when
(26:16):
we were part of a group called operation shit show and that's exactly what it was it was
just a complete shit show all the time so it's kind of like okay it's time to grow up
it's time to be responsible um set the foundation for the life that we want to have the life
that we have now is awesome we have this lovely house we have our nice cars we have our good
(26:36):
jobs and we have this amazing six year old who gets a thousand percent of our attention
every single day um I often say I'm fine being tired I can be tired any day I never have
to be hungover right oh god never feeling hungover from alcohol again is is one of the greatest
(26:57):
parts of it it's a blessing every single day yes to wake up and be like I don't feel like
garbage I can get up at 6am yeah I can have my cup of tea or my cup of coffee and I every
single day I wake up and I am just reminding myself of how blessed I am that I chose that
yeah this is why I do it is it's a choice it's an every single day choice that you make
(27:19):
for yourself and for the people around you yeah and it's just you know it's really hard
especially being as involved in um like the music scene as we are um and having to be
in environments where naturally people are drinking more they're doing whatever the recreational
choice is um and just having to see you know for me it's really hard to see people that
(27:43):
um I love and care about that are like older than I am that are still making these choices
for themselves to be destructive and unhealthy and seeing them struggle and wanting so bad
to be sober because I don't know how many times I've had people come to me like oh my
gosh how do you do it I wish I could do that I wish I could do that and that's really hard
for me because I'm like it's a mindset it's such a hard thing to do and to just see people
(28:07):
want it so badly yeah but I've said um to people over and over again that if I could
give one gift to anybody in the world everybody that I love and care about it would just be
the feeling of being sober like after the work is done or on the the work is never done
but after you kind of you kind of everybody kind of reaches this like aha at after a
(28:29):
long term sobriety yeah where you just everything feels better you're so happy it sticks it's
good it's just good good good good good good and great things just happen to you and I
just wish I could give everybody that like feeling for just a day to know what that feels
like because I just don't think there would be alcohol abuse or alcohol left in the world
yeah understood what that felt like um because it's a problem it is it is a problem regardless
(28:55):
of if people want to admit it or not um it's a problem in our society um with in so many
ways and there's lots of different types of alcoholics this is something that I realized
shortly before I quit just because you like if you'd get super drunk all the time yeah
you're probably an alcoholic but also if you have to have one glass of wine every single
(29:20):
day after work you're an alcoholic that's a level of alcoholism that some people may
not want to hear and I'm sorry but that's that's what it is I mean there's so many different
kinds of um not even alcoholism we can't even really call it that all of the time because
there are high achieving people that still get up every day they still go to work they're
(29:42):
making lots of money they're providing for their family they're doing great they still
can't not have that couple of beers every night when they get home or go on the weekends
like they can't go to an event or they can't do anything without having to have alcohol
involved it's too attached and that's a problem yeah um because we have many other beverage
options that we can reach for you can reach for sparkling water there's you know all kinds
(30:07):
of things I think that um like good NA beers and moctas are really helpful in the beginning
phases of quitting drinking I tell you what an ice cold NA bush light after a hike in
the summertime was amazing yeah like for me when we go like camping and stuff yeah sitting
around that fire with everybody at after like the DMG festivals in 2020 we were lucky that
(30:29):
they would have drive-in shows it was so much fun it was really nice safe social distancing
um the ability to be able to socialize safely with people um and camping and being able
to have like that cold NA beer um if it weren't for that I wouldn't have been able to you
know probably stick to it as much but there's I just always tell people like replacement
(30:50):
is such an important thing like a bridge you can still go out and drink um just change
the drink in your hand um you can still feel like you're part of the socializing but you're
going to realize very very quickly um it'll be like oh I seeing the people around you
and how they're behaving when you're sober and you're you quickly start to be like oh
(31:12):
like it's hard it's like a mirror to you of your choices um it's hard to look at people
around you drinking um and feeling shame about your own behavior because it brings up triggers
yeah it's uh it's just there's a lot to it and um I also want to say not to put shame
(31:34):
too much on anybody that drinks like do do what you want we're not trying to shit on
people that drink necessarily because for my perspective for example out at Driflus
events we want you to come party and have a good time I don't want you to feel bad for
wanting to come party and have a good time I actually get a stupid amount of joy watching
(31:55):
people have a good time that's why I do what I do at Driflus when I'm out there I used
to be riding the rail to every single band at music festivals now I'm like backstage
or I'm sitting at Scott's bus but I love I love seeing people have a good time that's
(32:18):
important to me um I want everybody to enjoy their lives and have a really good time I
just want you to be aware of what you need to have that good time right awareness is
huge when it comes to it that's the first step that is the most important thing I think
that you know for me alcohol is a hard no I'm very strong about that I do have a hard
(32:42):
time still accepting that other people are allowed to make their own choices sometimes
that's something that I work very hard on sometimes I fall short and fail at that um
but I do think that having that awareness and realizing and taking a step back and like
examining your relationship with alcohol is such an important thing especially if you're
(33:04):
going to continue to keep drinking right um just take a step back and just be like is
is this really like serving me and if it is if I'm not having a problem because everybody
doesn't have a quote unquote problem right um if you're able to handle it and still be
able to safely um conduct yourself in society and through life while still enjoying that
(33:27):
drink um great for you um but still live in Wisconsin and it's toxic right it is to be
blunt it is um it's not something that you know say you're in California shout out to
our San Francisco listener whoever you were um if you're you know out in other parts of
the world and other parts of the country everybody is like it's not like that here right this
(33:49):
is not like the drinking culture that is here in Wisconsin um which is sad I mean I just
I don't know yeah so let's talk about a funny story real quick because when you were telling
your story you mentioned you haven't had a drink on purpose right so we're going to talk
about when we were in Mexico last last year for the fish concerts on the beach um it was
(34:14):
amazing we were at a moon palace all inclusive resort so like you get into your hotel room
and there is a literal cabinet that you just pull out of a drawer and it's liquor bottles
just as much as you want at any moment while you're in your room um the staff offers to
lock it for you we didn't because we're like no we're good morning yeah we don't need to
however there was a restaurant that we frequented the buffet and our favorite server Gregorio
(34:40):
remember hey Gregorio hi Gregorio you don't know but you were the best ever I hope you
still there he was so sweet so we often would order a coffee at the end of our meal because
you know instead of having a pick me up with alcohol we'd have a pick me up of espresso
yeah we just replaced with coffee right so we we asked for coffees at the end of our
(35:00):
meal and he's like I'm gonna bring you my special my special coffee we're like okay
cool and he brings it over all four of us me Alex Karen and Dan take a sip and we're
like oh my god that is so delicious for a good deal is what is it magical and he said
(35:21):
Kahlua except for Dan Dan is soul crushing yeah we all pushed our cups towards Dan like
here you go I mean it was just I mean and there was a moment where we all you know we
did kind of panic for a second just a second oh shit like those six years of surprise there
(35:44):
goes like all of this work and just like you know a little bit of guilt comes into that
but at the end of the day it's like it was a total accident none of us like you know
flew off the wagon and said this or a coffee right then and there so it was a funny moment
that we got to share it was good it was kind of like funny because of all places you know
if somebody were to like be like oh if we're gonna have a little bit of fun it's gonna
(36:07):
be at a fish show in Mexico right but like we didn't we were really good and we stayed
strong and I'm very proud of all of us because this is a place where you walk in and as you're
walking into the venue on either side of you like in Beauty and the Beast when they're
like doing be our guest there's just like trays and trays of margaritas and beer lined
(36:27):
up for the taking and obviously all inclusive resorts are very heavy on the drink the alcohol
here it is it's everywhere you look and but also just as much as there's alcohol everywhere
there's cake and coffee cafe and the cutest little desserts there's just food everywhere
and there's like taco stands at the venue and Turros and fries on the beach french fries
(36:53):
on the beach was the best day of my life the only thing that could have made it better
is if a dragon swooped down and picked me up and carried me over the venue and it picked
up tray and he just played a song for me on the back of this dragon and it was just
as she was Tila flew I am am I not so yeah there's that so that was a really anyway
(37:19):
it was a great trip um a couple of things um we want to talk about for anybody who might
be sober curious yeah what you got so you know I've got a couple books that I would
recommend to anybody that is really looking one book is more geared towards women it's
called how to quit like a woman by Holly Whitaker that book is really powerful it's more geared
(37:42):
towards like the high achieving woman the woman who's out in society working hard having
those glasses of wine and how to really navigate that kind of world and removing alcohol she
had at one point created a sobriety program called the Tempest sobriety school that actually
I heard of that I loosely followed it um so it was like a you get sent an email um every
(38:05):
day with just like different topics and um it was kind of like a step by step program
not like AA um but it's in it in its own way um which I followed loosely um once I made
the decision I was done it was something it collected it's like a switch it is it really
is a switch in your brain um you know it was the same switch for me um real quick when
I quit smoking cigarettes too so I still smoked cigarettes after I quit drinking I had my last
(38:32):
cigarette the day before I took the pregnancy test I knew it was going to be positive I
remember driving down northport going over to the north side for some reason and I just
I enjoyed the shit out of that last cigarette knowing it was going to be my last one but
because I knew what was coming next with my family there was no other option I didn't
(38:55):
want to smoke more I still even six weeks after having him I was in a wedding um shout
out to my bestie Ashley in Florida love you uh in her wedding party I remember we were
taking pictures outside the venue and I held her cigarette for her and I looked at it
and I was like nope I'm good I'm just going to hold this for her I don't care that my
(39:18):
fingers were smell will smell it doesn't matter to me but I'm not going to I'm not going to
smoke this cigarette and that was probably the last time that I even held one um so
it's just kind of like it's a it's a mental space that you need to be in you need to tell
yourself your brain tells you that you're ready for it right and then you can build
(39:38):
the foundation to support that choice moving forward right and on that note um the second
book I want to recommend is this naked mind um that book is really amazing and it gets
into more of the physiological um aspects of science of drinking and what it does to
your body and how it affects you and um just all of that kind of stuff and that was really
(40:00):
like woof for me um some of that stuff to realize like exactly what damage it does to our body
it's kind of poison yeah it's it's totally poison um it's like drinking ethanol um but
I will leave the book up to get into those details um so I definitely recommend those
two books if you're looking another um piece of advice I have for people is to start following
(40:21):
sober pages there are tons and tons and tons of them on Instagram and Facebook um and social
media and the more you um expose yourself to those pages and the more that pops up every
single day as a reminder um the more helpful it is for it to stay in your brain and stay
at the forefront so that you can um kind of stick to that helps you normalize it absolutely
(40:42):
you change your environment you can change your behaviors yeah you sure
somebody should write that down put that on the pillow, frost stitch it, or something
it's okay I recorded it in the podcast there we go there you have it any other advice for
our um sober curious pals out there um yeah one thing that Alex and I struggled with when
(41:05):
we quit was the extreme sugar cravings because alcohol is sugar uh so we both gained a lot
of weight granted I was pregnant during my first year of sobriety so it doesn't it doesn't
exactly count um but we've had to make some really really big life changes to counteract
um the weight gain that you naturally get from people think you lose a bunch of weight
(41:25):
when you quit drinking and you do you lose the puffiness you lose the water weight um
but then you start eating right and it comes right back so it kind of goes hand in hand
with just healthy living in general drink so much water like you can drink a gallon of
water a day right and you probably should right that's a really good way to move your
body yeah get out find an activity I mean you don't have to do all of this right away
(41:49):
no baby steps baby steps okay it's enough it's a lot of work yeah don't quit everything
all at once um you know I think there is a natural point after you quit that we all of
a sudden like do start gearing towards like going to the gym or for me it was hiking
and I was just being outside and getting back in nature because there's something to be
said and I don't know if this is um if this is just something I experienced or if this
(42:13):
is something universal with with quitting but I noticed that I kind of reverted back
into who I was before I quit drinking and finding activities that I loved I was a feral
woodland child um where I was running around in the woods making forts and being outside
so I naturally just gravitated back towards um being outside and surrounded in nature
when I quit and that was like very healing for me yeah and she lost a ton of weight
(42:37):
from that summer that she went hiking like every single freaking day in the winter yeah
it was awesome it was amazing and what I wouldn't do to get back there now but I'm 41 now all
of that so it's harder to that's a whole other thing for another day yeah so yeah so sobriety
it's difficult it's rewarding it's not for everybody but it should be on some level um
(43:04):
but yeah we just thanks for listening to our stories we wanted to kind of get those out
of the way um so that we didn't have to hammer it in too much um we can move on to other
topics like being so grateful for all of the people that have listened so far thank you
it's been really amazing to see um where people are listening from yeah I'm an analytical
(43:28):
nerd um so we have our host site that I'm constantly checking like where people are
listening from um what platforms they're listening to us on and it's been really cool to just
see like there's somebody out in San Francisco um there's people in um Virginia and just
you know it's just really really the real Virginia I was gonna say like there's people
(43:51):
listening from your hoo-ha no it's my brother actually awkward so yeah just like you know
shout out to everyone who's tuned in I wanted to shout out to my um anomony crew what's
up monomony thank you for liking and following it's really cool to see people from my childhood
(44:13):
tuning in um that was that was super fun and like speaking of liking and tuning in um do
it really really important um if you enjoy what we're doing here to kind of help us spread
awareness and share and like and subscribe and follow our socials um that's kind of how
(44:34):
we keep being able to do this um so that's really important and we really really really
appreciate it and we love interaction on the social media we want to hear what you think
we should be doing and talking about um we know that you all want to come on here and
be guests um obviously when we do want you to we do we do want you to um but we are
(45:00):
no we're not quite there yet we're not really ready for um having a guest added into this
we will get there though we just gotta figure this all out as we go but we will be having
some really exciting guests um talking about various topics and sharing their hopes and
dreams along the way um so yeah just again thank you so much for um joining in on the
(45:25):
fun with us and for giving us a listen and a chance yeah this uh is already a very fun
learning experience and we are so grateful to have this platform for which to bother
you all we are not live coaches um but we can be if you listen to our advice which you
probably should and just one more time thank you so much for listening um again don't forget
(45:50):
to share like follow and subscribe we thrive on your attention um we literally need it
to survive pay attention to me we are hashtag nurses sisters yes um trademarking that before
we trademark the podcast yeah absolutely and uh yeah again share with us what you think
we should talk about next time um comment your favorite moment remind us again of how
(46:15):
hilarious you think we are um and join us next time when we ask what would you do if
someone's at home crying all alone with a bedroom phone because he's hungry
really what would you do if you got a round trip plane ticket to anywhere in the world
(46:37):
and why is it rockford illinois nothing against you rockford folk oh boy that's gonna be really
fun topic that's gonna be um a wrap for us today so thanks for bearing through episode
number two thank you thank you so much bye love you bye
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