February 3, 2025 • 38 mins
In this episode of 'Organizing the ADHD Brain,' the host welcomes Tanya Willis, host of 'Menopause Made Easy' and author of 'Cookie Dough in the Dark.' They discuss a wide range of topics from ADHD diagnosis, particularly how many discover their own ADHD after their child's diagnosis, to the systemic challenges of getting diagnosed, and the intricate relationship between ADHD, eating disorders, and organizing one's life. Tanya shares her personal journey with ADHD, bulimia, and healthy lifestyle transformations while offering valuable insights into the importance of self-regulation, compassionate self-talk, and creating personalized solutions. Listeners also learn about the similarities between impulsive eating and buying habits linked to seeking dopamine hits. The episode wraps up with the host announcing the conclusion of season one and inviting listeners to join a supportive community for organizing and understanding ADHD. Key takeaways include the importance of a supportive environment, recognizing individual needs, and finding sustainable ways to live healthily.
04:37 Tonya's Journey in Health and Wellness
09:01 Parenting a Child with ADHD
18:17 Tonya's Personal Struggles with Eating Disorders
24:01 ADHD, Diet Culture, and Self-Regulation
28:53 The Importance of Personalized Health Solutions
33:21 Conclusion and Community Invitation
Tanya Willis is the host of Menopause Made Easy with Tanya podcast, author of Cookie Dough in the Dark and founder of the Vibrant Living Academy & the Midlife Reboot. She's a mum, dog lover and loves spending time in nature!
Her mission is to help women thrive after 35, to be an inspiration to women that they don’t have to give in to the negative messages of aging that can be prevalent in society – you can get older AND be strong, healthy, and vibrant.
5 Hacks to Cut Cravings Freebie!! https://www.vibrantlivingwithtanya.com/5-Hacks-to-Cut-Cravings
Midlife Reboot https://www.vibrantlivingwithtanya.com/midlifereboot
Book a 20-minute call to see if COACHING is a good fit for you: Megs Calendar
^If you tried to book a call and couldn't, it's all fixed!
Join the Organizing an ADHD Brain COMMUNITY waitlist (New community launches May 15th): https://www.OrganizinganADHDbrain.com/community
Get your Free DOPAMINE MENU download OrganizinganADHDbrain.com/dopaminemenu
The TO DO list Daily Planner is available here! TO DO List Daily Planner
The ULTIMATE Recycling & Disposal Guide: Disposal Guide
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
MacBook Pro Microphone (00:00):
Hey, beautiful people.
(00:00):
Welcome to another episode oforganizing the ADHD brain.
If you're new here.
Welcome.
I'm super excited that you'vejoined us.
Today's episode is actually notgoing to be too much about
organization, but I want to tellyou how it's going to relate.
And of course, if you arereturning back after tuning in
for so many weeks in a row,welcome back.
I'm so honored that you're hereAnd thanks for supporting the
(00:22):
podcast.
My guest today is Tonya Willisand she's the host of Menopause
made easy She also wrote thebook cookie dough in the dark
and founder of the vibrantliving academy and the midlife
reboot.
I really liked our conversationbecause we talked about on
trigger warning here.
We talked a lot about bulemiaeating disorders, anorexia.
(00:44):
We talked about her son'sdiagnosis for ADHD and what that
was like.
Realizing that she had ADHD aswell.
I think a lot of my listenerscan relate to.
Finding out about their ADHDwhile getting their kids
diagnosed, One of the thingsthat she brings up today is
talking about her son.
Getting a diagnosis and shementioned, why would he get out
(01:07):
of bed?
If he's just going to get toldthat he's lazy.
And when it comes to organizing,so many of us have been beat up
for so long about all the stuffthat we have, and then not being
able to find this stuff.
People saying couldn't you justget organized?
Why don't you hire an organizer?
Or why don't you spend thisamount of time and just do it
(01:27):
one weekend.
It's not as easy as that.
Right.
We know that.
And that's why you're tuning intoday.
But we do need praise researchshows that when people praise us
for the things that we aredoing, we are more likely to
show up again and do them.
That's why it's important thatwe show up and talk to our
spouses or significant others orour kids in a way that's going
(01:49):
to support them in what they'redoing.
Instead of berating them foreverything that they're doing
wrong, they already know whatthey're doing wrong, and they're
beating themselves up enough forit.
Another way that this interviewrelates to organizing, I see so
many parallels when it comes toeating.
And getting that dopamine hitand looking for a specific
(02:10):
snack, that's going to tastegood versus one.
That's going to fill up yourbody or even going to eat when
you're not hungry.
It's the same.
When we go to buy things, Inoticed so much of when I would
buy something on Amazon or whenI would go to target and do my
holes there.
Oh, I thought that these thingswere going to make my life
(02:31):
better in the moment, butthere's no one thing out there.
That's going to solve yourorganizing issue, not a bin.
As I talked about last week.
there's no one thing out therethat's going to suddenly change
your life.
And what's interesting is nowthat I've been organizing for so
long and letting go of things.
I now see things that I'vebought and I say, Ooh, That's a
(02:54):
good example of something that Iwish I hadn't gotten something
that just doesn't make sense inmy life.
And I bought on a whim because Ithought it was a really fun
idea.
We're going to continue to havethose fun ideas, but it's okay
to start to check in and say,okay, I've bought something like
this before, or is this going toend up being clutter in my home?
(03:14):
Or is this something that'struly going to elevate my life?
And I'm going to use on aregular basis.
But I love the way that shetalks about eating as a journey
versus just trying to get to anend result.
And that is so much of whatorganizing is.
It's not about the end resultbecause.
As soon as you start todeclutter, you're going to start
to see your space in a whole newway, which allows you to live
(03:38):
your life in a whole new way.
This is a journey.
It is not about getting to theend.
And honestly, isn't the end,just dying after all.
I know that's a little morbid,but still it's not about getting
to the end.
And if it is then what does donelook like?
Because if you don't know whatdone looks like.
Then you don't know what journeyyou're on in general.
(03:59):
And that comes back to themanifestation that we've talked
about is like taking those tinyaction steps in the direction of
where we're headed.
The episode today does cut off.
There was more of the interview,but it got cut off based on the
technology that I'm using.
If you are interested in moresupport, but aren't ready to
start coaching.
My membership is now availableand there is a code in the show
(04:21):
notes below podcast.
For you to get$5 off your firstmonth of membership.
This month coming up, we aregoing to be doing two body
doubling sessions, another groupcoaching or Q and a, and so many
other incredible things to come.
I'll see you in the community.
Megs (04:37):
I'm here with Tanya Willis.
I'm so excited to introduce hertoday.
Tanya, tell us a little bitabout who you are.
Tanya (04:45):
My name is Tonya Willis.
I have two boys, they're 21 and22, so they're not boys anymore.
I'm married.
I love dogs.
I love being in nature.
I love cooking and I have beenin the health and wellness space
for over three decades.
I'm very passionate aboutincreasing people's vibrancy and
(05:08):
vitality.
It really is my heart's mission,my soul's purpose to, just
elevate and live our best lives.
So I have dedicated myself tothis arena.
I'm a personal trainer, Pilatesinstructor.
I do foam rolling.
I love fascia.
I'm a big behavioral changecoach.
I wrote a book called cookiedough in the dark.
(05:29):
I help people with.
eating habits.
Oh my gosh, what else do I do?
I have a podcast.
I do so many different things,and I really believe in the
three pillars, which is mindset,movement, and nutrition.
So I have nutritionalcertifications, and so I give a
very well rounded approach tohelping somebody.
That's just a tiny bit about me.
Megs (05:51):
Yeah, a lot about you in a, in a little bit of a nugget.
That's incredible.
Well, it's so nice to meet you.
And I'm curious, how did you getinto the wellness space?
Tanya (06:04):
If anybody could have seen me in public school in high
school, they never would havethought I was an aerobics
instructor or personal traineror anything like this, because I
was the kind of person who, whenthe gym class was on and we had
to play field hockey, I wouldthrow my ball in the marsh.
So that I wouldn't have topartake in running up and down
the field.
(06:24):
I call it the Olympics of life.
So I was never into sports.
I'm not a team sports person,but I did like moving my body.
I loved dancing.
I loved being functionally fit.
I've just carried on throughthat of just really knowing the
importance of of managing mystress and my moods through
(06:49):
exercise.
I don't know how much I realizedthat when I was in public school
and high school, but definitelywhen I was at university, I
would get this desire.
Like, I'm like, I've got to movemy body.
I need to move my body.
I had too much.
energy and the outlet was for meto move.
So after I graduated, I had asitting job and I was just like,
(07:12):
this is not going to be my lifeand basically had anxiety
attacks, breakdown, everythinglike that.
And I started doing my personaltraining.
I started teaching more.
I started training on the side.
I was so happy and then I juststarted to get more into the
eating and I just reallyembraced.
life because you just feel somuch better when you're healthy.
(07:35):
I was sick for a long time witha lot of chronic bronchitis and
you know, we're going to talkabout ADHD, which was
definitely, you know, part of myupbringing, but never had a name
for it.
Although, I have never beenofficially diagnosed.
I, have a dad that has ADHD.
I have a son who has ADHD.
And then my husband looks at meand goes, Oh my gosh, this
(07:57):
explains a lot.
as you can tell from all thethings I do, I'm not focused on
one thing.
because I like to understand howthe whole system works, how your
whole body works, how your mind,your body, your spirit.
And so over the last threedecades, I've really pulled in
the nutrition aspect, the eatingaspect, the habitual aspect,
(08:21):
social aspect, movement, aspect,mindset issues to really be able
to help people move forward.
Megs (08:28):
I love that so much and I think that you're doing it the
right way because I don't reallyfeel like you can have health in
a traditional sense if you'rejust going to the gym.
And you don't have your mind,your body, your experience
around that whole physicalprocess.
I love the idea of learningthrough life and growing through
(08:49):
life and finding what is callingto you and what your body needs
and craving that movement thatyou speak of.
I want to jump into thenutrition, but I want to ask you
a little bit about.
you know, your dad and then yourson.
What has it been like being aparent to a son with ADHD and
not necessarily knowing if youhave it yourself?
Tanya (09:11):
You know, my mother she lives overseas, so she does not
see my children that often, butwhen, when my son was just born,
she was here and then I thinkshe saw him when, he was two and
she's like, he's hyperactivenow.
I'm very high energy, so Ididn't see it because I'm just
have a lot of energy and he hada lot of energy.
(09:34):
I think it was more in theschool time frame when he was,
going through, not the beginningof school, but say grade six,
five, six, seven, somewhere inthere.
Looking back, there's definitelysigns.
But I, as a mother wasprotective and I did not see the
(09:56):
signs and my husband's like, weneed to get James tested.
And I was resistant because Ididn't want anything to be
wrong.
And, and this is the interestingthing.
There's nothing wrong with aperson who has ADHD, right?
It's learning how to work withtheir strength and to appreciate
(10:16):
their weaknesses.
So, I have to say that I reallyresisted the process of getting
him tested.
And part of what started to fallapart, was I am always make
homemade meals.
So nutrition is a major driverof behavior.
(10:37):
So when you eat better, yourbrain functions better, right?
You don't get the highs and lowsof sugar drops, etc.
And when you are physicallyactive, you also are able to use
that extra energy.
And so what happened is in aboutgrade 7, grade 8, there was too
much sitting in the classroom.
(10:57):
His sports kind of took a littlebit of a, a downturn and you
could really start to see someof this.
energy that, that was going inthe wrong direction, right?
Getting in trouble more.
So that was kind of like a redflag.
And then it's very challengingto get help.
(11:19):
I live in Canada.
There was no free way to assessJames.
A lot of people that couldassess him.
It was, a very lengthy process.
their waiting lists were solong, but it got to the point
where I was like, I have to findsomebody.
Now, this is probably aboutgrade 9 grade 10.
And so somebody took us on to doall the testing and that kind of
(11:42):
thing, because it was reallyinterfering with his school at
this point.
And with his behavior, likeimpulsivity, not thinking
through things, he's a boy.
And even though he was active,it just probably wasn't enough.
Then you start to have your peerinfluence on there.
So anyway, he was finallydiagnosed with ADHD and it kind
(12:06):
of just went, Oh my gosh, now wehave answers.
So I have to say that inhindsight, I probably should
have done it.
much younger.
But I would also say that it'snot like you just call up a
doctor and say, I need my sontested.
It's a, it's a very complicated,lengthy process to find
somebody.
(12:26):
And it's a lot of money.
It's not 200, like it'sthousands of dollars.
That's also, not working in alot of people's favor to have
the test done.
we had it done though, it helpedto cool the family dynamics.
Because my husband thought hewas lazy and unmotivated, and I
was trying to say like, he'snot, that's just part of this
(12:49):
behavior.
So it helped to reduce somefamily tension, and it helped
James, it gave him confidencethat he now knew that there was
nothing wrong with him.
That this was just part of howhe was functioning, and then how
could we help him in an educatedway?
I think it's the best way to saythis without berating him.
(13:09):
So that was, that was veryuseful.
Megs (13:11):
thank you for sharing about being hesitant to find out
first, because I think a lot ofparents still feel that way.
And the more people talk aboutADHD and it being something that
you can work with instead ofagainst, so many moms and dads
are so afraid of what thatdiagnosis could mean for their
child.
(13:32):
And so in your opinion, based onhaving waited and knowing what
that feels like, and then havinggotten it done in high school,
what would you say to thosepeople who might be listening
and who are afraid of thatdiagnosis?
Tanya (13:45):
Well, I would say that after we got the diagnosis, it
really like calmed everythingdown in the house.
So my husband and I are verydriven, so it was very
frustrating.
And so that frustration comesout in, you're lazy.
Do more and as the psychologistor the lady who did the report,
who is very nice and said, whywould he want to get out of bed
(14:08):
and do something when it's justconstantly going to be berated?
I was also very hesitant aboutmedication because my strong
belief is that you can really doa lot of lifestyle, but there's
also a time and a place wherewhen you're dealing with
teenagers, like I have morecontrol when they're smaller,
(14:28):
when, when they becometeenagers, you don't have as
much control over their diet.
Right.
So, he decided to take somemedication but really used it on
an as needed basis and allowedhim to understand because
there's negative side effectswith medication.
Right?
And so he would start to seethose negative side effects of
(14:49):
losing his appetite, not beingable to sleep.
And he didn't want those thingshappening all the time.
So he really started tounderstand, I need it when I'm
going into an exam.
I need it when I need to study.
So again, really tapping intothat internal dialogue with the
body as opposed to justsomething he takes all the time.
So I'm glad that he did that andhe found a way to do that on his
(15:11):
own.
And because we got thediagnosis, because if you didn't
have the diagnosis, you can'tget extra time on exams.
So getting that diagnosis,Allowed him to get time and a
half on an exam.
So he would go into his examsfeeling way less pressure
because we all know that whenyou're pressured, you don't
(15:34):
think properly.
And then when you have ADHD,you're already having some
issues with focus and trying tostay on task.
So just knowing that he hadthis, he was able to just be
like, okay, I've got the time.
this was, you know, 12 years agowhere the landscape was not like
(15:55):
it is today.
It wasn't talked about.
There wasn't a lot of education,even though it's existed for a
long time.
Like my father.
He just constantly got introuble constantly.
And I got in trouble a lot inschool too.
I was a very smart child, butfidgety can't sit still.
So when I look back and I lookat when I was at a desk job, I
(16:17):
literally had an emotional,physical break.
I completely went unconscious inthe office.
Like I had ambulances come.
So when I look back, I'm like,I, my body is not meant to sit
still.
It's not in my DNA to sit still.
So I think it's really importantthat we understand that there's
(16:37):
nothing wrong with us.
That this is how we're built andhow do we use those strengths
and school you're sitting somuch, it is not
Megs (16:49):
Yeah.
Tanya (16:50):
conducive to a lot of children who need to learn and
move.
So I think there's a lot of, offactors that when, when we start
to understand, we can start to,um, With Children as opposed to
calling them troublemakers andforcing them into a, you know, a
square peg when they're a roundobjects.
Megs (17:12):
You hit the nail on the head.
And you hit the, the square pegand the round hole on the head
because
Tanya (17:18):
go.
Megs (17:18):
you can't put us in a box.
None of us fit in a box.
And there are schools out there,but a lot of it is non
traditional schools, non publicschools where you have to pay a
lot of money for kids to get thesupport they need with ADHD.
And really, it's more aboutallowing kids to have the
freedom to move their bodies sothat they can come back and
(17:39):
learn in a classroom becausethey've moved their bodies.
Enough to let it all out so thatthey can sit again so that they
have enough dopamine now toallow them to focus on the task
at hand versus forcing them tosit and try to pay attention.
I know that I used to sit inclass and I would, I would fall
asleep.
I would be so exhausted becauseI couldn't possibly focus on
(18:02):
what was going on.
It wasn't that it wasn'tinteresting.
It's just that it wasn't mypassion and there's so much now
that I look back on.
That I say, Oh, oh, there weresigns.
There were definitely signs.
Tanya (18:14):
Yeah.
Megs (18:14):
Oh, thank you for sharing so much of that.
And you had mentioned you'relistening to the podcast as
well, and something that I'vetalked about on here is I've
struggled with eating disordersmy whole life, whether it was
binge eating because I was boredand needed comfort, or it was
completely depriving myself withanorexia and or bulimia and I
(18:37):
now know that this is such acommon thing amongst women with
ADHD and oftentimes it's becausewe're lacking something that we
don't realize we're lacking andwe're looking for these external
forces to fulfill a need.
And I know that you work with alot of women who have gone
through eating disorders and youhave had one yourself.
(18:57):
Can you tell us a little bitabout your journey?
Tanya (18:59):
Yes.
Again.
Hindsight is a wonderful thing.
So,
Megs (19:03):
yes.
Tanya (19:04):
know 35 plus years ago, I was bulimic, I was binge eating.
And I mean, if I tell you what Iate, you're a former binger.
So, you know, some people justcan't believe like you sit down,
you can eat an entire pie,entire tub of ice cream, then
you follow it up with home bakedcookies.
It doesn't stop.
(19:24):
It's just now what I understandis that, that dopamine, the
molecule of more, I didn'tunderstand dopamine's role,
right?
I didn't understand thismolecule of more.
And so it was always like 1cookie, like 4 cookies, like 8
cookies, like to 20 cookies.
And then you are in this cycleof hating yourself and what's
(19:45):
the matter with me?
And, and it's a horrible placethat I was in until my mid
thirties, because even in my midthirties, I'm in my mid fifties
now.
There was none of what we weretalking about.
So I had no answers.
And so you're always thinking,what's the matter with me?
I'm weak.
(20:05):
I don't have willpower, right?
Like, and so you're constantly.
berating yourself and you'relike, okay, on Monday, I'm going
to stop this.
Well, we know that doesn't work.
Right.
And so there was a lot of sugarconsumption.
And again, you know, I tellpeople it wasn't broccoli and
carrots, it's high sugar, highcarb, because your brain is
(20:30):
looking for that hit.
And it doesn't get the same hitoff of broccoli, right?
And so now,
Megs (20:37):
wish.
Tanya (20:39):
in my thirties, I had just had children and I don't
know what happened to me, butyou know, you have children, you
want to look after yourchildren.
You want them to be healthier.
The internet was coming in more,but I, I honestly didn't really
look at a computer being amother.
until I would say they wereabout eight.
(21:01):
I mean, that is not that longago.
That's 12 years ago.
So I lived in the dark for along time of not having this
information.
And then it took years for me tolike put all these pieces
together.
And what happened was havingchildren, I wanted them to be
healthy.
And then I would starting tolook into how food impacts us
and how it impacts our thoughts.
(21:22):
I would make cookies on a,Sunday night, I would send them
to school with cookies and theywould come home and they'd be
like, can I have some cookies?
And I'd eaten them all.
And so then I had to really,that level of awareness that I
had actually eaten them allreally started to get me to ask
questions.
So, you know, in my book, cookiedough in the dark, I really talk
(21:43):
about the journey of letting goof diet mentality, And really
embracing courage and compassionand curiosity.
And when I started to acceptthis as a journey, rather than
trying to get from the bottom ofthe mountain to the top of the
mountain, my whole life changed.
And I really just started tohave compassion for myself and
(22:04):
still did not understanddopamine.
Didn't even know what dopaminewas still did not.
know any of this stuff, right?
But I just started to ask myselfquestions, give myself grace.
Why was I doing that?
What was I feeling?
And just through years of doingthis, I just started to unwind.
(22:25):
So many habits and societalprogramming and the normalizing
of sugar and I still eat sugar.
I still do all those things, butit's, it's very different to how
I used to do it.
And then when you read that alot of people with ADHD have
these tendencies.
I look back and I'm like, Oh mygosh, like I had no self
(22:48):
control.
I had no self regulation.
I binged.
And the other thing that I teachwomen, I was never taught,
Megs (22:58):
Yeah.
Tanya (22:59):
taught how to self regulate ever, the first episode
of my menopause made easypodcast is stop falling for the
shiny stars.
You need to look inward andyou've got to embrace the
journey and have fun with thejourney.
and realize there's nothingwrong with you.
(23:19):
It's just that you need to starttweaking things and food is not
going to fix the problem.
So there's definitely a lot ofwork that I have done, but I'm
so grateful that.
I know the knowledge.
I know the things that havehelped me and I know how to help
other women and I don't dealwith women who have anorexia or
(23:39):
bulimia.
I deal with just the the bingeeating, right?
Like, really?
Then the nighttime eating theconstant snacking because you
have not learned how to regulateyourself.
You are eating because you'refrustrated.
You're bored.
You're overwhelmed.
You're stressed.
How can you start to deal withthose things without eating
them?
Megs (23:59):
Yeah.
What I find so interesting aboutwhat you've done is that It
wasn't that you found out youhad ADHD and all of these things
started happening and then youstarted to, you know, figure out
what worked in your life.
It wasn't about just making aquick change and saying, well,
this is what I'm going to dofrom now on.
It was that you took a step backto notice a pattern of things
(24:22):
that you were doing and then youfound a system or a solution
that worked in your life thatcould create the healthy
lifestyle that you were lookingfor.
And I say this because I wastalking to my mother in law the
other day, and we were justtalking about just the age of
social media and what we havenow that we never had then.
Even though I'm a millennial, wedidn't have social media really
(24:43):
until I was out of high school,thank goodness, but then things
changed.
Now we're inundated with so muchinformation that you have to try
not to be influenced by cuttingoff the entire world if you
don't want to be.
But people with ADHD that nevergot diagnosed.
And it could be anyone outthere.
They created these systems tomake their life easier without
(25:07):
even knowing.
And that's typically what peopledo.
I mean, even looking back on somany of the things that I did in
college or in high school, Ichose to create a different
world for myself, rules withwhich I could live by, even
though the rest of the worldwasn't living by them, but so
that I could find ways tothrive.
And now, of course, knowing somuch more, we can do so much
(25:30):
more with that information, butit is so fascinating.
To see these people who havelived their whole lives, not
knowing, but still working in away as if they did know, right?
They didn't formally know, butthey created a process to do.
And now we have so muchinformation that we can say,
See, that is why I created thissolution.
This is why it works.
(25:50):
Because of all of thisunderlying information and this
juicy stuff we now have to graspand to build upon.
So I love that you're doing thatbecause I hated diet culture.
Oh my gosh, it was the worst.
I felt like I was always on adifferent diet.
I always had to be low fat or,or no fat or no carbs, or it was
(26:11):
one or the other.
And then it was just sofrustrating because I felt like
I had to beat myself up.
And that is the, the cyclical.
world I was in.
I would, I would binge eat, Iwould talk to myself as if I was
the biggest asshole in the
Tanya (26:27):
Yeah,
Megs (26:28):
and then I would do it again as if I thought that that
was going to change things.
I now know much differently,but, you know, I think it just
comes back to what you had saidabout Your son and, and them
saying, like, if he's just goingto get berated all day long, why
would he get out of bed?
You know, and if I'm going tobeat myself up all day long, why
(26:49):
would I try anything different?
Because I'm not taking care ofthe body that I'm in by being
kind to it.
Tanya (26:56):
the one thing I really try to what I did with myself,
what I do with my clients is.
To look inward.
So we really talk about buildinga healthy toolbox.
There's not one thing that willfix you.
It's how do you notice, like yousaid, which I did, like notice
my habits, notice when I'mreacting, how can I use these
(27:18):
tools, which I basicallycreated, like you're saying,
created because I didn't havethe internet.
I didn't have.
You know, it's reallyinteresting when you say you're
an organizer, because for mywhole life, my closet has been
very organized and I canremember in high school, all the
red, all the green, all like mycolors, it was color
(27:41):
coordinated, or now I have allthe skirts, all the tops, all
the, and if it's out of order,it really messes with my head.
My husband says I'm a horriblehousekeeper, but I am a very
good organizer because when thedrawers are organized, like all
the things people can'tnecessarily see.
But when my drawers areorganized, when my closets are
(28:02):
organized, I have so much morepeace within me and not that I
live in a messy house, but he'slike, you do not know how to
clean a floor properly.
And I'm like, I personally don'tcare about the floor.
That's why I don't.
But closets, come check out mycloset.
Megs (28:18):
I
Tanya (28:19):
but I can remember that must have been soothing to me.
to have that without me reallyunderstanding it.
And this is why this is just mypersonal opinion, you know,
because my doctor said, youcould try ADHD medication.
And I said, you know what?
I don't know who I'd be.
Like, I actually love myself.
(28:39):
I'm okay with my quirks.
Maybe if I was younger and inschool or something would be
different.
But I'm like, you know what?
I, I don't feel the need toexplore that option.
But as you know, when we're inperimenopause and our hormones
are changing, this is why we'reseeing a lot of women that are
(29:02):
now being diagnosed with ADHDbecause of the chemicals
changing, how it affects ourbrain, we can't deal with
anxiety the same, and all thisstuff.
And so I am exploring hormones.
I've really had a struggle withthis.
And she's like, Tonya, I get it.
I understand your strugglebecause women come in here and
(29:23):
I'm like the person that if Ican't fix it, I feel.
Like medication is a crutch, butI'm also like, it's not for all
people.
So that's not where I'm going.
Cause for some people it's verynecessary.
I'm always just the person whois like, how can I do the
lifestyle and then use it as a,as a tool in my toolbox?
(29:45):
So that's something I'mexploring right now.
As opposed to ADHD medication,where I have been talking to
some of my friends and likewomen who are going through
menopause and they have exploredsome ADHD medication.
And for some people it works forsome it doesn't.
So, you know, I just say if, if,if you're willing to try it, see
(30:10):
how it makes you feel, but alsoexplore hormones, which I think
for some may be a bettersolution.
Megs (30:17):
I think you hit the nail on the head again.
It's just about finding whatworks for you.
I started taking ADHDmedication, but because there
was so much negativity aroundit, I found that I stopped
taking it because I didn't wantto be a part of that negativity
bias, but then I wasn'tfunctioning as well as I could
(30:39):
have been.
So I decided to reframe mymindset around it and just
accept that this is the rightthing for me, but doesn't have
to be my full time thing.
And I was talking to a friend ofmine who just uses supplements
for her ADHD, and that worksreally well for her.
And then what we found bytalking together, this is one of
(31:00):
my podcast episodes, I think inthe beginning, like the third or
fourth episode, we found thatboth her supplements and my ADHD
medication didn't work the weekbefore our cycle.
And so I then started trackingmy cycle and tracking the
different ways that I feltbecause Research shows that ADHD
(31:23):
and the symptoms associated withit, how your brain function
changes based on where a womanis at in her cycle.
And another thing that we fallvictim to is just the fact that
most ADHD medications,medications in general out there
in the world are tested on menand not on women and not on our
cycles.
And while men have a 24 hourhormone cycle, we have a 28 day
(31:47):
hormone cycle, which isnaturally.
Going to show up different andso that's why I love the idea of
figuring out what works for youbecause your body and the
chemistry that makes you up isgoing to be different than
anyone else's and you work withthe doctor right?
Find what works for you andfigure out what's going to make
(32:08):
sense because in the end, yougot to figure it out for you,
not for the world.
Tanya (32:13):
I think it's important through your podcast, my
podcast, and there's definitelymore education out there is you
really need to be the CEO ofyour own house.
You
Megs (32:22):
I love
Tanya (32:23):
need, like, I love how you said, like, you became
curious, you noticed, and thenyou're talking with your friend
and you're like, Oh my gosh, theweek before my period, this
isn't working.
That's really interesting.
Right.
And then you, you collect dataon yourself.
And so I think it's great thatyou're tracking your period and
your cycle, which is reallyimportant.
So if there's there, if thereare women who aren't doing that,
(32:44):
I think it's something to startdoing.
And then you also do like asymptom diary to see how you're
feeling, because you Like yousaid, men have a 24 hour clock.
Most medications have beentested on men because women are
too complicated.
Now, this is starting to change.
So, maybe it is pulsing in themedication and then pulsing it
(33:04):
out.
Because what I teach at BalancedMenopausal Plate, you don't eat
the same 28 days in a row.
You pulse into different foodsand out to help with your
hormones to keep them balanced.
There's not a lot of peopletalking about this.
Megs (33:19):
Tanya, it's been so nice chatting with you.
Thank you for all the advice andthe love and the stories.
Thanks for joining us.
MacBook Pro Microphone- (33:27):
Thanks so much for tuning into this
week's episode.
One of the things that reallystood out to me was when she was
talking about her son.
And how her mother noticed thathe was hyperactive, but she
never noticed because that's whoshe is.
Hilariously when I first gotdiagnosed with ADHD, I was like,
(33:47):
there's absolutely no way.
There's no way that I could havegone my whole life.
Without realizing that this is apart of my life.
I remember saying to mytherapist, doesn't everyone's
brain work like this.
And she's like, no.
And that was mind boggling tome.
So just really interesting.
And it's so great that we'rehaving these conversations
(34:09):
because it just helps us relateto so much more.
It was also interesting learningabout the process of getting her
son diagnosed and how expensiveit can be even in Canada.
It can be so expensive in thestates, understanding how to get
a diagnosis, where to get adiagnosis.
I know for my daughters, therewas a really long wait list.
(34:31):
And at the end, the cost wasover$2,000 each to get the
diagnosis.
And so.
It's interesting because.
On one hand, You can just acceptthat that is what's happening.
But then on the other hand, shewas talking about her son
getting extended time on tests,based on his diagnosis.
(34:53):
And that would requireadditional paperwork.
And so there's benefits to thatas well, but it is a pretty
fascinating experience becausethere are so many people seeking
that diagnosis who need the helpwho need it written down from a
doctor.
But don't necessarily have themeans with which to do so right
now.
And so if you're in that boat, Isee you.
I just want you to know thatyou're not alone.
(35:15):
And there are other ways to workwith your ADHD aside from
medication.
And of course, aside from thoseadditional steps that you can
get through the school.
No matter what, keep reachingout to the professionals out
there.
It's so important.
I say this at the end of everypodcast episode, if you listen
through at the end, Is that I'mnot a doctor.
Tanya is not a doctor.
(35:36):
We're here more coaching peopleon how to live their life a
little bit differently.
But when it comes to medicine,that's a youth thing and that's
a you and your doctor thing,right?
They're going to make therecommendations based on you.
And you're going to figure outwhat works best in your life.
As I said earlier, My communityfor organizing an ADHD brain is
officially underway.
(35:57):
I'm so excited to be having somedelicious conversations outside
of the podcast.
And in the event that thispodcast ever has additional ads
in it.
You will always get an ad-freeversion of the podcast in the
membership as well.
Aside from that there's regularbody doubling sessions, a group
(36:17):
coaching session.
And a quarterly declutteringsession.
Come join the community.
if you would prefer some moreone-on-one coaching support.
I do have one additional slotavailable in the month of
February.
I would love for you to join meso that we can start to make
some bigger changes in your lifewhere you're letting go of the
(36:38):
clutter.
And getting more clear on whatyou want as far as organization
goes And understanding yourbrain at the same time.
All of the information for thatis in the show notes.
MacBook Pro Microphone-2 (36:49):
I didn't give a ton of warning for
this, but this week concludesthe very first season of
organizing an ADHD brain.
Stay tuned for next week'sepisode or I launch season two.
And we talk about so much morewhen it comes to organizing
ADHD.
(37:09):
And understanding how your brainis incredible.
And.
there's so much that you canconquer, especially when you
eliminate the clutter from yourlife.
Hey, beautiful people.
(00:00):
Welcome to another episode oforganizing the ADHD brain.
If you're new here.
Welcome.
I'm super excited that you'vejoined us.
Today's episode is actually notgoing to be too much about
organization, but I want to tellyou how it's going to relate.
And of course, if you arereturning back after tuning in
for so many weeks in a row,welcome back.
I'm so honored that you're hereAnd thanks for supporting the
(00:22):
podcast.
My guest today is Tonya Willisand she's the host of Menopause
made easy She also wrote thebook cookie dough in the dark
and founder of the vibrantliving academy and the midlife
reboot.
I really liked our conversationbecause we talked about on
trigger warning here.
We talked a lot about bulemiaeating disorders, anorexia.
(00:44):
We talked about her son'sdiagnosis for ADHD and what that
was like.
Realizing that she had ADHD aswell.
I think a lot of my listenerscan relate to.
Finding out about their ADHDwhile getting their kids
diagnosed, One of the thingsthat she brings up today is
talking about her son.
Getting a diagnosis and shementioned, why would he get out
(01:07):
of bed?
If he's just going to get toldthat he's lazy.
And when it comes to organizing,so many of us have been beat up
for so long about all the stuffthat we have, and then not being
able to find this stuff.
People saying couldn't you justget organized?
Why don't you hire an organizer?
Or why don't you spend thisamount of time and just do it
(01:27):
one weekend.
It's not as easy as that.
Right.
We know that.
And that's why you're tuning intoday.
But we do need praise researchshows that when people praise us
for the things that we aredoing, we are more likely to
show up again and do them.
That's why it's important thatwe show up and talk to our
spouses or significant others orour kids in a way that's going
(01:49):
to support them in what they'redoing.
Instead of berating them foreverything that they're doing
wrong, they already know whatthey're doing wrong, and they're
beating themselves up enough forit.
Another way that this interviewrelates to organizing, I see so
many parallels when it comes toeating.
And getting that dopamine hitand looking for a specific
(02:10):
snack, that's going to tastegood versus one.
That's going to fill up yourbody or even going to eat when
you're not hungry.
It's the same.
When we go to buy things, Inoticed so much of when I would
buy something on Amazon or whenI would go to target and do my
holes there.
Oh, I thought that these thingswere going to make my life
(02:31):
better in the moment, butthere's no one thing out there.
That's going to solve yourorganizing issue, not a bin.
As I talked about last week.
there's no one thing out therethat's going to suddenly change
your life.
And what's interesting is nowthat I've been organizing for so
long and letting go of things.
I now see things that I'vebought and I say, Ooh, That's a
(02:54):
good example of something that Iwish I hadn't gotten something
that just doesn't make sense inmy life.
And I bought on a whim because Ithought it was a really fun
idea.
We're going to continue to havethose fun ideas, but it's okay
to start to check in and say,okay, I've bought something like
this before, or is this going toend up being clutter in my home?
(03:14):
Or is this something that'struly going to elevate my life?
And I'm going to use on aregular basis.
But I love the way that shetalks about eating as a journey
versus just trying to get to anend result.
And that is so much of whatorganizing is.
It's not about the end resultbecause.
As soon as you start todeclutter, you're going to start
to see your space in a whole newway, which allows you to live
(03:38):
your life in a whole new way.
This is a journey.
It is not about getting to theend.
And honestly, isn't the end,just dying after all.
I know that's a little morbid,but still it's not about getting
to the end.
And if it is then what does donelook like?
Because if you don't know whatdone looks like.
Then you don't know what journeyyou're on in general.
(03:59):
And that comes back to themanifestation that we've talked
about is like taking those tinyaction steps in the direction of
where we're headed.
The episode today does cut off.
There was more of the interview,but it got cut off based on the
technology that I'm using.
If you are interested in moresupport, but aren't ready to
start coaching.
My membership is now availableand there is a code in the show
(04:21):
notes below podcast.
For you to get$5 off your firstmonth of membership.
This month coming up, we aregoing to be doing two body
doubling sessions, another groupcoaching or Q and a, and so many
other incredible things to come.
I'll see you in the community.
Megs (04:37):
I'm here with Tanya Willis.
I'm so excited to introduce hertoday.
Tanya, tell us a little bitabout who you are.
Tanya (04:45):
My name is Tonya Willis.
I have two boys, they're 21 and22, so they're not boys anymore.
I'm married.
I love dogs.
I love being in nature.
I love cooking and I have beenin the health and wellness space
for over three decades.
I'm very passionate aboutincreasing people's vibrancy and
(05:08):
vitality.
It really is my heart's mission,my soul's purpose to, just
elevate and live our best lives.
So I have dedicated myself tothis arena.
I'm a personal trainer, Pilatesinstructor.
I do foam rolling.
I love fascia.
I'm a big behavioral changecoach.
I wrote a book called cookiedough in the dark.
(05:29):
I help people with.
eating habits.
Oh my gosh, what else do I do?
I have a podcast.
I do so many different things,and I really believe in the
three pillars, which is mindset,movement, and nutrition.
So I have nutritionalcertifications, and so I give a
very well rounded approach tohelping somebody.
That's just a tiny bit about me.
Megs (05:51):
Yeah, a lot about you in a, in a little bit of a nugget.
That's incredible.
Well, it's so nice to meet you.
And I'm curious, how did you getinto the wellness space?
Tanya (06:04):
If anybody could have seen me in public school in high
school, they never would havethought I was an aerobics
instructor or personal traineror anything like this, because I
was the kind of person who, whenthe gym class was on and we had
to play field hockey, I wouldthrow my ball in the marsh.
So that I wouldn't have topartake in running up and down
the field.
(06:24):
I call it the Olympics of life.
So I was never into sports.
I'm not a team sports person,but I did like moving my body.
I loved dancing.
I loved being functionally fit.
I've just carried on throughthat of just really knowing the
importance of of managing mystress and my moods through
(06:49):
exercise.
I don't know how much I realizedthat when I was in public school
and high school, but definitelywhen I was at university, I
would get this desire.
Like, I'm like, I've got to movemy body.
I need to move my body.
I had too much.
energy and the outlet was for meto move.
So after I graduated, I had asitting job and I was just like,
(07:12):
this is not going to be my lifeand basically had anxiety
attacks, breakdown, everythinglike that.
And I started doing my personaltraining.
I started teaching more.
I started training on the side.
I was so happy and then I juststarted to get more into the
eating and I just reallyembraced.
life because you just feel somuch better when you're healthy.
(07:35):
I was sick for a long time witha lot of chronic bronchitis and
you know, we're going to talkabout ADHD, which was
definitely, you know, part of myupbringing, but never had a name
for it.
Although, I have never beenofficially diagnosed.
I, have a dad that has ADHD.
I have a son who has ADHD.
And then my husband looks at meand goes, Oh my gosh, this
(07:57):
explains a lot.
as you can tell from all thethings I do, I'm not focused on
one thing.
because I like to understand howthe whole system works, how your
whole body works, how your mind,your body, your spirit.
And so over the last threedecades, I've really pulled in
the nutrition aspect, the eatingaspect, the habitual aspect,
(08:21):
social aspect, movement, aspect,mindset issues to really be able
to help people move forward.
Megs (08:28):
I love that so much and I think that you're doing it the
right way because I don't reallyfeel like you can have health in
a traditional sense if you'rejust going to the gym.
And you don't have your mind,your body, your experience
around that whole physicalprocess.
I love the idea of learningthrough life and growing through
(08:49):
life and finding what is callingto you and what your body needs
and craving that movement thatyou speak of.
I want to jump into thenutrition, but I want to ask you
a little bit about.
you know, your dad and then yourson.
What has it been like being aparent to a son with ADHD and
not necessarily knowing if youhave it yourself?
Tanya (09:11):
You know, my mother she lives overseas, so she does not
see my children that often, butwhen, when my son was just born,
she was here and then I thinkshe saw him when, he was two and
she's like, he's hyperactivenow.
I'm very high energy, so Ididn't see it because I'm just
have a lot of energy and he hada lot of energy.
(09:34):
I think it was more in theschool time frame when he was,
going through, not the beginningof school, but say grade six,
five, six, seven, somewhere inthere.
Looking back, there's definitelysigns.
But I, as a mother wasprotective and I did not see the
(09:56):
signs and my husband's like, weneed to get James tested.
And I was resistant because Ididn't want anything to be
wrong.
And, and this is the interestingthing.
There's nothing wrong with aperson who has ADHD, right?
It's learning how to work withtheir strength and to appreciate
(10:16):
their weaknesses.
So, I have to say that I reallyresisted the process of getting
him tested.
And part of what started to fallapart, was I am always make
homemade meals.
So nutrition is a major driverof behavior.
(10:37):
So when you eat better, yourbrain functions better, right?
You don't get the highs and lowsof sugar drops, etc.
And when you are physicallyactive, you also are able to use
that extra energy.
And so what happened is in aboutgrade 7, grade 8, there was too
much sitting in the classroom.
(10:57):
His sports kind of took a littlebit of a, a downturn and you
could really start to see someof this.
energy that, that was going inthe wrong direction, right?
Getting in trouble more.
So that was kind of like a redflag.
And then it's very challengingto get help.
(11:19):
I live in Canada.
There was no free way to assessJames.
A lot of people that couldassess him.
It was, a very lengthy process.
their waiting lists were solong, but it got to the point
where I was like, I have to findsomebody.
Now, this is probably aboutgrade 9 grade 10.
And so somebody took us on to doall the testing and that kind of
(11:42):
thing, because it was reallyinterfering with his school at
this point.
And with his behavior, likeimpulsivity, not thinking
through things, he's a boy.
And even though he was active,it just probably wasn't enough.
Then you start to have your peerinfluence on there.
So anyway, he was finallydiagnosed with ADHD and it kind
(12:06):
of just went, Oh my gosh, now wehave answers.
So I have to say that inhindsight, I probably should
have done it.
much younger.
But I would also say that it'snot like you just call up a
doctor and say, I need my sontested.
It's a, it's a very complicated,lengthy process to find
somebody.
(12:26):
And it's a lot of money.
It's not 200, like it'sthousands of dollars.
That's also, not working in alot of people's favor to have
the test done.
we had it done though, it helpedto cool the family dynamics.
Because my husband thought hewas lazy and unmotivated, and I
was trying to say like, he'snot, that's just part of this
(12:49):
behavior.
So it helped to reduce somefamily tension, and it helped
James, it gave him confidencethat he now knew that there was
nothing wrong with him.
That this was just part of howhe was functioning, and then how
could we help him in an educatedway?
I think it's the best way to saythis without berating him.
(13:09):
So that was, that was veryuseful.
Megs (13:11):
thank you for sharing about being hesitant to find out
first, because I think a lot ofparents still feel that way.
And the more people talk aboutADHD and it being something that
you can work with instead ofagainst, so many moms and dads
are so afraid of what thatdiagnosis could mean for their
child.
(13:32):
And so in your opinion, based onhaving waited and knowing what
that feels like, and then havinggotten it done in high school,
what would you say to thosepeople who might be listening
and who are afraid of thatdiagnosis?
Tanya (13:45):
Well, I would say that after we got the diagnosis, it
really like calmed everythingdown in the house.
So my husband and I are verydriven, so it was very
frustrating.
And so that frustration comesout in, you're lazy.
Do more and as the psychologistor the lady who did the report,
who is very nice and said, whywould he want to get out of bed
(14:08):
and do something when it's justconstantly going to be berated?
I was also very hesitant aboutmedication because my strong
belief is that you can really doa lot of lifestyle, but there's
also a time and a place wherewhen you're dealing with
teenagers, like I have morecontrol when they're smaller,
(14:28):
when, when they becometeenagers, you don't have as
much control over their diet.
Right.
So, he decided to take somemedication but really used it on
an as needed basis and allowedhim to understand because
there's negative side effectswith medication.
Right?
And so he would start to seethose negative side effects of
(14:49):
losing his appetite, not beingable to sleep.
And he didn't want those thingshappening all the time.
So he really started tounderstand, I need it when I'm
going into an exam.
I need it when I need to study.
So again, really tapping intothat internal dialogue with the
body as opposed to justsomething he takes all the time.
So I'm glad that he did that andhe found a way to do that on his
(15:11):
own.
And because we got thediagnosis, because if you didn't
have the diagnosis, you can'tget extra time on exams.
So getting that diagnosis,Allowed him to get time and a
half on an exam.
So he would go into his examsfeeling way less pressure
because we all know that whenyou're pressured, you don't
(15:34):
think properly.
And then when you have ADHD,you're already having some
issues with focus and trying tostay on task.
So just knowing that he hadthis, he was able to just be
like, okay, I've got the time.
this was, you know, 12 years agowhere the landscape was not like
(15:55):
it is today.
It wasn't talked about.
There wasn't a lot of education,even though it's existed for a
long time.
Like my father.
He just constantly got introuble constantly.
And I got in trouble a lot inschool too.
I was a very smart child, butfidgety can't sit still.
So when I look back and I lookat when I was at a desk job, I
(16:17):
literally had an emotional,physical break.
I completely went unconscious inthe office.
Like I had ambulances come.
So when I look back, I'm like,I, my body is not meant to sit
still.
It's not in my DNA to sit still.
So I think it's really importantthat we understand that there's
(16:37):
nothing wrong with us.
That this is how we're built andhow do we use those strengths
and school you're sitting somuch, it is not
Megs (16:49):
Yeah.
Tanya (16:50):
conducive to a lot of children who need to learn and
move.
So I think there's a lot of, offactors that when, when we start
to understand, we can start to,um, With Children as opposed to
calling them troublemakers andforcing them into a, you know, a
square peg when they're a roundobjects.
Megs (17:12):
You hit the nail on the head.
And you hit the, the square pegand the round hole on the head
because
Tanya (17:18):
go.
Megs (17:18):
you can't put us in a box.
None of us fit in a box.
And there are schools out there,but a lot of it is non
traditional schools, non publicschools where you have to pay a
lot of money for kids to get thesupport they need with ADHD.
And really, it's more aboutallowing kids to have the
freedom to move their bodies sothat they can come back and
(17:39):
learn in a classroom becausethey've moved their bodies.
Enough to let it all out so thatthey can sit again so that they
have enough dopamine now toallow them to focus on the task
at hand versus forcing them tosit and try to pay attention.
I know that I used to sit inclass and I would, I would fall
asleep.
I would be so exhausted becauseI couldn't possibly focus on
(18:02):
what was going on.
It wasn't that it wasn'tinteresting.
It's just that it wasn't mypassion and there's so much now
that I look back on.
That I say, Oh, oh, there weresigns.
There were definitely signs.
Tanya (18:14):
Yeah.
Megs (18:14):
Oh, thank you for sharing so much of that.
And you had mentioned you'relistening to the podcast as
well, and something that I'vetalked about on here is I've
struggled with eating disordersmy whole life, whether it was
binge eating because I was boredand needed comfort, or it was
completely depriving myself withanorexia and or bulimia and I
(18:37):
now know that this is such acommon thing amongst women with
ADHD and oftentimes it's becausewe're lacking something that we
don't realize we're lacking andwe're looking for these external
forces to fulfill a need.
And I know that you work with alot of women who have gone
through eating disorders and youhave had one yourself.
(18:57):
Can you tell us a little bitabout your journey?
Tanya (18:59):
Yes.
Again.
Hindsight is a wonderful thing.
So,
Megs (19:03):
yes.
Tanya (19:04):
know 35 plus years ago, I was bulimic, I was binge eating.
And I mean, if I tell you what Iate, you're a former binger.
So, you know, some people justcan't believe like you sit down,
you can eat an entire pie,entire tub of ice cream, then
you follow it up with home bakedcookies.
It doesn't stop.
(19:24):
It's just now what I understandis that, that dopamine, the
molecule of more, I didn'tunderstand dopamine's role,
right?
I didn't understand thismolecule of more.
And so it was always like 1cookie, like 4 cookies, like 8
cookies, like to 20 cookies.
And then you are in this cycleof hating yourself and what's
(19:45):
the matter with me?
And, and it's a horrible placethat I was in until my mid
thirties, because even in my midthirties, I'm in my mid fifties
now.
There was none of what we weretalking about.
So I had no answers.
And so you're always thinking,what's the matter with me?
I'm weak.
(20:05):
I don't have willpower, right?
Like, and so you're constantly.
berating yourself and you'relike, okay, on Monday, I'm going
to stop this.
Well, we know that doesn't work.
Right.
And so there was a lot of sugarconsumption.
And again, you know, I tellpeople it wasn't broccoli and
carrots, it's high sugar, highcarb, because your brain is
(20:30):
looking for that hit.
And it doesn't get the same hitoff of broccoli, right?
And so now,
Megs (20:37):
wish.
Tanya (20:39):
in my thirties, I had just had children and I don't
know what happened to me, butyou know, you have children, you
want to look after yourchildren.
You want them to be healthier.
The internet was coming in more,but I, I honestly didn't really
look at a computer being amother.
until I would say they wereabout eight.
(21:01):
I mean, that is not that longago.
That's 12 years ago.
So I lived in the dark for along time of not having this
information.
And then it took years for me tolike put all these pieces
together.
And what happened was havingchildren, I wanted them to be
healthy.
And then I would starting tolook into how food impacts us
and how it impacts our thoughts.
(21:22):
I would make cookies on a,Sunday night, I would send them
to school with cookies and theywould come home and they'd be
like, can I have some cookies?
And I'd eaten them all.
And so then I had to really,that level of awareness that I
had actually eaten them allreally started to get me to ask
questions.
So, you know, in my book, cookiedough in the dark, I really talk
(21:43):
about the journey of letting goof diet mentality, And really
embracing courage and compassionand curiosity.
And when I started to acceptthis as a journey, rather than
trying to get from the bottom ofthe mountain to the top of the
mountain, my whole life changed.
And I really just started tohave compassion for myself and
(22:04):
still did not understanddopamine.
Didn't even know what dopaminewas still did not.
know any of this stuff, right?
But I just started to ask myselfquestions, give myself grace.
Why was I doing that?
What was I feeling?
And just through years of doingthis, I just started to unwind.
(22:25):
So many habits and societalprogramming and the normalizing
of sugar and I still eat sugar.
I still do all those things, butit's, it's very different to how
I used to do it.
And then when you read that alot of people with ADHD have
these tendencies.
I look back and I'm like, Oh mygosh, like I had no self
(22:48):
control.
I had no self regulation.
I binged.
And the other thing that I teachwomen, I was never taught,
Megs (22:58):
Yeah.
Tanya (22:59):
taught how to self regulate ever, the first episode
of my menopause made easypodcast is stop falling for the
shiny stars.
You need to look inward andyou've got to embrace the
journey and have fun with thejourney.
and realize there's nothingwrong with you.
(23:19):
It's just that you need to starttweaking things and food is not
going to fix the problem.
So there's definitely a lot ofwork that I have done, but I'm
so grateful that.
I know the knowledge.
I know the things that havehelped me and I know how to help
other women and I don't dealwith women who have anorexia or
(23:39):
bulimia.
I deal with just the the bingeeating, right?
Like, really?
Then the nighttime eating theconstant snacking because you
have not learned how to regulateyourself.
You are eating because you'refrustrated.
You're bored.
You're overwhelmed.
You're stressed.
How can you start to deal withthose things without eating
them?
Megs (23:59):
Yeah.
What I find so interesting aboutwhat you've done is that It
wasn't that you found out youhad ADHD and all of these things
started happening and then youstarted to, you know, figure out
what worked in your life.
It wasn't about just making aquick change and saying, well,
this is what I'm going to dofrom now on.
It was that you took a step backto notice a pattern of things
(24:22):
that you were doing and then youfound a system or a solution
that worked in your life thatcould create the healthy
lifestyle that you were lookingfor.
And I say this because I wastalking to my mother in law the
other day, and we were justtalking about just the age of
social media and what we havenow that we never had then.
Even though I'm a millennial, wedidn't have social media really
(24:43):
until I was out of high school,thank goodness, but then things
changed.
Now we're inundated with so muchinformation that you have to try
not to be influenced by cuttingoff the entire world if you
don't want to be.
But people with ADHD that nevergot diagnosed.
And it could be anyone outthere.
They created these systems tomake their life easier without
(25:07):
even knowing.
And that's typically what peopledo.
I mean, even looking back on somany of the things that I did in
college or in high school, Ichose to create a different
world for myself, rules withwhich I could live by, even
though the rest of the worldwasn't living by them, but so
that I could find ways tothrive.
And now, of course, knowing somuch more, we can do so much
(25:30):
more with that information, butit is so fascinating.
To see these people who havelived their whole lives, not
knowing, but still working in away as if they did know, right?
They didn't formally know, butthey created a process to do.
And now we have so muchinformation that we can say,
See, that is why I created thissolution.
This is why it works.
(25:50):
Because of all of thisunderlying information and this
juicy stuff we now have to graspand to build upon.
So I love that you're doing thatbecause I hated diet culture.
Oh my gosh, it was the worst.
I felt like I was always on adifferent diet.
I always had to be low fat or,or no fat or no carbs, or it was
(26:11):
one or the other.
And then it was just sofrustrating because I felt like
I had to beat myself up.
And that is the, the cyclical.
world I was in.
I would, I would binge eat, Iwould talk to myself as if I was
the biggest asshole in the
Tanya (26:27):
Yeah,
Megs (26:28):
and then I would do it again as if I thought that that
was going to change things.
I now know much differently,but, you know, I think it just
comes back to what you had saidabout Your son and, and them
saying, like, if he's just goingto get berated all day long, why
would he get out of bed?
You know, and if I'm going tobeat myself up all day long, why
(26:49):
would I try anything different?
Because I'm not taking care ofthe body that I'm in by being
kind to it.
Tanya (26:56):
the one thing I really try to what I did with myself,
what I do with my clients is.
To look inward.
So we really talk about buildinga healthy toolbox.
There's not one thing that willfix you.
It's how do you notice, like yousaid, which I did, like notice
my habits, notice when I'mreacting, how can I use these
(27:18):
tools, which I basicallycreated, like you're saying,
created because I didn't havethe internet.
I didn't have.
You know, it's reallyinteresting when you say you're
an organizer, because for mywhole life, my closet has been
very organized and I canremember in high school, all the
red, all the green, all like mycolors, it was color
(27:41):
coordinated, or now I have allthe skirts, all the tops, all
the, and if it's out of order,it really messes with my head.
My husband says I'm a horriblehousekeeper, but I am a very
good organizer because when thedrawers are organized, like all
the things people can'tnecessarily see.
But when my drawers areorganized, when my closets are
(28:02):
organized, I have so much morepeace within me and not that I
live in a messy house, but he'slike, you do not know how to
clean a floor properly.
And I'm like, I personally don'tcare about the floor.
That's why I don't.
But closets, come check out mycloset.
Megs (28:18):
I
Tanya (28:19):
but I can remember that must have been soothing to me.
to have that without me reallyunderstanding it.
And this is why this is just mypersonal opinion, you know,
because my doctor said, youcould try ADHD medication.
And I said, you know what?
I don't know who I'd be.
Like, I actually love myself.
(28:39):
I'm okay with my quirks.
Maybe if I was younger and inschool or something would be
different.
But I'm like, you know what?
I, I don't feel the need toexplore that option.
But as you know, when we're inperimenopause and our hormones
are changing, this is why we'reseeing a lot of women that are
(29:02):
now being diagnosed with ADHDbecause of the chemicals
changing, how it affects ourbrain, we can't deal with
anxiety the same, and all thisstuff.
And so I am exploring hormones.
I've really had a struggle withthis.
And she's like, Tonya, I get it.
I understand your strugglebecause women come in here and
(29:23):
I'm like the person that if Ican't fix it, I feel.
Like medication is a crutch, butI'm also like, it's not for all
people.
So that's not where I'm going.
Cause for some people it's verynecessary.
I'm always just the person whois like, how can I do the
lifestyle and then use it as a,as a tool in my toolbox?
(29:45):
So that's something I'mexploring right now.
As opposed to ADHD medication,where I have been talking to
some of my friends and likewomen who are going through
menopause and they have exploredsome ADHD medication.
And for some people it works forsome it doesn't.
So, you know, I just say if, if,if you're willing to try it, see
(30:10):
how it makes you feel, but alsoexplore hormones, which I think
for some may be a bettersolution.
Megs (30:17):
I think you hit the nail on the head again.
It's just about finding whatworks for you.
I started taking ADHDmedication, but because there
was so much negativity aroundit, I found that I stopped
taking it because I didn't wantto be a part of that negativity
bias, but then I wasn'tfunctioning as well as I could
(30:39):
have been.
So I decided to reframe mymindset around it and just
accept that this is the rightthing for me, but doesn't have
to be my full time thing.
And I was talking to a friend ofmine who just uses supplements
for her ADHD, and that worksreally well for her.
And then what we found bytalking together, this is one of
(31:00):
my podcast episodes, I think inthe beginning, like the third or
fourth episode, we found thatboth her supplements and my ADHD
medication didn't work the weekbefore our cycle.
And so I then started trackingmy cycle and tracking the
different ways that I feltbecause Research shows that ADHD
(31:23):
and the symptoms associated withit, how your brain function
changes based on where a womanis at in her cycle.
And another thing that we fallvictim to is just the fact that
most ADHD medications,medications in general out there
in the world are tested on menand not on women and not on our
cycles.
And while men have a 24 hourhormone cycle, we have a 28 day
(31:47):
hormone cycle, which isnaturally.
Going to show up different andso that's why I love the idea of
figuring out what works for youbecause your body and the
chemistry that makes you up isgoing to be different than
anyone else's and you work withthe doctor right?
Find what works for you andfigure out what's going to make
(32:08):
sense because in the end, yougot to figure it out for you,
not for the world.
Tanya (32:13):
I think it's important through your podcast, my
podcast, and there's definitelymore education out there is you
really need to be the CEO ofyour own house.
You
Megs (32:22):
I love
Tanya (32:23):
need, like, I love how you said, like, you became
curious, you noticed, and thenyou're talking with your friend
and you're like, Oh my gosh, theweek before my period, this
isn't working.
That's really interesting.
Right.
And then you, you collect dataon yourself.
And so I think it's great thatyou're tracking your period and
your cycle, which is reallyimportant.
So if there's there, if thereare women who aren't doing that,
(32:44):
I think it's something to startdoing.
And then you also do like asymptom diary to see how you're
feeling, because you Like yousaid, men have a 24 hour clock.
Most medications have beentested on men because women are
too complicated.
Now, this is starting to change.
So, maybe it is pulsing in themedication and then pulsing it
(33:04):
out.
Because what I teach at BalancedMenopausal Plate, you don't eat
the same 28 days in a row.
You pulse into different foodsand out to help with your
hormones to keep them balanced.
There's not a lot of peopletalking about this.
Megs (33:19):
Tanya, it's been so nice chatting with you.
Thank you for all the advice andthe love and the stories.
Thanks for joining us.
MacBook Pro Microphone- (33:27):
Thanks so much for tuning into this
week's episode.
One of the things that reallystood out to me was when she was
talking about her son.
And how her mother noticed thathe was hyperactive, but she
never noticed because that's whoshe is.
Hilariously when I first gotdiagnosed with ADHD, I was like,
(33:47):
there's absolutely no way.
There's no way that I could havegone my whole life.
Without realizing that this is apart of my life.
I remember saying to mytherapist, doesn't everyone's
brain work like this.
And she's like, no.
And that was mind boggling tome.
So just really interesting.
And it's so great that we'rehaving these conversations
(34:09):
because it just helps us relateto so much more.
It was also interesting learningabout the process of getting her
son diagnosed and how expensiveit can be even in Canada.
It can be so expensive in thestates, understanding how to get
a diagnosis, where to get adiagnosis.
I know for my daughters, therewas a really long wait list.
(34:31):
And at the end, the cost wasover$2,000 each to get the
diagnosis.
And so.
It's interesting because.
On one hand, You can just acceptthat that is what's happening.
But then on the other hand, shewas talking about her son
getting extended time on tests,based on his diagnosis.
(34:53):
And that would requireadditional paperwork.
And so there's benefits to thatas well, but it is a pretty
fascinating experience becausethere are so many people seeking
that diagnosis who need the helpwho need it written down from a
doctor.
But don't necessarily have themeans with which to do so right
now.
And so if you're in that boat, Isee you.
I just want you to know thatyou're not alone.
(35:15):
And there are other ways to workwith your ADHD aside from
medication.
And of course, aside from thoseadditional steps that you can
get through the school.
No matter what, keep reachingout to the professionals out
there.
It's so important.
I say this at the end of everypodcast episode, if you listen
through at the end, Is that I'mnot a doctor.
Tanya is not a doctor.
(35:36):
We're here more coaching peopleon how to live their life a
little bit differently.
But when it comes to medicine,that's a youth thing and that's
a you and your doctor thing,right?
They're going to make therecommendations based on you.
And you're going to figure outwhat works best in your life.
As I said earlier, My communityfor organizing an ADHD brain is
officially underway.
(35:57):
I'm so excited to be having somedelicious conversations outside
of the podcast.
And in the event that thispodcast ever has additional ads
in it.
You will always get an ad-freeversion of the podcast in the
membership as well.
Aside from that there's regularbody doubling sessions, a group
(36:17):
coaching session.
And a quarterly declutteringsession.
Come join the community.
if you would prefer some moreone-on-one coaching support.
I do have one additional slotavailable in the month of
February.
I would love for you to join meso that we can start to make
some bigger changes in your lifewhere you're letting go of the
(36:38):
clutter.
And getting more clear on whatyou want as far as organization
goes And understanding yourbrain at the same time.
All of the information for thatis in the show notes.
MacBook Pro Microphone-2 (36:49):
I didn't give a ton of warning for
this, but this week concludesthe very first season of
organizing an ADHD brain.
Stay tuned for next week'sepisode or I launch season two.
And we talk about so much morewhen it comes to organizing
ADHD.
(37:09):
And understanding how your brainis incredible.
And.
there's so much that you canconquer, especially when you
eliminate the clutter from yourlife.
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