January 13, 2025 • 35 mins
In this episode of 'Organizing an ADHD Brain,' the host reflects on a recent 'Plan Your Year' event with friends.
The Fierce Framework < MY friend Marybeth
Boost Your Week with Ignited Decisions < MY friend Shauna
She shares insights about planning and the tendency to overcommit, a common challenge for people with ADHD. The host discusses the difficulties of decluttering and organizing the home, emphasizing the importance of communication with family members. She recounts a personal experience of putting away holiday decorations, revealing the miscommunications and learning outcomes with her husband. The episode highlights the need for regulating emotions, setting clear intentions, and maintaining open, curious conversations to align household efforts in decluttering and organizing. Finally, the host invites listeners to join her membership for more personalized guidance and tools.
*scroll down to get to the waitlist*
02:46 Decluttering and ADHD Challenges
05:40 Communication with Family
09:02 Christmas Decoration Stories
13:07 Effective Communication Strategies
18:04 Building a Strong Foundation in Communication
18:51 Reflecting on Household Responsibilities
22:29 The Importance of Emotional Regulation
23:26 Setting Intentions for Conversations
24:19 Engaging in Effective Communication
26:22 Involving Family in the Decluttering Process
32:09 Final Thoughts and Support Resources
Book a 20-minute call to see if COACHING is a good fit for you: Megs Calendar
^If you tried to book a call and couldn't, it's all fixed!
Join the Organizing an ADHD Brain COMMUNITY: Organizing an ADHD Brain on Circle
Get your Free DOPAMINE MENU download OrganizinganADHDbrain.com/dopaminemenu
The TO DO list Daily Planner is available here! TO DO List Daily Planner
The ULTIMATE Recycling & Disposal Guide: Disposal Guide
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Yeti Stereo Microphone & F (00:00):
Hey, beautiful people.
Welcome to another week oforganizing an ADHD brain.
Do we ever stop organizing ourADHD brains?
Or just continue to let themflow in the wind.
As they prefer to be.
Last week.
I dropped that episode with DanaK white and it was incredible.
Thank you so much for tuning in.
(00:20):
The podcast is growing and Ican't thank you enough for not
only listening, but also sharingit with people who you feel
could benefit from this as well?
So many people have told me thatpeople who don't have ADHD can
also benefit from this podcast.
So if you can share this withsomeone you feel could resonate
(00:41):
with this message, that would beincredible.
Thank you so much.
There are lots of big changeshappening in this household
where we took all our Christmasdecorations down were getting
ready for 2025.
And this past weekend.
I attended a plan your yearevent.
I've never done anything likethis before, although I've
(01:03):
planned ahead.
And I've also not planned ahead.
Truly candid.
I've never done it in thiscapacity before it was put on by
my friend, the fierce framework.
She is another podcast host andshe also happens to have autism
and ADHD.
Her podcast is awesome.
Go check it out.
I'll go ahead and drop the linkin the show notes below.
(01:25):
We were also joined by anotherfriend of ours she has a podcast
as well called igniteddecisions.
Also has some delicious ways tolook at your life from a new
perspective, understanding thatyou can get the shit done.
Anyway, the plan, your yearevent was incredible.
I have a lot that's planned forthe year.
And what was really interestingabout it.
(01:47):
Is, I was so excited to just geteverything planned and ready to
do, ready to go, ready to attackwith my whole heart.
And as we got down to the day today planning activities, I
started to realize that maybe Ihad added too much to my plate.
Without actually realizing it.
(02:08):
One thing I've noticed is Idon't like it when someone else
tells me that I'm doing toomuch.
However true.
It may be.
And I might even know it, but Idon't want you to tell me.
Part of it is because I knowthat I could do it all.
And I also know that I wouldburn out.
I also know that I wouldprobably, neglect myself in the
(02:30):
process, likely not spend asmuch time with my family, so on
and so on.
So it was an incredible eventand it was also just.
Very insightful for myself tounderstand what I might be able
to take on in the next year.
This translates very well intowhat we think we can get done in
(02:50):
decluttering our home in a year.
We have an all or nothingmentality.
We want to get it all done.
We've got the greatest ideas.
And then putting them intoaction and actually executing on
them can be difficult.
We want to get it all done atonce.
And if we stop.
In the middle of the momentum.
(03:10):
Sometimes we don't even go backto that project.
Realistically, we all know thatyou can't declutter your home.
In a day.
Some of us might think that wecan get it done in a week.
If we take a week off from workand we work really hard at it
every single day.
But then we forget what our ADHDbrains are like sometimes.
(03:31):
And if we're taking a week offshouldn't we recharge just a
little bit.
We get that permission, right.
And if it took this long tobring stuff into our home, How
long is it going to take to getstuff out?
As we attack this year, as wethink about organizing our homes
and letting go and declutteringand organizing our brains,
finding a way to work withourselves and not against
(03:53):
ourselves.
I have heard so often.
That sometimes what gets in ourway is not ourselves.
But our families.
And our spouse.
Today in particular, I'm goingto talk about our significant
others.
And now I think a lot of thiscan be applied to our children
as well, or whomever else isliving in your household because
(04:13):
we've got so manymulti-generational households
out there.
But I'm going to be talking inthe case of our spouses.
I also want to remind you thatthis week my membership opens
and I'm so excited.
I can't wait to meet you.
I've got some delicious stuffprepared, including something
special from this episodespecifically.
(04:36):
I also saw that someone recentlywas interested in the dopamine
menu on my website, but couldn'tfind it.
So for those of you that are newor haven't heard before.
I have a free dopamine menudownload, and it's just a menu
that you can fill out.
The first page is anintroduction and how to fill out
a dopamine menu and a link to anarticle on why this is super
(04:57):
helpful for your ADHD brain.
That dopamine menu, when you goto www dot mindful Meg dot com.
That's my website and you'llreach the main page and on the
main page.
If you wait for just a second.
There will be a pop-up that saysget your free dopamine menu.
(05:18):
And then you put in yourinformation, it'll be sent
straight to you.
And if you don't like my emailsjust opt out.
That's totally fine.
I don't mind at all.
If you're right for me, you'reright for me.
And if I'm not your person, I amnot even remotely offended.
That's totally okay.
The dopamine menu is there tosupport you.
Okay, so let's talk about.
(05:38):
Our families.
The biggest thing I want to talkabout today is communication.
And communicating effectively.
What we want from our familiesand our significant others.
As we make changes in ourhousehold, that we've dedicated
ourselves to making so many ofus have had on our resolutions
(05:59):
for years.
I want to be more organized.
I want to have less, I want tobe able to have people over
without feeling shame.
I want to be able to.
Clean up in 15 minutes at nightwithout feeling like I have
hours of work to do.
Some of the things that I'veheard from clients and listeners
and people who are trying tomake bigger changes in their
(06:22):
life.
Are that when they finally startto throw things away, their
spouse comes and take somethingout of the trash and says, I
need this.
This is something that we coulduse.
Maybe your spouse has ADHD aswell, or maybe they have a
trauma response to getting ridof stuff.
There's a lot that could go intoit.
Maybe it's that you spent aweekend organizing a closet, you
(06:45):
emptied out the entire thing andput it back together with
intricate systems.
And now people aren't respectingwhat you did.
They're putting things back inplaces that they don't go and
they're putting things away orputting things on top of things
that don't go anywhere.
And now you feel like youfailed.
Some people have told me that.
(07:06):
Others just aren't willing tomake a change like you're ready,
but the rest of your family justis not.
There's so many reasons why thiscould be so like a fear of
change.
Fear of change is real.
Whereas change is the onlyconstant.
We can rely on.
And you either change with theworld and the life around you
(07:28):
or.
You choose to try to stay thesame, resisting the change all
at once.
The fear of change is real.
We're so comfortable where weare.
We're comfortable being full ofclutter.
It's not because we want it.
It's not because we don't wantto change.
It's not because we don't wantsomething different, but being
(07:51):
different.
Means that you have to putyourself intention.
I've talked about this before,right?
When you put yourself intention,your body is intention.
There's tension in your lifebecause you are changing.
What is the norm for you andyour family?
And that can be scary.
(08:12):
There's a lack of communicationand the communication is what
we're going to be talking abouttoday.
Oftentimes, we make thesedecisions about our lives and
ourselves without telling anyoneelse what we're doing.
There's nothing wrong with that.
Research shows that people withADHD have trouble communicating
because of so many of our othersymptoms impulsivity.
(08:34):
Executive function.
Not being able to break thingsdown or we're getting so excited
that we're interrupting aconversation because we feel
like we need to say what we needto say now, otherwise we're
going to forget it.
We also speak in tangents.
But there's a lot that impedesour ability to communicate.
It does not mean that we can'tcommunicate.
(08:55):
It just means that it'simportant that we try to
communicate in a way that'sgoing to work for us and our
families.
So I want to tell you a littlebit about Christmas decorating.
Cause I talked a lot about thisbefore the holidays, so.
Before the holidays came.
I got out all of my Christmasdecorations and as I was putting
(09:15):
them out, I was very purposefulto also evaluate if it was
something I was going to use ornot.
And so the first day I put outsome of the items I knew I
wanted to put out.
Once those were up and thedecorations were finalized.
I looked at the rest of mydecorations and I picked a few
more things to put out.
I went through Christmasornaments.
(09:36):
I went through the decorationsthat I wasn't going to use, and
I donated them.
I got them in the donation box.
I put them outside.
And I brought them when I wasready to take my donations in.
So I felt really, reallyprepared for everything that was
out.
And then I had this grand ideain my mind.
(09:58):
About how we were going to putthe Christmas decorations away.
And we talked about it onemorning.
Me and my husband said like,Hey, it might be time to take
the Christmas decorations down,but we didn't talk about a time.
We didn't talk about a place.
We didn't talk about a.
You know, the, when or the howor what that was gonna look
like.
We just talked about it.
(10:18):
And then I went off to yoga.
And then when I got back fromyoga, The Christmas tree was
taken down.
All the ornaments were put away.
And we still had decorations up,but that felt incredible.
My husband had even moved ourcouch back into the living room
and got it set up the way thatwe had talked about.
So all was good.
We still have Christmasdecorations up.
(10:39):
Then the next week.
As I was walking through thehouse, I started taking
Christmas decorations down, butnot all at once.
I would do it here inincrements, because most of the
time.
When I'm taking things down.
I miss something.
So I decided to do it over thecourse of a couple of days, but
I didn't tell anyone.
I just started doing it.
And I started putting everythingon the shelf in the hallway.
(11:01):
And then one day.
Everything was put away.
I was like, oh, this is amazing.
Thank you so much.
And I thanked my husband forputting things away.
And at the same time.
I had had a plan.
And now my plan was foiledbecause my plan was to put
(11:22):
things back and maybe even getrid of half of more of our
decorations.
Based on what our plans might befor the next year.
What if we don't want to have asmuch, what if we want to have
less?
And I had thought about maybe acouple of weeks earlier.
Maybe even going down to one boxof Christmas decoration.
(11:45):
And those of you that have anentire basement full of
Christmas decorations.
That's okay.
We're at different places in ourlife.
And that is fine.
Okay.
This still applies to you.
My girls were looking forsomething that we needed in the
Christmas box the other day.
And I walked downstairs And Isaw the state of the Christmas
(12:05):
boxes.
No, no shame to my husband.
This is not on him in any way.
He put the stuff away and it wasincredible.
And I couldn't find the thingthat I wanted for my girls.
Okay, this is a tangent.
This is ADHD.
Okay.
What I have to tell you.
Okay.
So we have, you know, thoselights that you stick in the
ground right in front of yourhouse, and it makes like a cool,
(12:26):
pretty Sparkly.
Pattern on the front of yourhouse.
We never put ours out anymore,but we use it in the house and
we stick it on a chair so thatit shines on the wall.
We turn off all the lights andwe have a dance party and it's
so fun.
Oh, we had done it a coupletimes and then we put it away.
But that is supposed to go inthe Christmas light box.
(12:48):
And it wasn't in the Christmaslight box.
So that annoyed me.
And then I saw that things hadnot been put away.
In a way that I would have doneit.
Okay.
This is important.
I'm not judging me or myhusband.
I'm making an observation.
Okay.
I'm at a judged initially.
Totally fine.
Then today I had a conversationwith my husband.
(13:11):
And we talked about.
This situation.
And some more.
And I started by telling myhusband my intention.
I said, Hey.
I want you to know that Iappreciate you putting all the
Christmas stuff away.
And you didn't do anything wrongin what I'm about to say next.
It already sounds like I'm aboutto say something wrong, right?
(13:33):
Like I.
I always feel like I want toknow what people are saying
before they say it because Iwant to correct my behavior
before people say it.
That's probably, that's mypeople pleaser nature and, So
naturally conversations likethis are going to be hard
because I want to find asolution, but again, I just went
in with the intention of, Hey,I'd love to find a way for us to
(13:54):
communicate better.
About putting things away andorganizing in a way that works
for both of us.
Are you prepared to have thisconversation with me right now?
And he's like, yeah, sure.
Right.
No big deal.
Easy.
So I, I told him a little bitabout the situation.
I said, Hey, we got everythingout.
It was awesome.
(14:14):
This is what I had done to letthings go.
And then we were putting thingsaway and I had the intention of
trying to downsize more, tryingto figure out if we really
needed these things.
And really just understandingwhat we want from all of this
stuff in the future.
Does everything need this amountof detail?
Nope.
That was my idea.
Right.
And my ideas are worth talkingabout.
(14:37):
So I asked him, when you put thestuff away, did you see if there
were any labels on the boxes?
And he's like, I just knew thatthey were Christmas boxes.
And I knew that the stockingswould go in with the ornaments
because.
Those were because I justremember that's how it was when
(14:57):
we got them out this year.
I said, okay.
But did you look for labels thatmight have.
You know, what is in each boxand he's like, no, I didn't look
for labels.
I said, okay.
I said, what about the Christmaslight box?
Do you know where that is?
He's like, well, I'm not donetaking Christmas lights down.
So the Christmas lights are in atote in the garage.
(15:18):
I was like, cool.
Do you know where the Christmaslight box is?
And he's like, no, I don't evenknow what it looks like.
Like cool.
So.
We happened to be driving atthis time.
And our girls were needing ourattention in the back.
So not only am I trying to havethis conversation and then
remember it in a way that Icould deliver it on a podcast to
show you what happened and howit worked and blah, blah, blah.
(15:41):
But I started getting agitatedand I communicated that right
away.
And I was like, Hey, I'm gettingfrustrated with this with our
situation right now.
So let's pause for a second andwe paused.
And my husband told me that hethought I was getting mad at
him.
And I was like, oh no, that's soimportant that you said that
because I'm not getting mad atyou.
(16:03):
I am getting agitated withgetting interrupted.
I don't like getting interruptedwhen I want to have.
A conversation.
I think it's important to beable to see it through and to
not have our brains going in somany different directions.
So 10 minutes later.
I wasn't agitated anymore.
And I asked, Hey, I don't feelagitated anymore, but are you
(16:26):
okay if we were to continue thisconversation?
Right?
Cause like this is a two-waystreet.
It's not just about me, but Ialso have to respect.
Where I'm at in my brain andwhat I can handle in certain
situations.
Cool.
Awesome.
So we continued the conversationand I asked him, you know, what
could I have done differently tocommunicate what I wanted with
(16:48):
all this stuff and how to put itaway?
He's like, well, I don't know,because we were having people
over and it needed to be putaway and I was like, yeah,
that's a good call.
Part of it is just finding thetime to talk and.
Get into a rhythm where we arehaving these conversations about
what we want to do in our home.
(17:08):
And we had done that, but notwith a ton of intention.
Yeti Stereo Microphone & (17:10):
Quick interruption in the show.
I want to take a quick moment totalk about something that means
the world to me.
Your reviews.
Reviews or like fuel for thispodcast, they help more amazing
people like you discover it.
And remind me why I'm sharingthis journey here with you.
I want to give a big shout outto simply Leanne for their
thoughtful review.
(17:31):
They wrote.
Hearing someone say you candeclutter be organized and have
ADHD.
Is so empowering love havingothers to do this journey with
girl.
Thank you so much.
If you found value in thispodcast.
I'd be so grateful.
If you take a moment to leave aquick review.
(17:51):
Wherever you're listening orshare this with someone you feel
like the message could resonatewith, who knows.
You might even hear your words.
And if future episode.
Now let's get back to it.
Yeti Stereo Microphone & Fac (18:04):
So I feel like we're building on a
pretty strong foundation wherewe don't get mad at each other
when we're talking.
So please know that if you getangry at your spouse, when
you're having theseconversations, that's okay.
But part of this is just goingin curious, I made the comment
that I feel like.
The organizing falls on me.
Like decluttering our home andgetting it to the point where it
(18:26):
feels organized falls on me.
And it's not because he makes mefeel that way.
It's just because of life and.
I'm the woman, right?
I'm the one who's managing ourhousehold.
So I should be in charge of allof that.
There's a lot of ingrainedbeliefs in there.
So it didn't even cross my mindto truly ask him for more help.
(18:51):
So we continued to talk and hesaid, I don't know that I would
feel comfortable helping,because I don't want to do it in
a way that doesn't make sense toyou, or I don't want to mess up.
And.
That felt really real to me too.
I've noticed that I love to bein control of situations.
I said this earlier, right?
I want to know what you expectfrom me before you say it out
(19:12):
loud, because I don't wantanyone to ever criticize me.
That is a scary thing.
I, and I would rather know whatyou want from me before.
But that doesn't always happen.
My husband has ADHD too and it'sso important that we're
recognizing that in each other,because it helps us show up for
one another, a little bitbetter.
Then I was reflecting on thistime where we are all in the
(19:33):
basement together a couple ofweeks ago.
And we have this little crawlspace that's above the basement
area.
And he was helping me clean itall out.
I was handing him things.
The girls were down thereplaying.
We were getting things done.
And as we walked back upstairs,I just remember feeling so
grateful that we had all workedtogether.
I didn't feel like I was tryingto complete a project.
(19:54):
I was just moving through themotions of getting through a
project.
And I had my husband who wassupporting me through that as
well.
So I did ask do you want to helpme declutter and organize?
And he goes, well, I mean,there's things that I'd rather
be doing.
Yeah.
There's things I'd rather bedoing too.
But after I had reflected onthat basement thing, he said,
(20:16):
yeah.
And it would get done in fastertime if we did it together.
And then if we're talkingthrough things, So I don't have
the issue where my husband willpull things out of the trash
and.
And prevent me from getting ridof something.
And it's kind of funny thatevery once in a while, when I
(20:37):
have trouble letting go ofsomething, yes, I do coach
people through letting go.
And I can support you throughthe process.
But when it comes to my ownemotions, I still have to walk
through.
What I have let go of and asksome of these questions to
myself.
So that I can get past theemotional attachment to it.
(20:57):
And my husband actually helps methrough that.
He is a phenomenal standup.
Super handsome guy.
So very, very grateful.
This might not be the case forall of you.
And so I wanted to share thatwith you because.
While that conversation wentincredibly well.
(21:18):
And in the end, I realize that Ilike to control a lot of things.
And when I let go of controlover situations, not only does
my life become a little biteasier because I asked for help
and I get help.
But then I can start to seethings in new and different
ways.
I honestly have not taken enoughtime to truly communicate.
(21:41):
The things that I want to happenin our home.
What a learning experience.
This has been for me.
But while this has had such apositive outcome and an outcome
that I didn't necessarily expectin us organizing together, I
also realize.
How uncomfortable it was, itfelt so uncomfortable.
(22:02):
And that's normal.
As you're communicating, becausecommunication is going to be
essential to your success.
As you're going through yourhouse and especially if you have
older kids and people who dowhatever they want, wherever
they want on whatever they want,it's so important that you tell
people what your desires are.
As you approach a conversationwith your significant other, I
(22:24):
want you to notice.
And be aware of a couple ofthings.
The first thing is your.
Mental stability.
Are you dysregulated?
And ready to lash out orrationally.
That's not the greatest time tohave a conversation.
Believe it or not.
If you want production to happenfrom it.
(22:46):
If you are frustrated, that isthe time that you're going to
step away.
We can get dysregulated.
And those are the times that wesay things that we don't
necessarily mean.
And that's the time we stepaway.
And we find a way to be quietwith ourselves.
Maybe you take a bath, maybe youcrawl into the corner of your
(23:08):
closet and have a good cry.
Whatever you need to do.
Do that first.
When you feel like you'reemotionally ready to have a
conversation, ask if yoursignificant others is as well.
So start with your emotionalregulation.
Okay.
So you're both ready to havethis conversation.
Now you're going to set yourintentions for the conversation.
(23:29):
What is your intention for theend of this conversation?
Hey, I want to talk to you aboutorganizing today because.
That's something I would like tochange in our lives.
We have a lot of stuff in ourhome.
It feels overwhelming.
It does feel like it's myresponsibility.
And I would love to talk to youmore about what my goals look
(23:51):
like and how you might be ableto support me through that goal.
If you're willing.
Okay.
So start with that intention.
What does that intention looklike?
Write it down.
Maybe you journal about it.
That's okay.
Save this episode.
Maybe you send this episode tothem.
I be like, Hey, I want to have aconversation with you, but I'm
going to send you this firstbecause these are the steps I'm
going to follow.
Okay.
Cool.
(24:12):
All right.
So now you are in a good mood.
And you've set an intention.
And now.
You are going to start talking.
But you were going to talk withalso the intention.
Of listening.
Listening, but what if I have anidea and I have to say it right
away, I get it.
Totally get it because you will.
(24:33):
You will have an idea and guesswhat?
If you forget it.
Cool.
Because how many other ideashave you forgotten?
Yeah.
Are they the greatest ideas inthe entire world?
Absolutely.
But will you have another one infive seconds also?
Yes.
Okay, it'll come back and if itdoesn't.
That's okay.
You are still you and you'reincredible.
And you've got so many otherincredible things to say, So
(24:55):
you're going to start.
By talking about your idea.
Hey.
I'm so excited about gettingdecluttered this year.
What are your thoughts on this?
Going curious, right?
That is going to be the nextstep.
Now you start asking questionsand they're going to start
asking questions too.
That's the biggest thing.
(25:15):
It's a back and forth.
And if they say something thatfeels strange to you or you
don't feel like, you know whatthey mean?
Clarify.
Like, I don't like that.
You're decluttering.
Okay.
Tell me why you don't like theidea of decluttering.
Would you like to be a part ofthis process?
Maybe you could even ask in thebeginning.
(25:36):
What would you like your role tobe in decluttering, letting go
and getting our home a bit moreorganized.
Would you like me to start totalk about where things go and
where we might be able to findthings.
Are there any concerns you haveabout me letting go of things?
Another part of thiscommunication aspect is that we
(25:57):
think we know the answer.
To everyone's problems becausethis home is our home.
We manage it.
This is our small business.
Right now we have an inventoryof stuff that we have to manage.
Along with the people in it.
And we think that we know howit's going to work perfectly.
Now we might be in charge.
But that does not mean that weknow how things are going to
(26:20):
work.
This incredible woman I talkedto the other day in Texas was
telling me about how, when shelistened to my podcast on her
daughter, cleaning her room.
She said I had tried so manythings and it would not stay
clean.
It wasn't until I asked her.
What.
What she wanted and what wouldwork for her?
(26:43):
That she truly started to makechanges that would actually work
for her.
And I was so honored that workedin her space.
I was working in the garage overthe summer and my husband works
for a brewery.
So he has a bunch of like coolstuff that he can hand out on a
regular basis, like stickers andcoasters and.
(27:04):
All kinds of stuff and I wasorganizing it in the garage.
I was coming up with a systemfor him on how he could.
Like do this when he was goingto different events and
different clients and thingslike that.
And then.
And then I asked him.
I started asking him questionsabout like what he would need.
And he told me how he runs hisbusiness and what he does.
(27:24):
And I was like, oh my gosh,nothing I would have done would
have been a solution for him.
It wouldn't have made his lifeharder.
He would have been able to findthings easier, but it wouldn't
have been in a systemenvironment that would work for
him.
Whereas after I talked to him,We were able to set it up so
much more effectively.
It was really cool.
(27:45):
So by asking questions, we getdiverse perspectives and
opinions on how things should berun or how things could be run
in a different way.
So even your kids might haveideas.
It's okay to ask them.
And guess what?
When people feel like they're apart of the solution.
Guess what they become a partof.
The process.
(28:06):
To get to that darn solution.
And what a cool thing to bedoing this as a family.
It's pretty powerful.
So some questions that you couldask here are.
What frustrates you the mostabout this space?
What's the one thing you'd liketo see change in the next month.
One thing, not 18 things you.
(28:27):
How can I make this easier foryou?
Or maybe you ask them.
Hey, is there any way that youmight be able to make this
easier for me?
And for the spouse, that'spulling things out of the
garbage that you finally made adecision to let go of.
Hey.
What's hard about letting thisgo.
And how could I make that easierfor you?
(28:50):
You know, there's going to be alot of things that we make the
case for.
I might need that in the future.
But yeah, we might need a lot ofthings.
There's a lot of things that wedon't have that we might need in
the future.
That doesn't mean that we go outand shop for more.
And it's okay that you let go ofsomething that you do end up
needing in the future, becauseguess what?
(29:11):
You could go out and buy itagain.
The whole process of letting gois a lot more than just adding a
little sprinkling on at the endof this episode, which I need to
sum up my goodness.
As women it's so easy.
It's so easy to take control ofthe situation happening in our
(29:31):
home.
It's so easy to take on all theresponsibility because we think
we should.
It is so easy to say, this isour job, and everyone else will
just fall in line behind mebecause I have to do it.
And no one else should have todo it there's so much power in
inviting your family into theprocess, inviting your kids,
(29:52):
inviting your spouse.
And part of it is asking themthe question, if you were trying
to look for this, where wouldyou go look for it first?
sometimes we feel the need tocommunicate when we were in a
dysregulated state.
I'm just here to remind you.
That is not going to be thetime.
(30:15):
That people want to listen towhat you have to say.
Being angry and yelling aboutwhat you want.
Is not a good way to effectivelycommunicate.
It's not a good way.
To collaborate with the peoplethat you love.
Things will work so much betterwhen you take some time to truly
(30:36):
communicate what you want andneed.
And then ask them what they wantand need.
'cause I bet.
It's likely many of the samethings.
I also mentioned earlier that asI was having this conversation
with my husband, I got agitatedand it wasn't because of him.
It was because of where we were.
There were a lot ofdistractions.
There were things happening.
(30:58):
That I felt like I could notcontinue the conversation.
Without something else in theconversation, maybe triggering
me into getting more angry.
I didn't want that, that wasn'tpart of the outcome I wanted.
So I made a decision to stop theconversation.
Luckily, my husband was okaywith that, but also if I had
come back to the conversation,said, Hey, do you want to still
(31:18):
continue to talk?
And he wasn't ready.
Okay.
So now we've got to find somespace where we're both ready to
have that conversation at thesame time.
Be okay with this not goingwell, because it's something
that you're learning and growingtoward.
Changes in your household taketime and patients and you might
actually have to communicatethis 5, 10, 15 times for people
(31:42):
to finally understand and tolisten to you.
But keep doing it.
It's a skill that you can buildStart small, keep talking and
just celebrate every little win.
I invite you to have aconversation.
With your family this week.
(32:02):
What's one conversation youcould have this week to make
organizing a little easier inyour household.
Before we wrap up today, I wantto remind you of a few ways to
stay connected and get even moresupport.
If today's episode hit home foryou or you're ready to dive
deeper.
I'd love to help you through myupcoming membership, which opens
(32:22):
this.
Wednesday.
You can join thewaitlist@mindfulmegs.com forward
slash collective.
To be the first to grab a spot.
I have founding member pricingavailable until January 31st.
So like I said, that drops onthe 15th.
And one of the first downloadsand supportive tools I have
(32:45):
available to you as I've puttogether a way to plan out your
conversation.
Because yes, planning out ourconversations can be very, very
helpful Based on the podcastepisode, I just delivered to you
today.
So that will be a downloadablein the membership.
When you join.
And while you're there, don'tforget to download my free
dopamine menu on the website.
(33:06):
It's full of fun, quick ideashelp you get a boost of
motivation when you need it.
And natural dopamine ideasinstead of going for that quick
scroll or getting locked into.
Social media craziness forhours.
If you need additional supportnavigating these challenges.
I am an ADHD organizing coach.
(33:29):
And I support you through makingthe smaller changes in your life
to help you declutter.
Let go get organized and feel somuch better in this space.
No matter where you are.
I would love to have aconversation.
There's more information aboutcoaching on my website.
There's also a link in the shownotes below.
If you just want to jump on acall with me and we can see if
(33:51):
it's a good fit.
Hey, beautiful people.
Welcome to another week oforganizing an ADHD brain.
Do we ever stop organizing ourADHD brains?
Or just continue to let themflow in the wind.
As they prefer to be.
Last week.
I dropped that episode with DanaK white and it was incredible.
Thank you so much for tuning in.
(00:20):
The podcast is growing and Ican't thank you enough for not
only listening, but also sharingit with people who you feel
could benefit from this as well?
So many people have told me thatpeople who don't have ADHD can
also benefit from this podcast.
So if you can share this withsomeone you feel could resonate
(00:41):
with this message, that would beincredible.
Thank you so much.
There are lots of big changeshappening in this household
where we took all our Christmasdecorations down were getting
ready for 2025.
And this past weekend.
I attended a plan your yearevent.
I've never done anything likethis before, although I've
(01:03):
planned ahead.
And I've also not planned ahead.
Truly candid.
I've never done it in thiscapacity before it was put on by
my friend, the fierce framework.
She is another podcast host andshe also happens to have autism
and ADHD.
Her podcast is awesome.
Go check it out.
I'll go ahead and drop the linkin the show notes below.
(01:25):
We were also joined by anotherfriend of ours she has a podcast
as well called igniteddecisions.
Also has some delicious ways tolook at your life from a new
perspective, understanding thatyou can get the shit done.
Anyway, the plan, your yearevent was incredible.
I have a lot that's planned forthe year.
And what was really interestingabout it.
(01:47):
Is, I was so excited to just geteverything planned and ready to
do, ready to go, ready to attackwith my whole heart.
And as we got down to the day today planning activities, I
started to realize that maybe Ihad added too much to my plate.
Without actually realizing it.
(02:08):
One thing I've noticed is Idon't like it when someone else
tells me that I'm doing toomuch.
However true.
It may be.
And I might even know it, but Idon't want you to tell me.
Part of it is because I knowthat I could do it all.
And I also know that I wouldburn out.
I also know that I wouldprobably, neglect myself in the
(02:30):
process, likely not spend asmuch time with my family, so on
and so on.
So it was an incredible eventand it was also just.
Very insightful for myself tounderstand what I might be able
to take on in the next year.
This translates very well intowhat we think we can get done in
(02:50):
decluttering our home in a year.
We have an all or nothingmentality.
We want to get it all done.
We've got the greatest ideas.
And then putting them intoaction and actually executing on
them can be difficult.
We want to get it all done atonce.
And if we stop.
In the middle of the momentum.
(03:10):
Sometimes we don't even go backto that project.
Realistically, we all know thatyou can't declutter your home.
In a day.
Some of us might think that wecan get it done in a week.
If we take a week off from workand we work really hard at it
every single day.
But then we forget what our ADHDbrains are like sometimes.
(03:31):
And if we're taking a week offshouldn't we recharge just a
little bit.
We get that permission, right.
And if it took this long tobring stuff into our home, How
long is it going to take to getstuff out?
As we attack this year, as wethink about organizing our homes
and letting go and declutteringand organizing our brains,
finding a way to work withourselves and not against
(03:53):
ourselves.
I have heard so often.
That sometimes what gets in ourway is not ourselves.
But our families.
And our spouse.
Today in particular, I'm goingto talk about our significant
others.
And now I think a lot of thiscan be applied to our children
as well, or whomever else isliving in your household because
(04:13):
we've got so manymulti-generational households
out there.
But I'm going to be talking inthe case of our spouses.
I also want to remind you thatthis week my membership opens
and I'm so excited.
I can't wait to meet you.
I've got some delicious stuffprepared, including something
special from this episodespecifically.
(04:36):
I also saw that someone recentlywas interested in the dopamine
menu on my website, but couldn'tfind it.
So for those of you that are newor haven't heard before.
I have a free dopamine menudownload, and it's just a menu
that you can fill out.
The first page is anintroduction and how to fill out
a dopamine menu and a link to anarticle on why this is super
(04:57):
helpful for your ADHD brain.
That dopamine menu, when you goto www dot mindful Meg dot com.
That's my website and you'llreach the main page and on the
main page.
If you wait for just a second.
There will be a pop-up that saysget your free dopamine menu.
(05:18):
And then you put in yourinformation, it'll be sent
straight to you.
And if you don't like my emailsjust opt out.
That's totally fine.
I don't mind at all.
If you're right for me, you'reright for me.
And if I'm not your person, I amnot even remotely offended.
That's totally okay.
The dopamine menu is there tosupport you.
Okay, so let's talk about.
(05:38):
Our families.
The biggest thing I want to talkabout today is communication.
And communicating effectively.
What we want from our familiesand our significant others.
As we make changes in ourhousehold, that we've dedicated
ourselves to making so many ofus have had on our resolutions
(05:59):
for years.
I want to be more organized.
I want to have less, I want tobe able to have people over
without feeling shame.
I want to be able to.
Clean up in 15 minutes at nightwithout feeling like I have
hours of work to do.
Some of the things that I'veheard from clients and listeners
and people who are trying tomake bigger changes in their
(06:22):
life.
Are that when they finally startto throw things away, their
spouse comes and take somethingout of the trash and says, I
need this.
This is something that we coulduse.
Maybe your spouse has ADHD aswell, or maybe they have a
trauma response to getting ridof stuff.
There's a lot that could go intoit.
Maybe it's that you spent aweekend organizing a closet, you
(06:45):
emptied out the entire thing andput it back together with
intricate systems.
And now people aren't respectingwhat you did.
They're putting things back inplaces that they don't go and
they're putting things away orputting things on top of things
that don't go anywhere.
And now you feel like youfailed.
Some people have told me that.
(07:06):
Others just aren't willing tomake a change like you're ready,
but the rest of your family justis not.
There's so many reasons why thiscould be so like a fear of
change.
Fear of change is real.
Whereas change is the onlyconstant.
We can rely on.
And you either change with theworld and the life around you
(07:28):
or.
You choose to try to stay thesame, resisting the change all
at once.
The fear of change is real.
We're so comfortable where weare.
We're comfortable being full ofclutter.
It's not because we want it.
It's not because we don't wantto change.
It's not because we don't wantsomething different, but being
(07:51):
different.
Means that you have to putyourself intention.
I've talked about this before,right?
When you put yourself intention,your body is intention.
There's tension in your lifebecause you are changing.
What is the norm for you andyour family?
And that can be scary.
(08:12):
There's a lack of communicationand the communication is what
we're going to be talking abouttoday.
Oftentimes, we make thesedecisions about our lives and
ourselves without telling anyoneelse what we're doing.
There's nothing wrong with that.
Research shows that people withADHD have trouble communicating
because of so many of our othersymptoms impulsivity.
(08:34):
Executive function.
Not being able to break thingsdown or we're getting so excited
that we're interrupting aconversation because we feel
like we need to say what we needto say now, otherwise we're
going to forget it.
We also speak in tangents.
But there's a lot that impedesour ability to communicate.
It does not mean that we can'tcommunicate.
(08:55):
It just means that it'simportant that we try to
communicate in a way that'sgoing to work for us and our
families.
So I want to tell you a littlebit about Christmas decorating.
Cause I talked a lot about thisbefore the holidays, so.
Before the holidays came.
I got out all of my Christmasdecorations and as I was putting
(09:15):
them out, I was very purposefulto also evaluate if it was
something I was going to use ornot.
And so the first day I put outsome of the items I knew I
wanted to put out.
Once those were up and thedecorations were finalized.
I looked at the rest of mydecorations and I picked a few
more things to put out.
I went through Christmasornaments.
(09:36):
I went through the decorationsthat I wasn't going to use, and
I donated them.
I got them in the donation box.
I put them outside.
And I brought them when I wasready to take my donations in.
So I felt really, reallyprepared for everything that was
out.
And then I had this grand ideain my mind.
(09:58):
About how we were going to putthe Christmas decorations away.
And we talked about it onemorning.
Me and my husband said like,Hey, it might be time to take
the Christmas decorations down,but we didn't talk about a time.
We didn't talk about a place.
We didn't talk about a.
You know, the, when or the howor what that was gonna look
like.
We just talked about it.
(10:18):
And then I went off to yoga.
And then when I got back fromyoga, The Christmas tree was
taken down.
All the ornaments were put away.
And we still had decorations up,but that felt incredible.
My husband had even moved ourcouch back into the living room
and got it set up the way thatwe had talked about.
So all was good.
We still have Christmasdecorations up.
(10:39):
Then the next week.
As I was walking through thehouse, I started taking
Christmas decorations down, butnot all at once.
I would do it here inincrements, because most of the
time.
When I'm taking things down.
I miss something.
So I decided to do it over thecourse of a couple of days, but
I didn't tell anyone.
I just started doing it.
And I started putting everythingon the shelf in the hallway.
(11:01):
And then one day.
Everything was put away.
I was like, oh, this is amazing.
Thank you so much.
And I thanked my husband forputting things away.
And at the same time.
I had had a plan.
And now my plan was foiledbecause my plan was to put
(11:22):
things back and maybe even getrid of half of more of our
decorations.
Based on what our plans might befor the next year.
What if we don't want to have asmuch, what if we want to have
less?
And I had thought about maybe acouple of weeks earlier.
Maybe even going down to one boxof Christmas decoration.
(11:45):
And those of you that have anentire basement full of
Christmas decorations.
That's okay.
We're at different places in ourlife.
And that is fine.
Okay.
This still applies to you.
My girls were looking forsomething that we needed in the
Christmas box the other day.
And I walked downstairs And Isaw the state of the Christmas
(12:05):
boxes.
No, no shame to my husband.
This is not on him in any way.
He put the stuff away and it wasincredible.
And I couldn't find the thingthat I wanted for my girls.
Okay, this is a tangent.
This is ADHD.
Okay.
What I have to tell you.
Okay.
So we have, you know, thoselights that you stick in the
ground right in front of yourhouse, and it makes like a cool,
(12:26):
pretty Sparkly.
Pattern on the front of yourhouse.
We never put ours out anymore,but we use it in the house and
we stick it on a chair so thatit shines on the wall.
We turn off all the lights andwe have a dance party and it's
so fun.
Oh, we had done it a coupletimes and then we put it away.
But that is supposed to go inthe Christmas light box.
(12:48):
And it wasn't in the Christmaslight box.
So that annoyed me.
And then I saw that things hadnot been put away.
In a way that I would have doneit.
Okay.
This is important.
I'm not judging me or myhusband.
I'm making an observation.
Okay.
I'm at a judged initially.
Totally fine.
Then today I had a conversationwith my husband.
(13:11):
And we talked about.
This situation.
And some more.
And I started by telling myhusband my intention.
I said, Hey.
I want you to know that Iappreciate you putting all the
Christmas stuff away.
And you didn't do anything wrongin what I'm about to say next.
It already sounds like I'm aboutto say something wrong, right?
(13:33):
Like I.
I always feel like I want toknow what people are saying
before they say it because Iwant to correct my behavior
before people say it.
That's probably, that's mypeople pleaser nature and, So
naturally conversations likethis are going to be hard
because I want to find asolution, but again, I just went
in with the intention of, Hey,I'd love to find a way for us to
(13:54):
communicate better.
About putting things away andorganizing in a way that works
for both of us.
Are you prepared to have thisconversation with me right now?
And he's like, yeah, sure.
Right.
No big deal.
Easy.
So I, I told him a little bitabout the situation.
I said, Hey, we got everythingout.
It was awesome.
(14:14):
This is what I had done to letthings go.
And then we were putting thingsaway and I had the intention of
trying to downsize more, tryingto figure out if we really
needed these things.
And really just understandingwhat we want from all of this
stuff in the future.
Does everything need this amountof detail?
Nope.
That was my idea.
Right.
And my ideas are worth talkingabout.
(14:37):
So I asked him, when you put thestuff away, did you see if there
were any labels on the boxes?
And he's like, I just knew thatthey were Christmas boxes.
And I knew that the stockingswould go in with the ornaments
because.
Those were because I justremember that's how it was when
(14:57):
we got them out this year.
I said, okay.
But did you look for labels thatmight have.
You know, what is in each boxand he's like, no, I didn't look
for labels.
I said, okay.
I said, what about the Christmaslight box?
Do you know where that is?
He's like, well, I'm not donetaking Christmas lights down.
So the Christmas lights are in atote in the garage.
(15:18):
I was like, cool.
Do you know where the Christmaslight box is?
And he's like, no, I don't evenknow what it looks like.
Like cool.
So.
We happened to be driving atthis time.
And our girls were needing ourattention in the back.
So not only am I trying to havethis conversation and then
remember it in a way that Icould deliver it on a podcast to
show you what happened and howit worked and blah, blah, blah.
(15:41):
But I started getting agitatedand I communicated that right
away.
And I was like, Hey, I'm gettingfrustrated with this with our
situation right now.
So let's pause for a second andwe paused.
And my husband told me that hethought I was getting mad at
him.
And I was like, oh no, that's soimportant that you said that
because I'm not getting mad atyou.
(16:03):
I am getting agitated withgetting interrupted.
I don't like getting interruptedwhen I want to have.
A conversation.
I think it's important to beable to see it through and to
not have our brains going in somany different directions.
So 10 minutes later.
I wasn't agitated anymore.
And I asked, Hey, I don't feelagitated anymore, but are you
(16:26):
okay if we were to continue thisconversation?
Right?
Cause like this is a two-waystreet.
It's not just about me, but Ialso have to respect.
Where I'm at in my brain andwhat I can handle in certain
situations.
Cool.
Awesome.
So we continued the conversationand I asked him, you know, what
could I have done differently tocommunicate what I wanted with
(16:48):
all this stuff and how to put itaway?
He's like, well, I don't know,because we were having people
over and it needed to be putaway and I was like, yeah,
that's a good call.
Part of it is just finding thetime to talk and.
Get into a rhythm where we arehaving these conversations about
what we want to do in our home.
(17:08):
And we had done that, but notwith a ton of intention.
Yeti Stereo Microphone & (17:10):
Quick interruption in the show.
I want to take a quick moment totalk about something that means
the world to me.
Your reviews.
Reviews or like fuel for thispodcast, they help more amazing
people like you discover it.
And remind me why I'm sharingthis journey here with you.
I want to give a big shout outto simply Leanne for their
thoughtful review.
(17:31):
They wrote.
Hearing someone say you candeclutter be organized and have
ADHD.
Is so empowering love havingothers to do this journey with
girl.
Thank you so much.
If you found value in thispodcast.
I'd be so grateful.
If you take a moment to leave aquick review.
(17:51):
Wherever you're listening orshare this with someone you feel
like the message could resonatewith, who knows.
You might even hear your words.
And if future episode.
Now let's get back to it.
Yeti Stereo Microphone & Fac (18:04):
So I feel like we're building on a
pretty strong foundation wherewe don't get mad at each other
when we're talking.
So please know that if you getangry at your spouse, when
you're having theseconversations, that's okay.
But part of this is just goingin curious, I made the comment
that I feel like.
The organizing falls on me.
Like decluttering our home andgetting it to the point where it
(18:26):
feels organized falls on me.
And it's not because he makes mefeel that way.
It's just because of life and.
I'm the woman, right?
I'm the one who's managing ourhousehold.
So I should be in charge of allof that.
There's a lot of ingrainedbeliefs in there.
So it didn't even cross my mindto truly ask him for more help.
(18:51):
So we continued to talk and hesaid, I don't know that I would
feel comfortable helping,because I don't want to do it in
a way that doesn't make sense toyou, or I don't want to mess up.
And.
That felt really real to me too.
I've noticed that I love to bein control of situations.
I said this earlier, right?
I want to know what you expectfrom me before you say it out
(19:12):
loud, because I don't wantanyone to ever criticize me.
That is a scary thing.
I, and I would rather know whatyou want from me before.
But that doesn't always happen.
My husband has ADHD too and it'sso important that we're
recognizing that in each other,because it helps us show up for
one another, a little bitbetter.
Then I was reflecting on thistime where we are all in the
(19:33):
basement together a couple ofweeks ago.
And we have this little crawlspace that's above the basement
area.
And he was helping me clean itall out.
I was handing him things.
The girls were down thereplaying.
We were getting things done.
And as we walked back upstairs,I just remember feeling so
grateful that we had all workedtogether.
I didn't feel like I was tryingto complete a project.
(19:54):
I was just moving through themotions of getting through a
project.
And I had my husband who wassupporting me through that as
well.
So I did ask do you want to helpme declutter and organize?
And he goes, well, I mean,there's things that I'd rather
be doing.
Yeah.
There's things I'd rather bedoing too.
But after I had reflected onthat basement thing, he said,
(20:16):
yeah.
And it would get done in fastertime if we did it together.
And then if we're talkingthrough things, So I don't have
the issue where my husband willpull things out of the trash
and.
And prevent me from getting ridof something.
And it's kind of funny thatevery once in a while, when I
(20:37):
have trouble letting go ofsomething, yes, I do coach
people through letting go.
And I can support you throughthe process.
But when it comes to my ownemotions, I still have to walk
through.
What I have let go of and asksome of these questions to
myself.
So that I can get past theemotional attachment to it.
(20:57):
And my husband actually helps methrough that.
He is a phenomenal standup.
Super handsome guy.
So very, very grateful.
This might not be the case forall of you.
And so I wanted to share thatwith you because.
While that conversation wentincredibly well.
(21:18):
And in the end, I realize that Ilike to control a lot of things.
And when I let go of controlover situations, not only does
my life become a little biteasier because I asked for help
and I get help.
But then I can start to seethings in new and different
ways.
I honestly have not taken enoughtime to truly communicate.
(21:41):
The things that I want to happenin our home.
What a learning experience.
This has been for me.
But while this has had such apositive outcome and an outcome
that I didn't necessarily expectin us organizing together, I
also realize.
How uncomfortable it was, itfelt so uncomfortable.
(22:02):
And that's normal.
As you're communicating, becausecommunication is going to be
essential to your success.
As you're going through yourhouse and especially if you have
older kids and people who dowhatever they want, wherever
they want on whatever they want,it's so important that you tell
people what your desires are.
As you approach a conversationwith your significant other, I
(22:24):
want you to notice.
And be aware of a couple ofthings.
The first thing is your.
Mental stability.
Are you dysregulated?
And ready to lash out orrationally.
That's not the greatest time tohave a conversation.
Believe it or not.
If you want production to happenfrom it.
(22:46):
If you are frustrated, that isthe time that you're going to
step away.
We can get dysregulated.
And those are the times that wesay things that we don't
necessarily mean.
And that's the time we stepaway.
And we find a way to be quietwith ourselves.
Maybe you take a bath, maybe youcrawl into the corner of your
(23:08):
closet and have a good cry.
Whatever you need to do.
Do that first.
When you feel like you'reemotionally ready to have a
conversation, ask if yoursignificant others is as well.
So start with your emotionalregulation.
Okay.
So you're both ready to havethis conversation.
Now you're going to set yourintentions for the conversation.
(23:29):
What is your intention for theend of this conversation?
Hey, I want to talk to you aboutorganizing today because.
That's something I would like tochange in our lives.
We have a lot of stuff in ourhome.
It feels overwhelming.
It does feel like it's myresponsibility.
And I would love to talk to youmore about what my goals look
(23:51):
like and how you might be ableto support me through that goal.
If you're willing.
Okay.
So start with that intention.
What does that intention looklike?
Write it down.
Maybe you journal about it.
That's okay.
Save this episode.
Maybe you send this episode tothem.
I be like, Hey, I want to have aconversation with you, but I'm
going to send you this firstbecause these are the steps I'm
going to follow.
Okay.
Cool.
(24:12):
All right.
So now you are in a good mood.
And you've set an intention.
And now.
You are going to start talking.
But you were going to talk withalso the intention.
Of listening.
Listening, but what if I have anidea and I have to say it right
away, I get it.
Totally get it because you will.
(24:33):
You will have an idea and guesswhat?
If you forget it.
Cool.
Because how many other ideashave you forgotten?
Yeah.
Are they the greatest ideas inthe entire world?
Absolutely.
But will you have another one infive seconds also?
Yes.
Okay, it'll come back and if itdoesn't.
That's okay.
You are still you and you'reincredible.
And you've got so many otherincredible things to say, So
(24:55):
you're going to start.
By talking about your idea.
Hey.
I'm so excited about gettingdecluttered this year.
What are your thoughts on this?
Going curious, right?
That is going to be the nextstep.
Now you start asking questionsand they're going to start
asking questions too.
That's the biggest thing.
(25:15):
It's a back and forth.
And if they say something thatfeels strange to you or you
don't feel like, you know whatthey mean?
Clarify.
Like, I don't like that.
You're decluttering.
Okay.
Tell me why you don't like theidea of decluttering.
Would you like to be a part ofthis process?
Maybe you could even ask in thebeginning.
(25:36):
What would you like your role tobe in decluttering, letting go
and getting our home a bit moreorganized.
Would you like me to start totalk about where things go and
where we might be able to findthings.
Are there any concerns you haveabout me letting go of things?
Another part of thiscommunication aspect is that we
(25:57):
think we know the answer.
To everyone's problems becausethis home is our home.
We manage it.
This is our small business.
Right now we have an inventoryof stuff that we have to manage.
Along with the people in it.
And we think that we know howit's going to work perfectly.
Now we might be in charge.
But that does not mean that weknow how things are going to
(26:20):
work.
This incredible woman I talkedto the other day in Texas was
telling me about how, when shelistened to my podcast on her
daughter, cleaning her room.
She said I had tried so manythings and it would not stay
clean.
It wasn't until I asked her.
What.
What she wanted and what wouldwork for her?
(26:43):
That she truly started to makechanges that would actually work
for her.
And I was so honored that workedin her space.
I was working in the garage overthe summer and my husband works
for a brewery.
So he has a bunch of like coolstuff that he can hand out on a
regular basis, like stickers andcoasters and.
(27:04):
All kinds of stuff and I wasorganizing it in the garage.
I was coming up with a systemfor him on how he could.
Like do this when he was goingto different events and
different clients and thingslike that.
And then.
And then I asked him.
I started asking him questionsabout like what he would need.
And he told me how he runs hisbusiness and what he does.
(27:24):
And I was like, oh my gosh,nothing I would have done would
have been a solution for him.
It wouldn't have made his lifeharder.
He would have been able to findthings easier, but it wouldn't
have been in a systemenvironment that would work for
him.
Whereas after I talked to him,We were able to set it up so
much more effectively.
It was really cool.
(27:45):
So by asking questions, we getdiverse perspectives and
opinions on how things should berun or how things could be run
in a different way.
So even your kids might haveideas.
It's okay to ask them.
And guess what?
When people feel like they're apart of the solution.
Guess what they become a partof.
The process.
(28:06):
To get to that darn solution.
And what a cool thing to bedoing this as a family.
It's pretty powerful.
So some questions that you couldask here are.
What frustrates you the mostabout this space?
What's the one thing you'd liketo see change in the next month.
One thing, not 18 things you.
(28:27):
How can I make this easier foryou?
Or maybe you ask them.
Hey, is there any way that youmight be able to make this
easier for me?
And for the spouse, that'spulling things out of the
garbage that you finally made adecision to let go of.
Hey.
What's hard about letting thisgo.
And how could I make that easierfor you?
(28:50):
You know, there's going to be alot of things that we make the
case for.
I might need that in the future.
But yeah, we might need a lot ofthings.
There's a lot of things that wedon't have that we might need in
the future.
That doesn't mean that we go outand shop for more.
And it's okay that you let go ofsomething that you do end up
needing in the future, becauseguess what?
(29:11):
You could go out and buy itagain.
The whole process of letting gois a lot more than just adding a
little sprinkling on at the endof this episode, which I need to
sum up my goodness.
As women it's so easy.
It's so easy to take control ofthe situation happening in our
(29:31):
home.
It's so easy to take on all theresponsibility because we think
we should.
It is so easy to say, this isour job, and everyone else will
just fall in line behind mebecause I have to do it.
And no one else should have todo it there's so much power in
inviting your family into theprocess, inviting your kids,
(29:52):
inviting your spouse.
And part of it is asking themthe question, if you were trying
to look for this, where wouldyou go look for it first?
sometimes we feel the need tocommunicate when we were in a
dysregulated state.
I'm just here to remind you.
That is not going to be thetime.
(30:15):
That people want to listen towhat you have to say.
Being angry and yelling aboutwhat you want.
Is not a good way to effectivelycommunicate.
It's not a good way.
To collaborate with the peoplethat you love.
Things will work so much betterwhen you take some time to truly
(30:36):
communicate what you want andneed.
And then ask them what they wantand need.
'cause I bet.
It's likely many of the samethings.
I also mentioned earlier that asI was having this conversation
with my husband, I got agitatedand it wasn't because of him.
It was because of where we were.
There were a lot ofdistractions.
There were things happening.
(30:58):
That I felt like I could notcontinue the conversation.
Without something else in theconversation, maybe triggering
me into getting more angry.
I didn't want that, that wasn'tpart of the outcome I wanted.
So I made a decision to stop theconversation.
Luckily, my husband was okaywith that, but also if I had
come back to the conversation,said, Hey, do you want to still
(31:18):
continue to talk?
And he wasn't ready.
Okay.
So now we've got to find somespace where we're both ready to
have that conversation at thesame time.
Be okay with this not goingwell, because it's something
that you're learning and growingtoward.
Changes in your household taketime and patients and you might
actually have to communicatethis 5, 10, 15 times for people
(31:42):
to finally understand and tolisten to you.
But keep doing it.
It's a skill that you can buildStart small, keep talking and
just celebrate every little win.
I invite you to have aconversation.
With your family this week.
(32:02):
What's one conversation youcould have this week to make
organizing a little easier inyour household.
Before we wrap up today, I wantto remind you of a few ways to
stay connected and get even moresupport.
If today's episode hit home foryou or you're ready to dive
deeper.
I'd love to help you through myupcoming membership, which opens
(32:22):
this.
Wednesday.
You can join thewaitlist@mindfulmegs.com forward
slash collective.
To be the first to grab a spot.
I have founding member pricingavailable until January 31st.
So like I said, that drops onthe 15th.
And one of the first downloadsand supportive tools I have
(32:45):
available to you as I've puttogether a way to plan out your
conversation.
Because yes, planning out ourconversations can be very, very
helpful Based on the podcastepisode, I just delivered to you
today.
So that will be a downloadablein the membership.
When you join.
And while you're there, don'tforget to download my free
dopamine menu on the website.
(33:06):
It's full of fun, quick ideashelp you get a boost of
motivation when you need it.
And natural dopamine ideasinstead of going for that quick
scroll or getting locked into.
Social media craziness forhours.
If you need additional supportnavigating these challenges.
I am an ADHD organizing coach.
(33:29):
And I support you through makingthe smaller changes in your life
to help you declutter.
Let go get organized and feel somuch better in this space.
No matter where you are.
I would love to have aconversation.
There's more information aboutcoaching on my website.
There's also a link in the shownotes below.
If you just want to jump on acall with me and we can see if
(33:51):
it's a good fit.
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