November 14, 2024 • 47 mins
What if the secret to empowerment lies in blending therapy with coaching? Join us for an enlightening discussion with Ashley LaButte, the inspiring founder of Snail Male Sisterhood and host of the Power Up Yourself Podcast. Ashley shares her remarkable story of rising from rock bottom, navigating the complexities of self-identity and trauma, to becoming a beacon of empowerment. We unpack the courage it takes to step away from societal expectations, explore the synergy between therapy and coaching, and the transformative power of community in personal growth. Ashley's journey serves as a powerful reminder that true healing requires both professional guidance and genuine connections.
Our conversation also dives into the multifaceted nature of personal development, highlighting the value of seeking diverse perspectives and resources like therapists, coaches, and mentors. By comparing mental health challenges to physical injuries, we underscore the necessity of a comprehensive healing process. Discover how journaling, meditation, and breath work can be transformative tools for positivity and change. Ashley’s insights into therapeutic approaches and coaching specialties encourage listeners to find the perfect mix for personal growth, showing that these are evolving tools that adapt as we do.
Ashley also introduces us to her heartwarming international snail mail project, a refreshing antidote to our digital age.
Free Resources: https://linktr.ee/Our.Oasis.Podcast.Community
Instagram: @ouroasiscommunitypodcast
🔔 And if you haven’t subscribed yet,
Guess info:
IG: @tshley.labutte
website: linktr.ee/ashleylabutte
Disclaimer: It's essential to note that while I am a therapist, this podcast is not a substitute for therapy. The stories and discussions shared here are meant to inform and inspire but should not replace
Emergency Helplines
- Emergency: 988
- NAMI Helpline: 1-800-950-NAMI (6264) - www.nami.org/help
- National Crisis Text Line: Text HELLO to 741741
- National Suicide Prevention Lifeline: 1-800-273-8255 or 988 - www.suicidepreventionlifeline.org
- National Domestic Violence Hotline: 1-800-799-7233 - www.thehotline.org
- SAMHSA Helpline: 1-800-662-HELP (4357) - www.samhsa.gov
- LGBT Trevor Project Lifeline: 1-866-488-7386 - www.thetrevorproject.org
- Veterans Crisis Line: 1-800-273-TALK (8255) - www.veteranscrisisline.net
- Ayuda en Español: 1-888-628-9454 - www.suicidepreventionlifeline.org/es
- National Deaf Therapy: www.nationaldeaftherapy.com
- BIPOC Therapist Finder:
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:02):
Hi, I'm Ashley LaButte.
You can find me on Instagram atashleylabute.
I am the founder of Snail MaleSisterhood.
If you want to sign up for that, for letter writing, for
empowering, sending empoweringmessages to other women, it is
wwwsnailmalesisterhoodcom.
(00:22):
Snailmalesisterhoodcom.
I am the podcast host of PowerUp Yourself Podcast.
Speaker 2 (00:40):
Hello, beautiful souls, and welcome to Oroasis
Community Podcast.
I am Dr Roldan, your host.
I am a doctor in clinicalpsychology, a BIPOC therapist
professor and a mindful somaticcoach.
While I am a therapist,remember I'm not your therapist.
This podcast is not asubstitute for professional
mental health care, but we haveresources in our website and
Instagram to support you in thatsearch.
(01:00):
Join us for a cozy, feltconversation about mental health
, personal growth andmindfulness.
We explore tools to care foryour mind, your body and your
soul.
Check the footnotes fordisclaimer, trigger warnings and
additional resources for eachone of the episodes.
So grab your favorite cup oftea, coffee or hot chocolate,
(01:24):
wrap yourself in a warm blanketand find a coffee spot here with
us to be kind to be brave, loudand strong in your search of
mental health wellness.
Welcome to your Oasis, helloeverybody, and welcome again.
(01:45):
I hope you have got your drink.
As always, today we're sharinga special drink with my friend,
ashley, because we, as you cansee, we have the same tumblers.
I have a beautiful, amazingmatcha tea.
What do you have, ashley?
I have electrolytes, haveelement.
(02:05):
She has element.
Okay, and today I just want totell everybody, grab a pen or a
pencil, a piece of paper thatyou can write into in your
journal, maybe, because today Ihave one of not only my good
friends, but also a person thatI admire and I love.
(02:27):
Her name is Ashley.
She is a coach and, as you know, here in Oroasis Community
Podcast, we talk with coaches,mental health professionals and
holistic practitioners.
Ashley, tell us a little bitabout how did you start to be a
coach or what is a coach to you?
Because, uh, we have beentalking with our audience about
(02:50):
the difference between coach,holistic practitioners and
therapy so how I started is Ihad to go on a completely
self-discovery, self-helpjourney.
Speaker 1 (03:03):
I had to hit my rock bottom and had to figure out how
to essentially solve thoseproblems.
So it was starting to go totherapy.
It was going to a 12-stepprogram.
It was getting closer to Godand it was getting coaches.
If it was fitness coaches andit was getting coaches.
If it was fitness coaches, ifit was relationship coaches, if
(03:26):
it was business coaches, it was.
I needed people in my world tohelp me get to the best version
that I could be and I personallythink that you can't have
therapy without coaching.
I think it's the perfect mixesto have both, because a
therapist, I believe, isspecialized in a certain area,
whereas coaches are in differentareas.
(03:47):
I personally think that a coachnormally has gone through that
experience, so they understandyour pain and your struggle,
whereas therapists they couldhave gone through the pain and
struggle, but they're also verybook.
I will say they're book andeducation based, whereas coach
is through experience.
(04:07):
So how I have become a coach isbecause I have gone through
experiences.
I have gone from the lows.
I've gone from hating myselfusing my weight as a disability.
I've gone have like, lost myvoice and then had to reclaim my
voice.
I am like the biggest person offinding your authenticity and
(04:29):
being your truest self and notbreaking promises to yourself.
So it's literally using toolsto be able to make the best
version of yourself and havingthe right support team around
you.
Speaker 2 (04:42):
So what I'm understanding is you went
through what we call it rockbottom.
Right, we all have been there,done that, where we are in the
floor snobbing and crying orwe're about to just walk out of
our relationship or just walkout of a home, changing our life
completely 180.
So can you tell me what was thecatalyst that you say enough is
(05:06):
enough of the life that I'mliving In our Oasis community?
We have learned that our brainis designed to keep us safe,
right, even if that safety equalbeing in the same drama, in the
same toxicity that isdestroying us, because it's more
scary to go to the unknown thatstaying in the same language
(05:29):
crap that we have been all theseyears, because it's the only
thing that we know.
It takes so much courage and somuch shedding all those ideas
that society or parents andother media has put in us.
So tell me what was yourcatalyst, what it was like.
Make Ashley Ashley now.
Speaker 1 (05:51):
So there's actually so many things.
So well, there's all of my likeI will say trauma from my
childhood.
That has all built up, but whatreally like started it was I
actually lost my job.
And within that time of losingmy job, I have no reason why I
(06:13):
lost.
My answer was your contract wasnot renewed.
So I have all of thesespeculations of why so unknown
answers.
Speculations of why so unknownanswers.
Within that time, until I foundmy next job, I probably gained
40 pounds because I sat therenumbing myself with food.
I just laid in bed, numbedmyself because it was really
(06:41):
ironic.
How it happened is because,like that prior week, I was like
I finally found my purpose inlife.
My purpose in life is to be aworker and then I didn't have my
job, so I lost my wholeidentity, so I went to food
because I didn't know.
The answer I finally answeredis now not answered again.
So I remember it was in Februaryof 2020.
I was going to a wedding it waslike the very beginning of
(07:05):
February and I was at mysister's house and I was getting
ready for this wedding and I'mputting Spanx on and these Spanx
kept rolling down and I was sopissed at myself and I was like
this is literally enough isenough.
I need to stop using excuses,and everywhere in my life I am
(07:25):
not happy with my life.
I'm not happy how I look.
I do not love myself, like Idon't.
Like.
There were prior times where Iwanted to take my life, but
those were just like parts of it, whereas now I'm like I truly
don't even know who.
I am Nothing.
I'm like I just hate my life.
So I hit that rock bottom.
(07:45):
That next day I started lookinginto 12 step programs for
overeating.
I ended up getting a therapist.
So I started making changes andI ended up getting a coach.
I had a sponsor.
I had people around me, becauseI had to have people around me
that have gone through this too.
(08:06):
So with making those changes, Ihad to.
With the therapy, I was alwaystold if you go to therapy,
you're considered weak.
So I had to lose that personaof always hearing that and being
like no, I am strong becauseI'm going to go, take steps and
(08:26):
go to therapy and get the helpthat I actually need, and not
listen to the outside noise.
Speaker 2 (08:32):
And just to all our audience that is listening to us
right now just trigger warningbecause this episode it will
talk about eating disorders,suicide ideation and everything
that comes with mental health.
So if you need to take a breakright now because while we are
going to talk it can betriggering for you, in the
footnotes we have eatingdisorders support groups and
(08:57):
emergency phone numbers that youcan check, and also we have
other social media that you cango and check.
That is for healthy eating andmindfulness.
And why not?
Just what we want is that youtake care of yourself.
Our stories are powerful butalso can activate you.
So do what is best for yournervous system and what is best
for your mind.
(09:18):
So, returning with you, I hearyou like what a lot of us go
through, like our persona isthis label that has been put by
society, like I'm a hard worker,I'm the first in the family, I
am the daughter, so, and so Ihave this much pride.
Or, depending on who you are,I'm the skinny of the family.
(09:43):
I have to stay like that.
You are the skinny of thefamily.
I have to stay like that.
Or I'm the one that everybodylabels the overweight one, and I
don't like this term, butthat's how a lot of families use
it.
I'm the crazy one that well,one, that hench one, which in
reality were the scapegoat whenyou were going through that
(10:07):
transformation.
And I love why you say that Igot a 12-step program.
I got a therapist and a coach,because people, sometimes we
don't understand that when wehave a mental breakdown or we
have going through trauma,that's an injury.
You will not go around with abroken arm just going around and
work right.
(10:28):
You will take a little bit oftime, heal it and go to the
specialist, and then you have togo to a physical therapist to
make it like work again.
And then you have to goprobably to holistic healing to
help you to like get the skinback and all that kind of stuff
right.
We go through different steps.
It's not just one fix all.
So my kind of red flag foranybody out there that either is
(10:51):
with a therapist, coach or inbetween, or even mentors if they
promise you that they, you onlyneed them.
That's a red flag.
What do you think about that,ashley?
Speaker 1 (11:02):
Oh, I totally agree and it's really funny because
you need more than one person,because if you're going with
just that one person, you'rejust going to listen to what
that one person is because youwant that fix.
I essentially say, like youjust want that one person that's
on your team saying, hey,you're doing a good job, keep up
(11:23):
the good work.
Whereas when you have differentpeople and they're bringing in
different aspects, I say thatit's essentially like bringing
up different parts of you.
It's bringing shadows up toyour light, because the more
people that you have around youthat are trying to help you grow
, to move through your process,they're going to see different
aspects of you.
They're going to bring updifferent parts of you.
(11:45):
So if you only have a therapistor you only have a coach or you
just have one thing, or you justhave one of one, like not many
people, then you're not going tobe having essentially that
mirror to project back to youwhat you need to see.
The more people, I say, thebetter, because if I go to just
talk, therapy is I'm just goingto sit there I could be
(12:08):
essentially venting to like agirlfriend all day.
It's essentially like the samething, but they bring up other
aspects of it.
My coach I could become buddybuddies with too.
It's just like what yourrelationship is.
And then I'm not saying staywith the same therapist all the
time or stay with the same coachis there are times where you
will actually outgrow yourtherapist, you'll outgrow your
(12:30):
coach, and you have to have thepower within you to know when to
actually make that change andnot sit there and be like, well,
I feel bad because I complete.
Honestly, I did that and that'snot advocating for myself.
I needed to advocate for myselfto grow.
And those times when you needto let go, those are the times
(12:51):
when you know that you're makingthat big next step and that's
where it gets scary.
Speaker 2 (12:56):
Right, and just to piggyback on that I also love,
therapy is not forever.
You don't go to the ICU, youdon't go to the specialist all
your life.
Yes, there is chronic illnessthat you have to, but you go for
tune-ups, right.
And also, the other thing istherapy has different flavors,
meaning we have DVTs, cbt, actand a whole plethora of other
(13:21):
ones.
The same with coaches we have amental health, a childhood
coach.
We have what do you say?
Body positive, body embodiment,the other one that you were
talking to me Embodiment, traumacoach yeah.
So, and they have so manydifferent coaches the same with
(13:43):
mentors, right.
It depends what next level youwant to reach and also if you're
able to just use the resourcesthat you have.
So I invite anybody that islistening to.
This is like if you haveinsurance and you can afford
going for a coach and atherapist, go for it.
If you can get also anutritionist or even somebody
(14:05):
that is going to work like ahealth coach, get it, because
that is what it helps you tokeep the whole persona right,
because we're not only one thing, we're not just our mental
health, we're not just our body,we're not just what happened to
us, we're a multitude of things.
So can you share with ouraudience a story where you
practice what you have beenlearning?
(14:28):
Because I feel like, if youguys know Ashley and I invite
you to go see her in her chitchats that she do every morning.
They are amazing.
In those chit chats she talksabout real things in life, but
she creates something that isbeautiful, and I think she
(14:51):
created also out of a necessitythat she saw, not only for
herself but for others, becausethis girl journals journals all
the time like a lot.
So can you share with ouraudience that positive
experience and success that, outof the darkness of your journal
, if you will, you move to whatyou have created that is so
beautiful for our audience toknow.
Speaker 1 (15:12):
So it's.
There's many tools I use.
So I use a lot of meditation, Iuse a lot of breath work, I use
a lot of journaling.
But I feel like they all kindof go hand in hand, because if
you meditate or breath work,like to remember what you
actually did, to journal it, orif you have a dream at night,
like first thing right down, soyou actually remember your
(15:32):
dreams.
So, using journaling, I alwaysask myself why.
So like if I'm in a really badstate, my first thing to do is
to go journal because I need toget that out.
Me sitting in there and justspinning with my thoughts is not
going to solve the problem.
I need to get those thoughtsout and on paper is the best
(15:55):
form for me.
So I will journal and I'll belike why am I feeling this?
Where did this come from?
Why, why, why.
And I just keep asking myselfwhy.
And I will tell you when youask yourself and when you think
you got to the bottom of theanswer, ask yourself like five
more questions, because I betyou you can dig even deeper.
And when you do that you learnso much about yourself.
(16:18):
And I mean it is not easy.
There are times where you justbreak down and you're like, ah
shit, like I didn't even realizethere was that that was coming
up.
Like there was like a span forlike two weeks where I journaled
for an hour every day and Iwill tell you, those were the
(16:38):
times where I got like the mostclarity and I'm like I need to
go back doing that because itwas just such a wealth of
information because literallyevery answer that you have is
actually inside of you.
We just want to look everywhereelse because we don't know how
to trust ourselves.
So journaling is actually goingso far in.
(16:59):
So, with the journaling, likethat's where, like my snail mail
came in because I'm there's allof this writing and to actually
get people to write otherletters to other people because
writing is so beneficial.
Yes, and I feel like, with howsociety is going now, with so
many being, I see, feel like somany people feel like that it's
(17:23):
so much more negative versuspositive and just receiving junk
mail and bills.
Speaker 2 (17:31):
Essentially the negative things, like I don't
want to go check my mailbox,it's just junk.
It adds in probably a bill formy student loans until my
student's out of there.
Exactly what I like aboutwriting and what I like about
journal.
Any therapist and any coachthat you know, the first thing
(17:53):
that they're going to tell youto do is journal.
And you may wonder why, which,by the way, I have a free
beginner's journal differenttypes in the link so you can get
it for free, and I know Ashleyalso has another one and we will
put it in the notes too.
But mindfulness is reflection.
(18:15):
Right, that's an act ofmindfulness, reflecting in your
day.
And I also told my clients allthe time just have word vomit
where you put everything thatotherwise you will consume or
like.
Unfortunately you will consumeor like, unfortunately you will
purge.
It's easier to do it in paperthan doing it to ourselves,
(18:35):
because we are such a bullyinside of ourselves we say such
a negative and mean things.
But when we journal that, weenhance the eyesight of like oh
God, I am being horrible tomyself.
One, two, it's tangible tokeepsakes Meaning.
If you see my journals when Istart therapy versus now, you
(18:58):
can see the progress and thetrajectory of that One.
And I know everybody that'slistening is in shock.
But therapists also go totherapy.
If they don't, that's a superred flag, super red flag.
The same with your coaches.
If your coach is like oh my God, I just went, no, because you
cannot preach something that youhaven't practiced yourself
right.
So that's my FYI.
(19:19):
But what I like about the snailmail is that we are very nice to
other people, especially if wesee them that they're struggling
with something or we see themthat in that entry level that we
were in the past.
So when we write snail mailletters to people that we don't
know or we are going to get toknow, kind of like remember back
(19:43):
in the day when you were inschool and we did pen pal, when
did we lose that?
Like now, when you the versionof, or kiddos have in our teens
is the phones, yeah, thesephones, uh.
And it's not like you writenice things we're going to troll
on, because people gets more,um, kind of like the word vomit.
(20:04):
Like I said before, people doesthat in media in your negative
comments.
That's people projecting,expressing the darkness that
they have inside because theydon't have another outlet.
So enhance also the way that wecan create empathy for
ourselves and others.
(20:26):
And to tell you that when I geta snail mail letter, I get all
giggly and all excited and alllike and I have to plant, like,
I have my, I haven't sent it,but um, I, I sit down and I'm
like, okay, what kind of paperthis person will like, what kind
of stickers I can put.
I go to all the way that I evenbuy a little thing that you put
for the letters.
(20:46):
That way they smell uh pretty.
You know, like I go all out,probably because I'm also old
and back in the day that waslike super cool.
But it's almost like I inviteanybody out there to write a
love letter to yourself and notthinking, oh my gosh, I'm this,
I'm that.
I want you to think like if itwas that little girl, that
(21:09):
little person that is in theother side.
And that's why Ashley create ina very creative expression of
love to the world, because whodoesn't need a little more cheer
up in our world?
Right?
And also, how many of you havegone to your mailbox?
And it's just like, oh my God,right Now I go to the mailbox
(21:31):
because I don't just have Ashley, I have other friends and stuff
that are around the world thatwe make a pact that we will
write letters or we do voicethings.
It's something that connects usmore because in a letter you see
more the time and effort thatthe person has put on, also the
person that is writing theletter.
(21:51):
You create endorphins, youcreate more serotonin you also
create.
You lower your cortisol levelsbecause the act of writing and I
don't care how you write,because I had chicken scratch
writing and you know it lookslike a spider when can-can in
the paper, but it's okay becauseI know the person in the other
(22:13):
side is going to take a minuteto figure out.
It's like is this S R?
You know it takes a minutebecause that's how I write, but
the act of being present tryingto figure out the chicken
scratch that I write, or the actof being grounded by grabbing
that paper and just smell it,look at it and feel it, that
(22:36):
creates so much wellness for you.
So, ashley, tell us a littlebit more.
How is your snail mail goingand what are you doing with that
?
Where is the?
Where's the dream with it?
Speaker 1 (22:48):
So I'm so excited because snail mail is already
international, so it's in the U?
S and Canada right now.
So we're hoping to go broader.
We just started but like Ithink there's like 26 people
already which I'm so proud ofbecause I'm like now I can have
(23:08):
26 women that are all connectedby sending mail to each other.
Like most of them probablydon't even know each other that
they just get to send this pieceof mail.
And it brings me back to sendingletters to military soldiers
and send it.
I don't know anything about thembesides their name, and that
they're protecting us, anythingabout them besides their name
(23:33):
and that they're protecting us.
And there'd be the rare occasionwhere I would receive a letter
back and it brought so much joyto me because I'd be like, like,
and there's sometimes where Iwould just cry, but it's like
the act of literally writing theletter because you're giving
something to someone and that'swhy there's the snail mail is
like you're giving someone aletter, you're giving someone
the words that you're probablyyearning to hear yourself, that
(23:53):
you're giving to someone elseand that person, energetically,
they probably need those wordstoo, because you don't know when
that letter is gonna arrive,right, they could be going
through a bad day and thatletter is what changes them and
that's where I see this wholething.
Like it's gonna just be globally, that it's just going to be
(24:13):
this letter of positivity.
It's kind of like pen pales,but we're making it more fun as
like, I guess, adults, becauseit's not going to be the same
person, it's going to be adifferent person.
So, like, energetically.
We're getting connected to somany other women, whereas I feel
like as a community, we're sodisconnected where this is going
(24:34):
to bring us closer but it'sgoing back to like not going to
social media and stuff like allof like the stuff that we
consider like maybe possiblytoxic Now we're going back to
the old school, where you'regoing to actually have to wait
and actually possibly like ifit's international, you have to
go wait, you have to go to thepost office.
So it's kind of like gettingyourself out there too to go do
(24:57):
those things.
So I just see it as that andthen maybe potentially like
getting grouped together likesessions on Zoom or something
one day, so that you canactually see the people that
you're actually talking to,maybe talk to them face to face
too.
So I just want it to be likethis huge community of women,
(25:18):
just empowering, being positiveand just being connected,
because I feel like if you'regoing on a self-discovery or
you're low or something, all youneed is like you need that one
other person to see you and tohear you, and this is your
opportunity for it right anddon't you.
Speaker 2 (25:37):
And for the audience, it's not that she picks random,
random like, saying like yousay, I sign up and that's it.
No, she actually selects peoplereally carefully, in the sense
of like, because I remember onceupon a time and I'm going to
age myself before MySpace andall that we do actually use
letters Also, I come from adeveloping country, so
(26:01):
technology came 20 years later.
But we will do letters andsometimes you will get letters
that were kind of like iffy, youknow, like you were like.
And sometimes you will getletters that were kind of like
iffy, you know like you werelike.
Who sent me this kind of thing?
But I want everybody to grabthat piece of paper or that
journal that you have right nowin front of you and I just want
(26:23):
you to take one second, justthis second, to write one love
word for you.
Second, to write one love wordfor you.
And now I want you to think andlook at that word, because
probably it's really hard foryou to write a love word for you
.
But now that you heard Ashleyand you hear me, I want you to
(26:47):
write a word that you think itrepresents either, or One for
Ashley and one for me.
Write a word in your paper andI will do the same.
So let me grab my pen.
So one for Ashley and one forme, okay, so Ashley, what do you
(27:12):
wrote?
Speaker 1 (27:14):
well, first I wrote butterfly, but then I put it to
love and I put cookie andfinally I put butterfly too and
my word that I said for you isrose, and what I did for myself,
I did bubbles oh, I, I put theone for me, for for you, it was
(27:37):
butterfly.
Speaker 2 (27:38):
That's why I laugh, because I'm like, oh, she put
butterfly too.
So this, do you see?
Do you see these giggles thatwe just have that general?
That's in a moment, and everytime that that I will write
Butterfly, I will think aboutAshley, every time that we think
about bubbles and stuff likethat.
So the act of writing ismindful, it's intentional and
(28:00):
it's present, and that's why Iinvite Ashley today to talk to
you guys, because my journey,also as getting older and being
in this society that worshipscertain body standards that are
impossible to reach, some ofthem are like.
(28:22):
I was like why are we chasing,always being a teen, the body of
a teen?
Because that's the beautystandard that we have now here
in USA.
What happened with having avoluptuous woman?
What happened to have a realbody right?
I love now that we have otherelements where we can see
(28:46):
ourselves in representation, inthe ads, in body positivity.
That is happening.
It's a movement and I thinkpart of that movement is knowing
Ashley.
Ashley is like.
She has such a security of herbody, security of herself, and I
love how everybody's like oh myGod, you're so secure, blah,
(29:08):
blah, blah she wears.
So let me tell you how we met.
I went to this Empower coachingslash women's conference and
I'm cookie, as everybody knows.
I am always bigger than lifewhen I go through these things.
But Ashley, ashley was there ina sequence, one C, was it like
(29:34):
a sequence?
A sequence once?
Is that how you call it?
Hot pink romper, romper.
Sorry, I always forget the nameof that.
So she wasn't a romper, it washot pink, you know, like fuchsia
pink in sequence, like it wasmy disco ball.
Dreams come true, uh, and Ijust saw her and I was like I
want to go hug her and talk toher and like shake her because
(29:55):
it was so fun and I wasn't ableto talk to her that day and then
move forward another year, ayear, and we met in another
event and this time I did talkto her and everything, and then
we were in a mastermind togetherand we become like super BFFs
Because, as you can tell, wehave kind of like the same
(30:16):
bubble personality.
And I say that to you becausewhen and I don't think Ashley
knows this when I met Ashley, Ihad gone through, you know,
covid happened to all of us andI have something that is
prolonged COVID, which ittotally destroyed my immune
system and my gut system, if youwill.
(30:38):
It has taken years for me torecover from that one, but I
gained 80 pounds all at once, soyou can understand how
traumatic that was for somebody,that it was very, and also I
was very active and I wasdancing and all that and due to
the long COVID, I developedsomething called POTS.
(30:59):
Shout out to all my POTSs outthere.
And part of POTS is like youcannot exercise.
So I have 80 pounds overweightand then I cannot exercise,
right.
So when I met Ashley, I was likethis woman is a powerhouse of
(31:19):
love and everything and the waythat she talks to you about
positivity and she doesn't shyof anything.
So when I met her, I was like Istill feel, still feeling
insecure, still feeling liketrying to find my body back.
You know, when I say trying tofind my body back, I mean being
comfortable on it, right, Iwasn't chasing being the person
(31:42):
that I was before my illness.
I just was like please, let mebe healthy and I can move a
little.
Ashley walks, runs and do allthe things we were doing, some.
What do you call it Bodymovement exercise.
Everybody was sweating andstuff like that, but I have to
sit down every five seconds.
Ashley was just going and goingand going and I was like, girl,
(32:06):
you have so much energy.
Why do I say this to you?
Because you can meet peoplethat totally breaks the body
standards that we have, whichare not real, and be okay with
it.
No-transcript.
Speaker 1 (32:49):
I had to realize that the weight was a protection.
It's protecting me, it's whatmakes me beautiful.
I had to realize that I alsohad to realize of who is the
person that is essentiallyprojecting what a beautiful body
is.
Who's telling me like I'mallowed to have fat at my butt
(33:15):
and my boobs, but I can't havefat anywhere else, like who's
the person saying that?
or you can't have stretch marksor cellulite.
The cellulite, the stretchmarks, that gives you character.
That is part of your story,that is part of your journey.
Would you want to give up thatstruggle that gave you that
story?
Essentially, it's coming trueto who yourself is and then
honestly like getting help,being around people that have
(33:38):
gone through it too, because youneed that community, you need
people that actually understandyou, because for so long I'd be
like I can just eat thousandsand thousands of calories and
then I can work out for sixhours a day, and it's not a
healthy combo, because peoplewill be like, well, I can just
work out my weight?
No, you can't.
And the thing is is I don'tthink the weight is just because
(34:02):
I'm eating food, that it is.
Hey, I'm going to take a quickpill to solve it.
It's not that, hey, I need tofix my eating or I need to learn
more about nutrition.
I need to learn more aboutexercising, cause I can tell you
I can do both of those.
Perfect, you need that mentalhealth.
If your mental health is notclear, then you're not going to
have any of it because you'rejust going to sit there
(34:22):
sabotaging yourself.
You have to get to likeessentially, what is the root
problem?
What is essentially triggeringyou?
Why do you want all that food?
Why do you wake up the next dayand you have like 15 wrappers
of food behind your bed?
It's like asking, likeliterally journal those
questions too.
So it's me just those littlelike tidbits of stuff what do
(34:45):
you think, since you mentionedit.
Speaker 2 (34:47):
What do you think about I?
You mentioned it.
What do you think about?
I will say it's almost like nota pandemic, but it's very
popular now that people is usingpills to lose weight.
Speaker 1 (34:58):
Can you repeat that?
Speaker 2 (34:59):
Pills to lose weight, kind of like.
You know I cannot say the nameof it, but it's like wait a O
and you know injections and it'sBLS blockers and it's BLS
blockers, so diabetic medication, and now, because some stars
make it popular, now pretty mucheverybody goes to it.
What do you think about that?
Speaker 1 (35:18):
I don't agree with it .
So I actually was put onsomething, probably like I'd say
like 10 years ago or something,because my mother told me that
I was overweight and I had to goto the doctor and literally
made me drink so much water mymouth was caught in tongue, my
heart was going up.
Yeah, I lost a lot of weight,but it didn't solve the problem.
And just recently I actuallywent to my doctor and he was
(35:42):
just checking everything andhe's like your weight's not
doing anything.
And I'm like, well, I'm eatingbetter now.
And he's like, oh, are youreally?
I'm like, yeah, and he's like,well, maybe you should go on
like one of those injections orpills or something.
And I literally turned to him Igo, I'm going through therapy
right now to solve it, becausethe thing is that pill is going
(36:02):
to be a quick fix.
Right, once you get rid of that, it's just going to come all
back to you.
You didn't fix the root cause.
Speaker 2 (36:09):
Right.
Speaker 1 (36:09):
And I think that's people just want the quick fix.
Yes, there is no quick fix whenit comes to body weight or
anything, any of that.
So it's just hey, you have mybiggest.
This will probably be mybiggest tip is the weight did
not come overnight, so why areyou expecting the weight to go
(36:30):
away, right?
Speaker 2 (36:33):
And just to piggyback on that, I'm a firm believer
grab what you need and use itright.
But there is a point that arewe like you say quick fix.
With a quick fix come a quickfall, meaning like some people
does need the because they havethyroid problems, or, like me,
(36:55):
like they have POTS or the stuffand blah, blah, blah.
And let's not forget themedical system guides, like
women like not to worry, right.
But with that said, also is thequestion of asking ourselves if
we already try, or nutrition,exercise and or mental health.
If you don't fix or heal orexercise your mental wellness,
(37:21):
the other things are not goingto fall.
You can be the most skinny,overweight, beautiful or
whatever standard you want, thatwithout your mental health or
mental wellness, everything isgoing to go back right.
Also, you have to wonder, likeall these medications that we
put in our bodies and why not?
(37:41):
I mean, once you stop taking it, it will go back to what it was
before, meaning the necessityto consume, the necessity to get
a quick fix.
So I love when you say I wentto a 12-step program, regardless
if you're religious or not.
There are different 12-stepprograms.
(38:01):
Yes, the majority are based inreligion, meaning in God, but
there's other ones that are not,like Smart Recovery and other
support groups.
But the main important pointthat we have and I hope
everybody that is in theaudience and listening to us get
is that you need a community.
A community that is where youwere and where you want to go.
(38:26):
What do I mean with that?
I can go to a community whereeverybody's pro pills and all
this kind of stuff and quickfixes.
That is not gonna be what Iwant to see, right.
But if I go to that communityand I see people that is
starting in that community andthe people that is already out
of the community, kind of like,if you will, I'm going to use
(38:47):
again that example.
Everybody that sees the metalrat of the popular medication
right now, they see, oh my gosh,they lose this many weight of
this and that, right.
And then we have the peoplethat have been using it for a
long time and they call it aphase of where they look very,
very sick.
So you can see the spectrum.
It's the same with mentalhealth.
(39:08):
If you go to a support groupthat is pro-addiction versus
against addiction, you will seethe difference.
So even if you think you are inthese groups that are not the
best for you.
I always say give it a try,give it three sessions to
anything that you do to atherapist, to a support group,
to even a medical, and see ifthey're body match.
(39:30):
But even if they challenge yourthoughts or your feels, I want
you to journal it.
Challenge your thoughts or yourfeels.
I want you to journal itBecause in your journal you will
see the difference right.
And I don't want people to thinkthat we're against any kind of
medication or aid to help you tobe where you want to be.
Not at all.
But everything is a choice withconsequences.
(39:53):
Everything it's just learning.
Like what Ashley said the rootof the problem.
If we don't know the root,we're just's just learning.
Like what Ashley said, the rootof the problem.
If we don't know the root,we're just cutting, kind of like
the weeds.
We just got in the top butwe're not taking the root, so
they're going to come back overand over and over every summer.
So, to finalize, what advicewould you give to our audience
(40:14):
if they want to be more mindfuland care for their mental health
and their fitness health?
Speaker 1 (40:23):
So I would find for fitness, I would find what calls
to you.
And just so you know you haveseasons, you can have seasons.
So, like I had a season ofCrossFit, I'm now in a season of
just going to Planet Fitnessand just lifting body weights or
(40:43):
going for a walk outside.
So just know, like, if youthere's all different types of
exercise Just do what calls toyou because you don't have to
follow the last fad, because youdon't have to follow the last
fad, just follow what youactually need, because if you're
following what you need, you'regoing to show up more.
Versus waking up and be like, ohmy God, and just having so much
(41:07):
resistance For food is like,essentially, finding food that
you like, find like essentiallyyou can always make meals
healthier is find ways to dothat.
Get a nutritionist to help youwith that.
Or even my favorite thing isjust experiment, yeah, is
actually play with the food,because it's bringing like that
(41:29):
childlike in your feeding, yourinner child.
And then for, like, mentalhealth is literally I swear by
meditation, journaling, breathwork, even like embodiment, just
like even getting into yourbody of just dancing around or
yelling, screaming, whatever,like even any of that helps too,
(41:53):
and like I preach those thingsall the time.
Speaker 2 (41:56):
Right, and from my part I always say it took a
whole lifetime to break habitsthat you're in here.
So give yourself, little bylittle, pick one thing, just
change one thing.
For example, I don't do the gym, the gym is not my thing, but
(42:16):
you can take me rock climbing,you can take me walking, you can
take me to the beach, you cantake me water sports, right, so
I don't have to do them all, Ijust have to go first to a walk
or maybe just in the pool.
If you are changing your habitsof eating, I want you to know
(42:37):
and it will be probably inanother episode that food is a
social construct, meaning whatyou eat, it has society imposed
it to you because you go toanother country or another, yeah
, another country.
Food is not what you see here,right, we have here so many
(43:00):
choices of food and I think thatis why it complicates things.
So one I always say learn whereyour food comes from and what
it has inside.
That will help you to makebetter choices and get your and
you may say it's biased, butyeah, if you can go to therapy.
If you cannot go to therapy, goto a support group.
(43:21):
If it cannot go to a therapy orsupport group.
Go to a mentor or a coach.
If you cannot have any of them,go to your journal.
You have options.
You are not alone and rememberall parts of you are here.
Welcome and allow.
And this episode will air inSeptember, which is Yellow
(43:41):
September, and we want to remindeverybody out there that the
first two months of this fallare where college kids and
college students deal witheating disorders, suicidiation
and assault.
So if you have a loved one thatis dealing with eating
disorders or any kind of mentalillnesses or you suspect, please
(44:06):
refer to the notes in theepisode, where you will have
resources and remember we'rehere to help you, but I'm not
your therapist.
Thank you so much, ashley.
Thank you and any notes oranything else that you will want
to leave us with.
Speaker 1 (44:24):
I want to say one thing that I forgot to say, yes,
is that if you say that you'reoverweight and everything and
that someone that is skinny,they don't understand.
They can have the same issuesthat someone has that is
overweight.
So it's not about how you look,it's like, literally is the
(44:44):
inside.
So I just wanted to put thatout there.
It doesn't matter if you'reoverweight or skinny.
You can be facing the samedevils essentially.
Speaker 2 (44:51):
Yes, eating disorders is for everybody.
It's not about the size, it'swhat is inside, and also you can
be the skinny fat, as they callit.
It's also what you put in yourbody.
So I agree with you If you'restruggling with any kind of body
dysmorphia or eating disorders,please go to our links to get
(45:17):
some help and if not, pleasefollow Ashley.
Join her at Snail Mill and joinus here, too, where you're
going to learn more tips andtricks and why not?
And how to be loud, be kind andbe proud.
Until the next time, everybody,thank God.
(45:42):
As we conclude today's episode,take a moment to reflect.
Be proud of the journey, forevery step that brings you
closer to who you truly are.
Embrace the kindness towardsyourself, as you did to each one
of our guests.
Honor the bravery in youractions and celebrate the
(46:06):
importance of mental wellnesswith us.
And remember it's an exercisethat we practice daily.
Continue to grow and flourish,knowing that we are in this
training for our mental wellnesstogether.
We are so proud to have you aspart of our community, so join
(46:26):
us on Instagram at OasisCommunity Podcast for more
inspiring conversations,valuable resources and supported
content, including journals,worksheets and content in
spanish.
Exciting things are in thehorizons.
Our oasis community break roomsare coming soon to grab tools
(46:48):
and take a break for your mentalhealth.
Also, we are featuring oursix-month training ethical
mental health coaching program,designed for new and experienced
coaches, as well as holisticand healing professionals.
Enroll to create a safe andtransformative experience to
your clients.
Links in the bio.
Until next time, take care,stay connected and welcome to
(47:15):
our Oasis community.
Hi, I'm Ashley LaButte.
You can find me on Instagram atashleylabute.
I am the founder of Snail MaleSisterhood.
If you want to sign up for that, for letter writing, for
empowering, sending empoweringmessages to other women, it is
wwwsnailmalesisterhoodcom.
(00:22):
Snailmalesisterhoodcom.
I am the podcast host of PowerUp Yourself Podcast.
Speaker 2 (00:40):
Hello, beautiful souls, and welcome to Oroasis
Community Podcast.
I am Dr Roldan, your host.
I am a doctor in clinicalpsychology, a BIPOC therapist
professor and a mindful somaticcoach.
While I am a therapist,remember I'm not your therapist.
This podcast is not asubstitute for professional
mental health care, but we haveresources in our website and
Instagram to support you in thatsearch.
(01:00):
Join us for a cozy, feltconversation about mental health
, personal growth andmindfulness.
We explore tools to care foryour mind, your body and your
soul.
Check the footnotes fordisclaimer, trigger warnings and
additional resources for eachone of the episodes.
So grab your favorite cup oftea, coffee or hot chocolate,
(01:24):
wrap yourself in a warm blanketand find a coffee spot here with
us to be kind to be brave, loudand strong in your search of
mental health wellness.
Welcome to your Oasis, helloeverybody, and welcome again.
(01:45):
I hope you have got your drink.
As always, today we're sharinga special drink with my friend,
ashley, because we, as you cansee, we have the same tumblers.
I have a beautiful, amazingmatcha tea.
What do you have, ashley?
I have electrolytes, haveelement.
(02:05):
She has element.
Okay, and today I just want totell everybody, grab a pen or a
pencil, a piece of paper thatyou can write into in your
journal, maybe, because today Ihave one of not only my good
friends, but also a person thatI admire and I love.
(02:27):
Her name is Ashley.
She is a coach and, as you know, here in Oroasis Community
Podcast, we talk with coaches,mental health professionals and
holistic practitioners.
Ashley, tell us a little bitabout how did you start to be a
coach or what is a coach to you?
Because, uh, we have beentalking with our audience about
(02:50):
the difference between coach,holistic practitioners and
therapy so how I started is Ihad to go on a completely
self-discovery, self-helpjourney.
Speaker 1 (03:03):
I had to hit my rock bottom and had to figure out how
to essentially solve thoseproblems.
So it was starting to go totherapy.
It was going to a 12-stepprogram.
It was getting closer to Godand it was getting coaches.
If it was fitness coaches andit was getting coaches.
If it was fitness coaches, ifit was relationship coaches, if
(03:26):
it was business coaches, it was.
I needed people in my world tohelp me get to the best version
that I could be and I personallythink that you can't have
therapy without coaching.
I think it's the perfect mixesto have both, because a
therapist, I believe, isspecialized in a certain area,
whereas coaches are in differentareas.
(03:47):
I personally think that a coachnormally has gone through that
experience, so they understandyour pain and your struggle,
whereas therapists they couldhave gone through the pain and
struggle, but they're also verybook.
I will say they're book andeducation based, whereas coach
is through experience.
(04:07):
So how I have become a coach isbecause I have gone through
experiences.
I have gone from the lows.
I've gone from hating myselfusing my weight as a disability.
I've gone have like, lost myvoice and then had to reclaim my
voice.
I am like the biggest person offinding your authenticity and
(04:29):
being your truest self and notbreaking promises to yourself.
So it's literally using toolsto be able to make the best
version of yourself and havingthe right support team around
you.
Speaker 2 (04:42):
So what I'm understanding is you went
through what we call it rockbottom.
Right, we all have been there,done that, where we are in the
floor snobbing and crying orwe're about to just walk out of
our relationship or just walkout of a home, changing our life
completely 180.
So can you tell me what was thecatalyst that you say enough is
(05:06):
enough of the life that I'mliving In our Oasis community?
We have learned that our brainis designed to keep us safe,
right, even if that safety equalbeing in the same drama, in the
same toxicity that isdestroying us, because it's more
scary to go to the unknown thatstaying in the same language
(05:29):
crap that we have been all theseyears, because it's the only
thing that we know.
It takes so much courage and somuch shedding all those ideas
that society or parents andother media has put in us.
So tell me what was yourcatalyst, what it was like.
Make Ashley Ashley now.
Speaker 1 (05:51):
So there's actually so many things.
So well, there's all of my likeI will say trauma from my
childhood.
That has all built up, but whatreally like started it was I
actually lost my job.
And within that time of losingmy job, I have no reason why I
(06:13):
lost.
My answer was your contract wasnot renewed.
So I have all of thesespeculations of why so unknown
answers.
Speculations of why so unknownanswers.
Within that time, until I foundmy next job, I probably gained
40 pounds because I sat therenumbing myself with food.
I just laid in bed, numbedmyself because it was really
(06:41):
ironic.
How it happened is because,like that prior week, I was like
I finally found my purpose inlife.
My purpose in life is to be aworker and then I didn't have my
job, so I lost my wholeidentity, so I went to food
because I didn't know.
The answer I finally answeredis now not answered again.
So I remember it was in Februaryof 2020.
I was going to a wedding it waslike the very beginning of
(07:05):
February and I was at mysister's house and I was getting
ready for this wedding and I'mputting Spanx on and these Spanx
kept rolling down and I was sopissed at myself and I was like
this is literally enough isenough.
I need to stop using excuses,and everywhere in my life I am
(07:25):
not happy with my life.
I'm not happy how I look.
I do not love myself, like Idon't.
Like.
There were prior times where Iwanted to take my life, but
those were just like parts of it, whereas now I'm like I truly
don't even know who.
I am Nothing.
I'm like I just hate my life.
So I hit that rock bottom.
(07:45):
That next day I started lookinginto 12 step programs for
overeating.
I ended up getting a therapist.
So I started making changes andI ended up getting a coach.
I had a sponsor.
I had people around me, becauseI had to have people around me
that have gone through this too.
(08:06):
So with making those changes, Ihad to.
With the therapy, I was alwaystold if you go to therapy,
you're considered weak.
So I had to lose that personaof always hearing that and being
like no, I am strong becauseI'm going to go, take steps and
(08:26):
go to therapy and get the helpthat I actually need, and not
listen to the outside noise.
Speaker 2 (08:32):
And just to all our audience that is listening to us
right now just trigger warningbecause this episode it will
talk about eating disorders,suicide ideation and everything
that comes with mental health.
So if you need to take a breakright now because while we are
going to talk it can betriggering for you, in the
footnotes we have eatingdisorders support groups and
(08:57):
emergency phone numbers that youcan check, and also we have
other social media that you cango and check.
That is for healthy eating andmindfulness.
And why not?
Just what we want is that youtake care of yourself.
Our stories are powerful butalso can activate you.
So do what is best for yournervous system and what is best
for your mind.
(09:18):
So, returning with you, I hearyou like what a lot of us go
through, like our persona isthis label that has been put by
society, like I'm a hard worker,I'm the first in the family, I
am the daughter, so, and so Ihave this much pride.
Or, depending on who you are,I'm the skinny of the family.
(09:43):
I have to stay like that.
You are the skinny of thefamily.
I have to stay like that.
Or I'm the one that everybodylabels the overweight one, and I
don't like this term, butthat's how a lot of families use
it.
I'm the crazy one that well,one, that hench one, which in
reality were the scapegoat whenyou were going through that
(10:07):
transformation.
And I love why you say that Igot a 12-step program.
I got a therapist and a coach,because people, sometimes we
don't understand that when wehave a mental breakdown or we
have going through trauma,that's an injury.
You will not go around with abroken arm just going around and
work right.
(10:28):
You will take a little bit oftime, heal it and go to the
specialist, and then you have togo to a physical therapist to
make it like work again.
And then you have to goprobably to holistic healing to
help you to like get the skinback and all that kind of stuff
right.
We go through different steps.
It's not just one fix all.
So my kind of red flag foranybody out there that either is
(10:51):
with a therapist, coach or inbetween, or even mentors if they
promise you that they, you onlyneed them.
That's a red flag.
What do you think about that,ashley?
Speaker 1 (11:02):
Oh, I totally agree and it's really funny because
you need more than one person,because if you're going with
just that one person, you'rejust going to listen to what
that one person is because youwant that fix.
I essentially say, like youjust want that one person that's
on your team saying, hey,you're doing a good job, keep up
(11:23):
the good work.
Whereas when you have differentpeople and they're bringing in
different aspects, I say thatit's essentially like bringing
up different parts of you.
It's bringing shadows up toyour light, because the more
people that you have around youthat are trying to help you grow
, to move through your process,they're going to see different
aspects of you.
They're going to bring updifferent parts of you.
(11:45):
So if you only have a therapistor you only have a coach or you
just have one thing, or you justhave one of one, like not many
people, then you're not going tobe having essentially that
mirror to project back to youwhat you need to see.
The more people, I say, thebetter, because if I go to just
talk, therapy is I'm just goingto sit there I could be
(12:08):
essentially venting to like agirlfriend all day.
It's essentially like the samething, but they bring up other
aspects of it.
My coach I could become buddybuddies with too.
It's just like what yourrelationship is.
And then I'm not saying staywith the same therapist all the
time or stay with the same coachis there are times where you
will actually outgrow yourtherapist, you'll outgrow your
(12:30):
coach, and you have to have thepower within you to know when to
actually make that change andnot sit there and be like, well,
I feel bad because I complete.
Honestly, I did that and that'snot advocating for myself.
I needed to advocate for myselfto grow.
And those times when you needto let go, those are the times
(12:51):
when you know that you're makingthat big next step and that's
where it gets scary.
Speaker 2 (12:56):
Right, and just to piggyback on that I also love,
therapy is not forever.
You don't go to the ICU, youdon't go to the specialist all
your life.
Yes, there is chronic illnessthat you have to, but you go for
tune-ups, right.
And also, the other thing istherapy has different flavors,
meaning we have DVTs, cbt, actand a whole plethora of other
(13:21):
ones.
The same with coaches we have amental health, a childhood
coach.
We have what do you say?
Body positive, body embodiment,the other one that you were
talking to me Embodiment, traumacoach yeah.
So, and they have so manydifferent coaches the same with
(13:43):
mentors, right.
It depends what next level youwant to reach and also if you're
able to just use the resourcesthat you have.
So I invite anybody that islistening to.
This is like if you haveinsurance and you can afford
going for a coach and atherapist, go for it.
If you can get also anutritionist or even somebody
(14:05):
that is going to work like ahealth coach, get it, because
that is what it helps you tokeep the whole persona right,
because we're not only one thing, we're not just our mental
health, we're not just our body,we're not just what happened to
us, we're a multitude of things.
So can you share with ouraudience a story where you
practice what you have beenlearning?
(14:28):
Because I feel like, if youguys know Ashley and I invite
you to go see her in her chitchats that she do every morning.
They are amazing.
In those chit chats she talksabout real things in life, but
she creates something that isbeautiful, and I think she
(14:51):
created also out of a necessitythat she saw, not only for
herself but for others, becausethis girl journals journals all
the time like a lot.
So can you share with ouraudience that positive
experience and success that, outof the darkness of your journal
, if you will, you move to whatyou have created that is so
beautiful for our audience toknow.
Speaker 1 (15:12):
So it's.
There's many tools I use.
So I use a lot of meditation, Iuse a lot of breath work, I use
a lot of journaling.
But I feel like they all kindof go hand in hand, because if
you meditate or breath work,like to remember what you
actually did, to journal it, orif you have a dream at night,
like first thing right down, soyou actually remember your
(15:32):
dreams.
So, using journaling, I alwaysask myself why.
So like if I'm in a really badstate, my first thing to do is
to go journal because I need toget that out.
Me sitting in there and justspinning with my thoughts is not
going to solve the problem.
I need to get those thoughtsout and on paper is the best
(15:55):
form for me.
So I will journal and I'll belike why am I feeling this?
Where did this come from?
Why, why, why.
And I just keep asking myselfwhy.
And I will tell you when youask yourself and when you think
you got to the bottom of theanswer, ask yourself like five
more questions, because I betyou you can dig even deeper.
And when you do that you learnso much about yourself.
(16:18):
And I mean it is not easy.
There are times where you justbreak down and you're like, ah
shit, like I didn't even realizethere was that that was coming
up.
Like there was like a span forlike two weeks where I journaled
for an hour every day and Iwill tell you, those were the
(16:38):
times where I got like the mostclarity and I'm like I need to
go back doing that because itwas just such a wealth of
information because literallyevery answer that you have is
actually inside of you.
We just want to look everywhereelse because we don't know how
to trust ourselves.
So journaling is actually goingso far in.
(16:59):
So, with the journaling, likethat's where, like my snail mail
came in because I'm there's allof this writing and to actually
get people to write otherletters to other people because
writing is so beneficial.
Yes, and I feel like, with howsociety is going now, with so
many being, I see, feel like somany people feel like that it's
(17:23):
so much more negative versuspositive and just receiving junk
mail and bills.
Speaker 2 (17:31):
Essentially the negative things, like I don't
want to go check my mailbox,it's just junk.
It adds in probably a bill formy student loans until my
student's out of there.
Exactly what I like aboutwriting and what I like about
journal.
Any therapist and any coachthat you know, the first thing
(17:53):
that they're going to tell youto do is journal.
And you may wonder why, which,by the way, I have a free
beginner's journal differenttypes in the link so you can get
it for free, and I know Ashleyalso has another one and we will
put it in the notes too.
But mindfulness is reflection.
(18:15):
Right, that's an act ofmindfulness, reflecting in your
day.
And I also told my clients allthe time just have word vomit
where you put everything thatotherwise you will consume or
like.
Unfortunately you will consumeor like, unfortunately you will
purge.
It's easier to do it in paperthan doing it to ourselves,
(18:35):
because we are such a bullyinside of ourselves we say such
a negative and mean things.
But when we journal that, weenhance the eyesight of like oh
God, I am being horrible tomyself.
One, two, it's tangible tokeepsakes Meaning.
If you see my journals when Istart therapy versus now, you
(18:58):
can see the progress and thetrajectory of that One.
And I know everybody that'slistening is in shock.
But therapists also go totherapy.
If they don't, that's a superred flag, super red flag.
The same with your coaches.
If your coach is like oh my God, I just went, no, because you
cannot preach something that youhaven't practiced yourself
right.
So that's my FYI.
(19:19):
But what I like about the snailmail is that we are very nice to
other people, especially if wesee them that they're struggling
with something or we see themthat in that entry level that we
were in the past.
So when we write snail mailletters to people that we don't
know or we are going to get toknow, kind of like remember back
(19:43):
in the day when you were inschool and we did pen pal, when
did we lose that?
Like now, when you the versionof, or kiddos have in our teens
is the phones, yeah, thesephones, uh.
And it's not like you writenice things we're going to troll
on, because people gets more,um, kind of like the word vomit.
(20:04):
Like I said before, people doesthat in media in your negative
comments.
That's people projecting,expressing the darkness that
they have inside because theydon't have another outlet.
So enhance also the way that wecan create empathy for
ourselves and others.
(20:26):
And to tell you that when I geta snail mail letter, I get all
giggly and all excited and alllike and I have to plant, like,
I have my, I haven't sent it,but um, I, I sit down and I'm
like, okay, what kind of paperthis person will like, what kind
of stickers I can put.
I go to all the way that I evenbuy a little thing that you put
for the letters.
(20:46):
That way they smell uh pretty.
You know, like I go all out,probably because I'm also old
and back in the day that waslike super cool.
But it's almost like I inviteanybody out there to write a
love letter to yourself and notthinking, oh my gosh, I'm this,
I'm that.
I want you to think like if itwas that little girl, that
(21:09):
little person that is in theother side.
And that's why Ashley create ina very creative expression of
love to the world, because whodoesn't need a little more cheer
up in our world?
Right?
And also, how many of you havegone to your mailbox?
And it's just like, oh my God,right Now I go to the mailbox
(21:31):
because I don't just have Ashley, I have other friends and stuff
that are around the world thatwe make a pact that we will
write letters or we do voicethings.
It's something that connects usmore because in a letter you see
more the time and effort thatthe person has put on, also the
person that is writing theletter.
(21:51):
You create endorphins, youcreate more serotonin you also
create.
You lower your cortisol levelsbecause the act of writing and I
don't care how you write,because I had chicken scratch
writing and you know it lookslike a spider when can-can in
the paper, but it's okay becauseI know the person in the other
(22:13):
side is going to take a minuteto figure out.
It's like is this S R?
You know it takes a minutebecause that's how I write, but
the act of being present tryingto figure out the chicken
scratch that I write, or the actof being grounded by grabbing
that paper and just smell it,look at it and feel it, that
(22:36):
creates so much wellness for you.
So, ashley, tell us a littlebit more.
How is your snail mail goingand what are you doing with that
?
Where is the?
Where's the dream with it?
Speaker 1 (22:48):
So I'm so excited because snail mail is already
international, so it's in the U?
S and Canada right now.
So we're hoping to go broader.
We just started but like Ithink there's like 26 people
already which I'm so proud ofbecause I'm like now I can have
(23:08):
26 women that are all connectedby sending mail to each other.
Like most of them probablydon't even know each other that
they just get to send this pieceof mail.
And it brings me back to sendingletters to military soldiers
and send it.
I don't know anything about thembesides their name, and that
they're protecting us, anythingabout them besides their name
(23:33):
and that they're protecting us.
And there'd be the rare occasionwhere I would receive a letter
back and it brought so much joyto me because I'd be like, like,
and there's sometimes where Iwould just cry, but it's like
the act of literally writing theletter because you're giving
something to someone and that'swhy there's the snail mail is
like you're giving someone aletter, you're giving someone
the words that you're probablyyearning to hear yourself, that
(23:53):
you're giving to someone elseand that person, energetically,
they probably need those wordstoo, because you don't know when
that letter is gonna arrive,right, they could be going
through a bad day and thatletter is what changes them and
that's where I see this wholething.
Like it's gonna just be globally, that it's just going to be
(24:13):
this letter of positivity.
It's kind of like pen pales,but we're making it more fun as
like, I guess, adults, becauseit's not going to be the same
person, it's going to be adifferent person.
So, like, energetically.
We're getting connected to somany other women, whereas I feel
like as a community, we're sodisconnected where this is going
(24:34):
to bring us closer but it'sgoing back to like not going to
social media and stuff like allof like the stuff that we
consider like maybe possiblytoxic Now we're going back to
the old school, where you'regoing to actually have to wait
and actually possibly like ifit's international, you have to
go wait, you have to go to thepost office.
So it's kind of like gettingyourself out there too to go do
(24:57):
those things.
So I just see it as that andthen maybe potentially like
getting grouped together likesessions on Zoom or something
one day, so that you canactually see the people that
you're actually talking to,maybe talk to them face to face
too.
So I just want it to be likethis huge community of women,
(25:18):
just empowering, being positiveand just being connected,
because I feel like if you'regoing on a self-discovery or
you're low or something, all youneed is like you need that one
other person to see you and tohear you, and this is your
opportunity for it right anddon't you.
Speaker 2 (25:37):
And for the audience, it's not that she picks random,
random like, saying like yousay, I sign up and that's it.
No, she actually selects peoplereally carefully, in the sense
of like, because I remember onceupon a time and I'm going to
age myself before MySpace andall that we do actually use
letters Also, I come from adeveloping country, so
(26:01):
technology came 20 years later.
But we will do letters andsometimes you will get letters
that were kind of like iffy, youknow, like you were like.
And sometimes you will getletters that were kind of like
iffy, you know like you werelike.
Who sent me this kind of thing?
But I want everybody to grabthat piece of paper or that
journal that you have right nowin front of you and I just want
(26:23):
you to take one second, justthis second, to write one love
word for you.
Second, to write one love wordfor you.
And now I want you to think andlook at that word, because
probably it's really hard foryou to write a love word for you
.
But now that you heard Ashleyand you hear me, I want you to
(26:47):
write a word that you think itrepresents either, or One for
Ashley and one for me.
Write a word in your paper andI will do the same.
So let me grab my pen.
So one for Ashley and one forme, okay, so Ashley, what do you
(27:12):
wrote?
Speaker 1 (27:14):
well, first I wrote butterfly, but then I put it to
love and I put cookie andfinally I put butterfly too and
my word that I said for you isrose, and what I did for myself,
I did bubbles oh, I, I put theone for me, for for you, it was
(27:37):
butterfly.
Speaker 2 (27:38):
That's why I laugh, because I'm like, oh, she put
butterfly too.
So this, do you see?
Do you see these giggles thatwe just have that general?
That's in a moment, and everytime that that I will write
Butterfly, I will think aboutAshley, every time that we think
about bubbles and stuff likethat.
So the act of writing ismindful, it's intentional and
(28:00):
it's present, and that's why Iinvite Ashley today to talk to
you guys, because my journey,also as getting older and being
in this society that worshipscertain body standards that are
impossible to reach, some ofthem are like.
(28:22):
I was like why are we chasing,always being a teen, the body of
a teen?
Because that's the beautystandard that we have now here
in USA.
What happened with having avoluptuous woman?
What happened to have a realbody right?
I love now that we have otherelements where we can see
(28:46):
ourselves in representation, inthe ads, in body positivity.
That is happening.
It's a movement and I thinkpart of that movement is knowing
Ashley.
Ashley is like.
She has such a security of herbody, security of herself, and I
love how everybody's like oh myGod, you're so secure, blah,
(29:08):
blah, blah she wears.
So let me tell you how we met.
I went to this Empower coachingslash women's conference and
I'm cookie, as everybody knows.
I am always bigger than lifewhen I go through these things.
But Ashley, ashley was there ina sequence, one C, was it like
(29:34):
a sequence?
A sequence once?
Is that how you call it?
Hot pink romper, romper.
Sorry, I always forget the nameof that.
So she wasn't a romper, it washot pink, you know, like fuchsia
pink in sequence, like it wasmy disco ball.
Dreams come true, uh, and Ijust saw her and I was like I
want to go hug her and talk toher and like shake her because
(29:55):
it was so fun and I wasn't ableto talk to her that day and then
move forward another year, ayear, and we met in another
event and this time I did talkto her and everything, and then
we were in a mastermind togetherand we become like super BFFs
Because, as you can tell, wehave kind of like the same
(30:16):
bubble personality.
And I say that to you becausewhen and I don't think Ashley
knows this when I met Ashley, Ihad gone through, you know,
covid happened to all of us andI have something that is
prolonged COVID, which ittotally destroyed my immune
system and my gut system, if youwill.
(30:38):
It has taken years for me torecover from that one, but I
gained 80 pounds all at once, soyou can understand how
traumatic that was for somebody,that it was very, and also I
was very active and I wasdancing and all that and due to
the long COVID, I developedsomething called POTS.
(30:59):
Shout out to all my POTSs outthere.
And part of POTS is like youcannot exercise.
So I have 80 pounds overweightand then I cannot exercise,
right.
So when I met Ashley, I was likethis woman is a powerhouse of
(31:19):
love and everything and the waythat she talks to you about
positivity and she doesn't shyof anything.
So when I met her, I was like Istill feel, still feeling
insecure, still feeling liketrying to find my body back.
You know, when I say trying tofind my body back, I mean being
comfortable on it, right, Iwasn't chasing being the person
(31:42):
that I was before my illness.
I just was like please, let mebe healthy and I can move a
little.
Ashley walks, runs and do allthe things we were doing, some.
What do you call it Bodymovement exercise.
Everybody was sweating andstuff like that, but I have to
sit down every five seconds.
Ashley was just going and goingand going and I was like, girl,
(32:06):
you have so much energy.
Why do I say this to you?
Because you can meet peoplethat totally breaks the body
standards that we have, whichare not real, and be okay with
it.
No-transcript.
Speaker 1 (32:49):
I had to realize that the weight was a protection.
It's protecting me, it's whatmakes me beautiful.
I had to realize that I alsohad to realize of who is the
person that is essentiallyprojecting what a beautiful body
is.
Who's telling me like I'mallowed to have fat at my butt
(33:15):
and my boobs, but I can't havefat anywhere else, like who's
the person saying that?
or you can't have stretch marksor cellulite.
The cellulite, the stretchmarks, that gives you character.
That is part of your story,that is part of your journey.
Would you want to give up thatstruggle that gave you that
story?
Essentially, it's coming trueto who yourself is and then
honestly like getting help,being around people that have
(33:38):
gone through it too, because youneed that community, you need
people that actually understandyou, because for so long I'd be
like I can just eat thousandsand thousands of calories and
then I can work out for sixhours a day, and it's not a
healthy combo, because peoplewill be like, well, I can just
work out my weight?
No, you can't.
And the thing is is I don'tthink the weight is just because
(34:02):
I'm eating food, that it is.
Hey, I'm going to take a quickpill to solve it.
It's not that, hey, I need tofix my eating or I need to learn
more about nutrition.
I need to learn more aboutexercising, cause I can tell you
I can do both of those.
Perfect, you need that mentalhealth.
If your mental health is notclear, then you're not going to
have any of it because you'rejust going to sit there
(34:22):
sabotaging yourself.
You have to get to likeessentially, what is the root
problem?
What is essentially triggeringyou?
Why do you want all that food?
Why do you wake up the next dayand you have like 15 wrappers
of food behind your bed?
It's like asking, likeliterally journal those
questions too.
So it's me just those littlelike tidbits of stuff what do
(34:45):
you think, since you mentionedit.
Speaker 2 (34:47):
What do you think about I?
You mentioned it.
What do you think about?
I will say it's almost like nota pandemic, but it's very
popular now that people is usingpills to lose weight.
Speaker 1 (34:58):
Can you repeat that?
Speaker 2 (34:59):
Pills to lose weight, kind of like.
You know I cannot say the nameof it, but it's like wait a O
and you know injections and it'sBLS blockers and it's BLS
blockers, so diabetic medication, and now, because some stars
make it popular, now pretty mucheverybody goes to it.
What do you think about that?
Speaker 1 (35:18):
I don't agree with it .
So I actually was put onsomething, probably like I'd say
like 10 years ago or something,because my mother told me that
I was overweight and I had to goto the doctor and literally
made me drink so much water mymouth was caught in tongue, my
heart was going up.
Yeah, I lost a lot of weight,but it didn't solve the problem.
And just recently I actuallywent to my doctor and he was
(35:42):
just checking everything andhe's like your weight's not
doing anything.
And I'm like, well, I'm eatingbetter now.
And he's like, oh, are youreally?
I'm like, yeah, and he's like,well, maybe you should go on
like one of those injections orpills or something.
And I literally turned to him Igo, I'm going through therapy
right now to solve it, becausethe thing is that pill is going
(36:02):
to be a quick fix.
Right, once you get rid of that, it's just going to come all
back to you.
You didn't fix the root cause.
Speaker 2 (36:09):
Right.
Speaker 1 (36:09):
And I think that's people just want the quick fix.
Yes, there is no quick fix whenit comes to body weight or
anything, any of that.
So it's just hey, you have mybiggest.
This will probably be mybiggest tip is the weight did
not come overnight, so why areyou expecting the weight to go
(36:30):
away, right?
Speaker 2 (36:33):
And just to piggyback on that, I'm a firm believer
grab what you need and use itright.
But there is a point that arewe like you say quick fix.
With a quick fix come a quickfall, meaning like some people
does need the because they havethyroid problems, or, like me,
(36:55):
like they have POTS or the stuffand blah, blah, blah.
And let's not forget themedical system guides, like
women like not to worry, right.
But with that said, also is thequestion of asking ourselves if
we already try, or nutrition,exercise and or mental health.
If you don't fix or heal orexercise your mental wellness,
(37:21):
the other things are not goingto fall.
You can be the most skinny,overweight, beautiful or
whatever standard you want, thatwithout your mental health or
mental wellness, everything isgoing to go back right.
Also, you have to wonder, likeall these medications that we
put in our bodies and why not?
(37:41):
I mean, once you stop taking it, it will go back to what it was
before, meaning the necessityto consume, the necessity to get
a quick fix.
So I love when you say I wentto a 12-step program, regardless
if you're religious or not.
There are different 12-stepprograms.
(38:01):
Yes, the majority are based inreligion, meaning in God, but
there's other ones that are not,like Smart Recovery and other
support groups.
But the main important pointthat we have and I hope
everybody that is in theaudience and listening to us get
is that you need a community.
A community that is where youwere and where you want to go.
(38:26):
What do I mean with that?
I can go to a community whereeverybody's pro pills and all
this kind of stuff and quickfixes.
That is not gonna be what Iwant to see, right.
But if I go to that communityand I see people that is
starting in that community andthe people that is already out
of the community, kind of like,if you will, I'm going to use
(38:47):
again that example.
Everybody that sees the metalrat of the popular medication
right now, they see, oh my gosh,they lose this many weight of
this and that, right.
And then we have the peoplethat have been using it for a
long time and they call it aphase of where they look very,
very sick.
So you can see the spectrum.
It's the same with mentalhealth.
(39:08):
If you go to a support groupthat is pro-addiction versus
against addiction, you will seethe difference.
So even if you think you are inthese groups that are not the
best for you.
I always say give it a try,give it three sessions to
anything that you do to atherapist, to a support group,
to even a medical, and see ifthey're body match.
(39:30):
But even if they challenge yourthoughts or your feels, I want
you to journal it.
Challenge your thoughts or yourfeels.
I want you to journal itBecause in your journal you will
see the difference right.
And I don't want people to thinkthat we're against any kind of
medication or aid to help you tobe where you want to be.
Not at all.
But everything is a choice withconsequences.
(39:53):
Everything it's just learning.
Like what Ashley said the rootof the problem.
If we don't know the root,we're just's just learning.
Like what Ashley said, the rootof the problem.
If we don't know the root,we're just cutting, kind of like
the weeds.
We just got in the top butwe're not taking the root, so
they're going to come back overand over and over every summer.
So, to finalize, what advicewould you give to our audience
(40:14):
if they want to be more mindfuland care for their mental health
and their fitness health?
Speaker 1 (40:23):
So I would find for fitness, I would find what calls
to you.
And just so you know you haveseasons, you can have seasons.
So, like I had a season ofCrossFit, I'm now in a season of
just going to Planet Fitnessand just lifting body weights or
(40:43):
going for a walk outside.
So just know, like, if youthere's all different types of
exercise Just do what calls toyou because you don't have to
follow the last fad, because youdon't have to follow the last
fad, just follow what youactually need, because if you're
following what you need, you'regoing to show up more.
Versus waking up and be like, ohmy God, and just having so much
(41:07):
resistance For food is like,essentially, finding food that
you like, find like essentiallyyou can always make meals
healthier is find ways to dothat.
Get a nutritionist to help youwith that.
Or even my favorite thing isjust experiment, yeah, is
actually play with the food,because it's bringing like that
(41:29):
childlike in your feeding, yourinner child.
And then for, like, mentalhealth is literally I swear by
meditation, journaling, breathwork, even like embodiment, just
like even getting into yourbody of just dancing around or
yelling, screaming, whatever,like even any of that helps too,
(41:53):
and like I preach those thingsall the time.
Speaker 2 (41:56):
Right, and from my part I always say it took a
whole lifetime to break habitsthat you're in here.
So give yourself, little bylittle, pick one thing, just
change one thing.
For example, I don't do the gym, the gym is not my thing, but
(42:16):
you can take me rock climbing,you can take me walking, you can
take me to the beach, you cantake me water sports, right, so
I don't have to do them all, Ijust have to go first to a walk
or maybe just in the pool.
If you are changing your habitsof eating, I want you to know
(42:37):
and it will be probably inanother episode that food is a
social construct, meaning whatyou eat, it has society imposed
it to you because you go toanother country or another, yeah
, another country.
Food is not what you see here,right, we have here so many
(43:00):
choices of food and I think thatis why it complicates things.
So one I always say learn whereyour food comes from and what
it has inside.
That will help you to makebetter choices and get your and
you may say it's biased, butyeah, if you can go to therapy.
If you cannot go to therapy, goto a support group.
(43:21):
If it cannot go to a therapy orsupport group.
Go to a mentor or a coach.
If you cannot have any of them,go to your journal.
You have options.
You are not alone and rememberall parts of you are here.
Welcome and allow.
And this episode will air inSeptember, which is Yellow
(43:41):
September, and we want to remindeverybody out there that the
first two months of this fallare where college kids and
college students deal witheating disorders, suicidiation
and assault.
So if you have a loved one thatis dealing with eating
disorders or any kind of mentalillnesses or you suspect, please
(44:06):
refer to the notes in theepisode, where you will have
resources and remember we'rehere to help you, but I'm not
your therapist.
Thank you so much, ashley.
Thank you and any notes oranything else that you will want
to leave us with.
Speaker 1 (44:24):
I want to say one thing that I forgot to say, yes,
is that if you say that you'reoverweight and everything and
that someone that is skinny,they don't understand.
They can have the same issuesthat someone has that is
overweight.
So it's not about how you look,it's like, literally is the
(44:44):
inside.
So I just wanted to put thatout there.
It doesn't matter if you'reoverweight or skinny.
You can be facing the samedevils essentially.
Speaker 2 (44:51):
Yes, eating disorders is for everybody.
It's not about the size, it'swhat is inside, and also you can
be the skinny fat, as they callit.
It's also what you put in yourbody.
So I agree with you If you'restruggling with any kind of body
dysmorphia or eating disorders,please go to our links to get
(45:17):
some help and if not, pleasefollow Ashley.
Join her at Snail Mill and joinus here, too, where you're
going to learn more tips andtricks and why not?
And how to be loud, be kind andbe proud.
Until the next time, everybody,thank God.
(45:42):
As we conclude today's episode,take a moment to reflect.
Be proud of the journey, forevery step that brings you
closer to who you truly are.
Embrace the kindness towardsyourself, as you did to each one
of our guests.
Honor the bravery in youractions and celebrate the
(46:06):
importance of mental wellnesswith us.
And remember it's an exercisethat we practice daily.
Continue to grow and flourish,knowing that we are in this
training for our mental wellnesstogether.
We are so proud to have you aspart of our community, so join
(46:26):
us on Instagram at OasisCommunity Podcast for more
inspiring conversations,valuable resources and supported
content, including journals,worksheets and content in
spanish.
Exciting things are in thehorizons.
Our oasis community break roomsare coming soon to grab tools
(46:48):
and take a break for your mentalhealth.
Also, we are featuring oursix-month training ethical
mental health coaching program,designed for new and experienced
coaches, as well as holisticand healing professionals.
Enroll to create a safe andtransformative experience to
your clients.
Links in the bio.
Until next time, take care,stay connected and welcome to
(47:15):
our Oasis community.
Popular Podcasts
Crime Junkie
Does hearing about a true crime case always leave you scouring the internet for the truth behind the story? Dive into your next mystery with Crime Junkie. Every Monday, join your host Ashley Flowers as she unravels all the details of infamous and underreported true crime cases with her best friend Brit Prawat. From cold cases to missing persons and heroes in our community who seek justice, Crime Junkie is your destination for theories and stories you won’t hear anywhere else. Whether you're a seasoned true crime enthusiast or new to the genre, you'll find yourself on the edge of your seat awaiting a new episode every Monday. If you can never get enough true crime... Congratulations, you’ve found your people. Follow to join a community of Crime Junkies! Crime Junkie is presented by audiochuck Media Company.
24/7 News: The Latest
The latest news in 4 minutes updated every hour, every day.
Stuff You Should Know
If you've ever wanted to know about champagne, satanism, the Stonewall Uprising, chaos theory, LSD, El Nino, true crime and Rosa Parks, then look no further. Josh and Chuck have you covered.