July 9, 2024 • 32 mins
Have you ever felt your confidence waver amid life's unexpected twists and turns? Join us for an intimate conversation with Jess, a self-confidence coach hailing from Nova Scotia, Canada, as she shares her personal journey of navigating the complexities of self-confidence. From her confident yet introverted childhood, through body image issues and friendships, to a significant drop in confidence during the pandemic while living in Barbados, Jess's story is a testament to the dynamic nature of self-confidence. Together, we unravel how societal expectations and personal experiences shape confidence at various life stages and emphasize the importance of nurturing it continually.
Discover how even idyllic settings like Barbados can mask feelings of loneliness and inadequacy, often amplified by social media's glossy portrayals. Jess discusses the coping mechanisms that helped her, such as the companionship of pets and the healing power of nature. We also delve into the true essence of self-care, moving beyond consumerism to include mindfulness and rest. Learn about the necessity of recognizing our inherent worth and giving ourselves the permission to be, without guilt or comparison. This episode is a heartfelt exploration of the power of nature, genuine connections, and self-compassion in fostering lasting self-confidence
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
podcast.
Welcome everybody to Oroasispodcast.
As always, please get a comfyseat.
Come with us, get a beverage towarm your heart.
Today I have an amazing guest.
Hello, beautiful souls, andwelcome to Oroasis community
(00:20):
podcast.
I am Dr Roldan, your host.
I am a doctor in clinicalpsychology, a BIPOC therapist
professor and a mindful somaticcoach.
While I am a therapist,remember I'm not your therapist.
This podcast is not a substitutefor professional mental health
care, but we have resources inour website and Instagram to
(00:42):
support you in that search.
Join us for a cozy, feltconversation about mental health
, personal growth andmindfulness.
We explore tools to care foryour mind, your body and your
soul.
Check the footnotes fordisclaimer, trigger warnings and
additional resources for eachone of the episodes.
So grab your favorite cup oftea, coffee or hot chocolate,
(01:08):
wrap yourself in a warm blanketand find a coffee spot here with
us to be kind, to be brave,loud and strong in your search
of mental health wellness.
Welcome to your Oasis of mentalhealth wellness.
Welcome to your Oasis.
And she also is toasting withyou, so let's toast all together
(01:29):
.
One, two, three BeautifulCheers.
My chocolate tea, what is yours?
Oh?
Speaker 2 (01:40):
this is like a.
It had a little bit of caffeine.
I think it's a blue raspberryflavor, so I went with a cold
drink, because it's sunny out,so we feel like it could be
summer Right.
It's not, though, butabsolutely delicious, a little
like blue raspberry caffeinedrink, cause I'm going to go to
the gym right after this too, soget us all jittery up.
Speaker 1 (02:01):
So for people that don't know where are you located
and where are you, joining usfrom?
Speaker 2 (02:03):
yeah, I'm in nova scotia, canada we are in canada,
we're in all america's peoplewe are like literally like
opposite corners because, likeyou and san diego and me all the
way up here in nova scotia,we're like I'm so east coast and
you're so west coast, and likeopposite corners.
Speaker 1 (02:23):
Yes.
And today I want to my audienceis for a trip to a beautiful
soul.
I met Jess a couple of yearsago and then we got to squeeze
together again recently and justlove each other so much in the
sense of like.
I'm a firm believer that energybrings energy and positive
(02:46):
positivity for real bringspeople together.
And you know, she was in thecross the room and I saw, as
soon as I saw her I was like Ineed to be with her and hug her.
And um, funny story, we like,match with like.
I work today this one becausewe were matching and we're
obsessed with gummy bearsdecoration In my case it's
(03:08):
decorations, but I was like, wewere like we want gummy bears
just for, like, happiness.
But today I want you to bringawareness of you're a
self-confidence coach and peoplealways say, well, what is
self-confidence?
And people always say, well,well, it's self-confidence, what
, what that has to do with me?
Uh, it doesn't matter if youare a teen, a young adult, uh,
(03:31):
older women or like us, that wehave in different stages of life
, um, or confidence drops forsociety, expectations for life
changes, for sometimes theexpectation that we have to be
still 21, looking when we are 30, 40, 50, et cetera.
(03:51):
So tell us about how do youdiscover one, your
self-confidence and two, how doyou become a coach.
Speaker 2 (03:59):
Oh, good question.
It's really interesting becauseall growing up I was a pretty
confident kid, like I was aquieter kid, introvert, you know
still am and even just growingup like I could kind of just do
my own thing, I wouldconfidently, you know, color my
coloring books or, you know, goto the park or ride my bike,
like nothing really stopped me.
And even going through highschool, like I always had groups
(04:22):
of friends, really good friends, great connections and
relatively confident in who Iwas, I was a kid who struggled
with my body image growing upbecause I was just not the
typical kid size.
I had some weight on me growingup and I definitely struggled
with that piece but it didn'taffect me or hold me back and it
(04:42):
really wasn't until I got olderbecause even going to
university things were prettygood.
They didn't go exactlyaccording to plan.
I was never like the book smartkind of girl, except I got
through.
Like I got through I did apublic relations degree and as I
did that, like I'm a greatpublic speaker, so like why not
do this degree?
That was so freaking easy andeasy for me, I should say and I
(05:08):
kind of had that big boost ofconfidence through all of these
seasons but, as relationshipsfailed and some maybe
friendships that were reallyclose didn't quite work out or,
honestly, the person who Ithought I was going to be with
for the rest of my life broke upwith me, but again I was young,
was going to be with for therest of my life, broke up with
me, but again I was young.
So, looking back, not a bigdeal, but in the moment those
(05:28):
things hit your confidence.
But it really wasn't until Iwas older.
I got married pretty young.
I met a wonderful partner andwe moved to Barbados for him to
work on a project in theCaribbean which is super, super
cool, right, but it happened toalign with the pandemic and as
that happened I was in crazyisolation.
(05:50):
The rules down there werereally strict.
Life down there was totallydifferent.
I had nothing that I had inCanada, there, and I've always
been a very independent and,honestly, pretty confident
person.
And as I lived down there andspent more time down there and
spent more time in isolation, Ilost pieces of myself, and I
think we all did in that season.
So as I came home and decidedto start a podcast and publicly
(06:15):
share that, I was reallystruggling through this journey,
I started to learn so manypeople were on the same journey,
especially post pandemic.
We were all just like, who arewe?
We just like hermited for ayear and you want us to be back
to our normal confident, bubblyselves?
Like that's just not it.
And so, as I started to putmore and more out there, I
(06:35):
started to learn about myself.
I started to get to know my newself because truly like felt
like a brand new person, comingout of that cocoon of the
pandemic but also living abroadand living a totally different
life.
And as I did, it just kind ofbrought people along on this
journey and that's how mybusiness fell into my lap.
I didn't realize how bad peopleneeded this until I started to
(06:59):
put myself out there and Ialways really struggled with the
piece of like well, who theheck am I to be the person that
teaches women confidence?
I don't have any myself.
And then it just became veryclear like Jess, you're supposed
to be the person who teachesthem.
You don't have to have itfigured out and courses and all
of these things that have allbeen created around community
being number one, because, asyou know, having the right
(07:27):
people around you is like a keyto your confidence.
And two to just like lean intowho we are and to step into our
power a little bit more, and itencourages you to do that.
So that's what led me on thisjourney, and it's been really
freaking cool to see it all cometogether in two short years.
Speaker 1 (07:46):
Wow and can you share with our audience about.
I love the key that you say youare the people that you
surround yourself and yourconfidence is going to be around
that, and I'm a firm believerthat people that is a little
higher than you in whatever goalyou want, they're not going to
put you down, right, becausethey're not going to help you
(08:08):
either.
But they're not going to putyou down Some of them do help
you, right.
So I want you to tell people,because your story sounds so
shiny, rainbows and hearts,right, but it wasn't like that,
right, like every single onethat we were in the pandemic.
If, like every single one thatwe were in the pandemic if, by
the way, trigger warning foreverybody that's listening right
now I'm going to make a littlespeech about the pandemic and if
(08:33):
you are not healed from thatone, please take a break, it's
okay, and just come back in liketwo minutes.
So when I was in the pandemic,too, you know I was driving and
all that the pandemic hit, wewent in cooktop mode.
I live in a very dense citylike San Diego.
I work in public health, so Iwas in the trenches with
everybody seeing the horriblesystems that we have.
(08:55):
And then, unfortunately, I alsogot sick.
So, and it was when it wasn'tthat even cool to be sick, you
know, nobody knew anything aboutit, and I got really, really
sick to the point that, you know, I was in the ventilators and
all that.
I was really really strugglingand, like you say, it took all
that year to recover from it andthen I already have a chronic
(09:17):
illness, which that createdanother problem.
Why do I say this?
Because anybody that sees methey see the hearts and rainbows
right, the successfulentrepreneur, doctor, et cetera,
et cetera, et cetera, andthey're like oh wow, I want to
be with you, but they don't knowthe whole struggle that I went
through, not once but many timesin my life, about
(09:38):
self-confidence, because out ofthat, I cannot exercise as much
as I used to, I cannot do allthe things that I used to do, so
I have to modify everything.
I gained a lot of weight and Iknow a lot of people that is a
big thing because hormones andall this stuff, right.
So I changed my diet, what Ieat and why not, but it's a
(10:00):
struggle when we are out therein the public.
I one of the things that waskind of like stopping me to go
to public.
I was that.
That, immediately as soon as Iput the first picture, people
like, oh, you're too heavy, oryou're too Hispanic, that was my
favorite.
You, you look too Russian.
And I was like you know, I'mHispanic, right, that's me.
(10:21):
Oh, my favorite is like howyou're gonna give advice about
kids when you don't have yourown, without even knowing the
story.
What I choose not to you know,so, uh, all those things affect
your, uh, your, yourself-confidence.
In your case, what was the kindof pushing buttons that lower
(10:42):
your confidence during your,even the pandemic or even in
their life?
Right, because you say you enda relationship?
That is also something thattakes a hit in young women about
their confidence, because wealways think it's something
wrong with us, when in realityit's just that was not the right
person for us.
(11:02):
They have many others, so canyou talk a little bit about that
?
Speaker 2 (11:06):
yeah, well, honestly, for that relationship like best
thing that ever happened to me,that they broke up with me.
Like I'm very grateful now, butin the moment you're just like
I'm not good enough.
I I come from high achievingparents who are entrepreneurs
who are really successful inwhat they do, and I've always
put myself to that level tooright, like I have to be high
(11:27):
achieving and for most of us, wesee people at their end game
right, and not even at the end,but, like my parents are very
successful in what they do.
They've been doing this forlike 38 years.
You know, like we compare towhere they are and like I'd love
to see where I am going to be38 years from now.
That'd be freaking cool.
But I'm comparing where I amnow to where they are.
(11:48):
Or same thing with people we seeon the internet.
We're comparing this beginningstage to people who've been
podcasting for years or coachingfor years, and I think that's
the trap that gets us the most,because we're on social media a
lot, a lot.
And social media is greatbecause it connects us and it
allows us to feel so connectedeven when we are literally
(12:09):
countries and miles apart.
But it definitely takes a hitto your confidence when you're
comparing yourself to everyother person in the world.
That just makes you feel likeyou're not enough and they don't
intend to do that.
That's not anyone's intent.
Maybe it's someone's, but it'snot my intention on the internet
to do that, but it still feelslike that.
And so I think social mediatakes a big hit for me,
(12:30):
especially in the pandemic too,when we were on it more and I
was working really hard to builda brand online.
So I had a health and fitnessbusiness at that point and I
didn't tell anyone what I wasactually going through.
In Barbados they just saw, likethe beautiful beaches when I
was going for my beach walk, orthey would see, you know, the
(12:50):
beautiful flowers and the birds,or me getting ready to do my
workout.
They didn't see, like me cryingon the kitchen floor most
nights, waiting for my husbandto come home, who worked 14, 15
hours a day, seven days a week,like they didn't see the
loneliness, they didn't see thebrokenness.
I did not tell anyone to thepoint that my parents thought we
(13:12):
were going to move therepermanently, like nobody knew
what was really happening untilI came home and could share it
Because, again, I didn't wantanyone to worry, chronic people
pleaser, didn't want to botheranybody with what's going on.
But those made it worse To be100% alone, to the point where I
couldn't even really tell myhusband, my person, who I tell
(13:32):
everything to, because he wasalso really struggling and he
was trying to finish thisproject so we could get home too
.
He wasn't being intentional andhurting me, but I was just so
lonely and so lost that thosewere the pieces right.
Plus, you'd see, on socialmedia at that time, the grass is
always greener on someoneelse's side.
(13:53):
So I saw people who were like,oh, if only the Caribbean ocean
was right outside my windowright now.
And I was just like, shut theup, like it is outside my window
and I am the most broken I'veever been.
Like how lucky for you to be onCanadian soil.
How lucky for you to be justdown the road from your family.
How lucky for you to, you know,have X, y and Z, whereas on
(14:15):
their end they're looking at mylife and saying how lucky for
you, you're in Barbados.
How lucky for you, you have thesunshine on your skin every day
.
How lucky for you, you're inBarbados.
How lucky for you.
You have the sunshine on yourskin every day.
How lucky for you you don'thave to shovel snow.
Like it's so interesting how,when we're in it, we always want
to be on the other side, andwhen we're on the other side, we
always want to be in it.
Like it's just those piecesthat come with our confidence
and that was like the big onefor me.
I was always comparing toeveryone else.
Speaker 1 (14:38):
Okay.
So that is the key factor, asthe audience is listening.
When we compare, we deduct,because every time that you
compare, you don't know thestory behind the brand, behind
the person behind the story,right?
Another thing what got youthrough it?
(14:59):
So right now it's epidemic herein United States about
loneliness.
People have felt the mostlonely than ever.
There's studies that shows thatan average out of 10 people, 9
feel lonely, utterly lonely.
You know that loneliness thathurts, that you can be in a
group of 100 people but you feellike you're the alien, right.
(15:22):
So what?
The mental tools or what helpedyou through it?
A coach, a friend, a book?
What got you?
Speaker 2 (15:32):
through it.
Okay, there's a couple ofthings.
Even as you say it, I'm like ohman, this is silly.
One of the beautiful blessingsthat we did have was that when
we moved to Barbados, um, one ofthe beautiful blessings that we
did have was that when we movedto Barbados, we brought our two
cats with us, which was noteasy to do.
Importing cats to anothercountry is just not easy.
Everyone thought we were crazyand but we did it because we
were going to be gone for solong.
(15:52):
Having them there was reallyreally helpful Having pets, for
my loneliness was huge.
And then when we were down there, um, fostering dogs and we
ended up keeping one, and thathas also been like really
helpful for me, because that gotme outside when, like, I didn't
want to go outside at all, likeyou're living in Barbados and
(16:12):
you don't even want to gooutside, like that is an issue,
and so getting a dog helped too.
So having pets around me super,super helpful.
The other piece for me is, likeI am very connected to nature,
so getting grounded, taking mysocks off and like getting my
feet in the dirt, getting myfeet in the sand, the water,
whatever it is, and even inCanada yesterday.
(16:34):
Going out in the woods and likeputting my hands on trees
sounds super weird, I know that,but like being connected with
nature makes me feel less lonelybecause I truly do believe that
there is energy and spirit andnature, and it means I'm not
alone.
Like literally sitting beside atree, although that sounds so
crazy, you're not alone and soit's just like being in that
(16:56):
energy.
Even when you feel just so lowthat nobody could understand,
even when you feel just so lowthat nobody could understand
knowing that spirit is there,you could be connected to it by
just going outside and takingyour socks off right like it can
be really, really simple.
But I also don't want todownplay the fact that like it's
huge, like this lonelinesspiece is huge and it's really
(17:17):
sad.
I like my heart hurts as I thinkabout it, because I lived it in
Barbados too.
So just like put yourself outthere to meet like one person.
Like we are isolated I isolatedmyself down there but if you
can make one step to find anetworking event online, to find
a friend, if there's one personon the internet that you admire
, like send them a DM,especially if they're local, and
(17:41):
like meet for coffee orsomething like it's so scary but
it's so worth it.
Like I only had one friend inbarbados.
She was my 60 year old neighborand her four dogs.
Like I love her, but that'slike not enough, right.
So like just making sure thatyou find those people that feel
really, really good, that lightyou up and that like build you
(18:01):
to be the better version ofyourself, because if you're
going to isolate yourself, andthat like build you to be the
better version of yourself,because if you're going to
isolate yourself, like that's onyou, like if you're going to be
a hundred percent alone, thereare things for you.
Speaker 1 (18:09):
And just for people that is struggling with a little
more severe loneliness that ismore like depression or severe
anxiety or social anxiety orsevere anxiety or social anxiety
.
We will be posting links in thebio of this episode for support
groups, because there's supportgroups online, in person Also,
(18:31):
ones that if you don't reallywant to mingle with people, you
can just go rewatch it andbelieve it or not, just being in
a company of somebody helps.
Also.
I love the tip of like nature.
As you can see, she has a petplant.
I have my pet plant too, in alittle crystal or rock because
it's important.
(18:51):
Same right Twinsies.
Twinsies, it's both amethyststoo.
Yes, for beauty and love.
So ground yourself.
And yes, I know, for peoplethat is very scientific, like me
, is very woohoo, but for youpeople like me, this is the
(19:12):
explanation trees communicatebetween their roots.
So when you sit under one tree,believe it or not, when you are
really in the trenches sad andcrying to a tree, all the other
trees come and give you theirenergy to that specific tree.
Baby boohoo, totally understand, but try it once.
I'm a tree hugger.
(19:32):
Literally I go and hug treesand say I love you today, or X,
y and Z Pets are the best.
Why?
Because they give youunconditional love.
Granted cats are like teenagerlove, but still helps.
So those tips are great.
What else do you have struggledthrough your life that you say
this is something that a womanout there needs to hear?
(19:55):
That I went through and eitherI survive it or I make it
through.
Speaker 2 (20:01):
I think the biggest one is just that feeling of like
not being enough.
I think for a lot of women,there is pressure on us as we
are stepping into this season ofbeing seen more of like
stepping into this like massivepower shift for women, which is
like so beautiful and so cool tosee, and it also feels like
just like one more thing we haveto carry, like one more thing
(20:24):
we have to do, like our voicesare being heard and we're
starting to step into somethingreally cool, but like we already
have so much on our plates sowe just always feel like we're
never enough, it's never goingto be enough, but like I promise
you, if you're listening tothis, it is going to, it is
going to be enough.
It is Something really big iscoming, I think, for women and,
(20:46):
as that happens, you are enough,exactly as you are, even if you
did not go outside today, evenif you can't fold your laundry,
even if anything, exactly youare enough and you're doing
enough.
And I think that that's thething that I've always struggled
with, especially as anentrepreneur, and an
entrepreneur that just doesn'thave the same energy as what a
(21:08):
typical person has.
I have to like even just doingthis one hour podcast episode.
I'm going to need to, like youknow, do some energy work after
to just kind of get myself backinto a place that just like
refill my cup up, and I am doinga lot of really cool, big
things right now.
That means I also need to, liketake a lot of extra self-care.
(21:30):
You know spending time readingin the sunshine and you know
taking a break to watch, youknow, some TV shows.
You know doing what I need todo and like making sure that I'm
prioritizing rest has beenreally, really helpful, but
sometimes it validates thatstory that I'm not doing enough,
and that's really hard, right,yeah, with the whole hassle
culture, right, yeah, and Itotally resonate with that for
(21:57):
one of the reasons.
Speaker 1 (21:57):
You know, in academics, right?
In academics, they make youwork 80 hours of studying and
teaching and all that, which isnot healthy.
That's why, if you have afriend people that is, a lawyer,
a doctor, a therapist, a nurse,any teacher they work horrible
hours, they are in the burnoutfrom both ends.
(22:20):
And also it has been glamorizedthe whole self-care is like
expending money on you, you know, like products, makeup, hair.
That's not self-care, that is aform of it.
But when we talk, you and I,about self-care, we're talking
about taking a break to just be,just to exist.
(22:41):
Because if you're just hassle,hassle, hassle, something has to
give, and the first thing thatgives is your confidence, your
mental health and your physicalhealth.
So, if you're going to doanything today for you is, take
a moment to just savor where youare too, because we are always
comparing ourselves to the upthere, right, but we don't see
(23:03):
all the things that we have done.
You went from Barbados to hereand like, yeah, everybody's like
, oh, you live in an island.
I'm like, yeah, but I live in agolden cage right now because
I'm isolated from everything andyou will say well, I went out
and stayed in the beach andwalking nature.
Wasn't that enough?
So if you're in those shoes,what will be your recommendation
(23:27):
when you say look at it inretrospective Nature wasn't
enough, the self-care routinesthat I have was not enough.
What I could have donedifferently or what I will do in
the future differently.
Speaker 2 (23:41):
I want you, if you're listening to this right now and
maybe you're the type of personwho, like, cannot be alone or
have a moment that's quietbecause we put on a podcast
while we're cooking or we're inthe car and we really struggle
to listen to ourselves I wantyou to, just even for like one
minute, listen to yourself,because you know what you need.
I think we always think, when Ieven feel emotional as I say
(24:04):
this, we always think that theoutside world is going to tell
us, so this podcast is going totell us, or this event is going
to change my life, or this thingis going to change everything.
But you already know in yourbody, it is clear what you need
to do.
You're just not listening.
So what I would say is take,take one minute to listen, and
(24:26):
then maybe tomorrow it's twominutes, and just like see when
you ask yourself like, hey,what's going to make me feel
better today?
And maybe it is sitting on thecouch and doing absolutely
nothing and being a potato.
Cool, enjoy it.
Like guilt-free enjoy it.
Maybe it's getting out for awalk, but we don't know unless
we ask ourselves and we can say,like a whole bunch of like.
(24:50):
We could give you a list oflike a hundred things you could
try.
Right, it still might not bethe answer, because you are
unique and you are special andyou know so like you have to
start asking yourself thesequestions and just like ask
yourself over and over and overagain until you hear it.
What's the answer?
What do I need today?
Oh, a.
McDonald's chocolate milkshakeHeck, yeah.
Well then I'm going to go getit.
(25:10):
You just have to start tolisten and try new things, and
that's probably what I would dodifferently when it came to
living in Barbados is I wouldtry a few things more and I
probably would tell people whatI was going through.
Looking back, isolating myself,was not the answer.
Speaker 1 (25:28):
I see, and what recommendations do you have for
our audience?
Or why you have tried yourselfabout mental health, coaching,
therapy, body work, yoga, whyyou have tried in order to help
your mental health in a morelike, if you will, more
conscious, professional way, ifyou will.
Speaker 2 (25:48):
Yeah, a hundred percent Therapy was huge for me,
especially in Barbados.
That's when I started.
I did virtual from with someonewho was at home and that made a
really, really big differencefor me because it helped me to
understand and rationalize someof the thoughts that were going
on in my head and some of thefears that were coming up.
I also, I do love practicingmovement, but it's a matter of
(26:11):
like it being not for punishment, it being for love, and that
was a big shift for me,especially coming from health
and fitness coaching where mybody was my business, and
finally getting out of that washuge because I could like make
them two different things.
It didn't have to be like, oh,my body and my size is what's
going to sell this, this andthis, like no, we're not doing
that.
That's not the confidenceaspect that I wanted to live,
(26:34):
and so learning to move my bodyjust because it felt good was
like really cool.
So I'm a big fan of yoga, bigfan of Pilates, but I also love
like lifting some really likeheavy weights, because then you
feel so badass, and so just likegoing and moving my body.
Whatever that meant, whateverthat looks like it could look
different every single day, butjust like moving it to get some
(26:54):
of that, like energy, thatsomatic energy that's inside out
.
Speaker 1 (26:57):
Right, right, right.
And it is so true that movementhelps you to move energy and
feelings out.
And I am so grateful thatyou're sharing your story of
like going through therapy too,because therapy is not when
you're broken.
Therapy is just to guide youout of a place where, you know,
as you say, we sit up withourselves and like I don't know
(27:20):
what to do.
I don't know what to do.
I know I need help and the helpis out there if we reach it out
.
And talking about I love thatsentence that you said my body
is not my business, but I madeit my business.
How many out there of you,girls and women, how make your
(27:40):
body your torture, not even yourbusiness body, your torture,
not even your business, yourtorture, when our bodies are
sanctuary?
As boohoo as that sounds, it istrue.
We only get one, yeah, we onlyget one, and take it from
somebody.
I used to be a professionaldancer too, so my body was my
show kind of thing, right, andthen, due to chronic illnesses,
(28:02):
not not anymore.
Right, I couldn't do what Iused to do, and now I love
watching dancing.
But for the life of me I can'tright.
But it's the fact that if Iwould have lived in that state
of I cannot do that anymore, Idon't look like that anymore.
I would have been in the verydark side of the star, as they
call, would be in the very darkside of the star, as they call.
So if you haven't listened toJess' podcast, I invite you to,
(28:31):
because it's just sunshine withrainbows all over, in the sense
of like, if you're having a badday just listening to her, you
can, you cannot have a bad day.
It's just impossible when youhear her.
Also, you're doing workshopsfor confidence too, correct?
Speaker 2 (28:45):
Yes, there's always something to help to boost your
confidence in our community.
Speaker 1 (28:50):
Yes, and any last thoughts for our community that
you would like to share?
Speaker 2 (28:56):
I would just say to the woman who's listening to
this right now you are beautifuland you are special and you are
unique and you being differentis the gift that we were given
in this world.
So don't forget that, Don't dimit.
It is, it is beautiful exactlyhow you are Like.
You are just a special gift andyou being different is not a
(29:17):
bad thing.
You being different is a gift.
Speaker 1 (29:20):
Beautiful.
Thank you so much, Jess, andfor all my audience.
All the notes for supportgroups here and in Canada will
be posted under the link andalso under the podcast notes,
where we can find you.
Speaker 2 (29:34):
Jess.
Yeah, so you can head on overto Instagram and check me out.
At jessclerk.
You can also check out mypodcast Selfish Confidence and
that's self, and then the issuesand brackets confidence
wherever you listen to yourpodcasts.
Speaker 1 (29:47):
Beautiful.
Speaker 2 (29:49):
Thanks so much for having me.
Speaker 1 (29:51):
Of course, I love you so much and, like I said, I
just love bringing people tothis podcast that has
perspectives of mental health.
That is not, you know, when wetalk about mental health.
Unfortunately, due to my careerchoices, I do have to talk to
the dark side of the mentalhealth.
But there is also differentstages of mental health, like in
fitness right, we start in onepoint and we move forward and
(30:15):
you are like if you are ready,did your therapy?
You have a little bit ofcoaching.
Now is the time to join Jess, tojust boost that energy and
glide over everything and, likeI say, have a Pegasus with
rainbows and unicorns coming outof you.
Just every one of you isamazing, beautiful and all we
(30:37):
want is to have mental healthand feel confident and feel at
peace with ourselves, no matterthe size, no matter the age, no
matter the women.
Thank you, everybody and I'llsee you next time.
As we conclude today's episode,take a moment to reflect, be
proud of the journey, for everystep that brings you closer to
(31:01):
who you truly are, embrace thekindness towards yourself, as
you did to each one of ourguests, honor the bravery in
your actions and celebrate theimportance of mental wellness
with us and remember it's anexercise that we practice daily.
Continue to grow and flourish,knowing that we are in this
(31:25):
training for our mental wellnesstogether.
We are so proud to have you aspart of our community, so join
us on Instagram at OasisCommunity Podcast for more
inspiring conversations,valuable resources and
supportive content, includingjournals, worksheets and content
(31:47):
in Spanish.
Exciting things are in thehorizon.
Our Oasis community break roomsare coming soon to grab tools
and take a break for your mentalhealth.
Also, we are featuring oursix-month training ethical
mental health coaching program,designed for new and experienced
coaches, as well as holisticand healing professionals.
(32:08):
Enroll to create a safe andtransformative experience to
your clients.
Links in the bio.
Until next time, take care,stay connected and welcome to
our Oasis community.
podcast.
Welcome everybody to Oroasispodcast.
As always, please get a comfyseat.
Come with us, get a beverage towarm your heart.
Today I have an amazing guest.
Hello, beautiful souls, andwelcome to Oroasis community
(00:20):
podcast.
I am Dr Roldan, your host.
I am a doctor in clinicalpsychology, a BIPOC therapist
professor and a mindful somaticcoach.
While I am a therapist,remember I'm not your therapist.
This podcast is not a substitutefor professional mental health
care, but we have resources inour website and Instagram to
(00:42):
support you in that search.
Join us for a cozy, feltconversation about mental health
, personal growth andmindfulness.
We explore tools to care foryour mind, your body and your
soul.
Check the footnotes fordisclaimer, trigger warnings and
additional resources for eachone of the episodes.
So grab your favorite cup oftea, coffee or hot chocolate,
(01:08):
wrap yourself in a warm blanketand find a coffee spot here with
us to be kind, to be brave,loud and strong in your search
of mental health wellness.
Welcome to your Oasis of mentalhealth wellness.
Welcome to your Oasis.
And she also is toasting withyou, so let's toast all together
(01:29):
.
One, two, three BeautifulCheers.
My chocolate tea, what is yours?
Oh?
Speaker 2 (01:40):
this is like a.
It had a little bit of caffeine.
I think it's a blue raspberryflavor, so I went with a cold
drink, because it's sunny out,so we feel like it could be
summer Right.
It's not, though, butabsolutely delicious, a little
like blue raspberry caffeinedrink, cause I'm going to go to
the gym right after this too, soget us all jittery up.
Speaker 1 (02:01):
So for people that don't know where are you located
and where are you, joining usfrom?
Speaker 2 (02:03):
yeah, I'm in nova scotia, canada we are in canada,
we're in all america's peoplewe are like literally like
opposite corners because, likeyou and san diego and me all the
way up here in nova scotia,we're like I'm so east coast and
you're so west coast, and likeopposite corners.
Speaker 1 (02:23):
Yes.
And today I want to my audienceis for a trip to a beautiful
soul.
I met Jess a couple of yearsago and then we got to squeeze
together again recently and justlove each other so much in the
sense of like.
I'm a firm believer that energybrings energy and positive
(02:46):
positivity for real bringspeople together.
And you know, she was in thecross the room and I saw, as
soon as I saw her I was like Ineed to be with her and hug her.
And um, funny story, we like,match with like.
I work today this one becausewe were matching and we're
obsessed with gummy bearsdecoration In my case it's
(03:08):
decorations, but I was like, wewere like we want gummy bears
just for, like, happiness.
But today I want you to bringawareness of you're a
self-confidence coach and peoplealways say, well, what is
self-confidence?
And people always say, well,well, it's self-confidence, what
, what that has to do with me?
Uh, it doesn't matter if youare a teen, a young adult, uh,
(03:31):
older women or like us, that wehave in different stages of life
, um, or confidence drops forsociety, expectations for life
changes, for sometimes theexpectation that we have to be
still 21, looking when we are 30, 40, 50, et cetera.
(03:51):
So tell us about how do youdiscover one, your
self-confidence and two, how doyou become a coach.
Speaker 2 (03:59):
Oh, good question.
It's really interesting becauseall growing up I was a pretty
confident kid, like I was aquieter kid, introvert, you know
still am and even just growingup like I could kind of just do
my own thing, I wouldconfidently, you know, color my
coloring books or, you know, goto the park or ride my bike,
like nothing really stopped me.
And even going through highschool, like I always had groups
(04:22):
of friends, really good friends, great connections and
relatively confident in who Iwas, I was a kid who struggled
with my body image growing upbecause I was just not the
typical kid size.
I had some weight on me growingup and I definitely struggled
with that piece but it didn'taffect me or hold me back and it
(04:42):
really wasn't until I got olderbecause even going to
university things were prettygood.
They didn't go exactlyaccording to plan.
I was never like the book smartkind of girl, except I got
through.
Like I got through I did apublic relations degree and as I
did that, like I'm a greatpublic speaker, so like why not
do this degree?
That was so freaking easy andeasy for me, I should say and I
(05:08):
kind of had that big boost ofconfidence through all of these
seasons but, as relationshipsfailed and some maybe
friendships that were reallyclose didn't quite work out or,
honestly, the person who Ithought I was going to be with
for the rest of my life broke upwith me, but again I was young,
was going to be with for therest of my life, broke up with
me, but again I was young.
So, looking back, not a bigdeal, but in the moment those
(05:28):
things hit your confidence.
But it really wasn't until Iwas older.
I got married pretty young.
I met a wonderful partner andwe moved to Barbados for him to
work on a project in theCaribbean which is super, super
cool, right, but it happened toalign with the pandemic and as
that happened I was in crazyisolation.
(05:50):
The rules down there werereally strict.
Life down there was totallydifferent.
I had nothing that I had inCanada, there, and I've always
been a very independent and,honestly, pretty confident
person.
And as I lived down there andspent more time down there and
spent more time in isolation, Ilost pieces of myself, and I
think we all did in that season.
So as I came home and decidedto start a podcast and publicly
(06:15):
share that, I was reallystruggling through this journey,
I started to learn so manypeople were on the same journey,
especially post pandemic.
We were all just like, who arewe?
We just like hermited for ayear and you want us to be back
to our normal confident, bubblyselves?
Like that's just not it.
And so, as I started to putmore and more out there, I
(06:35):
started to learn about myself.
I started to get to know my newself because truly like felt
like a brand new person, comingout of that cocoon of the
pandemic but also living abroadand living a totally different
life.
And as I did, it just kind ofbrought people along on this
journey and that's how mybusiness fell into my lap.
I didn't realize how bad peopleneeded this until I started to
(06:59):
put myself out there and Ialways really struggled with the
piece of like well, who theheck am I to be the person that
teaches women confidence?
I don't have any myself.
And then it just became veryclear like Jess, you're supposed
to be the person who teachesthem.
You don't have to have itfigured out and courses and all
of these things that have allbeen created around community
being number one, because, asyou know, having the right
(07:27):
people around you is like a keyto your confidence.
And two to just like lean intowho we are and to step into our
power a little bit more, and itencourages you to do that.
So that's what led me on thisjourney, and it's been really
freaking cool to see it all cometogether in two short years.
Speaker 1 (07:46):
Wow and can you share with our audience about.
I love the key that you say youare the people that you
surround yourself and yourconfidence is going to be around
that, and I'm a firm believerthat people that is a little
higher than you in whatever goalyou want, they're not going to
put you down, right, becausethey're not going to help you
(08:08):
either.
But they're not going to putyou down Some of them do help
you, right.
So I want you to tell people,because your story sounds so
shiny, rainbows and hearts,right, but it wasn't like that,
right, like every single onethat we were in the pandemic.
If, like every single one thatwe were in the pandemic if, by
the way, trigger warning foreverybody that's listening right
now I'm going to make a littlespeech about the pandemic and if
(08:33):
you are not healed from thatone, please take a break, it's
okay, and just come back in liketwo minutes.
So when I was in the pandemic,too, you know I was driving and
all that the pandemic hit, wewent in cooktop mode.
I live in a very dense citylike San Diego.
I work in public health, so Iwas in the trenches with
everybody seeing the horriblesystems that we have.
(08:55):
And then, unfortunately, I alsogot sick.
So, and it was when it wasn'tthat even cool to be sick, you
know, nobody knew anything aboutit, and I got really, really
sick to the point that, you know, I was in the ventilators and
all that.
I was really really strugglingand, like you say, it took all
that year to recover from it andthen I already have a chronic
(09:17):
illness, which that createdanother problem.
Why do I say this?
Because anybody that sees methey see the hearts and rainbows
right, the successfulentrepreneur, doctor, et cetera,
et cetera, et cetera, andthey're like oh wow, I want to
be with you, but they don't knowthe whole struggle that I went
through, not once but many timesin my life, about
(09:38):
self-confidence, because out ofthat, I cannot exercise as much
as I used to, I cannot do allthe things that I used to do, so
I have to modify everything.
I gained a lot of weight and Iknow a lot of people that is a
big thing because hormones andall this stuff, right.
So I changed my diet, what Ieat and why not, but it's a
(10:00):
struggle when we are out therein the public.
I one of the things that waskind of like stopping me to go
to public.
I was that.
That, immediately as soon as Iput the first picture, people
like, oh, you're too heavy, oryou're too Hispanic, that was my
favorite.
You, you look too Russian.
And I was like you know, I'mHispanic, right, that's me.
(10:21):
Oh, my favorite is like howyou're gonna give advice about
kids when you don't have yourown, without even knowing the
story.
What I choose not to you know,so, uh, all those things affect
your, uh, your, yourself-confidence.
In your case, what was the kindof pushing buttons that lower
(10:42):
your confidence during your,even the pandemic or even in
their life?
Right, because you say you enda relationship?
That is also something thattakes a hit in young women about
their confidence, because wealways think it's something
wrong with us, when in realityit's just that was not the right
person for us.
(11:02):
They have many others, so canyou talk a little bit about that
?
Speaker 2 (11:06):
yeah, well, honestly, for that relationship like best
thing that ever happened to me,that they broke up with me.
Like I'm very grateful now, butin the moment you're just like
I'm not good enough.
I I come from high achievingparents who are entrepreneurs
who are really successful inwhat they do, and I've always
put myself to that level tooright, like I have to be high
(11:27):
achieving and for most of us, wesee people at their end game
right, and not even at the end,but, like my parents are very
successful in what they do.
They've been doing this forlike 38 years.
You know, like we compare towhere they are and like I'd love
to see where I am going to be38 years from now.
That'd be freaking cool.
But I'm comparing where I amnow to where they are.
(11:48):
Or same thing with people we seeon the internet.
We're comparing this beginningstage to people who've been
podcasting for years or coachingfor years, and I think that's
the trap that gets us the most,because we're on social media a
lot, a lot.
And social media is greatbecause it connects us and it
allows us to feel so connectedeven when we are literally
(12:09):
countries and miles apart.
But it definitely takes a hitto your confidence when you're
comparing yourself to everyother person in the world.
That just makes you feel likeyou're not enough and they don't
intend to do that.
That's not anyone's intent.
Maybe it's someone's, but it'snot my intention on the internet
to do that, but it still feelslike that.
And so I think social mediatakes a big hit for me,
(12:30):
especially in the pandemic too,when we were on it more and I
was working really hard to builda brand online.
So I had a health and fitnessbusiness at that point and I
didn't tell anyone what I wasactually going through.
In Barbados they just saw, likethe beautiful beaches when I
was going for my beach walk, orthey would see, you know, the
(12:50):
beautiful flowers and the birds,or me getting ready to do my
workout.
They didn't see, like me cryingon the kitchen floor most
nights, waiting for my husbandto come home, who worked 14, 15
hours a day, seven days a week,like they didn't see the
loneliness, they didn't see thebrokenness.
I did not tell anyone to thepoint that my parents thought we
(13:12):
were going to move therepermanently, like nobody knew
what was really happening untilI came home and could share it
Because, again, I didn't wantanyone to worry, chronic people
pleaser, didn't want to botheranybody with what's going on.
But those made it worse To be100% alone, to the point where I
couldn't even really tell myhusband, my person, who I tell
(13:32):
everything to, because he wasalso really struggling and he
was trying to finish thisproject so we could get home too
.
He wasn't being intentional andhurting me, but I was just so
lonely and so lost that thosewere the pieces right.
Plus, you'd see, on socialmedia at that time, the grass is
always greener on someoneelse's side.
(13:53):
So I saw people who were like,oh, if only the Caribbean ocean
was right outside my windowright now.
And I was just like, shut theup, like it is outside my window
and I am the most broken I'veever been.
Like how lucky for you to be onCanadian soil.
How lucky for you to be justdown the road from your family.
How lucky for you to, you know,have X, y and Z, whereas on
(14:15):
their end they're looking at mylife and saying how lucky for
you, you're in Barbados.
How lucky for you, you have thesunshine on your skin every day
.
How lucky for you, you're inBarbados.
How lucky for you.
You have the sunshine on yourskin every day.
How lucky for you you don'thave to shovel snow.
Like it's so interesting how,when we're in it, we always want
to be on the other side, andwhen we're on the other side, we
always want to be in it.
Like it's just those piecesthat come with our confidence
and that was like the big onefor me.
I was always comparing toeveryone else.
Speaker 1 (14:38):
Okay.
So that is the key factor, asthe audience is listening.
When we compare, we deduct,because every time that you
compare, you don't know thestory behind the brand, behind
the person behind the story,right?
Another thing what got youthrough it?
(14:59):
So right now it's epidemic herein United States about
loneliness.
People have felt the mostlonely than ever.
There's studies that shows thatan average out of 10 people, 9
feel lonely, utterly lonely.
You know that loneliness thathurts, that you can be in a
group of 100 people but you feellike you're the alien, right.
(15:22):
So what?
The mental tools or what helpedyou through it?
A coach, a friend, a book?
What got you?
Speaker 2 (15:32):
through it.
Okay, there's a couple ofthings.
Even as you say it, I'm like ohman, this is silly.
One of the beautiful blessingsthat we did have was that when
we moved to Barbados, um, one ofthe beautiful blessings that we
did have was that when we movedto Barbados, we brought our two
cats with us, which was noteasy to do.
Importing cats to anothercountry is just not easy.
Everyone thought we were crazyand but we did it because we
were going to be gone for solong.
(15:52):
Having them there was reallyreally helpful Having pets, for
my loneliness was huge.
And then when we were down there, um, fostering dogs and we
ended up keeping one, and thathas also been like really
helpful for me, because that gotme outside when, like, I didn't
want to go outside at all, likeyou're living in Barbados and
(16:12):
you don't even want to gooutside, like that is an issue,
and so getting a dog helped too.
So having pets around me super,super helpful.
The other piece for me is, likeI am very connected to nature,
so getting grounded, taking mysocks off and like getting my
feet in the dirt, getting myfeet in the sand, the water,
whatever it is, and even inCanada yesterday.
(16:34):
Going out in the woods and likeputting my hands on trees
sounds super weird, I know that,but like being connected with
nature makes me feel less lonelybecause I truly do believe that
there is energy and spirit andnature, and it means I'm not
alone.
Like literally sitting beside atree, although that sounds so
crazy, you're not alone and soit's just like being in that
(16:56):
energy.
Even when you feel just so lowthat nobody could understand,
even when you feel just so lowthat nobody could understand
knowing that spirit is there,you could be connected to it by
just going outside and takingyour socks off right like it can
be really, really simple.
But I also don't want todownplay the fact that like it's
huge, like this lonelinesspiece is huge and it's really
(17:17):
sad.
I like my heart hurts as I thinkabout it, because I lived it in
Barbados too.
So just like put yourself outthere to meet like one person.
Like we are isolated I isolatedmyself down there but if you
can make one step to find anetworking event online, to find
a friend, if there's one personon the internet that you admire
, like send them a DM,especially if they're local, and
(17:41):
like meet for coffee orsomething like it's so scary but
it's so worth it.
Like I only had one friend inbarbados.
She was my 60 year old neighborand her four dogs.
Like I love her, but that'slike not enough, right.
So like just making sure thatyou find those people that feel
really, really good, that lightyou up and that like build you
(18:01):
to be the better version ofyourself, because if you're
going to isolate yourself, andthat like build you to be the
better version of yourself,because if you're going to
isolate yourself, like that's onyou, like if you're going to be
a hundred percent alone, thereare things for you.
Speaker 1 (18:09):
And just for people that is struggling with a little
more severe loneliness that ismore like depression or severe
anxiety or social anxiety orsevere anxiety or social anxiety
.
We will be posting links in thebio of this episode for support
groups, because there's supportgroups online, in person Also,
(18:31):
ones that if you don't reallywant to mingle with people, you
can just go rewatch it andbelieve it or not, just being in
a company of somebody helps.
Also.
I love the tip of like nature.
As you can see, she has a petplant.
I have my pet plant too, in alittle crystal or rock because
it's important.
(18:51):
Same right Twinsies.
Twinsies, it's both amethyststoo.
Yes, for beauty and love.
So ground yourself.
And yes, I know, for peoplethat is very scientific, like me
, is very woohoo, but for youpeople like me, this is the
(19:12):
explanation trees communicatebetween their roots.
So when you sit under one tree,believe it or not, when you are
really in the trenches sad andcrying to a tree, all the other
trees come and give you theirenergy to that specific tree.
Baby boohoo, totally understand, but try it once.
I'm a tree hugger.
(19:32):
Literally I go and hug treesand say I love you today, or X,
y and Z Pets are the best.
Why?
Because they give youunconditional love.
Granted cats are like teenagerlove, but still helps.
So those tips are great.
What else do you have struggledthrough your life that you say
this is something that a womanout there needs to hear?
(19:55):
That I went through and eitherI survive it or I make it
through.
Speaker 2 (20:01):
I think the biggest one is just that feeling of like
not being enough.
I think for a lot of women,there is pressure on us as we
are stepping into this season ofbeing seen more of like
stepping into this like massivepower shift for women, which is
like so beautiful and so cool tosee, and it also feels like
just like one more thing we haveto carry, like one more thing
(20:24):
we have to do, like our voicesare being heard and we're
starting to step into somethingreally cool, but like we already
have so much on our plates sowe just always feel like we're
never enough, it's never goingto be enough, but like I promise
you, if you're listening tothis, it is going to, it is
going to be enough.
It is Something really big iscoming, I think, for women and,
(20:46):
as that happens, you are enough,exactly as you are, even if you
did not go outside today, evenif you can't fold your laundry,
even if anything, exactly youare enough and you're doing
enough.
And I think that that's thething that I've always struggled
with, especially as anentrepreneur, and an
entrepreneur that just doesn'thave the same energy as what a
(21:08):
typical person has.
I have to like even just doingthis one hour podcast episode.
I'm going to need to, like youknow, do some energy work after
to just kind of get myself backinto a place that just like
refill my cup up, and I am doinga lot of really cool, big
things right now.
That means I also need to, liketake a lot of extra self-care.
(21:30):
You know spending time readingin the sunshine and you know
taking a break to watch, youknow, some TV shows.
You know doing what I need todo and like making sure that I'm
prioritizing rest has beenreally, really helpful, but
sometimes it validates thatstory that I'm not doing enough,
and that's really hard, right,yeah, with the whole hassle
culture, right, yeah, and Itotally resonate with that for
(21:57):
one of the reasons.
Speaker 1 (21:57):
You know, in academics, right?
In academics, they make youwork 80 hours of studying and
teaching and all that, which isnot healthy.
That's why, if you have afriend people that is, a lawyer,
a doctor, a therapist, a nurse,any teacher they work horrible
hours, they are in the burnoutfrom both ends.
(22:20):
And also it has been glamorizedthe whole self-care is like
expending money on you, you know, like products, makeup, hair.
That's not self-care, that is aform of it.
But when we talk, you and I,about self-care, we're talking
about taking a break to just be,just to exist.
(22:41):
Because if you're just hassle,hassle, hassle, something has to
give, and the first thing thatgives is your confidence, your
mental health and your physicalhealth.
So, if you're going to doanything today for you is, take
a moment to just savor where youare too, because we are always
comparing ourselves to the upthere, right, but we don't see
(23:03):
all the things that we have done.
You went from Barbados to hereand like, yeah, everybody's like
, oh, you live in an island.
I'm like, yeah, but I live in agolden cage right now because
I'm isolated from everything andyou will say well, I went out
and stayed in the beach andwalking nature.
Wasn't that enough?
So if you're in those shoes,what will be your recommendation
(23:27):
when you say look at it inretrospective Nature wasn't
enough, the self-care routinesthat I have was not enough.
What I could have donedifferently or what I will do in
the future differently.
Speaker 2 (23:41):
I want you, if you're listening to this right now and
maybe you're the type of personwho, like, cannot be alone or
have a moment that's quietbecause we put on a podcast
while we're cooking or we're inthe car and we really struggle
to listen to ourselves I wantyou to, just even for like one
minute, listen to yourself,because you know what you need.
I think we always think, when Ieven feel emotional as I say
(24:04):
this, we always think that theoutside world is going to tell
us, so this podcast is going totell us, or this event is going
to change my life, or this thingis going to change everything.
But you already know in yourbody, it is clear what you need
to do.
You're just not listening.
So what I would say is take,take one minute to listen, and
(24:26):
then maybe tomorrow it's twominutes, and just like see when
you ask yourself like, hey,what's going to make me feel
better today?
And maybe it is sitting on thecouch and doing absolutely
nothing and being a potato.
Cool, enjoy it.
Like guilt-free enjoy it.
Maybe it's getting out for awalk, but we don't know unless
we ask ourselves and we can say,like a whole bunch of like.
(24:50):
We could give you a list oflike a hundred things you could
try.
Right, it still might not bethe answer, because you are
unique and you are special andyou know so like you have to
start asking yourself thesequestions and just like ask
yourself over and over and overagain until you hear it.
What's the answer?
What do I need today?
Oh, a.
McDonald's chocolate milkshakeHeck, yeah.
Well then I'm going to go getit.
(25:10):
You just have to start tolisten and try new things, and
that's probably what I would dodifferently when it came to
living in Barbados is I wouldtry a few things more and I
probably would tell people whatI was going through.
Looking back, isolating myself,was not the answer.
Speaker 1 (25:28):
I see, and what recommendations do you have for
our audience?
Or why you have tried yourselfabout mental health, coaching,
therapy, body work, yoga, whyyou have tried in order to help
your mental health in a morelike, if you will, more
conscious, professional way, ifyou will.
Speaker 2 (25:48):
Yeah, a hundred percent Therapy was huge for me,
especially in Barbados.
That's when I started.
I did virtual from with someonewho was at home and that made a
really, really big differencefor me because it helped me to
understand and rationalize someof the thoughts that were going
on in my head and some of thefears that were coming up.
I also, I do love practicingmovement, but it's a matter of
(26:11):
like it being not for punishment, it being for love, and that
was a big shift for me,especially coming from health
and fitness coaching where mybody was my business, and
finally getting out of that washuge because I could like make
them two different things.
It didn't have to be like, oh,my body and my size is what's
going to sell this, this andthis, like no, we're not doing
that.
That's not the confidenceaspect that I wanted to live,
(26:34):
and so learning to move my bodyjust because it felt good was
like really cool.
So I'm a big fan of yoga, bigfan of Pilates, but I also love
like lifting some really likeheavy weights, because then you
feel so badass, and so just likegoing and moving my body.
Whatever that meant, whateverthat looks like it could look
different every single day, butjust like moving it to get some
(26:54):
of that, like energy, thatsomatic energy that's inside out
.
Speaker 1 (26:57):
Right, right, right.
And it is so true that movementhelps you to move energy and
feelings out.
And I am so grateful thatyou're sharing your story of
like going through therapy too,because therapy is not when
you're broken.
Therapy is just to guide youout of a place where, you know,
as you say, we sit up withourselves and like I don't know
(27:20):
what to do.
I don't know what to do.
I know I need help and the helpis out there if we reach it out
.
And talking about I love thatsentence that you said my body
is not my business, but I madeit my business.
How many out there of you,girls and women, how make your
(27:40):
body your torture, not even yourbusiness body, your torture,
not even your business, yourtorture, when our bodies are
sanctuary?
As boohoo as that sounds, it istrue.
We only get one, yeah, we onlyget one, and take it from
somebody.
I used to be a professionaldancer too, so my body was my
show kind of thing, right, andthen, due to chronic illnesses,
(28:02):
not not anymore.
Right, I couldn't do what Iused to do, and now I love
watching dancing.
But for the life of me I can'tright.
But it's the fact that if Iwould have lived in that state
of I cannot do that anymore, Idon't look like that anymore.
I would have been in the verydark side of the star, as they
call, would be in the very darkside of the star, as they call.
So if you haven't listened toJess' podcast, I invite you to,
(28:31):
because it's just sunshine withrainbows all over, in the sense
of like, if you're having a badday just listening to her, you
can, you cannot have a bad day.
It's just impossible when youhear her.
Also, you're doing workshopsfor confidence too, correct?
Speaker 2 (28:45):
Yes, there's always something to help to boost your
confidence in our community.
Speaker 1 (28:50):
Yes, and any last thoughts for our community that
you would like to share?
Speaker 2 (28:56):
I would just say to the woman who's listening to
this right now you are beautifuland you are special and you are
unique and you being differentis the gift that we were given
in this world.
So don't forget that, Don't dimit.
It is, it is beautiful exactlyhow you are Like.
You are just a special gift andyou being different is not a
(29:17):
bad thing.
You being different is a gift.
Speaker 1 (29:20):
Beautiful.
Thank you so much, Jess, andfor all my audience.
All the notes for supportgroups here and in Canada will
be posted under the link andalso under the podcast notes,
where we can find you.
Speaker 2 (29:34):
Jess.
Yeah, so you can head on overto Instagram and check me out.
At jessclerk.
You can also check out mypodcast Selfish Confidence and
that's self, and then the issuesand brackets confidence
wherever you listen to yourpodcasts.
Speaker 1 (29:47):
Beautiful.
Speaker 2 (29:49):
Thanks so much for having me.
Speaker 1 (29:51):
Of course, I love you so much and, like I said, I
just love bringing people tothis podcast that has
perspectives of mental health.
That is not, you know, when wetalk about mental health.
Unfortunately, due to my careerchoices, I do have to talk to
the dark side of the mentalhealth.
But there is also differentstages of mental health, like in
fitness right, we start in onepoint and we move forward and
(30:15):
you are like if you are ready,did your therapy?
You have a little bit ofcoaching.
Now is the time to join Jess, tojust boost that energy and
glide over everything and, likeI say, have a Pegasus with
rainbows and unicorns coming outof you.
Just every one of you isamazing, beautiful and all we
(30:37):
want is to have mental healthand feel confident and feel at
peace with ourselves, no matterthe size, no matter the age, no
matter the women.
Thank you, everybody and I'llsee you next time.
As we conclude today's episode,take a moment to reflect, be
proud of the journey, for everystep that brings you closer to
(31:01):
who you truly are, embrace thekindness towards yourself, as
you did to each one of ourguests, honor the bravery in
your actions and celebrate theimportance of mental wellness
with us and remember it's anexercise that we practice daily.
Continue to grow and flourish,knowing that we are in this
(31:25):
training for our mental wellnesstogether.
We are so proud to have you aspart of our community, so join
us on Instagram at OasisCommunity Podcast for more
inspiring conversations,valuable resources and
supportive content, includingjournals, worksheets and content
(31:47):
in Spanish.
Exciting things are in thehorizon.
Our Oasis community break roomsare coming soon to grab tools
and take a break for your mentalhealth.
Also, we are featuring oursix-month training ethical
mental health coaching program,designed for new and experienced
coaches, as well as holisticand healing professionals.
(32:08):
Enroll to create a safe andtransformative experience to
your clients.
Links in the bio.
Until next time, take care,stay connected and welcome to
our Oasis community.
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