May 28, 2024 • 54 mins
Dr. Elizabeth Sanchez-Urvisu, a geek therapist, joins Dr. Sara Roldan on the Oroasis Podcast to discuss the importance of incorporating geek culture into therapy and the challenges of parenting in the context of generational trauma. They explore the need for self-care for parents and the cultural barriers that prevent many from seeking therapy. They also touch on the topics of cultural appropriation and the importance of creating a therapeutic space that is inclusive and respectful of diverse cultural backgrounds. The conversation explores the importance of culture, identity, and the evolution of language. It emphasizes the need to understand and respect different cultures, while also acknowledging the complexities and challenges of cultural appropriation. The speakers discuss the significance of self-acceptance and finding a sense of belonging within different communities. They also touch on the power of storytelling and the importance of accurate representation in media. The conversation concludes with practical advice on finding the right therapist or mentor and creating boundaries for personal growth.
- Parenting in the context of generational trauma requires reparenting oneself and breaking the cycle of harmful parenting practices.
- Cultural barriers and misconceptions often prevent parents from seeking therapy, highlighting the need for community-based mental health initiatives.
- Cultural appropriation in therapy can be harmful and disrespectful, and it is important to educate oneself and be mindful of the roots and significance of cultural practices.
- Creating a therapeutic space that is inclusive and respectful of diverse cultural backgrounds is crucial for effective therapy.
🔔 And if you haven’t subscribed yet, @ouroasiscommunitypodcast
6-Month Ethical Mental Health Trauma-Informed Coaching Training
Waitlist: https://mailchi.mp/f8a4df05034a/8h49marbwo
Free Resources: https://linktr.ee/Our.Oasis.Podcast.Community
Instagram: @ouroasiscommunitypodcast,
Disclaimer: This podcast is for educational purposes only and does not establish a therapeutic relationship. If you need help, please seek a professional therapist or contact a helpline
Emergency Helplines
- Emergency: 988
- NAMI Helpline: 1-800-950-NAMI (6264) - www.nami.org/help
- National Crisis Text Line: Text HELLO to 741741
- National Suicide Prevention Lifeline: 1-800-273-8255 or 988 - www.suicidepreventionlifeline.org
- National Domestic Violence Hotline: 1-800-799-7233 - www.thehotline.org
- SAMHSA Helpline: 1-800-662-HELP (4357) - www.samhsa.gov
- LGBT Trevor Project Lifeline: 1-866-488-7386 - www.thetrevorproject.org
- Veterans Crisis Line: 1-800-273-TALK (8255) - www.veteranscrisisline.net
- Ayuda en Español: 1-888-628-9454 - www.suicidepreventionlifeline.org/es
- National Deaf Therapy: www.nationaldeaftherapy.com
- BIPOC Therapist Finder:...<
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:02):
Hello beautiful souls and welcome to Oroasis
Community Podcast.
I am Dr Roldan, your host.
I am a doctor in clinicalpsychology, a BIPOC therapist
professor and a mindful somaticcoach.
While I am a therapist,remember I'm not your therapist.
This podcast is not asubstitute for professional
(00:24):
mental health care, but we haveresources in our website and
Instagram to support you in thatsearch.
Join us for a cozy, feltconversation about mental health
, personal growth andmindfulness.
We explore tools to care foryour mind, your body and your
soul.
Check the footnotes fordisclaimer, trigger warnings and
(00:46):
additional resources for eachone of the episodes.
So grab your favorite cup of tea, coffee or hot chocolate, wrap
yourself in a warm blanket andfind a coffee spot here with us
to be kind, to be brave, loudand strong in your search of
(01:07):
mental health wellness.
Welcome to your Oasis, welcomeeverybody.
This is Dr Roldan at Our Oasispodcast.
So come and sit with us andgrab your cup of tea or happy
beverage to enjoy and warm yoursoul.
So, today, happy beverage toenjoy and warm your soul.
(01:28):
So today we're going to go toone of my first loves in therapy
.
I have one of a good friend,colleague and amazing doctor, dr
Elizabeth.
Thank you so much for beinghere and also just for the ones
that are watching us in YouTube.
No, I'm not in my sleep robe orin my robe to go to the
bathroom and stuff like that.
(01:49):
I just want to geek out withyou guys.
Hold on.
So this is my Demon Slayer kindof kimono.
And you say, why in the worldare you wearing that?
Because I have a special guestthat I have to completely dress
up for and that is Dr Elizabeth.
Welcome, dr Elizabeth.
Can you please tell theaudience who you are and what
(02:13):
you do and why I'm so geekingout so much with you?
Speaker 2 (02:17):
Well, I am a major geek so I immediately thought
that was the way.
Is that the demon slayer thing?
Uh, because I get so excitedabout that.
I am a, uh, like you said, Iget someone who uses geek, or,
yeah, geek culture, into um thetherapy session and even outside
of it.
(02:38):
I have started to do a lot ofum, community presentations, um,
and I am like trying to sneakin like geek culture in there,
like asking about hobbies andstuff, because I realized I work
.
I guess my first love would beworking with kiddos, but I can't
work with kids and not workwith the parents at the same
(02:59):
time.
So I worked a lot with parentsand anytime I asked well, you
know, what are your hobbies?
What do you do for fun?
How do you take care ofyourself?
It was always like, oh well, Itake the kids to the park or
something with the kids and thenI'm like, well, that's great,
you know you're enjoying yourtime as a family, but also like,
what do you do for yourself?
like just for yourself, not forthe kids, like to entertain them
(03:22):
, and it was always like, justblank, looks like have no life
like you know myself, like it'simportant, it's so important for
us to like have a time to takecare of ourselves and like sadly
, I think there's this hugemisconception about what a good
parent is.
So my parents are mexican, so Iidentify myself as a Mexican
(03:43):
American and I think in theculture there is this sort of
idea that when you're a parent,all your time has to be spent
taking care of your kids.
Otherwise you're a bad parent.
Like why are you going out todinner with your significant
other If, like, without yourkids?
Why are you abandoning yourkids?
And like I had that.
(04:05):
Like every time I mentionedthat, like in the, in the
presentations, that in themental health presentations I do
, parents are like yeah, that'sthe idea that comes to them and
I'm like but that's not true,because if you do take care of
yourself, you're showing yourkids how to take care of
themselves.
You're actually a better parent.
You might seem like you're notand you might feel bad because
(04:27):
you're out there enjoyingyourself without your kids, but
like you have to like take careof yourself first.
I always like using the.
I think I heard one of myprofessors say it in school Like
have you heard of the airplaneanalogy of like you know, when
you're in an airplane andthey're going through the
emergency procedures, they'relike, okay, if you're traveling
(04:50):
with a kid, you need to put onyour own airmasters first and
then work with, you know, andthen the kids.
But I had a parent the otherday.
Well, it's instinctive, like Ijust want to protect my kid, and
I was like, yeah, but if youpass out, who's going to take
care of your kid?
And it's the same thing Like ifyou don't take care of yourself
, like you know, physically, orlike your mental health, like
(05:11):
who's going to take care of yourkids?
If they're your priority, youshould take care of yourself.
So I'm like a huge, I would say, advocate to like geeking out.
I'm like this is good for yourmental health.
Speaker 1 (05:24):
So yes, I highly encourage everyone to geek out.
Right.
So you touched two things.
Number one we talk aboutgeeking out.
So geeking out means using popculture, such as movies, video
games, in comics and fandom, tofind a release in your emotional
state or self-care.
Now the second part I just kissis that parenting it's a hot
(05:49):
topic right now.
When we go no contact withparents and kids go no contact
with parents because guess what,guess what we didn't take care
of them.
We take care of their basicneeds, but we never taught them
how to, to to take care ofthemselves and we were so
stressed out that we didn't havetime to love them, to care them
(06:10):
.
You know, I will put in thenotes, uh, the hierarchy of
needs of muscle I'm gonnabutcher the name, but muscle, uh
, I'm also a Latina, half Mayan,half um mestiza.
I'm the good guys and the badguys, you know.
So I'm Spanish and Mayan andwhat I learned is that when
(06:31):
parents are trying to parent, alot of them they have to
reparent themselves, right, anda lot of them they have such a
broken tools or blueprints orbroken books to teach how to be
a parent.
Nobody teach you how to be aparent, so it's like try and
(06:52):
error, right, but we're talkingabout a human being and that try
and error is also in yourself.
And when I hear I used to workwith kiddos too.
I love the teens and that's howI started doing a geek therapy,
because you know how do youtalk to a teenager that's 13 and
raving hell it's like why areyou so angry?
I don't know.
(07:12):
Like why are you I?
Speaker 2 (07:13):
don't know.
Speaker 1 (07:14):
Right.
But if I told them, hey, do youknow why we're any stronger?
Oh, my gosh, yes, because ofthis and this.
And they're not like uh--huh,uh-huh.
So that is like what we call aparasocial uh technique, that a
lot of us, we have thisrelationship with fictitious
characters, that we identify ourlife with their life.
But it's easier to talk, forexample, to tasme, that they
(07:37):
went to horrible trauma, losingtheir whole family, and also her
body changed.
I use a lot of that story totalk to kiddos that have lost
parents due to, like, war andtheir bodies have either been
burned or mutilated due to that.
So they're like, they feel likelittle monsters, like Tasumi.
So that's why I love her somuch, because she's so innocent
(08:00):
and also when she gets in areally stressed situation, she
goes out in her child.
That's why she was in baby mode, but that was the geek for
everybody that didn't know.
But let's talk about self-carefor parents and how that affects
the whole generational trauma,because I know now in social
media that is a big buzzword.
But what do you think aboutgenerational trauma and how that
(08:24):
affects our effectiveness to bea parent?
Speaker 2 (08:28):
Well, you kind of said it already.
You said that we have like sortof broken blueprints of how to
parent, and I think like part ofthe difficulty or like, yes,
part of the difficulty of beinglike a mental health provider in
general, is that you understandthe reason why and it's so hard
(08:48):
just to be angry at yourparents for not being good
parents because you understandwhy, like they weren't good
parents because they didn't havegood parents and they didn't
have good parents because theirancestors didn't.
So it's like this whole thingthat goes back like years and
years and years thing that goesback like years and years and
years.
And so recently I've been doinga lot more research, because I
(09:09):
was nine when we moved to the US, so before then it was sort of
like I lived in Mexico with myparents and then.
So I never felt like I fit inhere or there and I never really
considered myself like Mexicanor American.
But then I found geek cultureand I was like I am definitely a
geek.
(09:29):
And now I'm trying to connectmore with my own culture because
I'm going through my own sortof like you know, healing
process and I'm finding out,like that our you know ancestors
like way, way back before wewere colonized, they had like so
many things that we have nowthat were forgotten, and there's
(09:49):
so much wisdom and knowledgethat didn't get passed down,
because everyone was in survivalmode.
Uh, foreigners came in and alot of changes happened and then
so everyone was like insurvival mode, like, and the way
to survive was to assimilate tothe powerful.
(10:11):
You know, whoever was in chargeand like, whatever their
culture was, whatever theirbeliefs were, whatever, um,
their the color of the skin was,that was what everybody wanted,
because that's how you survived.
And sadly, that changed a lotof things for us because, like,
(10:32):
we weren't completely able tolike remove ourselves from, you
know, from being Indigenous orhaving Indigenous roots, because
it's impossible, but sadly wetried.
But I think that's why we see somuch.
I don't know how it is in othercountries, but I know in Mexico
there's still a lot of likeracism against like indigenous
(10:54):
cultures because, like it's thatingrained, like there's no like
specific reason, it's just thiswhole like oh, but they're
lesser than us or whatever.
And you take that back like howdid that get than us, or
whatever.
And you take that back like howdid that get started?
you know, um, and I'm not likecompletely blaming the spaniards
and french and whoever elseended up in mexico, uh, because
(11:15):
I know they were like different,you know, tribes of different
communities in mexico.
That were, you know, fightingagainst each other, but still um
, you know, fighting againsteach other but still um well,
instead of like continuing togrow.
Speaker 1 (11:32):
Right, we, we got hindered from growing, so now
I'm like trying to help mycommunity grow and understand
you know our roots, yeah, you docan say the colonizers did
destroy a lot of the things, butwe have I'm from Guatemala and
Central America, right?
So Mayan Aztec, not friends,right, like we are, we're
against each other tribes, butwe were fighting for resources
and we were kind ofaccommodating a little bit, you
(11:53):
know.
But we were treated likesavages because, technically
speaking, for the other peoplethat came and conquer us, they
strip us from everything thatwas our cultures or traditions,
or not religions, but kind oflike a religion status that we
have, or roots, like you say,and what that provoked.
(12:14):
I came here as an adult already, to United States, but I didn't
fit in with the Latino culture.
Why?
Because my Spanish isCastellano, so it's like from
the Spain years.
So I will go to shout out toUCSD and San Diego State, no
(12:37):
matter what school I went.
They were like oh, you're stuckup because you speak Spanish.
Like that.
I'm like no, that's the onlyone I know, dude.
Like what are you talking about?
Right, I really only know thatone.
So I had to learn I callMexican Spanish.
But then my group it was thegeeks, because they come in all
colors, shapes and languages,and also I learned the
(12:59):
redemption stories right Of,like the superheroes that they
can like.
I say you have a blue hero Like, who doesn't like that?
But um, the part that was verytelling to me is that, for
example, magneto I love magnetofrom x-men because, uh, he went
almost like for what my familywent like uh, internal war,
(13:21):
genocide and refugee.
He just decided to like bloodwith blood, anger with anger,
right, but he was in such agrief that he was trying to
protect the mutants from thepain that he was feeling.
But in that grief it blindedhim of the methods that we have
us using and it reminds me a lotof I have traveled around the
(13:43):
world.
So no matter where you go in theAmericas, the indigenous people
share the same spectrum thatparents will beat their kids,
parents will insult their kids,parents will always try to tell
you beat this, do that, that.
That.
And one research that wastelling to me and it was like
shocking, is like a lot of them,when they interviewed for this
(14:05):
trauma that they have lived,they say I prefer it be me the
one that beats up my kid toteach them how to resist, how to
kind of become rough, than allthe the life of the Caucasian
people, or the conquistadoresteach them.
It got lost in translationthrough generation through
(14:26):
generation, through generation,to the point that we never
taught, or our parents werenever taught, how to not beat
their kids or how not to avoidlife with alcohol, or workaholic
or sexaholic, pictureholicright, all parents have some
kind of holic, and then it'sbased in shame because they do
(14:50):
know.
After a while it's like I shouldnot be doing this, but I don't
know what else to do, because Iwant my kid to be a good kid,
because I want my kid to X, yand Z, and then, like I say, the
report card for a study thatnobody teaches you how to study
for is passed when the childrenbecome adults and then they
excommunicate their parents orthey completely abandon their
(15:13):
parents, or you havepeople-pleasing tendencies and
you stay around, or parents arereally toxic, that they also
need to do a lot of work, sick,that they also need to do a lot
of work.
So, in our community, what areyou trying to do or what are you
experimenting with in order tobring that awareness?
(15:34):
Because, without being kind ofput in the stick, because you
know when you try to say noparents.
We can, we do somethingdifferent.
You get.
Who are you talking like that?
Why are you talking to yourelders like that?
Speaker 2 (15:45):
and you're like well, you know you know, I was, uh, I
read a study, I think it was.
It wasn't even a study, it wasa, like an article that was
written by a mexican, uh,therapist, and his point
throughout the whole thing waslike hey, hey, you can't sit in
your office, you have to be apart of the community.
(16:07):
And then that hit me so hardbecause I don't know how it is
for other people.
But even though I've graduatedand I've been in the mental
health field for so long and Italk about it nonstop with my
family members, there's stillthe belief of if you go to
therapy, you're crazy or it'sonly for crazy people, right?
and I'm like no, no, stop it.
(16:28):
And I'm like tell my parents.
And I'm like, no, no, you'relike pushing people away.
Those are my future clients.
I can't say that and um, so I'mtrying to like teach, but
there's still like this sort oflike like ingrain, of like you
don't go to outsiders.
You know to talk.
And then so now that I'm makinglike this community
presentations and of coursethey're free and like just
(16:50):
random people come by, I'mstarting to learn that it so I
graduated quite recently, so thefirst few presentations that I
did, I said, hey, my name iselizabeth, and then I just
started talking and I forgot totalk about my credentials and my
experience or education.
And then I was like why wouldanyone just listen to me, right?
(17:11):
And then I asked that like onon the social media, the for the
non-profit and one of theladies that was in the second
presentation answered and theywere like because, because you
were really nice and I was likeone of us, yeah.
And then they were like because, because you were really nice
and I was like one of us, yeah.
And then they were like because, then I remember like how, like
my parents, like to them, itdoesn't really matter, like what
(17:34):
experience or how high in theyou know scientific community
you are, like it doesn't matter,like being part of the
community you, that holds moreweight than whatever some random
doctor says.
And then I'm like, well, theytrusted me because I am part of
their community, because I amtrying to help and I have
information to share that theydon't have.
(17:55):
And honestly, I feel like a lotmore people than not we are
seeking for a way out because wedon't know Right.
And of course, I'm working withthe parents that are trying to
be better parents.
That's, you know, that's theproof of the come.
But I'm hoping that if I startincluding more like you know the
(18:15):
culture into it, or like domore fun activities here in my
community, slowly people willstart to understand that mental
health is something reallyimportant.
That was something that we usedto take care of, you know, way,
way back in the day, and it wassomething important I read.
I can't really remember if itwas the Mayan or the Aztec
(18:36):
because they all just sort ofblend in together, but it was
one of the two who had thisbelief that if you were
struggling with something, thewhole community was struggling.
It wasn't just you, it'severyone else.
And then so if you needed help,the whole community had sort of
like a responsibility to help,because in turn that will help
(18:57):
the whole community to like goback to being harmonious.
And then you mentioned earlierthat when the Spaniards came to
our countries they had this ideaof what was better as a society
, and that was money and power.
(19:18):
But for us it was somethingdifferent.
It was being connected withnature, it was being in
community, it was like takingcare of our bodies and our minds
and our souls, right.
And so there's this.
I think we're kind of movingmore towards the trying to pay
attention more to our minds nowand not just our bodies, and I'm
(19:43):
hoping we continue with thattrend.
But we still have a long waysto go.
Speaker 1 (19:48):
Right, and to piggyback on that, yeah, the
Mayans, for example.
Right now I'm like I'm tryingto make a connection between the
more spiritual or woohoocoaches thing to therapy, to get
whatever you need, but get thehelp that you need Sometimes we
don't know.
(20:08):
And that brings me to point tocultural appropriation.
Now we see all a lot of like,you know, in social media.
One that kicks me off is thecacao ceremony, because that is
very Mayan and now a lot of likecoaches and people will do the
cacao ceremony because it is asacred thing that we do to
(20:32):
connect our mind, body andspirit, aka people will do that
before going to the shamans,which the shamans are your
spiritual guidance AKA yourtherapist, back in the day,
right.
So even in our cultures we havetherapists.
We have people that were thehealers not only to your soul
but also to your mind, and nowwe have this other kind of like
(20:58):
appropriations of our culturesthat they use to heal, which I
appreciate, you know, Iappreciate.
Please, bring healing to peoplein any kind of form or shape,
but educate yourself too aboutthe roots of this.
I'm very respectful.
I have a lot, I work with a lot.
I mentor a lot of coachesspecifically in cultural
appropriation and why not?
(21:19):
And a lot of them.
I love that.
They try you know, they say youknow.
I want to be respectful of that.
Tell me more about this, tellme how to be respectful, tell me
what this means and what thisdoesn't mean, and I appreciate
that.
But that also brings it totherapy.
My point with this is like Ihave my Latino community that
(21:41):
will go first to a coach to dealwith depression, anxiety,
society and do a cacao ceremonybecause he looks familiar to
them than going to a therapistthat is not very aware of their
culture.
For example, I have one timewhen I was working in one of the
big hospitals that havesomebody that they put him like
(22:03):
with a very severe mentalillness, because he keeps saying
I'm this animal, I'mtransforming, but what he was
trying to say in his littlebroken English, because they
couldn't find somebody to speakthe language, k'echi that was
speaking, thank goodness I knewa little bit, not much, but I
was like no, saying that, likeyou know, like not talking in
word salad is not delusional,just saying I'm scared and I'm
(22:29):
calling my spirits, like that'salmost like saying to somebody
I'm calling God and you're crazybecause you're calling God,
right, but bullet spirits, it'sa different story.
Right, and it was the therapistand the psychiatrist that
unfortunately, they have neverencountered somebody that was
indigenous, that talk in atongue and also that believe in
(22:50):
spirituality, like that.
I bring a little we call itlimpia, you know in the room and
stuff no, prozac, no, nothing.
He was like I'm chill now,thank you so much.
All he did is to know that theplace that was going to stay, it
was clean of whatever badspirits felt that it came with
(23:12):
and after that was okay.
Yes, you have kind of differenttraumas, but what I'm saying
about this story and I modifythe story a lot just because,
you know, for, uh, hip purposes,but, uh, and I did have
permission, since they want toshare the story because this
person, this client, was likeplease, please, please, share my
story to all the cliniciansthat you can, to let them know
(23:34):
that we believe in that insteadof prayer, we do chanting,
instead of like, uh, you know,uh, some pills.
We want to try this first andthen I will listen to you about
the pills or I will listen toyou about this kind of treatment
, but what do you think abouthow right now it has blooming
(23:56):
the whole like culturalappropriation or like um, and
it's not differentiating onanybody but it's just for
educational purposes, aboutpeople that actually talks about
our culture without not knowingmuch about our cultures, which
I feel that's what pushesparents away to get treatments.
Speaker 2 (24:18):
Well, I have a lot of thoughts.
So first I would like to, youknow, agree with you that the
way that we do psychotherapy nowisn't really designed for
people from our culture, and sopeople don't really feel
comfortable, and I think we'remaking some progress in trying
(24:42):
to figure out how to make thatspace you know better for them,
but we are not quite sure yet.
But also, when it comes tocultural appropriation, I was, I
think I was on TikTok and I sawthis Caucasian person who was
talking about how just like, hey, honestly, we don't like, like,
(25:07):
because a lot of like, there'sa lot of discourse online how
like, uh, caucasians don't havea culture, and they're like,
yeah, we do have a culture, butit's kind of they're almost
forced to not have that culturein order to like fit in with the
rest, because it's not not likelike all Caucasians or all
white people are the same.
(25:28):
They like come from differentcountries, they have different
histories, like it's completelydifferent, but they're slowly
like forced to to let that go.
And I talk to my brother allthe time about this because it's
it's something that's like soweird to us, but a lot of people
want to have a culture.
A lot of those people wereforced to leave their roots
(25:50):
behind, just like we were forcedto do that, because they again
it was like a need for survival,and now they're, like in trying
to appropriate cultures.
Sometimes they're trying toidentify and value cultures.
They just go about the wrongway of doing it and uh, yeah, I
think I completely agree withyou like, if you want to please,
(26:14):
like the more people that enjoyyour culture and like
participate in our beliefs, thebetter just be aware of you know
what's actually like behindthat and like what's the purpose
of like certain rituals or likecertain beliefs, and I think
too, those those beliefs sort oflike I think maybe they they
(26:36):
started by being really good andgreat and throughout the
generations they got a littletwisted in what happened and how
you do it.
Like an example of that is, youknow, children being obedient
to parents.
There is, of course, like anunderstanding of that, because
(26:57):
parents are always like justlisten to me and like because I
said so, because they're tryingto protect the children, but
that's not really the best wayto go about it, because kids are
kids and they're like well, ifyou don't have an answer, then
I'm just going to do whatever Iwant and like you always
(27:25):
behavior or belief or like howhe came about from like being
like super twisted, you know,because of substance use or
because you know of like traumain the family and so much so.
But yeah, I think it's just amatter of like educating
(27:46):
ourselves more and asking, likejust communicating, like, and I
think that's one of the goodthings.
I think now, um, that'shappening, uh, with social media
, or like just being have likeaccess to all these things is
that people are more aware ofyou know what's good and not a
good thing to do.
You know they still have likethose trolls online who, like
(28:08):
you try something and they'relike oh, you are doing this bad
thing and like I'm offended onbehalf of that culture and that
culture is like we don't care.
You know, like, um, an examplethat I give is, like, a while
back, um, I think, um, I don'tknow what studio it was, but
they were trying to get rid ofSpeedy Gonzalez, right, because
(28:30):
he was offensive, yeah.
And then we're like, yeah, buthe's hilarious and we love him
and we identify with him, youknow, and we have nothing else.
So, like, please, like, eitherreplace him with someone or
leave him, you know like, solike, it's a lot like that, and
actually I would like to ask youa question about your thoughts
(28:54):
on the term Latinx.
Speaker 1 (28:56):
Oh gosh.
Okay, by the way, yes, gobattle that in the Instagram,
but be nice to each other,please, please, please, please,
um, so I'm in the middle line.
What do I mean?
As mayans, we know that ourlanguage was stripped away from
(29:17):
us because it was punished.
Um, in the sense of like.
In my country we we have 22states.
In each state we speakdifferent languages.
Right now, my country is one ofthe few that has kept the
language alive, but in schoolsyou're not allowed to speak any
(29:37):
of that.
Now we actually do, but back inthe day, when I was going to
school, no, you learn Spanish oryou learn English or French,
but it was never or culturallanguage.
And then you move down here andyou're like, really, you're
going to take now another wordout of me.
I understand that is to make itinclusive, because we have to
(29:59):
understand.
With every generation comedifferent cultural appropriation
, right.
So Latino or Latina is part ofmy.
I'm going to age myself 40something year old self that I
identify with that.
But now if you call me Latinx,I'm like wait, wait, wait, wait,
wait.
I don't identify myself withthat, but I do understand why
you're doing it.
I totally respect that,especially because I come from a
(30:22):
big family and in that familywe also have Latinx, you know,
and we need that identificationand if that is why you want to
be cool and that is what yournew culture identify, it's like
I will give you one back it'slike we didn't exist.
(30:43):
That is a new culture that hasbeen created in us because we
did not exist.
So if you told, for example, ifyou go to psychodynamics which
is this for anybody that is notfamiliar with psychology
psychoanalysis andpsychodynamics are like the
fathers of our education, right?
Psychoanalysis ispsychodynamics are like the
(31:04):
fathers of our education, right?
Psychoanalysis is like aCaucasian guy that was a
psychiatrist, but we wasteeverything on that, right, and
whatever your thoughts are aboutit, it's here nor there.
But what I'm trying to say is,if you tell any psychoanalysis
person I'm a geek, theyliterally look at you like
what's wrong with you, like whatis that?
(31:25):
And I have seen that in theolder generations.
When they say, oh, yeah, it'sLatinx and I'm like, no, it's
Latina or Latino, because that'sthe only language that they
identify themselves and alsoyou're stripping them out of
something else.
So when you, if you're ayoungster and you want to be
(31:46):
identified as Latinx.
I also want you to stop justfor a minute and see who is
responding and how they'reresponding.
It's not so much that they'renot and don't get me wrong,
there is some that they aretotally doing because they don't
respect that boundary of yourpronouns and et cetera, but
other ones is also the pain thatyou're taking away something
else from them, and I know it'scontroversial, but think about
(32:09):
that.
A lot of our names werestripped, a lot of our words
were stripped, a lot of ourtattoos were stripped because
they were not permitted, a lotof our hair colors.
Everything was stripped from alot of our indigenous people.
You know we are latinos andlatinas and latinx.
So I will say it's the newdefinition of the new culture
(32:31):
that is evolving and because ifyou go to any of our latino
countries and you say latinx,they look at you like and then
you know, and not kidding, Iwent to recently and I said that
right, and one of them was like, oh no, that's a gringo thing,
we don't do that here.
And I was like, oh okay.
Speaker 2 (32:50):
You know Well, yeah, but like, yes, I agree with you
that it's sort of like a newthing, like a new culture, a new
way to like identify yourself,like identify yourself because,
like, I kind of have issues evenwith the word latino, because I
think my issues stem from thefact that, like, when I started
(33:11):
grad school, I started trying toread more about my people,
obviously, and, uh, my peoplewere all lumped in together,
like so it wasn't just mexican,it was everyone that spoke
spanish, and I was like well,that's weird, because those are
a bunch of different cultures, aa bunch of different like
geographic locations, a bunch oflike different political and
cultural changes.
They're not the same.
(33:33):
Like why are you trying to lumpus all together?
And it gets a little bit hard.
I think when someone identifiesthemselves as something, it's
completely different thansomeone standing up on a podium
and saying you're all Latinx nowand I'm like no, I get to
decide what I want to be or howI want to be identified, because
(33:55):
it's different.
You know, like I, like I said Iwas nine when I moved here, so I
don't really fully considermyself to be, like american, but
I'm also not fully mexican,because when I go back to like
visit my, my cousins and familyin mexico.
I'm like whoa way differentworld not the same, you know and
(34:15):
like part of what my strugglewas to try to find sort of like
my community is that I wasalways a nerd.
I was always into reading andlearning about things, and there
weren't that many people, orlike other Mexicans, that had
like the same hobbies as I did,so I didn't connect with them
either, you know, and, to behonest, I was trying to survive
(34:40):
high school and middle school,so I didn't want to be seen as
like too Mexican, um, or to likeghetto.
So there was a lot of thingsthat I sort of like stopped
doing or like kind of like neverthought about again, because I
I wanted to to be seen, as youknow, like an intelligent person
, and that's not one of the uhdescriptors that often comes
(35:04):
along, for you know someone whocomes from, you know my
background.
Speaker 1 (35:08):
And it also comes and I love you say that word,
because before being a nerd anda geek was an insult.
That's a pride.
Now it's a prideful thing to sayyeah, I'm a geek and proud of
it, right, and it's like youdon't get throw eggs or anything
like we used in high school,which for me was a huge cultural
shock, because in my country werespect nerds and geeks.
(35:30):
So when I came here I was ableto be geek out myself until not
tomorrow when I was back home.
But when I came here it wasshame and it was so.
I came here in the 2000s justto give it the beginning 1999,
right In that period of likeextraneous things and being a
geek, it was shameful, it wasnot okay, except being somebody
(35:56):
that liked manga and anime, andthat's why I love that.
That's why when I came, thatwas my saving grace when I came
here to the United States,because everything else it was
not permitted, especially for afemale.
And the other thing is that's aperfect example of how language
changed with time andidentifiers changed with time.
(36:18):
Right, and we can go throughhistory too, even in the in the
United States, because when youhave, my mentors are
Afro-American and I learnedeverything about Afro-American
culture because in my head I waslike identify a lot with you
guys, because I come from agenocide in my country.
We were like stripped, you know, if people just do have a fun,
(36:42):
read, read about the experimentsin Tuskegee, where they
experiment with syphilis in mycountry, just to see how people
react, right.
So that was the American cameto my country to do that, right,
because we were look as lessthan human.
But what I'm trying to say withthat is, like when you learn
more about your roots, one thingthat's going to happen to you
(37:05):
is that you're going to getreally pissed.
Another thing that you're goingto happen to you, you're going
to modify a lot of thingsbecause, like the stages of
grief, right, denial is when wewant to be assimilated.
I'm like you know, I haveblonde hair and poopy lenses,
are blue, and because I want tobe assimilated denial then it
comes the anger.
So it's like man, I changedeverything about myself and I
(37:26):
still not accepted.
I'm not accepted here, I'm notaccepted there.
We call it uh, michana nihuana,you know, like it was, like
they were not all there, uh.
And then it comes thedepression, where you just want
to find a group that is neitheryour origin group nor the one
that you're living in.
(37:46):
In this case, for us it was thegeeks, because the geeks are
the outcast kind of self butalso the super cool.
So it's like that symbioticthing that is mind-blowing to me
, because you have the coolestsuperstars and also the super
nerdy ones together and thenevolve even more with the
self-acceptance.
(38:07):
And when a self-acceptance comes, like Latinx, I want to be
called this because this is whatI identify with.
And, yes, I was like you, Iwill throw a fit.
If you call me Mexican, becauseI was like I'm not Mexican,
what's wrong with you people?
Or if you call me Latino, I'mlike no, I'm Hispanic, like
hello with you people.
Or if you call me Latino, I'mlike no, I'm Hispanic, like
(38:27):
hello.
And it was all these thingsuntil I learned that if I go to
Miami, they will call me Cuban.
If I go to Washington, for someweird reason in Washington,
they will call me Puerto Rican.
And I was like what?
Because you call people whatyou only supposed to and what
you know Right.
So, because you call peoplewhat you're only supposed to and
what you know right.
So, all that said, that when youget called certain names, also
(38:52):
understand that they come with apower.
Words have power on you, butalso we can take that power out.
That's why, like I said, withmy Afro-American culture.
In a lot of the raps and things, they use a derogatory name for
them, but it's okay if they sayit, but it's not okay if we say
it, and people always get soangry about it.
But like do you understand why,though?
(39:13):
It's like taking the power thatwas taken away from them, and
in my culture we have somethingsimilar that is called similar,
that you're allowed to saycertain words.
That is only in your words, butif you don't know the language,
you can't right.
So I think that's the grief,when we become angry at
(39:37):
everything because we have beenstripped up so many things,
which brings me back piggybackto like the parenting Give a
break to your parents.
They're not the perfect ones, Iget it, but at the same time,
giving a break doesn't meangiving permission.
This is the difference betweenboundaries, rules and pleads.
(39:58):
A boundary is not for the otherpeople, it's for you.
It's for you.
My boundary is like I'm notgoing to permit somebody call me
X, y and Z, so I'm not going totell the person, because if I
told the person, then it's likeI'm asking you a rule, please do
not call me that If theyviolate that rule, it's my
boundary to leave or stay.
And then it comes the pleaPlease don't do that, please
(40:18):
don't do that, please don't dothat.
And when the plea is not heard,you don't feel seen, you don't
feel hurt, and then you get hurt.
And that's the beauty abouttherapy, right?
And how can you argue withsomebody that's a vampire?
Or how can you argue when youhave a dragon?
That is the one that'sstruggling with depression?
So easy to talk about.
And don't get me wrong, I go toand, as Dr Elizabeth knows, we
(40:44):
both shared a passion to go talkabout representation.
And we go to Comic-Con,wonder-con, la-con.
They may wear their geeking out, but we're also talking about
representation, accuraterepresentation.
Why accurate?
Because Indigenous people, wehave been forgotten.
We have been forgotten in a way, like you know, like you say,
(41:04):
well, with Speedy Gonzalez, Iget it, we grew up with him, but
the representation of him isnot the representation of every
single one of the cultures, likeyou say in Mexico, over and
over, if we don't createboundaries around it, meaning if
(41:27):
we don't tell ourselves, likeyou say, I want to learn about
my culture.
I really do, and it's so muchto learn too.
Speaker 2 (41:33):
Well, it's this sort of like weird thing.
Like you said, it is likehistory will repeat itself,
because sometimes you encounterpeople who are just angry at the
world and they don't know why.
And I'm like, well, let me tellyou the history of your
ancestors.
You have a right to be upsetabout everything that was done
to your people.
And so I, part of my culture,it's in my DNA to love stories
(41:59):
and storytelling, and I lovehistory because it's just
basically a bunch of stories.
But I, for the longest time, Irefused to learn more about the
history of mexico and I didn'teven think about it, right, but
then, when I did force myself tostart thinking about it is
because I knew I was going to besad and I didn't want to be sad
.
I was like, I know the historyof my country is like so sad
(42:22):
because so many bad thingshappen to us and sadly continue
to happen.
And uh, and I'm like I, just I,and it's just this very like,
um, you say like this grief oflike what can I even do?
Like like my people havesuffered so much.
But I think that's why I'm liketrying to emphasize like how
(42:43):
important it is to connect withthe good parts of our culture
that have been forgotten, rightand to identify with those and
almost in a sense, create a newculture.
Because, um, I remember one timeI was talking to my parents and
we were talking about um.
So I lived in mexico up until Iwas nine, so there was a like
slight memories that I haveabout you know how christmas was
(43:04):
celebrated and I had acommunity reacted, yeah, and,
and my mom, or my both of myparents, were talking about how
sad it was that it wasn't likethat anymore.
And I was like, yeah, Iremember having so much fun, and
now it's like people don't likedo things in community anymore
and I'm like, yeah, that's kindof sad.
(43:24):
And then I was thinking aboutit like, well, would it be
better if a culture neverchanged?
And I'm like, no, becausethere's things about my culture
that I don't like.
Speaker 1 (43:34):
And those need to change right now.
Speaker 2 (43:37):
Right.
So culture is, like it's not astatic thing, it's something
that's constantly evolving.
So if you identify yourself asLatinx, or as Latino or Latino
or Mexican or Hispanic, you knowHispanic, whatever it is like,
there are good parts about yourculture and bad parts about
culture.
So, like it's, you know it'sgood for us to start working on,
(43:57):
you know, improving and youknow, ensuring that our culture
flourishes right, because theonly way that our culture
flourishes right, because theonly way that our culture is
going to survive, is that weadapt and develop.
And I think for the longesttime there has been this sort of
like resistance, um, in themexican culture, to to change,
(44:17):
and I'm like, but it's good, andwe cannot have to drag people
like kicking and screaming andbe like, no, because you, you
have to understand that noteveryone identifies as he or she
, and that's's okay, you know.
Speaker 1 (44:29):
Yeah, and also the part that, not only that, but
not everybody goes to therapy.
Some people go to coaching,some people go with shamans,
some people go to theirpadrecito or spiritual guy, you
know.
But we have to understand theroots of it.
And in order to learn historyalso, I challenge you, history
depends on the eye of the and inorder to learn history also, I
challenge you, history dependson the eye of the beholder, why?
(44:49):
One thing that I do, that I loveis traveling around the world.
Right, I'm very prideful that Ihave gone to 98 stamps I almost
got the 120 that our passportsgive us, um, and what I learned
is the history of our countries.
Depending on what country istelling, it is so different.
Like I go and learn the historyof the pre-Hispanic, of Mayan
(45:16):
and Aztecs in Mexico, totallydifferent to the one that we
have in Central America.
You go to Brazil completelydifferent.
You go to Spain, it'scompletely different.
And then you come here in theUnited States.
I'm like what happened?
It's completely erased.
At least in Spain they saysomething you know, but and then
it's actually depends, right,but one thing that I have
(45:37):
noticed in all history thirdspaces, community spaces are
important to develop change areimportant to develop change, to
develop peace.
And when I say peace, peacerequires some shaking right, and
that shaking is like I don'tfeel comfortable with that.
I don't feel comfortable withthat change.
Like back in the day, women, wecannot do what we're doing,
(45:59):
talking about our feelings andtalking about other people and
stuff like that oh, my goodness,that's gossiping, we don't do
that right.
Or having a male therapist,that's all her off.
So we have to evolve and changebecause it's that, like you say,
we have to bloom and, um, kindof like the flowers behind me,
right, when you bloom and mixdifferent blooms, you come with
(46:20):
different colors of the sameflower.
Is the the same flower?
No, not anymore, because youexpose them to two different
ones.
So now you create a new one.
So for everybody out therelistening what it will be three
nuggets that you will give themto say if you need to go to
therapy or if you need to choosea coach or a guy, a mentor, how
(46:46):
can you pick one that resonateswith you more?
Give them three nuggetsspecifically for our culture.
Speaker 2 (46:58):
Oh, that was hard.
The only one that really comesto mind, and I think the most
important one, is that, as longas you feel, feel comfortable
with them, it doesn't matterwhat letters come after their
name.
If it's a master's degree, ifit's a phd or whatever you know,
md, yeah, it doesn't matter.
Because if you have becauseeven in therapy, like, the most
(47:19):
important thing is therelationship that you build you
between the client and therapist, and if you're able to, you
know, feel safe in anenvironment with a coach, you're
going to get a lot with thatcoach.
Right.
If you can find it with adoctor, you're going to do great
with a doctor.
And the other thing to keep inmind is that sometimes, even
(47:40):
though you love this person andyou've made so much progress,
sometimes you need to leave thembehind so you can continue
growing, because everybody, wehave something different to
offer and it's not always thesame, like, even though we're,
you know, very similar in someways and we geek out and
everything.
I'm pretty sure the way thatyou do therapy is completely
(48:00):
different than the way I dotherapy, right, and I like it's
okay, like I'm like telling myclients you feel comfortable, we
continue.
If not.
I find your referrals not aproblem, because that's the most
important thing is that youfeel safe and comfortable with
that person.
Speaker 1 (48:14):
And I always say you have to create your dream team,
meaning you need a coach, youneed a therapist, you need a
spiritual guidance, you need amentor, and those have to change
with the growth that you're.
Remember when I said you needto be shake and that shake,
every shake, it creates a newrock, it creates a new peak in
the mountains.
That's why we have earthquakes,right.
(48:35):
Um, by the way, we're fromcalifornia, so earthquakes are
our thing.
Uh, talking about growing painsand just to piggyback in, what
you said is, the most importantthing is the therapeutic
alliance that you have, and Ichallenge you to go find
somebody that is a little moredifferent to you, because you
can learn from them and they canlearn from you.
The other thing is true Everytherapist is like when you find
(48:59):
one therapist, you find onetherapist.
What do I mean?
Yes, we all have differentspecialties.
I know when you go and try topsychology today and why not?
It says depression.
It has the same list becauseyou have to check it.
But, for example, in my case,even though I am a geek, I'm a
somatic therapist and Ispecialize in complex trauma,
right, and I specialize with ourheroes or heroes, and on top of
(49:30):
that, I use new techniques suchas utilizing video games as
self-suit and self-care.
But I'm with you, doctor, thatthe title is not important.
The connection is what is moreimportant.
So my challenge to all mylisteners that are out there
know that my community and DrElizabeth's community were
created because we want tocreate their spaces for you.
(49:52):
My space is created to anyshape or form of person to come
to be brave, to show yourselfhow you are, even when you don't
know who you are, and then tobe kind, not to others, to
yourself, because we havebrutalized ourselves so much,
and to be loud about.
I have found my people like kids, like therapists, like Latinos,
(50:16):
mayans, indigenous, and to goand sprinkle around the
knowledge that you have withoutharm, because sometimes we
become a little firstborn aboutwhat we want to teach or why we
want to share, because we'relike, we're so excited but we
are also so angry, and for allmy parents out there and all the
(50:36):
kids and adults that they havestrained relationships with them
, for X, y and Z.
Therapy is a way to heal and wewill put in the comments and in
the notes of this episode.
You will have some resources,also some worksheets that may
help you to identify.
Do I have a strainedrelationship with my parents?
(50:57):
Because sometimes we don't evenknow?
And also, just because theyshare your same blood doesn't
mean we have to put out with alot of abuse and that exists.
Yes, we can be compassionate tounderstand where it's coming
from, but we don't have to stayinsupported.
So any last words, dr Elizabeth.
Speaker 2 (51:19):
Yes to everything you said.
I second it.
I completely agree.
Speaker 1 (51:23):
And if you want to see us, we will be in WonderCon
doing panels and we also weprobably will be in Comic Con
and LA Con.
So stay tuned for those, forboth of us, and if they want to
find you, where they can findyou, dr Elizabeth yes, so we are
(51:45):
officially a non-profit now andlike registered and everything.
Speaker 2 (51:50):
So you can find us at psychology for geekscom or
psych, the number four geeks onpretty much any social media.
And yeah, we're like you said,we're trying to build a like a
safe space community, like aplace where we can geek out and
learn more about mental health,because we all need, like you
know, have that space thatsupports.
So, yeah, come and join us.
Speaker 1 (52:11):
And I will put all the information down below with
Dr Elizabeth and if you want totune on more, please follow her
YouTube channel, her podcast andthe same with us.
We have YouTube channel and ourpodcast and you can see also
our geek adventures in there.
We have a special episodes,especially Dr Elizabeth.
(52:33):
I highly recommend.
If you want to learn more aboutgeek therapy about what is a
geek, how to be a geek and howto be accepted and love please
go and watch her YouTube channeland her podcast.
And until next time, please go.
Shine like the supernova andsuperstar that you are.
Remember, be kind, be loud, beproud and all parts of you are
(52:55):
accepted.
As we conclude today's episode,take a moment to reflect.
Be proud of the journey, forevery step that brings you
closer to who you truly are.
Embrace the kindness towardsyourself, as you did to each one
(53:15):
of our guests.
Honor the bravery in youractions and celebrate the
importance of mental wellnesswith us, and remember it's an
exercise that we practice daily.
Continue to grow and flourish,knowing that we are in this
training for our mental wellnesstogether.
(53:36):
We are so proud to have you aspart of our community, so join
us on Instagram at OasisCommunity Podcast for more
inspiring conversations,valuable resources and supported
content, including journals,worksheets and content in
Spanish.
(53:57):
Exciting things are in thehorizon.
Our Oasis Community break roomsare coming soon to grab tools
and take a break for your mentalhealth.
Are coming soon to grab toolsand take a break for your mental
health.
Also, we are featuring oursix-month training ethical
mental health coaching program,designed for new and experienced
coaches, as well as holisticand healing professionals.
Enroll to create a safe andtransformative experience to
(54:21):
your clients.
Links in the bio.
Until next time, take care,stay connected and welcome to
our Oasis community.
Hello beautiful souls and welcome to Oroasis
Community Podcast.
I am Dr Roldan, your host.
I am a doctor in clinicalpsychology, a BIPOC therapist
professor and a mindful somaticcoach.
While I am a therapist,remember I'm not your therapist.
This podcast is not asubstitute for professional
(00:24):
mental health care, but we haveresources in our website and
Instagram to support you in thatsearch.
Join us for a cozy, feltconversation about mental health
, personal growth andmindfulness.
We explore tools to care foryour mind, your body and your
soul.
Check the footnotes fordisclaimer, trigger warnings and
(00:46):
additional resources for eachone of the episodes.
So grab your favorite cup of tea, coffee or hot chocolate, wrap
yourself in a warm blanket andfind a coffee spot here with us
to be kind, to be brave, loudand strong in your search of
(01:07):
mental health wellness.
Welcome to your Oasis, welcomeeverybody.
This is Dr Roldan at Our Oasispodcast.
So come and sit with us andgrab your cup of tea or happy
beverage to enjoy and warm yoursoul.
So, today, happy beverage toenjoy and warm your soul.
(01:28):
So today we're going to go toone of my first loves in therapy
.
I have one of a good friend,colleague and amazing doctor, dr
Elizabeth.
Thank you so much for beinghere and also just for the ones
that are watching us in YouTube.
No, I'm not in my sleep robe orin my robe to go to the
bathroom and stuff like that.
(01:49):
I just want to geek out withyou guys.
Hold on.
So this is my Demon Slayer kindof kimono.
And you say, why in the worldare you wearing that?
Because I have a special guestthat I have to completely dress
up for and that is Dr Elizabeth.
Welcome, dr Elizabeth.
Can you please tell theaudience who you are and what
(02:13):
you do and why I'm so geekingout so much with you?
Speaker 2 (02:17):
Well, I am a major geek so I immediately thought
that was the way.
Is that the demon slayer thing?
Uh, because I get so excitedabout that.
I am a, uh, like you said, Iget someone who uses geek, or,
yeah, geek culture, into um thetherapy session and even outside
of it.
(02:38):
I have started to do a lot ofum, community presentations, um,
and I am like trying to sneakin like geek culture in there,
like asking about hobbies andstuff, because I realized I work
.
I guess my first love would beworking with kiddos, but I can't
work with kids and not workwith the parents at the same
(02:59):
time.
So I worked a lot with parentsand anytime I asked well, you
know, what are your hobbies?
What do you do for fun?
How do you take care ofyourself?
It was always like, oh well, Itake the kids to the park or
something with the kids and thenI'm like, well, that's great,
you know you're enjoying yourtime as a family, but also like,
what do you do for yourself?
like just for yourself, not forthe kids, like to entertain them
(03:22):
, and it was always like, justblank, looks like have no life
like you know myself, like it'simportant, it's so important for
us to like have a time to takecare of ourselves and like sadly
, I think there's this hugemisconception about what a good
parent is.
So my parents are mexican, so Iidentify myself as a Mexican
(03:43):
American and I think in theculture there is this sort of
idea that when you're a parent,all your time has to be spent
taking care of your kids.
Otherwise you're a bad parent.
Like why are you going out todinner with your significant
other If, like, without yourkids?
Why are you abandoning yourkids?
And like I had that.
(04:05):
Like every time I mentionedthat, like in the, in the
presentations, that in themental health presentations I do
, parents are like yeah, that'sthe idea that comes to them and
I'm like but that's not true,because if you do take care of
yourself, you're showing yourkids how to take care of
themselves.
You're actually a better parent.
You might seem like you're notand you might feel bad because
(04:27):
you're out there enjoyingyourself without your kids, but
like you have to like take careof yourself first.
I always like using the.
I think I heard one of myprofessors say it in school Like
have you heard of the airplaneanalogy of like you know, when
you're in an airplane andthey're going through the
emergency procedures, they'relike, okay, if you're traveling
(04:50):
with a kid, you need to put onyour own airmasters first and
then work with, you know, andthen the kids.
But I had a parent the otherday.
Well, it's instinctive, like Ijust want to protect my kid, and
I was like, yeah, but if youpass out, who's going to take
care of your kid?
And it's the same thing Like ifyou don't take care of yourself
, like you know, physically, orlike your mental health, like
(05:11):
who's going to take care of yourkids?
If they're your priority, youshould take care of yourself.
So I'm like a huge, I would say, advocate to like geeking out.
I'm like this is good for yourmental health.
Speaker 1 (05:24):
So yes, I highly encourage everyone to geek out.
Right.
So you touched two things.
Number one we talk aboutgeeking out.
So geeking out means using popculture, such as movies, video
games, in comics and fandom, tofind a release in your emotional
state or self-care.
Now the second part I just kissis that parenting it's a hot
(05:49):
topic right now.
When we go no contact withparents and kids go no contact
with parents because guess what,guess what we didn't take care
of them.
We take care of their basicneeds, but we never taught them
how to, to to take care ofthemselves and we were so
stressed out that we didn't havetime to love them, to care them
(06:10):
.
You know, I will put in thenotes, uh, the hierarchy of
needs of muscle I'm gonnabutcher the name, but muscle, uh
, I'm also a Latina, half Mayan,half um mestiza.
I'm the good guys and the badguys, you know.
So I'm Spanish and Mayan andwhat I learned is that when
(06:31):
parents are trying to parent, alot of them they have to
reparent themselves, right, anda lot of them they have such a
broken tools or blueprints orbroken books to teach how to be
a parent.
Nobody teach you how to be aparent, so it's like try and
(06:52):
error, right, but we're talkingabout a human being and that try
and error is also in yourself.
And when I hear I used to workwith kiddos too.
I love the teens and that's howI started doing a geek therapy,
because you know how do youtalk to a teenager that's 13 and
raving hell it's like why areyou so angry?
I don't know.
(07:12):
Like why are you I?
Speaker 2 (07:13):
don't know.
Speaker 1 (07:14):
Right.
But if I told them, hey, do youknow why we're any stronger?
Oh, my gosh, yes, because ofthis and this.
And they're not like uh--huh,uh-huh.
So that is like what we call aparasocial uh technique, that a
lot of us, we have thisrelationship with fictitious
characters, that we identify ourlife with their life.
But it's easier to talk, forexample, to tasme, that they
(07:37):
went to horrible trauma, losingtheir whole family, and also her
body changed.
I use a lot of that story totalk to kiddos that have lost
parents due to, like, war andtheir bodies have either been
burned or mutilated due to that.
So they're like, they feel likelittle monsters, like Tasumi.
So that's why I love her somuch, because she's so innocent
(08:00):
and also when she gets in areally stressed situation, she
goes out in her child.
That's why she was in baby mode, but that was the geek for
everybody that didn't know.
But let's talk about self-carefor parents and how that affects
the whole generational trauma,because I know now in social
media that is a big buzzword.
But what do you think aboutgenerational trauma and how that
(08:24):
affects our effectiveness to bea parent?
Speaker 2 (08:28):
Well, you kind of said it already.
You said that we have like sortof broken blueprints of how to
parent, and I think like part ofthe difficulty or like, yes,
part of the difficulty of beinglike a mental health provider in
general, is that you understandthe reason why and it's so hard
(08:48):
just to be angry at yourparents for not being good
parents because you understandwhy, like they weren't good
parents because they didn't havegood parents and they didn't
have good parents because theirancestors didn't.
So it's like this whole thingthat goes back like years and
years and years thing that goesback like years and years and
years.
And so recently I've been doinga lot more research, because I
(09:09):
was nine when we moved to the US, so before then it was sort of
like I lived in Mexico with myparents and then.
So I never felt like I fit inhere or there and I never really
considered myself like Mexicanor American.
But then I found geek cultureand I was like I am definitely a
geek.
(09:29):
And now I'm trying to connectmore with my own culture because
I'm going through my own sortof like you know, healing
process and I'm finding out,like that our you know ancestors
like way, way back before wewere colonized, they had like so
many things that we have nowthat were forgotten, and there's
(09:49):
so much wisdom and knowledgethat didn't get passed down,
because everyone was in survivalmode.
Uh, foreigners came in and alot of changes happened and then
so everyone was like insurvival mode, like, and the way
to survive was to assimilate tothe powerful.
(10:11):
You know, whoever was in chargeand like, whatever their
culture was, whatever theirbeliefs were, whatever, um,
their the color of the skin was,that was what everybody wanted,
because that's how you survived.
And sadly, that changed a lotof things for us because, like,
(10:32):
we weren't completely able tolike remove ourselves from, you
know, from being Indigenous orhaving Indigenous roots, because
it's impossible, but sadly wetried.
But I think that's why we see somuch.
I don't know how it is in othercountries, but I know in Mexico
there's still a lot of likeracism against like indigenous
(10:54):
cultures because, like it's thatingrained, like there's no like
specific reason, it's just thiswhole like oh, but they're
lesser than us or whatever.
And you take that back like howdid that get than us, or
whatever.
And you take that back like howdid that get started?
you know, um, and I'm not likecompletely blaming the spaniards
and french and whoever elseended up in mexico, uh, because
(11:15):
I know they were like different,you know, tribes of different
communities in mexico.
That were, you know, fightingagainst each other, but still um
, you know, fighting againsteach other but still um well,
instead of like continuing togrow.
Speaker 1 (11:32):
Right, we, we got hindered from growing, so now
I'm like trying to help mycommunity grow and understand
you know our roots, yeah, you docan say the colonizers did
destroy a lot of the things, butwe have I'm from Guatemala and
Central America, right?
So Mayan Aztec, not friends,right, like we are, we're
against each other tribes, butwe were fighting for resources
and we were kind ofaccommodating a little bit, you
(11:53):
know.
But we were treated likesavages because, technically
speaking, for the other peoplethat came and conquer us, they
strip us from everything thatwas our cultures or traditions,
or not religions, but kind oflike a religion status that we
have, or roots, like you say,and what that provoked.
(12:14):
I came here as an adult already, to United States, but I didn't
fit in with the Latino culture.
Why?
Because my Spanish isCastellano, so it's like from
the Spain years.
So I will go to shout out toUCSD and San Diego State, no
(12:37):
matter what school I went.
They were like oh, you're stuckup because you speak Spanish.
Like that.
I'm like no, that's the onlyone I know, dude.
Like what are you talking about?
Right, I really only know thatone.
So I had to learn I callMexican Spanish.
But then my group it was thegeeks, because they come in all
colors, shapes and languages,and also I learned the
(12:59):
redemption stories right Of,like the superheroes that they
can like.
I say you have a blue hero Like, who doesn't like that?
But um, the part that was verytelling to me is that, for
example, magneto I love magnetofrom x-men because, uh, he went
almost like for what my familywent like uh, internal war,
(13:21):
genocide and refugee.
He just decided to like bloodwith blood, anger with anger,
right, but he was in such agrief that he was trying to
protect the mutants from thepain that he was feeling.
But in that grief it blindedhim of the methods that we have
us using and it reminds me a lotof I have traveled around the
(13:43):
world.
So no matter where you go in theAmericas, the indigenous people
share the same spectrum thatparents will beat their kids,
parents will insult their kids,parents will always try to tell
you beat this, do that, that.
That.
And one research that wastelling to me and it was like
shocking, is like a lot of them,when they interviewed for this
(14:05):
trauma that they have lived,they say I prefer it be me the
one that beats up my kid toteach them how to resist, how to
kind of become rough, than allthe the life of the Caucasian
people, or the conquistadoresteach them.
It got lost in translationthrough generation through
(14:26):
generation, through generation,to the point that we never
taught, or our parents werenever taught, how to not beat
their kids or how not to avoidlife with alcohol, or workaholic
or sexaholic, pictureholicright, all parents have some
kind of holic, and then it'sbased in shame because they do
(14:50):
know.
After a while it's like I shouldnot be doing this, but I don't
know what else to do, because Iwant my kid to be a good kid,
because I want my kid to X, yand Z, and then, like I say, the
report card for a study thatnobody teaches you how to study
for is passed when the childrenbecome adults and then they
excommunicate their parents orthey completely abandon their
(15:13):
parents, or you havepeople-pleasing tendencies and
you stay around, or parents arereally toxic, that they also
need to do a lot of work, sick,that they also need to do a lot
of work.
So, in our community, what areyou trying to do or what are you
experimenting with in order tobring that awareness?
(15:34):
Because, without being kind ofput in the stick, because you
know when you try to say noparents.
We can, we do somethingdifferent.
You get.
Who are you talking like that?
Why are you talking to yourelders like that?
Speaker 2 (15:45):
and you're like well, you know you know, I was, uh, I
read a study, I think it was.
It wasn't even a study, it wasa, like an article that was
written by a mexican, uh,therapist, and his point
throughout the whole thing waslike hey, hey, you can't sit in
your office, you have to be apart of the community.
(16:07):
And then that hit me so hardbecause I don't know how it is
for other people.
But even though I've graduatedand I've been in the mental
health field for so long and Italk about it nonstop with my
family members, there's stillthe belief of if you go to
therapy, you're crazy or it'sonly for crazy people, right?
and I'm like no, no, stop it.
(16:28):
And I'm like tell my parents.
And I'm like, no, no, you'relike pushing people away.
Those are my future clients.
I can't say that and um, so I'mtrying to like teach, but
there's still like this sort oflike like ingrain, of like you
don't go to outsiders.
You know to talk.
And then so now that I'm makinglike this community
presentations and of coursethey're free and like just
(16:50):
random people come by, I'mstarting to learn that it so I
graduated quite recently, so thefirst few presentations that I
did, I said, hey, my name iselizabeth, and then I just
started talking and I forgot totalk about my credentials and my
experience or education.
And then I was like why wouldanyone just listen to me, right?
(17:11):
And then I asked that like onon the social media, the for the
non-profit and one of theladies that was in the second
presentation answered and theywere like because, because you
were really nice and I was likeone of us, yeah.
And then they were like because, because you were really nice
and I was like one of us, yeah.
And then they were like because, then I remember like how, like
my parents, like to them, itdoesn't really matter, like what
(17:34):
experience or how high in theyou know scientific community
you are, like it doesn't matter,like being part of the
community you, that holds moreweight than whatever some random
doctor says.
And then I'm like, well, theytrusted me because I am part of
their community, because I amtrying to help and I have
information to share that theydon't have.
(17:55):
And honestly, I feel like a lotmore people than not we are
seeking for a way out because wedon't know Right.
And of course, I'm working withthe parents that are trying to
be better parents.
That's, you know, that's theproof of the come.
But I'm hoping that if I startincluding more like you know the
(18:15):
culture into it, or like domore fun activities here in my
community, slowly people willstart to understand that mental
health is something reallyimportant.
That was something that we usedto take care of, you know, way,
way back in the day, and it wassomething important I read.
I can't really remember if itwas the Mayan or the Aztec
(18:36):
because they all just sort ofblend in together, but it was
one of the two who had thisbelief that if you were
struggling with something, thewhole community was struggling.
It wasn't just you, it'severyone else.
And then so if you needed help,the whole community had sort of
like a responsibility to help,because in turn that will help
(18:57):
the whole community to like goback to being harmonious.
And then you mentioned earlierthat when the Spaniards came to
our countries they had this ideaof what was better as a society
, and that was money and power.
(19:18):
But for us it was somethingdifferent.
It was being connected withnature, it was being in
community, it was like takingcare of our bodies and our minds
and our souls, right.
And so there's this.
I think we're kind of movingmore towards the trying to pay
attention more to our minds nowand not just our bodies, and I'm
(19:43):
hoping we continue with thattrend.
But we still have a long waysto go.
Speaker 1 (19:48):
Right, and to piggyback on that, yeah, the
Mayans, for example.
Right now I'm like I'm tryingto make a connection between the
more spiritual or woohoocoaches thing to therapy, to get
whatever you need, but get thehelp that you need Sometimes we
don't know.
(20:08):
And that brings me to point tocultural appropriation.
Now we see all a lot of like,you know, in social media.
One that kicks me off is thecacao ceremony, because that is
very Mayan and now a lot of likecoaches and people will do the
cacao ceremony because it is asacred thing that we do to
(20:32):
connect our mind, body andspirit, aka people will do that
before going to the shamans,which the shamans are your
spiritual guidance AKA yourtherapist, back in the day,
right.
So even in our cultures we havetherapists.
We have people that were thehealers not only to your soul
but also to your mind, and nowwe have this other kind of like
(20:58):
appropriations of our culturesthat they use to heal, which I
appreciate, you know, Iappreciate.
Please, bring healing to peoplein any kind of form or shape,
but educate yourself too aboutthe roots of this.
I'm very respectful.
I have a lot, I work with a lot.
I mentor a lot of coachesspecifically in cultural
appropriation and why not?
(21:19):
And a lot of them.
I love that.
They try you know, they say youknow.
I want to be respectful of that.
Tell me more about this, tellme how to be respectful, tell me
what this means and what thisdoesn't mean, and I appreciate
that.
But that also brings it totherapy.
My point with this is like Ihave my Latino community that
(21:41):
will go first to a coach to dealwith depression, anxiety,
society and do a cacao ceremonybecause he looks familiar to
them than going to a therapistthat is not very aware of their
culture.
For example, I have one timewhen I was working in one of the
big hospitals that havesomebody that they put him like
(22:03):
with a very severe mentalillness, because he keeps saying
I'm this animal, I'mtransforming, but what he was
trying to say in his littlebroken English, because they
couldn't find somebody to speakthe language, k'echi that was
speaking, thank goodness I knewa little bit, not much, but I
was like no, saying that, likeyou know, like not talking in
word salad is not delusional,just saying I'm scared and I'm
(22:29):
calling my spirits, like that'salmost like saying to somebody
I'm calling God and you're crazybecause you're calling God,
right, but bullet spirits, it'sa different story.
Right, and it was the therapistand the psychiatrist that
unfortunately, they have neverencountered somebody that was
indigenous, that talk in atongue and also that believe in
(22:50):
spirituality, like that.
I bring a little we call itlimpia, you know in the room and
stuff no, prozac, no, nothing.
He was like I'm chill now,thank you so much.
All he did is to know that theplace that was going to stay, it
was clean of whatever badspirits felt that it came with
(23:12):
and after that was okay.
Yes, you have kind of differenttraumas, but what I'm saying
about this story and I modifythe story a lot just because,
you know, for, uh, hip purposes,but, uh, and I did have
permission, since they want toshare the story because this
person, this client, was likeplease, please, please, share my
story to all the cliniciansthat you can, to let them know
(23:34):
that we believe in that insteadof prayer, we do chanting,
instead of like, uh, you know,uh, some pills.
We want to try this first andthen I will listen to you about
the pills or I will listen toyou about this kind of treatment
, but what do you think abouthow right now it has blooming
(23:56):
the whole like culturalappropriation or like um, and
it's not differentiating onanybody but it's just for
educational purposes, aboutpeople that actually talks about
our culture without not knowingmuch about our cultures, which
I feel that's what pushesparents away to get treatments.
Speaker 2 (24:18):
Well, I have a lot of thoughts.
So first I would like to, youknow, agree with you that the
way that we do psychotherapy nowisn't really designed for
people from our culture, and sopeople don't really feel
comfortable, and I think we'remaking some progress in trying
(24:42):
to figure out how to make thatspace you know better for them,
but we are not quite sure yet.
But also, when it comes tocultural appropriation, I was, I
think I was on TikTok and I sawthis Caucasian person who was
talking about how just like, hey, honestly, we don't like, like,
(25:07):
because a lot of like, there'sa lot of discourse online how
like, uh, caucasians don't havea culture, and they're like,
yeah, we do have a culture, butit's kind of they're almost
forced to not have that culturein order to like fit in with the
rest, because it's not not likelike all Caucasians or all
white people are the same.
(25:28):
They like come from differentcountries, they have different
histories, like it's completelydifferent, but they're slowly
like forced to to let that go.
And I talk to my brother allthe time about this because it's
it's something that's like soweird to us, but a lot of people
want to have a culture.
A lot of those people wereforced to leave their roots
(25:50):
behind, just like we were forcedto do that, because they again
it was like a need for survival,and now they're, like in trying
to appropriate cultures.
Sometimes they're trying toidentify and value cultures.
They just go about the wrongway of doing it and uh, yeah, I
think I completely agree withyou like, if you want to please,
(26:14):
like the more people that enjoyyour culture and like
participate in our beliefs, thebetter just be aware of you know
what's actually like behindthat and like what's the purpose
of like certain rituals or likecertain beliefs, and I think
too, those those beliefs sort oflike I think maybe they they
(26:36):
started by being really good andgreat and throughout the
generations they got a littletwisted in what happened and how
you do it.
Like an example of that is, youknow, children being obedient
to parents.
There is, of course, like anunderstanding of that, because
(26:57):
parents are always like justlisten to me and like because I
said so, because they're tryingto protect the children, but
that's not really the best wayto go about it, because kids are
kids and they're like well, ifyou don't have an answer, then
I'm just going to do whatever Iwant and like you always
(27:25):
behavior or belief or like howhe came about from like being
like super twisted, you know,because of substance use or
because you know of like traumain the family and so much so.
But yeah, I think it's just amatter of like educating
(27:46):
ourselves more and asking, likejust communicating, like, and I
think that's one of the goodthings.
I think now, um, that'shappening, uh, with social media
, or like just being have likeaccess to all these things is
that people are more aware ofyou know what's good and not a
good thing to do.
You know they still have likethose trolls online who, like
(28:08):
you try something and they'relike oh, you are doing this bad
thing and like I'm offended onbehalf of that culture and that
culture is like we don't care.
You know, like, um, an examplethat I give is, like, a while
back, um, I think, um, I don'tknow what studio it was, but
they were trying to get rid ofSpeedy Gonzalez, right, because
(28:30):
he was offensive, yeah.
And then we're like, yeah, buthe's hilarious and we love him
and we identify with him, youknow, and we have nothing else.
So, like, please, like, eitherreplace him with someone or
leave him, you know like, solike, it's a lot like that, and
actually I would like to ask youa question about your thoughts
(28:54):
on the term Latinx.
Speaker 1 (28:56):
Oh gosh.
Okay, by the way, yes, gobattle that in the Instagram,
but be nice to each other,please, please, please, please,
um, so I'm in the middle line.
What do I mean?
As mayans, we know that ourlanguage was stripped away from
(29:17):
us because it was punished.
Um, in the sense of like.
In my country we we have 22states.
In each state we speakdifferent languages.
Right now, my country is one ofthe few that has kept the
language alive, but in schoolsyou're not allowed to speak any
(29:37):
of that.
Now we actually do, but back inthe day, when I was going to
school, no, you learn Spanish oryou learn English or French,
but it was never or culturallanguage.
And then you move down here andyou're like, really, you're
going to take now another wordout of me.
I understand that is to make itinclusive, because we have to
(29:59):
understand.
With every generation comedifferent cultural appropriation
, right.
So Latino or Latina is part ofmy.
I'm going to age myself 40something year old self that I
identify with that.
But now if you call me Latinx,I'm like wait, wait, wait, wait,
wait.
I don't identify myself withthat, but I do understand why
you're doing it.
I totally respect that,especially because I come from a
(30:22):
big family and in that familywe also have Latinx, you know,
and we need that identificationand if that is why you want to
be cool and that is what yournew culture identify, it's like
I will give you one back it'slike we didn't exist.
(30:43):
That is a new culture that hasbeen created in us because we
did not exist.
So if you told, for example, ifyou go to psychodynamics which
is this for anybody that is notfamiliar with psychology
psychoanalysis andpsychodynamics are like the
fathers of our education, right?
Psychoanalysis ispsychodynamics are like the
(31:04):
fathers of our education, right?
Psychoanalysis is like aCaucasian guy that was a
psychiatrist, but we wasteeverything on that, right, and
whatever your thoughts are aboutit, it's here nor there.
But what I'm trying to say is,if you tell any psychoanalysis
person I'm a geek, theyliterally look at you like
what's wrong with you, like whatis that?
(31:25):
And I have seen that in theolder generations.
When they say, oh, yeah, it'sLatinx and I'm like, no, it's
Latina or Latino, because that'sthe only language that they
identify themselves and alsoyou're stripping them out of
something else.
So when you, if you're ayoungster and you want to be
(31:46):
identified as Latinx.
I also want you to stop justfor a minute and see who is
responding and how they'reresponding.
It's not so much that they'renot and don't get me wrong,
there is some that they aretotally doing because they don't
respect that boundary of yourpronouns and et cetera, but
other ones is also the pain thatyou're taking away something
else from them, and I know it'scontroversial, but think about
(32:09):
that.
A lot of our names werestripped, a lot of our words
were stripped, a lot of ourtattoos were stripped because
they were not permitted, a lotof our hair colors.
Everything was stripped from alot of our indigenous people.
You know we are latinos andlatinas and latinx.
So I will say it's the newdefinition of the new culture
(32:31):
that is evolving and because ifyou go to any of our latino
countries and you say latinx,they look at you like and then
you know, and not kidding, Iwent to recently and I said that
right, and one of them was like, oh no, that's a gringo thing,
we don't do that here.
And I was like, oh okay.
Speaker 2 (32:50):
You know Well, yeah, but like, yes, I agree with you
that it's sort of like a newthing, like a new culture, a new
way to like identify yourself,like identify yourself because,
like, I kind of have issues evenwith the word latino, because I
think my issues stem from thefact that, like, when I started
(33:11):
grad school, I started trying toread more about my people,
obviously, and, uh, my peoplewere all lumped in together,
like so it wasn't just mexican,it was everyone that spoke
spanish, and I was like well,that's weird, because those are
a bunch of different cultures, aa bunch of different like
geographic locations, a bunch oflike different political and
cultural changes.
They're not the same.
(33:33):
Like why are you trying to lumpus all together?
And it gets a little bit hard.
I think when someone identifiesthemselves as something, it's
completely different thansomeone standing up on a podium
and saying you're all Latinx nowand I'm like no, I get to
decide what I want to be or howI want to be identified, because
(33:55):
it's different.
You know, like I, like I said Iwas nine when I moved here, so I
don't really fully considermyself to be, like american, but
I'm also not fully mexican,because when I go back to like
visit my, my cousins and familyin mexico.
I'm like whoa way differentworld not the same, you know and
(34:15):
like part of what my strugglewas to try to find sort of like
my community is that I wasalways a nerd.
I was always into reading andlearning about things, and there
weren't that many people, orlike other Mexicans, that had
like the same hobbies as I did,so I didn't connect with them
either, you know, and, to behonest, I was trying to survive
(34:40):
high school and middle school,so I didn't want to be seen as
like too Mexican, um, or to likeghetto.
So there was a lot of thingsthat I sort of like stopped
doing or like kind of like neverthought about again, because I
I wanted to to be seen, as youknow, like an intelligent person
, and that's not one of the uhdescriptors that often comes
(35:04):
along, for you know someone whocomes from, you know my
background.
Speaker 1 (35:08):
And it also comes and I love you say that word,
because before being a nerd anda geek was an insult.
That's a pride.
Now it's a prideful thing to sayyeah, I'm a geek and proud of
it, right, and it's like youdon't get throw eggs or anything
like we used in high school,which for me was a huge cultural
shock, because in my country werespect nerds and geeks.
(35:30):
So when I came here I was ableto be geek out myself until not
tomorrow when I was back home.
But when I came here it wasshame and it was so.
I came here in the 2000s justto give it the beginning 1999,
right In that period of likeextraneous things and being a
geek, it was shameful, it wasnot okay, except being somebody
(35:56):
that liked manga and anime, andthat's why I love that.
That's why when I came, thatwas my saving grace when I came
here to the United States,because everything else it was
not permitted, especially for afemale.
And the other thing is that's aperfect example of how language
changed with time andidentifiers changed with time.
(36:18):
Right, and we can go throughhistory too, even in the in the
United States, because when youhave, my mentors are
Afro-American and I learnedeverything about Afro-American
culture because in my head I waslike identify a lot with you
guys, because I come from agenocide in my country.
We were like stripped, you know, if people just do have a fun,
(36:42):
read, read about the experimentsin Tuskegee, where they
experiment with syphilis in mycountry, just to see how people
react, right.
So that was the American cameto my country to do that, right,
because we were look as lessthan human.
But what I'm trying to say withthat is, like when you learn
more about your roots, one thingthat's going to happen to you
(37:05):
is that you're going to getreally pissed.
Another thing that you're goingto happen to you, you're going
to modify a lot of thingsbecause, like the stages of
grief, right, denial is when wewant to be assimilated.
I'm like you know, I haveblonde hair and poopy lenses,
are blue, and because I want tobe assimilated denial then it
comes the anger.
So it's like man, I changedeverything about myself and I
(37:26):
still not accepted.
I'm not accepted here, I'm notaccepted there.
We call it uh, michana nihuana,you know, like it was, like
they were not all there, uh.
And then it comes thedepression, where you just want
to find a group that is neitheryour origin group nor the one
that you're living in.
(37:46):
In this case, for us it was thegeeks, because the geeks are
the outcast kind of self butalso the super cool.
So it's like that symbioticthing that is mind-blowing to me
, because you have the coolestsuperstars and also the super
nerdy ones together and thenevolve even more with the
self-acceptance.
(38:07):
And when a self-acceptance comes, like Latinx, I want to be
called this because this is whatI identify with.
And, yes, I was like you, Iwill throw a fit.
If you call me Mexican, becauseI was like I'm not Mexican,
what's wrong with you people?
Or if you call me Latino, I'mlike no, I'm Hispanic, like
hello with you people.
Or if you call me Latino, I'mlike no, I'm Hispanic, like
(38:27):
hello.
And it was all these thingsuntil I learned that if I go to
Miami, they will call me Cuban.
If I go to Washington, for someweird reason in Washington,
they will call me Puerto Rican.
And I was like what?
Because you call people whatyou only supposed to and what
you know Right.
So, because you call peoplewhat you're only supposed to and
what you know right.
So, all that said, that when youget called certain names, also
(38:52):
understand that they come with apower.
Words have power on you, butalso we can take that power out.
That's why, like I said, withmy Afro-American culture.
In a lot of the raps and things, they use a derogatory name for
them, but it's okay if they sayit, but it's not okay if we say
it, and people always get soangry about it.
But like do you understand why,though?
(39:13):
It's like taking the power thatwas taken away from them, and
in my culture we have somethingsimilar that is called similar,
that you're allowed to saycertain words.
That is only in your words, butif you don't know the language,
you can't right.
So I think that's the grief,when we become angry at
(39:37):
everything because we have beenstripped up so many things,
which brings me back piggybackto like the parenting Give a
break to your parents.
They're not the perfect ones, Iget it, but at the same time,
giving a break doesn't meangiving permission.
This is the difference betweenboundaries, rules and pleads.
(39:58):
A boundary is not for the otherpeople, it's for you.
It's for you.
My boundary is like I'm notgoing to permit somebody call me
X, y and Z, so I'm not going totell the person, because if I
told the person, then it's likeI'm asking you a rule, please do
not call me that If theyviolate that rule, it's my
boundary to leave or stay.
And then it comes the pleaPlease don't do that, please
(40:18):
don't do that, please don't dothat.
And when the plea is not heard,you don't feel seen, you don't
feel hurt, and then you get hurt.
And that's the beauty abouttherapy, right?
And how can you argue withsomebody that's a vampire?
Or how can you argue when youhave a dragon?
That is the one that'sstruggling with depression?
So easy to talk about.
And don't get me wrong, I go toand, as Dr Elizabeth knows, we
(40:44):
both shared a passion to go talkabout representation.
And we go to Comic-Con,wonder-con, la-con.
They may wear their geeking out, but we're also talking about
representation, accuraterepresentation.
Why accurate?
Because Indigenous people, wehave been forgotten.
We have been forgotten in a way, like you know, like you say,
(41:04):
well, with Speedy Gonzalez, Iget it, we grew up with him, but
the representation of him isnot the representation of every
single one of the cultures, likeyou say in Mexico, over and
over, if we don't createboundaries around it, meaning if
(41:27):
we don't tell ourselves, likeyou say, I want to learn about
my culture.
I really do, and it's so muchto learn too.
Speaker 2 (41:33):
Well, it's this sort of like weird thing.
Like you said, it is likehistory will repeat itself,
because sometimes you encounterpeople who are just angry at the
world and they don't know why.
And I'm like, well, let me tellyou the history of your
ancestors.
You have a right to be upsetabout everything that was done
to your people.
And so I, part of my culture,it's in my DNA to love stories
(41:59):
and storytelling, and I lovehistory because it's just
basically a bunch of stories.
But I, for the longest time, Irefused to learn more about the
history of mexico and I didn'teven think about it, right, but
then, when I did force myself tostart thinking about it is
because I knew I was going to besad and I didn't want to be sad
.
I was like, I know the historyof my country is like so sad
(42:22):
because so many bad thingshappen to us and sadly continue
to happen.
And uh, and I'm like I, just I,and it's just this very like,
um, you say like this grief oflike what can I even do?
Like like my people havesuffered so much.
But I think that's why I'm liketrying to emphasize like how
(42:43):
important it is to connect withthe good parts of our culture
that have been forgotten, rightand to identify with those and
almost in a sense, create a newculture.
Because, um, I remember one timeI was talking to my parents and
we were talking about um.
So I lived in mexico up until Iwas nine, so there was a like
slight memories that I haveabout you know how christmas was
(43:04):
celebrated and I had acommunity reacted, yeah, and,
and my mom, or my both of myparents, were talking about how
sad it was that it wasn't likethat anymore.
And I was like, yeah, Iremember having so much fun, and
now it's like people don't likedo things in community anymore
and I'm like, yeah, that's kindof sad.
(43:24):
And then I was thinking aboutit like, well, would it be
better if a culture neverchanged?
And I'm like, no, becausethere's things about my culture
that I don't like.
Speaker 1 (43:34):
And those need to change right now.
Speaker 2 (43:37):
Right.
So culture is, like it's not astatic thing, it's something
that's constantly evolving.
So if you identify yourself asLatinx, or as Latino or Latino
or Mexican or Hispanic, you knowHispanic, whatever it is like,
there are good parts about yourculture and bad parts about
culture.
So, like it's, you know it'sgood for us to start working on,
(43:57):
you know, improving and youknow, ensuring that our culture
flourishes right, because theonly way that our culture
flourishes right, because theonly way that our culture is
going to survive, is that weadapt and develop.
And I think for the longesttime there has been this sort of
like resistance, um, in themexican culture, to to change,
(44:17):
and I'm like, but it's good, andwe cannot have to drag people
like kicking and screaming andbe like, no, because you, you
have to understand that noteveryone identifies as he or she
, and that's's okay, you know.
Speaker 1 (44:29):
Yeah, and also the part that, not only that, but
not everybody goes to therapy.
Some people go to coaching,some people go with shamans,
some people go to theirpadrecito or spiritual guy, you
know.
But we have to understand theroots of it.
And in order to learn historyalso, I challenge you, history
depends on the eye of the and inorder to learn history also, I
challenge you, history dependson the eye of the beholder, why?
(44:49):
One thing that I do, that I loveis traveling around the world.
Right, I'm very prideful that Ihave gone to 98 stamps I almost
got the 120 that our passportsgive us, um, and what I learned
is the history of our countries.
Depending on what country istelling, it is so different.
Like I go and learn the historyof the pre-Hispanic, of Mayan
(45:16):
and Aztecs in Mexico, totallydifferent to the one that we
have in Central America.
You go to Brazil completelydifferent.
You go to Spain, it'scompletely different.
And then you come here in theUnited States.
I'm like what happened?
It's completely erased.
At least in Spain they saysomething you know, but and then
it's actually depends, right,but one thing that I have
(45:37):
noticed in all history thirdspaces, community spaces are
important to develop change areimportant to develop change, to
develop peace.
And when I say peace, peacerequires some shaking right, and
that shaking is like I don'tfeel comfortable with that.
I don't feel comfortable withthat change.
Like back in the day, women, wecannot do what we're doing,
(45:59):
talking about our feelings andtalking about other people and
stuff like that oh, my goodness,that's gossiping, we don't do
that right.
Or having a male therapist,that's all her off.
So we have to evolve and changebecause it's that, like you say,
we have to bloom and, um, kindof like the flowers behind me,
right, when you bloom and mixdifferent blooms, you come with
(46:20):
different colors of the sameflower.
Is the the same flower?
No, not anymore, because youexpose them to two different
ones.
So now you create a new one.
So for everybody out therelistening what it will be three
nuggets that you will give themto say if you need to go to
therapy or if you need to choosea coach or a guy, a mentor, how
(46:46):
can you pick one that resonateswith you more?
Give them three nuggetsspecifically for our culture.
Speaker 2 (46:58):
Oh, that was hard.
The only one that really comesto mind, and I think the most
important one, is that, as longas you feel, feel comfortable
with them, it doesn't matterwhat letters come after their
name.
If it's a master's degree, ifit's a phd or whatever you know,
md, yeah, it doesn't matter.
Because if you have becauseeven in therapy, like, the most
(47:19):
important thing is therelationship that you build you
between the client and therapist, and if you're able to, you
know, feel safe in anenvironment with a coach, you're
going to get a lot with thatcoach.
Right.
If you can find it with adoctor, you're going to do great
with a doctor.
And the other thing to keep inmind is that sometimes, even
(47:40):
though you love this person andyou've made so much progress,
sometimes you need to leave thembehind so you can continue
growing, because everybody, wehave something different to
offer and it's not always thesame, like, even though we're,
you know, very similar in someways and we geek out and
everything.
I'm pretty sure the way thatyou do therapy is completely
(48:00):
different than the way I dotherapy, right, and I like it's
okay, like I'm like telling myclients you feel comfortable, we
continue.
If not.
I find your referrals not aproblem, because that's the most
important thing is that youfeel safe and comfortable with
that person.
Speaker 1 (48:14):
And I always say you have to create your dream team,
meaning you need a coach, youneed a therapist, you need a
spiritual guidance, you need amentor, and those have to change
with the growth that you're.
Remember when I said you needto be shake and that shake,
every shake, it creates a newrock, it creates a new peak in
the mountains.
That's why we have earthquakes,right.
(48:35):
Um, by the way, we're fromcalifornia, so earthquakes are
our thing.
Uh, talking about growing painsand just to piggyback in, what
you said is, the most importantthing is the therapeutic
alliance that you have, and Ichallenge you to go find
somebody that is a little moredifferent to you, because you
can learn from them and they canlearn from you.
The other thing is true Everytherapist is like when you find
(48:59):
one therapist, you find onetherapist.
What do I mean?
Yes, we all have differentspecialties.
I know when you go and try topsychology today and why not?
It says depression.
It has the same list becauseyou have to check it.
But, for example, in my case,even though I am a geek, I'm a
somatic therapist and Ispecialize in complex trauma,
right, and I specialize with ourheroes or heroes, and on top of
(49:30):
that, I use new techniques suchas utilizing video games as
self-suit and self-care.
But I'm with you, doctor, thatthe title is not important.
The connection is what is moreimportant.
So my challenge to all mylisteners that are out there
know that my community and DrElizabeth's community were
created because we want tocreate their spaces for you.
(49:52):
My space is created to anyshape or form of person to come
to be brave, to show yourselfhow you are, even when you don't
know who you are, and then tobe kind, not to others, to
yourself, because we havebrutalized ourselves so much,
and to be loud about.
I have found my people like kids, like therapists, like Latinos,
(50:16):
mayans, indigenous, and to goand sprinkle around the
knowledge that you have withoutharm, because sometimes we
become a little firstborn aboutwhat we want to teach or why we
want to share, because we'relike, we're so excited but we
are also so angry, and for allmy parents out there and all the
(50:36):
kids and adults that they havestrained relationships with them
, for X, y and Z.
Therapy is a way to heal and wewill put in the comments and in
the notes of this episode.
You will have some resources,also some worksheets that may
help you to identify.
Do I have a strainedrelationship with my parents?
(50:57):
Because sometimes we don't evenknow?
And also, just because theyshare your same blood doesn't
mean we have to put out with alot of abuse and that exists.
Yes, we can be compassionate tounderstand where it's coming
from, but we don't have to stayinsupported.
So any last words, dr Elizabeth.
Speaker 2 (51:19):
Yes to everything you said.
I second it.
I completely agree.
Speaker 1 (51:23):
And if you want to see us, we will be in WonderCon
doing panels and we also weprobably will be in Comic Con
and LA Con.
So stay tuned for those, forboth of us, and if they want to
find you, where they can findyou, dr Elizabeth yes, so we are
(51:45):
officially a non-profit now andlike registered and everything.
Speaker 2 (51:50):
So you can find us at psychology for geekscom or
psych, the number four geeks onpretty much any social media.
And yeah, we're like you said,we're trying to build a like a
safe space community, like aplace where we can geek out and
learn more about mental health,because we all need, like you
know, have that space thatsupports.
So, yeah, come and join us.
Speaker 1 (52:11):
And I will put all the information down below with
Dr Elizabeth and if you want totune on more, please follow her
YouTube channel, her podcast andthe same with us.
We have YouTube channel and ourpodcast and you can see also
our geek adventures in there.
We have a special episodes,especially Dr Elizabeth.
(52:33):
I highly recommend.
If you want to learn more aboutgeek therapy about what is a
geek, how to be a geek and howto be accepted and love please
go and watch her YouTube channeland her podcast.
And until next time, please go.
Shine like the supernova andsuperstar that you are.
Remember, be kind, be loud, beproud and all parts of you are
(52:55):
accepted.
As we conclude today's episode,take a moment to reflect.
Be proud of the journey, forevery step that brings you
closer to who you truly are.
Embrace the kindness towardsyourself, as you did to each one
(53:15):
of our guests.
Honor the bravery in youractions and celebrate the
importance of mental wellnesswith us, and remember it's an
exercise that we practice daily.
Continue to grow and flourish,knowing that we are in this
training for our mental wellnesstogether.
(53:36):
We are so proud to have you aspart of our community, so join
us on Instagram at OasisCommunity Podcast for more
inspiring conversations,valuable resources and supported
content, including journals,worksheets and content in
Spanish.
(53:57):
Exciting things are in thehorizon.
Our Oasis Community break roomsare coming soon to grab tools
and take a break for your mentalhealth.
Are coming soon to grab toolsand take a break for your mental
health.
Also, we are featuring oursix-month training ethical
mental health coaching program,designed for new and experienced
coaches, as well as holisticand healing professionals.
Enroll to create a safe andtransformative experience to
(54:21):
your clients.
Links in the bio.
Until next time, take care,stay connected and welcome to
our Oasis community.
Popular Podcasts
Crime Junkie
Does hearing about a true crime case always leave you scouring the internet for the truth behind the story? Dive into your next mystery with Crime Junkie. Every Monday, join your host Ashley Flowers as she unravels all the details of infamous and underreported true crime cases with her best friend Brit Prawat. From cold cases to missing persons and heroes in our community who seek justice, Crime Junkie is your destination for theories and stories you won’t hear anywhere else. Whether you're a seasoned true crime enthusiast or new to the genre, you'll find yourself on the edge of your seat awaiting a new episode every Monday. If you can never get enough true crime... Congratulations, you’ve found your people. Follow to join a community of Crime Junkies! Crime Junkie is presented by audiochuck Media Company.
24/7 News: The Latest
The latest news in 4 minutes updated every hour, every day.
Stuff You Should Know
If you've ever wanted to know about champagne, satanism, the Stonewall Uprising, chaos theory, LSD, El Nino, true crime and Rosa Parks, then look no further. Josh and Chuck have you covered.