May 24, 2024 • 41 mins
As I sat across from Vivi, her voice a soothing balm, we traversed the all-too-common battlegrounds of graduate stress and professional burnout. This episode isn't just talk; it's about handing you the shield and sword of self-care and mindfulness, tools that can defend your mental wellness against the siege of everyday pressures. Together, we peel back the curtain on Vivi's personal self-care rituals, revealing that it's the small, consistent habits that can fortify us against the onslaught of burnout and despair.
Embarking on a journey can be daunting, especially when it's one towards healing and self-discovery.
Takeaways
- Gain self-knowledge and reflect on your values and how you're living your life.
- Make small changes that are doable and sustainable to improve your mental wellness.
- Slow down and be present in each moment, focusing on one thing at a time.
- Both coaching and therapy have their benefits and can be useful in different scenarios.
- Embrace the power of neuroplasticity and the ability to shape your brain and life.
🔔 And if you haven’t subscribed yet, @ouroasiscommunitypodcast
* 6-Month Ethical Mental Health Trauma-Informed Coaching Training
Waitlist: https://mailchi.mp/f8a4df05034a/8h49marbwo
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Disclaimer: This podcast is for educational purposes only and does not establish a therapeutic relationship. If you need help, please seek a professional therapist or contact a helpline.
Guess Infor:
IG:vivianamindful
Website : https://www.verymindful.com/mindful-living/
Emergency Helplines
- Emergency: 988
- NAMI Helpline: 1-800-950-NAMI (6264) - www.nami.org/help
- National Crisis Text Line: Text HELLO to 741741
- National Suicide Prevention Lifeline: 1-800-273-8255 or 988 - www.suicidepreventionlifeline.org
- National Domestic Violence Hotline: 1-800-799-7233 - www.thehotline.org
- SAMHSA Helpline: 1-800-662-HELP (4357) - www.samhsa.gov
- LGBT Trevor Project Lifeline: 1-866-488-7386 - www.thetrevorproject.org
- Veterans Crisis Line: 1-800-273-TALK (8255) - www.veteranscrisisline.net
- Ayuda en Español: 1-888-628-9454 - www.suicidepreventionlifeline.org/es
- National Deaf Therapy: www.nationaldeaftherapy.com
- BIPOC Therapist Finder:...
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:02):
Hello beautiful souls and welcome to Oroasis
Community Podcast.
I am Dr Roldan, your host.
I am a doctor in clinicalpsychology, a BIPOC therapist
professor and a mindful somaticcoach.
While I am a therapist,remember I'm not your therapist.
This podcast is not asubstitute for professional
(00:24):
mental health care, but we haveresources in our website and
Instagram to support you in thatsearch.
Join us for a cozy, feltconversation about mental health
, personal growth andmindfulness.
We explore tools to care foryour mind, your body and your
soul.
Check the footnotes fordisclaimer, trigger warnings and
(00:46):
additional resources for eachone of the episodes.
So grab your favorite cup oftea, coffee or hot chocolate,
wrap yourself in a warm blanketand find a coffee spot here with
us to be kind to be brave, loudand strong in your search of
(01:07):
mental health wellness.
Welcome to your Oasis, welcomeeverybody.
I hope you grab your cup of teaand a comfy pad, because today
I have a guest that is going toput you at so much ease, so much
peace.
Her voice is so velvety in allthe good ways my friend and a
(01:30):
colleague, ms Vivi.
Welcome to Oasis podcast.
Speaker 2 (01:35):
Thank you.
Thank you so much for having me.
I've been so excited to chatwith you and just sit with you.
Ever since I met you, I feltthis like connection with us, so
I'm happy to be here met you, Ifelt this like connection with
us, so I'm happy to be here.
Speaker 1 (01:48):
And for people that don't know, bibi, can you talk a
little bit about you?
Kind of this is the fiveminutes of pump yourself up and
let us know who you are for ouraudience to know.
Speaker 2 (01:56):
Yeah, so who I am?
That's like a huge question.
Where do I start, like?
Do I start with what I do orwho I am as a person?
Maybe all the things, maybethey're all connected.
I think I'm a person who's hereto help other people.
I've always known that, eversince I was little.
I just didn't know how it wasgoing to look.
(02:16):
But right now it feels like I'mhelping people step into more
of who they are and acceptthemselves fully and come to
this place of likeself-compassion and self-love.
So right now I'm I'm enjoying,you know, doing therapy with
clients.
I'm still training.
Right now I do social emotionalskills facilitating, so I
(02:42):
facilitate those classes.
And then I also mentor peopleon mindfulness.
So I facilitate those classes.
And then I also mentor peopleon mindfulness.
So I run mindfulness groups, Ihost meditations and, yeah, just
everything around how to havemore internal peace, more calm
and just how to be more groundedwithin yourself.
I'm also in school and I'mfinishing up my master's degree
(03:05):
right now, so that's been a longjourney, but we're almost there
.
I'm a dog mom, a cat mom, a wife, a friend sister a lot of roles
.
Speaker 1 (03:21):
And just to clarify for our audience that is
listening over there.
So you are in a master's incounseling yes okay.
So for our audience, I knowthere is a lot of college
students there, or high schoolor career pivots, um.
So just to let you know, we allhere I invite different people
(03:44):
that from different walks oflife, but mostly all of them
they have one thing in common,that is, mental health grounding
filling your cup instead ofemptying it or having holes on
it.
So, bibi, what can you tell usabout?
I think it will be becauseyou're young and you're in that
process of going through themaster program.
(04:04):
I think it will be becauseyou're young and you're in that
process of going through themaster program.
What kind of tips can you giveto protect your mental health
going through the programs,especially because, as we know,
our mental health system is notperfect?
Speaking for anybody that is alawyer, uh, nurse, doctor,
(04:26):
therapist, teacher, anybody thatworks helping others, uh, there
is a burnout rate of 80 percentand out of that 10 people, you
have 10 students.
Out of those 10 students,they're gonna be eight, and
seven they're gonna have suicideideation due to the product,
due to not have tools to relax,to feel their cops.
(04:47):
So, since you're in thetrenches right now, can one tell
us what is traits that you seethat you wish that they were not
there, or how can you improvethem, and what topics or what
tools do you use to help youwith your mental health?
Speaker 2 (05:01):
Yeah, I think the mental health system as a whole
like, although they mean well,there's a lot of things that
need to shift.
And one is like, yeah, theburnout is real, the workload
that is placed on students andemployees, it's so real.
I personally, because I knowthat there's a lot of lack of
(05:26):
time and students, lives and andum, people who are working full
time and they're jugglingdifferent roles in their lives,
time is a big piece where theydon't have a lot of.
So I said I like to keep itsimple and just do little things
that will keep me mentally welland physically well and also in
(05:47):
interweave it into my life,versus trying to cut out, carve
out more time during my day.
So, for example, becausebalancing all the things with
work, school and practicum, it'slike in a day there might not
be enough time to like get mystuff and go to the gym for an
hour and then go meditate foranother hour and do all these
(06:10):
practices that are so timeconsuming.
So that's not just real, that'snot realistic in some of our
lives, and so I don't pushmyself or like strive to do that
because it's not, it's notpossible.
So, first of all, justaccepting that, with the time
that you have.
What can you do instead oftrying to switch things around
(06:32):
with the schedule you alreadyhave?
Can you either replace thingsLike if you're spending at the
end of the night, you know, Idon't know doing something else
like watching Netflix not thatNetflix is bad, it's.
I love Netflix and justwatching movies and sometimes
you do need it and it is a formof self-care but what can you
replace it with instead thatwill fill your cup?
(06:54):
What is going to give you abenefit in the long run versus
just make you feel good in themoment?
How can we do something thatdoes both things for us?
I think of being mentally wellas like a lifestyle versus like
a thing you have to do on yourto-do list.
If you have it on your to-dolist, you might not get to it
(07:14):
because you don't prioritize it.
There are other things, likebeing productive, and things
that you have to do are going tobeat that in order of priority.
But if it just becomes the wayyou live your life, then that's
different.
Like, how can you live yourlife where the choices that you
make every day are going to befor your mental and physical
(07:36):
wellbeing, as simple as like ifyou're going to the second floor
of a building, are you takingthe stairs or are you choosing
to go up the elevator, like,even though that might seem so
minuscule, and like, oh, thatdoesn't make a difference, but
it's like when you move yourbody, it is good for your mind.
We always think of it as goodfor your body, but it's like
(07:57):
when you move your body, ithelps clear your mind, it helps
you be more connected.
So little things like like that, even if you have a minute here
and there to just pause andlike breathe, can you do that?
Can you just be with yourself,can you be with your, in silence
, you know, just with yourself.
Speaker 1 (08:18):
So yeah, just little moments, finding the little
moments to do what you can so itsounds like in in oasis we
learn a stackable skills and astackable mindfulness.
What we mean is exactly whatyou just said.
It's a lifestyle.
For example, when you get a pet, you change your lifestyle
(08:38):
because now you have a pet, soyou modify different things to
accommodate the pet.
Right For anybody that, due toillness or any kind of
disability, you cannot go andexercise or do mindfulness
outside.
Yeah, netflix is a great thing.
There is something I mean thisis not a sponsor, but I love
(08:59):
them Headspace Calm app.
You know I take a showerlistening to the calm app
because I'm doing two at once.
Right, I put the rain activity.
I mean it feels like I'm reallyunder the rain exercising.
If you ever did exercise beforeand for some reason you can't
anymore, or for the moment youhave to be a little limited you
(09:22):
can watch somebody doing dancing, baseball or whatever.
Your brain doesn't know thedifference.
The beautiful thing about thebrain is that if it sees it, it
perceives it, it makes it areality.
I know it sounds very boo-hoo,but it's true.
Just going to sit down in theoutside and have a pet plant,
nature is always helpful to youto ground yourself.
(09:44):
I remember when I was in school, I was like my rule that before
any quiz, any test, I will gosit down in this little kind of
hill that we have in a schooland sit down with a tree, hug
the tree for two seconds thatwas my kind of ritual and go
right, because that is what itground me to that present moment
(10:06):
.
And one thing that Vivi doesgreat is stay in that present
moment being here.
But where do you learn that?
How do you learn that and why?
Because we don't come to thisrealization.
I'm going to be mindful today,because it's the beautiful thing
unless our parents teach us.
But you're Latina too, sothat's not why we get taught.
(10:27):
We get told hustle, hustle,hustle, hustle, uh, keep working
, and after working, keepworking right.
So where do you learn it?
Why do you learn it and how?
Speaker 2 (10:37):
where that that'll be through life experience.
Why that would be a whole story, so if you wouldn't't mind, I
could go into that.
I'm like, of course, the why.
The why was mostly because Iwas doing the opposite and I
think, just because society setup that way, where it doesn't
prime us to be in the presentmoment, we're either very future
(10:59):
focused and like what are yougoing to achieve?
What are you going to produce?
How are you going to get better?
Always thinking of doing moreand more and more.
So that's very future focused.
And then or we're in the past,like reliving what went wrong,
what hurt us, what didn't go theway we wanted to.
So we're stuck in one or theother, or both at the same time,
(11:20):
and being present comes to likevery, very few times.
Maybe that time when you'resitting with your pet or your
little baby, that's when youbecome present, but it's harder
as a practice.
So it just it's like a practice.
But the why was because when Iwas younger, maybe like five
years ago so, yeah, I was five,five years ago I got diagnosed
(11:43):
with an illness calledfibromyalgia, which is chronic
pain disorder.
Okay, yes, you get me.
So at an age of 22, I was like,okay, how did this happen?
Like why, why did this happen?
(12:04):
So I went through a lot of thatlike asking why.
But then I'm like what if Ijust stopped asking why and
started asking how?
Like, how can I shift this?
And even though doctors weresaying this is uncurable, you
will have this for the rest ofyour life.
I'm like, hmm, what if I foundother ways to feel better in my
(12:26):
own way, to like explore, to bemy own like health detective and
do things that work for me?
So I started off with just likemoving my body and eating well,
eating better.
And then after that I'm likeokay, I feel better, but I still
feel kind of like anxious orthere's something like still
(12:47):
striving for more or like this,like restlessness in me.
I'm like, what is happening?
So I first heard aboutmindfulness through a podcast or
I don't remember if it was apodcast or a book somewhere, and
I'm like, oh, that sounds easy,like it sounds so easy.
Mindfulness is in the presentmoment.
It's so simple.
But I'm like, but that soundseasy, like it's so easy.
Mindfulness is being thepresent moment.
It's so simple.
But I'm like, but actuallypracticing it moment by moment,
(13:10):
it takes work.
It's like you have to beintentional every moment to
shift your focus from where yourmind's at to here, where you're
at right now, where your feetare.
So it didn't start off that way, but once I heard that I'm like
okay, and then it wasn't untilI read the book the Power of.
Now, yes, and I read that as anaudio book because my mind could
(13:33):
not focus on like reading.
I was like, oh, I'm bored, likeI don't want to read this, so I
had to listen to an audio book.
I listened to it twice, likebeginning to end, and even
though it says kind of like thesame thing over and over some
people might think it likereally ingrains it in different
ways in my mind, like everychapter, and so I got really,
really intentional to practiceit.
(13:55):
I'm like, okay, this is goingto be a long journey, so the
next five years, that's all Idid, even though some days were
better than others and I was notperfect.
I'm still not perfect.
It's still like a big value ofmine and a goal to remain as
present as possible withwhatever I have, wherever I'm at
(14:16):
.
So that was the why, the how,the how is practicing over and
over, over and over, and I knowthe most common way of like
being mindful is throughmeditation.
But personally, when I was incollege and they introduced me
to meditation and they wentthrough meditation, I remember I
(14:38):
was so anxious and likerestless that I was like this is
stressing me out instead oflike relaxing me.
I'm more stressed out becauseI'm more in my head.
I'm like, oh no, I cannot sit.
So I asked to go to therestroom.
As soon as they started themeditation I'm like, can I leave
?
And I just stepped out and Icame back when it was over.
I'm like, okay, good, got toavoid that stressful thing.
So for me it wasn't meditation.
(14:59):
Now I can meditate.
But back then I'm like, nope, Istarted off with little moments.
Like you said, outside, justanywhere with nature, anywhere
where there's a tree or a plantor something that's alive,
another being that's alive inthis earth helps you Just
looking at a tree outside mywindow or something, and it's
(15:20):
just there, it's not doinganything, it's not trying to go
anywhere, it's just being.
It's just there, it's not doinganything, it's not trying to go
anywhere, it's just being.
It's just there.
So, starting off with goingmore into nature, that was the
first thing.
Like it, especially it's easierwhen you have a dog, because my
dog, I got my dog around thatsame time.
It's like you're forced to gooutside and like her for a walk.
(15:47):
So that really helped.
Like being in the grass andlike being in nature.
Then, little by little, buildingupon that, like moments, little
moments were.
Just how can I create a littlebit of space within my day to
just be present?
And it always starts for me mybreath, like what, how is my
breathing right now?
And using my hands and like mybody to know where my feet are,
(16:10):
looking down on my feet, maybeplanting both of them on the
ground, and then just lookingaround like what's around me,
what's going on inside my headand in my body, and just being
here.
But again, again, that takespractice, but yeah.
Speaker 1 (16:26):
And to correlate with you, and cheers to all my hot
seat friends and all myfibromyalgia or invisible
disabilities, because that'swhat it is.
It's invisible disability thatis really hard for people to
correlate with, because we looklike super healthy, we look okay
, and inside we're like want totake our skin off.
(16:48):
Um, so, for all of us and forall of you that are listening, I
want you to remind you onething it's okay that we're not
okay and it's okay to more ingrief the old body that we have
with the new body that is almostagainst us half of the time.
(17:10):
For me, it was meditation, thesame right.
For me, it was meditation, butthe same right like I have a
rave with squirrels in my handbecause I always have ideas and
stuff like this is not helpful.
This is really really hard.
And they took me to exploration.
Right, I did breath work.
I used to hate it breath work.
(17:31):
I was like this is not I.
I feel like I have asthma again.
Yeah, I don't think right, butI learned that sometimes as the
practitioner, like I trieddifferent kinds of breath work
and I finally find one that waslike oh my god, where were you
all my life.
That it has helped me with pain.
In fact, half of my uh clientsare chronic pain fine, because
(17:54):
you know biofeedback, which isanother form of breath and,
believe it or not, mine wasvideo games, because I couldn't
do a lot of things.
Video games were a way tomeditate, entertain, and they
had video games for mindfulness,for grief, for a lot of
different things.
So for all the youngsters outthere, there is other ways.
(18:17):
You don't have to crisscrossapplesauce, be under a tree.
No, there is other ways thatyou, if they're more in your in
tune life.
But there is things that youcan do to be in your own self.
And just the warning that Ialways give is when we stop
running around and we sit withourselves is when a lot of the
(18:41):
things come right.
A lot of the fears, the what ifs, the why me's come, and I hear
these quote ones that say youknow, when you go to gym, you
feel weak before you feelstronger.
When you learn a new language,you feel stupid before you are
(19:02):
proficient in talking in thelanguage.
So when you have mentalwellness, it's the same You're
going to feel that there'ssomething wrong with you, you're
going to feel that you don'tknow what to do, and that's why
we use different resources, suchas mentor, coaches, groups.
In your case, when you were inthose dark moments which all of
us, we have been there.
When we have a chronic illnessor invisible disability, how do
(19:24):
you pull out?
How do you, how do you climbout of that?
What helped you, who helped you, or what resources you
recommend?
Speaker 2 (19:38):
you or what resources you recommend?
Yeah, definitely when, when Iwas in the midst of, like, the
diagnosis and just experiencingall these like random weird
symptoms, I'm like my body ishates me, like and I hate my
body and I just want to, likeyou said, crawl out of my skin
and get out and just, you know,escape this.
And it was very much so of likeresisting that and trying to
avoid pain.
(19:58):
And that's what created, likethe physical symptoms that were
happening in my body werecreating like a mental chaos,
because that pain was just sounbearable that it was creating
suffering, but not onlyphysically.
Now is just in my head abouteverything that was going wrong
and how nothing was going tohelp, so a lot of helplessness.
(20:21):
It was, um, at one point Iremember feeling so bad, like
mentally, emotionally andphysically, that I was like I
just wanna, I wish I could justgo to sleep and not wake up.
You know, I had that thoughtand that time I remember I was
driving, because I was like Iwish I could just like, stop
(20:42):
everything, you know, stop andjust lay there.
And I'm like, oh my gosh, Icaught myself, because I still
remember the street I wasdriving on and just everything
that was happening.
And I'm like I literally justhad that thought right now, even
though I wasn't suicidal, but Iwas like I want to.
I feel like I want to die Right.
So in that moment I was like,oh my gosh, this is real.
(21:04):
I think I'm.
I think I'm depressed, like Ithink I'm going through a
depression right now.
And and yeah, the doctorconfirmed was like oh, I think
you're depressed and you needthis medication.
And in that moment I was like Iknow medication is so helpful
for people and I'm all for it.
(21:25):
But in that moment something waslike I don't know if this is
the answer for me at this moment.
I'm like in this moment myintuition said okay, the
prescription has been sent tothe pharmacy and if I feel like
I need it, I will go get it.
But in this moment I feel likeI can try to do things to see if
(21:46):
I can feel better and if so,then I might not need it.
But of course, that option wasstill open for me.
But when I walked out of thatdoctor's office, I made a
commitment to myself to be likeyou know what, I'm going to try
my best and even though it's notgoing to look perfect.
I'm going to do everything thatI can to make healing my
(22:10):
priority and make healingbasically my full-time job, like
even though I had other things.
I'm like that is going to be mynumber one, because I want to
feel better and I didn't want tobe in that dark place that I
was in anymore.
I was like done you know, beingat rock bottom.
I'm like it's time.
It's time I've been here enough, and slowly.
(22:31):
That's when I started makingreally small changes, cause I
don't believe of like when Iwalked out of the doctor's
office.
It's not like I changed my lifedrastically and everything
changed the next day.
It was like slowly, so slowlythat maybe day by day it didn't
feel like things are making adifference.
It probably felt like thingswere the same.
But even a year later I wouldlook back and be like, oh my
(22:52):
gosh, I'm not, I'm not where Iwas.
Like look at all this growth.
And year by year it just keptgetting better and better.
And what I did personally, Iagain surrounded myself with
people who were supportive.
So my husband relied on a lotof my husband, my family.
I did go to therapy, I did goto holistic doctors, I did go to
(23:17):
acupuncture.
I turned to a lot of likepodcasts and books like I really
wanted to know so much abouthealing myself and how to feel
better, and different modalities, because the ones that I was
trying previous to that were notworking for me.
(23:38):
And then going through thatgrieving process, like you said,
was one of the most importantthings because I had to accept
that my body was no longer thebody that it once was.
And, of course, in the moment wego through the same stages of
like denial, like no, I don'twant this to be the case, and be
(23:58):
in it for a while.
But then moved on to the nextstage.
Okay, there's the depression,like I mentioned, that I went
through.
And then there was kind of likethis like bargaining stage of
like is it or not?
Like I'm not sure, I don't know, confused, and then slowly
getting into.
(24:19):
Okay, I guess, I guess I haveto accept, because if I don't
accept, then I'm resisting thisand avoiding this pain and it's
only creating more sufferingwithin myself.
I don't only have the sufferingof the pain, but I'm causing
myself to emotionally sufferfrom it.
So then I have double the pain.
So, yeah, the acceptance, andthen slowly, slowly, like with
(24:43):
self-compassion practices andwith all the tools and support
that I mentioned was what got meout of that like hole and the
dark place and slowly like movedout yeah, yes and um, just for
the audience.
Speaker 1 (24:59):
you know, now we have I know everybody has depending
column a, column b, uh, or stateuh in favor against medication.
That's not what we're saying.
We're saying use what it worksfor you.
Uh, knowledge is power.
Always, always, check, triplecheck, with your doctor, with
psychiatrists and with yourtherapist, because your
(25:19):
therapist is the one that knowsyou more when you're working
with them.
Now, thank goodness for theadvances of technology.
Now we have a genetic test thatyou can have to see what
medications actually you'regoing to not like at all in your
body, and also understandingthat when we have complications
like pain or chronic pain or anykind of disability, it's a
(25:43):
bargain.
Right, we are taking onesymptom for another and it's a
personal choice, but always doit with educational course.
The other thing I don't know ifyou guys noticed that or
listened to that, but yourtherapist, get therapy, yes,
super important.
I always thought, if you go totherapy, please, please, please.
(26:06):
It's okay to ask us do you goto therapy?
Yes, ask us, because I willalways wonder when somebody is
not going, or or at least a lifecoach, a mentor or somebody
that is guiding you to a higherlevel right.
Which brings me to secondquestion that a lot of
therapists and we're in thebridge right, you and I meaning
(26:30):
we are in the world of therapyand in the world of coaching,
and for some reason those twodon't like each other, or
they're always like no, this oneor that one is not about
choosing your favorite toy, butwhat do you think about that?
Since you navigate both worlds,what do you think one is more
useful versus the other, and inwhat occasions?
Speaker 2 (26:52):
Yeah, honestly, I am up for both.
And I Started off with after Ihad those realizations and
things were starting to lookbrighter and I felt better
overall.
I'm like I want to help otherpeople go through the same
transformation.
(27:13):
I want to help people feelbetter about themselves and
their lives and in their bodiesand minds.
So I went online, as you do,and researched what can I do,
like how can I help people?
And out came like health coach,like a certification to be a
health coach, and I'm like whatI had never heard of health
coaching before.
(27:33):
But the more I researched itand I found that other people
were doing it and I'm like thissounds like my dream job.
This is like exactly what I'vebeen searching for.
And I didn't have to go out andapply and wait so long and pay
thousands and thousands ofdollars for a degree.
So I'm like this is perfect,this is awesome.
So I got my health coachcertification it was a health
(27:56):
and life coach certification andthen after that, I started
working with clients one-on-oneand just helping them change
their habits and different areasof their life, coaching them
through that.
I felt so fulfilled.
I felt even online sharing tips, and being a coach to me was
wonderful.
When I was working with myclients, I was noticing that a
(28:19):
lot of them were havingemotional problems that I would
love to talk about, because Ijust love diving into feelings
and your childhood and traumaand all that stuff.
But I realized that as a coach,I am not equipped to talk about
those things.
That is where we draw the lineand where we have to say I would
(28:42):
love to help you with this, butI am not.
Actually I'm not a licensedprofessional, and this is where
you refer out to a therapist,where the therapist is the one
that takes over, where you.
Your line is drawn Like this iswhere you can do the rest of
the work with that person, andI'm like, darn, I wish I could
(29:06):
do that for them.
Like in me, I was like I lovedoing this work and I also want
to do that.
I want to do all of it.
I want to be able to not haveany exceptions of where I can go
and not go with my clients andwhat I could talk about and not
talk about.
And I also wasn't familiar withhow to treat trauma and those,
(29:28):
yeah, just bigger wounds and I'mlike, okay, so before, when I
got my health care certification, I was like, no, I don't want
to be a therapist.
But then, after that,realizations with my clients,
I'm like maybe I do.
And then I looked into one ofthe counseling programs and
researched all of it.
I'm like, oh my gosh, thissounds now, it sounds aligned.
(29:48):
Three years later I was like,yes, this is my next step, of
course.
So that was like an easy, likeprocess and I think because the
universe was like okay, it'stime for you to step into this
new chapter.
It was very easy to just getinto the school I applied to and
it all worked out.
And so now, both of them I seethem as both useful in different
(30:11):
scenarios, but I ideally forany human, I would say have both
.
That's just me.
I'm like, if you have theresources, if you have the time,
if you have the, yes, I wouldsay have both, because they both
serve a great purpose andthey're both so useful.
Speaker 1 (30:34):
And I love what you just touched.
Right now and for our audience,I want you to peel your little
ears right now, because, it istrue, coaches are to help you to
go to a next level or to cleana skill.
Sometimes it's the first stepthat you ask for help there, you
know, because they are moreavailable, they look like you,
(30:56):
they talk like you or they havethat kind of lifestyle that you
want to achieve.
Go for it.
Note of caution if they starttouching your trauma, your
childhood trauma or anythingrelated with the big T, you
don't go there.
Why?
I'm not saying they are notprofessionals, I'm not saying
that they cannot.
But if you hear the story ofVivi and mine in another episode
(31:19):
, we are professionals that havegone through many, many, many
years of try and error, if youwill.
Uh, how to treat trauma,because you can get open and
it's really hard to get youclose right.
But the best coaches, the bestuh ceos, go-getters or boss
babes that you see out there,they have a team, they have
(31:42):
their team.
I I call it your Justice League.
You know you have Superman, youhave Wonder Woman, you have all
the ones that serve a specificpurpose in the fight for
something bad, right?
So a coach can be the firstforce.
In a lot of our countries or ina lot of our communities, we
don't have access to therapy, so, which is a very sad thing, but
(32:06):
you have your church, you haveyour leaders that can help you
also with caution, right,because they only help you with
a specific tool.
For example, I will go withBibi to like, please teach me to
be more mindful, right, in mycase, not in the clinical,
clinical side, but in thecoaching side I coach, I coach
(32:26):
coaches to how not to cross thatline, right, because it's so
blurry.
And so I coach coaches to notcross that line.
And also they come and ask mehey, is this okay or that?
Um, also, I do mindfulness too,like I do.
I call it mindful skills coachbecause you know it's a skill
(32:46):
like almost working out ormental wellness.
So, for everybody out there, weare going to put a whole bunch
of resources under the podcastnotes for Latinos, for females
and for mental health, but alsowe are going to put the
information of Vivi.
My information is where youwant to get in contact.
(33:10):
But what is the take out ofthis conversation that you want
our public to get like ouraudience.
You say, like the three keysfor mental wellness, or for
mindfulness, if you will.
What is that you want to letthem like?
Grab a piece of paper, people,because right now, this is the
knowledge, this is the nuggetsthat you're going to take the
(33:38):
jewels?
Speaker 2 (33:39):
Yeah, the three keys.
How to narrow it down into justthree?
Number one, I would say toreally get to know yourself as a
person and like who you areauthentically, what your values
are.
Just that self-knowledge, bemore self-aware of, like, how
you're living your life, howyou're feeling about your life,
how are you feeling in your body, how, how's your mental
(34:00):
wellness?
Just checking in, like how,take kind of like, kind of like
an assessment of your life orreflect on where you are right
now and maybe journal on it orget a therapist to be able to
get that knowledge.
But gain more self-knowledge toknow yourself really well and
(34:21):
what needs to shift.
Know yourself really well andwhat needs to shift.
Once you figure out what needsto shift in your life, start
making those little smallchanges that are doable that
you're able to keep doing overand over, because the more you
do those little habits, the moreit becomes easier and the more
it's how you live your life.
(34:42):
I love the science ofneuroplasticity as you are very
science person and how it saysthat our experiences shape our
brain.
So we already know that theopposite is the case, that when
our the way our brain is shaped,you know, shapes our
(35:02):
experiences, but now it's beenproven that the opposite is also
true.
So what you're being exposed toevery day is literally
recreating the neural pathwaysin your brain, and the more you
do something, the more itbecomes a habit, the more your
brain is like oh, this is justwhat we do, it's second nature.
(35:23):
And so the more you practicemindfulness even though at first
it might feel like I don't knowwhat is happening, like this is
not working.
It is, it is working.
It just takes time.
And what you need number onevirtue, I would say that we're
all here to learn on this earthis patience, because we live in
(35:46):
a very fast paced world andsociety and we need to slow down
.
I think another key is to justslow down as much as you can.
Of course, there are things wecannot control, like traffic or
deadlines from your boss orwhatever the case may be.
That is, you know, out of ourcontrol.
(36:07):
But when it comes to thingsthat you can control, how are
you choosing to do life?
How fast are you moving?
Are you eating in a way where,like you're just golfing
everything down?
Can you slow down?
Can you be present with yourfood when you're talking and
having a conversation withsomeone.
Are you there with them, or areyou thinking about what you're
(36:30):
going to say next?
Or are you trying to just hurryup the conversation so you
could get on with the next thing?
Can you just slow down and canyou just be there wherever you
are in that moment down, and canyou just be there wherever you
are in that moment, even ifthere's so many things going on
out here, so many things to do.
Can you just focus on that onething for that moment, then go
(36:52):
to the next slowly.
I don't know how many things Isaid already, but I'm not sure
we got the neuroplasticity.
Okay, exactly because that.
I think that science is whatlike I'm like, the more like.
If everybody would realize thisthat your brain is shaped by
(37:14):
what you do it's like then youcould take your power back and
be like I am not this person,that this is who I am and that's
what it's going to be for therest of my life, and I just need
to accept it and be, you know,be this way forever.
No, you could change your brain.
You could change your body andyour mental health.
Your brain will affect yourmood and everything.
(37:35):
So what you're choosing to doin every moment is literally
creating the life you are livingright now, and who you want to
become is who you are beingright now, right?
So there's this quote that goessomething like you become who
you want to be by being who youwant to become each day.
(37:59):
So if we say it again like youbecome who you want to be by
being who you want to becomeeach day, so can we just be that
person right now?
Speaker 1 (38:13):
Oh, beautiful, and I also going to link the episode
of neuroplasticity where we callit don't mind your mind, uh,
because you know we mind toomuch.
Our mind, uh, our brain, isdedicated for our body, mind and
soul.
You cannot separate them.
They all work together.
Granted, we only listen to one.
That was so beautiful.
(38:34):
Thank you so much for beingwith us here, and if our
audience wants to find you,where we can find you?
Uh, can you give us like yourinstagram or any um location,
that way we can go and plug themfor you yeah, awesome, um, I'd
be, I'd love to connect.
Speaker 2 (38:52):
Um, my instagram is viviana mindful, and then I also
have a newsletter on there.
So if you go to my instagram,you could just click on the
little link on my bio there and,yeah, join my newsletter
because I'll send you a mindfulliving guide how to live more
slowly and be more mindful inyour everyday.
Speaker 1 (39:09):
Also, if you guys don't know, she has a beautiful
journal too.
That is over there in the link.
I will put all the informationin our notes.
Once again, thank you so muchfor everything and, as I told my
audience, be well, be care andbe brave.
Be you, and all parts of youare accepted in this community.
(39:30):
Thank you and have a wonderfulday.
As we conclude today's episode,take a moment to reflect.
Be proud of the journey, forevery step that brings you
closer to who you truly are.
Embrace the kindness towardsyourself, as you did to each one
(39:52):
of our guests.
Honor the bravery in youractions and celebrate the
importance of mental wellnesswith us.
And remember mental wellnesswith us.
And remember it's an exercisethat we practice daily.
Continue to grow and flourish,knowing that we are in this
training for our mental wellnesstogether.
(40:14):
We are so proud to have you aspart of our community, so join
us on Instagram at OasisCommunity Podcast for more
inspiring conversations,valuable resources and supported
content, including journals,worksheets and content in
Spanish.
Exciting things are in thehorizon.
(40:35):
Oasis Community break rooms arecoming soon to grab tools and
take a break for your mentalhealth.
Also, we are featuring oursix-month training ethical
mental health coaching programdesigned for new and experienced
coaches, as well as holisticand healing professionals.
Enroll to create a safe andtransformative experience to
(40:58):
your clients.
Links in the bio.
Until next time, take care,stay connected and welcome to
our Oasis community.
Hello beautiful souls and welcome to Oroasis
Community Podcast.
I am Dr Roldan, your host.
I am a doctor in clinicalpsychology, a BIPOC therapist
professor and a mindful somaticcoach.
While I am a therapist,remember I'm not your therapist.
This podcast is not asubstitute for professional
(00:24):
mental health care, but we haveresources in our website and
Instagram to support you in thatsearch.
Join us for a cozy, feltconversation about mental health
, personal growth andmindfulness.
We explore tools to care foryour mind, your body and your
soul.
Check the footnotes fordisclaimer, trigger warnings and
(00:46):
additional resources for eachone of the episodes.
So grab your favorite cup oftea, coffee or hot chocolate,
wrap yourself in a warm blanketand find a coffee spot here with
us to be kind to be brave, loudand strong in your search of
(01:07):
mental health wellness.
Welcome to your Oasis, welcomeeverybody.
I hope you grab your cup of teaand a comfy pad, because today
I have a guest that is going toput you at so much ease, so much
peace.
Her voice is so velvety in allthe good ways my friend and a
(01:30):
colleague, ms Vivi.
Welcome to Oasis podcast.
Speaker 2 (01:35):
Thank you.
Thank you so much for having me.
I've been so excited to chatwith you and just sit with you.
Ever since I met you, I feltthis like connection with us, so
I'm happy to be here met you, Ifelt this like connection with
us, so I'm happy to be here.
Speaker 1 (01:48):
And for people that don't know, bibi, can you talk a
little bit about you?
Kind of this is the fiveminutes of pump yourself up and
let us know who you are for ouraudience to know.
Speaker 2 (01:56):
Yeah, so who I am?
That's like a huge question.
Where do I start, like?
Do I start with what I do orwho I am as a person?
Maybe all the things, maybethey're all connected.
I think I'm a person who's hereto help other people.
I've always known that, eversince I was little.
I just didn't know how it wasgoing to look.
(02:16):
But right now it feels like I'mhelping people step into more
of who they are and acceptthemselves fully and come to
this place of likeself-compassion and self-love.
So right now I'm I'm enjoying,you know, doing therapy with
clients.
I'm still training.
Right now I do social emotionalskills facilitating, so I
(02:42):
facilitate those classes.
And then I also mentor peopleon mindfulness.
So I facilitate those classes.
And then I also mentor peopleon mindfulness.
So I run mindfulness groups, Ihost meditations and, yeah, just
everything around how to havemore internal peace, more calm
and just how to be more groundedwithin yourself.
I'm also in school and I'mfinishing up my master's degree
(03:05):
right now, so that's been a longjourney, but we're almost there
.
I'm a dog mom, a cat mom, a wife, a friend sister a lot of roles
.
Speaker 1 (03:21):
And just to clarify for our audience that is
listening over there.
So you are in a master's incounseling yes okay.
So for our audience, I knowthere is a lot of college
students there, or high schoolor career pivots, um.
So just to let you know, we allhere I invite different people
(03:44):
that from different walks oflife, but mostly all of them
they have one thing in common,that is, mental health grounding
filling your cup instead ofemptying it or having holes on
it.
So, bibi, what can you tell usabout?
I think it will be becauseyou're young and you're in that
process of going through themaster program.
(04:04):
I think it will be becauseyou're young and you're in that
process of going through themaster program.
What kind of tips can you giveto protect your mental health
going through the programs,especially because, as we know,
our mental health system is notperfect?
Speaking for anybody that is alawyer, uh, nurse, doctor,
(04:26):
therapist, teacher, anybody thatworks helping others, uh, there
is a burnout rate of 80 percentand out of that 10 people, you
have 10 students.
Out of those 10 students,they're gonna be eight, and
seven they're gonna have suicideideation due to the product,
due to not have tools to relax,to feel their cops.
(04:47):
So, since you're in thetrenches right now, can one tell
us what is traits that you seethat you wish that they were not
there, or how can you improvethem, and what topics or what
tools do you use to help youwith your mental health?
Speaker 2 (05:01):
Yeah, I think the mental health system as a whole
like, although they mean well,there's a lot of things that
need to shift.
And one is like, yeah, theburnout is real, the workload
that is placed on students andemployees, it's so real.
I personally, because I knowthat there's a lot of lack of
(05:26):
time and students, lives and andum, people who are working full
time and they're jugglingdifferent roles in their lives,
time is a big piece where theydon't have a lot of.
So I said I like to keep itsimple and just do little things
that will keep me mentally welland physically well and also in
(05:47):
interweave it into my life,versus trying to cut out, carve
out more time during my day.
So, for example, becausebalancing all the things with
work, school and practicum, it'slike in a day there might not
be enough time to like get mystuff and go to the gym for an
hour and then go meditate foranother hour and do all these
(06:10):
practices that are so timeconsuming.
So that's not just real, that'snot realistic in some of our
lives, and so I don't pushmyself or like strive to do that
because it's not, it's notpossible.
So, first of all, justaccepting that, with the time
that you have.
What can you do instead oftrying to switch things around
(06:32):
with the schedule you alreadyhave?
Can you either replace thingsLike if you're spending at the
end of the night, you know, Idon't know doing something else
like watching Netflix not thatNetflix is bad, it's.
I love Netflix and justwatching movies and sometimes
you do need it and it is a formof self-care but what can you
replace it with instead thatwill fill your cup?
(06:54):
What is going to give you abenefit in the long run versus
just make you feel good in themoment?
How can we do something thatdoes both things for us?
I think of being mentally wellas like a lifestyle versus like
a thing you have to do on yourto-do list.
If you have it on your to-dolist, you might not get to it
(07:14):
because you don't prioritize it.
There are other things, likebeing productive, and things
that you have to do are going tobeat that in order of priority.
But if it just becomes the wayyou live your life, then that's
different.
Like, how can you live yourlife where the choices that you
make every day are going to befor your mental and physical
(07:36):
wellbeing, as simple as like ifyou're going to the second floor
of a building, are you takingthe stairs or are you choosing
to go up the elevator, like,even though that might seem so
minuscule, and like, oh, thatdoesn't make a difference, but
it's like when you move yourbody, it is good for your mind.
We always think of it as goodfor your body, but it's like
(07:57):
when you move your body, ithelps clear your mind, it helps
you be more connected.
So little things like like that, even if you have a minute here
and there to just pause andlike breathe, can you do that?
Can you just be with yourself,can you be with your, in silence
, you know, just with yourself.
Speaker 1 (08:18):
So yeah, just little moments, finding the little
moments to do what you can so itsounds like in in oasis we
learn a stackable skills and astackable mindfulness.
What we mean is exactly whatyou just said.
It's a lifestyle.
For example, when you get a pet, you change your lifestyle
(08:38):
because now you have a pet, soyou modify different things to
accommodate the pet.
Right For anybody that, due toillness or any kind of
disability, you cannot go andexercise or do mindfulness
outside.
Yeah, netflix is a great thing.
There is something I mean thisis not a sponsor, but I love
(08:59):
them Headspace Calm app.
You know I take a showerlistening to the calm app
because I'm doing two at once.
Right, I put the rain activity.
I mean it feels like I'm reallyunder the rain exercising.
If you ever did exercise beforeand for some reason you can't
anymore, or for the moment youhave to be a little limited you
(09:22):
can watch somebody doing dancing, baseball or whatever.
Your brain doesn't know thedifference.
The beautiful thing about thebrain is that if it sees it, it
perceives it, it makes it areality.
I know it sounds very boo-hoo,but it's true.
Just going to sit down in theoutside and have a pet plant,
nature is always helpful to youto ground yourself.
(09:44):
I remember when I was in school, I was like my rule that before
any quiz, any test, I will gosit down in this little kind of
hill that we have in a schooland sit down with a tree, hug
the tree for two seconds thatwas my kind of ritual and go
right, because that is what itground me to that present moment
(10:06):
.
And one thing that Vivi doesgreat is stay in that present
moment being here.
But where do you learn that?
How do you learn that and why?
Because we don't come to thisrealization.
I'm going to be mindful today,because it's the beautiful thing
unless our parents teach us.
But you're Latina too, sothat's not why we get taught.
(10:27):
We get told hustle, hustle,hustle, hustle, uh, keep working
, and after working, keepworking right.
So where do you learn it?
Why do you learn it and how?
Speaker 2 (10:37):
where that that'll be through life experience.
Why that would be a whole story, so if you wouldn't't mind, I
could go into that.
I'm like, of course, the why.
The why was mostly because Iwas doing the opposite and I
think, just because society setup that way, where it doesn't
prime us to be in the presentmoment, we're either very future
(10:59):
focused and like what are yougoing to achieve?
What are you going to produce?
How are you going to get better?
Always thinking of doing moreand more and more.
So that's very future focused.
And then or we're in the past,like reliving what went wrong,
what hurt us, what didn't go theway we wanted to.
So we're stuck in one or theother, or both at the same time,
(11:20):
and being present comes to likevery, very few times.
Maybe that time when you'resitting with your pet or your
little baby, that's when youbecome present, but it's harder
as a practice.
So it just it's like a practice.
But the why was because when Iwas younger, maybe like five
years ago so, yeah, I was five,five years ago I got diagnosed
(11:43):
with an illness calledfibromyalgia, which is chronic
pain disorder.
Okay, yes, you get me.
So at an age of 22, I was like,okay, how did this happen?
Like why, why did this happen?
(12:04):
So I went through a lot of thatlike asking why.
But then I'm like what if Ijust stopped asking why and
started asking how?
Like, how can I shift this?
And even though doctors weresaying this is uncurable, you
will have this for the rest ofyour life.
I'm like, hmm, what if I foundother ways to feel better in my
(12:26):
own way, to like explore, to bemy own like health detective and
do things that work for me?
So I started off with just likemoving my body and eating well,
eating better.
And then after that I'm likeokay, I feel better, but I still
feel kind of like anxious orthere's something like still
(12:47):
striving for more or like this,like restlessness in me.
I'm like, what is happening?
So I first heard aboutmindfulness through a podcast or
I don't remember if it was apodcast or a book somewhere, and
I'm like, oh, that sounds easy,like it sounds so easy.
Mindfulness is in the presentmoment.
It's so simple.
But I'm like, but that soundseasy, like it's so easy.
Mindfulness is being thepresent moment.
It's so simple.
But I'm like, but actuallypracticing it moment by moment,
(13:10):
it takes work.
It's like you have to beintentional every moment to
shift your focus from where yourmind's at to here, where you're
at right now, where your feetare.
So it didn't start off that way, but once I heard that I'm like
okay, and then it wasn't untilI read the book the Power of.
Now, yes, and I read that as anaudio book because my mind could
(13:33):
not focus on like reading.
I was like, oh, I'm bored, likeI don't want to read this, so I
had to listen to an audio book.
I listened to it twice, likebeginning to end, and even
though it says kind of like thesame thing over and over some
people might think it likereally ingrains it in different
ways in my mind, like everychapter, and so I got really,
really intentional to practiceit.
(13:55):
I'm like, okay, this is goingto be a long journey, so the
next five years, that's all Idid, even though some days were
better than others and I was notperfect.
I'm still not perfect.
It's still like a big value ofmine and a goal to remain as
present as possible withwhatever I have, wherever I'm at
(14:16):
.
So that was the why, the how,the how is practicing over and
over, over and over, and I knowthe most common way of like
being mindful is throughmeditation.
But personally, when I was incollege and they introduced me
to meditation and they wentthrough meditation, I remember I
(14:38):
was so anxious and likerestless that I was like this is
stressing me out instead oflike relaxing me.
I'm more stressed out becauseI'm more in my head.
I'm like, oh no, I cannot sit.
So I asked to go to therestroom.
As soon as they started themeditation I'm like, can I leave
?
And I just stepped out and Icame back when it was over.
I'm like, okay, good, got toavoid that stressful thing.
So for me it wasn't meditation.
(14:59):
Now I can meditate.
But back then I'm like, nope, Istarted off with little moments.
Like you said, outside, justanywhere with nature, anywhere
where there's a tree or a plantor something that's alive,
another being that's alive inthis earth helps you Just
looking at a tree outside mywindow or something, and it's
(15:20):
just there, it's not doinganything, it's not trying to go
anywhere, it's just being.
It's just there, it's not doinganything, it's not trying to go
anywhere, it's just being.
It's just there.
So, starting off with goingmore into nature, that was the
first thing.
Like it, especially it's easierwhen you have a dog, because my
dog, I got my dog around thatsame time.
It's like you're forced to gooutside and like her for a walk.
(15:47):
So that really helped.
Like being in the grass andlike being in nature.
Then, little by little, buildingupon that, like moments, little
moments were.
Just how can I create a littlebit of space within my day to
just be present?
And it always starts for me mybreath, like what, how is my
breathing right now?
And using my hands and like mybody to know where my feet are,
(16:10):
looking down on my feet, maybeplanting both of them on the
ground, and then just lookingaround like what's around me,
what's going on inside my headand in my body, and just being
here.
But again, again, that takespractice, but yeah.
Speaker 1 (16:26):
And to correlate with you, and cheers to all my hot
seat friends and all myfibromyalgia or invisible
disabilities, because that'swhat it is.
It's invisible disability thatis really hard for people to
correlate with, because we looklike super healthy, we look okay
, and inside we're like want totake our skin off.
(16:48):
Um, so, for all of us and forall of you that are listening, I
want you to remind you onething it's okay that we're not
okay and it's okay to more ingrief the old body that we have
with the new body that is almostagainst us half of the time.
(17:10):
For me, it was meditation, thesame right.
For me, it was meditation, butthe same right like I have a
rave with squirrels in my handbecause I always have ideas and
stuff like this is not helpful.
This is really really hard.
And they took me to exploration.
Right, I did breath work.
I used to hate it breath work.
(17:31):
I was like this is not I.
I feel like I have asthma again.
Yeah, I don't think right, butI learned that sometimes as the
practitioner, like I trieddifferent kinds of breath work
and I finally find one that waslike oh my god, where were you
all my life.
That it has helped me with pain.
In fact, half of my uh clientsare chronic pain fine, because
(17:54):
you know biofeedback, which isanother form of breath and,
believe it or not, mine wasvideo games, because I couldn't
do a lot of things.
Video games were a way tomeditate, entertain, and they
had video games for mindfulness,for grief, for a lot of
different things.
So for all the youngsters outthere, there is other ways.
(18:17):
You don't have to crisscrossapplesauce, be under a tree.
No, there is other ways thatyou, if they're more in your in
tune life.
But there is things that youcan do to be in your own self.
And just the warning that Ialways give is when we stop
running around and we sit withourselves is when a lot of the
(18:41):
things come right.
A lot of the fears, the what ifs, the why me's come, and I hear
these quote ones that say youknow, when you go to gym, you
feel weak before you feelstronger.
When you learn a new language,you feel stupid before you are
(19:02):
proficient in talking in thelanguage.
So when you have mentalwellness, it's the same You're
going to feel that there'ssomething wrong with you, you're
going to feel that you don'tknow what to do, and that's why
we use different resources, suchas mentor, coaches, groups.
In your case, when you were inthose dark moments which all of
us, we have been there.
When we have a chronic illnessor invisible disability, how do
(19:24):
you pull out?
How do you, how do you climbout of that?
What helped you, who helped you, or what resources you
recommend?
Speaker 2 (19:38):
you or what resources you recommend?
Yeah, definitely when, when Iwas in the midst of, like, the
diagnosis and just experiencingall these like random weird
symptoms, I'm like my body ishates me, like and I hate my
body and I just want to, likeyou said, crawl out of my skin
and get out and just, you know,escape this.
And it was very much so of likeresisting that and trying to
avoid pain.
(19:58):
And that's what created, likethe physical symptoms that were
happening in my body werecreating like a mental chaos,
because that pain was just sounbearable that it was creating
suffering, but not onlyphysically.
Now is just in my head abouteverything that was going wrong
and how nothing was going tohelp, so a lot of helplessness.
(20:21):
It was, um, at one point Iremember feeling so bad, like
mentally, emotionally andphysically, that I was like I
just wanna, I wish I could justgo to sleep and not wake up.
You know, I had that thoughtand that time I remember I was
driving, because I was like Iwish I could just like, stop
(20:42):
everything, you know, stop andjust lay there.
And I'm like, oh my gosh, Icaught myself, because I still
remember the street I wasdriving on and just everything
that was happening.
And I'm like I literally justhad that thought right now, even
though I wasn't suicidal, but Iwas like I want to.
I feel like I want to die Right.
So in that moment I was like,oh my gosh, this is real.
(21:04):
I think I'm.
I think I'm depressed, like Ithink I'm going through a
depression right now.
And and yeah, the doctorconfirmed was like oh, I think
you're depressed and you needthis medication.
And in that moment I was like Iknow medication is so helpful
for people and I'm all for it.
(21:25):
But in that moment something waslike I don't know if this is
the answer for me at this moment.
I'm like in this moment myintuition said okay, the
prescription has been sent tothe pharmacy and if I feel like
I need it, I will go get it.
But in this moment I feel likeI can try to do things to see if
(21:46):
I can feel better and if so,then I might not need it.
But of course, that option wasstill open for me.
But when I walked out of thatdoctor's office, I made a
commitment to myself to be likeyou know what, I'm going to try
my best and even though it's notgoing to look perfect.
I'm going to do everything thatI can to make healing my
(22:10):
priority and make healingbasically my full-time job, like
even though I had other things.
I'm like that is going to be mynumber one, because I want to
feel better and I didn't want tobe in that dark place that I
was in anymore.
I was like done you know, beingat rock bottom.
I'm like it's time.
It's time I've been here enough, and slowly.
(22:31):
That's when I started makingreally small changes, cause I
don't believe of like when Iwalked out of the doctor's
office.
It's not like I changed my lifedrastically and everything
changed the next day.
It was like slowly, so slowlythat maybe day by day it didn't
feel like things are making adifference.
It probably felt like thingswere the same.
But even a year later I wouldlook back and be like, oh my
(22:52):
gosh, I'm not, I'm not where Iwas.
Like look at all this growth.
And year by year it just keptgetting better and better.
And what I did personally, Iagain surrounded myself with
people who were supportive.
So my husband relied on a lotof my husband, my family.
I did go to therapy, I did goto holistic doctors, I did go to
(23:17):
acupuncture.
I turned to a lot of likepodcasts and books like I really
wanted to know so much abouthealing myself and how to feel
better, and different modalities, because the ones that I was
trying previous to that were notworking for me.
(23:38):
And then going through thatgrieving process, like you said,
was one of the most importantthings because I had to accept
that my body was no longer thebody that it once was.
And, of course, in the moment wego through the same stages of
like denial, like no, I don'twant this to be the case, and be
(23:58):
in it for a while.
But then moved on to the nextstage.
Okay, there's the depression,like I mentioned, that I went
through.
And then there was kind of likethis like bargaining stage of
like is it or not?
Like I'm not sure, I don't know, confused, and then slowly
getting into.
(24:19):
Okay, I guess, I guess I haveto accept, because if I don't
accept, then I'm resisting thisand avoiding this pain and it's
only creating more sufferingwithin myself.
I don't only have the sufferingof the pain, but I'm causing
myself to emotionally sufferfrom it.
So then I have double the pain.
So, yeah, the acceptance, andthen slowly, slowly, like with
(24:43):
self-compassion practices andwith all the tools and support
that I mentioned was what got meout of that like hole and the
dark place and slowly like movedout yeah, yes and um, just for
the audience.
Speaker 1 (24:59):
you know, now we have I know everybody has depending
column a, column b, uh, or stateuh in favor against medication.
That's not what we're saying.
We're saying use what it worksfor you.
Uh, knowledge is power.
Always, always, check, triplecheck, with your doctor, with
psychiatrists and with yourtherapist, because your
(25:19):
therapist is the one that knowsyou more when you're working
with them.
Now, thank goodness for theadvances of technology.
Now we have a genetic test thatyou can have to see what
medications actually you'regoing to not like at all in your
body, and also understandingthat when we have complications
like pain or chronic pain or anykind of disability, it's a
(25:43):
bargain.
Right, we are taking onesymptom for another and it's a
personal choice, but always doit with educational course.
The other thing I don't know ifyou guys noticed that or
listened to that, but yourtherapist, get therapy, yes,
super important.
I always thought, if you go totherapy, please, please, please.
(26:06):
It's okay to ask us do you goto therapy?
Yes, ask us, because I willalways wonder when somebody is
not going, or or at least a lifecoach, a mentor or somebody
that is guiding you to a higherlevel right.
Which brings me to secondquestion that a lot of
therapists and we're in thebridge right, you and I meaning
(26:30):
we are in the world of therapyand in the world of coaching,
and for some reason those twodon't like each other, or
they're always like no, this oneor that one is not about
choosing your favorite toy, butwhat do you think about that?
Since you navigate both worlds,what do you think one is more
useful versus the other, and inwhat occasions?
Speaker 2 (26:52):
Yeah, honestly, I am up for both.
And I Started off with after Ihad those realizations and
things were starting to lookbrighter and I felt better
overall.
I'm like I want to help otherpeople go through the same
transformation.
(27:13):
I want to help people feelbetter about themselves and
their lives and in their bodiesand minds.
So I went online, as you do,and researched what can I do,
like how can I help people?
And out came like health coach,like a certification to be a
health coach, and I'm like whatI had never heard of health
coaching before.
(27:33):
But the more I researched itand I found that other people
were doing it and I'm like thissounds like my dream job.
This is like exactly what I'vebeen searching for.
And I didn't have to go out andapply and wait so long and pay
thousands and thousands ofdollars for a degree.
So I'm like this is perfect,this is awesome.
So I got my health coachcertification it was a health
(27:56):
and life coach certification andthen after that, I started
working with clients one-on-oneand just helping them change
their habits and different areasof their life, coaching them
through that.
I felt so fulfilled.
I felt even online sharing tips, and being a coach to me was
wonderful.
When I was working with myclients, I was noticing that a
(28:19):
lot of them were havingemotional problems that I would
love to talk about, because Ijust love diving into feelings
and your childhood and traumaand all that stuff.
But I realized that as a coach,I am not equipped to talk about
those things.
That is where we draw the lineand where we have to say I would
(28:42):
love to help you with this, butI am not.
Actually I'm not a licensedprofessional, and this is where
you refer out to a therapist,where the therapist is the one
that takes over, where you.
Your line is drawn Like this iswhere you can do the rest of
the work with that person, andI'm like, darn, I wish I could
(29:06):
do that for them.
Like in me, I was like I lovedoing this work and I also want
to do that.
I want to do all of it.
I want to be able to not haveany exceptions of where I can go
and not go with my clients andwhat I could talk about and not
talk about.
And I also wasn't familiar withhow to treat trauma and those,
(29:28):
yeah, just bigger wounds and I'mlike, okay, so before, when I
got my health care certification, I was like, no, I don't want
to be a therapist.
But then, after that,realizations with my clients,
I'm like maybe I do.
And then I looked into one ofthe counseling programs and
researched all of it.
I'm like, oh my gosh, thissounds now, it sounds aligned.
(29:48):
Three years later I was like,yes, this is my next step, of
course.
So that was like an easy, likeprocess and I think because the
universe was like okay, it'stime for you to step into this
new chapter.
It was very easy to just getinto the school I applied to and
it all worked out.
And so now, both of them I seethem as both useful in different
(30:11):
scenarios, but I ideally forany human, I would say have both
.
That's just me.
I'm like, if you have theresources, if you have the time,
if you have the, yes, I wouldsay have both, because they both
serve a great purpose andthey're both so useful.
Speaker 1 (30:34):
And I love what you just touched.
Right now and for our audience,I want you to peel your little
ears right now, because, it istrue, coaches are to help you to
go to a next level or to cleana skill.
Sometimes it's the first stepthat you ask for help there, you
know, because they are moreavailable, they look like you,
(30:56):
they talk like you or they havethat kind of lifestyle that you
want to achieve.
Go for it.
Note of caution if they starttouching your trauma, your
childhood trauma or anythingrelated with the big T, you
don't go there.
Why?
I'm not saying they are notprofessionals, I'm not saying
that they cannot.
But if you hear the story ofVivi and mine in another episode
(31:19):
, we are professionals that havegone through many, many, many
years of try and error, if youwill.
Uh, how to treat trauma,because you can get open and
it's really hard to get youclose right.
But the best coaches, the bestuh ceos, go-getters or boss
babes that you see out there,they have a team, they have
(31:42):
their team.
I I call it your Justice League.
You know you have Superman, youhave Wonder Woman, you have all
the ones that serve a specificpurpose in the fight for
something bad, right?
So a coach can be the firstforce.
In a lot of our countries or ina lot of our communities, we
don't have access to therapy, so, which is a very sad thing, but
(32:06):
you have your church, you haveyour leaders that can help you
also with caution, right,because they only help you with
a specific tool.
For example, I will go withBibi to like, please teach me to
be more mindful, right, in mycase, not in the clinical,
clinical side, but in thecoaching side I coach, I coach
(32:26):
coaches to how not to cross thatline, right, because it's so
blurry.
And so I coach coaches to notcross that line.
And also they come and ask mehey, is this okay or that?
Um, also, I do mindfulness too,like I do.
I call it mindful skills coachbecause you know it's a skill
(32:46):
like almost working out ormental wellness.
So, for everybody out there, weare going to put a whole bunch
of resources under the podcastnotes for Latinos, for females
and for mental health, but alsowe are going to put the
information of Vivi.
My information is where youwant to get in contact.
(33:10):
But what is the take out ofthis conversation that you want
our public to get like ouraudience.
You say, like the three keysfor mental wellness, or for
mindfulness, if you will.
What is that you want to letthem like?
Grab a piece of paper, people,because right now, this is the
knowledge, this is the nuggetsthat you're going to take the
(33:38):
jewels?
Speaker 2 (33:39):
Yeah, the three keys.
How to narrow it down into justthree?
Number one, I would say toreally get to know yourself as a
person and like who you areauthentically, what your values
are.
Just that self-knowledge, bemore self-aware of, like, how
you're living your life, howyou're feeling about your life,
how are you feeling in your body, how, how's your mental
(34:00):
wellness?
Just checking in, like how,take kind of like, kind of like
an assessment of your life orreflect on where you are right
now and maybe journal on it orget a therapist to be able to
get that knowledge.
But gain more self-knowledge toknow yourself really well and
(34:21):
what needs to shift.
Know yourself really well andwhat needs to shift.
Once you figure out what needsto shift in your life, start
making those little smallchanges that are doable that
you're able to keep doing overand over, because the more you
do those little habits, the moreit becomes easier and the more
it's how you live your life.
(34:42):
I love the science ofneuroplasticity as you are very
science person and how it saysthat our experiences shape our
brain.
So we already know that theopposite is the case, that when
our the way our brain is shaped,you know, shapes our
(35:02):
experiences, but now it's beenproven that the opposite is also
true.
So what you're being exposed toevery day is literally
recreating the neural pathwaysin your brain, and the more you
do something, the more itbecomes a habit, the more your
brain is like oh, this is justwhat we do, it's second nature.
(35:23):
And so the more you practicemindfulness even though at first
it might feel like I don't knowwhat is happening, like this is
not working.
It is, it is working.
It just takes time.
And what you need number onevirtue, I would say that we're
all here to learn on this earthis patience, because we live in
(35:46):
a very fast paced world andsociety and we need to slow down
.
I think another key is to justslow down as much as you can.
Of course, there are things wecannot control, like traffic or
deadlines from your boss orwhatever the case may be.
That is, you know, out of ourcontrol.
(36:07):
But when it comes to thingsthat you can control, how are
you choosing to do life?
How fast are you moving?
Are you eating in a way where,like you're just golfing
everything down?
Can you slow down?
Can you be present with yourfood when you're talking and
having a conversation withsomeone.
Are you there with them, or areyou thinking about what you're
(36:30):
going to say next?
Or are you trying to just hurryup the conversation so you
could get on with the next thing?
Can you just slow down and canyou just be there wherever you
are in that moment down, and canyou just be there wherever you
are in that moment, even ifthere's so many things going on
out here, so many things to do.
Can you just focus on that onething for that moment, then go
(36:52):
to the next slowly.
I don't know how many things Isaid already, but I'm not sure
we got the neuroplasticity.
Okay, exactly because that.
I think that science is whatlike I'm like, the more like.
If everybody would realize thisthat your brain is shaped by
(37:14):
what you do it's like then youcould take your power back and
be like I am not this person,that this is who I am and that's
what it's going to be for therest of my life, and I just need
to accept it and be, you know,be this way forever.
No, you could change your brain.
You could change your body andyour mental health.
Your brain will affect yourmood and everything.
(37:35):
So what you're choosing to doin every moment is literally
creating the life you are livingright now, and who you want to
become is who you are beingright now, right?
So there's this quote that goessomething like you become who
you want to be by being who youwant to become each day.
(37:59):
So if we say it again like youbecome who you want to be by
being who you want to becomeeach day, so can we just be that
person right now?
Speaker 1 (38:13):
Oh, beautiful, and I also going to link the episode
of neuroplasticity where we callit don't mind your mind, uh,
because you know we mind toomuch.
Our mind, uh, our brain, isdedicated for our body, mind and
soul.
You cannot separate them.
They all work together.
Granted, we only listen to one.
That was so beautiful.
(38:34):
Thank you so much for beingwith us here, and if our
audience wants to find you,where we can find you?
Uh, can you give us like yourinstagram or any um location,
that way we can go and plug themfor you yeah, awesome, um, I'd
be, I'd love to connect.
Speaker 2 (38:52):
Um, my instagram is viviana mindful, and then I also
have a newsletter on there.
So if you go to my instagram,you could just click on the
little link on my bio there and,yeah, join my newsletter
because I'll send you a mindfulliving guide how to live more
slowly and be more mindful inyour everyday.
Speaker 1 (39:09):
Also, if you guys don't know, she has a beautiful
journal too.
That is over there in the link.
I will put all the informationin our notes.
Once again, thank you so muchfor everything and, as I told my
audience, be well, be care andbe brave.
Be you, and all parts of youare accepted in this community.
(39:30):
Thank you and have a wonderfulday.
As we conclude today's episode,take a moment to reflect.
Be proud of the journey, forevery step that brings you
closer to who you truly are.
Embrace the kindness towardsyourself, as you did to each one
(39:52):
of our guests.
Honor the bravery in youractions and celebrate the
importance of mental wellnesswith us.
And remember mental wellnesswith us.
And remember it's an exercisethat we practice daily.
Continue to grow and flourish,knowing that we are in this
training for our mental wellnesstogether.
(40:14):
We are so proud to have you aspart of our community, so join
us on Instagram at OasisCommunity Podcast for more
inspiring conversations,valuable resources and supported
content, including journals,worksheets and content in
Spanish.
Exciting things are in thehorizon.
(40:35):
Oasis Community break rooms arecoming soon to grab tools and
take a break for your mentalhealth.
Also, we are featuring oursix-month training ethical
mental health coaching programdesigned for new and experienced
coaches, as well as holisticand healing professionals.
Enroll to create a safe andtransformative experience to
(40:58):
your clients.
Links in the bio.
Until next time, take care,stay connected and welcome to
our Oasis community.
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