September 19, 2024 • 58 mins
What happens when a seasoned journalist trades her microphone for a mission to empower young women? Join us in an inspiring conversation with Amanda Aguilar, a self-love and empowerment coach, who brings her incredible journey to light. From her impactful decade as a news reporter to stepping onto the TEDx stage, Amanda shares how vulnerability became her greatest tool for personal growth. Discover how she made the daring transition from journalism to coaching, and learn about her passion for helping young women reconnect with their authentic selves.
Feeling overwhelmed by societal expectations of perfection? This episode dives deep into the transformative benefits of therapy, not just for those in crisis but for anyone navigating emotional challenges. You’ll hear personal anecdotes showcasing the importance of early mental health interventions, the therapeutic power of play and movement, and practical self-care strategies like journaling. Amanda and our guests emphasize the value of empathy, authentic connections, and community in the healing journey. Tune in for a heartfelt exploration of caring for your mind, body, and soul.
🔔 And if you haven’t subscribed yet,
Guess info:
IG: @aaguilartv
https://linktr.ee/amanda.aguilar
Disclaimer: It's essential to note that while I am a therapist, this podcast is not a substitute for therapy. The stories and discussions shared here are meant to inform and inspire but should not replace professional advice or support.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:01):
Hello, my name is Amanda Aguilar and I am a
self-love and empowerment coachand I am so excited to be on the
Oasis Community Podcast.
We're going to have so manygood conversations and I'm just
so blessed to be here.
Speaker 2 (00:19):
Hello beautiful souls and welcome to our Oasis
Community Podcast.
I am Dr Roldan, your host.
(00:39):
Thank you for professionalmental health care, but we have
resources in our website andInstagram to support you in that
search.
Join us for a cozy, feltconversation about mental health
, personal growth andmindfulness.
We explore tools to care foryour mind, your body and your
soul.
Check the footnotes fordisclaimer, trigger warnings and
(01:02):
additional resources for eachone of the episodes.
So grab your favorite cup of tea, coffee or hot chocolate, wrap
yourself in a warm blanket andfind a coffee spot here with us
to be kind to be brave, loud andstrong in your search of mental
(01:24):
health wellness.
Welcome to your Oasis.
Thank you so much, everybody,for joining us again.
I have a mega surprise for you.
So grab your cup of coffee, teaor beverage, because today
you're going for a trip not onlyto the stars, because I got you
a superstar.
(01:45):
I got you Miss Amanda Aguilar,and I'm going to let her do a
mini introduction of herself,because right now, like a lot of
you that are in this podcast,know a little bit about her and
you are fangirling right now,like me.
So, amanda, why don't youintroduce yourself to our?
Speaker 1 (02:04):
audience.
Yes, so my name is Amanda.
First of all, that intro wasjust like thank you.
That was amazing.
But yes, my name is AmandaAguilar and I am a self-love and
empowerment coach.
I actually just recentlystepped into the coaching space,
which is something I havewanted to do for a couple years
(02:26):
now, since I have been a clientin many coaching programs.
So now I get to pay thatforward to the community and
help empower and inspire younggirls and young women to really
just go back to their true,powerful, authentic selves.
I recently launched a coachingprogram that was actually
(02:47):
inspired by my leave from mydream career.
I was a news reporter for 10years and I took a huge step, a
very courageous step, in leavingthe familiar and going into
something very different.
Coaching is not usuallysomething when people leave news
(03:10):
.
A lot of people go into adifferent field of
communications but I decided togo into coaching because I felt
that was aligned with my lifepurpose, and I think it was
about four years ago where Ireally started to understand why
I'm here.
Speaker 2 (03:26):
Right.
Speaker 1 (03:26):
And going into the coaching space was a way to
follow my life purpose and Ihonestly have such a passion for
empowering people.
I've talked on, you know,conferences, women empowerment
conferences.
I love working with the youth,so, a part of being a news
reporter, I was able to actuallygo to a lot of schools and help
(03:46):
talk at leadership conferences.
I really feel like I got mystart in being vulnerable and
sharing my story when I was aTEDx speaker in 2018.
And I talked about, you know,how we have to really lean into
that discomfort and go for ourdreams.
You know, growing doesn'thappen in your comfort zone, and
(04:08):
that was my first time reallysharing my story and just seeing
the power of vulnerability andso, yeah, I'm just really
excited to be here and share mystory and I hope listeners can
take something away and I'm justso excited, so thank you for
having me, of course, and shegave you so many little nuggets
(04:30):
that we are going to open up.
Speaker 2 (04:32):
So here in Euro-East, my community, or community now
is people that just wants totake a break from life, from the
hustle, from anything, and justgrab the tools that they need
to go to the next step.
The reason why Amanda is herebecause, if you hear her, she
was 10 years a news reporter.
For many young ladies out there, that's a dream come true, also
(04:57):
for the semi-adult, collegestudents and adult people.
If you didn't hear her, she'sin a TEDx talk.
Can you share with us the nameof the talk and I will put it
also in the comments you?
Speaker 1 (05:12):
know what.
It's been so long I forgot whatit was called.
I think if you put like AmandaAguilar TEDx, it should pop up.
I can get you the actual titleand.
Speaker 2 (05:25):
I will put it in the notes of the podcast.
The reason why I said that isbecause I am also a TEDx speaker
.
Mine is going to come upprobably at the end of the year
because it takes forever todownload into the cloud that
they have so exciting.
Thank you, but I say thisbecause, for any woman that is
out there to say my story is notworthy, who I am is not worthy.
(05:49):
I mean, tedx is I don't knowthe one that you did, but like
the ones, they're normallyspeaking the same frame.
If you don't apply, they inviteyou.
The people, the few people thatthey do invite, they have to be
(06:09):
powerhouse humans because theyhave an idea that is worth
sharing.
So yours, it was stepping tothe unknown right.
Can you tell our audience?
What was it that make youchange?
What got you first in thatcareer, right?
So tell us a little bit aboutyour background.
For example, for Latinas,there's only three careers that
(06:32):
you get to do.
You're either a doctor, alawyer or a wife.
Yeah, that's about it, right,and you go, go, go, go go.
I was very fortunate that myparents were, because I grew up
with my brothers.
I was very fortunate that myparents were because I grew up
with my brothers.
I'm the only girl.
So they were like, no, just lether go and do whatever she
wants.
I did arts, I did music, I diddancing, and that's why Amanda
(06:55):
and I we resonate a lot.
We met in one Empower programthat we were in a show and we
were sitting down in the sametable and she's a firecracker.
So we were like, oh my God.
And then she started talkingabout dancing and that perked my
little ears and I was like,well, tell me more.
(07:15):
And you know, after that it washistory, right.
It was like, yeah, so if youhaven't seen her, she put some
dance moves over there inInstagram so you, you can follow
her there too.
But can you tell us what wasthe pressure that got you to the
news and then what happenedthat make you get out of it?
Speaker 1 (07:34):
Yeah.
So it's interesting when peopleshare how they get into news.
A lot of you'll hear a lot ofreporters say, oh, I've always
wanted to be in news, like theyhave their home videos of them
pretending to be a news anchor.
That was not the case for me.
I will say when I was in highschool I was not committed to my
(07:55):
education, which is not greatUsually.
I'm coming from an Asian family, filipino family, so education
is huge Like, and I did not havegood grades.
I was always getting intodetention.
I was always getting called tomy counselor's office because my
grades were not good.
You know I was.
My parents were never reallyhappy with my grades, so that
(08:18):
definitely our relationshipwasn't the best.
And I would just say I was nota motivated high school student.
I didn't know what I wanted togo into.
I didn't even think aboutcollege, like my parents would
mention college, but that wasnot something that I really
cared about.
And it wasn't until my senioryear I was actually voted by my
(08:43):
school to be on the AssociatedStudent Body.
And I was voted to be publicrelations officer, and one of
the duties of the publicrelations officer was to be the
news anchor for our high schoolnews channel.
And so that was my like firsttaste of being a news reporter,
news anchor.
And I was like, oh, this iscool.
(09:04):
I've always been a performer,I'm a dancer, so public speaking
, being in the spotlight, Iguess you can say that was never
an issue to me.
And so I was like, oh, this iskind of cool.
And then I also took a videoediting class and I've always
loved video editing, videoshooting.
I was the family member thatalways would put family videos
(09:25):
together, like I just loved thatkind of creativity.
And so I was like, oh, this is,this is kind of cool.
And so then I started thinkingabout maybe I could be in TV
news.
And so when I got to college youknow I always say I don't know
how I got to college with mygrades because I barely
graduated, but I ended upgetting accepted to a college
(09:47):
majored in communications.
And it was my sophomore year,we had to take a TV news class
and I remember our firsthomework we had to interview a
classmate and write a story andmy teacher wrote on my
assignment.
You really have a knack forjournalism and that was when,
when teachers, you if there areany teachers out here you, what
(10:08):
you say to your students, make ahuge difference.
It was that little comment, youreally have a knack for
journalism.
Where I was like I getemotional thinking about.
Where I was like, oh my gosh,am I, am I good at this?
Like, is this something that Ican do?
Like cause it.
I never felt like peoplebelieved in me.
Speaker 2 (10:27):
Right.
Speaker 1 (10:27):
And that was the first time I felt like someone
saw my potential when I couldn'tsee it, and so that like lit
something in me and I was likeI'm going for this journalism
thing and so I really startedgetting committed to my studies.
I was always the top student inmy class, was the editor at my
(10:48):
college, ended up going to gradschool.
And that was really the firsttime I stepped out of my comfort
zone.
I moved to DC, not knowinganyone.
I dealt with so much impostersyndrome because I was like, oh
my gosh, I'm just this stupidgirl from high school, the girl
that no one thought couldsucceed, and I felt so like just
(11:11):
out of my comfort zone, goingto DC with people in grad school
.
You know, dc was all aboutpolitics too.
I knew nothing about politics,and so that was the first start,
I feel like, where I reallyfelt out of my comfort zone and
I had to push myself.
And I will say that I mean, Iended up getting my first job in
(11:36):
Kansas and then you know,history has it I became a very
successful news reporter andthen, I think in 2022, that's
when I was just like I think Iwant to leave Like I got this
first nudge and this is also2022.
I started my healing journey in2020.
(11:56):
And so I just started to get toknow myself more and like
relearn things about myself,rediscover passions that I had,
relearn things about myself,rediscover passions that I had.
And so, by 2022, I just feltlike this version of Amanda that
I became did not fit with beinga news reporter anymore.
It didn't feel fulfilling andyou know it once did.
I loved news, I loved being anews reporter.
(12:18):
I loved the lifestyle and it'snot glamorous.
I will say that it is a grind,but I loved it.
But then this new version ofAmanda just was like I'm not
feeling this anymore.
And I literally felt like I ammade for more than news.
I wasn't meant to just do newsBecause at first I thought I was
(12:39):
going to retire in this careerEveryone usually retires in this
career and I just was like Idon't think this is the career
I'm going to retire in.
And it took me two years toactually leave, to finally put
in my resignation letter andmake it official, and once I
left, I mean I've been out ofnews.
(12:59):
My last day was July 26th andso it's been about two months
and I will say don't regret it.
Speaker 2 (13:06):
I'm so happy.
Speaker 1 (13:09):
It was the scariest decision of my life to leave a
familiar career, to leave acareer that I dreamed of, to
leave a career that I was goodat and to go into the unknown.
But I will say I have neverbeen happier.
And I'm so proud of my decision, I'm so proud I made that leap
and now I'm really following mylife purpose and being in
(13:30):
coaching and so, yeah, that'skind of the journey shortened
journey, I guess you can say ofmy journalism career and going
into the unknown.
Speaker 2 (13:40):
Right and I want to dissect some parts of it.
One I love why you say thatteachers, professors, be careful
what you say to your students,also from back home.
I was a professor of performingarts and music.
Speaker 1 (13:58):
That was my passion.
I love it and I was good at itbecause I didn't have to write.
Speaker 2 (14:00):
I hate writing and I was good at it because I didn't
have to write.
I hate writing.
And then, you know, lifehappens and we have to move here
to the United States and I waslike I don't want to, like what
am I going to do there?
Yeah, et cetera.
Forward, 14 years now I'm aprofessor, I'm a clinician, you
know, and it's a new passion,right.
But what I love about what yousay is I have a class where I
(14:24):
teach freshmen how to succeed incollege and how to succeed in
life, and half of the class isbasically just pouring to them.
You know, like, teaching themlike you can do it right now, it
sucks because you don't knowmore.
And also, I teach them that,unfortunately, your school
system has failed all ourstudents in the sense that they
(14:46):
don't teach you a lot ofcritical thinking and they don't
teach you a lot of self-love.
They teach a lot of competition.
Yes, so that class, you know,I'm so grateful that I have it
and that my university was ableto bring me in.
And why not?
And I go also to differentplaces for the youth and to
empower them to say, hey, I'mnot special.
(15:06):
If I can do it, you can do it.
You know, like, because ittakes seeing one to be one, and
that's what I love also aboutcoaching.
It takes one to see one in thesense of like, I'm not going to
deny it, in the beginning I wastotally biased about coaching
because you know it is a 50,000million industry and in that
industry you have a lot of badapples that are not trained and
(15:30):
stuff, and that I will say youhave that too in doctors, in
news reporters, you have that ineverything, right?
Yes, the difference is thatwhen you are somebody that deals
with people, people come withinjuries, injuries, that come
from before we were adults,before we were teens and, for
(15:52):
example, for Filipino culture,you guys are the second and 2%
of the deaths of suicide here inthe United States by the age of
22.
Yes, the reason why is thepressure, the societal pressure,
the family pressure, and itdepends on gender too.
Also, because we don't searchmental health or help, because
(16:17):
you cannot.
So when you say I was a dancerand I wasn't not so good at
school, immediately my heartdropped to my stomach.
Because, one, I was a dancertoo.
So you're used to the rejectionlike 24, seven and like you
have to be perfect and you learnto hate your body just because
they're so strict abouteverything, right?
(16:37):
So when you said that, my heartdropped.
And then when you say, and Iwas not good at school, my eyes
almost watered because I waslike, if she was not good at
school, I can only imagine thehell that was at home.
Yes, can you talk a little bitfor all the youngsters that are
hearing us that are like I don'tconnect with my family, I don't
(16:57):
connect with my parents.
They want me to be Filipinoenough or Latino enough, right?
But I was born here, I alreadygot assimilated to this, so I'm
not too Filipino, I'm not tooUnited States, I'm in the limbo.
Talking about identity crisis,right?
Yeah?
So can you talk about yourjourney in that one?
(17:19):
Like, how do you handle therejection, how do you handle all
that and how did that help younow as a coach?
Speaker 1 (17:29):
I love that.
Yeah, so it's interesting thatyou pointed that out and that's
a big part of my story is youknow I am a huge mental health
advocate.
My story is you know, I am ahuge mental health advocate and
I think it took me a while to, Iguess, come to terms that I was
struggling with my mentalhealth in high school.
Very much, I will say, and I'mvery open about this.
(17:54):
I've shared this on socialmedia.
You know I'm a suicide attempt,survivor Multiple times.
I tried to take my own life inhigh school.
Multiple times I tried to takemy own life in high school.
A lot of that came from justnot feeling good enough not
feeling good enough for myparents, not feeling good enough
for school, not feeling goodenough.
As you know a girlfriend, youknow I had guys.
(18:18):
That is one thing I focused onin high school.
A lot was guys and again itcame from this feeling of not
being enough.
So I tried so hard, looked forexternal validation from guys to
try to feel enough, because Ididn't feel enough at home or I
didn't feel enough in afriendship.
I just didn't feel enough.
And so we searched for externalvalidation and that's what I
(18:38):
did.
And every time I didn't getthat validation, the more it
would dig at my I'm not goodenough wound, I'm not worthy
enough.
And so, you know, in high schoolI I didn't talk about mental
health.
I didn't.
You know it's interestingbecause they talk about it in
high school but not as much asthey need and especially I mean
(18:59):
that was 2000s it wasn't talkedabout enough.
I think the only time they eversaid anything was like if
you're sad or feeling depressed,like you know, call the suicide
hotline or reach out to yourcounselor.
But it wasn't enough, you know,and so I didn't reach out for
help.
And especially, growing up inan Asian family, you don't
really talk about mental health.
(19:20):
Because, I will say, in aFilipino family, you talk about
mental health and you'reautomatically, you know, labeled
as crazy.
Right, you go to therapy.
Oh, you're crazy, you havesomething wrong with you, and so
I just never felt safe to talkabout mental health.
So, you know, I I grieve, but Ialso give compassion to that
(19:42):
Amanda in high school, becauseshe felt that was the only
option in life.
Um, and so I mean, I have takengreat strides with my mental
health, I think.
Honestly, I think the first timeI really realized how important
it was was when I was a newsreporter and I actually did a
story about a young girl whotook her life and her family
(20:05):
shared her story.
And that was the moment I waslike I was dealing with those
thoughts too, where I likefinally accepted, oh, I was
there too.
And then I ended up actuallygetting involved with the
Suicide Prevention Coalition inKansas.
I was their like kind of mediarepresentative, and then I ended
up actually getting involvedwith the Suicide Prevention
Coalition in Kansas.
I was their like kind of mediarepresentative and that's when I
really started gettingpassionate about mental health
(20:27):
work.
But I think, just taking mystory and one I had to validate
myself and that has helped me incoaching with validating other
people and giving themcompassion, because everything I
do now is for younger Amanda.
(20:49):
It's everything that I neededwhen I was younger and so, going
into the coaching space, I knowwhat I'm doing is also helping
that younger version of myclient and I'm giving them the
tools and compassion andvalidation that they also need
to give themselves, because it'sI mean I didn't know to give
(21:11):
myself compassion at that age.
You're not really taught to dothat.
You're not even taught to feelyour feelings.
You know, you just push it asideand you just go on.
And that goes to you know yourpoint with Filipinos.
I mean, the statistics are justawful and it's so sad and it's
(21:32):
because we in Filipino culture,we just don't talk about it.
The thing is, you don't talkabout it, you just push it aside
.
We have to save face.
There's so much emphasis onmaking sure your family image
isn't destroyed and it's intact,and so if you were to talk
about mental health, everyone isgoing to be like, oh well, they
(21:53):
think everyone's going to talkabout that family and yeah it's,
it's.
It's very sad and it's astatistic that I remember seeing
and I was like oh my gosh.
But at the same time I was likeI get it, I get why it's like
that.
Um, so yeah, I've, I've justtaken a lot of my journey and my
own struggles into coaching,and that's that's why I like
(22:16):
being a coach is becausewhatever my client is going
through, I probably went throughit as well.
And that's why it's exciting toguide them and support them
because, kind of like you said,like I'm not special, you know,
I I have gone through the samestruggles.
I'm not going to comparestruggles ever.
Speaker 2 (22:35):
And I hate when people compare struggles like.
Speaker 1 (22:37):
A struggle is a struggle.
It doesn't matter how severe,how mild it may have been.
If you're struggling, you'restruggling and there's always a
way out.
There's always a way to copewith whatever you're going
through, and that's the beautyof coaching and just doing the
inner work and healing.
That's why I love this healingjourney and that's why I love to
(23:00):
see when people start it too.
Speaker 2 (23:03):
Right, and just to everybody listening out there
the pressures that we have asyoungsters don't change just
because we have a job, we have afamily, we have the cars, the
house.
They just actually increase.
And the other thing that I loveis that when we discover what
self-love is, we first have tosee how self-hate looks like.
(23:27):
Yeah, right, because a lot ofus don't like ourselves when X,
y reasons happen.
Right, and, like you say, wesearch validation in the wrong
places all the time, right?
So if you have a friend, if youhave an acquaintance, or
yourself are judging yourselfbecause you know you have been
with all these guys or you havebeen the party girl, the party
(23:50):
boy, which a lot of them, theyself-medicate with alcohol and
drugs.
Yes, uh, it's not so much thatthey just like it, it's they're
trying to ease and feelsomething.
Right, when you enter in drugs,it's because you want to feel
something, you want to numbsomething or forget something.
(24:10):
Yeah, so those three I want youto remember that that if you're
in this struggle, you have acommunity that you can go to.
It was very interesting and Iprobably will put the research
in there about Filipino or BIPOCcultures.
That is the second generation,the one that struggles the most,
not so much our parents, don'tget me wrong.
(24:32):
Our parents have a lot oflittle pieces that they need to
work on, but they won't admit it.
No, they will not admit it.
It's normal to them.
But the difference is they havea community that we don't.
Because we got thrown to this.
I don't know who I am partbecause I'm not too Filipino or
I'm not too Hispanic and I'm nottoo American.
(24:53):
I'm not.
You know, you're in the nothingkind of thing, right?
Versus our parents have theirstructure, that they were a lot
of them.
They either immigrate orthey're second or third
generations.
They have their little pussies,right, they have a little gang.
If you call it like you callauntie, you call your yaya, you
call whoever you need to, butyou have somebody to talk to.
(25:14):
Versus the kids that come hereand they have to live in United
United States, we have, likethis staple you have to succeed
and make the family proud, right?
Speaker 1 (25:24):
Yes, oh my gosh.
Speaker 2 (25:26):
Not putting chips, but like our families needed to
survive, we needed to thrive andbe excellent and that kind of
pressure, right, and it onlytakes eight minutes to talk to
somebody to deviate them fromtrying to commit suicide.
And I love now that we talkabout mental health, like
talking about I don't know Oprahor any of them, like, yeah, I
(25:49):
did this, I did that and thehelplines work.
I know people are alwaysterrified to go to the helpline,
but there is also what we callwarm lines.
If you guys didn't know,there's something called warm
lines, meaning you're not goingto go to the helpline.
But there is also what we callwarm lines.
If you guys didn't know,there's something called warm
lines, meaning you're not goingto go to the hospital.
They are there to talk to youwhen we don't have somebody
right, and I will put a lot ofthe numbers down here.
(26:10):
I specialize warm lines, likefor Latinos, for Filipinos,
because, you know, sometimes youwant to hear somebody that has
the same accent that you have,yeah, and that comes with the
coaches too.
So once upon a time, because mycareer is very clinical, you
(26:33):
know, because I'm a clinicalpsychologist and therapist and I
specialize in severe trauma andI always make the joke like I
like sad things because nobodyelse does, because nobody else
likes to hear anything sad it's,it's just it's uncomfortable
for people yeah, because they'relike what, what do I gonna do?
because the immediate processthat we have is like I need to
(26:53):
fix it.
I need to help that's not it.
You just need to sit there andfeel it with a person Meaning a
lot of and this goes to all mycoaches I love you, but a lot of
coaches trying to fix it.
You can't.
You need certain professional.
There is levels, right.
There is certain professionaltraining that you need for the
(27:14):
helping and healing.
But the best healing thatanybody can do is listen and
just hold it, because it's likeI want to show you my most
shameful moment and make surethat you are not ashamed for me.
That's the part that we missed.
A lot of times we say, hey, Iam so sorry that you went
(27:36):
through.
Like societal attempts, I didtoo, but or I don't know how
that feels but tell me more.
And you just sit there.
Just sit there and let them cry, let them feel it Right.
And the part that we miss inthis society is we need to be
perfect, we need to show perfectand nobody's perfect.
(27:59):
And when I went to coaching, itwas because you know, as a
therapist, we need to be perfect, we need to show perfect and
nobody's perfect.
And when I went to coaching, itwas because you know, as a
therapist, we have to go totherapy.
So it's forced, involuntary.
So I have gone to therapy formany, many years, which that
helped me to see.
If your therapist or your coachhas not gone to what they're
preaching to, don't go Meaningif you don't go to therapy, if
(28:19):
you didn't go to this, why youwill tell me how to help me in
this right Very true?
Speaker 1 (28:29):
Yes, so do you?
Did any therapy before coaching?
Yeah, so it's really funnybecause I actually went to
therapy as a kid, but I didn'tknow it was.
So I started therapy, honestly,I think during the pandemic.
It was a mix of the pandemic,but also I had a lack of self
love.
I was feeling myself get reallydepressed because over a guy
(28:50):
Again, I was always for most ofmy life I was searching for
external validation and I feltmyself getting to a really low
place.
And I actually remember one ofmy friends talking to me because
he had started therapy and hewas like I think you should go,
like I think it would be reallybeneficial.
And I was at a point where Iwas just like F it, you know, I
(29:11):
don't, I don't know what else todo, but all I know is I'm tired
of feeling like this.
And so I started going totherapy and one of the, you know
, during the consultation shedid ask you know, have you done
therapy before?
And I told her I was like Iknow I've been to therapy as a
kid, but I don't know why.
I was like, but I remember Iit's a very vivid memory, but I
(29:33):
remember sitting at a table withlike crayons and someone saying
like, how did that make youfeel?
And so she was like, oh, okay,interesting.
I was like, but I don't knowwhat I was there for.
And so I went to talk to my momand I was like, mom, am I
tripping?
Like, did I go to therapy as akid?
I was like I remember going andshe was like, yeah, you had
anxiety as a child.
(29:53):
I'm like woman, why have younever told me this?
It my life makes so much moresense because for most of my
life I didn't understand why Ifelt a different way from people
or my feelings were a littlebigger and more uncomfortable
for me.
And you know, I was over, I wasalways overthinking as a kid.
(30:16):
And she was like, yeah, we tookyou to therapy because you were
dealing with anxiety, but veryand I applaud my parents for
doing that, especially beingFilipino but they were also very
like, oh, four sessions, you'recured of anxiety.
Like no more, no more therapy.
So you know, I did go have my,you know, a few sessions as a
child, but I really started togo as an adult in therapy and
(30:39):
then it just it was sobeneficial for me, especially in
that moment.
And it's interesting that youtalked about the warm lines too,
because you said you know it'snot.
You don't have to reach outwhen.
Yes, reach out when you needhelp, but sometimes it's even
when you In the middle.
Yes, reach out when you needhelp, but sometimes it's even
when you In the middle yeah,even in the middle I actually
(31:00):
texted the 988 number, I thinkmaybe a year ago, because I just
felt I felt it I'm very in tunewith my body and so I felt like
I was like if I don't talk tosomeone I can feel myself
spiraling.
And so I texted and again, Iwasn't depressed, you know, but
I was really sad and it wasreally just a really big kind of
(31:26):
feeling of being sad and Ididn't have anyone to talk to at
the time.
So I texted 988.
And I'm glad I did, because itreally helped regulate my
nervous system.
They allowed me whoever I was,you know, texting really allowed
me to, yeah, sit in the sadnessand feel it, and feel it move
(31:46):
out of my body.
And then we started talkingabout you know what's next.
And so I always tell people,you know, therapy isn't just for
depressed people.
If you're happy, you can go totherapy too, because life is
going to, life You're alwaysgoing to get to.
There's always going to be alittle, you know, low point, and
(32:08):
so therapy helps you once youget to that low point that you
don't go lower, and it helps you, you know, get to a better
point in your life.
And so I love therapy and I it'sone of those things that I'm
sure you can agree with me thereneeds to be more access to it,
because I know a lot of peopledon't have access to it and
(32:29):
aren't able to have it.
But just reaching out tosomeone, and that's why it's so
important that, as a society, welearn to show empathy, we learn
to listen.
Sometimes someone just needsyou to listen.
They don't want you to problemsolve with them.
It's about listening andletting them be sad, and it's
(32:50):
also important, as you know,ourselves to listen to ourselves
.
It's interesting because acouple weeks ago I took a dance
class and I've been a dancersince I was three and I was so
hard on myself because I messedup and as a recovering
perfectionist.
Speaker 2 (33:09):
I was really hard on myself.
Speaker 1 (33:11):
I could already hear myself saying like you suck, you
shouldn't go back.
And I caught myself and I waslike, okay, what do we need to
learn from this?
And then I caught myself and Iwas like, okay, like what, what?
What do we need to learn fromthis?
And then I caught myself and Iwas like we don't need to always
problem solve right away,amanda, like let yourself be sad
, let yourself, like just feelthat feeling, and I think it's
important that we all know howto do that ourselves.
(33:32):
Um, so yeah, it's therapy has.
I mean to go back to yourquestion therapy was the biggest
game changer of my life.
Honestly, I'm so thankful Iwent to therapy and then and
then I started going intocoaching programs too, and being
clients and coaching programsand the combination of that.
Speaker 2 (33:49):
I think that really helped me level up and that's
what I told people.
Also, if you didn't know, thereis different flavors of therapy
.
You know, like, there is EMDR,there is CBT, there is DBT,
there is talk therapy.
There is so many flavorsdepending on what you need.
So the same as many coaches.
But the other thing that I loveabout therapy and also not so
(34:13):
much, is that it's very elitist,as you say, not everybody has
access.
That it's very elitist, as yousay, not everybody has access
and for a lot of our communities, we want to see somebody that
looks like us, yeah, thatunderstands the culture and
doesn't understand the littlenuances or even the nicknames.
Um, for example, the first timethat I went to therapy was
(34:33):
because when I first immigratedhere, because it was very hard.
But it wasn't because Iimmigrate, it was because
something happened in betweenand because I came in september
11th.
Oh, okay yeah, you know, I waslike, and so, uh, when I went to
therapy, my therapist was likeoh, it's because you're latina
(34:54):
and you don't speak english.
And I'm like, seriously right,my, my face was like I never in
my life I go into a therapist.
They're dumb.
Um.
But then again I I was inschool in one of my classes in
psychology, because I was, Iwanted to be a special ed
teacher and uh, one of myprofessors in psychology he was
also a clinician and he said youlook depressed.
(35:16):
And I'm like and if you see me,I'm very cheery, I'm very like,
yeah, and he was like you'redepressed, stop masking.
And I was like, and I was likewhat do you mean?
If you're like, you want totalk, uh, you can come always to
my office.
You know, I do like sliding thescale and I was like what is
this male white gonna told meabout my life, kind of thing?
(35:37):
But it was about a guy too.
And he came and he was like Ihate men me too girl, me too,
and I was like so he literallysaved my life because I was
going in downhill from there, um, finally didn't understand.
I didn't understand what washappening.
Um, because I did have a verysecure attachment, I was very
(36:00):
secure myself, but you know,when things happen to you and
you ignore your body, I alwayssay, when people say feel your
feelings, so like yeah, theydon't know how to do that.
Yeah, your feelings mean connectwith your body, then connect
with the emotion and let it passthrough.
Yeah, a lot of emotions arevery uncomfortable and with this
(36:23):
I was like, oh my God, I lovetherapy.
And then I started getting intomore classes and then I
switched majors from neurologyto clinical psych.
It was not easy and in mytransition I always laugh
because when people see my storyI went from my BA to a master's
(36:44):
in Homeland Security.
Okay, because I wanted to workwith human trafficking victims,
because that is something thathappened to a lot of our
communities.
Yeah, and I was good at it.
But when you see so muchdarkness in the world, sometimes
you forget to see the beauty ofthe world, right?
(37:04):
So then I'm like time to goagain to therapy.
You don't have to go all yourlife to therapy, you go in
seasons, but you need to knowwhen to go and what to grab,
right?
So four or 14 years now and Ibecome a doctor and stuff like
that.
And the first thing that teachmy little kiddos I call it
(37:24):
kiddos because you know freshmenin college are a kid still uh,
your emotions are all over theplace.
Yeah, I always grab your phonesand we're gonna text 741-741 and
they look at me like what isthat?
And then the happy face cam orlike different spaces, come and
I'm like that is the helpline.
Then, whenever you feel thefeels, whatever that means to
(37:44):
you, you can text and they talkto you as many times as you need
to.
Speaker 1 (37:49):
I love that, because you know our kids are like they
only do texting.
Speaker 2 (37:52):
They will not call.
Yeah, no, they do texting.
And I have one older professorto say why are you doing that?
That's a waste of time.
Fast forward, at the end of thesemester, 20% of my class used
that.
Wow, because the first semesterof college is the most
dangerous time for collegestudents.
(38:13):
It's what we call the red zone,because you're away from home,
because you miss home, or youare around alcohol, sex, drugs
and whatever Things that youhave never been exposed to or
you're overexposed to.
So you mix all that Not a goodcombination and then the
(38:37):
pressure to perform.
And I say all this because whenI was in college, I have a
friend that was very woo-woo.
I call her very woo-woo and I'mvery woo-woo, but for us it's
tradition.
You know, like smudging yourhouse comes with a meaning and a
history, and I used to get somad when people would say we're
going to smudge it.
I'm like do you know what thatmeans?
Do you know the story of it?
Or like singing balls, right.
And I'm like do you know whatare you doing?
(39:03):
Because that's very insultingwhen you're mixing those two
things, right?
So I started like I'm going toteach coaches how to be
sensitive to the culture thatthey unfortunately they're
appropriating certain thingsright and teaching them about
trauma and trauma-informed, notto heal it, to deal with it
right.
And I went to a bread workbecause I wanted to know what it
(39:25):
was.
So I went to a bread work thingand I hated it.
I hated it.
It was so bad and I'm likecoaches suck.
And I'm like, and my friendlike, no, no, no, try another
one.
So we went to that one reallythrew me to the edge, to a cacao
ceremony and I look at my, Ilook at my friend and say you
realize that I come from thecountry that they are saying
(39:47):
that this ceremony happened andit doesn't happen like this and
it's not like this.
And you know, I went in aspiral which he took me again to
therapy or like how thesepeople's taking my people blah,
blah right fast forward.
I mean even my said you shouldtry going again because we have
a rolling therapy.
You will at least three timesdo anything before you hate it,
(40:08):
because the first time you're inshock that you're going, the
second time you're like, no, Idon't like it, you're resistant.
Comes the third time is thetime that you show up finally,
as you are so by the third time,you know if you like something
or not.
Speaker 1 (40:25):
I try my work again.
Speaker 2 (40:26):
Oh my god, I love it as an answer, I love it, and as
a musician, you know, I was like, yeah, beautiful, but it was
the coach, it's not the practice.
The practice was the same, it'sjust the other one.
Hopefully they are not doing itanymore, but like they suck um,
and then I become verypassionate about giving people
(40:46):
some kind of um space to be whoyou are, whatever that means.
So when I create this communityof Oasis, that's what it's
called Oasis, because in Oasis,when you number one, when do you
see Oasis?
When you're in the desert,almost dying and like right,
yeah, that's how we feel in life, when we're overwhelmed with
(41:07):
everything and we find thatplace where we finally can rest,
drink a little bit of water orwhatever, and take a moment and
we're like, okay, I'm going togo back to the desert where it's
hard, but now I know I'm notalone, now I know I have
resources, now I know I havepeople and that's what I love.
The community also of the goodcoaches I call it.
(41:28):
You're going to find bad applesthere, but there is coaches for
everything.
And I always told my students Ihave a therapist, I have a coach
, I have a trainer, because, youknow, and I have a coach, I
have a trainer and I have aholistic kind of practitioner
and I do have my doctor.
And they look at me like whatdo you have?
(41:50):
I look at them and say what iswrong with you?
And I was like nothing, becauseI have a team that is
protecting me from everything.
Each one of them play a part ofprotecting me Because
unfortunately, sometimes in lifeor families or loved ones or
(42:11):
lovers want to, but they canshield us from everything,
that's true.
So the only one that can shieldyou.
Meaning shielding doesn't meanthat you're not going to get the
hit.
Shielding means that you'regoing to get the hit.
Shielding means that you'regoing to get the hit.
I'm like, okay, I need a littlepatching here.
It's not so bad.
Yeah, it's like I know what todo.
I'm just going to rest here andsay oh, oh.
(42:31):
And that's why I love coachesand I love what you do, because
your story is so empowering.
One, the vulnerability that youhave to share it, and I thank
you for that.
And two, if you guys haven'theard her in her podcast, please
go.
Her episodes are wonderful andalso they're very cheery,
because she's just a bounce ball.
Speaker 1 (42:53):
Yeah, yeah, I think that's also like a big reason
why we just kind of magnetize toeach other Because, one, we're
fun size.
Why we just kind of magnetizeto each other Because we're one,
we're fun size and we're justthe energy that comes out of our
little bodies is just like alot.
Speaker 2 (43:09):
Yes, like the fun size means I'm only.
Well, technically speaking, I'm4'11", not 5, but you know.
Speaker 1 (43:16):
Yeah, I'm 4'11 too, and I'm proud I'm 4'11".
I don't think I ever want toreach 5 feet.
I love being 4'11".
I don't think I ever want toreach 5 feet.
Speaker 2 (43:22):
I love being 4'11".
In my DMV it says 5.
And I was like why are youputting 5?
They're like oh, you will thankme later.
And I'm like no, put my realheight and, like I said, society
always wants to change who youare.
As minuscule as like one inch,right, yeah.
And the same when, uh, when Imet amanda, um, I already knew a
(43:45):
lot of the community that wewere going to and I was just
hugging, kissing and everything,people, right.
And there were some people thatwas brand new in the community
and they look at me like, whatare you doing?
And I have one I remember veryvivid.
I hug her, it's like how areyou doing?
And she was like, oh, I'm fine.
And I stopped her like no, no,no, how are you doing?
And I'm like fine.
(44:08):
And it's just, you can see theyhesitate, they, you're annoying
me, stop asking me.
And I'm like.
And then I got her hand, likewell, I'm so glad that you're
here, though, but how are doing?
So I asked her three times andby the third time she broke and
we were talking.
The reason why I say thatexample one, no, I'm not telling
(44:29):
you being true to people, buttwo, you can tell, you can tell
when somebody, if you just stopand ask, and we're so used to
just say how are you doing andjust walk, fine, like, oh, just
walk.
And like, oh, bye, how are youdoing?
I'm so glad to see you?
No, you're not yeah.
So I make intentional, likewhen I see you, say I'm so glad
(44:49):
to see you, I'm so happy to seeyou, or like you look tired
today.
Do you need to talk?
You know, just acknowledge,acknowledge it, and sometimes
people is gonna look at you likeyou're cuckoo pops.
(45:10):
That's okay.
My in the same with therapy.
My clients, uh, my clients callme the woo-woo therapist.
Uh, because, and just to giveyou a perspective, I work with
active duty law enforcement andfirst responders okay, that
makes sense yeah, yeah.
So they're like don't talk to me, don't look at me.
And when you enter my officeone, I have a lot of toys.
Two, I have like PlayStationsand video games and a lot of
comics.
And they look at me and say, doyou work with kids?
(45:32):
And I'm like, do you internalkid?
Yeah, because a lot of us wenever have a childhood because
we have to work, because we haveto be excellent, etc.
So if anybody's out there, Iinvite you to just go play, just
go play, Go play.
That's why we like dancing,because dancing is playing with
(45:54):
movement.
I don't know why in the worldit changed.
Do you have to be this?
And that?
I mean it looks pretty, butthat's why we have ballet.
The rest of the dancing ismovement, it's just movement.
And movement releases the energythat you have inside for the
negative things that you aregoing through.
The best expressions and thebest healing parts of you are
(46:16):
when you are moving.
I have my, imagine, thetoughest, biggest guy, like six
something, and I'm like thistiny thing and I put like, oh,
we're going to dance, and theylook at me like you are no.
And I put like a song that Iknow everybody's going to move,
depending on who.
(46:37):
They are Right, and they juststart wobbling their heads and
music can be very healing.
You can put a sad song and feelthe feels.
You can put a happy song, anangry song.
So when you hear your son oryour daughter or your cousin or
whoever, listen to punk rock,let's talk to them because
there's a reason that they'relike or that's a good yeah
(46:58):
that's a good one, that's athing, one that's a thing, so
yes, signals, nuggets ofprevention people tells you
without telling you how they'redoing.
It's just we don't pay attention.
It's little nuances like, forexample, I love your nails, by
the way, they're all pink andpretty, thank you.
In my case, when I'm not doingwell, I will wear nails.
(47:21):
That's the telling for peoplethat knows me.
What's that way?
Because you know, as thepianist, that we're not used to
to have nails.
So for me to put nails is totorture me in a safe way, kind
of thing you know.
So who knows?
It's like, hey, let's talk,let's do this, let's do that.
So I invite everybody that islistening, go pick in the person
(47:42):
that.
You see what is the thingthat's changing.
Because all of us, we have thatsubtle, let me torture myself
kind of thing with somethingvery subtle.
Sometimes it's coffee,sometimes it's a drink,
sometimes it's shopping,sometimes it's men and women,
promiscuity.
It's not that people is bad.
(48:02):
They are screaming for help orjust to listen.
So what little nuggets do youhave for self-love in anybody
that wants to go to coaching?
Speaker 1 (48:15):
Yeah, I want to definitely expand off what you
said because it made me think ofwhen I was going through my
depression in high school.
I didn't even think of music,and that is definitely.
I mean, I've been a dancer, somusic is very important to me
and it is a way I express myemotions.
And it's interesting because Ifound my iPod from high school
(48:38):
and and I was like going throughall the songs and there was
this one song and it was thetitle, was called broken and
uninspired and I was listeningto it.
It popped up because it was onshuffle and I was like what?
Like this is not the usualmusic I listened to.
I was like what was I goingthrough to be listening to this?
(48:59):
And it reminded me was I goingthrough to be listening to this?
Speaker 2 (49:05):
And it reminded me I, when I was really going through
it.
I was listening to a lot ofpunk rock, a lot of these kind
of like heavy, heavy songs.
Speaker 1 (49:10):
Yeah, I mean the title was called broken and
uninspired and so that that wasjust a really good nugget of
just really paying attention toeven music.
For you know, parents and theirkids, because it can be very
telling even if your kid isn'treally into art.
The girl that I did a story onwas really into art and her
(49:31):
parents showed me theprogression.
And it was very, a lot ofcolors, very cheery, and then it
started just getting to blackand gray and like people with
sad faces.
And so yeah, I think a lot ofpeople will tell you they might
not say like I'm sad, I'mfeeling some type of way.
They'll say it in other waysand that's why it's so important
(49:53):
, you know, to really payattention to your friends and
loved ones and and ask thatquestion of like how are you
doing today?
And really, you know, youalways know when someone's just
being like, oh yeah, I'm fine,and they just want to you know,
brush it off.
But so I'm glad that you put inthat nugget and it kind of like
reminded me of like, oh, dang, Iwas speaking through, like my
(50:15):
music choices, which is crazy,which is crazy.
So for me, my nugget withself-love, I think one thing
that when I started my self-lovejourney, I think the biggest
thing for me at the time, whichmade a huge difference, was just
talking to myself.
Nicely.
We say awful things toourselves and we don't realize
(50:40):
how powerful our words are.
But they affect us.
They really do.
Like when you're saying youknow, if you don't go to the gym
and you're like, oh, like I'mjust so lazy, like I just give
up all the time, like thatthat's going to affect you.
And so for self-love, a verysimple tip is create
affirmations.
That was a huge part of myself-love journey that really
(51:03):
kind of boosted my confidence.
Affirmations are so powerful youcan go on Google and put
affirmations and just look atthem and whatever one resonates
with you Because I know when youfirst start your self-love
journey it's hard to find anaffirmation that you really
believe in.
And so I honestly just wentthrough a list on Google and I
(51:25):
was like, oh, I really like thisone, like that felt really good
to me and I would just postthem on Post-its on my mirror
and I would say them every day.
It feels weird at first becauseit's weird to give ourselves
compliments, it is weird to talknice to ourselves.
Sometimes we're so used to justsaying really mean things, so
(51:47):
it was weird.
But then I think I got maybe itwas my one month of saying
affirmations and I was like inthe mirror and I was like
yelling it to myself because Ilike truly embodied everything
that I was saying.
And so when it comes toself-love, really be aware of
what you're saying to yourselfand I think a good, I guess,
(52:08):
measure was if you would not saythat to a friend or if you
wouldn't say that to your childself.
You shouldn't be saying it toyourself.
So that's a really big kind oflike self love little nugget
there.
Affirmations are huge andthey're very powerful.
And then what was the otherpart?
I totally forgot.
Speaker 2 (52:29):
And so no, that one, why you would recommend for self
love.
And that is perfect, because ifyou read journal, so FYI to
anybody there that just cringe,because I know there's people
there that did.
When you say do affirmations,not all of us can do it for
(52:50):
multiple reasons, due to likehow self-hateful we are, but we
always love somebody, even ifit's your dog, your cat or your
hamster.
You always love something inyour life and if you say,
instead of I'm powerful, I am,this starts with we, we are
knowing we are this because wefeel less heavy and more
(53:10):
believable for some not foreveryone, for some, and then you
can let a little.
Then start I love me because itdoesn't feel so insulting,
because if you're in a very darkplace you'll say I don't
believe any of this, beep right,um.
But journaling is what kind oflike your ipod?
It teaches you and normallypeople think that you're not
(53:35):
just.
You put all your feelings inthere.
No, journaling is very moreintentional, where you put how
you feel and then later this isthe master tip that you go back
either at the end of the week orat the end of the three days.
You go back and use that writingand say what did I do to feel
(53:56):
better?
Did I drink?
Did I went and fight with mom?
Did I did this and that?
And then how can I substitutethat for something else?
Because everything that we doit has to do with a movement in
your body.
Fighting is a movement,drinking requires movement.
You know like it's a movementin your body and what song can
(54:17):
you put there or what kind ofmovement can go through your
body.
And that is a beautiful way tojournal.
And here in Oasis we're goingto put our free journal that has
different, like seven differenttypes of journaling for you
guys to practice and learn, foranybody that is there and wants
to just practice.
For you, amanda, what do youhave for our audience, where
(54:39):
they can find you?
How can we just go where theycan find you?
How can we just go?
Speaker 1 (54:43):
and pour love to you, yes, I appreciate that, so you
can find me on Instagram.
It is a Aguilar, soA-A-G-U-I-L-A-R-T-V.
I'm there on Instagram.
You can also find my podcast,embrace Her Evolution, on
(55:05):
Spotify as well as ApplePodcasts, and I love connecting
with people.
That's the beauty of community,I will say the healing journey.
It's tough, especially whenyou're coming from a very low
place and having communityaround me during that time.
But even during my happy timesand when I'm in a good mood,
community is so important, andso I invite people to join my
(55:30):
community and I want to be apart of your community.
I just want to be there forpeople, because the people that
have been there for me I reallycredit them to the woman that
I've become because they'vesupported me so much, and so I
think it's.
Speaker 2 (55:44):
I think it's so important to find your community
, whatever that may look like,whoever that may be, it's so
important to have people thereand now, amanda is part of our
community too and we just loveher and care so much for her and
her message and for everybodyout there.
I want you to grab your cup ofbeverage either hot or cold, and
(56:04):
I want you to just take aminute and feel that cup and
take a sip of it and feel how itgoes down through your throat
to your chest and then finallyto your tummy and either if it's
a cold or hot feeling, thething that we know for sure is
that it passes and, like the badfeelings or good feelings pass.
(56:25):
So the best thing that we cando is feeling it together.
Well time everybody.
Thank you so much All thecontacts in the notes, so don't
miss that and until next week,have a good night Bye.
As we conclude today's episode,take a moment to reflect.
(56:46):
Be proud of the journey, forevery step that brings you
closer to who you truly are.
Embrace the kindness towardsyourself, as you did to each one
of our guests.
Honor the bravery in youractions and celebrate the
importance of mental wellnesswith us, and remember it's an
(57:10):
exercise that we practice daily.
Continue to grow and flourish,knowing that we are in this
training for our mental wellnesstogether.
We are so proud to have you aspart of our community, so join
us on Instagram at OasisCommunity Podcast for more
inspiring conversations,valuable resources and supported
(57:34):
content, including journals,worksheets and content in
Spanish.
Exciting things are in thehorizon.
Our Oasis community break roomsare coming soon to grab tools
and take a break for your mentalhealth.
Also, we are featuring oursix-month training ethical
mental health coaching program,designed for new and experienced
(57:57):
coaches, as well as holisticand healing professionals.
Enroll to create a safe andtransformative experience to
your clients.
Links in the bio.
Until next time, take care,stay connected and welcome to
our Oasis community.
Hello, my name is Amanda Aguilar and I am a
self-love and empowerment coachand I am so excited to be on the
Oasis Community Podcast.
We're going to have so manygood conversations and I'm just
so blessed to be here.
Speaker 2 (00:19):
Hello beautiful souls and welcome to our Oasis
Community Podcast.
I am Dr Roldan, your host.
(00:39):
Thank you for professionalmental health care, but we have
resources in our website andInstagram to support you in that
search.
Join us for a cozy, feltconversation about mental health
, personal growth andmindfulness.
We explore tools to care foryour mind, your body and your
soul.
Check the footnotes fordisclaimer, trigger warnings and
(01:02):
additional resources for eachone of the episodes.
So grab your favorite cup of tea, coffee or hot chocolate, wrap
yourself in a warm blanket andfind a coffee spot here with us
to be kind to be brave, loud andstrong in your search of mental
(01:24):
health wellness.
Welcome to your Oasis.
Thank you so much, everybody,for joining us again.
I have a mega surprise for you.
So grab your cup of coffee, teaor beverage, because today
you're going for a trip not onlyto the stars, because I got you
a superstar.
(01:45):
I got you Miss Amanda Aguilar,and I'm going to let her do a
mini introduction of herself,because right now, like a lot of
you that are in this podcast,know a little bit about her and
you are fangirling right now,like me.
So, amanda, why don't youintroduce yourself to our?
Speaker 1 (02:04):
audience.
Yes, so my name is Amanda.
First of all, that intro wasjust like thank you.
That was amazing.
But yes, my name is AmandaAguilar and I am a self-love and
empowerment coach.
I actually just recentlystepped into the coaching space,
which is something I havewanted to do for a couple years
(02:26):
now, since I have been a clientin many coaching programs.
So now I get to pay thatforward to the community and
help empower and inspire younggirls and young women to really
just go back to their true,powerful, authentic selves.
I recently launched a coachingprogram that was actually
(02:47):
inspired by my leave from mydream career.
I was a news reporter for 10years and I took a huge step, a
very courageous step, in leavingthe familiar and going into
something very different.
Coaching is not usuallysomething when people leave news
(03:10):
.
A lot of people go into adifferent field of
communications but I decided togo into coaching because I felt
that was aligned with my lifepurpose, and I think it was
about four years ago where Ireally started to understand why
I'm here.
Speaker 2 (03:26):
Right.
Speaker 1 (03:26):
And going into the coaching space was a way to
follow my life purpose and Ihonestly have such a passion for
empowering people.
I've talked on, you know,conferences, women empowerment
conferences.
I love working with the youth,so, a part of being a news
reporter, I was able to actuallygo to a lot of schools and help
(03:46):
talk at leadership conferences.
I really feel like I got mystart in being vulnerable and
sharing my story when I was aTEDx speaker in 2018.
And I talked about, you know,how we have to really lean into
that discomfort and go for ourdreams.
You know, growing doesn'thappen in your comfort zone, and
(04:08):
that was my first time reallysharing my story and just seeing
the power of vulnerability andso, yeah, I'm just really
excited to be here and share mystory and I hope listeners can
take something away and I'm justso excited, so thank you for
having me, of course, and shegave you so many little nuggets
(04:30):
that we are going to open up.
Speaker 2 (04:32):
So here in Euro-East, my community, or community now
is people that just wants totake a break from life, from the
hustle, from anything, and justgrab the tools that they need
to go to the next step.
The reason why Amanda is herebecause, if you hear her, she
was 10 years a news reporter.
For many young ladies out there, that's a dream come true, also
(04:57):
for the semi-adult, collegestudents and adult people.
If you didn't hear her, she'sin a TEDx talk.
Can you share with us the nameof the talk and I will put it
also in the comments you?
Speaker 1 (05:12):
know what.
It's been so long I forgot whatit was called.
I think if you put like AmandaAguilar TEDx, it should pop up.
I can get you the actual titleand.
Speaker 2 (05:25):
I will put it in the notes of the podcast.
The reason why I said that isbecause I am also a TEDx speaker
.
Mine is going to come upprobably at the end of the year
because it takes forever todownload into the cloud that
they have so exciting.
Thank you, but I say thisbecause, for any woman that is
out there to say my story is notworthy, who I am is not worthy.
(05:49):
I mean, tedx is I don't knowthe one that you did, but like
the ones, they're normallyspeaking the same frame.
If you don't apply, they inviteyou.
The people, the few people thatthey do invite, they have to be
(06:09):
powerhouse humans because theyhave an idea that is worth
sharing.
So yours, it was stepping tothe unknown right.
Can you tell our audience?
What was it that make youchange?
What got you first in thatcareer, right?
So tell us a little bit aboutyour background.
For example, for Latinas,there's only three careers that
(06:32):
you get to do.
You're either a doctor, alawyer or a wife.
Yeah, that's about it, right,and you go, go, go, go go.
I was very fortunate that myparents were, because I grew up
with my brothers.
I was very fortunate that myparents were because I grew up
with my brothers.
I'm the only girl.
So they were like, no, just lether go and do whatever she
wants.
I did arts, I did music, I diddancing, and that's why Amanda
(06:55):
and I we resonate a lot.
We met in one Empower programthat we were in a show and we
were sitting down in the sametable and she's a firecracker.
So we were like, oh my God.
And then she started talkingabout dancing and that perked my
little ears and I was like,well, tell me more.
(07:15):
And you know, after that it washistory, right.
It was like, yeah, so if youhaven't seen her, she put some
dance moves over there inInstagram so you, you can follow
her there too.
But can you tell us what wasthe pressure that got you to the
news and then what happenedthat make you get out of it?
Speaker 1 (07:34):
Yeah.
So it's interesting when peopleshare how they get into news.
A lot of you'll hear a lot ofreporters say, oh, I've always
wanted to be in news, like theyhave their home videos of them
pretending to be a news anchor.
That was not the case for me.
I will say when I was in highschool I was not committed to my
(07:55):
education, which is not greatUsually.
I'm coming from an Asian family, filipino family, so education
is huge Like, and I did not havegood grades.
I was always getting intodetention.
I was always getting called tomy counselor's office because my
grades were not good.
You know I was.
My parents were never reallyhappy with my grades, so that
(08:18):
definitely our relationshipwasn't the best.
And I would just say I was nota motivated high school student.
I didn't know what I wanted togo into.
I didn't even think aboutcollege, like my parents would
mention college, but that wasnot something that I really
cared about.
And it wasn't until my senioryear I was actually voted by my
(08:43):
school to be on the AssociatedStudent Body.
And I was voted to be publicrelations officer, and one of
the duties of the publicrelations officer was to be the
news anchor for our high schoolnews channel.
And so that was my like firsttaste of being a news reporter,
news anchor.
And I was like, oh, this iscool.
(09:04):
I've always been a performer,I'm a dancer, so public speaking
, being in the spotlight, Iguess you can say that was never
an issue to me.
And so I was like, oh, this iskind of cool.
And then I also took a videoediting class and I've always
loved video editing, videoshooting.
I was the family member thatalways would put family videos
(09:25):
together, like I just loved thatkind of creativity.
And so I was like, oh, this is,this is kind of cool.
And so then I started thinkingabout maybe I could be in TV
news.
And so when I got to college youknow I always say I don't know
how I got to college with mygrades because I barely
graduated, but I ended upgetting accepted to a college
(09:47):
majored in communications.
And it was my sophomore year,we had to take a TV news class
and I remember our firsthomework we had to interview a
classmate and write a story andmy teacher wrote on my
assignment.
You really have a knack forjournalism and that was when,
when teachers, you if there areany teachers out here you, what
(10:08):
you say to your students, make ahuge difference.
It was that little comment, youreally have a knack for
journalism.
Where I was like I getemotional thinking about.
Where I was like, oh my gosh,am I, am I good at this?
Like, is this something that Ican do?
Like cause it.
I never felt like peoplebelieved in me.
Speaker 2 (10:27):
Right.
Speaker 1 (10:27):
And that was the first time I felt like someone
saw my potential when I couldn'tsee it, and so that like lit
something in me and I was likeI'm going for this journalism
thing and so I really startedgetting committed to my studies.
I was always the top student inmy class, was the editor at my
(10:48):
college, ended up going to gradschool.
And that was really the firsttime I stepped out of my comfort
zone.
I moved to DC, not knowinganyone.
I dealt with so much impostersyndrome because I was like, oh
my gosh, I'm just this stupidgirl from high school, the girl
that no one thought couldsucceed, and I felt so like just
(11:11):
out of my comfort zone, goingto DC with people in grad school
.
You know, dc was all aboutpolitics too.
I knew nothing about politics,and so that was the first start,
I feel like, where I reallyfelt out of my comfort zone and
I had to push myself.
And I will say that I mean, Iended up getting my first job in
(11:36):
Kansas and then you know,history has it I became a very
successful news reporter andthen, I think in 2022, that's
when I was just like I think Iwant to leave Like I got this
first nudge and this is also2022.
I started my healing journey in2020.
(11:56):
And so I just started to get toknow myself more and like
relearn things about myself,rediscover passions that I had,
relearn things about myself,rediscover passions that I had.
And so, by 2022, I just feltlike this version of Amanda that
I became did not fit with beinga news reporter anymore.
It didn't feel fulfilling andyou know it once did.
I loved news, I loved being anews reporter.
(12:18):
I loved the lifestyle and it'snot glamorous.
I will say that it is a grind,but I loved it.
But then this new version ofAmanda just was like I'm not
feeling this anymore.
And I literally felt like I ammade for more than news.
I wasn't meant to just do newsBecause at first I thought I was
(12:39):
going to retire in this careerEveryone usually retires in this
career and I just was like Idon't think this is the career
I'm going to retire in.
And it took me two years toactually leave, to finally put
in my resignation letter andmake it official, and once I
left, I mean I've been out ofnews.
(12:59):
My last day was July 26th andso it's been about two months
and I will say don't regret it.
Speaker 2 (13:06):
I'm so happy.
Speaker 1 (13:09):
It was the scariest decision of my life to leave a
familiar career, to leave acareer that I dreamed of, to
leave a career that I was goodat and to go into the unknown.
But I will say I have neverbeen happier.
And I'm so proud of my decision, I'm so proud I made that leap
and now I'm really following mylife purpose and being in
(13:30):
coaching and so, yeah, that'skind of the journey shortened
journey, I guess you can say ofmy journalism career and going
into the unknown.
Speaker 2 (13:40):
Right and I want to dissect some parts of it.
One I love why you say thatteachers, professors, be careful
what you say to your students,also from back home.
I was a professor of performingarts and music.
Speaker 1 (13:58):
That was my passion.
I love it and I was good at itbecause I didn't have to write.
Speaker 2 (14:00):
I hate writing and I was good at it because I didn't
have to write.
I hate writing.
And then, you know, lifehappens and we have to move here
to the United States and I waslike I don't want to, like what
am I going to do there?
Yeah, et cetera.
Forward, 14 years now I'm aprofessor, I'm a clinician, you
know, and it's a new passion,right.
But what I love about what yousay is I have a class where I
(14:24):
teach freshmen how to succeed incollege and how to succeed in
life, and half of the class isbasically just pouring to them.
You know, like, teaching themlike you can do it right now, it
sucks because you don't knowmore.
And also, I teach them that,unfortunately, your school
system has failed all ourstudents in the sense that they
(14:46):
don't teach you a lot ofcritical thinking and they don't
teach you a lot of self-love.
They teach a lot of competition.
Yes, so that class, you know,I'm so grateful that I have it
and that my university was ableto bring me in.
And why not?
And I go also to differentplaces for the youth and to
empower them to say, hey, I'mnot special.
(15:06):
If I can do it, you can do it.
You know, like, because ittakes seeing one to be one, and
that's what I love also aboutcoaching.
It takes one to see one in thesense of like, I'm not going to
deny it, in the beginning I wastotally biased about coaching
because you know it is a 50,000million industry and in that
industry you have a lot of badapples that are not trained and
(15:30):
stuff, and that I will say youhave that too in doctors, in
news reporters, you have that ineverything, right?
Yes, the difference is thatwhen you are somebody that deals
with people, people come withinjuries, injuries, that come
from before we were adults,before we were teens and, for
(15:52):
example, for Filipino culture,you guys are the second and 2%
of the deaths of suicide here inthe United States by the age of
22.
Yes, the reason why is thepressure, the societal pressure,
the family pressure, and itdepends on gender too.
Also, because we don't searchmental health or help, because
(16:17):
you cannot.
So when you say I was a dancerand I wasn't not so good at
school, immediately my heartdropped to my stomach.
Because, one, I was a dancertoo.
So you're used to the rejectionlike 24, seven and like you
have to be perfect and you learnto hate your body just because
they're so strict abouteverything, right?
(16:37):
So when you said that, my heartdropped.
And then when you say, and Iwas not good at school, my eyes
almost watered because I waslike, if she was not good at
school, I can only imagine thehell that was at home.
Yes, can you talk a little bitfor all the youngsters that are
hearing us that are like I don'tconnect with my family, I don't
(16:57):
connect with my parents.
They want me to be Filipinoenough or Latino enough, right?
But I was born here, I alreadygot assimilated to this, so I'm
not too Filipino, I'm not tooUnited States, I'm in the limbo.
Talking about identity crisis,right?
Yeah?
So can you talk about yourjourney in that one?
(17:19):
Like, how do you handle therejection, how do you handle all
that and how did that help younow as a coach?
Speaker 1 (17:29):
I love that.
Yeah, so it's interesting thatyou pointed that out and that's
a big part of my story is youknow I am a huge mental health
advocate.
My story is you know, I am ahuge mental health advocate and
I think it took me a while to, Iguess, come to terms that I was
struggling with my mentalhealth in high school.
Very much, I will say, and I'mvery open about this.
(17:54):
I've shared this on socialmedia.
You know I'm a suicide attempt,survivor Multiple times.
I tried to take my own life inhigh school.
Multiple times I tried to takemy own life in high school.
A lot of that came from justnot feeling good enough not
feeling good enough for myparents, not feeling good enough
for school, not feeling goodenough.
As you know a girlfriend, youknow I had guys.
(18:18):
That is one thing I focused onin high school.
A lot was guys and again itcame from this feeling of not
being enough.
So I tried so hard, looked forexternal validation from guys to
try to feel enough, because Ididn't feel enough at home or I
didn't feel enough in afriendship.
I just didn't feel enough.
And so we searched for externalvalidation and that's what I
(18:38):
did.
And every time I didn't getthat validation, the more it
would dig at my I'm not goodenough wound, I'm not worthy
enough.
And so, you know, in high schoolI I didn't talk about mental
health.
I didn't.
You know it's interestingbecause they talk about it in
high school but not as much asthey need and especially I mean
(18:59):
that was 2000s it wasn't talkedabout enough.
I think the only time they eversaid anything was like if
you're sad or feeling depressed,like you know, call the suicide
hotline or reach out to yourcounselor.
But it wasn't enough, you know,and so I didn't reach out for
help.
And especially, growing up inan Asian family, you don't
really talk about mental health.
(19:20):
Because, I will say, in aFilipino family, you talk about
mental health and you'reautomatically, you know, labeled
as crazy.
Right, you go to therapy.
Oh, you're crazy, you havesomething wrong with you, and so
I just never felt safe to talkabout mental health.
So, you know, I I grieve, but Ialso give compassion to that
(19:42):
Amanda in high school, becauseshe felt that was the only
option in life.
Um, and so I mean, I have takengreat strides with my mental
health, I think.
Honestly, I think the first timeI really realized how important
it was was when I was a newsreporter and I actually did a
story about a young girl whotook her life and her family
(20:05):
shared her story.
And that was the moment I waslike I was dealing with those
thoughts too, where I likefinally accepted, oh, I was
there too.
And then I ended up actuallygetting involved with the
Suicide Prevention Coalition inKansas.
I was their like kind of mediarepresentative, and then I ended
up actually getting involvedwith the Suicide Prevention
Coalition in Kansas.
I was their like kind of mediarepresentative and that's when I
really started gettingpassionate about mental health
(20:27):
work.
But I think, just taking mystory and one I had to validate
myself and that has helped me incoaching with validating other
people and giving themcompassion, because everything I
do now is for younger Amanda.
(20:49):
It's everything that I neededwhen I was younger and so, going
into the coaching space, I knowwhat I'm doing is also helping
that younger version of myclient and I'm giving them the
tools and compassion andvalidation that they also need
to give themselves, because it'sI mean I didn't know to give
(21:11):
myself compassion at that age.
You're not really taught to dothat.
You're not even taught to feelyour feelings.
You know, you just push it asideand you just go on.
And that goes to you know yourpoint with Filipinos.
I mean, the statistics are justawful and it's so sad and it's
(21:32):
because we in Filipino culture,we just don't talk about it.
The thing is, you don't talkabout it, you just push it aside
.
We have to save face.
There's so much emphasis onmaking sure your family image
isn't destroyed and it's intact,and so if you were to talk
about mental health, everyone isgoing to be like, oh well, they
(21:53):
think everyone's going to talkabout that family and yeah it's,
it's.
It's very sad and it's astatistic that I remember seeing
and I was like oh my gosh.
But at the same time I was likeI get it, I get why it's like
that.
Um, so yeah, I've, I've justtaken a lot of my journey and my
own struggles into coaching,and that's that's why I like
(22:16):
being a coach is becausewhatever my client is going
through, I probably went throughit as well.
And that's why it's exciting toguide them and support them
because, kind of like you said,like I'm not special, you know,
I I have gone through the samestruggles.
I'm not going to comparestruggles ever.
Speaker 2 (22:35):
And I hate when people compare struggles like.
Speaker 1 (22:37):
A struggle is a struggle.
It doesn't matter how severe,how mild it may have been.
If you're struggling, you'restruggling and there's always a
way out.
There's always a way to copewith whatever you're going
through, and that's the beautyof coaching and just doing the
inner work and healing.
That's why I love this healingjourney and that's why I love to
(23:00):
see when people start it too.
Speaker 2 (23:03):
Right, and just to everybody listening out there
the pressures that we have asyoungsters don't change just
because we have a job, we have afamily, we have the cars, the
house.
They just actually increase.
And the other thing that I loveis that when we discover what
self-love is, we first have tosee how self-hate looks like.
(23:27):
Yeah, right, because a lot ofus don't like ourselves when X,
y reasons happen.
Right, and, like you say, wesearch validation in the wrong
places all the time, right?
So if you have a friend, if youhave an acquaintance, or
yourself are judging yourselfbecause you know you have been
with all these guys or you havebeen the party girl, the party
(23:50):
boy, which a lot of them, theyself-medicate with alcohol and
drugs.
Yes, uh, it's not so much thatthey just like it, it's they're
trying to ease and feelsomething.
Right, when you enter in drugs,it's because you want to feel
something, you want to numbsomething or forget something.
(24:10):
Yeah, so those three I want youto remember that that if you're
in this struggle, you have acommunity that you can go to.
It was very interesting and Iprobably will put the research
in there about Filipino or BIPOCcultures.
That is the second generation,the one that struggles the most,
not so much our parents, don'tget me wrong.
(24:32):
Our parents have a lot oflittle pieces that they need to
work on, but they won't admit it.
No, they will not admit it.
It's normal to them.
But the difference is they havea community that we don't.
Because we got thrown to this.
I don't know who I am partbecause I'm not too Filipino or
I'm not too Hispanic and I'm nottoo American.
(24:53):
I'm not.
You know, you're in the nothingkind of thing, right?
Versus our parents have theirstructure, that they were a lot
of them.
They either immigrate orthey're second or third
generations.
They have their little pussies,right, they have a little gang.
If you call it like you callauntie, you call your yaya, you
call whoever you need to, butyou have somebody to talk to.
(25:14):
Versus the kids that come hereand they have to live in United
United States, we have, likethis staple you have to succeed
and make the family proud, right?
Speaker 1 (25:24):
Yes, oh my gosh.
Speaker 2 (25:26):
Not putting chips, but like our families needed to
survive, we needed to thrive andbe excellent and that kind of
pressure, right, and it onlytakes eight minutes to talk to
somebody to deviate them fromtrying to commit suicide.
And I love now that we talkabout mental health, like
talking about I don't know Oprahor any of them, like, yeah, I
(25:49):
did this, I did that and thehelplines work.
I know people are alwaysterrified to go to the helpline,
but there is also what we callwarm lines.
If you guys didn't know,there's something called warm
lines, meaning you're not goingto go to the helpline.
But there is also what we callwarm lines.
If you guys didn't know,there's something called warm
lines, meaning you're not goingto go to the hospital.
They are there to talk to youwhen we don't have somebody
right, and I will put a lot ofthe numbers down here.
(26:10):
I specialize warm lines, likefor Latinos, for Filipinos,
because, you know, sometimes youwant to hear somebody that has
the same accent that you have,yeah, and that comes with the
coaches too.
So once upon a time, because mycareer is very clinical, you
(26:33):
know, because I'm a clinicalpsychologist and therapist and I
specialize in severe trauma andI always make the joke like I
like sad things because nobodyelse does, because nobody else
likes to hear anything sad it's,it's just it's uncomfortable
for people yeah, because they'relike what, what do I gonna do?
because the immediate processthat we have is like I need to
(26:53):
fix it.
I need to help that's not it.
You just need to sit there andfeel it with a person Meaning a
lot of and this goes to all mycoaches I love you, but a lot of
coaches trying to fix it.
You can't.
You need certain professional.
There is levels, right.
There is certain professionaltraining that you need for the
(27:14):
helping and healing.
But the best healing thatanybody can do is listen and
just hold it, because it's likeI want to show you my most
shameful moment and make surethat you are not ashamed for me.
That's the part that we missed.
A lot of times we say, hey, Iam so sorry that you went
(27:36):
through.
Like societal attempts, I didtoo, but or I don't know how
that feels but tell me more.
And you just sit there.
Just sit there and let them cry, let them feel it Right.
And the part that we miss inthis society is we need to be
perfect, we need to show perfectand nobody's perfect.
(27:59):
And when I went to coaching, itwas because you know, as a
therapist, we need to be perfect, we need to show perfect and
nobody's perfect.
And when I went to coaching, itwas because you know, as a
therapist, we have to go totherapy.
So it's forced, involuntary.
So I have gone to therapy formany, many years, which that
helped me to see.
If your therapist or your coachhas not gone to what they're
preaching to, don't go Meaningif you don't go to therapy, if
(28:19):
you didn't go to this, why youwill tell me how to help me in
this right Very true?
Speaker 1 (28:29):
Yes, so do you?
Did any therapy before coaching?
Yeah, so it's really funnybecause I actually went to
therapy as a kid, but I didn'tknow it was.
So I started therapy, honestly,I think during the pandemic.
It was a mix of the pandemic,but also I had a lack of self
love.
I was feeling myself get reallydepressed because over a guy
(28:50):
Again, I was always for most ofmy life I was searching for
external validation and I feltmyself getting to a really low
place.
And I actually remember one ofmy friends talking to me because
he had started therapy and hewas like I think you should go,
like I think it would be reallybeneficial.
And I was at a point where Iwas just like F it, you know, I
(29:11):
don't, I don't know what else todo, but all I know is I'm tired
of feeling like this.
And so I started going totherapy and one of the, you know
, during the consultation shedid ask you know, have you done
therapy before?
And I told her I was like Iknow I've been to therapy as a
kid, but I don't know why.
I was like, but I remember Iit's a very vivid memory, but I
(29:33):
remember sitting at a table withlike crayons and someone saying
like, how did that make youfeel?
And so she was like, oh, okay,interesting.
I was like, but I don't knowwhat I was there for.
And so I went to talk to my momand I was like, mom, am I
tripping?
Like, did I go to therapy as akid?
I was like I remember going andshe was like, yeah, you had
anxiety as a child.
(29:53):
I'm like woman, why have younever told me this?
It my life makes so much moresense because for most of my
life I didn't understand why Ifelt a different way from people
or my feelings were a littlebigger and more uncomfortable
for me.
And you know, I was over, I wasalways overthinking as a kid.
(30:16):
And she was like, yeah, we tookyou to therapy because you were
dealing with anxiety, but veryand I applaud my parents for
doing that, especially beingFilipino but they were also very
like, oh, four sessions, you'recured of anxiety.
Like no more, no more therapy.
So you know, I did go have my,you know, a few sessions as a
child, but I really started togo as an adult in therapy and
(30:39):
then it just it was sobeneficial for me, especially in
that moment.
And it's interesting that youtalked about the warm lines too,
because you said you know it'snot.
You don't have to reach outwhen.
Yes, reach out when you needhelp, but sometimes it's even
when you In the middle.
Yes, reach out when you needhelp, but sometimes it's even
when you In the middle yeah,even in the middle I actually
(31:00):
texted the 988 number, I thinkmaybe a year ago, because I just
felt I felt it I'm very in tunewith my body and so I felt like
I was like if I don't talk tosomeone I can feel myself
spiraling.
And so I texted and again, Iwasn't depressed, you know, but
I was really sad and it wasreally just a really big kind of
(31:26):
feeling of being sad and Ididn't have anyone to talk to at
the time.
So I texted 988.
And I'm glad I did, because itreally helped regulate my
nervous system.
They allowed me whoever I was,you know, texting really allowed
me to, yeah, sit in the sadnessand feel it, and feel it move
(31:46):
out of my body.
And then we started talkingabout you know what's next.
And so I always tell people,you know, therapy isn't just for
depressed people.
If you're happy, you can go totherapy too, because life is
going to, life You're alwaysgoing to get to.
There's always going to be alittle, you know, low point, and
(32:08):
so therapy helps you once youget to that low point that you
don't go lower, and it helps you, you know, get to a better
point in your life.
And so I love therapy and I it'sone of those things that I'm
sure you can agree with me thereneeds to be more access to it,
because I know a lot of peopledon't have access to it and
(32:29):
aren't able to have it.
But just reaching out tosomeone, and that's why it's so
important that, as a society, welearn to show empathy, we learn
to listen.
Sometimes someone just needsyou to listen.
They don't want you to problemsolve with them.
It's about listening andletting them be sad, and it's
(32:50):
also important, as you know,ourselves to listen to ourselves
.
It's interesting because acouple weeks ago I took a dance
class and I've been a dancersince I was three and I was so
hard on myself because I messedup and as a recovering
perfectionist.
Speaker 2 (33:09):
I was really hard on myself.
Speaker 1 (33:11):
I could already hear myself saying like you suck, you
shouldn't go back.
And I caught myself and I waslike, okay, what do we need to
learn from this?
And then I caught myself and Iwas like, okay, like what, what?
What do we need to learn fromthis?
And then I caught myself and Iwas like we don't need to always
problem solve right away,amanda, like let yourself be sad
, let yourself, like just feelthat feeling, and I think it's
important that we all know howto do that ourselves.
(33:32):
Um, so yeah, it's therapy has.
I mean to go back to yourquestion therapy was the biggest
game changer of my life.
Honestly, I'm so thankful Iwent to therapy and then and
then I started going intocoaching programs too, and being
clients and coaching programsand the combination of that.
Speaker 2 (33:49):
I think that really helped me level up and that's
what I told people.
Also, if you didn't know, thereis different flavors of therapy
.
You know, like, there is EMDR,there is CBT, there is DBT,
there is talk therapy.
There is so many flavorsdepending on what you need.
So the same as many coaches.
But the other thing that I loveabout therapy and also not so
(34:13):
much, is that it's very elitist,as you say, not everybody has
access.
That it's very elitist, as yousay, not everybody has access
and for a lot of our communities, we want to see somebody that
looks like us, yeah, thatunderstands the culture and
doesn't understand the littlenuances or even the nicknames.
Um, for example, the first timethat I went to therapy was
(34:33):
because when I first immigratedhere, because it was very hard.
But it wasn't because Iimmigrate, it was because
something happened in betweenand because I came in september
11th.
Oh, okay yeah, you know, I waslike, and so, uh, when I went to
therapy, my therapist was likeoh, it's because you're latina
(34:54):
and you don't speak english.
And I'm like, seriously right,my, my face was like I never in
my life I go into a therapist.
They're dumb.
Um.
But then again I I was inschool in one of my classes in
psychology, because I was, Iwanted to be a special ed
teacher and uh, one of myprofessors in psychology he was
also a clinician and he said youlook depressed.
(35:16):
And I'm like and if you see me,I'm very cheery, I'm very like,
yeah, and he was like you'redepressed, stop masking.
And I was like, and I was likewhat do you mean?
If you're like, you want totalk, uh, you can come always to
my office.
You know, I do like sliding thescale and I was like what is
this male white gonna told meabout my life, kind of thing?
(35:37):
But it was about a guy too.
And he came and he was like Ihate men me too girl, me too,
and I was like so he literallysaved my life because I was
going in downhill from there, um, finally didn't understand.
I didn't understand what washappening.
Um, because I did have a verysecure attachment, I was very
(36:00):
secure myself, but you know,when things happen to you and
you ignore your body, I alwayssay, when people say feel your
feelings, so like yeah, theydon't know how to do that.
Yeah, your feelings mean connectwith your body, then connect
with the emotion and let it passthrough.
Yeah, a lot of emotions arevery uncomfortable and with this
(36:23):
I was like, oh my God, I lovetherapy.
And then I started getting intomore classes and then I
switched majors from neurologyto clinical psych.
It was not easy and in mytransition I always laugh
because when people see my storyI went from my BA to a master's
(36:44):
in Homeland Security.
Okay, because I wanted to workwith human trafficking victims,
because that is something thathappened to a lot of our
communities.
Yeah, and I was good at it.
But when you see so muchdarkness in the world, sometimes
you forget to see the beauty ofthe world, right?
(37:04):
So then I'm like time to goagain to therapy.
You don't have to go all yourlife to therapy, you go in
seasons, but you need to knowwhen to go and what to grab,
right?
So four or 14 years now and Ibecome a doctor and stuff like
that.
And the first thing that teachmy little kiddos I call it
(37:24):
kiddos because you know freshmenin college are a kid still uh,
your emotions are all over theplace.
Yeah, I always grab your phonesand we're gonna text 741-741 and
they look at me like what isthat?
And then the happy face cam orlike different spaces, come and
I'm like that is the helpline.
Then, whenever you feel thefeels, whatever that means to
(37:44):
you, you can text and they talkto you as many times as you need
to.
Speaker 1 (37:49):
I love that, because you know our kids are like they
only do texting.
Speaker 2 (37:52):
They will not call.
Yeah, no, they do texting.
And I have one older professorto say why are you doing that?
That's a waste of time.
Fast forward, at the end of thesemester, 20% of my class used
that.
Wow, because the first semesterof college is the most
dangerous time for collegestudents.
(38:13):
It's what we call the red zone,because you're away from home,
because you miss home, or youare around alcohol, sex, drugs
and whatever Things that youhave never been exposed to or
you're overexposed to.
So you mix all that Not a goodcombination and then the
(38:37):
pressure to perform.
And I say all this because whenI was in college, I have a
friend that was very woo-woo.
I call her very woo-woo and I'mvery woo-woo, but for us it's
tradition.
You know, like smudging yourhouse comes with a meaning and a
history, and I used to get somad when people would say we're
going to smudge it.
I'm like do you know what thatmeans?
Do you know the story of it?
Or like singing balls, right.
And I'm like do you know whatare you doing?
(39:03):
Because that's very insultingwhen you're mixing those two
things, right?
So I started like I'm going toteach coaches how to be
sensitive to the culture thatthey unfortunately they're
appropriating certain thingsright and teaching them about
trauma and trauma-informed, notto heal it, to deal with it
right.
And I went to a bread workbecause I wanted to know what it
(39:25):
was.
So I went to a bread work thingand I hated it.
I hated it.
It was so bad and I'm likecoaches suck.
And I'm like, and my friendlike, no, no, no, try another
one.
So we went to that one reallythrew me to the edge, to a cacao
ceremony and I look at my, Ilook at my friend and say you
realize that I come from thecountry that they are saying
(39:47):
that this ceremony happened andit doesn't happen like this and
it's not like this.
And you know, I went in aspiral which he took me again to
therapy or like how thesepeople's taking my people blah,
blah right fast forward.
I mean even my said you shouldtry going again because we have
a rolling therapy.
You will at least three timesdo anything before you hate it,
(40:08):
because the first time you're inshock that you're going, the
second time you're like, no, Idon't like it, you're resistant.
Comes the third time is thetime that you show up finally,
as you are so by the third time,you know if you like something
or not.
Speaker 1 (40:25):
I try my work again.
Speaker 2 (40:26):
Oh my god, I love it as an answer, I love it, and as
a musician, you know, I was like, yeah, beautiful, but it was
the coach, it's not the practice.
The practice was the same, it'sjust the other one.
Hopefully they are not doing itanymore, but like they suck um,
and then I become verypassionate about giving people
(40:46):
some kind of um space to be whoyou are, whatever that means.
So when I create this communityof Oasis, that's what it's
called Oasis, because in Oasis,when you number one, when do you
see Oasis?
When you're in the desert,almost dying and like right,
yeah, that's how we feel in life, when we're overwhelmed with
(41:07):
everything and we find thatplace where we finally can rest,
drink a little bit of water orwhatever, and take a moment and
we're like, okay, I'm going togo back to the desert where it's
hard, but now I know I'm notalone, now I know I have
resources, now I know I havepeople and that's what I love.
The community also of the goodcoaches I call it.
(41:28):
You're going to find bad applesthere, but there is coaches for
everything.
And I always told my students Ihave a therapist, I have a coach
, I have a trainer, because, youknow, and I have a coach, I
have a trainer and I have aholistic kind of practitioner
and I do have my doctor.
And they look at me like whatdo you have?
(41:50):
I look at them and say what iswrong with you?
And I was like nothing, becauseI have a team that is
protecting me from everything.
Each one of them play a part ofprotecting me Because
unfortunately, sometimes in lifeor families or loved ones or
(42:11):
lovers want to, but they canshield us from everything,
that's true.
So the only one that can shieldyou.
Meaning shielding doesn't meanthat you're not going to get the
hit.
Shielding means that you'regoing to get the hit.
Shielding means that you'regoing to get the hit.
I'm like, okay, I need a littlepatching here.
It's not so bad.
Yeah, it's like I know what todo.
I'm just going to rest here andsay oh, oh.
(42:31):
And that's why I love coachesand I love what you do, because
your story is so empowering.
One, the vulnerability that youhave to share it, and I thank
you for that.
And two, if you guys haven'theard her in her podcast, please
go.
Her episodes are wonderful andalso they're very cheery,
because she's just a bounce ball.
Speaker 1 (42:53):
Yeah, yeah, I think that's also like a big reason
why we just kind of magnetize toeach other Because, one, we're
fun size.
Why we just kind of magnetizeto each other Because we're one,
we're fun size and we're justthe energy that comes out of our
little bodies is just like alot.
Speaker 2 (43:09):
Yes, like the fun size means I'm only.
Well, technically speaking, I'm4'11", not 5, but you know.
Speaker 1 (43:16):
Yeah, I'm 4'11 too, and I'm proud I'm 4'11".
I don't think I ever want toreach 5 feet.
I love being 4'11".
I don't think I ever want toreach 5 feet.
Speaker 2 (43:22):
I love being 4'11".
In my DMV it says 5.
And I was like why are youputting 5?
They're like oh, you will thankme later.
And I'm like no, put my realheight and, like I said, society
always wants to change who youare.
As minuscule as like one inch,right, yeah.
And the same when, uh, when Imet amanda, um, I already knew a
(43:45):
lot of the community that wewere going to and I was just
hugging, kissing and everything,people, right.
And there were some people thatwas brand new in the community
and they look at me like, whatare you doing?
And I have one I remember veryvivid.
I hug her, it's like how areyou doing?
And she was like, oh, I'm fine.
And I stopped her like no, no,no, how are you doing?
And I'm like fine.
(44:08):
And it's just, you can see theyhesitate, they, you're annoying
me, stop asking me.
And I'm like.
And then I got her hand, likewell, I'm so glad that you're
here, though, but how are doing?
So I asked her three times andby the third time she broke and
we were talking.
The reason why I say thatexample one, no, I'm not telling
(44:29):
you being true to people, buttwo, you can tell, you can tell
when somebody, if you just stopand ask, and we're so used to
just say how are you doing andjust walk, fine, like, oh, just
walk.
And like, oh, bye, how are youdoing?
I'm so glad to see you?
No, you're not yeah.
So I make intentional, likewhen I see you, say I'm so glad
(44:49):
to see you, I'm so happy to seeyou, or like you look tired
today.
Do you need to talk?
You know, just acknowledge,acknowledge it, and sometimes
people is gonna look at you likeyou're cuckoo pops.
(45:10):
That's okay.
My in the same with therapy.
My clients, uh, my clients callme the woo-woo therapist.
Uh, because, and just to giveyou a perspective, I work with
active duty law enforcement andfirst responders okay, that
makes sense yeah, yeah.
So they're like don't talk to me, don't look at me.
And when you enter my officeone, I have a lot of toys.
Two, I have like PlayStationsand video games and a lot of
comics.
And they look at me and say, doyou work with kids?
(45:32):
And I'm like, do you internalkid?
Yeah, because a lot of us wenever have a childhood because
we have to work, because we haveto be excellent, etc.
So if anybody's out there, Iinvite you to just go play, just
go play, Go play.
That's why we like dancing,because dancing is playing with
(45:54):
movement.
I don't know why in the worldit changed.
Do you have to be this?
And that?
I mean it looks pretty, butthat's why we have ballet.
The rest of the dancing ismovement, it's just movement.
And movement releases the energythat you have inside for the
negative things that you aregoing through.
The best expressions and thebest healing parts of you are
(46:16):
when you are moving.
I have my, imagine, thetoughest, biggest guy, like six
something, and I'm like thistiny thing and I put like, oh,
we're going to dance, and theylook at me like you are no.
And I put like a song that Iknow everybody's going to move,
depending on who.
(46:37):
They are Right, and they juststart wobbling their heads and
music can be very healing.
You can put a sad song and feelthe feels.
You can put a happy song, anangry song.
So when you hear your son oryour daughter or your cousin or
whoever, listen to punk rock,let's talk to them because
there's a reason that they'relike or that's a good yeah
(46:58):
that's a good one, that's athing, one that's a thing, so
yes, signals, nuggets ofprevention people tells you
without telling you how they'redoing.
It's just we don't pay attention.
It's little nuances like, forexample, I love your nails, by
the way, they're all pink andpretty, thank you.
In my case, when I'm not doingwell, I will wear nails.
(47:21):
That's the telling for peoplethat knows me.
What's that way?
Because you know, as thepianist, that we're not used to
to have nails.
So for me to put nails is totorture me in a safe way, kind
of thing you know.
So who knows?
It's like, hey, let's talk,let's do this, let's do that.
So I invite everybody that islistening, go pick in the person
(47:42):
that.
You see what is the thingthat's changing.
Because all of us, we have thatsubtle, let me torture myself
kind of thing with somethingvery subtle.
Sometimes it's coffee,sometimes it's a drink,
sometimes it's shopping,sometimes it's men and women,
promiscuity.
It's not that people is bad.
(48:02):
They are screaming for help orjust to listen.
So what little nuggets do youhave for self-love in anybody
that wants to go to coaching?
Speaker 1 (48:15):
Yeah, I want to definitely expand off what you
said because it made me think ofwhen I was going through my
depression in high school.
I didn't even think of music,and that is definitely.
I mean, I've been a dancer, somusic is very important to me
and it is a way I express myemotions.
And it's interesting because Ifound my iPod from high school
(48:38):
and and I was like going throughall the songs and there was
this one song and it was thetitle, was called broken and
uninspired and I was listeningto it.
It popped up because it was onshuffle and I was like what?
Like this is not the usualmusic I listened to.
I was like what was I goingthrough to be listening to this?
(48:59):
And it reminded me was I goingthrough to be listening to this?
Speaker 2 (49:05):
And it reminded me I, when I was really going through
it.
I was listening to a lot ofpunk rock, a lot of these kind
of like heavy, heavy songs.
Speaker 1 (49:10):
Yeah, I mean the title was called broken and
uninspired and so that that wasjust a really good nugget of
just really paying attention toeven music.
For you know, parents and theirkids, because it can be very
telling even if your kid isn'treally into art.
The girl that I did a story onwas really into art and her
(49:31):
parents showed me theprogression.
And it was very, a lot ofcolors, very cheery, and then it
started just getting to blackand gray and like people with
sad faces.
And so yeah, I think a lot ofpeople will tell you they might
not say like I'm sad, I'mfeeling some type of way.
They'll say it in other waysand that's why it's so important
(49:53):
, you know, to really payattention to your friends and
loved ones and and ask thatquestion of like how are you
doing today?
And really, you know, youalways know when someone's just
being like, oh yeah, I'm fine,and they just want to you know,
brush it off.
But so I'm glad that you put inthat nugget and it kind of like
reminded me of like, oh, dang, Iwas speaking through, like my
(50:15):
music choices, which is crazy,which is crazy.
So for me, my nugget withself-love, I think one thing
that when I started my self-lovejourney, I think the biggest
thing for me at the time, whichmade a huge difference, was just
talking to myself.
Nicely.
We say awful things toourselves and we don't realize
(50:40):
how powerful our words are.
But they affect us.
They really do.
Like when you're saying youknow, if you don't go to the gym
and you're like, oh, like I'mjust so lazy, like I just give
up all the time, like thatthat's going to affect you.
And so for self-love, a verysimple tip is create
affirmations.
That was a huge part of myself-love journey that really
(51:03):
kind of boosted my confidence.
Affirmations are so powerful youcan go on Google and put
affirmations and just look atthem and whatever one resonates
with you Because I know when youfirst start your self-love
journey it's hard to find anaffirmation that you really
believe in.
And so I honestly just wentthrough a list on Google and I
(51:25):
was like, oh, I really like thisone, like that felt really good
to me and I would just postthem on Post-its on my mirror
and I would say them every day.
It feels weird at first becauseit's weird to give ourselves
compliments, it is weird to talknice to ourselves.
Sometimes we're so used to justsaying really mean things, so
(51:47):
it was weird.
But then I think I got maybe itwas my one month of saying
affirmations and I was like inthe mirror and I was like
yelling it to myself because Ilike truly embodied everything
that I was saying.
And so when it comes toself-love, really be aware of
what you're saying to yourselfand I think a good, I guess,
(52:08):
measure was if you would not saythat to a friend or if you
wouldn't say that to your childself.
You shouldn't be saying it toyourself.
So that's a really big kind oflike self love little nugget
there.
Affirmations are huge andthey're very powerful.
And then what was the otherpart?
I totally forgot.
Speaker 2 (52:29):
And so no, that one, why you would recommend for self
love.
And that is perfect, because ifyou read journal, so FYI to
anybody there that just cringe,because I know there's people
there that did.
When you say do affirmations,not all of us can do it for
(52:50):
multiple reasons, due to likehow self-hateful we are, but we
always love somebody, even ifit's your dog, your cat or your
hamster.
You always love something inyour life and if you say,
instead of I'm powerful, I am,this starts with we, we are
knowing we are this because wefeel less heavy and more
(53:10):
believable for some not foreveryone, for some, and then you
can let a little.
Then start I love me because itdoesn't feel so insulting,
because if you're in a very darkplace you'll say I don't
believe any of this, beep right,um.
But journaling is what kind oflike your ipod?
It teaches you and normallypeople think that you're not
(53:35):
just.
You put all your feelings inthere.
No, journaling is very moreintentional, where you put how
you feel and then later this isthe master tip that you go back
either at the end of the week orat the end of the three days.
You go back and use that writingand say what did I do to feel
(53:56):
better?
Did I drink?
Did I went and fight with mom?
Did I did this and that?
And then how can I substitutethat for something else?
Because everything that we doit has to do with a movement in
your body.
Fighting is a movement,drinking requires movement.
You know like it's a movementin your body and what song can
(54:17):
you put there or what kind ofmovement can go through your
body.
And that is a beautiful way tojournal.
And here in Oasis we're goingto put our free journal that has
different, like seven differenttypes of journaling for you
guys to practice and learn, foranybody that is there and wants
to just practice.
For you, amanda, what do youhave for our audience, where
(54:39):
they can find you?
How can we just go where theycan find you?
How can we just go?
Speaker 1 (54:43):
and pour love to you, yes, I appreciate that, so you
can find me on Instagram.
It is a Aguilar, soA-A-G-U-I-L-A-R-T-V.
I'm there on Instagram.
You can also find my podcast,embrace Her Evolution, on
(55:05):
Spotify as well as ApplePodcasts, and I love connecting
with people.
That's the beauty of community,I will say the healing journey.
It's tough, especially whenyou're coming from a very low
place and having communityaround me during that time.
But even during my happy timesand when I'm in a good mood,
community is so important, andso I invite people to join my
(55:30):
community and I want to be apart of your community.
I just want to be there forpeople, because the people that
have been there for me I reallycredit them to the woman that
I've become because they'vesupported me so much, and so I
think it's.
Speaker 2 (55:44):
I think it's so important to find your community
, whatever that may look like,whoever that may be, it's so
important to have people thereand now, amanda is part of our
community too and we just loveher and care so much for her and
her message and for everybodyout there.
I want you to grab your cup ofbeverage either hot or cold, and
(56:04):
I want you to just take aminute and feel that cup and
take a sip of it and feel how itgoes down through your throat
to your chest and then finallyto your tummy and either if it's
a cold or hot feeling, thething that we know for sure is
that it passes and, like the badfeelings or good feelings pass.
(56:25):
So the best thing that we cando is feeling it together.
Well time everybody.
Thank you so much All thecontacts in the notes, so don't
miss that and until next week,have a good night Bye.
As we conclude today's episode,take a moment to reflect.
(56:46):
Be proud of the journey, forevery step that brings you
closer to who you truly are.
Embrace the kindness towardsyourself, as you did to each one
of our guests.
Honor the bravery in youractions and celebrate the
importance of mental wellnesswith us, and remember it's an
(57:10):
exercise that we practice daily.
Continue to grow and flourish,knowing that we are in this
training for our mental wellnesstogether.
We are so proud to have you aspart of our community, so join
us on Instagram at OasisCommunity Podcast for more
inspiring conversations,valuable resources and supported
(57:34):
content, including journals,worksheets and content in
Spanish.
Exciting things are in thehorizon.
Our Oasis community break roomsare coming soon to grab tools
and take a break for your mentalhealth.
Also, we are featuring oursix-month training ethical
mental health coaching program,designed for new and experienced
(57:57):
coaches, as well as holisticand healing professionals.
Enroll to create a safe andtransformative experience to
your clients.
Links in the bio.
Until next time, take care,stay connected and welcome to
our Oasis community.
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