October 21, 2025 • 38 mins
The moment I stopped needing a relationship, everything changed. After years of pushing through “little t” traumas in the dating pool and holding out hope that the right man would make it all click, a brutal Valentine’s reveal forced a reset. I saw the real pattern: every time I accepted nonchalant energy or waited for potential, I was abandoning myself.
I walk you through the exact shifts that followed—clear boundaries, daily self-love you can actually feel in your body, and a short season of singleness and celibacy that sharpened my standards. I cut ties fast when anxiety showed up. I stopped negotiating with mixed signals. I told myself “I love you” every morning and meant it. And then, without the noise of need, I realized something radical: I don’t need men for anything—money, safety, sex, or companionship. That clarity didn’t make me cold; it made me free.
From that grounded place, someone new reached out. No pressure. No games. Respect, follow-through, and real conversation. I share how I evaluated green flags, why voice and nervous system cues matter, and how we’re protecting a healthy, chalant connection while it grows. The biggest shift isn’t him—it’s me. Wanting without needing changed my choices, my peace, and the kind of partner I could even notice.
If you’re tired of the chase, this is your roadmap: drop nonchalance, practice embodied self-love, and treat brief dating as data. Hit play, then tell me your new non-negotiable. If this resonated, subscribe, share it with a friend who needs stronger boundaries, and leave a review so more people can find the show.
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
SPEAKER_01 (00:02):
So there was a moment where I realized I was
who I needed all along.
I am the one I've been waitingfor.
I am the one.
I am the only one I've beenwaiting for.
And I am the only one who canlove me the way that I need to
be loved.
And as a result of that, onemindset switch, everything
changed.
Hey y'all, welcome back to theOut Here Trying to Survive
(00:25):
podcast, episode 32.
So today we are going to betalking about.
I am going to be telling y'all astory of really how I decided to
choose myself, what led up tothat decision, and really how
that single decision changedreally everything for me,
including the kind of love thatI attracted and now have, that
I'm still a little shook andlow-key kind of scared about,
(00:46):
but in a good way.
I'm just really excited to telly'all a story of happiness and
healing and seeing thingsdifferently because damn, I've
been on these internet streetsout here sharing with y'all my
pain for a long time in areaswhere I have tried to be honest
with y'all, like I'm just notgrowing or I'm growing slow or
it's getting frustrating.
But it's really good to come uphere and tell y'all a
breakthrough that your girl donehad a real actual breakthrough.
(01:10):
Yeah, if that's something you'reinterested in hearing and how I
really attracted the love of mylife by deciding I ain't wonder
no more.
Let me tell y'all a story.
By the way, if you're watchingon YouTube, why am I holding the
microphone?
And my real microphone is overhere.
I'm having trouble with myProTech 4, so I decided to
(01:31):
switch up the game and use mycamera microphone.
But because I'm wearing astrapless dress, I can't put it
on there and it keeps pulling mydress down.
So I'm just gonna hold it likethis for today.
The backstory is back in 2020, Idivorced from a narcissistically
abusive marriage.
I pretty much had the samemindset that I had before, which
is that when I find the rightperson, I'll be happy.
(01:52):
I really thought for a longtime, for most of my adult life,
and in fact, I was socializedthat way, just growing up in
kind of evangelical Christiancircles.
I really believed, like societytold me, the Disney fairy tale
princess, that when you find aman, you will be happy, and that
is what you're supposed to do.
And I was married for 20 yearsof my adult life.
For those of y'all who don'tknow, I divorced him and I just
really thought, you know, like Iwill eventually find a nice
(02:15):
boyfriend.
And I had one that ended poorly,and then I had another one very
briefly, and that too endedpoorly, which I also talked
about on my YouTube channel.
Now, some of those I may haveprivated because I was like,
child, this is just gettingembarrassing.
But I still kind of had thisidea in my mind, like I still
didn't really want to be alone.
I just thought as I heal, I'llattract better quality men.
(02:36):
And so I really set about myhealing journey, but I still
really, really wanted to havesex, I still really wanted to
date, I still really wanted tohave fun.
I just wanted to explore andlearn and do what single people
do, especially because I gotmarried when I was really young.
I got engaged and married when Iwas really, really young.
And so I didn't really have achance to explore dating and
just be out here in these datingstreets and just enjoy being
(02:59):
taken out to dinner and all ofthat.
Because I was 20 years ofmarriage that was really hard,
20 years combined between bothof them.
And it was hard.
Those marriage years was hard,and I gave myself in every way I
possibly could to both of myex-husbands.
Not saying I'm perfect, notsaying I didn't make no
mistakes, y'all.
But I really gave it my all.
I gave healing my all.
I really gave those men a lot ofmy energy and my try.
(03:23):
My try, try, try, try to make itwork.
So when I left my second husbandbecause he was really abusive
and I could not handle itanother day, could not take
another day.
I really thought it was acombination of two things.
One, I do need to keep healingfrom my own childhood trauma,
which was really severe.
But two, and this is the biggerpredominant issue, I thought, is
my first husband, we were notcompatible and we got married
(03:46):
too young and we were dumb anddidn't know what we were doing,
and I wasn't ready for it,neither was he.
And then life was hard and wehad kids and all of that.
In my second marriage, I thoughtwhat happened was he was just
completely abusive and incapableof empathy, and that's the
problem.
And so when I flung myself outinto the world as a single woman
in her early 40s, I reallythought I have been with the
(04:07):
wrong man.
And once I get myself together,really fully heal, and I'm with
the right person, then it willbe right for me.
So I just have to keep healingand keep like putting my nose to
the grindstone and just keephealing and find the right man.
And if I just find the rightman, and when I just find the
right man, and then everythingwill be fine.
I don't know, it's just kind offelt like a little bit to-do
(04:28):
listy, just a little bit to-dolisty, you know, more than I'm
comfortable, but like we we allhave to learn, right?
That's where I was at.
But what I was finding is thatfirst of all, y'all know dating
can be really fun, but it canalso be really painful.
I feel like if you out heretrying to date cishet men, you
are going to experience like anumber of little tea traumas.
(04:49):
And this isn't just me, this isvirtually every woman I know
who's out here who's straight,who's trying to date straight
men, that you are going toexperience a bevy of little tea
traumas interacting withstraight men over and over and
over again.
I really didn't know that,y'all.
I didn't know how bad it was outhere, I didn't know how poisoned
(05:10):
the dating pool really was.
The dating pool is reallypoisoned with the straight men.
This is not anything that issurprising any of y'all to hear,
I'm sure.
But for those of you who don'tknow, men, men, straight men
have so many issues.
Straight men can be so violent,so violent in so many different
(05:31):
ways that it leaves you kind ofjust like shocked.
And again, this isn't just me,this is me and all my friends,
and all of the groups I'm in.
I'm in so many Facebook groupsfor so many different things,
like black women who cook, blackwomen who go to Aldi's, black
women who are sick of dating,black women who are in
paramenopause, and then I'mthat's just the ones for the
(05:53):
black women, and then I'm in somany other groups too.
Women who are in perimenopause,moms, kalamazoo moms.
I mean, I'm probably in like 40groups, and I tend to interact
in my Facebook groups a lotbecause they're just a really
great solid place of community.
And I'm talking about women ofall ages, I'm talking about
women of all races, I'm talkingabout women all over the planet
(06:13):
who are just like datingstraight men is traumatizing.
And I cosign.
I cosign.
I haven't even told the storyyet of what happened to me last
year with a man I was dating,sort of dating.
It was kind of a situation ship,but y'all, this man had a
girlfriend the whole time, thewhole time, like Mrs.
SPEAKER_00 (06:32):
Doubtfire, the whole time, the whole time, though,
the whole time, you would thewhole time.
SPEAKER_01 (06:37):
I mean, it was a little tea trauma for sure.
It was a little tea trauma theway that situation was insane.
Anyway, I'm not gonna harp onthat.
We all already know howtraumatizing it can be to date.
Like, yes, it can be fun, yes,there's so much about it, but if
you go in a woman with an openheart and you're just ready to
love and you're ready for more,and you go in and then you meet
(07:02):
these men, and they aretraumatized themselves in so
many ways, having healed fromlike 17.9 different things, and
these men will not hesitate,they will not hesitate to harm
you in 79.2 different ways.
Ciao, child.
So let me tell y'all the storyof what happened.
I'm gonna try to be brief ofwhat happened with a story that
(07:23):
I think was the tipping pointfor me.
So I'm out here dating, I'mgetting little T traumas over
and over again, and just gettingreally tired and really trying
different things, you know,trying men who aren't as
conventionally attractive,trying men instead of dating men
who are like maybe nines, who Iperceive as nines or even tens,
dating men who are perceived assix or sevens, dating men who
(07:44):
are in a different field, datingmen who are maybe a little bit
more upwardly mobile,financially dating men who are
maybe a little bit less.
Like, I was really tryingdifferent things because I'm
like, certainly it's not justme.
Like, I know my faults, but Ialso know what I bring to the
table.
I know I bring a lot of goodnessand a lot of kindness and a lot
of love and a lot of emotionalmaturity and a lot of loyalty
(08:04):
and a lot of bravery.
And I've known I just have a lotof love to give to a man still.
I've known that while holdingthat intention with I have areas
that I need to work on and I'mstill committed to working on
them and I'm still in therapy.
Okay.
So I've known that.
So I met a man a couple summersago, and he slid my DMs, and I
was just really taken with himright away.
(08:25):
He had a lot of the things onthe list that I had wrote, you
know, the manifestation list,like I want my perfect man, my
dream man, my person to havethese things.
And he had so many of them, andwe had very similar life paths,
which is a very high value forme.
I've really wanted someone whois really into community
activism and communityorganizing and social justice,
(08:46):
who would consider themselves tobe a feminist or a womanist, or
someone who is very, very, verypro-black, very pro-black woman,
someone who does not have atrace of misogynist, someone who
knows how to handle their angerwell, someone who is the
opposite of the abusive man thatI had divorced in 2020.
And this man seemed to possessall of those things.
(09:06):
And not only that, he had thisamazing, really beautiful, deep
voice that I really liked.
We just had such an intense,really not actually, I'm not
even gonna say intense.
We just had an immediate.
I'll say we had a very immediateconnection.
And I was just taken by him.
And he was also very upwardlymobile.
He was in law school, he hadalready had a professional
career, successful career, andso many other things before he
(09:26):
even took himself back to lawschool.
But anyway, when I was tellingpeople about him, they were
like, oh my God, yes, this isthe kind of guy you should be
dating.
This is the exact kind of guyyou should be dating.
And here's why all the menyou've dated in the past have
not been up to par becausethey're not like this guy, like
this guy, this is the guy youshould date.
This is the guy you shouldinvest your time and energy in.
(09:47):
Um, over the course of the nextyear and a half, he just kind of
kept putting it off and puttingit off, but like just giving me
enough to keep me on the hook,giving me enough to keep me
engaged and still wanting morewith him, but saying, here's why
we can't move forward, here'swhy here we can't move forward,
here's why here we can't moveforward.
And in hindsight, now I wouldjust never ever put up with
that.
(10:07):
It's interesting how much youcan grow in such a short amount
of time because now I'd be like,Okay, well then I'm I'm moving.
It's time to bounce to the nextdick, boy.
That would be so simple for meright now, like such a simple
thing.
Like, you are putting me off,you're very nonchalant.
But back then, that was thefirst guy I'd really ever dated
of that quality and caliber,along with the kind of quality
(10:28):
of our connection.
It just felt like there wasalways good reasons, and the
reasons that he were saying madesense to me.
And I also felt like he's worthwaiting for, so I want to be
patient.
And you know, looking back, it'skind of like, oh girl, like if
if it were me talking to someoneelse about this situation, I
would just calmly rub her backand be like, baby girl, this
this he don't want you, he don'twant you.
(10:50):
And there were a couple peoplein my life who were saying that,
you know, in hindsight, I justdidn't get it.
I I wish I could tell y'all Idid, but that's where I'm at.
I'm not gonna lie to y'all.
I was just like, no, no, no, no,it's gonna be fine.
But anyway, it didn't end upbeing fine, and then I found out
(11:13):
in the most gruesome waypossible, in the most gruesome
way possible that he had had agirlfriend on and off basically
the whole time.
The whole time.
SPEAKER_00 (11:21):
The whole time, though, the whole time you would
the whole time, the whole time.
SPEAKER_01 (11:27):
I found out on Valentine's Day earlier this
year when he posted a picture ofhis girlfriend and said, This is
my Valentine.
That's how I found out.
And we're Facebook friends.
This doesn't really make it anybetter, but later I found out
actually it kind of makes itworse, but later I found out
that he didn't mean for me to bein the audience that he was
sharing that.
He meant to have that be so Icouldn't see it.
(11:49):
So, which means he would haveprolonged this even more.
It was one of the more likeheartbreaking things.
It was another yet anotherlittle T trauma.
I mean, I scream cried when Ifound out I scream cried because
I loved this man, and I told himthat three weeks earlier, and I
actually asked him, like, hey,it's been a year and a half.
(12:09):
You keep saying you're not readyfor all of these reasons.
I just want to tell you, like, Ifeel like I'm in love with you.
I really want to keep waiting,but I feel like I should
probably let go.
And he was like, No, no, no,don't let go, don't let go,
girl.
Keep hanging on, keep hanging onbecause we got something special
to wait for.
And so I can't believe I I don'tknow why he didn't just take
(12:30):
that out.
I'm not sure.
He didn't take the out that Igave him, like, let's just,
let's just keep it a bug, let's,let's just be friends.
And then he posted the damnpicture on accident.
I found out I scream cried in mylaundry room.
So my kids would not hear mescream crying like that because
they were all home.
It was a Saturday morning and itwas awful.
And I was awash in grief.
(12:51):
Awash in grief.
But that was a turning point forme where I knew like something
has to change with me.
I literally cannot keep doingthis, I cannot keep experiencing
little T traumas from the menI'm dating.
And during that time, because meand him weren't together,
because we were in asituationship, we weren't dating
exclusively, we weren't evendating in any sort of like real
(13:15):
meaningful way because he livedfar away from me.
So during that time, I was stilltalking to and dating other
people, and he knew that.
And he was telling me that hewasn't talking to or dating
anyone else, which is wild to meconsidering he had a whole ass
girlfriend.
But I was still going on thisjourney, and I will say during
that time, I was making betterchoices of the kind of men I was
(13:36):
dating throughout 2024.
But when I started 2025, I knewsomething has to change, even
with that scenario.
And when that happened onValentine's Day, it was the slap
in the face that I needed, itwas the knife in the back that I
needed, it was the kick in thecoochie that I needed to be
like, girl, you got to wake thefuck up, bitch.
(13:58):
You got to wake the fuck up.
You have got to change.
Things have got to change.
Things have got to change.
I realized I am continuing toabandon myself, albeit better
than I have before, but I'mabandoning myself and I cannot
(14:21):
keep abandoning myself no more.
I can't.
unknown (14:28):
I cannot.
SPEAKER_01 (14:29):
So the first thing I decided to do was just to slow
down dating, just period, justslow down, do a little bit less.
The second thing I decided wasto be much more guarded with my
heart, even if they presented asa really amazing person.
I also decided that I have acomplete and utter intolerance
for nonchalantness.
Ninjas moving forward have to becompletely shallant.
(14:50):
They got to be chalant as fuck.
They got to be shallanting allover the place.
Okay.
So that is what I think everywoman should be at in general if
you're out here single dating.
But that's kind of a hard placeto be when you're coming from a
place of I just really want todate and I just really want to
have a good boyfriend.
I just really want to find anice boyfriend.
Like I was really on that tipfor a while.
(15:10):
Like, I just really want to finda nice boyfriend.
I just want one nice, consistentboyfriend.
That's what I want.
I just want one nice boyfriend.
But I think that line ofthinking led me to continue to
entertain men who werenonchalant.
And I think after that happenedwith the guy and the girlfriend
and Valentine's Day andeverything, I was like, no more
nonchalant ninjas at all.
(15:32):
It's just not happening.
I also decided to redirect myattention back to myself in a
very concrete kind of way, whichwas telling myself how much I
loved myself and appreciatedmyself and what I loved about
myself.
And when I say that I was doingthat, what that looks like, if
you're like, what the hell doesthat look like?
Because it's helpful.
It's a helpful thing to know.
What it looked like for me isthat when I would wake up in the
(15:53):
morning, my first thought wouldbe intentionally, hey, I love
you.
I really love you.
I really appreciate you.
Tried to think about like whatwould be great to experience
from a man?
What is it that I'm looking forin me from from a man?
So I was thinking, if I had aboyfriend, if I did have that
nice boyfriend that I've thoughtI've wanted before, I would love
if when we wake up in themorning, he's like gently
rubbing my shoulder and he'slooking me in my eyeballs and
(16:14):
he's like, you know, I reallyappreciate you.
You, I love you.
I I just really appreciate yourass.
And so I was like, why can't Ijust do that to myself?
Girl, just do that to yourself.
So I did that.
I literally woke up in themorning, and you know how
there's like scientifically atrick.
If you rub the back of your neckwith both your hands, which I
can't do it since I'm holdingthis damn microphone, but if you
(16:35):
rub the back of your neck likethis, your brain, it actually
can't differentiate between thefact that you're doing and
someone else is doing it.
So you can't offer yourselfphysical touch in a way that is
healing.
So I would wake up in themorning and rub my own damn back
and tell myself, like, I loveyou.
I really appreciate you.
I'm really grateful for you.
I love you so much.
And I would try to fall asleeptelling myself that too.
I was trying to really focus onwhat are a few ways besides the
(16:58):
action ways.
You know, sometimes you go workout.
That's telling your body, I loveyou.
Because I'm I want your heart tobe pumping because that's what
you need to be healthy.
You know, you eat healthy,you're telling your body, I love
you.
I'm giving you nourishing shit.
That's the way we show our kidswe love them, giving them
nourishing shit on the table.
So, yeah, those are good too.
But how often are we verballytelling ourselves, I love you,
(17:19):
the way that you want it from aman?
So I was doing some things thatwere showing myself, like, hey,
I do love you.
And the other thing I was doingwas cutting off other
connections pretty quickly thatwere nonchalant, even when it
hurt.
You know, I did a whole podcastepisode, I will link it up here
where I really liked somebody,met somebody in a earlier this
year who I really liked.
(17:39):
He was way too young for me, butI did like him.
Even though he was really young,I did really like him.
You know, we decided after aweek to stop dating because both
of us knew, he knew, and I knewthat it was just not a good
idea.
Our age difference was just alittle bit too much.
Even though we did really trulylike each other, I was realizing
just after a week that he wasgiving me too much anxiety.
And so I cut it off because I'mlike, age difference or not,
(18:01):
even if we hadn't had the agegap, it was giving me anxiety.
And I was like, no, I'm just notgoing to date anyone that gives
me anxiety.
It's just not in the cards for2025 because I love myself too
much.
And there was another guy Idated very briefly.
Again, the brief, I think medating people briefly actually
has been really helpful for mebecause in the past I've held on
way too long.
Trying to think, is he gonna bea nice boyfriend?
(18:23):
No.
Is he?
And just being like, nope, thisisn't right for me.
Deuces.
And then another big thing thatI decided to do was to take 90
days of singleness and celibacy.
And that was really hard.
And honestly, I didn't even makeit the full 90 days.
I'll just keep it real withy'all.
But I think what it kickstartedfor me was really, really
important.
What it kickstarted for me wasan ability to say to a lot of
(18:44):
men, because I had this reallyweird thing happen this summer.
Right when I started that wholeI'm gonna have 90 days of
singleness and celibacy, rightwhen that happened, it was like
colliding with the weathergetting warmer in Michigan, and
I was putting up like a lot ofbikini shots because me and my
daughter were at the pool a lot.
I'm not an Instagram model,Instagram baddie or whatever,
but I do put up bikini shotswhen I feel like you know,
(19:06):
obviously, I don't mind showingmy cleavage or whatever.
So I'm like putting up all theselike sexy pool side picks and
stuff, and Facebook like pushedmy content out so heavy to
thousands and thousands andthousands of men in the actually
specifically black American menin the 35 to 55 demographic.
And so I was getting thousandsof thousands of friend requests
(19:28):
from black men in that agerange, and then it was
coinciding with like hundredsand hundreds and hundreds of
DMs.
I would say I probably got likein that time frame, I haven't
like went back and added it up,but maybe like 300 or so, I was
just getting like a lot ofoptions all of a sudden.
Right when I said I want to takesome time for myself to evaluate
myself, to focus on lovingmyself, to focus on building my
(19:49):
business and things like that.
And it was interesting becauselike when you have thousands of
men in that age range, which isright about actually the age
range that I date, typically 35to 55, and I only date black
American men.
Basically, that's thedemographic that I have decided
is my favorite.
And all of a sudden, I'm gettingthat exact demographic in my
(20:12):
DMs, and some of them were beingextremely kind, extremely
respectful, it's coming at meextremely correctly.
And I was like, dang.
And so what happened was as aresult of that, I was quick to
just say, like, hey, I'mactually I'm doing a time where
I'm pursuing 90 days ofsingleness and celibacy, so I'm
not available right now.
Even for the ones that seemedlike they were great, a lot of
(20:32):
them were really attractive, alot of them seemed very
successful, a lot of them werevery upwardly mobile.
I mean, it was a lot, honestly,like really good options, y'all.
It was, of course, there was alot that were just like, oh my
God, I would never there wasyes, a lot of that, of course.
But like, I didn't even need tobe on dating apps.
I was getting so many greatquality men like pushed at my
(20:53):
door, like I've neverexperienced before.
It was crazy.
Facebook was like, these peoplegonna see your profile.
They're gonna see your profile.
Yeah, it was nuts.
But because I had that 90 daysof singleness and celibacy that
I was trying to do that I didn'teven make it through, because
one of those men, one of thosemen that got through was he was
a very attractive, verysuccessful, really nice, very
(21:17):
respectful.
Like he slid into DMs and wejust started having a great
conversation.
And so, but I told him rightaway, like, hey, I'm doing 90
days of singleness and celibacy,we can be friends, but that's
all we can be.
And I think because I was comingat it from that perspective, it
actually changed like thequality of men who kept engaging
with me, if that makes sense.
So this guy, he just andcontinued to engage with me very
(21:39):
respectfully.
And he was like, I have noproblems with that.
I have no problems with uswaiting on sex as long as you
want or need for us waiting totalk or date or seeing you.
And I think just the way that hecame at me was just so
respectful that it made me, inaddition to actually liking him
and being attracted to him andseeing like this is a very
successful, respectful man.
So I didn't make it the full 90days, but within six weeks of
(22:01):
dating him, um, not even datinghim, within six weeks of just
getting to know him, Iunderstood this situation is he
started off very chalant.
He started off shallanting, butwithin six weeks, it was very
obvious.
Like, he's becoming nonchalant.
Yeah, after six weeks, thatsituation ended and it was fine.
But what it did was it made merealize like I can keep doing
(22:24):
that.
I don't have to say I'm on 90days of singleness and celibacy.
I can just let all these ninjasgo because I really don't feel
like I need or want the dramathat they're bringing.
I think that situation with himwas a nice turning point because
I'm really glad that I diddecide to move forward and go
out on a few dates with him.
We actually ended up having fourdates in that time.
(22:44):
But I'm really glad because itreally showed me you can meet
someone who's really nice.
You guys have a nice compatibleconnection.
He was really very sweet personand attractive and all of these
things, but at the end of theday, it still wasn't the
connection that I needed.
And there were things I wasasking him to do that he was not
doing.
Like, hey, when you do this,this doesn't make me feel very
cared for.
Can you do something different?
(23:05):
And he would say, Yes, yes,babe, I'm gonna try.
And then he would fail.
And after like two or threetimes of that, some of those
things were like just to giveyou an example.
I would say, like, hey, when youget home from work, if you're
working late, just you know,give me a quick call or give me
send me a text, let me knowyou're home.
Or like, let's just have like aquick little check-in,
especially if it's been a reallybusy day and we haven't talked.
Like, I would just love to touchbase.
(23:27):
Or he would say many times, I'mgonna call you back, and never
would.
I just didn't like that.
I just feel like I don't carehow motherfucking busy you are.
I got three kids, he didn't havenot a single child, only a dog.
So I feel like even if you takeyour dog out for a walk, you can
send me a quick text back andsay, Hey, I'm super tired, I'm
gonna go to bed.
He just wasn't following throughnearly enough.
Cha, I was not asking for toomuch.
(23:48):
I had to run it by my bestfriends, I had to run it by my
therapist.
Like, am I asking for too muchwith all these things I'm asking
him to do?
And he keeps failing, and theywere like, No, you are not
asking for too much.
He is just refusing to do any ofthe things and follow through
the way that he should.
But it was a turning point forme in realizing I just don't
need this.
I just don't need this.
I don't need this.
And honestly, the feeling that Ididn't need it started to feel
(24:11):
really good, really, reallygood.
And then reason why I'm laughingis what I'm about to tell y'all
is that the next turning pointfor me, because I feel like it
was like a series of turningpoints throughout 2025 that
really changed things for me.
I went on this like fun friendweekend with a friend group and
one of my best friends, and wehad the best time, okay.
(24:33):
That weekend was wild, it was alittle crazy, it was damn near
debaucherous, okay.
It was a crazy weekend.
What happened that weekend stayswith that weekend, okay?
It was crazy, and that's all I'mgonna say about that.
But having kind of an adultcrazy weekend where I really let
myself go a little bit, okay?
(24:54):
I let myself have fun.
On the way home from thatweekend, me and my girl were
driving back.
It was like an hour and a halfhome.
She was quieter, she wassleeping, and I just had these
thoughts in my head.
And I, you know, we're on theroad, it's dark, and I just had
some really deep thoughts, and Iwas like, you know, I don't
really need that.
Like what happened this weekend?
Yeah, that was fun.
Yeah, it was a little wild,yeah, it was a little crazy, but
I don't really need that.
(25:14):
And then I started thinking towhat happened in the summer
dating this very attractive,very wealthy, very compatible
man, and I was like, I don'treally need that.
And then I was like, so youdon't really need to date, you
don't really need to date menlike him or any man.
And then you had some fun andyou don't really feel like you
need the fun.
And then I was like, oh, I don'treally need men at all.
It just kind of hit me like, Idon't need them for anything.
(25:37):
And then I realized you don'treally need them for money, you
don't really need them forsuccess, you don't really need
them for companionship because Ihave such amazing girlfriends
and I get so many relationalneeds met from them.
And I just had this moment whereI was like, oh my God, I don't
need any of them at all foranything.
I don't need them at all.
And it was just kind of like,holy shit, like, oh my God.
(25:59):
It was kind of like a liferevelation.
Like, I've believed my wholeentire fucking life that I have
needed men for something, onething or another.
If not money, then sex.
If not sex, then companionship.
If not companionship, then tobuild shit.
If not to build shit, then to bearound.
If not to be around, to likechange a damn tire.
If not to change a tire, thenfor leadership.
(26:21):
If not leadership, it was justkind of like you have been
socialized your whole life tobelieve that you need these men.
If it's not for A, B, C, D, E,and F, it's for G-H-I-K-L-N-O P.
And I really realized like Idon't need S T R V W X Y or Z
from them.
Nothing.
Not a single damn thing I needfrom them.
Nothing.
(26:42):
And not only that, like in thisbig epiphany moment in this car
ride, I was like, I don't evenwant those things from them.
I don't really want to datethem.
I don't want their money.
I don't want sex.
I don't want dick.
I don't want companionship.
I don't want a hug.
I just realized I don't evenwant these things from them
because they're all fuckingheadaches.
(27:02):
Every single one of them areheadaches.
All of them are getting on myfucking nerves and causing me
little T traumas over and overand over again.
I just don't want it anymore.
It was crazy, y'all.
All of this hit me in this carride.
And I was like, oh my God, Ican't wait to tell my counselor
this.
We have been talking ad nauseumall summer, basically since
(27:25):
April, about all of these issuesand him trying to kind of, I
think, help me move towards aplace of independence, not all
the way towards independence towhere I got to, but like to the
place where I just was feelingfulfilled in myself.
And it was kind of like all ofthe self-work I've been doing,
all of the desires that I'vehad, all of the ways that I've
been trying to get myselfhealed, ready for a
(27:47):
relationship.
And I realized I'm just readyfor me.
I just want me.
I just want to keep lovingmyself.
I love what I give to myself.
I love how I love myself.
And I love how my girlfriendslove me.
And I love how I love myself.
And I just, I love all of it.
And I don't really need anythingmore from anyone ever.
And I don't care if I ever meetanother man who's handsome and
(28:08):
successful and well off and thisor that.
It doesn't matter what he is orwhat he brings to the table.
I don't care.
I just don't need them or wantthem.
I don't know.
I woke up the next day like abrand new woman.
Like, oh my God, this is sofreeing.
This is so freeing.
Like, how did I get here?
I cannot believe that I'm here.
(28:30):
I literally cannot fuckingbelieve that like I finally got
to a place where I'm like, Idon't even want a boyfriend.
I don't even want one.
I don't need dick at all.
Like, I can buy one off Amazon.
They move the ones, girl, theymove, they gyrate, they heat up,
they shake, they swivel, theyturn.
(28:50):
I mean, if you want to buy adick, like I can give you some
references because I have foundsome that I'm like, do you even
need the real thing?
I mean, dang.
But anyway, I've been wrong.
Like my whole life, I've beenwrong about what I thought I
needed and what I thought I hadto fix.
And I just thought I had to findsomething different.
I had this huge epiphany, huge.
(29:10):
I told my therapist, and he waslike, What?
What?
Oh my God.
Like he, I just told him all thewhole thing.
And he was just like, Oh my God,like that's crazy.
And I was just like, Yeah, Ireally feel like I'm going to be
single and I'm going to not beout here and I'm just going to
do me and I'm going to focus onmyself.
And he was like, That's great,Grace.
(29:32):
Like, really, reallyencouraging.
And I was just like, Yeah, I'mjust to a place now where like I
don't want to find a niceboyfriend at all.
So I'm just going to be single.
And he was like, That's perfect.
That's great.
I'm really excited for you.
And I was like, Yep, I got offall dating apps.
I closed down all my datingapps.
I'm not open to any DMs.
Like, men are still kind oftrickling through, like, they're
(29:54):
still messaging me here andthere from like the big Facebook
push.
But yeah, I'm just going to bealone.
And he was like, That's awesome.
And That is literally where Iwas when my man that I have
right now, because I do have aboyfriend, when he slid into my
DMs and I told him, like, hey,thanks for inquiring, but I'm
(30:14):
not looking for a boyfriendright now.
I'm actually gonna be single fora while.
I'm just focusing on myself.
Yeah, I'm just not interested,but thank you.
And then he like wrote me backagain and then, you know, said
something else, very respectful,very kind.
He came at it in a very kind oflike, again, like, oh, I I
respect where you're at.
And you know, just asking mesome questions, just he was
keeping me engaged.
And the questions were totallyfine.
They were totally respectable,and some of the things he was
(30:36):
telling me about himself.
And I was like, Yeah, youactually seem like a really,
really cool guy.
Yeah, I'm just not I'm notinterested.
Um, but like we can be friendsif you want to be friends.
And he was like, Yeah, I wouldlove to be friends.
And so we continue to messagebeing friends.
Now, the reason why I evencontinue to message with him is
because if I'm engaging with aman and he's actually engaging
me and engaging my brain and I'menjoying messaging with him,
(30:57):
which is what happened, I'llkeep doing that.
It's just very rare that thatactually happens.
It's very, very rare, really, inthe history of Facebook
Messenger that a man can DM meand actually keep me engaged
because I'm such a sapiosexual.
Such a sapiosexual.
A man has to really be veryintelligent and really highly
engaging and highly mature tokeep my attention.
Otherwise, I'm just, yeah, yeah,bro.
(31:18):
I'm not gonna fucking sit hereand smell talk with you, like,
hey boo, how are you?
Good morning, beautiful.
Hi, beautiful, good morning,beautiful.
Like, I'm not gonna fucking dothat all day.
Please, please engage my fuckingbrain.
So, anyway, that's what he wasdoing.
So the fact that he was keepingmy attention and we were just
engaging on that kind of likefriend level is really what his
in-road was.
Because he let it know, like, Ithink you're a very beautiful
(31:39):
woman, you seem veryintelligent, we have
da-da-da-da-da-all these thingsin line.
And I was just like, Yeah, it isvery rare for me to meet someone
where we have so many thingsthat are very, very aligned.
We do have so many worldviewsthat are very aligned, and I
have a very particularworldview.
I have a very particularworldview, so I'm like, Okay,
(31:59):
you got you got me there.
He tried to call me one day,like he called me through
Facebook Messenger, and I'mlike, Nick, that is, I mean,
it's not a red flag.
Someone trying to call you isnot a red flag, but it did
strike me as like, okay, that'sweird because men nowadays do
not just try to call you in theDMs, you know, it's just not a
(32:20):
thing that men do.
But I know that he had beenmarried before and had been
married for a long time and likeisn't necessarily out here in
these dating streets, likeknowing exactly like dating
decorum or even trying to get agirl decorum.
And so I ignored that, but thenlike you know, we kept messaging
and then like the next Saturday,he did the same thing where he
tried to call me again in theDMs, and I was like, I need to
(32:44):
let him know for sure.
So I left him back a voice noteand I just said, Hey, I want to
be very clear, I'm notinterested in getting to know
anyone, and so let me be soclear so that you can not call
me anymore.
I didn't say that specificallyor so like rudely.
It sounds like I was being rude,but I was just like, No, because
you call me, I'm never going topick up.
(33:05):
Never ever going to pick up.
Because I left him a voice note,he left me a voice note back.
And honestly, that is whatchanged things for me because
when I heard his voice, I waslike, Oh my god, I love his
voice.
Now, voice is a big thing.
There's actually some sciencebehind this whole thing with
voice.
What a woman can tell from thetimber, I guess, of a man's
(33:25):
voice.
I pay attention to a man's voicein the past.
If I am starting to talk tosomeone and and I don't like how
his voice sounds, I have let mybody and my mind live in the
science of that and just said,hey, no, thanks.
And I haven't told him like, Idon't like the sound of your
voice, but it says a lot.
And I really love me or hate me,I rest a lot on that.
And I loved the sound of hisvoice, and it just really put me
(33:49):
at ease, not just what he said,or not just the sound of his
voice, but what he said.
And I was like, you know, Grace,you don't need him.
Now you feel like you're comingfrom a place where you don't
need him, you don't actuallyhave to have a boyfriend or need
anything from a man.
So coming from that place andyou like his voice, just give
him a shot, talk to him on thephone, just have a phone
conversation.
And so I decided to give him ashot.
(34:10):
And here we are.
Here we are.
He is one of the most wonderful,upstanding, beautiful humans, I
think, in terms of men, I'veprobably ever dated or been with
in any way.
Now, that's not coming from aplace of I've known him for a
year.
So I'm, you know, take it with agrain of salt.
What I know so far is no redflags, all green flags.
(34:32):
What I know so far is thebeginning of a very beautiful,
very beautiful friendship thatis increasingly becoming what
looks like a very long-termrelationship.
It's completely from this placeof I don't need you in my life
at all.
I really, really want you in mylife.
Really beautiful to come fromthat place because I can
(34:54):
honestly tell you, I've neverhad that before.
I've never been in anyrelationship for the entirety of
my life where I have not feltlike I want you and I need you
and I will die without you.
And the more, you know, thecloser we grow, the more I have
felt like I need this person.
But with him, I feel like, no, II know that I will be fine
(35:14):
without him, but I really wanthim in my life.
And he feels the same way.
And I think the way that we'recoming at each other with a
sense of like our self-love isreally fully intact.
It just comes with so much morerespect, like a level of respect
and appreciation and health thatI really don't think I've ever
experienced ever in a romanticrelationship.
(35:37):
So yeah, I would say that medeciding I never wanted to have
another man again in anycapacity, physically,
emotionally, sexually, orspiritually was a turning point
for me getting the man that I'vealways wanted physically,
spiritually, sexually, and inevery way.
It's really odd.
Like I really feel like he isthe dream man that I've really
(35:59):
always wanted.
But I had to really firstrealize that I didn't want
before I could have.
Yeah.
As for him, I will probably talkmore about our relationship as
time goes on, especially if weevolve as I am assuming we are
going to, based on how it'sgoing so far, and based on how
much there's such a mutual loveand respect and just a dignity
(36:20):
that I feel like we are givingto one another.
It feels just very, verybeautiful and very precious
right now.
I also usually share my man.
Whenever I've had a man in thepast, I share a lot, and I'm
trying to be, I think, much morecareful and much more cautious
with this scenario.
I have not even shared his faceyet, which I would love to in
the future.
But I think right now I want tokeep really protecting what we
(36:40):
have.
We're not sharing each other atall.
Right now, we're in a veryprotective bubble, but we will
share each other eventually.
We decided, you know, we will wewill go more public when it
feels more comfortable and wefeel ready.
But right now we're like, let'sjust nurture this very precious
budding flower that we have.
And I'm being loved very well.
And what I can tell y'all isremember when I said I'm not
(37:01):
choosing no nonchalant, he isthe most shallotinous ninja I
ever met in my life.
This ninja is so shallant, he'sso shallant that I've had to be
like, you don't even have toshallant the way you shall not.
You can you can you can restbecause I don't even need all of
(37:22):
that.
Like someone who's just sowilling to spoil me in so many
different ways.
It's really nice, it's really,really nice, and I'm trying to
let myself rest in it.
I'm trying to let myself justrest in the goodness of it, but
it's so different that it's likea little bit uncomfortable to be
spoiled, like in some ways, youknow.
Anyway, that is the episode fortoday.
I hope you got something out ofthis story.
It's just a wild ride, but it'sbeen such a good, beautiful,
(37:44):
healing ride, and I just reallylook forward to what's next.
Anyway, y'all, thank you forlistening to my love story with
Mr.
Texas.
I really look forward to sharingmore of our budding love story.
Anyway, child, please like,subscribe, share, do the most
with this because I'm trying togrow.
Let YouTube know that you arehere and you want to hear more.
If you're in Apple iTunes,please leave me a review.
(38:06):
And per my usual, I just want totell you if you're here, if
you're listening, thank you somuch for making it this far.
I know you there's a lot tochoose from on the internet, so
thank you for choosing my voice.
And I will see y'all in the nextepisode.
Bye.
So there was a moment where I realized I was
who I needed all along.
I am the one I've been waitingfor.
I am the one.
I am the only one I've beenwaiting for.
And I am the only one who canlove me the way that I need to
be loved.
And as a result of that, onemindset switch, everything
changed.
Hey y'all, welcome back to theOut Here Trying to Survive
(00:25):
podcast, episode 32.
So today we are going to betalking about.
I am going to be telling y'all astory of really how I decided to
choose myself, what led up tothat decision, and really how
that single decision changedreally everything for me,
including the kind of love thatI attracted and now have, that
I'm still a little shook andlow-key kind of scared about,
(00:46):
but in a good way.
I'm just really excited to telly'all a story of happiness and
healing and seeing thingsdifferently because damn, I've
been on these internet streetsout here sharing with y'all my
pain for a long time in areaswhere I have tried to be honest
with y'all, like I'm just notgrowing or I'm growing slow or
it's getting frustrating.
But it's really good to come uphere and tell y'all a
breakthrough that your girl donehad a real actual breakthrough.
(01:10):
Yeah, if that's something you'reinterested in hearing and how I
really attracted the love of mylife by deciding I ain't wonder
no more.
Let me tell y'all a story.
By the way, if you're watchingon YouTube, why am I holding the
microphone?
And my real microphone is overhere.
I'm having trouble with myProTech 4, so I decided to
(01:31):
switch up the game and use mycamera microphone.
But because I'm wearing astrapless dress, I can't put it
on there and it keeps pulling mydress down.
So I'm just gonna hold it likethis for today.
The backstory is back in 2020, Idivorced from a narcissistically
abusive marriage.
I pretty much had the samemindset that I had before, which
is that when I find the rightperson, I'll be happy.
(01:52):
I really thought for a longtime, for most of my adult life,
and in fact, I was socializedthat way, just growing up in
kind of evangelical Christiancircles.
I really believed, like societytold me, the Disney fairy tale
princess, that when you find aman, you will be happy, and that
is what you're supposed to do.
And I was married for 20 yearsof my adult life.
For those of y'all who don'tknow, I divorced him and I just
really thought, you know, like Iwill eventually find a nice
(02:15):
boyfriend.
And I had one that ended poorly,and then I had another one very
briefly, and that too endedpoorly, which I also talked
about on my YouTube channel.
Now, some of those I may haveprivated because I was like,
child, this is just gettingembarrassing.
But I still kind of had thisidea in my mind, like I still
didn't really want to be alone.
I just thought as I heal, I'llattract better quality men.
(02:36):
And so I really set about myhealing journey, but I still
really, really wanted to havesex, I still really wanted to
date, I still really wanted tohave fun.
I just wanted to explore andlearn and do what single people
do, especially because I gotmarried when I was really young.
I got engaged and married when Iwas really, really young.
And so I didn't really have achance to explore dating and
just be out here in these datingstreets and just enjoy being
(02:59):
taken out to dinner and all ofthat.
Because I was 20 years ofmarriage that was really hard,
20 years combined between bothof them.
And it was hard.
Those marriage years was hard,and I gave myself in every way I
possibly could to both of myex-husbands.
Not saying I'm perfect, notsaying I didn't make no
mistakes, y'all.
But I really gave it my all.
I gave healing my all.
I really gave those men a lot ofmy energy and my try.
(03:23):
My try, try, try, try to make itwork.
So when I left my second husbandbecause he was really abusive
and I could not handle itanother day, could not take
another day.
I really thought it was acombination of two things.
One, I do need to keep healingfrom my own childhood trauma,
which was really severe.
But two, and this is the biggerpredominant issue, I thought, is
my first husband, we were notcompatible and we got married
(03:46):
too young and we were dumb anddidn't know what we were doing,
and I wasn't ready for it,neither was he.
And then life was hard and wehad kids and all of that.
In my second marriage, I thoughtwhat happened was he was just
completely abusive and incapableof empathy, and that's the
problem.
And so when I flung myself outinto the world as a single woman
in her early 40s, I reallythought I have been with the
(04:07):
wrong man.
And once I get myself together,really fully heal, and I'm with
the right person, then it willbe right for me.
So I just have to keep healingand keep like putting my nose to
the grindstone and just keephealing and find the right man.
And if I just find the rightman, and when I just find the
right man, and then everythingwill be fine.
I don't know, it's just kind offelt like a little bit to-do
(04:28):
listy, just a little bit to-dolisty, you know, more than I'm
comfortable, but like we we allhave to learn, right?
That's where I was at.
But what I was finding is thatfirst of all, y'all know dating
can be really fun, but it canalso be really painful.
I feel like if you out heretrying to date cishet men, you
are going to experience like anumber of little tea traumas.
(04:49):
And this isn't just me, this isvirtually every woman I know
who's out here who's straight,who's trying to date straight
men, that you are going toexperience a bevy of little tea
traumas interacting withstraight men over and over and
over again.
I really didn't know that,y'all.
I didn't know how bad it was outhere, I didn't know how poisoned
(05:10):
the dating pool really was.
The dating pool is reallypoisoned with the straight men.
This is not anything that issurprising any of y'all to hear,
I'm sure.
But for those of you who don'tknow, men, men, straight men
have so many issues.
Straight men can be so violent,so violent in so many different
(05:31):
ways that it leaves you kind ofjust like shocked.
And again, this isn't just me,this is me and all my friends,
and all of the groups I'm in.
I'm in so many Facebook groupsfor so many different things,
like black women who cook, blackwomen who go to Aldi's, black
women who are sick of dating,black women who are in
paramenopause, and then I'mthat's just the ones for the
(05:53):
black women, and then I'm in somany other groups too.
Women who are in perimenopause,moms, kalamazoo moms.
I mean, I'm probably in like 40groups, and I tend to interact
in my Facebook groups a lotbecause they're just a really
great solid place of community.
And I'm talking about women ofall ages, I'm talking about
women of all races, I'm talkingabout women all over the planet
(06:13):
who are just like datingstraight men is traumatizing.
And I cosign.
I cosign.
I haven't even told the storyyet of what happened to me last
year with a man I was dating,sort of dating.
It was kind of a situation ship,but y'all, this man had a
girlfriend the whole time, thewhole time, like Mrs.
SPEAKER_00 (06:32):
Doubtfire, the whole time, the whole time, though,
the whole time, you would thewhole time.
SPEAKER_01 (06:37):
I mean, it was a little tea trauma for sure.
It was a little tea trauma theway that situation was insane.
Anyway, I'm not gonna harp onthat.
We all already know howtraumatizing it can be to date.
Like, yes, it can be fun, yes,there's so much about it, but if
you go in a woman with an openheart and you're just ready to
love and you're ready for more,and you go in and then you meet
(07:02):
these men, and they aretraumatized themselves in so
many ways, having healed fromlike 17.9 different things, and
these men will not hesitate,they will not hesitate to harm
you in 79.2 different ways.
Ciao, child.
So let me tell y'all the storyof what happened.
I'm gonna try to be brief ofwhat happened with a story that
(07:23):
I think was the tipping pointfor me.
So I'm out here dating, I'mgetting little T traumas over
and over again, and just gettingreally tired and really trying
different things, you know,trying men who aren't as
conventionally attractive,trying men instead of dating men
who are like maybe nines, who Iperceive as nines or even tens,
dating men who are perceived assix or sevens, dating men who
(07:44):
are in a different field, datingmen who are maybe a little bit
more upwardly mobile,financially dating men who are
maybe a little bit less.
Like, I was really tryingdifferent things because I'm
like, certainly it's not justme.
Like, I know my faults, but Ialso know what I bring to the
table.
I know I bring a lot of goodnessand a lot of kindness and a lot
of love and a lot of emotionalmaturity and a lot of loyalty
(08:04):
and a lot of bravery.
And I've known I just have a lotof love to give to a man still.
I've known that while holdingthat intention with I have areas
that I need to work on and I'mstill committed to working on
them and I'm still in therapy.
Okay.
So I've known that.
So I met a man a couple summersago, and he slid my DMs, and I
was just really taken with himright away.
(08:25):
He had a lot of the things onthe list that I had wrote, you
know, the manifestation list,like I want my perfect man, my
dream man, my person to havethese things.
And he had so many of them, andwe had very similar life paths,
which is a very high value forme.
I've really wanted someone whois really into community
activism and communityorganizing and social justice,
(08:46):
who would consider themselves tobe a feminist or a womanist, or
someone who is very, very, verypro-black, very pro-black woman,
someone who does not have atrace of misogynist, someone who
knows how to handle their angerwell, someone who is the
opposite of the abusive man thatI had divorced in 2020.
And this man seemed to possessall of those things.
(09:06):
And not only that, he had thisamazing, really beautiful, deep
voice that I really liked.
We just had such an intense,really not actually, I'm not
even gonna say intense.
We just had an immediate.
I'll say we had a very immediateconnection.
And I was just taken by him.
And he was also very upwardlymobile.
He was in law school, he hadalready had a professional
career, successful career, andso many other things before he
(09:26):
even took himself back to lawschool.
But anyway, when I was tellingpeople about him, they were
like, oh my God, yes, this isthe kind of guy you should be
dating.
This is the exact kind of guyyou should be dating.
And here's why all the menyou've dated in the past have
not been up to par becausethey're not like this guy, like
this guy, this is the guy youshould date.
This is the guy you shouldinvest your time and energy in.
(09:47):
Um, over the course of the nextyear and a half, he just kind of
kept putting it off and puttingit off, but like just giving me
enough to keep me on the hook,giving me enough to keep me
engaged and still wanting morewith him, but saying, here's why
we can't move forward, here'swhy here we can't move forward,
here's why here we can't moveforward.
And in hindsight, now I wouldjust never ever put up with
that.
(10:07):
It's interesting how much youcan grow in such a short amount
of time because now I'd be like,Okay, well then I'm I'm moving.
It's time to bounce to the nextdick, boy.
That would be so simple for meright now, like such a simple
thing.
Like, you are putting me off,you're very nonchalant.
But back then, that was thefirst guy I'd really ever dated
of that quality and caliber,along with the kind of quality
(10:28):
of our connection.
It just felt like there wasalways good reasons, and the
reasons that he were saying madesense to me.
And I also felt like he's worthwaiting for, so I want to be
patient.
And you know, looking back, it'skind of like, oh girl, like if
if it were me talking to someoneelse about this situation, I
would just calmly rub her backand be like, baby girl, this
this he don't want you, he don'twant you.
(10:50):
And there were a couple peoplein my life who were saying that,
you know, in hindsight, I justdidn't get it.
I I wish I could tell y'all Idid, but that's where I'm at.
I'm not gonna lie to y'all.
I was just like, no, no, no, no,it's gonna be fine.
But anyway, it didn't end upbeing fine, and then I found out
(11:13):
in the most gruesome waypossible, in the most gruesome
way possible that he had had agirlfriend on and off basically
the whole time.
The whole time.
SPEAKER_00 (11:21):
The whole time, though, the whole time you would
the whole time, the whole time.
SPEAKER_01 (11:27):
I found out on Valentine's Day earlier this
year when he posted a picture ofhis girlfriend and said, This is
my Valentine.
That's how I found out.
And we're Facebook friends.
This doesn't really make it anybetter, but later I found out
actually it kind of makes itworse, but later I found out
that he didn't mean for me to bein the audience that he was
sharing that.
He meant to have that be so Icouldn't see it.
(11:49):
So, which means he would haveprolonged this even more.
It was one of the more likeheartbreaking things.
It was another yet anotherlittle T trauma.
I mean, I scream cried when Ifound out I scream cried because
I loved this man, and I told himthat three weeks earlier, and I
actually asked him, like, hey,it's been a year and a half.
(12:09):
You keep saying you're not readyfor all of these reasons.
I just want to tell you, like, Ifeel like I'm in love with you.
I really want to keep waiting,but I feel like I should
probably let go.
And he was like, No, no, no,don't let go, don't let go,
girl.
Keep hanging on, keep hanging onbecause we got something special
to wait for.
And so I can't believe I I don'tknow why he didn't just take
(12:30):
that out.
I'm not sure.
He didn't take the out that Igave him, like, let's just,
let's just keep it a bug, let's,let's just be friends.
And then he posted the damnpicture on accident.
I found out I scream cried in mylaundry room.
So my kids would not hear mescream crying like that because
they were all home.
It was a Saturday morning and itwas awful.
And I was awash in grief.
(12:51):
Awash in grief.
But that was a turning point forme where I knew like something
has to change with me.
I literally cannot keep doingthis, I cannot keep experiencing
little T traumas from the menI'm dating.
And during that time, because meand him weren't together,
because we were in asituationship, we weren't dating
exclusively, we weren't evendating in any sort of like real
(13:15):
meaningful way because he livedfar away from me.
So during that time, I was stilltalking to and dating other
people, and he knew that.
And he was telling me that hewasn't talking to or dating
anyone else, which is wild to meconsidering he had a whole ass
girlfriend.
But I was still going on thisjourney, and I will say during
that time, I was making betterchoices of the kind of men I was
(13:36):
dating throughout 2024.
But when I started 2025, I knewsomething has to change, even
with that scenario.
And when that happened onValentine's Day, it was the slap
in the face that I needed, itwas the knife in the back that I
needed, it was the kick in thecoochie that I needed to be
like, girl, you got to wake thefuck up, bitch.
(13:58):
You got to wake the fuck up.
You have got to change.
Things have got to change.
Things have got to change.
I realized I am continuing toabandon myself, albeit better
than I have before, but I'mabandoning myself and I cannot
(14:21):
keep abandoning myself no more.
I can't.
unknown (14:28):
I cannot.
SPEAKER_01 (14:29):
So the first thing I decided to do was just to slow
down dating, just period, justslow down, do a little bit less.
The second thing I decided wasto be much more guarded with my
heart, even if they presented asa really amazing person.
I also decided that I have acomplete and utter intolerance
for nonchalantness.
Ninjas moving forward have to becompletely shallant.
(14:50):
They got to be chalant as fuck.
They got to be shallanting allover the place.
Okay.
So that is what I think everywoman should be at in general if
you're out here single dating.
But that's kind of a hard placeto be when you're coming from a
place of I just really want todate and I just really want to
have a good boyfriend.
I just really want to find anice boyfriend.
Like I was really on that tipfor a while.
(15:10):
Like, I just really want to finda nice boyfriend.
I just want one nice, consistentboyfriend.
That's what I want.
I just want one nice boyfriend.
But I think that line ofthinking led me to continue to
entertain men who werenonchalant.
And I think after that happenedwith the guy and the girlfriend
and Valentine's Day andeverything, I was like, no more
nonchalant ninjas at all.
(15:32):
It's just not happening.
I also decided to redirect myattention back to myself in a
very concrete kind of way, whichwas telling myself how much I
loved myself and appreciatedmyself and what I loved about
myself.
And when I say that I was doingthat, what that looks like, if
you're like, what the hell doesthat look like?
Because it's helpful.
It's a helpful thing to know.
What it looked like for me isthat when I would wake up in the
(15:53):
morning, my first thought wouldbe intentionally, hey, I love
you.
I really love you.
I really appreciate you.
Tried to think about like whatwould be great to experience
from a man?
What is it that I'm looking forin me from from a man?
So I was thinking, if I had aboyfriend, if I did have that
nice boyfriend that I've thoughtI've wanted before, I would love
if when we wake up in themorning, he's like gently
rubbing my shoulder and he'slooking me in my eyeballs and
(16:14):
he's like, you know, I reallyappreciate you.
You, I love you.
I I just really appreciate yourass.
And so I was like, why can't Ijust do that to myself?
Girl, just do that to yourself.
So I did that.
I literally woke up in themorning, and you know how
there's like scientifically atrick.
If you rub the back of your neckwith both your hands, which I
can't do it since I'm holdingthis damn microphone, but if you
(16:35):
rub the back of your neck likethis, your brain, it actually
can't differentiate between thefact that you're doing and
someone else is doing it.
So you can't offer yourselfphysical touch in a way that is
healing.
So I would wake up in themorning and rub my own damn back
and tell myself, like, I loveyou.
I really appreciate you.
I'm really grateful for you.
I love you so much.
And I would try to fall asleeptelling myself that too.
I was trying to really focus onwhat are a few ways besides the
(16:58):
action ways.
You know, sometimes you go workout.
That's telling your body, I loveyou.
Because I'm I want your heart tobe pumping because that's what
you need to be healthy.
You know, you eat healthy,you're telling your body, I love
you.
I'm giving you nourishing shit.
That's the way we show our kidswe love them, giving them
nourishing shit on the table.
So, yeah, those are good too.
But how often are we verballytelling ourselves, I love you,
(17:19):
the way that you want it from aman?
So I was doing some things thatwere showing myself, like, hey,
I do love you.
And the other thing I was doingwas cutting off other
connections pretty quickly thatwere nonchalant, even when it
hurt.
You know, I did a whole podcastepisode, I will link it up here
where I really liked somebody,met somebody in a earlier this
year who I really liked.
(17:39):
He was way too young for me, butI did like him.
Even though he was really young,I did really like him.
You know, we decided after aweek to stop dating because both
of us knew, he knew, and I knewthat it was just not a good
idea.
Our age difference was just alittle bit too much.
Even though we did really trulylike each other, I was realizing
just after a week that he wasgiving me too much anxiety.
And so I cut it off because I'mlike, age difference or not,
(18:01):
even if we hadn't had the agegap, it was giving me anxiety.
And I was like, no, I'm just notgoing to date anyone that gives
me anxiety.
It's just not in the cards for2025 because I love myself too
much.
And there was another guy Idated very briefly.
Again, the brief, I think medating people briefly actually
has been really helpful for mebecause in the past I've held on
way too long.
Trying to think, is he gonna bea nice boyfriend?
(18:23):
No.
Is he?
And just being like, nope, thisisn't right for me.
Deuces.
And then another big thing thatI decided to do was to take 90
days of singleness and celibacy.
And that was really hard.
And honestly, I didn't even makeit the full 90 days.
I'll just keep it real withy'all.
But I think what it kickstartedfor me was really, really
important.
What it kickstarted for me wasan ability to say to a lot of
(18:44):
men, because I had this reallyweird thing happen this summer.
Right when I started that wholeI'm gonna have 90 days of
singleness and celibacy, rightwhen that happened, it was like
colliding with the weathergetting warmer in Michigan, and
I was putting up like a lot ofbikini shots because me and my
daughter were at the pool a lot.
I'm not an Instagram model,Instagram baddie or whatever,
but I do put up bikini shotswhen I feel like you know,
(19:06):
obviously, I don't mind showingmy cleavage or whatever.
So I'm like putting up all theselike sexy pool side picks and
stuff, and Facebook like pushedmy content out so heavy to
thousands and thousands andthousands of men in the actually
specifically black American menin the 35 to 55 demographic.
And so I was getting thousandsof thousands of friend requests
(19:28):
from black men in that agerange, and then it was
coinciding with like hundredsand hundreds and hundreds of
DMs.
I would say I probably got likein that time frame, I haven't
like went back and added it up,but maybe like 300 or so, I was
just getting like a lot ofoptions all of a sudden.
Right when I said I want to takesome time for myself to evaluate
myself, to focus on lovingmyself, to focus on building my
(19:49):
business and things like that.
And it was interesting becauselike when you have thousands of
men in that age range, which isright about actually the age
range that I date, typically 35to 55, and I only date black
American men.
Basically, that's thedemographic that I have decided
is my favorite.
And all of a sudden, I'm gettingthat exact demographic in my
(20:12):
DMs, and some of them were beingextremely kind, extremely
respectful, it's coming at meextremely correctly.
And I was like, dang.
And so what happened was as aresult of that, I was quick to
just say, like, hey, I'mactually I'm doing a time where
I'm pursuing 90 days ofsingleness and celibacy, so I'm
not available right now.
Even for the ones that seemedlike they were great, a lot of
(20:32):
them were really attractive, alot of them seemed very
successful, a lot of them werevery upwardly mobile.
I mean, it was a lot, honestly,like really good options, y'all.
It was, of course, there was alot that were just like, oh my
God, I would never there wasyes, a lot of that, of course.
But like, I didn't even need tobe on dating apps.
I was getting so many greatquality men like pushed at my
(20:53):
door, like I've neverexperienced before.
It was crazy.
Facebook was like, these peoplegonna see your profile.
They're gonna see your profile.
Yeah, it was nuts.
But because I had that 90 daysof singleness and celibacy that
I was trying to do that I didn'teven make it through, because
one of those men, one of thosemen that got through was he was
a very attractive, verysuccessful, really nice, very
(21:17):
respectful.
Like he slid into DMs and wejust started having a great
conversation.
And so, but I told him rightaway, like, hey, I'm doing 90
days of singleness and celibacy,we can be friends, but that's
all we can be.
And I think because I was comingat it from that perspective, it
actually changed like thequality of men who kept engaging
with me, if that makes sense.
So this guy, he just andcontinued to engage with me very
(21:39):
respectfully.
And he was like, I have noproblems with that.
I have no problems with uswaiting on sex as long as you
want or need for us waiting totalk or date or seeing you.
And I think just the way that hecame at me was just so
respectful that it made me, inaddition to actually liking him
and being attracted to him andseeing like this is a very
successful, respectful man.
So I didn't make it the full 90days, but within six weeks of
(22:01):
dating him, um, not even datinghim, within six weeks of just
getting to know him, Iunderstood this situation is he
started off very chalant.
He started off shallanting, butwithin six weeks, it was very
obvious.
Like, he's becoming nonchalant.
Yeah, after six weeks, thatsituation ended and it was fine.
But what it did was it made merealize like I can keep doing
(22:24):
that.
I don't have to say I'm on 90days of singleness and celibacy.
I can just let all these ninjasgo because I really don't feel
like I need or want the dramathat they're bringing.
I think that situation with himwas a nice turning point because
I'm really glad that I diddecide to move forward and go
out on a few dates with him.
We actually ended up having fourdates in that time.
(22:44):
But I'm really glad because itreally showed me you can meet
someone who's really nice.
You guys have a nice compatibleconnection.
He was really very sweet personand attractive and all of these
things, but at the end of theday, it still wasn't the
connection that I needed.
And there were things I wasasking him to do that he was not
doing.
Like, hey, when you do this,this doesn't make me feel very
cared for.
Can you do something different?
(23:05):
And he would say, Yes, yes,babe, I'm gonna try.
And then he would fail.
And after like two or threetimes of that, some of those
things were like just to giveyou an example.
I would say, like, hey, when youget home from work, if you're
working late, just you know,give me a quick call or give me
send me a text, let me knowyou're home.
Or like, let's just have like aquick little check-in,
especially if it's been a reallybusy day and we haven't talked.
Like, I would just love to touchbase.
(23:27):
Or he would say many times, I'mgonna call you back, and never
would.
I just didn't like that.
I just feel like I don't carehow motherfucking busy you are.
I got three kids, he didn't havenot a single child, only a dog.
So I feel like even if you takeyour dog out for a walk, you can
send me a quick text back andsay, Hey, I'm super tired, I'm
gonna go to bed.
He just wasn't following throughnearly enough.
Cha, I was not asking for toomuch.
(23:48):
I had to run it by my bestfriends, I had to run it by my
therapist.
Like, am I asking for too muchwith all these things I'm asking
him to do?
And he keeps failing, and theywere like, No, you are not
asking for too much.
He is just refusing to do any ofthe things and follow through
the way that he should.
But it was a turning point forme in realizing I just don't
need this.
I just don't need this.
I don't need this.
And honestly, the feeling that Ididn't need it started to feel
(24:11):
really good, really, reallygood.
And then reason why I'm laughingis what I'm about to tell y'all
is that the next turning pointfor me, because I feel like it
was like a series of turningpoints throughout 2025 that
really changed things for me.
I went on this like fun friendweekend with a friend group and
one of my best friends, and wehad the best time, okay.
(24:33):
That weekend was wild, it was alittle crazy, it was damn near
debaucherous, okay.
It was a crazy weekend.
What happened that weekend stayswith that weekend, okay?
It was crazy, and that's all I'mgonna say about that.
But having kind of an adultcrazy weekend where I really let
myself go a little bit, okay?
(24:54):
I let myself have fun.
On the way home from thatweekend, me and my girl were
driving back.
It was like an hour and a halfhome.
She was quieter, she wassleeping, and I just had these
thoughts in my head.
And I, you know, we're on theroad, it's dark, and I just had
some really deep thoughts, and Iwas like, you know, I don't
really need that.
Like what happened this weekend?
Yeah, that was fun.
Yeah, it was a little wild,yeah, it was a little crazy, but
I don't really need that.
(25:14):
And then I started thinking towhat happened in the summer
dating this very attractive,very wealthy, very compatible
man, and I was like, I don'treally need that.
And then I was like, so youdon't really need to date, you
don't really need to date menlike him or any man.
And then you had some fun andyou don't really feel like you
need the fun.
And then I was like, oh, I don'treally need men at all.
It just kind of hit me like, Idon't need them for anything.
(25:37):
And then I realized you don'treally need them for money, you
don't really need them forsuccess, you don't really need
them for companionship because Ihave such amazing girlfriends
and I get so many relationalneeds met from them.
And I just had this moment whereI was like, oh my God, I don't
need any of them at all foranything.
I don't need them at all.
And it was just kind of like,holy shit, like, oh my God.
(25:59):
It was kind of like a liferevelation.
Like, I've believed my wholeentire fucking life that I have
needed men for something, onething or another.
If not money, then sex.
If not sex, then companionship.
If not companionship, then tobuild shit.
If not to build shit, then to bearound.
If not to be around, to likechange a damn tire.
If not to change a tire, thenfor leadership.
(26:21):
If not leadership, it was justkind of like you have been
socialized your whole life tobelieve that you need these men.
If it's not for A, B, C, D, E,and F, it's for G-H-I-K-L-N-O P.
And I really realized like Idon't need S T R V W X Y or Z
from them.
Nothing.
Not a single damn thing I needfrom them.
Nothing.
(26:42):
And not only that, like in thisbig epiphany moment in this car
ride, I was like, I don't evenwant those things from them.
I don't really want to datethem.
I don't want their money.
I don't want sex.
I don't want dick.
I don't want companionship.
I don't want a hug.
I just realized I don't evenwant these things from them
because they're all fuckingheadaches.
(27:02):
Every single one of them areheadaches.
All of them are getting on myfucking nerves and causing me
little T traumas over and overand over again.
I just don't want it anymore.
It was crazy, y'all.
All of this hit me in this carride.
And I was like, oh my God, Ican't wait to tell my counselor
this.
We have been talking ad nauseumall summer, basically since
(27:25):
April, about all of these issuesand him trying to kind of, I
think, help me move towards aplace of independence, not all
the way towards independence towhere I got to, but like to the
place where I just was feelingfulfilled in myself.
And it was kind of like all ofthe self-work I've been doing,
all of the desires that I'vehad, all of the ways that I've
been trying to get myselfhealed, ready for a
(27:47):
relationship.
And I realized I'm just readyfor me.
I just want me.
I just want to keep lovingmyself.
I love what I give to myself.
I love how I love myself.
And I love how my girlfriendslove me.
And I love how I love myself.
And I just, I love all of it.
And I don't really need anythingmore from anyone ever.
And I don't care if I ever meetanother man who's handsome and
(28:08):
successful and well off and thisor that.
It doesn't matter what he is orwhat he brings to the table.
I don't care.
I just don't need them or wantthem.
I don't know.
I woke up the next day like abrand new woman.
Like, oh my God, this is sofreeing.
This is so freeing.
Like, how did I get here?
I cannot believe that I'm here.
(28:30):
I literally cannot fuckingbelieve that like I finally got
to a place where I'm like, Idon't even want a boyfriend.
I don't even want one.
I don't need dick at all.
Like, I can buy one off Amazon.
They move the ones, girl, theymove, they gyrate, they heat up,
they shake, they swivel, theyturn.
(28:50):
I mean, if you want to buy adick, like I can give you some
references because I have foundsome that I'm like, do you even
need the real thing?
I mean, dang.
But anyway, I've been wrong.
Like my whole life, I've beenwrong about what I thought I
needed and what I thought I hadto fix.
And I just thought I had to findsomething different.
I had this huge epiphany, huge.
(29:10):
I told my therapist, and he waslike, What?
What?
Oh my God.
Like he, I just told him all thewhole thing.
And he was just like, Oh my God,like that's crazy.
And I was just like, Yeah, Ireally feel like I'm going to be
single and I'm going to not beout here and I'm just going to
do me and I'm going to focus onmyself.
And he was like, That's great,Grace.
(29:32):
Like, really, reallyencouraging.
And I was just like, Yeah, I'mjust to a place now where like I
don't want to find a niceboyfriend at all.
So I'm just going to be single.
And he was like, That's perfect.
That's great.
I'm really excited for you.
And I was like, Yep, I got offall dating apps.
I closed down all my datingapps.
I'm not open to any DMs.
Like, men are still kind oftrickling through, like, they're
(29:54):
still messaging me here andthere from like the big Facebook
push.
But yeah, I'm just going to bealone.
And he was like, That's awesome.
And That is literally where Iwas when my man that I have
right now, because I do have aboyfriend, when he slid into my
DMs and I told him, like, hey,thanks for inquiring, but I'm
(30:14):
not looking for a boyfriendright now.
I'm actually gonna be single fora while.
I'm just focusing on myself.
Yeah, I'm just not interested,but thank you.
And then he like wrote me backagain and then, you know, said
something else, very respectful,very kind.
He came at it in a very kind oflike, again, like, oh, I I
respect where you're at.
And you know, just asking mesome questions, just he was
keeping me engaged.
And the questions were totallyfine.
They were totally respectable,and some of the things he was
(30:36):
telling me about himself.
And I was like, Yeah, youactually seem like a really,
really cool guy.
Yeah, I'm just not I'm notinterested.
Um, but like we can be friendsif you want to be friends.
And he was like, Yeah, I wouldlove to be friends.
And so we continue to messagebeing friends.
Now, the reason why I evencontinue to message with him is
because if I'm engaging with aman and he's actually engaging
me and engaging my brain and I'menjoying messaging with him,
(30:57):
which is what happened, I'llkeep doing that.
It's just very rare that thatactually happens.
It's very, very rare, really, inthe history of Facebook
Messenger that a man can DM meand actually keep me engaged
because I'm such a sapiosexual.
Such a sapiosexual.
A man has to really be veryintelligent and really highly
engaging and highly mature tokeep my attention.
Otherwise, I'm just, yeah, yeah,bro.
(31:18):
I'm not gonna fucking sit hereand smell talk with you, like,
hey boo, how are you?
Good morning, beautiful.
Hi, beautiful, good morning,beautiful.
Like, I'm not gonna fucking dothat all day.
Please, please engage my fuckingbrain.
So, anyway, that's what he wasdoing.
So the fact that he was keepingmy attention and we were just
engaging on that kind of likefriend level is really what his
in-road was.
Because he let it know, like, Ithink you're a very beautiful
(31:39):
woman, you seem veryintelligent, we have
da-da-da-da-da-all these thingsin line.
And I was just like, Yeah, it isvery rare for me to meet someone
where we have so many thingsthat are very, very aligned.
We do have so many worldviewsthat are very aligned, and I
have a very particularworldview.
I have a very particularworldview, so I'm like, Okay,
(31:59):
you got you got me there.
He tried to call me one day,like he called me through
Facebook Messenger, and I'mlike, Nick, that is, I mean,
it's not a red flag.
Someone trying to call you isnot a red flag, but it did
strike me as like, okay, that'sweird because men nowadays do
not just try to call you in theDMs, you know, it's just not a
(32:20):
thing that men do.
But I know that he had beenmarried before and had been
married for a long time and likeisn't necessarily out here in
these dating streets, likeknowing exactly like dating
decorum or even trying to get agirl decorum.
And so I ignored that, but thenlike you know, we kept messaging
and then like the next Saturday,he did the same thing where he
tried to call me again in theDMs, and I was like, I need to
(32:44):
let him know for sure.
So I left him back a voice noteand I just said, Hey, I want to
be very clear, I'm notinterested in getting to know
anyone, and so let me be soclear so that you can not call
me anymore.
I didn't say that specificallyor so like rudely.
It sounds like I was being rude,but I was just like, No, because
you call me, I'm never going topick up.
(33:05):
Never ever going to pick up.
Because I left him a voice note,he left me a voice note back.
And honestly, that is whatchanged things for me because
when I heard his voice, I waslike, Oh my god, I love his
voice.
Now, voice is a big thing.
There's actually some sciencebehind this whole thing with
voice.
What a woman can tell from thetimber, I guess, of a man's
(33:25):
voice.
I pay attention to a man's voicein the past.
If I am starting to talk tosomeone and and I don't like how
his voice sounds, I have let mybody and my mind live in the
science of that and just said,hey, no, thanks.
And I haven't told him like, Idon't like the sound of your
voice, but it says a lot.
And I really love me or hate me,I rest a lot on that.
And I loved the sound of hisvoice, and it just really put me
(33:49):
at ease, not just what he said,or not just the sound of his
voice, but what he said.
And I was like, you know, Grace,you don't need him.
Now you feel like you're comingfrom a place where you don't
need him, you don't actuallyhave to have a boyfriend or need
anything from a man.
So coming from that place andyou like his voice, just give
him a shot, talk to him on thephone, just have a phone
conversation.
And so I decided to give him ashot.
(34:10):
And here we are.
Here we are.
He is one of the most wonderful,upstanding, beautiful humans, I
think, in terms of men, I'veprobably ever dated or been with
in any way.
Now, that's not coming from aplace of I've known him for a
year.
So I'm, you know, take it with agrain of salt.
What I know so far is no redflags, all green flags.
(34:32):
What I know so far is thebeginning of a very beautiful,
very beautiful friendship thatis increasingly becoming what
looks like a very long-termrelationship.
It's completely from this placeof I don't need you in my life
at all.
I really, really want you in mylife.
Really beautiful to come fromthat place because I can
(34:54):
honestly tell you, I've neverhad that before.
I've never been in anyrelationship for the entirety of
my life where I have not feltlike I want you and I need you
and I will die without you.
And the more, you know, thecloser we grow, the more I have
felt like I need this person.
But with him, I feel like, no, II know that I will be fine
(35:14):
without him, but I really wanthim in my life.
And he feels the same way.
And I think the way that we'recoming at each other with a
sense of like our self-love isreally fully intact.
It just comes with so much morerespect, like a level of respect
and appreciation and health thatI really don't think I've ever
experienced ever in a romanticrelationship.
(35:37):
So yeah, I would say that medeciding I never wanted to have
another man again in anycapacity, physically,
emotionally, sexually, orspiritually was a turning point
for me getting the man that I'vealways wanted physically,
spiritually, sexually, and inevery way.
It's really odd.
Like I really feel like he isthe dream man that I've really
(35:59):
always wanted.
But I had to really firstrealize that I didn't want
before I could have.
Yeah.
As for him, I will probably talkmore about our relationship as
time goes on, especially if weevolve as I am assuming we are
going to, based on how it'sgoing so far, and based on how
much there's such a mutual loveand respect and just a dignity
(36:20):
that I feel like we are givingto one another.
It feels just very, verybeautiful and very precious
right now.
I also usually share my man.
Whenever I've had a man in thepast, I share a lot, and I'm
trying to be, I think, much morecareful and much more cautious
with this scenario.
I have not even shared his faceyet, which I would love to in
the future.
But I think right now I want tokeep really protecting what we
(36:40):
have.
We're not sharing each other atall.
Right now, we're in a veryprotective bubble, but we will
share each other eventually.
We decided, you know, we will wewill go more public when it
feels more comfortable and wefeel ready.
But right now we're like, let'sjust nurture this very precious
budding flower that we have.
And I'm being loved very well.
And what I can tell y'all isremember when I said I'm not
(37:01):
choosing no nonchalant, he isthe most shallotinous ninja I
ever met in my life.
This ninja is so shallant, he'sso shallant that I've had to be
like, you don't even have toshallant the way you shall not.
You can you can you can restbecause I don't even need all of
(37:22):
that.
Like someone who's just sowilling to spoil me in so many
different ways.
It's really nice, it's really,really nice, and I'm trying to
let myself rest in it.
I'm trying to let myself justrest in the goodness of it, but
it's so different that it's likea little bit uncomfortable to be
spoiled, like in some ways, youknow.
Anyway, that is the episode fortoday.
I hope you got something out ofthis story.
It's just a wild ride, but it'sbeen such a good, beautiful,
(37:44):
healing ride, and I just reallylook forward to what's next.
Anyway, y'all, thank you forlistening to my love story with
Mr.
Texas.
I really look forward to sharingmore of our budding love story.
Anyway, child, please like,subscribe, share, do the most
with this because I'm trying togrow.
Let YouTube know that you arehere and you want to hear more.
If you're in Apple iTunes,please leave me a review.
(38:06):
And per my usual, I just want totell you if you're here, if
you're listening, thank you somuch for making it this far.
I know you there's a lot tochoose from on the internet, so
thank you for choosing my voice.
And I will see y'all in the nextepisode.
Bye.
Popular Podcasts
Stuff You Should Know
If you've ever wanted to know about champagne, satanism, the Stonewall Uprising, chaos theory, LSD, El Nino, true crime and Rosa Parks, then look no further. Josh and Chuck have you covered.
Dateline NBC
Current and classic episodes, featuring compelling true-crime mysteries, powerful documentaries and in-depth investigations. Follow now to get the latest episodes of Dateline NBC completely free, or subscribe to Dateline Premium for ad-free listening and exclusive bonus content: DatelinePremium.com
The Burden
The Burden is a documentary series that takes listeners into the hidden places where justice is done (and undone). It dives deep into the lives of heroes and villains. And it focuses a spotlight on those who triumph even when the odds are against them. Season 5 - The Burden: Death & Deceit in Alliance On April Fools Day 1999, 26-year-old Yvonne Layne was found murdered in her Alliance, Ohio home. David Thorne, her ex-boyfriend and father of one of her children, was instantly a suspect. Another young man admitted to the murder, and David breathed a sigh of relief, until the confessed murderer fingered David; “He paid me to do it.” David was sentenced to life without parole. Two decades later, Pulitzer winner and podcast host, Maggie Freleng (Bone Valley Season 3: Graves County, Wrongful Conviction, Suave) launched a “live” investigation into David's conviction alongside Jason Baldwin (himself wrongfully convicted as a member of the West Memphis Three). Maggie had come to believe that the entire investigation of David was botched by the tiny local police department, or worse, covered up the real killer. Was Maggie correct? Was David’s claim of innocence credible? In Death and Deceit in Alliance, Maggie recounts the case that launched her career, and ultimately, “broke” her.” The results will shock the listener and reduce Maggie to tears and self-doubt. This is not your typical wrongful conviction story. In fact, it turns the genre on its head. It asks the question: What if our champions are foolish? Season 4 - The Burden: Get the Money and Run “Trying to murder my father, this was the thing that put me on the path.” That’s Joe Loya and that path was bank robbery. Bank, bank, bank, bank, bank. In season 4 of The Burden: Get the Money and Run, we hear from Joe who was once the most prolific bank robber in Southern California, and beyond. He used disguises, body doubles, proxies. He leaped over counters, grabbed the money and ran. Even as the FBI was closing in. It was a showdown between a daring bank robber, and a patient FBI agent. Joe was no ordinary bank robber. He was bright, articulate, charismatic, and driven by a dark rage that he summoned up at will. In seven episodes, Joe tells all: the what, the how… and the why. Including why he tried to murder his father. Season 3 - The Burden: Avenger Miriam Lewin is one of Argentina’s leading journalists today. At 19 years old, she was kidnapped off the streets of Buenos Aires for her political activism and thrown into a concentration camp. Thousands of her fellow inmates were executed, tossed alive from a cargo plane into the ocean. Miriam, along with a handful of others, will survive the camp. Then as a journalist, she will wage a decades long campaign to bring her tormentors to justice. Avenger is about one woman’s triumphant battle against unbelievable odds to survive torture, claim justice for the crimes done against her and others like her, and change the future of her country. Season 2 - The Burden: Empire on Blood Empire on Blood is set in the Bronx, NY, in the early 90s, when two young drug dealers ruled an intersection known as “The Corner on Blood.” The boss, Calvin Buari, lived large. He and a protege swore they would build an empire on blood. Then the relationship frayed and the protege accused Calvin of a double homicide which he claimed he didn’t do. But did he? Award-winning journalist Steve Fishman spent seven years to answer that question. This is the story of one man’s last chance to overturn his life sentence. He may prevail, but someone’s gotta pay. The Burden: Empire on Blood is the director’s cut of the true crime classic which reached #1 on the charts when it was first released half a dozen years ago. Season 1 - The Burden In the 1990s, Detective Louis N. Scarcella was legendary. In a city overrun by violent crime, he cracked the toughest cases and put away the worst criminals. “The Hulk” was his nickname. Then the story changed. Scarcella ran into a group of convicted murderers who all say they are innocent. They turned themselves into jailhouse-lawyers and in prison founded a lway firm. When they realized Scarcella helped put many of them away, they set their sights on taking him down. And with the help of a NY Times reporter they have a chance. For years, Scarcella insisted he did nothing wrong. But that’s all he’d say. Until we tracked Scarcella to a sauna in a Russian bathhouse, where he started to talk..and talk and talk. “The guilty have gone free,” he whispered. And then agreed to take us into the belly of the beast. Welcome to The Burden.