October 28, 2025 • 40 mins
The headline said SNAP might pause, and my stomach dropped. Not because of theory, but because of dinner. What follows is a raw, grounded look at who gets hit first when social safety nets fray—women-led households, elders, disabled neighbors, and children—and how Black women absorb the shock long before it makes the news. I share what it felt like to pencil out November with nothing extra, why “just get a job” ignores reality, and how pulling millions from local stores drives grocery prices up for everyone.
We go deeper than policy. I talk candidly about mental health, perimenopause, PTSD, and ADHD—and how these shape work, parenting, and capacity. We unpack the Strong Black Woman myth and name the invisible load so many of us carry in silence. Then we get practical: a simple breathing practice to steady your nervous system, small manifestation routines that help your brain find a path, and the boundaries that keep your energy from leaking away. Softness is not surrender; it’s a calibrated form of strength that lets us remain human while the system shakes.
You’ll hear the story of growing up hungry, the first years of overeating when food was finally accessible, and why food insecurity leaves fingerprints on our present. You’ll also hear how community care shows up in real life, why asking for help is strategy not shame, and how the Soft Girl Survival System gathers tools—grounding, self-advocacy, and daily energy audits—for women who are tired of being everyone’s backbone. If this conversation lands, share it with someone who needs proof they aren’t alone, subscribe so you don’t miss what’s next, and leave a review with one practice you’ll try this week. Your softness is a strategy. Your joy is resistance. Let’s protect both.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
SPEAKER_00 (00:05):
So there is a moment that keeps replaying in my head
lately, and it is of a few weeksago when the news dropped that
Snap Benefits were potentiallybeing paused.
It was not like a foregoneconclusion yet.
And it was all about, you know,the government shutdown.
And I'm scrolling TikTok,looking at different TikTok
accounts that talk about thethings that I think about a lot.
And same thing on Instagram.
(00:26):
And I'm just scrolling that,almost doom scrolling, trying to
find out more information,realizing like how many people
this impacts, etc., includingmyself.
And then I'm sitting theretrying to plan out my own little
money and figure out what I'mgonna do for myself because my
finances are tight as hell.
I'm in school right now and I'mgraduating this year.
Thank God I'm graduating in justa little while, depending that I
(00:46):
get all my work done, y'all,because I've been a little bit
trifling.
I ain't gonna lie.
But I'm starting the process ofapplying for work now, including
the fact that I will have thisdegree on my resume.
And just wondering, like, isthere even going to be work for
me?
And I was just thinking abouthow I've heard statistics about
over 300,000 black women havelost their jobs in this calendar
year since the orange demon waselected due to various DEI
(01:09):
programs and all sorts of thingsbeing shut down.
And this is something I'vethought many, many, many times.
But it occurred to me again thatday, like black women really do
carry so much more of everythingthat's going on, and we feel the
impacts of it first.
It seems like a lot of timeswhen we get hit with the
inevitable hardship, there is amuch more of a you'll figure it
(01:30):
out kind of mindset when itcomes to black women more than
any other demographic.
And I feel the weight of that.
I feel it often, but it reallyoccurred to me again a few weeks
ago because I'm like, damn, thisis really going to impact me,
particularly if it's Novemberand December.
And I remember thinking like,okay, finances are tight, I can
do gig work, I can donateplasma, I can do all these
things till I graduate.
(01:51):
I just gotta push through till Igraduate and get this job and
get this money.
But due to me being who I am andwhere I'm at, I do feel a sense
of kind of like, your grace,you'll figure it out.
And it's funny because I thinkmore and more as I've healed and
become more whole and healthy, Ithink more and more people see
me as strong.
And I'm like, y'all, are youyou're kidding, right?
(02:12):
Because like, yes, I'm strong,but like only to an extent.
Like, yes, I can figure stuffout, but like only to an extent
I need help.
I do need help.
A lot of women need help, andI'm not talking specifically
about the snap benefits, butthat's really true about all of
the women-led households who aregoing to be affected by these
(02:33):
benefits being canceled.
Elderly, disabled, and childrenare a large majority of who SNAP
benefits.
It's not about just go get ajob.
Do you want someone 85 years oldto just go get a job they can't?
Do you want a disabled personwho's already not able to work
to just go get a job, theycan't?
A three-year-old, afour-year-old, a seven-year-old,
you want a seven-year-old outhere flipping burgers at
McDonald's so they can make itwork because their food stamps
(02:55):
were lost?
I think that some people aren'treally thinking when they say
stupid, silly shit like that.
The impacts, and also someonelike me who's also trying to do
so many things already to try tobring in income, there's no time
left when you're already doingfour jobs and you have kids and
you have school-age kids, andyou gotta drive them to school,
and all the things that all thewomen like me, I just happen to
(03:16):
be in school myself, lookingforward to just getting a job.
But in the meantime, before thisannouncement happened, I was
like, Oh, I'm so relievedbecause finances are so tight.
I'm so relieved that at least Iknow I have the ability to buy
food for the kids in Novemberand December.
I literally had that thought.
Had that specific thought.
(03:36):
And then the announcement cameand I just felt such a punch in
the gut.
It really depressed me.
It really depressed me for aday.
So if you know me and you'vewatched my channel, I also
practice manifestation practicespretty hardcore, y'all.
I'm pretty hardcore.
I do the Joe Dispenzameditations.
I have a couple of his books, Ido visualizations, I do
(03:59):
scripting, I do affirmations, Ido affirmations, I do chanting.
I mean, I do a lot of stuff.
A lot of it has worked.
Some of it works sometimes, someof it doesn't work sometimes.
In a lot of ways, I haveliterally been able to manifest
enough money to stay afloat forthese last three and a half
years that I have not workedfull-time.
I've been working hard while I'mdoing that.
(04:19):
I just haven't been working in afull-time salaried position with
medical benefits, etc.
Additionally, the unemploymentrate for black women has gone up
since this administrationstarted in a horrible economy.
While grocery prices are goingup, by the way, SNAP benefits
when they are lost, when$90million of money that would go
into the local economy is lost,grocery prices are going to go
(04:40):
up to make up for it.
It's not that Aldi's or Walmartor Meyer or whoever else, Kroger
CEOs, are going to say, you knowwhat, in order to absorb the
cost of$90 million not beingspent at our stores in these
next few months, we'll take apay cut.
That's not going to happen.
What's actually going to happenis that the prices are going to
go up for everyone.
So if you think that you're safebecause you're not on Snap
(05:02):
Benefits, you're not, boo.
There are 41 million familieswho are going to be affected by
the Snap Benefit shutdown.
It's just really sad.
We don't want to feed the kidsthat we are forcing women to
have.
That's crazy work.
It's fucking crazy work.
So I would never tell anyone,just be strong.
Just be strong.
Just try to stay positive.
(05:23):
I would never tell that toanyone else, even though that is
what I'm trying to do.
That's what I'm trying to do forme because I feel like I don't
have another choice.
But the truth is, a lot of blackwomen don't have that choice.
A lot of us don't have thatchoice.
Forces us into a role where wehave to figure out how to be the
strong one and absorb it intoour bodies, into our nervous
(05:43):
system so that we can just keepgoing.
One thing I always try to do,y'all, is I really try and I've
worked very, very hard toprotect my peace.
Now, part of the reason that Ihave done that is because as I
have learned more and more aboutmanifestation techniques and
principles, if you know anythingabout it, if you know a modicum
of anything about it, you knowthat remaining in a flow state
of homeostasis where yournervous system just feels good
(06:06):
is really important toattracting good things.
But also, if you know anythingmedically about the kind of
stress that a woman feels whenshe's going through
perimenopause, when a woman issingle parenting, if you're out
here going through an enormousamount of stress because you're
trying to raise your kids andtake care of your older parents,
or because you're financiallyunstable, or you've just
(06:27):
recently been through a divorce,or you're a domestic violence
survivor, or all of the thingsthat impact middle-aged women,
who my primary audience is who'slistening to this, all of those
things you know that stress,continuously absorbing stress
medically affects you, that itcan lead to health causes, IBS,
your hair falling out, it canlead to a higher incidence of
stroke or heart attack orwhatever.
(06:48):
I mean, we know, we all knowkind of at a base level, like we
should not be carrying around anenormous amount of stress and
whatever we can do to de-stressis really, really important.
So I just want to share a fewways today that I'm trying to
protect my peace and my sanity,given that this all hurts so
much.
If you're an empath like me,like it just feels so heavy.
I feel so much pain when I thinkabout the idea.
(07:12):
Oh, it just makes me feel like Iwant to cry right now.
But like when I think about howstressful this month is going to
be for me, how much more I'mgoing to have to do this month,
how much tired I'm going to haveto be to make up for that$500.
But I'm capable and able to doit in part because I am in
school, so I'm not working 40hours and adding an additional
(07:32):
thing.
But I think about all of thewomen who are just legitimately
scared right now, or they'relike me, they don't have family.
I don't have anyone in my lifethat can say, Hey, can you see
me through this fully?
Aunties and uncles, or both myparents are not alive.
I'm not close to my siblingsbecause they are not safe people
for me to be close to.
I don't have that kind of familysupport.
I do have best friends, and weare all struggling in our own
(07:54):
unique ways trying to get ourlives together.
So, some of us, if you're likeme, I'm assuming there's a lot
more people like me who justdon't have that kind of support.
And it feels scary.
And when I think about all ofthe women right now who just
don't have any of the thingsthat would make up for this
loss, how fearful, how scary itfeels to be a mom and not be
able to provide for your kids isso intense.
(08:16):
It's such an intense feeling.
So I have had to purposefullyjust not think about it.
Like, whatever I can do to justnot think about it and to, I
know this is gonna sounddelusional, but if you believe
in law of attraction or law ofassumption, you literally have
to be a little delusion.
And that is honestly how I'velived and how it's worked for me
for a little while.
So so I can tell you this doeswork.
(08:38):
But I do have to tell myselfevery day, like everything's
gonna work out, everything'sworking out for me, I'm gonna
figure it out, I will find away, the money will come
somehow, I'll be able to providesomehow.
Through literally justconvincing yourself that those
things will happen.
You know, I tell myself, I'llfigure something out that I
hadn't thought of before.
There'll be an opportunity thatI didn't have before.
I just kind of tell myself in anideal way, what would ideally
(09:01):
get me through this?
And I tell myself that, and Ijust live in that delusion.
So if you were to ask me rightnow, like, well, what are you
gonna do?
How are you gonna make thiswork?
I don't know.
It's October 27th.
I don't know.
November 1st is right around thecorner.
I'm literally a case study, andI don't know.
(09:21):
I don't know.
I do not have access to anyother money in any other way.
I mean, on that tip, if you wantto donate to my Patreon, which
is basically like kind of payingme for doing social media work,
which I do.
I try to do as much as I can,but I have my limits.
But yeah, you can donate to myPatreon and it's not just
donating to me, it's actuallydonating to me, continuing to do
(09:42):
my podcast, really, because mypodcast doesn't pay me.
I still try to remain in mydelusional, positive,
everything's gonna work out likesoft girl era, you know?
I try to remain soft because Iknow that that doesn't mean I'm
weak.
I know that crying doesn't meanI'm weak.
I know that being sad aboutlosing this big thing doesn't
(10:03):
mean I'm weak.
I know that me feeling empathyfor all the other kids in the
country who are going toexperience hunger this month
doesn't mean I'm weak.
By the way, I'm a kid who didexperience that.
I'm a kid who grew upexperiencing hunger quite often.
I remember feeling hungry a lot.
It was a predominant feeling ofmy childhood.
I remember feeling like, dang, Ijust wish we had food here.
(10:25):
I remember thinking that quite abit.
I wish we had something elsebesides like a potato, you know,
like I could put in the oven orsomething.
Like it just was a feeling thatfelt frustrating.
I also used to go over myfriend's house a lot because my
friend's parents would feed me,could have dinner with them.
I just knew I was gonna be ableto get food if I went over to my
friend's house.
This was starting in likeprobably sixth grade all through
(10:46):
high school.
And then when I got married, Igot married really young.
I was like 22 when I gotmarried, and I was the primary
one responsible for like buyingour groceries and buying dinner,
and I would I would make like adinner for like four people and
then just put half of it on myplate and half of it on his
plate and just eat so much.
(11:08):
Like I just started overeatingso bad.
I was overeating so bad when Ifirst got married because it was
just the first time I had accessto a grocery budget and had
access to food.
Because y'all, I was so hungryall through college too.
And if you're wondering why,it's because I was living
primarily only with my mom.
My mom, who who was, she hasshe's gone now, but she was a
diagnosed paranoid schizophrenicand she died with dementia.
(11:28):
But while I was living with her,which it was just me and her in
the house from like six, sixthgrade on or so, because my
brother, my brother was with us,but he went to prison at some
point.
But I can't remember how old Iwas exactly.
I think I was like 13 when hewent to prison.
But anyway, it was just us twoin the house, and my mom was
just really losing her abilityto care for me by the year.
And by the time college hit,there was just no food.
(11:50):
I don't even know what my momwas eating.
I I don't even know.
There was just no food.
I was always hungry, I wasalways scraping by.
I was in school, I was living athome, going to school.
I was a nanny, and I wasconstantly taking food from my
the house that I was nannyingfor and just constantly hungry.
I remember one time, this issuch a I'm off topic, but I
(12:11):
remember one time visiting myboyfriend who I ended up
marrying, and like he had abunch of quarters on his desk.
I was like, Oh, I could getMcDonald's on the way home.
Like when I left one timeafterwards, like a day later,
he's like, Did you take allthose quarters on my desk?
And I was like, Yeah.
And he's like, Why?
I was like, just so I could getsome McDonald's on the home.
He was like, You took like sevendollars worth of quarters.
unknown (12:32):
I was like, I'm hungry.
SPEAKER_00 (12:34):
Like, I don't really think anybody knew, honestly,
the kind of food insecurity thatI grew up with that I was like
constantly hungry.
So when I first got married, Igained so much weight in the
first like few years of us beingmarried because I just was not
used to being able to eat somuch every day all the time.
It's funny in hindsight.
I'm just trying to tell y'all,like, I know that feeling.
(12:55):
I know what it feels like, andit's such a terrible, terrible
feeling.
It's so uncomfortable to behungry.
I mean, just think about whenyou go to a restaurant and
you're hungry and you're madbecause they haven't served you
yet and you're waiting for what,a half an hour?
And that is what we are doing to41 million people in the next
month or two, denying people theability to buy food who have who
(13:16):
are dependent on it for validreasons.
This feels like a really goodtime for us to take a deep
breath if this conversationstresses you out, but you're
still curious where I'm goingwith this.
Let's just take a deep breath.
That always helps me.
It's a grounding practice that Iuse a lot.
So we're gonna breathe in forfour, we're gonna hold it for
four, and then we're gonnabreathe out.
(13:37):
All right, let's inhale forfour.
Hold for four.
This time, when you breathe infor four, you're going to tell
yourself that you're not alonein this.
And when you breathe out forfour, you're going to again
(13:58):
repeat, I am not alone in thisin your head.
Alright, here we go.
Breathe in for four.
Hold for four.
And breathe out.
I am not alone in this.
Hopefully that was helpful foryou.
(14:19):
That is something I do quiteoften.
You're not crazy for feelingoverwhelmed, and you're not
crazy, or nothing is wrong withyou if you're like me, where you
just feel really heavy foreveryone else.
You're not crazy or something iswrong with you if you feel like
you need rest, more rest thanusual, because we're literally
in the middle of a fascisttakeover.
(14:39):
And these systems are just notbuilt with black women in mind.
As a matter of fact, it's builtto tear us down.
And that is a reality that I amfully aware of, fully
acknowledging every day, andfully accepting of at this
point, like this is where we'reat, but I have to figure out how
to survive it myself.
That's exactly why I created asystem called the Soft Girl
(15:02):
Survival System.
And it's for you if you justfeel very overwhelmed with life,
very overwhelmed with all thesethings going on.
It's a toolkit to help you holdyourself together first before
you try holding everyone elsetogether.
And it's for women who are readyto take care of themselves
because you're kind of tired ofbeing everyone else's backbone.
It is linked in my stand store.
It is$27.
Given everything that's goingon, if you cannot afford it at
(15:25):
all, just let me know and I'llsend it to you.
I mean, yes, I need money, andyes, if you can pay for it, pay
for it.
But if you can't, I also feellike I'm not for holding someone
back who would benefit from theresources that I've created and
the knowledge that I create,which is why I do my podcast
because I do want people tobenefit from the things that I
have learned because I donesurvived a lot.
I done survived a lot, and Iwant you to as well.
(15:48):
All right, so let's talk aboutthis invisible load.
I I've been thinking about it,it comes up quite a bit.
I was thinking about it while Iwas watching this latest season
of Project Runway.
And if you notice, there's ascene where I forgot his name.
He's a drag queen.
But anyway, there's the scenewhere he hugs this black woman.
I believe her name is Miss Joan.
This is the latest season ofProject Runway.
I love Project Runway, by theway.
(16:09):
Who else loves it?
Anyway, and he's crying aboutsomething and she pulls him in
her chest and she just holdshim.
Then they talk about when she'sgetting voted off, like how much
Miss Joan was a mothering figurefor so many of them.
And I was thinking about howearlier this year I created this
TikTok.
Pop quiz.
If you're ever in trouble,always ask a who.
That's right.
(16:29):
The TikTok shows me asking mydaughter, if you're ever in
trouble, if you ever need help,who do you ask?
Who do you find?
And she says, a black woman.
And I went through a lot ofteaching lessons with my
daughter earlier this year,telling her, if you're out and
about and you get lost, find ablack woman.
Do not ask a white man.
Do not ask a white woman.
(16:50):
If possible, find a black woman.
Earlier this year, my daughteris nine, by the way, she just
turned nine in July, and we wentto Six Flags with me and my kids
and her Girl Scout troop.
And I said, if you get lost, Iwant you to try to find a black
woman and tell them you're lostand you need help.
And I had already told her thatlike earlier in the year at some
other point.
And I just said, at any point,if we're ever anywhere and we're
(17:11):
out, find a black woman,probably an older one who looks
a little bit older, because shewill help you and she will make
sure that you're safe until youget help.
At the same time that Iunderstand, like black women are
always asked to do everythingand we're always asked to be
responsible.
There's a reason why is becausewe are, in all humility, we are
morally superior.
I mean, there has been somestudies done on this, and
(17:32):
actually, like based on realthings like crime rates and
things like that, black womenare not the ones who are any
majority of any crimewhatsoever.
And if anything, we are almostalways the ones who are trying
to make sure that everyone isfed, that everyone is helped,
that everyone is on food stampswho needs it, that everyone gets
the health care they deserve,that everyone is being treated
(17:53):
fairly.
And that includes everyone inthe LGBTQIA family, everyone.
Black women are because weexperience racism, misogyny, and
we experience the effects of thepatriarchy, and we experience
all the effects of being a womanand all the things that go with
that, and because we areresponsible for giving life to
humanity, there is a sense of wehave all of these experiences
(18:18):
and we have empathy for almosteveryone.
That is why there is a popularhashtag and a movement, black
women warned me, or black womentold you so, because we have
been out here trying to behealers, helpers, responsible,
and all manner of things foreveryone.
And that is in part all of thosedemographics that I just
(18:39):
mentioned are why I am such anempath.
There is a video I saw like afew years ago.
I don't know if you guys haveseen it, but it's like a few
people who are taking video ofwhat happens when a guy who
pretends he's blind goes up nextto people and like just takes
their arm without asking forpermission or consent.
So it's a little problematic.
But you get the point.
This white guy does this.
(18:59):
He's got his stick and he's gotthe glasses on, he's pretending
to be blind, and he just walksup to people.
And someone's filming himwalking up to people, grabbing
their arm, and the white guysare just completely enraged,
just enraged.
Half the white women helpsometimes.
Some of them are just like,don't you can tell, they're
like, don't fucking touch me,bro.
And half of them are like, uh,okay.
Usually the older ones are kindof like more relaxed about it.
(19:21):
The black guys were for the mostpart helpful, but you know who
helped every single time?
Every single time withouthesitation?
Black women.
There's a reason why I told mydaughter, if you're ever in
trouble, if you're ever out, aska black woman.
But I I meant that in general.
Like if you're ever in troublein general, ask a black woman.
But I I'm your first one.
(19:42):
Always ask me.
I'm your first one.
I will never, ever, ever treatyou in a way that would scare
you or harm you because you'rein trouble.
So I'm your first one.
But if I'm not there, findanother one.
Here's the black women in mylife who are safe for me.
My daughter knows that.
And if you're ever out andabout, find a black woman.
Find one, and she'll help you.
(20:02):
And do you know that thathappened?
That that has happened twicesince I told her that when we
were at Six Flags, thathappened.
I left her with her brother, herbig brother, by the way, my big
older son, who's well, he's 20now, but he was 19.
We went to Six Flags, so don'tbe like, why would you leave her
with a child?
I left her with my 19-year-oldson so that me and my other son
(20:24):
could go ride a ride.
And then, like, he texts mehalfway through, like, I can't
find Revy.
I'm like, Bro, you are too oldfor this.
To lose a child 10 years youngerthan you.
She did.
She asked a black woman for helpand then, and we found her, of
course.
And then later on, this is thefirst year she's taking the bus
home.
The bus got back to the bus stopwhere they get let off quicker
(20:44):
than I could get there.
She walked around her apartmentcomplex crying, and she finally
found a black woman.
The woman literally askedquestions, helped her figure
things out, and then took herback to the bus stop and helped
her problem solve.
Like, if your mom's coming topick you up here, she'll
probably be here soon.
And I'll just wait with you.
And she was literally waitingwith her to make sure that I
came, just in case I hadn'tgotten to a car accident or had
(21:05):
a medical emergency, in whichcase she was going to care for
her until some somebody camehome, until her dad came home
like a couple hours later.
I mean, we're just beautiful,wonderful people.
And that's why I think sometimesI get so offended and have such
a hard time when black mencontinuously demonize us and
fault us for every damn littlething when we have gave them
(21:26):
life and continue to advocatefor them.
But anyway, it's heavy.
That's the point I'm trying tosay.
It's really heavy to have somuch hatred coming at us for so
many different reasons when wealready feel like we're trying
to caretake and warn and beresponsible for and be strong
(21:46):
and be resourceful and love onso many different people and
circumstances.
It can feel really heavy.
And when you add on this datathat so many over 300,000 Black
women have lost our jobs thisyear, that the unemployment rate
for Black women has gone up sohigh.
We're trying to work hard, we'retrying to do everything right,
and we're still facing so muchstress and pressure, it's like
(22:08):
disappearing your mental health.
It's like disappearing yourconfidence, disappearing your
stability, just disappearing itin a snap.
And I felt that really heavylast week or whenever it was
that I realized like, yeah, I'mdefinitely gonna lose my snap
benefits in November.
I just I felt so heavy.
Like if me, a college-educatedwoman who has a car, is able to
(22:30):
do gig work, and still hasmental health issues, but I'm
doing so much better, which bythe way, this is true for a lot
of women too.
Part of the reason that I havenot been able to work full-time
for three and a half years, isnot because I just didn't feel
like getting off my ass anddoing something.
It's because I have been dealingwith very severe mental health
issues.
Very severe, very severeanxiety, very severe depression,
(22:54):
complex PTSD that was a resultof being in an abusive marriage.
I mean, I think probably moreaccurately, a lifetime of
trauma.
I probably already had complexPTSD from childhood, but being
in an abusive marriage that wasvery severely narcissistically
abusive and very severelyverbally abusive.
I'm not just throwing around theword severely.
I was so traumatized coming outof that, and I had complex PTSD
(23:16):
really bad.
I still have it, but I'm able tomanage it better.
And then I came intoperimenopause around 42.
Okay, I'm 48.
So I'm on year six ofperimenopause, which really
threw me into ADHD like I havenever had in my life.
The combination of depression,anxiety, peramenopause, PMDD,
complex PTSD, and ADHD.
How does one work through that?
(23:37):
How?
How honestly, y'all, I couldbarely do what I was doing just
trying to do gig work here andthere and take care of my kids.
I could barely do that.
Barely.
Mental health stuff and how thatimpacts women, single women with
kids, and our ability to workthrough that is not talked about
enough.
(23:57):
I've tried to talk about it hereand there.
I try to keep sharing thesestories to let women know, like,
if you feel like you can't doit, it might be because you just
can't.
I literally felt like I wasgoing crazy the last full-time
job I had, which ended in thesummer of 2022.
So it's been three and a halfyears.
I was not able to.
I'm finally at a place now whereI'm like, okay, I'm ready.
(24:18):
I think I'm ready.
I feel like I can go back.
But I also have a lot ofdifferent resources in place.
I also am treated now forparamenopause.
I also have HRT, which is ahormone replacement therapy, for
those of you who don't know,which greatly helps you balance
out in perimenopause.
I'm also now treated.
I have medicine that I can takenot every day, but I can take
for anxiety when I have severeanxiety attacks.
(24:39):
I have medicine forantidepression.
And now I finally, for the firsttime in my life, am taking
medicine for ADHD, which is alsoreally helping me to focus and
deal with some of the otherthings I'm struggling with.
I also now have better resourceslike DBT and CBT and behavioral
things that I have started topractice over the years so that
I am able to self-regulate.
(24:59):
But that is with all of theresources that I have and all of
the things that I've done andall the things I had time to do
because I haven't been workingfull-time.
What about everyone else whodoesn't have that?
So when all of these thingshappen, it's not just about
losing income.
It's about losing rest, it'sabout losing safety, it's about
losing your footing, it's aboutsetting you back.
I feel so set back in lifebecause of so many things.
(25:22):
I can't even imagine where Iwould be if I hadn't actually
married someone who was soseverely abused himself and
became such a severe abuser tome.
Part of that again is the resultof two traumatized people from
two traumatized communitiesmarrying each other.
I think in some ways theemotional infrastructure
underneath a lot of us blackwomen is crumbling and going to
(25:46):
continue crumbling under anadministration that literally
hates us, especially if we'repoor.
Especially if we're poor.
So if you're like, damn, Grace,this is hopeless as hell.
Like, what are we supposed todo?
When it comes to our country,when it comes to being American,
I do not have a half-glass fullperspective at all.
I never saw us becoming ananti-racist society.
I mean, you can look back atstuff.
(26:07):
I say, like, yeah, I'll go backon my Twitter.
I was never one of those that'slike, oh, we're in a post-racial
Obama was elected.
I was never one of those.
I was always like, yeah, shit'sgonna get worse.
It's crazy because even though Ialways thought shit was gonna
get worse, I never thought itwas going to get like this.
Even I, who was a pessimistabout America and our ability to
outgrow the genocidal,murdering, slave-owning asshats
(26:30):
that this country has been, Istill didn't know it was going
to get to this.
Like, damn, damn.
I didn't know that we would getto a point where they were
trying to legalize slaveryagain.
I didn't know that we were gonnaget to a point where white men
were saying on podcasts inOctober 2025, if you're a
Christian, you need to becomemore comfortable with the idea
of slavery.
I didn't know that there wasgonna be laws passed in
(26:52):
September of 2025 that wouldmake it okay for a rogue
terrorist organization calledICE to basically drag people out
of their homes.
I didn't know that 170 citizens,US citizens in the year 2025
would be detained, beaten,abused, and held against their
will without any sort of dueprocess due to this rogue
(27:14):
terrorist organization beingempowered by our racist ass
president.
I didn't know that we would beback to the point where there
are black people being lynchedagain in September and October
2025.
I thought it was going to getbad, but I didn't think it was
gonna get this bad.
And this is the tip of theiceberg because what happens?
(27:35):
This is what happens when socialservices are removed.
When social services like SNAPare removed, crime goes up.
This is not rocket science.
People are going to steal food,people are going to steal more
food, and then when Medicare isremoved and all the other
benefits are removed at the topof 2026, there's going to be
less help for all manner ofthings.
(27:56):
On top of all that, now we have,and it's so sad to say, there
are black American men joiningup with this rogue terrorist
organization called ICE that thepresident is funding to the tune
of whatever billions of dollars.
As that organization continuesto round up people who are not
(28:16):
terrorists, who are not violent,who are mostly farmers and all
sorts of other things, it'sgoing to get really bad.
It's going to get really bad.
And more black women are goingto be saying, I told you so.
It's honestly so painful becauseyou know that this country hates
black people and a black womanso bad that they chose the
(28:36):
literal dumbest man on theplanet who has a sixth grade
speaking level.
I think it's sixth grade, itmight even be fifth grade, who
has been openly mocking peoplewho have issues mentally, who is
a rapist, who is a pedophile,who has 34 counts, felony
(29:00):
counts, who has been bankruptseveral times.
Like there's literally nothingredeeming about this man except
that he appealed to the whitesupremacy in 33 million
Americans who voted for him.
People hate black women so bad,they chose that over a competent
black woman.
(29:21):
We all know that we would not behere right now crying about our
food stamps ending, feeling sadabout all of the horrific
changes that have happened, allof the families and all of the
pain that's been caused in just2025 alone, in just 10 months,
of this demon, absolute demonbecoming president.
(29:42):
If Kamala was elected.
Now, I'm not saying she'sperfect, but that's how much we
hate black women.
That's how much.
Let me let me just move on tosome helpful tidbits because
this is this these are thingsthat are helpful for me.
Is one recognize that there is aload here that this is impacting
us.
If it's not impacting youdirectly, who's hearing me, it
will soon.
If it's not impacting Someoneyou know and love, it will soon.
And recognize that these thingsare real, they're happening, and
(30:05):
don't live in fucking denial,bitch.
Don't live in denial.
That's all I ask.
If you take nothing else fromthis episode, do not live in
denial of these realities thatare harming people more than
yourself.
Even if you're well off, even ifyou make in six figures, even if
you, if you're you or no one youknow is on it, please understand
that this is impacting the mostmarginalized and poor and
(30:25):
hurting communities.
Living in full view ofeverything, I try to do that,
and then I can move to how doesthis impact me and how do I feel
about how this is impacting me?
But at first, I'm going to behonest about what the situation
is.
Secondly, naming where you'recarrying it.
You know, I'm carrying my fearfor my kids, like mine might be
I'm carrying my fear for mykids.
I'm carrying the fear for kidsall over the country.
(30:46):
I'm carrying fear for theelderly who just suddenly have
literally no way there's nothingmore they can do to get any more
money to provide food forthemselves.
Outside of someone knowing whothey are and caring for them,
but they could be alone in theworld.
They could not have kids, theycould not have grandkids who
care about them to make surethey eat or whatever.
I'm carrying the pressure tostay strong.
Whatever it is that you'recarrying, like acknowledging
that first and foremost.
(31:07):
And then a big thing that I havedone is I have created firm
boundaries and I really do stickwith them.
That is one major growth areafor me over this past year is
these boundaries, baby.
They are working.
There's a book.
I was looking for it to see ifit's on my desk.
I don't have it on my desk, butit is called Boundaries, and I
will link it and I'll put thecover right here.
I would highly suggest you readit or listen to it on Audible.
(31:30):
Anyway, y'all start saying no tosome people.
Start saying no, that you cannotdo everything.
You cannot be everyone's savior,but decide whose savior you do
want to be.
And that for me looked like formy kids.
Like I just decided at somepoint, like most moms do,
they're the first and primarypriority, and that I will not do
anything that will compromise myability to keep them housed and
(31:50):
fed.
The big thing that I hear for alot of people, this is not
necessarily true for me.
I've always been somebody who'sable to ask for help.
I don't know if it's because I'ma lastborn, because I hear
lastborns are quick.
We're just quick to be like, Canyou help me?
I have always been like that.
It might be because I'm alastborn.
I don't know.
But I have some friends who arejust like so resistant to asking
for help.
They are so resistant to it.
(32:11):
And I've just never had thatblock.
But sis, if you have that blockand you need help, like now is
not the time to be strong.
I actually just was literallytelling that to one of my best
friends.
She does have that block.
And I was just like, girl, nowis the time.
Like she was telling me hersituation.
I'm like, now is the time.
You have to ask for help.
And she was like, I know, but Ihate to.
I girl, I don't care.
I don't care what you feel aboutit.
(32:33):
Now is the time.
You are in a crisis situation,girl.
Please, girl, please.
And she did finally.
Thank God.
Thank God.
She just listened to her friendwho's smart once in a while.
Another thing you can do istelling yourself mentally, like,
I am literally done carryingthis alone.
Some of this stuff I'm carryingalone and I can't do it anymore.
And I have done that a littlebit.
(32:54):
I've been more open to asking mypartner for his help with
various things.
And I just I did feel a sense oflike, mm-hmm, this feels really
challenging to do.
But he's just been very muchlike, hey, I'm here to help you.
How can I help you with this?
What can I help you with this?
What can I do about this?
How can I?
He's just very much like he'salways trying to figure out what
(33:15):
are the ways that are stressingyou and how can I address all of
those things.
And please lean on me and leanon me and just let me know.
And how can I help you?
He's just very so sweet.
Yeah, he's so sweet.
But he just goes out of his wayto let me know I'm here for you
in real, actionable, tangibleways, girl.
Let me know how I can help you.
And so I have been more often,even though I've been a little
(33:35):
bit hesitant, but I've beentrying to just be like, okay,
fine.
Like I can't do this alone.
I need your help.
Fine.
Sometimes that ego be hidden.
Now's not the time for the ego.
It's really not.
Now is really the time toprotect your energy, not in
acute, like, oh, I'm going into2026, protecting my energy
because I wasn't protecting myenergy.
(33:57):
Like, I feel like it gets kindof thrown around almost like
it's not real, but it's real,y'all.
Like it's real.
Protecting your energy is a realthing that you have to do, and
it's not something you make adecision for one year.
You cannot decide at the top of2026 that you're gonna protect
your energy for the entirefucking year.
You have to work on thatliterally every day, every week,
(34:18):
every month, every hour.
There's probably going to be anew opportunity to figure out
how I can protect this energythat I have.
And that is something that Idon't play with anymore.
I don't play about my energy.
I'm old.
Okay, I'm damn near 50 yearsold.
Like, I don't have time to beplaying about my energy.
I do not play about me.
I do not play about my energy.
And I just don't give a lot ofpeople a lot of time and
(34:42):
attention who do not deserve itor who are not giving it back to
me or who are not compassionate,kind, loving, good people who do
not bring me joy.
I just don't, whatever it is,people, opportunities, whatever,
I can't.
I don't play.
I don't play about my my my myenergy.
I don't play.
I do not play.
My inner child got me on herlittle pinky finger.
(35:03):
And I'm like, little innerlittle inner child, what do you
need?
Because you have a greater senseof what I need.
Anyway, the resource that Ihave, the Soft Girl Survival
System, does cover practices forgrounding yourself, how to
protect your energy, andcreating inner safety for
yourself, um, especially whenthe external feels very
uncertain.
So, again, that is linked in mystand store.
(35:23):
It's$27.
And if you can't afford it andyou'd still like to access it,
please let me know and I willjust give it to you for free.
And if you want to sponsorsomeone and say, hey, like I'd
like to send this to someone, Ihave some money, let me know,
and you can buy one and I willsend it to whoever you want me
to send it to.
More than anything, y'all, Ijust want you to know that as we
head into this season,brokenness is not a weakness.
(35:44):
Needing help is not a weakness.
You're not failing because youfeel tired.
You're not failing because youfeel tired, you're not failing
because you feel tired.
You are a human.
You are not failing becauseyou're tired.
The world is literally fallingapart.
We are in the middle of ahostile government takeover.
Fascist, dictator, xenophobic,racist, pedophilic, murderous,
(36:05):
treasonous, dumb, dementiahaving, stroke having, nearly
half-dead, sixth-grade levelpresident.
Okay, y'all, like, have somemercy on yourself.
I just firmly believe that whenthe system breaks, we don't have
to break with it.
And the system is broken.
The system is broken for blackwomen.
I firmly believe that we canpause, we can breathe, we can do
our diaphragmatic breathing, wecan meditate, we can take these
(36:28):
spaces for ourselves, and we canprotect our energy.
We can choose softness in themiddle of chaos, and that
softness does not negate ourstrength or our resilience.
Our already proven strength, ouralready proven resilience.
Because if you are a black womanwho's alive in this world, you
have already shown yourself tobe resilient.
Just your aliveness, just youraliveness, just your getting up
every day.
I am very aware that me gettingup every day and putting myself
(36:51):
together and even sitting downhere and filming this damn
podcast is a sign of myresilience.
It's a sign of my goodness thatI'm still here, still a soft
woman in the world, trying to becute, you know, trying to put on
my little wig and my littlemakeup, my little fake shein
press-on nails, and get on hereand talk to y'all about how to
survive this crazy fucking worldwe're living in is a sign of my
(37:11):
resilience.
And the fact that I have fundoing it, my joy is my
resistance.
My joy is my resistance.
I want you to tell yourself thatyou deserve to be treated well,
that you deserve to besupported, and maybe repeat that
over and over again.
I deserve to be supported.
I deserve to be supported.
I deserve to be supported.
(37:32):
I deserve to be supported.
I deserve to be supported.
Supported.
I deserve to be supported too.
I deserve to be supported too.
Tell yourself that over and overagain.
Please, please, please, please,please, please.
(37:53):
I don't want you to say it untilyou motherfucking believe it.
Because yes, it's true that whenthe system breaks, women carry
more.
Black women are always going tocarry more than any other
demographic.
A trans black woman is alwaysgoing to carry more than black
women are.
The more marginalized you get,the more you niche down and
niche down and niche down to themost marginalized people group,
which is in America, I believe,a disabled black trans woman,
(38:16):
the more that demographic isgoing to carry.
We cannot keep living in denialof this shit.
But what I have learned is thatwe also get to choose how we
carry it, at least mentally.
We can at minimum carryourselves gently, even when no
one else will.
We can at minimum try to createmental spaces of freedom for
(38:36):
ourselves.
At minimum.
If this episode spoke to you, Iwould love for you to share it
with someone else who needs someof these messages.
Please share it on yourFacebook, but share this episode
and please give it a like andlet YouTube know that you're
interested in hearing morecontent from me.
And if you share this onInstagram, tag me on Instagram
at either at OutHearTrying toSurvive or at Grace underscore
Sandra underscore.
And tag me and let me know ifthere's anything that you're
(38:59):
going to do or practice oraffirm or breathe or do
differently to protect yourselfbecause I would love to hear
your stories too.
Just please remember, y'all,that your softness is your
superpower.
You showing up and being aliveand being at peace and trying to
find joy in this crazy fucked upworld is your resistance and
your resilience.
And that is a beautiful fuckingthing.
(39:20):
And I thank you for spendingtime with me today because I
know you could be anywhere outhere on these internet streets.
So if you're here with me, thankyou so much.
And as a quick little commercialbreak, if you like the kind of
stories I tell, I am astoryteller and I wrote a book
called Grace Actually Memoirs ofLove, Faith, Loss, and Black
Womanhood.
It is available on Amazon.
It's not on Audible, but I wouldlike to make an audio copy at
some point soon.
This is a compilation of storiesI wrote over the last, I think,
(39:42):
six to ten ish years on Love,Faith, Loss, and Black
Womanhood.
I'm probably going to take itdown soon, actually, off of
Amazon.
So you will no longer be able tobuy it because I want to replace
it with a more updated versionthat reflects me a little bit
better.
But in the meantime, this isavailable.
I kind of write how I speak andspeak how I write.
So if you like what I've beendoing, then you'll probably like
this.
Until next time, I love you.
Please take care of yourself.
(40:02):
Bye.
So there is a moment that keeps replaying in my head
lately, and it is of a few weeksago when the news dropped that
Snap Benefits were potentiallybeing paused.
It was not like a foregoneconclusion yet.
And it was all about, you know,the government shutdown.
And I'm scrolling TikTok,looking at different TikTok
accounts that talk about thethings that I think about a lot.
And same thing on Instagram.
(00:26):
And I'm just scrolling that,almost doom scrolling, trying to
find out more information,realizing like how many people
this impacts, etc., includingmyself.
And then I'm sitting theretrying to plan out my own little
money and figure out what I'mgonna do for myself because my
finances are tight as hell.
I'm in school right now and I'mgraduating this year.
Thank God I'm graduating in justa little while, depending that I
(00:46):
get all my work done, y'all,because I've been a little bit
trifling.
I ain't gonna lie.
But I'm starting the process ofapplying for work now, including
the fact that I will have thisdegree on my resume.
And just wondering, like, isthere even going to be work for
me?
And I was just thinking abouthow I've heard statistics about
over 300,000 black women havelost their jobs in this calendar
year since the orange demon waselected due to various DEI
(01:09):
programs and all sorts of thingsbeing shut down.
And this is something I'vethought many, many, many times.
But it occurred to me again thatday, like black women really do
carry so much more of everythingthat's going on, and we feel the
impacts of it first.
It seems like a lot of timeswhen we get hit with the
inevitable hardship, there is amuch more of a you'll figure it
(01:30):
out kind of mindset when itcomes to black women more than
any other demographic.
And I feel the weight of that.
I feel it often, but it reallyoccurred to me again a few weeks
ago because I'm like, damn, thisis really going to impact me,
particularly if it's Novemberand December.
And I remember thinking like,okay, finances are tight, I can
do gig work, I can donateplasma, I can do all these
things till I graduate.
(01:51):
I just gotta push through till Igraduate and get this job and
get this money.
But due to me being who I am andwhere I'm at, I do feel a sense
of kind of like, your grace,you'll figure it out.
And it's funny because I thinkmore and more as I've healed and
become more whole and healthy, Ithink more and more people see
me as strong.
And I'm like, y'all, are youyou're kidding, right?
(02:12):
Because like, yes, I'm strong,but like only to an extent.
Like, yes, I can figure stuffout, but like only to an extent
I need help.
I do need help.
A lot of women need help, andI'm not talking specifically
about the snap benefits, butthat's really true about all of
the women-led households who aregoing to be affected by these
(02:33):
benefits being canceled.
Elderly, disabled, and childrenare a large majority of who SNAP
benefits.
It's not about just go get ajob.
Do you want someone 85 years oldto just go get a job they can't?
Do you want a disabled personwho's already not able to work
to just go get a job, theycan't?
A three-year-old, afour-year-old, a seven-year-old,
you want a seven-year-old outhere flipping burgers at
McDonald's so they can make itwork because their food stamps
(02:55):
were lost?
I think that some people aren'treally thinking when they say
stupid, silly shit like that.
The impacts, and also someonelike me who's also trying to do
so many things already to try tobring in income, there's no time
left when you're already doingfour jobs and you have kids and
you have school-age kids, andyou gotta drive them to school,
and all the things that all thewomen like me, I just happen to
(03:16):
be in school myself, lookingforward to just getting a job.
But in the meantime, before thisannouncement happened, I was
like, Oh, I'm so relievedbecause finances are so tight.
I'm so relieved that at least Iknow I have the ability to buy
food for the kids in Novemberand December.
I literally had that thought.
Had that specific thought.
(03:36):
And then the announcement cameand I just felt such a punch in
the gut.
It really depressed me.
It really depressed me for aday.
So if you know me and you'vewatched my channel, I also
practice manifestation practicespretty hardcore, y'all.
I'm pretty hardcore.
I do the Joe Dispenzameditations.
I have a couple of his books, Ido visualizations, I do
(03:59):
scripting, I do affirmations, Ido affirmations, I do chanting.
I mean, I do a lot of stuff.
A lot of it has worked.
Some of it works sometimes, someof it doesn't work sometimes.
In a lot of ways, I haveliterally been able to manifest
enough money to stay afloat forthese last three and a half
years that I have not workedfull-time.
I've been working hard while I'mdoing that.
(04:19):
I just haven't been working in afull-time salaried position with
medical benefits, etc.
Additionally, the unemploymentrate for black women has gone up
since this administrationstarted in a horrible economy.
While grocery prices are goingup, by the way, SNAP benefits
when they are lost, when$90million of money that would go
into the local economy is lost,grocery prices are going to go
(04:40):
up to make up for it.
It's not that Aldi's or Walmartor Meyer or whoever else, Kroger
CEOs, are going to say, you knowwhat, in order to absorb the
cost of$90 million not beingspent at our stores in these
next few months, we'll take apay cut.
That's not going to happen.
What's actually going to happenis that the prices are going to
go up for everyone.
So if you think that you're safebecause you're not on Snap
(05:02):
Benefits, you're not, boo.
There are 41 million familieswho are going to be affected by
the Snap Benefit shutdown.
It's just really sad.
We don't want to feed the kidsthat we are forcing women to
have.
That's crazy work.
It's fucking crazy work.
So I would never tell anyone,just be strong.
Just be strong.
Just try to stay positive.
(05:23):
I would never tell that toanyone else, even though that is
what I'm trying to do.
That's what I'm trying to do forme because I feel like I don't
have another choice.
But the truth is, a lot of blackwomen don't have that choice.
A lot of us don't have thatchoice.
Forces us into a role where wehave to figure out how to be the
strong one and absorb it intoour bodies, into our nervous
(05:43):
system so that we can just keepgoing.
One thing I always try to do,y'all, is I really try and I've
worked very, very hard toprotect my peace.
Now, part of the reason that Ihave done that is because as I
have learned more and more aboutmanifestation techniques and
principles, if you know anythingabout it, if you know a modicum
of anything about it, you knowthat remaining in a flow state
of homeostasis where yournervous system just feels good
(06:06):
is really important toattracting good things.
But also, if you know anythingmedically about the kind of
stress that a woman feels whenshe's going through
perimenopause, when a woman issingle parenting, if you're out
here going through an enormousamount of stress because you're
trying to raise your kids andtake care of your older parents,
or because you're financiallyunstable, or you've just
(06:27):
recently been through a divorce,or you're a domestic violence
survivor, or all of the thingsthat impact middle-aged women,
who my primary audience is who'slistening to this, all of those
things you know that stress,continuously absorbing stress
medically affects you, that itcan lead to health causes, IBS,
your hair falling out, it canlead to a higher incidence of
stroke or heart attack orwhatever.
(06:48):
I mean, we know, we all knowkind of at a base level, like we
should not be carrying around anenormous amount of stress and
whatever we can do to de-stressis really, really important.
So I just want to share a fewways today that I'm trying to
protect my peace and my sanity,given that this all hurts so
much.
If you're an empath like me,like it just feels so heavy.
I feel so much pain when I thinkabout the idea.
(07:12):
Oh, it just makes me feel like Iwant to cry right now.
But like when I think about howstressful this month is going to
be for me, how much more I'mgoing to have to do this month,
how much tired I'm going to haveto be to make up for that$500.
But I'm capable and able to doit in part because I am in
school, so I'm not working 40hours and adding an additional
(07:32):
thing.
But I think about all of thewomen who are just legitimately
scared right now, or they'relike me, they don't have family.
I don't have anyone in my lifethat can say, Hey, can you see
me through this fully?
Aunties and uncles, or both myparents are not alive.
I'm not close to my siblingsbecause they are not safe people
for me to be close to.
I don't have that kind of familysupport.
I do have best friends, and weare all struggling in our own
(07:54):
unique ways trying to get ourlives together.
So, some of us, if you're likeme, I'm assuming there's a lot
more people like me who justdon't have that kind of support.
And it feels scary.
And when I think about all ofthe women right now who just
don't have any of the thingsthat would make up for this
loss, how fearful, how scary itfeels to be a mom and not be
able to provide for your kids isso intense.
(08:16):
It's such an intense feeling.
So I have had to purposefullyjust not think about it.
Like, whatever I can do to justnot think about it and to, I
know this is gonna sounddelusional, but if you believe
in law of attraction or law ofassumption, you literally have
to be a little delusion.
And that is honestly how I'velived and how it's worked for me
for a little while.
So so I can tell you this doeswork.
(08:38):
But I do have to tell myselfevery day, like everything's
gonna work out, everything'sworking out for me, I'm gonna
figure it out, I will find away, the money will come
somehow, I'll be able to providesomehow.
Through literally justconvincing yourself that those
things will happen.
You know, I tell myself, I'llfigure something out that I
hadn't thought of before.
There'll be an opportunity thatI didn't have before.
I just kind of tell myself in anideal way, what would ideally
(09:01):
get me through this?
And I tell myself that, and Ijust live in that delusion.
So if you were to ask me rightnow, like, well, what are you
gonna do?
How are you gonna make thiswork?
I don't know.
It's October 27th.
I don't know.
November 1st is right around thecorner.
I'm literally a case study, andI don't know.
(09:21):
I don't know.
I do not have access to anyother money in any other way.
I mean, on that tip, if you wantto donate to my Patreon, which
is basically like kind of payingme for doing social media work,
which I do.
I try to do as much as I can,but I have my limits.
But yeah, you can donate to myPatreon and it's not just
donating to me, it's actuallydonating to me, continuing to do
(09:42):
my podcast, really, because mypodcast doesn't pay me.
I still try to remain in mydelusional, positive,
everything's gonna work out likesoft girl era, you know?
I try to remain soft because Iknow that that doesn't mean I'm
weak.
I know that crying doesn't meanI'm weak.
I know that being sad aboutlosing this big thing doesn't
(10:03):
mean I'm weak.
I know that me feeling empathyfor all the other kids in the
country who are going toexperience hunger this month
doesn't mean I'm weak.
By the way, I'm a kid who didexperience that.
I'm a kid who grew upexperiencing hunger quite often.
I remember feeling hungry a lot.
It was a predominant feeling ofmy childhood.
I remember feeling like, dang, Ijust wish we had food here.
(10:25):
I remember thinking that quite abit.
I wish we had something elsebesides like a potato, you know,
like I could put in the oven orsomething.
Like it just was a feeling thatfelt frustrating.
I also used to go over myfriend's house a lot because my
friend's parents would feed me,could have dinner with them.
I just knew I was gonna be ableto get food if I went over to my
friend's house.
This was starting in likeprobably sixth grade all through
(10:46):
high school.
And then when I got married, Igot married really young.
I was like 22 when I gotmarried, and I was the primary
one responsible for like buyingour groceries and buying dinner,
and I would I would make like adinner for like four people and
then just put half of it on myplate and half of it on his
plate and just eat so much.
(11:08):
Like I just started overeatingso bad.
I was overeating so bad when Ifirst got married because it was
just the first time I had accessto a grocery budget and had
access to food.
Because y'all, I was so hungryall through college too.
And if you're wondering why,it's because I was living
primarily only with my mom.
My mom, who who was, she hasshe's gone now, but she was a
diagnosed paranoid schizophrenicand she died with dementia.
(11:28):
But while I was living with her,which it was just me and her in
the house from like six, sixthgrade on or so, because my
brother, my brother was with us,but he went to prison at some
point.
But I can't remember how old Iwas exactly.
I think I was like 13 when hewent to prison.
But anyway, it was just us twoin the house, and my mom was
just really losing her abilityto care for me by the year.
And by the time college hit,there was just no food.
(11:50):
I don't even know what my momwas eating.
I I don't even know.
There was just no food.
I was always hungry, I wasalways scraping by.
I was in school, I was living athome, going to school.
I was a nanny, and I wasconstantly taking food from my
the house that I was nannyingfor and just constantly hungry.
I remember one time, this issuch a I'm off topic, but I
(12:11):
remember one time visiting myboyfriend who I ended up
marrying, and like he had abunch of quarters on his desk.
I was like, Oh, I could getMcDonald's on the way home.
Like when I left one timeafterwards, like a day later,
he's like, Did you take allthose quarters on my desk?
And I was like, Yeah.
And he's like, Why?
I was like, just so I could getsome McDonald's on the home.
He was like, You took like sevendollars worth of quarters.
unknown (12:32):
I was like, I'm hungry.
SPEAKER_00 (12:34):
Like, I don't really think anybody knew, honestly,
the kind of food insecurity thatI grew up with that I was like
constantly hungry.
So when I first got married, Igained so much weight in the
first like few years of us beingmarried because I just was not
used to being able to eat somuch every day all the time.
It's funny in hindsight.
I'm just trying to tell y'all,like, I know that feeling.
(12:55):
I know what it feels like, andit's such a terrible, terrible
feeling.
It's so uncomfortable to behungry.
I mean, just think about whenyou go to a restaurant and
you're hungry and you're madbecause they haven't served you
yet and you're waiting for what,a half an hour?
And that is what we are doing to41 million people in the next
month or two, denying people theability to buy food who have who
(13:16):
are dependent on it for validreasons.
This feels like a really goodtime for us to take a deep
breath if this conversationstresses you out, but you're
still curious where I'm goingwith this.
Let's just take a deep breath.
That always helps me.
It's a grounding practice that Iuse a lot.
So we're gonna breathe in forfour, we're gonna hold it for
four, and then we're gonnabreathe out.
(13:37):
All right, let's inhale forfour.
Hold for four.
This time, when you breathe infor four, you're going to tell
yourself that you're not alonein this.
And when you breathe out forfour, you're going to again
(13:58):
repeat, I am not alone in thisin your head.
Alright, here we go.
Breathe in for four.
Hold for four.
And breathe out.
I am not alone in this.
Hopefully that was helpful foryou.
(14:19):
That is something I do quiteoften.
You're not crazy for feelingoverwhelmed, and you're not
crazy, or nothing is wrong withyou if you're like me, where you
just feel really heavy foreveryone else.
You're not crazy or something iswrong with you if you feel like
you need rest, more rest thanusual, because we're literally
in the middle of a fascisttakeover.
(14:39):
And these systems are just notbuilt with black women in mind.
As a matter of fact, it's builtto tear us down.
And that is a reality that I amfully aware of, fully
acknowledging every day, andfully accepting of at this
point, like this is where we'reat, but I have to figure out how
to survive it myself.
That's exactly why I created asystem called the Soft Girl
(15:02):
Survival System.
And it's for you if you justfeel very overwhelmed with life,
very overwhelmed with all thesethings going on.
It's a toolkit to help you holdyourself together first before
you try holding everyone elsetogether.
And it's for women who are readyto take care of themselves
because you're kind of tired ofbeing everyone else's backbone.
It is linked in my stand store.
It is$27.
Given everything that's goingon, if you cannot afford it at
(15:25):
all, just let me know and I'llsend it to you.
I mean, yes, I need money, andyes, if you can pay for it, pay
for it.
But if you can't, I also feellike I'm not for holding someone
back who would benefit from theresources that I've created and
the knowledge that I create,which is why I do my podcast
because I do want people tobenefit from the things that I
have learned because I donesurvived a lot.
I done survived a lot, and Iwant you to as well.
(15:48):
All right, so let's talk aboutthis invisible load.
I I've been thinking about it,it comes up quite a bit.
I was thinking about it while Iwas watching this latest season
of Project Runway.
And if you notice, there's ascene where I forgot his name.
He's a drag queen.
But anyway, there's the scenewhere he hugs this black woman.
I believe her name is Miss Joan.
This is the latest season ofProject Runway.
I love Project Runway, by theway.
(16:09):
Who else loves it?
Anyway, and he's crying aboutsomething and she pulls him in
her chest and she just holdshim.
Then they talk about when she'sgetting voted off, like how much
Miss Joan was a mothering figurefor so many of them.
And I was thinking about howearlier this year I created this
TikTok.
Pop quiz.
If you're ever in trouble,always ask a who.
That's right.
(16:29):
The TikTok shows me asking mydaughter, if you're ever in
trouble, if you ever need help,who do you ask?
Who do you find?
And she says, a black woman.
And I went through a lot ofteaching lessons with my
daughter earlier this year,telling her, if you're out and
about and you get lost, find ablack woman.
Do not ask a white man.
Do not ask a white woman.
(16:50):
If possible, find a black woman.
Earlier this year, my daughteris nine, by the way, she just
turned nine in July, and we wentto Six Flags with me and my kids
and her Girl Scout troop.
And I said, if you get lost, Iwant you to try to find a black
woman and tell them you're lostand you need help.
And I had already told her thatlike earlier in the year at some
other point.
And I just said, at any point,if we're ever anywhere and we're
(17:11):
out, find a black woman,probably an older one who looks
a little bit older, because shewill help you and she will make
sure that you're safe until youget help.
At the same time that Iunderstand, like black women are
always asked to do everythingand we're always asked to be
responsible.
There's a reason why is becausewe are, in all humility, we are
morally superior.
I mean, there has been somestudies done on this, and
(17:32):
actually, like based on realthings like crime rates and
things like that, black womenare not the ones who are any
majority of any crimewhatsoever.
And if anything, we are almostalways the ones who are trying
to make sure that everyone isfed, that everyone is helped,
that everyone is on food stampswho needs it, that everyone gets
the health care they deserve,that everyone is being treated
(17:53):
fairly.
And that includes everyone inthe LGBTQIA family, everyone.
Black women are because weexperience racism, misogyny, and
we experience the effects of thepatriarchy, and we experience
all the effects of being a womanand all the things that go with
that, and because we areresponsible for giving life to
humanity, there is a sense of wehave all of these experiences
(18:18):
and we have empathy for almosteveryone.
That is why there is a popularhashtag and a movement, black
women warned me, or black womentold you so, because we have
been out here trying to behealers, helpers, responsible,
and all manner of things foreveryone.
And that is in part all of thosedemographics that I just
(18:39):
mentioned are why I am such anempath.
There is a video I saw like afew years ago.
I don't know if you guys haveseen it, but it's like a few
people who are taking video ofwhat happens when a guy who
pretends he's blind goes up nextto people and like just takes
their arm without asking forpermission or consent.
So it's a little problematic.
But you get the point.
This white guy does this.
(18:59):
He's got his stick and he's gotthe glasses on, he's pretending
to be blind, and he just walksup to people.
And someone's filming himwalking up to people, grabbing
their arm, and the white guysare just completely enraged,
just enraged.
Half the white women helpsometimes.
Some of them are just like,don't you can tell, they're
like, don't fucking touch me,bro.
And half of them are like, uh,okay.
Usually the older ones are kindof like more relaxed about it.
(19:21):
The black guys were for the mostpart helpful, but you know who
helped every single time?
Every single time withouthesitation?
Black women.
There's a reason why I told mydaughter, if you're ever in
trouble, if you're ever out, aska black woman.
But I I meant that in general.
Like if you're ever in troublein general, ask a black woman.
But I I'm your first one.
(19:42):
Always ask me.
I'm your first one.
I will never, ever, ever treatyou in a way that would scare
you or harm you because you'rein trouble.
So I'm your first one.
But if I'm not there, findanother one.
Here's the black women in mylife who are safe for me.
My daughter knows that.
And if you're ever out andabout, find a black woman.
Find one, and she'll help you.
(20:02):
And do you know that thathappened?
That that has happened twicesince I told her that when we
were at Six Flags, thathappened.
I left her with her brother, herbig brother, by the way, my big
older son, who's well, he's 20now, but he was 19.
We went to Six Flags, so don'tbe like, why would you leave her
with a child?
I left her with my 19-year-oldson so that me and my other son
(20:24):
could go ride a ride.
And then, like, he texts mehalfway through, like, I can't
find Revy.
I'm like, Bro, you are too oldfor this.
To lose a child 10 years youngerthan you.
She did.
She asked a black woman for helpand then, and we found her, of
course.
And then later on, this is thefirst year she's taking the bus
home.
The bus got back to the bus stopwhere they get let off quicker
(20:44):
than I could get there.
She walked around her apartmentcomplex crying, and she finally
found a black woman.
The woman literally askedquestions, helped her figure
things out, and then took herback to the bus stop and helped
her problem solve.
Like, if your mom's coming topick you up here, she'll
probably be here soon.
And I'll just wait with you.
And she was literally waitingwith her to make sure that I
came, just in case I hadn'tgotten to a car accident or had
(21:05):
a medical emergency, in whichcase she was going to care for
her until some somebody camehome, until her dad came home
like a couple hours later.
I mean, we're just beautiful,wonderful people.
And that's why I think sometimesI get so offended and have such
a hard time when black mencontinuously demonize us and
fault us for every damn littlething when we have gave them
(21:26):
life and continue to advocatefor them.
But anyway, it's heavy.
That's the point I'm trying tosay.
It's really heavy to have somuch hatred coming at us for so
many different reasons when wealready feel like we're trying
to caretake and warn and beresponsible for and be strong
(21:46):
and be resourceful and love onso many different people and
circumstances.
It can feel really heavy.
And when you add on this datathat so many over 300,000 Black
women have lost our jobs thisyear, that the unemployment rate
for Black women has gone up sohigh.
We're trying to work hard, we'retrying to do everything right,
and we're still facing so muchstress and pressure, it's like
(22:08):
disappearing your mental health.
It's like disappearing yourconfidence, disappearing your
stability, just disappearing itin a snap.
And I felt that really heavylast week or whenever it was
that I realized like, yeah, I'mdefinitely gonna lose my snap
benefits in November.
I just I felt so heavy.
Like if me, a college-educatedwoman who has a car, is able to
(22:30):
do gig work, and still hasmental health issues, but I'm
doing so much better, which bythe way, this is true for a lot
of women too.
Part of the reason that I havenot been able to work full-time
for three and a half years, isnot because I just didn't feel
like getting off my ass anddoing something.
It's because I have been dealingwith very severe mental health
issues.
Very severe, very severeanxiety, very severe depression,
(22:54):
complex PTSD that was a resultof being in an abusive marriage.
I mean, I think probably moreaccurately, a lifetime of
trauma.
I probably already had complexPTSD from childhood, but being
in an abusive marriage that wasvery severely narcissistically
abusive and very severelyverbally abusive.
I'm not just throwing around theword severely.
I was so traumatized coming outof that, and I had complex PTSD
(23:16):
really bad.
I still have it, but I'm able tomanage it better.
And then I came intoperimenopause around 42.
Okay, I'm 48.
So I'm on year six ofperimenopause, which really
threw me into ADHD like I havenever had in my life.
The combination of depression,anxiety, peramenopause, PMDD,
complex PTSD, and ADHD.
How does one work through that?
(23:37):
How?
How honestly, y'all, I couldbarely do what I was doing just
trying to do gig work here andthere and take care of my kids.
I could barely do that.
Barely.
Mental health stuff and how thatimpacts women, single women with
kids, and our ability to workthrough that is not talked about
enough.
(23:57):
I've tried to talk about it hereand there.
I try to keep sharing thesestories to let women know, like,
if you feel like you can't doit, it might be because you just
can't.
I literally felt like I wasgoing crazy the last full-time
job I had, which ended in thesummer of 2022.
So it's been three and a halfyears.
I was not able to.
I'm finally at a place now whereI'm like, okay, I'm ready.
(24:18):
I think I'm ready.
I feel like I can go back.
But I also have a lot ofdifferent resources in place.
I also am treated now forparamenopause.
I also have HRT, which is ahormone replacement therapy, for
those of you who don't know,which greatly helps you balance
out in perimenopause.
I'm also now treated.
I have medicine that I can takenot every day, but I can take
for anxiety when I have severeanxiety attacks.
(24:39):
I have medicine forantidepression.
And now I finally, for the firsttime in my life, am taking
medicine for ADHD, which is alsoreally helping me to focus and
deal with some of the otherthings I'm struggling with.
I also now have better resourceslike DBT and CBT and behavioral
things that I have started topractice over the years so that
I am able to self-regulate.
(24:59):
But that is with all of theresources that I have and all of
the things that I've done andall the things I had time to do
because I haven't been workingfull-time.
What about everyone else whodoesn't have that?
So when all of these thingshappen, it's not just about
losing income.
It's about losing rest, it'sabout losing safety, it's about
losing your footing, it's aboutsetting you back.
I feel so set back in lifebecause of so many things.
(25:22):
I can't even imagine where Iwould be if I hadn't actually
married someone who was soseverely abused himself and
became such a severe abuser tome.
Part of that again is the resultof two traumatized people from
two traumatized communitiesmarrying each other.
I think in some ways theemotional infrastructure
underneath a lot of us blackwomen is crumbling and going to
(25:46):
continue crumbling under anadministration that literally
hates us, especially if we'repoor.
Especially if we're poor.
So if you're like, damn, Grace,this is hopeless as hell.
Like, what are we supposed todo?
When it comes to our country,when it comes to being American,
I do not have a half-glass fullperspective at all.
I never saw us becoming ananti-racist society.
I mean, you can look back atstuff.
(26:07):
I say, like, yeah, I'll go backon my Twitter.
I was never one of those that'slike, oh, we're in a post-racial
Obama was elected.
I was never one of those.
I was always like, yeah, shit'sgonna get worse.
It's crazy because even though Ialways thought shit was gonna
get worse, I never thought itwas going to get like this.
Even I, who was a pessimistabout America and our ability to
outgrow the genocidal,murdering, slave-owning asshats
(26:30):
that this country has been, Istill didn't know it was going
to get to this.
Like, damn, damn.
I didn't know that we would getto a point where they were
trying to legalize slaveryagain.
I didn't know that we were gonnaget to a point where white men
were saying on podcasts inOctober 2025, if you're a
Christian, you need to becomemore comfortable with the idea
of slavery.
I didn't know that there wasgonna be laws passed in
(26:52):
September of 2025 that wouldmake it okay for a rogue
terrorist organization calledICE to basically drag people out
of their homes.
I didn't know that 170 citizens,US citizens in the year 2025
would be detained, beaten,abused, and held against their
will without any sort of dueprocess due to this rogue
(27:14):
terrorist organization beingempowered by our racist ass
president.
I didn't know that we would beback to the point where there
are black people being lynchedagain in September and October
2025.
I thought it was going to getbad, but I didn't think it was
gonna get this bad.
And this is the tip of theiceberg because what happens?
(27:35):
This is what happens when socialservices are removed.
When social services like SNAPare removed, crime goes up.
This is not rocket science.
People are going to steal food,people are going to steal more
food, and then when Medicare isremoved and all the other
benefits are removed at the topof 2026, there's going to be
less help for all manner ofthings.
(27:56):
On top of all that, now we have,and it's so sad to say, there
are black American men joiningup with this rogue terrorist
organization called ICE that thepresident is funding to the tune
of whatever billions of dollars.
As that organization continuesto round up people who are not
(28:16):
terrorists, who are not violent,who are mostly farmers and all
sorts of other things, it'sgoing to get really bad.
It's going to get really bad.
And more black women are goingto be saying, I told you so.
It's honestly so painful becauseyou know that this country hates
black people and a black womanso bad that they chose the
(28:36):
literal dumbest man on theplanet who has a sixth grade
speaking level.
I think it's sixth grade, itmight even be fifth grade, who
has been openly mocking peoplewho have issues mentally, who is
a rapist, who is a pedophile,who has 34 counts, felony
(29:00):
counts, who has been bankruptseveral times.
Like there's literally nothingredeeming about this man except
that he appealed to the whitesupremacy in 33 million
Americans who voted for him.
People hate black women so bad,they chose that over a competent
black woman.
(29:21):
We all know that we would not behere right now crying about our
food stamps ending, feeling sadabout all of the horrific
changes that have happened, allof the families and all of the
pain that's been caused in just2025 alone, in just 10 months,
of this demon, absolute demonbecoming president.
(29:42):
If Kamala was elected.
Now, I'm not saying she'sperfect, but that's how much we
hate black women.
That's how much.
Let me let me just move on tosome helpful tidbits because
this is this these are thingsthat are helpful for me.
Is one recognize that there is aload here that this is impacting
us.
If it's not impacting youdirectly, who's hearing me, it
will soon.
If it's not impacting Someoneyou know and love, it will soon.
And recognize that these thingsare real, they're happening, and
(30:05):
don't live in fucking denial,bitch.
Don't live in denial.
That's all I ask.
If you take nothing else fromthis episode, do not live in
denial of these realities thatare harming people more than
yourself.
Even if you're well off, even ifyou make in six figures, even if
you, if you're you or no one youknow is on it, please understand
that this is impacting the mostmarginalized and poor and
(30:25):
hurting communities.
Living in full view ofeverything, I try to do that,
and then I can move to how doesthis impact me and how do I feel
about how this is impacting me?
But at first, I'm going to behonest about what the situation
is.
Secondly, naming where you'recarrying it.
You know, I'm carrying my fearfor my kids, like mine might be
I'm carrying my fear for mykids.
I'm carrying the fear for kidsall over the country.
(30:46):
I'm carrying fear for theelderly who just suddenly have
literally no way there's nothingmore they can do to get any more
money to provide food forthemselves.
Outside of someone knowing whothey are and caring for them,
but they could be alone in theworld.
They could not have kids, theycould not have grandkids who
care about them to make surethey eat or whatever.
I'm carrying the pressure tostay strong.
Whatever it is that you'recarrying, like acknowledging
that first and foremost.
(31:07):
And then a big thing that I havedone is I have created firm
boundaries and I really do stickwith them.
That is one major growth areafor me over this past year is
these boundaries, baby.
They are working.
There's a book.
I was looking for it to see ifit's on my desk.
I don't have it on my desk, butit is called Boundaries, and I
will link it and I'll put thecover right here.
I would highly suggest you readit or listen to it on Audible.
(31:30):
Anyway, y'all start saying no tosome people.
Start saying no, that you cannotdo everything.
You cannot be everyone's savior,but decide whose savior you do
want to be.
And that for me looked like formy kids.
Like I just decided at somepoint, like most moms do,
they're the first and primarypriority, and that I will not do
anything that will compromise myability to keep them housed and
(31:50):
fed.
The big thing that I hear for alot of people, this is not
necessarily true for me.
I've always been somebody who'sable to ask for help.
I don't know if it's because I'ma lastborn, because I hear
lastborns are quick.
We're just quick to be like, Canyou help me?
I have always been like that.
It might be because I'm alastborn.
I don't know.
But I have some friends who arejust like so resistant to asking
for help.
They are so resistant to it.
(32:11):
And I've just never had thatblock.
But sis, if you have that blockand you need help, like now is
not the time to be strong.
I actually just was literallytelling that to one of my best
friends.
She does have that block.
And I was just like, girl, nowis the time.
Like she was telling me hersituation.
I'm like, now is the time.
You have to ask for help.
And she was like, I know, but Ihate to.
I girl, I don't care.
I don't care what you feel aboutit.
(32:33):
Now is the time.
You are in a crisis situation,girl.
Please, girl, please.
And she did finally.
Thank God.
Thank God.
She just listened to her friendwho's smart once in a while.
Another thing you can do istelling yourself mentally, like,
I am literally done carryingthis alone.
Some of this stuff I'm carryingalone and I can't do it anymore.
And I have done that a littlebit.
(32:54):
I've been more open to asking mypartner for his help with
various things.
And I just I did feel a sense oflike, mm-hmm, this feels really
challenging to do.
But he's just been very muchlike, hey, I'm here to help you.
How can I help you with this?
What can I help you with this?
What can I do about this?
How can I?
He's just very much like he'salways trying to figure out what
(33:15):
are the ways that are stressingyou and how can I address all of
those things.
And please lean on me and leanon me and just let me know.
And how can I help you?
He's just very so sweet.
Yeah, he's so sweet.
But he just goes out of his wayto let me know I'm here for you
in real, actionable, tangibleways, girl.
Let me know how I can help you.
And so I have been more often,even though I've been a little
(33:35):
bit hesitant, but I've beentrying to just be like, okay,
fine.
Like I can't do this alone.
I need your help.
Fine.
Sometimes that ego be hidden.
Now's not the time for the ego.
It's really not.
Now is really the time toprotect your energy, not in
acute, like, oh, I'm going into2026, protecting my energy
because I wasn't protecting myenergy.
(33:57):
Like, I feel like it gets kindof thrown around almost like
it's not real, but it's real,y'all.
Like it's real.
Protecting your energy is a realthing that you have to do, and
it's not something you make adecision for one year.
You cannot decide at the top of2026 that you're gonna protect
your energy for the entirefucking year.
You have to work on thatliterally every day, every week,
(34:18):
every month, every hour.
There's probably going to be anew opportunity to figure out
how I can protect this energythat I have.
And that is something that Idon't play with anymore.
I don't play about my energy.
I'm old.
Okay, I'm damn near 50 yearsold.
Like, I don't have time to beplaying about my energy.
I do not play about me.
I do not play about my energy.
And I just don't give a lot ofpeople a lot of time and
(34:42):
attention who do not deserve itor who are not giving it back to
me or who are not compassionate,kind, loving, good people who do
not bring me joy.
I just don't, whatever it is,people, opportunities, whatever,
I can't.
I don't play.
I don't play about my my my myenergy.
I don't play.
I do not play.
My inner child got me on herlittle pinky finger.
(35:03):
And I'm like, little innerlittle inner child, what do you
need?
Because you have a greater senseof what I need.
Anyway, the resource that Ihave, the Soft Girl Survival
System, does cover practices forgrounding yourself, how to
protect your energy, andcreating inner safety for
yourself, um, especially whenthe external feels very
uncertain.
So, again, that is linked in mystand store.
(35:23):
It's$27.
And if you can't afford it andyou'd still like to access it,
please let me know and I willjust give it to you for free.
And if you want to sponsorsomeone and say, hey, like I'd
like to send this to someone, Ihave some money, let me know,
and you can buy one and I willsend it to whoever you want me
to send it to.
More than anything, y'all, Ijust want you to know that as we
head into this season,brokenness is not a weakness.
(35:44):
Needing help is not a weakness.
You're not failing because youfeel tired.
You're not failing because youfeel tired, you're not failing
because you feel tired.
You are a human.
You are not failing becauseyou're tired.
The world is literally fallingapart.
We are in the middle of ahostile government takeover.
Fascist, dictator, xenophobic,racist, pedophilic, murderous,
(36:05):
treasonous, dumb, dementiahaving, stroke having, nearly
half-dead, sixth-grade levelpresident.
Okay, y'all, like, have somemercy on yourself.
I just firmly believe that whenthe system breaks, we don't have
to break with it.
And the system is broken.
The system is broken for blackwomen.
I firmly believe that we canpause, we can breathe, we can do
our diaphragmatic breathing, wecan meditate, we can take these
(36:28):
spaces for ourselves, and we canprotect our energy.
We can choose softness in themiddle of chaos, and that
softness does not negate ourstrength or our resilience.
Our already proven strength, ouralready proven resilience.
Because if you are a black womanwho's alive in this world, you
have already shown yourself tobe resilient.
Just your aliveness, just youraliveness, just your getting up
every day.
I am very aware that me gettingup every day and putting myself
(36:51):
together and even sitting downhere and filming this damn
podcast is a sign of myresilience.
It's a sign of my goodness thatI'm still here, still a soft
woman in the world, trying to becute, you know, trying to put on
my little wig and my littlemakeup, my little fake shein
press-on nails, and get on hereand talk to y'all about how to
survive this crazy fucking worldwe're living in is a sign of my
(37:11):
resilience.
And the fact that I have fundoing it, my joy is my
resistance.
My joy is my resistance.
I want you to tell yourself thatyou deserve to be treated well,
that you deserve to besupported, and maybe repeat that
over and over again.
I deserve to be supported.
I deserve to be supported.
I deserve to be supported.
(37:32):
I deserve to be supported.
I deserve to be supported.
Supported.
I deserve to be supported too.
I deserve to be supported too.
Tell yourself that over and overagain.
Please, please, please, please,please, please.
(37:53):
I don't want you to say it untilyou motherfucking believe it.
Because yes, it's true that whenthe system breaks, women carry
more.
Black women are always going tocarry more than any other
demographic.
A trans black woman is alwaysgoing to carry more than black
women are.
The more marginalized you get,the more you niche down and
niche down and niche down to themost marginalized people group,
which is in America, I believe,a disabled black trans woman,
(38:16):
the more that demographic isgoing to carry.
We cannot keep living in denialof this shit.
But what I have learned is thatwe also get to choose how we
carry it, at least mentally.
We can at minimum carryourselves gently, even when no
one else will.
We can at minimum try to createmental spaces of freedom for
(38:36):
ourselves.
At minimum.
If this episode spoke to you, Iwould love for you to share it
with someone else who needs someof these messages.
Please share it on yourFacebook, but share this episode
and please give it a like andlet YouTube know that you're
interested in hearing morecontent from me.
And if you share this onInstagram, tag me on Instagram
at either at OutHearTrying toSurvive or at Grace underscore
Sandra underscore.
And tag me and let me know ifthere's anything that you're
(38:59):
going to do or practice oraffirm or breathe or do
differently to protect yourselfbecause I would love to hear
your stories too.
Just please remember, y'all,that your softness is your
superpower.
You showing up and being aliveand being at peace and trying to
find joy in this crazy fucked upworld is your resistance and
your resilience.
And that is a beautiful fuckingthing.
(39:20):
And I thank you for spendingtime with me today because I
know you could be anywhere outhere on these internet streets.
So if you're here with me, thankyou so much.
And as a quick little commercialbreak, if you like the kind of
stories I tell, I am astoryteller and I wrote a book
called Grace Actually Memoirs ofLove, Faith, Loss, and Black
Womanhood.
It is available on Amazon.
It's not on Audible, but I wouldlike to make an audio copy at
some point soon.
This is a compilation of storiesI wrote over the last, I think,
(39:42):
six to ten ish years on Love,Faith, Loss, and Black
Womanhood.
I'm probably going to take itdown soon, actually, off of
Amazon.
So you will no longer be able tobuy it because I want to replace
it with a more updated versionthat reflects me a little bit
better.
But in the meantime, this isavailable.
I kind of write how I speak andspeak how I write.
So if you like what I've beendoing, then you'll probably like
this.
Until next time, I love you.
Please take care of yourself.
(40:02):
Bye.
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