July 31, 2025 • 28 mins
// The Soft Girl Survival System - https://stan.store/GraceSandra/p/the-soft-girl-survival-system //
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Ever felt like you're hanging by a thread, quietly crumbling while trying to hold it all together? This raw, honest conversation dives into what happens when a Black woman reaches rock bottom—and finds her way back.
I'm sharing my personal journey from escaping domestic violence through the darkest valleys of complex PTSD, perimenopause, financial hardship, and suicidal ideation. For years, I searched desperately for resources created by Black women who understood these specific struggles, only to come up empty-handed. That search led me to create what I couldn't find: the Soft Girl Survival System.
What makes this healing approach different is its foundation in the lived experience of being "down bad"—so down that traditional healing resources feel impossible to implement. When your nervous system is shot, when you can't focus because of ADHD or perimenopause brain fog, when you're parenting alone or drowning in grief—you need tools designed with these realities in mind.
The most transformative revelation in my journey wasn't finding external safety or validation, but realizing these must first be cultivated within. Society doesn't provide adequate systems to hold Black women in our pain, so we must create our own. This shift from seeking softness outside myself to embodying it internally changed everything about how I navigate relationships, work, and self-worth.
If you've ever felt stuck in survival mode despite trying everything—therapy, meditation, journaling, medication—know that healing is possible on your terms and timeline. You deserve softness, especially when life has been hard. You're allowed to thrive, and you don't need to be perfect to begin.
Ready to stop surviving and start thriving? Check out the Soft Girl Survival System in the show notes, designed specifically for Black women navigating trauma, ADHD, perimenopause, and the unique challenges we face. Your healing journey doesn't have to look like anyone else's—it just needs to start
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
I know y'all heard that phrase like people don't
really change until they're sickand tired of being sick and
tired.
And there have been times therehave been so many times in the
last so many years.
But I'm just going to stick tothe last five because for me
that's when my life reallyreally transitioned, was when I
escaped a marriage that was fullof domestic violence, and
(00:20):
that's when I decided I am on ahealing trajectory.
But in those past five years Ihave been through hell, trying
to heal, going throughperimenopause, complex PTSD, off
the rails, depression, anxiety,suicidal ideations, losing my
job, poverty.
I mean it's been hell and therewere so many times.
I'm just like, I'm just so sickand tired of being sick and
(00:40):
tired.
I just I literally can't takethis shit no more.
If you have ever been there, ifyou've ever been there, this
really is for you.
I really am out here trying tomake a difference with women
who've been in positions I havewhere you're just like at the
bottom of the bottom of thebottom.
I don't even say publicly allof the ways that I've been at
(01:03):
the bottom of the bottom,because I think people would be
too freaked out Honestly,because you know, you know you
start telling your story, yourtrauma story, people get really,
really, really freaked out.
All I'm gonna say is there'sbeen so many times I've been low
and I just really have alwayswanted resources from black
women.
I've always wanted to, I'vealways looked up to black women,
(01:24):
I've always wanted to learnfrom black women and I've always
felt like there is that part ofme that needs the soul
refreshment that only blackwomen can give, always had a
passion for black women.
It's who I am and what I'mabout, period.
So everything has always beenthat.
But I think in the last coupleof years it's been I've had more
(01:46):
clarity, like what is the?
You know your girl's gettingold, okay, so I'm like what is
the legacy I want to leave?
You know, like there's justkind of a reality of like people
my age are dying of, likestroke and heart attack, and you
know I'm thank God I'm healthy.
I'm not trying to, you know,have a little subtle message
here.
I am healthy right now that Iknow of, and anything could
(02:07):
happen to any of us at any time.
But I think just being olderI'm like I really want to be
sure that I'm spending my timeand energy giving to something
that's meaningful to me and forothers.
So when I say I'm rooting forblack women, that I make
resources for black women, thatmy podcast is for black women,
that my TikTok is for blackwomen, that what I write, I know
a lot of people there's otherwomen who interact with my
(02:29):
content and have expressed thisappreciation.
I just always want to centerblack womanhood, so that's kind
of where I'm coming from.
But so if you're here andyou're not a black woman, there
is still something for you.
I just know that I am centeringthe black woman experience and
what I've been through, if thatmakes sense.
Anyway, hey, y'all, welcomeback to Out here Trying to
Survive.
It has been a month and a halfor so since I did my last
(02:51):
episode.
I'm not even gonna lie y'all.
I got discouraged.
I got completely, utterlydiscouraged and I was like I'm
not doing this, no more.
I got tired.
I have ADHD, bad, bad sense ofperimenopause.
I got bored of editing.
I just was like I'm done withthis and over the last month and
a half I realized, like youcannot be done with something
that you dream of doing like Iwould.
I would love to do this podcastfull-time.
(03:13):
I love speaking and writing andsharing and content creation
and all that.
So it just felt like, grace,just take a break.
So someone else in my life, oneof my like very best friends
she was like girl, just girl,just take a break.
Like girl, you're tired, justtake a motherfucking break.
And I was like, oh, girl, okay,fine, because she was like
wouldn't it be better just totake a break than to quit?
And I was like, yes, you are soright, you are so right, and I
(03:35):
feel like it gave me the time toactually realize like you can
make something that is a littlebit more concrete than just the
podcast.
So I just wanted to share withyou what I made.
And just so you know, I don't,y'all know I don't If you've
been following me on IG, tiktok,anything you know y'all don't.
I don't sell y'all stuff like,unless it's something I'm using
like all of the time.
(03:56):
You know, like on TikTok, I'vebeen making these little TikToks
about the NeuroGum.
I've been using that neuro gumlike it's candy.
Okay, so I want to share withy'all what I made, but this is
not something that I have notlovingly poured myself into and
use myself all the time thesetips, tricks, tools and
techniques that I'm going totell y'all about.
(04:17):
I wonder if I could squeeze inany other word that starts with
a T in that sentence Tools, tips, tricks and techniques.
I ain't even write that down,y'all, anyway, so I just want to
share with y'all a little bitmore.
I mean, I know I've shared somuch of my story on this podcast
, but I think that we don'tthere's not a lot.
I feel like you can tell me ifI'm wrong, but I feel like
there's not a lot of spaces forBlack women to be completely at
(04:40):
the bottom of the barrel, whereyou're falling apart in every
way.
I feel like sometimes we talkabout like oh yeah, our
depression or you know, I don'tknow, just sadness, overwhelm at
some of the realities of whatit means to be a black woman,
but I don't see a lot wherepeople are like I was at the end
of my motherfucking rope.
Like I was literally at the endof my rope and about to hurt
(05:01):
myself or hurt someone else.
Like I was down, bad, insurvival mode, bad and not able
to function, bad.
I just don't hear that a lot.
Tell me if I'm wrong, but likethat's what I'm trying to
describe about where I was atand where I'm trying to help any
woman who's in that place whereyou're down so bad or you just
(05:25):
been trying really hard and youjust can't seem to progress,
like maybe you're not at zero.
If zero is the worst of theworst and 10 is everything's
good, your whole life is perfect.
Anywhere between you know, zeroand five or six, like a lot of
us, find ourselves there goingup and down.
This episode is sponsored byGrace Actually.
Memoirs of Love, faith Loss andBlack Womanhood.
(05:46):
Does that face look familiar?
It's me.
This book is a collection of myfavorite blog posts and things
I've written in the last I don'tknow five to eight years or so
on love, faith loss and blackwomanhood.
It's highly reviewed allfive-star ratings on Amazon and
Goodreads.
Go pick it up.
But first let me tell y'all astory I've mentioned in previous
(06:06):
episodes how, in 2023, I camereally close to unaliving myself
.
I won't go into the whole storybecause I know I've talked
about it in probably two otherepisodes now, but it was a
really scary, freaking time.
I was really at the end of myrope and I didn't really see a
way out of that.
But part of the reason thatthat was so scary is because I
was in such a hard placefinancially and that was two
(06:30):
years ago, so, like a year ago Iwas doing better, but I was
still having a hard time working.
I was still having a hard timemaking money and I was doing
social media.
You know, I was making somemoney with social media but I
was never making enough becausein part because I just wasn't
consistent, consistent enough,in part because my depression
was so freaking bad.
(06:52):
Either way, I always felt like Iwas in some sort of survival
mode and I remember I at thetime I had a couple of different
girlfriends and we have sinceparted ways but one of those
girlfriends actually both ofthem, but in different phases
but one of them was just puttinga lot of pressure on me to go
back to work part time, fulltime, and I was trying to tell
her like I'm just not at a placeto do that.
(07:14):
Emotionally, I was not at aplace to do that.
I really don't know how else toexplain it.
I was not at a place to do it.
I was struggling with unalivingideations.
Once a month I had PMDDpremenstrual dysphoric disorder
and so I was feeling a level ofvery deep, profound depression
for five to seven days beforeevery period and then
(07:37):
culminating in an unalivingideation that was lasting
anywhere from two to threeminutes to 10 hours.
I was also just starting toreally experience like really
heavily, all of theperimenopause stuff.
And so you know, just tired allof the time and not sleeping
well, and between that and how Ifelt like a caged animal
(08:01):
whenever I did anything becauseI was starting, I was trying to
do gig work and things like thatjust to pay some basic bills,
and I felt so anxious.
Never before was my life likethat and never has it been after
.
And so when my friend wasarguing with me, she just kept
pushing me like I bet you wouldbe in less stress if you would
just go back to work full-time.
And I'm like girl, I'm not evenable to do gig work for more
(08:26):
than four or five hours a weekand I'm running out of there.
I had gotten in trouble.
I was doing a gig job.
I was like literally stalking,stalking, stalking I don't even
know how to say itS-T-O-C-K-I-N-G stocking.
I was stocking boxes at like aMeijer, like a grocery store,
and I felt so much anxiety.
I ran out of there one time andthe guy was just like you're
(08:48):
not done, you're not even closeto being done, and I was looking
at all of the 200, 300 boxesand like there's no fucking way,
there's no fucking way I'mabout to do that shit.
Anyway, the anxiety was high.
It wasn't about the physical Icould physically lift up the
boxes.
It was like my mental was sofucked up.
(09:10):
It was such a hard time of lifeand I was trying to explain to
her like I can't, there's no wayI can do full time.
I knew if I did enough parttime at that time, I was on
government assistance and I knewI would lose the SNAP benefits
and my Medicaid which I really,really needed, especially
heading into perimenopause,right.
So I was just like I am not ina good place and I understood
(09:32):
that being broke all the timeand not having enough money was
contributing to the level ofsadness and depression I felt.
And at the same time I feltlike I don't know what the hell
you expect me to do, but I can'tbe around people, I can't be
caged in a room, I can't sitbehind a desk, I can't do a
bunch of fucking boxes Like I'mjust not okay, and a bunch of
(09:53):
people in my life.
I was trying to explain this tothem.
Like I'm just not at a place Ican't even really do social
media anymore, because I hadbeen doing TikToks and I was
just starting to get momentum.
With TikTok I had got up tolike 22,000 followers and I kind
of threw it all away because Iwas starting to feel super
anxious about that too.
And I had got my YouTubechannel up to like 8,000
followers or subscribers andthen I kind of threw all of that
(10:15):
away.
It was like I couldn't even domy own shit.
It was like one thing for me tolike be motivated and do my
shit, but like I could even dothat, let alone go work for
someone else.
So I'm just drowning in debtand bills and everything.
And I understand my friendbeing like if you just take your
ass to work, you wouldn't be sofucking poor and depressed, and
(10:38):
at the same time, it's like Iwould be, I think, even if I had
money.
Money probably would havehelped, but I was pretty sure
like I'm down, bad, I'm down,bad, bad.
Okay.
So I'm just trying to explainto y'all someone whose nervous
system was shot like beyond andI did not know how I was ever
(10:58):
going to get out of this shit,ever how I was going to survive
any of that.
I was in therapy and then Istopped going to therapy because
, well, there was a lot ofreasons, but I'll just say it
was probably it was best.
It was time for my therapistand I to move on.
I was always journaling.
I've always journaled.
I've always prayed.
I've never not prayed, nomatter what I was going through.
I was starting to meditate more.
(11:18):
I had done EMDR and therapybefore I left that therapist.
I had done EMDR and therapybefore I left that therapist.
There were so many days Icouldn't get out of bed.
There were so many days I wasjust eking, eking by trying to
take care of my kids and low keykind of couldn't wait till they
went back to their dads becauseit was so hard for me to take
(11:38):
care of myself, let alone likemanage the emotions of three
kids.
I just didn't have anythingleft and I hope y'all believe me
when I say it wasn't because Iwasn't trying.
I really was trying.
I really was trying to heal.
I really was trying to readbooks that would facilitate
healing.
I really was trying to meditate.
(11:58):
I really was trying to rest mybody.
I really was trying to figureout like, how can I, what can I
do to get unstuck, what can I doto be less depressed?
I started trying differentmedicines.
I was trying.
I really was trying.
I needed tools that felt reallydoable for me.
I needed to rest more withoutfeeling like I had to hustle.
(12:22):
I needed to not pretend.
I wish that I hadn't beentrying to make money with social
media at that time, even thoughit felt like my only hope, but
it made me have to pretendconstantly that I was okay when
I was really in the most fuckedup place that I had ever been,
probably.
So I want to tell you guysabout something that I made for
y'all.
That is something that I wish Ihad, which is resources from a
(12:45):
Black woman who've gone through,who you know has gone through
and you know, has survived itand has that unique perspective.
Because, y'all, I'm not atherapist, I don't have a
master's degree in social work.
I'm about to graduate, by theway, I only have two classes
left.
I'm about to graduate with mymaster's, but not in social work
, in global and masscommunications, which has some.
Well, no, it doesn't, nevermind, I was going to say it has
(13:06):
overlap.
It does not have overlap.
I'm not a therapist nor acounselor, but I am someone who
has for years poured into otherpeople and I do consider myself
to be a wounded healer, someonewho is always of the mindset of
healing but has always been kindof wounded myself.
So it's kind of like you gottayou gotta understand where
you're coming from, like, yes,I'm a healer and I don't need to
(13:29):
have had a master's degree insocial work or be a licensed
clinical psychotherapist to givey'all advice.
I just try to be very careful.
I do have training in beingtrauma informed, but I am
someone who always likes to andnot likes to like and is very
intentional to learn from blackwomen, from black women, and I
(13:50):
want to be that for other blackwomen who have that same value,
but also value knowing someonehas the lived experience.
So, anyway, I didn't create acourse, I didn't create a
workbook for you to just likeput away in your inbox and never
look at it, look at it again.
This is also not something torush through, like, oh, you do
this and then you're going to bein formation.
It's not like that.
It's more like a system thatjust has some tools for you to
(14:12):
come back to when you need it.
I created it for Black Women 35Plus.
That's my primary audienceanyway.
So if you fit that demographicand you have navigated trauma,
you potentially have ADHD.
Either way, you can't focusbecause perimenopause has made
your brain all whack.
You're maybe single.
Why did I say whack?
Okay, whatever.
Anyway, you're maybe a singleparent.
(14:32):
You're dealing with grief fromwhatever maybe divorce, maybe
you're dealing with grief fromjust still being married.
I mean, anyway, what it is is itis very, for very short, like
voice notes from me about acertain topic and then for
trauma, informed, adhd friendlyworksheets that had to do with
the audio, a printable weeklycalendar calendar that's going
(14:55):
to help you create rhythmwithout like rigidity, because
I'm someone who does not thriveon rigidity, so I wanted to make
it for people who are like me.
And then I have some podcastrecommendations, youtube
recommendations and bookrecommendations by topic.
So you know some of them areabout self love and specifically
(15:15):
some of them about resilience,some of them about self care,
some of them about shame andguilt.
So I took a lot of timecompiling some of these
resources and things that I'veused because I really wanted to
pass it on to y'all.
And then I also have some otherfreebies and bonus stuff that I
have given away in the past andI wanted to just throw it in
there.
One of them is like five, fivetips for us, peribodies and
(15:37):
perimenopause.
Just the level of mood swings isinsane.
It's insane out here.
So it is called the soft girlsurvival system, and I just want
(16:00):
to offer something that helpsother women experience the
softer side of healing, and Ijust I don't know what happened
between last year and this year.
Like last year, july, yeah,2024.
And this year, right now, it'stoday's July.
What is today?
I want to be sure I have itright.
(16:20):
Today is July 21st, y'all, ohmy God.
The last time I changed thiswas in April.
I'm going to change this.
I have it right.
Today is July 21st.
Yeah, oh my God.
The last time I changed thiswas in April.
I'm going to change this one.
I'm talking to July 21st,because this is insane, the way
that I put this up here andconstantly, routinely forget
about it.
You can tell I have ADHD.
By the way, I'm filming thispodcast right now, which, by the
(16:43):
way, if you're listening onApple, spotify or anything like
this.
This is also a video podcast onYouTube.
If you're on YouTube, pleaselike this.
If you're on YouTube, please goto Apple Spotify, subscribe,
like, do all of those thingsthat help me push this out, but
anyway, so I wanted to createsomething that helps you know
and remind you.
Like you don't have to healovernight or even in a year.
I oh yeah, that's what I wastalking about.
(17:05):
I don't really think that I'vehealed in the past year like all
of the healing I'm ever goingto do, but like I can tell there
is no, I don't have to like,fake or pretend anything anymore
.
Like I am, I have healed on myown terms, but I have seen such
major progress in the last yearthat sometimes I'm like what is
(17:26):
happening to me?
How am I handling this sodifferently?
How am I able to stay so calm?
How am I not filled withanxiety about some of these
situations and I'm not sayingthat I haven't had mistakes like
, literally two episodes ago, Italked about being in a dating
situation that, like twoepisodes ago I talked about
being in a dating situation that, like, sprung my anxiety into
(17:47):
full, like it was full blown,but I had a very loving
interaction with my inner child.
I would highly suggest watchingthat if you want to learn about
doing inner child work, becausethat's something I've been doing
for years and I feel like inthis one dating situation that
was only a week, by the way,because that's how I've learned
and grown is not staying aroundin things that aren't good I had
this very powerful interactionwith my inner child.
(18:10):
I think after years of doinginner child work that was very
effective and it was just likeoh yeah, this is not working.
You got to, you got to exit,and that is not me.
That has not been me.
It is me now, but it wasn't meLast year.
This time I wouldn't have exitedthat situation within a week
and I wouldn't have been the oneto exit it Because the chaos
(18:35):
was more comfortable.
But I'm finally at a placewhere I'm healing enough to see
like the chaos is not morecomfortable to me at all.
The peace that passes allunderstanding is where I'm at
now.
Thank you Jesus, thank youJesus, yes, thank you Jesus, oh
(18:57):
Lord.
So healing, on my own terms,has meant, I think, for some
people, you know, like it's hardto watch someone heal and like
be messy and have hard stuffhappen and then have them take
five steps forward and 10 stepsback.
But it's really reallybeautiful if you're the person
who's doing it and you're doingat your own pace without letting
(19:18):
people pressure you or dothings that you're not
comfortable with.
Do things that you're notcomfortable with.
It feels so good to see thisprogress.
I am so, so, so, so, so proudof myself for the progress.
If you all knew how bad it wasjust two years ago, like it was
(19:52):
bad, like one day, hopefully,I'll be able to tell y'all the
truth about, like the kind ofthings that were happening.
I'm not ready for that level ofdisclosure yet.
Really, really down bad.
It doesn't have to stay thatway.
And honestly I've said thisbefore me looking into the law
of attraction and the law ofmanifestation and those kind of
(20:13):
things really helped me, likereally really helps me to take a
little bit more control of mysituation.
That's what really got mereally fiercely into meditating
and led me on.
I think it fast tracked myhealing journey a little bit
more because of the way that itencourages you and empowers you
to take control of yoursituation by taking control of
(20:35):
your thoughts.
It really helped me.
So that's number one.
I really want to encourage youto look into that.
If you are down, bad about howyou can really work on your
mindset about everything.
But I also created this becauseI really relate to what it
feels like to be holding it alltogether and be crumbling in
secret.
And I just want to remind you,if you're down bad like you
(21:00):
could be quietly falling apartand I just want to remind you
you don't need to be strong allthe time.
You do need a place to be safeand you need a place to be soft
and you need systems that holdyou.
But the thing is y'all this iswhat I really want to impart is
that I, for a long time, waslooking for all of those things
outside of myself.
I really thought for a while,if I was going to be safe, I
(21:22):
would find that safety in arelationship with a man.
Yeah, I believe that, which isactually really fucking
hilarious if you think about it.
But anyway, I really thought,if I was going to find softness,
that I would find that like,just in general, out in the
world there is softness out inthe world.
I have found softness from mygirlfriends, but I also feel
(21:45):
really blessed.
I know a lot of women who don'thave really close, beautiful
girlfriend friendships and I doand I just feel like not
everyone has that.
If you don't have it, you got toprovide it for yourself.
It's an inside job.
We need systems.
If you're down bad, you needsystems that allow you to be
held, and the thing is is thatthose systems are not in place.
Baby, if you're in America Imean, I don't know anywhere in
(22:06):
the world but especially ifyou're a black woman in America
it's not in place for us.
And so the systems that we havein our life, the rituals, the
things that we do to createsafety for ourselves, like have
to be self-led.
They have to be our own systems, like our own household and
everything that.
I realized that before I wasonly praying for and asking for
(22:28):
and not having any sort of senseof agency.
Before I had to give myself.
I had to give myself the, I hadto give myself the place to not
be strong.
I had to give myself a sense ofsafety.
I had to give myself a sense ofsoftness and realize that there
was not a cis, heterosexual manwho was going to give me any of
that for any reason.
(22:49):
That was just a mission failurein every way, and so that is
number one.
There's a situation recentlywhere I was talking to someone
and I'm trying to figure outwhat to share of it.
There were so many good things.
There were some really reallygood things.
I felt like it brought out likea very soft, sacred side of me
(23:12):
In a way, like I took themomentum that I felt from him
treating me in a way that feltvery soft and sacred, and I took
it and I really, like, appliedit to myself.
It's really hard to describe,but I felt like this softness
that he's giving me, like Ideserve this.
It was really one of the firsttimes that I allowed myself, in
(23:33):
a dating situation, to say likethis person is treating you in a
way that is a reflection ofyour value and worth and, yes,
you deserve it, as opposed tofighting it or pushing back or
like, like I said, like thechaos used to be where I lived,
and so experiencing softness andthe dating situation was would
have been more challenging to meat any other point in my life,
(23:55):
but I received it.
So when that situation ended, Istill had it, and it was
interesting because my therapy,my therapist, asked me the other
day like what made you?
Because my therapist OK, so itwas a good, I'm going to tell
you all this story because it'sa cute little story my therapist
was like you know, it seemslike after this whole thing
ended, like you're notquestioning your worth, or
whether or not you're worthy orwhy this didn't work out or
(24:17):
whatever.
And I was like, yeah, becauseI'm not questioning it, because
I just know it.
And he was like, well, how doyou know it?
Because this is reallydifferent for you.
You know, like he could seelike some of the changes and I
was like, well, there's a fewthings.
Like one is this man who I wasdating.
He did he was doing a reallygood job of like constantly
pouring into me with his wordsand letting me know how valuable
I was and how precious I wasand how beautiful I was inside
(24:39):
and out and what a great mom Iwas.
He was just always reallypouring into me with positivity,
which was a beautiful thing.
But I also do that to myself.
Like I spend a good, a fairamount of time in my meditations
, but also like in in guidedmeditations, but also in my own,
and also when I wake up andwhen I go to sleep, when my
brain is in theta mode, I try todo a lot of positive
(24:59):
affirmations just while I'mlaying in bed.
But, like, self worth has beensomething I have been really,
really really diving into, andespecially with dating, because
ain't nothing like.
Ain't nothing like dealing witha nigga to drag you all the way
to fuck to the bottom of theocean.
Okay, like for me.
(25:20):
For me, like dating has beenthe one thing that, like I could
be like on a high and doingreally good, and it will like
drag me to the ocean of like youare worth nothing.
I'm gonna treat you in a waythat makes you feel like you are
worth nothing.
You know, and it can be sosubtle Y'all know what I'm
talking about.
If you've been through, it canbe so.
If you have dated in 20, in the2020s, ever I'm just playing if
(25:44):
you ever dated, you know, datedor been married.
Honestly, my ex husband took meto hell.
He took me to hell and back.
I did not think I was worthanything when I left my
ex-husband by the time I got out, and so dating is just yeah.
That has been really, reallychallenging for me, but this
(26:05):
situation.
I was just like no, no, I knowmy worth, like I know all of
these wonderful things about me.
My therapist was like so how?
So I told him I was like, yeah,it's that.
But I've also been doing thework myself and I've been really
just like trying to see thesacred in and the spiritual in,
what it means to really embodythat kind of love.
(26:27):
Like what does it really looklike?
I've just been asking myselfthose deeper questions and just
trying to do it without pullingteeth.
And I realize that there's alevel of justice in some way in
someone else treating you likeyou're not sacred and special
and you doing it for yourself.
So, if no one's ever said it toyou, you're allowed to be okay,
you're allowed to love yourself, you're allowed to feel worthy,
(26:49):
you're allowed to thrive,period.
So if this spoke to you even alittle bit, if you've been in
your mind thinking like damn, Iam really tired.
Or like, yeah, everything Ihave tried has really, I still
feel really fucking stuck.
This is for you.
So the Soft Girl SurvivalSystem is built for you today.
You can start it anytime.
(27:10):
You can start it a hundredtimes.
You can start at any place init.
It's not about perfection.
This is just permission tostart the healing process.
So it is available on my standstore.
You can click the links in theshow notes and you can find out
more.
You can find it on my websitealso, and this is just a way for
you to get some support.
(27:31):
This is not like, by all means,all you're ever going to need.
This is just a beginning.
But just know that I'm here andI love y'all I really do
Anybody who's on this journey oftrying to survive.
I really, really love y'alllike bad.
I love y'all down.
Okay, for real, I'm not evenkidding and if you feel like you
need help, I am opening up,reopening up, my coaching
(27:53):
services.
Um, again, I'm not a not atherapist or a counselor, but I
have been on this journey and Ido know how to help other women
get through it.
You can also find that in mystand store you can book.
I'm just right now just doingone hour sessions, 45 minute
session, sorry.
Thank you guys.
So much for tuning in again.
Give me a like and subscribe.
Please subscribe to my substack, where you can be the
first to hear about any newresources that I come out with
that are meant to help us live,survive and thrive out here in
(28:17):
these streets, especially inthese perilous times where the
orange orangutan is taking overand ruining every good thing
about our lives in America.
But we gonna survive, y'all.
We gonna survive.
We gonna even thrive through it.
I love y'all so much.
Thank you for being here again,even after my long ass break,
and I'm hoping to be backregularly, so I will see y'all.
(28:38):
So much Thank you for beinghere again, even after my long
ass break, and I'm hoping to beback regularly.
So I will see y'all in the nextepisode.
I know y'all heard that phrase like people don't
really change until they're sickand tired of being sick and
tired.
And there have been times therehave been so many times in the
last so many years.
But I'm just going to stick tothe last five because for me
that's when my life reallyreally transitioned, was when I
escaped a marriage that was fullof domestic violence, and
(00:20):
that's when I decided I am on ahealing trajectory.
But in those past five years Ihave been through hell, trying
to heal, going throughperimenopause, complex PTSD, off
the rails, depression, anxiety,suicidal ideations, losing my
job, poverty.
I mean it's been hell and therewere so many times.
I'm just like, I'm just so sickand tired of being sick and
(00:40):
tired.
I just I literally can't takethis shit no more.
If you have ever been there, ifyou've ever been there, this
really is for you.
I really am out here trying tomake a difference with women
who've been in positions I havewhere you're just like at the
bottom of the bottom of thebottom.
I don't even say publicly allof the ways that I've been at
(01:03):
the bottom of the bottom,because I think people would be
too freaked out Honestly,because you know, you know you
start telling your story, yourtrauma story, people get really,
really, really freaked out.
All I'm gonna say is there'sbeen so many times I've been low
and I just really have alwayswanted resources from black
women.
I've always wanted to, I'vealways looked up to black women,
(01:24):
I've always wanted to learnfrom black women and I've always
felt like there is that part ofme that needs the soul
refreshment that only blackwomen can give, always had a
passion for black women.
It's who I am and what I'mabout, period.
So everything has always beenthat.
But I think in the last coupleof years it's been I've had more
(01:46):
clarity, like what is the?
You know your girl's gettingold, okay, so I'm like what is
the legacy I want to leave?
You know, like there's justkind of a reality of like people
my age are dying of, likestroke and heart attack, and you
know I'm thank God I'm healthy.
I'm not trying to, you know,have a little subtle message
here.
I am healthy right now that Iknow of, and anything could
(02:07):
happen to any of us at any time.
But I think just being olderI'm like I really want to be
sure that I'm spending my timeand energy giving to something
that's meaningful to me and forothers.
So when I say I'm rooting forblack women, that I make
resources for black women, thatmy podcast is for black women,
that my TikTok is for blackwomen, that what I write, I know
a lot of people there's otherwomen who interact with my
(02:29):
content and have expressed thisappreciation.
I just always want to centerblack womanhood, so that's kind
of where I'm coming from.
But so if you're here andyou're not a black woman, there
is still something for you.
I just know that I am centeringthe black woman experience and
what I've been through, if thatmakes sense.
Anyway, hey, y'all, welcomeback to Out here Trying to
Survive.
It has been a month and a halfor so since I did my last
(02:51):
episode.
I'm not even gonna lie y'all.
I got discouraged.
I got completely, utterlydiscouraged and I was like I'm
not doing this, no more.
I got tired.
I have ADHD, bad, bad sense ofperimenopause.
I got bored of editing.
I just was like I'm done withthis and over the last month and
a half I realized, like youcannot be done with something
that you dream of doing like Iwould.
I would love to do this podcastfull-time.
(03:13):
I love speaking and writing andsharing and content creation
and all that.
So it just felt like, grace,just take a break.
So someone else in my life, oneof my like very best friends
she was like girl, just girl,just take a break.
Like girl, you're tired, justtake a motherfucking break.
And I was like, oh, girl, okay,fine, because she was like
wouldn't it be better just totake a break than to quit?
And I was like, yes, you are soright, you are so right, and I
(03:35):
feel like it gave me the time toactually realize like you can
make something that is a littlebit more concrete than just the
podcast.
So I just wanted to share withyou what I made.
And just so you know, I don't,y'all know I don't If you've
been following me on IG, tiktok,anything you know y'all don't.
I don't sell y'all stuff like,unless it's something I'm using
like all of the time.
(03:56):
You know, like on TikTok, I'vebeen making these little TikToks
about the NeuroGum.
I've been using that neuro gumlike it's candy.
Okay, so I want to share withy'all what I made, but this is
not something that I have notlovingly poured myself into and
use myself all the time thesetips, tricks, tools and
techniques that I'm going totell y'all about.
(04:17):
I wonder if I could squeeze inany other word that starts with
a T in that sentence Tools, tips, tricks and techniques.
I ain't even write that down,y'all, anyway, so I just want to
share with y'all a little bitmore.
I mean, I know I've shared somuch of my story on this podcast
, but I think that we don'tthere's not a lot.
I feel like you can tell me ifI'm wrong, but I feel like
there's not a lot of spaces forBlack women to be completely at
(04:40):
the bottom of the barrel, whereyou're falling apart in every
way.
I feel like sometimes we talkabout like oh yeah, our
depression or you know, I don'tknow, just sadness, overwhelm at
some of the realities of whatit means to be a black woman,
but I don't see a lot wherepeople are like I was at the end
of my motherfucking rope.
Like I was literally at the endof my rope and about to hurt
(05:01):
myself or hurt someone else.
Like I was down, bad, insurvival mode, bad and not able
to function, bad.
I just don't hear that a lot.
Tell me if I'm wrong, but likethat's what I'm trying to
describe about where I was atand where I'm trying to help any
woman who's in that place whereyou're down so bad or you just
(05:25):
been trying really hard and youjust can't seem to progress,
like maybe you're not at zero.
If zero is the worst of theworst and 10 is everything's
good, your whole life is perfect.
Anywhere between you know, zeroand five or six, like a lot of
us, find ourselves there goingup and down.
This episode is sponsored byGrace Actually.
Memoirs of Love, faith Loss andBlack Womanhood.
(05:46):
Does that face look familiar?
It's me.
This book is a collection of myfavorite blog posts and things
I've written in the last I don'tknow five to eight years or so
on love, faith loss and blackwomanhood.
It's highly reviewed allfive-star ratings on Amazon and
Goodreads.
Go pick it up.
But first let me tell y'all astory I've mentioned in previous
(06:06):
episodes how, in 2023, I camereally close to unaliving myself
.
I won't go into the whole storybecause I know I've talked
about it in probably two otherepisodes now, but it was a
really scary, freaking time.
I was really at the end of myrope and I didn't really see a
way out of that.
But part of the reason thatthat was so scary is because I
was in such a hard placefinancially and that was two
(06:30):
years ago, so, like a year ago Iwas doing better, but I was
still having a hard time working.
I was still having a hard timemaking money and I was doing
social media.
You know, I was making somemoney with social media but I
was never making enough becausein part because I just wasn't
consistent, consistent enough,in part because my depression
was so freaking bad.
(06:52):
Either way, I always felt like Iwas in some sort of survival
mode and I remember I at thetime I had a couple of different
girlfriends and we have sinceparted ways but one of those
girlfriends actually both ofthem, but in different phases
but one of them was just puttinga lot of pressure on me to go
back to work part time, fulltime, and I was trying to tell
her like I'm just not at a placeto do that.
(07:14):
Emotionally, I was not at aplace to do that.
I really don't know how else toexplain it.
I was not at a place to do it.
I was struggling with unalivingideations.
Once a month I had PMDDpremenstrual dysphoric disorder
and so I was feeling a level ofvery deep, profound depression
for five to seven days beforeevery period and then
(07:37):
culminating in an unalivingideation that was lasting
anywhere from two to threeminutes to 10 hours.
I was also just starting toreally experience like really
heavily, all of theperimenopause stuff.
And so you know, just tired allof the time and not sleeping
well, and between that and how Ifelt like a caged animal
(08:01):
whenever I did anything becauseI was starting, I was trying to
do gig work and things like thatjust to pay some basic bills,
and I felt so anxious.
Never before was my life likethat and never has it been after
.
And so when my friend wasarguing with me, she just kept
pushing me like I bet you wouldbe in less stress if you would
just go back to work full-time.
And I'm like girl, I'm not evenable to do gig work for more
(08:26):
than four or five hours a weekand I'm running out of there.
I had gotten in trouble.
I was doing a gig job.
I was like literally stalking,stalking, stalking I don't even
know how to say itS-T-O-C-K-I-N-G stocking.
I was stocking boxes at like aMeijer, like a grocery store,
and I felt so much anxiety.
I ran out of there one time andthe guy was just like you're
(08:48):
not done, you're not even closeto being done, and I was looking
at all of the 200, 300 boxesand like there's no fucking way,
there's no fucking way I'mabout to do that shit.
Anyway, the anxiety was high.
It wasn't about the physical Icould physically lift up the
boxes.
It was like my mental was sofucked up.
(09:10):
It was such a hard time of lifeand I was trying to explain to
her like I can't, there's no wayI can do full time.
I knew if I did enough parttime at that time, I was on
government assistance and I knewI would lose the SNAP benefits
and my Medicaid which I really,really needed, especially
heading into perimenopause,right.
So I was just like I am not ina good place and I understood
(09:32):
that being broke all the timeand not having enough money was
contributing to the level ofsadness and depression I felt.
And at the same time I feltlike I don't know what the hell
you expect me to do, but I can'tbe around people, I can't be
caged in a room, I can't sitbehind a desk, I can't do a
bunch of fucking boxes Like I'mjust not okay, and a bunch of
(09:53):
people in my life.
I was trying to explain this tothem.
Like I'm just not at a place Ican't even really do social
media anymore, because I hadbeen doing TikToks and I was
just starting to get momentum.
With TikTok I had got up tolike 22,000 followers and I kind
of threw it all away because Iwas starting to feel super
anxious about that too.
And I had got my YouTubechannel up to like 8,000
followers or subscribers andthen I kind of threw all of that
(10:15):
away.
It was like I couldn't even domy own shit.
It was like one thing for me tolike be motivated and do my
shit, but like I could even dothat, let alone go work for
someone else.
So I'm just drowning in debtand bills and everything.
And I understand my friendbeing like if you just take your
ass to work, you wouldn't be sofucking poor and depressed, and
(10:38):
at the same time, it's like Iwould be, I think, even if I had
money.
Money probably would havehelped, but I was pretty sure
like I'm down, bad, I'm down,bad, bad.
Okay.
So I'm just trying to explainto y'all someone whose nervous
system was shot like beyond andI did not know how I was ever
(10:58):
going to get out of this shit,ever how I was going to survive
any of that.
I was in therapy and then Istopped going to therapy because
, well, there was a lot ofreasons, but I'll just say it
was probably it was best.
It was time for my therapistand I to move on.
I was always journaling.
I've always journaled.
I've always prayed.
I've never not prayed, nomatter what I was going through.
I was starting to meditate more.
(11:18):
I had done EMDR and therapybefore I left that therapist.
I had done EMDR and therapybefore I left that therapist.
There were so many days Icouldn't get out of bed.
There were so many days I wasjust eking, eking by trying to
take care of my kids and low keykind of couldn't wait till they
went back to their dads becauseit was so hard for me to take
(11:38):
care of myself, let alone likemanage the emotions of three
kids.
I just didn't have anythingleft and I hope y'all believe me
when I say it wasn't because Iwasn't trying.
I really was trying.
I really was trying to heal.
I really was trying to readbooks that would facilitate
healing.
I really was trying to meditate.
(11:58):
I really was trying to rest mybody.
I really was trying to figureout like, how can I, what can I
do to get unstuck, what can I doto be less depressed?
I started trying differentmedicines.
I was trying.
I really was trying.
I needed tools that felt reallydoable for me.
I needed to rest more withoutfeeling like I had to hustle.
(12:22):
I needed to not pretend.
I wish that I hadn't beentrying to make money with social
media at that time, even thoughit felt like my only hope, but
it made me have to pretendconstantly that I was okay when
I was really in the most fuckedup place that I had ever been,
probably.
So I want to tell you guysabout something that I made for
y'all.
That is something that I wish Ihad, which is resources from a
(12:45):
Black woman who've gone through,who you know has gone through
and you know, has survived itand has that unique perspective.
Because, y'all, I'm not atherapist, I don't have a
master's degree in social work.
I'm about to graduate, by theway, I only have two classes
left.
I'm about to graduate with mymaster's, but not in social work
, in global and masscommunications, which has some.
Well, no, it doesn't, nevermind, I was going to say it has
(13:06):
overlap.
It does not have overlap.
I'm not a therapist nor acounselor, but I am someone who
has for years poured into otherpeople and I do consider myself
to be a wounded healer, someonewho is always of the mindset of
healing but has always been kindof wounded myself.
So it's kind of like you gottayou gotta understand where
you're coming from, like, yes,I'm a healer and I don't need to
(13:29):
have had a master's degree insocial work or be a licensed
clinical psychotherapist to givey'all advice.
I just try to be very careful.
I do have training in beingtrauma informed, but I am
someone who always likes to andnot likes to like and is very
intentional to learn from blackwomen, from black women, and I
(13:50):
want to be that for other blackwomen who have that same value,
but also value knowing someonehas the lived experience.
So, anyway, I didn't create acourse, I didn't create a
workbook for you to just likeput away in your inbox and never
look at it, look at it again.
This is also not something torush through, like, oh, you do
this and then you're going to bein formation.
It's not like that.
It's more like a system thatjust has some tools for you to
(14:12):
come back to when you need it.
I created it for Black Women 35Plus.
That's my primary audienceanyway.
So if you fit that demographicand you have navigated trauma,
you potentially have ADHD.
Either way, you can't focusbecause perimenopause has made
your brain all whack.
You're maybe single.
Why did I say whack?
Okay, whatever.
Anyway, you're maybe a singleparent.
(14:32):
You're dealing with grief fromwhatever maybe divorce, maybe
you're dealing with grief fromjust still being married.
I mean, anyway, what it is is itis very, for very short, like
voice notes from me about acertain topic and then for
trauma, informed, adhd friendlyworksheets that had to do with
the audio, a printable weeklycalendar calendar that's going
(14:55):
to help you create rhythmwithout like rigidity, because
I'm someone who does not thriveon rigidity, so I wanted to make
it for people who are like me.
And then I have some podcastrecommendations, youtube
recommendations and bookrecommendations by topic.
So you know some of them areabout self love and specifically
(15:15):
some of them about resilience,some of them about self care,
some of them about shame andguilt.
So I took a lot of timecompiling some of these
resources and things that I'veused because I really wanted to
pass it on to y'all.
And then I also have some otherfreebies and bonus stuff that I
have given away in the past andI wanted to just throw it in
there.
One of them is like five, fivetips for us, peribodies and
(15:37):
perimenopause.
Just the level of mood swings isinsane.
It's insane out here.
So it is called the soft girlsurvival system, and I just want
(16:00):
to offer something that helpsother women experience the
softer side of healing, and Ijust I don't know what happened
between last year and this year.
Like last year, july, yeah,2024.
And this year, right now, it'stoday's July.
What is today?
I want to be sure I have itright.
(16:20):
Today is July 21st, y'all, ohmy God.
The last time I changed thiswas in April.
I'm going to change this.
I have it right.
Today is July 21st.
Yeah, oh my God.
The last time I changed thiswas in April.
I'm going to change this one.
I'm talking to July 21st,because this is insane, the way
that I put this up here andconstantly, routinely forget
about it.
You can tell I have ADHD.
By the way, I'm filming thispodcast right now, which, by the
(16:43):
way, if you're listening onApple, spotify or anything like
this.
This is also a video podcast onYouTube.
If you're on YouTube, pleaselike this.
If you're on YouTube, please goto Apple Spotify, subscribe,
like, do all of those thingsthat help me push this out, but
anyway, so I wanted to createsomething that helps you know
and remind you.
Like you don't have to healovernight or even in a year.
I oh yeah, that's what I wastalking about.
(17:05):
I don't really think that I'vehealed in the past year like all
of the healing I'm ever goingto do, but like I can tell there
is no, I don't have to like,fake or pretend anything anymore
.
Like I am, I have healed on myown terms, but I have seen such
major progress in the last yearthat sometimes I'm like what is
(17:26):
happening to me?
How am I handling this sodifferently?
How am I able to stay so calm?
How am I not filled withanxiety about some of these
situations and I'm not sayingthat I haven't had mistakes like
, literally two episodes ago, Italked about being in a dating
situation that, like twoepisodes ago I talked about
being in a dating situation that, like, sprung my anxiety into
(17:47):
full, like it was full blown,but I had a very loving
interaction with my inner child.
I would highly suggest watchingthat if you want to learn about
doing inner child work, becausethat's something I've been doing
for years and I feel like inthis one dating situation that
was only a week, by the way,because that's how I've learned
and grown is not staying aroundin things that aren't good I had
this very powerful interactionwith my inner child.
(18:10):
I think after years of doinginner child work that was very
effective and it was just likeoh yeah, this is not working.
You got to, you got to exit,and that is not me.
That has not been me.
It is me now, but it wasn't meLast year.
This time I wouldn't have exitedthat situation within a week
and I wouldn't have been the oneto exit it Because the chaos
(18:35):
was more comfortable.
But I'm finally at a placewhere I'm healing enough to see
like the chaos is not morecomfortable to me at all.
The peace that passes allunderstanding is where I'm at
now.
Thank you Jesus, thank youJesus, yes, thank you Jesus, oh
(18:57):
Lord.
So healing, on my own terms,has meant, I think, for some
people, you know, like it's hardto watch someone heal and like
be messy and have hard stuffhappen and then have them take
five steps forward and 10 stepsback.
But it's really reallybeautiful if you're the person
who's doing it and you're doingat your own pace without letting
(19:18):
people pressure you or dothings that you're not
comfortable with.
Do things that you're notcomfortable with.
It feels so good to see thisprogress.
I am so, so, so, so, so proudof myself for the progress.
If you all knew how bad it wasjust two years ago, like it was
(19:52):
bad, like one day, hopefully,I'll be able to tell y'all the
truth about, like the kind ofthings that were happening.
I'm not ready for that level ofdisclosure yet.
Really, really down bad.
It doesn't have to stay thatway.
And honestly I've said thisbefore me looking into the law
of attraction and the law ofmanifestation and those kind of
(20:13):
things really helped me, likereally really helps me to take a
little bit more control of mysituation.
That's what really got mereally fiercely into meditating
and led me on.
I think it fast tracked myhealing journey a little bit
more because of the way that itencourages you and empowers you
to take control of yoursituation by taking control of
(20:35):
your thoughts.
It really helped me.
So that's number one.
I really want to encourage youto look into that.
If you are down, bad about howyou can really work on your
mindset about everything.
But I also created this becauseI really relate to what it
feels like to be holding it alltogether and be crumbling in
secret.
And I just want to remind you,if you're down bad like you
(21:00):
could be quietly falling apartand I just want to remind you
you don't need to be strong allthe time.
You do need a place to be safeand you need a place to be soft
and you need systems that holdyou.
But the thing is y'all this iswhat I really want to impart is
that I, for a long time, waslooking for all of those things
outside of myself.
I really thought for a while,if I was going to be safe, I
(21:22):
would find that safety in arelationship with a man.
Yeah, I believe that, which isactually really fucking
hilarious if you think about it.
But anyway, I really thought,if I was going to find softness,
that I would find that like,just in general, out in the
world there is softness out inthe world.
I have found softness from mygirlfriends, but I also feel
(21:45):
really blessed.
I know a lot of women who don'thave really close, beautiful
girlfriend friendships and I doand I just feel like not
everyone has that.
If you don't have it, you got toprovide it for yourself.
It's an inside job.
We need systems.
If you're down bad, you needsystems that allow you to be
held, and the thing is is thatthose systems are not in place.
Baby, if you're in America Imean, I don't know anywhere in
(22:06):
the world but especially ifyou're a black woman in America
it's not in place for us.
And so the systems that we havein our life, the rituals, the
things that we do to createsafety for ourselves, like have
to be self-led.
They have to be our own systems, like our own household and
everything that.
I realized that before I wasonly praying for and asking for
(22:28):
and not having any sort of senseof agency.
Before I had to give myself.
I had to give myself the, I hadto give myself the place to not
be strong.
I had to give myself a sense ofsafety.
I had to give myself a sense ofsoftness and realize that there
was not a cis, heterosexual manwho was going to give me any of
that for any reason.
(22:49):
That was just a mission failurein every way, and so that is
number one.
There's a situation recentlywhere I was talking to someone
and I'm trying to figure outwhat to share of it.
There were so many good things.
There were some really reallygood things.
I felt like it brought out likea very soft, sacred side of me
(23:12):
In a way, like I took themomentum that I felt from him
treating me in a way that feltvery soft and sacred, and I took
it and I really, like, appliedit to myself.
It's really hard to describe,but I felt like this softness
that he's giving me, like Ideserve this.
It was really one of the firsttimes that I allowed myself, in
(23:33):
a dating situation, to say likethis person is treating you in a
way that is a reflection ofyour value and worth and, yes,
you deserve it, as opposed tofighting it or pushing back or
like, like I said, like thechaos used to be where I lived,
and so experiencing softness andthe dating situation was would
have been more challenging to meat any other point in my life,
(23:55):
but I received it.
So when that situation ended, Istill had it, and it was
interesting because my therapy,my therapist, asked me the other
day like what made you?
Because my therapist OK, so itwas a good, I'm going to tell
you all this story because it'sa cute little story my therapist
was like you know, it seemslike after this whole thing
ended, like you're notquestioning your worth, or
whether or not you're worthy orwhy this didn't work out or
(24:17):
whatever.
And I was like, yeah, becauseI'm not questioning it, because
I just know it.
And he was like, well, how doyou know it?
Because this is reallydifferent for you.
You know, like he could seelike some of the changes and I
was like, well, there's a fewthings.
Like one is this man who I wasdating.
He did he was doing a reallygood job of like constantly
pouring into me with his wordsand letting me know how valuable
I was and how precious I wasand how beautiful I was inside
(24:39):
and out and what a great mom Iwas.
He was just always reallypouring into me with positivity,
which was a beautiful thing.
But I also do that to myself.
Like I spend a good, a fairamount of time in my meditations
, but also like in in guidedmeditations, but also in my own,
and also when I wake up andwhen I go to sleep, when my
brain is in theta mode, I try todo a lot of positive
(24:59):
affirmations just while I'mlaying in bed.
But, like, self worth has beensomething I have been really,
really really diving into, andespecially with dating, because
ain't nothing like.
Ain't nothing like dealing witha nigga to drag you all the way
to fuck to the bottom of theocean.
Okay, like for me.
(25:20):
For me, like dating has beenthe one thing that, like I could
be like on a high and doingreally good, and it will like
drag me to the ocean of like youare worth nothing.
I'm gonna treat you in a waythat makes you feel like you are
worth nothing.
You know, and it can be sosubtle Y'all know what I'm
talking about.
If you've been through, it canbe so.
If you have dated in 20, in the2020s, ever I'm just playing if
(25:44):
you ever dated, you know, datedor been married.
Honestly, my ex husband took meto hell.
He took me to hell and back.
I did not think I was worthanything when I left my
ex-husband by the time I got out, and so dating is just yeah.
That has been really, reallychallenging for me, but this
(26:05):
situation.
I was just like no, no, I knowmy worth, like I know all of
these wonderful things about me.
My therapist was like so how?
So I told him I was like, yeah,it's that.
But I've also been doing thework myself and I've been really
just like trying to see thesacred in and the spiritual in,
what it means to really embodythat kind of love.
(26:27):
Like what does it really looklike?
I've just been asking myselfthose deeper questions and just
trying to do it without pullingteeth.
And I realize that there's alevel of justice in some way in
someone else treating you likeyou're not sacred and special
and you doing it for yourself.
So, if no one's ever said it toyou, you're allowed to be okay,
you're allowed to love yourself, you're allowed to feel worthy,
(26:49):
you're allowed to thrive,period.
So if this spoke to you even alittle bit, if you've been in
your mind thinking like damn, Iam really tired.
Or like, yeah, everything Ihave tried has really, I still
feel really fucking stuck.
This is for you.
So the Soft Girl SurvivalSystem is built for you today.
You can start it anytime.
(27:10):
You can start it a hundredtimes.
You can start at any place init.
It's not about perfection.
This is just permission tostart the healing process.
So it is available on my standstore.
You can click the links in theshow notes and you can find out
more.
You can find it on my websitealso, and this is just a way for
you to get some support.
(27:31):
This is not like, by all means,all you're ever going to need.
This is just a beginning.
But just know that I'm here andI love y'all I really do
Anybody who's on this journey oftrying to survive.
I really, really love y'alllike bad.
I love y'all down.
Okay, for real, I'm not evenkidding and if you feel like you
need help, I am opening up,reopening up, my coaching
(27:53):
services.
Um, again, I'm not a not atherapist or a counselor, but I
have been on this journey and Ido know how to help other women
get through it.
You can also find that in mystand store you can book.
I'm just right now just doingone hour sessions, 45 minute
session, sorry.
Thank you guys.
So much for tuning in again.
Give me a like and subscribe.
Please subscribe to my substack, where you can be the
first to hear about any newresources that I come out with
that are meant to help us live,survive and thrive out here in
(28:17):
these streets, especially inthese perilous times where the
orange orangutan is taking overand ruining every good thing
about our lives in America.
But we gonna survive, y'all.
We gonna survive.
We gonna even thrive through it.
I love y'all so much.
Thank you for being here again,even after my long ass break,
and I'm hoping to be backregularly, so I will see y'all.
(28:38):
So much Thank you for beinghere again, even after my long
ass break, and I'm hoping to beback regularly.
So I will see y'all in the nextepisode.
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