Fear Unlocked with Jennifer Fidder: Overcoming Barriers to Business Success

Episode Transcript
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Nicole Tuxbury (00:01):
hello there and welcome back to the next episode
of overcome yourself, thepodcast.
As you know, my name is nicoleand I'm so excited to be here to
talk to you about fear withjennifer.
Okay, so I don't think it'sgonna be that scary, but let's
go ahead and turn to you,jennifer, welcome, um, and talk

(00:22):
to us about fear, about what youdo, who you are and who you
help.

Jennifer Fidder (00:27):
Yeah, so thank you so much for having me.
My name is Jennifer Fitter.
I'm a social psychologist andhypnotist and, like you said, I
work a lot with fears.
What I do is I work withentrepreneurs and business
owners who feel kind of stuck intheir business and they're not
exactly sure what's happening,why it's not going forward, and

(00:47):
what we find out a lot of thetimes is that it's usually
related to fears fear of success, fear of failure, fear of
rejection and how that kind ofmanifests in their business is
that they start procrastinating,that they develop some type of
perfectionism, that nothing isever good enough to really put

(01:07):
it out there, that they'rescared of reaching out to
potential clients, that theystay busy in their business by
doing the busy work, but that'sthe type of work that doesn't
really get the many clients.
So those are like kind of themanifestations of the underlying
fears.
So and then what we do is wefirst need to kind of uncover

(01:29):
what it actually is that isholding them back, what fear
we're dealing with, and then wecan go from there are you okay,
dude, go go leave them.

I will edit that out.
I'm so sorry.
Okay, it's okay, we can leaveit in.
Thank you, I like it.
Okay, sorry about that.
Thank you so much.
So talk to me.
When I think of fear, when Ithink of the fear of success, I
also think of a lot ofself-sabotage.
And so not just getting tosuccess, but staying in success,

(02:07):
right, because then you getthat five figure check and
before you know it it's gone andyou're like, wait a second, I
thought I had made it.
I thought I figured it out, andhere I am, yes, and now it's
gone.
Okay, so can you talk to me alittle bit about how that, um,

(02:29):
how that fear works, like in ourin our entrepreneurial process.

So it it kind of depends on where that comes
from.
That's why you often see, forexample, millionaires right they
would, they win the lotterylike a lot of millionaires.
They win the lottery and thenwithin a year everything is gone
.
So there can be differentreasons for that.
Sometimes it's a money mindsetthing that you just because
we're all wired in a certain wayfor different things, and

(02:52):
especially when it comes tomoney, we all kind of have our
set point, if you will like, apoint where we always fall back
to it.
And that's what I kind of see.
When people start sabotagingthemselves when they get to a
certain level, that it's eitherthat that they're just like
their mind is not comfortablewith this level of of money and

(03:14):
they really don't know how tohandle themselves in that
situation.
So for the mind it's safer togo back to the level that it
knows, and that's why theself-sabotage happens, or it's a
fear of success in that waythat they start noticing that
things around them change,meaning maybe my relationships

(03:35):
change, maybe people treat medifferently all of a sudden.
And then it's like this oh, Idon't want that like.
I want to keep my circle offriends.
I want to keep my relationships, I want everything to be the
same way it was, but it's not.
And then I startself-sabotaging and go back to
my old me.
But what we have to realize is,if you are really striving to

(03:57):
achieve a certain level ofsuccess, there will be changes.
It's inevitable.
You can't stay the same personthat you are today and reach a
higher level of success.
You have to become somebodyelse and on that journey you
will lose a few people, like theones who don't want to grow
with you, the ones who just wantyou to be the same and they

(04:20):
don't understand that all of asudden you have to do different
things, that maybe you have towork longer or you dress a
little bit more nicely becauseyou're you're in different
circles, and if you want to havesuccess, that is something that
you have to be okay with, andif you're not, you don't want to
accept that.
Don't go for it, because itwill happen.

No, this is so important because I think this
is a missing piece of the puzzlewhen we talk about success,
because we do have to reset,like, like it's what you're
talking about is.
It's very scientific.
We have a homeostasis.
That is our, that is where weneed to be our thermostat Right,
and so if we don't activelywork on elevating that

(05:06):
thermostat, you know what areyou going to do when you become
successful, when you're in a bighouse and you know when you're
getting like your, your family'smaking little comments like, oh
, she can go buy a house, right,but she can't help me out,
right, how do you like establishthose boundaries?
So there is a lot that goesinto these new levels.
So I absolutely love that.
And what you said you know aboutlike winning the lottery and

(05:29):
not having money that's actuallyin my book.
I wrote about that and one ofthe things I was talking about
is what are you doing right nowto prepare for all this money
that you're praying for?
You're praying for all thismoney, but like, are you
training yourself on how someonewith a million dollars, what
they do with that milliondollars, like it's not the same

(05:51):
as if you're making $15,000,like you don't just go to the
bank and deposit it right, likethere's like a whole new level
of different things that you'venever experienced, that you're
going to need to learn about,and so I think that's such, a
such a big point.
So tell me a little bit aboutyour journey.
Did you find that you had toovercome yourself in your

(06:12):
journey to becoming this coachand understanding these fears
and how they work?

So I saw that I went through a lot of them
myself, like I'm in my secondbusiness now.
My first business was apersonal fitness training
business that I had for 15 lotof them myself, like I'm in my
second business now.
My first business was apersonal fitness training
business that I had for 15 yearsand I still have some clients
from that time that I've beentraining for 10 years.
I'm not going to just let them,you know, let them lose weight
and train for themselves, but soI find whenever you start

(06:42):
something new, find whenever youstart something new, it does
feel uncomfortable, right, andthat's just a normal process
because you're getting out ofyour comfort zone.
If you don't get out of yourcomfort zone, you can't grow,
you can't experience new things.
And what I had to learn isreally become comfortable with
the uncomfortable and acceptthat as part of the process.

(07:04):
Because at the beginning I verymuch was always like, oh no,
that just doesn't feel like me,and especially when it was about
connecting with people, becauseI'm technically a very
introverted person, I don't liketo go out, I don't like to go
to networking events, I don'tlike to go to parties, but that
was part of the deal.
So for the first few years Iwas avoiding that and I was like

(07:28):
, no, I just there has to be adifferent way.
But there's not.
You have to talk to people Ifyou're in this area.
There is no way around it.
So I had to make like thiscontract with myself and say,
okay, I have to be okay withwith becoming a different person
, and what I did in my firstbusiness.

(07:49):
My first business was JenniferEllis training and coaching LLC,
and people always ask me ifEllis is my second name or my
middle name or anything.
Ellis was my alter ego.
Whenever I go outside, wheneverI had to connect with people, I
took Ellis with me.
Alice was like the moreoutgoing part of myself.

(08:12):
That was the person who couldreally relate to people, who
could connect with people, and II created a whole persona
around alice, like.
So my first business wasbasically alice, until I got to
a point where I could kind oflike internalize her and now
she's part of me and I can justbe Jennifer and I'm still the

(08:33):
same person.
But that was a big step for meat the beginning that I had to
take because it was just not meand I was not comfortable with
putting myself out there.
So I had to create this alterego and it worked very well,
thankfully.
And I still do that with someof my clients who really have
the feeling it's too much of astep to take and say, okay, like

(08:55):
who's that person who can doall this, what are her values,
what are her habits, who is she?
And then okay, let's create her, give her a name and we're
going to take her, and then youslowly adapt all those, those
traits, those personality traits, and then it becomes easier and
you turn into that person.

So that was was a big thing for me that's
amazing and I've heard of thatas um, you know, like as a
coaching technique.
I've seen other coaches thatthat teach that and I think it's
very, it's like it's smartbecause it allows you to have
these new experiences and createthese new neural pathways and

(09:39):
to understand that this is safe,that you're going to be okay,
and so it's stepping into thisand learning and it's just like
role play.
When we're little kids, you'relike I'm going to pretend I'm a
doctor, right, and so you stepinto the role and and yeah, and
then you can start to embodythose traits.
That is absolutely fantastic.

There's a whole book on it, I think it's.
His name is Todd Herman, Ithink it's the effect, so he has
, he has this whole thing.
Effect, so he has, he has thiswhole thing.
That's basically what he doesand he started out with having
um always would always wearglasses when he would go out and
do speeches and he didn'treally need glasses, so that was
like his thing to become hisalter ego, so that it's a great

(10:20):
book.
So if you guys want to check itout, can you say the title
again, it's the the alter egoeffect and I think, okay, I
think that says it Cool.

I'll make sure that's in the show notes so we
can all check it out.
Now tell me a little bit aboutgratitude.
What role does gratitude playin helping us overcome these
fears that we might not evenrealize, we might not even see
in ourselves?

might not even realize, we might not even see
in ourselves.
Gratitude in itself is anamazing tool to kind of ground
you in the future, if you will.
So the way I use it with myclients is that I have them do
visualizations about the lifethey want to have and then be
grateful for this life as ifthey already have achieved all

(11:13):
those things.
Because the way our mind worksis it works a lot with emotions.
So you really have to engageeverything you can, and the more
vivid you make it, the moreemotional you make it and the
more gratitude you give for thefuture that's about to come, as
if it's already here, the easieryou will.

(11:37):
I don't like the word manifest,but like, the easier you will
manifest things, you will opennew doors, um, not because those
doors weren't there before, butyou kind of train your mind to
see the opportunities.
That's the difference, right?
People always say, oh no, thenthose pathways just opened up.
No, honey, they were alwaysthere, you just didn't see them.

(12:00):
That's the difference, andgratitude can help you, like
gratitude for something in thefuture that's not there yet can
help you see those opportunities.

Absolutely I don't.
You know part of my book bigpart of my book is you know how
I learned about gratitude?
I stumbled into it and I usedit to be able to change my
perception.
Right, because that's theproblem is, it wasn't the world
around me, wasn't the problem,my friends, my family, it was my
perception of everything, andso I was interacting with those

(12:32):
things, from these lowvibrations and practicing
gratitude.
Um, another thing I teach likeyou're gonna attract more of
what you're grateful for becauseyou're focusing on it.
Right, it's like a law of theuniverse you're thinking about
I'm so grateful for my money.
Guess what?
You're gonna get more money.
I'm so grateful for myrelationships.
Your relationships are gonnaget better.
Um, because now you're beingintentional about focusing on

(12:55):
those things.

Yeah, and you're also training your
reticular activating system,like the part of your mind,
because you filter everythingthat comes in.
There's just so many things outthere, we can't absorb
everything.
That's just physically notpossible.
So what our mind does and whatour brain does is it filters,
and whatever it thinks that youfeel is important it will look

(13:18):
for.
So if you focus on the negative, then your mind is like, oh,
negativity is important, let'sfind more of it.
And then you find everythingthat's wrong in your life.
But if you focus on thepositive, then your mind is like
, oh, okay, we're looking forsomething we can be grateful for
.
Let's see what's out there.
And that's basically all you do.
You're just training your mindto filter differently yes, I

(13:42):
love that.

I love like I feel like I've just reached the
tip of the iceberg and, you know, like understanding, like the
real, true science, I'm like Istumbled into something so big.
Like gratitude is, is so bigand it affects so many areas
from like even rehabilitation athospitals after surgeries like
that's how doctors know who'sgoing to recover faster.

(14:04):
Like like for up to to mentalillness people who have been in
the droughts of mental illnessand they're like, yeah,
gratitude helped save me becauseI was there and so it's just
something that's so amazing.
So, thank you, that was a greatscientific explanation.

I love it and I think that's also important
that we kind of I'm sorry, Ididn't want to interrupt you,
but I think it's important thatwe kind of make people aware of
that that there is sciencebehind it, because this whole
thing is still so much in theworld sometimes, yeah,
manifestation and energy andeverybody's like with crystals

(14:41):
on the way and whatnot, butthere's actually, like science
behind it.
That is how your mind works,and when people start looking
more into the scientific side ofthings, then it becomes maybe
more relatable and more tangibleand then more people are
willing to actually give it atry.

Yes, I've done research and it helps you feel
less pain.
People who after surgery theyfelt grateful, like their bodies
literally sent more stuff andthey felt less pain.

It's a whole different chemical reaction in
the body.

Yeah, yeah.
So it's absolutely incredibleand definitely I'm grateful that
I stumbled into gratitude.
All right, jennifer, so tell ushow can we stay in touch with
you, and you might havementioned that you have a very
special gift for my audience.

So everybody who's kind of struggling with
their business right now, theyfeel kind of stuck, they don't
know what's going on.
I'm happy to do a freeconsultation call, like kind of
a clarity call, where we go overwhat it is that is holding you
back right now and try to kindof peel back the layers to get
to the core root and then we cantake it from there.
That doesn't mean you have towork with me if you want to, I'm

(15:54):
happy to it from there.
That doesn't mean you have towork with me.
If you want to, I'm happy to.
But I just want everybody tohave the opportunity to really
find out what is holding themback and then make an informed
decision from that place, if youwill.
So the easiest way to get intouch with me is directly over
my website.
It's jenniferfittercom and youhave a contact form there where
you can just reach out.
You have some free resources aswell and find my social media

(16:18):
from there, whatnot?
But jenniferfittercom would bethe first and easiest place to
go.

Perfect, awesome , all right.
Now, as we're wrapping up, Iwould like to know what is like
your biggest tip, what is yourbest, juiciest tip that you give
your clients to help them withovercoming their fears?

I don't know if it's very juicy.
It sounds a little boring maybe, but I think it's the most
important step to really lookwithin and find out what is the
root cause of what is holding meback, because a lot of the
things that we think are theproblem that we're dealing with,
be it procrastination,perfectionism, all the good

(16:59):
stuff is really not what isactually happening.
It's just a symptom of what'shappening and if we kind of look
within, we stay a little bitquiet, we blend out everything
that's going on around us.
Then we can get to the rootcause of things and that's where
we can start.
So everybody who's struggling,really look within, see what's

(17:21):
actually going on and don't beafraid of it, because you have
to find out to be able to moveforward.

That's so good, just like the big domino that I
teach in business like, findwhat your big domino is.
That's the same thing you'vegot to do Everything else falls
into place, but you've got to goall the way back and make sure
you know like if your foot isbroken, treat the bone, so just
take some Tylenol for pain,right, all right, that is

(17:49):
fantastic, jennifer.
Thank you so, so much for beinghere with us today.
This has been wonderful.
Yes, of course, and do you haveany final words before we sign
off, then?

Well again, thank you so much for having me,
and I wish everybody the mostsuccess in their business and in
their life, and we believe inyou and we know you can do it.

You too.
Thank you so much.
That is fantastic.
Thanks for joining us, guys,and we will see you next time on
the next episode of OvercomeYourself, the podcast.
Have a great day.

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