November 5, 2024 • 20 mins
As the year winds down, it’s easy to feel overwhelmed by unfinished goals or pressure to 'make the most' of the remaining time. But what if there’s another way?
In this episode, I share how to gently reflect, set meaningful intentions, and craft a purposeful path into the new year—without the stress.
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Speaker 1 (00:00):
Welcome to the Gentle Rebellion where overwhelm is
optional.
Hello, hello, hello.
Welcome to this week's episode.
The maple tree in my garden atthe moment has gone the most
extraordinary autumnal yellow,and watching it there are just
(00:25):
leaves falling gracefully slowly.
Often what happens is we getstorms, autumnal storms, and
stuff gets blown down verysuddenly and we don't always get
the autumn colour long enoughto enjoy it, just because of the
way the weather is.
But this year it's been a slow,a delightfully slow autumn and
the colours just beautiful.
(00:48):
Now every autumn I talk andwrite and teach about the fact
that autumn, with its fallingleaves, reminds us of the
opportunity to let go of things,things that just don't work for
us anymore.
So this could be stuff, ways ofdoing things, thoughts, beliefs
, all sorts of stuff.
It's just a reminder.
I mean, really it's alwaysthere, isn't it, that
(01:11):
opportunity.
So this is just a bigger clearout.
This is just an opportunity tojust drop into our hearts and
our bodies, out of our minds,and just assess the year what's
working for us, what's notworking for us, what do I not
want to take into the followingyear?
It's kind of like a preparationfor a deeper, real think about
(01:37):
the year and how your life'sgoing, maybe in the winter.
So that's great, right?
There's always stuff that wecan identify.
Usually for me it's thoughts.
One thing I did this morning wasI don't know why I looked at
the windowsill in my office hereand I found this little pot of
incense that I bought from alovely little shop in
(02:00):
Glastonbury a few years ago andwhen I bought it I loved it.
I really loved it.
I was in my spending time inthe middle of the day, maybe
doing a yoga nidra and lightingsome incense and just basically
ending up having a little bit ofa snooze, and this was part of
my recovery from burnout.
But the truth is I really don'tlike that incense anymore, like
I really don't like it.
(02:21):
But I thought I couldn't chuckit out because you know it was
once treasured and what will Ido with it.
But I don't burn it because Idon't like it.
I really don't like the smellof it anymore and probably part
of that is a testament to howfar I've come.
(02:41):
And you know it's just, it'sjust not of its time anymore,
right?
So that's going, that's off.
And then I went through mywardrobe and I looked at that
dress that has had a reprieveseveral times.
I got it secondhand.
It's been a great dress, it'swell-made, but it's pretty
scruffy and it I haven't worn itagain.
That's two summers in a row Ihaven't worn it.
I don't wear it.
I don't want to wear it.
(03:01):
It's in my wardrobe.
It got a reprieve on the ideathat when it gets really hot and
you want to garden, perfect.
But the thing is I'm the kind ofperson who switches out
activities far too quickly tochange my clothes I'm really bad
at.
For example, this morning Ifound myself outside at the
bottom of the garden.
(03:21):
I just went to take the compostdown and then I'm like I'll
just move a few of thosebranches that have ended up in
the compost.
At the moment my compost at thebottom of the garden has gone
wild.
I don't quite know what we'vebeen doing.
So I have two compost bays andthis is funny because it's right
at the bottom of the garden andI can see through the fence my
neighbour who has got a gardener.
She has three beautiful, verywell organized.
(03:44):
You know the proper compostsystems where you have three big
things made out of pallets orsomething and you turn one to
the next and then you cover themwith carpet.
She has, like the book, lookingone like a Monty Don or Alan
Tipmash thing, and I don't.
Sometimes it looks like that,but it certainly does at the
moment.
At the the moment it's so badthat if I take a wheelbarrow of
(04:07):
autumn cuttings down, I'mliterally just tipping them on
the path because I can't get tothe compost.
I don't quite know when it wentso wrong.
I don't really care, it's quitefunny, it doesn't.
It's not that important, is it?
But today I thought Maybe it'snot as bad as it looks.
So I scrambled through and thenfound myself dragging mucky
(04:27):
branches out of the compost so Ican start using it properly in
my best cashmere.
And that's just what happens tome.
Fortunately, this beautifulcashmere sweater.
It seems to be super tough.
Honestly, it's so good, I loveit so much, and it is the colour
of moss.
It's a beautiful colour, so itdoesn't really show stuff.
It doesn't seem to get dirty.
(04:47):
I don't understand it.
If somebody's mucky, I think Ishould just live in Kashmir,
because the stuff doesn't clingto it anyway.
That's what happens to me.
Does that happen to you?
So I'm not very good atchanging clothes before I do
something mucky, and that'sbecause I like to shift.
So if I'm working in my officedoing something like this
writing, recording a podcast andthen I think, oh, I'll just go
(05:08):
outside for a bit because it'snot raining, and then I just
wander around the garden,there's always something to do.
I'll just do this, I'll just dothat, and then if I think, oh,
I should go and get changed, andthen do it, it interrupts that
flow.
Anyway, I just I'm not verygood at doing it, which brings
us back to the dress.
No point keeping it, so that'sgone.
And that's just a few things.
(05:29):
And there's something niceabout that.
If I was thinking about this,it's really bizarre to me.
When I have a shower and I getreally excited if I have a new
shampoo or a new shower gel,anything new, really exciting,
oh, it's new.
And then I get to this pointwhere the bottle starts going
down when it gets to the end.
I want it done.
What is that about?
Is that linked to some oldhunter gathering thing?
(05:51):
I get deeply excited aboutfinishing and chucking out a
bottle of stuff and getting anew one.
It's bizarre.
I don't understand.
I've just finished a bottle ofshampoo because I bought a mega
one that I bought in March.
Couldn't wait for it to go, butwhen I got it it was like
majorly upgraded, recommended itto people and I'm like, yeah,
(06:13):
I'm bored of that.
Very funny, very, very funny.
Maybe I just take it all tooseriously.
Anyway, who cares?
There's something nice, isn'tthere about?
Well, there is, for me, anyway,the process of things coming in
and out, in and out of our lives, getting excited about new
stuff, letting go of stuff.
Things don't stay the same, andI think I know one of the
(06:37):
problems that leads to megetting overwhelmed is this idea
that there's one right solutionfor all time, and once I've got
it under control, everythingwill be easier.
I won't feel overwhelmed oreverything will be at ease
because I'll have everythingunder control, because it never
happens, because things changeall of the time.
All of the time and actually Iwant things to change all the
time, because if I get stuck inthe stagnant bit in the middle
(06:59):
where nothing's changing, that'salso no good.
So it's this tricky dance,isn't it?
Finding what brings me energyand what drains my energy, and
where am I.
So the idea of letting go ofstuff at this time of year is
really good, because it's biggerand it's a lovely, lovely,
natural reminder.
But there is also that dailything of letting go, isn't there
(07:20):
?
Of just like catching yourthoughts doing repetitive,
boring old cycles, that typicalthing of rehearsing past
conversations where somebodyhurt you or trying to have a
future conversation where you'repracticing and you want it to
go better.
That can clog up our minds somuch, can't it?
I know that can happen to me,particularly when you get off
(07:42):
guard.
So, falling asleep or waking inthe night, when you've got that
semi-consciousness and I findit really helpful to be aware,
more aware of that, moreintentional, with that kind of
hypnogenic state I can'tremember how to say it now
hypnagogic state in betweensleep and waking, it's a much
(08:02):
better time, it's a much betteruse of that time, I find, for me
to go into a lovely dream ofand I'm going to create this
next and I'm going to go to thisplace next and I'm going to
experience this next, anddreaming in the things I want to
create, rather than going overthe rubbish.
So there's a habit.
There's a habit worth shiftingfor me a little bit more.
(08:31):
Another thing to let go ofUnconsciously wasting time
rehearsing stuff, catchingmyself doing that and letting it
go, even without the replacingand making it better, because
then I get stuck in the.
I should be making better useof my midnight ramblings, oh for
goodness sake.
Use of my midnight ramblings.
Oh, for goodness sake, shoulda,woulda, coulda, better, better,
better.
Which brings me to an upgradeof the letting go of things
(08:53):
gracefully, one at a time, likea leaf falling from the tree.
So it's a great opportunity andit works.
But then I got thinking aboutthe redwoods.
So the redwoods I visited inNorthern California on my road
trip last month wereridiculously big, bigger than I
can possibly explain.
Go see them.
(09:14):
It just they don't.
It blows your mind.
But I'm like, well, but why?
Why are they so big?
Because I kind of feel likewe're just told so if you look
in a book or if you look uptrees, it's like, well, oak
trees grow to this size and thisgoes to this size and this goes
to this size, and then thatfeels like a school book.
(09:35):
Answer yeah, these are thefacts.
They grow to this size.
But the fact they grow to thatsize is a measurement of the
size.
It's not why or is that thebiggest they can grow or the
smallest they can grow, it justis.
This is it?
This is the average size ofthese trees, which isn't enough
for me.
So I want to know why.
So I did read some of theinformation boards and there are
(09:57):
three things that make them sotough.
And because they're so tough,they live longer, which means
they get bigger because theyhave more time.
So one of them was they arepretty much resilient,
impervious to insects, becausethey give off a strong piney
smell.
The other is fire finds itreally hard to kill them.
(10:19):
They're so tough.
I mean, we saw ones hollowedout by fire and they were still
alive.
And the third thing is they'rereally, really big but have
really shallow roots, whichyou'd think well, that doesn't
make any sense, but that'sbecause they're all
interconnected.
So basically, the tree is theforest, the forest is the tree.
It's all one.
So they're super good atworking together and it's really
(10:42):
hard for them to fall becausethey're all held up right.
So the thing I want toconcentrate on this week is the
fire.
So what happens at the base ofredwoods, like a lot of trees,
is they get tiny little shootsand those shoots can become
another tree and then it justspreads because they're all
interconnected.
But if you've got lots oflittle shoots coming off, your
energy is going into that.
(11:03):
Right, you're supporting that.
Now I don't know if it's true,because I couldn't see the top
of the trees, so I can't tellyou if the ones with more shoots
on the bottom aren't at all.
But let's just imagine this istrue.
Let's imagine that the energyfor the redwood can either go
into the base sprouty bit or itcan go upwards, because that's
probably true, that seems likely.
Upwards, because that'sprobably true, that seems likely
(11:25):
.
So I'm going with that for thispurpose.
And then fire goes through,doesn't kill them but burns off
and I think it did say thissomewhere.
Actually I don't think I'mmaking this up, I think I read
this somewhere.
It burns off the little tinybits and then they just grow
into these magnificent talltrees.
So that's really cool, right?
The fire is actually helpingthem.
So then it got me thinking howis that relevant for me?
(11:47):
So I can gracefully identify athought or a habit or a belief
or an object that I no longerwant and I can thank it and let
it go.
But sometimes I want more,sometimes I just want to burn
loads of stuff when I'm justlike done with a way of thinking
or a way of doing something ora belief about myself.
(12:08):
That's just not for me anymore.
And I thought about the powerof fire and this also felt very
relevant for me because I havethe kind of mind that is
overwhelmed by shoulda, woulda,couldas and ideas.
So I have I kind of do, I'mvery, very good at holding lots
of projects at once because Ihave really good systems to keep
(12:29):
them out of my head and I get alot done and I'm proud of how
good I am at creating stuff andmaking stuff happen and I'm
excited.
That's who I am.
I get very excited.
I have lots of projects at oncein the spring and summer and
what I've realised is not allyear.
So at this time of year, all ofthose things I feel I ought to
(12:52):
be doing are in the way.
Let me explain.
So last year I start at thistime of year actually I started
writing this book about theGentle Rebel's Guide to the Year
and it had rituals and toolsfor each month and I didn't have
time to complete it.
Well, partly because I realisedreally I needed to test drive
(13:12):
it.
It didn't work, it wasn't readyfor publishing, so what I did
is I gifted copies to everybodyin the Gentle Rebel community
and then we started the yearwith it, together with a really
good workshop, and that set usup for the year.
And then I've continued to comeback to mine because it has
regular checks, check-ins formonthly celebrating, letting go
(13:34):
and then identifying what youwant for the next month, and
then also quarterly ones.
So it's really helpful.
I find it really helpful.
Anyway, one of the things I'velearned to do to help me decide
what I want to focus on eachmonth, each year and each
quarter is to find my heartfeltpriorities.
So there's loads of priorities,that's normal, but on the basis
(13:56):
that everything we do is inorder to change how we feel.
So everything we do is in orderto create an experience, a
different experience than wehave at the moment, or to
continue an experience Based onthat.
Going a bit deeper, why do Iwant these things?
Are they precious Shoulda,woulda, couldas, need to be
better, need to do better, orare they things that I really,
(14:20):
really want to do, things thatmake me grow as a person, live a
fuller life, be more me?
So that would be the differencebetween the shoots at the base
of the redwood and the redwoodgrowing taller, reaching for the
sky or wasting your time withthese tiny little offshoots.
So I have this well-practicedpractice that's not a regular
(14:42):
sentence of getting out of myhead into my body, connecting to
my heart and identifying whatreally matters to me and I call
those my heartfelt prioritiesand then I pick those, stick
them on the wall, I have them bymy bed and I have them in front
of me here in the office andthat helps me not get distracted
into doing other things.
It's also linked to that lovelysaying about most of us
(15:05):
overestimate what we can achievein a day and underestimate what
we can achieve in a year.
So this helps me not getoverwhelmed by all of the things
I think I ought to be doing andhelp me focus on what really
matters to me.
And I find this really powerful.
And now, as I'm saying this, Ifeel like I ought to share
exactly how to do that morespecifically.
(15:27):
I ought to share exactly how todo that more specifically.
So we will be doing that in theGentle Rebel Community New Year
workshop together, and I'mwondering whether it would be
worth offering it to peopleoutside of the community at a
low cost so that you canexperience that too.
If you'd be interested in that,can you just drop me a line,
because then I'd know whetherit's something worth going to
the effort of offeringexternally, because it would be
(15:49):
lovely to just get people fromthe podcast together on a little
Zoom call and we could gothrough that together, because
it is a really powerful practice.
So do let me know.
Just email me at Heidi, atHeidiMarkcouk, or reach out
through social media.
Okay, so usually I have I don'tknow between.
For the year I had 10 heartfeltpriorities and that's been so
(16:12):
helpful.
They were themes for the yearconnected to a word, so so good,
and that's what we did in thatworkshop.
Really powerful, because youcan just keep coming back to it.
Oh, that's what I was up to,that's what I really wanted.
I've got distracted.
That's why I'm feelingoverwhelmed.
It doesn't mean you can't shiftcourses during the year.
Of course you can, but ifyou've gone deep enough, you
(16:35):
should have revealed what youreally want, and it just makes
it so much easier.
So I found that really powerfulthis year and then each month
I'll have between five and eight, which is too much, so I'm
trying to go with four to fiveeach month, so it depends on the
size of them.
Some of them are finishing offof things or just one thing I
need to focus on to do with thehouse or something, but a
(16:58):
reasonable, smaller amount, notlike the whole year ones.
But this month I'm rebellingeven more and what I'm doing is
recognising that for me, autumnand winter are different energy
and I need to slow down and gowithin, and I just want to do
things differently.
It's definitely my season forwriting, so what I've done this
(17:21):
month is picked only twoheartfelt priorities and I'm
sticking with them, not just forthe month, but for the rest of
the year.
Woohoo, I can't tell you thefreedom, oh my goodness, it's
just incredible, because ithonours who I am at this point
in my life, how my mind works,how I work, what works.
(17:42):
It's just, it's brilliant.
Now, of course, there's stillother things to do.
It's not like I'm not doing thedaily tasks, but it's the
project base, it's the deeperstuff, it's the bigger things I
want to achieve.
So that's what I'm doing, whichis really cool, and this
reminded me of the Redwoods,because in order to do that,
I've had to go further thanletting go gracefully like a
(18:02):
leaf falling from the maple treeand I'm burning off those
shoots.
I'm literally going no, and I'mburning off those shoots.
I'm literally going, no, it's,it's, it's almost like I'm.
I've, first of all, I'veimagined them burning off and
then, secondly, I'm just,instead of letting them go, I'm
just like, well, they no longerexist.
It's deeper, it's almost likehaving, you know, horses.
(18:23):
I don't know why they have this.
Horses have those blinders onwhich stop them seeing sideways.
I don't know what that's about.
I'm not a horsey person, butanyway, sometimes I feel like I
need those.
It feels like that.
It's so nice, it's so calming.
So is that either of thoseprojects?
And part of the reason it'scalming is because if I don't do
that, they won't get completedbecause they're big things.
(18:45):
One of them's writing my nextbook and one of them is
difficult to explain, so I'm notgoing to bother.
Anyway, they're linked.
Anyway, I'm just mumbling now,which is fine, I'm allowed to
mumble.
It's my podcast.
So how would you feel aboutburning off, like in this
(19:08):
powerful, allowing yourself tobe free and reach for the sky
way?
Does that feel good?
If it feels good, maybe try it,whatever, in whatever way.
That means obviously I'm nottalking about actually burning
anything, although sometimesit's really fun to burn stuff,
isn't it?
Stuff in your house whereyou're like I don't need those
photos anymore, I don't needthose notes, I don't need the
receipts, because it's less thanit's more than seven years
(19:31):
since I did those accounts.
Like that kind of stuff's nice,isn't it?
I was talking to somebody theother day so they just
discovered loads of stuff andjust cleared it out.
Such a good feeling.
There's something very powerful, isn't there about fire?
So using an imaginary fire tolet go of the stuff that's just
crowding you and pressuring youand pulling at you, but which
you actually do not have thespace for, and although some of
(19:54):
them might be wonderful things,is this a time for you to just
focus on just one or two things,to calm everything down as the
year comes to to a close, or not?
Have a great week.
Welcome to the Gentle Rebellion where overwhelm is
optional.
Hello, hello, hello.
Welcome to this week's episode.
The maple tree in my garden atthe moment has gone the most
extraordinary autumnal yellow,and watching it there are just
(00:25):
leaves falling gracefully slowly.
Often what happens is we getstorms, autumnal storms, and
stuff gets blown down verysuddenly and we don't always get
the autumn colour long enoughto enjoy it, just because of the
way the weather is.
But this year it's been a slow,a delightfully slow autumn and
the colours just beautiful.
(00:48):
Now every autumn I talk andwrite and teach about the fact
that autumn, with its fallingleaves, reminds us of the
opportunity to let go of things,things that just don't work for
us anymore.
So this could be stuff, ways ofdoing things, thoughts, beliefs
, all sorts of stuff.
It's just a reminder.
I mean, really it's alwaysthere, isn't it, that
(01:11):
opportunity.
So this is just a bigger clearout.
This is just an opportunity tojust drop into our hearts and
our bodies, out of our minds,and just assess the year what's
working for us, what's notworking for us, what do I not
want to take into the followingyear?
It's kind of like a preparationfor a deeper, real think about
(01:37):
the year and how your life'sgoing, maybe in the winter.
So that's great, right?
There's always stuff that wecan identify.
Usually for me it's thoughts.
One thing I did this morning wasI don't know why I looked at
the windowsill in my office hereand I found this little pot of
incense that I bought from alovely little shop in
(02:00):
Glastonbury a few years ago andwhen I bought it I loved it.
I really loved it.
I was in my spending time inthe middle of the day, maybe
doing a yoga nidra and lightingsome incense and just basically
ending up having a little bit ofa snooze, and this was part of
my recovery from burnout.
But the truth is I really don'tlike that incense anymore, like
I really don't like it.
(02:21):
But I thought I couldn't chuckit out because you know it was
once treasured and what will Ido with it.
But I don't burn it because Idon't like it.
I really don't like the smellof it anymore and probably part
of that is a testament to howfar I've come.
(02:41):
And you know it's just, it'sjust not of its time anymore,
right?
So that's going, that's off.
And then I went through mywardrobe and I looked at that
dress that has had a reprieveseveral times.
I got it secondhand.
It's been a great dress, it'swell-made, but it's pretty
scruffy and it I haven't worn itagain.
That's two summers in a row Ihaven't worn it.
I don't wear it.
I don't want to wear it.
(03:01):
It's in my wardrobe.
It got a reprieve on the ideathat when it gets really hot and
you want to garden, perfect.
But the thing is I'm the kind ofperson who switches out
activities far too quickly tochange my clothes I'm really bad
at.
For example, this morning Ifound myself outside at the
bottom of the garden.
(03:21):
I just went to take the compostdown and then I'm like I'll
just move a few of thosebranches that have ended up in
the compost.
At the moment my compost at thebottom of the garden has gone
wild.
I don't quite know what we'vebeen doing.
So I have two compost bays andthis is funny because it's right
at the bottom of the garden andI can see through the fence my
neighbour who has got a gardener.
She has three beautiful, verywell organized.
(03:44):
You know the proper compostsystems where you have three big
things made out of pallets orsomething and you turn one to
the next and then you cover themwith carpet.
She has, like the book, lookingone like a Monty Don or Alan
Tipmash thing, and I don't.
Sometimes it looks like that,but it certainly does at the
moment.
At the the moment it's so badthat if I take a wheelbarrow of
(04:07):
autumn cuttings down, I'mliterally just tipping them on
the path because I can't get tothe compost.
I don't quite know when it wentso wrong.
I don't really care, it's quitefunny, it doesn't.
It's not that important, is it?
But today I thought Maybe it'snot as bad as it looks.
So I scrambled through and thenfound myself dragging mucky
(04:27):
branches out of the compost so Ican start using it properly in
my best cashmere.
And that's just what happens tome.
Fortunately, this beautifulcashmere sweater.
It seems to be super tough.
Honestly, it's so good, I loveit so much, and it is the colour
of moss.
It's a beautiful colour, so itdoesn't really show stuff.
It doesn't seem to get dirty.
(04:47):
I don't understand it.
If somebody's mucky, I think Ishould just live in Kashmir,
because the stuff doesn't clingto it anyway.
That's what happens to me.
Does that happen to you?
So I'm not very good atchanging clothes before I do
something mucky, and that'sbecause I like to shift.
So if I'm working in my officedoing something like this
writing, recording a podcast andthen I think, oh, I'll just go
(05:08):
outside for a bit because it'snot raining, and then I just
wander around the garden,there's always something to do.
I'll just do this, I'll just dothat, and then if I think, oh,
I should go and get changed, andthen do it, it interrupts that
flow.
Anyway, I just I'm not verygood at doing it, which brings
us back to the dress.
No point keeping it, so that'sgone.
And that's just a few things.
(05:29):
And there's something niceabout that.
If I was thinking about this,it's really bizarre to me.
When I have a shower and I getreally excited if I have a new
shampoo or a new shower gel,anything new, really exciting,
oh, it's new.
And then I get to this pointwhere the bottle starts going
down when it gets to the end.
I want it done.
What is that about?
Is that linked to some oldhunter gathering thing?
(05:51):
I get deeply excited aboutfinishing and chucking out a
bottle of stuff and getting anew one.
It's bizarre.
I don't understand.
I've just finished a bottle ofshampoo because I bought a mega
one that I bought in March.
Couldn't wait for it to go, butwhen I got it it was like
majorly upgraded, recommended itto people and I'm like, yeah,
(06:13):
I'm bored of that.
Very funny, very, very funny.
Maybe I just take it all tooseriously.
Anyway, who cares?
There's something nice, isn'tthere about?
Well, there is, for me, anyway,the process of things coming in
and out, in and out of our lives, getting excited about new
stuff, letting go of stuff.
Things don't stay the same, andI think I know one of the
(06:37):
problems that leads to megetting overwhelmed is this idea
that there's one right solutionfor all time, and once I've got
it under control, everythingwill be easier.
I won't feel overwhelmed oreverything will be at ease
because I'll have everythingunder control, because it never
happens, because things changeall of the time.
All of the time and actually Iwant things to change all the
time, because if I get stuck inthe stagnant bit in the middle
(06:59):
where nothing's changing, that'salso no good.
So it's this tricky dance,isn't it?
Finding what brings me energyand what drains my energy, and
where am I.
So the idea of letting go ofstuff at this time of year is
really good, because it's biggerand it's a lovely, lovely,
natural reminder.
But there is also that dailything of letting go, isn't there
(07:20):
?
Of just like catching yourthoughts doing repetitive,
boring old cycles, that typicalthing of rehearsing past
conversations where somebodyhurt you or trying to have a
future conversation where you'repracticing and you want it to
go better.
That can clog up our minds somuch, can't it?
I know that can happen to me,particularly when you get off
(07:42):
guard.
So, falling asleep or waking inthe night, when you've got that
semi-consciousness and I findit really helpful to be aware,
more aware of that, moreintentional, with that kind of
hypnogenic state I can'tremember how to say it now
hypnagogic state in betweensleep and waking, it's a much
(08:02):
better time, it's a much betteruse of that time, I find, for me
to go into a lovely dream ofand I'm going to create this
next and I'm going to go to thisplace next and I'm going to
experience this next, anddreaming in the things I want to
create, rather than going overthe rubbish.
So there's a habit.
There's a habit worth shiftingfor me a little bit more.
(08:31):
Another thing to let go ofUnconsciously wasting time
rehearsing stuff, catchingmyself doing that and letting it
go, even without the replacingand making it better, because
then I get stuck in the.
I should be making better useof my midnight ramblings, oh for
goodness sake.
Use of my midnight ramblings.
Oh, for goodness sake, shoulda,woulda, coulda, better, better,
better.
Which brings me to an upgradeof the letting go of things
(08:53):
gracefully, one at a time, likea leaf falling from the tree.
So it's a great opportunity andit works.
But then I got thinking aboutthe redwoods.
So the redwoods I visited inNorthern California on my road
trip last month wereridiculously big, bigger than I
can possibly explain.
Go see them.
(09:14):
It just they don't.
It blows your mind.
But I'm like, well, but why?
Why are they so big?
Because I kind of feel likewe're just told so if you look
in a book or if you look uptrees, it's like, well, oak
trees grow to this size and thisgoes to this size and this goes
to this size, and then thatfeels like a school book.
(09:35):
Answer yeah, these are thefacts.
They grow to this size.
But the fact they grow to thatsize is a measurement of the
size.
It's not why or is that thebiggest they can grow or the
smallest they can grow, it justis.
This is it?
This is the average size ofthese trees, which isn't enough
for me.
So I want to know why.
So I did read some of theinformation boards and there are
(09:57):
three things that make them sotough.
And because they're so tough,they live longer, which means
they get bigger because theyhave more time.
So one of them was they arepretty much resilient,
impervious to insects, becausethey give off a strong piney
smell.
The other is fire finds itreally hard to kill them.
(10:19):
They're so tough.
I mean, we saw ones hollowedout by fire and they were still
alive.
And the third thing is they'rereally, really big but have
really shallow roots, whichyou'd think well, that doesn't
make any sense, but that'sbecause they're all
interconnected.
So basically, the tree is theforest, the forest is the tree.
It's all one.
So they're super good atworking together and it's really
(10:42):
hard for them to fall becausethey're all held up right.
So the thing I want toconcentrate on this week is the
fire.
So what happens at the base ofredwoods, like a lot of trees,
is they get tiny little shootsand those shoots can become
another tree and then it justspreads because they're all
interconnected.
But if you've got lots oflittle shoots coming off, your
energy is going into that.
(11:03):
Right, you're supporting that.
Now I don't know if it's true,because I couldn't see the top
of the trees, so I can't tellyou if the ones with more shoots
on the bottom aren't at all.
But let's just imagine this istrue.
Let's imagine that the energyfor the redwood can either go
into the base sprouty bit or itcan go upwards, because that's
probably true, that seems likely.
Upwards, because that'sprobably true, that seems likely
(11:25):
.
So I'm going with that for thispurpose.
And then fire goes through,doesn't kill them but burns off
and I think it did say thissomewhere.
Actually I don't think I'mmaking this up, I think I read
this somewhere.
It burns off the little tinybits and then they just grow
into these magnificent talltrees.
So that's really cool, right?
The fire is actually helpingthem.
So then it got me thinking howis that relevant for me?
(11:47):
So I can gracefully identify athought or a habit or a belief
or an object that I no longerwant and I can thank it and let
it go.
But sometimes I want more,sometimes I just want to burn
loads of stuff when I'm justlike done with a way of thinking
or a way of doing something ora belief about myself.
(12:08):
That's just not for me anymore.
And I thought about the powerof fire and this also felt very
relevant for me because I havethe kind of mind that is
overwhelmed by shoulda, woulda,couldas and ideas.
So I have I kind of do, I'mvery, very good at holding lots
of projects at once because Ihave really good systems to keep
(12:29):
them out of my head and I get alot done and I'm proud of how
good I am at creating stuff andmaking stuff happen and I'm
excited.
That's who I am.
I get very excited.
I have lots of projects at oncein the spring and summer and
what I've realised is not allyear.
So at this time of year, all ofthose things I feel I ought to
(12:52):
be doing are in the way.
Let me explain.
So last year I start at thistime of year actually I started
writing this book about theGentle Rebel's Guide to the Year
and it had rituals and toolsfor each month and I didn't have
time to complete it.
Well, partly because I realisedreally I needed to test drive
(13:12):
it.
It didn't work, it wasn't readyfor publishing, so what I did
is I gifted copies to everybodyin the Gentle Rebel community
and then we started the yearwith it, together with a really
good workshop, and that set usup for the year.
And then I've continued to comeback to mine because it has
regular checks, check-ins formonthly celebrating, letting go
(13:34):
and then identifying what youwant for the next month, and
then also quarterly ones.
So it's really helpful.
I find it really helpful.
Anyway, one of the things I'velearned to do to help me decide
what I want to focus on eachmonth, each year and each
quarter is to find my heartfeltpriorities.
So there's loads of priorities,that's normal, but on the basis
(13:56):
that everything we do is inorder to change how we feel.
So everything we do is in orderto create an experience, a
different experience than wehave at the moment, or to
continue an experience Based onthat.
Going a bit deeper, why do Iwant these things?
Are they precious Shoulda,woulda, couldas, need to be
better, need to do better, orare they things that I really,
(14:20):
really want to do, things thatmake me grow as a person, live a
fuller life, be more me?
So that would be the differencebetween the shoots at the base
of the redwood and the redwoodgrowing taller, reaching for the
sky or wasting your time withthese tiny little offshoots.
So I have this well-practicedpractice that's not a regular
(14:42):
sentence of getting out of myhead into my body, connecting to
my heart and identifying whatreally matters to me and I call
those my heartfelt prioritiesand then I pick those, stick
them on the wall, I have them bymy bed and I have them in front
of me here in the office andthat helps me not get distracted
into doing other things.
It's also linked to that lovelysaying about most of us
(15:05):
overestimate what we can achievein a day and underestimate what
we can achieve in a year.
So this helps me not getoverwhelmed by all of the things
I think I ought to be doing andhelp me focus on what really
matters to me.
And I find this really powerful.
And now, as I'm saying this, Ifeel like I ought to share
exactly how to do that morespecifically.
(15:27):
I ought to share exactly how todo that more specifically.
So we will be doing that in theGentle Rebel Community New Year
workshop together, and I'mwondering whether it would be
worth offering it to peopleoutside of the community at a
low cost so that you canexperience that too.
If you'd be interested in that,can you just drop me a line,
because then I'd know whetherit's something worth going to
the effort of offeringexternally, because it would be
(15:49):
lovely to just get people fromthe podcast together on a little
Zoom call and we could gothrough that together, because
it is a really powerful practice.
So do let me know.
Just email me at Heidi, atHeidiMarkcouk, or reach out
through social media.
Okay, so usually I have I don'tknow between.
For the year I had 10 heartfeltpriorities and that's been so
(16:12):
helpful.
They were themes for the yearconnected to a word, so so good,
and that's what we did in thatworkshop.
Really powerful, because youcan just keep coming back to it.
Oh, that's what I was up to,that's what I really wanted.
I've got distracted.
That's why I'm feelingoverwhelmed.
It doesn't mean you can't shiftcourses during the year.
Of course you can, but ifyou've gone deep enough, you
(16:35):
should have revealed what youreally want, and it just makes
it so much easier.
So I found that really powerfulthis year and then each month
I'll have between five and eight, which is too much, so I'm
trying to go with four to fiveeach month, so it depends on the
size of them.
Some of them are finishing offof things or just one thing I
need to focus on to do with thehouse or something, but a
(16:58):
reasonable, smaller amount, notlike the whole year ones.
But this month I'm rebellingeven more and what I'm doing is
recognising that for me, autumnand winter are different energy
and I need to slow down and gowithin, and I just want to do
things differently.
It's definitely my season forwriting, so what I've done this
(17:21):
month is picked only twoheartfelt priorities and I'm
sticking with them, not just forthe month, but for the rest of
the year.
Woohoo, I can't tell you thefreedom, oh my goodness, it's
just incredible, because ithonours who I am at this point
in my life, how my mind works,how I work, what works.
(17:42):
It's just, it's brilliant.
Now, of course, there's stillother things to do.
It's not like I'm not doing thedaily tasks, but it's the
project base, it's the deeperstuff, it's the bigger things I
want to achieve.
So that's what I'm doing, whichis really cool, and this
reminded me of the Redwoods,because in order to do that,
I've had to go further thanletting go gracefully like a
(18:02):
leaf falling from the maple treeand I'm burning off those
shoots.
I'm literally going no, and I'mburning off those shoots.
I'm literally going, no, it's,it's, it's almost like I'm.
I've, first of all, I'veimagined them burning off and
then, secondly, I'm just,instead of letting them go, I'm
just like, well, they no longerexist.
It's deeper, it's almost likehaving, you know, horses.
(18:23):
I don't know why they have this.
Horses have those blinders onwhich stop them seeing sideways.
I don't know what that's about.
I'm not a horsey person, butanyway, sometimes I feel like I
need those.
It feels like that.
It's so nice, it's so calming.
So is that either of thoseprojects?
And part of the reason it'scalming is because if I don't do
that, they won't get completedbecause they're big things.
(18:45):
One of them's writing my nextbook and one of them is
difficult to explain, so I'm notgoing to bother.
Anyway, they're linked.
Anyway, I'm just mumbling now,which is fine, I'm allowed to
mumble.
It's my podcast.
So how would you feel aboutburning off, like in this
(19:08):
powerful, allowing yourself tobe free and reach for the sky
way?
Does that feel good?
If it feels good, maybe try it,whatever, in whatever way.
That means obviously I'm nottalking about actually burning
anything, although sometimesit's really fun to burn stuff,
isn't it?
Stuff in your house whereyou're like I don't need those
photos anymore, I don't needthose notes, I don't need the
receipts, because it's less thanit's more than seven years
(19:31):
since I did those accounts.
Like that kind of stuff's nice,isn't it?
I was talking to somebody theother day so they just
discovered loads of stuff andjust cleared it out.
Such a good feeling.
There's something very powerful, isn't there about fire?
So using an imaginary fire tolet go of the stuff that's just
crowding you and pressuring youand pulling at you, but which
you actually do not have thespace for, and although some of
(19:54):
them might be wonderful things,is this a time for you to just
focus on just one or two things,to calm everything down as the
year comes to to a close, or not?
Have a great week.
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