Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:00):
Hello, it's me with a
quick commercial break.
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Sunday, the 5th of January,purposely timed to be post the
New Year crazy.
I'm going to change my wholelife and make it so much better.
New Year's resolutions nonsense.
(00:21):
I'm inviting you instead tohang out with me and the
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year in a more effective andintentional way by reviewing
last year and then setting yourheartfelt priorities for 2025.
(00:44):
And then I'm going to give youways to help you stay focused on
what matters most to you, onceyou've identified that.
Holding space for you to do thisis a pleasure and a privilege.
It's something I do most turnof the year times.
I didn't do one last year orthe year before.
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This one is free.
Sometimes this is paid.
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Please, if this calls for you,come and join me.
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banner at the top to reserveyour spot, or, obviously, you
can click on the link in theshow notes below.
See you there.
Welcome to the Gentle Rebellionwhere overwhelm is optional.
Hello, hello, hello.
(01:52):
Welcome to this week's episodeof the overwhelm is optional
podcast with me, heidi Mark.
So space, and a bit of apremium this time of year.
So I'm recording this justbefore Christmas, and I'm really
, really aware that you might befeeling like oh, my goodness,
where is the space for me?
You're trying to wrap stuff upat work, you're trying to sort
out all the family chess travelplans there's so much going on,
(02:16):
and you're carrying the weightof the world on your shoulders,
trying to make sure everybody'shappy, and there isn't any space
for you, and you're aware thatif you don't get some space for
yourself soon, you'll turn into,if you haven't already, the
snappy, grumpy version ofyourself, and the people who you
love the most will get theworst of you, and you don't want
(02:36):
that, and you don't want to besick over Christmas.
You want to enjoy the holidayyou love making people happy.
It's a perfect storm at thistime of year, though, which
means it's a really, really goodtime to look at what's going on
for you.
So let's look at space, thefeeling of space, having enough
space for yourself.
So if I don't get enough spacefor myself, I'm definitely more
(03:01):
likely to be irritable.
It's just the way way thingsare.
It's taken me a long time tolearn that.
I've been aware for decadesthat I need time to myself, but
there's a difference betweentime to time for yourself and
the feeling of space, and that'swhat I want to get into.
The reason why I think we findit so hard to find space for
(03:22):
ourselves is it's not likecreating time for yourself on
your schedule.
It's a deeper thing than that.
So let's dive in.
And then I've got one simplehack, one simple shift for you
to create the space you need foryourself.
So stay with me to the end ofthis.
It's going to be worth it.
So I don't know about you, butif I don't have enough space for
(03:46):
myself, I'm more irritable andthen eventually more snappy,
more grumpy and also, I'venoticed, more judgmental, and I
don't like that version ofmyself.
So creating space for myself isa priority, and I used to try
loads and loads of things.
But the problem is, in order tocreate space for yourself, you
need the space to work out howto create that space, so it
(04:09):
doesn't work out very well.
It's this vicious circle, isn'tit of?
If I had more space, I'd beable to create space for myself,
and then I know that I wouldfeel better, cope better with
all my responsibilities, be ableto think straight, focus on
what matters most and be mylovely, warm, generous person.
Person.
Be my lovely, warm, generousself as well, because that's
(04:33):
what goes, isn't it?
And that's rubbish.
That's not who you are.
You don't want to be the grumpy, snappy person or the person
who's less generous, becauseyou've been pushed to the edge,
your nerves are on edge.
So what happens is you push onthrough, getting irritable and
then thinking but then I'll getspace, then it's like this
(04:54):
distant, when this happens, whenthis, then that, when this is
finished, then I'll have somespace myself, then I'll regroup,
get myself together, everythingwill be fine, but it's.
Is that true?
Or is there a better way tolive?
So you think there's somethingwrong with you?
Does that make sense?
Thinking something's wrong withyou, that you ought to be able
to handle everything about yourlife and be nice?
(05:17):
Are you beating yourself up?
You're judging yourself.
So I've got some notes here, soI'm going to have to look down.
I'm used to recording thispodcast just to audio.
It's really difficult to do itto video and not check your
notes.
So I'm going to check my notes,because they're good notes and
I've written them for you andI'm going to make sure you get
the full value of my thoughtsthis morning.
So you feel that you should bebetter, that you should be able
(05:40):
to cope better, because you'rein a position to make things
better.
So you're good at seeing howother people need to take better
care of themselves or couldprioritize differently or be
more productive.
You're good at seeing it forother people and you kind of
know what you should be doing.
And then you're beatingyourself up because you've got
all these shoulds and oughts andthat's adding to the crushing
feeling like there's no spacebecause your head is full.
(06:02):
So I remember going throughthis a lot where I was thinking
if only I could practicemindfulness, meditation, yoga,
more journaling oh yeah, I'mbreathing better, like all of
the things.
And I did try all of thesethings out, but it didn't create
space.
It just actually did theopposite, because then it's like
(06:25):
when am I off duty?
When do I?
When do I stop having to do toto try and be better, to strive,
when does the striving stop,because it doesn't stop if
you're, if you think something'swrong with you, then you're
always striving to be better, tosolve the problem of yourself.
So what if that's not theproblem?
(06:45):
What if actually nothing'swrong?
What if, instead, the feelingthat there's not enough space
for you is just usefulinformation, which I believe it
is, and this is how we can useit.
So the truth about space is it'snot a thing, it's a feeling,
and you know this, because thoserare times when you manage to
actually create space foryourself on your calendar, what
(07:10):
happens?
You have this allocated timeperiod called space for you, and
all of these other things comerushing in, all of the things
you could be doing, ought to bedoing, instead of what you're
doing.
Then you have this pressure,this push pull between the two
things, and you also have guiltand shame.
(07:30):
Which where's the space for youin that?
Like, none of that is actualspace, it's just time which
you'll then, which you'vestruggled to create for yourself
, and now you're struggling totake for yourself.
So there's no space in that.
That's not working.
It's just not working for you.
So there's got to be adifferent way.
(07:51):
There's got to be a simple,easier way right.
So what?
This hack came from a time whenI was feeling very desperate,
like it felt there was no spacefor me.
I was carrying the weight ofthe responsibility for other
people's happiness.
I was feeling a lot of guiltand shame over how.
I was very stressed over mycareer.
(08:13):
I was just feeling reallysquished, really small, like
there was no space in the worldfor me.
And this person said to methere is all the space in the
world for you.
And although I couldn't see itso logically, it made no sense
in my head, I felt those wordsresonate deeply there is all the
(08:33):
space in the world for you.
And that really hit home and itsomething started to shift.
It wasn't immediate, but overtime it shifted and those words
come back to me regularly.
It's a big shift.
So this is my shift for you.
This is how to use it for you.
Although you can't see it yet,assume that there is space for
(08:56):
you.
So what happens at the moment?
At the moment, you're like Ireally need some space for me.
I'm feeling really crushed.
I can't think straight, I'mgetting irritable, I've got too
much on, I'm carrying too much.
There's no space for me.
So then your mind's justlooking at all the ways that
that's true.
There is no space for you.
Sorry, I'm just going to haveto go and pause this and let one
(09:21):
of my dogs out.
Oh, the joys of recording.
With three cavalier spanielswandering around the house.
I did give them a special bone,so they they're supposed to
just take their time, and ofcourse they eat it far too
quickly and I wasn't ready.
Anyway, I'm back, so assumethat there is space for you.
So when you you do that, yourmind changes from looking at all
the ways.
There isn't space, because atthe moment you're assuming there
(09:42):
isn't space.
So your mind is findingevidence for that, because
that's what it's going to do.
Your belief is there is nospace for you.
Your belief is if there wasmore space for me, everything
would be better, which is true.
But there isn't any space foryou and you can't work out how
to take the space.
So you're beating yourself up,thinking there's something wrong
with you, that you should bemore emotionally resilient, that
(10:04):
you should be better at copingwithout space, that you should
be able to make space foryourself, that you should be
able to look after yourselfproperly, like.
All of those things arejudgments, which you're adding
to your feeling that there's nospace for you because you're not
good enough to have space.
Why should you get space?
You haven't finished everythingyet.
Not everybody you'reresponsible for is perfectly
(10:26):
happy.
Why should you take space?
There's a lack of backingyourself.
So what happens is when youchange your assumption.
It's just an invitation.
Try this on for size.
Happens is when you change yourassumption or you just try this
.
It's just an invitation, trythis on for size.
Assume instead that there isspace for you, but you just
can't see it or feel it yet.
There is space for you, youjust can't see it or feel it yet
(10:49):
.
And the reason that this worksis by making the assumption that
there's space for you, but youjust can't see it or feel it yet
.
Your subconscious mind willstart looking for it, because
you know what happens when yougive your subconscious mind
something to look for it, itwill find it.
Think yellow cars.
(11:09):
Now you're going to be going,heidi.
I saw yellow cars all weekbecause you said that Good.
So assume there's space for youand it will start popping up in
the most extraordinary ways,because space isn't a thing,
it's a feeling.
It's a feeling that resonatesthrough your body and your heart
(11:30):
and clears your mind.
Space for you is a feeling, afeeling that you don't have to
overwork and strive in order tohave space, that there just is
space.
It's just how things are.
Of course, there's space foryou, of course, and you don't
need to earn it.
It just is, by definition.
(11:52):
You're here, there's space foryou.
That's it.
There is space for you,assuming that your subconscious
will start looking for it.
Secondly, you're choosingyourself.
So, assuming there's space foryou, assuming there's space for
you, not assuming there's spacefor everyone or anyone this
(12:15):
isn't about anyone else, this isabout you.
Assuming there is space for youmeans you're choosing yourself,
and that matters, because, assoon as you acknowledge your
importance, part of feeling likethe space for you is the
acknowledgement that you needspace.
Of course you need space.
(12:36):
You need to take up space foryourself, because if you don't,
you feel squished and then youdon't, nothing works as well,
your mind can't think as sharply, your body's more tired and
you're more grumpy and irritable, and there's less space in your
life for joy.
So, of course, you have to takeup your space and there is
space for you because it's yourspace.
(12:56):
There's space for everyone.
It's your space, there's spacefor everyone.
But I don't care about everyoneelse at the moment, I'm
thinking about you.
There is space for you assumethere is, and as you choose to
make this assumption, even ifyou can't feel it or see it,
things start to shift becauseyou're backing yourself, you're
assuming that you matter and youso matter.
So, thirdly and lastly, if thismethod, this hack, doesn't
(13:22):
require you to do anything andright now you can't do any more,
you're overloaded, right.
So, and also it's a difficultproblem to solve, particularly
at this time of year, becausewhere is there space for you?
In a busy week of family andfriends and socialising and work
and everything Like Christmasis crazy for lack of space.
(13:42):
We cram whole groups offamilies into one home and
expect everybody to be okay andof course, there's like some
mental fisticuffs going on,because it's hard right, it's
not normal.
And also there's highexpectations because it's
Christmas and we so want to havea lovely Christmas and we so
(14:03):
want everybody we love to get onand be happy.
We spend a lot of time thinkingabout how to make people feel
happy, and by happy we meanloved and acknowledged.
Loved and acknowledged andvalued.
But when you do that foryourself, by acknowledging that
you deserve space as well, thattaking up your space matters
(14:24):
because it makes you more ableto be your lovely, warm,
generous self, everything shifts.
There is space for you, even ifyou can't see it, even if it
seems impossible, especiallywhen you can't feel it.
There is space for you.
Shift your mindset from.
(14:46):
There is no space for me.
I can't see it anymore.
I'm never going to get anyspace for myself.
Look at my calendar.
Oh my goodness, I've got somuch on my plate.
There is no space for me.
I'm going to go mad if I don'tget some space.
Oh my goodness, what's wrongwith me?
Why am I so grumpy and snappy?
Because you need space, becauseyou're feeling squished.
It's just a symptom, it's not aweakness.
(15:07):
There's nothing wrong with youif you're snappy and grumpy and
can't see any space for yourself.
It's just a shift out of.
That's how things are.
That's the old way.
Gently rebel against thatnonsense.
Here, over here, in the gentlerebellion, what we're looking at
is saying no, I refuse to feelsquished, I'm going to take up
my space, and we do it withoutanybody else realising, because
(15:29):
we don't have to take a stand,gentle rebellion.
You don't have to take a stand.
You don't have to declare thatevery Saturday morning is your
time for you, like you.
Just it's too hard.
Right, you can do that if youwant, but it's hard.
Make it easier.
Make it an internal shift,because internal, deep shifts
(15:50):
are what you really want,because that's transformative.
The rest is practical movingstuff around trying to find out
what works for you, but shiftinga deep, profound level.
That, as a transformative lifecoach, that works.
That's what I'm all about.
So I'm going to invite you, thisespecially busy season, to try
(16:16):
on a change of mindset fromthere is no space for me to
there is space for me, eventhough you can't see it, and
especially when you can't feelit.
Wishing you the most wonderfuland spacious Christmas and
holiday time.
See you next time.
(16:37):
Christmas and holiday time.
See you next time, or hear younext time.
No, if you're listening on thepodcast, won't see you next time
.
What am I going to say?
Thank you for listening.
It's lovely to have you here,as usual, and I will be back
with you after Christmas.
I'm taking a break, so I'll seeyou in 2025, 2025.
(17:07):
For more resources to help you,gently rebel, please visit my
website, wwwheidimarkcouk.