February 21, 2025 • 24 mins
The journey from overwhelm to joy isn’t a straight line—it’s a spiral. In this episode, I explore the reality of personal transformation, why it takes vulnerability, courage and commitment, and the importance of recognizing the shifts you’re already making.
- Reflections from my recent trip to Canterbury
- Why the Gentle Rebel path isn’t linear (and why that’s a good thing)
- The power of noticing your own progress (even when it feels like you’re stuck)
- Why vulnerability is essential to lasting change
- How courage and commitment unlock real transformation
- Breaking free from the overwhelm-to-exhaustion cycle for good
📅 Want to accelerate your transformation? Book a Curiosity Call today.
Want the fastest most effective way to turn your overwhelm into the joy, satisfaction and ease you're working so hard for? Book a Curiosity Call and discover what it's like to be coached by me. I look forward to meeting you.
🎙️ Welcome to Overwhelm is Optional
This podcast was created to help big-hearted, driven professionals break free from overwhelm and experience more clarity, ease, and joy.
But here’s the exciting news… I’ve moved beyond overwhelm.
If you’ve been listening and resonating with this message, you’ll love what comes next.
I’ve created a new podcast: Deep Heartfelt Success—because success should feel as good on the inside as it looks on the outside.
🎙 Join me there → Search "Deep Heartfelt Success" on your favourite podcast platform and subscribe.
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Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:13):
Welcome to Overwhelm is Optional.
The podcast for big hearted,highly driven professionals who
are ready to turn overwhelm intoclarity, ease and joy.
I'm Heidi Mark, the GentleRebel Coach, and in each episode
I share insights, stories andpractical tools to help you
gently rebel against thepressure to push on through,
(00:33):
because you matter.
How you are in the worldmatters.
Hello, hello, hello.
How are you doing?
Lovely to have you here.
Bit of a croak in my throatthere, I heard.
I had a lovely weekend inCanterbury, in Kent, which is
(00:53):
the southeast of England, and Iwent to the coast.
It was so cold.
I think that's why I've got acroaky voice.
I'm feeling a little bit underthe weather, literally under the
weather.
I'm feeling a little bit underthe weather, literally under the
weather.
It's a real thing, right,definitely a real thing.
Anyway, it was really cold, butit was a magical, magical
weekend.
I had such a good idea, such agood time.
(01:13):
The main reason for going thereapart from I haven't been, I
haven't really explored Kent, soI was excited but the main
reason to go there was to pickup our credentials, our pilgrim
credential, because we're goingto be walking the Via Francigena
.
I think I've said that rightI've been practicing, which is
the Italian Camino, so I'm superexcited about.
(01:44):
I've noticed that the way I'mfeeling about it is so different
to this time last year when Iwas preparing to walk the Camino
de Santiago, the Portuguese one.
I just don't have all thatanxiety and it's really nice to
be able to look at what I wasgoing through this time last
year when I was doing my whole.
Maybe I'm not fit enough, maybeI'm not good enough to walk
that far.
Maybe, maybe, maybe, maybe,maybe I need to be better in a
million ways.
Why is there a pain in my toe?
What, if this happens?
(02:04):
All the things and theconvincing myself that that was
okay, that can walk alongside me, that fear can come with me,
but it's not going to stop me,and then having the most magical
time walking the Camino toSantiago in a gently, rebellious
way, without pain, withoutpushing myself, without bursting
(02:29):
into tears because I'd not hadenough sleep or food or was just
feeling rough.
I didn't make it into hell, Imade it into heaven.
And right now I'm starting totype up my diary notes because I
want to write it into a book.
And what's really interestingto me is that I practiced one of
my techniques, which is to drawattention to everything good
(02:52):
and just not deny that there'sother stuff going on, but just
to draw my attention, to dosomething about the cognitive
bias in my mind.
So my diary is just thehighlights of the day, which is
really, really interestingBecause at the same time I have
memories of the real.
(03:14):
Is it real, which is real?
I do have a memory overviewthat there were things that
happened.
For example, I got blisters, wecouldn't find any food, we
didn't get much sleep, what else.
You know the normal, the normalSantiago stuff that happens.
But I didn't write it down, Ididn't dwell on it, I
(03:37):
deliberately focused on the joyand the freedom of just being
able to walk, because it was achoice, it's a holiday, right,
it's time out.
It's amazing and I just find itreally interesting that I've
got this whole diary, which justpoints out the highlights.
I have knowledge of the factthat there were other things
(03:57):
going on, but my overall memoryin my body, my feeling is of joy
, of ease, of delight, ofexpansion, of yes, I can do
difficult things in a gently,rebellious way.
So I find that reallyinteresting, I'm really curious
and that's, I guess, is it.
The main reason for writing thebook it's definitely a big part
(04:20):
for me of writing is not justto provide something for you.
Utterly, utterly out of love.
I intend to always be providingstuff that lifts you up, makes
you see things differently, soyou can find your gently
rebellious route to freedom.
But there's something veryimportant for me about the
process of writing about a tripthat felt life-changing in many
(04:43):
ways, or life not enhancing,what's the thing like that?
It was a validation of mydecisions, my decisions to take
the difficult decision to leavea career career where I was very
successful but it felt like itwas killing me.
But you know, I could havestayed, I could have forced
myself to I don don't know,somehow stop being so angry.
(05:08):
And again, you know I wasbattling the system, I was
furious with the system and alot of that would have added to
my overwhelming exhaustion.
Meaning to burnout.
To me, burnout's not a definiteI can't go in, it's a I am
unwilling to continue.
It's a bottom line thing.
It's like I'm done.
The sacrifice isn't worth it.
Yes, within that I was flawed.
(05:31):
I mean, I was really strugglinghealth-wise, but I'm good at
rallying and forcing myselfbecause I'd done it time and
time again for years.
So I kind of think could I havekept going?
Maybe Was I willing to?
Absolutely not.
Did I feel I had the resourcesto?
No, I was done.
I wanted more for myself.
I couldn't see it at the time.
At the time it felt I had nochoice.
(05:51):
But looking back I can seethere were other routes, maybe
easier routes.
I could have gone off sick, Icould have, I don't know.
Anyway, I didn't, and that'snot the point.
The point is writing up my notesinto a book in a way that
communicates the value ofchoosing yourself and gently
rebelling against the oldparadigm of pushing yourself
(06:14):
through overwhelm intoexhaustion, disconnecting from
your heart and your body, justoverloading your mind in order
to have the successful life youwant.
Gently rebelling against thatinto finding your way to have
what you want.
Writing that into a book andcommunicating that for me
personally is a really goodthing to do, because it
(06:35):
validates what I'm up to.
It gives me clarity about whatI'm up to, which gives me more
confidence to talk about it, andthat matters because it's
bubbling up inside me and Idesperately want to share it and
say, hey, you don't have to dothat anymore.
Come over here, come and joinus over here.
We're finding a different wayof doing things and there's so
much joy, so much ease, so muchself-validation.
(06:58):
Yes, I was right, this isn'tthe way to do things.
Anyway, driving three hours inthe middle of February on a
Friday and then three hours backon a Sunday to go all the way
to Canterbury to pick up apilgrim credential that I could
also have picked up in SienaCathedral was worth it, because
it's got me thinking about thistime last year and how much I've
(07:22):
grown, how much easier it is todo this this time.
And if there's one thing,there's not one thing, there's
loads of things.
If there's one important thingI know to be true on this gentle
rebel path is that if we don'tpay attention to just how far
we've come, just how moreskilled we are at living, how
much more joy and ease we'veallowed ourselves to experience
(07:45):
in our life, we can easily gettricked by the mind into
thinking we're stuck, we'regoing backwards, we're being
pulled back into theoverwhelming to exhaustion cycle
, when it's just not true.
Does that mean we never getoverwhelmed?
No, does it mean we never pushourselves too hard and get
completely exhausted?
Of course that's going tohappen.
(08:05):
That's part.
It's a spiral.
So this time last week lastweek's podcast I was delving
into can I map out thetransformational process that I
went through and my clients gothrough so that you can see a
way forward for yourself?
To give you clarity to thething is, it's really.
It takes a lot of courage tosay yes to yourself.
(08:26):
It takes a huge amount of trustin what I'm offering you.
It takes faith.
It takes self-belief yes, I cando this differently.
It's not easy.
It takes courage.
And then it takes commitment,and so if I can map out a path
for you to see more clearly,then that's helpful.
(08:47):
So that last week I tried to dothat and I split it into three
steps.
So step one is just notice yourstruggle, notice your struggle,
admit your struggle, look it inthe eye, look the overwhelm in
the eye and say enough, I cansee the damage it's causing me.
This way is not for me anymore.
(09:09):
Commit to yourself, gently,rebel.
As soon as you do that and youget curious and genuine about it
, you're immediately into steptwo, and step two is where the
magic happens.
Step two is the hero's journey.
Two is the hero's journey.
It's where you start looking atthe overwhelm and turning it
into the ease, the security, thesatisfaction, the joy that you
(09:29):
are pushing yourself so hardthrough the overwhelm to get.
But it's not on the other sideof the overwhelm.
It's on the other side of theoverwhelm when you turn the
overwhelm into it, when you useit as useful information, but
(10:00):
it's not on the other side whenyou push and force yourage of
our ability to experience thevery things we're working so
hard for.
And step three, I put as where Ifeel myself to be now, which is
realizing that overwhelm isgenuinely optional, that I don't
have to push through it anymore.
(10:21):
I can see it, I see it coming,and that's just a different.
It's just a different point ofview.
It's when you've it's likeclimbing to the top of the
mountain and just being able tosee.
It's just from traveling thatspiral path of the overwhelm to
joy.
Phase.
Phase two, which is the genderrebellion, just until you've
come across it enough times torecognize it.
(10:43):
It's a level of skill I can seemore clearly now, I can sort
myself out more quickly, and ifI can't sort myself out, then
I'm going to ask for help,whereas I found it really hard
to ask for help before.
So, for example, yesterday, yeah, I had a bit of a funky day,
(11:04):
not the whole day, the morning Iwas fine.
In the morning I did my oneminute morning practice.
I connected to my word of theyear.
I felt really good, I was on it, I was excited about the day
and then something happened.
I think I was tired from theweekend and I just flunked and
then I was.
Then I did my normal right, I'mgoing to fight it.
(11:25):
Then I did my facing it.
Then I did my what's wrong withme?
I shouldn't be feeling this.
And I did the normal funkystuff, but but not for as long.
So something that might'vetaken me I don't know weeks,
months ages to figure out.
It just doesn't exist anymorefor me in that way because I
(11:48):
walk my talk.
So it's a commitment, it'scourage.
It takes courage, commitmentand practice to reach a stage
where you can say, yeah, I willnever push myself like that
again.
I have too much respect formyself now and I know how to do
it differently.
I have the evidence which isrelated back to the beginning of
(12:08):
the podcast about reflecting onhow differently I'm approaching
the Italian Camino to thePortuguese Camino.
That's evidence, anddeliberately looking for that
evidence is one of the mosthelpful things you can do,
because the truth is, although Itried to make a linear path
last week actually it's funny ifyou watched my YouTube video
(12:32):
series on step one and you alsolistened to the podcast, you
would notice I made a beautifulerror, which is a gift.
So in my attempt to make itinto a step-by-step path, I
messed up the way I, because I'mgoing to right, because it's
not a path.
There is a path.
(12:52):
It's not a linear path.
So go and watch those.
Spot the error Really funny,doesn't make any difference.
It doesn't make any differenceto the quality and the gift in
both those pieces of content foryou.
But it showed me, heidi, youcan't pin it down.
So I'm trying to pin it down sothat I'm shining a light on it
and going, yeah, look, becauseit's true, it works.
(13:15):
But at the same time, let's bereally clear no transformational
path is instant or linear,they're all spiral.
Life is a spiral and the beautyof a spiral is, first of all,
it's easier, because you're notlike, oh, I fought the dragon, I
won and now end of adventure.
No, it's a spiral path, so youkeep coming back to this what
(13:38):
you think you're stuck, butyou're not.
You think you're repeating, butyou're not, because you can't
actually identically repeat.
You can get what feels likeyou're stuck in a loop, but if
you pay close attention, whatyou're actually doing is you're
a little bit above the situation.
So you're doing this beautifulspiral upwards and each time it
feels like you're repeatingyourself.
(13:59):
If you notice that you're not,you're just yourself.
If you notice that you're not,you're just slightly above and
you've got a bird's eye view,that's your gains.
And sometimes these are hugeleaps and bounds and other times
it just feels like it's so slow.
What's wrong with me?
Why can I not do this?
Something's not working andjust know.
(14:20):
That's why neutral noticingworks, because then you notice
what's going on quicker.
As soon as you notice, thingsshift, because the noticing is
key.
The noticing creates the spiral.
It creates the being slightlyabove, because you're getting a
bird's eye view as soon as youseparate yourself from that.
So if you've got stuff like I'mstuck, I'm useless at this, I'm
no good at gently rebelling,I'm slipping back, I'm back in
(14:43):
the overwhelm to exhaustioncycle, if you notice that
immediately you're, you're not,because you can notice oh, I
feel like I am and I'm beatingmyself up.
Aha, now you found out whatyou're up to.
So then you can look at yourthoughts and say well, that's
(15:03):
not true, I'm not a terribleperson and you can be on your
own side.
As soon as you switch that, yourebel against your own thoughts
about how rubbish you are andhow you ought to be better, be
on your own side.
That takes courage andcommitment over and over again,
but it's worth it, because eachtime you recommit, you're
spiraling upwards again.
You catch it, you recommit, andthe faster you do it and with
(15:27):
more courage and commitment, theeasier it is, the faster you
make progress on your own hero'sjourney, which is why coaching
is so amazing, because it shinesa light for you, it holds a
mirror for you and in awell-held space, you will
transform into what you'retrying to do.
(15:50):
It will all happen more easily,more delightfully, more
joyfully and much moreeffectively and faster, because
that's what coaching's for,that's what I do, that's what a
good coach does.
So, for example, at the momentI'm having coaching.
I don't have coaching all thetime.
I don't believe that, I don'tbelieve anybody needs a coach
(16:11):
and I don't like the idea of.
I know some people say, oh yeah, I have a coach for this and a
coach for that and a coach okay,fine, if that's what you want,
if that works for you.
For me personally, my wholephilosophy is that you have the
answers inside of you and tohave a break from coaching.
To do coaching in a sporadicmanner is really good, because
(16:32):
it gives you time to go outthere on your own adventure, on
your own, without having anyoneto fall back on and then to
admit yeah, actually, now I wantthis and I'm going to choose
the most effective way, which isworking with a coach, a good
coach.
You get the right coach at theright time.
Absolute, magicaltransformation can happen
because it takes courage andcommitment.
(16:54):
So yesterday, when I foundmyself in a funk, I then this
was interesting for me.
I caught myself.
I listened to my thoughts andwhat I caught was I need to sort
myself out before my coachingsession.
I shouldn't show up to acoaching session feeling lost,
confused, down on myself,lacking confidence, lacking.
(17:18):
I should, I should show up asthis like shiny version of
myself.
And I didn't, I chose and thenI remembered no, heidi, you show
up as you are, because, with myclients, I usually my clients
will apologize if they are, Idon't know, hungry, tired, not
on, not not like super happy orsomething you know, not like
(17:41):
they think they ought to show up, whereas for me, the point is
that coaching provides the spaceto show up exactly how you are
in the moment and to work withthat, because that's what's true
for you in that moment, that'swhat's showing up, that's your
useful information.
And if we bypass that usefulinformation and lack the
(18:02):
vulnerability to show up with it, which takes courage because we
feel like we're going to bejudged, a good coach is never
going to judge you.
My coach certainly didn't.
My coach did the opposite.
He said something like thankyou for such a beautiful start
to the coaching, because I justsaid, this is how I'm feeling
and it's a powerful thing to do,which he reflected back to me.
(18:25):
The ability as a coach, to becoachable, to be vulnerable,
makes me a better coach.
It makes it easier for myclients and future clients to
come to me and say coach, itmakes it easier for my clients
and future clients to come to meand say well, I'm feeling like
this today.
I feel like it's all gone wrong.
I feel like I'm not doing thisright.
I feel like I need to be betterat doing this.
I feel like I don't do thethings I said I would do.
(18:47):
Turning up as you are iscourageous because it requires
you to be vulnerable.
It requires us to accept therisk of being judged, but you
know what?
We're judging ourselves andthat's what I was doing.
So when I let go of that andshowed up for my coaching
session feeling vulnerable,feeling a little bit off, not
(19:09):
really knowing what I wantedapart from to feel better and
once again, I had the mostincredible, powerful session
with my coach, and I'm sograteful to have that coach in
my life.
So grateful, and it reflectsback to me the power of coaching
.
So cool, so exciting.
(19:31):
I'm so grateful that I blew upmy previous career and created
this one for myself, or finallysaid yes to this one properly
for myself.
So grateful.
So I know there's an advert formy coaching services that I've
somehow magically got Buzzsprout, my podcast host, to plonk in
(19:51):
the middle of episodes.
I don't know when it comes.
Do you know what?
I'm not going to apologize forit.
I'm confidently saying to you ifyou would like some help on
your journey towards freedomfrom the overwhelm to exhaustion
cycle.
Wherever you feel you are inthe overwhelm to joy cycle,
whatever's going on for you,book a curiosity call, let's
(20:14):
talk about it.
There's never any pressure.
It's the most joyful thing todo to just have somebody listen
to you.
The worst that will happen is Iwill reflect back to you what's
going on for you and you willgain huge clarity and insight.
And that is powerful.
So receive it as a gift.
(20:35):
And also, I'd love to meet you.
Gives me joy.
I love doing curiosity calls,but I recognize the act of
courage it takes and I'm tellingyou I get that.
I feel it too.
I feel vulnerable when I askfor coaching.
I feel vulnerable.
It's exactly the same.
It's part of the commitment toyourself and whether you choose
(20:57):
to do this alone, with anothercoach, whatever you decide for
yourself, committing to yourselffirst is where everything
starts to change.
Deciding you're done with theold overwhelming to exhaustion
cycle and you're ready for ease,joy, satisfaction, security Ah,
(21:20):
the relief of having a lifethat works for you.
Do it, commit to yourself, doit Gently rebel.
Three steps Decide, big step,hero's journey.
Look at your overwhelmNeutrally, notice it, work out
how you can turn it into joy.
(21:41):
I'm going to be talking moreabout this.
It's pretty much where all mypodcast episodes are.
They're in the overwhelm to joycycle, because that's the
process and it fascinates meFrom whether we can use chat,
gpt to reduce our overwhelm takethe load off our mind to how
can we increase the body-mindconnection to support the body
(22:07):
sorry, to support the mind howcan we use the guidance from our
heart and so many other things.
There's always a new aspectcoming up for me that I'm
excited to share with you.
So thank you so much for beinghere.
Please send this podcast tosomebody today as a gift.
I'd be really grateful.
Thank you so much and I'll seeyou next week.
Have a great week.
(22:28):
Thank you so much for listeningand for being part of the
Overwhelmers Optional podcast.
If you want to continue theconversation, please do connect
with me on LinkedIn, instagramor YouTube.
Let me know your thoughts.
I love hearing from you and ifyou found this helpful, taking a
moment to share, subscribe andleave a review would be much
(22:48):
appreciated.
It helps other people find thepodcast.
If you're ready to turnoverwhelm into joy, you'll find
my books, resources and ways towork with me on my website,
heidimarkcouk, and on Amazon.
All the links are in the shownotes.
Until next time, keep gentlyrebelling and making overwhelm
(23:16):
optional for you.
Welcome to Overwhelm is Optional.
The podcast for big hearted,highly driven professionals who
are ready to turn overwhelm intoclarity, ease and joy.
I'm Heidi Mark, the GentleRebel Coach, and in each episode
I share insights, stories andpractical tools to help you
gently rebel against thepressure to push on through,
(00:33):
because you matter.
How you are in the worldmatters.
Hello, hello, hello.
How are you doing?
Lovely to have you here.
Bit of a croak in my throatthere, I heard.
I had a lovely weekend inCanterbury, in Kent, which is
(00:53):
the southeast of England, and Iwent to the coast.
It was so cold.
I think that's why I've got acroaky voice.
I'm feeling a little bit underthe weather, literally under the
weather.
I'm feeling a little bit underthe weather, literally under the
weather.
It's a real thing, right,definitely a real thing.
Anyway, it was really cold, butit was a magical, magical
weekend.
I had such a good idea, such agood time.
(01:13):
The main reason for going thereapart from I haven't been, I
haven't really explored Kent, soI was excited but the main
reason to go there was to pickup our credentials, our pilgrim
credential, because we're goingto be walking the Via Francigena
.
I think I've said that rightI've been practicing, which is
the Italian Camino, so I'm superexcited about.
(01:44):
I've noticed that the way I'mfeeling about it is so different
to this time last year when Iwas preparing to walk the Camino
de Santiago, the Portuguese one.
I just don't have all thatanxiety and it's really nice to
be able to look at what I wasgoing through this time last
year when I was doing my whole.
Maybe I'm not fit enough, maybeI'm not good enough to walk
that far.
Maybe, maybe, maybe, maybe,maybe I need to be better in a
million ways.
Why is there a pain in my toe?
What, if this happens?
(02:04):
All the things and theconvincing myself that that was
okay, that can walk alongside me, that fear can come with me,
but it's not going to stop me,and then having the most magical
time walking the Camino toSantiago in a gently, rebellious
way, without pain, withoutpushing myself, without bursting
(02:29):
into tears because I'd not hadenough sleep or food or was just
feeling rough.
I didn't make it into hell, Imade it into heaven.
And right now I'm starting totype up my diary notes because I
want to write it into a book.
And what's really interestingto me is that I practiced one of
my techniques, which is to drawattention to everything good
(02:52):
and just not deny that there'sother stuff going on, but just
to draw my attention, to dosomething about the cognitive
bias in my mind.
So my diary is just thehighlights of the day, which is
really, really interestingBecause at the same time I have
memories of the real.
(03:14):
Is it real, which is real?
I do have a memory overviewthat there were things that
happened.
For example, I got blisters, wecouldn't find any food, we
didn't get much sleep, what else.
You know the normal, the normalSantiago stuff that happens.
But I didn't write it down, Ididn't dwell on it, I
(03:37):
deliberately focused on the joyand the freedom of just being
able to walk, because it was achoice, it's a holiday, right,
it's time out.
It's amazing and I just find itreally interesting that I've
got this whole diary, which justpoints out the highlights.
I have knowledge of the factthat there were other things
(03:57):
going on, but my overall memoryin my body, my feeling is of joy
, of ease, of delight, ofexpansion, of yes, I can do
difficult things in a gently,rebellious way.
So I find that reallyinteresting, I'm really curious
and that's, I guess, is it.
The main reason for writing thebook it's definitely a big part
(04:20):
for me of writing is not justto provide something for you.
Utterly, utterly out of love.
I intend to always be providingstuff that lifts you up, makes
you see things differently, soyou can find your gently
rebellious route to freedom.
But there's something veryimportant for me about the
process of writing about a tripthat felt life-changing in many
(04:43):
ways, or life not enhancing,what's the thing like that?
It was a validation of mydecisions, my decisions to take
the difficult decision to leavea career career where I was very
successful but it felt like itwas killing me.
But you know, I could havestayed, I could have forced
myself to I don don't know,somehow stop being so angry.
(05:08):
And again, you know I wasbattling the system, I was
furious with the system and alot of that would have added to
my overwhelming exhaustion.
Meaning to burnout.
To me, burnout's not a definiteI can't go in, it's a I am
unwilling to continue.
It's a bottom line thing.
It's like I'm done.
The sacrifice isn't worth it.
Yes, within that I was flawed.
(05:31):
I mean, I was really strugglinghealth-wise, but I'm good at
rallying and forcing myselfbecause I'd done it time and
time again for years.
So I kind of think could I havekept going?
Maybe Was I willing to?
Absolutely not.
Did I feel I had the resourcesto?
No, I was done.
I wanted more for myself.
I couldn't see it at the time.
At the time it felt I had nochoice.
(05:51):
But looking back I can seethere were other routes, maybe
easier routes.
I could have gone off sick, Icould have, I don't know.
Anyway, I didn't, and that'snot the point.
The point is writing up my notesinto a book in a way that
communicates the value ofchoosing yourself and gently
rebelling against the oldparadigm of pushing yourself
(06:14):
through overwhelm intoexhaustion, disconnecting from
your heart and your body, justoverloading your mind in order
to have the successful life youwant.
Gently rebelling against thatinto finding your way to have
what you want.
Writing that into a book andcommunicating that for me
personally is a really goodthing to do, because it
(06:35):
validates what I'm up to.
It gives me clarity about whatI'm up to, which gives me more
confidence to talk about it, andthat matters because it's
bubbling up inside me and Idesperately want to share it and
say, hey, you don't have to dothat anymore.
Come over here, come and joinus over here.
We're finding a different wayof doing things and there's so
much joy, so much ease, so muchself-validation.
(06:58):
Yes, I was right, this isn'tthe way to do things.
Anyway, driving three hours inthe middle of February on a
Friday and then three hours backon a Sunday to go all the way
to Canterbury to pick up apilgrim credential that I could
also have picked up in SienaCathedral was worth it, because
it's got me thinking about thistime last year and how much I've
(07:22):
grown, how much easier it is todo this this time.
And if there's one thing,there's not one thing, there's
loads of things.
If there's one important thingI know to be true on this gentle
rebel path is that if we don'tpay attention to just how far
we've come, just how moreskilled we are at living, how
much more joy and ease we'veallowed ourselves to experience
(07:45):
in our life, we can easily gettricked by the mind into
thinking we're stuck, we'regoing backwards, we're being
pulled back into theoverwhelming to exhaustion cycle
, when it's just not true.
Does that mean we never getoverwhelmed?
No, does it mean we never pushourselves too hard and get
completely exhausted?
Of course that's going tohappen.
(08:05):
That's part.
It's a spiral.
So this time last week lastweek's podcast I was delving
into can I map out thetransformational process that I
went through and my clients gothrough so that you can see a
way forward for yourself?
To give you clarity to thething is, it's really.
It takes a lot of courage tosay yes to yourself.
(08:26):
It takes a huge amount of trustin what I'm offering you.
It takes faith.
It takes self-belief yes, I cando this differently.
It's not easy.
It takes courage.
And then it takes commitment,and so if I can map out a path
for you to see more clearly,then that's helpful.
(08:47):
So that last week I tried to dothat and I split it into three
steps.
So step one is just notice yourstruggle, notice your struggle,
admit your struggle, look it inthe eye, look the overwhelm in
the eye and say enough, I cansee the damage it's causing me.
This way is not for me anymore.
(09:09):
Commit to yourself, gently,rebel.
As soon as you do that and youget curious and genuine about it
, you're immediately into steptwo, and step two is where the
magic happens.
Step two is the hero's journey.
Two is the hero's journey.
It's where you start looking atthe overwhelm and turning it
into the ease, the security, thesatisfaction, the joy that you
(09:29):
are pushing yourself so hardthrough the overwhelm to get.
But it's not on the other sideof the overwhelm.
It's on the other side of theoverwhelm when you turn the
overwhelm into it, when you useit as useful information, but
(10:00):
it's not on the other side whenyou push and force yourage of
our ability to experience thevery things we're working so
hard for.
And step three, I put as where Ifeel myself to be now, which is
realizing that overwhelm isgenuinely optional, that I don't
have to push through it anymore.
(10:21):
I can see it, I see it coming,and that's just a different.
It's just a different point ofview.
It's when you've it's likeclimbing to the top of the
mountain and just being able tosee.
It's just from traveling thatspiral path of the overwhelm to
joy.
Phase.
Phase two, which is the genderrebellion, just until you've
come across it enough times torecognize it.
(10:43):
It's a level of skill I can seemore clearly now, I can sort
myself out more quickly, and ifI can't sort myself out, then
I'm going to ask for help,whereas I found it really hard
to ask for help before.
So, for example, yesterday, yeah, I had a bit of a funky day,
(11:04):
not the whole day, the morning Iwas fine.
In the morning I did my oneminute morning practice.
I connected to my word of theyear.
I felt really good, I was on it, I was excited about the day
and then something happened.
I think I was tired from theweekend and I just flunked and
then I was.
Then I did my normal right, I'mgoing to fight it.
(11:25):
Then I did my facing it.
Then I did my what's wrong withme?
I shouldn't be feeling this.
And I did the normal funkystuff, but but not for as long.
So something that might'vetaken me I don't know weeks,
months ages to figure out.
It just doesn't exist anymorefor me in that way because I
(11:48):
walk my talk.
So it's a commitment, it'scourage.
It takes courage, commitmentand practice to reach a stage
where you can say, yeah, I willnever push myself like that
again.
I have too much respect formyself now and I know how to do
it differently.
I have the evidence which isrelated back to the beginning of
(12:08):
the podcast about reflecting onhow differently I'm approaching
the Italian Camino to thePortuguese Camino.
That's evidence, anddeliberately looking for that
evidence is one of the mosthelpful things you can do,
because the truth is, although Itried to make a linear path
last week actually it's funny ifyou watched my YouTube video
(12:32):
series on step one and you alsolistened to the podcast, you
would notice I made a beautifulerror, which is a gift.
So in my attempt to make itinto a step-by-step path, I
messed up the way I, because I'mgoing to right, because it's
not a path.
There is a path.
(12:52):
It's not a linear path.
So go and watch those.
Spot the error Really funny,doesn't make any difference.
It doesn't make any differenceto the quality and the gift in
both those pieces of content foryou.
But it showed me, heidi, youcan't pin it down.
So I'm trying to pin it down sothat I'm shining a light on it
and going, yeah, look, becauseit's true, it works.
(13:15):
But at the same time, let's bereally clear no transformational
path is instant or linear,they're all spiral.
Life is a spiral and the beautyof a spiral is, first of all,
it's easier, because you're notlike, oh, I fought the dragon, I
won and now end of adventure.
No, it's a spiral path, so youkeep coming back to this what
(13:38):
you think you're stuck, butyou're not.
You think you're repeating, butyou're not, because you can't
actually identically repeat.
You can get what feels likeyou're stuck in a loop, but if
you pay close attention, whatyou're actually doing is you're
a little bit above the situation.
So you're doing this beautifulspiral upwards and each time it
feels like you're repeatingyourself.
(13:59):
If you notice that you're not,you're just yourself.
If you notice that you're not,you're just slightly above and
you've got a bird's eye view,that's your gains.
And sometimes these are hugeleaps and bounds and other times
it just feels like it's so slow.
What's wrong with me?
Why can I not do this?
Something's not working andjust know.
(14:20):
That's why neutral noticingworks, because then you notice
what's going on quicker.
As soon as you notice, thingsshift, because the noticing is
key.
The noticing creates the spiral.
It creates the being slightlyabove, because you're getting a
bird's eye view as soon as youseparate yourself from that.
So if you've got stuff like I'mstuck, I'm useless at this, I'm
no good at gently rebelling,I'm slipping back, I'm back in
(14:43):
the overwhelm to exhaustioncycle, if you notice that
immediately you're, you're not,because you can notice oh, I
feel like I am and I'm beatingmyself up.
Aha, now you found out whatyou're up to.
So then you can look at yourthoughts and say well, that's
(15:03):
not true, I'm not a terribleperson and you can be on your
own side.
As soon as you switch that, yourebel against your own thoughts
about how rubbish you are andhow you ought to be better, be
on your own side.
That takes courage andcommitment over and over again,
but it's worth it, because eachtime you recommit, you're
spiraling upwards again.
You catch it, you recommit, andthe faster you do it and with
(15:27):
more courage and commitment, theeasier it is, the faster you
make progress on your own hero'sjourney, which is why coaching
is so amazing, because it shinesa light for you, it holds a
mirror for you and in awell-held space, you will
transform into what you'retrying to do.
(15:50):
It will all happen more easily,more delightfully, more
joyfully and much moreeffectively and faster, because
that's what coaching's for,that's what I do, that's what a
good coach does.
So, for example, at the momentI'm having coaching.
I don't have coaching all thetime.
I don't believe that, I don'tbelieve anybody needs a coach
(16:11):
and I don't like the idea of.
I know some people say, oh yeah, I have a coach for this and a
coach for that and a coach okay,fine, if that's what you want,
if that works for you.
For me personally, my wholephilosophy is that you have the
answers inside of you and tohave a break from coaching.
To do coaching in a sporadicmanner is really good, because
(16:32):
it gives you time to go outthere on your own adventure, on
your own, without having anyoneto fall back on and then to
admit yeah, actually, now I wantthis and I'm going to choose
the most effective way, which isworking with a coach, a good
coach.
You get the right coach at theright time.
Absolute, magicaltransformation can happen
because it takes courage andcommitment.
(16:54):
So yesterday, when I foundmyself in a funk, I then this
was interesting for me.
I caught myself.
I listened to my thoughts andwhat I caught was I need to sort
myself out before my coachingsession.
I shouldn't show up to acoaching session feeling lost,
confused, down on myself,lacking confidence, lacking.
(17:18):
I should, I should show up asthis like shiny version of
myself.
And I didn't, I chose and thenI remembered no, heidi, you show
up as you are, because, with myclients, I usually my clients
will apologize if they are, Idon't know, hungry, tired, not
on, not not like super happy orsomething you know, not like
(17:41):
they think they ought to show up, whereas for me, the point is
that coaching provides the spaceto show up exactly how you are
in the moment and to work withthat, because that's what's true
for you in that moment, that'swhat's showing up, that's your
useful information.
And if we bypass that usefulinformation and lack the
(18:02):
vulnerability to show up with it, which takes courage because we
feel like we're going to bejudged, a good coach is never
going to judge you.
My coach certainly didn't.
My coach did the opposite.
He said something like thankyou for such a beautiful start
to the coaching, because I justsaid, this is how I'm feeling
and it's a powerful thing to do,which he reflected back to me.
(18:25):
The ability as a coach, to becoachable, to be vulnerable,
makes me a better coach.
It makes it easier for myclients and future clients to
come to me and say coach, itmakes it easier for my clients
and future clients to come to meand say well, I'm feeling like
this today.
I feel like it's all gone wrong.
I feel like I'm not doing thisright.
I feel like I need to be betterat doing this.
I feel like I don't do thethings I said I would do.
(18:47):
Turning up as you are iscourageous because it requires
you to be vulnerable.
It requires us to accept therisk of being judged, but you
know what?
We're judging ourselves andthat's what I was doing.
So when I let go of that andshowed up for my coaching
session feeling vulnerable,feeling a little bit off, not
(19:09):
really knowing what I wantedapart from to feel better and
once again, I had the mostincredible, powerful session
with my coach, and I'm sograteful to have that coach in
my life.
So grateful, and it reflectsback to me the power of coaching
.
So cool, so exciting.
(19:31):
I'm so grateful that I blew upmy previous career and created
this one for myself, or finallysaid yes to this one properly
for myself.
So grateful.
So I know there's an advert formy coaching services that I've
somehow magically got Buzzsprout, my podcast host, to plonk in
(19:51):
the middle of episodes.
I don't know when it comes.
Do you know what?
I'm not going to apologize forit.
I'm confidently saying to you ifyou would like some help on
your journey towards freedomfrom the overwhelm to exhaustion
cycle.
Wherever you feel you are inthe overwhelm to joy cycle,
whatever's going on for you,book a curiosity call, let's
(20:14):
talk about it.
There's never any pressure.
It's the most joyful thing todo to just have somebody listen
to you.
The worst that will happen is Iwill reflect back to you what's
going on for you and you willgain huge clarity and insight.
And that is powerful.
So receive it as a gift.
(20:35):
And also, I'd love to meet you.
Gives me joy.
I love doing curiosity calls,but I recognize the act of
courage it takes and I'm tellingyou I get that.
I feel it too.
I feel vulnerable when I askfor coaching.
I feel vulnerable.
It's exactly the same.
It's part of the commitment toyourself and whether you choose
(20:57):
to do this alone, with anothercoach, whatever you decide for
yourself, committing to yourselffirst is where everything
starts to change.
Deciding you're done with theold overwhelming to exhaustion
cycle and you're ready for ease,joy, satisfaction, security Ah,
(21:20):
the relief of having a lifethat works for you.
Do it, commit to yourself, doit Gently rebel.
Three steps Decide, big step,hero's journey.
Look at your overwhelmNeutrally, notice it, work out
how you can turn it into joy.
(21:41):
I'm going to be talking moreabout this.
It's pretty much where all mypodcast episodes are.
They're in the overwhelm to joycycle, because that's the
process and it fascinates meFrom whether we can use chat,
gpt to reduce our overwhelm takethe load off our mind to how
can we increase the body-mindconnection to support the body
(22:07):
sorry, to support the mind howcan we use the guidance from our
heart and so many other things.
There's always a new aspectcoming up for me that I'm
excited to share with you.
So thank you so much for beinghere.
Please send this podcast tosomebody today as a gift.
I'd be really grateful.
Thank you so much and I'll seeyou next week.
Have a great week.
(22:28):
Thank you so much for listeningand for being part of the
Overwhelmers Optional podcast.
If you want to continue theconversation, please do connect
with me on LinkedIn, instagramor YouTube.
Let me know your thoughts.
I love hearing from you and ifyou found this helpful, taking a
moment to share, subscribe andleave a review would be much
(22:48):
appreciated.
It helps other people find thepodcast.
If you're ready to turnoverwhelm into joy, you'll find
my books, resources and ways towork with me on my website,
heidimarkcouk, and on Amazon.
All the links are in the shownotes.
Until next time, keep gentlyrebelling and making overwhelm
(23:16):
optional for you.
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