March 4, 2025 • 28 mins
What if overwhelm wasn’t something to escape—but a guide leading you to ease and clarity?
In this episode, we explore Rumi’s Guest House and the power of welcoming every emotion as a valuable guest. Through personal stories—including insights from a family history treasure hunt—you’ll discover how to transform overwhelming feelings into constructive insights that move you forward.
Want the fastest most effective way to turn your overwhelm into the joy, satisfaction and ease you're working so hard for? Book a Curiosity Call and discover what it's like to be coached by me. I look forward to meeting you.
🎙️ Welcome to Overwhelm is Optional
This podcast was created to help big-hearted, driven professionals break free from overwhelm and experience more clarity, ease, and joy.
But here’s the exciting news… I’ve moved beyond overwhelm.
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I’ve created a new podcast: Deep Heartfelt Success—because success should feel as good on the inside as it looks on the outside.
🎙 Join me there → Search "Deep Heartfelt Success" on your favourite podcast platform and subscribe.
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Speaker 1 (00:13):
Welcome to Overwhelm is Optional.
The podcast for big hearted,highly driven professionals who
are ready to turn overwhelm intoclarity, ease and joy.
I'm Heidi Mark, the GentleRebel Coach, and in each episode
I share insights, stories andpractical tools to help you
gently rebel against thepressure to push on through,
(00:33):
because you matter.
How you are in the worldmatters.
Hello, hello, hello.
Welcome to this week's episode.
How are you doing?
This week I've been on a familyhistory treasure hunt.
Just got back Lots of insightsto come, still processing.
(00:55):
So it's not what this episode isabout, but I thought I'd just
tell you because it's fun.
So who knew?
Well, I kind of did know, butwho knew that in those days and
so I'm talking between 1700 and1900, people just called
themselves after their parentsand then they married people
with the same name as theirparents and it's really, really
(01:17):
confusing if you want to map outa family tree.
My goodness, crazy.
Which kind of got me.
One insight I do have from that.
Actually, it kind of got methinking about the fact that in
those days in rural England somy family's from a tiny, tiny
village in Somerset in thesouthwest of England, very
(01:37):
beautiful farmers, lots to sharefrom that as the insights come.
I'm not just going to rambleabout it because, well, I guess
it could be interesting in akind of sitting down to have a
cup of coffee with Heidi aftershe's been on a strip way.
But I want to give you a biggergift than that this week.
So a couple of insights fromdoing that.
(01:58):
One is how small people inrural England's life was.
Eventually, several of themwent off to Australia.
We're still trying to work outwhy so many of them went at a
time when people weren't goingto Australia.
And that's what's frustrating,right?
You don't get the stories, soyou're just looking at data
which has been copied in or notcorrectly or not, into a
(02:22):
database from gravestones andold documents, and all the dates
are wrong and all the names arethe same.
So it's just a big mess.
But it made me really think whywere all the names the same?
Well, if you never go anywhere,then why would you know of any
other names?
Which made me think about ourlevels of consciousness.
(02:44):
So you don't know what youdon't know, you can't see what
you can't see.
So until you step outside ofthat, you don't have any other
information.
There isn't anything, right?
So unless you make a name upwhich people didn't in those
days.
I think nowadays people arereally happy making names up.
In those days they were allactual Christian names.
(03:06):
They were actually from theBible.
So in my family that was manyJohns, many Elizabeths, many
Marys, many Roberts and a fairfew Theophiluses, which is quite
fun, interesting characters totry and track just because it's
(03:26):
a different name, right.
But yeah, that was it really.
That was pretty much it.
I think there was one Emma.
What's that about?
I mean, it's infuriating.
It's infuriating when you'retrying to trace people and work
out who exactly was the parentsof someone, but it's also
fascinating, right.
Why would they call themanything else if they didn't
know any other names?
They wouldn't, and they also.
(03:47):
It was very important to have aChristian name, somebody from
the Bible.
So yeah, that's one thing Ithought about.
Another thing was I actuallyfound over the two days, very
intense two days of hunting forfamily.
By the end of it we were kindof cheering them on, you know,
(04:08):
like, yeah, you made it.
Look at this house.
You ended up in Beautiful house.
Well done.
So at one point we owned a puband we went into this pub and my
cousin I went with saidwouldn't it be amazing if we
could see the deeds when theysold the pub?
And he went off looking aroundtrying to find photographs or
anything on the walls of the puband I popped in a different
room and there were the deeds,the sales, the sales document, a
(04:32):
couple of them, and that wasreally special.
And then we met the owner andhe was really pleased to see it
and that was so, so lovely.
So we owned a pub, we ownedfarms, but it wasn't because we
had, we came from that.
We worked.
It looks like the mark familyworked really, really hard to
get to that point, which is just, I was just like gunning from
by the end go.
Yes, look, you moved from hereto here and you worked really
(04:54):
hard and you did this.
And it's so funny because I'mnever going to meet these people
and does it matter, does it?
I mean, in my point of view, mypast is nothing to do with my
present, except what I choose tobring forward to enhance now.
So I wasn't looking for answers,I was curious.
I was mainly going for mycousin.
(05:15):
It was important to him fordifferent reasons, but it was
fascinating and there wassomething really lovely about
walking the land that theyfarmed for hundreds of years and
seeing their names ongravestones.
I did feel a gratitude, a pride, a yay you for working so hard.
(05:37):
And then, if some of them livedto be really old, I felt
inspired by that.
And then, of course, all thebabies that died very, very
young, because it wasn't thatlong ago in England that at
least half of your childrenwould die before the age of four
.
It's not that long ago.
We haven't been that prosperousfor that long, and that, of
(05:58):
course, is to do with theindustrial revolution and
getting more prosperous.
More prosperity, cleanerhousing, better nutrition, money
, money makes a difference.
Right, we need to be prosperousin order to thrive.
So, yeah, lots going on in myhead at the moment, but my
overall feeling is one offeeling really settled, which is
(06:21):
an interesting feeling.
So I don't know what that'sabout.
Anyway, I just thought I'dshare my little story of the
week for you, and no doubtlittle insights will pop up and
and wield all their way throughstories in the podcast in the
coming months.
What I really want to talk toyou about this week, though, is
how to turn overwhelm into joyin a really not obvious way and
(06:42):
it's something that I've beenstudying and practicing and
being a method I felt reallychallenged with for a number of
years.
Even though I know it works andI help my clients with it, it's
still something I realised Iwas resisting and I've been
really turning it on its headand, oh my goodness, so powerful
(07:03):
, so much fun.
So I think actually I was justtaking myself too seriously or
taking it too seriously, themethod too seriously.
So here goes.
I'm going to start by readingyou a poem, because this poem
just keeps knocking in my headlike knocking on the door going
Rumi's poem, rumi's poem, andit's happened regularly over the
(07:23):
past 10 years.
But here we go, I'm going toread it to you and then you can
see what resonates with you andthen I'm going to use it as the
basis for what I want to talkabout.
So you may or may not know it,it's a beautiful, beautiful poem
by Rumi.
It's called the Guesthouse.
This being human is aguesthouse.
Every morning, a new arrival, ajoy, a depression, a meanness,
(07:49):
some momentary awareness comesas an unexpected visitor.
Welcome and entertain them all,even if they're a crowd of
sorrows who violently sweep yourhouse empty of its furniture
still treat each guest honorably.
He may be clearing you out forsome new delight.
(08:09):
The dark thought, the shame,the malice.
Meet them at the door, laughing, and invite them in.
Be grateful for whoever comes,because each has been sent as a
guide.
Now, as personal growth is notactually a linear path, life is
not a linear path, it's a spiral.
What I find really interestingfor me about reading this poem
(08:31):
for the umpteenth time is therecognition that for a long time
, I've been battling with theactual idea that I can go to the
door and laugh.
I mean like, come on, you know,you wake up in the morning with
that anxiety, that overwhelmthat.
Oh, my goodness, how am I goingto get through the day?
There's too much the fear, theshame, all of the stuff, and
(08:55):
then trying to notice all thegood and feel the safety, the
security, the satisfaction, thelove, the joy I already have.
There's a battle there.
There's a battle which isreally, really interesting,
because if I go full on into, oh, there's an uncomfortable
(09:17):
feeling.
What's that about?
It feels like a really bad wayto start my day and it also,
interestingly, feels like theopposite to the one minute
morning which is my new practice, which is a major upgrade on
the old practice of the morningpromise is links.
The morning promise was I committo myself first, to living my
life my way.
That now feels like a majorfirst step on the gentle
(09:40):
rebellion of just saying, yeah,actually I matter and it's time
I started thinking about myself,because I'm giving everything
away to everything and everyoneelse.
But that in itself is a gentlyrebellious path.
Committing to yourself everymorning is tough because it
means first of all, you're goingto have to know what you want,
which means you have to faceyourself, and part of that does
(10:02):
involve facing fears.
Then the one minute morningpractice from the One Minute
Rebellious Journal, which I'vebeen practicing last year and
I've been practicing everymorning this year, invites you
to bring the feeling of yourword of the year.
The word of the year is yourquick way of connecting your
conscious mind back to the deep,unconscious, subconscious
(10:28):
feelings coming from the bodyand the heart of what you want
to feel this year, which is ashortcut, the shortest way I
could think of doing it, ofconnecting to all your heartfelt
desires coming true this year,because everything we do is in
order to change how we feel.
(10:48):
So if you connect to the endfeeling and bring it forward to
now, and you connect to it everyday and you use that feeling
whether it's satisfaction,safety, relief, whatever it is
and you bring that into thebeginning of every day and allow
that to guide you on how youapproach your day.
That helps you stay focused onwhat matters most to you, which
(11:09):
dramatically cuts your overwhelmBecause, as we know, not
everything is equally important,but it feels like it is when
we're overwhelmed.
It feels like it is when we'vesaid yes to too many things and
we're trying to achieve and havea lot.
Now, if we want to have a lot,we need to stay focused on what
matters most.
So this is this and this works.
I mean, I cannot believe thatwe're only in February.
(11:33):
I know we're nearly in March,but you know less than two
months and I feel like I've hada whole year or two already,
honestly, being so focused andso happy in that focus.
So this works.
So, where an earth doeswelcoming in fear and laughing
at the door and inviting it in,where does that come in?
Because it would seem tocontradict, right, but not if
(11:56):
you neutrally notice first.
So I think what I try and do inmy head is skip it.
I think.
Well, I ought to be able toinvite in the fear and laugh.
So what's wrong with me?
I get back into the what'swrong with me, and then the
feelings of imposter syndrome.
Who am I to be teaching aboutthis if I'm not doing this
properly?
However, let's just back it upa bit.
(12:20):
So the suggestion is that beinghuman is a guest house.
Starting from that, you can,instead of thinking, oh, I
shouldn't be feeling all of thisrange of stuff fear, shame,
anxiety, overwhelm, etc.
I should always wake up everymorning feeling really clear and
confident and on it and joyfulbecause look at my life, it's
(12:43):
amazing.
I should be so grateful.
I shouldn't be feeling anythingbut that.
But if being human is a guesthouse, stuff's going to show up
anyway.
It's not a closed house, it's aguest house up anyway.
It's not a closed house, it's aguest house.
You know visitors are going tocome and that is true, visitors
do come.
So then it just becomes okay,that's just how things are, it's
(13:05):
just the way things are.
Stuff's going to rock up.
Then it's not a failure, itjust is.
It's just a fact.
It just is.
And you know it's a fact,because it's true, because every
morning, different feelingsarise, different things pull our
attention.
Now there is a purpose, Ibelieve, in deliberately
bringing to mind and floodingyour body with the feeling of
(13:27):
your word of the year, verypowerful.
However, there are some daysthat's easy and some days it
feels really hard.
So how can we make it easier?
By treating all of it as usefulinformation.
So this is how we can link in,this is how I am linking in
beautifully and expertly.
(13:49):
Thank you very much.
Neutral, noticing so when,instead of fighting the fear,
anxiety, whatever's coming up,if instead we neutrally notice
it, we get back to okay.
So being human is a guest house.
Just the way things are.
There's no judgment, it just isand it obviously just is
(14:09):
because the unwanted guests arehere.
Now why on earth would you makethem into wanted guests?
Because Rumi understands thepower of doing it.
And I'm going to tell you,because it's easier, it's more
joyful, it's actually gentlyrebellious when you turn it
around and start to practice.
(14:32):
It's just a practice gettingtowards the idea that imagine if
I could just laugh and welcomethem in now.
I've struggled with that foryears.
Sometimes I've been really goodat not welcoming it.
See, this is thing I don'tthink I've been good at actually
welcoming.
I think I've been treating themas unwelcome guests and then
thinking, okay, so I can turn itaround.
(14:53):
So, for example, there's a bigthing, isn't Feel the fear and
do it anyway?
And this idea that you pushthrough fear to get to what you
want, well, that's not gentlyrebellious, because that's
pushing against yourself andthat's linked to the whole thing
of everything you want is onthe other side of your comfort
zone.
So you have to suffer to havewhat you want.
I don't believe that's true.
(15:13):
I believe there's a choice inthat, even though that's really
hard, because most of us dosuffer to have what we want.
Well, what if what Rumi'ssaying is that we don't have to
suffer?
We can instead welcome it in?
So if we treat everything thatcomes every morning as useful
(15:35):
information?
So the sinking feeling in yourgut, the kind of feeling I used
to get a lot of somebody'sholding me back like pressing
into my sternum, blocking myheart no, you shall not pass.
So that I used to push throughAnd't didn't work out the way I
(16:01):
wanted it took.
It meant that I pushed away theuseful information and instead
my body got sick until I quit myjob now that what if I'd
listened earlier?
And I know full well when I lookat my entire story, that I did
know before I chose to go intoteaching that I didn't want to
(16:21):
do it.
In fact, I'd been saying foryears I would never do it, but I
panicked because there was afinancial crisis and I knew I'd
be good at it and I workedreally hard to make it something
I loved, and a lot of time.
I loved it because I made surethat I did, because I have that
attitude, but it wasn't my true,true desire.
My true desire was to be doingwhat I'm doing now, which is
(16:41):
coaching, so I could have saidyes to that earlier.
I have no interest in changingthe past.
It's all a gift for me.
However, I can see what happenswhen I make things harder.
I can see what happens when Imake things harder, so I chose a
(17:02):
suffering path to get to here.
I could have chosen a differentpath.
Obviously, a lot of my beingwanted this path, otherwise I
wouldn't have trodden it, so Itake full responsibility for
that.
However, I choose not to pushthrough overwhelm into
exhaustion with a heavy heartever again.
I choose now to live moreskillfully and it's working
(17:25):
clearly, haha.
So let's examine what I'm doingdifferently, what you are doing
differently or can dodifferently, because not just me
, it's all of us doing thistogether.
Should you choose to be part ofthe Gentle Rebellion, which I
know many of you are and I'mreally grateful for you being
(17:46):
here now, listening to thisfeeling uplifted by it it
matters.
You matter being part of this.
You matter so much.
I'm so I treasure you, I'm sograteful for you.
So let's look at it.
So, if we decide that it's alluseful information, that means
that when unwanted feelingsappear, we are more willing to
(18:11):
engage with them.
But it's still painful becauseit still feels difficult.
So a lot of the time, we're notreally engaging with them.
At least that's my experienceof working with clients and of
working with myself.
My new up level for this is thisline about laughter what if it
(18:32):
could get like that?
What if it could be even better?
So in the past few days, I'vebeen doing a lot on this yes, in
parallel with my family historytreasure hunt, because life
goes on.
Everything's running inparallel, isn't it?
You're holding down an amazingjob or whatever you're up to at
the same time as all of thisdeeper work going on and outside
(18:53):
events, it's all going on atonce.
We don't get to pause, switchlife off while we sort ourselves
out.
So what if it genuinely doesn'thave to be difficult?
So, looking at all of thesethings of what you resist,
persist is a very old saying,but also, for me, mixed in is
the yeah, but where attentiongoes, energy flows.
(19:15):
So this is what I can see.
I've been battling.
If I choose to focus on theunwanted feelings and thoughts,
doesn't that then mean my energyis going there when I could
decide to focus on all the goodstuff?
However, there's a difference,I believe.
Believe between unwantedfeelings or unpleasant feelings
(19:36):
and thoughts.
Thoughts are just like stormystuff.
They're not as important as thefeelings and I'm talking about
this deep when we go deeplywithin and connect with what's
going on with us.
So, say, you wake up in themorning, you're like I should be
really excited because I,because I've got time today to
do all of this stuff and I'vebeen really looking forward to
(19:57):
it.
This is probably my most commonpattern at the moment.
So I'm on it, I'm loving mylife, and then I wake up in the
morning with this self-doubtActually it doesn't feel like
self-doubt I wake up in themorning with this oh, I've got
to do all of that.
That feels really hard.
It's too hard for me.
Who am I to be doing this?
(20:21):
And then the imposter syndromekicks in.
All the normal unwanted guess.
But if I go further I find thatit's self-doubt.
And once I get to that, I getinto the the oh, and then very
quickly it turns into oh, that'sokay, I'm okay, I can carry a
little bit of of impostersyndrome self-doubt, because
that's just me having highstandards isn't so nothing then
(20:44):
is actually wrong.
And then things start todissolve.
So there's a difference, Ibelieve, in ignoring it and
trying to override it withpositivity and engaging not with
the thoughts.
The thoughts can lead you tothe feelings, but the deep I
have found, the deeper you go togetting out of my head.
So if my mind's crowding mewith unhelpful thought patterns,
(21:08):
what's the deep fear beneaththat?
What's the deep fear beneaththat?
And that's usually in my gut ormy, my stern and my heart.
It's the center of me will tendto have that feeling.
And if I sit there and ask,gently but rebelliously, what's
going on here and then, if I upit to okay, this is useful
(21:31):
information.
What have you got to show me?
Come on, guys, let's do this.
You are welcome.
Then things change.
As soon as I shift to I'mwelcoming in the fear,
everything shifted.
So that's what I've been up toover the past few weeks, but
particularly this week I noticedI was really working with it in
that way.
And then when I've read you thepoem about meet them at the
(21:54):
door laughing, invite them in, Ican see this is where we need
to go.
And then I'm thinking what ifwe could create a one minute
practice, because you know howmuch I like one minute practices
.
So what if there's a one minutefear practice?
You wake up in the morning, youcommit to yourself first and you
(22:14):
bring the feeling of your wordof the year and you let it flood
your body, or not, because thismorning it's really, really
hard.
All of this stuff is in the waybetween you and that feeling of
your word of the year.
What's wrong with you?
So you catch the mind goingwhat's wrong with me?
Why am I not excited about myday?
(22:34):
Theoretically I should be.
I have so much to be gratefulfor Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah
, blah.
Drop out of the blah, blah,blah, blah, blah into the body,
feel what's really going on here.
And instead of taking ourselvestoo seriously with the I must
sit down and messy journal outmasses and masses of fear and
self-doubt.
What if, instead, we just wentinto the body, into the heart,
(22:59):
into the gut, and asked come onin, come on in, tell me what you
want to tell me.
Because in the poem it says begrateful for whoever comes,
because each has been sent as aguide from beyond.
Now, whether you see that asbeyond in a religious sense, a
spiritual sense or yoursubconscious, what if there's a
(23:24):
gift?
What if these are actuallywelcome visitors turning up with
a gift?
But they just are in disguisebecause I don't know.
Just because they are, becausebeing human is a gift house.
We don't a gift house, a guesthouse, oh, a gift house.
Oh, interesting slip of thetongue there.
This being human is a gifthouse.
(23:45):
Okay, I can go with that.
So it's all gifts, they've allgot a gift, they're all showing
up.
That doesn't mean every morning,if you don't get a depression
or a meanness, if you get a joyinstead, everything's gone wrong
.
That would be tipping it toofar.
I do not believe we need to sitin this constant personal
growth of, oh I need to processmore stuff so I'll be free, no
(24:09):
Notice.
When you're already free fromit, enjoy that, Live it, love it
.
But I do believe we could beeven more skilled at gaining
freedom from fear by sittingwith the fear and allowing it to
completely flood the body forone minute, asking what it wants
, receiving the gift, receivingthe gift, then getting on with
(24:36):
our day.
And I guess a way to judge howfar you've processed it and
received the gift would be howmuch of a glimpse of my word of
the year can I get?
Because as we process fear andreceive the gift, we should
naturally be moving from thatoverwhelmed nervous system into
more joy, into freedom, intoself-belief, into self-trust,
(24:59):
because that's the gift, that'swhat we want.
So if what we want issatisfaction, joy, self-belief,
self-trust, all of the goodstuff, then the gifts must be to
help us have that, because it'syour life, it's your guest
house, it's your gift house andyou get what you focus on.
So, assuming there's a gift, canyou, can you welcome it in?
(25:21):
I don't think I'm quite at thelaughing stage, but that's what
I'm going for.
I'm going for the, the darkthought, the shame, the malice.
Meet them at the door laughing,and invite them in.
That's's where I want to be.
Want to join me?
Yeah, come on, let's make thisinto an even higher level,
gently, rebellious adventure.
Let's go all in.
Let's neutrally notice all ofit, even the stuff that we
(25:45):
really want to hide.
And do you know what thebeautiful thing is?
Even the stuff you don't wantto tell anyone, you don't have
to tell anyone.
It doesn't matter, because whenyou process it in the body, it
dissipates.
You receive the gift.
So you can talk it out if youwant to.
You can message, journal it outif you want to.
You have to do what works foryou.
(26:05):
But what if there's a moreeffective way?
And what if this poem ishinting at it?
And what if we get to decide?
This is true for us, this poemis hinting at it.
And what if we get to decide?
This is true for us because Ihave been practicing not quite
the laughing but definitely thecurious, welcoming in thing, and
it's powerful and I'm enjoyingit a lot more than the idea of
(26:25):
having to make time to sit downwith it and go deep within for
ages and create like a miniretreat in the middle of the day
.
That works, but I want to do itin a more gently rebellious way
.
I want to do it in a lighterway, an easier way.
So this is what I'm up to.
I'd love to know your thoughts.
Drop me a line if you want tolet me know what this means to
(26:47):
you.
I'd love to know.
See you next week.
Thank you so much for listeningand for being part of the
Overwhelmers Optional podcast.
If you want to continue theconversation, please do connect
with me on LinkedIn, instagramor YouTube.
Let me know your thoughts.
I love hearing from you and ifyou found this helpful, taking a
moment to share, subscribe andleave a review would be much
(27:11):
appreciated.
It helps other people find thepodcast.
If you're ready to turnoverwhelm into joy, you'll find
my books, resources and ways towork with me on my website,
heidimarkcouk, and on Amazon.
All the links are in the shownotes.
Until next time, keep gentlyrebelling and making overwhelm
optional for you.
Welcome to Overwhelm is Optional.
The podcast for big hearted,highly driven professionals who
are ready to turn overwhelm intoclarity, ease and joy.
I'm Heidi Mark, the GentleRebel Coach, and in each episode
I share insights, stories andpractical tools to help you
gently rebel against thepressure to push on through,
(00:33):
because you matter.
How you are in the worldmatters.
Hello, hello, hello.
Welcome to this week's episode.
How are you doing?
This week I've been on a familyhistory treasure hunt.
Just got back Lots of insightsto come, still processing.
(00:55):
So it's not what this episode isabout, but I thought I'd just
tell you because it's fun.
So who knew?
Well, I kind of did know, butwho knew that in those days and
so I'm talking between 1700 and1900, people just called
themselves after their parentsand then they married people
with the same name as theirparents and it's really, really
(01:17):
confusing if you want to map outa family tree.
My goodness, crazy.
Which kind of got me.
One insight I do have from that.
Actually, it kind of got methinking about the fact that in
those days in rural England somy family's from a tiny, tiny
village in Somerset in thesouthwest of England, very
(01:37):
beautiful farmers, lots to sharefrom that as the insights come.
I'm not just going to rambleabout it because, well, I guess
it could be interesting in akind of sitting down to have a
cup of coffee with Heidi aftershe's been on a strip way.
But I want to give you a biggergift than that this week.
So a couple of insights fromdoing that.
(01:58):
One is how small people inrural England's life was.
Eventually, several of themwent off to Australia.
We're still trying to work outwhy so many of them went at a
time when people weren't goingto Australia.
And that's what's frustrating,right?
You don't get the stories, soyou're just looking at data
which has been copied in or notcorrectly or not, into a
(02:22):
database from gravestones andold documents, and all the dates
are wrong and all the names arethe same.
So it's just a big mess.
But it made me really think whywere all the names the same?
Well, if you never go anywhere,then why would you know of any
other names?
Which made me think about ourlevels of consciousness.
(02:44):
So you don't know what youdon't know, you can't see what
you can't see.
So until you step outside ofthat, you don't have any other
information.
There isn't anything, right?
So unless you make a name upwhich people didn't in those
days.
I think nowadays people arereally happy making names up.
In those days they were allactual Christian names.
(03:06):
They were actually from theBible.
So in my family that was manyJohns, many Elizabeths, many
Marys, many Roberts and a fairfew Theophiluses, which is quite
fun, interesting characters totry and track just because it's
(03:26):
a different name, right.
But yeah, that was it really.
That was pretty much it.
I think there was one Emma.
What's that about?
I mean, it's infuriating.
It's infuriating when you'retrying to trace people and work
out who exactly was the parentsof someone, but it's also
fascinating, right.
Why would they call themanything else if they didn't
know any other names?
They wouldn't, and they also.
(03:47):
It was very important to have aChristian name, somebody from
the Bible.
So yeah, that's one thing Ithought about.
Another thing was I actuallyfound over the two days, very
intense two days of hunting forfamily.
By the end of it we were kindof cheering them on, you know,
(04:08):
like, yeah, you made it.
Look at this house.
You ended up in Beautiful house.
Well done.
So at one point we owned a puband we went into this pub and my
cousin I went with saidwouldn't it be amazing if we
could see the deeds when theysold the pub?
And he went off looking aroundtrying to find photographs or
anything on the walls of the puband I popped in a different
room and there were the deeds,the sales, the sales document, a
(04:32):
couple of them, and that wasreally special.
And then we met the owner andhe was really pleased to see it
and that was so, so lovely.
So we owned a pub, we ownedfarms, but it wasn't because we
had, we came from that.
We worked.
It looks like the mark familyworked really, really hard to
get to that point, which is just, I was just like gunning from
by the end go.
Yes, look, you moved from hereto here and you worked really
(04:54):
hard and you did this.
And it's so funny because I'mnever going to meet these people
and does it matter, does it?
I mean, in my point of view, mypast is nothing to do with my
present, except what I choose tobring forward to enhance now.
So I wasn't looking for answers,I was curious.
I was mainly going for mycousin.
(05:15):
It was important to him fordifferent reasons, but it was
fascinating and there wassomething really lovely about
walking the land that theyfarmed for hundreds of years and
seeing their names ongravestones.
I did feel a gratitude, a pride, a yay you for working so hard.
(05:37):
And then, if some of them livedto be really old, I felt
inspired by that.
And then, of course, all thebabies that died very, very
young, because it wasn't thatlong ago in England that at
least half of your childrenwould die before the age of four
.
It's not that long ago.
We haven't been that prosperousfor that long, and that, of
(05:58):
course, is to do with theindustrial revolution and
getting more prosperous.
More prosperity, cleanerhousing, better nutrition, money
, money makes a difference.
Right, we need to be prosperousin order to thrive.
So, yeah, lots going on in myhead at the moment, but my
overall feeling is one offeeling really settled, which is
(06:21):
an interesting feeling.
So I don't know what that'sabout.
Anyway, I just thought I'dshare my little story of the
week for you, and no doubtlittle insights will pop up and
and wield all their way throughstories in the podcast in the
coming months.
What I really want to talk toyou about this week, though, is
how to turn overwhelm into joyin a really not obvious way and
(06:42):
it's something that I've beenstudying and practicing and
being a method I felt reallychallenged with for a number of
years.
Even though I know it works andI help my clients with it, it's
still something I realised Iwas resisting and I've been
really turning it on its headand, oh my goodness, so powerful
(07:03):
, so much fun.
So I think actually I was justtaking myself too seriously or
taking it too seriously, themethod too seriously.
So here goes.
I'm going to start by readingyou a poem, because this poem
just keeps knocking in my headlike knocking on the door going
Rumi's poem, rumi's poem, andit's happened regularly over the
(07:23):
past 10 years.
But here we go, I'm going toread it to you and then you can
see what resonates with you andthen I'm going to use it as the
basis for what I want to talkabout.
So you may or may not know it,it's a beautiful, beautiful poem
by Rumi.
It's called the Guesthouse.
This being human is aguesthouse.
Every morning, a new arrival, ajoy, a depression, a meanness,
(07:49):
some momentary awareness comesas an unexpected visitor.
Welcome and entertain them all,even if they're a crowd of
sorrows who violently sweep yourhouse empty of its furniture
still treat each guest honorably.
He may be clearing you out forsome new delight.
(08:09):
The dark thought, the shame,the malice.
Meet them at the door, laughing, and invite them in.
Be grateful for whoever comes,because each has been sent as a
guide.
Now, as personal growth is notactually a linear path, life is
not a linear path, it's a spiral.
What I find really interestingfor me about reading this poem
(08:31):
for the umpteenth time is therecognition that for a long time
, I've been battling with theactual idea that I can go to the
door and laugh.
I mean like, come on, you know,you wake up in the morning with
that anxiety, that overwhelmthat.
Oh, my goodness, how am I goingto get through the day?
There's too much the fear, theshame, all of the stuff, and
(08:55):
then trying to notice all thegood and feel the safety, the
security, the satisfaction, thelove, the joy I already have.
There's a battle there.
There's a battle which isreally, really interesting,
because if I go full on into, oh, there's an uncomfortable
(09:17):
feeling.
What's that about?
It feels like a really bad wayto start my day and it also,
interestingly, feels like theopposite to the one minute
morning which is my new practice, which is a major upgrade on
the old practice of the morningpromise is links.
The morning promise was I committo myself first, to living my
life my way.
That now feels like a majorfirst step on the gentle
(09:40):
rebellion of just saying, yeah,actually I matter and it's time
I started thinking about myself,because I'm giving everything
away to everything and everyoneelse.
But that in itself is a gentlyrebellious path.
Committing to yourself everymorning is tough because it
means first of all, you're goingto have to know what you want,
which means you have to faceyourself, and part of that does
(10:02):
involve facing fears.
Then the one minute morningpractice from the One Minute
Rebellious Journal, which I'vebeen practicing last year and
I've been practicing everymorning this year, invites you
to bring the feeling of yourword of the year.
The word of the year is yourquick way of connecting your
conscious mind back to the deep,unconscious, subconscious
(10:28):
feelings coming from the bodyand the heart of what you want
to feel this year, which is ashortcut, the shortest way I
could think of doing it, ofconnecting to all your heartfelt
desires coming true this year,because everything we do is in
order to change how we feel.
(10:48):
So if you connect to the endfeeling and bring it forward to
now, and you connect to it everyday and you use that feeling
whether it's satisfaction,safety, relief, whatever it is
and you bring that into thebeginning of every day and allow
that to guide you on how youapproach your day.
That helps you stay focused onwhat matters most to you, which
(11:09):
dramatically cuts your overwhelmBecause, as we know, not
everything is equally important,but it feels like it is when
we're overwhelmed.
It feels like it is when we'vesaid yes to too many things and
we're trying to achieve and havea lot.
Now, if we want to have a lot,we need to stay focused on what
matters most.
So this is this and this works.
I mean, I cannot believe thatwe're only in February.
(11:33):
I know we're nearly in March,but you know less than two
months and I feel like I've hada whole year or two already,
honestly, being so focused andso happy in that focus.
So this works.
So, where an earth doeswelcoming in fear and laughing
at the door and inviting it in,where does that come in?
Because it would seem tocontradict, right, but not if
(11:56):
you neutrally notice first.
So I think what I try and do inmy head is skip it.
I think.
Well, I ought to be able toinvite in the fear and laugh.
So what's wrong with me?
I get back into the what'swrong with me, and then the
feelings of imposter syndrome.
Who am I to be teaching aboutthis if I'm not doing this
properly?
However, let's just back it upa bit.
(12:20):
So the suggestion is that beinghuman is a guest house.
Starting from that, you can,instead of thinking, oh, I
shouldn't be feeling all of thisrange of stuff fear, shame,
anxiety, overwhelm, etc.
I should always wake up everymorning feeling really clear and
confident and on it and joyfulbecause look at my life, it's
(12:43):
amazing.
I should be so grateful.
I shouldn't be feeling anythingbut that.
But if being human is a guesthouse, stuff's going to show up
anyway.
It's not a closed house, it's aguest house up anyway.
It's not a closed house, it's aguest house.
You know visitors are going tocome and that is true, visitors
do come.
So then it just becomes okay,that's just how things are, it's
(13:05):
just the way things are.
Stuff's going to rock up.
Then it's not a failure, itjust is.
It's just a fact.
It just is.
And you know it's a fact,because it's true, because every
morning, different feelingsarise, different things pull our
attention.
Now there is a purpose, Ibelieve, in deliberately
bringing to mind and floodingyour body with the feeling of
(13:27):
your word of the year, verypowerful.
However, there are some daysthat's easy and some days it
feels really hard.
So how can we make it easier?
By treating all of it as usefulinformation.
So this is how we can link in,this is how I am linking in
beautifully and expertly.
(13:49):
Thank you very much.
Neutral, noticing so when,instead of fighting the fear,
anxiety, whatever's coming up,if instead we neutrally notice
it, we get back to okay.
So being human is a guest house.
Just the way things are.
There's no judgment, it just isand it obviously just is
(14:09):
because the unwanted guests arehere.
Now why on earth would you makethem into wanted guests?
Because Rumi understands thepower of doing it.
And I'm going to tell you,because it's easier, it's more
joyful, it's actually gentlyrebellious when you turn it
around and start to practice.
(14:32):
It's just a practice gettingtowards the idea that imagine if
I could just laugh and welcomethem in now.
I've struggled with that foryears.
Sometimes I've been really goodat not welcoming it.
See, this is thing I don'tthink I've been good at actually
welcoming.
I think I've been treating themas unwelcome guests and then
thinking, okay, so I can turn itaround.
(14:53):
So, for example, there's a bigthing, isn't Feel the fear and
do it anyway?
And this idea that you pushthrough fear to get to what you
want, well, that's not gentlyrebellious, because that's
pushing against yourself andthat's linked to the whole thing
of everything you want is onthe other side of your comfort
zone.
So you have to suffer to havewhat you want.
I don't believe that's true.
(15:13):
I believe there's a choice inthat, even though that's really
hard, because most of us dosuffer to have what we want.
Well, what if what Rumi'ssaying is that we don't have to
suffer?
We can instead welcome it in?
So if we treat everything thatcomes every morning as useful
(15:35):
information?
So the sinking feeling in yourgut, the kind of feeling I used
to get a lot of somebody'sholding me back like pressing
into my sternum, blocking myheart no, you shall not pass.
So that I used to push throughAnd't didn't work out the way I
(16:01):
wanted it took.
It meant that I pushed away theuseful information and instead
my body got sick until I quit myjob now that what if I'd
listened earlier?
And I know full well when I lookat my entire story, that I did
know before I chose to go intoteaching that I didn't want to
(16:21):
do it.
In fact, I'd been saying foryears I would never do it, but I
panicked because there was afinancial crisis and I knew I'd
be good at it and I workedreally hard to make it something
I loved, and a lot of time.
I loved it because I made surethat I did, because I have that
attitude, but it wasn't my true,true desire.
My true desire was to be doingwhat I'm doing now, which is
(16:41):
coaching, so I could have saidyes to that earlier.
I have no interest in changingthe past.
It's all a gift for me.
However, I can see what happenswhen I make things harder.
I can see what happens when Imake things harder, so I chose a
(17:02):
suffering path to get to here.
I could have chosen a differentpath.
Obviously, a lot of my beingwanted this path, otherwise I
wouldn't have trodden it, so Itake full responsibility for
that.
However, I choose not to pushthrough overwhelm into
exhaustion with a heavy heartever again.
I choose now to live moreskillfully and it's working
(17:25):
clearly, haha.
So let's examine what I'm doingdifferently, what you are doing
differently or can dodifferently, because not just me
, it's all of us doing thistogether.
Should you choose to be part ofthe Gentle Rebellion, which I
know many of you are and I'mreally grateful for you being
(17:46):
here now, listening to thisfeeling uplifted by it it
matters.
You matter being part of this.
You matter so much.
I'm so I treasure you, I'm sograteful for you.
So let's look at it.
So, if we decide that it's alluseful information, that means
that when unwanted feelingsappear, we are more willing to
(18:11):
engage with them.
But it's still painful becauseit still feels difficult.
So a lot of the time, we're notreally engaging with them.
At least that's my experienceof working with clients and of
working with myself.
My new up level for this is thisline about laughter what if it
(18:32):
could get like that?
What if it could be even better?
So in the past few days, I'vebeen doing a lot on this yes, in
parallel with my family historytreasure hunt, because life
goes on.
Everything's running inparallel, isn't it?
You're holding down an amazingjob or whatever you're up to at
the same time as all of thisdeeper work going on and outside
(18:53):
events, it's all going on atonce.
We don't get to pause, switchlife off while we sort ourselves
out.
So what if it genuinely doesn'thave to be difficult?
So, looking at all of thesethings of what you resist,
persist is a very old saying,but also, for me, mixed in is
the yeah, but where attentiongoes, energy flows.
(19:15):
So this is what I can see.
I've been battling.
If I choose to focus on theunwanted feelings and thoughts,
doesn't that then mean my energyis going there when I could
decide to focus on all the goodstuff?
However, there's a difference,I believe.
Believe between unwantedfeelings or unpleasant feelings
(19:36):
and thoughts.
Thoughts are just like stormystuff.
They're not as important as thefeelings and I'm talking about
this deep when we go deeplywithin and connect with what's
going on with us.
So, say, you wake up in themorning, you're like I should be
really excited because I,because I've got time today to
do all of this stuff and I'vebeen really looking forward to
(19:57):
it.
This is probably my most commonpattern at the moment.
So I'm on it, I'm loving mylife, and then I wake up in the
morning with this self-doubtActually it doesn't feel like
self-doubt I wake up in themorning with this oh, I've got
to do all of that.
That feels really hard.
It's too hard for me.
Who am I to be doing this?
(20:21):
And then the imposter syndromekicks in.
All the normal unwanted guess.
But if I go further I find thatit's self-doubt.
And once I get to that, I getinto the the oh, and then very
quickly it turns into oh, that'sokay, I'm okay, I can carry a
little bit of of impostersyndrome self-doubt, because
that's just me having highstandards isn't so nothing then
(20:44):
is actually wrong.
And then things start todissolve.
So there's a difference, Ibelieve, in ignoring it and
trying to override it withpositivity and engaging not with
the thoughts.
The thoughts can lead you tothe feelings, but the deep I
have found, the deeper you go togetting out of my head.
So if my mind's crowding mewith unhelpful thought patterns,
(21:08):
what's the deep fear beneaththat?
What's the deep fear beneaththat?
And that's usually in my gut ormy, my stern and my heart.
It's the center of me will tendto have that feeling.
And if I sit there and ask,gently but rebelliously, what's
going on here and then, if I upit to okay, this is useful
(21:31):
information.
What have you got to show me?
Come on, guys, let's do this.
You are welcome.
Then things change.
As soon as I shift to I'mwelcoming in the fear,
everything shifted.
So that's what I've been up toover the past few weeks, but
particularly this week I noticedI was really working with it in
that way.
And then when I've read you thepoem about meet them at the
(21:54):
door laughing, invite them in, Ican see this is where we need
to go.
And then I'm thinking what ifwe could create a one minute
practice, because you know howmuch I like one minute practices
.
So what if there's a one minutefear practice?
You wake up in the morning, youcommit to yourself first and you
(22:14):
bring the feeling of your wordof the year and you let it flood
your body, or not, because thismorning it's really, really
hard.
All of this stuff is in the waybetween you and that feeling of
your word of the year.
What's wrong with you?
So you catch the mind goingwhat's wrong with me?
Why am I not excited about myday?
(22:34):
Theoretically I should be.
I have so much to be gratefulfor Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah
, blah.
Drop out of the blah, blah,blah, blah, blah into the body,
feel what's really going on here.
And instead of taking ourselvestoo seriously with the I must
sit down and messy journal outmasses and masses of fear and
self-doubt.
What if, instead, we just wentinto the body, into the heart,
(22:59):
into the gut, and asked come onin, come on in, tell me what you
want to tell me.
Because in the poem it says begrateful for whoever comes,
because each has been sent as aguide from beyond.
Now, whether you see that asbeyond in a religious sense, a
spiritual sense or yoursubconscious, what if there's a
(23:24):
gift?
What if these are actuallywelcome visitors turning up with
a gift?
But they just are in disguisebecause I don't know.
Just because they are, becausebeing human is a gift house.
We don't a gift house, a guesthouse, oh, a gift house.
Oh, interesting slip of thetongue there.
This being human is a gifthouse.
(23:45):
Okay, I can go with that.
So it's all gifts, they've allgot a gift, they're all showing
up.
That doesn't mean every morning,if you don't get a depression
or a meanness, if you get a joyinstead, everything's gone wrong
.
That would be tipping it toofar.
I do not believe we need to sitin this constant personal
growth of, oh I need to processmore stuff so I'll be free, no
(24:09):
Notice.
When you're already free fromit, enjoy that, Live it, love it
.
But I do believe we could beeven more skilled at gaining
freedom from fear by sittingwith the fear and allowing it to
completely flood the body forone minute, asking what it wants
, receiving the gift, receivingthe gift, then getting on with
(24:36):
our day.
And I guess a way to judge howfar you've processed it and
received the gift would be howmuch of a glimpse of my word of
the year can I get?
Because as we process fear andreceive the gift, we should
naturally be moving from thatoverwhelmed nervous system into
more joy, into freedom, intoself-belief, into self-trust,
(24:59):
because that's the gift, that'swhat we want.
So if what we want issatisfaction, joy, self-belief,
self-trust, all of the goodstuff, then the gifts must be to
help us have that, because it'syour life, it's your guest
house, it's your gift house andyou get what you focus on.
So, assuming there's a gift, canyou, can you welcome it in?
(25:21):
I don't think I'm quite at thelaughing stage, but that's what
I'm going for.
I'm going for the, the darkthought, the shame, the malice.
Meet them at the door laughing,and invite them in.
That's's where I want to be.
Want to join me?
Yeah, come on, let's make thisinto an even higher level,
gently, rebellious adventure.
Let's go all in.
Let's neutrally notice all ofit, even the stuff that we
(25:45):
really want to hide.
And do you know what thebeautiful thing is?
Even the stuff you don't wantto tell anyone, you don't have
to tell anyone.
It doesn't matter, because whenyou process it in the body, it
dissipates.
You receive the gift.
So you can talk it out if youwant to.
You can message, journal it outif you want to.
You have to do what works foryou.
(26:05):
But what if there's a moreeffective way?
And what if this poem ishinting at it?
And what if we get to decide?
This is true for us, this poemis hinting at it.
And what if we get to decide?
This is true for us because Ihave been practicing not quite
the laughing but definitely thecurious, welcoming in thing, and
it's powerful and I'm enjoyingit a lot more than the idea of
(26:25):
having to make time to sit downwith it and go deep within for
ages and create like a miniretreat in the middle of the day
.
That works, but I want to do itin a more gently rebellious way
.
I want to do it in a lighterway, an easier way.
So this is what I'm up to.
I'd love to know your thoughts.
Drop me a line if you want tolet me know what this means to
(26:47):
you.
I'd love to know.
See you next week.
Thank you so much for listeningand for being part of the
Overwhelmers Optional podcast.
If you want to continue theconversation, please do connect
with me on LinkedIn, instagramor YouTube.
Let me know your thoughts.
I love hearing from you and ifyou found this helpful, taking a
moment to share, subscribe andleave a review would be much
(27:11):
appreciated.
It helps other people find thepodcast.
If you're ready to turnoverwhelm into joy, you'll find
my books, resources and ways towork with me on my website,
heidimarkcouk, and on Amazon.
All the links are in the shownotes.
Until next time, keep gentlyrebelling and making overwhelm
optional for you.
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