February 14, 2025 • 37 mins
Feeling stuck in the overwhelm-to-exhaustion cycle? It’s time to break free. In this episode, I reveal how to turn overwhelm into a powerful guide—not a problem to fix. Discover the mindset shift and simple practice that can change everything.
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Speaker 1 (00:00):
Hello, hello, hello.
Welcome to this week's episode.
Lovely to have you here with meagain.
This week we're going to dosomething I'm really excited
about.
So I've been taking some timeto look at the entire
transformational path that Iwent through and that my clients
go through, because I thinkit's really helpful to get an
overview and I think you'regoing to get a lot from it.
(00:22):
I know you're going to get alot from this episode and at the
same time, by popular request,what I'm also going to do is go
back to basics, because basicsare part of the whole process,
and then in future episodes Ican go through the more complex
stages.
Exciting, eh Well, I'm excitedanyway, because I'm determined
(00:42):
that you get to quit theoverwhelm to exhaustion cycle
and move instead into what I'mnow calling the overwhelm to joy
cycle.
So before we do that, I'm justgoing to share what's going on
with me and my garden at themoment.
Maybe you can help me with this.
So I may have mentioned or notI can't remember that my next
door neighbour, who was fairlyold but incredibly unhealthy,
(01:10):
died, and the thing that we aredoing and have been asked to do
by the relatives to honour himis to continue feeding the birds
.
Now we gave up feeding thebirds in our garden because why
would they come to us when therewas basically an entire banquet
for them next door?
It was pointless.
So it's been a real joy.
We've had woodpeckers, allsorts of tits, robins,
blackbirds, oh my god,everything Very exciting.
And then came the squirrels.
(01:31):
Squirrels are so cool and Iknow you're not supposed to be
feeding the squirrels.
I don't know why, I can'tremember why, but bird cages,
bird cages, bird food oftencomes in a squirrel, so-called
squirrel-proof cage, and I knowthere were programs years ago
where people were setting upthese exciting assault courses
in their garden for thesquirrels.
Anyway, I love the squirrels.
(01:52):
They just bring me utter joywatching them.
They are so cool.
One this morning made a giantleap to get my homemade fat
balls and then just sat withcomplete pleasure and just ate
out of them with his little paws.
He was so cute and I could seehis tummy was white and I just
wanted to tickle his tummy.
(02:12):
I know he'd bite me, but didyou know squirrels have white
tummies?
I had no idea.
And did you know there's alsoan American squirrel which is
different?
Well, you probably did.
I didn't realise.
When I was in America I foundthis.
I came across this squirrel onthe ground and it didn't look
the same as an English squirrel.
First of all, it was reallychilled.
Second, it seemed to flattenitself against the ground and
(02:33):
thirdly, it didn't behaveanything like our squirrels.
And it was so cool.
I got to hang out with it forages and it just was just really
chill, just really happy, andit's a different squirrel, it's
an American squirrel and it'skind of flat on the ground.
It goes in burrows.
Anyway, that's some of the manymoments of joy for my life at
the moment.
(02:54):
And then came the rats.
Now, the thing with rats is weare told that they are terrible
and I was thinking, why are theyterrible?
Well, I have evidence of thembehaving appallingly.
So some did very sadly murdermy guinea pigs years ago and I
was just stunned.
I didn't know that could happenand it was deeply, deeply,
(03:15):
deeply upsetting, really reallyawful.
So not that keen on rats.
However, I did have eye-to-eyecontact with a very beautiful
rat after Nutmeg.
One of my cavalier spanielsshouted at it for ages.
I didn't know what she wasdoing and I went outside to get
her in and she'd basicallystunned this rat, and it was
(03:36):
just sat there and I just lookedat it and I just thought it was
so beautiful it was really,which immediately made me think
we were feeding it, because ratsdon't hang around unless
they've got a food and watersource.
And, being a keeper of chickensuntil the polecat stole them
last year, you have to havereally good hygiene about
(03:58):
chicken food and water andeverything.
So there's this constant,ongoing battle with rats, anyway
, constant ongoing battle withrats.
Anyway, moving on to this ratstory, yes, that lovely,
beautiful rat did die and I diddiscover the food source.
I think I might have mentionedthis before.
Anyway, that's gone.
But now we're feeding the birds.
Rats Come and eat the bird foodthat's on the ground.
(04:22):
Now, I remember years and yearsago when we had to get the rat
man out because we had ratsunder the chickens, and he came
out and he said you don't feedthe birds, do you?
Because that's what's causingthe rat explosion.
And I just thought he sounded abit grumpy and I don't know.
It just doesn't.
Everybody feeds the birds,right, it's nice to feed the
birds.
It's supposed to be a goodthing to feed the birds because
(04:43):
apparently the birds arestarving, although I'd like to
know why they're starving,because I'm pretty sure they're
pretty tough and I'm nearwoodland, which means I think
they're pretty happy, whether Irun a hotel for them or not.
However, I'm now stuck becauseI'm really enjoying watching the
birds and, I must admit, thesquirrels.
And then I thought is there achoice here between birds and
(05:04):
squirrel joy and rats?
Is that what I'm faced with now?
I don't know what the answer is.
I don't have an answer.
I'm curious to know what willhappen next.
I just I don't know what to doabout it.
Because actually, the rats inthe countryside, are they full
of disease like in the city?
Is that a myth?
I don't know.
(05:25):
I've no idea.
I'm not particularlycomfortable with the idea of
them moving in and being part ofmy life, but on the other hand,
I'm really uncomfortable withpoisoning them.
There's nothing they can harmanymore.
They can't steal the chickeneggs or damage the chickens.
Or if the chickens had, I wasgoing to say if the chickens had
puppies, no, if the chickenshad chicks, that would be
(05:45):
dangerous.
So there's a looking after of myown health and wellbeing and
that of my animals, and thenthere's these rats and I don't
know what to do.
Anyway, it's not rats.
There's one rat which, becausethe bird feeders are next to the
fence, he's got it planned andI've noticed what happens is he
sneaks out not very often andhe's really nervous.
(06:08):
So a squirrel chased him offthe other day.
Today he was frightened of arobin, so I don't actually think
he's having that greater time.
However, I'm not happy aboutthis whole thing that I'm now
feeding rats.
I don't know what to do.
And then it got me thinkingabout the whole idea that you
know, when people say, but youhave to be overwhelmed, like
(06:29):
being overwhelmed is just partof life, you've got no choice.
And how much I rebel againstthat.
And now gently and firmly rebelagainst it and decide that it's
not true.
And now I'm faced with the rat,squirrel, bird dilemma and I've
no, this isn't going anywhere,anywhere.
This is just a metaphor forinsight that isn't quite there
yet.
This is how my mind works.
(06:49):
Does your mind work like this?
Anyway, that's where I am withit.
That's what's going on with me.
Apart from that, there's a lotof joy in the fact that the days
are much lighter.
It's easier to fit in some timeoutside.
Very excited about that, mypartner's busy making more
raised beds for me, very, veryexcited about that.
My partner's busy making moreraised beds for me, very, very
excited about that.
Then I'm filling them.
Oh, it's just, yeah, my HIITtraining.
(07:12):
You know this high intensity,hang on, high intensity interval
.
So HIIT, hiit, high intensityinterval training where you, you
exercise very intensely for avery short amount of time.
Yesterday I decided I haven'treally got the hang of this at
all, but yesterday I decidedthat an equivalent HIIT training
that would be more fun would bewheelbarrowing.
(07:32):
So I need to move.
As ever in a large garden,there's always the movement of
stuff Rubble from projects needsto go in one direction, and
then I change its direction tosize needs to go down here.
Um, oh, just like stuffeverywhere the compost from the
bottom of the garden uphill tothe top of the garden to go on
the beds or manure.
(07:53):
And anyway, filling raised bedsis a lot of work.
You're talking about tons ofmatter, right?
So I decided that would be myhit training, whatever HIIT
training, whatever that means.
That's what's happening.
So I filled the wheelbarrows upreally high, not stupidly high,
but I did fill them.
You know, if I was going thesensible route, they wouldn't
(08:13):
have been that heavy.
And then I pushed them uphilland tried really hard to dip
them into the raised beds andwent back and got another one
and kept going instead of going.
And when I reached that bit,when you know, when you go I'm
done Like it's feelinguncomfortable.
This is stupid.
I might hurt myself.
Instead I went no, I'm going topower through because I'm doing
a HIIT training.
(08:34):
It was hilarious.
It was really hard, really hardto keep going, but I did it and
actually when I went inside andgot all warm because it's
really cold yesterday I feltgood.
So I might do that again.
If I will do it again becauseit's a great way of doing it,
because it's not boring and it'sit's slightly amusing and it's
filling the raised beds, it'sand moving other stuff around.
(08:55):
Just sometimes I think my lifeis just about moving objects
around.
Do you ever feel like that?
Anyway, back to the show.
I don't like calling it that.
Back to the episode.
So let's do a big overview ofwhat's in store for you if you
continue, or if you haven't gotthere yet, if you decide to
(09:17):
gently rebel, if you decide tojoin our gentle rebellion, where
we say no to overwhelm, no toexhaustion, no to pressure, no
to no space for ourselves, andwe go all in on creating a life
that is successful and feelssuccessful, woohoo.
So this is what's in store foryou, should you choose to
(09:38):
continue on your gentlerebellion.
I'm going to go through thethree stages I've come up with
and then I'm going to do a deepdive into the first stage so
that, wherever you are in yourgentle rebellion, you can
reflect on how well you use thefirst step, because, when in
doubt, always bring a beginner'smind and go back to the
(10:00):
beginning.
Are you ready?
So, number one, you're stuck inthis overwhelming to exhaustion
cycle and you've realized it'srepetitive and that the
overwhelm into exhaustion cycleis costing you.
That's the first one.
That's why you're here.
Why else would you listen to apodcast called Overwhelm is
(10:21):
Optional?
Unless you were done withoverwhelm, unless you wanted to
make it optional?
I don't think you would, Ican't.
I'm trying to think of anotherreason why you listen to this
podcast.
You're welcome, but anyway,that's what I'm going with.
So this is when overwhelm feelslike the problem, like you
suddenly realize if only I couldsee the wood for the trees, if
(10:44):
only I could get clarity, oryou're trying to push through
the overwhelm to feel thatclarity.
So it's a combination of tryingto get rid of the overwhelm by
wishing you could just clear itmagically, and or probably both
you're trying to push through itto get the clarity and ease,
(11:05):
but nothing's really working.
So this, for me, was the timeand I spent a long time, about
eight and a half years actually.
Probably.
Look no about I spent abouteight years doing this.
Um, I got very good at it.
Yeah, got the.
Got the t-shirt for that one.
This is the constant trying tosolve the problem of both myself
(11:26):
, my workplace, making my homerun better.
It's the constant exhaustion offeeling secretly, deeply
inadequate and doing everythingto be better in some way.
So this is for me.
For me, this was the use ofmindfulness, meditation, yoga to
(11:47):
try and manage my stress.
What else?
Booking massages, constantlytrying to create space for
myself, finding ways to switchoff, hacking my sleep, my diet,
my exercise routine, schedulingtime for myself and then feeling
really guilty and everythingelse flooding in or it never
being enough time, justconstantly trying to do things
(12:11):
better.
So I became an absoluteproductivity machine and I was a
single working mum before then.
So you know, I was pretty onthe stuff in a crazy messy way
of because I want a lot.
So it was a bit crazy, but Iwas good at getting deciding on
something and making it happen,even if it nearly killed me, and
(12:31):
I just got more productive,which meant I took on more and
more and more, because I likeworking and I liked helping
people and I liked gettingpromoted and having the chance
to make things better.
So I just did more, more.
So it's that kind of cycle andthis resulted in moments of
sheer joy when I felt I wasrunning high, just felt
(12:55):
successful, and then it wouldcollapse again into why am I so
tired?
Why does my body hurt?
What's wrong with my body now?
Why can't I sleep?
Oh, it'll be better when thatproject's finished.
It'll be better when I get thatpromotion, I get recognized and
appreciated for everything I do.
It'll be better when I have aholiday.
It's nearly the weekend, it'snearly the end of the day.
(13:17):
What else you know?
It'd be better when, if this,then that?
It's nearly the weekend, it'snearly the end of the day.
What else you know it'd bebetter when, if this, then that?
So everything's conditional ondoing more being better.
So these are traditionalsolutions.
Right, trying to fix ourselves.
Just traditional, it's the darkside of the self-improvement.
(13:37):
I don't want to say industry.
It's not about the industry,it's about the movement of it.
You know, we want to be ourwhole selves, but when we see
ourselves as a problem, that'sthe dark side of it.
And there's a much better wayof thinking of ourselves, which
is that there's nothing wrongwith us and then everything
(13:57):
becomes possible from there.
Then there's the traditionalroute of pushing through, which
tends to learn to lead toburnout, even if you don't burn
out.
So that's when you're surfingthe verge of breakdown.
You feel like you are going tobreak, and then you just surf
out of it to pull everythingtogether.
Whoa, smooth move over and overagain.
(14:20):
And it's costing you.
You can't hear yourself think,you can't hear your partner
speak.
Sometimes you don't have theenergy to even sit and cuddle
your dog.
Oh, my goodness, been there,done that.
My dog's love was too much.
It's not much fun.
And then the other thing istrying to shrink your dreams.
So if I wanted less, I couldsimplify my life and then all
(14:44):
the overwhelm pressure would goand I would be happy.
But it's not true, because youwant a lot and it just doesn't
work.
So in stage one you decide totry on the gently rebellious
glasses of.
Overwhelm is not the enemy, it'sa signal.
So overwhelm is not a problem,it's useful information to help
(15:10):
you move out of the traditionaloverwhelm to exhaustion cycle
and start moving into theoverwhelm to joy cycle.
The overwhelm to joy cycle is ahighly skilled, practical time
when you start looking at theoverwhelm and changing how you
(15:31):
view it, having practical toolsfor letting it clear before
doing anything that it's areally important part of this
transformational process and Igive lots of tools and
techniques and ideas andinsights for that every single
week, either here, youtube, inmy newsletter, the gently
(15:52):
rebellious lead read, and in myblog and occasionally a social
media post.
Don't do a lot of those.
So this is the commitment tothe gentle rebellion means I'm
done with the overwhelm toexhaustion cycle.
So now I'm in the.
I choose to be in the overwhelmto joy cycle and joy to me is
(16:12):
the umbrella word for everythingyou're working really hard by
pushing through overwhelmcurrently to get.
So that's the ease, thesatisfaction, safety, the
security, the appreciation, thelove, the money, the, the
feeling that you've made it thatthat I'm umbrellaing under joy,
because joy is the highestthing of that, isn't it that?
Feeling like, yes, I'm livingmy best life, woohoo, even
(16:36):
though you know I don't like theterm best life because it feels
limiting to me, but you knowwhat I mean.
So the three stages of thegentle rebel process are one
reframe, overwhelm as usefulinformation, and that's what
we're going to go into depthtoday because that's really
important.
And then, once you've decidedthat your choice is, once you
(16:58):
move through that stage, if youwant to really commit to being
done with the traditionaloverwhelm into exhaustion route,
if you want to break thatcircle, then you commit and
that's when you move into.
Okay, now I'm in the overwhelmto joy cycle.
I'm aiming for joy, ease,satisfaction, etc.
And I'm going to use theoverwhelm in order to make those
(17:20):
course corrections.
I'm going to learn to live moreskillfully and that includes
moving from a mind-based way ofliving to a mind-heart-body way
of living.
Not going to go into detail ofthat today, loads, you can
already binge and I will do afuture episode on it.
Today, loads, you can alreadybinge and I will do a future
episode on it.
What's the third stage.
Well, I've just suddenlyrealised this stage for myself.
(17:43):
So I was talking to my coachand I said I had this slight
this seems really silly now thisslight anxiety over the fact
that I realised I'm not reallyoverwhelmed anymore.
And so, therefore, should Istill be talking about overwhelm
?
Because can I really relate?
And obviously he said to meyeah, that's the point.
Like I'm supposed to model, Iwalk my talk and I'm supposed to
(18:08):
model that you can freeyourself from overwhelm.
So funny, I just thought I'dshare that vulnerable bit of
slight stupidity with you.
So stage three is when you'vereally committed and you've
practiced the skills of movingfrom overwhelm to joy.
And during that time there'stons more joy and ease and
(18:31):
there's lots of insights andit's an absolutely wonderful
place to be.
But at some point it all startsto settle.
It just naturally becomes oh,I've changed, this is who I am
now.
It's an embodiment, it's anidentity shift, it's big and
from there you have the skillsand the perspective.
And, most importantly, this iswhy the middle stage is so
(18:54):
important and not to be missedout, can't be missed out.
It's the hero's journey.
You reach a stage where youhave enough self-knowledge,
self-love, self-awareness andself-acceptance, to be choosing
yourself with such deep love andrespect for yourself that you
(19:15):
intentionally create a life thatfeels like it was made for you,
where you feel at home in it,where you feel successful.
So I just quickly do thatreally fast.
The three stages of this processare number one moving, breaking
the overwhelm to exhaustioncycle, primarily by reframing
(19:37):
overwhelm as useful information,not a disaster.
Number two, developing theskills for living in the
overwhelm to joy cycle.
And as you do that, you gain somuch information about yourself
that eventually you justnaturally, almost imperceptibly,
move into oh, I used to be likethis and now I'm not.
(20:00):
And that doesn't mean you neverfeel overwhelmed or exhausted
again, but it means you knowwhat you're up to.
It's intentional, it'sconscious, there's a calm
confidence about it.
And there you have it.
And right now, for the rest ofthis episode, we are going to do
a deep dive into the first partbecause it's really important
(20:23):
and if you've already beenthrough it and you're in the
overwhelmed joy cycle, it'sstill worth listening to.
Because, first of all, it willmake you realize how far you've
come and secondly, it willremind you of the most important
thing, which is shifting theway you look at things, which is
a mindset shift, but what Iprefer to call putting on a
(20:45):
gently rebellious lens, becausethen it's an invitation rather
than I don't know.
My relationship with the wordmindset is complicated.
Let's ditch it for now and geton with practical tools for you.
So you come to deciding thatyou're sick of overwhelm, to
(21:09):
deciding that you're sick ofoverwhelm.
You're sick of the overwhelmedexhaustion cycle, but you're so
overwhelmed you don't knowwhat's going on.
So you end up listening to thispodcast and you think, well,
that's interesting, or you hearsomething else, or you pick up
the one minute mark, orsomething like that.
By the way, I've just created aguide with this first step in it
(21:30):
.
If you want a handy summary ofit, click the link in the show
notes and grab your guide hotoff the press.
I've made it nice and sparkly.
It's not for printing, it's gottoo much colour in it, it's too
lovely Just for glancing at andreminding you that you have a
(21:51):
way to make overwhelm optionaland a thing of the past, woohoo.
So you start by realisingthere's a problem, but you don't
know what to do.
And then, if you're very, veryfortunate, you end up here with
me who's geeking out onoverwhelm and is committed to
freeing you from it, and this iswhat we do.
(22:11):
So instead of seeing overwhelmas a problem I'm not saying it's
not a problem Right now, it'sblocking you from all the easier
ways and joyful ways.
Absolutely, I'm not like.
I love, love overwhelm, but trythis gently rebellious lens on
for size and see how it feels.
(22:32):
Now this doesn't feel like verymuch, but if you let it sit
with you and let my words kindof go through the cells in your
body and just try it on for size, try walk.
I would suggest walking aroundwith this as an idea and
allowing yourself to be curious.
So instead of fightingoverwhelm, just start viewing it
(22:53):
as useful information.
And if that sounds insane itwould have done to me too I'd be
like, for goodness sake, I knowit's a problem, I know I need
to solve it.
No, it's not for solving.
There's nothing wrong.
There is nothing wrong with you.
There's nothing wrong.
There is nothing wrong with you.
There's nothing wrong with thesituation.
There's nothing wrong with youroverwhelm.
Overwhelm is a natural byproductof overusing the mind,
(23:15):
overloading the mind.
All of us, highly driven, bighearted people, do it because
we're taught to do it, and it'sa natural thing to do to say yes
to everything and everyone andtake on loads and loads and
loads.
If you want a lot, you'rehighly likely to overload your
mind Easily done.
Welcome to my world.
You're in the right place.
(23:36):
When you stop seeing it'ssomething to solve and put or
push through and or push throughand start just pausing and
looking it in the face andsaying, oh, if you were useful
information, how could I use you?
So this involves curiosity.
So overwhelm is your mindsaying too much.
(23:58):
We need to up level how we'removing through life.
This isn't working.
It's blocking the good stuffthat you're working so hard for.
So see if you can view it.
I'm going to invite you to viewit as a gift, but I know that's
really hard.
So instead of calling it a giftif that's really too much I'm
going to call it a signal, or asign, if you like, a bit of woo.
(24:20):
It's a message.
It's a message from your mind.
I'm overloaded.
Your heart.
This is not the way tofulfillment your body.
Yes, it's really tiring beingtreated as an inconvenient way
to drag your mind around.
It's useful information.
That's your first step.
(24:43):
Try on that as a gentlyrebellious lens.
Try on that as a gentlyrebellious lens.
Secondly, learn my go-to, mostpowerful technique, which is why
it's worth listening to this,because getting back to basics
matters.
Always bring a beginner's mind,always bring curiosity See what
(25:06):
else you can gather.
My best tool in the world isneutral noticing.
Now, on the one hand, you couldsay, yes, but, heidi, it's
exactly the same as mindfulness.
But here's the thing I kneweverything, not everything.
I knew a lot.
I'd read a lot, I'd experienceda lot, I'd been to retreats,
I'd had training in mindfulness.
It did not help me.
(25:26):
It made me feel worse.
It made me more aware of justhow awful things were.
It didn't help.
I didn't want to be in thepresent moment, when the present
moment felt like hell and Ididn't know how to get out of it
.
Neutral noticing is justnoticing, completely neutrally.
It doesn't have any baggagewith it.
(25:46):
There's no books on it, it justis.
I invite you to pause andnotice, and the easiest way to
do this is to move yourattention.
Nothing more.
Move your attention from beingcompletely absorbed in the
overwhelm which tends to be inour head, even though it's real,
(26:08):
and move your attention to yourfeet.
As soon as you do that you getspace between you and the
overthinking, the overanalyzing,the overwhelm.
Move your attention to yourfeet and feel your feet on the
ground.
Then move your attention toyour belly.
Allow your belly to soften ifit wants to and if it doesn't,
that's okay, because we are nottrying to change anything.
(26:29):
We're not trying to clear theoverwhelm or do anything Now.
It may accidentally happensometimes that the overwhelm
feels better.
You feel better, that's great.
But it's not the aim of neutralnoticing.
The far greater aim of neutralnoticing is to increase your
ability to view the overwhelm.
(26:51):
So it gives you space betweenthe overwhelm and yourself.
You can view it.
You go into non-judgmentalobserver mode which, yes, comes
from Zen and Buddhism.
I get that because that's mytraining, but I'm just calling
it neutral noticing becausethat's what came out of my work
(27:12):
when I used to teach yoga.
Just notice completely neutrallyhow you feel in this moment.
Notice the physical sensationsin the body, without judgment,
without worry, without needingto solve them, without needing
to make appointments to see achiropractor.
Just notice completelyneutrally whatever's going on at
(27:32):
any given moment.
Now, if you do this for oneminute a day, things will start
to shift.
Why?
Because you'll start to getspace between you and the
overwhelm, because you'll startto get control of your attention
, which means it's not so easilyhijacked, which means you get a
chance to sit back a little bitfrom the madness, the chaos and
(27:53):
the mayhem.
And that tiny bit of space ispowerful.
But you have to practice.
You can't just do it once andgo yeah, that was nice, I felt a
bit better.
Or that was rubbish, I didn'tlike it.
It if it's not for you, fine, gogo and listen somewhere else.
I wish you whatever you'relooking for, because it matters.
How you are in the worldmatters.
(28:15):
But if this is resonating.
I invite you to click the linkbelow which has got the free one
minute mark audio if you'd likean audio for a minute to help
you.
Otherwise, just do this.
Move your attention from yourhead to your feet.
Feel your feet on the ground.
Allow your belly to soften.
If you're sat on a chair, youcan allow yourself to just feel.
(28:35):
Notice the chair beneath you.
It's supporting you.
It's magic.
Feels better to notice thesupport, right Anything physical
.
Allow your shoulders to moveaway from your ears.
Maybe allow space between theteeth.
Maybe allow space between thebrows, maybe, allow the scalp,
just be noticed.
Just notice, not trying torelax, no, deep breathing,
(28:58):
nothing, just noticing.
Then what will happen is you'llstart to notice the judgment,
the stories, the activating ofthe overwhelm again, because if
you're like me, when I was inthat state, I'd start noticing
all of the things that werereally annoying me or upsetting
me, all the things I wanted tomake better.
So then I invite you toneutrally notice your judgment,
(29:21):
your stories, so you can noticethe physical sensations, then
notice how you feel emotionally,you can notice the heart and
then you can also observe themind and its activations.
It's oh yeah, I need to do this.
Yes, busy, right, just noticeit's busy, that's it.
(29:41):
Neutral, neutral, noticing Oneminute every day.
Things will start to shift.
It's really, really cool.
It sounds like nothing.
The number of clients who'vesaid to me I did it because they
wanted to do it, it felt good.
I didn't really believe you andI love it when they say that
(30:01):
because it's quite funny.
I don't think I would havebelieved me either back then.
But the thing is, it shiftsthings.
You start to get control overyour attention, you start to pay
attention to yourself, but,most importantly, you move into
observer mode, the ability toobserve yourself without
(30:23):
judgment, and that's reallypowerful, really powerful.
And that's when you startmoving to the overwhelmed joy
cycle, because you just realize,you realize the costs, which is
the next bit I'm going to talkabout.
You realize where you are andyou can only start from where
you are.
We always want to start fromsomewhere else because we feel
(30:47):
like we're either behind or weought to be further ahead.
That sounds like the same thing, but you know what I mean.
Sometimes we travel back intime and think we're still in
this stuck pattern, where it'snot true.
Lots of things have shifted,because pretty much it's
impossible to be stuck, becausethe whole world's moving
constantly, all your cells aremoving, you're breathing in and
(31:08):
out, everything's alwayschanging.
It's impossible really to beproperly stuck, but it can feel
like it.
So sometimes we start wherewe're not, as in.
We think we're still in thepast and we haven't achieved
anything or changed, and oftenwe think we ought to be in a
different place.
So we tell ourselves that wereally are, but we're not.
So we very often don't reallyget clear on where we are.
(31:31):
We often have no idea where weare, and neutral noticing gives
you the information you need toknow where you are so you can
start where you actually are.
Start at the beginning, startwhere you are, find out, get
curious Now.
Curiosity and self-kindness areabsolutely essential for this
part of the journey, becauseyou're going to start noticing
(31:54):
what's really going on andyou're probably not going to
like it.
You're not going to be toopleased with taking a good hard
look at yourself.
So don't take a good hard lookat yourself.
Take a gentle but firm look atyourself.
Instead, do it with love,kindness, be on your own side,
be your biggest cheerleader.
You cheer everybody else on.
(32:14):
Now it's time to cheer yourselfon.
So this is the third part of thefirst stage.
This is the very beginning ofthe gentle rebellion.
Number one stop fightingoverwhelm.
It's useful information.
Second, start practicingneutral noticing for one minute
every day.
Then, as you start to do boththose things and they start,
(32:39):
don't do all three at once.
You don't have to.
It's not a race, it doesn'twork that way.
This is deep.
Be gentle but firm.
Commit to it and then juststart building and as you do
this, you'll start to noticewhat's going on for you.
You will notice what yourparticular signs and symptoms of
overwhelm are and what it'scosting you.
(33:00):
And you need to face that,because until you understand
what it's costing you, how areyou going to be motivated to
take action?
It's too easy to think, well, Ican cope, it doesn't really
matter and everything feelsbetter now anyway.
So I've you know, and that is apart of the cycle, right?
The overwhelming to exhaustioncycle includes that bit when we
(33:21):
think we're okay and we are okay, you are okay.
If you did none of this, it'snot like anything terrible is
actually going to happen.
Yes, I burnt out, but it wasn'tterrible.
It was great in many ways.
It was painful, but it got meto here, so it's not terrible.
You don't actually break, it'sjust a more painful way into
(33:41):
transformation.
But it's not terrible.
But I wouldn't recommend itbecause it wasn't fun and
terrible.
But I wouldn't recommend itbecause it wasn't fun and now I
can look back and see the easierways.
But I'm grateful for it nowbecause it helps me connect with
you and make you feel seen andheard and that's my work and
that brings me deep joy andsatisfaction.
That's the gratitude.
But it's years ago, so it'staken me this long to get to a
(34:04):
point where I'm comfortable withit.
I see it differently now.
I've dumped the shame and fearand turned it into joy,
self-acceptance, self-knowledge,self-love, because I moved into
the next stage, the overwhelmto joy stage, which is a very
(34:24):
rich stage of getting to knowyourself and saying yes to
yourself more and more and more.
So quick summary Stage one ofyour gentle rebellion is two.
Number one see overwhelm asuseful information, not a
problem to be solved, andthere's nothing wrong with you.
Practice neutral noticing forone minute every day.
(34:47):
And thirdly, as those two blendtogether, get really clear on
where you are and then drop thejudgment about it.
It's neutral noticing, takenote as if you were a little
reporter and you're going intonot a war zone but an
overwhelmed chaos zone andyou're taking notes and going.
(35:07):
Well, I was more overwhelmedhere.
That felt bad.
Like talking to that person wasdraining when I eat that this
happens.
When the weather's like this,this happens.
I don't like that.
Oh, I felt much better here.
Oh, that felt good.
Like just be a little observerwith a notepad.
(35:28):
You don't actually have to dothe notepad thing, but it is
useful to message and let outand write down.
Yeah, I've started reallynoticing.
I have this pattern.
I've started noticing when Ifeel good and when I feel
drained.
I've started to notice when Ifeel most overwhelmed.
I've started to really noticehow good it feels to just notice
and take that time for myself.
(35:49):
This is a rebellious act ofself-love.
This is the first step in yourpersonal and very unique, even
though we all have similarpatterns.
Gentle, rebellion as you startto get the clarity that'll give
you the motivation and themomentum to take the next step.
When you're at that point, comeback for more, because I'll do
(36:12):
another episode on many moreepisodes In fact, most of my
episodes, I would argue, areabout the overwhelm to joy cycle
.
They're about finding a moreskilled way of living.
I hope you've enjoyed thisepisode.
I have loved creating it foryou and I'm really grateful that
you're here.
If you'd like to leave a reviewon Apple or Spotify, that is so
(36:35):
, so helpful for smallpodcasters like me.
If not, it doesn't matter.
Thank you for being here.
Anyway, it's lovely to have youhere, wishing you an
unexpectedly lovely week andI'll see you next week.
Hello, hello, hello.
Welcome to this week's episode.
Lovely to have you here with meagain.
This week we're going to dosomething I'm really excited
about.
So I've been taking some timeto look at the entire
transformational path that Iwent through and that my clients
go through, because I thinkit's really helpful to get an
overview and I think you'regoing to get a lot from it.
(00:22):
I know you're going to get alot from this episode and at the
same time, by popular request,what I'm also going to do is go
back to basics, because basicsare part of the whole process,
and then in future episodes Ican go through the more complex
stages.
Exciting, eh Well, I'm excitedanyway, because I'm determined
(00:42):
that you get to quit theoverwhelm to exhaustion cycle
and move instead into what I'mnow calling the overwhelm to joy
cycle.
So before we do that, I'm justgoing to share what's going on
with me and my garden at themoment.
Maybe you can help me with this.
So I may have mentioned or notI can't remember that my next
door neighbour, who was fairlyold but incredibly unhealthy,
(01:10):
died, and the thing that we aredoing and have been asked to do
by the relatives to honour himis to continue feeding the birds
.
Now we gave up feeding thebirds in our garden because why
would they come to us when therewas basically an entire banquet
for them next door?
It was pointless.
So it's been a real joy.
We've had woodpeckers, allsorts of tits, robins,
blackbirds, oh my god,everything Very exciting.
And then came the squirrels.
(01:31):
Squirrels are so cool and Iknow you're not supposed to be
feeding the squirrels.
I don't know why, I can'tremember why, but bird cages,
bird cages, bird food oftencomes in a squirrel, so-called
squirrel-proof cage, and I knowthere were programs years ago
where people were setting upthese exciting assault courses
in their garden for thesquirrels.
Anyway, I love the squirrels.
(01:52):
They just bring me utter joywatching them.
They are so cool.
One this morning made a giantleap to get my homemade fat
balls and then just sat withcomplete pleasure and just ate
out of them with his little paws.
He was so cute and I could seehis tummy was white and I just
wanted to tickle his tummy.
(02:12):
I know he'd bite me, but didyou know squirrels have white
tummies?
I had no idea.
And did you know there's alsoan American squirrel which is
different?
Well, you probably did.
I didn't realise.
When I was in America I foundthis.
I came across this squirrel onthe ground and it didn't look
the same as an English squirrel.
First of all, it was reallychilled.
Second, it seemed to flattenitself against the ground and
(02:33):
thirdly, it didn't behaveanything like our squirrels.
And it was so cool.
I got to hang out with it forages and it just was just really
chill, just really happy, andit's a different squirrel, it's
an American squirrel and it'skind of flat on the ground.
It goes in burrows.
Anyway, that's some of the manymoments of joy for my life at
the moment.
(02:54):
And then came the rats.
Now, the thing with rats is weare told that they are terrible
and I was thinking, why are theyterrible?
Well, I have evidence of thembehaving appallingly.
So some did very sadly murdermy guinea pigs years ago and I
was just stunned.
I didn't know that could happenand it was deeply, deeply,
(03:15):
deeply upsetting, really reallyawful.
So not that keen on rats.
However, I did have eye-to-eyecontact with a very beautiful
rat after Nutmeg.
One of my cavalier spanielsshouted at it for ages.
I didn't know what she wasdoing and I went outside to get
her in and she'd basicallystunned this rat, and it was
(03:36):
just sat there and I just lookedat it and I just thought it was
so beautiful it was really,which immediately made me think
we were feeding it, because ratsdon't hang around unless
they've got a food and watersource.
And, being a keeper of chickensuntil the polecat stole them
last year, you have to havereally good hygiene about
(03:58):
chicken food and water andeverything.
So there's this constant,ongoing battle with rats, anyway
, constant ongoing battle withrats.
Anyway, moving on to this ratstory, yes, that lovely,
beautiful rat did die and I diddiscover the food source.
I think I might have mentionedthis before.
Anyway, that's gone.
But now we're feeding the birds.
Rats Come and eat the bird foodthat's on the ground.
(04:22):
Now, I remember years and yearsago when we had to get the rat
man out because we had ratsunder the chickens, and he came
out and he said you don't feedthe birds, do you?
Because that's what's causingthe rat explosion.
And I just thought he sounded abit grumpy and I don't know.
It just doesn't.
Everybody feeds the birds,right, it's nice to feed the
birds.
It's supposed to be a goodthing to feed the birds because
(04:43):
apparently the birds arestarving, although I'd like to
know why they're starving,because I'm pretty sure they're
pretty tough and I'm nearwoodland, which means I think
they're pretty happy, whether Irun a hotel for them or not.
However, I'm now stuck becauseI'm really enjoying watching the
birds and, I must admit, thesquirrels.
And then I thought is there achoice here between birds and
(05:04):
squirrel joy and rats?
Is that what I'm faced with now?
I don't know what the answer is.
I don't have an answer.
I'm curious to know what willhappen next.
I just I don't know what to doabout it.
Because actually, the rats inthe countryside, are they full
of disease like in the city?
Is that a myth?
I don't know.
(05:25):
I've no idea.
I'm not particularlycomfortable with the idea of
them moving in and being part ofmy life, but on the other hand,
I'm really uncomfortable withpoisoning them.
There's nothing they can harmanymore.
They can't steal the chickeneggs or damage the chickens.
Or if the chickens had, I wasgoing to say if the chickens had
puppies, no, if the chickenshad chicks, that would be
(05:45):
dangerous.
So there's a looking after of myown health and wellbeing and
that of my animals, and thenthere's these rats and I don't
know what to do.
Anyway, it's not rats.
There's one rat which, becausethe bird feeders are next to the
fence, he's got it planned andI've noticed what happens is he
sneaks out not very often andhe's really nervous.
(06:08):
So a squirrel chased him offthe other day.
Today he was frightened of arobin, so I don't actually think
he's having that greater time.
However, I'm not happy aboutthis whole thing that I'm now
feeding rats.
I don't know what to do.
And then it got me thinkingabout the whole idea that you
know, when people say, but youhave to be overwhelmed, like
(06:29):
being overwhelmed is just partof life, you've got no choice.
And how much I rebel againstthat.
And now gently and firmly rebelagainst it and decide that it's
not true.
And now I'm faced with the rat,squirrel, bird dilemma and I've
no, this isn't going anywhere,anywhere.
This is just a metaphor forinsight that isn't quite there
yet.
This is how my mind works.
(06:49):
Does your mind work like this?
Anyway, that's where I am withit.
That's what's going on with me.
Apart from that, there's a lotof joy in the fact that the days
are much lighter.
It's easier to fit in some timeoutside.
Very excited about that, mypartner's busy making more
raised beds for me, very, veryexcited about that.
My partner's busy making moreraised beds for me, very, very
excited about that.
Then I'm filling them.
Oh, it's just, yeah, my HIITtraining.
(07:12):
You know this high intensity,hang on, high intensity interval
.
So HIIT, hiit, high intensityinterval training where you, you
exercise very intensely for avery short amount of time.
Yesterday I decided I haven'treally got the hang of this at
all, but yesterday I decidedthat an equivalent HIIT training
that would be more fun would bewheelbarrowing.
(07:32):
So I need to move.
As ever in a large garden,there's always the movement of
stuff Rubble from projects needsto go in one direction, and
then I change its direction tosize needs to go down here.
Um, oh, just like stuffeverywhere the compost from the
bottom of the garden uphill tothe top of the garden to go on
the beds or manure.
(07:53):
And anyway, filling raised bedsis a lot of work.
You're talking about tons ofmatter, right?
So I decided that would be myhit training, whatever HIIT
training, whatever that means.
That's what's happening.
So I filled the wheelbarrows upreally high, not stupidly high,
but I did fill them.
You know, if I was going thesensible route, they wouldn't
(08:13):
have been that heavy.
And then I pushed them uphilland tried really hard to dip
them into the raised beds andwent back and got another one
and kept going instead of going.
And when I reached that bit,when you know, when you go I'm
done Like it's feelinguncomfortable.
This is stupid.
I might hurt myself.
Instead I went no, I'm going topower through because I'm doing
a HIIT training.
(08:34):
It was hilarious.
It was really hard, really hardto keep going, but I did it and
actually when I went inside andgot all warm because it's
really cold yesterday I feltgood.
So I might do that again.
If I will do it again becauseit's a great way of doing it,
because it's not boring and it'sit's slightly amusing and it's
filling the raised beds, it'sand moving other stuff around.
(08:55):
Just sometimes I think my lifeis just about moving objects
around.
Do you ever feel like that?
Anyway, back to the show.
I don't like calling it that.
Back to the episode.
So let's do a big overview ofwhat's in store for you if you
continue, or if you haven't gotthere yet, if you decide to
(09:17):
gently rebel, if you decide tojoin our gentle rebellion, where
we say no to overwhelm, no toexhaustion, no to pressure, no
to no space for ourselves, andwe go all in on creating a life
that is successful and feelssuccessful, woohoo.
So this is what's in store foryou, should you choose to
(09:38):
continue on your gentlerebellion.
I'm going to go through thethree stages I've come up with
and then I'm going to do a deepdive into the first stage so
that, wherever you are in yourgentle rebellion, you can
reflect on how well you use thefirst step, because, when in
doubt, always bring a beginner'smind and go back to the
(10:00):
beginning.
Are you ready?
So, number one, you're stuck inthis overwhelming to exhaustion
cycle and you've realized it'srepetitive and that the
overwhelm into exhaustion cycleis costing you.
That's the first one.
That's why you're here.
Why else would you listen to apodcast called Overwhelm is
(10:21):
Optional?
Unless you were done withoverwhelm, unless you wanted to
make it optional?
I don't think you would, Ican't.
I'm trying to think of anotherreason why you listen to this
podcast.
You're welcome, but anyway,that's what I'm going with.
So this is when overwhelm feelslike the problem, like you
suddenly realize if only I couldsee the wood for the trees, if
(10:44):
only I could get clarity, oryou're trying to push through
the overwhelm to feel thatclarity.
So it's a combination of tryingto get rid of the overwhelm by
wishing you could just clear itmagically, and or probably both
you're trying to push through itto get the clarity and ease,
(11:05):
but nothing's really working.
So this, for me, was the timeand I spent a long time, about
eight and a half years actually.
Probably.
Look no about I spent abouteight years doing this.
Um, I got very good at it.
Yeah, got the.
Got the t-shirt for that one.
This is the constant trying tosolve the problem of both myself
(11:26):
, my workplace, making my homerun better.
It's the constant exhaustion offeeling secretly, deeply
inadequate and doing everythingto be better in some way.
So this is for me.
For me, this was the use ofmindfulness, meditation, yoga to
(11:47):
try and manage my stress.
What else?
Booking massages, constantlytrying to create space for
myself, finding ways to switchoff, hacking my sleep, my diet,
my exercise routine, schedulingtime for myself and then feeling
really guilty and everythingelse flooding in or it never
being enough time, justconstantly trying to do things
(12:11):
better.
So I became an absoluteproductivity machine and I was a
single working mum before then.
So you know, I was pretty onthe stuff in a crazy messy way
of because I want a lot.
So it was a bit crazy, but Iwas good at getting deciding on
something and making it happen,even if it nearly killed me, and
(12:31):
I just got more productive,which meant I took on more and
more and more, because I likeworking and I liked helping
people and I liked gettingpromoted and having the chance
to make things better.
So I just did more, more.
So it's that kind of cycle andthis resulted in moments of
sheer joy when I felt I wasrunning high, just felt
(12:55):
successful, and then it wouldcollapse again into why am I so
tired?
Why does my body hurt?
What's wrong with my body now?
Why can't I sleep?
Oh, it'll be better when thatproject's finished.
It'll be better when I get thatpromotion, I get recognized and
appreciated for everything I do.
It'll be better when I have aholiday.
It's nearly the weekend, it'snearly the end of the day.
(13:17):
What else you know?
It'd be better when, if this,then that?
It's nearly the weekend, it'snearly the end of the day.
What else you know it'd bebetter when, if this, then that?
So everything's conditional ondoing more being better.
So these are traditionalsolutions.
Right, trying to fix ourselves.
Just traditional, it's the darkside of the self-improvement.
(13:37):
I don't want to say industry.
It's not about the industry,it's about the movement of it.
You know, we want to be ourwhole selves, but when we see
ourselves as a problem, that'sthe dark side of it.
And there's a much better wayof thinking of ourselves, which
is that there's nothing wrongwith us and then everything
(13:57):
becomes possible from there.
Then there's the traditionalroute of pushing through, which
tends to learn to lead toburnout, even if you don't burn
out.
So that's when you're surfingthe verge of breakdown.
You feel like you are going tobreak, and then you just surf
out of it to pull everythingtogether.
Whoa, smooth move over and overagain.
(14:20):
And it's costing you.
You can't hear yourself think,you can't hear your partner
speak.
Sometimes you don't have theenergy to even sit and cuddle
your dog.
Oh, my goodness, been there,done that.
My dog's love was too much.
It's not much fun.
And then the other thing istrying to shrink your dreams.
So if I wanted less, I couldsimplify my life and then all
(14:44):
the overwhelm pressure would goand I would be happy.
But it's not true, because youwant a lot and it just doesn't
work.
So in stage one you decide totry on the gently rebellious
glasses of.
Overwhelm is not the enemy, it'sa signal.
So overwhelm is not a problem,it's useful information to help
(15:10):
you move out of the traditionaloverwhelm to exhaustion cycle
and start moving into theoverwhelm to joy cycle.
The overwhelm to joy cycle is ahighly skilled, practical time
when you start looking at theoverwhelm and changing how you
(15:31):
view it, having practical toolsfor letting it clear before
doing anything that it's areally important part of this
transformational process and Igive lots of tools and
techniques and ideas andinsights for that every single
week, either here, youtube, inmy newsletter, the gently
(15:52):
rebellious lead read, and in myblog and occasionally a social
media post.
Don't do a lot of those.
So this is the commitment tothe gentle rebellion means I'm
done with the overwhelm toexhaustion cycle.
So now I'm in the.
I choose to be in the overwhelmto joy cycle and joy to me is
(16:12):
the umbrella word for everythingyou're working really hard by
pushing through overwhelmcurrently to get.
So that's the ease, thesatisfaction, safety, the
security, the appreciation, thelove, the money, the, the
feeling that you've made it thatthat I'm umbrellaing under joy,
because joy is the highestthing of that, isn't it that?
Feeling like, yes, I'm livingmy best life, woohoo, even
(16:36):
though you know I don't like theterm best life because it feels
limiting to me, but you knowwhat I mean.
So the three stages of thegentle rebel process are one
reframe, overwhelm as usefulinformation, and that's what
we're going to go into depthtoday because that's really
important.
And then, once you've decidedthat your choice is, once you
(16:58):
move through that stage, if youwant to really commit to being
done with the traditionaloverwhelm into exhaustion route,
if you want to break thatcircle, then you commit and
that's when you move into.
Okay, now I'm in the overwhelmto joy cycle.
I'm aiming for joy, ease,satisfaction, etc.
And I'm going to use theoverwhelm in order to make those
(17:20):
course corrections.
I'm going to learn to live moreskillfully and that includes
moving from a mind-based way ofliving to a mind-heart-body way
of living.
Not going to go into detail ofthat today, loads, you can
already binge and I will do afuture episode on it.
Today, loads, you can alreadybinge and I will do a future
episode on it.
What's the third stage.
Well, I've just suddenlyrealised this stage for myself.
(17:43):
So I was talking to my coachand I said I had this slight
this seems really silly now thisslight anxiety over the fact
that I realised I'm not reallyoverwhelmed anymore.
And so, therefore, should Istill be talking about overwhelm
?
Because can I really relate?
And obviously he said to meyeah, that's the point.
Like I'm supposed to model, Iwalk my talk and I'm supposed to
(18:08):
model that you can freeyourself from overwhelm.
So funny, I just thought I'dshare that vulnerable bit of
slight stupidity with you.
So stage three is when you'vereally committed and you've
practiced the skills of movingfrom overwhelm to joy.
And during that time there'stons more joy and ease and
(18:31):
there's lots of insights andit's an absolutely wonderful
place to be.
But at some point it all startsto settle.
It just naturally becomes oh,I've changed, this is who I am
now.
It's an embodiment, it's anidentity shift, it's big and
from there you have the skillsand the perspective.
And, most importantly, this iswhy the middle stage is so
(18:54):
important and not to be missedout, can't be missed out.
It's the hero's journey.
You reach a stage where youhave enough self-knowledge,
self-love, self-awareness andself-acceptance, to be choosing
yourself with such deep love andrespect for yourself that you
(19:15):
intentionally create a life thatfeels like it was made for you,
where you feel at home in it,where you feel successful.
So I just quickly do thatreally fast.
The three stages of this processare number one moving, breaking
the overwhelm to exhaustioncycle, primarily by reframing
(19:37):
overwhelm as useful information,not a disaster.
Number two, developing theskills for living in the
overwhelm to joy cycle.
And as you do that, you gain somuch information about yourself
that eventually you justnaturally, almost imperceptibly,
move into oh, I used to be likethis and now I'm not.
(20:00):
And that doesn't mean you neverfeel overwhelmed or exhausted
again, but it means you knowwhat you're up to.
It's intentional, it'sconscious, there's a calm
confidence about it.
And there you have it.
And right now, for the rest ofthis episode, we are going to do
a deep dive into the first partbecause it's really important
(20:23):
and if you've already beenthrough it and you're in the
overwhelmed joy cycle, it'sstill worth listening to.
Because, first of all, it willmake you realize how far you've
come and secondly, it willremind you of the most important
thing, which is shifting theway you look at things, which is
a mindset shift, but what Iprefer to call putting on a
(20:45):
gently rebellious lens, becausethen it's an invitation rather
than I don't know.
My relationship with the wordmindset is complicated.
Let's ditch it for now and geton with practical tools for you.
So you come to deciding thatyou're sick of overwhelm, to
(21:09):
deciding that you're sick ofoverwhelm.
You're sick of the overwhelmedexhaustion cycle, but you're so
overwhelmed you don't knowwhat's going on.
So you end up listening to thispodcast and you think, well,
that's interesting, or you hearsomething else, or you pick up
the one minute mark, orsomething like that.
By the way, I've just created aguide with this first step in it
(21:30):
.
If you want a handy summary ofit, click the link in the show
notes and grab your guide hotoff the press.
I've made it nice and sparkly.
It's not for printing, it's gottoo much colour in it, it's too
lovely Just for glancing at andreminding you that you have a
(21:51):
way to make overwhelm optionaland a thing of the past, woohoo.
So you start by realisingthere's a problem, but you don't
know what to do.
And then, if you're very, veryfortunate, you end up here with
me who's geeking out onoverwhelm and is committed to
freeing you from it, and this iswhat we do.
(22:11):
So instead of seeing overwhelmas a problem I'm not saying it's
not a problem Right now, it'sblocking you from all the easier
ways and joyful ways.
Absolutely, I'm not like.
I love, love overwhelm, but trythis gently rebellious lens on
for size and see how it feels.
(22:32):
Now this doesn't feel like verymuch, but if you let it sit
with you and let my words kindof go through the cells in your
body and just try it on for size, try walk.
I would suggest walking aroundwith this as an idea and
allowing yourself to be curious.
So instead of fightingoverwhelm, just start viewing it
(22:53):
as useful information.
And if that sounds insane itwould have done to me too I'd be
like, for goodness sake, I knowit's a problem, I know I need
to solve it.
No, it's not for solving.
There's nothing wrong.
There is nothing wrong with you.
There's nothing wrong.
There is nothing wrong with you.
There's nothing wrong with thesituation.
There's nothing wrong with youroverwhelm.
Overwhelm is a natural byproductof overusing the mind,
(23:15):
overloading the mind.
All of us, highly driven, bighearted people, do it because
we're taught to do it, and it'sa natural thing to do to say yes
to everything and everyone andtake on loads and loads and
loads.
If you want a lot, you'rehighly likely to overload your
mind Easily done.
Welcome to my world.
You're in the right place.
(23:36):
When you stop seeing it'ssomething to solve and put or
push through and or push throughand start just pausing and
looking it in the face andsaying, oh, if you were useful
information, how could I use you?
So this involves curiosity.
So overwhelm is your mindsaying too much.
(23:58):
We need to up level how we'removing through life.
This isn't working.
It's blocking the good stuffthat you're working so hard for.
So see if you can view it.
I'm going to invite you to viewit as a gift, but I know that's
really hard.
So instead of calling it a giftif that's really too much I'm
going to call it a signal, or asign, if you like, a bit of woo.
(24:20):
It's a message.
It's a message from your mind.
I'm overloaded.
Your heart.
This is not the way tofulfillment your body.
Yes, it's really tiring beingtreated as an inconvenient way
to drag your mind around.
It's useful information.
That's your first step.
(24:43):
Try on that as a gentlyrebellious lens.
Try on that as a gentlyrebellious lens.
Secondly, learn my go-to, mostpowerful technique, which is why
it's worth listening to this,because getting back to basics
matters.
Always bring a beginner's mind,always bring curiosity See what
(25:06):
else you can gather.
My best tool in the world isneutral noticing.
Now, on the one hand, you couldsay, yes, but, heidi, it's
exactly the same as mindfulness.
But here's the thing I kneweverything, not everything.
I knew a lot.
I'd read a lot, I'd experienceda lot, I'd been to retreats,
I'd had training in mindfulness.
It did not help me.
(25:26):
It made me feel worse.
It made me more aware of justhow awful things were.
It didn't help.
I didn't want to be in thepresent moment, when the present
moment felt like hell and Ididn't know how to get out of it
.
Neutral noticing is justnoticing, completely neutrally.
It doesn't have any baggagewith it.
(25:46):
There's no books on it, it justis.
I invite you to pause andnotice, and the easiest way to
do this is to move yourattention.
Nothing more.
Move your attention from beingcompletely absorbed in the
overwhelm which tends to be inour head, even though it's real,
(26:08):
and move your attention to yourfeet.
As soon as you do that you getspace between you and the
overthinking, the overanalyzing,the overwhelm.
Move your attention to yourfeet and feel your feet on the
ground.
Then move your attention toyour belly.
Allow your belly to soften ifit wants to and if it doesn't,
that's okay, because we are nottrying to change anything.
(26:29):
We're not trying to clear theoverwhelm or do anything Now.
It may accidentally happensometimes that the overwhelm
feels better.
You feel better, that's great.
But it's not the aim of neutralnoticing.
The far greater aim of neutralnoticing is to increase your
ability to view the overwhelm.
(26:51):
So it gives you space betweenthe overwhelm and yourself.
You can view it.
You go into non-judgmentalobserver mode which, yes, comes
from Zen and Buddhism.
I get that because that's mytraining, but I'm just calling
it neutral noticing becausethat's what came out of my work
(27:12):
when I used to teach yoga.
Just notice completely neutrallyhow you feel in this moment.
Notice the physical sensationsin the body, without judgment,
without worry, without needingto solve them, without needing
to make appointments to see achiropractor.
Just notice completelyneutrally whatever's going on at
(27:32):
any given moment.
Now, if you do this for oneminute a day, things will start
to shift.
Why?
Because you'll start to getspace between you and the
overwhelm, because you'll startto get control of your attention
, which means it's not so easilyhijacked, which means you get a
chance to sit back a little bitfrom the madness, the chaos and
(27:53):
the mayhem.
And that tiny bit of space ispowerful.
But you have to practice.
You can't just do it once andgo yeah, that was nice, I felt a
bit better.
Or that was rubbish, I didn'tlike it.
It if it's not for you, fine, gogo and listen somewhere else.
I wish you whatever you'relooking for, because it matters.
How you are in the worldmatters.
(28:15):
But if this is resonating.
I invite you to click the linkbelow which has got the free one
minute mark audio if you'd likean audio for a minute to help
you.
Otherwise, just do this.
Move your attention from yourhead to your feet.
Feel your feet on the ground.
Allow your belly to soften.
If you're sat on a chair, youcan allow yourself to just feel.
(28:35):
Notice the chair beneath you.
It's supporting you.
It's magic.
Feels better to notice thesupport, right Anything physical
.
Allow your shoulders to moveaway from your ears.
Maybe allow space between theteeth.
Maybe allow space between thebrows, maybe, allow the scalp,
just be noticed.
Just notice, not trying torelax, no, deep breathing,
(28:58):
nothing, just noticing.
Then what will happen is you'llstart to notice the judgment,
the stories, the activating ofthe overwhelm again, because if
you're like me, when I was inthat state, I'd start noticing
all of the things that werereally annoying me or upsetting
me, all the things I wanted tomake better.
So then I invite you toneutrally notice your judgment,
(29:21):
your stories, so you can noticethe physical sensations, then
notice how you feel emotionally,you can notice the heart and
then you can also observe themind and its activations.
It's oh yeah, I need to do this.
Yes, busy, right, just noticeit's busy, that's it.
(29:41):
Neutral, neutral, noticing Oneminute every day.
Things will start to shift.
It's really, really cool.
It sounds like nothing.
The number of clients who'vesaid to me I did it because they
wanted to do it, it felt good.
I didn't really believe you andI love it when they say that
(30:01):
because it's quite funny.
I don't think I would havebelieved me either back then.
But the thing is, it shiftsthings.
You start to get control overyour attention, you start to pay
attention to yourself, but,most importantly, you move into
observer mode, the ability toobserve yourself without
(30:23):
judgment, and that's reallypowerful, really powerful.
And that's when you startmoving to the overwhelmed joy
cycle, because you just realize,you realize the costs, which is
the next bit I'm going to talkabout.
You realize where you are andyou can only start from where
you are.
We always want to start fromsomewhere else because we feel
(30:47):
like we're either behind or weought to be further ahead.
That sounds like the same thing, but you know what I mean.
Sometimes we travel back intime and think we're still in
this stuck pattern, where it'snot true.
Lots of things have shifted,because pretty much it's
impossible to be stuck, becausethe whole world's moving
constantly, all your cells aremoving, you're breathing in and
(31:08):
out, everything's alwayschanging.
It's impossible really to beproperly stuck, but it can feel
like it.
So sometimes we start wherewe're not, as in.
We think we're still in thepast and we haven't achieved
anything or changed, and oftenwe think we ought to be in a
different place.
So we tell ourselves that wereally are, but we're not.
So we very often don't reallyget clear on where we are.
(31:31):
We often have no idea where weare, and neutral noticing gives
you the information you need toknow where you are so you can
start where you actually are.
Start at the beginning, startwhere you are, find out, get
curious Now.
Curiosity and self-kindness areabsolutely essential for this
part of the journey, becauseyou're going to start noticing
(31:54):
what's really going on andyou're probably not going to
like it.
You're not going to be toopleased with taking a good hard
look at yourself.
So don't take a good hard lookat yourself.
Take a gentle but firm look atyourself.
Instead, do it with love,kindness, be on your own side,
be your biggest cheerleader.
You cheer everybody else on.
(32:14):
Now it's time to cheer yourselfon.
So this is the third part of thefirst stage.
This is the very beginning ofthe gentle rebellion.
Number one stop fightingoverwhelm.
It's useful information.
Second, start practicingneutral noticing for one minute
every day.
Then, as you start to do boththose things and they start,
(32:39):
don't do all three at once.
You don't have to.
It's not a race, it doesn'twork that way.
This is deep.
Be gentle but firm.
Commit to it and then juststart building and as you do
this, you'll start to noticewhat's going on for you.
You will notice what yourparticular signs and symptoms of
overwhelm are and what it'scosting you.
(33:00):
And you need to face that,because until you understand
what it's costing you, how areyou going to be motivated to
take action?
It's too easy to think, well, Ican cope, it doesn't really
matter and everything feelsbetter now anyway.
So I've you know, and that is apart of the cycle, right?
The overwhelming to exhaustioncycle includes that bit when we
(33:21):
think we're okay and we are okay, you are okay.
If you did none of this, it'snot like anything terrible is
actually going to happen.
Yes, I burnt out, but it wasn'tterrible.
It was great in many ways.
It was painful, but it got meto here, so it's not terrible.
You don't actually break, it'sjust a more painful way into
(33:41):
transformation.
But it's not terrible.
But I wouldn't recommend itbecause it wasn't fun and
terrible.
But I wouldn't recommend itbecause it wasn't fun and now I
can look back and see the easierways.
But I'm grateful for it nowbecause it helps me connect with
you and make you feel seen andheard and that's my work and
that brings me deep joy andsatisfaction.
That's the gratitude.
But it's years ago, so it'staken me this long to get to a
(34:04):
point where I'm comfortable withit.
I see it differently now.
I've dumped the shame and fearand turned it into joy,
self-acceptance, self-knowledge,self-love, because I moved into
the next stage, the overwhelmto joy stage, which is a very
(34:24):
rich stage of getting to knowyourself and saying yes to
yourself more and more and more.
So quick summary Stage one ofyour gentle rebellion is two.
Number one see overwhelm asuseful information, not a
problem to be solved, andthere's nothing wrong with you.
Practice neutral noticing forone minute every day.
(34:47):
And thirdly, as those two blendtogether, get really clear on
where you are and then drop thejudgment about it.
It's neutral noticing, takenote as if you were a little
reporter and you're going intonot a war zone but an
overwhelmed chaos zone andyou're taking notes and going.
(35:07):
Well, I was more overwhelmedhere.
That felt bad.
Like talking to that person wasdraining when I eat that this
happens.
When the weather's like this,this happens.
I don't like that.
Oh, I felt much better here.
Oh, that felt good.
Like just be a little observerwith a notepad.
(35:28):
You don't actually have to dothe notepad thing, but it is
useful to message and let outand write down.
Yeah, I've started reallynoticing.
I have this pattern.
I've started noticing when Ifeel good and when I feel
drained.
I've started to notice when Ifeel most overwhelmed.
I've started to really noticehow good it feels to just notice
and take that time for myself.
(35:49):
This is a rebellious act ofself-love.
This is the first step in yourpersonal and very unique, even
though we all have similarpatterns.
Gentle, rebellion as you startto get the clarity that'll give
you the motivation and themomentum to take the next step.
When you're at that point, comeback for more, because I'll do
(36:12):
another episode on many moreepisodes In fact, most of my
episodes, I would argue, areabout the overwhelm to joy cycle
.
They're about finding a moreskilled way of living.
I hope you've enjoyed thisepisode.
I have loved creating it foryou and I'm really grateful that
you're here.
If you'd like to leave a reviewon Apple or Spotify, that is so
(36:35):
, so helpful for smallpodcasters like me.
If not, it doesn't matter.
Thank you for being here.
Anyway, it's lovely to have youhere, wishing you an
unexpectedly lovely week andI'll see you next week.
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