December 11, 2024 • 37 mins
This week, we’re diving into something we all long for but often struggle to find—space. Not just a gap in your schedule, but true space for you. The kind of space where your shoulders soften, your mind clears, and your heart feels light.
In this episode, we explore:
- Why space is more than a “to-do” or productivity hack.
- How to shift from the overwhelm of the season to a sense of spaciousness.
- A gently rebellious approach to creating space, even when it feels impossible.
- Practices to help you feel less squished and more at ease.
Plus, I share updates about my upcoming Create Your Gently Rebellious 2025 workshop on January 5th—a perfect opportunity to carve out space for what matters most to you in the new year.
Messy Journaling Prompts:
- If you had more space, what would you do with it?
- What would it feel like if you had a sense of spaciousness?
- What does space mean to you? How do you know when you have it? How does it feel in your body, your mind, and your heart?
Join me as we gently rebel against the chaos and create more ease, joy, and freedom.
✨ Create Your Gently Rebellious 2025 Workshop
📅 January 5th, 2025, 4:00 PM GMT
Sign up here: Create Your Gently Rebellious 2025 Workshop
Want the fastest most effective way to turn your overwhelm into the joy, satisfaction and ease you're working so hard for? Book a Curiosity Call and discover what it's like to be coached by me. I look forward to meeting you.
🎙️ Welcome to Overwhelm is Optional
This podcast was created to help big-hearted, driven professionals break free from overwhelm and experience more clarity, ease, and joy.
But here’s the exciting news… I’ve moved beyond overwhelm.
If you’ve been listening and resonating with this message, you’ll love what comes next.
I’ve created a new podcast: Deep Heartfelt Success—because success should feel as good on the inside as it looks on the outside.
🎙 Join me there → Search "Deep Heartfelt Success" on your favourite podcast platform and subscribe.
💡 Experience Deep Heartfelt Success for Yourself
Book a complimentary Deep Heartfelt Success Session—a no-pressure, transformative conversation designed to help you step into your next level of success with ease.
📅 Book here
📚 The Gently Rebellious One-Minute Journal
A simple, powerful way to stay focused on what matters most.
👉 Buy here
🌍 Website:
Explore practical tools, resources, and ways to work with me.
👉 Visit here www.heidimarke.co.uk
🎧 Free Audio: The One Minute Marke
Start prac...
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
Welcome to the Gentle Rebellion where overwhelm is
optional.
Hello, hello, hello.
Welcome to this week's episode.
Let's talk about space.
Space for you, the kind ofspace where you just feel at
(00:22):
ease, your shoulders come awayfrom your ears, your belly
softens, your heart expands.
Ah, space, true space.
And by that I do not mean a gapin your schedule that you have
wrestled for, that you havefought for and that when you
reach that blessed space in yourschedule, everything seems to
(00:46):
crowd into it All the shouldsand the oughts and all of the
things that you think you oughtto be doing for yourself or
other people, just take overthat much bargained for,
especially with yourself.
Hey, space in your schedule,and then it's just all about
(01:07):
overwhelm.
You know like all thesethoughts bomb you when you take
that space, and the feeling ofguilt about all of the other
things you ought to be doing.
Do you ever get that?
I don't mean that kind of space, I mean a feeling of space in
(01:27):
your life for you.
And before we get started withthat, I'm just going to give you
a quick update about what I'mup to, because I know that a lot
of people don't just want toknow about how to create space
for themselves.
They also want to know moreabout who it is who's saying.
This is how I've discoveredspace for myself, and also I
(01:48):
know that people who have workedwith me really appreciate a
little catch up.
So here goes what's going onwith me?
Loads of things.
I'm going through this reallyweird time in terms of space.
No, not space.
I didn't mean that kind ofspace.
I meant the space-timecontinuum.
Oh my goodness, now I soundlike I'm on Star Trek.
Ignore not space.
I don't mean that kind of space.
I meant the space-timecontinuum.
Oh my goodness, now I soundlike I'm on Star Trek.
Ignore all that.
What I mean is I don't feel I'min December.
(02:12):
I don't.
I feel like I'm in a differentDecember.
So there's big shifts going onfor me personally.
Now there'll be lots of reasonsfor that.
I did think it was because Iwas away for nearly a month in
America and then I've come backand there's all the catch-up
jobs.
I'm behind on things.
I don't feel like it's yetDecember.
But there's something elsegoing on for me, because I feel
very different this year, and Iknow a lot of that will be
(02:37):
because I'm ready, because I'vegently rebelled against the
nonsense that leads me to need ahuge rest in the winter.
So I'm looking after myselfbetter, I'm living more as
myself, so I'm gently rebellingand that's giving me more energy
.
Also, I'm having coaching atthe moment and it's deeply
(02:57):
transformational.
So obviously that's going tocreate shifts, because that's
the purpose of having coaching.
So this is what it feels like.
It's December, it's earlyDecember, but it's definitely
December.
But I feel like I don't want totake two weeks off at Christmas.
(03:17):
So I booked myself my normaltwo week retreat and then things
kept encroaching into it, butnot in the way I was talking
about just now, where you createspace and then stuff encroaches
on it.
No, the opposite way.
So I found myself wanting towork in that time, really,
really wanting to work.
So I allowed myself to put in aworkshop at the beginning of
(03:41):
the year, again for my community, the Gentle Rebel community,
because we did it last year andit was so powerful for everyone
and I use the same technique.
So me doing it again, holdingspace for others.
That's nourishing for me, it'sgood for me, I love it, and to
see the effect of it is justdeeply satisfying.
(04:02):
So I wanted to do that again,so I put a date in the community
for that.
And then I really felt drawn tothe idea of doing another public
workshop, and I've run thempreviously.
They've had different names.
One was a turn of the yearpause.
It was three workshops over theturn of the year.
And then I also had in 2021, Ihad the.
(04:25):
What was it called?
Oh, so it would have been theend of 2020, obviously because
it was Live 2021.
On purpose, that was athree-part workshop, a paid
workshop, so a mini course.
That had profound effects forthe people attending and I've
regularly run workshops of somesort around the turn of the year
(04:46):
.
And then I stopped because Ijust wanted my life back at that
time of year.
I didn't want to be working atthat time of year.
And now here I am sayingactually I really do, I really
do.
And that was interesting for mebecause I felt like I was
breaking a rule, becauseobviously I've put in place all
these boundaries around my timeand the belief that was there
(05:09):
was I need this time, I need abig winter reset.
So taking two weeks for myselfis very important.
It's still important to me tohave that winter time where I'm
going within and really thinking, reflecting on my year, but
what I'm finding this year is Idon't need all of that time off
to do it.
I just don't Now.
(05:30):
Is that because I had time offin September and went on my road
trip?
Maybe, who knows, in other ways?
I found that coming back fromthe road trip meant I felt very
tired because of the jet lag andalso traveling.
You know, the whole thingrequired energy.
Now I seem to have recovered.
I feel really well.
I'm just I'm so excited.
I just I don't want all thattime off.
(05:51):
So I've just shrunk it to onlya week off or just over a week,
and it feels really good, reallygood.
And I think what's importantabout this is recognizing that
the gender rebellion isn't aboutone way of doing things.
It's about that constant and Imean one way of doing things
individually.
So obviously it's not about oneway of doing things.
(06:12):
It's never about you need to dothis, you need to do this and
this is the right way to startyour day and end your day and
all these routines and rules andstuff.
No, it's none of those things.
It's always an invitation.
But the heart of the genderrebellion is the invitation to
reject the external pressuresand go within, reconnect
yourself and say yes to yourself.
(06:33):
Find what works for you, becauseclearly, if you're feeling
really overwhelmed and pressured, something's off, something's
not working.
So it's just using that as anopportunity.
It's useful information how canI navigate better, how can I
live more skillfully, how can Imake more space for me?
And then what happens is whatyou set up works for a while and
(06:57):
then it stops working or itdoesn't work as well.
And by stops working I don'tmean all of the overwhelm and
everything comes.
You don't go backwards, it'sjust different.
So look at what's happened tome this time.
This time I suddenly am railingagainst deep rest, a long
period of time off.
I did not see that coming.
(07:19):
I thought in my head the reasonit was working so well was
because I dared to shut down forthe winter.
It's really interesting how itshifts all the time, but it's
very, very subtle and it's notbig shifts.
I think this is important.
I know this is importantbecause otherwise it's just too
(07:39):
much disruption.
Right?
I don't need to be reassessingall the time, doing deep work
all the time, no, it's likecoaching.
I don't believe every coachneeds a coach.
I don't need to be reassessingall the time, doing deep work
all the time.
No, it's like coaching.
I don't believe every coachneeds a coach.
I don't believe every leaderneeds a coach.
I don't believe you need acoach.
I believe that you get tochoose to do deep,
transformational work orwhatever.
You're hiring a coach for whenyou want to.
It's not.
(07:59):
It's not a need, although inmany ways it's a need because
when it becomes a desire, it'sjust easier.
Then it becomes a need, as in aneed for support yeah, I want
that, I'm having that.
That makes sense to me but nota need, as in you can't do this
without a coach.
That really annoys me.
When I hear it a lot.
(08:20):
I mean you probably don't,you're not, obviously not unless
you're a coach.
You're not in the coachingindustry, the coaching world,
but I hear that a lot.
You ought to have a coach and Iknow people who say they have
coaches for every differentaspect of their life and I just
think why Do you not trustyourself?
Can you not at some point letgo of the need for that?
(08:40):
I don't know, and that soundslike a, a judgment, and I guess
it is a judgment, but it's notmeant as a judgment of that
person.
It's just a um, a rebellionagainst that, a gentle but firm
rebellion where I believe deeplythe answers are inside of us
and that when we create spacefor ourselves, that's what the
(09:01):
space is for.
It connects us back toourselves, and I can't remember
why.
I was talking about that now.
So let's get back to updates.
Another update is my Christmasplans.
All over the place.
I don't know what's going on.
That's not normal.
That's interesting.
Watching that, watching myfeelings about it, watching my
(09:21):
boundaries, watching me identifywhat I need and desire.
I'm curious about how theweek's going to pan out.
Lots of other people involved,so it's the family chess game,
or several family chess games ofwho, when, what?
So that's interesting andunusual.
This year my granddaughter haslearned to walk, but isn't that
(09:42):
bothered about it, which isreally funny and very sweet.
But she can do it, but she'skind of yeah, I could just sit
here instead and people willbring me stuff, or I think she's
actually a big imaginer, youknow.
She's just all dreamy in herhead.
She's sweet.
What else is going on?
Just every day, the dogs bringme more joy than I can possibly
(10:03):
ever explain, and no matter howdifficult at times it feels to
run a business, build a business, have the courage to spread a
message that I've discovered,that works for me and I know
works for others.
And sometimes that feels like,oh my goodness, is there not an
easier way to find satisfyingwork, heidi?
But just if that's.
(10:25):
If there's one thing that willkeep me grounded and and, to be
fair, there's nothing that'sgoing to stop me doing this work
.
It's just not going to happen.
It's just me.
But there's one thing thatalways soothes me.
It's getting to hang out withmy dogs at home.
I, it's just man.
It's joyful, and if you've everhad a Zoom cuppa with me, you'll
(10:45):
know what I mean, because oftenlittle Ruby will come up and
sit on my lap just to say hello,she's super cute.
If you haven't yet had a Zoomcuppa with me, please do book
one.
It's interesting, isn't it?
Because I don't really use.
I don't usually offer a Zoomcuppa.
(11:09):
I only usually put out aCalendly link for a curiosity
call about working with me.
But part of that is justsitting down.
A big part of that is sittingdown and having a cup of tea.
So you could book in for a cupof tea.
Maybe I should just create acup of tea link.
Would you like that?
I don't know.
I love, I love sitting down andtalking to people who are
interested in this, this genderrebellion.
(11:30):
I love sitting down andlistening to people's struggles
with overwhelm and the desirefor more space for themselves.
So I'll just use the curiositycall link it's in the show notes
and it's also on my website anddo come and say hello, it would
be lovely.
Or come and join me.
Oh, this is what I've got foryou.
(11:51):
So one of the big things I'm upto at the moment is creating
this New Year's workshop.
It's going to be so good.
I can't wait.
I can't wait to meet you.
Please, please, please, comelive.
I mean, yeah, I'm going to putit on YouTube in some form
afterwards, but it won't be thesame.
So I'm having it on the 5th ofJanuary at 4pm GMT.
(12:11):
Because I worked out I put allthese times into Time Zone
Wizard.
It's fun doing that just to geta sense of the globe and time
zones, because they always do myhead in and then I worked out
that if I did it at 4 pm UK time, then obviously everybody in
Europe is okay, and then evenpeople on the east and west
(12:35):
coast of America, so my friendsand cousins and everybody in
America can make it, and Idiscovered that actually even
early birds on the other side ofthe world could come before
going to work the next day ifthey were so inclined.
So, actually and I knowthere'll still be somebody in
(12:56):
the middle of the night and I'mnot expecting you to get up in
the middle of the night to do aworkshop with me, because
sleep's important, but anyway,I'm so excited that I found a
time that feels good for me,because I'm only going to do it
at a time.
I've been invited to do shows,live shows, at midnight.
I'm like no, and people havebeen really surprised when I've
(13:17):
turned them down.
But why would I do somethingwhen I'm not going to be at my
best, when I'm not going to beable to make sense and have the
right energy and attention?
That makes no sense to me.
So, no, I don't do stuff atmidnight, but 4pm on a Sunday in
the winter to hold space foryou while you connect yourself
(13:41):
and use a review of this year tomake next year yours, your
gently rebellious 2025.
I'm really looking forward to it.
I shall pop a sign up link inthe show notes, and I will also
sprinkle easy sign up links allover the place so that you can
(14:01):
definitely find them if youforget to look in the show notes
.
So, social media oh where elsecould I put them in my?
Obviously, if you're signed upto my email list and you receive
the gently rebellious readevery sunday morning, you'll
definitely get an invitation inthere.
I'm very, very excited aboutthis.
I truly hope you can make it.
Please, please, please, do signup.
(14:22):
And if you know anybody whowould like the gift of this
workshop, which has been a paidworkshop before, then that's
like that'd be a really coolChristmas gift to give to
somebody.
So I was thinking of you and Ithought you might appreciate
this.
It's going to be, obviously,it's going to be high quality.
So, anyway, really lookingforward to meeting you, hope you
(14:45):
can make it.
I think we better stop talkingabout my updates at the moment.
Oh, the other thing.
Oh, no, I will just mentionthis because it's kind of it's
kind of an update, but it's it'salso.
You need to know this.
So, on top of the workshop thatI'm creating, the other thing
that I'm really excited aboutcreating is the Gently
Rebellious Journal, journal,planner.
I haven't worked out thedifference between those.
(15:06):
I cannot work out thedifference between a journal and
a planner.
Sorry, a journal and a planner.
So when you look on Amazon,there's both.
I don't get it.
I don't really understand.
So what this will be.
This is, and I'm trying.
You can see how much thoughtI've put into this because I'm
working with these dilemmas.
I don't want it to be too big,because it's too clunky and you
(15:27):
can't carry it around.
I need to put space so you canscribble in it, but I don't want
to put too much space becausethen it's too heavy, it's too
bulky and also the entireprinciple of messy journaling is
that you don't keep it, so youburn it or destroy it afterwards
, so you don't have to worryabout it looking perfect.
(15:48):
That's really important.
So what is going to be in there?
Well, there's definitely notgoing to be any dates in there,
because what I've worked out isthat it's really annoying when
you buy a journal or planner andthere's dates and you've missed
some of the dates, or I don'tknow, or you miss, you don't do
it for a few days and I don'tknow.
I don't want that pressure.
I want you to.
(16:09):
I want you to buy it for thebeginning of the year because I
want you to start 2025 with thesupport to make it yours your
most gently, rebellious you yearever.
However, I also want you to beable to pick it up at any point
and not feel like you've missedout, that you can just write the
date in on that day and restartwith ease, without beating
(16:33):
yourself up, without any guilt,without oh, my goodness, I meant
to do this and I haven't doneit, because it's really that's
really important to me.
So it's going to have a lot ofnot masses of information,
because it's not a book, it'snot overwhelming, it's mainly
about creating the space for you, but it's going to have an
outline of the principles of theGentle Rebellion for you to
(16:55):
keep a reminder there for youfor the year.
It's going to have gently,rebellious reminders each week
to ground you in the gentlerebellion, in your commitment to
yourself, reconnect you toyourself.
It's going to really supportyou in what you discover during
the workshop.
If you choose to come, if youchoose not to come, there will
(17:18):
be a small exercise in therewhich is like a short summary,
where you can do that foryourself to start your year
really connected to yourself andwhat your heart longs for, what
your body needs, how to supportyour mind and staying focused
and committed to what you reallywant.
It's going to have what youneed without overwhelming you,
(17:50):
with space for you to write inthere, without feeling like you
need to sit down for an hour.
So just give you.
You could just write onesentence or one word in it, or
just glance at it first thing inthe morning to set your
intention for the day and thenlet go of your day at the end of
the day day and then let go ofyour day at the end of the day.
So I'm still in the process ofdeciding what makes the cut,
what needs to be in there,what's of high value and what's
superfluous, because obviouslyeverything I do is about
(18:13):
creating space for you, reducingoverwhelm, reducing pressure.
So for me, a lot of it isremoving stuff from what I write
.
So for me, a lot of it isremoving stuff from what I write
.
Anyway, that's coming soon.
I'm hoping I will have itpublished all very, very soon.
I'm getting very excited, somake sure you're ready for that.
I'd really appreciate yoursupport in getting some reviews
(18:36):
on Amazon to help other peoplefind it as quickly as possible.
Anyway, that's what's going on.
So there'll be two things tosupport you if you choose to
accept them the journal and thefree workshop on the 5th of
January.
Hope you can gift both of thoseto yourself.
(18:56):
Anyway, let's talk about spaceSpace for you, how to get it.
So this is a big one for me,because I spent years trying to
solve this problem.
So when I was teaching, Ireally struggled to find space
for myself.
That was the thing that I knewI needed in order to be okay, in
(19:18):
order to stop this dilemmabetween I love my job, but it's
killing me.
It was killing me because Ididn't have space for myself.
Finding space in my day wasliterally impossible.
I mean, it's just a rollercoaster of madness, really is a
roller coaster of madness.
But then, even though I createdspace for myself at home, it
(19:41):
didn't work.
It didn't feel like enough.
It was never enough.
Sometimes it was and it wasgood.
So often things would work fora while.
Prioritizing a slow start to myday that could be helpful.
Time to journal that could behelpful.
Prioritising things likemassages can be helpful.
(20:01):
Making sure I took holidaysthere were things that I put in
place that definitely helped.
However, the feeling that therewas space for me, oh my goodness
.
I often just felt very squished, very crushed, but not all the
time, because if it had been allthe time, I would have broken
free sooner.
In actual fact, when I thinkabout it, I was thinking about
(20:23):
this, about burnout, what itactually is or what it was for
me and, yes, I was utterlyexhausted, unwell, felt like I
was going mad.
You know, it was awful.
However, what's interesting is,at the moment I quit my job, I
went back, I served my notice,which was two to three months.
(20:45):
Now, if I had been unable tocontinue, I wouldn't have gone
in.
In fact, that would have beenvery sensible.
I could have called in sick.
I didn't.
I forced myself to go in everyday and I hated it, and I really
mean force.
I forced myself to go in everyday and I hated it, and I really
mean force.
I forced myself to go in everyday because I didn't want to let
anyone down.
That doesn't make any sense,because if, by definition, I was
(21:06):
burnt out and couldn't get outof bed, couldn't do it, then how
did I manage to?
So me.
There's something else going onthere and I think for me, it's
the I was unwilling to.
I had reached the point where Irefused, I'd hit this wall of.
I'm no longer willing to trademy very beingness in order to do
(21:32):
this job.
That no longer brings mesatisfaction because I've lost
connection to it.
It doesn't work for me anymore.
So there's an unwillingness,and that, to me, comes from not
feeling like there's space forme in my life.
This is very deep, this spacefor ourselves very deep.
(21:52):
And you might be thinking well,Heidi, this is not the time of
year to be trying to create morespace for myself.
This is a particularlyoverwhelming time of year.
Yes, it is, and that's why it'sa really good time to talk
about space for you, becausewhen things are going okay, it's
not urgent enough to doanything about it, is it?
It's a wishful thing, it's likewell, that would be nice, it
(22:14):
would be really, really nice ifI felt like I had more space for
myself.
It's only actually when thereisn't any space for you that it
becomes urgent enough to demandsome attention.
So, in actual fact, it could beargued and I'm going to argue
for this case for you, that thisis the perfect time of year to
(22:35):
think about creating more spacefor you, because there isn't any
space.
And look what it's doing to you.
Look what it's doing to you,look at the cost.
What does it feel like?
How does it change how youbehave towards yourself and
others?
So, thinking about the clientsI've worked with over the past
few weeks and their experienceof this, one of the things that
(22:58):
came up was an inability toprioritize.
Everything becomes urgent,everything floods in.
There isn't any space to justpause and think what was I doing
?
What am I up to?
Why am I trying to do?
Why is all this?
Suddenly, everything becomesurgent.
Everything feels chaotic, outof control.
(23:28):
There is no space to pause,there's no overview, there's no
control.
You're just swept along.
Swept along in this crazy, likeflood water.
It's too much.
The tide is pulling you.
Think about the undertow, then.
What's that from?
The tide is pulling you theundertow.
That's a joke from some book,isn't it?
(23:50):
I've no idea what I'm talkingabout.
If anybody knows, I'd love toknow what's the undertow is from
some book.
I've got this image of the.
You know you're in the sea.
Have you ever been in the iceto windsurf?
And I once got caught in ariptide and ended up a mile down
the beach.
It was so embarrassing.
I was more worried about beingembarrassed because you should
(24:13):
never let that happen.
As a windsurfer, you knowbetter.
You know about winds and tidesand how powerful the sea is,
because you're using the powerof the wind in the sea to propel
yourself along and have fun.
So it's just ridiculous to needto be rescued.
Anyway, the undertow got me andI had to walk back, which is
(24:33):
not easy with a sail and a boardwhen you're tiny.
Anyway, why am I talking aboutthat?
Because that's what it feelslike, isn't it?
That's what life can often feellike there's no space for you.
That is a feeling of no space,that lack of control, that being
pulled this way and that, andjust wondering, or not even
(24:54):
having the space to wonder.
It's not until you realiseafterwards oh my goodness, no
wonder I feel so tired and itcan feel crushing, really
crushing, I know.
For me it definitely felt likeI was being squished, like
squished into a space, just notmy shape.
It wasn't my life.
This is not the life I intendedto create.
(25:15):
It wasn't my life.
This is not the life I intendedto create.
Now, when, when we learn tocreate space for ourselves, it's
about so much more thancreating a gap in your schedule.
Gaps in schedules can behelpful.
It's a good start, but if, whenyou create that gap, it's cost
you energy.
You've had to bargain for it,not least with yourself, and
(25:37):
then, as soon as you have thatspace, you can't be in it
because everything rushes in,including guilt, all the shoulds
and the oughts and the otherthings you could be doing with
this time and space, and thefear of disappointing others,
letting others down when allthat rushes in instead,
(25:58):
disappointing others, lettingothers down when all that rushes
in instead.
Well, it's not the best way toget space, is it?
What you really want is both.
You want a feeling of space, sothere's enough space in your
life for you, like it's set upfor you.
The rhythms of your life workfor you.
They energize you, they nourishyou.
Instead of being pulled along ona riptide, instead of the
undertow getting you, you'resurfing the waves, a bit like
(26:23):
windsurfing.
I remember windsurfing, andwhen you finally get to the
point where the board liftsslightly and it's called planing
and you can just hear this,it's the most delightful sound
and it feels like you're onewith the wind and the board and
(26:45):
the sail and the sea.
Everything just comes togetheruntil you get chucked off,
because I was never thatskillful.
But anyway, that's what, whatthat's to me, what space feels
like.
It's like oh, it just works forme.
I'm in a state of flow.
I'm flowing through my day,able to identify and make
(27:06):
choices that feel joyful.
It just feels easier.
It's not a big deal.
I'm not having to second guesseverything.
I overanalyze everything.
I'm not overusing my mind.
I'm not stuck in second guesseverything, overanalyze
everything.
I'm not overusing my mind.
I'm not stuck in my headoverwhelmed by all the shoulds,
coulds, oughts and then thefears of disappointing others
and all of that nonsense.
I just am.
(27:26):
I just know who I am andfeeling confident.
My life is set up for me.
It works.
I'm able to prioritize andbecause I'm able to prioritize
and because I'm able toprioritize, it feels like things
are calmer.
It feels like things are undercontrol.
Really, nothing's ever undercontrol, is it?
We try to control the universeand rearrange the world so we
(27:48):
feel better, so we feel safe.
But, man, we really can't.
We cannot control the universeto suit ourselves.
But what we can do is findwithin us the space where we
feel at ease, and then we don'tneed to rearrange things
(28:08):
externally to to feel like likethat, to have space for joy and
ease and calm.
It just is.
It's just our natural state ofbeing.
When you tap into that, woohoo.
So for me, space is about theconnection to myself that gets
lost in the demands andexcitement of the world.
(28:29):
It's a feeling.
It's a feeling that there'sroom for my needs, my wants, my
desires, that there is space forme to breathe out, to take up
my space because my space exists.
My shoulders literally moveaway from my ears when I think
about this space.
(28:50):
I just am, I exist.
I'm loved and lovableregardless.
Just am, I exist.
I'm loved and lovableregardless.
I'm not negotiating thatnatural space that I need to
take up in order to live thefull life that I desire.
It just is Now.
How do you get that?
Because this sounds allwonderful.
How do we get it?
(29:11):
Well, I would argue, the firstthing is to notice when you feel
like that, is to notice whenyou don't feel like that.
When do you not feel like that?
Is there anything you can doabout it?
(29:40):
Can you change how you movethrough your day.
It's easier to change how wemove through our day than it is
to change the day, and we haveto start with the easiest thing,
otherwise it's too much.
And we have to start with theeasiest thing, otherwise it's
too much.
It's too much to make big, wilddisruptions like quitting your
(30:02):
job or trying to change otherpeople.
It is easier and, I would argue,far more effective to pause and
notice how you feel, to gatherinformation about yourself and
how you're moving through yourday, and then to drop the
judgment about it, to get out ofyour head into your body, to
(30:27):
feel whatever you're feelingwithout trying to change
anything, to listen deeply toyourself, to listen deeply to
yourself, what you're doing here, apart from developing the
wonderful skill of being aneutral observer, the beautiful
non-judgmental awareness thatcomes from meditating for years
(30:52):
or sometimes the practice ofyoga, all sorts of things.
What all the ancient wisdomtraditions are talking about is
this ability to observe withoutjudgment, non-judgmental
awareness.
My technique for that, as youknow if you've been around here
for a while, is neutral noticing, noticing completely neutrally
(31:14):
how you feel, dropping thejudgment, just noticing.
From there you get to knowyourself, you get to love
yourself, you get to see what'sgoing on.
You are actually holding spacefor yourself.
As you do this space foryourself, as you do this, and as
(31:39):
anyone who's ever been deeplylistened to by someone knows,
having the space held forourselves is one of the biggest
gifts we can give ourselves.
It's why I have a coach, it'swhy people come to me for
coaching.
Having space held for you, whereyou just get to be, that is
(32:03):
space.
So I would invite you, insteadof trying to find impossible
solutions, instead of trying todesperately squeeze space in
your schedule for you, I inviteyou to start by pausing for a
(32:23):
moment and noticing, completelyneutrally, how you feel.
I invite you to connect deepwithin yourself and listen to
yourself and just notice.
Allow space for whatever comesup, without trying to change it,
without wishing it wasdifferent.
Just notice, gently,rebelliously, turn your
(32:46):
attention away from the externaldemands of the world and focus
just on you for a moment.
Give yourself the gift of spaceRight now and then at any
moments during your day.
If you take a moment here andthere through your day to give
yourself space, you will feellike there's more space for you,
(33:08):
because the space is internal.
True space is internal.
It's a feeling.
It is taking up your space.
It is the unravelling of thetightness and the squishiness
inside.
The squishedness, notsquishiness.
Squishiness is like a warm,comfy sofa.
(33:30):
Squishiness is a restriction.
I'm going to leave you with amessy journaling prompt to just
so for messy journaling.
Quick recap if you don't know,there's an episode on this, you
can go to the website of theOverwhelmers Optional podcast
and there's a search bar.
(33:50):
If you put in messy journaling,you'll get a whole episode on
it.
However, if you just want aquick prompt, messy journaling
is when you write not to record.
You write without clear purpose.
There is a purpose, but it'snot a mind-based purpose, so
you're not writing for posterityor to even read it back.
(34:12):
The idea is to get out of yourhead into your body and ask the
question to your body and yourheart and then allow the pen to
move across the page and getcurious about what comes out.
And because the mind movesfaster than the body, we have to
let go of the need to writeperfectly, the need to finish
sentences, the need to spellproperly, and just allow, allow
(34:35):
the flow and see what happens.
I mean, you have to get curious.
It's a little bit crazy, but itworks because you get a deeper
answer.
This is it's actually faster,but it can be tricky.
Not everybody loves it.
That's okay.
You can just journal outinstead.
It's up to you, but there's aninvitation there to know.
Find out more about this.
Actually come to the workshopbecause we'll be using it and
(34:56):
then you can see and have thespace held for you and you might
find it easier.
Anyway, here's a messyjournaling question for this
week.
If you had more space, whatwould you do with it?
And then an even better one?
What would it feel like if youhad a sense of spaciousness?
(35:24):
Basically, what does that feellike to you?
What is space to you?
How do you know when you haveit?
How does it feel in your body?
What happens to your mind whenyou have it?
How does it feel in your heart?
What does space mean to you?
What is the feeling for you atthis point in your life?
I'm wishing you a week full ofspaciousness.
(35:45):
Thank you for being here.
Please do share this podcast,leave a review.
I very much appreciate it.
For more resources to help yougently rebel, please visit my
(36:09):
website wwwheidimarkcouk.
Welcome to the Gentle Rebellion where overwhelm is
optional.
Hello, hello, hello.
Welcome to this week's episode.
Let's talk about space.
Space for you, the kind ofspace where you just feel at
(00:22):
ease, your shoulders come awayfrom your ears, your belly
softens, your heart expands.
Ah, space, true space.
And by that I do not mean a gapin your schedule that you have
wrestled for, that you havefought for and that when you
reach that blessed space in yourschedule, everything seems to
(00:46):
crowd into it All the shouldsand the oughts and all of the
things that you think you oughtto be doing for yourself or
other people, just take overthat much bargained for,
especially with yourself.
Hey, space in your schedule,and then it's just all about
(01:07):
overwhelm.
You know like all thesethoughts bomb you when you take
that space, and the feeling ofguilt about all of the other
things you ought to be doing.
Do you ever get that?
I don't mean that kind of space, I mean a feeling of space in
(01:27):
your life for you.
And before we get started withthat, I'm just going to give you
a quick update about what I'mup to, because I know that a lot
of people don't just want toknow about how to create space
for themselves.
They also want to know moreabout who it is who's saying.
This is how I've discoveredspace for myself, and also I
(01:48):
know that people who have workedwith me really appreciate a
little catch up.
So here goes what's going onwith me?
Loads of things.
I'm going through this reallyweird time in terms of space.
No, not space.
I didn't mean that kind ofspace.
I meant the space-timecontinuum.
Oh my goodness, now I soundlike I'm on Star Trek.
Ignore not space.
I don't mean that kind of space.
I meant the space-timecontinuum.
Oh my goodness, now I soundlike I'm on Star Trek.
Ignore all that.
What I mean is I don't feel I'min December.
(02:12):
I don't.
I feel like I'm in a differentDecember.
So there's big shifts going onfor me personally.
Now there'll be lots of reasonsfor that.
I did think it was because Iwas away for nearly a month in
America and then I've come backand there's all the catch-up
jobs.
I'm behind on things.
I don't feel like it's yetDecember.
But there's something elsegoing on for me, because I feel
very different this year, and Iknow a lot of that will be
(02:37):
because I'm ready, because I'vegently rebelled against the
nonsense that leads me to need ahuge rest in the winter.
So I'm looking after myselfbetter, I'm living more as
myself, so I'm gently rebellingand that's giving me more energy
.
Also, I'm having coaching atthe moment and it's deeply
(02:57):
transformational.
So obviously that's going tocreate shifts, because that's
the purpose of having coaching.
So this is what it feels like.
It's December, it's earlyDecember, but it's definitely
December.
But I feel like I don't want totake two weeks off at Christmas.
(03:17):
So I booked myself my normaltwo week retreat and then things
kept encroaching into it, butnot in the way I was talking
about just now, where you createspace and then stuff encroaches
on it.
No, the opposite way.
So I found myself wanting towork in that time, really,
really wanting to work.
So I allowed myself to put in aworkshop at the beginning of
(03:41):
the year, again for my community, the Gentle Rebel community,
because we did it last year andit was so powerful for everyone
and I use the same technique.
So me doing it again, holdingspace for others.
That's nourishing for me, it'sgood for me, I love it, and to
see the effect of it is justdeeply satisfying.
(04:02):
So I wanted to do that again,so I put a date in the community
for that.
And then I really felt drawn tothe idea of doing another public
workshop, and I've run thempreviously.
They've had different names.
One was a turn of the yearpause.
It was three workshops over theturn of the year.
And then I also had in 2021, Ihad the.
(04:25):
What was it called?
Oh, so it would have been theend of 2020, obviously because
it was Live 2021.
On purpose, that was athree-part workshop, a paid
workshop, so a mini course.
That had profound effects forthe people attending and I've
regularly run workshops of somesort around the turn of the year
(04:46):
.
And then I stopped because Ijust wanted my life back at that
time of year.
I didn't want to be working atthat time of year.
And now here I am sayingactually I really do, I really
do.
And that was interesting for mebecause I felt like I was
breaking a rule, becauseobviously I've put in place all
these boundaries around my timeand the belief that was there
(05:09):
was I need this time, I need abig winter reset.
So taking two weeks for myselfis very important.
It's still important to me tohave that winter time where I'm
going within and really thinking, reflecting on my year, but
what I'm finding this year is Idon't need all of that time off
to do it.
I just don't Now.
(05:30):
Is that because I had time offin September and went on my road
trip?
Maybe, who knows, in other ways?
I found that coming back fromthe road trip meant I felt very
tired because of the jet lag andalso traveling.
You know, the whole thingrequired energy.
Now I seem to have recovered.
I feel really well.
I'm just I'm so excited.
I just I don't want all thattime off.
(05:51):
So I've just shrunk it to onlya week off or just over a week,
and it feels really good, reallygood.
And I think what's importantabout this is recognizing that
the gender rebellion isn't aboutone way of doing things.
It's about that constant and Imean one way of doing things
individually.
So obviously it's not about oneway of doing things.
(06:12):
It's never about you need to dothis, you need to do this and
this is the right way to startyour day and end your day and
all these routines and rules andstuff.
No, it's none of those things.
It's always an invitation.
But the heart of the genderrebellion is the invitation to
reject the external pressuresand go within, reconnect
yourself and say yes to yourself.
(06:33):
Find what works for you, becauseclearly, if you're feeling
really overwhelmed and pressured, something's off, something's
not working.
So it's just using that as anopportunity.
It's useful information how canI navigate better, how can I
live more skillfully, how can Imake more space for me?
And then what happens is whatyou set up works for a while and
(06:57):
then it stops working or itdoesn't work as well.
And by stops working I don'tmean all of the overwhelm and
everything comes.
You don't go backwards, it'sjust different.
So look at what's happened tome this time.
This time I suddenly am railingagainst deep rest, a long
period of time off.
I did not see that coming.
(07:19):
I thought in my head the reasonit was working so well was
because I dared to shut down forthe winter.
It's really interesting how itshifts all the time, but it's
very, very subtle and it's notbig shifts.
I think this is important.
I know this is importantbecause otherwise it's just too
(07:39):
much disruption.
Right?
I don't need to be reassessingall the time, doing deep work
all the time, no, it's likecoaching.
I don't believe every coachneeds a coach.
I don't need to be reassessingall the time, doing deep work
all the time.
No, it's like coaching.
I don't believe every coachneeds a coach.
I don't believe every leaderneeds a coach.
I don't believe you need acoach.
I believe that you get tochoose to do deep,
transformational work orwhatever.
You're hiring a coach for whenyou want to.
It's not.
(07:59):
It's not a need, although inmany ways it's a need because
when it becomes a desire, it'sjust easier.
Then it becomes a need, as in aneed for support yeah, I want
that, I'm having that.
That makes sense to me but nota need, as in you can't do this
without a coach.
That really annoys me.
When I hear it a lot.
(08:20):
I mean you probably don't,you're not, obviously not unless
you're a coach.
You're not in the coachingindustry, the coaching world,
but I hear that a lot.
You ought to have a coach and Iknow people who say they have
coaches for every differentaspect of their life and I just
think why Do you not trustyourself?
Can you not at some point letgo of the need for that?
(08:40):
I don't know, and that soundslike a, a judgment, and I guess
it is a judgment, but it's notmeant as a judgment of that
person.
It's just a um, a rebellionagainst that, a gentle but firm
rebellion where I believe deeplythe answers are inside of us
and that when we create spacefor ourselves, that's what the
(09:01):
space is for.
It connects us back toourselves, and I can't remember
why.
I was talking about that now.
So let's get back to updates.
Another update is my Christmasplans.
All over the place.
I don't know what's going on.
That's not normal.
That's interesting.
Watching that, watching myfeelings about it, watching my
(09:21):
boundaries, watching me identifywhat I need and desire.
I'm curious about how theweek's going to pan out.
Lots of other people involved,so it's the family chess game,
or several family chess games ofwho, when, what?
So that's interesting andunusual.
This year my granddaughter haslearned to walk, but isn't that
(09:42):
bothered about it, which isreally funny and very sweet.
But she can do it, but she'skind of yeah, I could just sit
here instead and people willbring me stuff, or I think she's
actually a big imaginer, youknow.
She's just all dreamy in herhead.
She's sweet.
What else is going on?
Just every day, the dogs bringme more joy than I can possibly
(10:03):
ever explain, and no matter howdifficult at times it feels to
run a business, build a business, have the courage to spread a
message that I've discovered,that works for me and I know
works for others.
And sometimes that feels like,oh my goodness, is there not an
easier way to find satisfyingwork, heidi?
But just if that's.
(10:25):
If there's one thing that willkeep me grounded and and, to be
fair, there's nothing that'sgoing to stop me doing this work
.
It's just not going to happen.
It's just me.
But there's one thing thatalways soothes me.
It's getting to hang out withmy dogs at home.
I, it's just man.
It's joyful, and if you've everhad a Zoom cuppa with me, you'll
(10:45):
know what I mean, because oftenlittle Ruby will come up and
sit on my lap just to say hello,she's super cute.
If you haven't yet had a Zoomcuppa with me, please do book
one.
It's interesting, isn't it?
Because I don't really use.
I don't usually offer a Zoomcuppa.
(11:09):
I only usually put out aCalendly link for a curiosity
call about working with me.
But part of that is justsitting down.
A big part of that is sittingdown and having a cup of tea.
So you could book in for a cupof tea.
Maybe I should just create acup of tea link.
Would you like that?
I don't know.
I love, I love sitting down andtalking to people who are
interested in this, this genderrebellion.
(11:30):
I love sitting down andlistening to people's struggles
with overwhelm and the desirefor more space for themselves.
So I'll just use the curiositycall link it's in the show notes
and it's also on my website anddo come and say hello, it would
be lovely.
Or come and join me.
Oh, this is what I've got foryou.
(11:51):
So one of the big things I'm upto at the moment is creating
this New Year's workshop.
It's going to be so good.
I can't wait.
I can't wait to meet you.
Please, please, please, comelive.
I mean, yeah, I'm going to putit on YouTube in some form
afterwards, but it won't be thesame.
So I'm having it on the 5th ofJanuary at 4pm GMT.
(12:11):
Because I worked out I put allthese times into Time Zone
Wizard.
It's fun doing that just to geta sense of the globe and time
zones, because they always do myhead in and then I worked out
that if I did it at 4 pm UK time, then obviously everybody in
Europe is okay, and then evenpeople on the east and west
(12:35):
coast of America, so my friendsand cousins and everybody in
America can make it, and Idiscovered that actually even
early birds on the other side ofthe world could come before
going to work the next day ifthey were so inclined.
So, actually and I knowthere'll still be somebody in
(12:56):
the middle of the night and I'mnot expecting you to get up in
the middle of the night to do aworkshop with me, because
sleep's important, but anyway,I'm so excited that I found a
time that feels good for me,because I'm only going to do it
at a time.
I've been invited to do shows,live shows, at midnight.
I'm like no, and people havebeen really surprised when I've
(13:17):
turned them down.
But why would I do somethingwhen I'm not going to be at my
best, when I'm not going to beable to make sense and have the
right energy and attention?
That makes no sense to me.
So, no, I don't do stuff atmidnight, but 4pm on a Sunday in
the winter to hold space foryou while you connect yourself
(13:41):
and use a review of this year tomake next year yours, your
gently rebellious 2025.
I'm really looking forward to it.
I shall pop a sign up link inthe show notes, and I will also
sprinkle easy sign up links allover the place so that you can
(14:01):
definitely find them if youforget to look in the show notes
.
So, social media oh where elsecould I put them in my?
Obviously, if you're signed upto my email list and you receive
the gently rebellious readevery sunday morning, you'll
definitely get an invitation inthere.
I'm very, very excited aboutthis.
I truly hope you can make it.
Please, please, please, do signup.
(14:22):
And if you know anybody whowould like the gift of this
workshop, which has been a paidworkshop before, then that's
like that'd be a really coolChristmas gift to give to
somebody.
So I was thinking of you and Ithought you might appreciate
this.
It's going to be, obviously,it's going to be high quality.
So, anyway, really lookingforward to meeting you, hope you
(14:45):
can make it.
I think we better stop talkingabout my updates at the moment.
Oh, the other thing.
Oh, no, I will just mentionthis because it's kind of it's
kind of an update, but it's it'salso.
You need to know this.
So, on top of the workshop thatI'm creating, the other thing
that I'm really excited aboutcreating is the Gently
Rebellious Journal, journal,planner.
I haven't worked out thedifference between those.
(15:06):
I cannot work out thedifference between a journal and
a planner.
Sorry, a journal and a planner.
So when you look on Amazon,there's both.
I don't get it.
I don't really understand.
So what this will be.
This is, and I'm trying.
You can see how much thoughtI've put into this because I'm
working with these dilemmas.
I don't want it to be too big,because it's too clunky and you
(15:27):
can't carry it around.
I need to put space so you canscribble in it, but I don't want
to put too much space becausethen it's too heavy, it's too
bulky and also the entireprinciple of messy journaling is
that you don't keep it, so youburn it or destroy it afterwards
, so you don't have to worryabout it looking perfect.
(15:48):
That's really important.
So what is going to be in there?
Well, there's definitely notgoing to be any dates in there,
because what I've worked out isthat it's really annoying when
you buy a journal or planner andthere's dates and you've missed
some of the dates, or I don'tknow, or you miss, you don't do
it for a few days and I don'tknow.
I don't want that pressure.
I want you to.
(16:09):
I want you to buy it for thebeginning of the year because I
want you to start 2025 with thesupport to make it yours your
most gently, rebellious you yearever.
However, I also want you to beable to pick it up at any point
and not feel like you've missedout, that you can just write the
date in on that day and restartwith ease, without beating
(16:33):
yourself up, without any guilt,without oh, my goodness, I meant
to do this and I haven't doneit, because it's really that's
really important to me.
So it's going to have a lot ofnot masses of information,
because it's not a book, it'snot overwhelming, it's mainly
about creating the space for you, but it's going to have an
outline of the principles of theGentle Rebellion for you to
(16:55):
keep a reminder there for youfor the year.
It's going to have gently,rebellious reminders each week
to ground you in the gentlerebellion, in your commitment to
yourself, reconnect you toyourself.
It's going to really supportyou in what you discover during
the workshop.
If you choose to come, if youchoose not to come, there will
(17:18):
be a small exercise in therewhich is like a short summary,
where you can do that foryourself to start your year
really connected to yourself andwhat your heart longs for, what
your body needs, how to supportyour mind and staying focused
and committed to what you reallywant.
It's going to have what youneed without overwhelming you,
(17:50):
with space for you to write inthere, without feeling like you
need to sit down for an hour.
So just give you.
You could just write onesentence or one word in it, or
just glance at it first thing inthe morning to set your
intention for the day and thenlet go of your day at the end of
the day day and then let go ofyour day at the end of the day.
So I'm still in the process ofdeciding what makes the cut,
what needs to be in there,what's of high value and what's
superfluous, because obviouslyeverything I do is about
(18:13):
creating space for you, reducingoverwhelm, reducing pressure.
So for me, a lot of it isremoving stuff from what I write
.
So for me, a lot of it isremoving stuff from what I write
.
Anyway, that's coming soon.
I'm hoping I will have itpublished all very, very soon.
I'm getting very excited, somake sure you're ready for that.
I'd really appreciate yoursupport in getting some reviews
(18:36):
on Amazon to help other peoplefind it as quickly as possible.
Anyway, that's what's going on.
So there'll be two things tosupport you if you choose to
accept them the journal and thefree workshop on the 5th of
January.
Hope you can gift both of thoseto yourself.
(18:56):
Anyway, let's talk about spaceSpace for you, how to get it.
So this is a big one for me,because I spent years trying to
solve this problem.
So when I was teaching, Ireally struggled to find space
for myself.
That was the thing that I knewI needed in order to be okay, in
(19:18):
order to stop this dilemmabetween I love my job, but it's
killing me.
It was killing me because Ididn't have space for myself.
Finding space in my day wasliterally impossible.
I mean, it's just a rollercoaster of madness, really is a
roller coaster of madness.
But then, even though I createdspace for myself at home, it
(19:41):
didn't work.
It didn't feel like enough.
It was never enough.
Sometimes it was and it wasgood.
So often things would work fora while.
Prioritizing a slow start to myday that could be helpful.
Time to journal that could behelpful.
Prioritising things likemassages can be helpful.
(20:01):
Making sure I took holidaysthere were things that I put in
place that definitely helped.
However, the feeling that therewas space for me, oh my goodness
.
I often just felt very squished, very crushed, but not all the
time, because if it had been allthe time, I would have broken
free sooner.
In actual fact, when I thinkabout it, I was thinking about
(20:23):
this, about burnout, what itactually is or what it was for
me and, yes, I was utterlyexhausted, unwell, felt like I
was going mad.
You know, it was awful.
However, what's interesting is,at the moment I quit my job, I
went back, I served my notice,which was two to three months.
(20:45):
Now, if I had been unable tocontinue, I wouldn't have gone
in.
In fact, that would have beenvery sensible.
I could have called in sick.
I didn't.
I forced myself to go in everyday and I hated it, and I really
mean force.
I forced myself to go in everyday and I hated it, and I really
mean force.
I forced myself to go in everyday because I didn't want to let
anyone down.
That doesn't make any sense,because if, by definition, I was
(21:06):
burnt out and couldn't get outof bed, couldn't do it, then how
did I manage to?
So me.
There's something else going onthere and I think for me, it's
the I was unwilling to.
I had reached the point where Irefused, I'd hit this wall of.
I'm no longer willing to trademy very beingness in order to do
(21:32):
this job.
That no longer brings mesatisfaction because I've lost
connection to it.
It doesn't work for me anymore.
So there's an unwillingness,and that, to me, comes from not
feeling like there's space forme in my life.
This is very deep, this spacefor ourselves very deep.
(21:52):
And you might be thinking well,Heidi, this is not the time of
year to be trying to create morespace for myself.
This is a particularlyoverwhelming time of year.
Yes, it is, and that's why it'sa really good time to talk
about space for you, becausewhen things are going okay, it's
not urgent enough to doanything about it, is it?
It's a wishful thing, it's likewell, that would be nice, it
(22:14):
would be really, really nice ifI felt like I had more space for
myself.
It's only actually when thereisn't any space for you that it
becomes urgent enough to demandsome attention.
So, in actual fact, it could beargued and I'm going to argue
for this case for you, that thisis the perfect time of year to
(22:35):
think about creating more spacefor you, because there isn't any
space.
And look what it's doing to you.
Look what it's doing to you,look at the cost.
What does it feel like?
How does it change how youbehave towards yourself and
others?
So, thinking about the clientsI've worked with over the past
few weeks and their experienceof this, one of the things that
(22:58):
came up was an inability toprioritize.
Everything becomes urgent,everything floods in.
There isn't any space to justpause and think what was I doing
?
What am I up to?
Why am I trying to do?
Why is all this?
Suddenly, everything becomesurgent.
Everything feels chaotic, outof control.
(23:28):
There is no space to pause,there's no overview, there's no
control.
You're just swept along.
Swept along in this crazy, likeflood water.
It's too much.
The tide is pulling you.
Think about the undertow, then.
What's that from?
The tide is pulling you theundertow.
That's a joke from some book,isn't it?
(23:50):
I've no idea what I'm talkingabout.
If anybody knows, I'd love toknow what's the undertow is from
some book.
I've got this image of the.
You know you're in the sea.
Have you ever been in the iceto windsurf?
And I once got caught in ariptide and ended up a mile down
the beach.
It was so embarrassing.
I was more worried about beingembarrassed because you should
(24:13):
never let that happen.
As a windsurfer, you knowbetter.
You know about winds and tidesand how powerful the sea is,
because you're using the powerof the wind in the sea to propel
yourself along and have fun.
So it's just ridiculous to needto be rescued.
Anyway, the undertow got me andI had to walk back, which is
(24:33):
not easy with a sail and a boardwhen you're tiny.
Anyway, why am I talking aboutthat?
Because that's what it feelslike, isn't it?
That's what life can often feellike there's no space for you.
That is a feeling of no space,that lack of control, that being
pulled this way and that, andjust wondering, or not even
(24:54):
having the space to wonder.
It's not until you realiseafterwards oh my goodness, no
wonder I feel so tired and itcan feel crushing, really
crushing, I know.
For me it definitely felt likeI was being squished, like
squished into a space, just notmy shape.
It wasn't my life.
This is not the life I intendedto create.
(25:15):
It wasn't my life.
This is not the life I intendedto create.
Now, when, when we learn tocreate space for ourselves, it's
about so much more thancreating a gap in your schedule.
Gaps in schedules can behelpful.
It's a good start, but if, whenyou create that gap, it's cost
you energy.
You've had to bargain for it,not least with yourself, and
(25:37):
then, as soon as you have thatspace, you can't be in it
because everything rushes in,including guilt, all the shoulds
and the oughts and the otherthings you could be doing with
this time and space, and thefear of disappointing others,
letting others down when allthat rushes in instead,
(25:58):
disappointing others, lettingothers down when all that rushes
in instead.
Well, it's not the best way toget space, is it?
What you really want is both.
You want a feeling of space, sothere's enough space in your
life for you, like it's set upfor you.
The rhythms of your life workfor you.
They energize you, they nourishyou.
Instead of being pulled along ona riptide, instead of the
undertow getting you, you'resurfing the waves, a bit like
(26:23):
windsurfing.
I remember windsurfing, andwhen you finally get to the
point where the board liftsslightly and it's called planing
and you can just hear this,it's the most delightful sound
and it feels like you're onewith the wind and the board and
(26:45):
the sail and the sea.
Everything just comes togetheruntil you get chucked off,
because I was never thatskillful.
But anyway, that's what, whatthat's to me, what space feels
like.
It's like oh, it just works forme.
I'm in a state of flow.
I'm flowing through my day,able to identify and make
(27:06):
choices that feel joyful.
It just feels easier.
It's not a big deal.
I'm not having to second guesseverything.
I overanalyze everything.
I'm not overusing my mind.
I'm not stuck in second guesseverything, overanalyze
everything.
I'm not overusing my mind.
I'm not stuck in my headoverwhelmed by all the shoulds,
coulds, oughts and then thefears of disappointing others
and all of that nonsense.
I just am.
(27:26):
I just know who I am andfeeling confident.
My life is set up for me.
It works.
I'm able to prioritize andbecause I'm able to prioritize
and because I'm able toprioritize, it feels like things
are calmer.
It feels like things are undercontrol.
Really, nothing's ever undercontrol, is it?
We try to control the universeand rearrange the world so we
(27:48):
feel better, so we feel safe.
But, man, we really can't.
We cannot control the universeto suit ourselves.
But what we can do is findwithin us the space where we
feel at ease, and then we don'tneed to rearrange things
(28:08):
externally to to feel like likethat, to have space for joy and
ease and calm.
It just is.
It's just our natural state ofbeing.
When you tap into that, woohoo.
So for me, space is about theconnection to myself that gets
lost in the demands andexcitement of the world.
(28:29):
It's a feeling.
It's a feeling that there'sroom for my needs, my wants, my
desires, that there is space forme to breathe out, to take up
my space because my space exists.
My shoulders literally moveaway from my ears when I think
about this space.
(28:50):
I just am, I exist.
I'm loved and lovableregardless.
Just am, I exist.
I'm loved and lovableregardless.
I'm not negotiating thatnatural space that I need to
take up in order to live thefull life that I desire.
It just is Now.
How do you get that?
Because this sounds allwonderful.
How do we get it?
(29:11):
Well, I would argue, the firstthing is to notice when you feel
like that, is to notice whenyou don't feel like that.
When do you not feel like that?
Is there anything you can doabout it?
(29:40):
Can you change how you movethrough your day.
It's easier to change how wemove through our day than it is
to change the day, and we haveto start with the easiest thing,
otherwise it's too much.
And we have to start with theeasiest thing, otherwise it's
too much.
It's too much to make big, wilddisruptions like quitting your
(30:02):
job or trying to change otherpeople.
It is easier and, I would argue,far more effective to pause and
notice how you feel, to gatherinformation about yourself and
how you're moving through yourday, and then to drop the
judgment about it, to get out ofyour head into your body, to
(30:27):
feel whatever you're feelingwithout trying to change
anything, to listen deeply toyourself, to listen deeply to
yourself, what you're doing here, apart from developing the
wonderful skill of being aneutral observer, the beautiful
non-judgmental awareness thatcomes from meditating for years
(30:52):
or sometimes the practice ofyoga, all sorts of things.
What all the ancient wisdomtraditions are talking about is
this ability to observe withoutjudgment, non-judgmental
awareness.
My technique for that, as youknow if you've been around here
for a while, is neutral noticing, noticing completely neutrally
(31:14):
how you feel, dropping thejudgment, just noticing.
From there you get to knowyourself, you get to love
yourself, you get to see what'sgoing on.
You are actually holding spacefor yourself.
As you do this space foryourself, as you do this, and as
(31:39):
anyone who's ever been deeplylistened to by someone knows,
having the space held forourselves is one of the biggest
gifts we can give ourselves.
It's why I have a coach, it'swhy people come to me for
coaching.
Having space held for you, whereyou just get to be, that is
(32:03):
space.
So I would invite you, insteadof trying to find impossible
solutions, instead of trying todesperately squeeze space in
your schedule for you, I inviteyou to start by pausing for a
(32:23):
moment and noticing, completelyneutrally, how you feel.
I invite you to connect deepwithin yourself and listen to
yourself and just notice.
Allow space for whatever comesup, without trying to change it,
without wishing it wasdifferent.
Just notice, gently,rebelliously, turn your
(32:46):
attention away from the externaldemands of the world and focus
just on you for a moment.
Give yourself the gift of spaceRight now and then at any
moments during your day.
If you take a moment here andthere through your day to give
yourself space, you will feellike there's more space for you,
(33:08):
because the space is internal.
True space is internal.
It's a feeling.
It is taking up your space.
It is the unravelling of thetightness and the squishiness
inside.
The squishedness, notsquishiness.
Squishiness is like a warm,comfy sofa.
(33:30):
Squishiness is a restriction.
I'm going to leave you with amessy journaling prompt to just
so for messy journaling.
Quick recap if you don't know,there's an episode on this, you
can go to the website of theOverwhelmers Optional podcast
and there's a search bar.
(33:50):
If you put in messy journaling,you'll get a whole episode on
it.
However, if you just want aquick prompt, messy journaling
is when you write not to record.
You write without clear purpose.
There is a purpose, but it'snot a mind-based purpose, so
you're not writing for posterityor to even read it back.
(34:12):
The idea is to get out of yourhead into your body and ask the
question to your body and yourheart and then allow the pen to
move across the page and getcurious about what comes out.
And because the mind movesfaster than the body, we have to
let go of the need to writeperfectly, the need to finish
sentences, the need to spellproperly, and just allow, allow
(34:35):
the flow and see what happens.
I mean, you have to get curious.
It's a little bit crazy, but itworks because you get a deeper
answer.
This is it's actually faster,but it can be tricky.
Not everybody loves it.
That's okay.
You can just journal outinstead.
It's up to you, but there's aninvitation there to know.
Find out more about this.
Actually come to the workshopbecause we'll be using it and
(34:56):
then you can see and have thespace held for you and you might
find it easier.
Anyway, here's a messyjournaling question for this
week.
If you had more space, whatwould you do with it?
And then an even better one?
What would it feel like if youhad a sense of spaciousness?
(35:24):
Basically, what does that feellike to you?
What is space to you?
How do you know when you haveit?
How does it feel in your body?
What happens to your mind whenyou have it?
How does it feel in your heart?
What does space mean to you?
What is the feeling for you atthis point in your life?
I'm wishing you a week full ofspaciousness.
(35:45):
Thank you for being here.
Please do share this podcast,leave a review.
I very much appreciate it.
For more resources to help yougently rebel, please visit my
(36:09):
website wwwheidimarkcouk.
Popular Podcasts
Stuff You Should Know
If you've ever wanted to know about champagne, satanism, the Stonewall Uprising, chaos theory, LSD, El Nino, true crime and Rosa Parks, then look no further. Josh and Chuck have you covered.
Dateline NBC
Current and classic episodes, featuring compelling true-crime mysteries, powerful documentaries and in-depth investigations. Follow now to get the latest episodes of Dateline NBC completely free, or subscribe to Dateline Premium for ad-free listening and exclusive bonus content: DatelinePremium.com
Las Culturistas with Matt Rogers and Bowen Yang
Ding dong! Join your culture consultants, Matt Rogers and Bowen Yang, on an unforgettable journey into the beating heart of CULTURE. Alongside sizzling special guests, they GET INTO the hottest pop-culture moments of the day and the formative cultural experiences that turned them into Culturistas. Produced by the Big Money Players Network and iHeartRadio.